D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #15 Into the Muck

Episode Date: May 23, 2020

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Sans Pants Radio! My housemate is from Spain and he does not understand when I tell him to clean his hair out of the drain because every time I get into the shower the bath fills up and now my feet are soaking and covered in your hair! Welcome to Season 2, Episode 15 of Zombie Plagued Chult. If you're wondering what happened in the last episode, we're just about to tell you! A snake curled in a spiral, gripping a circle in its jaws. Tiffany, you recognise the sigil on the wall as the symbol of

Dendar the Night Serpent devouring the world. Orvex Okramas. What do you do, Orvex? I'm, uh, uh, like a guide of sorts. Do they bear any other significance that you can tell with? They tell the history of Omu, part of it at least I don't know how accurate these tablets are

There's certainly a lot of mysticism surrounding them And they were definitely written by someone who worshipped these gods So they're probably a little biased The big ball of soft, the secret ball that he doesn't show us I've seen it Yeah, I haven't, I don't know about it, and it kills me every day. You're all awakened by a flask of wine screaming in the night. The five dogs attack Vaughn.

Adam, if you take Vaughn away from me at this point, I will... Critical hit. ...never come back on this show. Miss. Hit. Critical hit. Critical. And from Artis Simber's hand, white ice begins to slowly move across the abomination. The abomination cries out,

What? What is this? You're fucked, mate. When Artis Simber is finished, the entire creature is ice. It becomes just an ice sculpture. So, Adam, what I would like to do is burst out of the ice sculpture like Rainier Wolfcastle

McBain in that episode of The Simpsons. Alright. Well, that'll be on your turn. That was Artisan Flask. It's Pop and Dragonbane. It's your turn. What would you like to do, Pop? Adam, I'd like to burst out of the ice sculpture like McBain. I'll call that with advantage.

Ooh, even with advantage. Hey, does anyone have a, for a strength check? Yeah, sure. God, you strain with all your might and nothing happens. That is embarrassing. It's thick ice. There's a lot of ice. It's like, look, ice is not particularly strong,

but this creature was large-sized. Its body was thicker than a man's waist. It had thicker than a bodybuilder's waist. It was a lot of ice to break. Was it thick with a CK or thick with a double C? T-H-I triple C. Oh, no. Was she thick?

Oh. Oh. That is a thick boy. Could Pop potentially use his movement this turn to try and rock so the ice smashes on the ground. Oh, yeah. I want to do that. Yeah, you could try that.

Yeah. I'd like to just, like, rock throw myself to the side. Oh, no. Actually, you're pretty strong. You can do that. You rock over so that you slam on the side. Unfortunately, that's not going to do a lot of damage. But you do do some.

You do six points of damage. I'm sorry. Artisember, his hand still on the ice, says, I don't know how long I can do this. Dragonbite cut his head off. Dragonbite brings his sword down, smashing the head of the snake creature. I won't roll damage.

It's just dead. Yay! Yay! What's left? Dogs? Are they undogged? Are they just eating corpse now? There's still four malisons.

Oh. Two of them attack you, Pop. Because I'm lying on the ground. In revenge. You're lying on the ground. That's right. Wrapped in a big ice snake. They get advantage.

Did the whole snake shatter? No. No, just the head. The whole snake shatter. You miss. You take 12 and Vaughn takes 12. And one of those was a critical hit. Double damage and you receive a permanent scar on your face. Again? damage, and you receive a permanent scar on your face.

Again? Oh, no. You receive a permanent face scar. The Malison slashes at your legs, forcing... Oh, no. You're prone, sorry. You cry out, and both of your arms go low

to try and block any further attacks, and then the Malison grabs the scimitar on both of its hands, brings the scimitar up, and brings the scimitar down perfectly. It's splitting your face in half. Oh! Halvesy face, halvesy face. You have a scar straight down the middle of your face. Adam, I want to ask a very important question.

Yeah. Cleft tongue? Yep. You look like a snake. You look like a snake. I've become the very thing I never wanted to be. Oh, hang on. I think I can make it look like-

Tiffany, the Malice in Fighting You gets two critical hits. I never wanted to be. Oh, hang on. I think I can make it look like. Tiffany, the Malison fighting you gets two critical hits. While we were joking about my fucked up face, we forgot that you could die. I'm going to draw the cards. I can't die. You're going to get more worse. If it deals enough damage to you, you can. Oh, one reroll, please. All right.

It's a hit, but a regular hit. So still hate it. One re-roll, please. All right. It's a hit, but a regular hit. So... Still hate it. You take, Tiffany, 17 points of damage. Then you take a further six points of damage from that critical hit. Off form, you have disadvantage on your next melee attack. So the Malison slashes at you continuously on your back, wearing away through your leather armor and cutting into the flesh beneath.

