D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult I #24 A Crazy Plan

Episode Date: December 28, 2019

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Sance Pants Radio, coming to you live from the past. Hey, handsomes. Do you sometimes wish Jackson could DM for Adam and Cass? Well, do I have news for you. Following in the footsteps of mine and Douche's journey in Dinosaur Park, we're releasing Dinosaur Park 2, Dinosaur Land, to all Sance Pants Plus members January 1st, 2020. All you have to do is sign

up to SandspansPlus.com at any level from now until January 31st and you'll get access to the complete playthrough New Year's Morn. Get in quick because come February it'll be only available to Sandspans Kings. So just head to SandspansPlus.com today and sign up so you can enter the new year listening to the terrible atrocities that Adam and Cash unleash onto an unsuspecting dinosaur land. Welcome to Season 1, Episode 24 of Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chult. Pre- As I pull away, I look him in the eyes and say, I hope you find her. She'll be lucky to have you.

Oh, I'm sure I'll find her. I've been in hairier spots than this before. I smile and run off, chugging the second health potion. If you'd only been here moments earlier, you might have been able to stop this. Unfortunately, they are now going to die. There's nothing you can do. You just can't get there in time.

The northern wall is buckling, and with further force will collapse, destroying one of the fort's walls. The shield guardian slowly turns about and sees it's the objective that it's been working towards for the past 20 minutes. You, Pop, and Cepetto are the first ones on the tower and And you see the broken, bloodied body of Firebeard and the other guards here. You see they took, in their death, they took double their number in zombies to kill. Your spike growth shreds the zombies as they try to spill through the gateway or through the holes made in the wall. But it doesn't stop the giant dinosaur zombies.

And half of his body tumbles over the other side. Half? Half. I have a brief moment of oh no followed by another very brief thought of at least he was already injured. Vaughn looks down at the little swaddled in leather blue thing. He hears the words

thank you. Tiffany, you've just been saved by Vaughn punching an ankylosaurus into the air. Do that to all of them, Vaughn. Vaughn does not listen to master's not commands. Does he say that? No. No, he doesn't talk.

He can't. I think I have to come to you now. There's also the Ankylosaurus raging in the back. Wait, didn't Vaughn kill it by standing on it? That was a fourth one. Oh my god, Adam. The Ankylosaurus swings again at you, Pop, but this time you completely drop down until you are prone,

lying on the ground, and you feel the wind rushing over you. It's Tiffany and Cepeto's turn. See, what I could do is run straight for the last Ankylosaurus. Cepeto looks unsure. He's staring up at the giant metal man, and you can tell he doesn't know if it's friend or foe. Oh, he'll help us. He'll help us.

Thank you, Vaughn. I think he's here to protect me, so wherever we go, he will follow him. He will make sure we don't get hurt, so stick by me. Sister Sias. Did that the Shield Guardian is not hostile. She doesn't seem to acknowledge that she's listening to you. She's looking beyond you and beyond Dvorn at the giant holes in the northern wall. Plugging it up with the thorny branches has slowed and stopped some of the zombies but one of the holes is just spilling zombies into the fort the defenders here are losing how far away is is it can i get there in a turn you could get there in a turn yeah sister saya sepeto stick

with me and i bolt for popreaming, tell him what to do. Tell him to clobber the zombies. He won't listen to me. Do I hear that? Yes. Yes. Probably not over the dinner of the battle. Sorry.

Oh, no, Tiffany gets to you, so then she can just tell you. Cool. It's Sister Syass's turn. She doesn't follow you, Tiffany. She starts sprinting towards the gaps in the wall. If I follow her, I'll die. So I die another way inside and keep following. Pop and Quasha.

So are they with us yet? Not yet. No, Tiffany's with you. Cepetto behind. And Vaughn. And Vaughn. Hey, girl, big fella. Oh, no, Vaughn used his turn already.

So it's your turn, which is also Vaughn's turn, which is also Quash's turn. Yeah. But Vaughn is still back at the medical tent. Yeah. So it'll be, by the time I finish this turn, he'll have arrived to us. Yes. Unless you want him to move somewhere else. But Tiffany's there.

No, I'm here with you. So Vaughn will follow Tiffany? Yeah, no, no, no. What I mean is, Tiffany's arrived. I've seen she's safe. So I therefore know that Vaughn has helped because she is there to tell him what to do. Maybe as you turn around you can see the, or you don't see it landing, but

you see the Ankylosaurus falling in the distance. That's my boy. Please tell him to use the dinosaurs to kill all the zombies. They're still breaking through the back wall. Vaughn, go to the last one of these big fellas. Use it like a club, son. And kill the zombies, just the zombies.

Please tell me just to kill the zombies. Kill just the zombies. Vaughn looks at you, Pop, and his blank expression, he doesn't really have a face, so of course every expression is blank. He says nothing, but he does turn around and starts stomping towards the rear of the fort. All right. My commanding him isn't my turn, though, is it? Is it?

