D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #15 Captain DeSilver and his Technicolour Waistcoat
Episode Date: October 18, 2015Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes set sail for the other side of the world. We wake up (which is a relief), meet a “fancy” Dwarven Ship Captain and everyone just tries to pick up. Kr...if scans the ship for “strange”, Princess Ansley meddles in the lives of others and Leo realises that it is a bad idea to try to soak up some sun. So get shirtless for all of five seconds and join our party as they become dazzled by Captain DeSilver and his Technicolour Waist. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Senspense Radio, now I'm missing all my teeth.
There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table rolling dice to bargain
for imaginary moose heads, but that is exactly what we're doing today. Welcome to episode 15
of D&D is for Nerds. I'm Ali Kathleen, and I'll be playing the character of Princess Ainsley
Foggyfeather. Leo Shadow will be played by Joel Zammmert and Jackson Bailey will be playing the role of
Griff Pum Pum Griff
and never forget our mediocre DM
Adam Christmas Pudding
Shut up Adam
Previously on D&D is for Nets
You meet a guy called Grayson
He looks like he's been in a couple fights before
He's got like a scar down one cheek
DM, don't talk to us for a second
You're hiring muscle and then you're going to cheuddle. DM, don't talk to us for a second. You're hiring muscle,
and then you're going to cheapskate him
in a place you can't escape.
Mmm, num-nums.
Num-num gold.
Why would I eat gold?
Gold is delicious.
Ainsley, shut the fuck up.
I'm sorry.
Is your friend touched in the head?
A little bit.
What a nice book.
Yeah, roll a D10.
And then whatever that is.
Years of dunk-a-dunk for the ages.
Yes!
Let's do this, guys.
Today I might finally kill my cat.
Gods!
I hate that cat so much.
Get drunk and try and use magic.
We rejoin the party sleeping soundly for now.
Uh, Kriff, you wake up in the middle of the night.
There's like a soft, like tapping sound.
Look, I'm so pumped.
Kriff, Jiggle Lump.
You wake up, scan around the room.
Yeah.
At the window, Jiggle Lump is just sitting on the sill,
like tapping it with his paw. When he sees that you see him, he turns around the room. Yeah. At the window, Jiggle Lump is just sitting on the sill, like, tapping it with his paw.
When he sees that you see him, he turns around
and presses his butt against the window.
What's in the room?
It's, like, a bedside table.
On the bedside table, there's, like, a little candle
and a bracket thing.
Throw that at Jiggle Lump.
It strikes the gralass.
The gralass?
The glass.
Shut up.
Is that the gralass from Grana?
Special Grana made glass.
Rebounds off and kills Cref.
No, it, like, strikes the glass
and the window cracks a little bit
but doesn't shatter.
Jiggalump jumps off the windowsill
and into the night.
I've got to go and lift off the windowsill and into the night i gotta go and lift off the
windowsill yeah yeah yell out nothing like coherent like just sleepy oh i fucking can't
10 7 6 a.m trying to sleep drinking all night can't light a candle.
And that's your night.
All right.
Okay, so the next morning you all wake up, which is good.
Good start.
I didn't have an aneurysm in the night, guys.
Good.
And we didn't drink ourselves to death.
I did break a window.
You cracked it a little.
You didn't properly break it. Let's hope the innkeeper doesn't notice that
Let's just hightail it out before he comes knocking
You pick up Grayson
Who's waiting for you in the
Tavern below the
Rooms and stuff like that
Markov you don't know where is
Like a cursory search of the area
He's either chuffed off
Or he's just like left early or something like that.
You're not sure.
Damn.
Oh, wow.
That's upsetting.
Yeah.
Is there like a barkeep?
Yeah.
Can I ask him if like Markov has a tall gangly fellow who speaks?
Couldn't speak a word of common.
Not even speaking a fucking word of common.
Has he chuffed on by?
Has he left?
Is he staying here?
