D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #19 This is How We Die

Episode Date: November 15, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes meet their actual foe - The Wizard Carter - and begin their own endgame. We finally meet the Pirate King, recount our heroes story so far and fight for ...their lives. Princess Ansley looks around for tea and scones, Leo eats his small, Halfling bodyweight in food and Krif keeps talking and playing with his food out of sheer terror. So get your stories straight and join our party as they do a lot of things without thinking them out. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Sans Pans Radio, Epic Sorcerer. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table, rolling dice to negotiate with necromancers. But that's exactly what we're doing today. Welcome to episode 19 of D&D is for Nerds. I'm Ellie Kathleen, and I'll be playing the role of Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Over here, we've got Jackson Bailey playing the role of Criff Pum Pum Criff. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:00:24 And then there's Joel Zabit in the corner there playing the role of Leo Shadow. Right, yes, got it. And, of course, our, well, you know, DM, Adam Kiss Chasey. That... Shut up, Adam. Previously on D&D is for Dead. You do know that Ainsley is the crazy one
Starting point is 00:00:41 and she is managing the money. We know. We've never been so cold, bro. That's true. We've always had at least like five gold. Can you believe Grayson? Oh, my God. Just like about to stab me in the face.
Starting point is 00:00:53 I'm broke. Would you like a cape? Okay. Things have turned sour. Dread. You ask about Pirate King. Why? Double dread.
Starting point is 00:01:02 And you ask Frog March to weigh. Swarm of bats! Plan is, bluff my way in. Throw a jiggle on at the halfling. Maybe. Run. These can't solve all your problems. All I can see is this orc's bum.
Starting point is 00:01:14 We rejoin the party, bound and gagged, and eventually, after a really long corridor walk, you're led into a large antechamber, and in the antechamber is a throne sitting on the throne is what you can only seem to be the pirate king he somewhat resembles the statues but they look a little exaggerated as you're being led in they're sweeping up the remains of what you can only assume are the last two people who were here uh a half-orc just peppered with arrows. And just a bloody mess.
Starting point is 00:01:48 You're not sure what it originally was. That's a bad sign. Okay. Here we go. As the door opens and we look, I'm going to say pretty loudly, Pirate King Gnar, we propose. Fuck. Thick thicks through, Ainsley. Charlie, Pirate King of Gnar, we propose. Oh, fuck. Think through, Ainsley.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Damn it, Ainsley. Damn it. I start smacking, not angrily, but just infuriating Ainsley on the orc's back. No. This is how we die. Shut up. Let him speak first.
Starting point is 00:02:24 We propose a trade deal of steel And hope for the best You're not Ainsley Ainsley, you've sealed our bloody fate Do you want to kiss the die before I roll it? No I do Come on, man
Starting point is 00:02:40 Kiss the die I've got an idea Of what we can do People are going to be like, what a great sound effect No, no, he really did it, guys Yeah, no, that was a real fucking kiss Oh, man. Kisses that. I've got an idea of what we can do. People are going to be like, what a great sound effect. No, no, he really did it, guys. Yeah, no, that was a real fucking kiss. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:02:53 God, don't kiss a dice, Rex. I don't know where they've been. It's handled by basically nothing more than hands. Hands are disgusting things. And you know where they've been. God, mine alone. Idiots. Oh, dear. The Pirate King laughs. He laughs his fingers and the half-orcs just let you go.
Starting point is 00:03:13 Oh my God, Ainsley. Mine are victories, guys. I'm on a roll. Grayson banged me and then fell in love with me. And now this. This can only. Don't take this away from me. Okay.
Starting point is 00:03:27 I'm on board. Let's go. Hopefully someone else will see. The Pirate King leans back in his chair and, like, rests his head on his hand. And from the expression on his face, he looks very amused with this situation. I kind of give, like, a little bit of a half wave to him.
Starting point is 00:03:45 Like, hey. How can I help you? Right. So. I'll wait up. Maybe I got something. Is his wizard around? You see a man in deep purple robes standing next to him.
