D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott II #5 A Font of Magical Energy

Episode Date: March 26, 2016

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 2In which our heroes enter the dragon's lair. We sleep the night in the chapel, find some very well ordered coins and maybe fight a dragon. Cassius literally searches blindly, Princess Ansley could go for some chicken soup and Leo makes the Dungeon Master very happy. So join us as we learn spells. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sandspancer Radio, more interesting than corn. A huge thank you to everyone that submitted their awesome creations for our D&D art comp. The winners have been chosen and emailed, and you can check them out along with some rad honourable mentions on our Facebook and Twitter. Just search for Sandspancer Radio. Also, if you want to be two weeks ahead of everyone else

and show your support for the show, why not check out our Patreon page? Just head to patreon.com slash sandspanseradio. Links are in the show notes. And now, onward to the show. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table staring at a map the DM drew, but that is exactly what we are doing today. Welcome to episode 30 of D&D is for Nerds. As always, I'm Joel Zammett, playing the part of Leo Shadow. Opposite me is Ali Kathleen, playing the part of Ainsley Foggyfeather. Sure am. And across from her

we have Jackson B. Bailey gender bending as Cassius Christie. Yeah! Every time you do that and the levels peak and I hate you. But who cares because you're not editing it. I am. And next to me we have Adam Californication. Shut up Adam, this isn't about you.

Previously on D&D is for Nerds. Check for traps. Or at least check to see if I pull the lever, what happens. Just give it a tug. It's a stone door, like in the bloody Flintstones, and there's a knob you can turn. You open the stone door, you guys pull the lever, both of the doors open to the same room.

What?! Hey! You're in what looks like a chapel. Oh, rad. This is a bad place for a wedding. Up the other end of the chapel, giving a sermon to basically no one is an elf. He was rude.

I'm going to shoot him. Please let Ainsley be about to become a turtle. May my God take your sight Oh my god I'm so sorry He took my eye Grayson socks you in the face Ainsley recovering from the sick burns Cassius inflicted on you

Cassius recovering from the sick beats Grayson just laid on you I'll own that I deserve that. You take three points of lethal damage. Of lethal damage? Yeah, because he's got gauntleted hands. Oh, I just put like a hand on Grayson.

Like, back. She's blind, all right? Everyone take a breath. I just want to be like, I'm all right. Ow. I'm all right. Everybody breathe. I'm going to sit down. Just I'm all right. Ow. I'm all right. I'm okay. Everybody breathe. I'm going to sit down.

Just chill. Take minutes. Let me sit down for a second. All right. Grayson gets away from you again. Yeah, he hits you again. Oh, my God. Grayson, you fuck boy.

It was an accident. It's all right. It's all right, Grayson. It's okay. You take another three points of lethal damage. I try and like, with how good. It's all right, Grayson. It's okay. You take another three points of lethal damage. I try and like with help. It's all right, Grayson. I can't do anything, I guess.

This time, like, Grayson properly moves away. He walks to the other side of the room. Come. I'm so sorry. He seems to be taking like some deep breaths. Sit in a corner and breathe. Cassius, can you see? No, I am blind.

Okay, can I look in her eyes and just have a look at what's going on They're completely white. She hasn't got any pupils or like, you know, the colour part. Oh my goodness, your eyes are like crazy zombies. They're like little zombies. Your eyes are all white. Do I have any

magic knowledge yet? Would I know what this is? Well, you've been reading, hey, you've been reading Pum Criff. You did it! I did it? You did it!

I'm dead book. He died, so he doesn't get to appreciate it. He took his death. You've been reading his book, and his book had a little something on this. Hang on. No.

You don't remember anything. Do I? I have only a knowledge net. I acknowledge that. Explain what's going on. Hang on. No. You don't remember anything. Do I? I have only a knowledge net. I acknowledge that. Explain what's going on. Hang on. I think I... You've got this. I don't. I have... It's a magical blindness.