The bar bucket nods
He like
It looks like he's trying a little hard to remember
Yeah I vaguely remember him
I don't think he's left though
I remember him last night
You two
He like gestures to Leo and Ainsley
I'm holding my head
You were drinking with him last night weren't you?
Yes we were
I'm not sure what he did after that
He wasn't down here when I came down after taking you off.
Is it cool if I go and, like, search
the rooms? No.
Really, it isn't. What, search the rooms
of my other patrons? Yes.
Do you know which one he's in? Does he have a
room here? I don't recall.
You're a bad business owner.
As long as they pay, I don't
really care. Also, it's not my establishment.
Is that Sir Guy who would would not give our name?
You can see him through one of the windows.
He's not milling about.
People mill about.
Person does not mill about.
He's just outside.
Looks like he's waiting for you.
I like seeing everyone get grace and they're like, let's go to him.
Okay.
Yeah.
Everyone did grace and they're like, let's go to him.
Okay.
Yeah.
So you trudge out and he waves you down as you come out.
He walks over and he says, I'm a little sorry about my shortness yesterday.
I didn't really, not really what I was expecting, to be honest.
What were you expecting?
Not in a rude way.
I'm just curious.
I don't know. Like tall guys? Not in a rude way. I'm just curious. I don't know.
Like tall guys?
I am a halfling.
He's struggling a little bit with the phrasing here,
and he says what he says very carefully. I was looking for, well, I was expecting, well, you know,
the stories were you killed those two evil wizards.
We did.
We did that.
I didn't realize that.
Were you paid for both of those?
No.
One we were.
Yes.
That's when we bought a bell, guys.
Yeah, we bought a bell.
The other one, we bought a map.
We got told to come here.
Kind of just assumed you did it out of the kindness of your own hearts.
Well, it was a little of column A and a little of column we wanted to get paid.
So mostly a little of column...
But, like, you know, hey, it's still a good deed.
A good deed's a good deed, eh?
Eh?
Plus, I just like killing wizards.
He ums and he uhs a little bit.
Look at Griff a little bit.
I found a ship that it isn't going exactly to Gnar,
but it's close enough.
You'll be able to bargain your way.
We'll find our way there.
Yeah.
All right.
They'll be passing close enough that you could just ask the captain
to make a detour.
So how Gnir are we going to be to Gnar?
I think it's pronounced Gnar.
You can have that one for free.
Yeah.
We all wink.
Yeah.
Grayson and the Knight lock eyes and you see them exchange a glance.
I'll lead you to the boat now.
I'm going to wink at Grayson.
That's Grayson.
I don't know who I'm talking to.
Yeah, Grayson.
He's a Grayson?
Grayson and the Knight are having a non-verbal conversation.
Grayson's our Merc.
Yeah, I know.
Grayson's the guy you hired.
Definitely.
No, I'm in it for the long haul, guys. Good. I'm playing the long game. like a non-verbal conversation. Grayson's our merc. Yeah, I know. Yeah, Grayson's the guy you hired. That's definitely, yeah.
No, I'm in it for the long haul, guys.
Good.
I'm playing the long game.
I'm all wink at him.
At the knight?
No.
No. Grayson.
Grayson.
His butt is un-pinchable.
So let's.
To be fair, Grayson is also wearing like pretty decent armor,
not as heavy as the knight.
Hey, we're going on a ship.
We're going on a ship. We're going on a ship.
You have to take that armor off at night, Adam.
Long nights at sea.
You are a predator.
Grayson is so old.
He's not that old.
Nah, he has a badonkadonk bum.
Yeah, he has the best ass elbow.
You said that, Adam.
You said it was a badonkadon-donk-a-donk.
I don't think I said bonk-a-donk.
Yes, you said it was a bonk-a-donk for the ages.
Oh, that's right.
I did too.
I said something.
So, like, holy shit, that butt.
Yeah.
You bring it on yourself.
Anyway.
Do I bring it on myself?
Anyway.
