D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #6 Hello Cartmichael, Goodbye Edgegate

Episode Date: August 16, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes finish their dungeon-based escapades and travel on to parts unknown for a brand new adventure! We name a donkey, travel to a frigid foreign land and convince as many people as possible that they are idiots. Krif attempts to search the entire town for a tavern without leaving the cart, Princess Ansley tries to barter for a lifetime supply of cocoa and Leo doesn't have any bluff skills. So join our party as they blindly get themselves into more trouble. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sanspence Radio, owlbears would die in nature. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table singing elven ballads, but that is exactly what we're doing today. Welcome to episode 6 of D&D is for Nerds. I'm Joel Zammett, going to be playing Leo Shadow. The gorgeous Ali Kathleen, playing Ainsley Foggyfeather. Hi guys! And of course the quite grotesque Jackson, playing Criff Pompomcriff.

Yeah. And always with us, our illustrious DM, Adam Courtmischief. No, guys. Shut up, Adam. Previously on D&D is for Nerds. Oh, boy, just a little old me. Wizard-y wizard. He falls over and dies.

Yeah! What was our mission? Well, there's one more door. Maybe the answer's through here. Your light cannot pierce the darkness. Each chug a floating potion. You create a bizarre conga line of floating idiots. That'd be so nice if I didn't just have my head caved in like a pancake.

You see that guy from the tavern standing there? I knew he was dodgy. Kill the wolf, guys. I'm going to wear its pelt. I wouldn't say that. Uh-oh. He's going to kill you

and wear your pelt. Guys, the wolf's gone. The wolf's gone. Back to sleep? Back to bed. We're going to go back to bed. The rest of your trip

goes without incident and you get back into Edgegate. So, I guess, town guard first? Town guard? Yeah. Town guard hall or whatever?

Let's try and sell this head. There's like a guard at the gate, though. You could talk to him even if you wanted to. Griff pom-pom, here you go. Hey, champ. How you doing? Griff pom-pom, Griff. Sort of wizard.

I heard you had some trouble with Wondering Norton. Heard he was hassling. Wondering. Wondering. Semantics, mate. Not really. It's his name. His name is, is he a wanderer?

The guard begins to school you. Semantics is the discussion of words and their meanings. This is just a name. I'll find another guard. Cheers, mate. Wait, wait. We need to get into proper pronunciation. Oh, my God.

None of that, guys. Next closest guard we see. Okay, yeah, there's probably, like, another one, like, just past the gate. Hi, buddy. Hey. We got Wandron Norton. We heard there's a local wizard. Just don't mention the name.

We got his head. That's kind of morbid, he says. I don't know how else we were going to prove it to you. Judgy? How else? What do you propose? We could have just said we killed him. What do you want?

Anyway, here it is. Somebody says something about a bounty? Doesn't look like anything to me. Nah, it's his head. Nah, have another look. It could be anyone's head, mate. Actually, you could be guilty of murder. That's anyone's head.

Nah, but it's Norton's head. We got it from his body. You're unsure of who said it is. Like, wait. Hang on, wait. Is this Norton's head? I'll take you to the guard captain Thanks man Thanks

You're a champ They take you to the They take you to the castle At the castle gates I guess he must have been alerted before Because he's just ready there to meet you guys The guard captain stands at the gate And he's like this gruff, older gentleman.

He's got like bags under his eyes. He looks like a cop who's just spent too much time on the force. He's one day left. Yeah, he looks like he's a couple days off retirement and he just wants a quiet retirement. That's the best. G'day.

I've got some news for you. Griff pump pump Griff. Sort of wizard. Wander and Norton a hassle for this town not anymore cause these three we three got his head for you

killed him killed him dead he's dead you're like as he leans over and he like pulls the like he opens the eyelids

so he can see the eyes of course well it's hard to tell but he has the same eye colour You could send dudes to check, you'd find his body You would find a headless body over there I'll give you 50 golds 50 golds?

