D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott II #10 What a Coincidence!

Episode Date: April 30, 2016

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 2In which our heroes discuss love and romance in D&D. We meet the lord, meet some new dwarves and they get their sustenance from ale. Cassius starts to have doubts about the company he keeps, Princess Ansley has to deal with her royalty again and Leo doesn't sleep much. So join us as we lie a lot. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SANS PANTS RADIO ARMA SMASH! and want to see a live D&D for Nerds recording, you might be able to do just that. Nothing is 100% set in stone just yet. We're still ironing out some of the kinks and working out the logistics. So basically, save the date. Probably around about 7pm. We'll have some more details next week, or you can check our Facebook or Twitter for any updates. So yeah, hope to see some of you guys there.

So once again, thank you for your support. So yeah, hope to see some of you guys there. So once again, thank you for your support. You're all beautiful angels. Now, enjoy the show. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around the table correcting other people for inaccurately portraying D&D stereotypes. But that's exactly what we're going to be doing today. D stereotypes. But that's exactly what we're going to be doing today. Welcome to episode 35 of D&D is for Nerds. Sitting around the table, we have Ali Kathleen playing Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Why can't I have magic?

We have Jackson Bailey playing Cassius Christie. I want to keep a goblin in my backpack again. And we have Joel Zamet as Leo Shadow. I'm just happy to be here, guys. I got no demands. As always, I'll be your incredibly salty DM, Adam Creepy Crawly. That ain't your name. It's accurate, though.

Previously on D&D is for Nerds. Shoot him in the back! Shoot him in the butt! Everybody does! Champion! The wizard drops to his knees and is like looking up at Grayson. Kill him execution style. Oh god, I have turned!

Maybe we need more hirelings. And a whole orcish village is big. And orcs are big. Instead of hirelings, we might be able to buy the orcs. I put it on. I transform into a sexy elf lady. Gold will get us so far, but fighting and winning against the Warchief

will probably get us a lot further. Let's go, let's go, let's go, let's go! Quick question. Anyone here know orcish? You sold me on we're killing wizards. I'm ready. There's a lot of dwarves around in this dwarven city. Go figure.

And a lot of them are pretty startled that four people just popped out of nowhere. Hello! You're on the volcanic island of Mara, being led to the dwarven lord. Before the keep, the two-story building, there's like a shit ton of guards all over the place. These guys are very heavily armoured,

and it looks like this place is under siege. Like, they're geared up for something. There's one dwarf, though, looks particularly more important than the other ones. Rather than, like, a dull metal, he's wearing golden armor for the most part. He's so pretty. And his beard is, like, long

and set into nice plaits and stuff like that. Is he super handsome? For a dwarf? For a dwarf? No. Oh, my God, no. like that is he super handsome for a dwarf uh no oh my god no like dwarves are not very handsome this is like at first you mistake him for an orc oh god i'm gonna nudge ainsley what do you reckon is wrong with that one he's got like it's like his face is partially melted or something You know what? Half of his face is paralyzed

Cassius, this is your in This is how we get out of this I'm not the seducing kind You could be I just shake my hand He's super gross This important, semiemi important looking dwarf Gives you like a lopsided grimace

But you assume that every look He gives people is lopsided Be a lopsided smile Like no matter what Lopsided yeah just everything Anyway Good morning, afternoon, evening He nods to you curtly

And in common What time is it Adam? Is it morning, afternoon, evening. He nods to you curtly. And in common, he says... What time is it, Adam? Is it morning or afternoon? You can't tell. The smoke obscures the sky. What the fuck? This place is spooky.

It's tropics, but it's dark with smoke. It's just hot. It's hot. He greets you. He says, hello, my name is, Adam says consulting this, Garrett Ironbones of the Iron Shield clan. Who are you? Cassius Christie of the Christie's.

It's not a clan. 13 clans, it's not hard to remember them. It's a family name, Christie. It's not a clan. No, family names are fine. They're a first name, family name, and then clan name. You don't have a clan name. Yeah, no, you don't.

