D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #4 Double Check for Traps

Episode Date: August 2, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes descend into the lower level of the dungeon and confront the evil Wundron Norton himself. We raid the alchemy (medicine) cabinet, fight off a mimic and lie to an old man. Krif is attacked by his own vengeful familiar, Princess Ansley finally decides to use her bow and Leo has trouble with seemingly inanimate objects. So join our party as they try to keep their hit points in the double digits, attempt to coerce Jiggalump into helping them and cripple an old cripple. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, help! There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table waiting for the DM to look up grappling rules. But that's exactly what we're doing. Welcome to episode 4 of D&D is for Nerds. With our lovely Ali playing Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Hello! Jackson playing Criff Pum Crump... Jackson playing Criff Pum Pum Criff. Hello. Jackson playing Criff Pum Crump.

Jackson playing Criff Pum Pum Criff. Yeah. And Joel playing Leo Shadow. I'm your DM, Adam Katnip. That's not your name. Shut up, Jackson. Previously on D&D is for Nerds. Criff, you start sweating slime. Oh, it's so gross. Princess, save us. Hey, guess

who's on a negative one? You and your fucking throne. We did not do good. Help, help, help. These are lively dead people. I should have coated my cat in slime. I'm an idiot. I've got so many daddy issues.

Guys, I don't like this. Why couldn't we buy bunnies? I'm disturbed by this fight. All the zombies are dead. You know now that the top level is completely clear Let's go to the alchemy lab and have a look in there I'm going to use my wizard skills to make a potion Adam

Where were we? The alchemy lab Okay you head into the alchemy lab There's like a big glass cabinet And in it there's lots of different potions They're all marked And they're written in draconic, Jackson. Oh, please.

Yeah. Okay, cool. Guess who speaks dragon? Draconic's more like a Nordic sounding thing I've always imagined. Like Raku Karimba. Something like that. Yeah, that's how I always imagine it. Raku Morimba.

I just figured dragons like I said dragon That's fascinating stuff, except it wouldn't be It'd be like Carry on I've never had your attention so clearly, Jackson It's scary Okay so the potions are

labeled by Pitches Like the Emperor's New Groove I know how this is going to turn out guys The potions are labeled by School of Magic so you've got like healing potions and then

alteration potions alterations like alter things obviously healing potions and then alteration potions. Alterations like alter things, obviously. Illusion potions, that sort of stuff. Also good. Can I put them all in my backpack, please? Gingerly, you take them out one at a time. Split them? Are they corked or are they just loose?

They're all corked. They're stoppered even. They're not going to leak anyway. Yeah, they're not going to leak anyway unless I hold them into my backpack then they'll all smash unless you put your arm down the back of the thing and just like slide them all fucking into your bag and then just make Ali suck the back

of my backpack like the damp area the bin juice if it were magic bin juice, if it were. Magic bin juice. Magic bin juice. How good. So that's on the upper part of this glass cabinet.

On the lower part, there's different types of magical reagents. You could name most of them. A lot of them are dime a dozen, like beetle eyes. Oh, yeah. Eye of newt. Yeah, eye of newt, sort of them are dime a dozen beetle eyes or eye of newt sort of shit like that. Some of them look a little bit more elaborate. You think you see dragon scales and maybe like

a silk pad thing. A silk pad? A silk feminine hygiene rug. From a classy lady. Let me re-describe that one. For the royalty of the party. It's a pity.

Well, you know, you do have some blood that needs mopping up. Yeah, that's true. No, more like a... How would I describe this? Like a... It's covered in silk, rather. Like a... Something to, like, put shit on.

So, like a cushion. Yeah, like a cushion. Yeah, cool. Would be a better word, I guess. All right. I'm going to grab one of the healing potions, first of all. And just... Does it say what kind, or does it just say healing?

It says potion of cure light. All right, cool. I'll take that, and I'll just chuck it down Ainsley's throat over here. Yes! See what happens. You are now sitting on... sitting pretty on four hit points. Sick. And I want to go back and look at the alteration potions.

