D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #16 Full Metal Elf

Episode Date: October 25, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes spend way too much time plotting against a racist elf. We attempted to steal personal effects, try to destroy the evidence and fail dismally at hiding anything. Krif does something dumb but it works, Princess Ansley checks on her progress with Greyson and Leo has a hard time trying to bribe a guard. So stay completely still and join our party as they try to coax Jiggalump down from the ledge. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, I cast Diminish Plants. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table trying to tame sandworms in a desert. But that's exactly what we're going to be doing. Welcome to episode 16 of D&D is for Nerds. Join the green-shirted Allie as Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. How did you know the colour? Join the button-shirted Jackson playing Criff Pum Pumfeather. How did you know the colour? Join the button-shirted Jackson playing Criff Pum Pumcriff.

How did you know the colour? And Joel, not wearing anything, as Leo Shadow. How did you know the colour? As always, I'm your DM, Adam Koolaid. That's not your name. Shush. Previously on D&D is for Nerds, Captain De Silva, he says. We need to get in the name of your tailor.

Can I scan the ship for strange? Well, you're like pure jerk, so... Yeah, hi, full elf. I'm in the long game. Ainsley makes a beeline for Grayson, and it's quite obvious. The dice are on my side today, Adam. You are a predator. He is so oblivious.

Okay, all right. Hard to get, that's all. All right. You absolute delight. As you've been voyaging for several nights... In one of those nights, I want to go inspect the...

There's more or less always a guard kept in the cargo hold. Yeah. Can I sneak past him? You can try. I want to try and sneak past a guard. Oh, that wasn't all right. Adam had an idea.

Yeah, on this particular night, I'm going to say it's like maybe a month in. Oh, no, because he would have left. So we'll say maybe three weeks in. You sneak past the guard. You snoop around. The cargo hold isn't full, but there is enough crates that it is hard to pick his out

in that they're all crates. So there's no smaller one, particularly smaller one? There are some smaller ones, but you don't know if his is the smallest. Do you want to start at the smallest? Yeah. Start at the smallest. Well, it's like hammer the smallest. Do you want to start at the smallest? Yeah. It's like hammered shot. Do you have a crowbar?

I've got thieves tools. That's for picking locks. Adam knows you don't have a crowbar. Damn straight I do. To be fair, he could have. Just nick it. Just fucking nick it. It's a bit too big for that. Alright.

Can I look around for a crowbar? Come on, dice Help me out You can't find a crowbar That's upsetting Adam, one night I'd like to go invisible and sneak into the elf's cabin Uh, okay

That's the best Adam noise That's like You've done something dumb but it's gonna work Or not That's the shit right there Higher or lower Okay You open the door, is this at night?

Yeah He's got his own one He's sleeping in a hammock. He's got like the bunk, his like little trunk thing beneath him. It's small, like maybe the size of a small little backpack. Other than that, though, the room is pretty bare. There's other hammocks, but nothing much else. Nobody's using them?

No, he's got his own room. They just haven't taken them down at all. Like they did for someone's room. I want to try and find a crowbar and return to the cargo hold. I'll get to you. That's going to take a while. All right. I realise that there's no point to what I'm doing.

I'll leave. Okay. Search his room for, like, you know, a diary or something. All right, I'll search his room for like you know a diary or something alright I'll search his room for a diary the room is bare except the trunk are you opening the trunk? if I can sure

locked yeah nah never mind oh wait is it grabbable? it is pick up-able yeah I'll pick it up and chuff out

okay because it goes invisible as well. Yeah, you leave with his trunk. Sick. All right. You, Leo. Who was that? Oh, fuck.

As you're, like, sneaking out, the guard gets up. He, like, reaches for a bracket with a lantern on it, pulls it out, and he draws a weapon. Oh, no. Who's there? I hide. I hide. You're already hiding.

Good. You think he just heard you because you're partway up the stairs. But I'm little, so I can hide places. You can try to hide places. I'm little and I can try to hide places. So you're going to hide. Yeah, you try to secret yourself maybe underneath the stairs or something like that. Like a genius.