50 golds? He was a wizard and he was an asshole He was so hard on you poor people of Black... Iron Gate something Gate? Black March? Edgetown, Edgetown guys You guys just sound like whiny little shits right now to him. Oh my god,

how much do you want? 100 gold. Yeah, that'll do us. I'll give you 80, he says. Done. You son of a bitch. It was more than halfway. It was more than... You gave 15 gold for a shower that we didn't get, which could have had 15 nights of combination.

80 gold, I'm putting it knights a combination. 80 gold. I'm putting it in the bank. 85 gold, and you leave tonight. Whoa. Why are you going to be so hassle, man? I just want a quiet retirement, guys. We just killed this wizard for you. Now you want us to leave?

You're rude. How much to leave? What? How much to leave? 400 gold. You can stay the night. How much to leave? 400 gold. You can stay the night. He walks back into the keep. Any gold.

Damn. Another guard comes over and he gives you the money. Yes. He walks for the limp. He's so tired. This guy is done. Is there anyone else you need killed? He doesn't respond

One of the other guards says There's no other current bounties You might want to check with Where's the local wizarding order? There's a wizard's tower A bit out of town Maybe an hour's walk out of town Is there like an academy?

There is But the nearest one is like months, possibly years travel away. Yeah, nah, alright, cool. Fuck that, let's go shopping. Hang on, before that, we still got that map of the

Norton's? Yeah, oh yeah, let's go sell that. Let's go sell that. Alright, we trip into the tavern. Do you go to the same tavern you got the one in? Yeah. Now look for a bunch of adventurers. We scout for adventurers, Adam. Okay. Ainsley?

Yes. Yeah. You see like a likely group of people in one of the corners. Are they younger than us? How old are you? Well... 28 million. No, I don't know. Do they look stupider than us?

Our elves live pretty long. Do they look more heroic than us? Do they look stupider? Well, there's four of them. They're sitting around the table. They've got a map laid out on the table. It's not, before you ask, it's not the same one. It's a mask, but it's a skin. Well, your one was correct.

They look like they're just going over it, making plans. One of them is this big buff-looking fighter type. Another one's a delicate-looking mage elf. And then there's a halfling whose eyes every now and then dart around the room, scanning it for anyone. And then finally like a sullen dwarf with armor as well yeah now they seem yeah let's jump on over to them and just place our map smack bang in the middle of their map you approach them and as you do the halfling like at the table leaps onto the table concealing their map with his body he like lies casually like like you know put the map on his body it He, like, lies casually. Then put the map on his body.

It's like, just ignore him. Do we have a deal for you? Place it on top of the halfling. Just, like, go for the top of the halfling because he's little. Yeah, okay. Do we have a deal for you? Fuck this map. You want this treasure.

So much treasure. Like, there is so much bounty to be had there. We've already killed the Grand Wizard, but there is a demon in there. There is something. Jackson, your opening with your thing, your opening thing is, we've already taken

all the gold, but there might be something left. Oh no, guys. Oh boy. Oh, Jack, you're fucked up. I feel like the kind of thing where the moment that gets out of my mouth, I'm like, oh, no. Try and sell it a bit more. Try and sell it a bit more.

You guys look like good heroes, adventurers. There's a demon that needs to be smoted. The dwarf, like, leans across and looks at your little map. Demon, you say He says A pushover They give each other significant looks They're not trying to hide this from you

But they're having a non-verbal conversation Can we try and pick up on what they're getting at? You can try to It's hard though If I don't pick up on it I'm just going to ask It's obviously something they know that you guys don't. You probably just have to ask. Okay, yeah, I'd be like, what are we talking about?

What's the glances, guys? Just the demon, says the dwarf. Our demon? This demon? In this map? Yes, we think it might be something to do with us. Oh. Well, we'll sell you the map.

Are you demons? I'll give you 10 sell you the map. Are you demons? I'll give you 10 gold for the map. 10 gold. Get out of town. 20 gold. 40 gold. 17 gold. We paid 300 gold for this.

You've already cleared this dungeon out. 10 gold. No, we have not. We've only cleared out most of it. We got scared after we encountered a wolf. There is a dark room. They're not really believing you on this one. Right, 20 gold. that's it, Doug.

