D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott II #11 That Seems Bad

Episode Date: May 7, 2016

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 2In which our heroes find the orcish camp. We finish the boxing match, put on a hat of disguise and let Redmon take point. Cassius bites chainmail, Princess Ansley judges people for doing something she already does and Leo becomes a powerful wizard. So join us as we try to go to the toilet as little as possible. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

SansPantsRadio, shut up Adam. us at every turn as we journey into some kind of dungeon for some kind of reason. Tickets are $10 and all the info is in the show notes of this very episode. They are limited, we've already sold out half and you can't buy them at the door, so if you want to come, you better get in quick. There's no age restrictions, but you've heard the show, we swear. Make your own judgement call. Also, if you want to help support the show, just head over to our Patreon page and give what you can.

$5 or more a month gets you access to some bonus content, including Adam explaining some ins and outs of D&D, including the lore, game mechanics, and much more. All the details are in the show notes. Thank you all in advance. Now, enjoy the show. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table fighting giant rats to farm experience, but that's exactly what we're doing here today. Welcome to episode 36 of D&D is for Nerds. I'm Jackson Bailey, I'll be playing the part of Cassius Christie. Joining me is Ali Kathleen, playing the part of Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Rats are so gross, guys.

And Joel Zammett, playing the part of Leo Shadow. No, rats are alright. And as always, this guy, our DM over here, Adam Canofworms. I don't watch. Adam, that's what we're calling you, shush. Previously on D&D is for Nerds. I'm not the seducing kind.

You could be. There's a dwarf by the name of Redmon who's actually looking to do an expedition around where the Orcish tribes are. This place is spooky. So if you guys want to kill him, I'm happy to help. That's the plan. That is the plan.

Are we getting closer to potentially dying of hot lava death? Yes. Magical deception. Yeah. You down for that? Yeah. Hmm. Is that a problem?

Well, I guess I thought you were a true dwarf, but I guess you're not. Oh, God. What? You want to go, fuckboy? Well, you know, you keep challenging everyone here to a fight, except, I guess, the person who might kill you. I mean, if you're afraid.

That's it. I get ready to fight. I'm going to take off my arm and beat the shit out of him. Okay, Cassius, you're going toe-to-toe with Redmon. The fight isn't looking quite as easy as you first thought it would. We can stop this any time, he says. Why are we fighting with gauntlets? This is insane.

You threw the first punch, motherfucker. I know, it's on me. He cops you in the side again. You take... That one's only four points. Okay. What are you on? He's on 26.

She can fight. I'm fine. Just keep smacking him. I'm great. Oh, no, sorry. I'm looking at the wrong person. Sorry, I took that from the last couple from Ainsley. Ainsley's just being like, oh, why?

Why? What's happened? You are on 26, though. Surprisingly, what he had knocked you down to was Ainsley's total. Ainsley? Oh, no. Hey, Adam. Leo. Oh, no. Leo is the lowest. He's got, like, half your hit points.

Does bull strength... Is that a visible spell? Yes. Yeah, nice one. It'd help, but the mocking I'd get... Oh, my God. They would not let you... Like, it'd help, but the mocking I'd get... Oh, my God. They would not let you...

They would not shut the fuck up. I'm going to smack him again. Try and get this one good one, then be like, that's it, we're done. Yeah, if I can knock him to the ground, I'll be happy. No, you missed completely. Oh, my God! He sidesteps your blow. He sidesteps, and just like a quick bang, like a quick jab.

Nah, he misses as well. You both sidestepped each other. God damn it. You're like really close. You're sort of face to face right now. He just says to you he almost whispers it. Whenever you're ready to stop. What do you call it? A Glasgow kiss.

I'm going to smack him with my hand. What happens if you kill this guy? I don't care It's a win for Cassius Critical hit Critical hit I'm amazed that was a crit That's the best

Surprise opening Double damage and a free attack with a neg five Yes Bam Smack him twice with your head in the face yes that's the best okay uh oh that one hurts oh yeah you did eight damage in that one. That one hurts, and you get a free attack as well. I'm assuming a fist or something. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you fist him.