The knight leads you to the ship ship and he introduces you to the captain
and the captain leans over and shakes your hand he's a very like it's about to say stylish stylish
is the wrong word he's a dwarf and he looks like he believes the more colorful your outfit
the better it looks yes he's got like we're gonna buy that guy's coat The chest part of his coat
is red
The sleeves are green
His lapels are yellow
And he's wearing a multicoloured vest
and a vibrant red shirt
He's got multi-patterned
striped pants
I genuinely compliment him on his outfit
And a big red hat
with a nice feather sticking in it
I compliment his outfit
what colour is the feather?
it's a purple feather
where did you get the feather?
I just bought the hat to be honest
that's a great story
we need to know where to buy these clothes for later
Mr Dwarf
that's probably offensive
I had a lot of them tailor-made.
Amazing.
We need to get in the name of your tailor.
When you say that, the dwarf laughs, laughs,
claps you on the back and says,
we'll drink good.
All right.
Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
He gestures up the gangplank.
All aboard.
All right.
Have I ever been on a ship before? That's a good question.
Well, you would have had to have got on
one to come here.
I was asleep.
I don't remember. We crawled across
ice. No, this is
like an island in the middle of the sea. We've been on an
island for a while, Ainsley.
Oh, shit. Did you not know either?
I thought we just
crawled across ice.
Adam said we got there by cart.
I just assumed we carted everywhere.
What, until we drowned?
Am I the only one who knew we were on an island?
Probably paid more attention.
The first adventure that you had was on a separate continent.
I remember you did say continent a few times.
Yep, yep.
Then I'm fine on the boat But these guys apparently didn't remember
You fell asleep
They just had their memories erased
We apparently were just like
This land looks weird
And choppy
And full of sharks
I didn't realise they had land sharks
What's the ship like?
Is it nice?
It's a dwarven designed ship
So it's small and designed mostly around defense and combat.
It's a merchant ship, though.
What does he sell?
Oh, do you ask him that?
Yes!
Oh, wait.
Come on, funky mattresses, pillows.
No, you ask him him And he laughs again
Slaps you on the back
Snaps a finger
And a little servant boy
Comes up with a tray of drinks
He puts a drink in your hand
And says
Little of this
Little of that
Fuck yes
He takes a drink
Takes a swig
Are they drinks for us as well?
Yeah he hands you all a drink
Hey
Alright
Yo ho
Fucking ho He hands us Yeah Board the ship Captain De Silva Us as well? Yeah, he hands you all a drink. Hey! All right! Yo-ho fucking ho!
He hands us.
Yeah, board the ship.
Captain De Silva, he says.
Criff, pum, pum, criff.
He shakes all of your hands.
Alternatively, criff, pum, pum, pum, criff.
He shakes all of your hands,
or at least he starts shaking out.
He starts shaking your hand,
but it ends in like a really tight bear hug.
Oh, I love this man already.
Can I scan the shoreline for
old Markov? Just to see
if he's come on by?
No.
You can't see him.
That's upsetting.
I have a big sigh and
head deeper into the ship to explore.
Okay.
There's a lot of other people getting on the ship as well.
Where's Jigglypuff? Where's Jiggly ship as well Where's Jigglypuff?
Where's Jigglypuff, guys?
Where's Googlepump?
I struggle, puss
Oh, that's a lot of dice to find out
Ainsley, you're scanning around
and the ship is moored at the dock
so they've got the chain down.
You see Jiggalump like slowly climbing his way up the chain.
You going to alert me?
No.
You son of a bitch.
I love this guy.
You son of a bitch.
I'm going to help it up.
When it gets really close, I'm going to help it up.
Okay. Yeah up You do that
Now it's gonna be my familiar
Take it, it's yours
Leo, you notice
You notice we're helping it up
Can I scratch him under the chin
Yeah
What is this betrayal
Out of fucking nowhere
He allows you to pet him.
He helped us out with a trap once.
He's all right.
He's a good cat.
We just put him in the trap.
It wasn't him.