Really? Give me just a random one. The Prayer Breaker. All right, done. Wait, what did they do? Did I break prayers? That's just my clan. Whatever.

I'm jotting it down. I don't know much about my heritage So you call yourself Cassius Christie of the Prayer Breaker clan? Ah, a cleric, we could use one I just turn around to these two You turned from family tradition Oh no Hi, I'm Leo Shadow This is Leo Shadow

I don't want to hear anything about halflings, he says, looking at you He hates halflings, I'm Leo Shadow. This is Leo Shadow. I don't want to hear anything about halflings, he says, looking at you. He hates halflings, I say. He's speaking in common. I'm so embarrassed. The two humans, what are your names? Rude. Yes. Hello, I'm Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather of the Foggyfeather family

and there's some castle somewhere far away that I can never remember the name of. He puts his thumbs into his big belt. I didn't recognize royalty when I saw it. It's, you know, I don't like to show off. I don't know if she's royalty. Shut up, guys. You don't know Cassius.

No, I don't know. I believe a whole lot. She's fairly dirty for a princess. She's not doing a lot of princess-ly duties. Adam, roll. Does Cassius think she's a real princess? I don't know. Is this like... Cassius is a dick.

Ainsley, did you tell Cassius you were a princess? Yeah. Okay, so it's just trying to work out what type of roll I'm trying to make here. An intelligence roll? Intelligence to know the Foggy Feathers if they are a real group. They are. You say that.

We found a place on the map, remember? That's true, we did. I come from a wizarding family. You say that. You might have questioned it, but Ainsley just gave some cockamamie response that you believed. Okay. Fine.

Anyway. Seems plausible. I would like to turn back to the very ugly dwarf and then maybe look at the king afterwards. What? I insulted you! I'm sorry. You hurt me. There are a lot of dwarves here.

You could have been referring to a lot of people. Anyway. One might call it a dwarven city. Only some of them are ugly. Did I say where they took our weapons, by the way? Just the dwarf who made you guys dis... Disarm? Disarm.

That's the word. Disrobe. I keep wanting to say disrobe. Yeah, I could tell. I keep wanting to say it. No, go on. I turn to the king. Oh, presumably king king I just assume

big dwarf he looks important the important dwarf and just say look we're trying to keep a low profile it's not a big deal just getting out speaking to people and it's your betrothed and it's my fiance Grayson over here

he kicks butt. The future prince. You say all of this, do you? Yes. I don't back down, Adam. I back down a lot, but not this time. The dwarf gives you guys a praising look. That sounds nice.

That sounds good, guys. Praise is good. Appraising. Like valuing. Like an appraisal, which is not good. What kingdom did you say you were from, he says? That one that Adam is about to say out loud. The Isle of Natura.

That one. As I seem to remember it, the Isle of Natura is made up, the royalty there is made up of magical folk. Yes, well. Show us some magic then, he says. This has turned bad. Oh, I cast Dancing Lights, but like from next to you, so it looks like you need to do it.

I believe it's going to be obvious that it was you. Can you do any magic? No! Ah! He entangled me! Yes! You're going to be obvious that it was you. Can you do any magic? No. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't.

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You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't.

You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can't. You can I just recorded. Good. Throw a dandelion out or something. It was the dancing lights. I'm just looking at my spells to see if Yeah, you need to

say magical words to do dancing lights. Just whisper it. Entangle. There'll be some entangle. I'm a nature wizard. Hang on. Have I taken like any You have a wand of cure like wounds He'll know that though

Adam, our rations What do they comprise of Hardtack Sesame seeds Pine nuts Do you still have the pine nuts you found in the wasteland I think I might have thrown them away When Markov got his rabbit.

I think we threw away the pine nuts. Because we're ashamed. We were ashamed. I cast attack animals or plants. I'll find some plants for you. Because there's no actual plants in the area, you can't cast the spell. Not even a pot plant?

