D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott II #1 New Friends, New Foes

Episode Date: February 27, 2016

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 2In which our heroes have a magical adventure. We have free-time on a ship, wander through an elven city and meet an ancient seer. Cassius is introduced, Princess Ansley see a picture of kobolds and Leo has dreams of becoming a wizard. So join us as we braid our Dwarven beards. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sandspants Radio, I took the deceitful feat for a reason. Hey all, just letting you know that this is your last chance to send us your D&D is for Nerds artwork. Winner gets to help shape how we run a side quest adventure, and will receive the next D&D is for Nerds USB tape when we get around to releasing it. Second and third place will also get something, maybe access to the Patreon Dropbox, if you haven't got it already. If so, we'll work on something. And speaking of the Patreon Dropbox, if you want to always be two weeks ahead of

everyone else, for just five bucks a month, you can. Just head to patreon.com slash sanspantsradio. Now, enjoy the first episode of season two. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table weighing the pros and cons of wielding a long spear versus a short spear. But that is exactly what we are doing today. Welcome to episode 26 of D&D is for Nerds. As ever, I'm Joel Zammett playing the part of Leo Shadow. Opposite me is Jackson B. Bailey playing the part of... Oh, you'll see.

Alright. And next to him we have Ali Kathleen playing the part of Ainsley Foggyfeather. Is he still pissed at us? Yes. And as always, to my right, we have the adequate DM, Adam Cool Coconuts. I'm not even mad about it. Previously on Last Season of D&D is for Nerds. Don't loot me.

Bury me with my things. Leo wakes up. Do you not know how to deal with children, bartender? This is a halfling. Did you think it was a child? He fails in his bowl game. Shit! Hey, maybe Grayson's gone back there.

No, he's still pretty salty at us. He'll be less salty when he finds out I'm dead. I was his faithful. This bartender has a little note that he passes to you guys and he says, ah, this was left for you. Okay. What's it say? It's got the name of a ship and a dock number.

Well, when am I going to start decomposing? Eventually. Leo, you're like walking from inn to inn and you spot Grayson in the crowd. Why are you looking for the cat? Because I figure he would want to know if it's Chris's time. I hug him. Does Chris have a spellbook? Yeah, he had a spellbook. Cool, I hold

it and hug it nightly and read over it a lot. The power couple is back. You're back in. Yes. Grainsley. Yes, maybe. I look up at you and I'm Ainsley and I'm like, maybe we can bury him with Cartmichael. He was a good friend, loyal. When I was good friend, loyal.

When I was first captured, I thought my life was over. But really, it just began. Just going to miss you, mate. I like cold angels' hands and squeezing. Goodbye, guys. Quick recap. You buried Griff. He was killed at the pirate city of Gnar. You went to old Ashton, buried him there with Cartmichael.

Months have passed. So we're going to jump forward a bit ahead in time here. You guys are on a boat altogether, and you have been sailing with, in addition to other people, it's a big sailing vessel, but you've also gotten to know Jackson's new character. Would you like to introduce yourself? My name is Cassius Christie.

I'm a lady dwarf. Good, because how funny. Girl power! Dwarf power. Girl dwarf power! We are, we're only little together. Am I the biggest person here? This is so opposite to reality.

I'm a druid. But I intend to be a rough and tumble brawler. Because of course I don't play against into the fucking class I am. Jixon? Yes. What's a druid? A druid is like a nature wizard. But I love playing

in the D&D games that I've played in the past. I like playing as a druid because all of their spells are dumb. 2-1. I can talk to animals. How funny. Amazing. That would have been really great. I can become a tree.

All right. Yes, and I'm just kind of like, I don't know, kind of sword for hire, I suppose. I get my kicks beating the shit out of people, you know. Awesome. You also have an owl. Yeah, I also have an owl called Mr. Fists. Who's my familiar. Who's just as rough and tumble as I am. Of course, of know, so. Awesome. You also have an owl? Yeah, I also have an owl called Mr. Fists. Who's my familiar.

