D&D is For Nerds - Welcome to Ogg Nott II #9 Are Orcs Dumb?

Episode Date: April 23, 2016

Welcome to Ogg Nott Season 2In which our heroes get teleported. We talk about secret aneurysm, return successfully with a wizards head and travel to the dwarvish town of Mara. Cassius begrudgingly doesn't set something on fire, Princess Ansley describes how fellow players hold their pencil and Leo tries to hide his assassin dagger. So join us as we discuss the difference between wisdom and intelligence. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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slash sanspantsradio and give what you can. Thanks for listening, now enjoy the show. There's nothing sadder than a group of adults sitting around a table wondering what the best weapon for cutting off a wizard's head is. But that's exactly what we're doing today. Welcome to episode 30... Four? Thanks. Welcome to episode 34 of D&D is for Nerds.

As always, I'm Ellie Kathleen, playing the role of Princess Ainsley Fugifeather. Across from me is Joel Zamet, playing the role of Leo Shadow. Yeah! And across from him is baby boy Jackson B. Bailey, playing the role of Cassius Christie. Yes. And over in the corner, where we occasionally throw snacks, is Adam Crankypants.

I'm so hungry. Shut up, Adam! You'll get fed when you get fed. God. Previously on D&D is for Ned. I'm going to test out my gloves! And I'm going to go in the forest and the wolves to fight. Random encounter table it is.

Uh-oh, uh-oh, run, run. Everybody back to the road. Something about the way you guys conduct business has robbed off on me. I talk to the lizard, don't you run or I'll fight you. Lizards don't know, Ty. You idiot. Mr. Fist lands with a dead lizard. That's nature.

We've never done that before. Let's set a trap. Let's set a trap. Do we know how to set traps? I'm going to go hide in the woods. I'm going to risk it to get the biscuit. It looks like a man who used to have the high life and is now living in a cave.

So here's the sitch. Fenrir has stopped in the middle of the path and is staring at the quotation marks hidden Cassius. Unbeknownst to him, actually hidden, are Grayson and Ainsley on one side of the path and Leo up a tree on the other.

There's like 10 seconds past. Anyone doing anything? You'll be seen if you burst out now. I'll be seen, but you guys might not. If we do. Are you behind him? Anyone who bursts out now? No, no, no.

He was about to go past you guys, but then he didn't. Cool. If anyone bursts out now, they'll be seen. All right. Can I shoot from the tree? Am I behind a tree? I was going to wait. You're like in among bushes.

No, I asked a question. Okay. I'm just going to wait and see what he does. Because if he turns tail, I'm going to jump out. I'm going to look at Leo and see what he says. And he says... You're not with Leo. You can't actually collude with each other right now.

I can't see him from a distance? No, you can't see each other. You're both hidden. Actually, he can sort of see you guys, but you definitely can't see him. He's a ghost. He's a shadow. He's not a ghost. He's not a shadow.

He's not that. He's not that thing. I'm a horse. Yeah, I know. Yes, I use my horse-like abilities to wait. You're a wizard horse. Not a horse who's a wizard, but a horse of a wizard. A horse in ownership.

No. You know what I mean. So he reaches out with a hand and points near the rock where Cassius is. Oh, no. with her hand and points near the rock where Cassius is. Oh no. A massive, like a beam of energy shoots from his hand and

Cassius, the rocks near your face explode with fiery force. Oh god. As soon as I see that, I would like to jump out and shoot him in the back. I cast Buzzing Bee at him. Oh, Entanglement, guys! No, I changed my mind. Entanglement, please. I'm going to use it for once.

Because we're at a fucking shrubbery or something. Shouldn't we get some free shots because we did actions? Nope. Dammit. What? Why not? Because he's going to get a turn eventually as well, and you can't just infinitely attack him until he gets his second spell. Oh, I guess that works.

Well, he attacks, so now it's my turn, Adam. He hasn't seen us yet. Grayson, like, coughs it's my turn, Adam. Oh, he's salty. He hasn't seen us yet. Grayson, like, coughs up blood. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry, what were you saying? Oh, no. Oh, no.

That's a threat. That's a threat. Yeah, no, no, no. That's secret aneurysm that no one knows about. I would never, you know, kill without proper reason, but if you piss me off, I will. Unless you piss me off, then I will. 100%. Unless you piss me off, unless you annoy me you piss me off. Then I will. 100%.