Right, 20 gold deal, all right. You got a deal, mate. 10 gold. 20 gold. You said 20 gold. I'm pretty sure you said 20 gold. I heard 20 gold. Did you hear 20 gold?

I heard 20 gold. We heard 20 gold. We heard 20 gold. 10 gold. 21 gold. Well, what do you mean, wait? 20 gold and I'll throw in a dead snake. 12 gold and you get away from us right now.

Wait, wait, what do you mean this demon's got something to do with you? We think it's a demon we're hunting. What? We think it's a demon we're hunting. Well, then 30 gold. A demon what? A demon we're hunting. Pick up your ears, little boy.

I can't hear. Ali was yelling at me. You're like below desk level. I can't hear right. What the hell are we talking about? There's a halfling up on the one and he can hear it fine. Exactly. Why are you hunting a demon? Because it's the right thing.

They look confused. They look genuinely confused. It's the right thing to do. They want to hunt this demon. So you put yourself in... Look, you know what? 20 gold. 12 gold. They want to hunt this demon. So you put yourself in... All right, look, you know what? You're okay. 20 strokes.

20 gold. 20 gold. 12 gold. 20 gold. 10 gold. Oh, no. 20 gold and I give you a potion of jump. That's a deal.

You're not going to find anywhere else. Yes. And a cat. 20 gold potion of... 20 gold potion of jump. A cat does not look pleasant. Potion of jump and a does not look pleasant A semi slime We want your map No

A potion of jump? Yeah sure 20 gold Potion of jump and the map Done I want to do a sleight of hand and steal their map And then run It's going to be a rough check It's like on the table and they're watching it.

Okay, so you make the trade. We're such jerks. We're an evil party. You just underneath the table and you reach your hand up on top of the table and slowly start dragging it and you just hear this big

heavy metal gauntlet slam down on the table. I'd get gone if I were you, lad. All right, let's go. All right, fuck it, let's go shopping. That is such a tough check. Oh, boy. I was so tempted to just drink a potion of jump,

grab that thing and bounce away. You guys just don't know what a potion of jump does. Nope. I'm like, surely it just makes me bouncy, like take off from underneath a chump. It gives you just like a bonus to your chump skill. Oh, that's still kind of good. Okay, you step out of the tavern into the bright day sun

and you feel like a little bit that, you know, the world's your oyster. You've got a lot of money now. Let's go shopping. Let's go shopping. We have 591 gold pieces, 708 silver pieces, and seven copper pieces. How much gold, sorry? 591.

Yeah, I gave you guys way too much gold. Yeah. Let's go buy an elephant. I want to buy I wanna look fancy Adam Can we buy a walker Invest in stocks Okay So

I'll just do this for you You guys all feel like the Experiences you have Have reached you to a new plateau Some might say you leveled up Do I feel a little bit more powerful? Yeah. Do I gain a little bit more handsome?

Am I more confident running and visiting the beach? Plus more to charisma? If you mark down anything concerning that, I might just give you a heart attack, actually. Oh, I hate that threat of heart attack. Gets me every time. Heart attack. Damn. Okay. Threat of heart attack. Gets me every time.

Damn. Okay. Yeah, so I'll fix all of your stuff. I'll change your stats. Don't worry. Alrighty. I've taken your requests into account. I've bought you the things that you wanted.

Sweet. And some of the things that you requested, like gnomish stocks, do not exist. And so I could not buy them for you. Well, hey, I tried. They looked like they were going up too. Well, what we've got, we've got a couple more potions. Good. We've got six now. Because we've never needed

those. That's what we need them. We still have a dead snake. Yes. Because we only threw one away. That's good. I got a bell because I wanted a bell. We've got a donkey and a cart for our travel. Super. And a saddle, a military saddle. A fucking good saddle.

We have an amazing lock. Yes! Not just a regular, like an amazing, calm down, this lock is so good. Do you reckon it's a combination lock? Do you have a key for that lock? No, it wouldn't be a combination lock. It's for looking.