Who's just as rough and tumble as I am. Of course, of course you do. Big muscly owl. Does this one like you? It's not a muscly owl. It loves me. It's so muscly. Why is it called Mr. Fists? Because it's. I mean, owls don't really have. It's a

fighting owl, Ali. It's a fighting owl. It's Cassius Christy and her fighting owl. I feel as though you and I aren't going to have nice late night Coco talks about boys. No, that's not the kind of person I am. Maybe about killing boys. No, punching. Never kill. Sometimes I kill.

You've been traveling for quite some time now. I'm going to say maybe you guys were distraught over the passing of Krifpum. Maybe you just decided that you really wanted to get around and see a lot more of the world because you spent a lot of it only on a boat. Or for a reason, you guys decide, but you've been going now. Killing some more wizards.

You've been going now. Because now, more wizards. You've been going now. Now really, three. I'm counting, Chris. Along the coast of Bronland, which is one of the continents, and just going from town to town to town along there, having not necessarily misadventures

or adventures or anything like that. Just living a life. What's the area like? Right now, you're coming around, there's a very, it's basically where forest meets sea right now. And there's the next port of call is Azamarill, which is an elven town.

You would also probably, all of you happen to know that there's one of the only two magical academies or universities or whatever you'd like to say here. You've probably never been. This is a very, it's not out of the way, but it's not a place that many people come unless they have purpose to be here specifically.

Ainsley, we can learn magic. My God, guys, it's going to happen. How does Grayson feel about magic? Because that may just, that may change my mind. Because like we're already. Quick question though, Ali. Oh yeah, what's going on with Grayson? Grayson's about magic? Because that may change my mind. Because, like, we're already. Quick question, though, Ali. Oh, yeah, what's going on with Grayson? Grayson's just been traveling with you.

It's sort of everything's kind of on hold, almost. There's, like, been this grace period. Grace period for Grayson. Grayson. Well, you guys haven't done anything particularly. Do we still have Carter's head? We've been carrying it around for so long. You've, what did you do with it?

Put it in our backpack. We pickled it. We pickled it. We're going to go to carcer at some point. Yes, at some point. The head's probably very decomposed. Well, we pickled it. Isn't that just like freezing it?

I don't know how pickling works. At any point. In any case. Months before you came here, Grayson was talking about the Magical Academy here and he was saying that, well, because you were told way, way, way back when that the magical enclave at Goldcrest would have gone into hiding and underground.

Grayson seems to feel that the magical academy at Azamarill is going to be the best place to, if not find them specifically, then maybe pick up a lead as to where they could be. And so that's why you're, well, if, you know, your own reasons

as well, because it's a long trip but that's what Grayson's looking forward to. Have I learnt any spells yet? No. Damn. Did we get a magic wand? Not yet. Can we get one? You can buy one here at Azumarill. Yes, we would like to buy a magic wand. Have we reached port? I'm saying

you're like maybe a day away so I'm just going to start you guys on the ship you're standing somewhere near the starboard. That's the sign. Adam, who have I fought on the ship and who haven't I? Are we going through this, are we? Uh-huh. Did you fight me?

Yeah, I want to fight everyone. Do you reckon he would have fought us? Who won? That's what I'd like to know. Highs or lows? Highs. You fought very few people. Is there people on the bow? Do you reckon he would have fought us? Who won? That's what I'd like to know. Heys or lows? Heys. You've fought very few people. Oh.

I'm going to like, is there like people on the bow? There's like sailors going around doing their business. Grayson's here as well. I want to look for the toughest looking sailor. It's Grayson. The toughest looking sailor. Sailor. So you know your bad joke. I don't shit where I eat.

Heys or lows? Heys. Gross, Jackson. You find a pretty tough looking guy, you think he might be a half-orc. Hey, fuck boy! Oh, Jesus. Worse.

He just like traded a shit wizard for a shit trooper. He turns around. I know. And he does, you know that, you know, like a cartoon bull will like flare its horns, flare its nose before it does the charge? No, flare its horns. He does like that thing where he flares his nose. How about an arm wrestle?

