D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #24 Ansley's Choice

Episode Date: December 20, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes have a very bad night. We immediately get into yet another fight, forlornly spend another night at the inn and are at the mercy of a dice roll. Krif has probably the worst night of his life, Princess Ansley gets stabbed through the neck and Leo kills in the most gruesome ways. So hope the dice are in your favour and join our party as they see if it was worth it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Santa Pants Radio, covering ourselves in baboo slime. Hey, so a lot of you guys have been saying that the show's too short and you can't wait to know what happened next. You've emailed in, you've tweeted us, one guy even used a skyrider to tell me that they're having a sale on shoes, and I'm now just realising that might not have been about me. Anyway, we've teamed up with AudiobooksOnTape.com to offer you not only the completed season one of D&D's for Nerds,

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There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around the table getting really excited because they scored with a fictional mercenary. I did that. But that's what we're going to be doing today. Welcome to episode 24 of D&D is for Nerds. Joining us, we have, with the golden mic and the golden pipes, Jackson Bailey. Yes. As Criff Pum Pum Criff. Yeah.

We have, with the silver mic and the silver piano, Ali Kathleen. Still pretty. Playing Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Yes, I am. And with the bronze mic and the bronze pan flute, we have Joel Zamet. Hi.

Playing Leo Shadow. Whatever, I didn't want gold, not bitter, it's fine. And with a platinum mic and a platinum name, I'm Adam Crotch Spell. That's not your name. Well, it's what we're making do with. Fair enough. Previously on D&D is for Nerds.

Where was this person on the boat when we first met? I would like to ask the bartender for a pundit of ice cream and some red wine. Are we having a drunken pity party for Ainsley? Yeah. Adam, I'm going to scout the bar for handsome boys. Tiefling, while not necessarily inherently evil, they're often a bad sort. Let's get really drunk and try to do

magic again. Suddenly with my hand be like like those candles on fire. Both of them? Yeah. Both of them. We're so magic. I'm gonna stand up and be like, I'm selling all of my weapons. No, she's not. She isn't, though. That's incorrect.

I'd be willing to purchase your weapons for a low price, says one of the tiefling. Don't take it. No. Oh, my God. The tiefling takes out a little blade, jabs it into your spine. So you've moved through the darkness, Leo. On the other side, you see a crippled

tiefling. I stab him in the neck. Oh boy. What about the other tieflings? What are they doing? I stab him in his neck. He hasn't got very good friends. He just came and tried to hustle us and then we were like, no. And then his friends were just like, ah well, I guess we don't have to buy

him around. You step on the tiefling's neck. Uh-huh. And then with your rapier, you jab into his, like, chest. Uh-huh. Until you, like, you're working it a little bit. And then it, like, gives a lot. And you know that you've hit his heart. You pull it out.

Uh-huh. And it's every, like, second there's a squirt of blood. I'm just going to be like, guys. Good. This of blood i'm just gonna be like guys good this behavior i'm pop back into existence visibility the part that the freaks are fuck out why is why do hey i'm letting you you guys know this behavior is okay in the pirate capital but like if we're anywhere else let's keep this shit to a minimum but he tried to kill us well yeah i know wait did he another one of the tiefling from the table is strolling over to you guys. I'm going to go over to him.

I'm so sorry. He came at us. He was trying to hustle us. Mate, he kicks the dead corpse over and starts looting it. Rad. Pirate city win. Has he got any good things? I don't think we should shut the fuck up.

You want to take it from me? Shut the fuck up, Leo. Leo, shut the fuck up. If he's got any good things, we go 50-50. Leo, oh my God. We did kill him. Do I have any health potions? I think you had a couple.

You can have some then. Should I say 50-50? What's he say? I say 100-0. That's a bit mean. I go to stab him. No! This night.

This fucking night. You don't get a chance to drink a health potion. I'm like, oh my god. And I surprise you. You try to. But I had initiative. Okay, now we go to initiative. Actually, you know what?

I'll just use the same initiative we had last time. Joel, you go first. So you get a... Leo, you go first. You get another three attack essentially. Then I go and stab him again. You miss again? God damn it. Stupid drunk. Leo, you go first. All right. You get another free attack, essentially. Then I go to stab him again. You miss again? God damn it, stupid drunken...