The amazing nature is just how hard it is to pick. It's a looking lock, not a using lock. Do we have a key for it? Yes, you have a key. All right. Because we use locks a bit. All right, now what happens? You wouldn't buy the key without the lock.

We might just buy the key. You don't know. You don't know what we would do, Adam. We'll make that choice. We've got some shackles just in case. We've got a lute so we can play some music and shit. We could hit people with it. Also that.

Or we could hit people with any of this shit. How come it's fire, which is just like a bomb? Like a fire? Like napalm? Yes. Basically, yeah. Napalm. No, napalm's a good thing.

So aggressive. So quickly. Napalm's a good thing, guys. Napalm's great. Napalm is so solid. Napalm, guys? Yeah. No. Solid. Just palming, folks. Napalm's a good thing guys napalm's great napalm is so solid napalm guys yeah just palming folks

napalm's a good analogy we get a disguise kit so we can like fucking sneak around and shit and three noble outfits we're finally gonna look better than

potato sacks we're gonna look the same way as we feel cool and I got I got improved thieves tools oh yeah

I got two new spells. I can now animate rope. All right. Cunts, look out. And I can grease a 10-foot area. So just expect every 10-foot area I'm in to be greasy. I can now evasion. What does evasion mean?

Evasion means, you know that burning hand spell that Wondrin did? So what happens is on reflex saving throws, if you pass it, that means you still take damage. It's only half damage. But for you, with evasion, you take no damage if you pass it. All right. Seek. Later on, there's actually another thing called improved evasion,

which means even if you fail, you take half damage. All right. That's awesome. If you are a little... Your cat has that. Halfling? My cat has that? We still have the cat?

We still have that piece of shit. I do. We've still got the fucking cat. That was the one thing I didn't have time to change. Damn it, damn it, damn it. Motherfucking Jiggalob. Also, I'd have to... Does Jiggalob have 71 hit points?

Seven. Oh. Actually, wait. Make it 71. I was like fucking blown away for a second there. Well, I threw the eraser and it bounced off the microphone. That's some fucking critical hit shit. It bounced and went further away from me than when it started.

Good job, Jackson. Fucking Jiggleum. Yeah, I thought he had 71 hit shit. It bounced and went further away from me than when it started. Good job, Jackson. Fucking Jiggle-Om. Yeah, I thought he had 71 hit points. He doesn't. I wish that he did. Yeah, he'd be the best. I was like, just put him on my body so that I never get hurt and he can take the brunt of it. Who gives a fuck? Yeah, so all of your hit points have gone up

so you'll die less as well. Oh, that's good news. Do we want to name our mule? Yes. I'm thinking Carmichael. Okay. Really? What are you thinking?

Cartmichael. Oh, my God, yes. Cartmichael, the mule. I like how the original owner just didn't give it a name, apparently. Even if he did, we're like, not your name anymore, Cartmichael. Maybe we got a baby mule and got an age spell and aged it and cared for it and loved it and all it knew was us. Maybe, but not.

It didn't happen. That didn't happen. Instead, you just renamed a mule Cartmichael. My favourite part about this is how often you guys are like, and I'm like, no, come back to Earth. Come back to fantasy. I mean, you can summon lightning, but to an extent, you know. You can summon lightning, but you can't raise a mule, guys.

Don't be weird. No, but you're right, we can't. I'm too young to be a father. To a mule. Okay, so we've bought some stuff. Bought some stuff, gotten a little bit better. Where are we chuffing on? What's going on now?

So months have passed, like maybe even a year to be honest. Sick. You guys have just been like travelling the country essentially. Sitting on the park playing that loop poorly. Some of you hiding, some of you running, some of you hiding some of you running some of you just chilling for some reason when I imagine you playing the mule I imagine you play

you ain't playing me son you're playing that mule when you're playing the lute I was imagining you playing Cotton Eye Joe the lute version of Cotton Eye Joe anyway solid like you wouldn't be that's all I have to play Joe for the loot version of Got Night Joe. Anyway, solid. Like you wouldn't be.