He saunters over. How about I punch you in the face? Punch you, punch you, punch you. That wasn't what I asked for, mate. I don't know. What did you call me? That sounds like you were asking for it. Just wanted your attention.

You've got it. I'm Russell. That's the sound of giving up, ladies and gentlemen. No, he walks away. A gesture like turn to these guys and gesture. Fuck boys. Right? How manly is Cassie?

Cassius? Cassius. Cassius. Because I'm sure that in this day and age. When you say manly, how are you determining manliness? Well, I feel as though if a woman screamed out, hey, fuck boy, and then a guy was like, how about I punch you in the face? It seems very, I think he thinks you're a guy.

Does he, Adam? Or do they know you well enough? I don't have a beard or anything. Well. you do. Oh, then it's the most glorious, beautiful beard in the world. It's not like one of those big, like when you think of a dwarf beard. Do female dwarves have beards? Female beards really only come maybe down to their chest area.

Oh, that's awesome. I'm so confused. You'd probably, oh, well, unless you want it to seem very manly, female dwarves would like braid it and make it look pretty. I would be pretty clearly a woman. Would you put flowers in your braided beard? Sometimes I do. I would not.

Do you just put teeth of your defeated enemies? Yes. An owl perched on your shoulder, teeth in your beard. Mr. Fists, can you believe this shit? Your very feminine beard. Mr. Fists, can you believe this shit? Your very feminine beard. Mr. Fists grooms himself. That's right, Mr. Fists. It is night time for him.

Oh, Mr. Fists. Does he have like a little nightcap? No. How good would that be? Like a little nightcap, a little eye patch? I say my error was to give you guys free time on a ship. That was my error. That's on you, Adam.

That's on me. Where are you lily hammers going? We're going to go to this mage university. We've got a couple of leads on some rebel wizards. We're going to have a bit of ruffle and tumble and take them down. We made a promise to a dear friend of ours. Do you use some muscle? We could easily use some muscle, yes.

Adam, what's an appropriate rate for muscle? So, for any stat, 10 is considered human average. So, like you or me, we'd be maybe a 9. You know? In real life? Yeah, sure. Maybe 6 is possibly like human in real life? yes

maybe 6 is possibly like human, well I guess 0 is human minimum but 0 is like a comatose sort of atrophied limbs 18 is kind of human maximum so if you're thinking like an Olympic level weightlifter that's an 18

you are sitting at a strength of 15. Yeah. So you do all right. I'm getting by. I meant money. Yeah, I think you meant how much we're charging. I let you finish.

I meant how much to charge. I thought you said physical strength. I said like the rate for a muscle. Well, I thought you were talking about. Like as in hired. As in hired, Adam. Can I just do a little side note with Leo here? Look, I know that what worked with Grayson worked really well,

but I don't think I could do it again. Now we're in a committed relationship, so we may actually have to pay this one. Yeah, I'm not taking that. What? Why is Grayson so sweet? Nothing, sweetheart. Grayson's been taking like a cut of all of your adventuring.

Yeah, we gave him looting rights. Yeah, we did. That's fair enough. your adventuring. Yeah, we gave him looting rights. Yeah, we did. That's fair enough. That's legit. Yeah, we're on board. Do you consider yourself trained or untrained? I'm trained as a druid. But that's not what they're hiring you for.

Untrained. Nah, how good's your lying ability? The thing is, you're kind of asking us. I'm offering my services. I don't know. It's less about paying a mercy. It's just more about the adventure, really. I mean...

So, bluff? Do you want me to roll your bluff, Leo? It's the journey, Cassius. You're trying to sell me a journey? Yeah. Why don't you ask us if you want to come along? Cassius, I'm just a small-town boy living in this lonely world. He took a midnight boat going to Azamoril.

