D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #18 Temple of the Zorbo

Episode Date: June 13, 2020

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Sans Pants Radio. I'd love to be honest with you. we will be live for Plumbing Boy's Play Slash Ruin Dungeons & Dragons, where we're going to be mean to Adam, but he's going to be meaner to us on stage. Yeah, and due to worldwide events that you may be aware of, we can't perform live to an actual audience. A lot of our show involves coughing on people and just coughing and sneezing in general, so obviously we can't do it live. As you can imagine, that makes sense.

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And seen. Better. If you're seeing this one, that means that the next take we did is even worse. Woo! Welcome to Season 2, Episode 18 of Zombie Plague Chult. First while... The cube with Shigambi on the side.

Whoever's holding that piece of paper has the cube. I will be holding the piece of paper. You are too sick to hold the piece of paper. That is a fortuitous circumstance to adopt them. With your animal handling, you can prevent yourself from being, like, your hands being mauled. Like, you're not getting any painful scratches or bites.

It's like little play bites. You could spend that if you want. Do you want me to adopt them? Sure. Well, um, Blast, do you want to lead the way? They all vex. Try a bit of free. Do you want to roll deception?

Yes. Tiffany, you see a figure sprinting across the rooftops. They're a lot closer now. So you actually get a decent look at them. It's a tab're a lot closer now so you actually get a decent look at them it's a tabaxi the basement is full of animal parts there are a great number of slaughtered carcasses here and there are also obvious trophies what did you just pull from your gourd uh it improves the taste well look you don't know what he poured. Swig your gourd.

Oh, the gourd. Nothing left. He upends it. Oh, would you like to charge Bourne with a spell? I will. I'm going to give him a Cure Wounds again. Searching Omu for temples of the nine gods, you are actually incredibly close to... We near another temple, Adam. Swirly carvings decorate two obelisks at the entrance to this compound. An overgrown courtyard lies underneath the shade of tall palms.

Stone doors seal the entrance to a windowless shrine with a smaller ruin standing nearby. The doors are broken open. There are dead ghasts. Dead, like, they're a type of undead like a an undead that feeds and feeds and feeds dead zombies scattered about some of them with scorch marks on them and you can see as you wander through the shrine here there are several traps that have been just broken open there's a pedestal here like in the last shrine the pedestal has been split in half and you can see the slot where a puzzle cube should sit like it's about the same size and

dimensions the puzzle cube is gone sacrilege there is as you search through a single dead red wizard here hey horns yeah how many shrines are there nine what's the bet orvex the red wizards they were looking for the shrines yeah they're looking for what that you maybe do a little walk or whatever this is like the early morning that you're before we get to this temple no. The early morning is you walking around the temple. When you get back, as everyone's packing up or whatever, you realize that Orvex is not here. Son of a bitch. Slippery old fuck's gone.

I look at Pop incredulously. I bowl a fist and don't punch the air, but I just waggle it around a bit in frustration. What? What do you mean, what? The slippery fuck. Where is he? Oh, the slippery fuck who you poisoned.

I didn't poison him. I told him to eat a banana and he ate the fruit. Not my fault. He's a moron. You going to eat the fruit? No. I'm not a moron. Dragon Bait stands up and you start smelling many different smells.

Smells that mean celebration, smells that mean sadness and such. You've been with Dragon Bait now for long enough to understand smells that smell of fear, smells that smell of celebration, smells that smell of depression or sadness. And you can tell you've been with Dragon Bait for long enough now that you know that he's trying, the idea that he's trying to get across. When he was on watch last night, Orvex was leaving and he caught Orvex leaving and Orvex said that he just wanted to go and Dragon Bay just let him. Adam, did he leave because Pop was an asshole to him? Yes.

Yes, he did. The one translator you have is gone. You have the tablets. They're not really great for that. But there are other opportunities for translations. Cass, I enjoy the how much harder we make this game for ourselves, but by... Sorry. I enjoy the how much harder we make this game for ourselves by.

Sorry. How much harder we make this game for ourselves. Feels like you're angry at me, but you should be angry at Pop. Horns. Yes. Orvex aside. I'd punch Pop in the arm. To cause damage? Yeah. All votes aside. I'd punch Pop in the arm. To cause damage?

Yeah. All right, cool. Do you want to use sneak attack? No, the look on my face, he knows it's coming. Yeah, Pop, you take three points of, I'm assuming, non-lethal damage as Tiffany socks you in the arm very fucking hard. What the fuck? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

What? What? What? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Why are you punching me? I don't know.