That's all I have to play. It's the only song you know. You guys find yourself in over time you've just changed countries entirely and you're in a town called By accident. You're in a town called Terria in the nation

of Husgra. Fox Terria? Terria. T-E-R-R-I-A. Terria. So we're not on a land. We are not inside a fox terria. No, you're not on a fox terria. I just thought maybe we were on a fox terria and we'd be really small and everything is very white

and furry. That's the big twist. We are tiny. In Husqvarna. Yeah. Winter is just starting to come in proper. You guys are all freaking freezing. It is terrible. It's like

not blizzard conditions. It's like more, just like it's so cold. It's just still and cold. I knew we should have killed that wolf for its power. I know, cold. It's just still and cold. I knew we should have killed that wolf for its pelt. I know. That's exactly what I was thinking. Imagine if we had that pelt right now.

We'd be fine. It would be so warm. I don't need like a little bit of it. You're a tiny guy. You'd need the tail. You could just put the rest of it. Oh, man. Let's go hunt a bear.

Either through poor planning or through just straight up idiocy. Poor planning. Poor planning. You guys have found yourselves in one of the coldest nations in the world at the coldest time in the year. How much like insulation are there in noblemen's clothes? Noblemen's clothes are probably like well-made. So like even if they're not very well insulated necessarily, they're like...

We look good? No. Sorry, actually, even if there's not so much layers, I should say, it's more there's lots of... It's tight? Yeah, it's well-made and that quality just adds to your ability to survive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like fur-lined, you know, that sort of stuff.

Oh, lovely. Except it'd be all damp where we've been walking in the snow and shit. It's rough. Well, yeah, you're just trudging through the city. You've only just arrived. You came here from actually further north. Is it getting warmer? It's not really getting warmer

but it's no longer like you're out in the frigid wasteland so there's some buildings that are blocking the wind Where do you first head to? You're in the lower area of town so it's not so nice here

Ainsley, how much more how much gold do we have left? How much gold do we have left? How much gold do we have left? 22 gold pieces, 8 silver pieces, and 7 copper. Let's go to an inn and a stable and stable

our donkey yule. Are you just going to find the first tartan, right? Let's find a nice tavern A nice one Well you don't really know this town All of the nicest tavern there is I want to search for like the best

You want to search the town The entire town for the best tavern I want to ask a guard where a good tavern is I was about to say the streets are pretty well deserted. Even, like, looking for a guard is going to take you a little bit. You obviously want to search for a guard. You're going to find a guard before I find the tavern.

Can I see a tavern? There's no, like, swinging sign somewhere that's slightly creaky. Tavern. High or low? Low. Low? Yeah, no, you can't see. There's, like, even the buildings nearby look uninhabited

like the lights aren't on uninhabited like really uninhabited? uninhabited like warehouses big like open warehouses probably going to be just as cold are there any

little houses around? no you're in the poor area. It's like the industrial zone. Let's at least try and find the nice part of the city. Search for the nice part. Search for the rich part.

Yeah, I was about to say. To direct us. So you are going to spend four hours doing nothing because I... Is this a nice part of town? Within like an hour, Leo, you find like a guard. He's just trudging through the snow. He's like all hunched up.

He's got like a big cloak around him and he's wearing this fur-lined cap. He sees you as well and he waves. I wave him over. He walks over. Hi, we're new in town. Is there somewhere we can just shack up

for a night and feed our doggy? Just nearby? Yeah, or at least something that looks nice. Like a nice one. He points like, points down the road and, like, gestures right. All right. He doesn't say anything else. He just, like, sort of teaches himself up the bed and keeps going. You are a champion.

He, like, you know, meekly waves and keeps going. I, like, go back to our cart. Where's, um, Griff? Who have I found myself? You didn't get very far. You're like you saw them talking. You were like maybe 10 metres away. Wow, you spent four hours literally doing

nothing. You rolled a one, Jackson. You did not do well. I basically just was like, guys, I'll go find a nice part of town. Got distracted by a shop window as I was looking around. Guys, I'll find a nice part of town. You gonna get off the cart? Nope. Just say we're passing by and I'll point it out.