No, it's a free action. Sick. All right, well, I'm going to just now fucking kill this big boy. All right. Am I still lying down, Adam? You had to get up, but that just takes all of your movement if you don't want an attack on you. I was going to go for its supple belly. You could do that as well if you want to go for its supple belly.

Let's split his zombie guts open. You scramble until you're underneath it and you start slashing and swiping and attacking at it. But its underside is just as armored as its top fucking and you score no good hits you don't have enough room to move your arms kwasha throws a ball of fire down yeah yep let me guess it washes over the back of it and does nothing out he deals three points of damage what a joy cool out of all the people in my party i hate him more than Ardis. Do you know what? No wonder he asked

for help. Couldn't do it himself. He's fucking useless. No wonder Koopa Lou is with him all the time. Oh my god. Trying to kill us all. Whatever flask of wine is, it's probably fine. The Ankylosaurus raises all of its legs and crushes

you. You take 15 points of damage. Oh, you fucking bastard. Oh, no. I'm still alive, Cass. Guess who has more hit points, you or me? Guess. It's me.

No! Tiffany and Serpeto. What do you want to do? Can I run as far away as I can from this dinosaur and use Witch Bolt? Yeah, you can be 30 feet from it and you cast Witch Bolt. Yep. You miss. Your electricity bounces off the back of its hide.

Cool, good, good, cool, good, good. Cepeto? Attack. Cepeto drives his sword deep into the creature's side. He deals three points of damage. Sister Sias is off doing her own stuff. And she's good. Just an update.

Pop and Quasha. Cool. Is it still on top of me, Adam? Yep. Can I go into my shell? Sure. Can I attack it with it squ of me, Adam? Yep. Can I go into my shell? Sure. Can I attack it with it squishing me, though? You can't go into your shell and attack.

No, what I mean though is... Oh, yeah, you could still attack. Okay, right, right. You could just barely move your arms. But I could still hit... Am I at disadvantage, basically? You would be at disadvantage, yes. Attacking. I go inside my shell.

All right, cool. You use your action to shell defense. basically you would be at disadvantage yes attacking I go inside my shell alright cool you use your action to shell defense you gain 4 to your AC you have advantage on strength and con saving throws while you're in your shell

you're prone you are already prone your speed is 0 and you have disadvantage on dexterity saving throws and you can't take reactions I can come back out as a bonus though

yes I come back I'm kidding bonus, though. Yes. I come back- I'm kidding. God. And Quasha do some more fireballs. Another ball of fire washes over the creature's back, dealing two points of damage. Then it is its turn. I'm dead, Cass. The Ankylosaurus plants its feet into the ground, lifts itself up into the air.

Son of a bitch. And then it just lands down on you. Your AC is 21, which is phenomenal in fifth ed. 21 AC is incredible. But. It rolled 22. Oh, you're kidding, Adam. Do we need to re-roll?

Do we need to re-roll? Do we need to re-roll? Up to you, Cass. It's your card. And I'm making the coward's choice by making it not my choice. Re-roll. Re-roll? Re-roll.

It comes down on you. Your entire shell cracks and crumbles just a little bit all around you, but it does not break. Yes. That's so bad. Oh, my God. This is such a bad. We need to leave. Tiffany and Cepedo.

I'm under a fucking dinosaur. Cepedo turns around to you, Tiffany, and yells, fight with me. I'm trying. And I do another witch bolt. He actually begins to cast a spell. He shakes his head. Draw your sword! You have green flame blade.

It's a zombie. I'm so sick! It's just coming after me. Do or die! Oh yeah, I jazzed him up pretty good. Oh, yeah. What do you do, Tiffany? I can't save him if I'm dead!

Witch Bolt. Alright. It bounces off its back armor. Don't and live is better. Cepetto keeps attacking. Cepetto scores another hit. He deals seven points of damage. Cepetto is slowly chipping away at the boy.

This is very embarrassing. Then it is Sister Science doing her own thing Pop and Quasha I'm gonna stay in my shell because I just am Quasha throws another ball of fire If you want, he could leap Onto the creature's back and cast

Thunderwave That would deal significantly more damage It could do a lot more but it would hurt you and it would hurt sepeto as well not me because i was smart and say hey quasha jump off and let's do thunder wave boy quasha i'm in a big shell i'll be fine you do not see quasha but tiffany you do when pop yells do something quasha quasha stands like uh you fucking tree wizard fucking do something as if he were about to jump off a diving board kwasha stands on the lip of the gatehouse platform he swan dives off it slams onto the ankylosaurus's back gripping any any floor or indentation in the shell that he can to stay atop the creature.

And then, whoop, an explosion blasts out from all directions. I just remembered Cepetto is out of range, but you are not. That's right. I'm in a big shell. You have to make a, I think it's constitution saving throw. I get a bonus. Yes, you get advantage. Yeah, I do.

I'm in a shell. If it was dexterity, I don't have them. You don't even have the nubs. You pass and the creature fails. Good. That's how I like my rolls. You take four points of damage, Pop. That's half the damage that the creature took.

