D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott II #7 One Shopping Montage Later + Bonus

Episode Date: April 9, 2016

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 2In which our heroes steal and get away with it… for now. We discuss comics about deaf people, learn a little about Greyson’s backstory and no curses will ever come back to get us. Cassius is awkward at family parties, Princess Ansley gets very stressed about curses and Leo feels vindicated about the curse. So join us as we engage in some DM foreshadowing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, you weak-minded fool. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around the table wondering where the weak spot on a griffin is, but that's exactly what we're going to be doing today. Welcome to episode 32 of D&D is for Nerds. Sitting around the table, we have Jackson Bailey playing Cassius Christie. Yeah! Joel Zamet playing Leo Shadow. Yeah. And Ali Kathleen playing Princess Ainsley Foggyfeather. Yeah.

As always, I'm the heavily medicated DM, Adam Crackalackaling. I don't think that's you. Well, you know, sometimes you just got to go with it. Previously on D&D is for Nerds. There's a dagger sticking out of his ear. Leo, you're deaf. Grayson gets ed. What's going on, Adam?

Oh, Grayson's on one hit point. No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. You're so useless right now. I got nothing. Oh, right. All of your wizard spells are useless. Yeah. Because I've been stabbing it in the butthole the whole time.

The blind Cassius delivers the killing blow to the driver. Fiery butt. Fiery butt. Fiery butt. In between splutters, he says, will you marry me? Yes. Yes. Yes, I will. Yes, I will! Yes, I will! Standing among the now unguarded dragon horde,

your main concern is now how much you can carry or should carry. Grayson just grabs miscellaneous odds and ends coins and stuff like that and he half fills a bag. Slings it over his shoulder. I still take all the magical weapons and amul and some stuff like that and he half fills a bag slings it over his shoulder I still take all the magical weapons and amulets and stuff Grayson puts up a hand again and he's like, that's enough

I'm going to be like, that's enough just take one that's enough, did you get the amulet? it's really hard because we're all like signing to Leo but that doesn't translate I'm also a thief guys It's really hard because we're all, like, signing to Leo, but that doesn't translate. I'm also a thief, guys.

Doesn't matter. So I'm going to be slight of handing as much as I can in my person. For real? Yeah. Okay. If you fuck us up. Just the amulets. A good weapon, a good amulet.

Come on, man. Solid amulet. Just like your basic good time amulet form. Yeah. Yeah, man. She got braces of arsery. I want something. What's happening?

So good. Just pleases Adam in his little heart. I know. In his little heart hole. What have I got in front of me? Because I want to know what I'm going to try to pocket. Okay, Ainsley, you quite easily notice what he's doing. Every time he tries to do something,

I'd like to put my hand on his shoulder and be like, no. You don't notice, though, Cassius. I am blind. I am blind. Oh, that, yeah. I shouldn't have even rolled for you. Grayson notices as well. I like to think I'm standing facing away from everyone.

After you try it the first time, Grayson's like, go sit over with Cassius if that's okay Hang on a sec, is there a good weapon for me to use? What sort of weapon are you looking for? Like another rapier? Or maybe something else you could Something cool that I can use

Why don't we just go shopping when we get back to the Elven place? This is free It's not going to be free if we're fucking cursed Theoretically That I can use. Give me a tick. Why don't we just go shopping when we get back to the Elven place? Because this is free. It's not going to be free if we're fucking cursed. Theoretically. Theoretically. Free in that it doesn't cost money, but it does cost... Everything else. Our lives and livelihood and luck.

If you kill me before I get married, Leo, I swear to God... And that'll happen. I will come back and I will kill you. I will haunt your ass. I will haunt you from now to the end of time. It's fine. Do not ruin this for me, Leo. I can't hear a word you're saying.

I can't hear a word you're bloody saying there. All right. Sam, it's just like I wish I had this power in real life. I know. It would be the best. I'm just looking. To not hear people? I don't think that's a power.

Are you calling deaf people superpowers? I'm guessing it to not hear people I don't think that's a power are you calling deaf people superpowers I'm guessing it's a blessing I was about to say oh like fucking daredevil daredevil's not deaf he's blind

reverse daredevil I think there is there is a deaf superhero there is no there is there was like this kid who was deaf and they made one for him

I think there's also one her name is Echo and she's a daredevil person well this just a darede she's a daredevil person. Well, this just became Daredevil Pals. A daredevil pal. Daredevil podcast. Love her.

Maybe. It's been a while since I've read it. I like how confusing every conversation must be for me. I mean, I'm glad I've realised you're deaf, because you said you're deaf. Otherwise it's just like, Ainsley talks, is Leo dead? Leo yells really loudly for some reason. I hope I can get my sight back.

Me too. I mean, like, that should be fixable. We'll get back to the album. Yours was magical cause. Mine was me stabbing my own head. Yeah, but yours will be like a healing potion. It should be fine. I don't know.

It should be fine. Okay. Of all I know about danger. Zamit, have you ever played, what's it, Assassin's Creed? Oh, yeah. You know those little arm blades? Yes. You see one of those.

It's like a leather strap and attached to it, it's got like a blade on a spring-loaded thing so it can come up and down. I grab it, point to it, point to me, put it in my backpack. I don't see it. Grayson sees that and he looks at you, Ainsley, and he's like, why not? Cool.

Alright. That's it, though. If it stops him from thieving. What about another amulet or any kind of ring? Oh my god, Leo. Is there a fancy looking ring? Can you sit with Cassius, thanks? Fine. He's such a little kid. Actually, you know what? I don't know.

They were done before you started stealing stuff. Let's just leave. Let's go. We're done. Do you take me away? Otherwise I won't go. Yeah, I'll lead you out. I'll let you feel the ring on my hand. Oh my god, I don't react.

Grayson draws his sword and he looks at you, Ainsley, and he says, I'm really sorry to say this, but I think you might have to lead the way. Me? Yeah, the way we came in here, just go the same way. We'll be able to get back out. Okay, why do I have to lead the way? Hang on, isn't that a giant chasm?

I'm really badly wounded. Oh, yeah, that's right. Cassius is blind and Leo is deaf. Huh? Can you heal? Do you have any more heal-y spells? I'm really badly wounded. Cassius is blind and Leo is deaf. Huh? Can you heal? Do you have any more heal-y spells? Yes, but... Yeah?

You realize answering him is pointless, right? Nod. Thumbs up or thumbs down? I nod. One, two, or three? Two. Why don't you just heal up old Grayson over here? All right, I'll grab him again and give him a heal.

Wait, you have two more castings? Oh, wait, you can't see how badly wounded I am, I guess. Grayson looks really good in this new armor. Oh, no. And you didn't want him to have it. It's going to bite us in the ass, guys. Oh, my God, and it'll be wonderful. No, see?

You don't know. Damn foreshadowing. 12 plus 7, 19. Grayson heals, 19 hit points. Oh, Jesus, that's pretty good. You cast it twice, right? Yeah. That's all my first level spells done for today,

so I hope you're happy. I am, I don't know. What? I wouldn't have said that. Oh. I tweeted to Zamot. Oh, okay. Oh wait, no, I have one left. Good stuff. Sick. Oh wait, no, yeah, I do no I have one left

good stuff oh wait no yeah I do I have one left and I have one second level smell left so close to death and it's great you're making us so invested in him and then when he does die

I don't know what we'll do. Well, you saw what happened when he proposed. I lost it. If he dies, you might cry. I will definitely. Death on the wedding day? No. Stop it. Stop it. Beauty to tragedy?

Stop it. You don't even say such things. Oh, my God. When the last of you are through the doors, the lights to the chamber snuff out without a sound, and the door slowly closes itself. So are we in the dark? No, the chapel had its own light.

The big vault room, like, all the lights snuffed out, the door closed. And when it sealed, Grayson was like, hmm, that wasn't a little ominous, was it? It was a little bit. This may be connected to the treasure, Grayson. So just, I'm feeling a little uneasy.

What happened? It'll be okay, don't worry. I'm very calm. Okay, you head on. Okay. The way out is easy. Cool. You encounter no enemies and you're standing at the exit now,

like to the cavern proper. You're back outside. Okay. I would like for everyone to stop. Are we sure? I know you can definitely hear me, Leo. Great. He's just staring at me blankly.

