D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #12 Goblin for Dinner? Goblin for Dinner

Episode Date: September 27, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes try to overcome loss and continue to journey down their lonely road. We have trouble communicating with Markov, encounter a stranded ship on a frozen river and ruin the day for a bunch of goblins. Krif humps across the ice with Markov, Princess Ansley makes disgruntled growls and Leo stops bothering with stealth and just yells everything. So try to stay warm and join our party as they dance on the ice. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, gnomes get along well with dwarves, but they don't get along well with me. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around the table trying to convince a barbarian to sail with them. But that's exactly what we're going to be doing. Welcome to episode 12 of D&D is for Nerds. We'll be joined with excellent Allie, who's going to be playing Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Sure am. We'll be joined by Jackson, who will be playing Criffpum Pumcriff. And we'll be joined by Joel. What?

Who will be playing Leo Shadow. Yes, yes, that. As always, I'm your DM, Adam Karpark. Shut up. Previously on D&D is for Nerds. The messenger that you're traveling with, his name is Markov. It is a desolate wasteland out there. You can find pine nuts.

Yes! You're welcome, guys. Jingle up, you Scooby-Doo motherfucker. Hensley, you hear a crack, and then you and the cart are underwater. Oh, God. I'm really sorry, guys. Cart Michael's gone. No! No!

water. Oh god, no, how moose head? Really sorry guys, Cartmichael's gone. No! Cartmichael was there from the beginning. I'm throwing you in a well, Tickle. You're travelling, and after a little while, Markov starts stomping on the ground, and you think he's checking the area, and then he nods to

himself, and he sets up another camp. Okay. Another night here, Markov? All right, it's another night. Another rest, I guess. That took a heavy toll on you. I'm sad. So this sort of maintains like a, after that incident, the next like couple weeks pass,

not quickly, I should say, but with a certain monotone to them. You're just trudging forward, stop sometimes to eat, stop sometimes to sleep. The day-night cycle gets a little fucked as well. You get the distinct impression that it's not correct, like the days waver wildly between longer and shorter, but you think it might just be a trick of your mind. Guys, I'm just like, hey, I'm having a great time. Sad about Carl

Michael, but I just want to say was this wise to come on this month-long journey on the potential promise of gold? I know this is indicative of our whole operation. Look, Griff, a blizzard was coming. We could have spent a couple months with Dustin Like I know this is indicative of our whole operation Look Griff If you weren't

Like a blizzard was coming We could have spent a couple months With Dustin With Dustin And quite frankly He'd be so angry with us I wanted to avoid that We could have met his family

This was his remaining family And I just know myself And I probably could not make a dead kid joke So And hey Markov's a good guy. Yeah, he's a champ. He tried to save Carmichael. I can't fault him for that.

Yeah. He saved, like, all of our stuff too. And us, by the way. He did save you guys. Well, Ansley. Over the coming weeks, Markov is, like, the one thing that, like, the one person who stays really cheery pretty much constantly. Like, after that, during that day, he was like a bit somber.

But after that, you get the distinct impression he's trying to cheer you up. I put on a brave face just for Markov. Like the couple days after immediately following, you notice that you're eating a lot more. So yeah, you think he's like, he was rationing, but for those couple days, he's like, you know, whatever. Markov's lovely.

He's the best. All right, putting a brave face just for Markov. Try and soldier through this little dreary month-long, two-month-long journey. Yeah. So at about the third week, days have sort of lost their meaning, but you think it's about the third week when you spot in the distance a black shape at first you think it's like a tower and could be a city but as you get closer you realize it's a ship but it's on land so imagine if imagine if the coastline were

far out to your left yeah ahead of you directly more or less ahead of you, is a ship on the horizon. It's just sitting, it looks like on the land. It's hard to tell, though. I, like, tap Markov, point to the ship, and do, like, a shrug motion. He squints into the distance and nods. He says something in his language. You don't understand it, but he sounds dismissive. During this month-long voyage,

can I try to learn a little bit of basic language with Markov? Basic language with Markov. Yeah. Sounds like a pretty cool TV show to be honest. No, no, you can't. No, I tried. You get yes and no. That's about it.

