D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #10 Heated Battle

Episode Date: April 18, 2020

Sign up to our newsletter here. Join our facebook group here.You can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073.Want to help support the show?Sanspants+ | Podkeep | USB Tapes | MerchWant to get in contact with us?Email | Twitter | Website | Facebook | RedditOr individually at;Adam | Cass | Tom | Jackson | ZammitTheme music by the wonderfully talented Mia (AtomicCupcakes). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sans Pants Radio. Ladies and gents, this is the moment you've waited for. Welcome to Season 2, Episode 10 of Zombie Plague Chult. Prosecco. Tiffany, an artist, you arrive on the scene. What would you like to do? You can see one skeleton and a man having lunch. Hello, kids. I look... Oh, an unconscious red wizard. I excitedly get out my rope

because I haven't had a chance to use it yet. Off you go. I tie up the fat wizard. Why? Why would you do this? You are being very polite. What? What?

Well, you were being very polite. What on earth are you talking about, creature? Walking next to Flask of Wine, you can hear every now and then, actually, as he takes a step, every step he takes, he does like a purring sort of sound. Like a little snore. Yeah. You maybe know from your encounters with Tabaxi so far,

indicates that they are tired. As the river empties out into the lake, you can see a dwelling. Reed huts. And intermingled among the reed huts you see five strange bird-like creatures. I'm gonna miss you. Only for a little while.

Yeah. You're making friends everywhere you go. Having gotten as far into Chult as the brazen pegasus will get you you pull up to the just somewhere along the south the southwest of lake luo and grig gets a big wooden post hops out of the ship hammers it into the uh the valley of embers is kind of like a wasteland this burned out valley surrounds Lake Luo. Most of the vegetation around the southern and eastern shore of the lake has been wiped out by pyroclastic flows, rivers of lava, and drifting ash.

Fiery embers belched from the peaks of flame, which is a volcano to the south of you, drift across the sky and fall like rain onto a blackened wasteland. The marshland north of the lake is wet enough to survive, but the accumulation of ash atop the water has turned it to an almost impassable expanse of knee-deep muck. A lot of inhospitable territory stretches before you. No undead, though.

No undead. inhospitable territory stretches before you. No undead, though. No undead. Grieg hammers in a post so that it is firmly there. It's not going to go anywhere, not anytime soon. And on that, maybe they get like a bit of leather, and in that bit of leather, they stuff some paper.

They wrap it all up, hammer it to the post, and they're like, you can write in that, and we'll keep checking that. And we'll let you know our movements as well. Right. And this will be where we meet each other. Okay. Unless you decide something else.

I give big a Grig hug. I give Grig a big hug. He hugs you back. You ready to go, Horns? I let go of Grig. Actually, no. I say yes, and then I let go of Grig. Actually, no. I say, yes, and then I let go of Grig. As you let go of Grig, he, like, kisses you on the forehead and he says, wherever you go, remember, you have a mom.

She's waiting for you to come home. I nod and I say, let's do it for our moms. Let's do it for mom. He rolls up his sleeve and he shows you his big old mom tattoo he's such a cliched sailor i love it if he's shown you this at any point on the ship would you have gotten a similar tattoo yes i was about to say well you know if we were on the ship i would have been like can we do one now grig has absolutely tattooed a big old love heart with the words mom in it yes i show mine and we bump tattoos mark it on your character sheet and with that you maybe artist simba and dragon bait go by and hug everyone actually no everyone exchanges hugs everyone's come to it with except with the obvious exception of you yes

i'm home shakes for people that I respect a little bit. There's a bit of emotion to it. You're going towards the lost city of Oumu, which is notoriously a dangerous place. This might be the last time some of you see each other. Sunday night and flask of wine hug each other tightly and they sob a little bit. Sunday night says, I am sorry I did not give you any of the good light nuts. And Flask of Wine says, I am sorry I stole one of your light nuts. Oh, that's so good.

Bless those tabaxi. Flask of Wine gives the light nut back and says i'm sorry but it is broken it does not light up anymore sunday night rattles it and as it rattles it lights up flask of wine says is that how it works they exchange several different items any balls of soft no no balls of. Can you say what the items are? It's just really nice. Flask of Wine gives Sunday night three things. He gives him a rock that he found that looks a little like a bird. It does not look like a bird. It looks like a lump of rock. But Sunday night accepts it. And as he accepts as he accepts it he says yes you can see the

wings here and here as he does it he as he's trailing it with his claw he kind of makes it look like wings but you don't think on purpose like like he's an idiot i guess they're two of a kind he gives him a deck of cards and if you look very closely at the deck of cards you can see that it is not it is not like aces and spades and six through to and uh like two through to ten and such it's got several different types of fruit on it and the third thing is a rhyme he just says a rhyme. He just says a rhyme to him. Yeah, he gives him a rhyme. Come on, Adam. Yeah. Do we hear it? There once was a tabaxi named Steve

who only knew the good feet cleave. He slew his foes and ate all their toes. Tabaxi rhymes need to end with that meal. And Sunday night gives him a strange looking coin

made out of silver with flecked with gold. The coin has on one side the head of some long dead emperor and on the other side it is completely smooth. That's fun fun and he gives flask of wine a small booklet that is written in a language that no one understands oh special special language so you head out across the valley of embers you're maybe two hours away from where you started out of the wasteland around you, nine small figures sprout up, bursting from beneath you.