Are we all sure that this, do we need, I've got Jackson looking at me with his eyes closed. Do we need all this stuff? Because this is our last chance. I didn't take anything. Did you? All right, all right, that's fine. Good for you.

Do we really need all this stuff, guys? What you saying? Adam, I'd like to try and do we need all this stuff. Sign to Leo. I'm trying to mime it to old Leo over here. You don't get it. I just do like the finger in vagina motion. I'm like, oh, yeah.

You. I guess. Grayson says, look, don't worry about it. I'm sure it'll be fine. We didn't take that much. Did you see how much was in there? We got like half a sack. We're good.

We're good. We're good. I'm gonna fuck you up so bad, Adam. If you fuck me up, I am gonna destroy you. Sneaky little volume, please. Okay. We'll head back to the magic far away tree.

On the way back, Grayson is very fucking talkative now. Oh, good. He's like... I like to hold his hand the entire way. No, he's talking about he knows where he wants to get married. Aw. Why does he want to get married, Adam?

He tells you about... Oh, I need the map. So his hometown was a small place south of a large town called Haran. South of that a few days was his smaller village. The village didn't actually have a name. It was maybe three cottages and a handful of farms that were nearby. Is his family still there? Am I going to meet his parents?

His brother lives there. Oh, okay. Hey, family's family. Or at least the last I heard. It's been a while since I've been home. Do they want to talk to you? Because mine don't My brother will probably want to be involved

He's a baker The best, I love food That's in character and out He spends a lot of time talking about his brother They were good friends when they were growing up Does that mean you're a prince now? He talks more about his dog as well, Tiger. Oh, good. You know?

Is his dog's name Tiger or something? Yeah. I can't remember. Anyway. Okay. It was Tiger. Notes on Grayson's life. You're probably going to have to make camp on the way back. Okay. So everyone heals another four hit points. Can you like

heal me before you sleep so then you refresh the thing as well? I think he's out. Yeah, because you had one more. You said you had... No, he said he had two. Oh, right. What are your level two spells?

My level two spells are... I'll tell you now, Ellie Kathleen. Thank you. Bull Strength, which is what I use to fight cunts. Oh, that's good. Chill Metal, which means I can make my sword super cold. Or hot. Heat Metal, opposite.

Gust of wind. Yes, none of these are going to happen. Pretty, seven x 20. Flame blade, which is what I used on the dragon. And paralyzed animal, if I want a bear to fall over. During the night, Grayson is tending to your wounds, Leo. Before he wraps a bandage around your head, he gets like a, he pours some like herbal shit that he makes that night into your wound

and then wraps it up. And towards like about, like maybe 10 minutes before you're about to start going to bed, Leo, your hearing returns. Guys, I can heal. Oh, great. I cast dancing lights.

Can you fix my eyes then, Gracie? It's a magical affliction that has affected your eyes. I cast Dancing Lights in celebration. God, now we have to listen to that. I guess that happens, then. I guess that. Cassius, you'll never see it. I'll never see it.

Now, once we get back to the Elvenwood town. I'm sure the wizard will tell me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he say he was going to pay us? I hope so. I don't really remember. I hope so. I think we've got to give him the amulet.

We give him the amulet and he gives us the location of the wizard we're here to fight. Yeah. We have convoluted adventures. Adam, with the little thing I got, the daggery thing, do I have to take it to somewhere to identify what it is? Like magical stuff? Or a thief? Same with the armour.

Yeah, you would need to take it. Well, you'll probably all get, you'll get all of the stuff that you have evaluated and tallied and stuff like that when you're back in town. Until then, all you know is that a lot of the shit you have is magical. You don't know specifically how.

Good. I should have taken more stuff. I'm annoyed at you, Ainsley. Yeah. Well, when you're cursed as fuck, you'll be like, oh, I should have listened to Ainsley. It'll just be me and you, Ainsley. Everyone else Well, when you're cursed as fuck, you'll be like, oh, I should have listened to Ainsley. It'll just be me and you, Ainsley.

Everyone else will be cursed. I know. I didn't take nothing. What's that around your finger, Ainsley? If Mr. Fist took something, he didn't tell me. If you look at Mr. Fist and he has a little necklace and crown, I don't know about it. He's like,

woo-hoo-hoo. Woo-hoo. He's like, Mr. Feasts. Okay, so we rest up. We'll have a little nap, a little sleep in the woods. Napsy poos? Yeah, the night goes pretty quietly. After he heals you, Leo, Grayson sort of sits near the water, because you guys have been following the coast back.

Sits near the water. It's like kind of mangrovey around here. He sits there and just has his bare feet in the water. Is it a hot day? No, it's pretty cold here. You're very far north and it's not a great time of year. I'm going to probably just go to bed,

I imagine. The night passes uneventfully. That's good. You're up in the morning again, and before midday you're back in the town of Azamorelle. I love that place. It's so pretty. It is a very nice place. It's pretty in my head anyway.

Can we go to the wizard first and get my eyes sorted? Yeah. Okay. I think you need a cleric rather than a wizard, says Grayson. That then. Do we know where a cleric is? Yes, Grayson happens to know where one is. He knows this town.

Isn't a cleric like a healing wizard? Yes. See, it's kind of a wizard. It's fine, don't worry. Adam's face. Grayson gives you like a characteristic, just silent nod. He's like, I love this woman, but god damn it. Jesus fucking Christ.

You, without too much trouble, find a cleric. He seems quite pleasant, and he's happy to, for a small fee, heal your blindness. How much? 35 gold, he says. Can we give him some of the curse gold? You can.

Yeah, let's give him some of the curse gold you can yeah let's give him some of the curse gold you guys got in total in coins alone are you gonna write this down i am i'm gonna write it in the section make sure you write it down because i'm just gonna you're gonna lose it otherwise i know but i'm 3200 gold pieces oh my god we're so rich that is so much more than we needed uh not all that we've ever had before. You find a bunch of gems. You've got 12 different gems, like aquamarines. There's a jasper. Can we just assume we sell those gems?

How much gold is the gems worth? Well, we'll sell it back in the thing, and we'll add it to the non-cursed pile. Yeah. Because I've got a cursed pile. The gems are cursed. Yeah, but they're not ours. Nothing's cursed.

We're kind of like fencing it. Hang on. First, lose 35 gold for healing fucking what's-his-name, Cassius. Her, but okay. Powerful woman. Yeah, but we pay for it in curse gold. Yeah, we pay for it in curse gold. We get the curse pile.

We get the regular parts. Then you go to a general store, which is the best place for this sort of stuff, or a magic shop, but whatever. The gems will fetch you 988 gold in total. We're so rich. I'm going to sell that moon gem I also got, plus 40 gold. Fuck that moon gem right off. Can I just have a bit of a wish?

Then you also got a little... You get them valued. You have a circlet of persuasion. We'd like to sell that. What's that do? Don't sell everything. Cursed, guys. It's not cursed.

We can buy non-cursed stuff. It's not cursed. We don't know it's cursed. It's going to be cursed. How about we give it to a goblin and we all sit around and wait. We're going to get evaluated. This is the part where we find out if it's cursed or not. And you never fenced something before?

No, I haven't. We're laundering all of this structure. Circulative persuasion. What's it do? It gives you a plus three bonus on charisma-based checks. Nah, we don't need that. Who uses charisma, anybody? No one.

We'll get rid of it. I think all of you at some point have used charisma to pinch a bum or to fucking look for strange or to fucking just deal with the authorities. I'm aware of it. Leo gets it. He can have a curse fucking shit. Okay. So on the second page, Leo, do you see down the bottom it says magic items on person?

Yes. Yeah. The circlet goes under your head slot. So circlet of persuasion. Then you get a cloak of resistance. A cloak of resistance ups all of your saving throws. Dexterity, reflex, and constitute. Sorry, dexterity.

Sorry. Can we sell that, please? I'm going to wear it. Fine. Leo gets it. If you don't want it, I'm wearing it. Leo gets it. You're wearing it, Leo?

Yes. So that goes under the shoulders. We've got heaps of loot, so Leo never gets anything. Cloak of Resistance plus two. He gets that. I need to update your saves now. All of your saves will go up by two. Actually, can you give me your culture sheet as well?

