D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #19 Dealbreaker

Episode Date: June 20, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, where the hell are all the cows? Missed out the first time? Well, if you buy a season pass, you can watch the episode you missed and gain a digital ticket to the next three upcoming episodes. Just head to SOSPresents.com to grab your ticket and re-watch the plumbing boys fumble their way through the world of D&D. Welcome to Season 2, Episode 19 of Zombie Plagued Cholt. Yesteryear. When he turns and spots you, he scrambles up to a... He scrambles up so that he's standing. Orbex. Pop? Apparently, you have.

I want to look at one of the Cameradon cats and assume that he's looking at me like, Go on. It's all been ruined and broken apart. Orbex. Yes? What did they want the puzzle boxes for? I don't know exactly, but I think it relates to something beneath Omen. They're trying to do something and the Yonti are trying to stop them.

Huh. Yeah, they're not friends. The Red Wizards and the Yonti are not friends. But that was obvious. Hey, horns. Yeah? You've heard the expression, the enemy of my enemy is also my enemy, but might be helpful.

Banyan roots envelop a squat building. The stone doors that seal the entrance are carved with images of snarling bears with long, sharp claws. Bear, bear. Who's the bear? It's the Zorobo. At the front of the shrine,

it said, Obolaka teaches us to tread warily and stay in the light. Light things up, but also the sun. Tread water. Get in the water and just tread. I jump in the pool and go in the reflection of the sun. Take out my immovable rod.

We use two immovable rods to pick up the puzzle box. We'll still have to touch it eventually. Yeah, but maybe once it's free of its little holster. I don't think the immovable rods will keep you safe. Pick it up. You're fine. Here we go. As soon as you say that, you feel awful.

Fuck. Stone, he gets to ripple out. Pop. In an instant, you are... No, I'm just kidding. No, you're fine. All right. That was cruel.

I got nervous. Misha was like, oh, I don't know what to do, though. What if I'm a statue? I guess I'm going home. No, you're fine. All right. That was cruel. I got nervous. Misha was like, oh, I don't know what to do, though. What if I'm a statue? I guess I'm going home. No, you're fine. You can handle the puzzle cube. No stress. There we go.

Two for two. All right. Brilliant. Let's have a look. Is there anything on it? Anything worth inspecting? Oh, sorry. You get.

I hate that you've got it. You get that puzzle cube. You're not going to use it for what it's for Can I have a look at it, Pop? Sure, hand it to you I don't give it back Pop, never expected it back Because you did all the work

What is your plan now? Do you just leave? Stealthily Yeah, we head out and see what Vaughn's up to Vaughn is not covered in as much gore as last time But there's a little bit There's four Zorbo For lack of a better term

Splats on the ground Did they attack him? You will never know You said kill everyone No no I said red wizards No you said Yeah you were not that specific I've got to get better with that You said kill everyone. No, no, I said Red Wizards. No, you said Inuit. Yeah, you were not that specific.

I've got to get better with that. You will just never know who shot first. All right. We came pretty unscathed out of that one. You have two puzzle cubes and you know that the Red Wizards have at least one. Do you know what I will say? Just on a whole, we are better at it than they are. We don't know that. Did you fucking see that last shrine?

Destroyed. Obliterated. Brunt force. Keys everywhere. They fucked up. This guy, fucking moron, goes in and touches a cube. Amateur hour. Absolute amateur hour.

The thought of them having these cubes makes me sick from an archaeological point of view because I've got no fucking idea the craft of it. So what's the plan? We're going to look for more temples, yeah? We have to look for more temples, yeah. More shrines to get more cubes to do the thing to make the UNT unhappy and also possibly even get out of the Red Wizards and steal their cubes. Do you want to move through the circular section?

That feels like a base. So why not move through the circular section? Okay, because either way we might run into old man anyway. Does it look like we may be able to find some things in there? Both of you stare off into the distance. It's some sort of palace or temple. It's hard to tell its purpose from this distance. You are close, but not close enough.

Whatever it is, it's a place of great importance, clearly an once important part of the city. You can travel through it if you want. You want to check it out? I don't want to check it out. I want – You want what? I just want to find these temples and save my dad.

Do you want to check this place out? Fine, yes. We'll go in. My God, I don't know what's happening. Fuck. Anyway, fine. I'm good. You're fine.

Oh, my God. You said all that out loud? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, finally, Hank, we're here. Who are the- I don't care. I don't care.