I made that. As you turn around to try and fend the malicen off, it slashes at your hand and its scimitar skirts down your rapier, skipping off your rapier guard and cutting off the tip of your pinky finger. Do I see where it goes? It flies off into the darkness. You'd have to search after the fight. The pain prevents you from properly forming an attack. You can't properly go through parrying and riposte maneuvers.

Orvex continues to cower. He's terrified. Artisimber ends his spell because it's not important anymore and the abomination reverts to flesh but its head is shattered. Like it's broken in the same way that it was when it was ice.

That's cool. Tiffany and Quasha. The jackals are no longer interested in this fight. I would like to fight back against that horrid snake person who did me wrong. I got a new spell. Agonazar's Scorcher. Agonazar's Scorcher, yeah. You would like to cast that.

What does it do? A line of roaring flame, 30 feet long and 5 feet wide, emanates from you in a direction you choose. Each creature in that line must make a dexterity saving throw. A creature takes 3d8 fire damage on a failed save or half as much on a successful one. I would like to scorch this horrid boy. And if I can move to line it up so that I get multiple. You can hit two, but that's it.

I would love to hit two. You deal 10 points of damage to both of them. I've been prouder of myself. And what would you like Quasha to do? If you can't kill all of these Malisons, they might destroy Vaughn in the next round. Gotta get to

him though, don't they? Gotta get to you. Could I do Call Lightning? Fuck! Call Lightning on all the Malisons. He can hit the same two that you just hit. Yeah, I think that'll be good. Quash is so weak, I'm hesitant to beast shape him.

Can you make him an animal? But they'd just kill him. They'd just kill him. Turn him into a snake and confuse him. I was going to turn him into a jackal and make him eat their own life. They both take 13 points of damage as a bolt of lightning slams down into them and a line of flames engulfs both of them. Wow, they take 23 points of damage in total.

That's great. That was your turn. The purebloods are all dead. Ardus and Flask's turn. Ardus Simber with his dagger? Probably not. He takes out his bow and arrow. Ardus Simber with his dagger? Probably not. He takes out his bow and arrow. Artis Simber starts.

Artis Simber is not really aware of the plight of Vaughn and you, so he starts plugging Tiffany, helping her, thinking that she needs more help right now. Look, she does look pretty bad. I got a way out. I'll just, I take no damage on a turn, even if someone attacks me. Vaughn doesn't take any damage. Is that right?

If you don't take any damage, Vaughn isn't taking damage. That's good to know. Unless they attack Vaughn directly. He deals 12 points of damage to one of them, plugging it with three arrows. Flask combines fire oh flask his first attack deals seven points of damage his second attack my bad we roll this attack against an ally within 10 feet of the original the target he misses and hits you tiffany and arrow whizzes past your head but misses you oh gosh you look past the malison to flask of wine and he gives you like a shrug

sorry pop and dragon bait horn regains 10 hit points oh good. Alright, so dragon bait and I are going to go for the other two malice. Before I do that, I'm going to cast gift of protection on myself with my little once a week no damage for one round. Alright, slowly a green aura begins to descend across you,

Pop. You can feel it feels like a blanket has been thrown over you. The, that's nice. The blanket is incredibly light, and it genuinely feels like a blanket is covering you right now. It's very light. It doesn't hamper your movement in any way, but you can tell whenever the blanket brushes against something,

it becomes incredibly stiff, hard, and strong all of a sudden. You are 100% certain that that blanket could protect you from any damage. You feel safe under your blanket. I haven't felt like this for years. For one round, you will take no damage. I wish this was all the time. Anyway, we're going to go for these other Melisands. What would you like to do? I'm going to just attack

them with my normal three attacks and Dragonbait just kill the other one. Just kill them. Get them down. You want Dragonbait to fight the other one? Yes. Okay. You will miss hit hit. I'll take that.

In total, you'll deal 15 to one of them. Dragon bait hits twice, dealing 16 points of damage. Dragon bait looks at you, Pop, and his one is bleeding slightly

worse. He gives you like a little bit of a hmm. Alright, alright. gives you like a little bit of a... Hmm. Yeah, all right, all right. If you feel like a competition to see who can kill their malice in first has begun. Bring it on. Then... Oh, what would you like Vaughn to do? Can I get rid of...

If Vaughn is further than 60 feet from you, he doesn't do that. He doesn't take damage for you. Yeah, I'm going to get him to just retreat. Ha ha! You've fallen for my trap. He needs to roll to do that. He fails. Vaughn falls prone.

