D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #3 Battles, Bunkbeds and the Undeads

Episode Date: July 26, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes pump themselves up, egg each other on and push slightly further into the evil warlock’s lair. Very slightly. We execute a helpless orc captain, engage in an elven trance and do battle with the undead minions of Wundron Norton. Krif get slimed, Leo disables a trap and Princess Ansley just wants to finish building her bunkbed. So join our party as they pile up the dead bodies, sleep in the gore of their fallen enemies and try to figure out their next move. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sounds fancy radio. I'm gonna dark mantle this bitch. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table rolling dice to pinch imaginary butts, but that is exactly what we're doing today. Welcome to episode three of D&D is for Nerds. I'm Ellie Kathleen, playing the role of Ainsley Foggyfeather, and there's Jackson Bailey, playing the role of Criff Pum Pum Criff. Yeah. Joel Zammett playing the role of Leo Shadow. Woo! And our amazing and ever talented DM Adam Carnival Tree. Guys!

Shut up. Previously on D&D is for Nerds. There's eight beds. Four of them have sleeping orcs in them. We're gonna stab

some in the sleep. I'm gonna have a little laugh then. Uh, can I throw a dagger at his face? Can we make it into a bunk bed and then sleep

on the top bunk? Jiggle, go for the kill. Yeah, another critical hit. Yes! Joel Zammett, champion of the world. Pillow at his face. Can we make it into a bunk bed and then sleep on the top bunk? Jigga, go for the kill. Yeah, another critical hit. Yes! Because I am a champion of the world. Pillow to the face. Aneurysm. Aneurysm.

Heart attack. Grab one of them in the face. Ooh! Spooky magic. And how dead am I? You flew too close to the sun. That's what's happening. Damn it, Icarus.

Uh, where were we again? Oh, yes. Ainsley, it's your turn. I, Icarus. Where were we again? Oh, yes. Ainsley, it's your turn. I think I'm going to shoot one. Yeah, no, that's fair enough. Well, I mean, I've run out of beds. The one that's attacking me. The one that's attacking him or the one that's doubled over in pain?

Nah, he seems preoccupied. I'm going to go with the one that's attacking Leo. All right. Yes. Sorry. You try to get a bead on the big orc, but Leo is like staggering around. You're blinded by your own blood.

Oh, no. And you just can't get a shot at him without hitting Leo. This happens a lot. Yeah, it is. And, Chris. I'd like to use one of my spells Babow slime Which coats me in a red slime It coats you or anyone you touch Yeah they're fine

It coats me in a red slime That causes people to take Acid damage if they attack me If they get right up close If this guy hits you with a mace He's fine He's gotta like hug you or bite you Well I'll hug him next round.

Covering myself in slime. Kriff, you start sweating slime. Oh, it's so gross. I've never done this before. I hate it. Turn it off. You can't. Help.

Okay. Leo, it's your turn. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. Help. Okay. Leo, it's your turn. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I'll be right there. I can't. I'm in brooms. Wild stab at the guy who makes me in the face.

This is another. It's not even like the rapier has a critical range from 18 to 20. If I get an 18, a 19, or a 20, it's a critical hit. It's not even like I've been getting 18s, 19s, critical hit. It's not even like I've been getting 18s, 19s, 20s. It's 20s. I've been getting 20s. Come on, 20. Okay.

It hits, but it's not a critical hit. You skewer him in the belly, but it's not a deep, it's not like all the way up to the hilt like the last couple ones have been. It hurts him, but he doesn't look like he's gonna slow down oh no oh boy guys i'm gonna die all right i'll just hug him all right okay i'll just burn him with my love i shouldn't go to my cat and slime i'm an idiot

uh he just sort of lines up his mace with the first dent in your skull that he made. Oh, boy. And just hits you again. You take nine points of damage. Jesus. You are now on the ground dying. You're not dead yet. You're on.

Am I in negative points? You're in negative. How does this work? What happens? Explain death to me. So you don't actually die. One day I die? What happens is when you get to zero, you're considered staggered.