Unless you piss me off. Unless you annoy me. Unless you make me too happy. Unless you... There's a lot of reasons. I'm very willing, actually, at the end of the day. I'll kill him now. I'm going to hit his eyes.

Ainsley, you're first. I would like to shoot him, please, with my rapid shot. But aim for the one guy. I feel bad killing this wizard. Well, there's only one guy. Who else are you going to target? I don guy. I feel bad killing this wizard, guys. Well, there's only one guy to hit. Who else are you going to target? I don't. I feel like I have to explain that.

You guys are desensitised to killing wizards. It's true. This is my first wizard kill. Oh, it is. Welcome to the party. When I first joined this thing, I was like, oh, I really want to be a rebel, but I'm not quite used to it. Now I'm just like, shoot him in the back.

Shoot him in the butt. Everybody dies. You hit him twice? Good stuff Champion Oh fuck You do 14 points of damage Woo

Dang Yeah the two arrows Like one strikes him In the Like in the side In among the ribs You hear him yell He turns around to face you

And then the second arrow Catches him Just in the Like low just in the lower leg. You hamstring him or whatever. You gave him a hammy. Leo, it's your turn. If you attack now, you'll get a surprise attack. I was going to cast Buzzing Bee, but nah, cool.

I'm going to just jump out. You can dash out and attack with a melee weapon if you want, or with a ranged weapon. Dash out and rapier him. Okay, cool. Actually, no. I'm going to just jump out. You can dash out and attack with a melee weapon if you want, or with a ranged weapon. Dash out and rapier him. Okay, cool. Actually, no. Sneak. I kind of want the blade, though.

Assassin's Creed knife. You can do that still. Yeah. You want to? Yeah. How good. So he turns around. No, no, no.

He turns around, and he's looking at Ainsley, making this pain sound, and then he screams again, A turns around, no, no, no, he turns around, and he's, like, looking at Ainsley, like, making this pain sound, and then he screams again, Ainsley, but not because of your arrow, and you realize that fucking Leo has run up behind this guy. Good stuff, mate. Okie dokie, you deal for five points of damage. Good. That's good. Good job. Bloody teamwork at work.

Then it is the wizard's turn. Oh, bugger. Uh-oh. Right. Now you die. Class. We'll be fine. The wizard, like, casts...

Well, it takes a step back from you, Leo. Casts a spell, or fails to actually, sorry. Yeah! He tries to cast a spell, but his moaning of agony interrupts part of the words. Awesome. Cassius, it's your turn. I'll produce flame.

Okay, you cast it, but that'll be your turn. Do I move and cast? Move out so you can see what's happening. No, I'm holding it away. Grayson charges out with his spear. Do you want to move and cast? Move out so you can see what's happening. You're being unhinged. No, I'm holding it away. Grayson charges out with his spear. Catches him in the chest. I'm probably not going to get a chance, I feel.

Dealing 10 damage. Unless this guy, when he dies, it's not even his final form and he comes out as a big gorilla or something. Shut up, don't give him ideas. As a big old wolf. He spears this guy so hard. He goes so far in that his hand is touching this guy's chest. The wizard drops to his knees and is like looking up at Grayson.

It's Ainsley's turn. He's not dead yet. Yeah, I feel like I would like to kill him execution style Oh god I have turned I have turned Execution style

means walking up to him which means you don't get a rapid shot That's an app man He's one guy and there's a spear for his fucking chest

Are you using sword or are you using I don't want to cut Grace by accident because I'm pretty clumsy What can I do Adam You can like walk up and try to shoot him

in the head with your bow and arrow. You might still miss, though. Will that be Grayson? What if you walk up behind him? You could if you fucked up pretty badly, but you could do that from where you're standing anyway. Do you reckon arrow in the back of the neck is humane?

Will he die quick? I think he'll die pretty quick. Yeah, all right, I'll do that. That's my medical opinion. You shoot him in the back of the head. Good. Killing him. Yes. He goes him. Yes.

He goes limp. Is that the first wizard I've killed with a final blow? I think it might be. I'm not sure. I think we've all... I'm going to clamber down from the rocks. I'm going to discharge the fireball harmlessly. How do you just, like, absorb it? You can just end the spell.