Because I'll write it on yours. If you always want to sell all these items you think are cursed, I'm happy to wear them. That's fine. You can wear them. And when you get fucked... I'm think are cursed, I'm happy to wear them. That's fine. You can wear them. And when you get fucked... I'm not getting fucked. You're going to get fucked.

Adam's going to fuck you up. He's not. Well, he might. Not related. Not related. You had the eraser. It was under my chair. You silly.

A hat of disguise. So you put it on and you can basically alter your appearance to look like any other type of humanoid or something like that. So you could make yourself, like, for example, Cassius, if she were wearing the hat, could make herself look like any other type of dwarf or you could make yourself look like a human or an elf or someone like that.

Do you want to sell this one, Ainsley? I do, but... I'm going to put it in my backpack because it might come in handy. Fine. He writes it down. Okay, write hat of disguise in your equipment. This party has so many issues. This is like going along to a family, like a friend's family vacation.

And you're like, man, there's a lot of weird arguments about things that I was not part of. And you have four wands. In addition to this, also, of course, we're including the wrist blade and the armor. A wand of knock. So it's a magical spell that will open doors. That has 30 uses left. Two wands of levitate. One wand has three uses left.

One has seven uses left. And then a wand of summon monster one, which 17 uses let's sell them all nope sell the knock one what what why would you want to sell that one the knock one is yeah the most useful one we don't need the fucking one to levitate so sell those how much money do we get for those is cool how much money oh uh the wand of knock is by far the most expensive compared to what you've made with How much money do we get for those? Levitating is cool. How much money do we get for the wands if we found them? The wand of Nock is by far the most expensive. Compared to what you've made with the other wands, the wand of Nock is...

The two wands of Levitate and the wand of Summon Monster basically chump change. Oh, is that it? Yep, so there's no... There are, with cursed items, there are specific in Dun dungeons of dragons items which are like hey it's a wand and it looks like it it does this but actually when you cast the spell it explodes in your hand but there are also curses like um from pirates of the caribbean where you

pick up the coins or the items or whatever and it's like hey they work like that but now you turn into an undead monster or you know cool that's awesome there are both types um what are these ones um i'm gonna keep the wand of knock and the wand of monster summoning so we would like to to an undead monster. That's awesome. There are both types. What about these wands? I'm going to keep the wand of knock and the wand of monster summoning. So we would like to sell the other two. But you can chuff off the levitation. The wand of knock and the wand... Because you have a rank in wizard now, Leo,

you don't need to make any checks. Those wands are just usable. Write those down. Which wands are you selling, sorry? The levitation ones. Both of them? Yeah. Okay.

Together, they will fetch you... A pretty penny? A gorgeous penny? A beautiful penny? Just like the most sexy fucking penny, rock-hard diamond as a dick? 450 gold pieces. Oh, we're so rich.

I like how... Is this the only time we've ever done, like, treasure, like, fucking... It is. It actually is the only time we've ever gotten treasure. The most we've ever gotten is, like, 900 gold. Because generally we ruin things for ourselves. Yeah, generally we're like, let's set it on fire! And then, obviously, you've also got Grayson's armor, which you probably get evaluated.

And they, the guy just says, it the guy just says, it's not got any special enchantments on it, but it's got a magical enhancement, just general enhancement on it. That's alright, he's wearing it, so it's fine. Oh, so he can wear potentially cursed and it's fine. But I want to grab a couple amulets and you're like, oh, don't do that. You're going to curse us. Whatever.

Oh my goodness, Leo got so sassy, Cassius. Don't bring me into this! I'm gonna go fight cunts in the street! Cassius, I'm trying to bond with you! Now that I can see, I'm unstoppable! Oh my god, this is why I don't like her. What's my blade? Is that evaluated as well?

Sex blade. Oh, the blade is masterwork, so it's of high quality, but it's not special in any way. It's not actually magical. Masterwork, so it's of high quality, but it's not special in any way. It's not actually magical. That's cool. So what do I write? Masterwork.

Oh, you can write here if you give me a minute. You write it. Adam, make it go. Yeah, because I... Oh, ye full-on room. Actually, it basically just uses the rules of the dagger, so just as the dagger. It's the same, except plus one to hit.

I'll give you back. Also, I can read your handwriting better than I can read my own handwriting. That's very true. Hey, that's good. Adam does write bedroll the same every time. Every time. That's a perfect bedroll every time. That's a perfect backpack every time.

So, yeah, rather than six to hit, it's got seven to hit. Also, you're a lot more likely to surprise someone with a hidden blade than you are with a dagger. Good. Good stuff. Which means you could get snipped out. Can I please talk to you? Are we going to go through the township before we go up to Wizard?

You guys can do whatever you want. Is that what you're asking? Not yet, but I would like to because I'm still panicking. That elven trader is very happy right now. He's made a lot of money on you guys. Oh. Rude. He ripped us off.

I don't care. No, he's got to sell it for a profit. Oh, yeah. Come on, that's a store. That's how it works. No one's going to be, I'll buy it for $300 and sell it for $280. I win.

Anyway. Charitable. Can I have a, is there like a jewelry store that we, because we went past one before. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the ring. What's the ring?

Is that cursed? Yeah. Can you check the ring? It's not magical, it's just a finely made ring, the elf says. I'll buy it for, he gets that far and Grayson steps in and he's like, nah, we're good, thanks. Oh, fuck. It's not cursed!

I love how dedicated Leo is and how panicked I am. We'll just have this fight the entire event. You think you love it? I am fucking in heaven, guys. I imagine Cassius just walking behind them like it's been a long day. This argument

has been going for a very long time. We'll go up to the wizard pretty please and we'll be like can you please explain everything that's going on. Okay, you go back to see Azil? The seer. You get back there. He he's like in the middle. Like you open the door and he's in the middle of a conversation with another elf.

There's like an elf sitting at the desk across from him. They're talking rapid fire elven. I guess Leo, you're the only one who understands, right? I understand rapid shot. Firing arrows out of their mouth. They're firing arrows out of their mouth They're talking about Just something to do with the defences Of a far away elven settlement

As soon as you guys come in though You can tell from the conversation That Azil is like hurrying it up And then he gets the other elf To stand up and leave I like bring the amulet out And sort of dangle it We got it Azil nods gets the other elf to stand up and leave. I like bring the amulet out and sort of dangle it to sort of...

We got it. Azil nods. He reaches into his desk and pulls out this massive map of the nearby area. The map details the big city of Azumarill and then smaller settlements out around it. He marks

a spot, you know, a bit south of Azil and he says there you will find the cave network. You'll know the right cave. It'll have a big white marking above it. That's where the wizard that you want us to get rid of is. Well you want

to get rid of it. We want to get rid of it. Keep up Ainsley. I can't remember. Anyway so we take the amulet or do you take the amulet? You take the amulet and it will protect you from his sight. All of us? Or just the person who wears it? All of you. Okay, all right.

Or the company. Can we just go back a little bit, like to before we left? You said something about having a curse if we took too much stuff. Can you just explain that, Mr. Wizard? I said that I don't know exactly the specifics of it. I know that there is a powerful curse over the treasure, and I know that if you take enough of it, the curse will follow you, but I do not know exactly how much that is.

For all I know, the amulet itself is enough for the curse. Gotcha. Cool. Well, we'll give this back to you when we're done. You could need to take half of it before the curse affects you. I don't know. Oh, Cool. Well, we'll give this back to you when we're done. Or you could need to take half of it before the curse affects you. I don't know. Oh, okay. Alright, so yeah. What if you look at where the cave is

now, because now that we have this amulet, if you scry and look at the cave, what do you see? I could not see that. I wouldn't be able to. Such things are hidden from my sight. No, Iris. I know only of the curse, not its nature. How do we know if the curse is working?

Like, do we suddenly feel ill a lot? Or do we glow? I don't know. The dragon whose horde you took from... Torkor? Torkor. Is a big fan of acid. So I fancy it might have something

to do with that. Right on! Cool. Thank you, Mr that. This is such a bad idea. Right on. Cool. Thank you, Mr Wizard. We'll be on our way. You're very welcome. I don't know why we're doing this. And you remember once you've killed Fenrir to bring his... Bring his head to you. No. Bring his head

wherever you want. I want the amulet that you have taken. Anything off him? Fenrir? No? He doesn't want the head. No, I don't want the amulet that you have taken. Anything off him? Fenrir? No? He doesn't want the head. No, I don't want the head. Actually, if you come, just as an incentive, if you come back with the amulet, I will magically teleport you to a place of your choosing.