You see the guard like lean over and like the torch signs torch, sorry, the lantern shines in your face. And the guard looks down at you. What are you doing here? I was just getting up from my face. I'm so tired. I act drunk. What are you doing down here?

I'm was lost. Back upstairs. He like leads you back up to the next level where the crew quarters is. I like stumble like I'm drunk. I'd like to search for either Ainsley or Leo. Ainsley, what are you doing? Like on a night, say. Of a night where there is drinking, would you be drinking?

I would be drinking like a percentage of the time. Both of you would just know Ainsley is getting plastered upstairs then. So either drinking or trying to make the moves on Grayson. I'll trip up to Ainsley. Okay.

And Leo, what are you doing after you get kicked out? I guess I try and go back to our cabin. Okay. And sock. Ainsley is getting raucous drunk Did I get anything or was I caught on the way out? You were caught on the way out You didn't get a crowbar

You were on your way out to get a crowbar And you got caught on the way out I want to search the ship The ship for a crowbar I didn't realize I needed a crowbar for all my thieving. To open a crate? Yes, you need a crowbar. I feel like I now just need a crowbar on hand.

Just in case. Well, apparently they don't have a fucking crowbar in them. If I pick a box. Couldn't you have any? Oh, got it. Leo, hi, Olo. Hi. Okay, I'll get back to you in a minute.

I enter the drinking hall. Is that where I'm going? It's the... silver's cabin. I instantly realize that I am invisible. And the moment I touch Ainsley to alert her to my presence, she will similarly go invisible. No, that's not how it works. Isn't it?

That's what it said. No, it's a tended object. Oh, okay. Not people. Even if you picked Ainsley up, I'd argue that it doesn't work. Good. It's like if you took something out of Ainsley's pocket, that would become invisible.

All right. I'll go and tap Ainsley on the shoulder. And I'm going to be like, who's that? Ainsley, you're drunk. I'm going to roll to see how you react. Can I get a high or a low? A low. A low?

A low. You freak out. Do it. Oh, no. You think maybe a ghost. There's a ghost of Dustin's who knows what anymore. Dustin isn't dead. But his daughter might be.

She pissed. She's pissed, guys. I say it's just me. Oh. Oh, hey, buddy. I say it's just me. Oh, hey, buddy. The entire cabin is staring at you, Ainsley. Good night, good sirs. And I walk out.

Well, I move out. As you're walking out, the silver chuckles a little bit and slides a beer to you. I love that man. He's going to get a butt pinching. Oh, my God. I love that man He's gonna get a butt pinching Oh my god I forgot to say Every single fucking day De Silva, different outfit You never see

It's not even like mixing and matching You never see the same vest You never see the same jacket You never see the same shirt Sometimes hats maybe But nothing else What an absolute champion I try and take her somewhere

unattended. Anywhere. Not the deck. I'll go to our cabin. Alright, let's go. Leo, you're in on this now. Oh wait, no, you're searching the ship. Yeah, I'm searching for a crowbar. Yeah, you find it. Yes. Find the crowbar just in the crew quarter area. Cool.

Yeah, I go back to the cargo hold and try and sneak. Oh, the cargo hold? Yeah. I like wandered down. Let me have a bit of a peek. I'm going to give it a go this time. The guard seems somewhat alert now after that incident.

And he like, as you get to the bottom of the stairs, his position looks unattended, but he like leaps out of almost like out of the shadows. Still drunk, mate? Yes. Yes. That's so shady. He doesn't seem to buy your story this time. His eyes narrow and he

says, well, you might want to go back upstairs. Can I bribe him? You can try. I'd try and bribe him. How are you going to do it and how much are you bribing him with? With hugs and love. Go. Simple butt pinch.