Leo, you're drunk! You stab downwards twice, trying to get at him. But the first time you stab, it sort of just glances off his leather armor. The second time, he actually grabs your rapier and pulls it aside. Mate... Oh, God. Leo, rapier and pulls it aside. Mate. Oh, God.

Leo. Cut that shit out, mate. That corpse is rightfully mine. Oh, Leo, you fucking idiot. You get stabbed. See, Leo? See, Leo, you spastic. Jesus Christ.

Rightfully mine. Griff. Oh, Leo. Rightfully mine. Not rightfully yours. Jesus Christ Rivalry mine Rivalry mine Not rivalry yours It hurts so much 7 points of damage Oh Little halfling body And you can also feel

Unconsciousness pulling at the edges Of your mind Griff as well I should mention That feeling hasn't left you You feel a little woozy I feel a little woozy pulling at the edges of your mind. Kriff, as well, I should mention, that feeling hasn't left you. You feel a little woozy. I feel a little woozy. It's getting stabbed.

It's basically the same scenario, except there's one corpse underneath the tiefling that you're fighting now. How far away is it? You're standing next to him still. Your sword is even still drawn. It's as if the fight hadn't really stopped. Yeah, yeah, I'm going to try and... Hit him?

Yeah, with a sword. A long sword. You fail to. What? You swing, but you stumble drunkenly, and he capitalizes on this. Are you sure? Yeah.

He kicks you just below the knee, and you, like, crumple forwards in pain. Well, that hurt. Criff. Buddy, I want to jump in and try and reason with him. Buddy, they're drunk. It's all yours. I'll give you some gold even.

Just please leave us alone. We've had a rough night. Joel. Oh, my God. Leo, God fucking damn it. Let's try and do another rapier stab. My drunk fucking idiot friends. This time you score a hit.

Yes. There goes reasoning with him. You're losing fronts tonight. The two of you are losing fronts tonight. Are they tiefling friends? Your blow catches him on his side. You're pretty good. Even drunk, you're handy with a sword

this blow could fell a regular man you're not fighting a regular man though that puts it at the tiefling's turn goodbye one of his friends is coming in to join you're fighting two now oh no

Ainsley they position themselves on either side of you Okay You try to defend against one But as you're using your sword to block from one The other one will like Tries to come up behind you So it's like trying to fight in two directions at once

During the struggle I want to yell out Have you ever been broken up with Do you know how this feels Oh my god, don't. One of them scores a hit. Please. And I'm... Stop trying to reason me useful and attack a fucker. You son of a bitch. Well, I couldn't attack

anyone. Not you, him. Oh. Uh-oh. Spaghetti-o. There's a big face. Ainsley, you take 18 points of damage. Oh my god. That's really bad. As you're defending against one, you feel at the base of your neck, behind you,

you can feel the rapier pressing in with a lot of force. It comes out your neck on the other side. Oh, Jesus. And as he's like right up behind you, the tiefling whispers into your ear, time to die. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Can I come back? This is so mean. Ainsley, it's your turn. I can't help. I can do this. I'm getting really emotional about this. What if we die, you idiots? I haven't prepared myself for this. I don't know. What if we die, you idiots? I haven't

prepared myself for this. I don't know, what can I do? You can continue to fight with your sword if you want. Is there a way to put it back? You can do something, you can choose two different types of actions here. If you want to go on the defensive, you can fight

partially defensively, which makes you harder to your... makes you harder to hit because you're trying to focus on the defensive. Sounds good. But you have trouble being offensive, so you won't be doing as well offensively. Or alternatively, you can go total defense. Which... You make no attacks,

so there's no offense, but you get a decent, a lot higher defense. So, what's gonna make me live more? I'll take that up. You're not sure if they'll accept a surrender. You motherfuckers. Partial defense.

Still go on the offense. Yeah, yeah. Fuck it. Partial offense. If you die, I'm not resurrecting you. I'm just letting you off. If, like, this fight goes sour, I'm invisible and out of here. This is on you. It is. It is my fault.

