D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #13 A Knight with No Name

Episode Date: October 4, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes actively try to get themselves into trouble... again. We crush a goblin head, introduce ourselves to a knight and decide to travel halfway across the world, based on one roll of the dice. Krif tries (and fails) to magically hide from animals, Princess Ansley struggles to remember where she's from (she also fails) and Leo attempts to tell the DM what to do…and definitely fails. So keep your opinions to yourself and join our party as they wait for the knight to find them a ship. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

San Spence Radio, your dad's a centaur. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table discussing The Wizard, getting a new familiar, but that's exactly what we're doing today. Welcome to episode 13 of D&D is for Nerds. I'm Jackson Bailey, I'll be playing the part of Criff Pum Pumcriff. We've got Ali Kathleen, who's going to be playing the part of Ainsley Foggyfeather. Awesome. Joel Zammett, who's going to be playing the part of Leo Shadow, and of course, our illustrious

DM, Adam Courtesy-Nod. That's not even remotely close. Shut up! Previously on D&D is for Nerds. Point at the ship and be like, yes or no. Yeah, and then I make a motion for riches. Let's go investigate this ship.

Somewhere between Dickhead who's yelling and very cautious ninja. I have to go into initiative because everyone's about to get punished. There's a bunch of goblins, maybe like ten in total. Goblin for dinner? Goblin stew? Goblin, yeah. Don't let me drown.

First time. You morons are in front of my arrows. That's so... It's funny you should say that We're just humping across the ice Ow Get out of here Fucking goblins mate

They can't do shit And so we return in medias res To the situation at hand That makes it Markov's turn Last one Markov will sort this one out It drops its weapon And you know goblin, right, Leo?

Yep. It says, I surrender in Goblin. Markov puts his boot on its head and just crushes it. Oh, gross. I'm like, Markov, no! Say the word no from Markov. No, no, no, no!

Jar, jar! Danger! Yes, I don't know! Markov looks around when you say no. He smiles and nods And then he Touches his ear I do like

You know like the no Yeah then he Touches He like looks at Fucking Griff And like flicks his ear I don't know what that is And I'm like

Yeah no don't kill It's just like a little thing That he started doing I don't understand you He thinks it's funny Yeah I do the no don't kill Like across the I think he's already done it

that gesture looks just as much like a kill as it looks like a no kill I know what I do finger across the throat means kill whole hand across the throat like don't do it yeah I do that gesture however Marcus

Markov ok crash goblin is dead oh Yeah, I did that gesture. Okay. Yeah, well. However, Marcus, Markov. Okay, Crash Goblin is dead. Oh. I guess that then. Markov like sort of walks back over to you and as he does it, he pulls the javelin out of his chest. He smiles. He seems really satisfied with himself.

Can I pull the spear out of my shoulder and stab the unconscious goblin to death? Yeah, sure. Good. Wait, wait. No, fair enough. I could have kept out of my shoulder and stab the unconscious goblin to death? Yeah, sure. Good. Wait, wait. Nah, fair enough. I could have kept him in my backpack. You take one point of damage.

The goblin in the backpack. Leo, you take a point of damage. Pulling the spear out. Wait, what if I could take the goblin and put him in my backpack? Okay, don't kill him. Yeah, we just put him in my backpack. I shackle the goblin up

and chuck him in my backpack, Adam. Still take the spear out, though. That's fine, yeah. Because I've rubbed it out and written chuck him in my backpack Adam Still take the spear out That's fine yeah Because I've robbed it out And written it down in pencil And when it's written down In a pencil Oh I know

It's done It's done Yeah we get a little Captive goblin slave Where are you putting him Sorry My backpack Can we rename him

He's going to get out of that I'll shackle him I've got shackles Okay Adam he's unconscious Just like shackles are big I'll shackle one around his neck And one around his legs Oh I'll shackle one around his neck and one around his legs

oh god we shackle him well and I'll tie him up in rope as well I'm locking this goblin up okay what do you do then but like put it's head out just so it can breathe so shackled with it's head out full of rope

and I'll carry it under one arm check the hull for treasure. And traps. You should probably do. No, they're goblins. Not that smart. Yeah, but this isn't their boat. Yeah, but if they're living there,

I'm pretty sure they're not going to put traps and shit. I feel like they've sprung the traps already. Like we might not find a trap, or we might find a goblin crushed by a rock. I'd be like, oh, so there were traps. Can you imagine a trap on a boat based around crushing someone with a rock? Oh, no.