Can I give it a go? Why not? Let's try and learn. We've got quite a journey with him. Yeah, Kriff, you learn a couple basic phrases. Like, you know how to tell him to stop? How to tell him... It's like talking to an animal.

Stop! Go! Attack! You learn, like, I'm tired. Can we stop? You learn, let's get going. Something I use often. Yeah.

Guten Tag. You learn, like, day and night, and you learn the word danger. He says that sometimes. Cool. And Ainsley, might as well roll for you. You pick up some of it as well, but not, like, Kriff is probably the best. This is concerning on many levels, but okay.

Point at the ship and be like, yes or no? He says the word for danger, ja. Ja. Which is scarily similar to the word ja, which means yes. So, yes? No. No. Ja. Ja. It's danger. Ah. Ja. Which means yes Yes No Jar Jar

It's danger Jar He says Like that Well maybe I don't know what danger is No I thought danger was jar He says it and he like

Gives like a little bit of a Like a A hand motion to say Maybe It's a bit wobbly Yeah he's unsure He doesn't know The ship's a bit uneven Should we investigate's unsure he doesn't know the ship's a bit uneven

should we invest kind of god so much of this so much of this fucking session is just like do we know what he's saying does he know what we're saying so yeah should we chuff off to the town or do we go investigate i don't know i i kind of like look at markov and i'm like uh uh ja and i do like the little wavy motion pointing at the ship and then I'm like, ja and then I like make a motion for like riches. Like dollar dollar bills.

Dollar signs. That is not something that translates to him or to you really. I take some gold out of my pocket and I'm like point at that, point at the ship, ja, wave my hand. He shrugs, maybe. Let's do it.

Markov, you are not helpful. Let's do it. All right. Maybe we'll just look at it and motion him and be like, you coming, Markov? And if he doesn't follow, then we'll just get money somewhere else. All right. We start walking towards the ship.

Does he follow? Yeah, no, Markov's leading the way. Looks like he's on the path. All right, cool. Or towards the ship. Does it follow? Yeah, no, Marcos is leading the way. Looks like he's on the path. So far. Or in the way. Let's go investigate this ship. As you get closer, it's hard to see through the snow, but when you get close, you can tell.

There's like, you imagine when there isn't so much snow here, there was like a river here because you can see a bridge, an obvious bridge going across the ship looks like it basically got stuck when the river froze over on the side you're looking at you can see that the hull

has been broken into by the ice itself and that you could enter in through the hull if you wanted to I'd do that alright! so you're just heading straight towards it? Yes. Why the fuck not? You should think about...

Hi, Rolo. Hi. Hi. Okay, you get to the breach easily enough. You can hear sounds inside. Sounds? I call out, I can hear sounds and stuff. Shut the fuck up.

For real? Yeah. Okay. I call out, I can hear sounds and stuff. Shut the fuck up. For real? Yeah. Okay. I'm touching, it's cold. I've lost all sense of things. Dammit, Cart Michael. You needed to be here for this. Cart Michael would have helped us. He would have. I know. Okay, so he's just walked

straight up to the boat. Ainsley and Criff, are you guys doing anything? I'm going to cautiously follow, but at a distance. High or low? Low. Oh no. That's not good. And Ainsley, what are you doing? So I know where you are. I'm going to be in the middle of them.

Somewhere between Dickhead who's yelling and very cautious Ninja. High or low? Seven. No. High. High? Seven. No. High. High? Low.

Wait. Damn it. Crack. Both of you are in the water. Damn it. We've done this before. We were the ones who yelled. Punish them

Alright we're going to have to go into initiative Because everyone's about to get punished Guess who heard you yelling Markov Jiggle up Fucking jiggle up Jiggle up is rapidly becoming my favourite character My gosh invisibility on me, Zermatt.