I'll know when we see it. I'll know what it looks like. Don't worry, guys. Guys, it's alright. Down that way to the right. Let's clip-clop our way down. The sign out the front of the tavern says that it's the

prancing pony. This is the best one. Let's go in there. It sounds like it could be warm. The sign out the front of the tavern says that it's the Prancing Pony This is the best one to go in there Yeah, it sounds like it could be warm I know, ponies make me think of warmth I know, and a little bit of Lord of the Rings Yes, yes Unrelated No copyright issues here, guys

Is there anywhere that we can shackle up Cartmichael? Yeah, there's an undercover area with hitched horses there. There's a fire crackling near them, so they would be warm. You'll be right, Cartmichael. Warmer. Griff, go in there and secure a room. And also a room for Cartmichael. And a room for your donkey.

Well, like a stable slot. I'll saunter in. I liked it better when the donkey was walking up the steps with us, being like, come on, buddy. Can donkeys go downstairs? No, that's cows. We'd lose Cartmichael in the tavern. He's their problem now.

The tavern is completely uninhabited, except for the bartender at the bar and two people hunched over near the fire. One of them is wearing a uniform and looks like a member of the town guard. Another one is just some peasant or something like that. They're having a conversation somewhat quietly, but it seems heated. Good morrow, yon barkeep. He looks at you as if you've had a henna drink.

This is Donning Nobleman's clothes. I have begun talking as I imagine a nobleman talks. Would thee find it in one's heart to secure mine and thine a room and also perhaps a room for our steed who is outside in the biting cold? As in, like, an in room, he says. Yes. You started off this conversation thinking you had a head wound. You have not done anything to make him believe contrary.

Just two rooms. Just three rooms? There's three of us. One room. One room. Yeah. You can. Well, we have some gold? There's three of us. One room. One room. Yeah. You can... Well, we have some gold.

Not a lot of gold. Calm down. Look. One room. Grifpom? What is your name? It's Grifpompomgrif. Oh, my God.

Grifpompomgrif. Look. We spent a lot of money on these clothes. Did you come inside as well? Yeah. Oh, okay. We spent a lot of money Did you come inside as well? Yeah. Yeah, oh, okay. We spent a lot of money I don't know why I thought you were staying outside,

but I just didn't. With the mule? It's cold. But also, remember what happened the last time I left him alone with our money? Billed him 20 gold

for just like a bed in the stable with the mule? Dumb. That's a great deal. I don't understand currency in any world. The barkeep looks at you and says, what type of room would you like?

We've got... The best you've got, mate. I mean, yon barkeep. Two golden knight. Done. Okay, fine. Two golden knight. Per person.

Yon barkeep. How much to keep the mule outside? Don't bring it up. You could have just left him there. What if we just go outside in the morning and the mule outside? Don't bring it up You could have just left him there What if we just go outside in the morning and the mule is dead? Why do you agree to things before you find out their prices? Five silver a day Oh, that's easy

That's pump change Chump change The barkeep corrects you It's like the change you save up to then buy a pump is worth the same The barkeep turns to you I think it's like the change you save up to then buy a pump. It's about the same. The barkeep turns to you and says, is he with you?

Look, we've had a long journey, sir. That's obvious. You might want to get temple services, he said. He's been cold touched. Touched by the cold. That's a thing, right? Yeah. Well, I'm sure it is. She's a princess.

Yes, I am. And a snake. Are you going to meet anyone who isn't going to think you're fucking idiots? Can I just ask now? It affects how I make NPCs in the future. It's just a question I wanted to ask. I can't imagine anyone meeting us and thinking we weren't just the biggest idiots.

I would bluff my way, Adam. But as you can see by my stat sheet, I don't have bluff at all. I was going to give you bluff, but then I thought it would be funny to not. And it was. And you fucked me. I got a bluff at all. I was going to give you bluff, but then I thought it would be funny to not. And it was. And you fucked me. I got a bluff of one.