Starting point is 00:03:57 You're not sure if that's the wizard, but it could be. All right. Out of character. If we could perhaps say that the wizard We're trying to do an investigation Because he's doing some bullshit against the king I like how you say out of character And then proceed to explain something to them
Starting point is 00:04:14 So that in character they can know what you're planning That's my favourite part with what you're trying to do That's some hot metagaming there Also, I just want to say The amount of times our plan has been convince him the other guy's bad. Can we count on our hands the amount of times that has worked? I look the pirate king in the eye and say,
Starting point is 00:04:38 we're here to investigate a wizard by the name of Carter. Oh, no. Can I just start sidling away from Leo? Who's this cunt? I don't know. Who's wanted for crimes against humanity. The Pirate King looks at you with a very searching gaze. You think he's trying to read you.
Starting point is 00:05:03 He looks to the guy in the purple roads next to him, and the guy, like, shuffles a little uncomfortably in his robes. Why exactly are you doing this? We're on a mission from that town I forget. I think it starts with a C. Possibly Karsari. Karsari is the island. Well, it's not really a town.
Starting point is 00:05:22 It's more like a prison. Karsari prison hold. Someone, it's not really a town. It's more like a prison. Carcery, prison hold. Someone has escaped. I don't know. Basically, we're after the wizard for carcery. There are cops coming, I yell. Or what would you call it? People from the prison.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Guards? Royal guards? Knights. Knights of Carcery. There are knights coming. After Carter and where the... If we kill Carter... Knights will not come.
Starting point is 00:05:52 The knights won't come. And Carter is just dead and you guys can carry on kicking it sweet. Yeah. I just... Just looking around, glancing from Carter to the Pirate King to the Orcs to Leo to Ainsley. Who do we presume is Carter? I kind of nod and be like, basically,
Starting point is 00:06:11 we're here to prevent what is an attack from the knights to come invade. Because your statues are so pretty. I like your peacock. Your peacock was nice. Which one? Ooh. Yeah, you fancy. This guy. This guy.
Starting point is 00:06:27 I'm fancy. What a champ. He gets up out of his throne. Please, come with me. Oh, yes. He walks down a side door. Okay. The wizard you, or the person, sorry, I should say,
Starting point is 00:06:40 you assume to be Carter follows with. If you guys don't immediately follow, one of the half-orcs just bumps you in the back. Oh, okay. Yeah, all right. You let out through one of the side wings and into the back part. The back part is like a zoo for the most exotic creatures you could possibly find.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Is that a bug bit? You see like giraffes. You think you see a hippogriff or a pegasus? You're not sure? Sick. That shit is tight. That is rad. I know.
Starting point is 00:07:10 The pirate king leads you through this place and he points out animals for you and he tells you their names. Oh, what are they? You want me to list every animal and their name? Yeah. Give me a moment. Yes.
Starting point is 00:07:22 Adam reads through the 3.5 Monster Manual. Start to finish. This pleases me. Or you can just list their names. Oh, yeah, that's what I'd prefer to do, list their names. Fuck you. And the creatures in alphabetical order are Elephant
Starting point is 00:07:48 Oh, wait, no You know what? Not alphabetical order That's too confusing He has like a bat cage For bats Okay, so maybe not use swarm bats immediately Because he's got his own Let's not do this
Starting point is 00:08:03 Okay, Adam It's about how long this list is. It's a very pretty menagerie. Yeah. You get to the end of it and you're basically at the back part of his estate. There's a wall and it's like a brick wall and above that is a wrought iron fence stuck into that. Do you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:08:22 Yeah. You're there and there's like a little begola and looks like an outdoor eating area type thing. And on the table, there's food set out. The Pirate King sits down there and gestures for you guys to sit as well. Once again, if you're not fast enough, one of the half-orcs bumps you in the back. I'll sit very quickly. Yeah, I'll just scamper down and sit and just look at the Pirate King
Starting point is 00:08:44 and wait for him to eat first. I'm just gonna say like, nodded to Grayson really suddenly and be like, I really hope he has tea and scones. I'm kinda hungry. And then sit down. Are there tea and scones? That's the sound of frustration, ladies and gentlemen. Yes.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Yes! Oh, everything's coming up, Ali. I'm not even sure why I bothered to roll. That is such an inconsequential thing. Like, as if it matters. Well, it kind of does, to be honest. Okay. Yeah, this tea and scones. You begin a five-course meal.
