D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott II #13 Poisoned Armour

Episode Date: May 21, 2016

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 2In which our heroes deal with some serious consequences. We get out of our depth in the fighting pit, get out of our depth with a dragon's curse and get out of our depth with a competition for our lives. Cassius was going to pick Greyson, Princess Ansley has nothing to live for and Leo needs to shut it. So join us as the shaman removes some armour. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sants Pants Radio, my favourite jam is Weapon Jam. Hey, our sister show, Plumbing the Death Star, has released a USB cassette tape that has a whole heap of content up to and including an exclusive 14-part dinosaur park themed RPG adventure. Part 1 of which you'll be able to listen to at the very end of this episode to give you a bit of a sneak peek, a bit of a taste of some of the hot bullshit that you can enjoy. To grab yourself a copy, just head to the links in the show notes, and every purchase goes a long way in helping and supporting all the shows that we put out. Speaking of support, if you want early access to our shows and to hear a bunch of bonus content like Adam talking about D&D at great lengths, head over to our shows and to hear a bunch of bonus content like Adam talking about D&D at great lengths, head over to our Patreon and just fling us a couple of bucks. Also, TeePublic is

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Now, enjoy the show. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults arguing over who gets the magic pearl, but that's exactly what we're doing today. Welcome to Episode 38 of D&D is for Nerds. I'm Ellie Kathleen, and I'll be playing the role of Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Next to me is Jackson Bailey, playing the role of Cassius Christie. Yeah! And Joel Zammett across the way, playing the role of Leo Shadow. Yeah Yeah. And Joel Zammett across the way playing the role of Leo Shadow. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I got nothing. He was going to get there. And, of course, our hungry maybe. Is that the face that someone who's hungry makes? I don't know.

He's our DM, Adam Calligraphy Notes. Tired. I'm so tired. Shut up, Adam. I swear to God. Previously on D&D's Finance. Standing on either side of Gronoth is a human, and on the other side is, like, a very old-looking orc.

She looks like she might be another shaman. Um, wizard meeting. To the fighting pits. Grayson, like, just closes his eyes in a pained expression. Like, he knows it's going to happen and there's nothing he can do to stop it. Have I fucked up? Who knows who's going to die?

This boy, everybody's going to die. Orcs are going to eat me. He gets him in his head with the spear. How do you survive that? He doesn't. He, like, falls over and he's, like, propped up on the spear. How do you survive that? He doesn't. He like falls over and he's like propped up on the spear. Yes! Yes! Yes!

We did it! Grayson opens his mouth to say something and then closes it and he puts his hands on the table and he starts going red in the face. Ainsley, you're crippled by pain. This is bad. This is bad. You look at your ring.

I knew it. I fucking knew it. You piece of shit. No. Quick recap. Grayson is broken and burning on the ground. Ainsley is freaking out. Leo is having a quiet little chuckle to himself.

And Cassius is fist fighting an orc. Mr. Fists. what's he doing? Oh yeah, what's Mr. Fists up to? Mr. Fists is probably hopped off your shoulder as you got into the ring. If you want, like, Mr. Fists is at the ready, I guess. Yeah, I will be like, What are you doing, Mr. Fists? I'm getting my ass kicked!

It's his night time, probably. What?! He doesn't actually know. You calling for Mr. Fists to help? Yep, that's not my turn though, is it? No, no, no. It's his night time probably. What?! He doesn't actually know. Calm his eyes. You're calling for Mr. Fists to help? Yep, that's not my turn though, is it? No, no, no. Oh my god.

Is it my turn? Yeah. I'm gonna just jab that wand into myself. You take a step back. What type of, I forget what the spell is. Oh, it's Cure Light Wounds. Cure Light? Okay.

You recover nine hit points. Hey, that's, I mean I'm just gonna get hit again. You're on 12 now. But whatever. I'm not even saying. You should have like run away a little bit. Mr. Fists leaps into mean, I'm just going to get hit again. You're on 12 now. Whatever. I'm not even saying... You should have, like, run away a little bit. Mr. Fist leaps into the... No, not leaps. Flies into the ring.

A lot of the orcs, like, are getting, like... Frightened of the owl? No, worked up. Like, fucking cheater. Whatever! Mr. Fist claws at the orc. Yeah. He grunts. He won't take a lot of damage, though. Owls the orc. He grunts.

He won't take a lot of damage, though. Owls aren't great. He's an owl. Oh, wow. Max damage, though. Two. Mr. Fist! When you fuck with Cassius, you fuck with Mr. Fist.

The orc is about to swing at you again. Or takes a step forward and is about to swing at you again. But then Redmon puts up his hands and yells something in orcish the orc like stops looks at redmon looks at you and then takes like a step back and he like lowers his weapon and there's like a bit of a hush going over the crowd redmon starts like saying something to the crowd he looks at the the uh gronoth and he says something same thing to Grunoth and then he starts chanting something in Orcish, like for the crowd to try and catch on. He's like

and slowly but surely the rest of the crowd are like I join in as phonetically as I can from what I understand Grunoth puts up a hand, everything goes quiet. I like the idea of you keep going though. Grunoth gestures up a hand. Everything goes quiet. I like the idea of you keep going though.

Gronoth like gestures to the orc that you were fighting. The orc like considers something and then nods his head and like bows to Gronoth and everyone starts cheering. Redmon enters the pit. Gronoth enters the pit. No way! He sacrificed himself for you! That would have been nice to happen in the other room, but whatever it's fine. No all four of you are fighting Redmond like hefts the club. He says don't worry lass. I got a plan. He's ugly. He's way old. I know, but it's funny.

No, the king was ugly. This guy's ugly. I thought he was being really rude. I thought he was being really rude. Actually, he's pretty good looking for an old guy. I'm going to bang him, at least. If you win, passionately make out. He mutters to you in dwarfish.

Dwarven, sorry. He mutters to you in dwarven. He says, just follow my lead, lad. Alas. And when I say, when I yell the word, just do it. All right. Sure. Okay.

So Gronoth like puts his hands up. He's holding a club or he held a club, but he like set it down. He puts his hands up and he like turns around. He's like going around. He's like turning around in the pit, talking to the crowd. He's like, obviously he's working himself up or something like that. in the pit Talking to the crowd He's like Obviously he's working himself up Or something like that And the crowd are like

And as he turns around It's at one point he comes back to face you guys When he does that Redmond In a sucker punch blow Just swings around And before he's ready Slams his club into Gronoth.

What a fucking champ. Clocking him square in the jaw. How good. Gronoth like stumbles backwards. And then like the crowd goes really quiet again. Grunoff picks up his thing, screens something, and Redman says, fight for now. Okay.

