D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #12 Flame

Episode Date: May 2, 2020

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Sounds Pants Radio. You owe me therapy money. Welcome to Season 2, Episode 12 of Zombie Plagues Chult. Before this time... Conga line? Are we doing a conga line for safety? Adam, is it a safety conga? Is it conga for the conga for us? Come on baby, let's all do the conga so we don't get eaten by the dragon or get lost inside this jungle everybody come on everybody let's go all six of you stare at the

dragon worm like in its might it is about the size of a cat which part are we not to talk about was it that that we killed a dragon wyrmling? Was it that that we prayed? Is it that you are religious? They are humans. People eating the flesh of a zombie that they have brought down. These guys seem nice. Some of them would definitely be

wearing clothes that it would appear they've taken from dead adventurers. I hope they feel embarrassed as they die. They're like, oh no, I lost the fight and I die hungry. Wow. Holy shit, they're fighting to the end. As the cannibal starts trying to run away, he slowly

stumbles forwards onto his knees and hands and dies vomiting blood. There's two fleeing cannibals left, Tiffany and Flask. Okay. They are running away. You can leave them if you want. Witch Bolt again.

I stay sitting, but Witch Bolt again. You switch targets and bathe a different one in Witch Bolt. Yeah. Killing only four points of damage. You hurt the cannibal, but you don't bring him down. That's fine. You just get more hurts because that's what you gave me. What do you want Flask of Wine to do?

Keep plugging? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Flask of Wine puts two arrows in the retreating back of the one that you just bathed in electricity, finishing him up. One cannibal left to tell the tale. Is he gone yet? Oh, yeah, it's their turn. He turns and sprints, dropping his spear as he goes.

Is he still running? Yeah. Can I still see him? Yeah, it's your turn. He turns and sprints, dropping his spear as he goes. Is he still running? Yeah. Can I still see him? Yeah, it's your turn. Yeah, I like to draw my longbow. I aim it at his back. I lied. You ain't my friend. Jesus. You plug him twice. You deal 19 points of damage. You bring him down.

The last of the cannibals is dead. That's a trick. He thought he was going to get away. He had a bit of hope. You hear the cannibal that you first attacked, that you first incapacitated still moaning and crying in pain. Vaughn lifts

one of his boots and crushes it. Yes! Hey Vaughn, fist bump. Vaughn gives you a fist bump. Vaughn's arm extends out shockingly quickly, stops right before yours, and then bam. Oh, I love him so much. Next time he attacks, can we invite the enemy to fill the scorn of Vaughn? Get a good boy card.

That was all right. Just going to write that down, Cass. Did we get some experience from that fight? I'm about to look it up. Oh, yeah. You both get 300 experience points. Yay. What tastes like?

Tastes like victory. Oh, a bit of growth. You find six gold and 50 silver among their corpses, plus 18 spears, leather armor on some of them that you really just don't want. Yeah, it's not that it's bad craftsmanship. It's just bad vibes. Yeah, it's probably all right craftsmanship. You just don't want to wear leather armor that has a face in it.

Does it look cool? You can't even wear armor. What are you talking about? It's true. I can't. By the way. It's a blessing I can't. By the way. It's a blessing and a curse. It does not look cool.

It looks very distinctly uncool. No way. I'm just making a list of face slash body wrongs. I'm going to say missing cheek, missing chunks. Is it, were they properly eating or were they just trying to attack me? Were they eating me? They were eating you. They were getting feed.

Okay. I can't reach in and pull out my bits. So if you want to continue, you will take a level of exhaustion because it's raining heavily. Sleepy times. You want to take a break, Horne, so you went through a bit of a thing. I would really like that. They were eating me. I know. I would really like that. They were eating me.

I know. I'm sorry. I looked back down. I don't know if it is clear on audio, but we were properly acting it out, me just sitting there and every now and then just looking down. You'd be like, what? What? What?

I'm sorry. It's just that they were just – I'm sorry, but they were eating. All of your guts are back where they belong. I mean, the parts that I still have. I'm missing parts. You're a turn-out, all right? I stick my arm out. I tap the back of my head so my fake eye falls out.

Ta-da. See, now we match. I knew that, right? Yeah. Yeah, you did. So every now and then I'm like, ooh, does Cass know that or does Teef know that? You need to dig into your rations.

You cannot find any game or food to eat. Eating people seems fine. I am so kidding. I assumed. Yeah, you hunt as well as you can. You would think, Pop, you would imagine that it would be probably something to do with the undead or the necromancy in this area. But nothing that can sustain life grows or wants to live here. Oh, I guess we're eating garbage.

You eat from your rations. Not a big deal, but not something you want to be doing a lot of. No. Well well this was yum uh shotgun first watch all right shotgun big sleep shotgun well-earned rest all right your shift goes uneventfully and we just wake up the next day yep and how is everything as you're packing up pop you notice two things. You notice one of your basilisk eyes is gone. Fuck.