You fist him. You headbutt him. Fist him good. You headbutt him, and your follow-up attack just strikes him on the shoulder pauldron, and it rattles him but doesn't hurt him. He reels back with that one. He comes back. He's got this dribble of blood coming down his head. He reels back with that one. He comes back. He's got like this dribble of

blood coming down his head. He shakes his head and he says, you shouldn't have done that. Taunt him. Taunt him more. Come on, fuckboy. I'm gonna yell at him. You want to impress your dwarven guards, don't you? He swings, but like he's angry and so it's all power, no finesse.

Love in his face. Come on, Cassius, you've got money riding on this. God damn it. This full plate is feeling it, but he isn't. Cassius, stop hitting his arm. What's wrong with you? He swings and catches you in the jaw, and you lose some teeth. Oh, boy.

Do they grow back with a health potion? Teeth don't grow back. With a health potion. I'm going to keep going. Yeah, keep going. The moment I'm hitting super low, oh, would Cassius ever give in? Your turn. Nope.

I hit him again. No, you missed. God damn it! You're like right up again you're like kind of chest to chest now and he just tries

to grab you yeah he's like gets his arms around you and he's like linked him um can I just say if Cassius dies

you can try to break the grapple you can just go with it you can keep swinging I knee him in the balls if Cassius dies I'm so glad he's wearing like

a cup or whatever. God damn it! He bites your ear. Yes! Oh, shit, son! He gets it too. He's getting two gold. I'm going to say that does less damage.

Never give up, Cassius! This is so good for me. You take four points of damage as he bites your ear. That's awesome. How many points has Cassius got left? Cassius? Oh, 14, 15, sorry. That's fine.

I'm fine. You started with almost 50. You got a couple of good two hits left. Come on, Lassie. My wife fights harder than you do in the bedroom. Oh, shit. Smack time. Motherfucker. Come on, Lassie. My wife fights harder than you do in the bedroom. Oh, shit. Smack time. Motherfucker.

Come on, Cassius. I'll give him another Gloucester kiss. I mean, Glasgow kiss. We're close together. What are the guards doing? You, like, try to, but he's, like, wearing the undercover to his helmet, and so you just, like, you hit the chain mail, and it hurts you more than it hurts him.

This fight is not going well for old Cassius. He does it back to you. He just dwarves headbutting each other. Nah, your head's too thick. You can't hurt each other this way. What are the guards doing? They're just like watching. They're placing bets among themselves.

Should I try? Do I break the grapple or do I go in again? Um... I'll try and bite his ear. Fuck him! Bite the ear to show dominance. Yeah, exactly. Ah, no, you try to. God damn it! Like I said, he's wearing that chainmail thing, so you just bite chainmail instead. It would have been funny if you'd gotten it, though. It's like you're fighting through chainmail instead. It would have been funny if you'd gotten it though. It's like you're fighting through chainmail.

My teeth are that strong. My broken teeth are that strong. He shoves away from you and then he like just tries to kick you to the ground. Oh motherfucker. No he like plants his boot in your chest but you push his boot off. Awesome. Oh wait

am I on the ground? No, you're not. Okay, oh, yeah, cool, I get him. Oh, God, I'll just try and hit him again. You, uh, you try to swing for him. Uh, he, like, just knocks your hand out of the air. Oh, God, this is super embarrassing. You're gonna die, Cassius,

and I'm gonna lose two golds because of you. He swings, uh, but he's, like, he's an old man. He's getting a bit tired and he's swinging. Hey, go the distance. He didn't have the strength in it. Yes, I'll just go the distance. I'll just wait until he's tired and old.

That's a long time. Punch him again. No, it's like the fight is quite obviously losing steam now. Both of you guys are exhausted. You got this, Cass. He catches you. Oh, God. You were too tired, and he just got that at the right moment.

He swings and smacks you in the side. You're pretty sure you're going to have a black eye. You take five. Puts you on ten now. The moment I hit five, if he gets me down to zero and I'm out. Negative one is out. Zero is staggered. Yeah, I don't think he'll murder you.

I don't think he'll murder me. So if I lose this, it's just super humiliating. Yeah. It's not like. And then we're going to have to use magic to heal you, which is even more humiliating. The whole thing's going to be an embarrassing time. Oh my God. If you actually use magic to heal it, you will not hear the fucking end of it.