Is that what we're seeing? I'm assuming it's the magmin, not the manticore. No, no, not the manticore. Let's describe a magmin. Yeah. Hot goblin. Hot goblin, a bit ripped. A fiery goblin. Ow. A goblin, a bit ripped. Fiery goblin.

Ow. A bit what? A bit ripped. Like they're not skinny like a lot of goblin depictions are. They're like a bit thick but with muscle. What if Dobby got swole and it became the Human Torch? Hey, there we go. Yeah, Dobby but the Human Torch.

Actually, stocky. Stocky. It's not swole. It's not really muscly. It's stocky. It's just, yeah, it's- A big build. Big boned. Big- stocky. Stocky. It's not swole. It's not really muscly. It's stocky. Yeah, it's- A big build. Big boned.

Big- Big boned goblin. On fire. Human torch. Yeah. Do we have- Oh, damn it. I gave away my jug of water.

Yes, you did. Yes, you did. You didn't give it away. You sent it away to the museum where it can help no one. It can help thousands of people. And what's it going to help them with? Getting a lot of honey? They're in a city.

They can get honey. Have you ever been to a museum, Horns? Obviously I've been to a museum. Right. What did you take away from that museum? There was a painting on a jug that also had an abandoned child on there and I felt good. Who would each of you like to act with?

And that's why museums are important. I'd like to act with, no, you go first this time. Quasha. I'll take Dragonbait. The Magmans go first. The little Magman boys attack. Adam's shuffuffling a deck what deck are you shuffling a shuffling the cas and tom get rewarded dare no that's oh no that's real bad oh no so the two little boys that run up and try to attack pop neither of them they like slam into

you but you step back it's like fighting children you feel a little bad almost but you are not you're not hit i'm gonna punt you into the moon all right i love that it's a good threat it's a good promise nothing with pop is ever a threat it's always a promise and tiffany one of them launches at you wraps around your chest and you feel a burning sensation then you feel a slash at the back of one of your legs you crumple forwards and another one grabs the back of your head and scrunches into that. You feel an awful, terrible burning sensation. Tiffany, you catch fire. That's not fair.

I'm a tiefling. You take four points of damage from the first attack. The lake's not a good lake either. Nine points of damage from the second attack, and you are on fire, Tiffany. You must spend your turn trying to douse the flames. Otherwise, you'll continue to take fire damage. They attack the rest of your party as well.

How many are there? Nine, did you say? They do not do well otherwise. Sorry? Nine? There's nine in total, yes. Arta Simba's turn. Arta Simba, in shock shock and panic levels his hand at

a cluster of three of them and blasts them with cold energy. He wipes out those three. As each of them dies, they explode. Oh no. In fire and in dust

and in smoke. Heysel, Lowe's? Jesus, lows jesus lows no one is in range for those explosions but highs or lows lows again the place where they were where those explosions happen crumbles in and turns to powder creating three large holes in the ground that slowly begin to... You can see like there was a hole underneath it that is slowly being filled. The ground looks unstable. Pop, you kind of know what's happening. You understand that you are in a wasteland near a volcano. A lot of the ground here is unstable earth.

It's very crumbly and that's what's happening it's just shifting it's like sand that conforms that can be still for a little while it's just breaking apart that is kind of hazardous if you step into it it can be like worse than quicksand it will actually swallow you whole oh god and it would probably indicate that you are somewhere over a seam of magma, which is ultimately where those little crumbly holes are leading. Right. Okay. I'm glad that came out before I jumped in the powder to douse myself.

Pop. Is that what you were going to do? Yes. Pop, it's you and Dragonbait. Well, actually, Pop hasn't said anything yet. I relayed that information to the party. Okay. Watch your feet.

This place is unstable and the little powdery fuckers are making it more so. Don't go anywhere near where any of them blew up. True to my word, Adam, I'm going to punt these fuckers to the moon. Well, first round of combat, you get four attacks. So I'm going to Zephyr Strike as well. First round of combat. So let's just fuck them up.

Your first attack deals 13 points of damage. You destroy one of them utterly, kicking it, punting it towards the sky. Your second attack Does it explode in the air, therefore harmlessly? No, it explodes as you kick it, actually.

Oh, thanks for reminding me. Fuck. Hunt for the moon. You'll let it. You fail a dexterity saving throw and you take 10 points of damage. You are also on fire. Pop. That's right.