With one hand on your fucking neck, even fighting defensively, you still managed to score a hit. Yes. I feel kind of... It was a lucky strike, though. A very lucky hit. That's what they call me back home. The one you're fighting in front of you

thinks that you're about to go down, so he steps forward, overplaying his hand, and you thinks that you're about to go down so he steps forward overplaying his hand and you use that to fucking cut him on the arm it's not a great blow but it's a pretty hard one nonetheless okay cool and that puts it at

Chris turn okay I've got a lot of options I could grease the floor I could chuck some babu slime on somebody I could call the floor I could chuck some babu slime on somebody I could call for Jiggleump or a bee but a giant slash seal bee that's another turn that you guys might die in

and I can't cast a spell and attack in the same turn no not usually some spells you can but none of them I don't think I have any except blockade you can cast blockade and attack if you want. That's not going to help anybody. Punch someone in the face.

You got that feat of strength or whatever it was. Yeah, I could. It's not a feat of strength. It's more a feat of just like now he knows how to fight with his fists. Good. He's not good at it. I like the idea of beforehand. He was just kind of like looking at limp hands.

What do these do? What are they? They hold? I don't even know. I don't even know what I'm doing. Okay, I'm gonna fucking take the risk. Let's summon a giant celestial bee. Come on, Beancar. So on the next turn it'll come into

play. You might need to remind me. I'm gonna get stabbed, guys, and I have one HP. I'm an idiot. I'm a dumb boy. Ainsley, it's fine. I'm gonna stab the fucker need to remind me. I'm going to get stabbed, guys, and I have one HP. I'm an idiot. I'm a dumb boy. Ainsley, it's fine. I'm going to stab the fucker that will stab me. I'm going to say as well, you position yourself so it's... You know how Ainsley is on either

side. You position yourself so that the tiefling that Ainsley is properly fighting, you are also on the other side of him. We're all flanking each other. So it's like several layers of flanking. Because that gives you bonuses. Motherfucker don't even know!

Oh my god. That's a hit. Please, just... End this. Not me, though. Because I don't want to die. You're not in a good way, Ainsley. You are not in a good way. Remember, we saved Grayson with, like, when his neck was torn out. This will be fine.

So what happens is Ainsley, when this guy extends himself too far, Ainsley catches him on the hand. And while he's catching him on the hand, he gets distracted and doesn't notice you come up behind. You kick the back of his legs and he comes down to your height. So you stab downwards, down through his shoulder, and into his heart. You bring it back up.

I then look at the other tiefling, and then I say, it's time for you to die, you fucking cunt. Yeah, that. That's good. I like it. You push the tiefling forward, and he slumps dead at Ainsley's feet. But there's still the other one to die. You fucking cunt. Yeah, that. That's good. I like it. You push the tiefling forward and he slumps dead at Ainsley's feet. But there's still the other one to go.

Good. It's his turn. Are there any other tieflings still sitting down? There's four more tieflings at the table. They don't seem interested in the fight. Oh, wait. When I say don't seem interested, they're wagering on the fight. Hey, that's fine. That's not killing us.

As long as I make some money, that's nice. The tiefling behind Ainsley ducks, dives, and rolls away towards the center of the room. And as he does it, he throws a dagger at you, Leo. Do we get a free hit because he tumbles? No, because Ainsley is fighting partially defensively. She can't make attacks. Rats. That would be a hit on you.

Get daggered in the face. I'm getting daggered. Who's getting daggered? This boy's getting daggered. That boy right there. That kid. Stabbed in the neck, face, and spine. All right, gang.

Okay. Far out. Leo, you're on one hit point. Okay. Far out. Oh, Leo, you're on one hit point. Oh, no. And as he comes back up from the roll, he disappears into the darkness in the middle of the room. That son of a bitch. I hate that guy.

I'm going to call it Ainsley's turn now. What are my options? You can't see the tiefling now. You can try charging into the darkness after him. That's a bad idea. I'm already dying. More than half of your party is on one hit point. How big is the darkness in the middle of the room?