Wrong. It's a magic blindness. I don't know what you thought it was. I thought your eyes had turned into newts. If you find another nicer cleric, he might be able to remove it from you, or some magical potions and elixirs can remove it as well. We'll have a look around. Surely if he's magical.

Otherwise. Hang on. How are you feeling right now? I feel like I could definitely have a cup of chicken soup. Maybe you and Grayson could go find potions to sort it out. There might be some in the dragon's hoard, he says. I'm just going to, hang on, look at the, I'm just going to look at the

priest's, what's he got on him? Check his pockets for mints. What? Check his pockets for mints. And spell books. But mostly mints. And a little bit of hard candy. You know it.

Because let's be honest, how long since any of us brushed our teeth? That's true. I brush my teeth every morning. What? Okay. So you also find like a bedroll and some like, you know, personal effects. So you think he lived in this.

This guy slept here, guys. What personal effects? You find... Has he got some Panadol? I'm going to write him down. So you think he lived in this. This guy slept here, guys. What personal effects? You find... Has he got some Panadol? I'm going to write him down. So much Panadol. A little bit of Nurofen, you know? So much Nurofen.

Sick. A little bit of burn cream. Because I got hit with a fucking fireball. You find 650 gold pieces. Oh my God. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. How many? 650 gold pieces. For the time being, until we get to a store, just, yes, yes. How many? 650 gold pieces.

For the time being, until we get to a store, just Ainsley usually is our treasurer. So she'll just... Sounds good. And then we divide at the end. I'm always your treasurer. That works for you. Yeah, that's...

Oh, you're explaining it to him. I'm sorry. Five silver pieces. Any copper? No copper. Oh, rude. Why does he even have gold? Maybe he goes to the store.

I don't know. That's true. Maybe he killed adventurers and took it from them. Rude. You find a gem on his person. It's like a little silvery ball. All right, I'll grab that. You write that down.

Silver ball gem. I'm sure that's its technical term. I think it's the silver ball gem of the gems. It's the silver ball gem. I'm sure that's its technical term. I think it's the silver ball gem. Of the gems, it's the silver ball one. Leo, you work it out to be a moonstone. You think you could sell it for maybe 40 gold. Oh, you can write down moonstone. You might want to put it in brackets, 40 gold. Or just keep it on your person to trade with.

Or to throw. And you also find, like, a big crate. You open the crate. With my crowbar. And it is filled with wine. I'll take the wine. You don't know they have wine. Oh.

Do they tell me or are you just like. There's a crate of wine. I'll take the wine. All right. Do a quick count. Yep. 55 bottles of wine. Give me 20.

55 bottles of wine on the wall. That's going to be heavy. Really heavy. How much can you take? A bottle. Bottle. How much can I fit on me? Theoretically. 55 bottles of wine on the wall That's going to be heavy Really heavy It's like a bottle bottle How much can I fit on me theoretically Or do I propose That we get fucking drunk And have a nap

And heal up I think that might be a good idea We would like to stack the body against the wall Or the door I know we don't have a lot There's a door on the other side of the room as well Both doors are lockable We'll lock those doors stack the body against the wall or the door. I know we don't have a lot, but just that one. No, the door here is locked. There's a door on the other side of the room as well. Both doors are lockable.

Oh, super. We'll lock those doors. And you've got the pews, I guess, if you're really desperate. Can we put the body outside? Like, he was a bit of a dick. I just want to put him... We'll put him outside. You roll the corpse outside.

Yes. And I want to set up the pews like some beds. Not bunk beds. Let's not go over the top, guys. And then use the bed rolls. And you've matured, actually. I know. See, Gracie?

If you start a fire, you're not sure if the CO2 will kill you. I won't start a fire. I'm going to drink myself into oblivion. Is there a fireplace? Maybe you'll get your side back. There's no fireplace, no. All right. Yeah, that's what we'd like to do.