Not even a pot plant. This place is... You guys have been marched through a large portion of the city and you saw literally no plant life. Is it a barren wasteland? Some might call it that. Ainsley, ask them if they've got like a plant. Excuse me, I would be more than happy to display

my magical abilities if you could produce some plant life, because that is the specialty of my magic. Not a lie, bring me a plant. The dwarf gives a hearty laugh and says if you can find plant life on this island, I'll call that magic. Side quest, guys?

Yes! Your first side quest will be escaping jail. He said that if we can find plants. That one's in progress. Oh no. It'll be fine. escaping jail. No, well, he said that we can find, if we can find plants. That one's in progress. Oh, no. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

I'll be like, look, the thing is that my specialty is plants. Here are my comrades slash captors. They can display magic if you like. They are from the same kingdom. Dancing lights. Except for Cassius, but, you know, we adopted her. Dancing lights, go. You just tell them lies now.

Don't say that. Why? You're lying! I am, though. Before Leo can cast a spell, the dwarf waves a hand. I've had enough of your lies. We're not lying! Don't be so rude.

Either state the purpose of your business. We're not lying! Don't be so rude. Either state the purpose of your business here, or you can enjoy your life in prison. We're here to hunt down a wizard from... We are notorious wizard killers.

And you guys have a problem with a wizard. No, we don't. There's a wizard that's a problem for someone else, and we're sorting it out for him. Well, according to you, I have problems with three wizards right now. Oh, yeah, we're more of a druid. No, we're the good wizards. I explain about Kastorei, the escape convicts, wizards,

and that kind of stuff. Okay. Does he acknowledge me? The dwarf listens pretty patiently. We'll be on our way, sir. We just need to go and hang out with some orcs. We don't want to cause any trouble. We'll even buy some stuff, help your economy.

We'll be on our way. We don't need to stick around. This city exists primarily to mine resources from this place here. There's no real economy other than that. to mine resources from this place here. There's no real economy other than that. Are you traders looking to buy mass amounts of the minerals we mine here? Let's just check our funds.

Why are you checking your character sheet? You know the answer is no. No, we are not. Well, you know, maybe we could sell some stuff. Look, if you're just heading out now, that's fine. I just want you to know, though, that dwarves don't trust that sort of magical shenanigans, he says.

It was an accident. We are very sorry. Shut up! Shut up! We're sorry. We're sorry. We jumped a little too far. It's fine. We're not very good at apparition. That's from Harry Potter.

I'm sorry, guys. If you're planning on leaving right now, then I'll say you can escape Irons, but if I find you casting any more magic in my city... We will be on our way, sir! Why did you need a cleric? What? We're pretty much at constant war with the orcs here.

But that's a kind of magic. Dwarves trust divine magic, but not arcane magic. Do we know the name of the tribe we're looking for? Magic that comes from a god is fine with them. Do we know the name of the tribe we're looking for? Yeah. No? You didn't ask?

We'll go deal with the orcs. It's fine. I feel like Azil kind of warned you that Mara was pretty far. What? Guys, I'm starting to realize that your method of doing things, and I guess, by relation mine. I'm saying we should go to the

castleree place, but then he was like, I'm the wizard, and I was like, oh yeah, let's do that instead. How do we get to the orc place? Adam, send us to the orc place. Why not? Do you have us to the orc place. No. Why not?

Do you have horses here? I ask him. He gives another loud laugh. You can't feed horses on old meat. We'll be on our way. Can we have our weapons back? Yes, sure. He like waves to the guard and the guard hands you your weapons back. Anything you actually need done that we might be able to help you

out with by the by? I'd like to detect animals. I'd like... Oh no, he doesn't want me to cast magic. Hang on, is that a... Can I do that non-verbally? I feel like that's... I don't think so. I could look it up, but I want to say something else before I do that anyway. Well, if you're

looking to make yourselves useful around town. Always. There's a dwarf by the name of Redmon who's actually looking to do an expedition around where the Orcish tribes are. In exchange for your protection, I'm sure he could try helping you find whatever it is you're looking for.