So you're still standing, but you don't want to strain yourself. Then when you get into negatives, you fall unconscious and you start bleeding out. You don't actually die until you hit negative 10 You're on negative 5 now Every round you'll continue to bleed out And take damage until an ally helps you Or until you stabilize yourself With just luck

So luck is basically what you're hoping for That's kind of all you got Because these bugalongs aren't going to help Good luck guys So long The other one is still like doubled over That's kind of all you got. Because these bugalongs aren't going to help. Good luck, guys. Come on. So long. The other one is still doubled over in agony and isn't doing anything. That was me, guys, so remember that.

Remember that for the history books. Put that in. Ainsley, it's your turn. I'm going to try and shoot the bad guy, which could be pretty good. Literally, yes. Leave me alone. Distraught as you are by the sudden incapacitation of Leo, you can't see through the tears properly.

Aaron misses. I love that you're getting somebody who misses. It's like you just weren't trained as an archer. You're like, no, guys, I'm an archer. And every time you fight, you're just like, whoa, whoa, off in random directions. Just as Leo has not really rolled below 15, Ainsley has not really rolled above 5 today.

That's unfortunate. What the hell? Alright, okay. Looking for rebellion. Can't quite grasp it. I'd like to leap at the orc and just hug the shit out of him. Oh, he gets a free sock at you

if you try that. I don't care, let's go. Yeah, he hits you. Oh, he gets a free sock at you if you try that. I don't care. Let's go. Yeah, he hits you. So you take eight points of damage. Hey, guess who's on a negative one? Oh, no! Ainsley!

Princess! Save us! Save us, princess! Oh, God. Save us! This has gone so bad so quickly. Please help me. You and your fucking throne. Oh, I don't regret the throne part, though. That was worth it.

You're like just wet body slumps against him. Wait, against him? Does that mean he takes some damage? He takes damage, yeah. Yeah, no, that's what I was about to say. Yes! You're like slumping against the orc, and the orc's like,

well, Ainsley, you're the only one who hears this because the other two fuckers are unconscious. But the orc sort of chuckles at first, and then it's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and you just smell burning orc. Yeah. All right.

Hey, we might win this. Yeah. So we only have one health potion left between us. Half? That would put it at... Okay, so. Best, I guess. Leo, it's your turn.

You're bleeding out. You have a chance to just randomly stabilize. Which you make. Yay! You are the luckiest son of a bitch. I, oh my God. It's their turn. Am I now still negative five or what am I?

You stay at negative five. All right. You're not up, but you're not dying anymore. I'm cool with that. I've got a health potion in my jacket. You know that. Ainsley? The one of them that's still standing, the one that smells like anymore. I'm cool with that. I've got a health potion in my jacket. You know that. Ainsley, the one of them that's still standing, the one that smells like Bernie Ork, charges you.

Has he got, like, an outprint of my body, like an imprint of my body on his body? His lower half from the waist down, like the metal is melted, and it looks like it's fused with his skin. That's not good for him. Tell him to shut up. He swings at you with his mace thing.

I'm going to dodge. But you don't have to. He stumbles because his legs aren't working because they're like kind of half metal right now. You're welcome. He can't get a good hit in. Yes. And the other one's still doubled in pain.

Ainsley, it's your turn. So is the one that's lying down going to die by himself? He's not lying down. He just, like, stumbled. He's still bearing down on you. He's not going to stop fighting. I'm going to stab him. Mm.

Mm. Mm. Mm. All right. Well, my archery's not great. Let's hope that this goes well. Okay, you hit him. Yay!

And you kill him. Yay! He stumbles forwards and you use that opportunity to drive your longsword through his fucking face and down his spine. Okay, that got graphic. I'm unconscious, but good. You lift up a boot and just use it to push him off your blade.

Ugh, gross. He falls over limply. Yes. You lift up a boot and just use it to push him off your blade. Gross. He falls over limply. Yes. And that puts it, Jax. I mean, Griff. Puffcrum. No.

Griff, I'm never going to say your full name. Just saying. Pum, Pum, Griff. You are on negative two now. Help, help, help. He is unable to say. Can we sprinkle health potion on them? Is that how it works?