Like a brazier type thing near where the pupil was that you imagine a fire would go in like a big sort of bonfire type thing but you're not sure how he could have done this without like

proper ventilation yeah yeah well he's a dickhead and we're not so yeah blind drunk to sleep

yeah let's all get drunk and swap stories yeah let's get to No Cassius I tell you about fighting elk in the forest of my birth. You're taking blindness very well.

I take everything in my stride. It's the Cassius way. Anyway. You spend the night in the chapel. Like you said, you've piled all the pews against the doors. And there was locks on the doors. But corpses. There's a door going ahead as well.

Are you going to try and pile any pews against that? Yeah, we might as well. Okay. In the night, you'll all heal not three, but four hit points. What? Get out of town. Because you've leveled up. Yes.

What does this mean, Adam? Yes. Well, for Cassius, it doesn't mean too much other than some new spells and a little bit of a power up. Yes. What does this mean, Adam? Yes. Well, for Cassius, it doesn't mean too much other than some new spells and a little bit of a power-up. Yes. Ainsley and Leo, however, you both have discovered a font of magical energy. Yes.

Oh, how exciting. Leo, the months of studying Prif Pum's spellbook have paid off and you can now cast spells. Yes. Not many, and they're from Kriff's spellbook. I look at you and just cast Dancing Lights. Oh my god, amazing, amazing, amazing. You have two more of those there.

It was worth it. It was totally worth it. Ainsley, fourth level rangers get magic. You probably, as we discussed a long, long time ago, probably inherit this from your bloodline. I knew it. You can cast one spell a day. What is it?

What is it? What's my spell? Okay, I guess, how about Entangle? What does it do? It creates magical like tendrils. I want it. Magical plant like tendrils. You didn't even hear what it does.

I want it. That ensnare foes. Yay! I'm so excited! You just, like, both wake up, like... Are you still blind, Cass? Yes, I'm super blind. If you want to do it, like, role-playing reasons or something like that, like...

Oh, but would it have worn off? This morning, like, what? Wait, oh, so it hasn't worn off? What worn off? My blindness. No. I'm like, look at this, dancing like, I don't know what's happening. What's going on? Maybe Mr. Fist can be your eyes.

I don't think that's a thing that can happen. So we'll say like, I don't know, Ainsley, this happen So we'll say like Ainsley this morning You're like yawn or something like that You feel a latent energy within you And you just realise That you can't put out candles But you can make plants

Reach up and grab things I love the idea of waking up in the middle of the night And being like oh I feel funny Does this mean I'm alright What is this You go over to a corner of the chapel to take a piss You're like, it's not piss You're disgusting

Am I hungry? And Leo, while practicing the spells this morning You actually cast dancing lights or something Imagine a yell and you'd run around the chapel Chasing the lights How's Grayson? How's he doing? Is he still pissed off at Cassius?

Well, Grayson's a little startled that both of you guys just can do magic now. But other than that, he's like sort of, he seems. Is he happy for it? He doesn't want to linger here. He's packing up his stuff and he's helping you pack up your stuff as well. Something's up with Grayson. But he's such a wonderful man. Like he's packing up our shit while we're doing dumb shit.

I'm like staring at him, mouth aghast, just practicing dancing lights. Grayson, Grayson, Grayson, look, dancing lights. So you've used up all your spells already? No, I just... I'll say the spells that you use don't count against your thing. They're just for wall-painting purposes. Are there any plants in the room? I was going to go with yes.

Yeah, there's like some little cuffs. I would like to use entangle. You just want to cast it now? Well, you just said that it wouldn't count if I tried it. No, but we say like this morning you wake up, you feel this energy within you and you're like, oh, I can make plants do shit. Okay, alright, alright, alright. From this point onwards, if you cast it, it's cast.

Because I get one a day. One a day. Like one a person day or one a mayfly day? Wait, that's the same amount of time. Never mind. What? No, I got what she meant, and you're dumb. Dumb.