It's got a 20-foot radius. Okay, so it's not like one singular spot where it's like, he's clearly right there. No, it's pretty big, yeah. It's hard to tell. Can we, you know, maybe like chuck a health potion over to someone and maybe chug one myself? Well, technically, Kriff is holding one that he could

chug if he wanted to. I'm going to try and chug one and then through goggles, I guess, be like Kriff, drink yours! Oh yeah! Do you guys remember what health potion it was? Was it Cure Light?

Was it? I could have said it was better. It might have been Cure Moderate, actually. Yeah, I think it was. Okay, cool. Was it? I could have said it was better. It might have been Cure Moderate, actually. Yeah, I think it was. We stole them. 2d8 plus 5, Cure Moderate? Yeah, I think it was Cure Moderate. Because, yeah, we stole them from somebody.

The doctor. Yeah. That wasn't a doctor. What was he? A priest? Necromancer? Yeah. Ainsley, you heal nine hit points.

Oh, thank goodness. That must feel nice. Does my neck stop slurring out? You heal more than that. Hang on. I'm better. You heal nine hit points. Oh, thank goodness. That must feel nice. Does my neck stop slurring out? You heal more than that. Hang on. I'm better. You heal 14 hit points. It has a neck?

Yeah, your neck almost completely heals, but there's like a very obvious like sort of like. Skin flap. Yeah, sort of like skin to show, like a scar, essentially. And then... Oh, you still have a movement action, so you can move after him, but you won't be able to do anything else.

Or you could just... That's it, if you wanted to. It's up to you. I think I'm good. Just take a breather, you know? Griff, it's your turn. Giant Slust, you'll be? Yes, the bee comes into being.

Oh, my God. Oh, hello. I wonder if the bee can see in the darkness, because that'll be good. Can the bee see into being. Oh my god, oh hello. I wonder if the bee can see in the darkness, because that'll be great. Can the bee see in the darkness, Adam? Send him in anyway. The bee cannot see in the darkness. I'll be like, bee, get the guy in there if you could. Godspeed, bee. It hovers up.

And then I'll chug a health potion as well. Cool. You recover 13 hit points. Sick. Also, telling the bee to go and fight the guy, that's not my turn, is it? No, chugging a health potion is standard action, so now you can move if you want.

No, it's all right, I'll stay in the same place. I was just going to grease the floor if I still had a magic turn. Grease the floor, and then when the darkness dissipates he'll have fallen over. And he'll have fallen over and cracked his head. Probably not though. That was Kriff. Leo? Can I rifle through the two dead corpses?

Because that didn't get us in trouble. That'll be your turn. I basically want to hide behind them a little bit but also while I'm hiding behind them rifle through them a little. They're not really big enough to do that. But I'm a halfling. They're not really big enough to do that.

Can I drag one on top of the other? That would be your turn. That's my turn. Making a wall of hide behind him. Tiefling wall. It's like a double bunk bed. And get my sling ready. And then it is the tiefling's turn.

I think we're going to get daggers in the face Nothing happens, Ainsley? Maybe I will just shoot an arrow into the darkness No, not too much No? Maybe? It's a big darkness And also there's a tavern, like a whole tavern behind

Would it just go through the darkness into the other side? Yeah Oh, of course it would It's just darkness I know it's kind of hard to conceptualize, but it's like just an area of no light. Hmm. Hide behind the bar.

Yeah, I think I might. I think I might go and hide behind, like if there's like a table to turn over. I'm probably going to bring you out of initiative because at some point the darkness is going to fade and disappear and you'll realize that tiefling just legged it. Oh, all right. Is my bee just like...

Your bee's just like, oh, well, after a couple turns, the bee disappears. See you later, bee! See you next time! Bee gives you a little sign-off. Bee sign-off. That's wonderful. I love that guy. On the bee side. I rifle over corpses. See if it was worth it. I'm so mad at the two of you.

Hey, you're not alone but yourself. You're not magic, you know that? Neither of you and I worth it. I'm so mad at the two of you. Hey, you're not about yourself. You're not magic. You know that? Neither of you I did it. What? It was a prestidigit motherfucking occasion.