Fun. Oh, who's to say? I don't know why. I don't know why Orvex left. I don't know why he wanted to leave. I don't know why he could have left. So many things, just unknown. Go on. Go on. Spit it out. Why would he eat that banana? I don't know why Orvex left. Don't know why he wanted to leave. Don't know why he could have left. So many things just unknown. Go on.

Go on. Spit it out. Why would he eat that banana? I don't know because he's an – why? I'm bad at people, Tiffany. Really? Yes. Oh.

It would be rude to turn down a tea though. Yes, it would. I was raised down a tea though Yes it would I was raised by a cult of politeness That shit is under my skin I couldn't turn down a tea if I fucking wanted to Because I feel terrible for the rest of the day Because that's what they told me Guess who else is feeling terrible for the rest of their day

What? Orvex You made him so sick You made him so sick He You made him so sick. He was the only translator we had. How are we meant to get anything done now? All right. All right.

Fine. You wait here. I'll be back. Adam, I'd like to go looking for Orvex. Holy shit. All right. Left in the night. He, poor.. Alright, you start

tracking. With your survival, you can tell that Orvex has quite a head start on you. You have no idea how far he might have gotten in the night, though. You start tracking, I guess. Everyone else is gonna wait by this place, are you? As he leaves. Oh my god, we're wasting

time. It's not worth it, Pop! key you get to the you get back to the bridge you track back across the bridge back to that really long major road and then you start heading down that omu is scarily empty there's not a lot of noise going on and there's not a lot of activity here. You don't know if it's because you've cleared this area or anything like that, but it's just scarily quiet. Once you get back to that main road,

you kind of lose the tracks there, but you can't assume that Orvex has gone further into Oumu. So you start tracking it back out the way you came. How long is this taking? This is hours is the day oh my god and i've wasted a day going back to get orvex because you're mad at me and i don't know what to do eventually you get to that first gate house not the one you found orvex the one further out yeah the one you found, Orvex. The one further out, yeah.

The one like literally at the entrance with all the graffiti. With all the graffiti, yeah. You spot a campfire near there and as you approach, you see Orvex sitting in front of the fire. When he turns and spots, do you make any effort to be stealthy?

No. When he turns and spots you, he scrambles up to a, scrambles up so that he's standing. Orvex? Pop? Apparently you... I want to look at one of the camera cats and assume that it is looking at me

like, go on. Oh. Meow. Apparently you left our group because I made you eat a banana that made you sick. You can tell he's quite obviously terrified of you. You can tell me the truth.

I'm not going to pick you up. I guess I just thought I'd been here long enough. Orvex, did you leave because I was an asshole to you? I wouldn't say asshole. I just, um. Orvex. Yes? Did you leave because I was an asshole?

You were unpleasant to me. Yeah, right. I need you to come back. Um, I'd really rather not, if that's okay. I need you to come back. I'd really rather not, if that's okay. I need you to come back because, A, you're the only one who can translate any of this shit, and, B, because Tiffany's mad at me and I don't know how to make her to be not mad,

so if you come back with me, that might fix the problem. All right, then. Okay. Great. Good. Oh, my God, that shouldn't have worked. You didn't apologize. He's a little bit scared, isn't he?

He's a lot a little bit scared. You know, I won't, you know, make you, yeah, eat fruit again. Thank you. And sorry. What was that? yeah eat fruit again thank you and uh sorry what was that sorry that was very funny did you say sorry maybe all right you start heading back unfortunately the sun sets before you're back you are you get back to about where you

first met orvex and the sun is set you could keep moving through the night if you wanted to how dangerous would that be you don't know you don't know how dangerous omu is well you assume omu is quite dangerous i guess at night it almost favors you it does i'm invisible to anything with dark vision and you want to have dark vision. So you keep moving? Yeah, we keep going. That's unfortunate. Damn. Damn. You were so lucky not to have any encounters.

On the way there? Yeah. All of today. All of today has just been randomly no encounters. That's a bit. You've just been very lucky. Pop, as you're walking between two buildings, a baboon drops down in front of you. You hear it chanted from around you.

You look around and you are surrounded by baboons. Orvex stands very close to you. I... There are in total eight baboons. I take my hat off, go through my bag of eyes and pick the fucking meanest looking eye in my bag. Meanest motherfucking eye.

Yeah. I pop it in and I start to beat my chest and try to intimidate these fucking baboons. The baboon begins nodding and steps aside. The baboon's back down. Come on, Orbex. All right, you get back without any problems.

Oh, I swapped the mean eye for the basilisk eye again. Okay. I'm going to come up with a list of itemized eyes out of the tomb of Agra. Itemized. Hey! What were you guys doing while I was gone? Look, we were probably just honestly having a quiet day.