You know, hey, you sons of bitches.
Yeah.
No, give him lots of pats and be like, Jiggler, we missed you.
I feed him a bit of rations.
Feed him some of your rations?
He nibbles on, I guess it would be jerky.
Yeah. Good. No. Yeah, good.
Pieces of shit.
He like rolls over onto his back and lets you scratch his belly.
Yes!
Scratch his belly so good.
I miss Cartmichael.
Cartmichael in a watery grave right now.
Slowly becoming a mule skeleton.
What was that look?
Can he come back as a mule skeleton?
Animated mule skeleton.
That's going to take a lot of doing.
You should have gotten like a new spell.
Oh, I should have.
Next spell.
Animate mule.
Next spell, I'll get animate mule.
No such spell.
Not with that attitude.
Alas.
Nor with any attitude as there is no such spell.
Years of research.
Go on.
Could just, oh my God.
I bought the ship.
We're already on the, yes.
Okay, so you're on the ship.
You set sail. Are you interested
in any other... There's like a bunch of other passengers.
Are you interested in any of them? I'll give them a
cursory glance. Yes. Yes. Make small
talk. A bunch of them are...
Keep yourself entertained. It's gonna be a he-he-o,
guys. A bunch of them are Nords,
like the people from here.
And they... From
their dress, you assume them to be merchants.
Some of them are... You see, like like a elf and a couple halflings.
Mostly the crew of the ship are dwarves as well.
Cool.
A couple halflings among the crew.
Ah, cool, halflings, my bros.
Yeah, I try and get buddy-buddy with the halflings.
Yep.
I hope you just end up fighting.
Adam just gave me the dirtiest look.
Yeah, you associate with people of your own race, you piece of shit.
You do all right.
Sick.
Is there a halfling lady?
What?
Is there a halfling lady?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You don't know what sexuality I am.
Is there a halfling?
High or low?
I'm so excited.
Low.
Low? Yeah, there excited. Low. Low?
Yeah, there's a couple.
One of them is a passenger and there's a bunch of part of the crew.
I go up and I introduce myself to the full elf.
Oh, they just call them elves.
And I'm like, hey, full elf.
I'm like half a...
No, he doesn't do that.
I would be so afraid. What? I would be so afraid
I would be so afraid if you flicked my hair
I'd be like take off that mask
Markov
No I
Hi full elf
What?
What language do you speak in?
Hopefully elven
I think you have elven
You have the option to talk in common though
Well let's see if I do Yeah I get common in elven Which one the option to talk in common though well let's see if i do yeah i get i get
common in elven and which one do you talk in draconic elven elven okay why not let's goblin
when when would i've ever learned that and why i taught it to you and then promptly forgot it
or you just knew it because you decided it would be smart to know it. The elf
looks you up and down and you see him
Hang on. Do I?
Do I though? You see him roll his
eyes. He seems a little unimpressed with you.
What do you want? He's just saying,
hey, whoa.
Might be here a while.
Just wanted to see if we could make a support
network when we're getting seasick.
Rude! Now walk away.
I ignore her yelling.
And you are yelling from across the ship?
The entire crew is looking at you.
Yes, yes, not committed.
Do it.
I'm sorry, I don't associate myself with half-breeds.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Son.
Mate. I'm not your son. I'm not your
mate. It's gonna be a year.
How about you go into this...
For you, maybe. I'm only here for a month.
Good! Oh, well.
I like gesturing my half-breed like,
racist.
What's wrong with half-elves?
Half-breeds, you mean? Well, yeah, like, whatever.
You know, like, pure elf. Can we hear mean? Well, yeah, like whatever. You know, like pure elf.
Can we hear his?
Well, you're like pure jerk.
Apparently Ainsley can because she has nothing better to do
than meddle in the lives of every other party member
somehow from across the ship while petting a cat
that she is trying to hide from the person she's listening to.
Yes.
Leo, yeah, you can hear.
I just want to start getting my...