You can just like open his mouth and shove it down his throat, massage his neck. Hold my nose. He might dry. He might drown. Can we give them half each so that they're both not dead? Not really. Hang on, wait. So who drank both not dead? Not really. Hang on, wait. So who drank healing potions?

I did. You did and so did Ainsley. So there's only one left. There's one left. Yep. Who do you love more, Ainsley? You guys will probably have to, if you rest, you'll regain hit points. So you'll probably want to do that after this.

But you might want to try and kill the other guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's still crumpled over. It's actually your turn again. Just try your sort. Yeah, I'm going to kill him. Just push him.

He might have a health potion on him. As you approach him, he's just on his knees. He looks up at you. In a very sort of sad voice, he just says, do it. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Fuck I don't know. Fuck, what did the grappling hook do to him? Yeah, I'm going to kill him.

Slice off his head. Yeah, you love his head off. It takes you a couple goes, but you do it. Oh, no. Oh, boy. That's horrible. Okay. So you've got this room clear again.

Can you please help? Oh, that reminds me. Chip on without us. Negative three, Jackson. Me and Jiggly Lump. Old Jiggly Lump. Jiggly Lump and I are going on an adventure. The world's worst princess slash worst ranger

and the world's fattest cat together finally. That's what you've all been clamoring for. Is this good for you? Is this what you want? I'm going to give Griff the potion. It was mine. Because he's dying. It was mine.

You are fully healed. Yeah. Heal me, son of a bitch. Hey, I have a potion of cure light wounds. What's that? Did you not drink that already? You regained hit points earlier. Is that not what you drank to do it?

I don't know. I just said I drank one. You drank that. I just assumed you wouldn't notice. Crap. Like I said, if you rest, you'll regain hit points. I'm just trying to see if I have anything to heal him. Resting in a throne room where there's still officers about.

Babu Slife? No. We'll drag him into the barracks. Okay. Block up that door and have a nap in the beds. Yes. Finish making the bunk bed first. Yes.

Done. Oh, lovely. Okay. Sugar top bunk. As you fall into uneasy sleep in the orc wet. It's slightly wet. I want to snuggle up to an orc, a dead one. He'll be cold.

If you don't know that, he might still retain some warmth. Open him up inside and just put him in the warm place. I'm little enough. Because if some undead guards come in and find us, it's going to be like, oh, they're just a sleeping dead orc. They're not going to suspect a halfling.

Just saying, you might want to sleep in the secret tunnel. No. We made our choice. What if we push a bed up against the door? Yeah, you can just make a pile of beds. Yeah, and I think a clever thing to do is put the dead orcs back in their beds and just snuggle up underneath one

so that everybody comes in and they're like, oh, the orcs are asleep, never mind. It's foolproof. Don't make a sound. They're just sleeping. Don't wake them up. They're so sleepy. Eh?

Subterfuge. I'm sure I have there as a skill. Don't wake them up. They're so sleepy. Eh? Yes. Subterfuge. I'm sure I have there's a skill. No. No, no, I don't have convinced people orcs are sleeping. I do have bluff, though. It's a negative one skill modifier. Bluff is for lying to people. It's kind of lying.

It's an untruth. Why don't you just hide under the bed? Because it's for lying to people. It's kind of lying. It's an untruth. Why don't you just hide under the beds? Because it's not as comfy. And comfort is above security in your priority list. He's one of our members. Exactly. I was a princess. Anyway, I'll say you push beds up against the doors.

Yeah. And you just like settle yourselves in. Leo, you spooning an orc. Good. Kriff and Ainsley, I assume on the bunk bed that you guys met. Yes. Feet warmed by a fat cat. Yeah.

And as you slowly drift off into fretful sleep, you just think in the back of your mind, fuck. Not good, guys. We did not do good. You're waking up and because you set a watch during the night, you know that during the night. We're clever people, guys. Yeah, I know.

The one thing we thought of. During the night. Eight hours only. We sleep over than that? 9 hours? No, adventurers have this magical ability where it's like just 8 hours on the fucking dot You don't have any timekeeping devices

but apparently you can just remember Internal alarm clock It's weird really My cat's sleeping on our faces As a half-elf, you only need to sleep for four hours, and it's not actually sleeping for you. It's called a trance. Oh, sick.