It'll be amazing. Okay, your turn. I'd like to tackle him to the ground. You try. Have you ever seen on The Simpsons where Homer tries to do that chest thing or whatever? Oh, no, no, sorry. When he's fighting...

What's his name? When he's doing the um like when he's fighting uh what's his name when he's doing the boxing thing and he's fighting that guy yeah yeah he like tries to go in the swing and then I forget his name the big guy I was like Channing Tatum but that ain't right no it's not Channing Tatum it's something but anyway he just like punches Homer on the head because he's so much taller than Homer

is oh no you like bow uh bow your head to try and like tackle him and he just punches you to the fucking back of your neck. God damn it. This is the most embarrassing fight I've ever had. You take another five. I'm on five health. Yep.

This is lethal damage. He's going to be able to... He just gets you a little bit more, and he'll throw the Pokeball to try and catch you. I'll uppercut him. Okay. It's his turn. Oh, yeah.

Well, sayonara. Yeah, he's getting really tired. He doesn't have the energy to swing. Good. I'm going to take that, his lack of energy and uppercut him in the chin. Nope. Oh, god damn it. You try to, but he grabs your hand.

Holding your hand, he brings you in. Oh, goddammit. You try to, but he grabs your hand. Holding your hand, he brings you in. Oh, dang. Oh, god. Oh, god. I'm so embarrassed. You're out. Oh, god. Everything just, like, turns to black for you.

I cheer. No! I just realized I lost two. Ainsley and Leo, you both see Cassius throws a punch. Redmond catches his fist, brings him in, just punches him once in the face. Cassius goes limp, and Redmond, just for good measure, one more time, and then drops Cassius to the ground.

I'm like, good fight, Redmond. Good fight. Redmond turns away, and there's blood just streaming down his face. He won, but he got fucked up. Add two gold to your count. I just did. Can I know how much? The dwarven guards pass some gold between them as well.

One really sad-looking one pays the other three. What's the name of that one? You don't know what's happening. I'm going to find out and be like, thank you for believing. Can I find out how much health Redman had left? Redman had another 38 hit points.

Oh my god, you were no better than me. I maybe challenged somebody a lot more powerful than I am. Old man, had a lot more powerful than I am. Old man, had a lot of experience. Who knew? Cassius is angry. She's got a lot of anger in her. You're unconscious, mate.

No, I just mean like as a person. Living on Mara is a harsh job. You need to be tough. Do you want to, Redmond, good fight, but maybe you want to set up camp for the night and just have a bit of a rest. So like Grayson comes back with the water bucket. Grayson's there ready to throw in the towel and I'm like, no.

No, she's got this. She's got this. She quite obviously does. Oh, shh. I've got money riding on this Grayson. Shut up. Shut up. Oh, Cassius. Okay. So, you spend the rest of the day unconscious, and they can't move because they can't carry Cassius.

So, we're not going to fix him? Yeah, you travel nowhere today. No. Grayson is fucking pissed about that. Grayson's like, fucking Redmond, fucking Cassius. He, like, finds a boulder somewhere. He sits there facing away from the group. I want to go there and be like, oh, my God, can you believe Cassius he like finds a boulder somewhere he sits there facing away from the group I want to go there and be like

oh my god can you believe Cassius get the fuck away Grayson's super salty I thought we were going to be like hey you were there you could have stopped it could you have stopped her I'm sure I could have I don't know when she gets like that

do I ever get conscious? That's how you die, Groucho. Coma. You just don't wake up. You just ruin my brain slightly. It wasn't much to ruin. So they will provide you medical treatment.

Are you guys going to heal Cassius magically? No, until she's conscious. Okay. Can I want to get to know the guards? Let's learn their backstories before they die from the orc. I want to get buddy-buddy with them. They don't talk much. They're not like...

Most of them only speak Dwarven anyway, so you guys can't really... Hello. One of them speaks like a smattering of, so you guys can't really... Hello. One of them speaks like a smattering of Common, but that's like... He's my new favorite. That's about it. He doesn't even know enough Common to know when you're asking his name. Oh, no. Is he the one who bet on me?