Ainsley, you've already commented,
so I'm just going to say you can hear, I guess.
I kind of want to just get my dagger out.
And kill him?
I kind of want to stab him a little.
Oh, my God, you're like five minutes into the voyage
and murder is already on the table.
Can I?
He's behind you.
This is not unusual.
Full breed elves treat everyone like shit.
I kind of give Kriff a look and flash my dagger and point to him.
Oh, no, no, no.
Neither of you would find this particularly unusual as well.
They're notoriously racist.
But he's the bro.
You can still be mad about it.
Okay.
I mean, you can be mad about it, yeah.
I am mad about it.
It's not unusual.
I wouldn't resort to murder.
You might.
Might.
Depends how much you love me.
A lot right now.
We went through a death of card, Michael, together.
Yeah, I know.
We bombed it.
We've had a long time together.
We're hiding jiggle from you.
We love you.
Okay.
Yeah, let's talk about that.
You don't know about that. You don't know about that.
You don't know that yet.
Maybe just like a fist and just mention like the punch him in the back of the head.
Like, hey, you want me to go in?
I want to try and give him a symbol for later.
See if he gets it.
Or if he misinterprets for now.
You do that.
The elf like looks at you, turns around and looks at you as well, Leo.
He like glances between you, gets up and just walks away.
Chip in.
Look at him.
We'll bloody get him down the track.
Give him a good red hot thumbs up.
Can I scan the ship for strange?
For what?
How babin?
What's the level of attractiveness of everybody on the ship?
Is strange a euphemism for babin chicks?
Yes.
I've never heard that before.
Just like a little bit of strange.
A little bit of strange.
Get some strange on you.
No, I don't know this expression.
None of that makes sense in a sentence, guys.
I could tell you what that word is in elven.
Makes sense in a black sentence, guys.
I could tell you what that word is in Elven, but I couldn't.
And now I'm sad.
No, I probably don't scan for strange.
Oh, really?
I was just about to. Oh, no, scan for strange.
Roll a strange.
I feel like it's a big deal.
I just picked up a die.
You committed.
You've gone to all the effort.
No. It Doesn't look like
There's anyone here who's just up for it
That's a shame
Yeah I'm just gonna
Kick it then
Kick it
What's Grayson doing?
Grayson?
Yeah
He looks distinctly seasick
Oh guys
Go give him a hug
Yes yes yes
Okay Ainsley distinctly seasick. Oh, guys. Go give him a hug. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Comfort him.
Okay, Ainsley.
Ainsley.
Yep.
I'm like, can I see what her intentions are?
Grayson is leaning over the side of the ship.
Can I see what Ainsley's intentions are?
Yeah, Ainsley like.
I hit the microphone.
How?
It really hurt.
Okay.
You just did it again.
I know.
What are you?
Stop it.
Relax. I dropped my eraser. Okay, I'm good, guys. You just did it again Stop it Relax
I dropped my eraser
Okay I'm good guys
Okay so I can see her intentions
Ainsley makes a beeline for Grayson
And it's quite obvious
Can I interject very very quickly
Half elf scamper
Just before she interjects
Half laying scamper
Did interject this before.
I'm like, Ainsley, play it cool.
All right.
I thought you were going to stop this,
but actually you're just giving her advice.
Yeah.
Remember what happened with Dustin?
Dustin.
Yep.
Nah, I got this.
Play this cool.
I'm a princess.
Dustin was a fucking farmer.
Dustin was not in any way a nice piece of tail.
I was so, so close to like setting that candle on fire.
I think I got this. Let's do it.
Okay. I like got you patting
the shoulder. Yes. Okay. Oh my god.
Okay. I'm gonna walk
over to Grayson.
Are we really gonna role play this?
Yes. Oh my god. Okay.
You walk over to Grayson. He's like
leaning over the side of the ship.
Whoever was gonna like try and pick up like an elf chick or whatever, I like leaning over the side of the ship. Whoever was trying to pick up an elf chick
or whatever, I did not assume Ali would be the one.