Oh, right. Because of the critical hit from before. What was the critical hit from before? I wasn't listening. No, it was a critical hit where it didn't end up doing extra damage. Ah, but he can't move. Yeah, because he's tripped over a bit. And now he's just lying on his back.

Maybe he looks dead. Does he look dead? You could order him to pretend to be dead. In Aquan. Hey, Vaughn, play dead. It's not Aquan at all. I didn't have any water. The malice in the dragon bait he's fighting now shifts focus to him,

but you're still fighting the other one. That's fine. Oh, no, it doesn't hit you. Bang! Its scimitar bounces off your blankie. Not so funny now, are we, fuckface? Just the idea that you're saying that swaddled. Hmm.

I'm so cozy. It's very comfy under here. It's like being cuddled by a mum i imagine you begin backing up as one of the malisons begins advancing on you you take six points of damage from a slash every time you strike out at the malison it parries easily you can tell that it's playing with you it looks like it just wants to hurt you emotionally before it kills you physically you stumble on a rock and fall backwards you're on your back in the mud as rain begins to pour down the malison looks down at you and you can see a smile split along its too far along its snake mouth

voided warranty your weapons damage was reduced by a quarter when it brings the scimitar down to try and lob your head off you bring your rapier up and your rapier, made by fine elven craftsmen, skewers into the Malison's shittily made 100 years ago scimitar. You split the scimitar down its seam. The Malison brings away the broken weapon and looks at you with shock. Good. I'm glad that I'm hurting it now. It is Tiffany and Quasha's turn.

You have no idea what you're dealing with. Mirror self. All right. You cast mirror self. Mirror image. That's right. I might use my mirror self. Three illusionary duplicates of yourself appear in your space.

Until the spell ends, the duplicates move with you and mimic your actions, shifting position, so it's impossible to track which image is real. And then Quasha. Call lightning again, Quasha. And Artisan Flask of Wine. Flask of Wine and Artisan both continue to plug one of the Malisons. The one fighting you, Tiffany.

They deal. Oh, it's night, isn't it? 10. Yes. 20. At least we get to sleep after this. Hey, Adam. Is it night time?

Yes. I'm checking now. Do you want to use darkvision? You did have a campfire, though. I do use darkvision. Fuck. Well, no, that's handy to know because I'm fighting more yuan-ti. If it's at night, I'm invisible. Tell you what,

you were resting, but you hadn't actually begun, like, your rest hadn't finished. So, the sun sets. Am I invisible now? Darkness washes across. Yes, you are invisible now. Tiffany, one of the Malisons hits the mud, the dirt, the earth.

Arrows are sticking out of its back. This is wonderful news. Artist and Flask of Wine have both together brought down one of the Malisons. There are three left. And then it is Pop and Dragonbait's turn. Right. You get advantage on all of your attacks. I kill him.

I Zephyr Strike and I attack him. And as I attack him, I say, boo. First attack's a hit. Second attack is even with advantage. Oh, no, is a hit. Third attack is a hit. so you will hit three times you will do an extra d8 damage and hang on let me just see your your you count as invisible right now you deal 25 28 points of damage gotcha dragon bait will struggle to catch up. So dragon bait deals 20 points of damage. You take a commanding lead.

Summer in the darkness. Oh, and Vaughn heals 10 hit points. He can just hear me giggle. Vaughn doesn't have darkvision. He can see you. I mean, dragon bait. Oh, dragon bait doesn't have darkvision. He can see you.

Oh. Yeah, sorry. How the fuck did that dickhead not see him? He's a big tortle. When the sun sets the malison in front of you, Pop, it immediately, it like blinks in surprise and shock. You know what's happening. You kick out with your leg and the malisons have legs.

They don't have a snake tail. So you crack one of its legs backwards. You hook your sickle into its side and you hammer it directly on the head. The malison does not know what hit it, presumably because it does not know what hit it. Cass, why were you talking about if it was night or not? Because you wanted to rest so we are not dead tomorrow.

Yeah. I was like, God, we're going to have to sleep after this and we're going to. No, it's night. Oh, thank gosh. The Malison fighting you does not do well. No. You wouldn't. Whoopsie.

Make a DC 18 constitution saving throw. On a failed save, you are unable to attack with this body part until you finish a long rest the malice opens its mouth and tries tentatively to bite you out of the darkness as it does so you quickly just put a hammer in its mouth sure you put the hammer in its mouth and when it bites down its teeth crunch on your hammer. It's painful. The creature's teeth are destroyed. You get me, fuck.