I'm imagining he's very handsome. How good would it be if you ended up married too? Oh, my God. Average. Oh, wow. One of the dwarves Super Baben He's like not wearing a shirt He's like just ripped underneath Oh man, two of them

These are some Baben dwarves One of them is pretty average The other one's like, you know, pretty It's like a catch But two of them are like average the other one's like you know pretty it's like a catch but two of them are like fuck they're like the

I don't even know like the Robert Downey Jr no no because Robert Downey Jr is not fit he's handsome but he's not fit Chris Evans

and I don't know if I can give me another one Chris Hemsworth Chris Hemsworth yeah they're the Chris's of the dwarven world are they brothers

can they be brothers? Why not? Super handsome brothers. I'm going to bang them. I'm not getting into a relationship. I don't want none of that. I don't know what Ainsley's got going on. I just want fucking...

Just sex. Just sex. That's all I'm looking for. That's how it started with me. Hollow banging. That's right. That's how it started with Ainsley. I want to bang him at the same time,

and I can't marry both of them. Do I detect a stone wedding? Gross. Super hairy. Is that laughter of Jax and I here, or wedding bells? Hard to tell. I'm actually going to vomit.

So, hang on. You were on... So you'll be on four hit points tomorrow. How long does it take us to get to the place we're going? This is about midway through, so you've been on the road for a week. So you'll heal all the way up. I'll be fine. I get that wand.

I could sneaky do one. I could be like, I'm going for a piss. And be like, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. There's nowhere to hide. It's just flat for a mile. A pissing situation must have been super awkward. Everybody would know if I was like, I'm just going to go for a bit. And I came back fully healed.

The dwarves must do this pretty often. Because for them, it's just not a big thing. Oh, hey, do my ears... Grayson tries to hold it a lot sorry Gorr does my ear and teeth heal up or am I just now missing teeth and a bit of in my ear you can probably like

he didn't like bite any ear off he just like took it's just a bit manc the teeth you can probably just wedge Well, he didn't bite any ear off. He just took... Didn't take a chunk, sorry. He just bit. It's just a bit mang. Yeah, cool. The teeth, you can probably just wedge one of them back in and it looks just about the same. Oh, gross.

I'll do that. Dwarves are like sharks. They grow like... No, wait, what's that other... Is it crocodiles that have many rows of teeth? Not sharks. Not sharks. Sharks, yeah.

Dwarves are just like sharks. It'll pop back in. I'm fine, guys. Evolutionarily speaking, they have so many fist fights that they just lose teeth all the time. That's how it happens. It's just part of dwarf life. You open a dwarf's mouth and it's just teeth all the way. Eating chicken like that would be sick.

That's gross. Gross to think about. It is. Yeah, so over the course of a week, seven times four is... Twenty-eight. Don't do this. I don't want to anger you.

32 hit points now, Jaron. I'm fine. I'm good. I could challenge him again. I wouldn't. I won't. A smart decision, I'm going to say. Did I receive a merciless mocking or did he respect me because it was a good fight

he like uh he acts as if the fight didn't happen oh all right I'll take that he doesn't like uh he doesn't like mock you or anything like that but he doesn't like he's not praising you for the fight either hey I'll take it was more it was more just something that was expected to be that's fair enough uh yep so on the second week, one of the dwarves points in the distance, you can see a second pillar of smoke, a lot smaller than the one coming off the mountain. Cool.

And they say that's where the war camp is. If I put on my hat of disguise, how much is he going to mock me? You don't know. So I go to Redmond like, all right, look, so do we know how powerful this David is? I didn't know he was a wizard, to be honest, until you said it. Up until now, I thought he was just tricking the orcs

and pretending to be a shaman. But if he actually knows some magic... He's actually pretty powerful. Like, apparently he's been able to obscure who he is from a very powerful seal. I wouldn't know anything about that. Well, he is, so it's very powerful. He is, so listen to me.

Christ, Redman. So I know you're going to mock Cassius if we kind of do a little bit of... Because the thing is, if the orcs see dwarves, they're going to be angry, yeah? We are racial enemies, yes. David has, the shaman David, has spoken with the leader of this tribe,

Gronoth Manyheads. Does he have many heads? Many dwarven heads. Oh. What? And the leader of this tribe collects dwarven heads as trophies. Oh, gross. You collect heads?