Evil wizard? That would be useful. Evil wizard? Redmond it is. Can you give us his location? There's no D. Redmond. Redmon.

Wow, he's right here. He like thumps the dwarf next to him. No. Bad. No, mon. Like mon. Redmon steps forward. I'm Redmon of Clan Glitterbeard.

You just pronounced the D there. Clan Glitterbeard, he says. Glitterbeard. It might take... His beard actually glitters. He's got like gems and stuff woven into it. Cassius, as a dwarf, you would know this. Glitter...

Sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I don't think that's going to help it. Just drinks it anyway. Live on air. Yeah, the Glitterbeard clan, they um why am i doing this is telling ally the glitter beard clan uh pretty much exclusively deal with gems and the like like that like if you're looking for someone to make um this this really is unrelated but if you're looking for someone to make this really is unrelated but if you're looking for someone to make jewellery or a ring or something like that

they're the people you go to. Except you already have a ring. You already have a ring from a dragon belly. Be happy. A dragon belly? Hey Adam Didn't get it out of its belly? Adam in D&D is engagement and weddings like western engagement and weddings

where you get the engagement ring and a wedding ring I'm just asking whether or not you have to get two rings it depends on the god you don't actually know who Grayson worships maybe I should ask some gods

require a ring for a husband and wife, some don't some require it for just long? Some gods require a ring for a husband and wife. Some don't. Some require it for just one of them. Some don't even use rings. Is he expecting a ring and you just haven't bothered giving him one? Ainsley. Super awkward.

One of the elven gods actually requests that you bequeath land to the other person. And we're fine. Well, can we just... Love and romance in the other person. And we're fine. Well, can we just... Love and romance in the DMV. We would have spoken about it beforehand. I would know what religion... He wouldn't have spoken about it. Maybe you could try striking up the conversation.

We'll leave it for the long haul, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Redmon. Hey, how you going? Glitterbeard's good. Are we already at Glitterbeard? Yeah, he was right there. He was right next to this guy.

You're surprised I didn't mention him earlier. What's you needin', buddy? This is an expedition to find, basically to find another place for potential mining. I'm pretty sure, though, that there's an orcish stronghold sitting right on top of where we want to mine. Do you know anything about... So we've got to go there, assess what the deal is,

and see what we can see. Okay, cool, because we're after a particular wizard. He's probably human, and he's shacked up with the Orcish tribe, at least one of them that we know of, and I believe he's using his arcane abilities to trick them that he's some sort of mystic or seer. How many... That's a quick question Radman how many orcish tribes

are there how many grains of sand are there how many orcish strongholds are there in this island how many grains of sand are there how many handfuls of grains of sand are there

now that being said you should Oh, boy. So they have no idea. How many handfuls of grains of sand are there? Well, let's go. Now, that being said, you should consider yourselves very lucky because the wizard you're looking for is a man by the name of David O. Patterson. How do you know him? Because I've been researching the war camp. I'm looking to unseat for a while now. What a coincidence! Yeah, huh? Well, that works out perfectly.

I think this David fellow actually knows the... Usually war camps move a lot. This one has been stationary for quite some time, sitting right on top of this mine. I think from the limited exchanges I've had with this war camp, I'm pretty sure David intends to leverage the mine to get something out of me.

I don't want to do that. So if you guys want to kill him, I'm happy to help. That's the plan. That is the plan. By the way, Redmond, are you good at any sort of battle yourself? I'm fair in a fight, but we'll have my four guards as well. He gestures to four dwarves. So good.

This is going to be a breeze. There's a lot of orcs. Yeah, I'm sorry. There's a reason I didn't plan on killing him until you guys arrived. All right. All right, let's go. Let's grab our weapons and armor and chuff off. All right. All right, let's go. Let's grab our weapons and armor and chuff off. All right.

