D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott #8 Those Flaming Zambinis

Episode Date: August 30, 2015

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 1In which our heroes get pretty damn tired of fighting zombies. We ineffectually battle said undead, use all of our recent purchases for nefarious purposes and defile a sacr...ed crypt. Krif rages at his ineffective familiar (again), Princess Ansley smacks herself in the face with a lute and Leo dreams of being a Harlem Globetrotter. So join our party as they stab a flaming zombie, get lots of grease on their boots and encounter the rarely seen Zombie Suicide. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 San Spence Radio, we're the caster of worthless spells. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table talking about the damage their longsword is doing. But that's exactly what we're going to be doing today. Welcome to episode 8 of D&D is for Nerds. Ali will be playing Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Hello! Jackson will be playing Criff Pum Pumcriff. Yeah!
Starting point is 00:00:23 And Joel will be playing Leo Shadow. Damn right. And I'm your DM, Adam Courtmarshal. That's not your name, Adam. Shut up. Shut up. Previously on D&D is for Nerds.
Starting point is 00:00:34 Hey guys, so let me just school you and zomp those zombinis. Zom, zams, zombie. The crypt is mainly underground. Sneak in, sneak in, sneak in, you fucks.
Starting point is 00:00:44 I guess I can not sneak as well as I thought. Leo Shadow's downfall is that he just he thinks he's the best. Zombos don't have proper dicks anymore. That's the first bit that rots away. I feel as though if I could take an arm of the zombie, could I beat
Starting point is 00:00:59 other zombies with the arm? Grease. Grease the ground. Get greased zombies. No, just clock him in the fucking jaw. Yeah, nah. Peer pressure. Let's do this. And he bites your hand. Guys! That's the worst advice ever. Have any of you done
Starting point is 00:01:15 damage to a zombie? No. No? No. So Ainsley, what's your move? Can I hit one with the loot? And then not be fighting anymore? I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you. You've got a new ability called Rapid Shot at level 2. Right.
Starting point is 00:01:30 What that allows you to do is... I feel like you could have told us this a very long time ago. Would that have changed the tide of battle? It wouldn't have changed too much because you haven't really done anything with your bow. Okay, all right. It wouldn't have hit points to... Yes.
Starting point is 00:01:43 You guys can stop talking now. Thanks. So what's my magic ability that's not magic at all? So rapid shot allows you to, I think I wrote some stuff on your character sheet about it. Can I grab quickly your character sheet? And what it allows you to do. I'm not helping.
Starting point is 00:02:04 You are being troublesome. Very much so. So what it allows you to do. Oh, I did write it out. Oh, cool. So it allows you to, with your bow, you can attack twice. You're less likely to hit, though. So it's used for like either lowly armored enemies,
Starting point is 00:02:24 which zombies are, or enemies, like multiple enemies, multiple weak enemies. You get more shots but less likely to hit. Okay. Sick. Do that shit. Or smack them with a loot. Or I'll set them all on fire.
Starting point is 00:02:38 We've got a lot of options here. I like all of those options. I believe it's your turn, Angel. I'm going to start with smacking someone with a lute. Okay. Because that's it. Yeah, no, I want to hit a bitch. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:02:50 No, take that out. Wait. I do not want that to be recorded. You do not want to hit a bitch. Ali. That's a pity because that was an 18. Oh, well, you can still give me an 18. Ali wants to hit a bitch.
Starting point is 00:03:01 No, it's okay. I'm going to keep that one. And I'll leave that in the sizzle reel. No. Okay. Okay. So you charge with your loot. Shit.
Starting point is 00:03:12 You slam it into the side of one of their heads. Okay. I'm going to say the one that is bearing down still on Leo. Oh, fuck yes. Did I save you? You, like, crumple it. It's just barely standing right now. Yes.
Starting point is 00:03:26 All right. Progress, guys. Cracked. You like crumple it. It's just barely standing right now. Yes! Alright, pro dress guys. Cracked. You're all zombie rubes. You have they're your flavoured enemy. Oh actually, no wait, I'm wrong. You are my flavoured enemy. You flatten it. Yes! Sick. Die, Zambo. Drops. Zambini.