It's been very loud recently. I think maybe it started off as us all being sort of quiet and then being like, huh, you know what? We're all a bit more relaxed now. We've been all chatting. We've realised that there is a lack of tension. We know you're coming back, but it's just nice to have a break. We maybe looked through the cave and found another tea set

and brewed some tea that wasn't poison and just had a bit of a yarn and a relax. Maybe every now and then just like, you know what, this has been really hard. Oh, it's been so hard. I'm tired. I am so tired. We're all just sitting around just venting our feelings

and just accepting them. No one's trying to fix anyone's problems. We're just hearing them out. How many of those problems are caused by pop? No one talks about you. Too many. No one talks about you all day. Oh, it's amazing.

I love it so much. My wife, Alessandra, you'd like her, and I think she'd like you. I think I would like her. I like you, Artis. I like you too, Tiffany. I don't think I tell you enough. Cheers. Cheers to you too.

This is beautiful. You have friends. Once this is all over and I'm reunited once more with Alessandra, I, uh, she has, we jointly live there, but it's her place in Mesra.

Um, you know, if, if for whatever reason, I understand that you're, you know, trying to save your father and such, but if for whatever reason in the course of saving your father

you find that you have some free time or something like that and you want to take a holiday somewhere tropical but nice, you could stay with us if you wanted to. I put my cup down. Artis, I would love that. It's like a studio apartment almost. It has a very lovely view of Mesro. It's beautiful.

When Mesro is returned, it has a nice view of the Sky Lizard Mountains, or as some people refer to them, the Dragon Mountains or whatever, if they're feeling particularly aggressive. You're funny funny artist. Thank you. That sounds great. She knows a couple of handy worksmen as well in Mesra who might be able to help you with your harness and such on your face.

I nod. Or maybe even a quite competent healer. I've seen worse maladies be healed before. I internally go through the stage of when someone tries to help you and then you realize that they are looking at a big flaw that you have managed to forget about, and it just brings you all the way back down again. But when he says healer, I feel a bit better.

I'm like back up to a 30%. And I say, thanks, artist. I really appreciate that. I'd love that. I don't know. I guess I'm the sort of person that I guess I worry too much about my friends, you know? I look into my cup so I don't cry. I think that's a nice way to be, you know?

I think that's nice. I think that's nice. Floss, you get a bowl of soft. Which bowl of soft would you like to borrow? What? I have the fun-sized and I have the small one. And the cigar. He has a bigger one, B-boy.

Which one have I seen? You might have seen my travel one. He reaches into a pocket and brings out a baseball-sized ball of soft. But you probably have not seen. He takes out... You realize now that his backpack is 90% this ball of soft. He keeps basically nothing else in his backpack. He takes out a ball of soft the size of a basketball,

sets it down on the table, and rolls it towards you. I like to use it as a pillow when I'm missing home. May I? Of course. Thank you. I curl my body around it. It is the size and shape of a baseball, but with any weight applied to it, it immediately flattens out

into a pillow. You mean basketball, yeah? Basketball, sorry, what did I say? Is this the fun-sized one? Yeah, this is the fun-sized one. The small one's the travel one? Yeah, the small one's the travel one. The fun-sized sounds like it should be little and it's not.

Dragon Bait picks up a loot that he found somewhere. Maybe here, maybe somewhere else, and starts strumming it. He's not dragon bait picks up a a loot that he found somewhere maybe here maybe somewhere else and starts strumming it he's not great at playing it but it's a nice tune i bop along to it try and start a bit of a groove with rounds of cups of tea maybe at some point artist simber takes out a hip flask and offers it to people and then you get a little tipsy and start singing sea shanties what a wonderful day at some point after the sun is set dragon bait comes back with a deer and you cook and eat you have venison for dinner you're having a lovely meal drinking and celebrating and the fire is going and it casts the entire room in this soft dappled beautiful light and for the first time since forever tiffany you feel like you're at home

with family i was gonna say this is like the first time tiffany has spoken to people and not not been like how do i make sure they don't hate me artist simba is lying down on a cot with dragon bait lying on him with his head resting on artist simba's belly they're chatting to each other and dragon bait is strumming gently a flask of wine is humming to himself as he rolls his ball of his travel size ball of soft back and forth back and forth you see every now and then he eyes objects in the room and you can tell that he's thinking about adding to his ball of soft but he's being very particular about it you smile to yourself and then the trap door opens. Adam.

Artisan Dragonbait sit-up. Orbex is back. It's like the spell is broken. I stomp down the stairs. I feel I didn't notice that all the muscles in my body had relaxed for the first time in ten years until they seized back up again. You're right, Horace.