I'm going to bed. Where's Jiggleum? I trip upstairs in a huff, Adam. In a huff. Ainsley, you once again have neglected

to pay for a room. This is not the first time. I come downstairs in a huff. I think this is maybe the third time. You've tried to go to huff. I think this is maybe the third time. You've tried to go to bed without having a room. Leo, on the bodies you find maybe in total between the two of them,

four daggers. Yes. Nice. Two sets of leather armor, but it's going to be heavy to carry. We could sell it. Is it better than my armor? No. How much is it worth to sell?

You'd sell it for seven gold, four silver. All right. Who wants to buy these leathers? Four gold each. There's just the tieflings. Yeah, do they want to buy it? They're like, we could just take them from you. They don't look interested.

I carry them anyway. I'm going to go. We'll sell them. Is the bartender there or did he run? The bartender is still behind the bar He seems a little like Seems a bit mad at you guys I am so sorry

Where's that other elf? Maybe he thinks we're really brave Oh that guy he legged it when you guys weren't watching Surprise surprise I'm so sorry Can we get just a room I'm happy to pay double to make up for damages. Is there damages?

Don't ask. Because he'll say yes. Five silver, he says. We can do that. Each. Okay. We can sort that out. That's fair.

Let's wipe my dagger, or my rapier on the dead. Yeah. Teaklings, clothes. I'm going to go upstairs and lie down in bed and stare at the ceiling, furious. You try to do nice things, Cruff. You try to do nice things for your friends, and oh, look, now everybody's dead,

and you nearly died again. You know, Cruff? Maybe just, like, in the future, let's not look after our... Like, you know, fuck them, I guess. Just fuck them. Quick reminder, Leo, you's not look after her. Like, you know, fuck them. I guess. Just fuck them. Quick reminder, Leo, you're on one hit point. Yeah, no.

Maybe take a health potion. Or just stack the, like, we'll go upstairs, take the tiefling corpses up with you, stack them against the door. They don't let you take the corpses with you. They wouldn't. The bartender insists they get thrown out on the street, which is what happens. Napping slash sleeping lets me Recover health doesn't it

Some yeah Okay cool So there's There's no lock on the door I know Is there a chest we could push in front of it No it's like a big common room Maybe someone stays guard

Actually you know what there's not even a door, come to think of it. Griff, my good man. Well, stay on guard. Yes. You have a nap? I'm a little drunk. I need a nap. Okay, you have a nap first.

I'll nap first? I'll stay up. No, it's fine. I'm an elf. I don't even need to sleep. We'll take it in shifts. No, no, everybody go to bed. I'll nap.

No, stop talking to me, Leo. Leo. Ainsley, Leo. I'm Leo. Let's go to bed. Leo will nap. Leo, let's go to bed. Leo. Leo. Goodbye. Let's go to bed. Just sit.

Just sit in the end of their bed. I brush your hand just gently and like, thank you. Good. Yep. I'm going to give him a hug. And go to sleep. Even though he probably isn't going to hug back, I'll just be like, thanks, man. Okay.

So Ainsley and Leo are going to bed while Chris. I'm going to sit up and watch. I'm going to sleep until I'm going to sit up and watch. I'm going to sleep until I'm better. I don't care how many hours that is. Four days. Kriff, you fall unconscious while you're on watch. What? You're in Europe.

Because you neglected to do anything about the poison, if you remember. What poison? You piece of shit. I just thought I was feeling ill from the stabbing. What was the poison, guys? Both Griff and Leo were poisoned when they were stabbed. Oops, oops, oops.

I wasn't? You weren't. You were attacked by a rapier instead of a poison dagger. Let me see. What dagger? And your health potion didn't help? I guess not. Can I poison my daggers?

Those daggers are already poisoned. No, but can I poison daggers? You need to buy poison, and when you poison a dagger, there's a chance you will accidentally poison yourself. Can I get better at not poisoning myself? Yes, you can. All right, then, good. Something to aspire to if I don't die in the night.