And? And you notice that in among your equipment, you find a deck of cards that is not yours. What do the cards look like? I mean, yeah, what do they look like? The deck of cards has 15 cards. Do you start looking at them yes yes adam soon as you draw you draw a card the card is the jack of hearts as soon as that happens a being materializes

in front of you in shock you drop the card the card hits the ground and the material and the creature the person stands before you they're not a human but human-esque the person has a soft kind looking face and like a dusky gray hue to them the dusky gray hue is broken only by a deep red nose deep red cheeks and deep red pointed ears the person has greenish hair which is slightly slicked back but just from like lack of maintenance like someone who doesn't look after their hair just pushes it back yeah they're wearing tan bark and leaf armor have a big backpack and by their side is a small kind dog. The person smiles at you.

We all see this, yeah? Yep. I jump up right next to you. What in the name of grateful fuck is this? Hello. Hello. It's a pleasure to meet you. What the fuck were you doing in my bag?

What the fuck? Who are you? I'm not sure what you mean. Who are you? You just came out of a deck of cards. I'm a druid local to this area. Why did you just come out of a deck of cards? What do you mean? I drew. I pick up the card local to this area. Why did you just come out of a deck of cards? What do you mean? I drew, I pick up the card that I just dropped.

I drew this card. As you pick up the card, the figure jerks and follows the card. I move the card to the right. The person is dragged to the right. I put the card in my left hand and I move it to the left. Follows the card. And the dog? The dog is dragged similarly.

Are you okay? The person doesn't react to that as if it's not happening. What's your name? I'm just a druid local to the area. I don't know. I guess I don't have a name. By holding onto this card, pick up one of the other cards. You pick up another card?

Yeah. All right. Remember that the- Oh oh the card jack of hearts right jack of hearts oh no it's blank now you pick up the next card the next card is the king of hearts the person dematerializes just disappears now materializing from the next card that you drew a knight and four guards the knight is resplendent beautifully bedecked clearly armor made for show not for combat the armor is silver with a gold inlay stamped into it he bears a shield with a crest upon it the crest is two swords crossed over with a laurel wreath around them. His four guards around him look to be maybe squires. They are similarly bedecked, but not nearly as well.

They're wearing leather armor, though they have emblazoned a similar sign upon their shields and upon their armor. The knight pushes back his helmet and you see golden locks falling out and about him. The knight looks down at you and says, Hail, citizen! How may I help you? Fuck. We're about to fight in a war. Will you fight for us? Of course. Stop with the cards. We only have 13 left.

I hold onto the card that has a knight in it, and I tuck it into my hat. All right. Does he stay materialized? He stays materialized before you. I put the rest of the deck back in my backpack. All right. I pick up the blank card. Nothing happens, right?

Whatever magic was upon the card has been discharged. My name's Tiffany. How are you? I shake hands with every single squire. As you reach out to the first squire, your hand passes through them. I wave instead. Tiffany, you see them for what they truly are, an illusion.

They are not material or real. What? You can now kind of see through them. They appear translucent to you. So, knight, would you please assist me in lifting my leg? It grows heavy. Well, of course, milady. He dismounts from his horse and approaches you.

How far are you from Pop? Like right next to him. He dismounts from his horse and approaches you. He reaches out and tries to grab your leg. As he does so, his hands pass through you. Pop, you, um, are you, uh, yeah, Pop, his hands pass through Tiffany, but your mind kind of, like, has a weird disconnect. You just justify it.

You still think the night is real, but your mind justifies what just happened right why the fuck you asked him to pick up your leg it's shake his hand no i shake my hand the night reaches out of course my lord pop mandarin it is a pleasure to meet you sir pop no not sir pop your hand passes through his and you have a weird disconnect. Oh, wait, actually, hang on. I just want to look at Tiffany like, what the fuck are you talking about? It's going to be fun, me refusing to believe you that these aren't real. As soon as your hand passes through him, you realise he's an illusion. Oh, right.

On second thought, Knight, that war is later. Are you okay to accompany us through the forest? Of course, m'l later. Are you okay to accompany us through the forest? Of course, m'lady. Thank you very much. I'm glad to have these new allies. I'm sure our enemies will fear them. Yes, I'm sure our enemies will fear them. Over the course of the next few minutes, every member of your

party realizes they are illusions. If you tell them, it happens quicker. I invite everyone to shake their hand. Everyone, shake the hand of a squire and see what... They're about. See what new friends our enemies will fear. Flask just doesn't get it. I don't understand.

He's ghost hands. You can never show Flask that deck of cards. You can never show Flask that deck of cards. It's gone. He's seen the card in my hat but he wouldn't take artist simba doesn't need to shake the person's hand he deduces it himself quasha and flask of wine need to both need to shake oh sorry actually no it's dragon bait who doesn't need to shake everyone else needs to shake their hand to deduce that they are illusions

you got name i am a knight in these fair lands and you have name. I am a knight in these fair lands. And do you have a name? I am a knight in these fair lands. Lovely. Your name is Sir Bucket. I am a knight in these fair lands. Fuck. What's your name, Sir Knight?

I am a knight in these fair lands. May we name you? I am a knight in these fair lands. Tiffany, if you ask him another question and he says, I am a knight in these fair lands, I'm going to find a way to make him corporal and break his face. I just sort of nod because my plan didn't work and that's no good. Who the fuck took my eye?