I just don't care. Thousands of bats swirl above a great ruin. Behind a 15-foot high circular wall... Oh, we have to go into that ruin, don't we? You see crumbling arcades, vine-choked statues, empty plazas, and buildings overgrown with banyan roots. Streets that aren't flooded are choked with rubble. There's that great circular building in the middle of this area that you,

I'm going to say that you're basically at the entrance to, there's a southern entrance or gap that lets you get through the walls. I'm looking at it right here on the map-y map-map. Map-y map-map-map. Map-y map-map-map. Would you like to proceed? Orvex. Yes? Mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity-mappity- things to me to translate well do you know where the other shrines are yes i i have an id well they they typically brought the trans things to me to translate i didn't travel much with them i know i know a little bit though i know that some of the temples are in sunken sections of

the city places with water so if we north, we'll probably find some. A lot of them are in very prominent areas. So if we do like a loop or a lap, we should find a bunch of them. Well, I think if we go to the ones Orvex knows about, then it's a safe bet that that's what the red wizards know about too. Yeah, but we've only seen him get to one, and we've been to two near that one, which makes me think they've got no fucking idea where these things are either look either way we gotta go all right well i i i'm i'm against walking towards temple of death right i've been doing i've been in this game a while

okay i look at that ruin and i go yeah that's the kind of ruin that an evil wizard would live in i just like look at it just the vibe is screaming evil an evil wizard would live in. I just like, look, it's just a vibe. He's screaming evil wizard. So I would suggest we avoid this place like buggery until we found the remaining cubes. I'm fine with that. Orvix, can you lead us to where you think the next temples are? Without going into this big walled cacophony. This place that Pop's scared of.

I'm sorry, what? I'm not, just to clarify. Yeah. I'm not scared of that. I'm not scared of the ruin. Why would you be? It just has snake people in it. Why would I?

Why would I? What the fuck is happening, Pop? You know your little cats are going to grow snakes. Actually, I do. I think I actually do know where one is. fuck is happening pop you know your little cats are gonna grow snakes actually actually i do i think i actually do know where one is well please take us there orvex we're quite close actually he turns around and looks towards the magma pit there i remember them saying actually yes no no no i do remember he starts leading the way almost excitedly. We follow. As I'm walking along, like, I'm like at the back with Dragonbite.

Mm. Oh, Dragonbite. Have you noticed that, like, something's wrong and I don't know what it is, but I don't like it? Have you noticed? Am I going mad, Dragonbait? Dragonbait purposely doesn't look at you and you get a couple of scents of him. You understand a little bit better than we used to.

We've developed a bit of an understanding of his sense you've been developing more and more understanding what the sense mean you can tell though that he's trying to he's trying to get across a very nuanced idea so it's very murky and muddled and it's hard to understand you don't feel like he's accusing you of anything, but you can tell that he isn't really on your side. Right. Right. Good.

Do you have any advice? Dragon Bait. I love that I'm speaking to the nonverbal character to get advice. Dragon Bait, as you're walking, he holds up and he looks around and he grabs like a big part of a shrub nearby. And then he walks over and grabs a big leaf of another plant. He walks up to you with the two things he's grabbed. One of them is the first thing that he grabbed is like a dark, sticky, not sticky. It's a sticky little.

It's literally, well, no, actually it would have a bit of sap on it so it is actually very literally sticky but it's also metaphorically sticky so it it's just like very a very thorny bit of bush he brushes that over your arm and you feel it sticking and being thorny and unpleasant and then he holds back, and then he points with it at you. And then he takes the leaf, and he brushes the leaf down your arm as well, and it feels soft and nice and delicate. And then he holds that up, and he puts that as far away from you as he can be without moving away from you

oh adam oh and then taking both of them he puts one against his chest and makes a sorry he puts the sticking one near his chest and he goes oh as if it's something he as if it's something he, as if it hurt him. Unplugged it, yeah, yeah. And then he puts the other one near his chest and you see him. Right, right. He seems, he doesn't seem like he wants to upset you. But he said, holding this one, holding the painful one, he gestures at a colony of ants, and he scatters the colony of ants with it. You know that point.