That's right, it's a boat. Just like a little bit of troubled water, sinks right through. Everybody drowns. So is there like some doors maybe that we could stack some bodies up against? Have a bit of a sneaky... It's a big hole in the thing. You can't really snipe that one.

No sneaky naps. Soldier of God. I will freeze to death. Yeah, I thought maybe if you had a napkin... You find 190 gold pieces among this wreckage. Hey, that's another spell for me. Yeah, all right. Or some potions for us.

Yeah, well, we'll... And that's it. Nothing else of interest. Anything else in the ship? Are you going down or upstairs? Downstairs. Downstairs. Into the belly of the beast.

I want to say bow, but that's the wrong word. The hull? No. No, that's also the wrong word. The hull? No. No, that's also the wrong word. Ali, you factious. The belly of the boat. What's that called? The deck.

Nope. The hull. No, that's the outside of it. Oh, right. What's the belly of the deck called? The brig? The storage boat. The stomach.

The storage deck. Down. We go down. Cargo. Yeah, we go cargo hold. The hold.. Down. We go down. Cargo. Yeah, we go cargo hold. The hold. We got there in the end. Good team effort, gang.

Okay. I'm proud of us. I'm not. So there's some stairs down, right? Yeah. And then it leads to a small corridor. There's a door to your left, a door to your right, and a door on the far side of the corridor.

Sorry, I should say doorways more. There's no actual door there. Is Markov with us still? Yeah. Damn. I was going to go invisible, have a look, but that'll just scare him so much. Just distract him. Tell him to go wait by the entrance. Oh, I know what I'll do. How far can I project those

dancing lights? Like, could I theoretically make them appear back where the goblins were whilst he's like, ah, wizard! And he runs up there whilst I'm like, boop, and I'm sneaky, have an invisible run around. And if you open doors... While you hold hands with Leo. If he opens a door, does he become invisible?

Yes. Ah, never mind then. No, I can look down the corridor, though. Oh, actually, I'm not sure. Plus I have mage hand, mate. Mage hand and fucking open. Oh, no, that'll scare Markov as well. That's why I'm going to dance in lights.

Damn, Markov. Damn him to hell. It's fine, guys. Oh, the dancing lights. Wow. Yeah? Yeah, it's like a lot of room you got there. Like 120 feet. Oh, boy. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to send that back you got there. You're like 120 feet.

Oh, boy. Okay. Yeah, I'm going to send that back out to where the goblins were. And I want to do a bit of a pantomime with Ainsley over here. Oh, my God. Wizard. I'm the wizard. What?

Oh, my God. Yeah. Fucking Markov,ov Like nods He like puts up an arm as if to shield you guys And then draws his Oh he had his greatsword drawn He like stalks off after the lights I give you guys the thumbs up And I turn invisible

Mage hand first Open the doors Oh yeah Mage hand the doors open and then turn invisible Okay hang on Have a bit of a good old look down. Yeah, I just want to see what makes you visible. Nothing?

Invisible for life? Never ever to be seen again? Okay, so you can do things that unattended objects. So you can open the doors. Oh, sick. Never mind then. Just go invisible. Open some fucking doors.

Not even worth my bloody time. If you attack anyone or use any spell that targets an enemy, causing harm indirectly does not count. Oh. Guess who's knocking things over. Climb stairs, summon monsters, have them attack, holding a bridge. Yeah, so basically anything except directly hitting someone.

Awesome. Yeah, I'll just chiffon down the left corridor. The left doorway. Yeah, left doorway and see what's to be seen. It looks like it's the crew quarters. There's just a bunch of poles here. Looks like they might have strung hammocks through them, between them.

You can see where the ropes for the hammocks were, but the hammocks look like they might have decayed a while ago. I'll search the room. I'll search the other rooms. Basically search for traps. Not traps. Search for villains. Are you searching... Leo, are you searching the other rooms. Basically search for traps. Not traps. Search for villains. Are you searching? Leo, are you searching the other room?