Never been better. Pleasure to have you back, Orvex. Yeah, he's decided to rejoin our quest. Did you decide that, Orvex? Yes, yes, I did. Really? Yes, yes, I did. Really? Yes, yes. Pop

said that he regretted what happened yesterday. Really? Yeah, we made up. You should have seen him. We fought some baboons. Well, he fought some baboons. It was very brave of him. Must get him off and then fight him. I just, yeah.

I say nothing. I suppose it's time for bed fight him. I just, yeah. Yeah. I say nothing. I suppose it's time for bed then. Oh, I take first watch. Yes. I go back up out of the basement next to the trap door and sit with Vaughn. All right. Just sit down next to Vaughn and be like, you get it, Vaughn.

You get it. Vaughn is sitting down with his arms over his legs and he turns to you, Pop with no emotion or expression. Uh, Vaughn? Can you, um, pat me on the shoulder? Vaughn very gently reaches out and pats you on the shoulder. Yeah, thanks.

The night goes on eventfully. I fall asleep replaying the moment in my head where someone said that they would want to see me in the future when they were already seeing me now next day you are on you're next to the destroyed still destroyed shrine of uh ink others this nail yeah swirly carvings decorate two obelisks at the entrance to the compound. It's got an overgrown courtyard with tall palm trees and stone doors which have been broken open.

Within, the roof of the workshop collapsed long ago and now a thick mass of plants grows from the rubble. Through the moss, you see hundreds of iron keys hanging from hooks on the wall well now that the red wizards have been through a lot of them are on the floor scattered about the place some are bent and broken while others are rusted beyond repair and you see a giant statue of a snail in place of antennae it has five pseudopods ending in rocky clubs it's a flail snail yeah along the walls six iron keys oh no if they don't hang there anymore would have hung in niches above stone plinths behind the statue a carved pedestal and a wide

alcove had a keyhole set into its base there's now a key in that keyhole which has been turned and yeah it's all been ruined and broken apart orvex yes what did they want the the puzzle boxes for i don't know exactly but i think it relates to something beneath Oumu. Beneath Oumu? Yes. So my understanding is that there is like a network, like a big temple or something like that beneath Oumu, and you need the puzzle cubes to progress through that. And they need all of them? I think they need all nine, yes. So, yeah.

Sucked in, I guess. Good to know. I also know that there were quite a few, what do you call them, the snake people? Oh, Yaunty. Yeah, there were quite a few Yaunty. And I think my understanding is that the Yaunty were trying to stop them. They're trying to do something and the Yaunty are trying to stop them. Huh. Yeah, they're not friends. The Red Wizards and the Yaun-Ti were trying to stop them. They're trying to do something, and the Yaun-Ti are trying to stop them. Huh.

Yeah, they're not friends. The Red Wizards and the Yaun-Ti are not friends, but that was obvious. Hey, horns. Yeah? You've heard the expression, the enemy of my enemy is also my enemy but might be helpful. Very good. So we know that the Yaun-wn Tea are working for Razna Z,

who's got the Soulmonger, right? So if they're going against them, it can't be bad. Right. The Red Wizards fucks all of them, right? You know this. We've met them. I know. Right.

What is necessarily beneficial for the Red Wizards could be beneficial for us if it stops the Yawn Tea. So we should kill the Red Wizards and take the puzzle pieces? I mean, that wasn't what I was going to suggest, but I like the way you think. Good. If we see any more shrines, we need those puzzle boxes, though. I know that puts a delay on getting to the thing, but...

No, I know what you mean. There's a way to stop the yawn tea, and it's in Omud, and these boxes are relevant. Okay. Well, let's try and find one of the temples then. All right. Shrines. Sure.

Orvex, do you know the locations of these shrines? No, I'm sorry, I don't. But I'm sure if we just walked down the main streets, we'd probably see them. They're very prominent. So I guess it's already been settled, but I'm just going to address this again just in case it starts a fight again. Yes, pop's going off first.

No, no, no, no. You're checking any of the buildings as you go. Oh, that kind of fight. Yeah, this old fight. No, no, no. The shrines are more important. Temples. Temples.

Temples are my jam. Love temples. Lots of cool shit in them. I am impressed that you ignore the other buildings. I'm guessing it looks a lot like you've tried to put blinkers on yourself

and you're just not looking at the buildings because it's easier not to look at the buildings. I walk past the spectator, especially interestingly. You catch a glimpse and you head forward, blinkers. When we leave. On the way out. On the way out.

On the way home. On the way home. On the way home. As you approach the end of this street, you see what is unmistakably a shrine. A pair of needle-like columns mark the entrance to a walled ruin. In a courtyard beyond, banyan roots envelop a squat building. The stone doors that seal the entrance are carved with images of snarling bears with long, sharp claws. Bear.