Yeah, I noticed that. I have immunity to sleep as a fate. So you don't sleep ever? He doesn't sleep as you or I humans do. Does he need to sleep? We're talking about Jackson or the half-elf? I need to sleep. No, Chris doesn't actually need to sleep. Sorry-elf? I need to sleep. No, Chris doesn't actually need to, or Criff, sorry,

doesn't actually need to sleep. A half-elf is just very productive in general. Elves are as well. What they do is they do four hours of trance, which is the equivalent to them of eight hours sleep. And in the trance, they're not completely unaware of the world, but it is like a deep meditation. I guess I'll take watch then.

You get shit done. Well, you don't. I don't, but my people do. The people do, yeah. Your people are, well, oh yeah, no, halflings are. Halflings are half-elves, sorry. Half-elves often act as diplomats and intermediaries. That makes sense.

Your people stop wars. Not me, though. I might start some. Before you're done, you might start a couple. All right. During the night, there was like this hammering at the door from the entryway to the throne room, and you noticed that they didn't try very hard to get into the room,

but they did make an effort. Lazy. After that, you heard them give up and there was just like whispering on the other side. You're not sure what that's all about, but you're pretty sure they know where you are. For some reason, they haven't made a concerted effort to get at you.

What are you going to do when you wake up? Alright. Make the bed. You spend a couple minutes making a wet bed. Oh, no, it's probably dry by now. Was it wet from orc sweat or blood? Blood, probably both.

And orc sweat? It was wet before you bled out the orcs. Gross. You're like covered in slime. Oh, yeah. Does that go? Oh, yeah. It left ages ago.

But like, am I left tacky? I imagine every time you do it, it's like it left ages ago. But like, am I left tacky? I imagine every time you do it, it's not, it's like it's an acid. Every time you do it, I imagine your clothes like are a little bit more patchy. Oh boy. Oh boy, guys. I'm going to be chilly if it's cold. Let's start

maybe from the... Do you want to check for traps? I was going to say... Yeah. Yeah, alright. I was going to say the other, The undead guards the other way. What do you mean? Like, are they dead? We just left them there. They kind of were happy. They seemed like

they knew what they were doing. Alright. Let's just leave them there then. I'm going to go check for traps. Okay. The door to the throne room? Yeah, cool. Well, you have to move some of the beds out of the way so you can get in there. I assume you do that. You find the trap. Ah!

Yes! See? Jackson Bailey, useful to the group. In the night, it looks like they've set up some sort of tripwire trap. You just open the door, like, just the tiniest of cracks, and you can see the tripwire. You're not sure what snipping it will do. You're not sure if, like, it could be a trap where,

if it goes loose or if it goes taut. Is it like at the bottom of the door or is it like if the door hits it? It's like about where the door handle is. So will the door hit it if we open it? You're not exactly sure. You just know there's a trip wire, really. Everybody get back. Throw a bed.

Yep. Time to magic open a door. We've already established that you can't throw beds. You could barely make a bunk bed. Yep. Time to magic open a door. We've already established that you can't throw beds. You could barely make a bunk bed. You made the bunk bed in the end. You just couldn't throw one. I'm going to open the door with magic, but quietly, because those are two spells I possess.

Okay, so you cast... Open door and open door. Before he does that, Aileen, I just want to notch an arrow just to get ready in case shit goes down. Maybe Ainsley could. Okay. Ainsley. Sorry, I couldn't help it.

Oh, my God. Ainsley, could you just notch an arrow? Yes. I'm going to get a sling ready. Yeah. All right. Cool. Just get prepared for battle.

You cast Silent Portal on the door. Loudly. I loudly cast Silent Portal. No, I cast it with appropriate volume and then you cast open close the door like silently swings and as it does you hear this twang like a snap and a big ball on like a spiked ball on a chain swings through the doorway missing all of you completely you're welcome bitches thanks buddy when the door opens you all of you completely. You're welcome, bitches. Thanks, buddy. When the door opens, you hear the twang and then you hear and shuffling feet.