I'm a nobleman. I lie. I could roll, but I don't think he's going to believe you regardless. Nods and says, of course you are. Show us to our room, young barkeep of this fine establishment. He reaches underneath the bar, produces three keys, and just like on the table. He says, you'll find them upstairs.

They're the only three nice rooms we have. All right. Shall we get a meal before we chew for upstairs? And yours is the donkey outside, he says. I'll make sure it's stabled. He's the one with the military saddle. We are not in the military. Exotic military saddle.

He just said no, we're not in the military. Noble military. Yep, that's us. Can I get a hot meal before I go to bed? A hot cocoa. A meal is included with the... Oh, this is the best news. This is a great place.

I recommend this to all my friends. The barkeep... The barkeep goes to, like, stable your... Okay. Oh, boy. The barkeep goes to stable your donkey before he comes back. But, like, as he's going out, he says, I'll get your food ready when I come back.

Thank you. You're a gem. I take a seat. Guys, this is a pleasant time. This is really nice. We should go on another adventure because we're poor and we want to keep this standard of living. I've become used to wealth.

No sooner had you said that. Oh, what? I was going to ask if you've become any more contact from your family. No, no, no. You're over here. Hate mail. I got a letter, and I did get a letter from my father. If you threaten to come back, they might pay you.

Yeah, well, just a letter which said, Dear sort of wizard and thief, you can keep her. And then that was it. She's yours. Here's 20 gold. I like to imagine the first ransom that you said came back and it's just ha, ha, ha. It's just laughter.

Is that bad? No, I think that's pretty terrible I think that's sad for literally all of us So anyway, you overhear the two men by the fireplace talking And the farmer, the one who doesn't look like a guard Says, just in this sort of strained voice Undead, I tell you, undead They're infesting the place Well,ined voice, undead, I tell you. Undead.

They're infesting the place. Well, you've fought undead before. I yell. Yes. I was like a little afraid that you guys might just like try to pass this up. Thank you, Jackson. Thank you very much. I go over and just like get right in the middle of their conversation.

Like I pull a stool with a dragging... over to between them and I sit down. What are we talking about, though? I mean, yon scallywags? I pop my head. Undead, you say? We've all been there. You would not believe the amount of undead we have slaughtered.

The farmer turns around to you and he says, you would not believe the amount of undead we have slaughtered in our adventures. The farmer turns around to you and he says, you would not believe this. Our entire graveyard, centuries, decades worth of villages just rose one night. We're infested. I'm one of the sole survivors. My family, we're taking refuge in this town. We need someone to help us. Would you help us? I was wondering where everyone was.

I'll admit, that was puzzling. It was very abandoned. No, we will. I mean, like, right? I will. Sure, why not? Wait, hang on. What are we getting?

What are we getting? What's the take here? The guardsman leans across. The guardsman leans across. What's he wearing, Adam? Who, the farmer or the town guard? Both. Anybody got a nice coat on?

They're both wearing coats, but they don't look nice. What's in the tavern? I want to know, Adam, if there's like a decorative fish mounted on the wall, anything like that, any like tavern shit. House sigils what's it for? a moose head we'll do it for the moose head

and a lifetime supply of hot cocoa if you can give us like free board for life and the moose head cocoa? cocoa? I don't know. She says she was once a noble. I don't know what that is.

She just says stuff sometimes. If you save my town, I will buy you as many moose heads as you could carry. Oh my god, that's a lot of moose heads, guys. That's like four. Five if you piled them on top. That's a lot of moose heads.

The town guard nods and says, is that all you're looking for? Maybe cash, too. Apart from this, touch by the cold. What are you proposing? What's in it for us? The guard. The guard.

Moose heads. Oh, my God. The guard looks you dead my god, Griffpump The guard looks you dead in the eyes and says We don't have the manpower to spare on this Are you sure you can help us? I don't want to, you know, don't want to contract you if you're not going to help No, we could, whoa, hey, hey

Do we not look like we're competent? He looks over there Maybe don't It's best I didn't then Adam, I'd like to use my grease spell As a show of power Yes We're like you think we can't do that

Watch this shit You cast the grease spell But there's no immediate effect Everyone's like sitting on chairs But is the floor greasy The floor is greasy yeah The bomb is going to get a slip Cr crack his head, and we're gonna be like oh no.