It took eight. Still alive. And then the creature is shunted 15 feet into the ground and also into you. Cass, I've learned something over the last couple of sessions we've done. We've been doing this fight, and that is that don't listen to advice from Adam because he's adam oh i'm so sorry a 10 10 feet away both you and the creature take another eight points of damage you are down cass i'm dead you're not dead you're just in saving throws don't be a little

baby i'm in a shell under an ankylosaurus unconscious. It's dead as well. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's dead as well. Quasha killed it, but he crushed it into you. Can you... Okay. Question about Vaughn, Adam. Yeah. If I get

put into saving throw... He continues to do the last action he was told to do. Cool, cool. But he doesn't be like, oh, no, my master. No, he should have been taking half of this damage. He wasn't even near me. Oh, yeah. Hang on. Let me check the range on that.

He's in at the other end. Yeah, he went to the other. Yeah, he would have been further than 60 feet. Yep. Because the camp was at least 60 feet away, and then he's another 60 feet away. You know, you can store spells in him as well. You could get a healing spell, put it in him, and then he's another 60 feet away. You know you can store spells in him as well? You could get a healing spell, put it in him, and then he can use it later.

No, we didn't know that. Should we give him an earth tremor? I don't think you can do spell scrolls. Wait, wait, wait. So I can store... So I could get up on a day, say, Adam, where we weren't going on any adventures, and just give him all of my second level spells for the day, and then he can use those spells later?

You can either dictate when he uses it or you can set parameters for when he can he can use it so what you're saying is though adam is i could be like here's a second level healing spell if i drop below this amount of hit points vaughn heals me i believe we have established this but yeah yeah i don't remember this at, but that doesn't mean we haven't established it. I wouldn't have been able to use it anyway because I have no more spells left, but it is good to know into the future. It's very good to know into the future. Yeah, yeah.

I'm going to give him Zephyr Strike, make him super strong. He can cast it on anyone including himself. Oh, so long as the spell allows that. So I think Zephyr Strike might be self only. that's all right i think he can give it back to you or he can cast it on himself so i can give him second level spells right yeah this is i'm just doing some hypotheticals for potentially later i give him

so get up in the morning give him three of my second level spells which is all my second level spells you can only have one all right give him one of my second level spells. We go through a day. I use up the other two. I use up whatever the other two. We go to bed. I wake up with three and then I technically have a fourth because he still has one. Is that right, Adam? Yeah, he has one. He's like an extra spell up your sleeve. Yeah, cool.

Thanks. That's all I needed to know. Does Vaughn know what's... Can he tell in his magical link that something's very bad right now? He knows that something is wrong. He's aware of what's happening, but he's not intelligent. And he's not been told to do anything about this. And you're pretty unconscious, yeah?

I'm very unconscious. Oh, see, that's not good. Because we need to get a dinosaur off of you. Koopa Louie's pretty strong. That was Pop and Quasha's turn. The dinosaurs are all gone. I have no idea what's happening. I'm asleep.

Tiffany and Cepetto. Move this dinosaur! This dinosaur, sorry. Yeah, he goes to an alternative school. Cepetto pushes as hard as he can. He gives it like a big heavy heave. Oh, I'm helping too. All right.

I'm trying to get everyone in the vicinity. Cepedo is stronger than you, Tiffany. But you're doing all right as well. As the two of you begin to lift, dragon bait charges in, slamming in beside both of you, bodily shoving it. Dragon bait is stronger than both of you combined. And the three of you are able to lift the Ankylosaurus just enough that one of the soldiers and Lieutenant Salhana grab Pop and drag him out from underneath the Ankylosaurus.

Am I still in, Michelle? Yes. While that's happening, you need to make a saving throw. Can we stabilize him? That's one successful saving throw. Yeah, I'm not permanently damaged forever. Oh, thank God. Well, I am, but again.

Salhana looks at the situation at the gate, and she yells at Dragonbait and Cepedo to reinforce the gate again. She looks at you, Tiffany, and says, you need to stabilize him or get him to a healing tent. She turns back as the gate looks like it's going to be lost again. Okay, I'm going to try and stabilize Pop. All right. Pop, wake up.

Pop, wake up. Pop, wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

Wake up. Wake up. You fail. Pop needs to make another saving throw. Please. That's two successful saving throws. I wonder what I'm dreaming about while I'm unconscious. I don't know.

I know, but I'm never going to tell you. Tiffany, you make another medicine check. Please, please, please, wake up, wake up, wake up. Another failure. Pop, please. Pop. That's a failed saving throw. Son of a bitch. Tiffany. I've lost the leg and all of my skin

you managed to after like an awkward 20 seconds of fumbling around maybe you pull out before the fight sister sias gave you a big roll a big bundle of bandages just in case you would ever need it the bandages are just like whatever they had on hand maybe it's like one of sister syas's shirts torn up and strung together to make at least a bandage of sorts it's like the only clean cloth they had as you pull it out it smells slightly of lavender oh my gosh you you unfur it, and as you unfurl it, little bits of willow bark stitched in splinter out a little bit, but that's just kind of how it's meant to go. You wrap the bandage as best you can around what you think is his wounds.