The fight continues. Oh, God. Okay. Hey, were we out of initiative then? Could I have a little sneaky boop, boop, boop, boop, boop? While I'm marching, like, yeah, good, boop, boop, boop, boop. That's great news. I'll say you can get

one while everyone was caught up but you were kind of caught up in it as well so one just distracted another nine hit points

wow yeah wow that's great that's whatever's happening yeah I'll double the chip sick you're on 21 now that's okay that's pretty good

could be worse okay so the orc has actually like when this stopped, he, like, stopped foaming. He's out of his rage. He actually looks puffed now.

Oh, good. Bag of mice. It's your turn first. I'll smack him. I'll smack him in the fucking jaw with my club. You hit him? Yeah. He goes down.

I turn around to the crowd Cassius! You realize they're chanting Grunoth, Grunoth, Grunoth, Grunoth You turn around, Redmon is not doing well Oh god He's like, he's dropped In the brief time it took you to do that Redmon has dropped his one And his face is like

Bloodier than from when you guys had your fight. Gronoth is just like, wang, wang, wang on his fucking head. So you versus Redmon, you get shat on. This guy's beating Redmon. I hope it's like

rock, paper, scissors. It must be. Anyway, we'll call it back to your turn, because they're having their turn fighting each other. Using heat metal is a turn, correct? Yeah. Mm.

Mm-hmm. Do I think I have time to heat my scimitar, stab him? Heat or chill? That's several turns. Oh. Mm. Well, yeah, it's like one turn to chill it, then to stab is another turn. Let me explain something.

So chill and heat metal really only work if someone is holding the object. So it's meant to be... If I stab him, it won't work. No, it's meant to be if someone's wearing full plate armor, you chill the armor and then, oh, fuck, get it off. What's that one you do with the dragon where you just flaming something? Just flaming sword?

Flame sword. That creates its own flaming weapon. I don't have that. No, you have that. That's how you kill the dragon. Yeah. Oh my god, I do have flame blade. Remember you were blind and you were attacking its butt? That's right. I stabbed it in the butt to death. You certainly did.

I'll cast flame blade. That'll be your turn though. That's fine. If he it in the butt to death. You certainly did. Stabbed it in something. I'll cast Flameblade. That'll be your turn, though. That's fine. Okay. If he dies, it's not fine. Or Sneaky kill him. No, Flameblade. It's happened.

It certainly has. Oh, surprise comeback. Fucking Redman grabs the club. Yes. Gives it a bit of a jerk, and it slams into Gronoth's groin. Gronoth, like, the air leaves his lungs, and he, like, doubles over. It's back to your turn.

I'm gonna stab him in the back with the sword. So honorable. Yes! Well, you can't actually get to his back, because they're, like, Redmon was fighting back-to-back with you, so it's like, you can stand next to Redmon and attack. That's fine. You... No, that'd be a hit. Yes! back to back with you. So it's like, you can stand next to Redman and attack. That's fine. Uh,

you know, that'd be a hit. Yes. Uh, you're doing all right. I'm doing fine. Two damage. Two damage.

Redman like shouts at you. What do you think you're doing? What? Stabbing him. Redman can't argue with that idea. What does he want him to do? Did you kill the other guy? Redman jerks the club out of Gronoth's hands,

does like a sweeping uppercut. Gronoth like lifts a couple inches off the ground, slams onto his back and lays still. The entire crowd goes deathly quiet. I'd still stab him in the neck, but I'm not there. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Put the flame blade away. Okay.

Okay, I do. If we cut off his head and like... Everyone's just quiet and staring at you. If we cut off his head, they'll kill us. They won't be like, you're the new leader. None of that. Lass, do you even... Have you even met an orc you know the

other what's the name of the other continent there's a bunch of different continents it depends what you're talking about i've never met this kind of orc before redmond i don't know what's happening we gotta wait gronoth will regain consciousness eventually and then he'll decide if we live or die. So, now we'll jump back. Now I'm angry again! Okay, Ainsley, I want you to mark off three uses of your wand, because that's the amount of time it

takes for the shaman to do anything. Mr. Fist comes and lands on my shoulder again. Yeah, sure. Oh my god, I don't care. Of course. Oh, good. Oh, my God. I don't care. I want to look around the room to see if I can find something

that I can wrap my hands in. Not really. There's like... Orcs don't have wooden heads? Yeah. No. Any bits of cloth or something? They don't even use their sleeves.

If they have food on their face, they fucking care. Don't you have a shirt? Yeah. Can I use my shirt? You can try. I grab my shirt. I'm going to try to unlace some of this stuff. Ainsley, if I fall unconscious, heal me.

Sure, whatever. Go, go, do it. I try. You, like, tear strips off, tie them around your hands, and you're about to touch. The shaman just, like, puts up a finger, like, don't. Okay. Shaman knows what she's doing. Sorry, not funny people die she starts chanting something like her chanting reaches like a crescendo and she strokes a line she actually

touches now the metal she strokes a line down it you see all of the straps and like connectors that keep the armor on just come loose. I was going to say, out of Wand of Knock, would that do anything? Would that do anything? Some people may argue that it would. In that the description is kind of a little loose on that. Would you argue that it would? No.

I didn't think so. In earlier versions of that spell, the description was just like, anything that is together comes loose. So like you cast the spell and someone's belt unbuckles. Someone comes at you in plain army like, knock. Yeah. That's why they tightened the rules around that a little bit. I see.

That's fair enough. Yeah. So, yeah, that happens. All the armor just sort of disassembles itself, but it's still on him. The shaman gently cradles his head and drags him upwards, and the armor just slides off him. Okay. Underneath, like he was wearing clothes underneath,

it's like broiled. I'm holding Jack's hand. He's like broiled. He has been broiled in this armor. Oh, my God. It's heavily, badly, awfully scarred and mangled. He's like broiled. He has been broiled in this armor. Oh my god. It's heavily, badly, awfully scarred and mangled. He's fine. We got healing wand.

He does not look in a good way. He is very badly scarred. Keep on healing, Ainsley. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna keep on healing. You keep doing it, but like it doesn't it doesn't like, it doesn't make the stuff go away.

The shaman gestures for you guys to help. She's trying to lift him up. I help as much as my little half-elf strength can. You all lay Grayson out on the table. The shaman nods something and gestures to his body.

He says something in Orcish, looks at you guys, you guys don't understand. Am I still a human? If you want, you can change my name. No. Are you still physically a halfling? I know. She gestures again to his body and then to your wand

and shakes her head. He's not dead. She waves a hand over his face as well and she's still chanting all the while she's doing this sort of stuff. Grayson's eyes like flutter open. He looks around and he's like he tries to move then

you know, doesn't. Cursed armor, buddy. Shut up, Leo! Shut it! I'm stopping him! Grayson's fingers twitch to where his sword would be. Good. I love that, man.