What the fuck? That we do. How dare you judge? We do. We did do that. How many heads do we have now? Three? Two? Three? We give a lot away. Carter? No, you don't. Oh yeah, we don't. Who's the last one? The last guy we killed.

Carter? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The one that was... Fenrir. Bradley. We interrogated a newt. Yeah, that guy. Fenrir. Fenrir?

Was his name Fenrir? Oh, Fenrir. Fenrir. Yeah. Whatever. Somebody write them down. Are you guys talking about the lizard? Are you talking about...

Nobody... We didn't name the lizard. That lizard had a awful time. How's Carter's head looking, by the way? Pickly. Okay. Do we still... So we have... Fen Carter's head looking, by the way? Pickly. Fenrir's head wasn't pickled. That's getting a bit mangly. One day we should boil these and just have the skulls.

That's an idea. Anyway. I'll put on the hat of disguise. The shaman has spoken with the leader, Gronoth, and he has agreed to let us in, not you guys. They don't know about you. But agreed to let us in to discuss about the gem deposits

that they're sitting on. I'm not sure what sort of control he holds over Gronoth, if any, he might just be in his favor or something like that. But Gronoth seems to listen to him, which is probably why they're staying where they are. Wondering if we could go in there and speak to Grunoff and be like, well, the deal that this David is doing and because David's something diplomatic.

I don't know what though, but something. Well, that's not a great plan. I'm going to let you know now, Leo. It's like a three out of ten. It's not a great plan. I'm going to let you know now, Leo, it's like a three out of ten. It's not really formed. I was just wondering what is our plan. It's more like a vague idea. It is a vague idea, rather than just going in there and just killing David while Gronoth maybe watches.

This wizard, you don't know, is he at all adept with mental magic or anything like that? That's a thing? This is very odd. It's odd enough that they would accept a human as their shaman let alone like doing what the human said well he is a notoriously evil wizard

so potentially I mean that makes sense in that case David might not let you let him take be taken away might not let you take him away and so if we kill David, maybe then Gronoth will lose control

of spell control mind. Yes. I'm having trouble with words as well today. Always. It's because we've been doing this for how many days straight? This is live, guys. We nap for about six days. On the seventh day, we

record and release it. I don't nap. I'm here constantly, whether you guys are here or not. We stack bodies against the wall. And have a sleep. And have a nap. Yeah, we stack the bodies of the people who used to be in this recording studio. So maybe we...

So then if we go there... Yes. Okay, what's our tactic? Do we just basically try and get David alone and then just fuck his shit up? See, I like that idea. Well, hang on. Would it make sense if I wore the hat of disguise

and was like a dwarf? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or even like if you disguise yourself as another member of the Wizards of Karsaray. You could disguise... I mean, is that the group? Goldcrest. Goldcrest. What if you disguise yourself as another member of the Wizards of Carceray. You could disguise, I mean, is that the group? Goldcrest. Goldcrest.

What if you disguise yourself as the cunt whose head we got? Yeah. And you went in and you were like, hey, mate. Ah! All right. Hey, mate. Wah. Hey, mate.

Wah. That's the plan. All right, I'll give you the hat of disguise. Should I be Carter or the other one? I don't think Carter. Oh, no, he wasn't. He wasn't part of it. I mean, you the hat of disguise should I be Carter or the other one I don't think Carter he wasn't part of I mean you could he was Fenry

maybe he is you weren't alive I'm sure you're alive you weren't with us when we fought Carter I've only heard Tyler of this very handsome he sounds amazing middling

alright yeah I'll do that put on the hat of disguise become Fenrir Fenrir Fenrir so you do that the dwarves that are with you like curse at the sudden like magic seem a little surprised because you hadn't informed them.

I was telling Redmon. Yeah, didn't tell them. They still curse. Oh, hey. Even Redmon, though, like, sort of, he utters, like, a dwarven curse and then spits on the ground. Wow. Rude.