When they dive into the water to find me, they'll be like, what the fuck is he? Visibility on me? We can't do that, can you? Nope. Unless you come and give me a hug. Which could be good because then you'll be saved. If I hug like you and then Ainsley grabs me around the waist

and I go invisible, we're all invisible. Maybe the water won't know that we're drowning. The water will be like, oh, whatever. I can't see him, so therefore I can't attack him. Yeah, don't even stress about him. Whatever. That is our plan, Adam. Sorry I wasn't paying attention.

Trick the sea. Adam's just defaults. I wasn't paying attention. I knew he was going to go give Criff a hug. I've really stopped caring about you guys Okay So Leo You are first

What do I see? Are you going to take a look inside the boat Or are you looking for back on the water Would I have heard the crack? Yeah It's quite audible If you didn't hear the crack you heard them yelling We were screaming as we fell.

Ah, look in the hull. The hull of the ship? Whatever. It looks like a cargo hold for the ship. Although the crates have been pushed over to one side, and on the other side, near the stairs going up and the stairs going down, there's a bunch of goblins, maybe like ten in total. They look like they were squabbling over a piece of meat.

They all stopped and are looking at you. I say hello in goblin. Oh, yes. Okay. That's your turn. Ainsley. Like a little wave. I'm in the water.

Oh, that's right. Sorry. You climb out. Awesome. But you take some damage Do I climb out? Oh, you guys have healed again Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, okay Wonderful It's been, like I said It's been months Not months, sorry A couple days A week or two If it's been months

You guys starved to death Oh, no You did not bring enough Actually I don't want to Let you in on a little secret here Since he stopped rationing You guys might have a little trouble. Uh-oh.

Eaten Markov? Eaten Markov. Oh, yeah, I'm sure you could take him in a fight. Goblin for dinner? Goblin stew? Goblin, yeah, for dinner. Yeah, so, Kryff and Ainsley, you both take three points of damage. What was that?

Disgruntled. Ainsley, you're out though. It was your entire turn though to climb out of the water, so we'll come back to you in a sec. Markov starts fucking trudging his way. He's like, yells as he runs across towards

you guys. Can I get a high or a anyone hi okay amazingly despite the fact that it literally shakes the ground when he runs somehow he manages to get across without any hassle awesome he's uh at you griff oh god i'm You, Kriff. I'm in the sea, though. Yeah. Oh, right. Help me out. He's not the enemy. Oh, my God. Save me, Markov. Don't let me drown.

Don't let me meet Carmichael just yet. Don't want to meet Carmichael in the briny deep. Different river, but okay. I'm sad again. The goblins attack. What river, but okay. I'm sad again. The goblins attack. What? I said hi. Some of them are armed, but a lot of them aren't.

So you're not going to get, most of them are just scrabbling for weapons. Kill them for their tasty goblin meat. One of them charges you with a little morning stone. Go invisible. He swings, but completely like, he swings maybe five steps Before he should So he like swings and then you're face to face

My turn? Swing three steps face to face No a couple of them throw javelins Get javelined I'm gonna get javelined but I'm little like hard to hit Yeah They miss Two javelins like soar past you

Just completely missing. Cool. And now it is Griff's turn. Can I get out of the river? Yeah, with Markov's help. Thank you, Markov. You're out. Why can you not get out of the river by yourself? I got out of the river

by myself. Yeah, we know. Griff, you take two points of cold. Before I forget. Leo? Rapier, stab, goblin. Front one, in the face. In that order. Rapier plus goblin equals dead goblin.

Hey! Okay, not a critical. But a hit. Close enough. Hey, hey. It's still an achievement for our party. He'll still die. It's our little goblin

It's a big sword No, a rapier is quite little A rapier is like a fencing sword How big is a rapier compared to me? I had no idea what it was It's about as long It's like maybe equivalent to your arm length Adorable

Is it like needle length? No, that's a small thing Do you know Game of Thrones? Speaking of the word needle That's what I was referring to But I was like, better not make references Needle from Game of Thrones No, no, that's a small thing. Do you know Game of Thrones? Speaking of the word needle. That's what I was referring to, but I was like, better not make references. Needle from Game of Thrones. No, no, that's about a quick one.