Starting point is 00:03:41 We have a mage. The loot is pretty badly damaged You've got maybe one good hit left in this thing You've got one good hit but then like a billion shit hits Maybe like two more bad hits I call out my loot My loot
Starting point is 00:03:57 My gift of music Kriff, it's your turn Oh god I will just hurl a spear Good That'll help I think you have to take a step back Oh wait who did they
Starting point is 00:04:12 No they've been bearing down on Leo over here I did the trip through the grease Oh yeah They have to fumble through some grease Quit crashing Adam what the fuck is Jigalump doing Just being a piece of shit You better tell have to fumble through some grease to get me. Quick question, Adam. What the fuck is Jiggle Lump doing? Just being a piece of shit like normal. You better tell him to do stuff. He's like curled up around your legs.
Starting point is 00:04:31 You're not going to fight zombies without being told to. Jiggle Lump, you piece of shit. How powerful was it in your fucking life? Oh, my God. I hate you with the fashion jiggle lump Well the feeling's mutual You don't even need to say it Jiggle lump just hisses on your shoulder
Starting point is 00:04:51 Fuck you jiggle lump You hit with the spear Oh yes You spear a cunt in the gut I mean it's not gonna do a lot That's the second time I've done exactly the same. This does not work.
Starting point is 00:05:09 You like, yeah, you spill some zombie guts. Do we need a moment? Do we need a moment? Are you going to be all right? I sneeze my headphones off. Powerful. You spill the zombie's guts, but zombies don't really need. Zombies don't give a fuck.
Starting point is 00:05:25 Okay. And Leo, do you want to make another attempt at the block? I'm just going to piff my... What I want to do is I want to throw my club at a zombie so it kind of hits them, but kind of bounces up around near Ainsley so she can start using it. That's what I want to do. Okay.
Starting point is 00:05:44 So basically you want to just temporarily for this round become a globe tropper? Yes. I want to use my halfling roguelike magical skills to piff a club and make it ricochet.
Starting point is 00:06:01 And then you want to just get a basketball and just spit it in front of one of the zombies While they do nothing about it I know And then like get a ladder And score a basket like that And that's okay in the rule book
Starting point is 00:06:17 I think I got this Not only do you miss the zombie Damn balls But the club like falls in among them. Ainsley, you could grab it if you wanted to. That was for you. But you would probably get attacked in the way.
Starting point is 00:06:33 Is there... I'm going to hit one with the loot. It's their turn, actually. Well, that's rude. Charge you down, Jackson. I mean, how far in Norway am I still having trouble? To be fair, That's rude. Charge you down, Jackson. I mean, Kriff. Kriff. Kriff Pompom. How far in Norway am I? I'm still having trouble.
Starting point is 00:06:48 To be fair, your name is fucking stupid. I should have gone with an awesome name like Leah. Oh, fucks up, Heather. He sells boosted CD players. He does. Would you like to buy one? Would you like to buy this loot? Or pizza.
Starting point is 00:07:02 Off the back of a car. Do you sell pizza? Nah, just boosted CD players. one. Would you like to buy this loot? Or pizza. Do you sell pizza? He like, you know, charges and like, you know, clatters against you, but you just like push him off. Yuck. You stinky.
Starting point is 00:07:17 Okay. And that puts it at Ainsley. I'm going to hit another one with a loot. Seemed to work pretty well last time. Solid as hell. Yeah. You miss with the loot. What's wrong with everything?
Starting point is 00:07:30 The loot isn't really aerodynamic and made for combat, so you're a bit clumped. Eh? What? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It really doesn't help that it's already somewhat broken. Well, with that attitude, yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:49 So you swing and you miss, but you don't hit, like, a wall or anything like that, so it's still, like, got another good hit in it. Okay, let's do this. And, Griff. Oh, that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to take my lock out My amazing lock
Starting point is 00:08:06 Grab it in one fist And use it to smack some zombies Yes Okay That can only be a good I was not impressed I'm so mad at you, Jackson As if it were brass knuckles
Starting point is 00:08:22 You take the lock out And smash it into a zombie's face The lock breaks Oh no I'm an idiot I should have just died You smash the zombie's face up It's like really badly damaged
Starting point is 00:08:43 It's still coming but you did serious fucking damage how many zombies have we killed you've killed one there's four left oh my god oh these zombies oh my god oh wait oh no you took one down yes sorry i forgot they did yeah no you did the scattershot thing that's right motherfuckers three zombies that's easy yeah that's a cake walk that's a walk in the cake and i love cakewalk. That's a walk in the cake. I love walk caking. Love a walk in the cake. Leo, this is such a great time.