A lot of parts of his body are open already from his illnesses and previous injuries. I'm a big cracked shell. It's hard to tell. He also withdrew into his shell as well. So you're like grabbing arms and pulling them out, grabbing his head, pulling that out, grabbing his legs, pulling those out. And one of those legs is already fucked. Yeah, one of them can't go in the shell. One of them can't go in the shell because it's got that brace on it that you built. You're welcome.

It's impossible to tell what part of him is actually in need of bandaging, but you bandage as much as you can. You've been given quite a lot of bandages. I imagine that your shell now looks like a chocolate egg. Pop, you are not dead,

but you have no hit points as well Is he conscious? No he's not You need healing Oh you just stabilised me so I don't need to make saving throws anymore But I'm not awake Yeah you're not awake

Oh no If you give him some time he'll come back on one hit point But some time is after the battle Is Quasha still there? He's a fucking druid Oh yeah is Quasha Quasha has no healing magic. He's the worst magic user.

Druids don't have a lot of healing. And he's used a lot of his magic. But he's a big tree lover. What do they do? If you need entangling vines or to speak with animals or a thunder wave or little balls of fire or bark skin, he can help you out. But he can't do... He's not that powerful. Next time I want to talk to a hummingbird, I'll give him a call.

The next time I want to paint with all the colours of the wind, I'll let him know. So, how's the healing tent looking is it is it still pretty zombie free people are being dragged to the tent and there are corpses piled there both zombies and regular corpses well you killed the ankylos well vaughn killed the ankylosaurus it was going to attack it yes because i was in danger so So in a way, we've both succeeded. I'm going to start dragging Pop to the medicine tent. Okay.

Can I do that in a turn? You can't do that in a turn, but you can do it across several turns. But no one's going to attack you as you do it. Okay. You get him to the medical tent. There are acolytes here. Please, someone just wake him up. We're okay just as long as you get him to wake up. So I can tell Vaughn whattes here. Please, someone just wake him up. We're okay just as long as

you get him to wake up. Oh, so I can tell Vaughn what to do. Oh, this is good, Cass. This is good. You are on one hit point, Pop. Oh, that's very rude of you. I was having a very magnificent dream. Thank you all very much. Pop,

get Vaughn and get us out of here. Out of here? You're surrounded by bodies, the dead and dying. There's a heaping pile of corpses, mixed zombies and defenders. The pile shifts every now and then, and you can tell that there are still zombies animated on the pile. And as one of the arms reaches out, you can see that it's wearing the colors of one of the defenders some of the defenders have become animated dead as they die

i turn to a acolyte we heal a person you better be fucking burning those bodies as quickly as you fucking can you can't get an acolyte. They are swamped. Five of them are, no, a couple are dead. Three of them are trying their best, but there is just nothing. They have, on average, two to three seconds per customer. We can't see Vaughn. Is he done?

Is Vaughn done at the Northern Wall? What do you mean, is he done? No, I've been dragging your body. I don't know if he's done. Ask him. Vaughn, are you done? I don't know if you get to communicate with Vaughn like that. Vaughn, if you've done the task I told you to do,

come to us now and bring your new club. You can issue commands, but you can't see through his eyes. Yeah, that command. What did you say, sorry? I said, if you've done with the task that I've given you, come to us now and bring your new club. Great. The tent shudders,

and you see a giant metallic boot outside through the tent flap. Get him to get us out of here. We will not survive this Get him to get us out of here. We will not survive this. Let me get us out of here. The bloke out there works for the bloke we're looking for. We can't help if we're dead. We've got this guy. I'm not running away from a fight.

I don't do that. That's not- Well, I can't go back out there. Well, that's why we don don't we don't have to we have him fine okay cool that's that's cool i just i can't go back out both of you have noticed that you can't hear anything outside you can't hear the ringing of combat anymore oh that can't be good can i call out to the the healers can they hear they're still busy with the people in here but you can grab one of them.

Maybe they've started slowing down as they can tell that there's no noise outside the tent. Stay here. I sort of really sneak over and duck my head out of a tent to figure out what's happening. Defenders are still on the walls, but they're staring out of the fort. Anyone who has a view out of the fort through one of the many holes punched through it are just staring out. You can see towards the gates where in the distance,

Lieutenant Salhana is organizing people putting the gate door back up. Quasha Kupalui and Dragonbait are standing above the gate door looking out to the north. And if you gaze around, you can't see Ardacembra, but you don't have a very commanding view of the area. Did Flask die in the fight? You don't know where Flask is.