That's what they believe. I guess I can't hate them for that. Well, it's what they believe, Jackson. Different strokes for different folks. I have like a cloak I can kind of cloak myself with as well. Why do you need to use... With the hat of disguise, you can just give yourself said cloak. Yes, because I'm thinking if this guy is going to be like,

oh my God, because what if he's like Fenrir? You have to have some sort of headgear, though. That's the way the hat of disguise works. And then if someone like, say, for example, you made the headgear, though. That's the way the hat of disguise works. And then if someone, like, say, for example, you made the headgear like a crown or something like that, if someone took the crown, that's them taking the hat of disguise off you. Wizard hat.

A hairpin. Fenrir didn't wear one, but okay. What did Fenrir have? He was in rags when we met him. Yeah, basically, he was in rags. He didn't have headwear. Wig. A beanie.

Yeah, there you go. Like the owl beanie! A trucker cap. Backwards. He didn't have headwear. Wig. A beanie. Yeah, there you go. Like the owl beanie! A trucker cap. Backwards. That doesn't exist in this world. Damn! Just from the imagination of Leo Shadow. Like a hood. I'd be very careful about that. Like a hood.

Like a little cow. Hey, you know, if something from our world comes into there, you never know. Maybe the orcs start getting machine guns. Oh, no. That's bad. Oh, boy. That's really bad. Yeah, just like a little hood.

Yeah, all right. Like a little cow hood. You know what I mean. Hood. Like a hood. Like a hood. Thanks. I didn't know what a hood was until you described it to me.

And also then displayed my own hood. Yeah, good. Cool. I think everyone here my own hood. Yeah, good. Cool. I think everyone here has a hood. I was waiting for you to agree, but you just kept staring at me, Adam, so I felt like I had to describe what a hood was because you were giving me like the Adam caught in a headlight

fucking look you always give me. It's true. I would describe it as more of a handsome look. I didn't say it wasn't a handsome look Ali tell me this is not a handsome look It's far too handsome I can't handle it It's glowing, your head is shiny

Your chiseled jaw is shining in the mildew The midday sun Well we have been here a while mildew. The midday sun? That's what I was going for. Well, we have been here a while. Anyway. Yes. Within a couple

short hours, you guys can see the water camp. You have no idea where they got wood from, but somehow they have managed to erect a wooden wall around this place. Bizarre. There's no building outside. but somehow they ever managed to erect a wooden wall around this place. There's no building outside. There only seems to be buildings inside.

And other than the big door, there's no features. There's not even orcs on this side of the wall. This place is pretty big. You guess it to be maybe 200, 250 meters across, maybe? Hard to tell. And it's roughly peanut-shaped, I guess. So, you know, two circles bobbed together. Welcome to Peanut Castle.

We'll let Redmond take point. Yeah, Redmond take point, and let's try and say we need to get David in his own room so we can discuss this kind of stuff. Yeah. That's the aim. That's the aim of the game. That's the aim of the game. What will actually happen? Who knows? But That's the aim. That's the aim of the game. That's the aim of the game. What will actually happen?

Who knows? But that's the idea. Redmond, as you guys are approaching the gates, Redmond says to you guys, my dwarves know this, but you guys don't.

So, quick guide. If I scratch my nose like this, he scratches his nose, that's the signal that shit's going to go south and just attack. If I pull my ear like this, he pulls his ear, that means that shit's gonna go south and just attack. If I pull my ear like this, he pulls his ear,

that means that shit's about to go down but I don't think we can handle it, so just run. Gotcha. Cool. Any questions? Nope. Well, yes, one. Scratching your nose, that doesn't look suspicious, but tugging your ear does. He tugs his ear in

a nervous habit sort of way maybe. I'd be sus if I was an orc. Well, you know, in any case, the signal is basically meant to just be like it's about to happen. I'm pretty sure they're going to be like, tug the ear, everyone's going to be like sorry, we're going to scamper and they're going to be like, what was that ear thing about?

Pause for about five minutes while they discuss the ear thing. This is 90%. It's easier than saying it in both common and then dwarfen. Fair enough. Cool. Also, the orcs might get a little

antsy if we don't speak their language. They might think we're plotting against them, which we probably will be doing. So if you're not talking in orcish, try to keep it amongst yourselves and quiet. I know some Orcish, it's fine. Make a wisdom check. Oh, what am I doing?