You little dumb dumb. Little dumb dumb. Because for mayflies, a day is like their lifetime. Well, that would be even worse. Actually, don't mayflies last a couple days? It's just like a common... Also, day isn't about the person. It's about where the sun and our planet,

the relationship of that. Yeah, I know, but I was wondering if there was something else that had more days in one day. I'm still blind! Good. I'm going to ask Mr. Fists to tell me what's going on. That's very complicated for an owl. Can't you speak to animals? It's very complicated

for a connection where the most you can communicate is like hunger. Is he just like, stuff? Mr. Fist seems very uninterested in the goings-on, and he impresses upon you that maybe you should be uninterested as well. I sit there and grumble about my... It's his bedtime. It's his bedtime. I'm like, sorry, Mr. Fist.

It's not that time yet for him. It's bedtime. God, that's his bedtime. It's his bedtime. I'm like, sorry, Mr. Fist. It's not nighttime yet for him. It's bedtime. God, that's too cute. Grayson, do you know what's going on with old Cassius? I'm blind. That's what's going on. What do we do to heal this? I don't know.

We could take him to a cleric, Grayson says. No, we're not very great with clerics. All right. Bad history. Grayson puts up a finger to say something and stops himself. And he's just nuts. Why don't we just, we'll walk. If you point me in the right direction, I'll still be useful.

Like the idea of pointing you in the right direction and you're just walking into walls. Aisley, why don't, because you're arranged, why don't you just sort of put an arm on his shoulder, a hand on his shoulder. I'll direct her. Keep chuffing on forward. You beautiful little dwarf. Yes. All right, so what's this place look like?

What's going on? There's another door we haven't gone through, so let's get rid of the corpses there and jog along through. Yes. I don't know if I've spoken about it enough. I'd like to detect animals or plants. Will that just, like, fail? Is it, like, because, like, Mr. First is right there?

It won't fail. You can do it as well, even though you are blind. But what, like, just to let you know, that spell is, like, stopped by thick stone or thin lead. Oh, okay. And you are kind of surrounded by stone. Yeah, cool. So it's just going to give me, there's, like, bugs.

There's an owl in the room and maybe bugs. Good. Bugs I can talk to? The bugs aren't going to know shit, Adam. I know. Is a dragon an animal? No, it's a beast.

It's a monster. But you wouldn't be able to detect that. No, but I can chat to like animals, like bears or dolphins or hares. Hares. I was going to go Haribo, but that's on Brand Off Candy. They're going to go howl, like you's on Brand Off Candy. They're going to go Howl.

Like you're going to just combine an owl with a H. Just chuck a H in front of that owl. Howl! Let me know when you guys are ready. We'll go through the door. We'll go through the door. Okay. You open this door, and as soon as it's just a little ajar,

this bright light shines through the crack and when it's fully open you realise that lights are like putting themselves on along this room. It's a large room. It's all made of worked stone so you imagine it took some serious effort to

get this thing done. What does it sound like? What does it sound like? I'm blown. Give me a fucking moment. Above you, you see, like, you remember when you came in, there was that tunnel that headed, like, above this place? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think this is where the tunnel ends as well?

Okay. So you think maybe the dragon uses to get from this room to the entrance through this cool uh and in this room is quite obviously the dragon's horde it's maybe the biggest mound of gold any of you have ever seen you can see along the walls either side uh like stands for sets of armor and they're all all arranged on there. There's racks for weapons. This gold is arranged very neatly. Each coin is stacked on top of another coin. It's not like a Scrooge McDuck thing going on here.

It's like a Mario Party thing. It's not a coin sea. It's not a coin sea. It's more like coin stacks. What's here? What's in the room? Not much. Not much.

I thought you were asking me again, like, is there anything else, Adam? No, I'm asking your competitors. It looks like the dragon horde. Everything's all neat and stacked and the lights just went on by themselves. That's some fancy magic. It is some fancy magic. What does Grayson do? What does he look like?