Oh, good. We can get rid of fucking Wondrin's head and this guy's head, assuming we get it. We get a lot of heads. So many bloody heads. Sounds good. Are we done here? Oh, we are.

Yeah, we're done. That's good to hear. Are we going to go shopping in town for a moment? Yes. One shopping montage later. Yes. So, Leo, you've bought yourself magical armor, so you've upgraded a little bit.

You're now wearing plus one leather armor. Good. Upshore armor class. You've also got the wands, that cloak which you're holding on to. The cloak will up your saves. You've got the hat of disguise, which you're not wearing. Correct. So we know who he is right now.

And you didn't have anything else, right, Liam? I bought a masterwork rapier. That's right. And a short bow as well. Yeah. Cool. I bought a Masterwork Rapier and a short bow as well. Cool. Ainsley, you also now have Magical Armor plus one Studded Leather. Oh, man, that Entangle, when I use it, it's going to be great.

You've also bought yourself a Wand of Cure Light Wounds. It has 50 uses. Make sure you knock off how many uses you've got I'm just like reminding you you'll need to and Leo you'll need to do the same and so will Cassius because Cassius also has a wand of cure light wounds

50 charges just make sure you know how many you've used can you recharge it? can I get $20 off this credit? Can I just get 20 Q Lightwings, please? Yeah, but it's cheaper if you get it. It is like a car, though. The second you start using it, it goes down in price.

Well, we're not going to sell it. Like for a Q Lightwings, we need as many as possible. What if you want to upgrade it to a better model? No, until we run out of it, then we sharpen one out. I was going to say Chuck of the wreckers but no no anyway uh cassius you also bought yourself a set of spiked dragon hide gauntlets presumably you like took a hunk of like the chest uh the dragon flesh that was just dragging behind you because it bit you why and said make this into gaunt horns? We should have taken the dragon

gauntlet. No, totally. That's the horns. That's where the spikes come from. That's awesome. They're not like the entire horn. Clearly I was into somebody's story. I was like, make me gauntlets and dropped skin and horns. There you go. Good.

I'll say that's how it worked. And there you go, Ali. They have have Ainsley, no more cursed gold. Good. Grayson's happy with his full plate. Did he want anything else? No, he's good. He's a bit rude of us. The full plate armor is pretty expensive.

He's pretty chuffed. So he's happy to just have that. So how long into the day are we now? Should we have matches? Sorry? Do we need to stay the night in the town? Unless you wanted to... Well, it's going to take you a day to get there,

so if you wanted to start travelling by night, or you could wait. You're not sure if this is time-sensitive is all. I reckon we should probably start travelling now, make camp a little bit downways, and then travel the rest of the ways in the morning and then like stab a cunt because it wouldn't be good to arrive at night time

so if we leave now and then have a well Mr Fist would be able to do something because it would be his day time Mr Fist yes well let's just start travelling now we'll go down as far as we can Or we think just before we have a bit of a nap

And then jog on in the morning At some point Mr Fists wakes up During your walk I ask him how his nap was It was hootalicious I should have just said it was a hoot Yeah you should have And I can't edit this,

so it's all stuck with. That's all you've got to deal with. You can't edit it because it's live. It's being said as you listen. Inner of the mind. Exactly. And if you listen to this,

then stop it or it plays through and you listen to it again, we're just doing the exact same thing over and over. If you pause it, we just stop talking. That's a fact. Help, don't pause, I'm hungry.

Let us finish. Please stop listening to them. Let us finish. Ainsley was right. The cave was cursed. This is it. This is the curse. I'm so tired, guys.

We need to sleep. Please don't re-listen to this. Instead, tune in next time for more D&D is for Nerds. We've started up a D&D Patreon-only show called Hey D&D, It's Me, Adam, where we focus a little bit more on the lore and the mechanics behind the game, as well as answer listener questions. We've got three or so episodes up at the moment, and they're available to all our Patreons. So if you want to hear some bonus content and help support the show,

just head to patreon.com slash sanspantsradio and give what you can. We've also got a few other things in the works. Our next stretch goal is to start creating modules of the adventures Adam runs with pretty artwork and all the details so you and us can see all the things we've missed along the way. Without further ado, here's episode one of Hey D&D, It's Me, Adam as a little bit of a taste of some of the things we'll be talking about. This one's all about the drow. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. My name's Adam and welcome to the first episode of Hey D&D, It's Me, Adam. As I said before, I'm your host, Adam.

Nailing this, Adam. See if I can say that a couple more times. What's your name again? My name's Adam. As soon as I said, you know, hey folks, it's me, Adam, I'm like, I'm going to say Adam a bunch of times, aren't I? And I was like, don't say Adam, don't say Adam, don't say Adam. And then I just kept on saying it. You sure did. Let's do a good one.

All right. Just to see what a good one sounds like. Welcome to the first episode of Hey D&D, it's me, Adam. I'm your host, Adam. Hello and welcome to the inaugural episode of Hey D&D, it's me, Adam. I'm the titular Adam and today we have... Hi, Joel, Zammit. Weird calling myself Joel. Usually Zammit. Hi, I'm Zammit. And today we're going to be looking at the drow. Adam, what's a drow? So, the story goes, immediately we've hit a snack.

There's a little pop-up. I'm just going to hit the red X. It's gone now. Well, I hit hit a snack. There's a little pop-up. I'm just going to hit the red X. It's gone now. Well, I hit the red X. All right. Here we are. We're going to have to live with these decisions. So, the story goes,

Drow were once like regular elves. They lived on the surface. They loved. They laughed. They enjoyed the sunlight as you or I do in real life. But then, depending on the setting, and most people go with the Forgotten Realms setting in this instance because it's considered to be the most official and maybe the coolest ones. They are pretty rad.

So a drow in my head, when someone says a drow, I just think of an elf. Go ahead, it's fine. Okay, just trying to get some context yeah so just an elf with white hair and black skin yeah yes like like deep purple like we're not talking um african-american we're talking the color ebony all right all right so just yeah very and the color ivory for their hair okay Okay. Purple eyes or doesn't matter? No, actually. Purple eyes is a very uncommon trait among drow.

You're probably referring to the famous character Drizzt or Drizzt, depending on how you want to pronounce that. Well, yeah, I mean, two Zs in a row. Smart. It's not great, yeah. But he has purple eyes. And that is a oddityity but not something that's completely unheard of it's i forget from memory because i it's been a while since i actually read that book

purple eyes means destined for something great or it means not destined for something great and will be a shame upon your house either way it's like foreshadowing the fact that he breaks or the person we are talking about, Drizzt Do Erden, breaks off from drow tradition and is a good guy. He is a good guy. Okay. So anyway, drow used to live above the surface. drow used to live above the surface and then one day depending on if you hear the story from someone who is drow or from maybe an elf or something like that they were driven underneath the surface or elected to go beneath the surface because they followed the tenants and the will of their god and we're gonna encounter another pronunciation issue here lolf or lolf

once again depending on how you want to pronounce that two l's there's like three l's scattered throughout the name it's not great is it l l o it's l l o l you see the funny thing is or is it l apostrophe l they address this in the book in the book where there's two different pronunciations. And when they're like, oh, some people say it like this, some people say it like this, they spell it differently when they have the different pronunciation. Sure. Whatever you want.

I often say Lolth because it's just easier to say. Oh, but Lolth sounds so much nicer in my mouth. Dumb. Anyway. All right, so they ever worship a god called Lolloth? Yeah, who is an evil spider-based goddess. Sick. Did they always do this?

So they basically, so they were elves, and then they just, were they always ebony-skinned and ivory hair? No, that is traits that they picked up after living for centuries and decades and whatever. I'm just trying to imagine this. So they're just elves and then a subset of the elves. They still look like the elves and we're falling into some curses. Imagine regular Tolkien elves.

They're like, get the fuck out. It depends. Once again, it depends who you ask. The drow say that they were banished Or thrown out by the other elves And they use that as an excuse to hate on elves They're like those fuckers sent us on the ground And now we have to live like this Which is odd because they're also like

The underground is paradise So they were banished to paradise And they are mad at the people who sent them there That seems kind of odd Shouldn't they be then like Trying to go back to the sunlight Drow are just full of hate and spite. I guess.