You're just a small-time girl living in this lonely world. You took a midnight boat going to Azamoril. So, I mean, really, it's the journey, Cassius. I mean, we don't know what we're getting, but you're more than welcome to come along and share. Do you not think I'm strong enough? I want to punch the floor. I'm going to try and break the wood with my fist,

and I'm going to use my spell, Bull Strength. That gives me four extra strength. So you cast the spell on deck. A lot of the sailors around you seem somewhat startled. It's all right, whatever. Your sinews and muscle, like, nearly double in size. Oh! If this chick joins our crew, my ultimate goal

is to make her dress up like a princess. Okay. You, like, dent the wood pretty well. ultimate goal is to make her dress up like a princess. You like dent the wood pretty well. It's not about trying to question your strength. Maybe I didn't punch it hard enough. It's more you can

whatever we get you're more than happy to like we will split four ways between us. Looting rights? Yeah alright. Yeah alright. I'll take looting rights Alright I shake your hand and we do that kind of Like test each other's strength I'm gonna spit in my hand

Spit right back Oh okay we try to out Hand shake each other Kind of like in the Predator With Arnie We're gonna try and predator each other You know even the handshake He crushes your hand

Dwight can I I want a bluff that didn't hurt me We're going to try and predator each other. You know, even the handshake. He crushes your hand. He crushes your hand. Dwight, I want a bluff that didn't hurt me. You can. By the way, you take five points of non-lethal damage. Got it. Does he bluff me? I would like to spend my time with this lady dwarf with mostly disdain and distrust until she warms to me.

I would like to make that call. Yeah, Cassius, you can see him crying. I know I hurt you. Yeah, you did. Oh, my God. It's quite obvious what happened. He's not falling, no one. I'm pretty chuffed.

Grayson, hold me. No. Aw. Cassius, hold me. No. Aww. Cassius, hold me. No. Aww. Mr. Fists. Mr. Fists.

Thank you, Jackson, for shaking your head so that everyone can see it. I'll turn to Mr. Fists and shake my head. Don't you dare. Mr. Fists is fast asleep. It's night time for him. Can we make that a line? It's night time for him.

Okay, let's go to this. Yeah, alright. So yeah, I don't know. Do you like punching up wizards? I like punching up pretty much anyone. You're going to fit right in. The crew seems somewhat concerned. I'm going to turn around and be like, fellas, it Right in. The crew seems somewhat concerned. I'm going to shoot her in the back of the leg.

I'm going to turn around and be like, fellas, it's all right. Won't happen again. It might happen again. That seems more likely. The next day. All right. You get into port. When you get off the boat, what's your first port of call?

I don't know. I'm following these guys. Shopping. I would like to go shopping, please. Elven cities are structured a lot differently to many other cities. Because I know how the rest... I haven't even finished and you're getting mad at me. Are structured a bit differently to other cities, you'll find.

The good thing is I don't know how other cities are structured. That's true. It's all good to you. In that rather than try to carve their way out of nature, elven cities sort of like work around nature. Like I said, where forest meets sea, they have not attempted to

log any trees here, so the city is in between trees in a forest. That's rad. That is very rad. I would like to see them very keen if we go past any elven, you know, jewelry stores. Other than that, the layout of the city you can tell is similar enough to a regular one that you can make your way. Like, you know a market when you see one.

Are you actually looking for Elven jewelry? I'm just saying, like, if there are any jewelry stores, I might just, like, take a second to stop and look at all the pretty rings. I've gained some health, yes. Let's be honest. Grace and I have – oh, my whole love life is resting on this. Hi. Hi. Hi. Yeah, you see an elven jeweller.

Oh, wonderful. Elven crafts are probably a bit of a, like not a novelty. What's a word where it's? Are they beautiful? Yeah, they're very beautiful. Ornate. Ornate, yes. I would like to just subtly be like, oh, that's pretty.

Because I feel as though Grace and I have been together for a good while and I'm a bloody princess. That's true. So maybe, I mean, I don't want to look pushy and eager, but I just want to drop hints that maybe. To make this official. Put a ring on this finger. Yeah, or just a nice necklace.