Starting point is 00:09:11 Just going to sling. Yeah, no, that's fine. It's a bludgeoning weapon. That's right. You threw your glove. Oh, I tried. Go on. Your bullet skips off the wall and breaks a coffin.
Starting point is 00:09:25 Whoa, what a fragile coffin. No, powerful. Does a corpse be like... Slip out? No, Jackson, it just breaks a hole in the coffin. It doesn't break the coffin apart. The bullet just pierces the coffin. Oh, my God, did you think that it just broke the coffin apart? I was like, that's a fragile coffin.
Starting point is 00:09:43 Yeah, I thought the exact same thing. I was like, is's a fragile coffin. Yeah, I thought the exact same thing. I was like, is this coffin made of glass? Okay. Actually, you know what? I'm going to level with you guys. Mine was a lot worse because I thought it made like a hole and then pressure. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:09:59 I don't know if I can explain that one. No need. You're an idiot. Here we go. Okay. So, and that makes it the zombies time. Is the grease dried up or is the grease still just there? I think the grease is dried up.
Starting point is 00:10:14 I don't think it lasts long. Damn. Yeah. I can make more grease, though. That would be a pleasure. Actually, no, wait, no. If I make more grease, we all just tumble again. And it's a bad time.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Grease doesn't last that long. The zombies are pretty greasy, though. If I make more grease, we all just tumble again. And it's a bad time. Grease doesn't last that long. The zombies are pretty greasy, though. My shoes, though, like the bottom of my soles of my feet, covered in grease. Can you imagine grease mixing with crypt dust? I just get clumpy. Yeah, the grease is probably finished. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:41 Damn, damn, damn. Yeah, it doesn't last long. That's all right. I can deal with that. Okay. Zambos, come at me. Actually, the block of wood is gone as well. Come to think of it. Yeah, it only lasts three rounds.
Starting point is 00:10:49 See that wood? For some reason, Leo, you've only just noticed it's gone. Ah, ah. Guys, my plans have just... Guys, I'm out of ideas. One of the zombies turns around and comes after you, Leo. Oh, no, guys. Two of them keep bearing down on... Oh, Griff, you're actually with Ainsley now,
Starting point is 00:11:08 so they're coming after both of you. Super. I'll throw you at them. They're so slow, though, they can only just get to you. Yeah. And Ainsley. Hit him with a loot. You got him.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Real hard. You got him, Ains. Come on, man. Ains got the gains. Come on, critical hit. Yes, he's going for critical something. I don't know which one's which, though. That's a critical fumble.
Starting point is 00:11:32 That's a crumble fumble. That's for a different type of thing. You stab yourself with the wood. So maybe you pick up the critical hit. Okay, so you know how when you break, when you have a string-type instrument, you can break the wood, but the strings will hold? Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:11:51 So when you're swinging, you knock the lute against the wall, and that happens. So the main part of it is just hanging loosely, and so you miss the zombie and smack yourself in the face with the lutes. With the lutes. Blood knows. Enjoy. You're like somewhat disorientated for the next little while.
Starting point is 00:12:14 Probably because I got hit in the face with the lute. You can still fight, but you're a little impaired right now. Okay. Kriff. Let's fucking go. Send your cat to do something. Yeah, I yelled at him to do something last time. You didn go Send your cat to do something Yeah, I yelled at him to do something last time You didn't yell at him to do something, you yelled at him
Starting point is 00:12:30 Oh yeah I yelled at him to do something this time And hurl an alchemist's fire at the nearest zombie Okay, so, two things Thing number one You want to take a step back first Thing number two Alchemist's a step back first Thing number two Alchemist fire will deal damage and probably catch the zombie on fire
Starting point is 00:12:49 It will however Do a similar thing to Ainsley Oh no And probably also Giggle Lump I don't care about Giggle Lump He can fucking die but I don't want that I don't think Giggle Lump has ever been pronounced The same way
Starting point is 00:13:04 I know I don't want that. I don't think Jiggle Lump has ever been pronounced the same way. I know. All right. Fucking fine. I'll just like crossbow. What you could do is if you targeted like the back zombies, you could get nothing but the zombies, but it's a harder shot. Yeah, I'll do that. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:21 So there's a higher chance to fuck this up and just do nothing. You know what I just want to point out real quick so we started this adventure this this this this one um by buying a whole heap of shit we're using it all all of it is nearly gone the lock's broken you guys are james bond and the bell's gone the bell's gone the the loot's destroyed the uh alchemist fire sails over and beautifully strikes your intended target, splashing all over him. The zombie catches fire in a vibrant and very quick way because of the age of their clothes and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:13:58 Oh, yeah. Yes. Sick. It doesn't look like it's doing much initially, and it sparks to all the other zombies, so they all catch some of the fire. It doesn't look like it's doing much initially And it sparks to all the other zombies So they all catch some of the fire Doesn't look like it's doing much initially But can I get a highs or a lows?