No, they're sending me down. Yeah, sending him down to open and look at everything. In that first room, you find nothing of interest. Like scraps on the floor. It looks pretty throwback. Scraps, guys? Cold scraps? We are hungry.

Like not food scraps. Like scraps of what were probably the... Hammocks? The beds. Yeah, not food scraps. Like, scraps of what were probably the beds. Yeah, the hammocks. And on the other side, it's basically the same. You find nothing there either. You going to go through the doorway? Yeah. I come back.

Not worth it, guys. All right, you go down. Bo bloody diddly. Okay. We should find the ship's manifest. What's a ship's manifest? Is that like a ship log? A ship log of, like, what's on the ship. What does that mean we own the ship? I think it means we own the ship. It's a ship's manifest? Is that like a ship log? A ship log of what's on the ship.

Or does that mean we own the ship? I think it means we own the ship. It's not a deed. Hey, ships could have deeds. You don't know. Yeah, but it's not a manifest. Do ships have deeds? I feel like they wouldn't. So anyway, behind that door, you find what would have to be the

captain's quarters or the officer's quarters. It's one big room, but the room is partitioned up with, like, you know, wooden half walls and stuff like that. You find some proper beds here and cabinets and shit there. This area is also uninhabited. Looks like the goblins might have used it as their bathroom. Oh, my God. Jesus fucking Christ.

Ha! Sorry, I say looks, smells Oh my god Everybody up deck Do you not search this room? I will give it a ginger search You find nothing Not worth it

Full of feces Just mostly feces When you get upstairs or back to the mid decks You find Markov Looking through the hole Become visible again. When you get upstairs or back to the mid decks, you find Markov like looking through the hole out into the snow. Become visible before we go see Markov. Yeah, I should do that. Yeah, you can end it when you want. I'll end it before Markov sees.

Cool. Markov is like looking out the hole. He sees you come out. He gestures like he points upward and he says something sort of dismissive in his language. You don't understand. He realizes you don't understand. So realises you don't understand, so he makes a gesture again.

Okay, like, yeah or nah. Yeah or not even worth our time. Or ja. Ainsley. Yep. You get the impression that he's gesturing to say that he's already searched the top. Ah, good on me. Thanks, man. Alright, fuck it.

Just shift on back to the road. Let's keep on. I'm like, do the gesture, be like, just Thanks, man. All right, fuck it. We'll just chuff on back to the road. Let's keep on. I'm like, do the gesture, be like this walking gesture and like a chuff off gesture. The chuffing off symbol. I'm going to shortcut some faffing about here. Eventually you get the idea that Markov is trying to say, no, let's crawl across to distribute weight.

Oh! It's taken us like a month and a half just to get this. Oh, that's what he's getting at. We just thought he was like always looking for pine nuts. Oh, Markov. I thought he really liked getting wet in the snow. We always wondered why he didn't just walk like normal people. Oh, Markov, you did it again.

So you guys finish crawling your way back to, you can sort of judge where the river is and isn't by that bridge I was describing earlier. It is a little hard to see because everything is covered in snow. So much snow. You can sort of tell where the bridge starts and ends. And when you get to about where the bridge starts, you sort of know that you're safe now.

Markov, who is just the first because he's so much bigger and therefore faster than any of you. Yeah, that's fair. Probably just drags some of you when you get close enough as well. You know, helps you up onto your feet. Champ. After that, though, there's no further incidents for the next week or so until you finally see in the distance Old Ashton,

which is the town you were heading to, the capital. Build on the ruins of Ashton. North Ashley or whatever I've been calling it. Don't antagonise me. Oh, no, I feel an aneurysm coming on, guys. I've got to sit down. Adam, is the ice thin? Like, are we still on ice?

You don't know, it's like snow is covering everything If you want to dig through the snow I wouldn't mind You find dirt underneath Fuck, I was gonna drown My cat Is what I was thinking, cause of my block Like I could dig a hole, put him in it Then slide the block over the top of the hole.

No. It only lasts for three rounds. Hey, I'd be long gone and he'd be dead, but no, that's like not even 20 seconds. Yeah, no. 18 seconds. Hey, do we still have the hide from animals girl thing? Yes, we do.