It does need to make a constitution safety check. It does fail, though. So, yeah, you destroy its teeth. Jewel nut. Tiffany, you take another six points of damage as the malice keeps... Oh, it's dead. Never mind. You take no damage.

I rest happily on 31. Oh, that's fine. 31. I can sleep it off. Quasha, who has been facing off with another one of the Malisons, he brings his scimitar up to clash with the other Malison's scimitar. They skip off each other. He brings it low and the malison brings his low when that happens though the malison grabs quasha by the front with

its other hand draws him in and sinks his teeth down maximum quadruple damage if this attack kills you all allies who can see you have advantage on their attacks for six rounds the snake's jaws unhinge from kwasha and he staggers backwards kwasha kwasha's body has been pumped full of poison he swings once wildly swings a second time wildly and the malison begins to snicker kwasha cannot can barely stand and his scimitar droops low at his side the malison says time to die little man kwasha looks His head, his body like slowly rocks backwards, opening up the malice for a second bite. The malice goes in for that bite slightly slowly. Quasha, his head rocks backwards and you realize that he actually wasn't stumbling. He was opening himself for an attack.

His arms dead at his sides. Quasha, in a final act of defiance, brings his head into the head of the Malison. You hear a crack and the Malison stumbles backwards. Quasha falls to his knees and then falls forward into the muck. Quasha is dead. Wait, really? Yes. Who saw it?

Everyone. Can we all calm down on the monster? Very hard. How many snakes are left? Three. There's three left. Yeah, good. Tiffany, it's your turn.

I would like to charge at that monster because I get bonuses now, yeah? You have advantage, yes. I would like to charge at that monster and I would like to try and stab it in its throat through the mouth. Your attack is a hit.

I'm going to say you get sneak attack. Oh, and you do green flame blade. Of course. You should have used witch bolt, mate. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. You deal 24 points of damage.

You kill the Malison. Good. You kick at its legs. Its leg buckles. Its right leg buckles. And the Malison falls downwards so that it was taller than you. Now its head sits slightly below you. With your rapier, you bring it up and over.

As you bring it up and over the Malison's head, you let go briefly and roll your hand around so that you're holding the rapier cool right above the malison with its point straight down out of your hand you bring up your other hand wrap around the rapier and then with both hands you drive down into the malison's head skewering it straight along its spine as the rapier goes down no one but you tiffany would see or feel this but as it goes down you hear a faint pop and you feel as it goes down periodically you feel a little bit of extra resistance as you explode the malison's vertebrae i'm sending him into hell i'm pushing him down

into hell you destroy the malison's medulla what is it medulla oblongata medulla oblongata which causes the entire it's a corpse now it causes the entire corpse to jerk and writhe a little bit. But when you destroy the vertebrae, it immediately stops because there is nothing to carry those wild impulses from its brain to its body. Well done, Cass. Well done. Well done, Teef.

You did a gruesome. No, Cass, you did a gruesome murder. Yes. Thank you, Adam, for narrating my murder so wondrously gruesomely. You're very welcome. Artists and flask of wine. Artists, through the rain in the darkness, cries out, Quasha!

He drops his longbow and sprints towards Quasha. It's weird that they became friends, but then I remembered they had that lovely chat about how bad i am artist drops to his knees and slides the last few feet to kwasha he grabs kwasha's corpse and rolls it over in the mud artisember just kneels over the corpse flask of wine looks at that looks at you tiffany and both of you maybe you both maybe have like a like a like a face of grim determination both of you have lost in this jungle artist maybe still has hope his wife is still out there somewhere flask of wine turns around and starts plugging the malicen that dragon bait is fighting he hits twice dealing 14 points of damage

uh oh that kills that malicen the malicen collapses at dragon bait's feet twitching and bleeding out it's not dead but it's dying dragon bait turns around to you no actually no dragon bait's not dragon bait's worried about Quasha. It's your turn, Pop. So I'm going to Zephyr Strike again. Mm-hmm. And I want to make it as painful and slow as humanly possible. I want to skin this snake alive.

You already had advantage, so I'm going to give you a choice. You can either critical hit on an 18 to 20, or I can give you plus 5 in addition to your regular bonuses. Let's critical hit on an 18 to 20. Alright. First attack is a miss. That's okay.