Fuckin' hell. Okay, I'll- What's going on? One sec. I duck out of the tent and see what I can see. I stay very close to Vaughn, but i try and see what they're looking at as you duck out of the tent you turn around and you can see artisember with the archers again he's staring upwards like staring at the sky sort of almost it looks a little strange but you can tell as you maybe maybe walking around you can see that his eyes have rolled into the

back of his skull and he's twitching a little bit. You can tell that he's seeing through the eyes of a familiar. And you can see a speck of white in the air as the white bird slowly circles the battlefield. Okay. What are the people at the North Gate looking at? A lot of people at the North Gate are just staring to the north. If you approach one of the holes and look through that, you can see that the zombie horde has stopped. They're no longer progressing in or trying to get into the fort.

But it looks like they slowly are shambling such that they are surrounding the fort. The assault looks like it's becoming a siege. I duck back into the fort. The assault looks like it's becoming a siege. I duck back into the tent. We're no longer dealing with an assault. Well, that's good. We're now dealing with a siege. That's good. This place was not designed to withstand

a siege. No. The zombies are surrounding everywhere. They're organised. Yes, that bloke. Old mate, witch The zombies are surrounding everywhere. They're organized. Yes, that bloke. Old mate witch brains. Fucking can't remember his name. Old mate witch brains.

I think that's... What's the word? A dead wizard. Oh, a death lock. Death lock. That's it. A death lock who is working for nasal drip. Rasnazi. So, Ord Firebeard, the dwarf, is dead.

Yep. Salhana is organising the front half of the fort. Breakbone- They've got a broken bone. Breakbone is dragged into the medical tent. He is missing an arm. Flask of Wine is dragged into the medical tent. He is missing an arm. Flask of wine is dragged into the medical tent. He is badly damaged.

They were both destroyed when the Ankylosaurus rampaged through the rear end of the camp. Is Vaughn still holding the Ankylosaurus? He's holding a tail. Ah, good, good. Okay, good. It's not really a club anymore. He's just still holding it because he was ordered to.

You can put it down. It's no good anymore. It hits the ground. Sister Syass is nowhere to be seen. There is still a Bill Waddle in charge of the Cholton tribal warriors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bill Waddle and Salahhana are organizing everyone as best they can the defenders of this fort were once 50 now about 20 are dead and about as many wounded

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Vaughn, can you do me a favor? Can you bring me the head of whoever's controlling these zombies? Vaughn turns around and starts marching towards an exit. Salahana calls out to you. Pop, stop! Vaughn, stop. You're a shield guardian guardian look at it you look vaughn is slowly knitting back together through his regenerative abilities but it's only just now that you realize that he was

at his he was nearly destroyed right this is blake in the state he's in, even if I wanted to, we're not going to be able to get out of it. No. It's time to grit your teeth and buckle up, horns. It's going to get rough. It's going to get rough? Yeah, it's going to get rougher than it is. It's pretty bad, I admit. We've been in worse.

Do you know much about how long it's going to take for one to get better? No. him worse do you know much about how long it's going to take for one to get better no breakbone stumbles out of the one of the medical tents oh here we fucking go with his remaining arm he points at you pop he points at tiffany he points at salhana he points at dragon bait he puts it artist simba basically all the important figures around the fort. I'm important. That's fucking great. Command 10. Now.

And then he stumbles his way into the command 10. Let's go. Follow. We'll get out of here. Just our souls or our bodies too? No. If that's the case, our souls aren't getting out of here. Just our souls or our bodies too? No, if that's the case, our souls aren't getting out of here. There's that thing that eats souls, remember? Yeah, well, they're getting out of this physical place

and frankly, soulmonger sounds a lot better. All right, you're a bit grumpy today. Sorry, do you know how many times I've nearly died? Do you know how many times I've nearly died? Yeah, but it's clearly harder for me. Whatever. Come on. as you're walking in breakbone looks at you all pretense of like being mad at you has faded this life or death

dire situation has driven him to not politeness but to just like fact matter of fact speech that's the way i like people a lot. Make your shield guardian fix the wall. All right. Vaughn, fix the wall. But I'm only doing that because it's a good idea, not because you suggested it. In the command, Breakpoint doesn't even pay attention. He just opens the tent flap and lets it close behind him. Pop Mandarin-esque.

Inside the command tent, the news is laid out flask of wine is out of commission for this fight he is gravely wounded and until tomorrow he will probably not be able to stand and fight cooper louis and kwasha are both badly wounded but still able to fight. Quasha is out of magic. Koopa Louie is down to his fists. He lost his spear in one of the dead. I have one hit point and also no magic. Yeah. But I have a Vaughn. Nearly.

He's trying to dig some hope into our... Hopeless situation? Yeah, it's pretty hopeless. Sister Syass, during the fighting, tried to stem the flow through one of the holes in the northern wall. She was dragged outside of the fort by the zombies and has not been seen. She is presumed dead. I turn to look at Pop and I just stare. What?

Nothing. That's not on me. I sent him to help you to help her. I know, I know, I know, I know. But? I want to go. Where are we going to go? I don't know.