Grayson's just staring at all in the room. I would like to just kindly just be like, sweetheart, remember how that elf wizard guy told us don't take too much? I'm going to warn you. Please don't take too much. It's okay, he says. I'm only going to take what I need. No, don't take what you need.

Probably don't take anything. He said we could take a bit. Did he say we could take what we need? He said we could take a bit if we want. If memory serves correctly, yeah. He said we could take a bit. Are you sure? If memory serves correctly, yeah. He said you can take some, but be careful not to take too much, but he didn't specify what too much was. As I say that, I'm facing away from you. He said, you know...

He's just talking to the wall and Mr. Fizz has got his wing against his head, face palming. No, Mr. Fizz has a wing up over his face. It's his night time now, guys. Can I detect magic, by the way? Can I at all? You can.

Check the trap. You cast detect magic, and you sense some very powerful magical auras in the room. You pick up an illusion spell somewhere in this room, but it's too hazy to tell specifically where. I was going to see if any items are magical, but okay, that's good as well. A bunch of the items show up as magical as well.

An amulet? You're looking for an amulet that protects you from divination spells. We should find that. Do you reckon it'll be in here, guys? Hey, Leo. I'm a check for traps. Do you have any ranks? Actually, wait.

You know what? What am I saying? I'll roll your fucking thing. Yeah guys? Hey, Leo. I'm a check for traps. Do you have any ranks? Actually, wait. You know what? What am I saying? I'll roll your fucking thing. Yeah. Come on now. Adam said very early on that we weren't allowed to touch any of the dice. They're my fucking dice. Yeah, you, Leo, as the one who knows best about magic,

have no idea what type of magic you're looking for. Could be anything, guys. It's an amulet, though, right? Yes. It's like a necklace, maybe. Well, I am of no use. I'll guard the door. Good.

I'm going to check for traps. Just like as you go forward? Yes. This entire room? It's pretty big. Might take you a long time if you're checking for traps constantly. I think he's trying to set you up for failure. No, it's okay.

You can do it if you want. We can spend the next couple hours doing this. Good. I'm down. It's role-playing. It only takes two seconds in real life, Adam. No, I'm going to make you. I'm kidding. As you walk through each individual coin, the first coin, no traps.

The second coin, traps. I think there's a trap, but there's no traps. I'm just saying, like, if you guys do that really cautiously like that, it's going to be the rest of the day just looking for this amulet. That's what I'm saying. Not cautiously, just a bit of a general look around.

Like anything that looks sus, you're like, give it a look. You don't see the presence of any traps. I'm not sure where one would hide though. I was like, I got the door. You're like, yeah, good. I'm not going to be able to see anybody. I thought that, yeah.

It's funnier for me. I figured you'd just close the door and lean up against it. Hey, that's an idea. You do that little search for traps, and then Grayson steps forward and says, I think we'll cover a lot of ground if we split up. We should stay within sight. Good idea.

But we should split up. I'm just going to subtly remind him please don't take too much. Don't worry. I know what I need. Okay. Alright, just don't take too much. I just want to be that really annoying Maggie. Just be like,

are you sure? Are you sure? But don't piss him off. Ah, just be like, are you sure? Are you sure? But don't piss him off. Oh, crap. Oh, Jesus. No, it's okay. So you guys start searching? Yeah. No, no, not me.

No, I'll sit down in front of, like, the pile of feel for the coins. Go through each one. Is that an amulet? No. What's this one? No, it's another coin. So after about half an hour, you've found nothing. So any magical items I want to put in a corner or something to be like, I think these are magic items.

Detect magic only lasts. Oh, wait, no. Maybe it lasts for as long as you are handsome. No, it's going to be very long. It's just forever. Thank you, Jackson. You are forever handsome long. Forever long.