Because if they're like, you banished for us and we hate it, but we want to go back to this. They hate it. Then why do they even care? Sunlight is their version of evil. Like, so in the drow's, we'll say twisted worldview, they consider good evil and evil good, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, fine. And they consider the sun to be like the personification of good or evil you know what i mean so they curse it pretty much sometimes maybe a drow prayer would be like uh bless us down here you know in the darkness fucking sick yeah and uh curse those elves up there with their awful sun that's going to kill them someday and the moon that reflects the evil sun's glow of course i hit the moon as well why would you why would you not um so let me get this straight so they were banished they were banished so the regular so we're talking like this is from the dry perspective they were banished there's two elves elvish towns yeah yes and then one elvish town like get the fuck out of our country. And they're like, fine. We don't even want to be here. We want to be in the dark.

And then they're getting all salty because they're in the dark. Yeah, they're salty, but they love it. It's weird. It's odd. Drow use whips a lot. You know, it's the whole thing for them. Okay, good. They're loving it.

They use whips that look like snakes. They like spiders a lot. Everything to do with Drow has got this spider motif interwoven through it because their god, Lolf, is kind of like... Spiders are sick. Yeah, spiders are sick. He's often depicted as a spider with a drow head. Yeah, don't think too much about that.

Hang on, like a giant spider. Imagine a spider. Yeah. You know, you've got the spider's head with the pincers and shit. Cut that head off. Okay. Put a... spider imagine a spider yeah you know you got the spider's head with the pincers and shit cut that head off okay put a they say in the books they say beautiful drow maiden's head but if you look at the picture beauty is not beauty is not the word i would use i was thinking a spider centaur no you know what i mean like you get a body of a person. I'll find a picture for you. Like spider legs or like a big spider abdomen. No, no, no.

That to me is like, yeah, okay, I can not laugh at that. But a giant spider with an elfish head on it, that is kind of dumb. Like, I mean, terrifying, don't get me wrong, but kind of silly. Well, yeah, though. it is what it is okay i'm looking through one of the books right now and i forgot how into domination and bdsm trial just fucking get loving it just loving it yeah all right well that's good so did this god come about? I got the picture now. Yeah. Up there. Oh, no, she's kind of pretty. Yeah.

She's kind of pretty. Kind of pretty. Let me get close. Look. You can see that on a cover of Clio magazine. Just the face. It's not a beard face. Yes, it's on a spider body.

And that's the biggest turn off. This little picture fucks me up. Because they're obviously doing some sort of evil. So the picture has like the statue of Lolth, as she is often depicted. And it's sort of like framing a altar where a human male is lying completely naked. Where a drow female is pouring some sort of red potion, which I'm assuming is maybe acid? You'd assume.

Or candle wax, if they're just into BDSM. Who knows? All right, so did they get this god, and they started worshipping her when they went underground? Or before that? Accounts vary. Sometimes they'll say they went underground and they found Lolth there. That's right, because in D&D, God's a real thing. Yes.

God is like an entity that you could chuff on over and meet. So they were like, wow, that's a sick looking face. Oh, how good that we're going to have that face soon, yeah? Yeah. All right. Or was Lolth like, man, you guys are are worshiping me i look kind of like a spider elf person so i'm gonna make you guys also look like my image well they they don't they don't uh necessarily look like lol they don't strive necessarily to look like both they just

spiders hold like a the face of lol though it looks like It looks like a drow. Oh, I see what you mean. Oh, no, no. Oh, yeah, I'm not sure. That's a real good coincidence. That's a chicken-egg conundrum right there. I guess gods can change their appearance, so maybe she saw a bunch of these and whatever. Anyway, okay, so what do the elves say of the drow? So the elves are like, they were always cunts a little bit. They went on the ground, and now they're just bigger cunts.

So you just had like they whole they institutionalized their cuntism so you had a whole subset of our like our neighbors we're just like no they're just they're just complete cunts they've always been like they went on the ground of their own volition because there's an institutionalized shit that's where they are yeah pretty much that's super weird can a drow mate with an elf and produce a mucker elf? Yeah, there's rules for half drow. Of course there is. Sick.

All right, what else about the drow? Okay, so I always find this kind of interesting. So individually, drow tend towards chaotic evil. So evil for evil's sake. They just go around and enjoy Being evil Yeah, being evil They'll kill a guy, they don't fucking care

They have no interest in anything other than themselves, I guess Sure But when they come together as a community Drow often form more of a lawful evil society Because they take those tenets The chaotic evil way of thinking And they make rules around it so imagine this so as a single person if i were to rob you and kill you that would be a chaotic evil act for no reason

oh okay so not so just just for shits and gigs if i just did it because i wanted to all right in drow society the law states that if i want to, if I can, I can rob and kill you. So it's a law, but it's a chaotic evil action. So it becomes lawful evil. Okay. So it's a law that... Is it a law? Hang on.

Yeah, I know. It's confusing. So it's a law to be like, you can rob and steal and that's fine so basically if you can get away with it yeah so the way drow the drow legal system works is if you can't get your own back if you can't get revenge or justice then i was legally allowed to do it okay so i can say we're both drows i can rob and maim you a little. And you're like, damn, I'm going to try and rob and maim me back and maybe kill me. And both of that is completely fine. Yep.

That's by law, that's allowed to happen. So, and if I can do it, then what you did was illegal and you got, and I got my justice. If I robbed and killed you back or whatever. Okay. Okay. And so, okay. So it's kind of like a trial by combat but in society. Sort of, yeah. Because if I rob and maim you or whatever and I chuff off,

then you went to the high courts of the drought and be like, he robbed and stabbed me. They're going to be like, well, you deserved it. Yeah. Unless you can go and rob and stab him back, then he deserves that. That's a very just like go with the flow kind of legal system, I guess. Yeah. All right.

And the, yeah, so that's how pretty much all of their actual laws are formed with this in mind. Rather than having a singleized government, drow split themselves into a clergy, so people who, you know, priestesses of Lolth, and then different houses. So, everyone belongs to a house within the Drow, unless you're, well, unless you're one of the lower class. Unless you're a jurist. Yes.

Oh, he did belong. Well, his house has been destroyed, so he doesn't actually belong to a house anymore. Okay, good. If you're one of the lower class, or if your house is destroyed and you survive, you don't belong to a house, but that makes you lower class, and you're not really considered much of a citizen. You don't have as many rights, if any. And we're talking like the name of, like the house name, not like an actual physical house? Yes, it's the house name, not like an actual physical house. Yes. It's a house name.

They often have physical, pretty much always have a physical house as well. And often they try to, you know, it's a lot of physical appearance stuff as well. So drow are obsessed with looking amazing, looking great. And all of their architecture tries to reflect that. So they're evil as shit and vain and vain,

very vain, very vain very vain i love them so the way their government works is it it doesn't exist and that's how it works so so like a libertarian dream they have a so the kind of it's very odd the way it works it's a lot of push and pull you scratch my back i scratch yours so the priestesses of lolf have hierarchy within themselves and the higher you are up the more power you have and obviously the technically it's like works the same way a government official might except once again if they can't enforce a law then they had no right to enforce it in the first place and all the families have their own power as well there is literally no consequences it is as it happens yeah there's like an odd balance there's a sort of uh and each house is

led by each of the drow houses is led by a matron, a female who is in charge. Anyone worth talking to in that house comes from her loins. Okay. I noticed you've said priestess and now matron. So can you be a priest of Loth? Can you be a patron of the house? Yes, you can. Okay.

You could be a matron of a house and also a priestess. And if you're a high enough, well, no matron would become a priestess unless she could become a high-ranking priestess. Because it would be almost seen as an insult to be a low-ranking priestess but also a matron. Unless, with a couple exceptions, like super shitty low-level houses might do that sort of stuff. But what about a priest or a patron So a male Oh men are Not valued very high

In drow society Well that's interesting Female drow are physically larger And stronger than male drow Oh so it's full on like spiders Yeah This is the best Yeah yeah

So female drow are physically And the only type of elf that does this, physically larger and a lot more dominating than their male counterparts. Men can still hold high-ranking places in society, but they're almost always expected to bow to... When I say bow, I mean, you know, like... Deferred, you know, shut the fuck up when a female starts talking, yada yada. Okay. And so they can't become leader of a house.