Actually, Ainsley, high zolos? Why are you asking me? Because I haven't asked you. I don't ask you much. I was like, why would you give me his fate? Highs, because I'm very appreciative on a high level of him trying to save me. Don't fuck it up, Ernie. Poor news for you guys.

Oh, no. Oh, boy. We killed the only two doctors in town. In the night, while you guys are sleeping. Hang on. So that Tiefling comes back.

Damn it. Right? He creeps into the room and at first he's a little scared because he didn't notice Kriff leaning on some boxes looking at the doorway. But as he, like, you know, peers a little closer, he notices that you're fast asleep. Oh, fuck.

Then he's going to attempt to kill one of you three. Oh, my God. How did this happen? One of you three. Oh my god. How did this happen? What I'm going to do is, I will roll to randomly determine who he kills first.

Holy shit! Tries to kill. Oh good. You went from try to kill. Like definite. There's no real rules to what we're about to do. It's just so that you guys understand that whoever is about to be attempted, at least,

whoever I'm about to attempt to kill now, it's not personal. It's just random. It's just a chance. It's bad. So six-sided dice. On a one or a two, he's going to go after Leo.

On a three or a four, he goes after Kriff. On a five or a six, he goes after Ainsley. Okay. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my Godinsley. Oh no. Oh my god. Three.

Oh no! Fucking hell. This fucking night. So, picking the person who looks like he might be on Sentry and possibly the person who could wake up the soonest he approaches Kriff and prepares what's called

a coup de grace. That sounds bad. Goodbye. Sayonara, gang. We can res the dead, right? We can save this. You can try. We can save this. There's a spell called Resurrect like a billion levels away.

It's all right. We kind of will. Oh, we weren't wizards. Remember how we found that out the hard way? Also, I think we kind of killed the only two necromancers in town. Oh, that's true. We did that too. You fucked up.

You were their guarding watch. Hey, I didn't know I was poisoned. Well, that's on you. I probably should have. I probably should have. Yeah, that's true. What if we just search the lands high and low for a friend and then you as a ghost can help us

and then we'll store your body somewhere? Yeah, yeah. Like pickle it? We had a mission of killing wizards. Now we have a mission of bringing our wizard back to life. Yeah. And you can follow us around. Hey, yeah.

Do you reckon in his last moments he could, like, I don't know. Curse us? No, I was going to say possess a bug or something. I'm still waiting for good old Jiggle Lump. Jiggle Lump. Jiggle Lump holds no allegiance to me. Not to you. But he would totally know.

He, she? Yeah, he. He would know because of the mental bond. Yeah, Jiggle Lump knows I'm about to die. He knows you're unconscious. He doesn't care. Jiggle Lump doesn't Give a fuck, guys. Oh, you can't

tell, but Jackson has the most defeated look at his face. Promise you'll take my head inexpertly cut off to somebody. Whatever happened to that pickled head we had? It's about. Did you get a better backpack? Oh, right. With the goblin that got free. That motherfucking goblin got free.

I said we could take this in turns you were like nah I'll do it this is again on you all these poor moves all these poor choices I guess I don't need a sword anymore I suppose if I make a candle light I'm good for like

whatever the world throws at me I can light a candle Ainsley was like I'm going to sell my swords I was like I'm just going like whatever whatever the world throws at me I can light a candle Ainsley was like I'm gonna sell my swords I was like I'm just gonna put it like torture bum what do you mean

torture bum okay not set my bum on fire so guys I'm about to die I'm gonna I'm gonna do something a little unusual here because I want you guys

to understand how this is working so he's delivering a coup de grace against Kriff what's that the way it works is he's delivering a coup de grace against Kriff. What's that? The way it works is he automatically deals a critical hit against you and I roll damage for that.

Yeah? Then Jackson needs to make a fortitude save of 10 plus whatever damage was dealt. If he passes, he survives. If he fails, he still takes the damage. Holy shit. Can we get Jackson to roll it so that if he fucks it up, it's really his fault?

Oh, yeah, if Jackson wants to roll it. Okay. I'll roll my saving, because I think I'm only on like 15 hit points. Or do I heal up as I lapped? No, you have not healed yet. Okay. So do you remember, Leo, when you went through the collarbone of that guy? Uh-huh.