I'm just informing him. Just stop. This is not the time. This is not the time. I'm letting him know what's going on. We're trying to heal you. Shut up. We've taken the armor off.

For God's sake. Ainsley, I'm not mocking you here. You guys all hearing like a hissing sound. The armor is burning its way through the floor of this building. I have an idea. I'm going to grab David's body and just like put it on the armor. Okay. No body.

No evidence. It's not going to take a long time for it to melt the body away. No body, no crime, gang. That has actually proven not to be true anyway. Nobody no crime. That's a sad, sad fact.

A guy went away because he thought that would be true. Okay, okay. Cocaine Cowboys? He said okay. The documentary about the beginnings of Miami. Go on. Is Grayson conscious at all? He's like, well, he's not really lucid, but he's conscious.

Grayson, we need you to translate for this shaman to see what we need to do. If you are able to. He's taking very shallow breaths. What do we do, shaman lady? Common? She stands up. Common. Common. She's like kind of, she seems bemused by the entire thing.

Like she doesn't care that he's hurt. She thinks this is a little funny or something. Oh, guess who's going to get shot in the face. If this man dies. She starts shuffling out. Where are you going? I'm going to yell at him. She turns around.

She turns around. She like gestures to Grayson and she says something in Orcish. Let me roll to see if you can get what she kind of means. Can she at least try to hide? She's like gesturing to that and from the way she's talking you kind of get surmised that she's like

well, I did my thing, part. What else needs to be done? She's leaving. There's nothing we can do. Grayson, how are you feeling? I'm just going to run up to Grayson. What's going on? How are you doing, buddy?

He tries to take a breath to talk and then wheezes painfully instead. I'm sure there's clerics and Mara. Mara? They needed a cleric. They needed a cleric. And I wasn't one. Can you move at all, Grayson? We'll have to carry him. And now we'll come back to...

What are we going to do, Ali? Gronoth's eyes flutter open, and he, like, slowly gets to his feet. He stands up. He, like, you know, feels his chin. Pretty sure his jaw is broken or something like that. Because when he starts talking, and he does start talking again, he talks

like, you know, someone with a broken jaw, like, like that. He turns around to the crowd. He, like, yells something to the crowd and they all start cheering. Redmond, when that happens, Redmond like breathes a sigh of relief

and drops the club. We're going back for a drink in the long house. Oh no. I give Redmond a hug. That's nice actually. Uh oh. Uh oh. That's nice, actually. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. What's this?

And now the stories converge again. Yeah, you both hear a large group of people coming back to the longhouse. I don't care. What's his name? Did we hack his head off yet? Yeah. Grayson got his head off. The doors open.

A bunch of orcs come in, and they're kind of, like, they've been drinking on the way here, so it's, like, maybe 20 or 30 orcs get in before people are like, oh, wait, what? They, like, keep piling in, though, and eventually Gronoth comes in, trailing behind with Redmond, the dwarves,

and Cassius. Gronoth comes in, trailing behind with Redmond, the Dwarves, and Cassius. Gronoth, like, sort of strides over to where you guys are. He's got, like, a bit of a quizzical glance on his face. He tries to take in everything really quickly, but he's, like, a little addled in the head from his fight. Redmond shoots Ainsley and Leo, like, a very... Why would you do this to me look? We just got out of a life or death situation.

Well, yeah, you did. We have an issue. It's like the headless body of David sizzling on some armor. Gronoth goes to that first. He doesn't touch it because he's afraid of what the armour is doing I like raise my hand but the red robes

make it very obvious what is on that I just shake my head and just like no no stop buddy you don't want to touch him then Gronoth looks at Grayson

like runs a cursory hand over him and then he turns to the group and yells a name into the group what Torkel Redman yeah Redman comes up to the group and yells a name into the group. What?

Torkel. Redman. Redman comes up to you guys and says he's calling for the shaman. Okay, good. That'll sort things out. Then we can find out what's going on. The shaman is brought back into the place. Hey, buddy, we can now hopefully translate and see what's going on. The shaman and Gronoth have a bit of an interchange.

At one point, towards the end, Gronoth have a bit of an interchange. At one point, towards the end, Gronoth and the Shaman start laughing about something. The Shaman turns around and leaves. I hate her so much! Redmond translates for you guys as well. Please tell me what's going on. Gronoth wants to know what's happening. He's giving a running

commentary. Gronoth wants to know what's happening. She's... you did what? She said she wasn't going to let us in. Just in the longhouse. Redman is like pissed at you guys. Gronoth is a bit mad about that. Shaman is pretty pleased about it. Gronoth is happy that she's pleased, although they're both sharing a bit of a joke.

They don't know I'm a halfling I'm Fenrir, we know each other, he was a dick Oh no, the shaman's explaining that Wait, I never just The shaman just saw through your disguise Ah, Wily Ah, Wily shaman Gronoth is

asking her opinion of the situation and the shaman is interpreting what the dwarf leans over. The gods, he says with quotation marks, are saying. Atheist dwarf. The shaman is saying that we should be allowed to fight for our survival. Oh, and also that your friend, he gestures to the table, is pretty much permanently going to be like this.

What do we do? Oh, no. She doesn't know any magics that can help him. We need a cleric. We need a good fighter to face their champion for the crime we just committed. We're going back to

the fighting pits, guys. Who said that? They are. This is how they dissolve their disputes. If we win in the fighting pits, then we'll be allowed to live. So we need to pick a champion, and they will pick a champion. Oh. I was going to say Grayson, but... Normally in this situation...

I'd also pick Grayson. I will do it. You'll do it? I'll do it. You'll have to fight with a club. What? Why? They won't allow a bow and arrow. Well, tell them that that's the only option.

They're probably not going to allow the shenanigans that your friend pulled. Well, my basis is that I have the most hit points, but I don't know. Gurnoth turns and he starts saying something to the crowd. Redmond's listening very keenly. He stops translating. He's just concentrating on what's being said. At the end of it, Grunoth steps down, turns to Redmond, says something,

and then stalks back to his throne. Redmond turns and says, okay, so, good news and bad news. Good news is I think you're going to be allowed to choose your weapon. Bad news, if they detect any trace of

magic, we'll be killed I got a long Masterwork longbow And I got braces of less If you choose a longbow they might decide to Do a different like Not a fight to the death but some other type of Like a what?