Who would leave it? They left something magic. I like it. It seems like a Tabaxi move. I don't like it. It seems like something a Tabaxi would do, right? Tiffany. Flask wouldn't, though.

No. Wait, Flask. Flask's a deck of cards. Didn't Flask have a deck of cards that I didn't know about? But they didn't look like this. It was a... No, you would have gotten a better look at it. You know it's not the same deck.

Flask got a deck of cards. I've seen the entire contents of Flask's bag. He does not have a deck. Where did you get this deck of cards? I woke up and I found them in my bag. Someone had swapped one of my spare eyes for a deck of cards. Sounds like a Chowinga. Yes, but this feels not as nice.

How is it not? Well, I lost my spare eye. It would be like someone taking your big bowl of soft and replacing it with something that was not a bowl of soft. That would be cruel. But Chowingas do not understand. Big bowl of soft. Just to myself.

This definitely feels like the act of a Chowinga. All right, we'll hold on to this deck of cards for a bit longer. All right. I'll leave the knights out. Oh, yeah, leave them out. As you move away from the camp, the knights disappear. I've just got the card in my hat. Yeah.

Is the card blank now? Yeah. How much time has passed? It was movement-based, though, wasn't it? Yeah, you feel like it was movement-based. It was definitely triggered as you were walking away. Well, I've got an idea for later, then. We'll just hope that inside this deck of cards is Vaughn's twin brother.

Artus asks, may I inspect the deck of cards? I know a little bit about magical objects. I could possibly deduce its function. I'm only letting you look at these cards because you shot a man in the dick with an arrow. Adesimba laughs at that. I give him the deck of cards. Adesimba looks it over as you're walking today.

Alright, so he's going to hold onto it just for a little while, but he does promise you that he'll give it back. That's okay. You continue on your journey to the city of Oumu. On your way this day uh your guide is going to lead you true but fun fact you have an encounter about mid-morning oh boy this is gonna be good oh this is another classic example of man don't you wish you could be polite or nice sometimes?

Yes. Cass, Tom would like to apologise in advance. That's all right, Tom. Pops will apologise for nobody. That's okay. Tiffany forgives you. Oh, my God. Tiffany?

Who in the shit is Tiffany? Who the fuck? Where's Tiffany gone and what have you done with her, you socialite? Oh, no, it's just fun to be beautiful and loved. Oh, my God, that's her dream. Her dream is to be a woman named Tiffany who isn't purple and doesn't have horns or a tail. She's a human.

She's a human and she looks like her dad. Pop's dream is to be a rock. Is it possible for you to be any sadder? Oh, it would be sadder if she knew how sad she was. Oh, no, it wouldn't. No. Then you could at least be annoyed for someone moping, but she's trying her best.

Oh, Jesus. Could you imagine if you walked into some kind of spell that the illusion made you look like the thing that you wanted to be most like to everyone else so like it would be it would be so heartbreaking oh my god oh my god you know what would happen okay so the thing i want to look like most is my father's daughter so i'd be like i look like him and everyone's like you didn't change. And I'd be like, it didn't work. Oh! Skirting as close as you can around the infested undead areas of Chult, every now and then you can still hear, deep within, further into the jungle, you hear the telltale moaning,

groaning, and shuffling sounds of hordes of undead. Oh, here we go. Here comes trouble. Oh, here we go. Here comes trouble. Oh, boy. You know you are not too far away from them at any moment, and you know that at any moment things could turn very deadly. Flask of Wine puts his hand, his paw, I'm so sorry, his paw up and brings your party to a halt.

He gestures for you to get low and then makes like an eyes forward gesture. And you can tell that he's spotted something or someone. What would you like to do? I get low. Yeah, get low, get low, get low, get low. To the window and the wall. Sorry. You can hear the rustling and movement of characters or creatures ahead of you,

are you just going to trust in a flask of wine, or would you like to get eyes on these yourself? I think we should trust the guide, because if he's in front, we'll have a chance while he's getting attacked first. I mean, that's a good... If we get attacked, someone's got to get attacked first. I mean, that's a good. If we get attacked, someone's got to get attacked first. If we ready our weapons so that we're ready, at least we're ready.

You continue to surprise me, horns. I ready my weapons, I guess. I ready my weapon. You hear voices from up ahead. They sound not local, but maybe from the Sword Coast, which, Pop, you would know, Tiffany, you would not, but you, Pop, can pick them out as being not locals and potentially some sort of, maybe some sort of like mercenaries or something like that.

Mercenary group. Yeah, something like that. Sir, I see here, well, the scout informs me actually, but apparently these are tracks, undead. They lead northwards, I believe. A horde, maybe no more than 50, but no less than 20. Ah, yes, yes, of course, of course, of course. Well, we'll need to track them, obviously, but we should maintain a steady distance.

At some point in this conversation, you hear one of them refer to presumably their leader as Flame. They call him Flame. Like as in F-L-A-M-E. Like the fire. That's not cool. Do they know it? Can we roll for perception to see if they know it's not cool?