I'll kill the other one and then I'll put myself out. You kick another one. You kick a second one and miss. Your third attack, critical hit. You deal enough to destroy a second one, I'm sure. Let me check. Into the sky where it explodes harmlessly. That's the critical hit part.

Yep. Hey, funny. Get back. Maximum damage and the target must make a constitution saving throw that it fails. On a failed save, they are pushed five feet back. So you kick one a full five feet

into the air. But as it explodes, as it dies, it explodes, you pass, so you will only take a further five points of fire damage. That's all right. You have one more attack.

Are there any others near me? Yes. You're just moving about. Another critical hit. Oh, I told you. To the moon, baby. You destroy another one. You save again.

You'll only take five points of fire damage you have destroyed three of them artist destroyed three you are on fire tiffany is on fire three left tiffany it's your turn i would like to stop oh and dragon bait sorry what would you like dragon bait to do kill can he put me off fire he can do it yeah but dragon bite little help here he tries to pat you out but you've been moving about this entire time you go from one to another to another to another and as you're moving about he can't keep you still long enough to pat you down and in addition to that you keep keep catching fire from their attacks. On their explosions, their deaths.

So unfortunately, you are still on fire. Now it's your turn, Tiffany. I would like to stop, drop, and roll. You successfully do so. But that is your turn. So the fire's out? Yes. Good, yes.

What would you like Quasha to do? Kill. He fires his sling hits dealing six points of damage that is not enough to destroy one a bullet the little rocks that a sling fires are called bullets slams into the side of one of the creature's heads, rocking it sideways and staggering it back a few steps, but not killing it. That is Quasha's turn. Two arrows plug their way into one of them. Good boy, Flask. Flask of Wine kills one.

It explodes. Highs or lows? Highs. No one was close enough for it to get caught in the blast. So that leaves two left. One of them attacks Pop. Actually, fuck it. They both attack Pop.

You've been a pain in their side. Literally, I kicked them into space. Yes. Oh, wow. That's a lot of ones. Pop, you take nine points of damage as two of them try to gang up on you. They're getting solid hits in on you, but nine points of damage. They're them try to gang up on you they're getting solid hits in on you but nine points of damage they're like superfluous blows it stings because it's a fire but uh you're

just tanking it going along that's what i do then artist draws his dad oh no he knows not to draw his dagger he draws his bow instead and starts firing arrows that's a hit that's a hit uh he destroys one of them and finishes off the last one oh fuck i'm still on fire you need to make two dexterity saving throws you pass both them, so you'll take half damage from both of these. You take seven points of damage total from their explosions. What a joy.

Ah, wait. I doused myself. Oh, yeah. Fuck. Dragon bait helps. You take another six points of damage. Tiffany, would you like to help? Yes.

Tiffany helps. Quasha helps. You're put out. Thank you. All good. You all right? Yeah. All right.

It's still pretty early in the morning. So you keep going. I'm going to Cure Wounds, level 2. You recover 15 hit points. How are you doing? I could do with some help, I guess. Yeah, I'm on Cure Wounds, level 2. Level 2?

Yeah. You recover 8 hit points, Tiffany. Well, that was fun. You have a very strange idea about what's fun. Oh, come on. You did nearly get him to the moon, though. I did. I was close.

I'll get him next time. Yeah. Not that we want a next time. Oh, no, no, no. Of course not. We're on the same page. Yeah, you definitely get him at the moon, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've got to find the fun in, you know, the awful. Oh, of course. I am staring into nothing at the moment. I've just been on fire and I'm a tiefling. I didn't really know that was possible. I'm surprised, too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll be right.

You've been through worse. Yeah, yeah, it could always be worse, you know. Always be worse. Well, let's keep going. All right. You've been through worse. Yeah. Yeah, it could always be worse, you know. Always be worse. Well, let's keep going. All right, murder on, gents. As you continue onwards, who is in the lead? Who's leading your group? We've all got the map now, don't we?

So you'd still need, like, a map does not mean that you just know where you are and where you're going. Quasar and Flask are still guards. Yes. Who's the more competent? They're kind of even. It's hard to tell. Flask.

Flask of wine leading? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a smart move. Definitely. Put our favourite at the front so he won't die. Uh-huh. That makes sense.

That checks out. Yep. Good. That is how it always works. Let me just look at my notes here. Yeah, no, I've done the math. Perfect. Yeah.

Are you trying to move stealthfully? I think that's probably smart. Yeah, after running into the magman. Let's just try and be stealthy. Keeping low to the environment. Oh, no, we need him. We do. Okay, we're not stealthy.

Vaughn leads. We had Vaughn in that fight. Oh, my God. You direct him as an action, I believe. Vaughn leads. We had Vaughn in that fight. Oh, my God. You direct him as an action, I believe. Vaughn. I'm writing it in. Big letters on my sheet so I remember he is part of this party. I will always partner up with Vaughn from here on out.