There is something in that cargo hold of absolute wealth. How about this? I'll give you a little bit of gold and I'll split whatever I can get. What's a little bit of gold? How much do I have? You don't have any. I have no gold. I don't have any gold. How much do I have? You don't have any. I don't have any gold. Actually, Samit, from memory

there was a discussion where I was like, I'm going to keep five gold on me. And you were like, no, no, give it all to Ainsley. From memory. I want to say ten gold. Ten gold? Do you have it on you? Do you show him the money? Yes.

Wait, where did you get the 10 gold then? I would have given him 10 gold to get it. Just chuff back up to Ainsley. Chuff back up to Ainsley. Get some gold. Come back. 10 gold. No.

Chuff back up to Ainsley. Grab 10 more gold. 20 gold. No. It's not worth my job, mate. What is worth your job, mate? Can you set me up for life? How much?

And then some. Like 23 gold? De Silva's a man of revenge. What stuff are you stealing again? The elf. It's the stuff I found. Oh, yeah, that's fine. What is De Silva worried about?

I just leave in a huff. But I got a crowbar now, Adam. As you're leaving, he yells, I catch you down here again, it'll be your head. Oh, ship justice. Let's get him drunk. Yeah. All right.

Let's get that guy drunk and then distract him. It's like a rotate. It's not the same guard every time. Oh, that's good to know. Good. You can try with all the guards. Damn right. One guy will be bribable.

Yeah. Grumpily ch try with all the guys. Damn right. One guy will be bribable. Yeah. I, yeah, chuffed back to the, grumpily chuffed back to our cabin. What are you doing back in your room then? I lead Ainsley back into the room and then un-invisible drop the crate. Okay. Okay, let's have this conversation. Okay. What?

It's the elf's crate. You mean Okay. What? It's the elf's crate. You mean racist jerk elf? It's racist elf. It's the racist jerk elf's crate. How did you bring it all the way here? You can just say elf, to be honest. Nah, it's the full elf's crate. Oh, man, that guy.

That full elf. No, I think, I don't know. I don't know why I took it. How do we over it? I've been drunk for like a month. Thoughts are adult. How do we get into it? Let's just open it and wreck his shit.

Okay. Let's do it. We'll open it if we can. It's locked. Where am I, by the way? You probably come in as they're trying to. I think I know a little bit about your modus operandi. So I'm going to say as you come in, they've trying to I think I know a little bit about your modus of operandi so I'm going to say as you come in

they've realised it's locked so they're with their bare hands attempting to pry it open yes I'm holding the lid and I'm like you grab the bottom and pull Leo comes in with a crowbar in one hand I take one look and be like racist elf

I grab my crowbar you realise you have thieves take one look and be like, racist elf? Yes. I grab my crowbar just like clunk, clunk. You realize you have thieves tools. You could just pick the lock up. I had to search. I want to use this crowbar.

I'm annoyed now. Clunk, clunk. No. All right. Then I just throw the crowbar down and get out my thieves tools. You could just try again if you wanted to.

If you really want to go with the crowbar. I'll get Ainsley. Ainsley is a lot stronger than you. I'll have a go and be like, step aside, ladies. You are the only lady. I know. But see what I'm doing?

I'm insulting Desmond. You actually also fail. I just push her away and just thieves tool it. Try and pick its lock. You fail to pick the lock. I keep trying to pick its lock. Griff, your turn. Okay, you get it on the second go.

It takes you like a solid half hour to crack it, though. Stupid fucking racist, stupid guard. It's better be fucking worth it. The trunk opens and it's filled with papers. Oh, damn, it's just papers. One of them is actually like a really well done oil painting. It's of the elf and it looks like his family. Set it on fire?

Slash the painting. Oh no! That's better, hold on. Setting it on fire is better than slashing it. I just slashed the painting. Yeah, okay. It's not like in a thing. You just want to tear it apart. Yeah, it's like stabbing stupid face. Throw that on the ground.

What else is through here? Can I just go through the papers, reading them, chucking them off? It's correspondence with his family. Let's read them all. We are going. Let's just lock the door, sit down, get like a tuna, get a hot cocoa or a beer probably. A hot beer. Ask.