Do they say it with a bit of disdain? Pop, you fancy that to be a title. And you would also know that a group called the Flaming Fist, who they're the Flaming Fists, I think I've explained this before. Yeah, yeah. I think we've run into them maybe once briefly, almost. Just as a quick refresher, they're a mercenary company based in Baldur's Gate and on the Sword Coast. Their members serve kind of as city guards.

You would have seen them around Port Nyanzaru as hired, as, as, as along with the Xentai. We were going to have to kill the guy who was friends with the Flaming Fist. Yes. When we refused to do many side quests. Oh, wow. They are one of the most powerful and expensive fighting forces in all the realms, and they're motivated primarily by the promises of riches and glory through victory.

You're kind of aware that you're not sure who's contracted them or what they're on about but they are trying to exterminate schult of the undead menace and they've not necessarily been having a lot of luck no because they're fucking useless fucks you i would assume pop you would see them as pompous and annoying to deal with. Oh, yeah. Big time wankers. You wouldn't necessarily consider them hostile or evil or anything like that. No. Worse.

Boring and thinking that they're nice. Do I sort of notice as well? You hear that, but you don't know what flame means. Oh, for fuck's sake. You would know that it's a name, probably. What? Flame. What does that mean?

It's, if I told you that a group of people used the title flame to describe a rank of something, on a scale of 1 to 100, how pompous do you think those fuckers would be? Look, I'm not really sure about social cues outside of my own kingdom, but I know you well enough to say they're the worst. That's my horns. What do they want? I assume they're after the undead for some reason that would be... If they're after the undead, then just leave them. Better they attack the dead than us. No, they're not going to attack us.

They're going to probably lecture us, and that's infinitely worse. Can't we just wait till they leave? Sure. They'll probably see us anyway. Why aren't you whispering? Flask of Wine turns around, looks both of you in the eyes as you're whispering, and gives you a very panicked look. He presses his paw up to his mouth in like a shushing gesture,

but before his finger reaches his mouth, you hear from behind him like a uh like a loud low whistling you know the sort of whistle where two fingers go into the mouth it's that sort of a whistle you hear that from behind flask of wine and he winces instead of shushing when he brings his finger up oh here we go the bushes start rustling very heavily you see presumably a local a scout of some sort backing away the one who obviously spotted you and then coming through the brush a large group of you can see the sigil of the flaming fist is kind of like an upside down triangle almost with a pattern of a flame and a fist within it. Oh, that's cool.

Yeah. I wouldn't have guessed it was a fist on fire. Not incredibly creative. But anyway, they're all bearing the, most of them are bearing the insignia. The scout obviously doesn't. He just wears leather armor or actually probably fur armor. And there would be a cleric who does not wear, he wears, I don't know, the sigil of some obscure god, whatever.

Sigil of Gregory Bates. Probably not Gregory Bates. Imagine, and you're just like, this is worse. I'd kill the cleric. With the cleric and the scout, scout though are eight presumably knights of the flaming fist and one obviously in charge the flame uh kind of a equivalent to a lieutenant or lieutenant if you're nasty rank we be nasty adam the nastiest rank of all. The flame, presumably kind of like a loo or lieutenant rank, and eight regular knights plus a priest plus a scout.

So what you're saying, Adam, is that this flame fella is not the regular tenant? No, he would not. Good to know. He would, in fact, be. You might even know who the regular tenant is. Fun fact, you do. Yeah. Oh.

Look, a lot of this is irrelevant information. Liara Porter, a Blaze. Oh, my God. With the Flaming Fist, commands the Flaming Fist out of Fort Boulourian, just northeast of Port Nyanzaru. She's 47 years old and has held her post for the past three years here in Chult. You know so

much! Yeah. To her, a posting in Chult feels like a test of metal, but to many of her subordinates it feels like banishment. Oh, I fucking love that. Adam, that knowledge is delicious because you know what this flame is? He's a subordinate. He doesn't want to fucking be here.

Oh, I can't wait to make him upset. Something that you know that not many people on the streets of Port Nyanzaru know. Liara is in league with pirates around the coast. Oh, Adam, you're giving me so much juicy information. I can use to upset a whole group of people. Liara is in league with pirates around the coast. Oh, Adam, you're giving me so much juicy information. I can use to upset a whole group of people. Liara's spies in Port Nyanzaru furnish her... This is... You know it is fact, but you really don't have any proof of this.

But I know this is definitely happening. This definitely is happening, but you could not prove this. Liara's spies in Port Nyanzaru furnish her with ship manifests and departure schedules, which she passes to the pirates via a sending stone. You maybe got a flaming fist that you particularly liked. You met in a bar. You got him really drunk. And he told you this. We agreed Chult was a shithole and we hate authority.

You hear the leader of this group of flaming fists. Hello there. Are you by any chance adventuring through Chult? You're not lost, are you? No, we're on a picnic. Oh. Does this picnic happen to have any official documentation? Oh, yeah, it's right here.