We chuff off at him. Okay, so you guys have supplies for two weeks, right? If not, let me just... Because that's how long it takes to get there and then getting back. We could buy some, couldn't we? I have rations times two. That's two days of rations. I have rations times two. That's two days of rations. I have rations times...

Let's just acquire some rations. Can we buy some supplies, Adam? No, Ashley. Why? It's impossible. Why? All the supplies are poison. What does he eat then?

They could get by. They just drink. They get all their sustenance from ale. And poison. Does that mean that Cassius gets all her sustenance from drinking? I get mine just from the sun. Cassius isn't a true dwarf. You barely drink at all.

Look at you. You don't even have a mug of ale in your hand right now. I'm a failure. I got a bag of 15 mice. We could eat that. It's always a backup. Okay, so trying to work this out in my head. 28 times 5 could be anything.

A hundred and... Just choose a number. No. 65 gold. No. 5 gold. 14 gold. 82 pence.

Stop saying words! Can we... What exactly... Is the food just old meat here? I presume so. It's pretty much the same. It's hardtack, jerky, stuff that lasts for a while, salted meat. No vegetables. Dwarves eat vegetables? I don't think so.

We eat fungus. Good. I'm glad. Look, I drew a picture. 140. That's the guy with the glitter in his beard. I drew a picture 140 That's the guy with the glitter in his beard You drew a good picture So 14 gold

14 gold That's what you just said I said that That's 28 gold there and back Provided that you're not delayed Done Provided it takes you a day to handle the orcish stronghold Done

I'm confident in us I've written that down Oh hold on how many rations do I get? Enough for two weeks. Do I have to write that down? You get 28 days of rations. Do I have to write it down? You'll be eating it on the way there and back, so I guess you don't have to. Plus our extra rations

we get. We're gonna be so full. Plus my bag of 15 mice and things go skiing. A mouse a day will do us part. A mouse a day will do us harm. A mouse a day keeps them... I mean, he says it's like barren and sparse, but you can detect animals. We might be able to find something.

Remember that time we found pine nuts? We'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'll be good. Navigating this island, you realise, like a couple days in, seems like an absolute nightmare because the place is literally completely flat except for the volcano in the middle of this island.

Oh, boy. So all navigation has to take place in relation to it. And, you know, like 100 kilometres or 150 kilometres from it kind of looks the same, to be honest. Oh, boy. I asked them about that smoking mountain. What's the deal? Do they know? Is that a mountain on fire? Is someone going to put it out?

A volcano? It's not fire. Have you not heard of a volcano? No. Tell us the story of volcanoes. He explains the basic concept. I'm now frightened of the earth. Hot magma that exists beneath the ground. Will it go off? Every now and then it does.

How every now and then? Mara is far enough away that it never erupts onto Mara. Are we in Mara? No. No, you leave. Mara is far enough away that it never erupts onto Mara. Are we in Mara? No, you leave. Mara is the town that you guys were entering for. But I'm asking, are we getting closer to potentially dying of hot lava death? Yes. That's Mara

on the map. That's Mara on the map. And then the center is about where the volcano is. And then on the other side. So we have to go through the volcano? You have to go around, yeah You won't go through Tunnel and through

I've now developed a new fear that I didn't realise I had Are you going to write that down? Yes! Scared of volcanoes Mara, the volcano, sorry erupts every, I don't know two weeks.

That's going to happen while we're here. I barely sleep during the night. I am constantly watching. Hasn't erupted for a couple months, though. I am so on edge. So on edge. I'm fine. I'll fight a mountain.

Whatever. Every now and then on the trek, the dwarves stop you guys up. You're not sure exactly what the stops and starts are at first, but then Grayson asks, and they talk about orcish trails, and they point to the hard stone that you have no idea how they can track in. Goddamn. You're a ranger, Ali. Yes.