What do we got here, Adam? What are we talking? I want to take the silk pillow. I want to steal the expensive ingredients. It's better than sitting on a potato sack. Okay. So there's like maybe six cure light wound potions. Chuck them in the bag.

You see two endure element potions. All right. Take it. You see one hide from animal potions. Oh, fuck yes. That's when you want to abandon your cat. Yes, and I want to be like, guys, just let Jiggalump go away. Two potions mark simply jump.

You're not sure what's going on with that. I'm taking those bad boys. Yeah, take those. A potion of mage armor. Potions should probably be writing these down. Yeah, someone should. All right. Wait, who was marking down the money earlier?

I am marking the money. Yeah, you should mark these down. What do I have to do? I'll mark down the potions. Two of light wounds. Now we have five. Yes? I think I said six

Six is after Jump Two Endure elements Hide from animals Oh god, elements is long to write Two HF animals

Two One that says mage armor. Mage armor. Which you know as a spell. Yeah, cool. And there's four ones that rather than being marked like in a written word in draconic, are marked with just like a symbol of someone floating.

Yes. How many of them we got? Four. Oh, sweet. Floaties. I am writing. Yes. How many of them we got? Four. Oh, sweet. Floaties. I am writing. Sick. All right.

Four of those bad boys. Cool. Let's, anything else? Yeah, steal the ingredients and. You've basically cleared out the top level at this point. I'm glad. I'm going to sell that motherfucker. Yeah, we're going to live quite a good life.

And yeah, you cleared out the magical reagents as well. We have our own castle. Yeah. Let's take this castle. Nah, this one's dirty. We'll clean it up. It is a bit dirty though. It's also inhabited by a really powerful wizard still, I think you'll find.

Still. Yeah, but we got all his shit now. Like him somewhere. Hey, we're not quite done yet. We're selling a block of wood. Right? What? Hey, we're not quite done yet. Sell him a block of wood. Eh? What? We have a...

Oh, no, we sold our coat. Damn. Shroff down the stairs? Check the traps down the stairs. You find a trap on the stairs. Yes! Nice. I would have died.

It's a sigil of holding. It's like this magical sigil on the roof of the stairway. And anyone who steps under it will be held there magically. You could try to disable it, but you're not sure about the magic. I drink one of the floating potions. You drink one? Yes. Okay, you just start floating.

As if gravity no longer affects you. Can I control myself? You can sort of push off things. It's as if gravity is no longer affecting you. I'm just floating next to you. I'm like, maybe what if I float over the sigil? It won't affect me if I don't step on it? That's not how it works, but you can bluff and say it is.

Sure, float through. Sure, why not? Let's see what happens. Nah, Jackson, you think he's lying you son of a bitch you son of a bitch you're gonna you're gonna let me get fucking got

well maybe you piece of shit okay alright if someone deactivated son of a bitch if one person gets stuck

does that mean the trap is gone it'll only hold one person. Hey, how attached a jigglypuff thing are you? Not attached at all. Once again, it's as if gravity is not affecting him. He would really have no recourse if you just pushed him over the sigil. No, no, no. You are chaotic evil.

Just like a light tower. No, no, no, no, no, no. You are Jackson. Oh, hang on, wait, I roll for you. Let's get to your reflex. Why don't we just throw an orc body in there? Nah, Jackson, you like push off a wall and he comes back at you. Yeah, like, you son of a bitch.

Flying at you to slap you in the face. Just duck. Yeah, you really can son of a bitch. Flying at you to slap you in the face. Just duck. Yeah, you really can't change direction much. It's like this spell is kind of as much a gift as it is a curse. Put Jigglelump in there. I don't give a fuck. Jigglelump does not want to do that. He's a cat.

He'll do what he's told. He's trying to force him. Listen, I'm floating. Okay, you trying to force him? This one. I'm floating. Okay, you trying to force him, Leo? Yeah. Should we get Angelio over here? He fucking scratches you in the face. Aww.