Oh, no, I left it at home when I was running away from all the zombies. All right, open your packs. Why? If you want to adventure through Chult, you'll need special dispensation to do so. Any gear that you have will need to be confiscated. How about I make you an alternative arrangement um flamey boy i know you don't want to be here it's hot it's sticky it's awful you'd rather be somewhere else but your blaze decided that this is where she wants to be for whatever reason

i'm not gonna say much about why she's here but she wants to be here and you, frankly, don't. So I'm going to propose another solution for you. You just keep going after those undead and we'll keep going this way and that's it. You can live your life and get off this godforsaken hell rock a lot quicker. A rare persuasion attempt by nuts by pop mandarin uh unfortunately pop mandarin has not invested in his persuasion uh let me just have a look at what it is on here uh it's uh plus one which hey is a positive still or alternatively let me offer you uh another option yeah i'm listening

potentially you could if you so chose, submit to our inspection, open your packs, have critical gear confiscated, and also gear that you have scavenged legally here in Chult. Cool, cool, cool. And then you could head to Fort Ballerion. You could acquire an official documentation, and he looks at the tabaxi, official guide, and then you could come back here are you racist

am i racist i just saw the way you looked at my cat friend that's quite racist your cat friend here is a wanted criminal aren't we all wanted criminals no no he is specifically a wanted criminal for male theft and also illegal solicitation of guide what's your name flame my name why my name is flame white paper your your family must have hated you as much as i hate me when i named you Your family must have hated you as much as they hated me when they named you Wait is spelt with a Y Of course it is How about I make a counter proposal

You fuck off into the jungle Hands start reaching for swords Or You get to go back to Fort Bollorion in a box Get a good boy card Combat begins I'm sorry, Cass. Fuck, that's going out in style.

I'll tell you what. I couldn't. I couldn't. Who do you want to fight with? Oh, it's like the flaming fist out of. I knocked all my dice away at the table. Who would you like to fight with? Which of your enemies?

And pop. I will fight with Flask and, of course, Vaughn, who is just an extension of me. I assume they haven't seen yet, right? Was Vaughn with your party? Like he was throwing with us, but if we're hiding, I would have made him hide. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The priest waves a hand in front of you before anyone can draw weapons weapons but as people are drawing weapons so obviously the fight has begun the priest casts a magical spell as he waves his hand you see slight tingling of the air before him and you can see an identical tingling of the air swipe before dragon bait dragon bait as he draws his weapon you can see that he goes a little slack jawed the priest as he completes his spell says kill the man next to you dragon bait turns and looks at artist simba it's the thing. It's happening, Cass. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no, that means all the other things. Oh, no, no, no. Pop and flask.

And, of course, Vaughn. White paper. Can I talk to him in a fight? Sure, yeah, I'll allow it. Yeah, cool. White paper. Going to give you one last chance to go home of your own free will. Or my friend here is going to separate your head from the rest of your body vaughn come to the party you hear crashing from the undergrowth under brush sorry vaughn spends his turn just arriving

on scene flask of wine if you need a refresher of his abilities flask of wine has his short sword and his long boat he can create a fog cloud which can obscure you from ranged attacks and he could if he wanted to uh become friendly with and see through the eyes of an animal are any animals he could do that with he could try and rustle one up no you know what shoot the priest with the arrow i never thought about that but he could just he can actually just get an animal friend. Like, magically. Anyway, you want him to shoot some arrows?

Yeah, get him to shoot the priest. How has he never come across his own walking ball of soft? A wombat. Walking ball of soft, Adam. They are indeed soft. Two hits. My turn was talking, wasn't it? You can still act if you want.

I want to see what old mate's going to do. Floskelwein deals 18 points of damage to the priest Plugging in with two arrows Both of them dig deep into the priest's front armour He wears chainmail, so there's no breastplate But into the chainmail of his chest And you're just going to talk? I'm giving him another chance to leave The knights all around him

draw their weapons and charge forwards obviously i assume you're defending yourself still oh yeah no no i'm just gonna stand there with my arms out they're fucking cut me boys oh that's a lot of ones holy shit that's a lot of one ah did they all? wait was it me who sucked? 20 plus a high Tiffany, 2 of the knights face off against you and Pop, 2 of the knights face off against you the other 4 begin slowly fanning around not needing to attack dragon bait but attacking flask of wine and artist simber

they score no hits on you Pop, your defense is just dazzling you draw drawing your hammer and sickle you slowly slowly back up, fending off attack after attack after attack after attack. You're fighting them on two sides, but on both fronts, you're holding your own kind of handily. Tiffany, on the other hand, you are not as well trained as either of these knights and they immediately begin gaining ground on you. One of the knights scores

a light hit against your leg and you jump upwards and backwards involuntarily as a sharp, wrapping pain. Feels like he breaks your ankle, maybe. The other knight slams his sword solidly into your chest and works it there.