I use the hide from animals potion. No. I take a sip. Oh from animals potion I take a sip But the rest of us You either drink the whole potion Or it doesn't work I guess I can't share it with you guys I'll drink the whole potion

I'll just be like staring at Jiggle Lump From like you know in the saddle bag And I'll just be like you fucking Where am I now I'm gonna pick up Jiggle Lump Jiggle Lump like Where am I now, cunt? I'm going to pick up Jiggle Lump Jiggle Lump bats at you with its paw In your direction You're pretty sure it knows where you are

I don't need to pick up Jiggle Lump Oh my god First off, Jackson You have a mental link with this animal Second off, Jackson The creature is entitled to a save To determine if it knows where you are Jackson, you have a mental link with this animal? Take it off, Jackson. The creature is entitled to a save to determine if it knows where you are or not. If you tried to drown it, would you kind of get that feedback?

Would I die? Well, it can't, like, no, it can't kill you through the mental link. Just, like, you can't kill it through the link. But it could be, like, drowning, this is unpleasant. It can, like, communicate that it is unpleasant and how unpleasant it is. You would experience drowning without actually drowning. That's pretty hectic. Don't drown the cat.

But then the cat would be out of my life. It's reasonable to assume that the cat might just know what you're planning as well. That's true. Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts, while I drown the cat. The cat's digging its own hole, looking at you. Gonna put you in there, put a fucking block on top of that. The cat's like, to itself, think happy thoughts.

Glaring at each other. Good. Old Ashton is a very, like, very old-looking city, hence the name, but it's made primarily out of stone. You'd think after it was reduced to rubble they would have made it look nice. I know. Get one job, Ashton.

What happened was that, like, the town was destroyed and then they just rebuilt in the rubble. So, like, you see a spiral minaret that's in the middle of the town, and it looks like it's seen long past better days, but it's very heavily inhabited. Okay. Lazy. They just re-inhabited the ruins.

The spiral minaret in the center of town is the most noticeable structure, but there are other ones. Heading into town, what do you do? Are you just going to like, do you want to break off from Markov? No. We'll follow him just to like see the letter delivered and then we might like have a day on the town. Yeah, have a bit of a chat to the dude and be like,

you know, notorious wizard killers, these boys and girl. And cat. And cat. Markov chats to a bunch of people and eventually he heads into a tavern You're not sure exactly what's going on It looks like he's Well, yeah, it's just chatting actually

You wouldn't know what it looks like No idea what's happening What is he doing? I'm just like picking my nails with a knife Not threateningly The tavern's pretty busy And in it you see a knight. Markov

approaches the knight immediately and starts talking to him. I thought I had a crush on Markov. I now have a crush on the knight. Hang on, is it a handsome knight? His half of his face is basically burnt away. Rugged though. He's got like a bit of a two-face from

second Batman movie vibe. Wait, is his half face a handsome face? He looks bald and old. So if I put my thumb up and covered his gross half, would I be like, okay. All right. He's pushing 50. I don't know.

He looks... So is Brad Pitt, maybe. I don't know how old Brad Pitt is. I don't think Brad Pitt is pushing Well on a related note I was about to say If you did something like that he might resemble a Bruce Willis type character What about his butt? He's sitting on it

Never mind Also he's wearing armour so basically un-pinchable He gets like massive bonuses Versus your pinching Poor night Go on Do we approach this night guys? Massive bonuses versus your pinching. Poor, poor knight. Go on. Do we approach this knight, guys?

Is Markov the only one talking? The knight is just politely nodding. Okay. Is Markov handing him the letter? Is he gesturing to her? He does eventually hand him the letter. Yeah, he does hand him the letter. We just look over kind of eager, but trying to be nonchalantly cool.

Are you trying to listen in? Yeah. That's a much better idea. I do so well. Yeah, you all here. Oh, yes. You all are here. When Markov finishes talking, the knight keeps nodding for a minute,

and then he says, I do not understand your language. I kind of like nudge Kriff Pum. What do you want me to do? Chat about the wizard slaying. Hello, Mr. Knight. He leans backwards over his chair to look at you. Yeah?