Ainsley. Yes. I do the thing. And also at intervals along the trip, the ground is basically like an earthquake will happen every now and then. The dwarves will stop. They'll get a panicked look like eruption, eruption. And then like during the earthquake one,

it'll be like, no, just earthquake. And then they'll ride the rest of it out pretty calmly. Oh, good, good. I am so on edge. But at the beginning of every single earthquake, it's like eruption, eruption. Oh, God. No, you're not worth it. Oh, good, good. I am so on edge. But at the beginning of every single earthquake, it's like eruption, eruption. Oh, God. Oh, God. I'm an underlying scared of volcanoes now.

In the days of travelling, Adam, I would like to suddenly bring up questions about Grayson's religion and knowing what the fuck I did not know before. Have you signed up for Adam? Yeah, what have I signed up? What if he's kind of like a pagan? Blood God.

Eat this bull's heart and we'll be together. The scallion that mounts the world. How good. That sounds right. That sounds good. Grayson's a follower of gnomes. Gnomes is the- What?

Not the people. N-O-M-E-S. I was getting excited. He's a follower of gnomes. Gnomes is the... What? Not the people. Gnomes. N-O-M-E-S. I was getting excited. He's a follower of gnomes. There are holy people. In the human pantheon, gnomes is the head of the pantheon.

Okay. I would follow that too, wouldn't I? You don't have to. You can follow whoever you want. I haven't decided who I follow. Is it weird? It wouldn't be. No, you're a human. You'd be completely natural.

Well, then you would know that only the person who is being proposed to needs to receive a ring. Grayson doesn't need a ring. That sounds like a good idea. Is there anything else I need to know? Is there anything where it's just kind of like... Baby sacrifice at your wedding. Just the casual...

Just the basic religious stuff. Your wedding needs to happen, according to gnomes, the religion surrounding him, your wedding needs to happen outside and during the day. Other than that, that's it. That's beautiful. I know, I'm all right with it. I'm excited for the wedding.

I'm so pumped for the wedding. Gnomes is married to Penia in the pantheon. Penia is the sun god, essentially, in the human Pantheon, and so he's married to the sun, which is why marriages need to happen outside and during the day. Makes sense. Also, in the world of D&D, is there any chance that you can get garden gnomes?

No. I feel like that would be super offensive to gnomes. To, like, gnomes. I don't think they'd mind too much. Oh, yeah, I forgot they're a real thing in this world, aren't they? Because I just wanted to have a garden gnome at the wedding, just super subtle. You could invite a gnome to your wedding.

Do you know any? I forget. No, we haven't. Well, I reckon this is the best wedding I've ever been to. You hadn't, right? Oh, I love it. Anyway, go on. Now that I am calmed over my requirements.

I'd like to cast Detect Animals. Yeah, and Detect Plants. Heist. Heist. And Detect Plants. It's both. That means my spell will do nothing on this whole fucking adventure. Sorry, did you say Heist or Wasteland?

Heist. You Detect no Plants or Animals. Oh, bugger. Baron Wasteland. Yeah, pretty much. During the thing, can I challenge one of the guards to a friendly fight? They do not seem in the mood. They're probably on edge from all the Russians.

Not on edge, but they're constantly alert for orcish attacks. They explained to you Mara is literally constantly under siege from orcs. The problem is orcs are like, you know, warrior mentality. And so it's considered like basically a rite of passage among the orcs to lay siege to Mara at some point. Every generation. Teenager orcs. Speak to Redmon and be like, hey, so what is the plan when we get there?

Because we've got like a hat of disguise. I was originally going to take some money and try to bribe him into letting me get the area but if you guys want to try and kill him We've got a hat of disguise Save you some money. So what we initially planned was to dress this bugger up and I point to Cassius

to take the guise of an orc and we were to go there and approach the orc. Really? He says magical deception You down for that? Yeah. He says, magical deception. Yeah. You down for that? Yeah. Hmm. Is that a problem? Yeah, you judging us, mate? Well, I guess I thought you were a true dwarf, but I guess you're not.