Fine, fine. What else is the situation in the camp? Breakbone is, Commander Breakbone is sitting in the commander's chair, rubbing, with his one hand, rubbing his brow. He's covered in speckled in mud and blood and dirt. mud and blood and dirt and god only knows what other liquids listening to anyone who anyone who knows anything telling their stories slowly through the reports it would appear that things look quite dire as the zombie horde does not look like it's getting smaller breakbone asks well then why have they ceased their attack and bill wattle says from vantage points on the wall it would appear that they are being reinforced slowly trickles of zombies are coming from out of the jungle to collect in their army i would hazard a guess

that he thought he would not be able to make a final push this death lock upon the fort and he's just waiting to replenish his numbers how long you reckon that's gonna take i don't know but certainly not longer than 12 hours all right we got 12 got 12 hours to get the fuck out of here. I don't know how. They've surrounded the fort. We could try to make a water exit, but no guarantees there. They won't be able to follow us through the water,

and they have no real ranged attacks, but the deathlocker might be able to pick us off on boats. Also, we would not be able to get everyone out of here on boats. We have four boats and we could fit five apiece. If we end up getting in the boats and then the death lock comes for us, at least we have a chance to take him out. Maybe. Or maybe he smites us from a distance, says Salhana.

All the Deathlok needs to do is capsize the boats. Then we're outside of the fort, in the water. The dead only need weight on the shore for us to come out of the water. Not an ideal fighting platform. We swim across the other side of the river. How far was the bank-to-bank ratio? If we get tipped, we just swim to the other side the zombies won't cross the water the zombies will cross the water if we get to the other side

of the water that's not really the battle getting to the other side of the water yes we would do faster than the zombies but the zombies don't need to rest they would just hunt us down outside of the fort we will be picked off. What does he want? He wants this fort wiped out. What did you do? We're an affront to him, trying to rid the forest of the dead. Fair enough. Corns them all out of ideas.

I say we use your space pocket. Hide in there. I got no magic left. Oh. We got 12 hours, yeah? You have no more than 12 hours. It's not an indefinite space where you can store things.

You know, it's very, you know, it's temporary. I think last I checked when Adam told me when I first tried to use it, it's like an hour or a day. Yeah, how long is it? Rope trick. Rope trick. A little pocket land.

My little Heidi Heidi Johnson. The space can hold as many as eight medium or small creatures. The rope can be pulled up. It lasts for an hour. That's not long enough, Adam. What if, Breakbone says. No, Adam, I'm not taking advice from NPCs, because so far that's all been bad. What if we launch an attack?

I mean, we could. That's what I was attempting to do before, before I got interrupted and called back into this tent. We don't need to kill the dead. We should have to kill the Deathlok. Yes. The Deathlok is not expecting an attack. Not now. But if we sally out he'll see that.

We need a small team of people good at stealth who can make their way to the Deathlock, find where the Deathlock is, and kill the Deathlock. That's what we need. I look at you. I look at you. I look at you.

Can anybody help us? We've been very injured. We will go, but we need help first. I mean, I'm pretty good, but as you can see. We have been very injured. A strong breeze would kill me at the moment. The tent flap opens and Serpedo steps in. I'll come with.

Attaboy. Guasha and Koopa Louie both stand up. You've got my tree. Dragon Bait stands up. Well, he was already standing up, but he pushes off from one of the supportive struts of the net, looks at Yupop and just nods his head. artist simber who was up until this point staring into there's like a small fireplace uh in the tent he's been staring into the fireplace this entire conversation when dragon bait pushes off he turns around gives a sideways glance at dragon bait that neither of you see but they have a significant glance at each other artist simba turns around to you pop and says well uh i could think of

worse ways to die you're growing on me simba you're growing on me gosh you really must be near death he's delirious can anyone help us breakbone looks up at you help you with what if we go if we sally forth into the jungle in the state that we're currently in we'll not sally force sneak out and then when we get there we are taken out in one hit sneak out if you can kill the death lock the dead will become regular dead again and our walls can stop them no no no no i'll get what he's. Then all we need to do is wait for reinforcements. There is supposed to be a supply shipment coming in a few days. We can hold out for that supply shipment, and that will be men and replenishments enough that we can handle this.

This army is nothing without its brain. We kill the brain. Killing the brain's easy. How's Vaughn doing? Can we sort of gauge the rate of- During your conversation, Vaughn is fully healed. But Vaughn charging in towards the death lock would probably die. Maybe give Vaughn some backup instructions if we start to get attacked.

I was planning to. You want to do this? No. But we're doing attacked. I was planning to. You want to do this? No. But we're doing it. That's the way. I'll deal with you. We do this, we succeed. I'll do whatever else you like. Sure.

I'll take that agreement. If we come out alive, I'll think of something to use with it. Great. Thanks for bringing me back before. Alright, let's go breakbone stands up looks at each of you and says he tries to say something several times but then finally instead he just reaches into his armor and takes off a necklace on the necklace is a rabbit's foot foot. He says, I have no need of this and you don't either, but for what it's worth, maybe it'll help you. And he gestures with it.