Oh, hey, you can store a spell in Vaughn, by the way. What do you mean store a spell? So you cast a spell into Vaughn and then Vaughn can cast it himself. But you have to tell him to cast it, right? Yeah, you have to give him the instruction or give him circumstances when he can use it. You can't use a... Oh, no, I think you can use a cantrip, actually. A spellcaster who wears the Shield Guardian's amulet can cause the Guardian to store one spell of fourth level or lower.

To do so, you must cast the spell on the guardian the spell has no effect but is stored within the guardian when commanded to do so by the wearer or when a situation arises that is predefined by the spellcaster the guardian casts the stored spell with any parameters set by the original caster requiring no components when this spell is cast or a new spell is stored, all previously stored spells are lost, which would only be one. Did we have a section where we planned to store a second-level Cure Wounds in there for if you passed out? Yep.

Oh, well, God, we're smart. It would appear you still have another second-level spell. Would you like to store it in Vaughn? I'd like to store a level two cure wounds in Vaughn. All right. So you might want to mark that down. I will. And you give him the parameters that he uses it if you're ever unconscious?

Yes. Vaughn, use your level two cure wounds spell if either myself or Tiffany ever fall unconscious. Oh, thank you. But not if we're asleep. No, not if we're downed in combat, not just having a bedtime. You'll know, Vaughn. You'll know. Also, you don't have to use any sort of action to control Vaughn.

You just tell him what you want him to do. Right. So he's almost like a bonus action. Yeah, he's like an extra thing that you can do. Lovely. Lovely. So. Well, thank you, Vaughn.

You're not trying to move stealthily? Well, thank you, Vaughn. You're not trying to move stealthily? Well, can we with Vaughn? No. The person at the front can, whoever's guiding you. Well, I guess if Flask likes keeping an eye and we're just sort of following. Yeah. Yeah. Flask does his best job as he can to try and secret you guys.

But it's hard with Vaughn. Yeah. Especially since it's a lot of flat lands. There's some undulating to the territory, and Flask of Wine tries to use that as best as he can, but it's not perfect. At a certain point, you notice that your group is encountering another group.

And unfortunately, it happens at such a point where it's impossible to not, like you're too close to not engage each other but you're also kind of surprised by them who are they oh sorry where are my manners here we go so tiffany and pop you both know what these creatures are they're called fire newts in regions that contain hot springs volcanic, or similar hot and wet conditions, fire newts might be found. These humanoid amphibians live in a militaristic theocracy that reveres elemental fire in its worst incarnation. They need hot water to live and breed.

incarnation. They need hot water to live and breed. A fire newt becomes sluggish mentally and physically after spending a week away from an external source of moist heat. And a prolonged lack of heat can shut down a fire newt community as the creatures within go

into hibernation and their eggs stop developing. Fire newt society and culture are based on the worship of Imix, the prince of evil fire. This veneration of Imix leads Fire Newts to be aggressive, wrathful, and cruel. Fire Newt warlocks

of Imix teach that demonstrating these qualities, a Fire Newt warrior in combat can become, quotation marks, touched by the Fire Lord, entering a nearly unstoppable battle rage. And firenoots have a close relationship with a type of monstrous beast

they believe Imic sent to aid them, borne out by the creature's ability to send a gout of flame against distant enemies. Called giant striders, Ah, yes. these monsters appear bird-like and reptilian, but are truly neither. Fire newts provide shelter, food, and breeding grounds in their lairs for giant striders, and the striders voluntarily serve as mounts for elite fire newt soldiers.

All of these creatures are evil. Just inherently evil. If they speak with you, it will only be to further evil goals they are objectively not good people good good to know have they seen us yeah there's a tense standoff happening they're not doing anything and you're not doing anything but you can see their weapons are drawn and they mean to fight but they're just maybe waiting artists is there anything you could spring on them to i'm trying to make it look like in my mouth not moving anything you can spring on them to maybe take them out uh we we know all that information yeah yeah they need heat and they need wet they're like mold look yes i suppose i could

just ice them up but i'm sure it'll have the same effect on them as it has on many things we don't want them to go into hibernation we want them to die. True. So maybe we should all draw our weapons. You start drawing your weapons? I merely suggest that you're on the right track, Horns. We do want them dead, Artis, but they'd be easier to be dead if they were in hibernation. All right, then. I'll chill the area,

and we'll wait however long it takes for them to just go into that little hibernate. Why don't we just fight them if we're going to fight them? Could we go around them? We could start trying to. Let's see what happens if we go around them. Flask of wine. No, you don't see Flask of Wine's head. You see two little cat ears over the top of a nearby hill and Flask of Wine, the top of his head, slowly pokes over.

He clearly had seen what was about to happen, but couldn't get to you guys in time. Or at the very least without alerting them to his presence. Right now, you can see that Flask of Wine is hidden from them, but visible to you. Flask of Wine, his ears, like his right one flattens with his left one still up. Then he reverses. Then he goes back. Then both of them are up.