You don't even need to throw it. Or you can just leave the light in your hand. It doesn't hinder you in any way. Oh, okay. Fine. Just, okay. Fine. Just hold it. Grayson is dragging the body over to the rocky area and he's situating it. He means to lob the head off with his longsword

and so he's setting it up like that. I just want to rifle the wizard's pockets first. You guys are efficient! Thank you. We've done this once or twice. Highs or lows? Highs. He had like a dagger on him and that's literally it. Other than the rabbit.

Take the dagger. I'll sell it. It's fine. Okay. The rabbit is already cooked you realize. Nah, I don't want to eat the rabbit. I'll eat it. I'll eat it. Yeah, let's get behead this motherfucker. Okay.

Is it a shitty normal dagger? It's a pretty clean beheading. You guys have made it. You've arrived. But didn't the wizard say he didn't want his head? Who knows? No, we're giving that head to... Goldcrest? Carsory. Carsory. What the fuck is in Goldcrest that I keep thinking we need to go to?

This wizard enclave is originally from Goldcrest. Ah, there we go. They've been ousted. Yep, yep, yep. Cool. Yeah, so what's the plan of attack now? I reckon we chuff on down to that lady in the water that you can punch in the face.

Yeah. As a team. We just kill her. Take her head too. Yeah. As a team. We just kill her. Then we just kill her back. Take her head too. Nah. Why do we want a lady in the water head? To give to the other wizard. They didn't ask for it.

They didn't ask for the fucking first one. She fucked me up super bad the first time. Now we all are there. She rolled pretty well for her attack on Leo. Thank you, God. Jason. For that. Just Adam potting the clouds. What was I? Just making a comment guys.

Just making a comment. Well. I can take her again. Let's go. Alright Cassius let's do this. Well go as a team. Yeah. What did Grayson say to that? That was what Grayson said. Is this a good idea?

Why are we going around picking fights? More fights than we usually pick, he amends. Cassius, she marked it on the map, and I just wanted to reward her for being part of the team. I just want to say to Grayson, it's really good. Hey, you know what reward Cassius is already getting for part of the team? Looting rights. I guess, but hey, okay.

Look, I'll come back to the lady in the water. That's fine. That's great. That's what we can just... It's fine. It's fine, I guess. Sorry, Cassius. Well, we've got to take the amulet back to the wizard.

That's what we ought to do. So let's jog on back. Let's do that then. It's a pretty quiet two-day trip. Actually, on the way back, you encounter an elven caravan just heading, by coincidence, in the same direction, and they let you hitch with them. How good.

Rad. Sweet. So you actually get there in only one day. Everyone heals four hit points, which doesn't really matter for the majority of them. Wizard did sweet fuck all. Cassie's must think we're bloody brilliant. Oh, I know.

From Cassie's perspective, you're like, yeah, we're wizard killers. And I'm like, well, I've never really seen that. In that, the wizard is just like, stab, stab, stab, dead. Bloody efficient.

Bow in the back of the head. I'm like, well, I was useless. They use me for bait. They use me for bait. Yeah, yeah. Cunts. Actually, to be fair, if you hadn't have been there,

it might have been a faster fight. They all would have gotten the drop things. Cunts. Actually, to be fair, if you hadn't have been there, it might have been a faster fight. They all would have gotten the drop on. So funny. Okay, you get back. You go to see Azil. When you get into his office this time, it's like all the light. He usually has, there's no windows in his room.

He usually has candles. All the candles are out. And it's very quiet when you open the door. Is he there? You can't tell. Like the room is completely dark. Oh, no, wait. Cassius, you can see.

You can see there's like a bed that has just come out of nowhere. It was not here before, but it is here now. And there's a sleeping form lying on it. I knock on the door a bit loud, just like, hello? You guys open the door. I know. Yeah, but you know when you knock on the door. Oh, you come in and you know I knock on the door to kind of wake him up a little.

The figure rolls over and you hear Azil's voice. Oh, I didn't realise you'd be back so soon. We're quite efficient, actually. Very efficient. With a wave of his hands, the candles just light themselves. Oh, rad. Cool. Please have a seat. Oh, thanks. Whoever's got the amulet places it on the table. Oh, rad. Cool. Please have a seat. Oh, thanks.