Piece of shit cat. Oh, you get got. Oh, no. Take two points of damage. Piece of shit cat. Oh, God. This is what you get for using a cat as a decoy. He scratches you in the fucking face.

He's like freaking out in your fucking arms. Oh, God. Hurl it. Huck him in. Just huck him in. Okay, hang on. This fucking cat does. Yeah, you get him, man.

Good. You like chuck him into the thing. The sigil flashes with magical energy, and Jigglelump is just, like, frozen in midair, unable to move. He, like, can't make a sound, can't do anything, but his eyes are, like, fucking swirling around madly. You just gently pat him and chuff on by. You pat him and, like, you just hear this, like,

it's hard for him to make sound, but he makes enough effort to just do a low growl at you. We'll get you on the way back, Jacob. It'll wear off eventually, right? Right. You have no idea. Give me one of them healing potions. I need them.

All right, take a healing potion. Okay. I think we're going to need to invest in a lot of them. Okay, now we're down to five. Hope you're keeping track of them. Sure am. Because if I find out you're not, oh boy. Jackson Bailey, you take ten floaties at once.

To twenty health potions. Suddenly we get a billion health potions. Lucky us. Heart attack. Damn it Jackson You I'm sorry Crit

You know Crif Crif Crif Lump Lump Crif That's not even my name It's not even close I like that we're How far in

And I still just don't Can't get your character's name Crif Pum Pum Crif Crif Plump Crif Plump Plump Crif Pum Pum Pum Crif Pum Pum Bumbles Crif-pum-pum-crif. Crif-plump. Crif-plump. Plump. Crif-pum-pum-pum. Pum-pum-bumbles. Crif.

I am only ever going to call you. I'm having trouble with Crif, Jackson. Yeah. You want me. Let's not complicate matters. Fair enough. I'll accept that. Okay.

Yeah, you know this type of magic, and you know that it probably is going to hold him for about an hour. We got about an hour until Jiggler comes back to get us. And you fear his retribution. At least two of us. So let's just not worry about that. We got an hour, guys. You keep heading down the stairs.

At the bottom of the stairs, you come to a set of double doors. They're made of this nice elaborate stone. Check for traps. Forever check for traps. For Rafa, check for traps. Nice elaborate stone, and in it is carved a demon. Uh-oh. Oh, boy. Oh, boy.

You better believe it's safe. Okay. Let's chuff on through. Chuff on through the demon door. The players can't see this, but I'm smiling maniacally. Can I look? The players can't see this, but I'm smiling maniacally. Hey, cast silent door thing, and I want to... Silent door. I want to look in, listen in, sneak a peek.

You work the handle, and as soon as you push it down, the door just slams into your fucking face. Oh, no! Wow. You said it was a trap. Check for traps better! You take one point of damage. Your nose is bleeding. Ow. Ow.

Ow. Oh god. Does the door open or is it just... No, it doesn't open. It shuts itself after it does that. Check for traps better, I guess. This time you find it. There's like some magical arcane writing hidden in among the carving. You didn't see it the first time. I see how this goes, Adam.

I see how things are. You can roll low. It's possible. Do I know what that is? Yeah, you can make an attempt to disable it by breaking the sigil's line of effect. All right, I'll do that. Okay. Why not?

See what happens. Yeah, no, you do it. So you take your dagger out, and the line of the script wraps around the demon, and you just, with your dagger, break it, and you see it flare, and then the magic dies. You champion. I am a king. Let and then the magic dies. You champion. I am a king.

Let's rock it on three. He sat on the throne once. That's official. Basically king. Basically king. Okay, you open the door. You come into a long hallway. Off the hallway, there are two doors going on either side.

In the hallway itself is just chests. Okay. All right. Next to the walls. Check for traps. Where do you check for traps? The chests. Everywhere. Constantly on alert.