Yeah, that's true.
Well, to be fair, Ali still isn't picking up
an elf chick.
It's a guy and he's human.
In general, to try and pick up in D&D, I just
didn't assume Ali would be the one to do it.
I really didn't. Gonna be honest, guys? Me neither.
Let's do this.
Let's go.
I got my game face on.
He's leaning over the side.
You approach him.
What are you doing?
I'm just going to be like, hey, buddy.
And then just.
Oh, my God.
Pick up line of the century.
And then just like put my hand on his back and just give him a gentle pat
and be like, hey, how are you feeling?
And then.
You immediately realize that he is mid-chuck.
Yep, yep.
Nope, that's fine.
Long haul.
He doesn't respond.
I'm in the long game.
All right.
I'm just going to like, I'll be like, all right, man.
Okay.
It's okay.
You'll get used to it.
We'll get you some ginger.
And then I just slowly pat his back in gentle circles.
Nowhere near his bum.
See what I mean, guys?
Long game. You're playing it cool.
He nods, like
finishes, spits, and then
says, thanks. No worries.
I'll go get you some ginger.
Now, I'm going to walk away.
Are you going to get him the ginger?
Captain De Silva is like walking around the deck
and he's talking to everyone, like passengers and crew alike.
He has a short conversation with them.
You don't know exactly what's happening,
but at the end of every single one, he laughs,
snaps his fingers for the servant boy and has a drink with them.
Okay, yep.
So I think maybe I'll walk over to Captain or Servant Boy,
everyone, we're just as close as.
Captain De Silva, yeah?
Yep, yeah.
I'll be like, hey, buddy.
Hi, how are you going?
This is exciting.
He laughs, slaps you on the back, like shoves a drink into your hands.
My kind of man.
Anyway, we're just wondering if someone who sells a little bit of everything
has a little bit of ginger, a little bit of hot water, ginger, a bit of tea.
Hot water's going to be.
I do not know what ginger is, he says.
He laughs and hands you another drink
We've got one any chance
Something for like just seasickness
Yeah that
Have you got anything that makes you seasick?
A friend of yours doesn't have his land legs
Seasick?
Seasick on the land
Only on the land
He's got land legs
Doesn't have his sea legs
That's true
But
And then I'm going to lean in close and I'll be like,
but you see, mate, I'm playing the long game,
so if you could just help a sister out.
High or low?
Which one's going to let me win?
That's the question.
Hi.
That's why I'm asking.
The silver light, he sees where you're looking.
He, like, glances.
He's trying to be very surreptitious about this.
He glances over.
You see, like, a big, like, beneath his beard, like, a big grin on his face.
He, like, nudges you.
He's like, don't worry.
I got your back.
Yes.
Me and De Silva, we're a tag team of wing people.
I don't know how to take that.
Tag team of wing people. Is De Silva know how to take that. Tag team of wing people.
Is De Silva also taking drinks?
Oh, my God.
De Silva is drinking with every single person.
Is he drinking as well?
Yes.
Okay, cool.
You've been at sea for less than an hour, and he's had like ten drinks.
I was just wondering if he was getting us all drunk and him not.
And I was wondering if he was drinking.
No, De Silva's possibly the most wasted of you guys and he's the ship
captain. I'm loving this cruise.
We're gonna die. It's not a cruise.
Nah.
It's a good round of bush here.
I am loving this cruise.
Get shirtless, soak in some sun.
Yeah. Get shirtless, soak in some sun.
Yeah. It's winter.
I get shirtless
and soak in some sun. You're gonna's winter. I get shirtless and some kids
see sun. You're gonna catch hypothermia.
Nevertheless.
Oh my god.
I get into
cruise mode immediately. You take off your jacket
first, then your coat,
then your shirt. Realize
that it is a bad idea.
The cruise has not yet begun, but wait
till we get to warmer weather.
We take two points of cold back.
I then rug up very quickly.
This doesn't seem like it's working.