Whoever's got the amulet places it on the table. I do that. I assume you accomplished your task? Pull out the head. Yep, I didn't need to see that. Well, you asked. We like to have proof. I didn't ask to see the head, no. You asked if we'd done it.

How else would we have proven it? If I asked if you were a boy, would you just take your pants off? I'd whip out my cock. Oh, goodness me. For real? No. You thought about it, though. You're like, oh, penis, no.

I know, there was a pause there. I am a zealot, a seer of many things, but I did not need to see that thing. Then Adam gave me a look, so I'm like, no, Adam, I don't. I will not reveal my penis. I wish this character were more cutthroat, so then I could look away. So then you'd be like, yes, Adam, I do, and then this cutthroat character

could just stab your fucking wiener. Knife in the dick hole. Happens. It happens. Hey, that's life. So you'd like to be teleported, I assume? Why was that? Second wizard, by the way.

The second wizard? Yeah, you were saying that there's a bunch of wizards. One, he was the... This guy... You want to be sent straight to... The other wizard is somewhere. You want to be sent to him. Oh, you were saying that there's a bunch of wizards. One, he was this guy. You want to be sent straight to... The other wizard is somewhere. I assume you want to be sent to him. Oh, maybe.

I can send you either straight to him or nearby. Can you tell us a bit about him, though? This other wizard, I do not know his name. He... He's very secretive of his personal life, and this is not necessarily magically hidden, but just... I can't see documents in, like, a file or something like that.

So I can tell you, though, that he's made good his escape properly from Goldcrest and from the regular authorities, and he lives on the island of Irontooth, which is inhabited almost entirely by Orcish tribes. There he has found work as a shaman among one of the tribes. Cool. Do we really want to deal with that? I kind of do. I really do.

The Orcish tribe he lives with will defend him. They believe him to be a holy man, though he is not necessarily holy. I don't know. Maybe we have a moment to discuss a game plan. Yes. One second. I want to go to those Phoenix wizards downstairs and just be like, hi, I want to just touch base,

see what they know and see. I just wanted to talk about some wizard stuff, that's all. Sure, I can't remember anything about Phoenix wizards. I'm sure you think they're going to have more information than this guy who's psychic? About the orc? No, this is a different matter. I prefer a diviner or seer.

All right. I just kind of want to know how we get a phoenix, because that's kind of cool. He just wants to pick a bird. Two. He wants two birds. No, one bird. It takes at least ten years of study to get the bird.

Oh, man. Why do you have to always... Magic's hard. It really is. Wizard, seer, diviner. Okay, thank you for that. Elves are a long-lived race. Ten years is actually not that long for us.

Seer. So, buddy, one quick question. Sia. Okay. Thank you for that. Elves are a long-lived race. Ten years is actually not that long for us. Sia. So, buddy, one quick question. If we go and take on this orcish tribe, could you teleport us back? I can't tell you port. I can't teleport you back. The only way you'd be able to get off the island is if you stole an orcish ship, a risk in and of itself,

not only because it's guarded by orcs, but also because their ships are poorly made. The other option is the only town on Irontooth is a small dwarfish settlement called Mara. They might not be too happy to see you there because they don't like outsiders there, and for defensive reasons, because they are constantly besieged by the orcs it might

be hard for you to get into the town maybe we need more hirelings there's only four of us and a whole orcish village is big and orcs are big grayson pipes up uh instead of hirelings we might be able to buy the orcs well that's an's an idea. We don't need to buy them all, just like key ones. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good. That's a pretty solid idea. There is one more problem, though, Azil says. Oh, my God.

Orcs hate dwarves. It's fine. Give me your disguise hat. I have a disguise hat. Oh, my God. I take it. I put it on. I transform into a sexy elf lady.

With a beard? Yeah. God, you better hope no orcs realise that elves can't grow beards. Orcs are dumb, I hope. Why don't you transform into an orc? Can I? You could, yeah. Oh, that's awesome.

Not a full- No, you can turn into a full-blooded orc. I won't just yet. Well, I'll give it a go when I put the hat on. Wait, does it have charges like the wand? No, it's infinite. Cool. I'll just give it a go, flip through some guys. The way it works is, you change your attire as well.