You healed 40 points from overnight, but you lost 20 hit points in this fight. You're on 30 hit points. Pop, you're on full, which is 102. Oh, I'm a big boy. And now a word from our sponsors. I'm a big boy. And now, a word from our sponsors. Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that you could hear questions that no one ever thought to ask about pop culture you only kinda know,

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Then it is Dragon Bay and Artisimber's turn. Dragon Bay turns around and launches at Artisimber. Do either of us, are we too distracted to notice that the vision we saw is being recreated? It's been a long time, but Pop, you can't be sure. It doesn't seem 100% similar, but you don't know if you remember it that well. Tiffany, it looks really strikingly similar. I know it's all down to roles, but I think both of us, that is the first thing we think of when we wake up

or the last thing we think about when we go to bed. It's like, good night, good night. Oh, my God, what if she was right? You maybe even imagine, you're not 100% sure, Tiffany, but you maybe even imagine back when Nanny Poo Poo first showed you that vision. In the back of your mind when you're watching this, you're like, did Dragon Bait have a glazed expression on his face? Maybe.

I love the internal panic in your head at knowing that vision may be true. Good night. Wow, that vision may be true. Good night. Wow, I wouldn't be happy. Artis Simbra quite obviously is pulling his punches. He does not seem like he wants to kill his friend. Dragon Bait is under no such illusions. Yeah, has no such. But he is under such illusions.

Yeah. And Dragon Bait is definitely winning that fight. Tiffany and Quasha, what would you like to do? Oh, I would like to use Entangle on Blaze so that Blaze can't do anything whilst Pop is. It would be Flame. Blaze would be Liara Porter who is in charge. Blaze is the more important one. Yes.

But not the one here. No. I would like to use Entangle on Flame so that Pop may have a discussion. And I would like to attack, because there are lots of them, right? There's eight knights, one scout, one priest, and obviously the leader, the veteran. Cool. I would like to use my Green Flame Blade on the priest. If you fight the priest

you'll be fighting alone so you won't get your sneak attack bonus are you still okay with that no i would like quasha to gum up the priest and i would like to attack the priest with green flame blade green flame blade green flame blade all right always feels like i'm saying that wrong quasha takes his staff and slams it into the ground as he does so you can see from where it hits the ground vines like snakes moving through water jumping through the earth oh that's gorgeous it's beautiful adam they weave their way towards the priest trying to wrap themselves around his legs the priest says oh he jumps up into the air and the vines beneath him jump to try and grab him. But do not jump high enough.

They fall back down and the priest lands on top unscathed. You move in, Tiffany, and Quasha moves in to back you up so that you can get your sneak attack. You are both in front of the priest. Tiffany, you slash with your rapier, striking him twice. Once across the chest, and when he brings an arm up to defend himself, once across his arm. Both times, you attack a vital organ or ligaments or maybe even an artery. You do just everything within your power to hit something vital. As you slash his belly and slash his arm, you score a particularly good hit on his arm.

You worm your rapier into his artery in his arm and then drive your rapier straight up his artery with a simple flick. You split his artery completely open. Oh, this is no good but good for cas he collapses very dead the immediate blood loss just kills him does the spell stop the spell would stop yes cas well done hey so all we need to do is bust an artery for every vision. Then it is. It was too scary. He made that happen, but he's also a priest.

Can't take any risks. It's the veteran leader and the scout's turn. Oh, the scout. Yes, their local guide. Could have talked to him in Chaltian. You could have. He shoots a flask of Wine, scoring two handy hits. Flask of Wine takes a shot to the thigh and a shot to the gut. Flask of Wine doubles over, and having already been attacked by the knights,

Flask of Wine looks like he is in a dire position. Flask of Wine... He's come back from worse. ...is probably not going to survive another round of this punishment. Oh. Well, okay, maybe he hasn't. We don't know his life.

Odds or evens? Pop. Let's go odds, baby! Flask is dead. Oh, we laugh, but no. The veteran of the gauntlet draws a longsword and a shortsword moving forwards. As you bring up your-

Is this the flame guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. As you bring up your hammer and sickle, he, with a simple twist of his longsword, knocks your sickle aside, and with an upward cut of his short sword he batters your hammer aside leaving you completely open he lowers both weapons and drives them forwards he strikes you twice oh i've had worse he deals you 24 points of damage Is he real close to me? I guess

Well yeah he'd be in melee range He hisses at you You should have submitted Pop it's your turn How long have we been in this jungle for? A long time? Months Months right?

On this particular track you have only been here for maybe a couple of- Oh, well, I guess if you're- On Chult. We've been here for ages. Oh, yeah, you've been on Chult for ages. Yeah, yeah. Cool. So he said I should have submitted,

and I would like to get real close to his face and be like, mate, I've been on Chult for months. I've died four times. You don't fucking scare me. Vaughn, throw him in the jungle. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Throw him one way, throw the scout the other way so he's lost. Now the scout's a friend.

Oh, I could make the scout the friend. Vaughn leans down to pick up the knight, but as he does so, the knight launches a dizzying array of attacks at Vaughn's hands. Was that Vaughn failing or the guy being good? It was both. Can I re-roll Vaughn? Sure. Vaughn's still going to fail.

Is that a saving throw? No, it's a skill check. Succeed. Succeed on a skill check. All right. Good teamwork, Cass. Vaughn, ignoring the damage that he is being dealt, picks up the gauntlet member and throws him as hard as he can.