Maybe he has cocoa. I don't want to. I'm afraid he'll be like, what? And we'll just go through them. Vodka? Just read about his life. Okay, well, it's, like I said, correspondence with his family, almost entirely.

There's a couple, like, sort of pages about, like, not diary entries, but, like like some writings about his experiences at an arcane university you've never heard of. The rest of it is exclusively letters from his family. You assume, obviously, anyone...

Yeah, they have the other ones. A bunch of them, like, talk about his wife, like, apparently he owns a farm with his wife, and his wife is just talking about the minutiae of the farm. Every now and then it's one of the letters from his kids. He's got two. Crap, guys. He's got kids.

Both of them are sons. Fucking bad. Maybe we shouldn't have slashed the paint. He slashed the paint. I'm already committed. Keep going. What else is there? One of his sons is apparently going to the same arcane university he went to,

and the other one is looking to take up a farming trade. Okay. The eldest son, the one taking up the farming trade, has like a wife now. Some of the letters are about like, you know, can't wait for you to meet my wife. Oh, gee. Yada, yada.

Family man. Cool, cool. I mean, racist. So he's pretty much Malfoy Like racist But family man Anything else of interest Down the bottom when you get to the bottom

There's a dagger Take it Oh and a book Sorry there would be a book yeah his spell book Take that too It's got a lock on it You have thief tools. You're fine. Pick that lock.

Sam, you should have checked for traps. Okay, you pick the lock. Do you open the book? Check for traps. You detect no traps. Check again, Adam. Open the book. Zam, Zam.

You detect a trap. You detect several traps, actually. Most of which we've already activated. It's called detect a trap. You detect several traps, actually. Most of which we've already activated. It's called a fire trap. When you open the book, it'll explode with a fiery burst. If you don't say the right command word, you don't know what the command word is. There's no way to know.

You should give it to my card. Every single page has this trap. Every page you turn, it will explode in a burst of fire. All right, cool. Which is weird because the first one would just destroy the book anyway. Yeah, you'd think. Dumb. I guess then whenever you open it.

Let everyone know, look, it's trapped. So we'll keep a hold of this for a bit. Yeah. Cool. Gather everything, put it in the trunk. I've got an idea. Okay. Oh, just for your quick reference,

so you don't make a mistake during combat, if you try to do this to an enemy, it will hurt you as well. Yeah, but if I throw the book at them and they open it? Unlikely. What if I put it on the ground? Who the fuck just picks up and opens a book when it's thrown at them by someone fighting them? Well, Adam, we're going to a powerful wizard.

We could trade him and say we have this lovely book. He could look at it and boom. God, you better hope that kills him first. Go. I'll be funny. It'll be funny. It'll be good. It'll work.

It'll work, Atta. Cool. Keep the booby-trapped spellbook. Yep. Chuck that in the bag. Cool. I'm going to piff that chest off the side of the boat. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Mate, look. Hey, he's a dick, yeah. Yeah, but look, we've stolen his book. That's elves, bro. We've stolen his book. I've slashed his painting. We may as well hide evidence here. But if we just... We're already in.

We're already in. We're fucking elbow deep in this. Yeah. Throw it out the fucking window. What are you doing with... What do you keep? The spell book? Spell book?

Spell book and the... Where do you put it? Strap it to Jiggalump. Can we hide it somewhere in our cabin? In your cabin? Leo and... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why the fuck would you do that, you dumb bloody idiot?

How many cabins are there? There's maybe a total of... I'm going to say ten. And they're all occupied? Some of them are empty. Hey, no. No, none of them are, sorry. Because otherwise Grayson might not have been in your cabin.

Guys, got an idea. Yes. Anyone else a half-breed on the boat that isn't us? That's a question for you actually, Adam, so I shouldn't be looking at everyone else. I was going to frame someone else. Hey, we can frame whoever we like, guys. But it's going to be obvious.