Kriff Pum Pum Kriff. He shakes your hand. So we're with this bugger lug here. We don't understand a lick of his bloody language either. But I'm assuming the letter is potentially about us. We're notorious wizard killers. I try and look very proud. And we eliminated a wizard, we think.

Two wizards. Two wizards in our time. And apparently he came from an island near here. Escaped convicts, I say. Yes, he was an escaped convict. Necromancer. He was a necromancer. He messed up some stuff. He messed up some stuff.

Rude, really. Really, he was very rude. We tried to even comfort him, bring him back, but we had to be dealt with, so please pay us. We have his robe. Oh, yeah. Slump the robe down. While you're talking, the knight opened up the letter

and started reading it. Yeah. Uh-huh. He seems half listening to you guys. Uh-huh. And when you flump the robe down, he nods and says, notorious wizard killers, you say. Yes.

Like ten wizards in our, well, two wizards. Ten wizards. No, we've killed at least ten. I happen to have a wizard killing job. Will you pay us for the last wizard? There wasn't a bounty on his head. There isn't a bounty on this one either. Will you pay us for both?

No. Why? But what are we getting out of this? He seems very dismissive of you guys. Do you have any coats? He's got like a cape. How much for the cape? The cape.

The cape on your back. What do you reckon? If you do this for me, I'll just give it to you. All right. Done. You get yourself a deal, mate. He shakes your hand again. All right, guys, let's go.

Let's find out what he has of information. Just start killing wizards until you get the right one. Yes. Wait, hold on. Oh, eager that one. But hey, Sir Knight. He's a wizard by the name of Carter. Have you ever heard of him?

Have we? You tell us, Adam. No. Could be anybody. Is he that guy? No. I don't think he's that guy. Come on. Carry on. Carter, he's the

head wizard for the pirate gang. Pirates, guys. I don't know what pirates mean. Pirates, guys. Okay. I don't know what pirates mean. Pirates. I don't know. It means itself. Like in character or just, Ellie, do you not know what pirates are?

Ellie, are you unsure as to what a pirate is? Did you note down which city you were from? Because if you're from Appleville or Blue Beach, you would know what pirates are. Tell me, where does the kingdom of Foggyfeather sit? Oh, that's right, you made up your own one. Oh, but that's not the kingdom, that's my name. It exists solely in your mind. Whether or not you're truly a noble has been called into question.

I just love the idea of them gathering around an old map, being like, so where's the sort of seat of foggy feather And you're like oh Just swear up So we kidnapped just a random I don't know now No it was like in a time when she said she was a princess And then you guys

Just kidnapped her in the hopes of a ransom And you God only knows where that ransom note got sent Who sent ransom notes back? What the fuck? If you got a ransom note for some random person Wouldn't you try to pull them along? Yeah, why not?

You'd be like, I don't know this person But let's see how this goes Pirates, you say Does he live in the sea? No, he lived in a city. Gnar, I believe it's called. Sorry? G-N-A-R-R.

You tell me how to pronounce that. Gnar. Gnar. Yeah, there you go. G-A. G-N-A-R-R. Gnar. Gnar.

Gnar. Do I know the city of Gnar? Gnar. Gnar. Gnar, mate. mate Oh where is it? It's on a little island Just south of Gronland

Which is a continent It's like kind of the other side of the world Type thing Let's go Guys let's take a moment. Like, what's the cape worth? Not much. Like, maybe a silver?

Like, look, I thought the last jacket, which was much nicer than that cloak, was worth a lot. It wasn't. Seven copper pieces, maybe? We're bad at judging, like, worth for clothes. I've heard of you. I know you also defeated the wizard Wondrin. Yes.

We should have. That was us. Warlock, you should say. We did do that. I thought you might just do this on the backs of your own kindness. It just seems like it's a far way to travel. It's just a bit of an effort is all we're saying. It's like, how long is that going to take us?

Have you got any... This necromancer was a far way to travel from Wondrin. Why? Do you guys really want to... Have you got any... He seems to be under the impression that you guys are good guys. Have you got any closer wizards? Do you have one that can be taken care of this afternoon?