It's the middle of winter, guys.
But I was happy because I got a little bit of warms.
Well, a little bit of sunlight hit my body.
You didn't get a little bit of warms.
Not at all.
You got no warms.
But hey, I've made the effort.
I've been trying to get into a party mood.
All right.
Hey, true.
Hey, true.
Okay.
Can I just quickly go down and explore the hold?
Okay.
So there's the deck.
Yeah.
And on the same level as the deck itself is De Silva's quarters.
So, you know, the atypical ship.
It's got like that raised area where up the back of the ship where they've got
the steering wheel
the wheel to steer the ship
right below that on the same
level as the main deck is De Silva's
quarters and the captain area and stuff
below that is
uh
quartering for like
you guys, the guests
are we sleeping in hammocks?
Yeah, you'll be sleeping in hammocks.
You're used to a sore back, guys.
They have individual, not individual rooms,
but they have rooms and there's maybe four or five to a room.
Below that is the crew quarters.
The crew just sleep in one big thing, essentially all in hammocks.
And below that is the cargo hold.
In the cargo hold, it's more or less empty
aside from personal effects of the passengers.
That's disappointing. Hey, can I look through the elves?
You wouldn't know which one's which.
I'll look through them all.
Maybe start opening one...
No, they probably have a guard down here, to be honest.
Hey, man.
I just got some stuff back here.
Okay.
I turn around some stuff back here. Okay.
I turn around and go back.
Very surly dwarf with a drink in his hand. That wasn't gonna work.
That wasn't gonna work.
You continue to chat with
the halflings and maybe
as the sun starts going down, so it's been
a better part of a day have we left yet
you left yeah you said sail ages ago i just went through both in game and out
it was crypt pump and not it was fucking jiggle lump being brought onto the ship and then about
then you guys set sail all right cool, fuck it, what was it?
Yeah, when the sun starts going down, De Silva yells for attention and everyone turns to
him.
He is plastered.
He's swaying a little bit as he says this.
All right, I'll show you all your rooms.
Some of you will unfortunately have to share.
He looks over to you and he winks.
Oh, yes!
Yeah, I'm down. But most of you
will be getting your own room.
You absolute
delight.
So,
the way he's worked out rooms is
Leo and
Kriff, you're in a room with
a dwarven passenger.
The rest of the passengers are in all these other different rooms
and Ainsley, it's you
and Grayson in your own room
yes
you notice
no wait, it would be
as you were getting settled in your room
one of the crew comes in
and just removes all
of the hammocks except for two
and then installs one big
hammock. Yes!
Because God
fucking damn.
The dice are on my side
today, Adam.
Oh, God.
Yeah, Grayson
doesn't notice. Yes! Grayson's oblivious and handsome. Grayson doesn't notice.
Yes!
Grayson's oblivious and handsome.
Grayson is still sick.
So, I want to...
Oh, my God.
I want to fast forward a couple weeks,
but every single day I know you're going to be on this fucking shit, aren't you?
Okay.
Dude, let's just say...
You're playing the long game.
I am playing the long game.
I'm going to make a couple rolls just to see how well you do.
Yep, yep, all right.
First off, Grayson, really, it gets worse.
He spends more time leaning over decks, chucking up,
than he does anything else.
So maybe I'm going to make it a little bit of a side mission
to make him feel better, you know?
Get some salt and vinegar chips.
Third night, someone tears up your fucking, your attic.
It looks like cat claws.
No way he followed us though, right?
I wouldn't know.
Who?
That fucking gigolum.
You've got the one with the mental connection.
Didn't you know where he is at all times?
That doesn't work as well as you'd think.
The whole thing's pretty shoddy.
I feel like I was given, like,
the not-quite-perfect version of all this shit.
You were like, you got there, like,
after all the good ones had gone,
and they're like
well we got this one
we got this familiar
I guess you could
have it
I mean
I just shrug
and I
it's got like this little sign
display model lonely
and I take that
oh
oh
every now and then
one of you
except
you
Chris
see Jiggle Lump
just like around the ship
super
you've seen like
someone has mentioned it to Captain De Silva.