Okay, so it is like a fencing thing. Yeah. I like how you're like, is a Game of Thrones reference okay? And I, not the person who actually is in charge of this. It's like, it's fine. Yeah. It is fine. We're not going to get sued by Game of Thrones.

So it's a fencing sword? Yeah. I don't like the rapier now. You stab the goblin who charged you in the belly. I like the rapier. He starts... It doesn't look like he liked that much. Pat him on the head and move on.

Ainsley? Pat him on the head. No. You're out and still taking damage. That's a shame. Four. Maybe warm up, Ainsley? I don't know. No. You're out and still taking damage. That's a shame. Four. Maybe warm up, Ainsley. Oh, hell.

Yeah, that. I'm going to do. Warm up. Use your raging powers to warm up. I'm going to dance. No, that's not a good way. On the ice? Yeah, no, that's a good idea.

No, I disagree. I don't know. Was that a serious Adam or a salty Adam? Oh, no, no. Go ahead. Just jump up and down on the ice? Yeah, no, that's a good idea. No, I disagree. I don't know. Was that a serious Adam or a sorry Adam? Oh, no, no. Go ahead. Just jump up and down on the ice. No, no. Attack the ice.

Just a little bit of jiving. A little bit of jive. A little hand jive. Yeah, yeah. You're going to get a hand jive going on. Yeah, yeah. To warm up. A little hand jive to warm up.

No, that's a bad idea. Oh, he's already rolled. Guys, I'm committed. No, it's okay if you wanted to say no. How could I warm up? So do you reckon just running into battle would warm you up pretty quick? Really, it's six seconds you've got to do this, so we're kind of operating on time.

Running into battle. Fuck it, let's do it. That's how long a round of combat is. Okay, running into battle. Okay. Yeah, that'll warm you up. Exactly. Yes, running over ice, though.

And higher alone. Let's change it up a bit. You tell me what you rolled, and then I'll decide. Do you really want to play this game with me? To be honest, I actually don't know what would happen. So if you were like, oh, I got a low number, and I'd be like, low! And you'd be like, well, you needed the high one,

so you fucked it either way. I'm going to say low. Hey, you get a cross. Yes! Well done. You're fucking Leo. You feel the wet and cold presence of Ainsley behind you. Hello. Hiya.

Hello. Splodging through the ice. So that puts it at Markov's turn. Did you use a weapon or was it? It was her entire turn just to get across. Oh, actually, no, it wasn't. Yeah, sorry, you can attack if you want. I'm going to shoot because I have this thing called rapid shot

and I don't know what it is, but I'm hoping you're going to explain it. I'm sorry if I haven't. I thought I had. But anyway, rapid shot, what it does is you can make two attacks, but they're less likely to hit. So basically you're going for volume over content. How many goblins are there? There's ten in total. Are they hooped?

Are they grouped? Are they hooped? They're not grouped. How hooped are these goblins? Rapid shot works either when you have multiple enemies or when you have a lightly armoured enemy. Which goblins are both? I'm gonna do that. You'll be alright, mate. I'm gonna do that. And, first time, neither of you morons are in front

of my arrows. So, it's funny you should say that. The first arrow you fire is one of the goblins scrabbling around in a crate for weapons. Yes. And the arrow just thuds into the crate instead of hitting him. But the second arrow

you fire strikes him pretty well in the neck. Yes! He's like hopping around. Not hopping around. He's like stumbling around now, like spraying blood everywhere. Oh boy. Something for the others to trip on. It's good guys. Well, he can suck it by himself.

Trying to make sounds, but he can't. Adorable. And now it's Markov's turn. Markov just fucking picks you up. Chris. And now it's Markov's turn. Markov just fucking picks you up, Chris, and he's like just humping with you across to the boat. He's what? We're just humping across the ice. High or low?