Starting point is 00:14:12 Highs Lows Highs? I'm going to go with the highs Because that's better off for you guys Sick Yeah, the zombies catch fire Awesome
Starting point is 00:14:20 You're welcome, gang And you were putting this off for so long. Leo, one of the zombies is coming towards you. It's on fire, too. How close is he? You can still sling if you want. He's like maybe five, ten feet away. Can I take a couple steps back?
Starting point is 00:14:39 You're at the wall right now. Damn. If you want to go through the door. From the door, yeah. It could be a trap. It could be, but it's probably not. Check the traps like frantically with your hands behind you.
Starting point is 00:14:49 I would give you such a big penalty. I know. Sling in the face to him. It hurt? Yeah, you hit him. Yes. It. That farmer said they're no longer people. It. Oh, yeah. It strikes him in the face and like staggers him a little bit.
Starting point is 00:15:07 I want to take all these zombie heads and tie them to my belt. Okay. Just as like a, we got you zombies. And then you can put a zombie head next to each of these heads. You will not be welcome in any town ever. Leave them on the cart outside the city walls. Don't let the town guard find. Why?
Starting point is 00:15:24 Bury the mule. Find your collection of heads. Imagine if a police officer... Zombie heads! Imagine if... They don't know that. They just look like dead people. Imagine if a police officer went into your home and just from... Bad idea,
Starting point is 00:15:40 Chris. And found a bunch of decaying heads. Chris, don't. It's not on? No. We're saying And found a bunch of decaying heads. Griff, done. It's not on? No. We're saying a no. I'm saying it's a red hot maybe now. Blanket no.
Starting point is 00:15:55 It's gone from 100% yes to like a 40% yes. The zombie slams into you. One of the shambling, fiery hulks slams into you. And two others slam into everyone, basically. Uh-oh. Evasion. Opposite of what we wanted. Only again. You're making me mad.
Starting point is 00:16:12 Okay, you, Leo, manage to fend them off. You just dart out. He slumbers and slowly tries to grab you, but you just come out between his arms. What up? I burn to death yes one of them latches onto you Jackson and like
Starting point is 00:16:32 bites you in the shoulder you take six points of damage hey guess who's on one point of damage gang it's this baby good luck I'm a going to die yeah you are It's this baby Good luck I'm a going to die Yeah you are I mean
Starting point is 00:16:49 Maybe not You got this I had a good run You died a nobleman I am a nobleman And yeah Ainsley The one that just comes at you,
Starting point is 00:17:05 you don't even need a dodge, it just doesn't get you. Oh, that's good. It's completely blind because there's fire in its fucking face. Okay. Oh yeah. Also, they take damage. Oh my god, they keep getting ones.
Starting point is 00:17:21 Don't look at what I'm rolling. I can't help but see, it's right in front of my eyeballs what I'm rolling. I can't help but see. It's right in front of my eyeballs. I'm going to move some books so you can't. Yeah, there's not a lot of room here, actually. No, don't. I'll stop looking. It's alright. That's also a solution. It won't help us, so don't worry.
Starting point is 00:17:38 Yeah. Okay, Sue. Ainsley, your turn. Ainsley, come on Your loot had two good hits And one of them was you Now use the bad hits Or just scattershot these cunts That's your skill
Starting point is 00:17:56 That's your skill You have scattershot And she has Why have I not been using that? You already did Oh, that's right. I'm out of spells. Yeah, I reckon I'm going to do this rapid shot bizzo
Starting point is 00:18:10 and hope for the best. You take a step back. As always. Yep. Yeah, you hit twice. Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. Like that? Yeah, something like that.
Starting point is 00:18:21 Yeah, one of the shambling monks. One of the shambling monks, guys. Monks were buried here. What is this place? One of the undead creatures just collapses. You kill another one. Yes. Two left.