Starting point is 00:09:21 Starting with tea and scones. There's, like, two entrees, then, like, the main meal, then soup, then dessert. Before we start, I kind of point to the scones. There's like two entrees, then like the main meal, then soup, then dessert. To the scones and like, can I just quickly grab one? Is that what we're here for? A scone. I'd say they're like part of the dessert. So they don't actually, like, people like
Starting point is 00:09:37 serve it, like waiters and stuff come out and bring the food out. Scones would be part of the dessert. This is great, guys. This is actually coming up really well for us. Does the Pirate King say much during dinner? I can't wait for the time of our life. Cliff over there, Warwick. I went from being a very ridiculous man to being a very afraid man.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Like on the sea journey, I sobered up. After being drunk for so long. The Pirate King doesn't talk to you guys much, but every now and then, an aide or some guy comes up, whispers in the Pirate King's ear, Pirate King nods, thinks about what was said, and then replies in a whisper as well. Looks like he's just
Starting point is 00:10:15 going about his business. Can we hear any of that? Basically, is it about us? No, none of it is about you. You can vaguely hear it. You catch snippets of like, it looks like he's, for the most part, he's ordering hits right now. All right. I'll keep eating.
Starting point is 00:10:31 Because like, hey, either this is going to be successful and I just had a great meal, or this is my last. I'm better bloody enjoy it. I'm better going to enjoy my time. In fact, I might stress eat, so I'm just going to shovel. I'm a halfling. I'm eating my body weight in food. The wizard there, at some point, he mumbles something,
Starting point is 00:10:54 or he's talking almost to himself. From his self-talkings, he's having a go at himself, admonishing himself, and he says, Carter, you idiot. And. Yeah, that's the one. Admonishing himself. And he says like, Carter, you idiot. And so you know who that guy is. Cool. All right. That's Carter.
Starting point is 00:11:12 Don't, don't, don't. Shut up. I keep eating. Oh, Jesus. Where's Jiggler? Now you need him. Just an ominous presence somewhere in the area. I'm just like. Wouldn't it be really fucking funny If like the ending of this was he saves your life
Starting point is 00:11:30 That'd be hilarious And then I just punch him in the face No I mean he sacrifices himself To save you That'd be the best Yes Take that Jiggalong I would still consider it a victory for me.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Sorry? Grayson, no. Grayson Jr. Grayson's clearly shooting blanks. Aww. You don't know that yet? He's as virile as the day he was born. Shooting blanks.
Starting point is 00:12:00 You guys are so... Anyway. The dinner ends Or the meal ends, the dessert ends It's all cleared off the table And the pirate king leans over towards you guys He's got like a bit of a Self satisfied grin on his face
Starting point is 00:12:15 He looks very pleased with himself Today we die I smile as well Do you happen to know the exact name Of the knight who sent you on this mission He was explicit in telling us No, he didn't want his name Clever man Do you happen to know the exact name of the knight who sent you on this mission? He was explicit in telling us no, he didn't want his name. Clever man.
Starting point is 00:12:31 Sir something. I describe him, burnt face, bald. Unpinchable bum. That I distinctly remember. So, what has he promised you in return for Carter's death? Nothing, really. Well, he kind of promised a bounty, and then he went back on it, but then he promised it again.
Starting point is 00:12:55 The whole thing was a bit puzzling. I have a little bit of an issue with it. So, he kind of promised you a bounty, and on that kind of promise, you travelled here from... That place. Husqvarna. Husqvarna, thank you. You traveled here from Husqvarna, as the DM reminded you. You traveled here from Husqvarna to kill a man who was described as a very dangerous, very powerful wizard.
Starting point is 00:13:19 That's the one. In the favor of the Pirate King himself, who basically owns this city. I'm going to level with you, Mr. Pirate King. I've started to realize over the last year that we do a lot of things without thinking them out. I think it's a real problem we have. We're working on it. I thought it would be fun to kill a wizard. Is it too late, though, is the question, is it not?