Bear. Who's the bear? It's the Zorbo. Huh. One morning, a wise Zorbo emerged from her hollow tree and spoke. This is Orvex relaying it again to you. And spoke to the dying omens. To convince Ubtau of their worth, she decided to cook him a stew made from all their good qualities. Catching such virtues wouldn't be easy.

So she asked a wily Almaraj, the horned bunny. Yep. These are the original people. These are the first people in the story. Oh, yes. To help her, the Almaraj snuck recklessness into the pot, which she saw as a virtue, and Ubtao spat out the stew when he tasted it.

From that day on, Obolaka, the Zorbo, and Injin, the Almiraj, became terrible enemies. Thanks, Ulvex. Thanks, Ulvex. You're very welcome. Now we should probably be a bit careful in case the red wizards are about. Everyone ready your weapons and sneak. So if you approach the front, you see that there is a plaque above the shrine's entrance bearing the following message in Old Omen.

So Orvex needs to translate again. Obelaka teaches us to tread warily and stay in the light. The doors are slightly ajar and have rusty hinges that you imagine are going to make a lot of noise when you open them. Maybe Vaughn should just kick in the door. Oh, Vaughn, just gently open the door. You don't kick in a shrine. What if there's someone behind it? We can kill them.

He's a big fella. He can smash them. Vaughn, if someone's there and it's not one of us, if there's a red wizard inside this temple, break its neck. Vaughn doesn't acknowledge that he understood, but you know that he did. Yeah. So as he moves to push the door open, Tiffany, you notice a bunch of Zorbos about, maybe four in total.

They're not big. They're about the size of a koala. What's a Zorbo? They're bears. Oh. For which this temple gets its. In the temple. No, about the size of a koala. That's a saw bow. They're the bears. Oh. For which this temple gets its. In the temple. No, no, about.

Around the edges. Like the Kamadan that attacked Vaughn. Yeah, something like that. They're just milling about. They're looking at you curiously and trying to stay hidden. But first off, obviously, they're not doing that good a job of it because you've spotted them. But also they're not.

They just seem curious more than anything else. Can I chuck them some rations? You can if you want, but you... Yeah, all right, you can. I throw them, like, really far. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You throw the rations, and when you do that, they kind of back off. They don't seem interested in the rations.

It seems to scare them more than anything else. They probably back off to the point where you can't see them anymore. Like backing around the sides of the temple. Okay. Vaughn opens the door and you can see inside. The walls of this dark corridor are covered with painted reliefs showing omen people hunting, harvesting fruit, planting crops, crafting weapons, feasting, fighting, weaving, and skinning animals.

Eight empty torch brackets protrude from the walls under the reliefs. Stay in the light. We've got to light the torch brackets. Well, we did just find Orvex. Do you still have your torches? Orvex holds them up. Yeah, he still has his torches. We should have eight between us.

I've got torches as well. Yeah, I've got torches. Can we go one by one filling the torch brackets and lighting them? You're going to enter and is everyone going? Vaughn could fit in here, but as soon as you're around the corner, you see that the next door along at the end of the corridor. Too small for him. Yeah, too small for him. He may as well stay in here, but as soon as you round the corner, you see that the next door along at the end of the corridor. Too small for him. Yeah, too small for him. He may as well stay in here, right? Keep watch, mate.

Alright, Vaughn waits outside. Shouldn't he come in here? What if you get hurt? I'll be too far away from him. If we went all the way to the door, I'll be too far away. You don't know how useful Vaughn's going to be in here anyway. Okay. I'd rather have him outside where he can be. If anything, he might block an exit that you might need to quickly get through.

Okay. Well, we'll just leave him in here and find him in Gore later. Yes. Hopefully Red Wizard Gore. So. Don't kill the. Never mind. Just guard.

So you light all the torches or you light torches and put them in all of the different brackets. Orvex, before we do that. Yes. Orvex, is there an order to the things she put in her pot to make the soup or whatever of all the things? I read everything I know, unfortunately. No, there doesn't seem to be an order to anything.

Yeah, right, in the story. Well, let's go. First one on the right first. All right, the first one on the, like literally the first one. Yeah. The literal first one would be hunting. Do you want to light the one for hunting? Yeah.

I feel like we have to do something. I feel like this is too easy. Yeah, what are the, let's get a list going. So it's hunting. It's hunting, harvesting fruit, planting crops, crafting weapons, feasting, fighting, weaving, and skinning animals. That's eight, yeah? Yeah.