And through the throne room door, undead creatures slowly move through and combat begins. I have got some sort of flavor to be undead. Yes, I know. Don't worry. David enemy. You caging them good. All right, are we doing this?

I've got such a plan, boys and girls. Oh, yeah. I'm going to cover my cat in slime. Yes. And then I'm going to magic my cat at the undead as though we were in a game of ten pin bowling. The cat's too big to launch. It can roll. Well, I could

certainly chuck it. I could hock my cat at some zombies. Leo, you're first. Start slinging some shit. Slinging shit? Yeah, you sling shit at them. You whip around with your sling and a sling shit at them. You whip around with your sling, and a sling fires a bullet.

It's not a bullet as we think of it. It's just like a rock, basically. The bullet slams into one of the lead zombies, but it just bounces harmlessly off a breastplate that it's wearing. Fuck. Don't throw rocks at zombies. Aim for the head Aim for the crotch

Ainsley I'm so sorry Killing zombies I mean Oh no Ainsley Yeah that's it Yeah I'm gonna shoot one We gonna get at boys and girls

You fire your bow But it's just like For some reason you think that like Drilling a hole through the breastplate Is the best idea possible. Solid plan. But I have flavoured enemy. Flavoured.

You keep saying that and you might lose your flavoured enemy. Then can I get flavoured? Even with it, you still fail to hit. Did this boy's go? Yes. This handsome boy. I pick up Jiggle Lump, my fat cat, and I coat him in a red slime. That'll be your turn.

That's okay. Get Baboo Slimed Jiggle Lump. He's like softly like struggling in your arms. Look it back off. I'm assuming you like got him around the fucking waist and it's just like his

paws are dangling in the air and he's trying to walk with them. Yes. Oh, Jigglem, you don't know what's happening. Okay, it's their turn. Who was the closest to the door? Either me or Zamet because her bunk bed was down the air. Probably Zamet, I'd say.

Actually, no, probably me if I was opening the door. Cool. So two of them get right up in your grills. I should have said Xamarin. One of them just, like, tries to grab you and bite you. The other one has this fucking club that he swings at you. Oh, God. These are lively dead people.

Hey, they miss. Yes. So, like, one of them swings and he smacks the other one in the face and neither of them hit you. Yes. Good. Does the one who tried to grab me, does he grab me? No, he the other one in the face and neither of them hit you. Yes. Good. Does the one who tried to grab me, does he grab me? No, he gets smacked in the face instead.

Oh, yes. Open your ears, Jackson. I mean, Griff. Yeah, Griff. Griff, now you're all right. And Leo, back to you. All right. So I'm just going to...

You can fire another sling bullet if you want. Can I get behind one of the zombies and just try and... Uh, you... Yeah, I'd say you know enough about zombies to know there's no, like, critical spot to hit. Like, it's not like, you know, George Romero hit them in the head. Magical zombies just, like, keep fighting until their bodies degrade. Oh, boy.

You'd probably actually do a lot more damage with the sling than with your rapier, because bludgeoning damage breaks, which is what the sling does. It's just like a blunt force trauma thing that breaks bones, which deteriorates them a lot faster than a slashing weapon would. Okay. Well, then I'll keep going at my sling. Keep slinging your sling.

Keep slinging away at the sling, sling, sling. Hey, you hit. Yeah. A little brass plate attacking for these boys. You sock one of them in the face. Keep slinging away at the sling, sling, sling. Hey, you hit. Yeah. And? Brass plate attacking for these boys. You sock one of them in the face. Yes. And his head, like, snaps backwards.

Gross. Like, white and black goo is just, like, oozing out of his head. It's a gross fight, guys. Guys, I don't like this. Why couldn't we fight bunnies? I'm disturbed by this fight. Do I have to go pick up my bullets as well? Out of the head?

Actually, you're the only one who doesn't. Like, a bow and arrow, you should probably go around collecting your arrows, but you, like it says in the book, you can just pick rocks up off the ground. I don't want, like, a gross, gooey, undead bullet that's going to go into my pouch and just infect the... Hang on. If everybody's... It's not George Romero.