If you lose we'll still all be killed Like an archery based? Yeah some sort of archery test Like Robin Hood, this motherfucker? I think you might be asked to hunt a beast, and then the first one who slays one and brings it back wins. Adam, someone who

knows a lot about numbers and D&D, how good would I be at that? Let's have a find out. And how good would I be at using my longsword? I'm alright with it, aren't I? You're pretty good. I mean, I tend to go with bow and arrow because that's my personality.

Because I have one at home. True story. Fun fact for Sandspan's listeners. I do have a bow and arrow at home. So she does need a numbers about how well she can hunt a beast. She only knows. Jeez. Cassius Christie is actually, if you chose that one,

you'd do better than Ainsley would. Really? Yeah, you're better at better than Ainsley would. Really? Yeah, you're better at that than Ainsley is. But I have nothing to live for. I have a sling, but I've literally never used it. And guess what, guys? You are not proficient with a bow, I don't think. You might be. If you are, you could borrow Ainsley's bow.

I know. Nah, that's not going to happen. Don't look it up. We know that's not going to happen. Use a, well, I guess I could do some rogue shit, but I'm pretty weak. In a hand-to-hand fight, you're not going to be anything. Ainsley, I would,

but I've already been in the fighting pits today, and it wasn't great. I have nothing to live for. Well, if we do a fist fight, what if we just sneakily heal you up now? You're preparing with a spear. You could use Grayson's spear to hunt. Could we...

If we heal him, is that detecting magic? Yes. If we use magic before we get to the pits to heal up this bugalug. I don't think... I don't know. Redmond says, I don't fancy they'll appreciate it. What if we sneak a little wand? They don't know.

Yeah, no, anyway. I was doing it heaps in the pit. If I could hunt something, would I be good at it? You'd be alright. Yeah? Actually, yeah, you know, I misspoke earlier. Cassius is the best, but Ainsley, you're not like... You can hunt. Yeah.

Alright. Come on, guys. Let's do this. You gonna hunt? Hunt a beast? I am. Do we get to help, or is it just going to be this? It's just Ainsley. Ainsley's the only one who can do this. I'm trying to think of things that I've got. We have to wait here to see who comes back with the beast first. Oh, my God.

Mr. Fists. Hmm? What can I do for you, sir? I'm going to say, protect Ainsley. Go with her. Look after her. Mr. Fist hops from Cassius' shoulder to Ainsley's. I'm so happy.

This is so beautiful. He goes back to sleep. Damn it, Mr. Fist. He's not needed yet. Have you got any alchemists fire? I do not. Do you want one? But that's magic.

Redmond shakes his head. Don't do an alchemist's fire. That's super shitty. Bag of mice. Okay, so that's what's happening? You're going to do a hunting challenge? Bag of mice, actually. I'll give you the bag of mice.

Bag of mice. Redmond turns to... I keep forgetting this guy's name. Gronoth. Many heads. Many heads. And he talks to Gronoth. Gronoth nods and they have a bit of a conversation.

Redmond turns back and says, if you do that one, they'll allow it. Here's the rules. You have to bring a wild beast, they call it. Do you know the things they were roasting on the pit? Dwarves? No, it's like a boar.

It's like a big boar. They call it wild beast. You have to bring one of those back. The first one to dump one here in the lodge is the winner. You have to track it, kill it and bring it back yourself. Okay.

I'm going to be so bad at this, guys. Hey, Adam. Hot question. The hat of disguise. What about it? Does it do animals? No. Fuck.

Well, you want to kill who? Oh, we can just find, like, a guy. Also, like you said, they need to be alive. You said. And as soon as we kill them, I guess they become non-disguised. Pretty much. Bad idea. Bugger. Are you okay to do this, Ainsley?

Yes. If you want, I could get into the fighting pits again, but he shifts one of his arms and you can hear the bones snapping. I would like to gently put my hand on his forearm and be like, you've done enough. She's doing this for love. Also her own life. But mostly love. Primarily love.

All right. Let's do that. You guys head off and do that. Good luck to you, Ainsley. So mean. Good luck, Ainsley. I'm going to try and see what I can do with him. I'm leaving you with him.

Gronoth gestures to the crowd, and one orc like raises his hand steps forward he's like a very live looking orc but he's like you can tell that his muscles aren't big but they're like you know compact like what he has he uses well i'd like to look at cassius really suddenly and be like dragon if i shoot him in the ankle they'll catch on like just before we start um another orc like steps forward as well. This one's a bit chunkier than the other one. And he stands over near where you are, Ainsley.

Redmond says he'll be accompanying you to make sure you don't do magic. Well, I wasn't going to do magic. I was just going to cheat, but you know, whatever. It's fine. I've cheated heaps in the pit. They're actually kind of pissed about that. It's not like they're going to do anything. that it's like they're not like

gonna do anything it's just like they're gonna like it's a bitch it's like a it's a social folk part orcs are very spiritual not spiritual

religious I guess if you win this contest then according to their belief the gods have let you guys win for a reason oh sick so like it or not they have to let you go

that's awesome sweet alright let's do that And the hunt begins The other orc starts running I'm running, I'm running, I'm running I'm tracking, I'm doing things

The other orc moves significantly This orc moves significantly faster than you do Well, it's alright, I'm probably smarter Fingers crossed Help me, Adam You're both out the gate. Yes. Do you just want to start immediately looking for tracks?

Yes. As soon as you get out the gates, Mr. Fist launches off your shoulder, flies up, and starts circling around. Good, good, good, good. Help me, Adam. Dice. Meanwhile, meanwhile. I'm like, hey, Cassius, do you reckon your druidic stuff knows anything about this bugalug? Redman takes out of his backpack some ointment

and he starts smearing it on Grayson. Maybe just like actual medicine. Is it supposed to be for sunburns? I don't know if it'll help. He's just got SPF 50, you know? It's more like an aloe vera type thing. Oh, nice. I'm guessing it was acid from memory.

That dragon was all about the acid. Yeah, Ainsley, you don't know what even you're looking for. Mr. Fists, however, from like the north, whoos very loudly. Fuck you. And he like, you know, starts flying in a direct, not flying, but he's like circling and, you know, he obviously wants you to follow him. That's not cheating, right?

Nah, it's fine. Well, the author that's going with you doesn't seem to think it is. Yeah, well, but, I mean, they saw Mr. Fist, like, change allegiance. Hey, owls are legal. Like, that's a legal move. Yeah, owls are legal. You can't drug test an owl. I can't use magic, can I?