So which one are you going to do first? Do you reckon there's an order? Could you put them in order of how you think a day would go like you'd craft weapons and before you'd hunt yeah and before you'd skin animals right yep yep artist simba shakes his head slowly i don't think there is a an easy order to these events because you think everybody's different well not really necessarily that i'm not like everyone's a snowflake but um is that a pun because of his ring maybe i um yeah i don't know if there's i don't know if it's because everyone's special i just don't think there seems to be any clear order to this

all right then um it might be worthwhile checking to see if any future rooms hold more prompts to this room. All right. I don't disagree that this room definitely seems important and that the empty torch brackets are definitely conspicuous. But I would say perhaps we check forwards before anything else, just in case. Don't unleash a cloud of toxic gas again. Step on through. And now, a quick word from our sponsor.

Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that we could hear Jackson or Zamet waxing poetic about video games they've played and give them a score based on a frankly baffling rating system that I refuse to understand, then do I have news for you. Thumbcramps is a show by Jackson, Zammett, Dushar, and occasionally Cass where they, as my dad calls it,

ignore total overdose, the most pivotal game of the early two thousands. So if you like the sound of that, or if you want to know why my dad keeps calling them total hacks, then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for thumb cramps. He's going first. Who? Artis. Alright. Artis will go first. Pop

doesn't like it, but cops it. He goes second. A glorious sun is carved on the ceiling directly above a pool of still water. The ceiling reflected in the pool doesn't show a sun carving, but rather a moon carving. So,'t show a sun carving, but rather a moon carving. So there's a sun carving on the wall and a giant pool beneath.

The pool is not reflecting a sun, but reflecting a moon, strangely, instead. Interesting, artist says. He maybe dabbles at the water, but nothing happens. Anything else in the room? No, there's nothing else of interest. So touching the water's fine? Yeah, touching the water does nothing. Can we see, like, is there a well?

Like, we can see the bottom? It's not very deep. It's a pool. It's maybe... Like waist high. Yeah, maybe waist high, not very deep. What does it say? Stay in the light.

Well, it's the sun. And there's the moon. And I can't remember the story. Yeah, let me give it to you again. What was the thing at the front of the temple? At the front of the shrine, it said, Obelaka teaches us to tread warily and stay in the light. Light things up, but also the sun.

Tread water. Get in the water and just tread water. Jump in the pool and go in the reflection of the sun. You start stomping through the pool. You do not see yourself reflected in the pool and go in the reflection of the sun. You start stomping through the pool. You do not see yourself reflected in the pool, which is very strange. And you're just going to wade through it. I want to tread water in the reflection. You try to tread water, but it's not really deep enough for that.

So maybe you start getting on your hands and knees or whatever to start to give yourself a little bit less height or something like that at one point maybe you slip a little bit and you submerge completely underneath the water you have a moment of disorientation and when you surface back up the room is empty and notably different a full moon is carved on the ceiling here directly above the pool the walls are decorated with What the fuck? You can see her reflected in the water looking back at you. I try to, like, reach in to get her? You can't. She's not in the pool.

She's just reflected in it somehow. Fucking. What's on the walls that I can see? Is it in an order? Is it in a different order? On the walls? No. You said I could see the relief.

It doesn't look like to be necessarily yeah there are people going about their daily chores there's also a door in this room i will step through that door horns she just disappeared she just disappeared she gets up and leaves fucking horns you open that door eight torches illuminate this room. The light washes over a floor mosaic showing two creatures locked in combat. A small bear with sharp claws and a rabbit with a spiral horn on its forehead.

In the middle of the room, a robed figure stands next to a waist-high pedestal, atop which rests a stone cube. The figure is bold and has one hand on the cube. It takes a moment to realize the figure is a statue. There's an inscription underneath the mosaic. It's an old omen, though, so you don't know what it says. If I circle the room, I want to see the torches are all lit, yes?

Yes. Each torch burns with a flame that does not appear to be wearing down the wood. And is the... Are they next to reliefs again? It doesn't seem to be any clear association. It just appeared to be eight torches. I want to inspect the man statue. No, no, there isn't. Sorry? What. I want to inspect the man statue. No, no, there isn't.

Sorry? What? You want to inspect the man statue? Yeah. All right. Having a close look at the man statue, you've only learnt about them since coming to Chult, but you know a red wizard when you look at them. The red wizard has quite clearly been frozen solid as stone.

Fucking idiot. Tried to take it before he was allowed. I nod to myself. I head back into the pool and- Oh, he has a leather backpack. Not a leather backpack, a leather satchel pack that has not been frozen with him. You're not sure what the significance of that is. Can I flip it open with my rapier?