Low. Low? Ah, good job. Everyone's in the boat now. Good. Hey. Markov dumps you down and draws his great sword. That's his turn.

Oh, what a king. Oh, it a king. Oh, it's going to be so epic. Are you even ready for me? Are we talking about me? Am I going to be so epic? No. Dancing lights.

Leo, that goblin takes another swing at you. He misses again. Idiot. He swings at you, but midway through the swing is when fucking Markov comes in. And like he immediately loses heart for fighting as soon as he sees Markov. A bunch of goblins try to swarm you guys. We'll be right there. Some like uselessly swat at Markov's legs and they like hit a couple times, but Markov just doesn't notice.

One of them tries to hit you, Ainsley. That's upsetting. And that's a hit. Oh, no, get goblin! Get goblin right in the face. You take one point of damage. Well, the ankle, I guess. It's fine, guys.

Not even really much of a hassle. It's just a flesh wound. Are you still dressed in, like, bridal gown? Weren't you dressed like in like old noble? Oh no, we got new noble clothes. And then one of them takes a swing at... Slightly moist. That is a hit.

Oh fuck. Oh no. One point of damage. Yeah, so one of them smacks you in the shin, Ainsley, and another one like smacks you in the shin. We need those. That's basically all they can reach get out of here okay and then a shitload

of them throw javelins a javelin like strikes Markov in the sternum oh no he's the only one who's any good one like Strikes Markov in the sternum. Oh, no. No, we need him. Oh, no. He's the only one who's any good. One, like, just almost catches Leo in the throat. It's just in the shoulder instead,

but it's, like, so close to my artery. Don't move. Just lie down. Two points of damage. No, I'm fine, guys. Battle through, you'll be right. Essentially a flesh wound. Fucking goblins, mate. They can't do shit. And the rest of them just sail uselessly.

There's like javelins stuck all around the fucking hole. They're such idiots. Perfect outline of their silhouettes. Okay, Griff, your turn Punch one in the face Worked last time

Exactly, I'm gonna get down on my knees And just clock him in the mouth As you try, you like Bend over to clock him in the mouth And as you do that, he smacks you in the jaw With his mace You take a point of damage Oh no

This is death by extremely slow method Oh man that was such a solid plan Punch the goblins guys Hang on wait Oh no Swing and a miss You're like I'm gonna get

Oh my god How am I gonna hit my face Leo Punch him in the face Pull my rapier out That was in the You can kill that guy Oh my God, how am I going to hit my face? Leo? Punch him in the face? Pull my rapier out. You can kill that guy if you want to try. Stab him again.

That's a hit. That's so brutal. This whole fight is just slow and brutal. You pull it out of the goblin and he's like, ah, ah, ah, ah. And then in his open mouth, you jab the rapier straight through. Oh, jeez. You skewer him up to the hilt with your rapier, and then as you pull it out this time,

he just falls over like a wet sack of potatoes. They're the worst kind of potatoes. Okay. Yeah, yeah, they are. You know what a wet potato is. Ainsley, your turn. Punch him in the face? Yeah.

No, no. Come on, it's good. You've got your bow and arrow drawn, but there's a couple right up in your grills, hassle on your beams. Smack him with your bow and arrow. Rapid shot. Punch him in the face. I'm going to say to you as well,

you're probably going to try and position yourself so that you can flank with an ally, and that'll give you your sneak attack bonuses. Yes. I'm just going to... Thank you. That just happens. I did that.

I am a clever man. Angelia, it's your turn. Sorry. So what do you want to do? I think I'm going to... If you keep trying to use your ranged weapon, they're going to keep hassling you, but if you draw your mellow weapon...

Yeah, you've got your longsword. I have a longsword. So what if I just try to do one big sweeping, multiple behaving... Unfortunately, you cannot do that. There's like special combat maneuvers that allow you to do that, but you don't know them. This is true.