Oh, there's no truth. You can't follow magic. It's fine. So you get to where Mr. Fist was. Yeah. And then it's, like, very hard very hard, compact, volcanic earth here. Well, everywhere, basically. But even in this, you're actually able to detect tracks

that lead in a direction, and you can start following them if you want. I would like to do that, yes. You don't know if you're following the right creature, but you know you're following a creature. Good enough. Hey, it's something, and it's about you've got to be quick. Yeah, yeah. And risk it to get the biscuit. I am gonna get that fucking

biscuit. Get that biscuit. Get that biscuit. I will. We'll take him to a cleric, he'll be fine. Okay. You find, like, you're tracking for like a good three hours. Guys, shut up. You've been going for three hours now? You find like some dung or something like that, and it's warm, so you know it's

near. Do you need me to stop? Is that something? it's warm, so you know it's near. Do you need to stop? Is that something? No. Oh, okay. You perked up when you saw it. You can also see there's a bunch of other tracks now, so you think there's a herd of something going in some direction.

What's Mr. Fist doing? Mr. Fist is still circling. Good. You haven't had any trouble, so he hasn't needed to do anything. Okay. Also, he's been rolling low. Oh no! You lose track of a herd.

Both of you rolled super low. Hang on, you try to regain the trail. You both at the same time. You see the tracks and Mr. Fist lands at the tracks. You've been going for like four hours now

Things are getting tense Oh god I'm so scared I'm going to roll to see how many hours it takes the other guy Oh no I'm so afraid What's happening? He's already back

He's been back for days The doors to the longhouse open Oh god An orc just wanders in What's happening? He's already back. He's been back for days. The doors to the longhouse open. Oh, God. And Orc just wanders in. It's that thing. Oh, my God. It's like Ainsley and Cassius and Leia like,

Oh, God. Redmond, just put down the eight minutes. You lose the trucks again. Oh, my God. You're not allowed to roll for me anymore. Oh my god, you just regained them. You're like getting really close now though, you can tell. It's been six hours now.

For fuck's sake. I hope that other orc is just dumb as shit. Okay, you come across the herd. It's quite obviously the pig beast that you saw being roasted over the fire. There's maybe 20 odd of them. It's like a proper herd. They're just grazing near some volcanic grass or something like that. It's very sparse.

Now we find out exactly how good a hunter Ainsley really is. Or we will at least next time on D&D is for Nerds. Well, hope you enjoyed that. And now for episode one of Dinosaur Park. To fully understand mine and Douche's contempt for Jackson, you may want to listen to the Plumbing the Death Star episodes, Does John Hammond Understand Theme Parks? And Is John Hammond a Bad Boss? But you don't have to.

I mean, I'm not the boss. You do you. Enjoy. Hey, guys. Welcome to this week's episode of Plumbing the Death Star. We'll be asking important questions like why is John Hammond still- I got your character sheets. What?

Right here. I thought for the fans, we'd do a little something tasty, a little something special, a little something dinosaur park. Not a- I fucking hate you. Welcome to episode one of Dinosaur Park the tabletop RPG in which our two brave heroes are

introduced and then invited to a fancy party. If you'd like to pick up your character sheet, Zammett, because it's not close enough to you, and we'll go through them. So we're using a system, a real easy system, because I don't have the mental capacity to learn how to make a Dungeons & Dragons happen. So we're using a system called Rysis, the anything RPG.

OK, so, Zammett, if you'd like to go through your character sheet. Sure. Or also Joel, as I think your name'd like to go through your character sheet. Sure. Also Joel, as I think your name is. My name is also Joel. Uh-huh. My hooks is that I can't swim. Yep. Just like in real life.

And my tails are that I just love ribeye steak. So a hook is something that just gives you an extra dice. It's a floor that you have. It just gives you an extra dice. And so does a tail. You're getting two bonus dice. if you'd like to go through your abilities there so my cliches yeah cliches which are your abilities in rice is the anything rpg winston churchill okay so what that means is that in any situation you have the abilities of

winston churchill okay so that means you need to make a great speech. You'll be bloody good at it. You need to wear a snappy suit and smoke a cigar. You'll be on point. Cool. Next one. Rocky Balboa. Good at punching.

Joel Zammett is good at punching. That's handy. Very handy. I'm going to punch a dinosaur in the face, I guess. Okay. Yeah. And that means you'll be able to take a hit. That's good. Dennis Nedry.

Dennis Nedry. Good at hacking. Yep. From the original exactly um so yeah in what that means is that in any situation say you want to hack dennis nedry's good at that you'll get two dice to hack plus your two dice from uh your hook and plus if you want to run away yeah you're bloody good at that yeah that's basically what all of these cliches amount to all right joel ducho all right so my character's name is joel cool good

my hooks are that i'm weak to ghosts uh-huh just again like in real life i'm glad you picked like you based this up real life and that's good because my tails is that i won gold in the 1986 Winter Olympics I basically just did my best to base these off actual reality It's like you just went onto my Facebook I haven't specified which gold for what You can choose

I'm going to say skiing I was going to say trap shooting I'm going to say skeleton Perfect choice Real good at lying down yeah it was winter good cool so if you'd like to go through your abilities

or your cliches Rambo Rambo yeah like John Rambo so good at guns both got a Sylvester Stallone character I'm happy with that okay not intentional

but hey I'm happy Subway yeah I like the company so if you need to do anything that Subway needed to do If I need to eat fresh Yeah that's well within your capabilities And my third one is

Lindsay Lohan from Herbie the Lovebug Good at driving Good at meeting teens The whole package Perfect So those are your characters for Dinosaur Park I feel like Rambo is a dangerous one to give me. I'm going to flat out murder so many people.

I'm glad. I think this will be a good time. Remember, you can do anything. You don't have to do only things Rambo or Subway or whatever could do. But you'll obviously be able to do some things will be harder for you than others. Okay. Okay. All right.

Good. Good. I think I'm ready to go. Good. I'm sad we're going back to Dinosaur Park Hey Wait Why are we going back to Dinosaur Park?

Maybe just hear the story and you'll find out So this is taking place after This is taking place post Dinosaur Park to the Lost Park Okay So we saved our black daughter Yep, saved your black daughter and Ams Dropped Vince Vaughn in... In the sea.

In the sea. Yep. And everybody retired to New Zealand. Yes. Perfect. We made good choices. Is there a T-Rex in Australia now? No, no, it got dumped in the ocean.

That's right, that's good. Thank God. Is there any questions before we leap into it? Nothing yet. Do people create ghosts in this world? You'll have to wait and find out. I'm real good at murdering people, but then really bad at dealing with the consequences.

That's true. That can run away for you. It's good. Only made you choke on your Coke Zero. All right. The two of you are sitting in the backseat of a limousine. Outside, the rain pours down on the English moors as you pull up at the front of Jackson Bailey's mansion.