Both of them are down. And you realize he's trying to communicate to you through ears. Oh, no, we can't understand that. But, God, it's cute. I've got ear holes. Don't have any ears. I mean. Let me know if anyone draws their weapon.

I feel like if we draw a weapon, that's a sign that we're ready to fight. Well, yes. Well, maybe if we just try and walk around, we won't provoke an attack. Yeah, let's do that. We'll move around them. You start slowly trying to move around them. As you do so, Hi, Zalos. Hi. Hi, Zalos. Slowly trying to move around them. As you do so, Heyselos?

Heys! They're letting you pass by, but you can see that there's some dissension among their group as well. Do either of you understand Draconic? Yep. Who does? Me. You do?

One of them hisses to presumably the leader. They're leaving good food to waste. Yes, it would be a pity to let... It's like two people have ridden up next to their leader. Yes, it would be a pity to let them leave now. Steady on, folks. They are debating whether or not we are edible. Let's keep moving.

I would much rather die by their blade than let them pass. Wait, wait, my younglings. Let them leave now. We will track them. We will find them. We will feast. Just a quick one for the group as we're going here. None of you speak Draconic, do you?

No. Right, so they've said they're going to let us go. However, they're going to track the shit out of us and then eat us later. Oh, just maybe we should freeze them. You can see Flosk of Wine's ears just slowly bobbing behind that hill as

he moves to track you guys. What I'm thinking is, could we leave a false trail? Quasha nods, I could do that. You'd be prepared to do that? I could do it, yeah. Find your way back to us. Oh, no, no, I could.

Oh, no, wait, they're not going to be able to. Vaughn, they're just going to be able to find us. You know, you're absolutely right. I turn back to the newts. And in Draconic, so that they know I understand them, I say, track this, bitches. Vaughn, smash them. Vaughn leaps over you and will go to initiative.

I don't love Vaughn. So you're fighting seven of them, all of them mounted on giant striders. Well, 14. You're fighting 14 in total. Yep. We have a Vaughn. We're fighting 14 in total. Yeah. We have a Vaughn. We have a Vaughn. Oh, don't attacks on me go to him?

Yeah, half damage goes to him. T-Fenny, who would you like to act with? Quasha. I never want him to feel alone again. That's very kind of you. Get a good boy card. Who would you like to work with? Van is i can pick someone else vaughn is also something vaughn is yes yes you get to pick someone else well artisan interesting should i pick dragon but oh

fuck i forget the dragon baits here you're gonna end up marrying artists you. You love him. You're going to fall in love. He's got a very dreamy face. Have you seen his tattoos? I bet you they're for his past lovers. Shut up. Oh no, it's just Wombat said he probably fucked when he got lonely. Oh, slander.

Tiffany? Yes. It's your turn. I would like to, how far away? Can I charge and attack on this turn? Yeah, you can. You can attack the strider itself or the fire nude riding it. Are the striders evil? Poor, do you know much about striders?

You know, yeah, they are intelligent and they are evil. Oh my God. Okay. I charge with Quasha. Oh, my God. Okay. I charge with Quasha. We both charge in. And I green flame blade the closest strider I can see. The strider itself?

Yeah. All right. You hit. I want the top man to fall off and be prone. With Quasha's help. To be stoned by Vaughn. Smush, smush, smushy, smushy, smushy, smushy. With Quasha's help, you deal 24 points of damage to the strider.

The strider goes down. And you deal a further three points of damage. No, you deal a further five points of damage to its rider as the green flame blade licks from the strider to the rider. I love this weapon that I should have been using the whole campaign. Should I want to use Witch Bolt? Oh, look, of course I do. Does it do fire damage? Uh-oh.

Yeah, so they are immune to fire damage both of them are so you deal no extra damage to the fire newt and oh you'd still down yeah you would still down the strider though okay but the rider took no damage oh and what do you want to do um quasha has call lightning That's his most powerful attack spell. I think Call Lightning will do here. He can target six enemies with this spell. I would love for him to target six enemies with this spell. That seems like the best thing to do.

Three make their saves, but three do not. Sometimes when I just am, like, rolling myself around, I see the dice, and I know they're behind this wall and I move away because that's private. That's good. Both of you get good boy cards. Yeah. Cool. No, he said it. Don't even, don't question.

Don't question. Quasha deals 16 points of damage to three of them and 8 points of damage to three of them. The bolt of lightning strikes where he dictates it to hit and you hear a terrible rumbling and crackling sound kwasha can maintain that spell for 10 minutes it's a concentration spell though so he can't cast any other concentration that's okay thanks he's doing his best then it is the war Warlocks' turn. Wait, they're Warlocks?