So I'm just going to wave willy-nilly then. Well, you hit willy. What about nilly? Literally. You like swing low. Oh, no. And you cleave a goblin up to his sternum from his crotch. Oh, great. Today is rough a goblin up to his sternum from his crotch. Oh, great.

Today is rough for goblin kind. I would just sit there chilling. As you pull it out, the goblin, oh, he's dead before he hits the floor. He was dead halfway through your swing. Hey, that's pretty good. All right, I'll take that. How many have you guys killed now? Three?

No, two. Two, yeah, two. I'm going to keep punching them in the face. I want you to know. I'm so proud of you. It's Markov's turn. You have magic. Don't use it.

But then at the same time, I'm like, what happened last time? He put a block of wood in a room. Didn't help. Everyone just fell over in grace. Done. Now that I'm using my fists. And Markov is freaking the fuck out. Despite the javelin, Markov doesn't seem much slow.

Oh, yeah, don't use magic. He bounds across the room and with his greatsword sweeps some of the goblins there. Sick. Yeah, don't use magic. It'll freak him out. Oh, yeah, true. I'll have to just use my fists.

He cuts through one of them, and Ainsley, he does what you were trying to do. Oh, yeah, true. I'll have to just use my fist. He cuts through one of them, and Ainsley, he does what you were trying to do. He cuts through two of them very cleanly. Two little goblin heads pop off and just go skyward. Yay. Good. I'm really glad we did our party, guys.

I know. I love Markov. The goblins near Markov scatter in fear. They're not fighting this turn. We thought he was like this sort of gangly. He looked it before, but like he's got this inner sort of like, not inner, but he's got this like, he's a lot stronger than he looks. Are we now like all kind of crushing on him a bit? A little bit.

Yeah. A little bit. I don't know, guys. I'm feeling a bit of butt pinching coming on. All of you get hit. Just like the goblins still at you guys. Is it because we're distracted by Markov? We're like, damn, he's cool.

Staring at his corded ass. He's dreamy. But yeah, the goblins just swarm you, and in their hail of fucking blows, you all take a hit. Ow. Leo, you take three points. Ow. As one of them like socks you over the head.

They always aim for the head. Have you noticed that? Well, they can reach his. Yeah. They can't reach yours. Ainsley, you take five. It's a good place. I don't know.

They like hit you on the foot and as you're stumbling around another one like gets you in the back of the shin. Nah, they already attack my face enough. They're just beating the shit out of you. But Griffpum is fine. You take four. What's Jigglelump doing?

Being a piece of shit. One of them like jumps on another one and breaks your fucking nose Oh god How many times has that happened I broke a guy's nose With a punch Speaking of which

And that puts it at Krista Yeah exactly a punch one in the face The one who punched me in the face He swings as you lean down But he misses You miss as well. Both of you are fighting at arm's length from each other.

Leo? I'm just gonna rape you one. And you're flanking, I'm gonna say. Yeah, from the flanky thing. Oh, fuck off. Oh my god. Oh, he's reaching for the critical pile. It looks like critical happy for us.

Crit haps. Crit hap. Crit hap. Do you know what, I don't know what your sneak attack bonus is. A gazillion. I think it's only 1d6. Gazillion and 10. On the back page?

1d6. Yeah, cool. 1d6. I'm pretty sure, I don't know if like six had to be in6. Yeah, cool. 1D6. I'm pretty... I don't know if, like, six had to be in English. I know. Like, 1D6. 1D6.

Six, mate. 1D6. Oh, that's a lot of this. Boy. Oh, no. Moy. Things are happening. Moy benoza.

Okay. What just happened? About five dice or older, we don't know what any of it means. You, like, grab the goblin. Like, the goblin's, like, facing away from you. You grab him by the shoulder, bring him in, and as you bring him in, you just, like, push him onto your rapier. Chris, you're the one who's facing this goblin.