It's not like a virus. It's a magic thing. Ainsley, it's your turn. Will you run or something? Can I swing my sword? Oh, yes, you can. Yes, I can. Oh, boy.

Okay, Ainsley, you drop your bow and arrow, draw your sword And you just Charging in, I guess screaming at the top Of your lungs That Hey, you hit It happens guys You are probably going to fail this guy

Yeah, you cut one of them down Like the one that was just trying to Bite at Leo. You step up. Got your back, buddy. Bam, bam, bam. With your sword, you just hack him into fucking ribbons. I've got so many daddy issues.

Take that, dad. Old pasty piece of shit. Whoa. Ainsley? Yeah, that's right. I'm making this dark. Okay, um... Crit? I would like to, one, be like,

cat, fuck up some cunts. And also hurl my spear at one. You can only throw one thing, the spear or the cat, make a choice. Can I just drop, put my cat in the ground and be like, go get him, and then throw my spear? Can you drop the cat, and the cat's like, He doesn't want to do this.

Jiggle up, you lazy shit. Hang on, let me roll. Fight the zombies. You're my goddamn familiar. Tell the cat that the zombies have hay fever and then the cat will go and rub itself up against all their legs. The cat's like he walks over

but he's like doing it lazily. You stupid cat. And then I'll throw my spear. Yeah. You hit one of them with your spear. Super. It just embeds itself in his belly. The zombie doesn't seem to care.

The zombie. Fuck. Now I have to get my spear back because I can't just pick up my spears from the ground. Another one just takes the place of the one that she cut down, but now it's one attacking Leo and one attacking Ainsley. I like the way I've... Oh, wait, no, I have been hit.

Have I been hit? Nope. Leo, the one with the clubs, tries to swing at you again, but he swings way over your head. You're not even sure what he's trying to hit. Ainsley. Double vision up. The other one grabs you and just like hoes down on your fucking neck.

Oh God. Does that mean I'm a zombie now? Sure does. Once again, not really George Romero zombies you take three points of damage brutal times sorry

Jekyll and Scott are back Jekyll and Scott will save the day I have faith in him I will trade him in for a bird I feel like that

would be better covered in slime or maybe it would be able to fly and it would just be like you can get a raven and ravens can speak

a language that's awesome. Cats, I guess, cannot? No. Each different familiar gives you a different bonus. What does a cat give you? Plus three to move silently. I should have been maybe using that.

Maybe. Nah. I think... Oh, it was raven. I think raven gives you plus two to listen or something like that. I can't remember exactly. Raven, help him. Raven just being like, yeah, no, this is what they're saying, mate.

Help you out. I got your back, bro. Don't worry. Don't even stress. You can get owls and eagles as well. That's awesome. Fuck this cat. You're the one who made him fat and useless.

I know. I could have been like, he's this sick beast. No. No. Jingle up's a piece of shit. Am I up, by the way? What do you mean? Am I up in initiative? Oh, sorry, I completely lost track.

You got distracted. You're talking about how fat my cat is. You got a fat ass cat. What's around me? There's the two zombies bearing down on Leo and Ainsley. Behind them you can see like maybe four more zombies. Can I just use scattershot just in general and see what goes?

If you... There's probably a lot of loose items. Yeah, fuck it. Yeah, okay. They'll take their breastplates off. Then they'll be naked. Sexy. Or if you wanted to, you could just kick over one of the chests.

There'll be shit in that. Yeah, all right, I'll do that. Okay. Kick over a chest and... You kick a chest over, none of them are locked, so like deleterious and shit just falls over. Not literal shit. Yeah.

It just goes everywhere. And then you fire your scattershot. Yep. Let's go nuts. I hope it's like gold. I hope it's bunnies. It just gets embedded in there. I just want fluffy bunnies to be dispersed.

Well, like the orcs have a little chest of fluffy bunnies. Fucking like daggers and small little nuts and bolts and bits of shit just hit everyone in a massive radius. Including us? Yep. Aw, Jack. Welcome, guys. I thought that was going to happen.