Put a ring. A nice necklace would also be suffice, but, you know, whatever. It's fine, whatever. No pressure. You do that and maybe you, like, look out of the corner of your eye at Grayson and he, you get the impression that he gets the impression and he like touches his coin purse and you see him like try to

discreetly attempt to weigh how much gold he has bless him have I gained some health back from the sleeping overnight oh yeah everyone should be oh you mean the you would have completely healed that, yeah.

The only reason I marked that down is in case you got into a fight in the brief moments I gave you. Highly likely, though. Highly likely, right? That's on us. Yeah. You give me a description of the wizards you're looking for?

Okay, so we're going up to the university, correct? Correct. You can see that it's set in this... You don't think it's see that. It's set in this... You don't think it's naturally forming. It's a tree possibly... I love this place. A tree possibly the width of... I don't even know.

Football field? Like a skyscraper. What a big tree. It's a tree the size of a skyscraper and you can see there is constructed within the tree the university itself. Guys, it's made by squirrels. How good is that? All right,

well, we're going to head up there and try and follow this lead because there were some wizards from gold. I thought you were going to buy things first. We are going to buy things. What are you looking to buy?

I've got some gold. I want a wand of healing. A magic wand, please. And maybe some potions. What else can we buy? I'd like a hammer, Adam. What do you want? A hammer? Just a hammer? We don't have a wand of healing. A magic wand, please. And maybe some potions. What else can we buy? I'd like a hammer, Adam. What do you want? A hammer? Just a hammer? We don't have a lot of money. Like a fighting hammer.

Like a fighting hammer. You can't. 154 gold. Druids cannot use metal weapons. He can pay for his own shit. We don't know him yet. Because they're like claws or whatever. You hate druids. I hate druids. Leo and I have decided that until I warm up to Jackson Lady.

Cassius. Cassius. That she could pay for her own shit. Rude. I'm not going to say it to your face. Gosh. I think you have more gold than that. I do.

I'm very rich. Oh, bugger. So, once again, what are you looking for? Oh, the wands, sorry. Yeah, we'd like wands. What else do we need? Just a wand of healing. Here's the problem.

I've got some things written down that have been written down since day one and then we decided that Kriff was going to hold all of our stuff and now he's gone. So I don't know what we do and don't have. I just know how much money we've got. So did you want to go shopping? Yes. Probably not. I think we've got enough do and don't have. I just know how much money we've got. So did you want to go shopping? Yes. Probably not.

I think we've got enough gold, to be honest. A scout for untrustworthy folk. Shadies. I'm regretting this, Ainsley. I miss Griff. I miss Griff. He used to look for strange. Cassius is great.

As you guys are heading, I don't know, I guess towards the... Yeah, you scan the crowd for shady-looking people. You don't see anyone particularly of note. Like, I guess you see some people who are like, you know... Nobody's looking like they're threatening us or following us. No, no, no. Sneaky shit. All right. That's fine.

Grayson is leading the way. He seems to... You get the impression he might know this city. Excellent. I'd like to suddenly ask him if he's been here before. Subtly? I'm just going to ask him. Have you been here before? Yeah, I'd like to outright ask.

Yes, he says. You're tripping over your words. Shut up, guys. What did you do in here? Try and get some small talk happening. It was only briefly, he says. He does this a lot. He's just a quiet man. He doesn't talk much. only briefly, he says. Okay. He does this a lot. He doesn't

talk much. I know, that's why I like him. About himself, at least. Okay, so you get to the base of the tree and there's like this massive winding staircase that goes around the outside and, like I said, this thing's the size of a skyscraper.

It goes all the way up to the top within the leaves that you can barely even make out. How good are we at stair walking? Are we going to get real tired? I have little stumpy legs. I also have little stumpy legs. The elves walking up and down don't seem too puffed,

but no one here is elves. Elves, great in constitution. Is there lifts? I hate you. Is there lifts? I hate you. Is there lifts? There are no visible lifts. Not that you would know what that is. Are we walking to the top? Grayson stops at this point.