For me, Ad. Oh no, you remembered some stuff. Yeah, I remember. I say them to him. Not the fuck word one. Like I said, no literal translation. Grayson taught you nothing but insults, if you'll recall. He taught me yes and no as well.

Okay, you remember yes and no. You also remember, like, a son of a dwarf. But that's like, you know, son of a bitch for them. Yeah, that's rough for them. And, I don't know, maybe something like commenting on someone being really weak or something. Redmond nods. Good.

It is good. So you can say yes or no, but you nods. Good. It is good. So you can say yes or no, but you don't know what the question is. Unless, of course, they're calling you a son of a dwarf. And I'm like, yes. Which is incorrect. Well, no, because I'm a dwarf.

You're a daughter. Yes. How good. This has been a difficult day for you. Okay. You wander up to the gates. One more thing, Redman says, like hand just about to knock. They were expecting me and four dwarves,

so there might be some questions as to you guys. Yes, we can sort it out. I look at Ainsley and that. Let's just say I am Fenrir and I'm saying that some adventurers tried to kill me, so I'll try and get, you know, David by himself and be like, there are people hunting us, and then we'll go from there, eh? All right. Eh? Good.

So are you our prisoner? No, no. No, we're your prisoner. Oh, we're... We're your buddies. You're the people I hired to protect me. Oh. I like how this conversation is happening now.

The door's open. Grayson says. The door's open. And through it come maybe 15 very rough-looking orcs. You guys have seen orcs before, and they pretty much always smell poor and look like they're about to crush your head.

These guys have existed only in a world where the strong live and the weak die. You guys encountered them in human cities, or maybe a place with law and order. These orcs look like they've been through the grinder, and the grinder made them stronger. Survival of the fittest. Oh, boy.

And these are like pinnacle of physical condition orcs. Also, they reek. They fucking stink. What of? Feces? Partially. B.O. Gross.

Gross. Just imagine being locked in a room with someone for a couple days. Somebody needs to bring hygiene to the orcs. Like what we are. The smell of this room is the smell of the orcs. That's not... All right, let's go. It's a B.O orcs. That's not. All right. Let's go.

It's a BO soup. That's what it is. Well, I'm fine in my corner. Yes. One of them grunts something in orcish, which none of you understand. All right. Redman talks back and they exchange a couple words. The orc gestures at you guys and Redman like looks over to you looks a little nervous, looks back, says

some stuff. The orc like considers his words and then the doors open properly and you guys are let in. I feel like we have no idea what that exchange was about. No, Grayson does. Oh yeah. Grayson is white in the face. He's not saying anything though. This is bad. Oh god.

Does he know what's coming? Is he scratching his ear? I'm just going to ask a quick question. Did you actually sneakily heal up? No. He healed a little bit. I'm on 38. I'm fine.

I'm fine. All right. I'm fine. So the door's open. A large part of this, like, fort is just open area where orcs are fighting and sparring. There's, like, mostly wrestling, but there's also, like, some sword fighting and stuff like that.

The weapons they're using, orc-made weapons are not great. It's like dull, poor, shitty weapons. But if you get hit by one, it's awful. Imagine like... Tetanus. Yeah. Also imagine getting hit with a really, like a dull sword,

but it cuts in as deep as a regular sword does. Oh, that's bad. Oh boy. It's also like a ragged wound. There's a lot of tents here as well, where the majority of the orcs are living. There's this massive bonfire off to one side. That's like, once again,

you don't know where they get the wood for this but it's like a light right now and that's where the smoke is coming from they've got some sort of boar or some sort of like pig like beast roasting over it but this like pig is maybe the size of a small family car jesus and then up the other end of the war camp is a large, like, wooden permanent structure. You guys are being led towards that. As you're walking, this orc and the dwarf are having

a conversation, and as they talk about it more and more, you see, like, the Redman, his hand next to his war axe is, like, twitching a little uncomfortably. Oh, God. I want to look over at Grayson because he can probably understand it. I want to see if I can gauge by his face. Grayson's eyes are locked straight ahead and he's walking like a robot.

Oh, God. That seems bad. That seems very bad. How bad? Find out next time on D&D is for Nerds. See you out next time on D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members,

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