The best they can hope to do is, males are allowed pretty much only in the military. Okay. And so the best they can hope for is a high-ranking job in the military, or to become the husband to a matron, which is also a cushy gig, provided your matron doesn't, you know, kill you after she's done with you. It's very, yeah, very, very just spider-esque. They really just land into that spider motive pretty hard.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. All right. So you've got matrons and you live at the house and you've also got priestesses of love The three biggest houses Often choose to form a council

Which, once again Can only enforce the laws that it can enforce But they often tend to be able to Like, they just have enough power To be able to enforce pretty much anything they want Okay And a lot of drow society A lot of drow culture and society Like, they just have enough power to be able to enforce pretty much anything they want. Okay. And a lot of drow society involves...

A lot of drow culture in society involves someone of a lower rank trying to achieve a higher rank. Well, yeah. That makes sense. Because it just seems so very corrupt. And, like, you just get more and more power until you're very corrupt. And you're, like, either abusing that power by gluttony and being all fat and gross. I would abuse that power. You'd be like, give me more spider cake, I guess, whatever.

And then someone just easily stabs you in the head. You got to stay sharp or you're dead. I guess they wouldn't. Oh, no, then again, I guess you wouldn't become fat and gross and just rest on your laurels because you can't, because you would get stabbed in the head. Drow, up until fifth edition edition i think still in fourth edition drow uh just on a basic level your first level drow is equivalent to a third level of most other races just for that fact it's tough to survive in ral society so the lowest level people have to be good because yeah i was

thinking it just makes no sense because you just you just end up getting really corrupt uh really quickly and then just be you know wrestling a lot but it's like no you can't rest you have to be stronger you're dead that's drought society survival of the fittest okay and uh so like i said that council they exist also partially because the three highest houses are like hey you, you know, we're pretty powerful. Maybe one of us could become a little bit more powerful by knocking another one out. But why don't we form an uneasy alliance and prevent other people from taking our spots?

All right. Do they actually use those terms? They're so funny. Sort of. They wouldn't openly... Hey, do you want to have an uneasy alliance? Well, to drow any alliance is uneasy. Drow don't believe in friends.

What about La Familia, though? Do they believe in La Familia? Well, as a matron, you know, it is expected. If one of your daughters doesn't kill you to succeed you, you should kill her because she's not strong enough to succeed you. No, fair. Your you should kill her because she's not strong enough to succeed you no fair your daughter should kill you okay now that's it's very also sith-esque as well yeah in that sort of like you know i expect you like my apprentice to kill me and then if you don't

you know what being my apprentice i'm gonna kill you good all right no. But there's also like, I don't want you to kill me. So I want to be alive forever and ultimately powerful. Yeah. Because it doesn't matter what you did in your life. When you go to meet Lolth, it's not a good time. Okay. So because as in D&D, gods are real. So when you die, you inevitably would go to your god.

Loth is like, you didn't become immortal. You failed. Time for your eternal torment. And that, of course, that has to happen in the ways of the drow. It's like, no, that's fair. Carpet on the chin. If you weren't able to survive forever or go to the afterlife and punch lolth in the face and tell her what's what she has every right to torture you so you can challenge lolth well that's nice yeah sometimes

uh you have to imagine i can't remember a specific instance but i'm sure the drow way of life accommodates for someone who is insanely powerful and just earned lolth's respect so much that when they died lolth was like cool won't torture you you can help me torture these bugalugs yeah loth is fickle loth is fickle like a fuck so when two houses fight each other i love this about houses as well and i wish jackson was here because jackson always goes on about how magic is dumb and shit. But first off, magic plays like a big part in drow society. If you're magic, fuck, you're good. And if you can become a priestess of Lolth, fuck.

Lolth is like, here, have all these cool gifts so you can kill your enemies. And then if you displease Lolth, Lolth is like, literally, I take all of it away and I give your enemies gifts. So, two houses go to war here's how they do it first off they have psychic attack there's a psychic attack so all of the the wizards especially the priestess priestesses any priestesses the house will have they'll all come together they'll be like you know fuck over all of the other soldiers and shit then a massive

everything they can muster, ground force comes in and it has to be quick. Because if they're repelled, if they weren't able to destroy that house in one go, in one night or whatever, then the other house can be like, hey, they weren't able to kill us. Looks like what they were doing wasn't legal.

And all the other houses come down on them like a sack of fucking bricks. So if you're going to destroy another house, you've got to be quick. You've got to get it fucking done. And that's actually part of the story of Drizzt. Yep.

Where his house destroys another house. Or they think they did, except there's a survivor. And later on in the story that survivor is revealed and that's how drizzit's family is killed oh because like you didn't kill them all yeah one surviving member means uh the surviving member though has to have the right surname you know what i mean so you can't destroy the house of doerden and then someone with a surname flib flobble who was part of that house but had a different surname, comes out.

If that happens, you're like, you were just never part of a house, mate. Exactly. Has to have the right surname. Yeah, you go make your own house Flip Flubble. Yeah, or you become one of the lower class. Sometimes what will happen is a house, when they're destroying another one, if they find someone they like, they'll be like, hey, why don't you come over to us or whatever?

And if they're smart, they'll probably be like, yeah, sure. She, yeah. Nah, that's good. And they'll change their name and then, you know, it'll be good. Because they were always that name. Of course. The other house never existed. Correct.

How do you sleep? As a drow. Well, as elves, they actually only actually only transfer four hours or one hour depending on the edition uh-huh oh one hour okay with one with one a open i imagine just like with one eye open i'm like it's gonna transfer half an hour maybe oh like it'd be risky as shit in the in the book drow of the underdark which is what I read to study for this, they start with a story. And the story is about a super powerful matron of a house,

yada yada, does all this matron-y shit. And that day, she's killed in her sleep by her handmaiden. So a good question. Yep, fair enough. So what happens... All right, so Lolth is like, well done, priestesses for worshipping me and giving me all these gifts. So you can be like a priestess of Lolth.

And I'm guessing in terms of player characters, that's going to be cleric, yeah? Yes, correct. All right, so you get all these, like, you pray to me and I give you some shit. And then it's like, I saw what you did, but you didn't do it good enough, so your enemies, I'm going to give them those powers and you nothing. I'm assuming that's drow v. drow. What if it's drow v. something else? Is Loth like, nah, give the humans my powers?

Well, Loth would never give someone who didn't worship her powers, who didn't worship her correctly, powers. But she would certainly withdraw support if she thought you were, you know, unworthy of her power. Fighting other races gets into some murky territory because drow hate anything that isn't drow. Drow hate anything. Female drow hate non-female drow. Yep.

Drow hate anything that isn't drow. And everything that isn't drow hates drow. Drow hate anything that isn't drow, and everything that isn't drow hates drow. Okay, because my only sort of real knowledge of drow comes from probably Baldur's Gate, and there was one drow cleric, Vicconi or something,

some of the fee anyway. She was great, of course she was, but she was like going to be burnt on the stake, and I'm like, no, I'll save her. Oh, she was going to be burnt. Okay, cool. I never played Baldur's Gate. Oh, I played it a teeny tiny bit. Neverwinter Nights was my game.

Okay. Where the only way you could encounter, oh, no, wait, actually, some of the expansions added drow. So if the drow go up against something or someone comes in and infiltrates drow society, like a non-drow, and say... Well, they have have among their cities they will often have other creatures that live underground so goblins orcs they're below second class citizens essentially slaves but what happens if say we'll get we'll get say one orc dude he's a slave at the moment yeah but then he tries to work his way up the drought he's just not allowed he's not allowed okay because what if he's just like strangled or she strangled a matron of

the drow house would he be like well this is my house now no you didn't doesn't work like that okay not drow not technically sentient or whatever according to drow law and so so this would be like if a rabbit dog just attacks the matron essentially they'd put it down you did bring up an interesting point though because so the only really set in stone law that pretty much never changes is the this particular hierarchy of um female drow are always higher one step higher even above male drow because female drow are always the leaders of society and they don't want the extra competition it's not even it's described it's not even a sexist thing it's like female drower like this is how it was before, and we're going to keep that rolling? Because to add extra competition is such a hassle for us.