Captain De Silva just chuckled and chuckled, laughed.
And you all would have noticed at some point outside De Silva's
like fucking cabin door is like a little saucer of ale.
Yeah.
Hopefully he gets alcohol poisoning.
He might.
Just throughout the week, if I see Jiggle Lump,
I'm going to give him a little tickle under the chin,
under the belly, if he likes it,
and then just be like, you're alright, Jiggle Lump.
Do you have any other sets of clothes?
That's a good question.
Other than the one you're wearing?
I don't think we have a local outfit.
I'm going to go with a red hot no.
You don't, because at some point they get shredded.
Oh god, you know what I had left? Oh, the priest some point they get shredded. Oh, God. You know what I had left?
Oh, the priest clothes.
They get shredded.
And the wizard robes are also gone?
They're, like, dragged out of your, like, little bunk trunk.
Hmm.
I want to set up those robes and, like, make a little makeshift bed.
I'm like, what's that for?
Just in case someone wants to nap.
Someone?
Who?
Maybe just us. I'm like, what's that for? Just in case someone wants to nap. Someone? Who? Maybe just us.
I'm fucking onto you.
Ainsley, you do a decent job of hitting on Grayson.
Yeah.
He is so
oblivious.
Hard to get, that's all.
Side note, guys. He's so busy chucking up
guys. But here's the thing, right?
Long Haul doesn't have to finish on the ship, right?
The end game.
We have a whole adventure with this.
Yeah, yeah, end game, mate.
We're out there in some tents.
Oh, no, yours goes missing.
Some cat, like, tore it up and I gave mine to what's-his-face,
Griff.
Oh, we better bunk up together.
Oh, what?
And then maybe later he'll take a bullet for me.
Every second or third night,
Captain De Silva has like a raucous party in his cabin
where anyone who goes just gets blind drunk.
Does anyone here go?
Of course.
Yeah.
All of you?
You get to know De Silva pretty quickly and pretty well.
You guys can't party nearly as hard on his level,
but he enjoys your company nonetheless.
A lot of the crew get on board as well,
but very few passengers other than the dwarfish ones do.
Does Snooty Half-Elf hassle my grapes anymore?
He spends a lot of time in his room.
I asked De Silva about him.
That's Snooty Elf. What's the go?
De Silva laughs, shoves a beer in your hand.
He pays well.
All right.
I think De Silva has a drinking problem, but it's like a social...
I don't know how to interact with people.
De Silva's just a dwarf.
So when they answer things, just give him a drink.
I mean, it works for him.
He answers your question with the drink and the answer.
So he pays a lot of money?
The elf, yeah.
I thought I'd ask a lot more questions.
My intention is to rob him, but I don't say that.
You don't say that.
But I'm asking questions.
Like, oh, when does he?
You are so bad.
Where is he from?
You are the worst liar, but the silver is so drunk he doesn't notice anyway.
Sorry, what's the question you're asking?
Where's he from? What cabin's he staying?
Don't know. Don't know a lot about him.
He has one big crate down in the hold.
I think he might be a magic user,
you know? All elves are.
Not that I got anything against you.
Slugs you in the shoulder,
hands you a drink. I'm like half a magic
user and I'm half a noun.
The silver thinks that is
fucking hilarious.
For the rest of the voyage. That's like a line
he just says. I laugh for
half the time he does.
I'm done and he goes for
another half. Oh yeah.
Oh yeah.
So creative is, is it noticeable
kind of thing? Dunno, never looked inside it.
Don't give a shit. It's like you guys.
Shady as fuck, but I don't care.
That's cool.
That's cool, buddy.
You drink well.
That's what I want.
Is his crate noticeable than every other person's crate?
Smaller, I guess.
Smaller?
All right.
Thank you.
Cheers.
Good.
Thanks.
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