Well, mate, big leaf. Big leaf. All right. Big leaf. Okay. So. Oh, gosh. As you approach the the crossing who would be leading the party not maybe orvex yeah you're second orvex is leading oh no you're back oh yeah you're in

shame i've really done a ripple through this entire system you'd be the front with orvex i would oh god look at me look at much. My dad would not be proud. As you round a corner, Tiffany, Orvex slightly in the lead, just about how you rounded the corner, you begin to see the magma lake opening before you, or the cliff leading down to the magma lake opening before you. You see Orvex's head snap backwards, and where his head was in was place of where it was is a mace orvex stumbles backwards and you see blood running down his face a a human male steps out from behind

the the building you recognize him he's the the red wizard guard that you guys let go. Fucking hell. Whips the mace around and brings it down upon Orvex's head a second time. Orvex takes 15 points of damage. Come on, Vaughn. Tiffany, three skeletons leap out from around you and descend upon you. Oh, boo. Boo.

Get back to your bodies. They had been waiting for you as silently as the grave. Adam, get no bad boy cards ever again. Tiffany, all three of them score hits on you. They're slashing at you with their claws and trying to bite down on you. One of them has a rattled, broken-looking, it's not a short sword, but it seems similar to a short sword. It's got an odd curve to it.

Clearly these skeletons were once locals A long, long time ago I'm about to make their Permanent rest site local too And then cold Buffets your group Pop, how far back down the line would you have been? He's right at the back with Dragonbait Right at the back with Dragonbait

You see the cone of cold But it does not affect you Tiffany, you and Orvex both fail your saving throws. Can I see the guard at this point? Yeah, yeah. You see everyone burst out of their covered positions. Actually, there is a second guard, but he had to sprint across a courtyard to get to you.

So his turn is just running. But we don't recognize that one. We only recognize the first one. Does he recognize us? You don't see. Well, we'll get to that in a sec. Okay. A cone of cold, Tiffany, cast from seemingly nowhere.

You hear the magical incantation be said, but you don't see the caster. You just see cold buffeting you. You assume invisibility or some trick some illusion magic it's always some trick tiffany i think because of your evasion ability you will still take only half okay so you take 22 points of damage oh you would have been fucked. Orvex collapses. Oh, son of a bitch. Pop, who would you like to act with? Dragonbait. Dragonbait, yeah.

I think just by rights of being with him. Tiffany, who would you like to act with? Artis. Lowering his mace for a minute, the guard that you recognize looks you dead in the eyes with a clear expression of surprise but then you hear you hear someone invisible ahead of you tiffany barking out an order to attack and he looks backwards then back at you guys his eyes narrow and he begins swinging again, Tiffany. I would like to attack, you know?

Yeah. When's Tiffany's turn to shine? Tiffany, the first attack, he swings and you roll backwards, landing, not landing, but coming back on your feet. That first attack, the one that you dodge, gives you a little bit of confidence, but the confidence is misplaced. As soon as you're back on your feet,

he's closed the distance between the two of you. He kicks you in the leg and you feel his heavy metal boot slide down your shin and crunch on your toes. Then he brings his mace into the side of your head. You take nine points of damage this is that's what you get for being assertive the other guard also opens up on you tiffany you're right it is my fault maybe you swung past maybe you dodged both of their first attacks in your roll backwards. But when you came back up, both of them were there on you.

And the second one hits you in the gut, dealing 11 points of damage. You choke up blood. And then it is Pop and Dragonmate's turn. Ken, am I close enough to recognize this guard? Yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? We had a deal, you piece of shit. What would you like to do?

I want to yell that at him and see what he has to say about that. He looks a little nervously to the guard next to him, but the guard next to him doesn't seem to really acknowledge what's happening. I want to say to the guard next to him what we did. Well, you can only really in a round of combat say a sentence. Next round. Next round.

All right. You could still act. Am I close enough to, like, get him with a- You could charge in, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And so Vaughn Dragonbait and I are going to go for- We're going to go for his mate. All right.

So I'm going to use Zephyr Strike. First round of combat Strike First round of combat First round of combat First attack's a critical hit Second attack's a miss Third attack is a critical miss What if I sacrifice this for a Reroll

So the third attack is now a miss But just a regular miss And your fourth attack is a hit So first one Critical hit Let's resolve that shall we yes let's that would be with your sickle that is shoulder slash maximum damage maximum damage for you my good friend will be nine points of damage you slash at his shoulder opening it up and cutting through hard steel with your sickle

using just your pure strength and knowledge of how armor works then your final attack capitalizing on the opening you made you use your hammer as a distraction trying to get his guard away from that shoulder you have a couple of poorly placed blows but then your fourth sorry blow hits him there dealing seven more points of damage you hear him grunt in pain but he keeps fighting through it then what would you like vaughn to do oh all of them just dog pile on this one guy yeah, I'd like Vaughn to subdue the guy we know. Okay. Dragon bait swings and misses twice.