I'm not sure exactly where to start. I don't know. We just have to start. Mr. Fists! Fly up. It's his night time. Mr. Fists. Is there like an information desk? Fists, fly up. It's his night time. Damn it, Mr. Fists. Wake up, we need you. Is there like an information desk? You wake up, Mr. Fists.

He seems very displeased. Mr. Fists, do you think you could chuff on up to the top? See what's going on there, see if there's an easier way up, Mr. Fists. I think we're just going to have to take the stairs. Excuse me, Mr. Elf. Mr. Fists. Mr. Fists. Mr. Flists. Mr. Fists flies upwards.

Excuse me, I kind of... Mr. Fists is good people. Okay, Cassius, I kind of like to wave one of the passing elves. Excuse me, hi. We need to find some information about some wayward wizards. Where's the best place to ask about that? Do you speak Elven? Do we? I can answer that question myself.

Yes, I fucking do. Good thing, because he doesn't speak Common. Ha ha. In Elven, he talks to you. He says, oh, wait, what was your question? Sorry. We're asking information about a group of wizards, wayward wizards.

From? Gold Crest. He nods. Yes, I wouldn't know that much about that myself, but if you, he seems a little hesitant. If I gave you directions, would you know where to go on the tree? I look at Grayson and say, if he gives us directions

and I pass one to you, do you know where we're going? Grayson nods. Yeah, I reckon I could figure it out. God, I love that man. Pass that information to the elf. We've got one of our members that's been here before. Okay, so the elf begins describing a part of the tree.

Not directions to, like a part of the tree. Okay, so the elf begins describing a part of the tree. Not directions to, like a part of the tree. Okay. You got that? So how do we get there from here? It doesn't really work like that. If you're getting your friend to show you, you just tell him

and he should figure it out. I tell this to Grayson. Grayson nods. Yeah, I know exactly where that is. We're getting lost in a tree today. Cool. All right, Grayson, lead the way. It takes maybe two hours for you guys to realize how lost you are. Did Mr. Fists come back?

On the bright side, you start walking up the stairs and it immediately becomes apparent that there's some magic to the tree. You take one step and you feel like you've just gone up five stories. Fred! I didn't even need to wake up Mr. Fist. I bet he's mad at me. Eventually Mr. Fist finds you.

It takes him a while. I'm gonna apologize give him a little cuddle and put him back on my shoulder. He gives you like a little like sort of look like this is my night time. Sorry, Mr. Fist. You know, rude of me. He goes back to sleep. I love the idea that everyone you see you want to fight,

but then Mr. Fist is like, oh, snuggly. Mr. Fist, you snuggly little bitch. Just imagining like a sailor on the ship walking past your closed door as you say that at night What is happening in there? I don't want to know I just don't want to know

Yeah, so a couple hours and you realise you're lost Grayson looks around You're maybe halfway up the tree We're lost, aren't we, Grayson? No Do I believe him? We would have lost, aren't we, Grayson? No. It's okay. Do I believe him?

We would have been equally lost by ourselves, Grayson. It's a very poor lie. Grayson's the worst at lying. Yeah, there's plenty of elves. A lot of them have, in this section of the tree, a lot of them have these little fiery, like a phoenix, a tiny phoenix just flying around them. Awesome.

Pretty much everyone. I kind of wave one of them down. Like, hi, in, elvish. Hi, we seem to, our guide seems to have, we're lost. We're lost. Where are you trying to go? I explain to him the area. The description of the tree that you were given.

We were given. He nods. I could show you the way. Awesome. Also, quick question. Those little cool little phoenixes, what's that all about? It's a sign of the tree is divided into different sections depending on the order you're from within the guild.

Uh-huh. It's a sign of our order. Awesome. Like magic users, yeah? Yes, everyone on this tree is a magic user. Yeah. How does one become learned in mages? I could teach you.

Yeah? It's many long, hard years of study, though. That's cool. Gross. Okay. Cool. I could live in a tree for a few years. Adam, I want a jewel class.