Well, if you could find one, there's a nation called Goldcrest, just a little to this afternoon. A bit more than halfway around the world. There's a nation of Goldcrest just north of here. It's like maybe a couple weeks by boat. We're going to find so much treasure there. There's no specific wizards there, but

the king was recently overthrown and he had a court of I was about to say illegal. They weren't technically illegal because he sanctioned it, but dark wizards. If you could find any of them. Okay, so we could either chuff off north by boat. That does sound fun.

Or chuff across half the world to find this Carter guy. What's wrong with Carter? What's he done? He's just an evil wizard. It's really that simple, to be honest. What kind of evil acts has he done? He supports the Pirate King, helps him in his nefarious goals.

He's tortured and killed and used his magical powers to infect and dominate the minds of others. What a dick. Yeah, but... Do you want to flip a coin for it, guys? Yeah. You guys aren't those people, are you?

We're being practical here here We'll see which one And then we'll keep that one He's like really hurt But he is asking you to go across the world To do this You're not sure what he's about Adam pass me a dice We're going to do it

Don't roll it for us because then you'll just decide where you want us to go. Pass us a dice. Any of them. Okay. Which one do you want? There's a lot of different dice here. It's a D2, Adam. That's a coin.

Yeah. Yeah. There you go. There's your D2. Hey, ladies and gentlemen, I had a coin ready in case I needed a D2. It's true. Adam Cannavale always prepared. Total Boy Scout.

I have a real D2. It's not really. It's just a D6 that's got one and two on it. And a fine cone full of honey for layers. Do you want something else? No. All right, guys. So we got halfway across the world.

Let's say heads. Okay. And then not that far away, tails? Yeah. Done. Okay. This is intense. It didn't flip.

Hold on. How did it not flip? This is what Adam does. It heads. I forgot which one we decided. It didn't flip. Hold on. How did it not flip? It's just the way Adam does it. Heads. I forgot which one we decided. It just landed on heads. Yeah, but which one was it? Halfway around the world.

All right. Oh, fuck. It's okay. I would have chosen just a cold, watery grave for you. No, wait. You'll be going by boat. What's the knight's name? The knight?

Yeah. You ask? Yeah. What was your name? Sorry. He shakes his head. If you're going after Carter, I don't want to tell you. Okay.

Are you going to remain here? We just want to know where to get more capes. Months. I know. Is he going to be in the tavern? Well, the reason I came here is dead, apparently, so I'm going to be going back to Karsaray. Okay, so if we go and shuff off

and kill Kada... You'll find me at Karsaray. Or you'll find someone else who will give you the bounty for him. There is a bounty. Awesome. And where is Goldcrest from Karsaray? He seems to have immediately regretted saying that. What's his bounty? Let's talk. There's no bounty, I just...

You kind of just said there was, mate. We'll hold that to you. Moving on, though, where's Goldcrest from Karsore? Sorry? Where's Goldcrest from Karsore? Goldcrest is a couple weeks north of here. You're on the island nation of Husgra. North of that is the nation of Vroengard,

and on Vroengard is Goldcrest Beyond Vroengard You getting this, yeah? Yeah, I'm writing this down Beyond Vroengard is Bronnland And on Bronnland is Is the Connected to it is the island

Where Gnar is on I've got an idea I could show you the map I guess people listening at home can't. We might. Look, I'm thinking if we chuff off and kill this Carter prick, yeah? Let's chuff off all the way over

there. Kill Carter. And then on the way back, go to Gold Crest. All the way back. And then from there go to Carceray and get a double bounty. Oh a double bounty. Double bounty. There's a bounty on the guy from any of the wizards from Goldcrest, but

Carter doesn't have a bounty on his head. I misspoke, he says. He's getting fast tired of you guys. One more question. One more question. Probably going to be more. One more question, which is, like, tougher. I would say, well, the wizards at Goldcrest,

the enclave there are going to be hard to find, but if you find them, I don't think they'll put up much of a fight. They've been on the run, and they're outlaws themselves, so you'll be able to, if you can convince local authorities to help you. All right, look, we've done your job for you. Nara, however, not only is he a powerful wizard in his own right, well, Carter, I mean, Nara's city. Carter is not a powerful wizard in his own right.