Starting point is 00:18:34 Two left, easy. Again, we're walking in cake, mate. This is the easiest thing. It says, I'm on two, you're on one. Griff? Whatever, crossbow. I like crossbow, one of these guys. You take a stepiff. Whatever. Crossbow. I like Crossbow, one of these guys. You take a step back as well.
Starting point is 00:18:47 Is Jiggalug done? That's my bad. I forgot. God damn it. I just like him. He's just sitting there like. Jiggalug, I'm dying. Jiggalug has like found a fish.
Starting point is 00:19:00 And is just owing down on that. I hate you with every fiber of my body, Jiggle Lump. You're the worst pet. You're familiar. You actually had complete control over how that cat would act and now you're like, I fucking hate you. Why must you be so useless? It's like whoever created you wanted you to fail.
Starting point is 00:19:25 He's pretty stupid. Take your pick, me or Jackson. Either one of us could have wanted Jigglepuff to fail. Jigglepuff. Jigglepuff. Oh, man. Never been said the same way twice. No, it really hasn't.
Starting point is 00:19:38 I think for a while we kept calling him Jigglegump. I've got it written down in front of me i'm looking at it right now right here and like jackson you could be somewhat excused even though you picked the name it's like a couple pages deep i have one summary page and i get the name wrong you get everyone's name wrong so it's fine actually i've been doing pretty well with you yeah and griff too and griff recently leo he's being pretty solid. Leo's a regular human name. Ain't Leo's as well. Oh, wait, no, you got that one.
Starting point is 00:20:09 So, yeah, you're good with human names. Cat names, no. Surprisingly. It's not so great. Or half elf. I defy anyone to name their cat Jigloplop. Jigloplop. J-I-G-G-L-A-L-E.
Starting point is 00:20:22 J, I've been spelling it with a G. How's it spelled? It's, oh my God. You both, you are spelling it Jiglump for some reason, Adam. J-I-G-G-L-U-M-P. Jiglump. Go again. J-I-G-G.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Oh God, I've lost it. This fucking cat. In both reality. J-I-G-G-L-U-M-P. For those playing at home, you can write it down as well. Well, all I did was add an L, so shut the fuck up, Jackson.
Starting point is 00:20:52 How are you saying it? I mean, Griff, shut the fuck up, Griff. Griff is yelling at zombies. This is how you spell his name. This is how you spell my cat's name. That's it. Minotaur's not me. No. But imagine.
Starting point is 00:21:08 Okay. What did I do? Oh, that's right. I like crossbowed someone. Yeah, you missed. Dang. That was the longest wind-up to a miss. Your cat does something.
Starting point is 00:21:20 Oh, finally. It does between your legs and does nothing. I hate this cat. It, like like latches itself onto one of the burning zombies, but then it's like ah, ah, ah, burning! Fire! Why do I have this cat still? You just like, you just from it, like you have a mental link that you share
Starting point is 00:21:37 with it, the cat's like, what the fuck, man? What the fuck? Do your job! The cat is so mad with you. I'm mad with it. Of equal proportion. This poor cat. Magic.
Starting point is 00:21:56 So, Leo. Come on, Leo. Where is my cudgel that I threw? It's, you've got to dart around this zombie to get it. Do you want to try a tumble? Have a tumble, mate. If you tumble, you get to it and you're good Yes Do it, tumble that shit
Starting point is 00:22:09 Hey! Tumble past You pick up the cudgel Can I have a smack with him in the head as well? No, you're too far away Throw it again Throw it at his head Throw it at the one that you were in
Starting point is 00:22:23 Tumble by Throw it at his head Because, hey, the one that you were... Tumble by. Yeah, cool. Throw it at his head. Because, hey, it's near a wall, so it'll bounce back. So it's him. I don't know if I was thinking that'll happen. He's a rubber ball. Either way, I'm good. I'm good.
Starting point is 00:22:36 It's a wooden club. It hits his back and he stumbles forward a little bit. But you didn't hit him with a lot of force. He's fucking twice. Sorry, two left, two left. That's all right. Good job not passing it to Ainsley as well. You're right, Ainsley.
Starting point is 00:22:53 Rapid shot. That worked last time. What hit points are you guys on? Two. In. 15. Jackson. Yes?