But if we get it to another half-brit, it's like, well, you know, you're a racist. Hold the fucking phone. Yes. Can we tie it to a rope? Is that like a window for our cabin outside? Yeah. Can we tie a rope around the book and just hurl it out the window

and hook it on the back of the window so nobody sees when they come in the cabin? So just dangle it out the window? Yeah, just tie a rope around it, dangle it out the window and hook it on the back of the window so nobody sees when they come in the cabin? So just dangle it out the window? Yeah, just tie a rope around it, dangle it out the window. If someone looks over the side of the ship, if someone's chucking over the side of the ship, if Grayson is chucking over the side of the ship, very easily spotted.

That was a good plan, though, guys. It was a very good plan. I'm impressed. I reckon just try and hide it very well. Can you invisible objects or just yourself? Just myself holding the object. Be invisible forever. Well, it's only three weeks in. We've just got to hide this for a week.

You are so lucky I said that. That's true. Because when I first thought it, I'm like, they do a search of the ship, and I'm just going to spring this on them at the last minute. So there's a little, just know that I could have fucked you over with this but i decided to at least give you a fighting chance i reckon we kind of try and hide it a bit and that kind

of stuff okay uh maybe each day we'll hide it somewhere new and sneakily um where's the first place you hide it can i wait to a change of guard and I just want to be like can I be just like scoping out there you go I give my crowbar I say like invisible

invisible yourself down wait you can't if I hold on to him you can't absorb me as well what if I hide under his cloak? No. He'd see just you. That's funny.

Go down. Get the crowbar. Go down. Try and find out. Do we have a little loot? You have your own container, yeah, where you. Actually, would you? What would you keep in it?

We don't have much, guys. We don't have much. We have some stuff. You don't have cart market all in the cart anymore we got backpacks you could just keep those in your room though that's fine here's the plan now

cause you're playing full of holes go invisible with the book go invisible down into the cargo hold I'll slip by find just someone's bag remember who's, Slip it in. That's true. And if they find it, that guy gets fucked up.

That guy gets fucked up. And if they don't find it, you know where it is. The handsome, innocent geniuses. Done. We do that, Adam. Adam, come on. I don't know how you could fuck this up, but if you do, I'll be impressed.

I will. I'm 95% sure we're all dead of cholera okay you slip past the guard without him noticing you just find like a random crate and put it in there I find a random crate but one that I'll recognize okay yeah you find like a distinctive looking crate

how do you open it? with the crowbar he gave me you gave it to him? yeah he did he said I'll give you the crowbar okay hey can you cut your car silent thing? oh man With the crowbar he gave me. You gave it to him? Yeah. Yeah, he did. He said, I'll give you the crowbar. Okay. Hey, can you cast Silent Thing? Oh, man.

Is that a spell I possess? Let's find out, listeners. You have Silent Portal, I think. Silent Portal. Silent Portal the crate. Doesn't count here, though. Damn. It's like for doors and windows and stuff. Yeah, it's a kind of door.

For chest lid. No, it's not. It's a crate. It's like, oh, I break through this wall, so it works there, right? No, it doesn't. Oh, well, look, open. Yeah, yes. Oh, hang on.

Is this a separate room to where the guard is? Like, is there a door between the guard and... No, it's all one big room down the bottom. God, this is nerve-wracking then. Ah, fuck it, I'll go. Why don't you just wedge it between a couple crates? Would you have thought of that yourself? Certainly not.

All right then. I was pretty committed to this. Guys, I think we're going to walk the plank. Oh my God. So with an almighty creaking and cracking sound You bust open One of the crates The guard

Does not notice Yes He's a deaf fuck Put the book in Shut the lid With my muscular arms How do you put the nails back on? Crowbar, just hammer the nails in.

Push them down. Just tap it. I thought so. Tap it. Hang on, hang on. Use the crowbar as a hammer. Tappy, tappy. No, that's fine.