A man with bright orange hair, six foot, very tall, very muscular, he opens the door for you. If you'd like to come inside, follow me. And he starts walking toward Jackson's i run i run the other way you have been that would be so funny you've been invited to jackson bailey's mansion uh with the understanding that this will be the last time you ever see him all right this is why you've come along you've got a letter in the mail in your little new zealand cottage and it said hi look i'm having a meeting come on down to the mansion and i swear to god you'll never see me again all right i'm overjoyed i'm like maybe i can get one punch maybe one sneaky punch you've been training all these years to To be the best Rocky Balboa you can be.

I'm going to give him a sweet speech, punch him in his jaw. I might finally get, like, after years of watching Rambo 4, I might be able to tear his throat out. That's the dream. Or quickly load a missile into a bow and arrow. Yep. There's my plans. All right.

A tall, muscular, redheaded man, he walks you up the gravel path and to the large oak door of Jackson's mansion. He opens it for you and gestures for you to head inside. You head inside. Inside, it's an ornate, beautiful, very lovely, well-lit mansion. And there are a whole lot of other people milling around.

How many statues of you are there? Several. Lining the halls and lining the walls. And there is a big bas-relief of me in the centre of the room. You're in a sort of foyer of sorts. If you look around, you can see a couple of familiar faces. Vince Vaughn. I thought you died.

Wah! Guy who looks like George Costanza but isn't George Costanza he's standing in a corner eating a little cocktail weenie and then a couple of other people that you don't recognise everybody seems a little bit confused and puzzled as to why they've all been invited to the Jackson Mansion

they kind of mill around talking amongst themselves I do everything I can to avoid Vince Vaughn and try to invited to the Jackson Mansion. They kind of mill around in it, sort of talking amongst themselves. I do everything I can to avoid Vince Vaughn and try to talk to the other people there to try and ask, you know, what's going on? Do they know? Vince Vaughn seeks you out like a great white shark. As you sidle over to an elegantly dressed couple in their mid-50s,

Vince Vaughn sneaks up behind you with a quiet, he's looking expectantly at you, other Joel. Through gritted teeth, I'm like, hi Vince! How have you been? There's a darkness in Vince Vaughn's eyes. He remembers that you threw him in the sea.

He can't help but remember. You're a real good swimmer, Vince Vaughn. He turns around and heads in the sea. He can't help but remember. You're a real good swimmer, Fitz. Well, he turns around and hands him the other direction. Joel, what are you doing? I head straight for the punch bowl. Okay. A large glass bowl full of a pleasantly colored punch sits amidst other hors d'oeuvres and snacks.

I grab two glasses, make it look like I'm bringing one for also Joel, and down both The heady wash of an intensely alcoholic punch Flows through your body And you're almost instantly getting to tipsy It hits you hard I am pleased

Vince Vaughn heads off in the other direction To talk to a guy who looks like George Costanza But isn't George Costanza The elderly couple In their mid-fifties, they turn to you, other Joel Do you know why We've been invited here? We're completely adrift

No We just got a letter saying that Jackson Bailey This is the last time we'll ever have to see him And like, I have a few things I'd like to say to him in person. Uh-huh. I see. I see.

So how did you know Jackson? Well, we're investors, they say. Sorry, I didn't introduce her. I'm Mr. Elijah Wood, and this is my wife, Mrs. Elijah Wood. Oh. They're not Elijah Wood. No relation, they say. I was going to say, you don't look like the actor. No, no. Well, we're far older than that. Yeah, I was going to say, you don't look like the actor

No, no, well we're far older than that Yeah, I was going to say I guess it's a common name, maybe Not really Just you and him, huh? Uh-huh Okay, what investors you say? Yes, in the remaining elements of the park

What are you going to do with it? So were you investors before? Well, we're investors in the... Mr. Elijah Wood seems kind of puzzled by your lack of understanding. In the currently ongoing research... Currently ongoing sorry, what? Research that's still happening in it. He doesn't know about the research.

What is your relation? How do you... Oh, we were in the first Dinosaur Park. Do you remember the scandal in Central Park with all the school children? Yes. I believe it was Queensland. You're right, it was Queensland. I don't know why I thought Central.

Yes, in Queensland, that scandal. We were in that. Oh Yeah, we were in that. Oh, my. I'm so sorry. A lot of children. They did. So many children mercenaries just gone. I mean, not such a worry about the mercenaries, but the children.

That's real. That's very sad. Yeah, I remember the names. I think it was a school teacher at one point. I had to give up that. All the fresh faces of new children coming in the new years. As a darkness crosses your eyes. And you stare into the middle distance, remembering past trauma.

Joel, you're pleasantly sozzled, standing in the middle of the sarong of people. And you notice a very large, very muscular man in like a khaki sort of safari shirt. He's got a pith helmet on his head. He's looking very kind of antsy about the whole situation. He kind of looks and eyeballs you and walks

over to you. I grab him a glass of punch and myself another one. Good, you're getting there. He reaches out a hand for a handshake. I put the glass of punch into his extended hand. He downs it in one. I look him in the eyes, smile, and down mine in one.

Mr. Jumanji, he says. It's a pleasure. Jumanji, I've heard so much about you. My name is Joel, and I extend my hand also. Okay, he shakes your hand. I've been, you know, good friends with Mr. Jackson Bailey for a good long time. He provides me with dinosaurs to hunt. I got sick of hunting regular animals and turned to alternative means.

How are you in relation to Mr. Jackson Bailey? I grab another glass of punch. The punch bowl is getting Empty and literally only you and Mr. Jumanji Have had anything to drink I sip on this one For a bit I've known Jackson

Mr. Jackson Bailey or as I like to call him Jackson for quite a while If you remember the traumas Of the original dinosaur park, I was there on the run, the first run. I saw a lot of murders. The beta testing.

And then we were friends after that for a bit, but distant friends. And then all of a sudden he kidnapped mine and other Joel's black daughter. And then we had to go to the other dinosaur park things things were not great and then i grab another swing of the punch mr jamaji like the more you tell his story the more like sorry and kind of upset he becomes

he kind of puts his hand on your shoulder I feel the sadness in your voice He says Jackson Valley has done some great things But also some truly terrible things Mr. Jumanji, have you ever seen An entire class of 8 year olds die? I have Oh, I'm so sorry Mr. Jumanji goes back to milling about

And after a while, is there anything else you want to do? Anything else? Can I finish off the punch? Yeah, you can finish it off. You're fucked. Yeah, no, I know. That's why I'm talking the way I am. You're like a mess right now.