My nose is bleeding. I'm worried. I am concerned there are things out there. Where is everything? Don't be ridiculous everything is fine everything is super safe there are six chests in total do you really want to check all of them

for real it's going to take a while and it's probably safe yes don't look at the book I'm reading I want to maybe double check every chest as well Can you guys see the picture from where you're sitting? I could

I know what I'm in for Yes, yes I do But nevertheless Ainsley, are you the only one who couldn't see? I have no idea what's going on Oh boy Griff pom pom Griff doesn't I'm gonna check a chest Oh wait, who's checking the pump, pump, Griff doesn't. I'm going to check a chest.

Okay. You, um... Oh, wait, who's checking the chest? Leo or Griff? Leo. We'll do one at the same time because there's, like, two on either side. You, like, feel the chest

to look for, like, a tripwire or something like that and then the chest, like, just morphs so that it has two arms and combat begins. Fighting chests. Damn it. Knew this was coming. Knew we were going to be fighting chests today.

I ain't worth my time if I ain't fighting chests. Chests with initiative. The chests are fast. But we're faster. I don't know, maybe. I don't think so. Knowing our luck. Fighting a chest, does it get legs?

Does a chest even bleed? How do you kill a chest? Hang on, let me roll to see if any of you know what this thing is. Oh, God, guys. Oh, God. No, no. You are all freaking... What is happening?

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I just thought it was a simple chest. I was checking for traps What's happening It goes first Oh my god they're so fast Oh Jesus

Oh boy It hits you It grabs you with it's arms And like just slams itself It's humping you to death No It grabs you with its arms and just slams itself into you. It's humping you to death. You take two points of damage. That's upsetting.

That is. Does it have a mouth? I believe it's chest. I believe it's a chest. It's still sort of basically shaped like a chest. The fucking, like the lip opens up and inside it's just like teeth. It's a mouth.

It's teeth. How did this come about? Is this an enchanted chest or is this just natural breathing? We're on Treasure Trove Cove from Banjo-Kazooie. No, it like makes sense evolutionarily because it starts sticking to you. It's got this adhesive

body and so now it's food. Or if you don't get out of the way soon enough, you're going to be its food. No, this makes perfect sense evolutionarily speaking, guys. Of course. Sam, sometimes snakes look like poisonous snakes.

Sometimes a snake looks like a hamburger. It makes perfect sense. It's just life. It's like, hey, oh, my God, I'm so hungry, and there's a hamburger just lying on the... Oh, God! It's a snake instead. If snakes could look like hamburgers, they would.

Oh, I'll pay that. Yeah, they probably would. Okay, anyway, now it is Leo's turn. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. I'm freaking out, man. You can try to break free or you can just attack it. Can I just flail away, stab him?

Yeah, you can go at it with your back. Hack him away. Oh, that's never a good thing to hear. Oh, no. Critical fumble. Oh, boy. It's been so long.

How many health points am I losing? Better to give. So you take your dagger out, and you try to stab at the mimic, but it's called a mimic, by the way, guys. All right. The dagger gets crushed in between you and it as it latches itself onto you. Oh, no.

And you stab yourself. Oh, boy. For how much? You take another two points of damage. Guys, I'm on one health. Oh, my God. Dammit. Just run.

Just fucking run. Are the other chests popping up or just this one? No, just this one. It's grappling him. He can't run. I'm only little. You are. You're just a little me.

Jackson, I mean, Griff, it's your turn. Okay, let's see if this works. How far away am I from it? Not that far because I went to check the other chest. No, you're pretty close. Cool. Can I launch my smoke stick at it into the mouth of the mimic

you can try let's give it a hot go okay oh boy well you don't hit you don't hit Leo so that's the good thing yeah

good stuff you do you do strike the mimic oh yes you're welcome thanks oh fuck yeah it goes into its mouth oh yes Strike the mimic. Oh, yes. You're welcome. Thanks. Oh, fuck, yeah. It goes into its mouth.

Oh, yes. Vomit and smoke everywhere. In your face, you're like, what? Am I dying? Is this hell? It's in my knife wound. Yeah, the smoke stick strikes the mimic. Wait, did you activate the smoke stick before you lost it?

Yes, of course. I was like, it'll activate in there. It just occurred to me that when you activate the smoke stick, you can no longer see what you're shooting at. Oh, yeah. Hang on. Oh, boy. Highs or lows, Jackson?