You see, just, like, he jerksks backwards and then the tip of the rapier starts poking out of his eye and then just comes all the way out. You push him back off and he slumps at your feet. Chris. Hey, Chris, don't punch that one. You're welcome.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm going to say you move again to flank with another one Ainsley your turn The longsword seems to be going not crap You're flanking with Kriff as well now so you get bonuses to hit

Moving around the outside whilst I punch goblins In the middle Yeah Your job at this point is mostly Ceremonial You're like swinging around You're backing the goblin up onto Leo. So like, you know, you're helping Leo distract,

but you don't actually score a hit yourself. And Markov? Markov the champion. The actual king. The true king of North Baelish. The true wizard slayer. We make the claim. Oh, Markov, yes.

Markov got a crit. A crit hap. Another two goblin heads pop. One of them strikes the ceiling with such force that it just splatters. How many goblins are left? I've got it at three.

Only three. Basically all of them are fighting you. There's like one goblin cowering in the corner as Markov bears down on it. Awesome. Oh, it's their turn. Oh, fuck it, goblin. Oopsie.

I'm afraid get gobbled up. I've done better. Yes. It's about as... I'm a bit gobbled up. I've done better. Yes. It's about as... I'm a bit disappointed in you. Ainsley, one of the goblins tries swinging at you, but you've got what's called a buckler. Do you know what a buckler is?

Sure. It's like a... You know Wonder Woman's fucking thing that she uses to deflect bullets? Her braces? Braces? Yeah, that's kind of how a buckler works. It's just like a metal band that sits on your arm. The way it works is when you've got

your longsword out, it increases your armor bonus because you can use it to deflect blows. But it's better than a shield for you because you can still use a bow and arrow while wearing it. So you deflect the mace with your buckler. Yeah, fuck you goblin. In your face. Get your mace with your buckler. Yeah, fuck you, goblin. In your face.

Get your mace in your face. Griff. Punch a goblin in the face. Well, if I pick a goblin up, do I have a better chance or is that my turn? It would be your turn and it does not give you a better chance. Oh, fuck, I'll just punch him then. Finding out how well I punch him. No, I need to find out what a critical hit is.

With a punch? No, for him. Uh-oh. Oh, no. This is a crit sad. This is a crit sad. Goblin's fucking knocking my block off. Oh, no.

I just wanted to, I just love punching things. And you're protecting Markov because he freaks out with floating candles. That's true. He socks you in the jaw. You're probably going to lose a tooth to this. Oh, Jesus. But it's not going to kill you. Well, it might kill you.

Two damage. Oh, God. It nearly did. Am I on one? Yeah, you're on one. Oh, no. You spent a lot of time on one. I cannot believe.

Actually, to be fair fair you'll be knocked unconscious Because that cold damage that you guys took Is non-lethal It's still active and it's non-lethal damage The way it works is When you reduce to zero now So long as they don't keep pushing you past that You'll just become unconscious But you won't start dying

Hey that's super It's like the idea of you just fall unconscious and the goblin starts wailing away. Lethal damage and lethal damage. Welcome to D&D. And, oh, you still... I still punch on him. Yeah, you hit him.

That's right, I do. None of that shit, goblin. You knock him out. Yes. You punch him in the face. His head snaps back. You hear like a slight cracking sound and then he falls over. Awesome.

His leg is twitching. Fist of fury. Fist. Your hand is covered in blood. Sweet. Moist fist of fury. I stabbed the other one that's not unconscious. How many attack enough? You try to like stab him in the back. that's not unconscious. How many attack enough?

You try to stab him in the back. There's one left. You try to stab him. Well, one left for you guys. You try to stab him in the back, but as you do it, he realizes what you're about to do, and he darts to the side. Jerk. Piece of shit goblin.

So rude. Ainsley. Okay. Pick him up and throw him into a wall. Stab him with your sword. Sword. Punch him in the back of the head. Sword.

And then kick him in the shins. You hit him. Yes. You're like, it's a reverse of what you did last time. This time you bring your sword down on his head and you cut him down to his crotch. Goblins are very flimsy creatures. They are. They're kind of like jelly

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