I'm going to detect Adam. There's gold bugs. If I pick up an item and I'm like, can I feel the magicalness in the item? Is that how things work? You can only cast detect magic for a minute. So the spell ends pretty quickly. I know. If I can look at something, is that kind of magic or do I just not have that at all?

You can, sometimes Some magical items Will have a latent energy in them So when you pick them up it hums in your hand Or something like that And things like that you can set aside I'll do that And also I'm sure anything that's like

Runes Looks a little sus Like a sapphire skull in the hilt. Like I said before, this place is very neatly ordered, so you fancy it might not actually take you too long to find the amulet. Anything that's like an amulet or meant to be worn is on like a, what do you call it? On a body of armor?

Yeah, like a mannequin or something like that. All right, are the mannequins like lined up in like a row? No, they're not. But they're in among the neat piles of gold, and it's like someone's constructed a maze out of this gold. Okay, well, I'm going to be like, Mr Fists, sorry to wake you up. I know it's your night time.

But could you lead me to the different statues, and I'll feel them for amulets. Adam's face replicates what I imagine Mr. Fistface would look at when you wake him up and he's like, are you fucking serious? And I'm like, just go to that statue, hoot. I'll go to that statue, feel it. Go to the next statue, hoot. I'll go to that statue and feel it.

This is amazing. It might take you a while, but you can. I want to help out. How good would that be? On the way out, I would like to knock all of the coins over. No. Yeah, come on. Do you want to anger our dragon's ghosts maybe?

Maybe. Ali, you see it. As you're walking through. No, not the amulet. You see something else. As you're walking through, you're like casting. You're a little worried about Grayson, aren't you, right? I am incredibly worried about Grayson.

You're like casting glances over at him every now and then. You see him pick something up and pocket it, but he moves on. I'm going to wait. I'm just going to wait for it until we are about to leave and be like, so what did you get? And then see what happens. You're like, so what did you get? So, Cassius, you're probably a little bit ahead of everyone, actually.

It doesn't take you too long because they're slowing down for everything. Awesome. No, Mr. Fists is leading you around the gold coins. Thank you, Mr. Fists. You round the corner. You can't see what happens, but Mr. Fists' claws tighten on your shoulder and fear. Oh, no.

I pull out my scimitar and swing wildly. You knock over a pile of coins. Everyone else hears it. Grayson sprints in that direction. We would like to follow to the noise. You're right. You go around the same corner

in the maze of gold and you see a dead dragon. It's partially decayed. There's no stench coming off it. But it's this massive black dragon. Even in death, it's like just presence intimidates you.

I'm just going to be like, Cassie, it's alright. Jackson just looked at me with his eyes closed. What's going on? Someone tell me! This part of the maze is very disorganized. The coins are not in piles. And you also notice something else really strange. The chest of this dragon has decayed where the stomach is exposed.

And coins have fallen out of the stomach. Like it is eating gold. Is that what dragons do? You don't know anything about dragons. Cassius, it's all right. There's a dead black dragon in front of us. Eating gold. Yeah. Is that what dragons do? You don't know anything about dragons. Oh, okay. Does anyone know? It's all right. There's a dead black dragon in front of us.

Yeah, it ate too many coins and couldn't poop it out. Yeah, that does happen. Does Cassius know anything about dragons? Do I? No, you don't. Oh, shit. Does Grayson know anything about dragons? I already said no. He doesn't know anything about dragons.

So none of us know why the fuck a dragon is eaten gold. Grayson, like, taps? I already said no. He doesn't know anything about dragons. So none of us know why the fuck a dragon is eaten with gold. Grayson like taps, I don't know, we'll say Leo on the head. And he points past the dragon. Do you think that might be the amulet? Past the dragon, there's like a raised platform. And on the raised platform, there's this mannequin wearing nothing but an amulet. And when you look at it, you sense like a definite aura. Even at this distance, the aura from this amulet is very noticeable.

Yes. All right. I'll go grab it. Ainsley, you make a beeline for the platform. Yes. Grayson calls out, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, I'll stop. I'll stop.