Because you obviously cast the spell though, and the guard sort of gives you the evil eyes. Oh no. We don't appreciate your kind around here. Do you appreciate the undead? Oh, gee. Do you want the undead?

Look, I'll give you a hundredead. Magic men. Oh, gee. Do you want the undead? Look, I'll give you 100 gold. 200. And 75. Okay, 275 then. 275! 275 gold! That was so good. I was about to say 100 each, but okay, 275.

You fucked us! Damn it, Ainsley! Damn it, Ainsley! You fucked us Damn it Ainsley Damn it Ainsley You fucked us If you can go and do this for us Plus anything you can take Any moose heads We'll get you as many moose heads as you can carry as well

Good The undead will probably have meager belongings And I can't imagine you'll find much Among the farmer's possessions Probably won't but you don't have to with stuff, I reckon we've got something. Can we grave rob? Can we grave rob? I didn't ask you that.

Never mind. The guy just shakes his head. The farmer turns to you and says, these people, these creatures infesting my city, my village, they're no longer kin of mine, alive or dead. You can take anything they own. Oh, okay. Yes, because we were gone anyway.

The farmer nods. He knew. I like to imagine the town guard, like, kind of glancing at the door, like, maybe hoping some better options will come in. He's like, yeah, I guess you guys will do. The guard's hoping just a little bit that you guys just get killed Alright

We'll have to take that room to go, barkeep Barkeep's like fixing your food again behind the thing Oh no, actually, for someone else's but he's behind the bar and he heals you Wait, what? For we have a quest upon which we must sup.

Surely you should stay the night, says the guard. Setting out in this kind of weather at night is not a good idea. We have torches. Torches aren't going to stop the fighting cold. Okay, he's got a point, but I don't want to back down.

A potion of Endure Elements, my Jackson. How many of those do you have left? Or else it looks like we have one left. I down the potion of Endure Elements. Are you kidding? No, choof outside, succumb to the cold. Like, to exhaustion. Like, I've had a long night.

That was the final bit of energy. Unconscious till morning. I've had a long night. That was the final bit of energy. Unconscious till morning. I've got it! For real, you're gonna sleep out in the snow. I'm gonna, well, hopefully they'll take me to my room. Hopefully, because that spell, that potion is not gonna last you the night.

And when it stops and you're still asleep in the snow, you will die, Jax. Please come get me. I made a mistake. Griff, I'm only little. I can't lift you. She can.

Ainsley's got me. The guard and the barkeep come out and pick you up and carry you to your room. Oh, boy. We rest for the night. Do you feed me, like, chicken or whatever the bartender's cooking? I think I'm done, guys. We rest for the night. Do you feed me like chicken or whatever the bartender's cooking? I think I'm done, guys.

I think that's me. That's me out. Thanks for the time. Okay, we rest. We have a good rest. I'm a little more composed come morning time. It's a nice room.

Like you paid for the best room there is and this is definitely it. It's like a, not a four poster bed, but it's like, you know, two sheets on is and this is definitely it. It's like a, not a four poster bed, but it's like, you know, two sheets on the bed. That's good. Alright. And you have a fireplace. Any bed bugs? How big are the beds?

How heavy are they? Two person beds. You're going to make a double bunk bed? There's only one bed. And the beds are too big to get out the doors. Are we all? Oh, we're not sleeping in the same room. No, we're in separate rooms. Yeah, you're in separate rooms. That's a good idea.

Going to pinch our bums? I just feel like Griff shouldn't be left by himself. Agreed. I'm just worried. Bad injuries, guys. Hell in the hard snow. No, I will wake up more composed. Oh, you only need four hours It's been frost touched

Oh yeah, I don't even sleep You trance Yeah, go into a trance, I'm right It's fine, guys So two trances later and one sleep, go on We'll leave it there So tune in next time for D&D is for Nerds. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar,

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