I take it and chuck it to you. I catch it and put it on. You have a rabbit's foot necklace. Is it just a rabbit's foot? You feel lucky. Really? Do I? Sure. Oh, Adam, that doesn't help though. Alright, let's I'll go over and just have a quiet little

Hang on. I've got to prepare to talk to Vaughn. I love that one. The accent's just... I basically want to give Vaughn the instruction that he is to stay here and help in any way he can, and I will call for... Can I just call from anywhere and he'll come to me? Yeah, on the same plane of existence.

Yeah, great, great, great, great, great. Could you tell him to fix the fence? Oh, yeah, I've already done that. I told him to fix the fence? Oh, yeah, I've already done that. I told him to fix the fence before. As you come out, he and the workers here have done their best. Okay, Vaughn, I know you listen to my commands, but while you're here, I'm going out to do something. You're going to stay here and help.

And while you're helping, you're going to listen to any instructions that Lieutenant Selhana, is that her name? Yes, that's correct. Give, is that her name? Yes. That's correct. Give me a thumbs up if you understand. Vaughn gives you a thumbs up in two swift movements. Great. And if we're about to die, I'd appreciate a bailout.

Vaughn makes no response, but you can tell that he understood. It's great to know. That's good. So we're all out of spells. We're all out of life. We're all out of life. We're all out of hope. Let's get into Strife. I like those odds.

As you step out of the tent. They're not odds. Yeah, they are. A billion to one. As you step out of the tent, Bill Waddle steps out with you. I'll come with. I know the area. Then you can lead.

All right. Tiffany, don't worry. I'm not going to let any of us die. Break one of my rules. I just sort of smile a little bit. The rain is coming down so heavily, it might as well be nighttime as you sneak over the fence. That's helpful. Fuck, we have-

This is so insane. We are so just dead. Oh, boy. War is hell. Hey. Why do you think I quit? Yeah, well, why would you come back? Oh, my gosh.

You've made better choices in your life, and that's saying something. Yep. Well, no, I didn't go back to war. War came back to me. Didn't have to stay. Is this a conversation we're actually having? No. I feel like we won't start that conversation because we both know how it'll go.

I'm just sitting here being like, take a leaf out of your book. Won't care. Won't care. I'm just going to look after myself, and I want to be safe. I can't save my dad if I'm dead. I can't do anything to help my dad if I'm dead. That's the only reason I'm here. We've said we're going to help other people.

They've not really helped us in any way. Is this internal or external? Internal. This is why I'm like, I want to go. I don't want to do anything for these people. Sister Zaius is dead. I have no reason to go. I don't want to do anything for these people. Sister Zaius is dead. I have no reason to be here. You know that if we don't kill this Deathlock,

it'll make it harder to kill Razan Aziz, which is the person we have to kill to get your father back. Yes, but we can always kill him later, you know? We don't have to die right now. Is this a conversation you're having? No. No. It should be.

But it won't be. Oh, we can't start this bill waddle climbs over the wall and lowers a rope to make it easier for everyone else to climb then tiffany goes over then pop then artist then dragon bait then quasha then cooper louis and then sepeto bringing up the rear sepeto has doffed his armor so that he is lighter and faster on his feet and also does not take a penalty to his stealth checks that's good it's very clever of him very stealthy yes yes i am all my leather is crafted i i've crafted my leather to be optimum stealth is your brain butter horns i nod solemnly because that's a first rule of sneaking shut up on the other side of the wall you're in the ditch on the southern end there's

not nearly as many dead here like on the eastern and northern walls there's basically so many dead that you could walk down us uh like a sled of them to get to the floor. But here it's only lightly thick with the dead. In the muck in among the corpses as it rains very heavily, Bill Waddle puts a finger to her lips. I feel like Bill Waddle's been a man for every other moment until now. Well, Bill Waddle has just not really been a big character, has they? No, has they? Have they? really been a big character has they no has they have they bill waddle gestures for you guys to

slowly make your way around the southern end in the ditch you crawl through the muck and mud it is disgusting and awful but it conceals you completely from the dead you maybe both of you at some point everyone in the group actually at some point out of sheer curiosity pokes their head over the ditch to look at the dead surrounding the fort and it is terrifying it's just a line a line of dead surrounding the fort, standing unmovingly, shoulder to shoulder, staring intently inward. You feel their eyes raking along you, raking along the dirt, the ditch and the wall. You are so certain you've been seen, but they do not react. God, this is terrifying. This is very stressful.

Oh, my gosh. I don't speak. Oh, nothing. No, my gosh. I don't speak. Oh, nothing. No one says anything. No one cares to. You keep crawling along the southern side until you're along the western side, and then you start nearing the massive pile of corpses. There's a couple of the big monkey gorallon corpses here as well,

because this is where they were fought on the southern wall on the western walls right and as you get to the pile the mound of corpses bill waddle crawls to the top or crawls to see over the corpses and scans the area for what feels like hours before slowly gently sliding back down to you bill waddle makes several different hand gestures pop they mean nothing to you tiffany maybe your dad taught you hand gestures like military silent hand gesture slang you understand some of what's being said. So he didn't have to talk to me in public. Oh. That sucks.