He basically just grabs Griff by the hair, pulls his head back from the wall a little bit, and in between the top vertebrae, jams his rapier and shoves it all the way down, straight down your spine. Would you like to roll damage first? Let's do this. 2, 2, 2.

So 6. Okay, so I have to roll 16 on a fortitude save? Yep. Oh my god. How am I going to roll 16? I don't know, man. How am I going to roll 16? Roll a 20. What did you roll?

What did you roll? Oh, it's, I mean, like. I rolled a two. A legitimate two. If it makes you feel any better, you would have died from damage dealt anyway. Oh, boy. Guys. Sayonara.

Griff, you are dead. Oh well great so long everybody what does this mean this means ainsley because leo you also failed your second save you're not asleep normally you're unconscious from the poison as well yep ainsley is the only one who can wake up right now. You got this, Ainsley. Wake up, wake up. I'm off to heaven, gang. You wake up. Oh my god. Initiative.

I'm gonna yell out. Hang on. You're in a poison sleep. Holy shit. Your first, Ainsley. I think I'm going to try and shoot him with my very good bow and arrow skills. Okay. So you roll out of bed quickly.

You start screaming. You roll out of bed. As you're doing it, your pack is lying on the bed next to you. You grab the bow as you're rolling, come up, fire an arrow. It strikes him. Yes. I'll never let him live through this. I'll hunt this man down for killing my friend.

The arrow hits him in the shoulder and you see him, like, slow down. But now he's charging at you. Well, bring it, motherfucker. I'm upset on many levels. I think we're all just going to die tonight, guys. What an adventure it was. He lunges at you forwards with his rapier You dodge to the side

and he misses It's your turn again Ainsley Leo can't be awoken I'm still going to yell just throughout the whole experience Half you know Mainly hysterics And then I'm going to take another shot, like rapid shot. Okay.

You take a five-foot step backwards to do that first. Good thing you remembered that. Yeah. You hit him once, but your second arrow, you're panicking, and the second arrow goes wide. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Bam, bam, bam. You hit him about the same place you hit him last time.

Ah, that's upsetting. Maybe it's his weak spot. Yeah, let's damn. Damn, damn, damn. You hit him about the same place you hit him last time. Ah, that's upsetting. Maybe it's his weak spot. Yeah, let's hope it's his Achilles heel. He lunges forward again with his rapier. You're in like this sort of dance almost where you're backing up as dexterously as you can and he's lunging forward with as much strength as he can muster. Okay.

He hits you. Oh, no. Guys, how did this happen? We got drunk. Oh, he only deals one point. This was a bad night, guys. I've got to work out how to resurrect you. Oh, I know.

Good luck. Ainsley, it's your turn. Back up again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, rapid shot. Rapid shot. Annihilate him, Ainsley. You hit him twice. Good. Good. I want one in the face and one in the dick. Oh, rapid shot. Rapid shot? Annihilate her main sleep. You hit him twice?

Good. Good. I want one in the face and one in the dick. Oh, ten damage. Yeah. He goes down. Yes! You fire twice, once in his breast and once in his cheek,

and he flops over backwards. I want to smash his head with my foot. You stand over him and you just start pounding downwards with the heel of your boot. Yeah. You cave his skull in and splatter his brains all along the floor. I did that for you. Maybe check him.

Okay, Griff and also me. Yeah, I'm going to check Griff first. You're all right. You don't know. Griff is very dead. Can I save him? No, he's beyond saving. Take my body to someone

just run out in the middle of town okay I'm gonna check on I'm gonna check on Leo as well Leo has been poisoned and is in comatose

uh you don't know how you'd have to just let it take its course how? just leave him does he just sleep it off?

there's nothing hopefully yes a para hopefully a para hopefully How? Just leave him. Does he just sleep it off? There's nothing... Hopefully, yes. A para-hopefully. A para-hopefully. Oh, guys. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I just...

I need... I'm just going to... Drag him to a cleric. You see, but you break down and cry. I think I might. I'm feeling it. I'm feeling that might be the most logical action. I just want to save Kripp.