Let's live in the trees. It's going to be a lot of years. Okay. Can we do it by correspondence? No. Online learning? You have to be here. Adam looks so sad. No, it's more than that.

It's like a combination of anger as well. I've been reading a beige book whilst I've been at sea. It's like an ice cream of sad with an anger whirl so the mage takes you to where you need to go there's like a door set in the tree the door is also made out of wood

but it looks like it's part of the tree that just sort of naturally becomes a door it's hard to describe you'll have to just imagine it with your mind. I'm so glad. The mind, if you will.

He gestures to the door. If you want to contact me about becoming a wizard, probably just go back down to the base. You wouldn't, if I told you where to go, you probably wouldn't be able to find it, would you? It's true, we won't. Would I?

No. I'd shake my head violently. Probably not. You could see if Grayson wants to give it another shot. Grayson? I kind of give him a skeptical look. I'm pretty confident, Grayson says. Yeah, okay.

We apparently could, yes. He leaves and you go in. No one was looking at me for a second. I thought we were done. Sorry. You go in and sitting behind like a, the entire room, like all of the furniture is part of the tree. And sitting behind a desk is a very elderly looking elf.

I love this place already. It's so cool. Can I help you? He says in common. Yes. elf. I love this place already. It's so cool. Can I help you? He says in common. Yes. Yes. Hi, I'm Leo.

This is my friend Ainsley and here is Grayson. And, uh, would you like to meet Cassius? Um, a little Kurt nod. Hi, uh,

we're, we're, we've come from a few different places. Actually. Um, we, we killed, uh,

an evil wizard in, in, in, in wizard in the city of Gnar. And we've been... Carter. Yes, Carter. We did. We did. You're on a mission to kill an enclave of

wizards in Goldcrest. Yes, we are. That's the one. This guy knows. My name is Azrael the Seer. Okay. Hi, Azrael the Seer. Uh-oh. Okay. Hi, Azrael the Seer. This sounds bad. If you could call it a department, I head basically the divination section.

Uh-huh. I see many things. This is why you have probably been sent to me. So there's no point in showing you Carter's pickled head. In fact, do we need to keep Carter's pickled head if you know it already exists that we killed him? You're looking for evidence or to give evidence of his death? Yeah.

You should hold on to it. All righty then. I do not need to see it though. So heavy. Do you want to? I saw his death. Wasn't it epic? It was alright.

I prefer not to involve myself in violence. That's cool. We did it for you. It's fine. Wasn't it epic? Are you asking me or him? Not him. He's so annoyed at me. You've come here to ask me a question. I suggest

you get straight to it. I'm a busy man. Where are these gold crest wizards conclave? Some of them there are an enclave of five left. There were more, but there are five left. Three have hidden themselves from me too hard for me to find.

And I do not think you will ever find them. But two, whose heads I do think you can acquire, one is not too far from here, only a day's travel south as it would have. I believe he is coming to find and kill me before I can tell you. Very calm about this. So if we wait here. Well, obviously he's too late, isn't he? He this. So if we wait here. Well, obviously he's too late, isn't he?

He is. So if we wait here. If we wait here, won't he just rock up and try and kill you? We'll just hang around you. He is also a powerful diviner and has potentially already seen that you have spoken with me or speaking with me. Okay, so he's going to do. Dealing with precogs is hard.

Okay, so he'll see us coming and... Damn it. All right, okay, good. Is there any way of masking that? There are magical objects and items that can mask one from divination, but such items are expensive. Well, we're going to save you, so you give us some for borosies? I don't have any myself, but I could tell you where to some for borosies? I could, I don't have any

myself, but I could tell you where to find one. For free? Yes. Yes! Deal. Done. In exchange, no purchasing, just when you're done, I would like the item. Okay. Sure. Don't say why not. Seems like a good thing

to keep, guys, but whatever. I would normally in such situations where I make bargains with people, warn you that if you betray me, I could find you. However, I couldn't. Because of the item. So I'm going purely on goodwill here, he says, not knowing any of you. But he does know us. He doesn't know you that well.