I don't know about you guys, but have you seen anything else on pedestals or platforms? I'm blind, Grayson. I wasn't talking to you, Grayson says. Ainsley, come back here. Okay. I have a funny feeling it might be trapped. I'm going to check for traps. Oh, that's a good plan.

Yeah. Could have died, guys. It just looks sus, guys. How quickly? Black Dragon. Grayson never joined our little, guys. How quickly? Say Black Dragon. Grayson had never joined our little troupe. How quickly would we all have been dead? Very quickly, I imagine.

Oh, my God. If you guys set this trap off, I'm going to be so happy. I'm going to stop real quick. Yep. So there's nothing, like, on the podium itself, but you can see, like, on the mannequin, there's, like, a little arcane sigil just hiding beneath, just beneath the amulet itself.

Magic trap. Okay, how do we... How do we disable it? What do we do? Well, because I am a great trap-finding, dismantling man, and I know magic now, I'm going to try and dismantle this myself using all my expertise.

I just put in a show, let me flick through Griff's book. Hey, you know what's really funny? Rogues are better than disabling traps than wizards, so if you hadn't taken a level of wizard, you would have a pretty good shot at this.

Alrighty then. Whoopsie. You could give it a shot but it's a very powerful trap. You think you might just set it off accidentally. I'm give it a shot but if I know I'm fucking up I want to just disengage.

Unfortunately D&D doesn't work like that. Adam's so happy. I have a solution. Well I have an idea afterwards. Ball's that. Adam's so happy. I have a solution. Well, I have an idea afterwards. Ball's deep. Let's do this. Go and tie a pig. Can I give it a shot?

Whole hog. Whole hog. Entire pig. Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! You got a one!

You got a fucking one! That's a critical fail! I've never seen Adam so animated. I'm going to pick it up and just headbutt it. Tell us what happens. Tell us what happens. The magical seal breaks with a hissing sound. Oh, shit.

And nothing happens straight away. You turn around and there's a moment of maybe it didn't. Maybe we're fine. Maybe it's okay. And then the massive corpse. Oh, my God. Leo, what's going on? Leo, you.

What's happening? What's going on? Did you do it? Grayson draws his sword. I'm going to draw my bow. The dragon gets up. Fuck. Oh, Jesus.

Adam. I mean, no, that wasn't your fault. Sorry. Leo, I'm going to die again. Because of you. I will blindly die. I'm not going to fight, right? I'm blind.

I'm in no shape. I'm in no shape. The dragon is coming alive, Cassius. Jeez, this is a slow dragon. Are there any plants around? Okay, Cassius, you're first. It's not because I set off the trap. It's just the dragon came alive.

We'll roll the bluff check after we finish. Coincidentally. Are there any plants around, Adam? It's not your turn. It's Cassius. But yes, there are some poking through. There are cracks in the floor. Do I have to roll to aim?

What? Because I'm blind. So the way it works is you can actually hear. The dragon is so big. You can hear it shifting. You can fire at where it is, and there's a chance you'll miss. Okay. I'm going to use flame blade on the dragon.

I think that's just a bad one. You create a blade made out of fire that you then attack with. That's amazing. You'd have to move up to the dragon to do it. Or just throw it. I don't know if that's how it works. No, fuck it. I'll create a flame sword and run up to the dragon. Cassius doesn't

back down from a fight. Ain't never had a chance to wrestle with a zombie dragon. Zambo dragon. A zambo dragon. I like the idea of that writing. That gave me a look of smugness. Nah, it's okay. You're very lucky that this sword doesn't need to get past armor.

You only need to hit it with the sword. You don't need to bury it past armor, which gives you a massive advantage because this thing's armor is tough, but it is easy to touch. Oh, good. You hit the Zambo. Zambo Drambo.

How much damage does that score? Zambo Drambo. Zambo Drambo. Zambo Drambo. Hey, what? No. Hey, I have a spell called Cheat. How good.