Starting point is 00:13:44 Yeah, hey, I'm wondering it. Sorry? I just thought it'd be fun to kill the wizard. We're getting kind of good at it. We've killed two. How many have you killed before? Two. Two. Tell me about them. One was a necromancer. We describe our
Starting point is 00:13:59 past two adventures in detail. I talk about losing the bell. I talk about gaining three moose heads. And then losing two. You do a decent job of telling the story. Talk about cart Michael. I'm getting, like, food on the table and, like, acting it out. Like, there's, like, the jelly, and I'll get a little cracker,
Starting point is 00:14:20 and I'll be like, and this is the cart, and then, oh, no, it fell on the ice. And then, like, the somber moment for Cart Michael. I want him to choke up when I choke up about that donkey. He doesn't choke up, but he looks thoughtful about it. He seems to care more about Cart Michael than like the six
Starting point is 00:14:35 hits in the last ten minutes that he just ordered. Awesome. Good. Yeah. Talk about how we like got stuck in stasis for a little bit. And how that guy shot like, I don't know, some sort of power out of his hands. I don't know. It was a while ago. So where is like, where is fucking Griff's story is heavy and rich in detail.
Starting point is 00:14:58 Yours is more heavy and rich in fucking descriptive words. Yes. I am the adjective queen. Shot some shit out of his hands, some magic shit. And I just pull some heartstrings. Grayson remains very silent the entire way through. Oh, and about the dust up with Dustin. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:17 And all those ammos. We talk Dustin up in a bad light. The Pirate King, like, the Pirate King chuckles a little He thinks that's funny He asks you some questions When he's talking about how he tackled you off the horse He's like yeah and then what happens Good This can only be good right now
Starting point is 00:15:36 Unless he's playing with his food I'm so afraid I'm like This is great Oh no they can't fell him the jelly, but my heart is like brrrr. Okay, well that's an amusing tale. Prolonged your lives a little bit.
Starting point is 00:15:58 Oh man. That's good. We've got more. I'm sure we can do something. It's okay What's your plan for us? Well first off we're going to go back to my throne room Okay
Starting point is 00:16:11 He gets up If you don't get up the half horse We don't need that prompting You walk back through the zoo Belly full Any like new creatures The pirate king points them out. At one point, actually, on the way back, he has a dragon chained up in an enclosure.
Starting point is 00:16:35 That's impressive. It roars as you pass. As it roars, some attendant or something like that rings a bell and the dragon winces or something like that rings a bell And the dragon like winces or something like that As if it'd been struck You see like a lot of scars on the dragon And then the Pirate King goes into detail In explaining how they train dragons to have fear of the bell
Starting point is 00:16:57 Is it very similar to Harry Potter? It's a little, yeah They like beat them You don't need to tell me It's unpleasant I'm just asking you. Is it a very similar to Harry Potter? The highlight of that story, though,
Starting point is 00:17:09 is the Pirate King talking about when they acquired this dragon as, like, a hatchling, there were two and one of them got away. And he seems very mad at that. Okay, fair enough. All right. I feel like we're really getting to know each other, Pirate King, and I feel like we could make some really great progress in the world together.
Starting point is 00:17:26 You seem like a good conqueror. I got a kingdom back home that I have a slight issue with. We could join forces. No? I'm getting a blank stare. He gives you like a sly smile but doesn't say anything. You get back to his entry chamber, the throne room. It's not working.
Starting point is 00:17:45 The Pirate King sits down, and instead of gesturing for you to, like, approach him, he gestures, like, to one side of the hall, and you've noticed that in the time that you've been gone, all the statues and everything in this room have just been, like, cleared out, and there's just, like, one massive, like, you realize now what this place is now that it's been cleared out. It's a fighting arena. I see.
Starting point is 00:18:08 Oh, my. He gestures at one end and the orcs, like, usher you to that end. And at the other end, just without being told, Carter stands at the other end. Uh-huh. Ah. Okay. Hey, this. Ah. Okay. Hey, this ain't so bad. Maybe we can, like, pick a champion, guys?
Starting point is 00:18:31 The Pirate King leans back. By champion, I mean all four of us? Yeah, I think so. Yeah. I cannot tell you how many times I have done this with various underlings that have displeased me. He glances at Carter and Carter, like, hangs his head a little in shame. This will be the first time I've ever done it with Carter, though.