One of them is. And now, a quick word from our sponsor. Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that we could hear Jackson or Zamet waxing poetic about video games they've played and give them a score based on a frankly baffling rating system I refuse to understand, then do i have news

for you thumb cramps is a show by jackson zamit doucher and occasionally cass where they as my dad calls it ignore total overdose the most pivotal game of the early 2000s so if you like the sound of that or if you want to know why my dad keeps calling them total hacks. Then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for thumb cramps. Oh, dear. The leader spouts five rays of fire out of his finger. He smites Artis, he smites Tiffany, and he misses you, Pop. You duck, roll, and dive out of the way as a stream of fire bathes where you were. The ground there crumbles away a bit. Tiffany, you take 11 points of damage, and then several of the fire noot warriors get

into the fray, riding their mounts. One of them belches fire at you, Pop, and you take eight points of damage. Then another one, Pop, rides past you and slashes at you with its scimitar, striking you and dealing two points of damage. As it rides past, though, the strider that it is riding also belches fire at you. This font's going to be a bit tricky. I was like, oh, this will be fun. It's almost as if Arda should have just helped us, isn't it? Nah, this is much better the way we've done it.

Oh, you're right. That's my mistake. The dumb one. He can still help us. You're right. Every time he chooses not to help us, it's a choice not to help us. You take 12 points of damage.

I don't know what you guys are expecting. He's not going to slowly chill this entire area to put their... No, no, just freeze them. He hasn't had his turn yet. Okay. God, you guys kill me. Now, would I... Did half my damage go to Vaunt?

Oh, I keep forgetting. I'm sorry. Just give me no damage next turn. That sounds like a fair trade. That's fair. Yep, yep, yep. I'll heal you for 20 hit points and put it on Vaughn. That's roughly fine.

Yay! And then, Tiffany, you roll out of the way of one of them belching fire, but you'll still take half damage. Oh, quarter damage. You'll take two points of damage from fire licking at you, and then another one attacks you with a scimitar, hitting you. I'm hot and I like to lick.

My name is fire. Get you quick. A further three points of damage, and the strider that it is riding, or that is riding it, bites you, Tiffany. Oh. Well, it tries to. Instead, it sinks its fangs into your leather,

but as it rides past, it twists in the leather. Fangs? Yeah, it has fangs. Oh, jeez. It's a bird with fangs. It's not a bird. Neither a bird nor a dinosaur. It's some kind of abomination born of hate.

Its teeth twist around in your leather, but they just scratch you. It doesn't actually draw blood. Smith, they've ruined my beautiful work, though. The rest of them are fighting with your other allies. It's Pop and Artis' turn. Well, Vaughn's going to do some smashing. Which one would you? You don't pick.

Vaughn just indiscriminately destroys. And then for my turn, I'd like to Zephyr Strike I want to do the same thing to you Try to knock it off the rider So it's prone It's a good strategy So Vaughn regains 10 hit points And Vaughn

Makes his two fist attacks His first one is a hit But his second one is a miss. One of the fire newts that had been struck by the lightning, Vaughn picks up and squeezes. It explodes out the top and out of the bottom of his fist. I love Vaughn so much. Yes, this is a good boy.

Thank you, Vaughn. We haven't had him fight anything since the zombies. Vaughn looks at his gauntlet almost as if he is surprised as to what happened. But he's not, is he, Adam? Because he doesn't think. No. You cast Zephyr Strike. This is the first round of combat.

Sure is. So you get plus 40 all things said and done to your movement speed. And I'm going for the warlock. All right. You charge him. You're attacking him or his strider? Strider. All right.

Your first attack is a hit. You deal 16 points of damage in your first attack. You deal 7 points of damage in your second attack. Total of 23. that brings it down you've got two more attacks left would you like to direct them to the warlock sure would one hit one miss you deal six points no seven points of damage to the warlock himself slashing at his chest red liquid oozes out of him as if they were a clear balloon filled with a red liquid with a red jelly just so you know you're fucking gross it just hisses at you and artist what would you like artists to do kill fuck the warlock up with some frosty powers artist simba doesn't have anything that can target

specifically the warlock he can fuck up the group but he can't target specifically the warlock oh well then fuck up the group an explosion of frigid cold energy ripples out through the center of the fire newt group it creates a sheen of ice all over the ground and artist simba kills four of the fire newt group it creates a sheen of ice all over the ground and artisember kills four of the fire newts and four of their striders oh shit it's good when you try isn't it they are frozen solid it is flask of wine and dragon bait's turn dragon bait barrels forwards and attacks the warlock that you were fighting he slashes twice with his sword, Holy Avenger, and I believe he's about to ruin this guy's day. He deals 26 points of damage.

He cuts down... Wait, does it have extra hit points? Not enough. He cuts down the warlock, killing it, laying it out in front of him. Well, kind of killing it. It's like ragged breathing and looking up it's breathing raggedly and looking up at him and flask of wine bursts out from some

hidden cover that he had i'd like to imagine that he just like put ash on himself like that you know that spider that clicks all the sand on its head? Yes. Oh, my God. And it just covers its eyes and then it's like, I made it. Oh, my God. I love it. And its whole back half of its body is out. He fires two arrows at one of the striders. He deals 12 points of damage, but he doesn't bring it down. But he does hurt one of the striders.