Just cheat. Yeah. Just cheat at fighting the dragon. How do you cheat and do you need? Do you just punch Adam in the face? The way that spell works is, so a dice roll in game, not like, you know, you rolled a hit. Like, hey, I play craps or something like that.

A dice roll there, you cast the spell, and you can choose to re-roll that. Oh, okay. I guess that's useful. I thought cheating would just mean you hit Adam and he's unconscious and we just decide what happens next. We win! The dragon's fine! Suddenly the curse is gone

and we take all the gold and we live happily ever after. Your flame blade ignites a lot of the dead dragon flesh and deals six points of damage. How many points does a dragon have? Billions, probably. Probably more than six. You guys amuse me too much.

Okay. Leo, it's your turn. I'm going to launch my crowbar at him. Your crowbar? I want a crowbar in my bag. So you're going to use the launch one? I'm going to launch an item and just launch it at the dragon. Aim for its face or something.

Do you have to hit it in the brain? Okay. So it's not George Romero zombies. You may remember this from the dozens of times I have had to say this. You amused by that, Jackson? I'm not. That's great. I'm not.

Okay. So your crowbar embeds itself deeply in the dragon's neck. Oh, good job. I guess it is rotted and falling apart. Dealing five points of damage. Did you do more than me? No, one less. Still, flame blade V crowbar.

Ainsley? Hey, off memory, the time that we fought those zombies and failed miserably, it was because we tried to shoot them. It's better to do, like, bludgeoning attacks, isn't it? Now, I don't have a lute, but I have a longsword. I would like to bludgeon with my longsword. You can't do that. Longsword is slashing or piercing.

What if you hold the blade? Although it's okay because I got it wrong and zombies are slashing and skeletons are bludgeoning. Ah, all right. Well, slashing. I'd like to use my slashing. Your sword? It's not...

Yep. No, my slashing thing. I'll use my slashy diddle. You charge in with your sword and you hit. Yes! Come on, seven points. Dealing a whopping... Come on, seven, seven, seven, seven.

Nine points of damage. Yeah! What the fuck? I know! I told you guys, I'm epic. Is a rapier slashing or is that stabbing? It's stabbing. A rapier is stabbing only.

It's stabbing. You have daggers, right? Daggers are slashing. Climb it! Climb it and stab it in the dick! Fuck! Head! What? No! I gotta climb underneath it? That puts it at Grayson's turn. Yeah, what's he doing?

Grayson draws, he has a longsword I believe. He sure does. Yeah, he has a longsword that he likes to use sometimes. He draws that and charges in. You got this bloody, does his hair, like, flow back? Do his muscles ripple beneath his shirt? Uh, something like that?

He, uh, like, so who was it? Ainsley, you, like, slashed deeply with your longsword. Grayson, like, picks exactly where you hit it and makes the cut even deeper. Oh, good. Dealing 11 points of damage. He always has to one-up me, you know?

Motherfuckers. But seriously, what would happen if he was there? Like, we'd be dead by now. We'd be dead. Right now, we would be dead. Because he wouldn't have stopped me running. Guess whose turn it is. Oh, no.

Oh, golly. Is it Zamet's turn again? Just real. Is it Mr. Fist's? Mr. Fist. Leo, you're one. Cassius, you Fist? Okay, Leo, you're one. Cassius, you're two. Ainsley, you're three.

Hold on. And Grayson is four. Hold on, wait. Someone has to watch him roll the dice. I can see. It's fine. Four, Grayson. No.

No. Hey, we don't know yet what's happening. Yeah, it's not necessarily a death. I doubt the dragon's going to be like, here you go, Grayson, here's some cake. The undead abomination opens its maw wide. What happens next? Cake? Probably not.

But let's find out next time on D&D is for Nerds. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com. Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch.

D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members. The further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot,

where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest for D&D's for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.