Tappy, tappy. Another listen check, though. I'm going to get you yet. Push them down. I guess I'll use the fucking crowbar. You put the book in, and you're scanning around to see if the guard noticed. The guard didn't notice, but on top... On top of one of the crows.

No! Oh, no! It is Jiggle Lump. And in his mouth, he is holding the little saucer of ale that the silver let out for him. The metal saucer. No, no, no, Jiggle Lump. No, no, no, no.

What the fuck? Come on, come on, mate. It's your boy, Kripp. It's your boy, Kripp. Let's be... Hey, Kripp. Well, I mean, Jiggle Lump. It's been... Jigglelump leaps

From one crate onto the one that you were just Working at and walks around And he's just staring at you dead in the face We're friends You're my familiar Just give me the saucer Just give me the saucer Come on

Jigglelump drops it It clatters on the ground Invisible Give me the saucer. Come on. Jigglelump drops it. No. It clatters on the ground. Invisible. What's that? The guard says. Stay invisible.

Oh, no. They're just going to say the cat. Jigglelump lands on you. So Jigglelump's effectively floating. Can I not fight back? Jigglelump are just tearing into your back. You turn Hang on.

This is going to be especially funny if he kills me. Because I'm just going to be like, boing, into existence. Poof, onto the ground. One point of damage. The guard's searching through. Who's there? He'sof, onto the ground. One point of damage. The guard's searching through. Who's there? He's, like, scanning with the light.

Slowly walking toward the exit, enduring the pain. You take another point of damage. Can I make it back to our quarters? Jiggle Lump, like, is grappling on your leg and is, like, just scratching at your leg oh my god I would be in such pain there would be so much blood

the guard is getting really close to you 2 damage oh my god no Jiggle Lump I'm gonna say for hilarity's sake is invisible slowly tormenting you oh god I guess he is my familiar

the guard is like, oh, yeah, no, you can't actually... Oh, yeah, I think you have an ability called Shear Spell anyway. I do. So, yeah. Yeah, I totally knew that. It's like Shear Spell and kind of Tay Spell.

Motherfucking chicken. The guard, you can see, is like checking the blood stains on the ground. Oh, my God. Another point of damage. Oh, God. How far away am I? You've taken like five steps.

I want to run. Jiggle Lump is like really reducing your speed. You can't run. Jiggle Lump. Oh, actually, you can try. I can try. Yeah, you like kick Jiggle Lump off. Yes.

And then you just sprint up the stairs. Oh, God. Oh, God. Do I make it back? Yeah, you Jiggle Lump off. Yes. And then you just sprint up the stairs. Oh, God. Oh, God. Do I make it back? Yeah, you get back to your cabin. He is badly caught. Is Jiggle Lump there when we... Like, is Jiggle Lump there or when he comes back in the cabin is it just...

You don't know what happened to Jiggle Lump. Okay. In that time, can we have just chucked the chest over the side? Yeah. Good. I assumed you already did that anyway. Super. Awesome.

Cool. Red hot nap. Yes, we'll all lie down gingerly. Speaking of ginger, how was my attempts at helping his seasickness? Grayson's, like, trying to sleep right now. No, no, I mean, like, in general. Well, it's only, like, I did all those rolls. Like, you've been making progress, but, like,

it's only been a day since we stopped, like, doing that skip thing. Do you know what I mean? Good stuff, guys. Good stuff. You'll woo him yet. I will. The next day, everyone is assembled on deck. Oh, boy.

Oh, my goodness. Jackson, what have we done? Captain De Silva is like bleary-eyed. Blurry. What is the word? Bleary. Bleary? Bleary-eyed, yeah?

Bleary-eyed, walking down as he slowly describes what they know happened last night. So they know someone broke into the elf's cabin. They know someone stole his personal effects. They know that someone left, they found the spell book in the cargo hold. Fuck, guys. And they know that there was like a scuffle downstairs, but they're not sure what about.