Then it is, back to the top, Tiffany and Quasha. The people you are fighting are dead. There's two striders and one fire newt left. I would love to go directly for the fire newt. And maybe, because my green flame blade won't have, oh, does it have any effect on this? No, it doesn't have any effect. No, they're all immune to fire. Then I'm going to bring out my witch bolt.

All right. Haven't seen that in a while, Cass. Hey, where have you been? You extend your hands forward, splaying your fingers, and electricity leaps off you and licks at the fire newt. What level are you casting the spell at? Second. Second level. Electricity bathes the fire newt.

It gets bigger and bigger and bigger and then it explodes. Yuck. You are covered in red jelly. Does it smell nice? No. Okay. There are two striders left. No.

What do you want Quasha to do? Oh, Quasha keeps calling lightning first off. The lightning strikes. They're still in the range of the lightning, yeah? Oh, the lightning has a massive range. He can move it. Oh, beautiful. Yeah.

So the lightning strikes one of the striders, but he can't hit both of them at the same time, unfortunately. He still deals 16, 21 points of damage, destroying, killing that strider. One strider left. It's the strider's turn. It turns tail and runs. Good move. Poppin' Artus, what are you doing?

Vaughn, stomp on it. Vaughn can't get to it. It's faster than him. It's way faster than him. It moves 100 feet and around. Jesus Christ. I've got a bow and arrow. I'm going to kill it.

Can it talk? I have no idea. I know they're intelligent-ish. What? You said a lot of things really quickly. What I don't want it doing is going back and going like, hey, friends, there's some people out in the jungle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's intelligent enough to communicate

something like that. Yeah, now I'm going to kill it. Alright. Bow and arrow time. You only get two attacks with your bow and arrow. Strange. Oh, only two. Can I Zephyr Strike with a bow and arrow? No. No. You plug it with two arrows dealing 10 plus

2. You deal 12 points of damage. I was about to say, I'm sure it's enough. It actually isn't. It's slightly still alive. That's right. Artlist's turn is bow and arrow. Artist draws his bow and arrow. The firenude

hits the ground and slides a little ways. Not the firenude, sorry, the strider. Good work, team. I think we did really well. I think we did all right, yeah. Good job, Vaughn. Good to have you back.

I just asked Vaughn to do a very gentle fist bump with Tiffany. Vaughn leans down and, Tiffany, he slowly extends his fist towards you. Well, I've seen it happen before, so I fear it not. I give it a fist bump. With a delicate touch that only King Kong could muster when holding a woman and climbing the Empire State Building, Vaughn gently fist bumps you and then retracts his hand

in a mechanical-like movement. I give a smile to Pop. What? I didn't do anything. This is so cute because it's like, it's almost like you're trying to make me believe in Santa or something. Like there's... Not me. It's almost like you're trying to make me believe in Santa or something. Not me.

It's Vom. I give you a cheeky smile like, okay. You both get 1,250 experience points. Take them. And I will do loot. Oh, yeah. Loot? What have they got?

What was in that jelly? I don't think you're ready. Oh, yeah. Loot? What have they got? What was in that jelly? I don't think you're ready. Oh, no. Okay. Stop, Adam. Stop. You check their little treasure pouches. What's in the box?

What's in the box today? You find 21 gold, 8 silver, and 6 copper. copper Well I think you should write that down You've been keeping track of our gold Sure have You also find a climber's kit, thieves tools And a small glass decanter of slate grey liquid Smelling faintly of wet stone Do we know what that is?

About a thieves tools Neither of you do very well on a knowledge arcana. You could take a little sippy of it and make a perception check. What about the rest of the team? Flask of wine. No, flask of wine cannot be trusted to identify this liquid. Quasha. Quasha identifies as a potion of climbing.

Did you want the thief's tools? Does anyone want the thief's tools? Flask of Wine puts his paw up. Okay. It's got to be a trade, though, doesn't it? Nothing. Do I not get a part of this treasure anyway? Yeah, this is the part you wanted.

Of this one, yes. There you go. I'm not an idiot. Well, you've had parts of other treasures. I paid you back in Port Nianzaru. Yes, and now I am out here leading you again. Yeah, and so we're going to give you a portion of the treasure, which is the lockpicks. Of this specific fight?

Yes, of this specific fight. All right. I want that basically in writing. It's basically in writing. Why must you sound... You could at least try not to sound so... Just write it down, please. Deceptive.

We did promise. Please, can you just provide it in writing? Have I ripped you off yet, Flask? No, but it feels... You know what? I don't want to make an issue of it at least yet. We'll deal with the thing that will probably kill us first, and then we can discuss the treasure after.