Yep. What's in it? Inside, you find an immovable rod. Two immovable rods. And three tiger eye gemstones, a red leather bound spell book. I take all. You imagine the magic of the immovable rod prevented the satchel from turning to stone. That is absolutely brilliant. Oh, my God. That's amazing. Does the leather satchel from turning to stone that is absolutely brilliant oh my god

that's amazing does the leather satchel turn to stone as soon as you remove the immovable rod the satchel turns to stone cool um i take the other ones first then you didn't know that was gonna happen so highs or lows actually no wait you would have made an arcana check. You remove them in the right order. You understand that the immovable rod has some magic about it that prevents it from being turned to stone. Cool. It's an identical one to his one. It looks exactly the same.

Immovable rod twins. That's so exciting. Probably also pilfered from somewhere in the city. Oh, that's exciting. So now if there's something we don't want to move, we can put two underneath and it actually won't move. Because it'll have to, like, if you put two on top of one another, oh, boy, it'll move abroad.

It's moving abroad. I want to go back into the moon pool room, duck back through the pool portal. All right. What do you mean by duck back through? How do you do that? Jumping into the pool and submerging myself. Submerging yourself does

the trick. Tiffany's back. Jesus Christ, where the fuck did you go, horns? Come on, there's another room. Orvex, I need you. Alright. You go back through with Orvex. And everyone else, they will come. As I said before, you get into the other room, the moon room

As it is referred to in the book It's fun, isn't it? Sorry, pardon? It's fun What's fun? This, isn't it? You're having a good time Fuck, yes you are

You thought I vanished, I saw you panic. Yeah, no, no, I know, but it's fun, isn't it? This is an incredible moment. I walk away because, yeah, but I'm not going to say that. Pop knows. He sees the look in your eyes, the same look he gets. Yeah, because it's about to get a lot more fun as soon as you see the red wizard frozen.

Oh, yeah. You see the red Wizard frozen in place. You useless idiot. I'm going to take the treasure without doing any of the puzzles first, amateur. Artis Simber plants a hand on the Red Wizard's shoulder and shoves. The Red Wizard topples over and smashes on the ground. Orvex, what is this mosaic what does it say in old omen it uh it reads as just the the part of the story so like that part of the story with the with the zorbo and such um where the zorbo was trying to make the soup.

Am I able to take one of the torches? Yep, you remove one of the torches. Nothing happens. I want to try something. I try and take it into the pool with me. You take it into the pool with you? Can I go through the gate? Yep. When you emerge on the other side of the portal,

the torch is still lit in your hands and there's no corresponding torch to no there doesn't appear to be an identical corresponding i duck through the door and just um stick it on the left hand side opening so i'm sorry duck through the door out of the pool room and put it in the first torch holder. I'm going to say, well, you're obviously going to take the torches from the middle room and start putting them in the empty brackets. I'll see if the first one works first. Like I'll put it in.

Nothing bad happens after the first one. Cool. I come back, report and say it seems to be working. I don't say anything. I'll just give you a look like, yeah, you know. Artis Sembra begins taking the torches as well. Let's all dump them back. We all grab a torch.

All right. You all put the torches in. You can put it in whatever order you want. It's irrelevant. Eventually, all of the torch brackets are full, and you can return back to the puzzle cube room. Great. We go back to the puzzle cube room.

Yep. Is it lit? The what? Cube. Is there a go back to the puzzle cube room. Yep. Is it lit? The what? Cube. Is there a light over it? Oh, um, no.

Hmm. Hmm. There's nothing different about this room. Doesn't appear to me. Hmm. Artisembre says, uh, if,

if one of us becomes petrified, it's not the end. We can be saved from a petrification, but it's as powerful magic that I don't think any of us have petrified it's not the end we can be saved from a petrification but it's this powerful magic that i don't think any of us have so functionally you kind of will be dead because it's not likely that we're going to be able to get a statue back out of chult you did you tell us about the stuff you found in the satchel no cool so you didn't tell us that the immovable rod prevented the satchel from becoming stone? Right, that is probably useful information.

You made no such promise. Yeah, but you're a nice person. That's a good point. Look, look, that red wizard, his satchel was protected and I pull out the spell book, which I don't want you to have. Look, I pull out the spell book, the tiger's eye and the immovable rod, and I say, I think the immovable rod. The tiger's eyes are gems.

It's a gem. There's three of them. Oh, you already knew that? Oh, I'm sorry. Sorry. When you said tiger's eye, I was like, oh, just to clarify, this is not an actual tiger's eye. No, I've got one of them in my satchel.