Starting point is 00:18:50 I've seen him, I've seen what he can do to the human body. You'd be surprised how many different ways you can burn. Well, that's unfortunate because I'm the only human being. Sounds unusual. It sounds hard to believe, but there are different ways to burn. Oh, okay. Okay, okay. Fight.
Starting point is 00:19:07 What? What? What? Can we just like run around with our arms wailing? Oh my god, oh my god. Oh my god, oh my god. Okay, I'm ready. I draw a rapier.
Starting point is 00:19:20 Good, let's do this. Let's fucking do this. I get my hands full of magical bee justice energy I can't remember how to fight I've been too busy not fighting you have something to fight for I'm so pumped now what's Grayson doing he's just chilling
Starting point is 00:19:39 he's with you guys he's fine is he like pumping or is he like man these guys oh hang on wait let me write some shit down first. I need to get the initiative order straight. This is it, guys. This is sink or swim time. This is sink or fucking swim. We're going to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Starting point is 00:19:54 Separate the men and ladies from the boys and girls. The question is, guys, who do you think is going to win? Me. I'm going to say me. No, us. Us. Team. Don't be a jerk, Jackson.
Starting point is 00:20:04 Team. We've built up rapport okay come on jiggle up the instant the pirate king says fight grayson is like halfway across the fucking field oh no he has his sword drawn he screams and like bears down on carter this is not gonna go well i, it's good because we find out what happens first, but I'm very sad. He swings. His sword connects with Carter but there's just this
Starting point is 00:20:33 shimmering energy shield around him. Carter gets blasted back halfway across to you guys. Oh, Jesus. Do we know what that is? Can I, Magic? I'm going to like call out to him like that bit of like, oh, no. Can I do some fucking knowledge arcana on that shit, Adam? Yeah, give me a sec.
Starting point is 00:20:51 Yeah, that's right. I'm just going to mark down his damage. No stress, hoss. I never do. All right. No, you can't place the spell. Boy. Shoot arrows from distance? It's a lot harder because you didn't see it cast. You're't place the spell. Boy. Shoot arrows from distance?
Starting point is 00:21:06 It's a lot harder because you didn't see it cast. You're just seeing the effects. Yeah, cool, cool, cool. Shoot arrows. Rapidness. Actually, it's Carter's turn now. Oh, this is not great. Goodbye.
Starting point is 00:21:16 So long. I loved you all. Auf Wiedersehen. Auf Wiedersehen. We did some great things, guys. Ciao. Remember that time we made fun of Dustin for having a dead family? The priest thinks you're a bad parent.
Starting point is 00:21:28 Remember the jacket? Remember the jacket? Do you remember the time we shackled the goblin? And he escaped? I wonder what he's up to now. I should pay attention to my goblins. Even I'd
Starting point is 00:21:44 lost track. Markov, what's he up to? Fuck, you know what? Fuck Markov. He could be helping us out right now. Yeah, actually, fucking Markov. What's he doing, getting drunk, being fucking foreign?
Starting point is 00:22:01 I really should have killed that full elf. Yeah, that fucking full elf. Maybe Dustin. Grayson, not fucking full elf. Maybe Dustin. Grayson, not Grayson, sorry, Carter. Carter waves his hands about in an arcane fashion, says some words in a language, well, only Kriff understands. You, yeah, he's summoning a monster. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:22:22 It's a modified version of the spell, though. You're not sure what's going on. Immediately, there's like a flash of light, and standing in between Grayson and Carter is a creature you guys have probably never seen before. I can show you guys the picture, but I should describe it. I don't even know what that is. It's like an angry kid.
Starting point is 00:22:46 It's like a porcupine crossed with a hyena. This creature looks like some gaunt, bestial hound or feline with a mane of bristling quills. This is not fun. I'm afraid. It's like if you took a dog, stretched the skin over it very tight, and then gave it porcupine quills. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Help! It screeches at you guys. Hang on, wait. Get your bee. I intend to. No one knows what this is. Oh, my God. It charges Grayson.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Not Grayson. I like that we're just kind of like standing in a corner watching like, oh no. No, we're going to be a power couple, guys. It starts tearing into him on the ground. Oh, not Grayson. Oh no. He's our saving Grayson.