Bill Waddle is explaining how he can see a fire in the distance and that he reckons that will be where the death lock is. We don't say anything because to do so would be foolish, Adam. I do a big nod. Nearly gotcha. Admit it, you were going to say something. I was nearly gonna. I do a big nod really gotcha admit it you were gonna say i was nearly gonna i do a big nod i do a shaka bra and i sometimes all my job is is the dm is to give the players some space to make

a mistake like i did in making us go here well hey imagine if you'd come to this fort and it would have been completely destroyed. Imagine looking for a safe haven and finding just more dead. Good thing you were here for this siege. Yeah, maybe. There are some people here you like. Sister Syass you like. Feel like you're growing on...

I feel like Cepeto's growing on you. I'm going to tell Cepeto to come with us. I also like Lieutenant Salhana and I want her to come with us, but she won't because she's a lieutenant quite possibly all right with bill waddle you start crawling your way through the muck and grass towards the enemy lines like what's he rolling for we're not oh yeah we're sneaking oh no we're sneaking. Oh, no, we're sneaking. Oh, no, it's die, die. Die? Die for die?

No. Oh, no, no, you can't die for die, die, die. Die for life. Guys, I'm die for life. I'm die or die. Everyone is. I just want, like, knuckle tattoos where it's like, die, and then on this one it just has a die.

All of you are crawling through the muck, except Koopa Louie, who crouches and sometimes stands. Koopa Louie is small, and when he's standing still, he just looks like a bush. It is impossible to tell that Koopa Louie, especially in this heavy rain. It's not nighttime, is it? No, it's not nighttime. It's anything other than a bush. Everyone can see me. Is it nighttime? Is it?

No, it's not nighttime. It's anything other than a bush. Everyone can see me. You keep creeping your way closer and closer to the enemy lines. Here on this end, the dead are just a thick throng. And you've been making your way, you've noticed, slowly north and easternly. You're not sure exactly what the plan is because it's just a solid line of dead here, a solid thick line, but you can see light through forest trees in the distance and you assume that

must be where something is happening. As you keep moving north and easternly, eventually you hit the water before you hit the dead and you start creeping along the embankment using the natural slope there to inch your way around the dead. Oh, it's more rolling. You come very tantalizingly close to the dead. At some point, you actually need to stop and bury yourself a little bit in the mud here as they walk past. You are absolutely all of you at risk of a disease or infection but there's no other way oh no right i know how to cure disease hey i can also detect disease not at the moment because i have no spells and also that would involve talking yes. None of us can cast spells at the moment, even if we could.

A C. It's getting very dangerous now that you're so close and it's so difficult. At one point, you think one of the dead turns around to look in your direction. As that happens. You hear. Thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk thunk. A hail of arrows. Flies out of the fort. Lit in the darkened sky. By torches tied to them.

You see flaming arrows. Land among the dead. It does little to no damage. Without Arda Simba to aim them. They do not score a single kill on any of the dead. They're firing blind and poorly at that. But as they do so, you can feel the throng of dead's attention shift directly towards the fort. And under that cover, you keep moving along.

You're not sure whose idea it was from within the fort, but my God, it saved you. Now we know whose idea it was. It was Salahana. She's the best. She's great. It wasn't Breakbones. You're going to be shocked when you get back to the fort then. Some might be, but Pop will refuse to believe it.

You keep inching your way along until you are behind the dead's lines. Oh, no. We continue to be quiet and head for the fire. Like how you've given us multiple opportunities where we could talk. Yeah. We have not fallen for it, Adam. It's so sad, but hey, here we are. Bill Waddle stands or manipulates himself into a crouching position.

What is Bill Waddle? A lizard? Bill Waddle is human. He's a Chaltean. Yeah. For some reason, whenever you say Chaltean, I assume, like, they're lizard people. No, no, no. Bill Waddle is human.

Human as they come. Bill Waddle moves into a crouching position and then slowly stalks forward. With a simple gesture, you all follow Bill Waddle. Every time you've said Bill Waddle's name, I can't get out of my head. Just a stout person waddling along. Doesn't matter what they're doing. They're as wide as they are tall and they waddle. They don't really have hip joints.

They just go bloop, bloop, bloop. They're one of those like roly-poly policemen from Naughty. Exactly. That is exactly what I'm imagining, but little stumpy legs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cepeto breaks a branch as you're approaching. I'm going to break that fucker's neck. A couple of people look back at Cepeto who looks towards the horde of dead, but they don't react.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God. He would have died if it wasn't loud. This is all just not talking. We're not talking. No one's talking. It went through our head. We're like, I'd kill you if it was silent.

It went through our head and we're like, I'd kill you if it was silent. Bill Waddle gives several hand gestures and you begin to fan out around the fire in a rough semicircle. There are several dead standing here, just presumably as guards, and you see it, the death lock. Can our heroes strike a decisive blow against the dead? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie-Plagued Chult. For as little as $5 a month, you can have access to a whole bunch of bonus shows and content. Once again, that's SantsPantsPlus.com. but you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word,

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