Starting point is 00:22:59 One of them tries to attack you. The other one comes back for you, Leo, but all it can do is get to you. The other one comes back for you, Leo, but it just all it can do is get to you. I like how in slow motion this fight would be. We have so much time to work it out and we're like, damn it!
Starting point is 00:23:15 You guys can move and attack in one turn. They can just move or attack. Guys, can you imagine how this would have gone had I just thrown the alchemist's fire? At the start, yeah. Or if I just waited have gone had I just thrown the alchemist's fire? At the start. So well. Yeah. My goodness. Or if I just waited.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Or if I just handed the club. Oh, wait. That's right. Alchemist's fire. Oh, yeah. Still getting them. Yep. Super.
Starting point is 00:23:33 Welcome to death, Zambos. This is your second death. Zumbles. Zambos. Yeah. That's what you get for being greedy. Trusting the Zambos. These Zambulances.
Starting point is 00:23:44 Welcome to Zamsterdam. Anyway. Gold star, Jackson. I already had it written down. Another one? My first one wasn't legitimate. I would. I would.
Starting point is 00:23:55 It was a false star. So for those playing at home, a gold star means that if we get five. Five and I'll get you a drink. We get a drink. That's pretty good. So far I have won. You can choose a health potion or a cider in real life. A health potion in real life.
Starting point is 00:24:09 Oh, my God. Lose a gold star. Don't actually. It's okay. I'm not that mad. I have no gold stars. It's okay. Well, you know, the night is still young.
Starting point is 00:24:20 I think it's Ainsley's. Yes, it is. How far away is that damn club? You could move past the zombie and Jackson Who are struggling with each other right now Give us a hand I'm gonna do that I'm gonna say the zombie is like so intent on biting Jackson's like throat out
Starting point is 00:24:38 That it doesn't even notice you Oh wait no you threw the club that's right Oh my god Yeah you can get to the club pick it up threw the club, that's right. At his other zombie's back. Yeah, you can get to the club, pick it up, and then attack. Yeah, that's fine. Sick. We are ending this now.
Starting point is 00:24:51 You missed. Ali has the worst luck. I know. You pick up the club and you just go for a crotch shot again. It's like before we went in, we had a little meeting where we were like, dick shots? Dick shots, guys? You know what I've heard?
Starting point is 00:25:07 I might be wrong, but I've heard that those zombos, they hate it when you just clock them in the dick. Right in the cock. So let's just go for that. The pubic bone, just they hate it. Leo, sorry. This baby boy? I guess I'll just crossbow, try and crossbow again. Okay. I don't have any... You're like backing around the corner now.
Starting point is 00:25:26 You're backed up so much. You hit. Yeah. Don't do any damage. Oh, my God. This fucking zombie. He sucks so much. He pierces his lungs, but it's a zombie.
Starting point is 00:25:38 Yeah, I know. Well, I guess it's because I'm using a fucking crossbow. I should have bought a mace. Yeah, we all should have bought maces. Well, we asked for clubs and he's like, oh, there's a physical wound. He's like, oh, I've only got one weapon, guys. Stupid farmer.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Carry seven clubs. Yeah, that farmer only carry one weapon and that weapon be a length of wood. Is my cat doing anything? Oh, right. Yeah, that's right. Wait, no, you're not on fire? Oh, right. Yeah, that's right. Wait, no. You're not on fire. Oh, yeah. Jiggalump just
Starting point is 00:26:08 won't. It'll try. It doesn't do anything. Damn. Good on you for trying, Jiggalump. Cats are not like combat-based creatures. Well, I couldn't get another familiar so he'll have to bloody do. You are never going to get rid of this cat. That's my prediction.
Starting point is 00:26:23 That's my promise to you, Jackson. Who's turn? Leo, now it's your turn. Cool. Can I just rape a rapier? A rape? You want to rape? I'm going to grab my rapier and just stab that flaming zombie.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Just stab. Don't aim for the nuts. You hit. Oh, yes. That's always good to know. You don't. You pierce along. This fucking's obvious.
Starting point is 00:26:54 This fucking's obvious. Do you want to just move on? You're. Let's just go through the door. Are we on the same side as the door? You're on the right side. I'm not. I'm getting pushed down the L.
Starting point is 00:27:06 You guys could leave. Oh, no. Yeah. So Leo and Ainsley, you're both near the door. All right, let's call out. Call out to Jiggle Lump and Kroof and be like, hurry up, we're going through the door. I'm done.