He sees many things but not everything Okay And the other wizard? Oh I assume you want this wizard's name Or do you just kill anyone? We want the wizard's name But then I look at Grayson and I'm like

Maybe not everyone Fenrir Like the wolf? Like the wolf Except he doesn't say that because that's not a thing Maybe not everyone. Fenrir. Okay. Like the wolf? Like the wolf. Okay. Except he doesn't say that because that's not a thing in this world. What's he named after?

I don't know, maybe his father? So in this universe, there is no Fenrir the wolf, but they name people Fenrir. Well, the languages still exist. It's still a name. A puzzler. Not really. Something to think over in your bed. It's still a name. A puzzler. Not really. Something to think over in your bed. It's like Smith is a

surname. Oh, I guess they're all Smiths, though. Let me try and think of another. You know what? We're getting ourselves caught up on something that strictly doesn't matter. True. It's a Nordic name, and so you will find it attached to a Nordic wizard. Okay.

An outcast of his people, I believe. Is he hiding out in a particular place? Or is he just north? No, south. In a set of caves. When you come back with the item, I will tell you exactly where. All right.

And the other wizard? You said there was two. I'll tell you more when you come back with the first wizard's head. Okay, so where do we get this item? Further along the coast. There was a dragon's lair. The dragon is long dead,

but its lair is still guarded by magical enchantments and some of the dragon's more fervent followers who, even in death, guard it. How do we kill a ghost? Punch it! No, there's no ghost to fight. You said even in death it guards it.

Skeletons? No, even in death his... Zombies? Are we fighting zombies? No, you'll be fighting kobolds. What? Do you know of kobolds? No.

Little rat creatures. Not little rat creatures. They got the big nose. They themselves claim to be descended from dragons, but no dragon will acknowledge that. Oh. Aren't they gross? Hang on.

I'll show Ali a picture. Everyone at home is just going to have to Google it. Get Googling kobolds. Don't let your mom see that, though, in the search history. So private search, Google kobold. Yeah. I thought kobold was a type of blue. Oh, that's a kobold.

Let me see. I can't see from there. Cobalt. Cobalt is a kind of blue. He's kind of like a dinosaur. Little chicken dinosaur thing. They consider themselves dragon blood. But once again, no dragon would acknowledge that. They don't look like one, but they do look like half a dinosaur,

half a dragon, half a child, half a chicken. That's two holes. That's way too many halves there, Ali. All right. Well, you have a look and tell me what it looks like. It's a crocodile dinosaur, man. Yeah. Done.

Well, yes. That's pretty easy, Ali. Nailed it. So in his lair, you will find it among his treasures. I would warn you, however, of the perils of gold lust. Gold lust? An actual illness? Or a place?

You know, take care. Take the amulet, maybe some gold for yourselves, but if you stay too long, bad things will become of you. Let's live there. He's a seal. Let's just trust him. What do you mean? What are we getting ourselves into here? Look, okay, sorry.

Cassius, we've done this before where we've just gone in half-cocked and things have gone bad. I want to know... I understand. So I want to go in here full cock so I know what's going on. An evil sits over the treasure. An evil indescribable and beyond my sight.

I could not tell you exactly what dangers present over the treasure, but there are some. So why are we doing this again? So what's the limit of how much treasure we can take and how much we cannot take? There's no number I can give you there. We can have a good guess.

Take only what you think you need. Nothing more. All right. I feel like we're quarter-cocked now. I don't even feel like I'm half-cocked. If you want, you could find Fenrir without it. No, no. I think that'll fuck us in the ass.

It's hard to predict these sorts of things, but it is potentially possible that you could slay him without it. All right. It's up to you. Matt, we're going north to the Cave of Dragon. All right. Grayson, you got this? You know where we're going? Gray the Cave of Dragon. All right, Grayson, you got this? You know where we're going?

Because I don't... Grayson says, oh, following the coast? I reckon I can handle that. But can he? Find out next time on The Indies for Nerds. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com.

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