Highs. Oh, no. I'm sorry, Jackson. The smoke stick just goes wild. Good luck stealing the light, guys. No'm sorry, Jackson. The smoke stick just goes wild. Good luck saying straight past it, guys. No, it like passes everything. It's like off in a corner creating smoke. I fucked up.

Yep. I fucked up and now you're going to die. Ainsley? No. Throw your smoke stick in his mouth. I don't have a smoke stick. Throw your rations in his mouth. Fire your bow at it, you idiots.

Yeah, yeah, that one. God, what the fuck, Jackson? We're always going to have the clever little plan. Ooh, we'll make a block of wood and that'll fucking fix everything. Well, I thought maybe if we gave it actual food. No, it's okay. It's okay. I don't blame you.

I blame fucking Jackson. Yes. You hit the mimic. Yay. Oh, God. An arrow, like, is protruding from the mimic's, like, fucking side. Ooh. It looks like it heard it, but it's, like, quite intent on its meal.

Oh, no. It's turn. Oh, no. Goodbye, lemon. I loved you all. You were good, Leo. It tries to, like, fucking get you into its mouth, but it can't.

It's like trying to work its jaw just to fit around you. It's having trouble getting you in there. Good. It's your turn. It's not dead yet. Rapier in its face. You can't use your rapier. It's too big to use when it's grappling you.

You can try again. Dagger it. Dagger it in the mouth. You can try to just break free. It's not easy because it's sticky and it's sticking to you.. You can try again Dagger it. Dagger it in the mouth. You can try to just break free. It's like it's not easy because it's like sticky and it's sticking to you. Then I'm just going to dagger it. Just dagger it. Wait, what does acid flask do? I have one.

Why didn't you put your acid spell on him? A lot of damage if you poured it down its throat. I'm going to do that. Why didn't you put his slime spell on Leo, dude? Perfect time for a slime spell. This is like literally what that spell was designed for, Jackson.

I'm a bad wizard. You pour the acid down the mimic's throat. The mimic like jerks in your like grasp and then it just goes limp. Oh, thank Christ. Oh my God. It doesn't stop sticking to you though. You gotta like peel it off you. It doesn't stop sticking to you, though. You've got to peel it off.

It's like getting gum out of your hair. Just cut it off. Can we go and stab all the other chests a couple times? You try that, but all the other chests seem real. Do we get free stuff? Check for traps. Check for traps. You find no traps. You're going down the line of traps. You find no traps.

Oh, you're like going down the line of chests. You find no traps on the second one. It's open. Do you want to open it? Yeah, let's look inside. Yeah, so... I'm not opening it. I'll open this one.

I need to just chill and collect my thoughts. I'll give you a health potion. I nearly got ate by a goddamn chest. Wait, are the four health potions. Have one. Oh, yeah. Fully healed. We are going through that.

Down to four, guys. Are they rare? They seem rare. It depends where you go. They seem rare for us. Okay. How many healing potions do you have left? Four Just so I have a mental note of

how hard you're going to be to kill Yup, oh boy I don't have a smoke stick anymore What's in the chest? You open the chest and you hear twang Oh what? We checked for traps And then out of a spring-loaded thing,

a fucking snake flies through your face. Highs or lows, Jackson? Lows. No one has fed the snake in a long time, and its dead body hits you in the face. Oh, sad. Get off, get off, get off, get off. You still take one point of, like, I'm going to say non-lethal damage.

Yeah, rightio. Just from it hitting you in the face. That'll heal really quickly. Oh, good. It's just like you've got a bruised nose. I'm just like, ow, snake bruise. Is the chest empty? It's empty.

It's all based around that fucking trap. Check every chest. I'm going to check all the chests. The trests for traps? The trestles. All the trestles and the chests for traps. The trests. They're like chests, but they've got like fangs.

But not mimics either. They're just another kind of dangerous chest. I'm now very wary and scared of every single chest. So just power through them. Very, very thorough. You find one more single chest. So just power through them. Very, very thorough. You find one more trapped chest. It looks like it's trapped in the same way. You can disable the trap if you want.