So male drow are suppressed because it's easier to suppress them than it is to compete with them. I guess that makes sense. And that's really the only law. Like if a male drow orchestrated the complete destruction of a family led by a matron, he's still going to get fucked. Unless, like, well, whatever, he'd have to align himself with a very powerful matron. Yeah, if he had enough power or if, like, a bunch of other matrons were, like, sick, whatever, he's safe then. So, really, it's in his best interest not to do anything. Yeah?

Sort of, yeah. Okay, then. Except, like, you get treated like shit if you don't hold any position of power. So you want some position of power. Question. Do drow lay eggs? No, they give birth to life, Jon. Okay.

In, like, a litter? No, like a human to life young. Okay. In like a litter? No, like a human mite. Okay. Well, not like a human mite. Because there's... Like Drizzt was this close to being killed at his birth because they were attacking another drow house. His family was...

The one that they didn't destroy completely. They were attacking that one on the day of his birth. And as a sacrifice to Lolth, Drizzt's, whatever, his mom was going to be like, I'll kill one of my children. I'll kill this one coming out. And one of Drizzt's brothers killed another one of Drist's brothers to get his position during the attack, you know, secretly, like, stabbed him in the back or whatever.

And he comes back to their mother, and he's like, hey, older brother died, guess I've got his position now, sick, whatever. And Drist's mother is like, well, we've already made one sacrifice, so I don't need to sacrifice this one. I feel it's best to be the youngest sister in things because then you're not expecting to be killed from anyone below you, really. No one really kills from the top down, it seems.

They might if they think you're a hazard. That happens. Okay. Because you kind of almost want to be like, no, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. Stabbed as soon as they can. Dritz's mother was the highest ranking, I believe from memory, and killed like three of her lower sisters because they could have

challenged her at a later date. Okay. For matronship. Hmm. It's like this encouraged breeding or not encourage breeding? Really, you don't want kids, but then you do want kids because... If you don't have kids, then your house will fall apart after you're dead. So you need at least one.

Yeah. But you want more than one because you want the competition, because without competition... Yeah, she just becomes lazy and, you know, yeah. What you can do alternatively,ly though is you can go out strike out and make your own house you'll start at the bottom but you won't have to kill a power more powerful sister potentially so if you don't think you could handle a more powerful sister then a safer course for you is to strike out and make your own house because yeah what's the best

way to be a drow and not die? I was about to say go above ground, but no, people hate you, so you'll die above ground. Look, let me just be a humble baker or a humble candlestick maker. Or a humble swordsmith. Swordsmith? Yeah, that's alright. You could do that.

But if you're not a good swordsmith, then you'll have a low position People will treat you like shit And someone could rob you without repercussion What if I'm a good swordsmith then? What if I'm like a real good blacksmith? Well then a lesser swordsmith might kill you To become a good swordsmith But it's about skill

You can't just take my power But I guess you'll take my clients But if he kills you then he becomes the best swordsman. Yeah, nah, fair. I just call it he goes down. But drow weapons good, yeah? Drow weapons, yes. So you think there'd be at least a standard they'd want to keep?

Well, yeah, but if he can kill you, then he can probably make better swords than you because he's more skilled. You know, that's just how the drow think. But you can kill me, sure. It doesn't mean you're a better swords than you because he's more skilled. You know, that's just how the drow think. But you can kill me, sure. That doesn't mean you're a better swordsmith. Maybe your swords...

Maybe if you were a better swordsmith, your swords would have saved your life. That's not how swords work. You killed me when I was sleeping. Maybe that does weaken it a little bit, but on a whole, the drow become better fighters and warriors and such. I guess because it just breeds this ability to become better

because if not, you're going to just get stabbed in your throat when you're sleeping. Drow aren't about the individual. No matter how good a swordsmith you are, drow don't give a shit. Because someone else will take you down. Yeah, someone else will come along. Drow aren't about the individual. They're about the community. Okay. Wow. They're not.

It's complicated. So a drow doesn't care how good the town is. A drow cares how good the drow are. Do you sort of see the difference? Yeah. Where like a drow might be like, yeah, I'm going to kill this really good swordsmith and that will have a shittier level of swords for a little while. But then the next swordsmith who's really good will be like, I should watch my fucking back and he'll be better than you are. And so as a whole, the drow will get better eventually.

That's fair. That's how the drow believe. So above ground, every. Living in drow society. Above ground, every race wants to kill you. Literally, you are not loved anywhere. What about Drist? He's so loved. He earns it and it takes him a long time. So many times does people try to kill him.

Actually, in an interesting story, when Drist was a kid, back when he was like, fuck yes, drow are the When Dritzt was a kid Back when he was like, fuck yes, drow were the best Because he was indoctrinated to believe that That's a fair assumption He goes on a raiding party up on the surface Where they kill a bunch of elves He goes up there

And he sees them massacring these Friendly, peaceful elves And he's like, drow may be not the best Oh, I'm the bad guy oh no and they're about to kill this like little elven child he steps in and fudges it such that they think the drought the elven kid is dead but he just saved her life saved her life by you know draping her dead mother over her or whatever and then later on in a later part of the story that kid comes back and is like i remember that night and drizzit is like oh um i'm so sorry i

did what i could to save you and the kid's like what the fuck are you talking about you killed my mother and then drizz has to kill her at that later date because she lived her entire life like i'm gonna fucking find that drow and i'm gonna kill him he created his own batman yeah and then he kills it kills her well that's that's yep that's sad yep that's sad i guess but she gets like i don't know then later on in the story um she inhabits but then he saves her by draping his dead body no he like later on in the story he's like so broken up about it a friend And she inhabits the... But then he saves her by draping his dead brother. No, he like, later on in the story, he's like so broken up about it.

A friend channels the dead and like brings the spirit. And the spirit's like, now that I'm dead, I see everything. I understand what you did. I'm at peace. I'm sorry. That's nice. So there is like a melancholy ending to that, I guess. I guess it's nicer. That's about as far as I've found that story.

There might be, there are some newer books out that I haven't gotten through yet. Maybe, you know, the story continues in one of them. Okay, so is there any way, because I guess drow don't really deal with trade. They trade amongst themselves. Yes. Or they just take...

There is like limited trade between drow cities, but the Underdark is a dangerous place, even for drow. I meant like they just won't trade in non-drow. No. There is like limited trade between drow cities, but the Underdark is a dangerous place, even for drow. I meant like they just won't trade in non-drow. Not. Oh, they do trade. Sometimes they'll trade with illithids who are mind flayers. You might know. Yep, yep, yep.

Those wee little squid looking things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Think of a Cthulian monster sort of thing. That's what you got with illithids slash mind flayers. They're super powerful, so they can travel pretty freely in the underdark. And drow will often trade with them or be forced to because boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Mind control. Yep, got it. Okay, cool. And so if a drow goes upstairs into the natural sunlight, they hate it. Yeah, it just absolutely kills them. And everyone's like we're gonna kill you good yeah surface it's hard life for a drill it really is a hard life at the

drill uh drizzit origin story deals a lot with uh if they are born that way or if it's something they develop as part of drow society especially even even the um sun blindness there's like a little bit of hey is this just because we spend so much time underground because Drizzt I keep saying it different ways and that's going to piss off people who care but I don't

neither do I Drizzt when he comes above ground he adapts like it takes him a long time but he adapts to sunlight and it doesn him a long time, but he adapts to sunlight. Okay. And it doesn't hurt him anymore. So, maybe not bone with it.

Maybe not Maybelline. Okay. So, I guess, any of the last sort of final words on the drow? Just reiterating, it's a hard life for drow. So, yeah, if you guys have any, I guess, questions about the drow that you want us to, well, Adam at least, to answer, let us know in the comments or emails in sanspanseradio at gmail.com. But I do believe we're just going to answer some questions for all you patrons out there.