Second attack is a critical hit. Third attack is not a critical hit. But we'll do that first critical hit. Third attack is not a critical hit. But Europe will do that first critical hit. That was with the hammer. So soften them up. Double damage,

and the target must make a DC 12 constitution saving throw. On a failed save, the target has disadvantage on saving throws until the end of their next turn. He passes, which is kind of almost irrelevant because i don't think he's going to be lasting much longer that attack incidentally deals 16 points of damage your last attack with the sickle is kind of irrelevant you're hitting a corpse that's fine but you still do it i still do

it i smash this this snake until there's absolutely nothing left, and I am just screaming, I fucking hate fucking snakes. The rain comes down hard. Ardus Simber is over the broken, dead form of Quasha. Flask of Wine lowers his bow and arrow, and he's soaked through. his fur is matted and you can see rivulets of rain rushing down him and a little bit of blood he was lightly hurt during the fight but he's fine he just looks from a distance at kwasha and artist simber i run to near kwasha and artist i don't bend down that not my place, but I just want to physically be there.

Dragon Bait slowly lowers his sword with his armor and his tired-looking muscles, and he's also got rivulets of rain mixing with the blood of the yawn tea that you've just killed. He looks sad. I do not go over there because there's a lot happening. And I just take off my hat instead and just kind of watch.

Artis Simba wraps his arms around Quasha and then in the kneeling position, he like brings Quasha's body up onto his knees and he begins rocking backwards and forwards. Adam. I have some stuff to say, but I just want I want to leave them for a bit. If it's been like a few minutes of rocking back and forth. Sure, yeah. Okay, I bend down with Artis and say, he's with Cooper Louie now. Artis Simber doesn't say anything. He maybe stops rocking, but he just kind of stops moving. He seems as still as a statue.

When you're ready, I want to help put him to rest. With the funeral complete, what would you like to do? Well, it's night time still, isn't it? Well, I'd say like over the course of the night, you bury Quasha. I say I pray to Gregory Bones. You do a pretty good job. You do a pretty good job. Of course I'm respectful.

I want to go to bed and I don't want to talk to anyone. You're turning into me. Yes. Tiffany, you recover 54 hit points, putting you on Matt. Yes. And Pop, you recover 48 hit points. That's some bullshit. I want to recover 100. As the sun rises, slowly but surely,

the rain begins to settle down to like a light patter. And you could move about kind of, it's just like light rain, just very light rain. You right, Hans? Yeah. No, I guess. I mean, it's not like it's going to get much better, you know? It never does.

You're still in that walled compound. You know that to your east there's a giant magma pit or lava pit. I'm not sure what you would call it. There's that massive, for lack of a better term, highway kind of directly to your east. Yeah. And there's a great deal many buildings around. You actually haven't searched many of the buildings in this wall compound. You haven't had a chance. You really wanted to previously. I don't know

if you're still feeling curiosity after the death of a friend. I'd like to retroactively say that when it was my turn for watch and everyone was asleep, I searched the buildings a lot. Alright. Is that allowed? Yeah searched the buildings alone. All right. Is that allowed? Yeah, that's allowed.

God, it's not advisable, but fuck, it's allowed. I love that. Would you allow me to do something retroactively? Sure. Absolutely. He is retroarchetype. If you want to be as stupid as possible. Nah, I'm not that stupid.

So. I really would. Two, three two three during your watch you do not watch you open the doors to this first building and you see an art gallery or the remains of an art gallery yeah this has been ransacked many times before previously by presumably the original inhabitants the original omens who were here then when they left it was ransacked maybe by raiders people who attacked or struck out at the city then it was hit by scavengers then it was hit by mercenaries then it was hit by the snake people who are here now yeah the snake people and then it was hit by the red wizards who were camped

here previously now you're here and now a quick word from our sponsor also hey D&D is fun but if you're wishing that we could hear Jackson or Zamet waxing poetic about video games they've played and give them a score based on a frankly baffling rating system I refuse to understand,

then do I have news for you. Thumbcramps is a show by Jackson, Zamet, Doucher, and occasionally Cass, where they, as my dad calls it, ignore Total Overdose, the most pivotal game of the early 2000s. So, if you like the sound of that, or if you want to know why my dad keeps calling them total hacks, then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for thumb cramps. Nonetheless. Oh, wow. Searching around, you find...

Bob, you have hit the jackpot. You find an ermine talisman. It's an ermine talisman. He says to himself the talisman depicts two snakes slithering around and curling together at the top around an egg you find an ivory puzzle box inlaid with platinum oh pop steady on you find a lacquered wooden comb. The comb has, maybe it's got the imprint of a hundred different animals in teeny tiny script upon it. It's so fucking beautiful. It looks delicate.