I'm gone, guys. I want to hold... I'm gone. Move on. You don't know where to find a cleric. Guys, move on. I'm feeling that might be the most logical action. I just want to save Kriv. I'm gone, guys. I want to hold... I'm gone, move on. You don't know where to find a cleric. Guys, move on. I'm gone. You knew where you could find two a brief while ago. Oh, damn it. I don't know how death works in D&D.

So do you want to explain that? Like, how long can we wait to get him to a cleric? Well, it depends how powerful the cleric is. A low-level cleric, you'd need to find depends how powerful the cleric is a low level cleric you'd need to find one within a well not a low level like to bring the dead back to life even the most basic of those spells you'd need to find a fairly powerful cleric all right and you would need to find one within a week all right all right there are two more things to know. If you can find an extremely powerful cleric, but that will take some doing, it doesn't matter how long.

An extremely powerful cleric can bring him back no matter what. New mission. New mission. The other thing, though, if Kripp's remains are used to create an undead creature, Kripp is lost forever. Okay, let's not make him a zombie. I mean, it was on the table, but now it's not.

I thought about it. Okay. I would like to... I'm unconscious. I'm not in a coma. You do you. I'd like to scream out help so that hopefully someone...

Are you just going to scream out help where you are? You're like on the floor above the bar. Yelling out a window. Yeah, yeah. I'll just be like, somebody help. Please. And then

hopefully someone will hear me and then come up because I'm a damsel in distress and they love that shit. Highs or lows? Lows, because highs fucked me last time, Adam. Highs killed Jackson. You hear footsteps coming up the stairs. In the doorway, two figures, silhouette figures, come through.

In the dim light from out the window, you can just vaguely make out their outlines, two more tieflings from the bar below. This is bad. Hey, they might be good tieflings. Please, please help. One of them smiles and says, you look like you're in a lot of trouble. I am in a lot

of trouble. Thank you for noticing. It's always nice when people notice. Please help. One of them stays by the doorway, but the other one is moving a little bit further into the room. He looks over at Kriff and then over at Leo. He says, I think you're all alone. Panic and

run out the window. Just go. I'm going to stand up. I'm going to get my bow and arrow and aim it at his face and go, I've gone through a lot tonight, you piece of shit. You either help me or leave. And I want to do it in that mum tone so they know that they're fucked. You know?

I can't leave, Leo. He's still not dead because if you leave me they're going to stab me in the neck they will the tiefling smile gets a little wider

if anything just leap out a window Leo's gone he's done you can see that he's slowly trying to like before you can start a fight he's obviously trying to like

just inch his way forward so that he can get his blades into battle before you can get your bow loosen your fucking arrow in his face. Yeah, that. Yeah, I was like, that's a bad. Why would I not do that?

Oh, wait, let it go in his face. Rapid shot? Yes. I would like to rapid shot every single fibre of my being is in fury and hatred towards this gentleman and his crew. You hit him twice. Good. In the dick.

Oh, crit hap, guys. Did I hit him in the dick. Oh, crit hap, guys. Did I hit him in the dick? Yeah, so one arrow goes straight through his shoulder and spins him around. Good. The second arrow just nearly, like, with enough force to sever his head almost. Oh, yes. He hits the floor with a wet flump. with enough force to sever his head almost. Yes!

He hits the floor with a wet flump. The other tiefling draws daggers at the door and moves to come to you. Then he jerks. Suddenly, you see in the middle of his chest this red patch slowly spreading outwards. And then with a tremendous ripping sound, a spear stabs its way completely through his chest. The tiefling

is lifted a couple inches off the ground. Drops to the floor and the bartender is standing behind him. Adam Conamoli, you fuck! Yes! Did not see that coming.

I didn't see that. First I thought it was Jigglem, then I thought it was Grayson, now I'm just confused. I think I'm going to marry a bartender, I don't know what's going on. Okay. 25 gold, he says. Will you save my friends? He looks at both of them.

I'll save your friend. Which friend? Find out next time on D&D is for Nerds If you think this show is worth at least a dollar Why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website SandsPantsRadio.com Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content,

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