Whatever attire you have, though, has to have headwear. Oh, okay. Cool. You have to wear an orc hat. And whatever the headwear is, is what the hat of disguise is. So, like, say, for example, you wore a fascinator. Yeah. If someone took the fascinator off you, they're taking the hat of disguise is. So, like, say, for example, you wore a fascinator. Yeah. If someone took the fascinator off you, they're taking the hat of disguise off you.

Yeah. That's all right. I'll make the hat a... A beanie? I was going to say a wig. Nah, a beautiful... Can I? Yeah.

People are less likely to take hair, is all I'm thinking. That's a good point. It's going to be obvious as a wig, though. You can't have beautiful blonde hair and be an orc. It's going to... Like a helmet. There's no very realistic-looking wigs in medieval ages. That's a good point.

Do orcs wear helmets? Yes, they do. I'll make it a helmet. An orc helmet, kind of. Yeah, you can do that. But I'll do that down the track. At the moment, I'll just keep it on as a beanie that looks exactly like my owl's beanie. You can just make the hat...

It doesn't even describe what the hat looks like. The hat just looks like whatever you think it looks like. Good. The owl beanie that my owl's beanie. You can just make the hat... It doesn't even describe what the hat looks like. That just looks like whatever you think it looks like. The owl beanie that my owl has. Does he still have it or did he tear it off? He hasn't torn it off yet. Yes! That then. But Mara is where we should be teleported to first.

If I teleport you straight into the dwarven stronghold, they might get a bit antsy about that. Let's teleport... There is no real... Well, there is a front door, but it might be besieged by orcs right now. How about we go to near the... Near the village of

where the orc is. As in where the wizard is. The orcish village. Or even the one village over. That's going to be full of orcs too, you realise. Yeah, if we can approach those orcs and be like, hey, let's pay you. Put it to a vote.

Grayson? Yeah? How would we hire some, how would we buy off these orcs? It wouldn't be easy. We'd have to find, we wouldn't be able to go straight up to, oh, actually, we could go straight up to the camp if you're not a dwarf. They might just let us wander, not into the camp,

but up to the camp. If we talk to dwarf uh they might just let us wander not into the camp but up to the camp uh if we talk to their war chief though like actually you might enjoy it there cassius because like gold will get us so far but fighting and winning against the war chief will probably get us a lot further let's go let's go let's go's go! Quick question, anyone here know Orcish? That's a good question No Grayson does Oh, wonderful Perfect

However, it's going to be super suspicious if I don't speak Orcish No, maybe you turn into a half-Orc Still super strange Yeah, most even half-Orcs know their home tongue I turn to the seer, you wouldn't know the location of a magical item that would provide me with... Many such items, but none in easy grasp. Fuck! I could send you there,

but it would almost certainly be a death quest. I could transform into a human. If you transformed into a human, it wouldn't be as bad. Orc is obviously ideal, but... Look, we got all this. How about orc? Yes. How about, Grayson says...

I was going to say, maybe mute. You turn it... Oh, yeah, that... No, orcs don't like cripples. Jax! You could turn it to an orc, and then we could say that we're all talking in common because you want us to understand what's happening.

But then... It's an idea. That's like a fine line to walk, Grayson says. It's a risk. But I'm down. Let's do it. Grayson, can you just quickly teach him some high, like just very basic Orcish words? I could teach you a couple lines. Give me some phrases. Basic Orcish 101.

Yes, no, let's fight, fuck boy. I can teach you some Orcish insults. That'll do. Fuck boy I don't think is an appropriate one. There's no translation. There's no literal translation for the word fuck boy. Rats. Let's go then.

Let's go. So Grayson goes through the phrases with you, but how well do you remember them? Is it an interesting little experiment we're going to be going through later on? Is that going to be a roll, or are you going to tell me them and then we'll see if I remember? It'll be a roll.

How good would that be? What is my intelligence? It's not high. It won't be your intelligence. Oh, boy! Well, it's my lowest stat. It'll probably be... my intelligence? It's not high. It won't be your intelligence. Oh, boy. Well, it's my lowest stat. It'll probably be. Wisdom?

Wisdom, yeah. I'm a genius. What's your wisdom? I'm a wise old elf. You're smarter than I am. I'm wiser than you are. That's true. Intelligence is like a measure of your raw book smarts.