Starting point is 00:23:40 Eh? Eh? Grayson howls as it tears a chunk, a large chunk out of him. I'm thinking we might save some money here. I feel like really rage, like full of rage right now. Leo. I'll just be angry over here for a while. I'm going to rape you, try and flank that little creature thing.
Starting point is 00:23:59 You are not fast enough to get around it. Damn. You can't. You can get around behind it, but not attack it in this turn. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:10 Unless you want to try a ranged attack. Nah. No? Okay. I'll get behind it. Okay, cool. That's your turn. And Ainsley.
Starting point is 00:24:20 Yeah, I'm full of rage, as I was hinting at before, in case anyone noticed. Full of rage. And I'm going to shoot down some motherfuckers. Rapid shot. Which one? Do you want a rapid shot, like two shots at one person or one each enemy? My question is, can I get a shot at Carter?
Starting point is 00:24:39 Yeah, you can if you want. You can use both shots on Carter if you want. See, but one might get deflected, guys. Nah, fuck. Yeah, you can if you want. You can use both shots on Carter if you want. See, but one might get deflected, guys. Yeah, you're right. I'm going to shoot both of them at Carter because he's fucking with my shit. I'm a future. He's fucking with your boo. Oh, no, don't want that.
Starting point is 00:24:55 Your bae. No, no. I don't know what I like yet. Your snuggle muffin. I'm not a very romantic person. Just wanted to jump his bones. Your hot hunk of meat. Your boy toy.
Starting point is 00:25:14 What is it? My badonkadonk. Your badonkadonk boy toy. Your badonkadonk bow. Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, my man. You fire two arrows in quick succession.
Starting point is 00:25:28 The first one sails over Carter's head, but the second one strikes him in the chest. You hear a shattering sound. I did the thing, guys. The shimmering energy field just breaks apart. The arrow strikes him. Oh, my God, I did the thing, guys. You did it. it finally the reason that
Starting point is 00:25:46 i have all these points in everything but intelligence he's had that like oh there's some speak the arrow buries itself deep in him and he he like grunts he hasn't stopped, but it hurt him. Nice! Uh, Griff. Summon creature two. Beads! You want to summon a giant celestial bee? Uh-huh. Okay, so the way summoning spells usually work is, you cast the spell this round, and it appears
Starting point is 00:26:17 next turn. That's fine. You're not sure how Carter was able to summon it, and it appear. You do know that it was modified, the spell, somehow. Okay. Alright. Okay, so on your next summon it and it appear. You do know that it was modified the spell somehow. Okay, alright. Okay, so on your next turn it'll appear. Giant Celestial Bee. Grayson tries to struggle
Starting point is 00:26:34 to his feet. The creature attacks him again. Oh god, poor Grayson. Man, I hope we got some damn health potions. He just grabs it by the mouth and pushes it off. He's so boss, guys. Oh my god, just grabs it by the mouth and pushes it off, getting up. He's so boss, guys. Oh, my God, he's so manly.
Starting point is 00:26:47 I know. Grayson's the best. Remember how much we loved Marco? I know. We are fickle. He swings his longsword, but the creature, like, leaps out of the way and he misses. I'm still impressed. Grayson's, like, stumbling a little bit.
Starting point is 00:27:02 He seems unsteady on his feet. Okay. And it is Carter's turn. Oh god. Carter mimes like drawing an arrow on an invisible bow and you see him chanting magic spells again.
Starting point is 00:27:20 When he releases and like a green bolt of energy leaps from his hands You, Ainsley Duck, duck, I duck, I duck Do I react? Give me a sec I'm sorry
Starting point is 00:27:31 Adam's freaking out Okay, hang on, wait I gotta figure out what happened Your reaction is like my brain I'm freaking out too It's like um, um, um Oh my god Things happen
Starting point is 00:27:43 Fuck off Damn it All the bloody pirates Watching us I'm so stressed Oh yeah there's like a circle around this pit Oh god Circle around the pit Yeah a circle of like onlookers
Starting point is 00:27:58 They seem very interesting Yeah We are an arena I guess we're the entertainment But I like how the Pirate King's kind of given us an out here. Yeah, hey. I wonder what Carter has done. Yeah, no, how's Carter fucked up? Because he looked pretty, like, pissed.