Can I be crying too? Yes. Roll to see how many tears I have. All right. I'm rolling a lot of dice. Wow. 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17 tears. I'm a cry- cryy boy but not an even cry boy that's not an even number of tears you stopped on one eye had enough had enough eventually uh a door at the end of the

foyer opens and a very sick figure walks into the room he's hunch hunched over, he's hobbled, he has a shawl around his shoulders. You recognize it as Jackson Bailey, your good friend. Good friend? I misread the mood of the room and start clapping. Jackson Bailey nods. Enough applause.

Enough applause, he says. Nobody else in the room is clapping even a little bit Please Please I'm gonna stand there Arms crossed If you'd like to follow me

To the dining room The chefs have Prepared us A delicious meal Jackson Bailey starts Heading down a long hallway Shawl over He's got a cane as well

With a little amber You know Bug trapped in amber John Hammond style He leads you to a large dining room there's a very like eloquently set eloquently there's a very nicely set out table with a big turkey in the middle and a lot of food jackson sits at one end and gestures for everybody else to sit around the other he sits down and starts eating. Cuts himself some turkey. Has a drink of wine.

I ask, is this turkey? Yes. What else could it be? Just a question, Jack. I'm sorry. If it looks like a turkey, other Joel, it's a turkey. It could have been some kind of dinosaur. Okay, cool.

I just hoe down. Other Joel? I'm struggling just hold down. Other Joel? I'm struggling to sit down. Mickey Jackson Clickson, the muscular man with orange hair, goes over and helps you into your chair. I look at him with solemn sadness on my face and sit down. In my drunken state, I'm well aware of how this evening goes. When you give Mickey that look of solemn sadness,

Mickey's got quite a... Not a big smile, but he's not unhappy, but it's like you punched him in the head. He sees a depth of humanity in your expression. He goes and stands behind Jackson Bailey. Jackson Bailey just tucks in. Is there any ribeyes? Any what?

Ribeye steaks. Yes, I know they're your favorite. They are. Yeah, there's ribeye steaks at the table, especially for you. I ignore everything else and just tuck into them ribeye steaks. Don't worry, Joel. There are no ghosts in my mansion. I wipe the sweat from my forehead.

Being drunk is a sweaty time. Mrs. Elijah Wood, who's sitting adjacent to jackson bailey kind of puts a hand on his forearm why have you invited us here jackson bailey uh is something wrong jackson just sort of he's like look look look in time in time till then eat the turkey enjoy he coughs and into like a little handchief. It seems like he's quite ill. Do I notice? Do I care? Let's see.

Yes, you do notice. I don't know if you care. That's up to you. Not at all. Not at all. I went down in my rib eyes. After a while of everybody eating

everybody enjoying their meal and occasionally everybody gives Jackson a glance everybody's wondering everybody's clearly curious as to what's going on here Jackson stands up and clinks a glass with a silver fork and he says thank you all for coming here today old friends he gestures to the two of you

I shake my head my head's like down on the table i'm like half asleep new friends he gestures to mr jumanji and investors he gestures to mr and mrs elijah wood something is gravely wrong with dinosaur park i groan i lift my head and there's more tears welling in my eyes. There are. Twelve tears. I'm crying again, it appears. Can't you be just looking up? Why? As some of you

know and some of you might be unaware of, after the events of 2000 and... Was it 12? Maybe. When did the first dinosaur park happen? It has escaped my memory. I think it's 12.

I think that's when it happened. 2012, sure. Yeah, whatever. After the events of 2012, my glorious park was closed to the public. Now... Glorious Park? He's saying Glorious Park. He's saying Glorious Park.

Okay. Now, at the time, I had a lot of money. And I used that to keep the park... Well, to not get it bulldozed.

And the research facility carried on now i've been in communication with dinosaur parks research facility for the last three years but within the last week there's been a communication blackout i've assembled the investors because well I figured you'd want to know and Jolce Vince Vaughn guy who looks like George Costanza but who isn't George Costanza

you're the people in this world with the best knowledge of how to traverse such a park and I need to find out what's going on inside. I don't want to. I fall off my chair. Sideways, though, not backwards. If you'd like to come and speak to me privately, Joles, you seem the most reluctant,

then that's fine. I'll be at this end of the table. I'm trying to crawl towards the exit. Mickey stands in front of you I grab his pants legs And I look up with the same look of sadness I had before

It hurts Mickey He picks you up with his big strong arms though And walks you over to Jackson Bailey Yeah fine I get up and just walk Just clench fists I understand you're reluctant. Uh-huh.

I question, or he questions. I nod. Uh-huh. Might I inquire as to why? Well, last time, well, let's see, two times ago, a whole mess of children, against our judgment, against our protests, you still went ahead with it, and a lot of children against our judgment and against our our our our our

our our our our protests you still went ahead with it and a lot of children died you didn't get into any legal trouble

which one was angry enough but two trauma then you kidnap our black daughter and M

yes I did yeah yeah two two yeah okay

and you don't see why we would be I punch you in the face well let's see how well I did. Yeah, yeah, two, two. Yeah, okay. And you don't see why we would be... I punch you in the face. Well, let's see. You might kill him. You punch me in the face. I'm going to take that as your Rocky Balboa stat. It sure is.

Yep, yep, you slammed me down good. You wrench back your fist and like a spring, slam it into my already weakened jaw. I tumble out of the chair and onto the floor, clutching at my fist and looking up at you with questioning eyes. Why? I ask. Why?

I cry. It's like impotent rage. Just like, why? I cried. Just like impotent rage. Just like, why? You don't understand. Jackson Bailey crawls. I also like that I'm swapping between I and me and Jackson. It's funny. Crawls back up onto the table, clutching his jaw.

He reaches into his smoking jacket and he pulls out a legal document. And he slams it down on the table. Perhaps this would change your minds. You have a look over it, I'm assuming? I pull out a pack of cigarettes and start smoking. In reality, I don't smoke. But in this reality, I do. That's fair enough.

I'm surprised neither of you have taken up a heroin habit. It's amazing. Really? That you're still functioning as human beings. I whisper to also Joel, what does it say? I'm too drunk to read. I read it out loud.