So physically, how much you know. You know, like just how much information you have. Wisdom is your ability to interpret information. Mine is good. My charisma though is terrible. So imagine like a, like a, you know, absent-minded professor would be high intelligence, low wisdom. Whereas maybe like a, you know,

the old kook who lives out in the swamp, but he knows some things, would be high wisdom, low intelligence. All right. Swamp kooks. Just latching onto that one, like not even something, nothing to add, just wanting to reinforce the idea of swamp kooks. Swamp. K-O-O-K-S.

Swamp kooks. I'm going to ensure that is your mode of death. Killed by a swamp kook. Jackson has a weird way of writing. What do you mean? Well, you kind of write with your hand on top. Does he grasp a pencil as he's punching something? Like a giant crayon?

I mean, sometimes he does that. But you know how when left people like left-handed when left people go on the people left behind when the rap chat left-handed people right they either write like below or they write like above and they do like a weird little crook that's what you do oh you're not doing it now because i'm looking at you like this no it's all right whatever and that sends another meaningful interaction in the handwriting club. Same time next week, everyone. Same time next week.

Sometimes I hold my pencil like this because when I was younger, I broke my thumb. What the fuck? Hold it. That's ridiculous. Anyway, I learned some phrases. I won't. I hold my pencils in the same way that Azil the seer holds his wand as he

prepares to cast a spell to send you to the orc. That's a terrible way to write. I wouldn't work at all. Azil asks you, would you prefer being sent directly into the camp, which would not earn you any favors, but for shock and

orc tactics would work pretty well. I could send you nearby. I feel like we discussed this and nearby was the up. Nearby. Wasn't there a town nearby we could go to? It was like a gnomish settlement? There is a gnomish settlement there. Dwarven.

Jesus Christ. There was a dwarven settlement there. It's not necessarily nearby. It would be several days travel. We can get a horse. Do you have a map of the area? No. Damn.

Could you draw us one? No. Damn. Oh, well. Oh, well. To the dwarvish town. Guys, what are we doing again? We're teleporting somewhere. We're going to this little island. Well, to the Dwarvish town. Guys, what are we doing again?

We're teleporting somewhere. We're going to this little island. We're killing a wizard? Yeah, we're killing a wizard. All right, I'm on board. Let's go. I'm the orc shaman now. He's just a wizard. All right, let's go.

All right. You sold me on we're killing a wizard. I'm ready. What do you think we're doing? If we're not faffing about, we're killing a wizard. We're killing a wizard. Anyway, I steady myself for a teleporting. You racist. I'm ready What do you think we're doing? If we're not faffing about We're killing a wizard We're killing a wizard Anyway I steady myself

For a teleport You racist Have we ever been Teleported before? Not to my memory I never have been I'm scared I don't remember

Teleporting I'm terrified I'm a little scared Everyone hold on to me I'm not gonna What What happened What is being teleported

Like Azor? Grayson holds on to you. Oh, my God. Together, Grayson. Once more into the breach. For some reason believes you have some experience in this matter. I like that in Grayson's many years, he's just never been teleported.

He's not that old. He's got a lot of good years ahead of him. Wonderful. Wonderful. Maybe. I don't know. This could be the year that a random drow assassin just takes him for a surprise. Stop it, Adam. Cassius.

How tall am I compared to Cassius? And you get teleported. I wrap my arms around your neck. Azil brings the wand down. Everything, like, fades to white for you guys. You feel very heavy, then very light, then heavy again, and everything sort of balances out and returns to normal. The white fades, and you're standing in the middle of a big stone city.

I vomit. Okay. Well, you're not feeling nauseous, but okay. I force myself. I gotta be pretty! Cassius is a friend of Anna. I don't. I'm not anorexic.

I think, yeah, I'm pretty sure. Forbush custom is like, big is beautiful. Yeah, yeah. You're the worst! What's the city like? Sorry, sidetracked. It's completely made out of stone. The city seems

very utilitarian. It's like you glance around and you're pretty certain if you see something, it needs to be there. Speaking of needing to be there, there's a lot of dwarves around in this dwarven city. Go figure. And a lot of them are pretty startled

that four people just popped out of nowhere. Hello! Just everyone waved. A subtle wave. Super subtle wave. They're giving you guys like a wide, wide... Like they're running. A lot of them are running.

Wait, come back dwarves. We mean you no threat. Anyone who stays looks like they might be town guard, and there are a lot of town guard here. Cool. We, like, wave at them. They level halberds at you. I don't know what that is, but it sounds bad.