How great was it here, though? They also know that Jiggle Lump was involved Like he says The cat that's on board the ship Was involved You knew you I don't say that because I'd fucking rat myself out Disilver like stops At you

You're covered in scratches And bites Subtle And just be like Cut myself shaving You, Kriff, you're covered in scratches and bites. Subtle. And just be like, I fell down the stairs. Cut myself shaving. You shave your back? I shave my entire body. And your leg?

Yeah, just one leg. I was in the middle, but I cut myself and so I decided to stop. No one is buying that. Well, look, okay, everyone, it's my cat, sure, but that doesn't necessarily mean I'm involved. My guard tells me that no one got proper access down there. Were you down in the cargo hold? No.

No? Not at all. Did you see me? Just no one is buying your story. Guys, maybe I went down in the cargo hold. But just to, you know. Just because you heard the cat. Check it out.

What we'd usually do with someone like this. Keelhole, yeah? But I happen to like you. So instead, I'm just going to offer you to pay a fine. Sure. Done. How much, though? Well, I'm going to have to have a talk with the bereaved party.

He seems drunk. He doesn't know what he's saying. Oh, okay. The, you know, the victim. And I'll work out how much is fair. The full elf, yeah. How much do you have in gold? Not so I can take it all, but...

A hundred and... Hey, hey, hey. That's our gold. Here's gold. That's five gold. Guys, go... Is that true? That's true?

Okay. Dude, don't fuck him over. Let me just double check. Give him at least 50. Shut up! Five gold. It's our gold. Six copper.

And you have a group fund for the adventure, right? I'll kind of glance at these guys Were they involved in this? No Okay, he believes you when you say that one Okay, five gold I'll figure out a fair wage Okay

So a little while later, silver comes back to you I reckon Three gold settles this Yeah, okay, yeah, sure Really? Three gold, you got a deal You've only got five gold, three gold settles this. Yeah, okay, yeah, sure. Really? Three gold, you got a deal. You've only got five gold. Three gold settles this.

Yeah. Give him four. I'm not in pretty skin. Give him, listen, you dickhead. Give him four. No, I'm going to kill him. No, shut up. Hold on.

Give him four. They'll either know that you did it or they'll assume that Kriff did it. You want me to die? No, when he leaves, I'm going to leave. Nah, listen, give him four. Just abandon the mission? Give him four gold. Kriff, yeah, give him four because then it's like, hey, look, I understand it was a good

oopsie. De Silva, I'm making your life a little bit easier. We'll go have drinks tonight. We'll be good. De Silva, like, chuckles, gives you back the gold piece. Like, that's you on the shoulder, gives you a beer. Tell you what, just, you know, leave each other alone. We'll have a pleasant voyage.

He's only going to be here for another couple of days. Half elves and full elves. Right? Am I right? We've like destroyed his letters to his family. You're all lightweight to me, chuckles. Okay. Just destroyed his painting of his family. You're all lightweight to me, Chuckles. Okay. Just destroyed his painting of his family as well.

And he's like, yeah, three gold. All of the correspondence. I know, right? All that sentimental value. Yeah. Good. Okay. So, yeah.

De Silva does a very delicate and serious job of keeping, actually, all of you guys, separate from this elf for the rest of the voyage. Damn. He ensures that you're eating at different times. And you notice that they don't necessarily post a guard, but you notice that the crew spend a lot of time outside his room and outside your room.

Also, there's two guards at the cargo area now. Damn. Hey, that's fair enough. I guess we can't. Also, oh yeah, and another thing. The parties change from like two to three nights every night. And every single time, regardless of whether or not you guys

are into it, De Silva fucking finds you guys on the boat and drags you up to his party the entire night. He makes sure you stay. Jesus Christ. Okay. He doesn't necessarily get you really fucking drunk, but if you try to leave or something like that,

he passes you some chicken or something like that. Oh, okay. Do you like chicken? Good. I've been drunk for months. This is not healthy. De Silva's been drunk his entire life. Okay.

And on a second, heavier drunken note, we'll rejoin you later on D&D is for Nerds. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch.

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