Wait, so it's a... It's another spring-loaded trap. It's another snake trap. I'll just disable the trap. Let's do that. How do you disable a snake trap? You trip the trap accidentally. Oh, no.

But the... Hang on. High or low? Low. Low? Okay. Yeah, no one's fed this one yet. Somebody forgot they put snake traps there. I'm going to say you're kind of ready for it as well, so you're out of the way for the snake.

Just a dead snake flies across the room. Sad. This is a sad day. Alright, now can we search the rest of the chests? Yeah, you open up the chests. Let's see what we get. I hope it's not more dead snakes. Look, I got a snake skin belt.

I'm going to chuck those dead snakes in my backpack, Adam, if that's okay. Can you imagine the guy who's setting up the chest? He's like, nah, mate, I'm pretty sure one mimic and two snake chests are probably enough. Nah, someone will keep trying. Let's put more. No one sets up a mimic.

I think it's just two snake traps and the mimic's like, oh, I'll just sit here. The mimic comes in, he's like, hey, I know what I'm doing. I got this, guys. You find 700 silver pieces. Oh, fuck yeah. That's not that much. I think it's like silver pieces. What? Fuck yeah. That's not that much.

I think silver pieces. 70 gold. 70 gold. Hey, that ain't nothing. That's decent. Well, it's all right. I got it. Well, it's not much.

Mark down the dead snakes, guys. Good. So we're all right. What are we using for? I'm spooking people. Good one. I was going to say. They're like dusty old things.

Slapping people? Yes. Whipping around? Yeah, you find that. But among the chests, it's just like, you know, broken objects, nothing useful. Damn. So there was two. Like maybe an old book, but it's written in a language no one knows.

So it's two rooms either side. Yeah, two rooms either side. Do you want to do this like a SWAT team? I want to peer. Can I sneakily look into one room? You open the door, and it's just like a small office. Sitting behind the desk is what could only be Wondron Norton himself, the maid.

Uh-oh. He's writing at a little book, and when you open the door, he looks up to you, and he's obviously spotted you. Hello, Norton. Hey, so we've got some security problem. A band of adventurers has come in, and they have killed literally all the orcs and the undead.

Are you that band of adventurers, he says? No, I'm... I'm the same guy. I don't remember hiring any halflings, he says. You sure? Like, I'm on the pay... Maybe you just miss me. I am a little man.

Bluff? Bluff? It's not even a... It's not a bluff check. He just knows you're... Oh, wow. Come on. Whoa, you'd have to do so fucking well. I've got a good bluff check. He just knows you're... Oh, wow. You'd have to do so fucking well.

I've got a good bluff check. I'm on negative one, I believe, with my modifier. Why did I think that was... I fling a dagger at his face. He's just like... You throw a dagger and he just ducks underneath the desk.

Damn. Damn. Damn. We're just watching, like, what's going on? What's happening? Oh my god. As he comes back up, he fires a bolt of magical energy at you, but you duck as well. Close the door. Yes. Can we put chests in front of the door?

You can try to, but as you're like shoving one over the door opens and he's standing in the doorway. It opens that way. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Damn. Oh, boy.

Guys. Guys, oh, no. Oh, no. Maybe little Jiggle Hump will come back. Jiggle Hump will save the day. Seek vengeance. Miss me and get Norton. That's the aim.

That's our only hope now. What does Norton look like? Does he look like Edward Norton? No, he's like an elderly man with this big white beard and long white mustache. He's got droopy ears. He looks tired and old. Okay, I'll work with this.

Yeah, he's got these sort of semi-tattered robes. But as he steps out of the thing, he's just like, you can tell these frail frame is filled with rage at you guys. Oh no. It's like Wondering Norton's form on hard times. You have no idea how often fucking adventurers come into his house, ruin his shit,

kill his people. So why wouldn't he ever hire a halfling? Racist. That's why. Because they keep stealing from him. Profiling, really. Shut up. I'm feeling shoot him in the face, guys.