A halberd is, like, you know, when someone's, like, I'm going to see the king, and the two guards, like, yeah. Big stick with a blade in the end but not a spear big stick alright just be like

raise my hand sorry sorry guys we got teleported one of them barks at you and dwarven Cassius

you obviously know dwarven let's hope I'm just going to double check because it seems like the kind of dumb thing I would have done

to be like no Cassius is the only one who knows dwarven. Oh, wait. I'll transact. I know goblin. That doesn't... Totally different. Okay. One of them barks at you in dwarven.

Who are you? What's your business here? What are they saying, Cassius? They're saying, who are we? What is our business here? Call them fuckboys. I feel like that'll get us in trouble. Surprisingly, there is a dwarven translation for fuckboys. Thank God. We mean you no harm. We're here to kill the wizard.

Yeah, I'm going to say the wizard. I'm not going to roll. Yeah, I'm going to say the wizard. I'm not going to roll. A brief amount of confusion crosses his face, and then they close in a little bit more on you, and he says, what wizard, what magic brought you here? I'm going to be like to these guys, they're asking which wizard.

Say the guy who is like the shaman. I don't know who this person is. The shaman orc. Did we get a name, Adam? Azil said that his name has been obscured. We didn't get a name. The shaman. The shaman. He's helping out the orcs.

The shaman orc, I say back. Another look of confusion. Isn't he a shaman for the orcs? Not he himself. It's the shaman orc. Too late. The shaman orc. Shaman or shaman? Shaman. Shaman. The shaman orc. Shaman or shaman?

Shaman. Shaman. I'm shaman you. Shaman me. Shaman me. Shaman on you guys. Is it shaman or shaman? Shaman.

Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman.

Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman.

Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Shaman. Or is it? It's shaman. Shaman.

Shaman. Shaman. The orc shaman. The orc shaman. Anyway. Shaman is Shaman. The Orc Shaman. The Orc Shaman. Anyway. Shaman is a Pokemon. Good. Anyway.

Another look of confusion passes over the dwarf's face. It's not working, guys. Was he human? Was he human, Adam? As far as you know, he could be. Was he human, Adam? As far as you know, he could be. Say the potentially human magic user that has paired up with an orc tribe.

I say that. The dwarf cuts you off. Enough talking. We're taking you to the Lord. I think we're going to jail. Idea. All right. Remove your weapons, he says.

All right. I'm going to throw everything down. Can I keep my gauntlets on though? Do they They're not going to try to take your gauntlets Sick, cool I can still punch fuck boys We're good

I'm going to keep my little Little Assassin creed thing Okay They give you a quick pat down Do I? Maybe I don't Stab one in the eyes

Do we really want to fight them at this point? No No I thought we'd be I was going for you. So you've done a very poor job of hiding it, like you're wearing short sleeves or something. Just keeping it super close to your shirt.

But their pat down for some reason doesn't extend to your arms. So ineptitude on both sides, but their ineptitude is greater than yours. Yes! Luck prevails. Good. You guys marched off towards... When I say keep, it's two stories,

and it's the only two-story building. Like I said, this place is very Spartan and utilitarian. What's the climate like? It's very hot. Oh, no. Like, tropical. That's why I'm in a short sleeve. There's no's no like plants

or when I say tropical I mean just the heat I don't mean the you know freaking plants or anything like that this entire place like the stone that makes all the buildings here is a deep black volcanic looking kind of

yeah volcanic looking in the distance as well you can see this massive yeah you guys probably Black. Volcanic looking kind of? Yeah, volcanic looking. Rats. I don't like that shit. In the distance as well, you can see this massive... Yeah, you guys probably have... You guys do not know what a volcano is. So there's a volcano in the distance that is smoking, but you do not know what that means. That mountain's on fire! No, it's just having a smoke.

It's fine. It's break time. It's having a smoke. It's a little mountain smoker. It's just taken five from being a regular mountain. It's like, I'm done being a mountain for a good 15 minutes. He had to find a place that wasn't undercover so he could have a cigarette.

It's like the other mountain's giving him a lecture next to him, being like, you should cut that out. He's like, I'm fine. I'm not going to get mountain cancer or anything. I won't tell you how to live your life. Will an eruption kill you? Probably. But let's find out next time on D&D is for Nerds.

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