It looks like if you dragged it through, well, you don't have hair, but it looks like it's so delicate that if you actually dragged it through hair, it would break. It looks like an art installation only. This belongs in a museum. And then rounding a corner, there's a hole in the ceiling that moonlight is slowly, softly trickling in. Like the moonlight was poured in through the ceiling and it dapples and drapes over a small plinth atop the plinth is a soft velvety red cushion and upon the cushion is this a movable rod

get a good boy card for a nat 20. Hey! Stack it up on the old goodies over here. You know this is an immovable rod. This flat iron rod has a button on one end. You can use an action to press the button, which causes the rod to become magically fixed in place. Until you or another creature uses an action to push the button again, the rod doesn't move, even if it is defying gravity. The rod can hold up to 8,000 pounds of weight.

Poor weight causes the rod to deactivate and fall. A creature can use an action to make a DC 30 strength check, moving the rod up to 10 feet on a success. I basically found Thor's hammer, but it's a rod. Something like that, yes. I am very happy. I'm excited to never find out about this and to wonder what you're posting in the few days.

Oh, man. You're not going to tell anyone about these. I mean, who's going to ask? No one. You were on watch. There's no reason for you to have been looking around you keep going yeah i don't mind not all right i just as we leave this area i'm just like what's in your pockets nothing you sit down and get you get your immovable rod stuck stand up all

your belts fall off all that hey adam i any if I could push an enemy over, drop the immovable rod on them and they can't get up? Yeah. Are you going to do that? Are you going to use the artifact that was on a velvet cushion? Oh. That was bathed in moonlight when you first found it? You know I think using it would be good.

But does pop. It's so hard. Did you take the cushion too? Oh, yes, I think using it would be good. But does pop. It's so hard. Did you take the cushion too? Oh, yes, I did. Red velvet cushion. That's just comfy. Just the next day you're sitting on a velvet cushion and it's like everyone's looking at you like where did you get that from?

But there's no way you could have gotten it from because why would anyone think that you abandoned your post to go look through? Although if any character thought about it for more than 10 seconds, they'd be like, of course he abandoned his post to look through these abandoned buildings. Oh, yeah. The next building you wander through,

it looks like just a dilapidated wreck there's not much here there's not much building to be honest but there is a basement you travel down into the basement and it's slightly flooded there's a lot of overgrown vines and moss here you see in among them a vege pygmy like koopa louie it looks up at you as you approach. Then when it's like its eyes take a second to focus on you, but when it locks on and realises who and what you are, it turns tail and sprints away. All right. That's rude.

Do you follow? No, I don't think I do. All right. I don't care about Veggie Pygmy. Yeah, Veggie Pygmy isn't sellable to museum. No. You knew one. The only Veggie Pygmy I liked was Koopaloo and he's dead.

Otherwise, the building is empty. You search the next building along. Another building is basically completely hollowed out. You can't see it from the outside, but when you open a door to get inside, the entire roof has collapsed completely downwards. Anything that was in this building is crunched and destroyed. There's nothing but rubble here. Then there's one more building.

Let's go. You find in this last building, you find the remains of one of the red wizards. His corpse is lying up against some rubble, and you can see that his lower half is completely burnt away. Something has torched his bottom half, but his top half, in like a rigor mortis-like state, is clutching on hard to some sparkling object. Hey, fella, look. You look like you've been through a lot of shit.

However, wherever the fuck you've gone, and actually, I know where you've gone, which is nowhere because of the soulmonger, you ain't going to be needing this lovely little trinket. I take it, Adam. All right. You walk up, lean down, and it's a when you when you're this close you can see that it's a golden circlet just a simple band of gold fashioned to go over someone's to go someone around someone's head as you pull it off it it like doesn't come away easily or it

as you try to pull it off it doesn't come come away easily. The body is holding on very tightly. You'll need to make a strength check to pry it free. Let's fucking do that then. You successfully do. Although maybe you'd wished you'd hadn't. Fuck. As you pull the circlet free, the entire corpse shifts and the face rocks backwards to look up at you.

You stare into dead eyes and the corpse's mouth with the skin pulled back in a rictus grin. The corpse you are afraid for a brief moment is about to get up and attack you. Jesus, fuck me, no. But then nothing happens. You have a golden circlet. It's simple and attack you. Jesus, fuck me, no. But then nothing happens. You have a golden circlet. It's simple and uninteresting. Fucking little gross, weirdy fucking monster foot made of gold. Nothing else happens.

Great. Okay. And we fast forward back to the next day. Yes, and now it's the next day. So. You're not wearing the circlet, are you? No, but I am sitting on the cushion. Where did you get that?