Orc! What?! You wanna go, fuckboy? Well, you know, you keep challenging everyone here to a fight, except, I guess, the person who might kill you. I mean, if you're afraid, that's okay. If you need magical deception to win your fights for you,

that's up to you, he says. Oh, what are you gonna do? That's it! That's it! I get ready to fight. I'm gonna take off my... I'm gonna beat the shit out of him. You're gonna fight Redmon? Yeah! Redmon's like an old man. Doesn't matter too much against dwarves, I guess. Okay, well fight Redmon? Yeah! Redmon's like an old man I don't care! Doesn't matter too much against a mountain of dwarves I guess

Okay, well Redmon like stands up Okay, you're gonna- you want me to wait for them to cast some magic spells on you first? I'm gonna punch him in the face Hopefully mid-sentence You're gonna be like BAM! Cassius, you've healed all your hit points by this point as well I love the idea where we play this game with Adam We say shit and Adam's like,

are you guys really dumb enough to do that? We're like, yes! In fact, now that you've asked twice, I'm going to do it seven times more bad! You suck him, like, really well on the jaw. Like, the glitter, the glittering gems in his beard are, like, slightly stained with some of his blood now. The four, like, dwarven guards, like, you know, grab their blood now the four like dwarven guards like you

know grab their war axes and look like they're about to you know cut you down or something but um redmon like you know just holds up a hand and with his other one he just like wipes a little of the blood on his mouth it's on it's on i think i'm just gonna step back i'm just gonna watch yeah let's we'll just step back and watch he uh like takes a swing but you just you to step back. I'm just going to watch. Yeah, let's just step back and watch. He takes a swing, but you just step back, and his swing's too short. Your turn. Come on, fuck boy, hit me. Yeah.

Oh, my God. I'm going to uppercut him. You try to. Your fist, like, bounces off his, like, he's wearing full plate, and it bounces off his chest plate and just misses him completely instead of hitting him in the jaw. He comes in from the side trying to get you in the ear.

Ooh, he socks you well in the ear. I lean over to Ainsley. Do you want to have a sneaky side bet? My money's on Glitterbeard. You take two points of damage. My money's also going to be on Glitterbeard. Oh, no! Alright, just for girl power, I'll put my money on Cassius. You got two gold? Yeah, two gold.

When he hits you, there's no force behind the punch. He's going easy on you. Oh! Oh! You think I can't take it, huh? You punch him back? No, I tackle him to the ground! Rugby style. You try to the ground. Rugby style. You like try to grab him. He socks you. Like you go forward and he uses

that opportunity. He bops you on the nose. He doesn't go easy this time. I put the money on the wrong dwarf. What's happening? Ten points. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness! Oh boy. I better just sock him again.

No more trying to tackle him. You try to grab him, but he just punches you in the face. He follows that one up. Oh no! That was your turn that he got to hit you. That was my... No, the follow-up punch is too weak. It hits you on the shoulder, but you roll with the blow.

Your turn. Yep, smacking him again. You hit him. Yeah. Are you going to try and kill him? Oh, it's like a really glancing blow. You cut his cheek or something. God damn it.

God damn it. I'm the strongest. He hits you. Knock two gems out of his beard! Collect his beard gems! Six. He's just gonna kill me. You guys are fighting to the death.

This is lethal damage. We're both wearing gauntlets. It's lethal damage. Why are you fighting to the death? Did you know you were gonna kill him? No, I thought I was gonna take my gauntlets off and punch him. But I guess I didn't. You didn't say you did.

We've got health potions. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. Your turn. You sock him back? Yes, I do. If I kill him, we're going to have to fight the gods. Someone's going to have to surrender.

You punch him, but it's like in the middle of his full plate and it just does nothing. Your hand throbs. And you wonder what it is you've exactly gotten yourself into this time. A matter for next time on D&D is for Nerds. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com. that were once only available to Sants Pants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests,

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