Starting point is 00:28:12 You're not sure? He was like, oh, man, I've been in trouble. Yeah, sorry. The iris strikes you on the, like, on the shoulder. Sounds owie. As soon as it hits, the bolt just like melts onto you. It doesn't like penetrate. But as soon as it melts against you,
Starting point is 00:28:30 you realize it's made of pure acid. Oh, Jesus. That's the biggest boo-boo ever. You take six points of damage. Oh, dear. They're the noises I make. Okay. Then the creature attacks as well.
Starting point is 00:28:50 It's going to go. It's got eyes only for Grayson right now. Oh, that's kind of good for us a bit. If you kill the master, does the creature that's summoned disappear as well? That's what I was thinking. No, I don't think so. Well, it stops him so many more, though. And also, remember, mine disappears in three turns. His mind has been in at least three.
Starting point is 00:29:09 Your bee hasn't even arrived yet. I'm just saying, don't knock it yet. It grabs Grayson by the leg with its mouth and like pulls. You hear like snapping of flesh. Oh, can I love someone with a peg leg? I don't know yet.
Starting point is 00:29:27 Guys, we still have five health potions. Okay, all right. We do? Well, hang on. This is having your leg snapped a light wound. Grayson's, like, basically on his knees right now. Oh, Jesus. I like this.
Starting point is 00:29:42 He's dispensable. It's fucked. Stop it. Leo, you can attack now if you want. If I fucked. Stop it. Let him go save them for us. You can attack now if you want. If I try to attack the wizard, what happens? Can I attack the wizard? You can tromp over to him and attack him if you want, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:52 That. Okay. You can sneak attack this creature, though, if you want. He's not focusing. He's focusing on fucking Grayson. Okay, I'll sneak attack the creature. Cool. Fuck him up.
Starting point is 00:30:01 It's up to you. He gets so many fucking tasty points, mate. That's true. I do get tasty points just getting the creature. Yeah, you skewer it like up along its spine. Piece of shit. Oh, yes. I got your back, Grayson.
Starting point is 00:30:16 You little halfling body. Just like all my weight. Just like... All 30 pounds of me. Why do you talk with a twee little voice? I do too. I'll shave your grison. I've got you now.
Starting point is 00:30:34 Okay. It howls in absolute agony when you do that. Yes. Oh, yes. Good. Let's fuck up some shit. We'll continue to fuck up some shit Oh my god how's it doing?
Starting point is 00:30:46 Are we doing good? We're so intense right now Leo when it does that It's howl is like When I say loud I mean like flashbang grenade I'm deaf aren't I? We got a guy with no leg
Starting point is 00:31:03 And a halfling who's deaf you know how like after like a flashbang sort of thing you got that eee and like your vision is a bit blurry that what just happened to you that's proper English right guys oh boy
Starting point is 00:31:17 now every time I speak it's louder than it needs to be alright you've like got a finger in one ear ah Ainsley it needs to be. Alright. You've got a finger in one ear. Ainsley. Yes. What do you want to do?
Starting point is 00:31:33 I'm going to shoot him again because he shot me with acid arrows and that was rude. By the way, the acid continues to eat into you. You take another five points of damage. Guys, we need to fucking shit up quicker. Take your fucking health potion, mate. No. Just fucking arrow the cunt. Yeah, all right.
Starting point is 00:31:51 No, we'll do more arrows and then like maybe health potion. When we're like near death, health potion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a solid plan. We do a last moment. No, that's another one. See? Like right at the last moment.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Grayson's on board. Yeah. Just like, oh, my my god Right at the last moment My leg is so pain but Lexi's last moment Just last second So what do you want to do Ainsley? I want to shoot that bastard Get his fucking face
Starting point is 00:32:18 You hit him twice Yes! In your face wizard I've never been so pumped You're like a machine gun with fucking arrows right now Hit him twice. Yes! In your face, wizard. I've never been so pumped. You're like a machine gun with fucking arrows right now. Just swit, swit, swit, swit. Yes, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:32:33 Powered by love. Yes! Two more arrows bury themselves in him. Oh my god, yes. He stumbles, but does he die? We'll find out next time on D&D is for Nerds. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com.
Starting point is 00:33:00 Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds+, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests,
Starting point is 00:33:22 and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.