What? I look forward and it's not worth my time, honestly. All right. Everyone's dying. I don't have time to deal with this. So several questions or several things. Now, you saw to the north of you, as you were coming down, you saw that there was some sort of amphitheater

or some large circular sort of building. Yeah. That one. And that looks like a point of interest. You don't know if it's necessarily your destination. Probably not, but it is a point of interest. You know, there's that major highway that you can go up and down. Highway,

for lack of a better term, obviously. There are no cars. Big street. Yeah, big street. Thank you. To your west, on the back half of the compound that you're at, there looked to be some sort of pool, or like not a naturally occurring pool, one that had been fashioned and made. the building near it clearly had some religious significance then there's to your east a giant magma pit surrounding a some building up on a on a mesa there's a giant circular wall and circular building to your northeast and the flooded section of town all around that circular area. You can also, sorry, as an additional question, there are a great deal,

many buildings here to search, both big and small. If you want, you can search buildings as you go. I will say that you can, I'll give you three options. You search no buildings. You just make a beeline for wherever you want to go. Fair enough. Second option, you search, we'll say maybe every third or fourth building, any building that you think looks big and important. And finally, you search every single building. That's up to you. Every single building is slow going.

Oh, my goodness. Where are we heading to here? I have no idea. You know that somewhere here in Oumu is the home base of the Yaunti and Rasnazi, who is, he is where the Soulmonger is. So the Soulmonger's here So the soulmonger's here. The soulmonger's here in Oumu. What do I do, horns?

Well, we're going to have to start moving. I mean, I can't see a soulmonger anywhere. I can only assume it's in a building, but... If you were a demonic, evil snake wizard and you had to make your base in Oumu, what will be the wankiest place you would pick for such an establishment? I was thinking the big circular wall thing. Yeah.

That does seem to be the centre of the city. Yeah, that walled-off circle looks like a place where I would hide because it's got a giant wall around it. Let's go. I say we make a straight beeline there. Well, we can't because it's surrounded by water. You could try fording the water at some point if you wanted to. You could make a beeline for the river and then walk along it

looking for the first opportunity to cross. That's the most beeline beeline I can think of. Let's do that. However, on the way, I want to check out some buildings. Not all of them. Just a couple. Some? Just a few.

We might need our strength. When am I going to be in an abandoned city like this ever again? On the way out. Get a good one, Todd. That was fucking good. Pop is a little bit thrown. Searching no buildings. Nope.

That's good. Gotcha. All right. Oh my God. Tiffany knows what confidence like. It's weird. She doesn't know if she likes it. Tiffany know what confidence like.

Hey, it's new for her. It's tricky. It's tricky. So you just start heading kind of eastwards? Yeah. Yeah. We're making as much as a beeline as we can, obviously, not as the bee flies, but.

As the bee crawls. Yeah. As the bee were to have a little trot a ruined shrine stands at the heart of this walled compound tall smooth monoliths flank the entrance decorated with images of a jaguar with six snakes sprouting from its shoulders a stone door is set into the shrine beyond horns you can probably see at the north end of it, there's like a cart poking around the side. Yep.

You can see that cart. Horns. Yes. I think this is one of those nine shrines. I think you're onto something. Oi, Orph-X. Yes. What was the Jaguar one again?

I mean the snake cat. The Jack-o-lantern. The snapped. Come on, Orvix. The cake? Fucking faster. We lost a good man and you're fucking slow at reading books. You're slow at reading books. Couldn't even stand under a house.

That night he closes his eyes and he's just trying to remember off the top of his head. That night, a Sioux monster broke into Ubtow's palace and stole a pail of water for the omens. When the god came running to find it, the Sioux monster hid the pail in the Camadan. Camadan, that's it. Yeah, the Camadan. Sorry.

I'm sorry. Adam, I'll get the tablet out. I tried to find the Camadan tablet. You can't read it. Which one's the Kamadan. Sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Adam. I'll get the tablet out. I try to find the Kamadan tablet. You can't read it. Which one's the Kamadan tablet? That one. Thank you. At noon, a brave Kamadan hopped down from her rock.

She saw the evil in the omen's hearts and decided to lance it like a troublesome boil. The Kamadan fashioned a holy spear, but she left it by the riverbank, and a crafty grung stole it. In her rage, Shigambi the Kamadan forgot all about the almonds and chased Nangnang the grung forever across the sky. Right. This is, I assume, the shrine of Shigambi? Yes, Shigambi the Kamadan, yes.

Now, I know you said on the way back, but something tells me that the shrines are important to this space. This isn't just like let's go into buildings and find some stuff. You know, I really would have believed you before you started saying that, but fine, let's have a look. We may. We're looking. The cart's on the north side.