He also has the pirate king who controls that city. That could be fun. Look, we've done your job for you, mate. We've gone and killed that necromancer you've been looking for. So pay for that first. We're going to chuff off to kill this Carter guy. I don't know how I'm going to pay you because I don't have any gold on me I was going to say, do you have any kind of supplies

or something to help us on this journey? Do you want to come? Yeah! Which one? Are we going to get Carter? Not interested What if we do the other thing? Well, I thought you wanted to kill some wizards

No, I've got to go back to carcery That's alright guys, we can get hirelings, whatever Yeah, yeah, yeah Bloody hirelings Anything you can give us on this journey to kill Carter and or Goldcrest people. Not including the cape we already have. He hasn't given you that yet.

Capers down payment? I'll give you the capers down payment. Write that down, Griff. Done. You only get a bounty if you bring back one of the Goldcrest enclave. We want more stuff. if you bring back one of the gold crest enclave. Yeah, I know. Yeah?

We want more stuff. If you bring back Carter, maybe the head knight there might see fit to reward you with something. Dead or alive? Either. Alive, obviously, is worth more. Well, not worth more. That's a bad expression as well. Yes.

We'd prefer alive. Okay. That's difficult. We'll write a live question mark. Hey, Adam, can I just get a quick check on the goblin in my backpack? Oh, yeah. I forgot about that one. Just a quick check on him.

Just hold on to the tab and I'll just open up the backpack. He's escaped. Not a lie. I forgot about that. I think I should have had some heavy caffeine before we started this today. I'm feeling very low energy right now. I don't know if that's come across. He escaped.

Oh, no. Hey, you know what would have happened? Recently? Hard to tell. You know what would have happened? That rope that we tied out with? Cut to shreds. You know why?

Why? Jig a lump. Jig? Why? Jigglelump. Jigglelump. Jigglelump aided his escape. Can I just quickly scan this? I'm going to make sure the goblin's not... Subtly. A goblin would be killed if it set foot in this town.

Okay, so they'd notice though? Yeah, they'd notice. Oh, thank God. Someone else would have raised the fuss if they'd seen it. How much gold do we have? We're doing all right. I've got five gold and six silver. I can help you charter a ship there, he says.

We have 181 gold, 15 silver, and four copper. I can find someone who might be sympathetic to the cause, knock some gold off the price, or possibly get you the voyage for free if they're already going. That is great. And if you can chuck in some gifts. Do you have any connections to, like, health portions? Or bells.

I, like, scratch my head. No, I don't. Moose heads? I don't know. I own no moose heads. No. Anyway, thank you for your time. You've been incredibly patient.

Thank you. I like this've been incredibly patient Thank you I like this chartering of this boat idea If you could set that up, that'd be great We're going to go around the town, see what there is And then we'll meet back here in an hour You don't tell me what to do It's a question What tavern are you going to stay at?

You just offered I'm sorry Why do you have to be so mean? We'll stay here at this tavern. Make it easier. You're going to stay here at this tavern? I'll come find you if I find a ship. Okay, we'll be here in an hour.

It might take me longer than an hour. That works out for us. It might be an overnight thing. Okay, we'll just... We'll be at the tavern. Thank you. He sighs. He sighs sadly and hands you his cape.

I want to put nine silver pieces, like, try and just tuck it into his... For your troubles. Tuck it into his what? He's wearing full plate armor. Is there any gaps? There are gaps. Are you going to slide it into some gaps? Yeah.

Go for a handshake. Just gently pushes your hand away. Go for a handshake. He's like at the gold splinterhake Like I'm bribing him Thank you for your time Wink He gets up and leaves That guy was rude

Guys I'm starting to think we go about this in an odd way I don't know how people would react To you guys It was very rude You're like we came with this bugalug Bugalug isn't a word that puts him on the off-putter I don't know how people would react to you guys. It was very rude. You're like, we came with this bug-a-log. Bug-a-log isn't a word. That puts him on Godfoot immediately. And he's like, these people, they've killed two evil wizards

and as far as I know, haven't requested payment for it yet. Good folk. No. To be fair, maybe it's pushing it a little bit to ask you to go halfway across the world. You're not going to lie. it's a bit of a trek. It's a hectic... But hey, whatever.

Let's go do it. But then when you're like immediately reward and you start asking for the clothes off his back. Journey ahead. Tune in next time for D&D is for Nerds. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.

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