So our first question comes from, and I'm going to, as the theme that is today, I'm going to say the name both ways you could pronounce it. Seen or Sean. When I was younger, like a kid, I swear to God, whenever I saw that, I always thought it was seen. I'm like, no, no, that's just a dumb way to spell Sean. Okay. When someone threw like a H and you're like, why? There's three ways to spell Sean

Pick one What was really funny is I had I knew a kid when I When I was in primary school So like When I was 10 or whatever I had a friend

Called Sean Who spelt it that way S-E-A-N Yeah And I would always say Sean or whatever But then I saw his name For the first time Written down

And I knew who it was But after that point I started pronouncing it Seen. Yeah. Fair enough. What does Seen or Sean want? He wants to know. Well, he says, firstly, love the show. Thanks, mate. Keeps me in stitches. Just wanted to ask, do you guys see the dice rolls or is it done behind Adam's DM screen? Not calling foul play play but you seem to get a lot of quotation marks critical sads so first things first it's not so much a dm screen as it is

a binder folder that i prop up so that they can't see what i'm doing and i printed out a picture of uh what is it? I'm looking at it. It's upside down. It's like someone's casting color spray. Yeah. But one of the colors on the printer ran out, so it doesn't look right. Is that what that is? So it's not great.

Sorry? Is that what that is? Yeah. It's not what color spray is supposed to look like, or at least it's not how I imagine it. To be honest, it could be how it is, and the printer didn't run out and i'm just an idiot anyway yeah so adam does all our roles for us um actually it's a weird thing because apparently that's not correct a lot of people do not like it when the dm makes all the roles for them because like i'm because uh the way we put the show together dnds for nerds um is i edited it all and it just makes it a lot easier a bit more

streamlined if adam does all the math kind of stuff behind the scenes and just rolls everything and that was very much a conscious decision when we started partly because i've never had played yeah the early episodes would have been a lot of you and Ali and even Jackson, who has played with me before, but is bad at math. Or maths, sorry, I should say. So, yeah, I guess from my own editing standpoint, I didn't want everyone just rolling out their dice and calling out a number because then you'd have to confirm, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Because we did the Roll for Initiative series first. And even then, Jack was rolling everything and then just deciding almost on a whim, like, yeah, you succeeded or you failed. And that was that. I don't know. I don't know, maybe it's because I don't know any better, but I prefer when you roll everything. Because I don't know the fate.

Like, if I'm going down the street and I'll try something, like, I don't know if I'm going to succeed until it happens. And that's just the way I think. But a lot of people are very, I don't know, very against. Yeah, a lot of, like I said, a lot of people really enjoy, they think it takes from the game if they can't make the rolls. For, I, in my normal games games i always let the players roll and if if i thought you guys would have be would be very quick and streamlined about it i would let you roll but yeah it is a

streamlining and a speed thing it's so much easier for me to just do it even if we were quick about it we'd still have that three four second confirmation like what number did you get oh 17 18 13 okay so you can alley you go first and even that that to me i'm like yeah he needs i think um if we ever did something where we experimented with you guys making the roles i think i'd still roll initiative because that part is super annoying and boring but i think rolling for attack and damage is all right because then it's there's like more of a story or there's more to it there it's more like what did you get and then there's like you know what did they get and then they say the number okay fair enough potentially i don't know we're just like you doing all the sort of roles. It also helps for preventing metagaming.

Yeah. Because then you, like, can't figure out what the AC of the creature is. That's another thing as well. So you just got to play it by ear. And also when it comes to sort of the crit sads or the crit haps, Adam will show us, like, the dice roll if it's sort of a 1 or a 20. Listening back to a lot of the episodes, sometimes oh at first i thought yeah it is true they do seem to get like a lot of critical hits or critical misses or whatever but i think what

it actually is is i think we just whenever it happens we make a fucking deal about it and i've got those cards you know that have all those special effects so i think it's i don't think we get it any hits, critical misses, any more or less than normal. I think we just make a bigger deal of them when they happen. That's true. It's always like, what did we get? Nah, we did some damage.

What did we get? Nah, all right. It's like always a bit of a celebration. Everyone throws up their hands and cheers. Yeah. Provided it was in their favor. Correct. I throw up my hands and cheer the other way.

We know. It's my turn to cheer. We know. It's my turn to cheer. We know. It's like, Adam, please isn't here. It's like, are you trying to kill us today? You're like, I'm always trying to kill you. Like every step of the way. You're like, oh.

Actually, I was re-listening to a lot of the early episodes today. It's talking about this person claiming you guys got a lot of crit sads. Actually, did you know you got like four critical hits out of your first like five attacks which was funny because i was listening back saying you used to use a rapier which has a critical hit range of 18 to 20 if you get 18 19 or 20 that's a critical hit it wasn't me rolling 18s or 19s it was was 20. Every single time I rolled 20. Little lucky boy. That is out of the bloody ordinary. I still use

a rapier, I think. Yeah. Yes, I'm going to say... I forget. You've diversified. You had a lot of different... You have a lot of different weapons now. You got some daggers. One of which is masterwork that's

correct you've got a short bow now and you've got your do you still have that sling you haven't used in a while oh yeah i very rarely use a sling you were looking at all of those like interesting little bops and doodads that you can throw with the sling sling is essentially if anyone here has seen the original triple x with vin diesel in that movie he gets a gun a revolver and they have like a thousand different types of bullets the guy who's showing their their q is it q from james bond it's q from james yeah their equivalent of q is like this bullet uh electrifies them this bullet uh looks like it kills them but it doesn't actually when would you need that a specific scene in triple x that's when you'd need that.

All these different bullets. The sling is the equivalent of that in D&D. So many things can be shot out of that. It's unbelievable. Amazing. I think we'll leave one more question and we'll wrap it up. Okay. From Stefan. How long does a typical D&D

last for? Interestingly phrased question. Having never played before but completely loving the podcast, I want to start playing. Also, could Grayson break up with Ainsley? I want to hear Ali's reaction. Same. That would be fucking amazing.

Would she cry? I think she'd cry. She'd cry. She'd cry. She'd legitimately cry. Oh, man. After the most recent episode as well Completely out of character Funny though, right? Love all your shows guys

And really hope you come to the UK for live shows All the best from Stephen Headley Well, UK will get there eventually. It's a distant but definite plan. Expensive plan. What was I going to say? How long does a typical D&D

last for? Now, because of the way you phrased this, I'm not 100% sure what you mean. I'll clarify so i reckon it is uh how long does a session last for and how long does a campaign last for so that can vary very that can vary pretty wildly i've i've done sessions that lasted from maybe midday till past midnight so more than 12 12 hours. You get a break in between, usually.

Hopefully, if your DM isn't literally a slave master, you get a break. No, you don't eat until you finish this goddamn level. But sessions, I find, of over maybe six hours tend to slow down and people get a bit bored and they lose interest, yada, yada. So I've never really enjoyed a session that lasted longer than eight hours at that point. Yeah, because the main thing you've got to really look at is you're kind of wrangling cats.

At least that is what we do when we sort of organize everyone to sort of get together in one room. And so if you're doing it because, you know, we're doing it for, because we enjoy doing it, but we're also doing it for entertainment purposes as well. So there's a little bit added reason to sort of get stuff done. But, you know, remember if you're doing this for fun with a couple of mates, you know mates you know you gotta get those guys together

or guys and girls together and actually do it so a lot of dnd sessions tend to be i guess beholden to the real world so what do you have to do as well on that day uh it's very similar i'm finding it to uh when i used to play world of warcraft like a lot of that kind of stuff was like yeah we're gonna raid from this time to this time and it, yeah, I can make it or I can't make it. And how long does a raid go for? Well, as long as we can and as long as everyone can stay around. Other people are like, ah, I've got to pick up the kids from school or cook dinner or this kind of stuff. So how long does a D&D go for? Well, as long as you want it to go for, really, mate. Yeah, I guess the difference is the campaigns

and they're very small or very large, depending. I do run a game in the city with some friends, and because we start so late, that session, and a lot of us have to leave kind of early, those sessions usually only go for like three hours, maybe four at most. Yeah, I remember going to one of those, and I had to go, and I think I did my character sheet

and I'm like oh I'm out yeah for those types of sessions the first session for those types of games I should say is just character creation yeah character creation is one of those ones where here's a time hand to hassle but we might get that another day

yep and on that note I've been Joel. I've been Adam. And you've been listening to Hey D&D, It's Me, Adam, as said by Joel. Cue the end song. If you think this show is worth at least a dollar, why not donate to our Patreon account? Follow the links on our website, sanspantsradio.com.

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