The entrance is on the south side. The rest of it is just a smooth building. Oh, Adam, also at some point. Oh, and sorry, there's two monoliths out the front. At some point during our walk to here, I give Dragonbait two gold pieces. He takes them. Sort of look at the ground except the gallows humour but still shake my head.

So, this bit was before Crusher died. People process grief in different ways. Pop processes it not at all. I keep shaking my head slower but more intensely. In front of the stone entrance are two, like I said,

stone monoliths. Each one is 15 feet tall and draped in vines. Would you like to approach them? We should not touch it with our hands. No. You'll have to move some of the vines away with your hands if you want. If only we had a big stick or a rod or something. I've got my hammer or my stick.

Oh, I could use that. Dragonbait's got a sword. Perfect. Yeah. Hey, Dragonbait, we're going to use your sword. No, no, no. Hey, Vaughn. Oh.

Can you be very gentle because these are relics, like yourself. Clear these vines. So rude. A bit. Vaughn, with a single finger, traces it atop the monoliths and cuts the vines off. You're a good man, Vaughn. There's something written on them in Old Omen. Orvex translates it for you. Shigambi teaches us to fight evil with honour.

Reliefs on the monolith now that you can see them properly. Reliefs on the monoliths show Shigambi overseeing Cholten warriors as they train with spears and swords. Have you ever encountered anything like this in your time being alive?

Artis slowly shakes his head. I don't know much about Oumu, unfortunately. I'd never been to the city before, not properly. And, yes, it was all so long ago, even for me. We reckon. I suppose it's worth going in just to see what's in there i just don't want to turn up to a lock gate that's like you need to visit the nine shrines to i've done tombs before get another good boy card i've done tombs before fuck off lead the way then all right let's go

poppy is visibly excited that That's why teeth is sus. The door is not locked, but it hangs heavy on its hinges. It's a giant slab of stone. It weighs so much. You can try to push it yourself or you can ask someone else to help. Hey, Vaughn, give us a hand, would you, mate? I don't know if Vaughn can help. Oh, no. Yeah. Do you and Vaughn, give us a hand, would you, mate? I don't know if Vaughn can help. Oh, no.

Yeah. Do you and Vaughn push? Or do you get just Vaughn to push? Ah, fuck it. I push with Vaughn. With Vaughn, you're able to open the door, but barely. Jesus. Heavy.

It takes a colossal amount of effort to push the door open. But once it's open, you can see that corridor into the room, that main room beyond. Well, you can see part of it. There is a series of steps going down 15 feet. So you can see most of the room. You've got like a commanding view of it, but you can't see into the corners of the room. Someone needs to walk down.

Who would like to go first? Oh, and Vaughn cannot follow you in here. It's too small? Too small. You ready to do this? Sure. All right. Pop goes first.

I go first. I fall in line behind Pop. And look, I'm not going to throw you in any fire this time. I nod, having tried to but failed to have forgotten that. The steps descend 15 feet into this moss-covered room. Four statues of Olmen warriors stand in alcoves to either side, overlooking a barred gladiatorial pit set into the floor. Each statue looks like it was meant to hold a spear,

but its weapon is missing. On the far side of the chamber, a stone pedestal stands conspicuously bare. A relief on the wall behind it shows a monstrous jaguar with six snakes protruding from its shoulders. Fighting off a squat frog-like humanoid armed with a spear. To the left of the relief is a narrow tunnel with stairs leading down. Well, if Shigambi was training them all, do you reckon we're meant to arm the soldiers? Is it a puzzle?

Always a puzzle. Hang on, hang on. Orvex, who took the spear in the first place? The little frog, yeah? Yes, yes. What if there's a frog temple and the frog temple's got a spear in it? Sorry, I just need to know who's in the room right now. Right now, Pop is the only one in the room

and I'm assuming you're at the bottom of the stairs. Yeah, are you behind me? Yeah, it's me and Tiffany. Okay, Tiffany. And then do you want everyone else following up behind you, however they may? Yeah. I call Orvex up, though, because I want to ask some questions.

Orvex peers past you, and maybe now that the light's beginning to settle into this room you can see that beneath that mural there's words written in old olman but you have to get closer to read them that sounds dangerous yeah it does i love it okay dark um uh dragon bite flask. Be careful. I don't know how familiar you are with this enterprise, but do not touch anything that looks like you should touch it. They nod. That was looks like you should touch it.

Do not touch it. They both nod. They seem tense. You don't think that they're going to do anything unnecessarily dangerous. This is mostly aimed at Flask. We could tell. Let's go. Is Flask of Wine going to touch something he shouldn't?

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