Okay, you're going to use your Winston Churchill stat or your Dennis Nedry stat? Winston Churchill stat. Alright, here we go. Yeah, you're fine. You look over the document. It's restraining order. And it's restraining order that seems to say

that if after the events of your search or reconnaissance mission into Dinosaur Park, you will have a restraining order against Jackson Bailey. And if you ever come within 100 meters of each other, Jackson Bailey will be sent straight to prison seems up to it seems up to up to chuff it's basically Joel if we do this he can't bother us again ever is this include I make sure like any kind of contact through like electronic means as well phones telegraphs fucking pigeons boys It's not happening

If we do this he never contacts us again My face lights up I start laughing but also crying a bit Does this include our family as well? Yes, all You're a broken man I broke some good man So that's

a yes. Anything else? Are you going to sweeten the pot? $100 to the two of you. I take a drag. Can I take a drag? Yeah, give me a smoke. You'll be of course accompanied by Mickey

and your good friends Vince Vaughn, a guy who looks like George Costanza but isn't George Costanza Can we not have Vince Vaughn? I'm afraid he's Again, this is not Like he didn't come here tonight He's been here for the last month You invite Vince Vaughn around once And he thinks that his house is your house

It's not a Mikasa Tsukasa deal, Vince Vaughn Somebody shoots him a dirty look Get him out of my hair Real favour that his house is your house. It's not a Mikasa Tsukasa deal, Vince Vaughn. Jackson Bailey shoots him a dirty look. Get him out of my hair. Real favor. I agree. But I won't be nice to him.

Jackson Bailey stands up like he throws off his shawl. He doesn't look sick anymore. Oh, happy day! Please, dessert! A bunch of waiters bring out a delicious cake and some jelly. Sit, sit! Let's celebrate for in the morning! I put my cigarette out in the cake.

And say, scotch, please. I'm going to bed. Let's just... Joel Dushow, or Joel, you start to smell smoke. Yes. Please just head to bed. No? No?

I smell the smoke. I'm still hazy drunk but like my brain still you drank a whole bowl of punch you're not in a good way I smell the smoke I think about it I'm like death probably won't be that bad and I go straight to bed anyway you don't

oh well the dessert continues anyway. You don't. Oh, well. The dessert continues as normal. Everybody chats. Everybody seems a little bit calmer. I go for the dessert wines. There's a whole cabinet. Good. You're getting just as drunk. I think so.

Good. You drink and drink until you basically can't tell person from person anymore. I like to be talking to Jumanji, calling him Mrs. Elijah Wood. Mr. Jumanji just laughs and enjoys your company. Mrs. Elijah, you're amazing. I mean, you actually hunt dinosaurs. I did. I hunted dinosaurs. That's the best. I want to shoot every dinosaur I see in this stupid dumb face.

Yes, they're a good hunt. They're a good game. That's so good. Jackson Bailey is animated. He seems like maybe he was never sick at this point. He's laughing, cajoling, chatting with Mickey about the upcoming mission. As the dinner winds to a close. You see fire Coming from the kitchen Doesn't seem like anybody else has noticed it yet though

I look at that, look back Who am I talking to at this moment? Probably Mr. Jumanji still This is Wood Do you see You're a real great guy Thank you, I am good

I take a sip of my dessert wine You're going real great guy. Thank you. I am good. I take a sip of my dessert wine. You're going to burn the mansion. Nobody noticed. Conversation carries on. Finally, Mickey, like, who must have just been, I don't know, gazing off into the middle distance Leaps up in alarm Fire fire fire And runs off to get like a fire extinguisher

Everybody else notices at this point And runs towards the kitchen You can see assuming you'll go with them No Yes good There's a lot of commotion happening in the rest of the house You have no idea You sit comfortably at the table, drinking your dessert wine, enjoying...

Maybe hoeing into some Neapolitan ice cream. Yep. Oh, boy. The fire... Like, you can start to feel heat coming from the kitchen area. I start to drink my now-melting ice cream. You can see the hallway which you came from is also on fire if you listen closely you can hear what sounds like sizzling like like steam as the

rain falls on the roof which is also at this point clearly on fire as you're sipping your dessert wine casually drifting off into the abyss, out of the corner of your eye, you notice through one of the many windows lining the mansion that nearly everyone is outside. Do I see other Joel? Well, let's see if other Joel wakes up. Any stat you want to use for that, by the way? Subway? Not smelling freshly spiced bread. Wait, Rambo probably has

good survival. Rambo probably does. Yeah, I'll use Rambo. Don't have to be sad about it. Honestly, lying sounds pretty good. You're woken by fire licking at your feet. You kind of hazily open

your eyes, still drunk, and notice that the fire has reached the end of your bed from one of the doors. Seems like the whole building might be ablaze. What story am I on? You're in the second story. I jump out the window. All right.

You slide open the glass window and just leap out. Let's roll to... You land and are fine. What? Thank God. Thank God. You, like, on the ground. Oh, no, you don't even see.

You're inside drinking. Sure am. As you roll up and stand up, Hazel, you see that the rest of the dinner party is still standing or is standing in the lawn in front of the building and no you don't even notice that I love it what's the shrubbery

like the shrubbery like a hedge kind of surrounding the lawn here there's a couple of pleasant flower bushes how close to the hedge is the house? Is it in danger of catching fire as well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure is. Oh, boy, yeah.

The whole place is going to just probably go up in smoke. I stumble away. Stumble away? But away from the other people In my brain I'm like, maybe they'll think I'm dead Maybe I can get out of this Okay, you stumble like through the hedge and into

the little beginning of the proper grounds of Jackson's mansion which extends for a couple of acres around It's just pleasant moorish fields extending. You're on the other side of the hedge and you can see properly The whole building is just ablaze Alright so I want to go

Just leisurely stroll to the window Do I see him falling in? Yeah probably Is there anything around I can just take? Just steal I'm going to Dennis Nedry that Because that's what he's about oh yeah look you look around the room you see that there's some good silverware

like it's you probably get a good price for it if you pawn it there's like a real nice painting looks like maybe it's like you don't know the painter but it looks like it could be someone is it of jackson it's not i want to slash jackson's painting okay with what with your knife like you're eating the just with some silverware a spoon you tell the painting if I want to slash Jackson's painting. Okay. With what? With your knife? Yeah. With some silverware. A spoon. You tear the painting. If you were to look outside, you'd see Jackson be like, what?

But I don't. You don't notice. You tear the painting. You collect some silverware. I see some stuff I can just put in my jacket pockets. Yeah, yeah. A couple of like... Ornate little things. Yeah, yeah. There's a couple of like... Ornate little things. Yeah, little knickknacks and the like.

You know, maybe a couple of like clearly like little animals or dinosaurs carved from special very expensive rubies. The kind that on a pleasant little mantle. Collect all of them, chuck them in your jacket pockets. And then just leisurely stroll outside if I can. Well, you turn pockets laden with ill-gotten goods

to the only two exits of the dining room and they are both ablaze with flame. They look like if you were to walk through you'd just suffer massive burns. Oh, I want that. How's the window looking? Well, I mean, it's not as... You're on the first

floor. I'm gonna jump. We'll also Joel's Survivor's Fall. Find I mean, it's not as hot. You're on the first floor. I'm going to jump. Will also Joel survive his fall? Find out next time on Dinosaur Park. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sandspantsradio.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content,

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