Towards the zombie. Oh, further and deeper into the jungle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He flies a solid 20 feet, landing in a heap and taking five points of damage. Is he far away, though? He's 20 feet away. Quite a sizable distance. He could get back to you on his turn, but it's like a-

That's all he would be able to do. Yeah. Oh, no, he still will be able to attack. Nah, nah. I'm going to take a 10-foot step. But it's, like, far. It is far. It's just horizontally far, not vertically far.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Should have made Vaughn throw him up into the air 20 feet. And he'd die on the way back down. He might have been able to survive that one, to be honest. That's all right. I'll do that when he comes close again. You can if you want.

You are still fighting two of the knights, Pop, and you have your entire turn plus flask of wine. Awesome. What would you like to do? Where's the guide? The scout? Yeah, the scout. He'd be like up the back of their formation. Can he see and or hear me? Yes. I speak to him in

Chaltian. Whatever they're paying you, I'll pay you more Alright, I'll make that If you want, I can make that a persuasion It seems more of a persuasion check To be honest Than what, an intimidation check? Yeah, it's kinda not really an intimidation

You're genuinely offering him money I mark it with advantage Because Everyone just fucking threw him but I think it's more of a persuasion than an intimidation well you'll have to see what he does on his turn I haven't done any fighting no you have not

and what would you like Floskelwein to do I want Floskelwein to get behind me alright well Floskelwein's behind you he could fire at one of the knights if you want or just hold his action. I just don't want him to die. Right.

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, he is on less than five hit points. Hey, Flask, you know that superpower you got? Get the fuck out of there. Flask turns around and starts sprinting away. As he sprints, you see a golden aura begin to descend upon him like a halo almost of light. His footprints. And then he's moving like you wouldn't know what a train is, but like a fucking out of control freight train sprinting away from him.

That looks like if I tied 11 horses together, I made them go very fast. And to let other people know the horses were nearby, they would all neigh very loud. Get a good boy card. That's all right. That's so brilliant. Yay.

That was your turn. It's the knight's turn. Two of them are going to fight How many knights are there? There's eight Quite a few Yeah, they're Did me throwing the guy away do anything? He's not dead

And they still outnumber you But we have a big boy And Cass killed a man in one hit Death is delicious Alright, we'll have a couple more rounds of combat And then we can renegotiate your position Okay in one hit. Mmm. Death is delicious. All right. We'll have a couple more rounds of combat and then we can renegotiate your position of intimidation. So one hit is scored on you, Pop, Tiffany.

Oh, that's a crit. Only one hit, Tiffany, but it's a critical hit. And then. That's really bad. I'm not, Tiffany, but it's a critical hit. And then... That's really bad. I'm not very strong. No. Then Dragonbait and Ardis are now back in the fight properly. Dragonbait's doing all right.

Ardis Simber, after his fight with Dragonbait, isn't doing so well against one of the knights. And... He's got a ring of snow. Well, he's not really had a proper turn yet so first things first nine points of damage to you pop that tickled you feel one of the knights slashing at your arm and after his sword is completely lowered you see slowly forming a long, thin line on your arm, going from maybe halfway up your upper arm. I don't know what you call that part.

The shell. The shell. Halfway up there, down along to your forearm. I've got a better one, Adam. It's the shell-toid. It's the... Down along your shell-toid, halfway up it, onto your forearm. Nine points of damage.

Then, Tiffany, sliced tendon. Your speed is reduced by half for a D6 rounds. But the damage I receive, what's to say about that? Your movement speed drops to 15 for six rounds. And you take 12 points of damage as the knight slams his body into you knocking you back a step and another one slices down at your leg you feel his sword bite into the back of your heel and you feel a snap as the tendon parts. Gosh, that's bad. Then it is Dragonbait and Artisimber.

Dragonbait lets loose on one of the knights. He scores a decent hit, dealing 14 points of damage. Artisimber, this looks pretty dire. Artisimber's going to bring out the big guns. Oh, bang, bang. Artisimber levels his hand, out the big guns. Oh, bang, bang. Artisimba levels his hand and out of it a small sphere. It kind of looks like a rolling ball of many different large snowflakes. Snowflake bursts out of it.

Snowchips. Do you mean the snowball? No, no, no, no. Like all of the little individual flakes are large enough that you can see them quite clearly as you pass. Guys, why have we never talked about this before? Adam, is Ardis Elsa from Frozen? Let it go.

Let it go. Don't talk about that anymore, please. So the ball of rolling snowflakes moves almost lazily past some of the knights at first you think artists has just missed but then what the fuck us but you've just missed but then when the ball lands behind the knights it explodes like a ball of fire but instead just pure ice in a wave all of the vegetation immediately freezes solid completely a tree is completely laid barren by the spell and the energy washes upon the backs of three of the knights who each of them take 44 points of damage oh holy fuck! Oh my god. I'm gonna steal that ring. Then... Steal it so much.

Dragon bait. I got his hit. Tiffany and Quash, what would you like to do? I would like to... Quash and I will go and attack the nearest knight. The nastiest knight. Well, you are already facing off with one of them, so you fight that one. Oh, right. Yeah, you are already facing off with one of them, so you fight that one.