Okay, it's okay. Like, for some reason, Leo, not for some reason, you just knew something like this was going to happen eventually. So you managed to, like, duck your head. You still copped some shit, but you don't cop it as badly. Like, I don't know, maybe like a boot slams into the back of your head. Ainsley, you've just never seen him fuck up like this badly before. Oh, boy. And, like, I don't know, maybe a dagger fuck up like this badly before. Oh, boy.

And, like, I don't know, maybe your dagger embeds itself in your back. Oh, Jesus. Sorry. That's on me. Leo, you take three damage. Oh, my God. Ainsley, you are on negative one. How did that happen?

I killed you. I killed you. I took three damage from that From a boot to the back of the head You took off half my health That's 50% of my health All the zombies are dead So you're welcome Can I try and stabilise

Old Ainsley over here? Yes you can, but first Uh oh No, Ainsley over here? Oh, yes, you can. But first... Uh-oh. Oh, yeah. No, Ainsley self-stabilizes. Oh, sick. So she's unconscious, though?

Yeah, negative one hit point. Can we browse her? Let's just look at the zombie... No, you need to heal her. Let's just look around the room, the zombies. Anything healing potion? Bandages? You guys...

First aid kit? You can see... Ambulance? You can see into the throne room now, and you can see beyond it into the officer's court. All the doors basically are open right now. The front entrance area is empty, you can see. And you can also see into the officer's quarters, which is empty.

There's like two beds there. You imagine those two big orc things you've slept there. And you can also see into the alchemy lab. The alchemy lab has a set of stairs going down and a massive ray of alchemy ingredients and potions. Other than what I have described,

you know now that the top level is completely clear. Ah, fuck yeah. Alright, let's go search those officer's quarters. Check the traps. Whereabouts? Pass the throne room into the officer's quarters. Check for traps. Whereabouts? Past the throne room into the officer's quarters. The officer's, yep, okay. Just all the places. Generally all the places. Down the stairs

to the alchemy lab, is it? Yeah. The stairs downwards are in the alchemy lab. Check the door for the alchemy lab. Yeah, door for the alchemy lab. Wasn't there like a... That door is already open. He said something about a trap, but I don't know where it is door is already open. He said something about a trap, but I don't know where it is anymore. I forget.

He said something about a trap. Was it there? Okay. Upon searching the door to the alchemy lab, you find that there's arcane symbols to activate a trap, but it looks like the trap's been deactivated temporarily. Oh, phew. All right, let's search that officer's quarters.

Sling fucking Ainsley over my shoulder. I was going to tuck her into one of the beds and be like, that's probably a better idea. Okay. You search the officer's quarters and you find like just one big sack with 200 gold pieces in it. Yes.

Cool. Chuck that in. Chuck that into Ainsley's unconscious body. Just tuck it into her jacket. You hold on to that for us. Cash Ainsley. Good on you, Ainsley. You are a champ. Poor old Ainsley.

That bed. So much blood in it. Can we find some treasure? Yes! I hope it's a flute that can summon dogs. I just hope it's a healing potion. I just hope it's a hillbilly is what I'm talking about. Treasure in Dungeons and Dragons is randomly generated,

which is the best thing ever, because, I mean, who doesn't want to find five gold pieces on a wolf? Who knows how that happens? What was he wanting to buy? Wolves can't wear pants. When was he putting it? Not unless he has six gold pieces. Hey, if he had six gold pieces.

Hey, if he had six copper pieces he could Guys, we're rich. Fuck this wizard. Let's go. You find another Oh, no you didn't. 40 gold? Hey, that's enough for a room. That's more than we had before. I think you'll find one gold is enough for a room.

You tried to kill 15! I wanted for a room. You tried to give me 15! I wanted a good room. I'm sorry. You didn't even ask for it. Yeah, other than that, you find some swords and a rusty old set of armour, but nothing much in the officer's quarters is exciting. All right, let's go make a potion.

Let's go to the alchemy lab and have a look in there. I'm going to use my wizard skills to make a potion, Adam. Yeah, alchemy lab, alchemy lab. Mm a look in there. I'm going to use my wizard skills to make a potion, Adam. Mm. Yeah, alchemy lab. Alchemy lab. Mm. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. Yeah.

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