Starting point is 00:27:18 Guys, but there's loads of zombies. I'm on two. I need to rest. Or at least check out. You can rest on the other side of the door. There might be more at least check out. You can rest on the other side of the door. There might be more zombies. There's going to be guys on the other side of the door. You guys really don't have a lot of time to have this conversation.
Starting point is 00:27:31 We're doing it in quick, short bursts. We're going. No! Is effectively that conversation. Leo. Oh, that's right. You had your thing. Zombies.
Starting point is 00:27:40 Does it do any damage at all? No. So stabbing was a bad choice. Yeah. You want to use your sling thing. That'll deal damage. I thought it would do some damage. No, the rapier is like, like I said,
Starting point is 00:27:53 bludgeoning weapons are what you want to use. Piercing weapons is possibly the worst thing to do. That's like all we have. Yep. Now that I've used my lock up. Should have just thrown my, what have I got? Grappling hook? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:11 Yeah. That worked well the first time you guys tried. Well, it did. It worked really well. But then it's not going to affect these bastards. Well, that's right. Oh, no. I've used up all my spells.
Starting point is 00:28:19 Never mind. Ainsley, you get attacked. Ooh. Critical failure. He might be dead. He might have killed Ooh. Critical failure. He might be dead. He might have killed himself. Again. Because he's already dead.
Starting point is 00:28:29 That doesn't make sense. He's attacking you. Oh, no. We'll get another one. Just that one didn't make sense. Like that one was specific to someone who's wielding a weapon. Whirlwind of shame. I feel like I've felt that before.
Starting point is 00:28:43 I feel like I've also been caught in a whirlwind of shame. Yep. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. D&D talk. Whirlwind of shame tonight. Where have you felt the whirlwind of shame? Somebody just like stumbles towards you, but slams its own head into a coffin overhead and kills itself.
Starting point is 00:29:01 Yeah! Yes! Now we just get the one fighting me and we're done. And we're done. We're out of the game. Which burns to death. Yeah! Yes! Now we just get the one fighting me and we're done. And we're done. We're out of the game. Which burns to death. Yeah! Who are champions?
Starting point is 00:29:11 Who are the best at fighting the undead? Us. I believe we are the best. Can we just run into the middle and just hug? Just like, we did it. We did it. Pile the zombies up against the door. Let's sleep.
Starting point is 00:29:20 Yes. Let's sleep for a thousand years. Feel free to cut this part out out but I just remembered as well it's slashing damage for zombies bludgeoning damage for skeletons so you guys shouldn't
Starting point is 00:29:31 except for what so you fucked us out of God of War I didn't really fuck you because you still mostly have piercing weapons but it was slashing damage
Starting point is 00:29:39 we were after did we have anything that slashes? I would have given you a sword instead of a daggers daggers slashing or daggers piercing? daggers can be slashing yeah oh well whatever we made it out off you. Do we have anything that slashes? I would have given you like a sword instead of a cudgel. Daggers.
Starting point is 00:29:45 Daggers slashing or daggers piercing? Daggers can be slashing, yeah. Oh well, whatever. We made it out. We're good. Back to the celebration.
Starting point is 00:29:52 In the next fight it'll just suddenly be slashing damage. Which is good for you actually because you've got the long soldier steel slashing damage. Finally.
Starting point is 00:29:58 Okay. Okay, so yeah. I think we're going to do the old sneaky tactic of pile the dead bodies up against the door and nap. And have a nap. Classic sense-bent strategy of pile the bodies against the door and nap.
Starting point is 00:30:12 It's tradition. It is tradition. Because we get fucked up by so many fights. How many HP are you on out of curiosity, Ali? 15. Piece of shit. What do you want me to do? Tank, tank, tank. Just run in there and Ah, 15. Piece of shit. What do you want me to do? I can't. Tank.
Starting point is 00:30:25 Tank. Tank. Just run in there and punch, guys. When did you take three points of damage? I think the fire. When it bit my hand. Oh, yeah. That's right.
Starting point is 00:30:34 I should have punched it in the mouth. Yeah, so the one thing I could do, just punch him. It bit me. Hey, get a gold star. Oh, I get a gold star. I'm going to put one up in the corner. Good. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:44 All right. Let's curl into a ball. Nap time. And a sad little bloodied spoon. A sad little, you know, yeah. Good. A sad little bloodied spoon. Sleep in Among the Dead, both recent and old.
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