You might. You don't know. No, I do. It's them in my satchel. You might, you don't know. No, I do. It's my mean eye. All right. So the rod stopped the satchel. Yeah. It turned to stone as soon as I removed the satchel,

but everything else turned to stone around it. What if I take out my immovable rod, we use two immovable rods to pick up the puzzle box. We'll still have to touch it eventually. Yeah, but maybe once it's free of its little holster. I don't think the immovable rods will keep you safe. Tiffany, you don't think that's how it'll work either. The immovable rods will keep themselves safe and nothing else.

Yeah, like if we put the immovable rods in our mouths, we'll just become statues with immovable rods in our mouth. Yeah, basically. And then if we swallow them, you'll smash the statue and an immovable rod in our mouth. Yeah, basically. And then if we swallow them, you'll smash the statue and an immovable rod will roll out. Such a big gamble. But I just like... I hand the immovable rod over and I say, give it a go.

Use them like chopsticks. I tend to pick it up with the rods like chopsticks. The rods are too thick to be used like chopsticks. What about like tongs? Yeah, right. You can do that. I'll make it a dexterity check to not drop it. You drop it.

You fumble it and it falls to the floor. Anything happen though? No, nothing happens. All right. Pick it up. With your bare hand? If you try, i say stop how quick is petrification it'll be pretty instant does it start at the limb and work its way up my body yes but it'll be a bit too quick for much of

it'll be too quick for you to stop it dragon by how quick are you with that sword dragon bait unsheathes the sword and lowers it so that it's like it's resting in the crook of your arm the blade if i start turn to stone cut my arm off i can get another one can i kill wounds and arm back artisimba grabs the sword and shifts it down a little bit so that you're still, if Dragonbane has to cut your arm off, you'll keep your elbow. Can I kill wounds and arm back, Adam? No. You need a spell called Regeneration. Sorry, I misunderstood something in the books.

Sorry, the torches are not lit in the other room. When you go through the water, they are doused. Well, then only the... You can try to light them on the other side, but nothing works. Well, then we only take the one through, because I took one through as a test. Well, then the whole thing of me

trying to pick up the puzzle box with the tongs also didn't happen. Yeah, look. We're just back in the room looking at the torches. Putting the torch back, does it relight it? Putting the torch back in your room? Yeah. In the puzzle cube room? What about say that it douses?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. Okay, I submerge myself with the magical fire. When you come out the other side, the fire has been doused in the water. Fick. Okay, I'll go back. All right. As soon as you reenter the puzzle. Okay, I'll go back. As soon as you re-enter the puzzle

cube room, the torch flares back into magical life. Can we search the puzzle cube room? Turning the puzzle cube room over, Pop, you find nothing, but Tiffany, you find

not in the puzzle cube room, but in the moon portal room, you find a secret door hidden very closely into the wall. Guys. Okay, I'll try and get through the secret door. All right. Did you tell us that you found it or not? Yeah. Guys.

We follow you. Pack me up. You're having fun. There doesn't appear to be any easy way to open the door. Like, there's no obvious mechanism. You start searching the room, Tiffany, or start investigating around Tiffany. And you notice that the reliefs on the moon portal room, one of the figures in the reliefs is holding a crafting of a key. If you look at it very closely, you can see that there's a little outline all around the key and you realize it's a button.

You want to push the button? With my rapier. With the butt of my rapier, I push the button. The secret door opens. Is it dark in there? Yes. I bring it to us from the other room. This dark passage is choked with dust and webs.

It's clear that no one has been through here in years. At the other end, you find another hidden door, but from your side it's not very hidden. There are three wooden bars covering it. You take the bars out, open that door, and it deposits you back at the entrance you can go through here with the lit torches i put one in the thing and we start a convoy let's go light them torches put them in the wall all right pretty soon you all of the torches are in all of

the brackets if we go back to the initial room, is there any change in the first corridor once we've put the torches in the relief? Nothing appears to have changed in any of the rooms when you're done. Okay. Well, how about. Okay. No, let's head back into the room with the cube and I try and take out one of my torches. Does it magically light? No, it does not.

What if I light it? It lights. I put one in one of the brackets. Okay. nothing happens. I think we had to move them out to there, but we couldn't move them through the pool, so we had to find a secret passageway to get the flame from here out to that front room.

We should be able to pick up the cube now. Did you want to have a go then? Yeah, sure. All right, Dragonbite. Now, here's my plan. The same plan I outlined before. Pick it up. You're fine.

There we go. As soon as you say that, you feel awful. Fuck. Stone begins to ripple out across your hand. Is Pop about to turn to stone, or can Dragon Bait amputate his arm fast enough? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plague Charts. santspantsplus.com. For as little as $5 a month, you can have access to a whole bunch of bonus shows and content. Once again, that's santspantsplus.com. have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol not the word,

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