I like the way you think flask we'll make sure you get your dress a flask flask of wine narrows his eyes i just did you want the climbers kid or the no no no it's fine i don't care that much i've just you were asking if anyone wanted the thieves tools and i wanted the thieves tools but i realized then we were talking about treasure and giving up and whatnot and i look it's not that input i'm sorry to have made an issue of this clearly no that's all right no you have every right we said we pay you but i give flask 10 gold no i don't want money no no don't rub it out on your character sheet. Write it back down. You can keep the money.

I'm already giving it to you. It's on the ground. I'm not claiming it. I roll my eyes and pick it up. Okay, now I have to write it down. Look what you've done. That is not my gold. We can discuss the payment when we get back to Port Nyanzaru.

If we get back to Port Nyanzaru. Again, I like your gumption. You have a climbing kit and potion. You're already so good. I don't need a climbing kit. No, that's... As long as you're okay. I'm fine, yes.

Okay. We're fine. Everything's good. All right. Here, let us hug. He hugs you, Tiffany. I'm glad. This is a hug to say that everything is fine.

Yes. I hug back. All right, good. Everything's fine. I would never assume anything was fine between us. So don't worry about that. That is a safe assumption, but an incorrect assumption. Everything is fine between us, Flask.

Perhaps a firm handshake, he leans forward. Yes, a firm handshake. All right. I slip him a gold piece. God damn it! Did he take it though? He takes the gold piece. This is not my payment. I'm just taking a gold piece.

I'm holding onto it for you. I'm going to write that down. Flask of wine gets a texter and writes on his fur, you are holding onto this gold piece for Pop. So you set a camp for the night. Can I get who's on first?

Jeez, Adam. I wonder who's on first watch. Adam, you're really going to come in here and ask that question. Who's on first? Who's on first? Pop? Yes. You hear distantly somewhere up in the night sky the hard beating of leathery wings.

You look up and you see the moon for a second is blotted out by a shape and then it passes. Oh, that's cool. It's one of them sky lizards we've been reading so much about on the map. It's a sky lizard from the Sky Lizard Mountains. You feel like it was something big. It didn't look like it had feathers, so you don't think it's a dinosaur. It could be a dragon. Right.

I hope you're not going to Omo. Oh, it was absolutely going in the same direction as Omo. But faster, so we might miss it. Yeah, I'm going to keep this to myself. Of course you will. The next day is semi-slow progress. You hit the wasteland area that you're in. You kind of hit like a marshy area or like just a bog type thing.

It just makes for slow progress. It's not a big deal. A swamp, Adam? No, not a swamp. It's too small to really be considered a swamp. Because I have a PHB. I don't know what that actually stands for. I just know I'm good at swamps.

A PHB would be the player's handbook, and that would correspond with a number, I presume. It says PHB 91 or something. Nope. Oh. Well, it would just mean refer to the player's handbook and that would correspond with a number i presume it says php 91 or something nope oh well it would just mean refer to the php 91 yeah there you go hey was it actually 91 yeah oh my god get a good boy card all right pass me a good boy card i just guessed the fucking number that's insane on a saving throw. Hell yeah. Guess what dragon is going to succeed on a saving throw? What dragon? I thought it was just a big cloud. We don't know. It was definitely a big cloud.

That went over the moon. Oh, I wish I could ride a dragon. This whole walk, I just every now and again just nervously look at the sky. Are you okay? Do I notice that? Yeah, you absolutely do. What are you looking for? Look. What are you looking for? Look.

What? I don't want to alarm you. What? I don't want to alarm the other group. What? The cat can speak fucking infernal. It's just between us. I may or may not.

Last night I've seen something large enough to blot out. Flask of wine yells, dragon, dragon. What? Where? Flask of wine in the lead points a little ahead of you and you see a small mound of poop. Flask of wine says, that is dragon poop if I have ever seen it. I look back at Pop. Is that the thing that you were neglecting to do? I did.

You're a good boy, Kyle. Hell yeah. Oh, boy. Was that the thing that you were neglecting to tell me? That you chose to hide until someone else discovered it? I didn't want to alarm anybody because I thought maybe it might have been a trick of the night sky. Yeah, no, you're right. It would have been less alarming if it had been a surprise.

Oh, it was! I... I walk away. Oh. What do we do, Flask? I do not know. It would be safe to keep ourselves covered from above, but that would mean going into the forest, which would mean braving the jungles, which would mean zombies. We might move quicker, though. That's up to you. I don't know what you fear more, the dead or the dragon. I turn to Pop. How big was the dragon, Pop?

It blotted out the moon. It blotted out the moon. It blotted out the moon. That is a big dragon indeed. It blotted out the moon. Maybe we risk the jungle. Yeah, I agree. Will our party fight dragons or the dead before reaching Omen? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chult. month, you can have access to a whole bunch of bonus shows and content. Once again, that's SantsPantsPlus.com

Hey there, fellow adventurer. If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspans Plus members,

the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon D&D adventures go to rest. Just search for D&D is for Nerds on your favourite podcast app of choice and join us on this epic quest of D&D podcast discovery.