Oh, right. Yeah, they came and attacked me. Tiffany, you miss, but Quasha gets a critical hit. Plus d12 to an attack roll? Yeah, that could work. I'm frightened of dying because I might. Look, hey. It's happened before.

That's a hit. So I'm going to do Quasha's attack first. He attacks with a scimitar vexing cut double damage and the target must make a dc12 constitution saving throw on a failed save the target cannot take reactions until the end of your next turn double damage is nice but the knight will save that constitution saving throw and quasha deals that knight 10 points of damage in his attack. Do you use green flame blade? I would love to use green flame blade. But.

But I want to use witch bolt instead. Witch bolt, Adam. I'd like to witch bolt the knight. But witch, witch. This whole fight I've been trying to negotiate when, A, that is not not my skill set, and B, if I attack in my first turn, I get four attacks. Yeah. I've missed that opportunity now, but.

Sometimes it's nice to spice things up. Yeah. Variety is the spice of life. Bam. You deal 34 points of damage. Wow, that's more than I have. Surely this fucker's dead now. Nope. Ah, cool. He got 44'd

and then 34'd. Oh wait, he got 10 and then 34'd. Ah, he was one of the ones who got hit with the ice. Yeah, he's not one of the ones who got hit with the ice. Quasha slashes from the front, battering the knight along several exposed sections

of his full plate armor while you coming up from behind put a hand on his shoulder and using that as leverage drive your rapier straight into his back you are very certain you have pierced his heart this is good news pop the scout knocks draws and fires two arrows in response to what you said one of them misses but the other one strikes you in the lower gut you take five points of damage you don't think your gut is pierced but that arrow is worrying you almost immediately and actually you were right last turn their leader the flame stands up and sprints towards you, but that's his turn. Then it is your turn. Great. Well, I'm angry now.

I announce that to the scout who shot me with the arrow. I'm angry now. On my turn, I would like to instruct Vaughn to throw the man 20 feet again. The same person? Yep. Cool. And on my turn, I'm going to kill the nearest person.

Vaughn handily picks him up and throws him again. This is my favorite thing in the world. Ooh, does a lot better this time. Oh, he's learning. He goes 30 feet this time instead of 20. He can't get back near me yet. And takes nine points of damage. What's the opposite of fetch?

Yeah, that's what I'm making him do. You blind with the first attack fetch? Yeah, that's what I'm making him do. You blind with the first attack, brow slash, double damage and the target is blinded until the end of its next turn. And, oh, actually, that means sorry, your next two attacks were going to be a miss, but because it's blind, you make those rolls at advantage. Second attack, a hit.

Third attack, still a miss, unfortunately. What if I plus a d8? You would probably just want to spend that on a re-roll, to be honest. I'll spend it on a re-roll, to be honest. I'll spend it on a re-roll item because I probably rolled a 1. Second critical hit. Yay! Fucking good job.

I assume this was one of the knights that was attacking me, I guess. Holy shit. Alright, so Brow Slash. Double damage and the target is blinded until the end of its next turn. With your first attack with the scythe, because they are wearing full plate armor, instead of a proper brow slash you just jam as hard as possible just with brute

force through the gaps the little slits that he sees out of you slam your sickle into that hole then you bring your hammer and you bring your hammer up and down onto your sickle hammering your sickle in you spin your hammer around with the other end you drag your scimitar

out not scimitar sickle out and then you fucking do it again ah i told you i was angry now Who are you speaking to? Just quietly to myself They've all died No one can hear you This might not kill him to be honest He didn't roll particularly well I don't like to step out of the way And he just can stumble blindly away Bye

It's only for his next turn Bye Bye bye Stumble into Lake Luhua It's hot You deal 39 points of damage That's pretty good And he's blind And he is blind Yes Finally for his next turn. Bye. Bye-bye. Stumble into Lake Luhua. It's hot. You deal 39 points of damage. That's pretty good.

And he's blind. And he is blind, yes, until the end of his next turn. I want to yell at the flame guy just also. He's going to keep throwing you unless you walk away. Oh, Floskwine. Oh, Floskwine. He's retreating. I've told him to retreat. I'm not going to make him do anything.

It is the knight's turn. None of them have been downed yet. Oh, what is this? Vaughn Cure Wounds. What does it say? I've got to know. It says Vaughn Cure Wounds. Oh, it put spells in Vaughn.

It put a spell in Vaughn. Yeah. Is that spell in Vaughn right now? Yeah. I believe you gave him the trigger to use it in the event of your demise. That's right. If I'm about to die, I use Cure Wounds. Perhaps as well, or just... I think I said both. I think it was both. I think you just said you. Sorry, right. If I'm about to die, I use Cure Wounds. Perhaps as well, or just...

I think I said both. I think it was both. I think you just said you. Sorry, mate. You know what? That's on brand. Yeah, no, that checks out. It really just is.

I mean, I have saved you a few times, just saying. Will Pop's selfishness and rudeness spell Tiffany's death? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chalk. month, you can have access to a whole bunch of bonus shows and content. Once again, that's SantsPantsPlus.com

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