Yeah, all right. Shoot him in the face. Shoot him in the face. Smack his shit up. Yeah, you hit him with an arrow, guys. Yeah, all right. Shoot him in the face. Yeah, you're going to shoot him in the face. Yeah. Smack his shit up. Yeah. Yeah, you hit him with an arrow. Yes. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah.

It's like you strike him in the shoulder and see that he's like sort of his arm sort of goes dead from the shot. Oh, yeah. That means he can only do one-handed magic, guys. Yeah. I don't know how magic works. Me neither. Okay. Neither does Jackson.

Jackson, quick, block of wood! Yes. It's finally time. Rapier. Okay, you charge his stomach. You let go of the chest you were trying to push into the thing. Oh god, he's out.

You get him as well. Oh, fuck yeah. We can't fight zombies, but we can fight powerful wizards. thing. Oh god, he's out. You get him as well. Oh, fuck yeah. Yeah. Get wracked, Wanderer Nort. We can't fight zombies, but we can fight powerful wizards. You like, you hit him just below where Ainsley hit him. Oh no. His arm's fucked. Yeah, his arm is just like, his right arm

is just fucked. Is he a lefty or a righty? He screams. He threw the spell at you with his left hand. How? He just screams in pain. He's in agony right now, and you're like, you know, work the fucking rapier in. Oh, boy. Whoopsie.

Okay, it's his turn. He takes a step back from you and just, like, puts his hands up, and you hear him chanting, like, an arcane spell. What does he sound like? It's like that Nordic. Do the voice. Oh, fuck you. Do the voice.

Ikna. Fakna. Ikna. Old man voice sounds like. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna.

Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna.

Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna.

Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna.

Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna.

Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna.

Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna.

Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna.

Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna. Ikna got all this phlegm. He's like coming out of his... I don't like it. Go back to normal. I don't do voices, guys. I don't do voices. Some people do. I just do that one voice. Okay, yeah, Jackson, you recognize the spell.

He's casting Burning Hands. Uh-oh. That's bad. That's really bad. He's going to create this cone of fire. Because he's angled it right, it's going to hit all three of you. Can I yell burning hands? Burning hands!

That means nothing to you guys. No, my hands aren't that burnt. My hands are doing all right. It's all right. So. Uh-oh. Spaghetti. Do you have a counter spell?

Ainsley. I can make a block of wood. You back out of it, but the heat of the flames still causes damage to you. Armageddon roaster. Tasty roast Leo on the fire. Yes. Leo, seven damage. I'm dead, guys.

Oh, my God, Leo. Fucking crit, seven damage. Oh, boy. That's me to zero. You're staggered. So you're still standing. That's me to 0. You're staggered. So you're still standing, but it's not great. The whole front of me is burnt.

And Ainsley, you take 3 points of damage. You're kidding me! I have 1 left. Why do you guys leave this to me all the time? Poor, delicious... Did I not say you are the party tank? Okay. How many hit points do you have?

You're the party tank. I had four and now I've gotten one. No, you've got nine hit points total, don't you? Yeah, but. Four plus three is seven. I'm sorry. Maths. I've been waiting this entire time to do that. Yeah, but

you've been a dick And I'm the DM I'm kind of supposed to be I had four hit points and then I lost three And now I have one Oh you had four hit points Jack I thought you'd taken four

So Adam did you just get mathed Did you just get mathed Mathed in the mouth My high school math teacher will be like, I finally got through to this. My high school math teacher will be like, no, that's about what I expected. That's Adam.

Fuck you, Mr. Dib. Fuck you. Okay. Fuck you and your stupid lisp. Everything just got way too personal. Awesome. I think I'm going to stab a wizard. I think.

Okay. And I'm going to cross my fingers that Jiggle Lump is going to step through the door covered in slime and also help me in my venture. Jiggle Lump is our only hope. The only person Jiggle Lump is going to fight is fucking you guys. Well, they're already dead. And, yeah, so I'm not interested in touching that right now. So I guess we'll have to tune in next time

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