He's forcing the guy onto the back leg, but he can't land a blow. Vaughn fights that one dude. I want to just, like, subdue him out of the fight. Just, like, clamp him up. Vaughn grabs both of his hands and pushes him onto the ground like a bully good boy that's vaughn's turn and then bad things happen a ball of fire explodes all around you you have caught you have been caught in the center of the most classic of blunders, that of a fireball.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Tiffany, you will pass, so no damage. Pop. You will fail. Then okay. Dragon bait passes. Vaughn takes half the damage, so.

Vaughn fails. Vaughn's half the damage. Vaughn fails. Vaughn's going to be taking double dips on this damage. And Orvex gets a failed saving throw. Oh, Jesus. You take 14 points of damage. And Vaughn will take 14 plus 28 points of damage. He's been through worse. Or otherwise known as 42 points of damage he gets

health back every turn he gets 10 and that's enough tiffany and artist okay um is artist close enough to me that i can do a green flame blade shank to the person who has stopped me you are already close enough with dragon bait and um your good friend here pop oh yes my best friend pop who's done nothing but artist doesn't need to come into close range if you if you don't no no no yeah well i'll use green flame blade to shank the person who stomped my foot because yep that's one that vaughn's got pinned to the floor good that's the other one vaugh, yeah. You hit him, you will do quite a lot of damage. Good. Frankly, stomp my foot.

That's so rude. I need that to walk. And also line dance. Check it out. Oh, my God. Tom's doing a flawless line dance. You would think it's possible with one person, but he's doing it. It's amazing.

I know. It's amazing, I know. It's my one talent. Tiffany, you see as Dragonbait starts forcing this guy backwards. He's on the back foot and Dragonbait scores like taps on him but doesn't draw blood. Pop opens up the shoulder of his armour and starts hammering in there. You hear him grunting but he's holding his own he's doing a pretty good job pop you're facing off against this guy you are

definitely the superior fighter and you have dragon bait's assistance this guy knows that without some intervention he's going to lose this fight but one-on-one in difference in different in a different situation maybe he could have paced with you he's a decent fighter sure bomb bear you know that you're better and you know that you're gonna probably win this fight but there's like a maybe like a level of respect as he takes the blow quietly tiffany comes out of nowhere and stabs him through the head. He jerks once on your rapier, Tiffany. He tries to turn to look at you because he was looking at pot. He tries to turn to look at you, but your rapier is keeping his head fixed in place.

He dies never seeing you. Good. No battles. What would you like artists to do? I would like Artus to... So what is there? There's the two guards, Invisible and Skellies. Three Skellies, one guy pinned to the ground and Invisible, yeah.

Does Artus have a ranged attack that won't hold but will hurt? Sorry, for multiple people, like for the skeletons. Oh, yeah, he can. Unfortunately, there's too many... His attacks can't discriminate between friend and foe, and they're all pretty big area of effect spells, so he can't not hit a friend if he tries. Then Artus will be-

He's got the bow and arrow. He will be bow and arrowing a guard. All right. The one pinned to the ground? The one pinned to the ground he'll have trouble hitting because Vaughn's kind of in the way. Oh, is there only that one guard left? There was two guards. You killed one, and there's one pinned to the ground. Oh'll have trouble hitting because Vaughn's kind of in the way. Oh, is there only that one guard left? There was two guards.

You killed one and there's one pinned to the ground. Oh, right. I did. Just kill him. You stabbed a man in the head. There are other three skellies. Do arrows do anything to skeletons? In 5th edition, yes.

Oh, okay. No one's more upset than me. Cool. Then I guess he'll bow and arrow that skeleton. His first attack, his first shot, goes straight through his skeleton's chest. The skeleton looks down and looks up at Ardis. Ardis, a bit perturbed, knocks and fires the second arrow.

The second arrow strikes true, dealing with the skeleton's chest crumbles and is destroyed. One of the three skeletons is dead his third attack is also a hit and he destroys the second skeleton there's one skeleton left and it's Flask of Wine's turn

Flask of Wine Flask of Wine fires his bow and arrow at the remaining skeleton his first attack is a miss and his second attack. I'm so sorry, flask of wine. Oh, miss bad. Ricochet.

Breaks his neck. Make a DC 18 dexterity saving throw on a failed save. Take the double the weapons damage and you are blind for a D4 rounds. He passes. Oh my God. Thank God he's a cat. That's so scary. When he draws the bow back, the bow doesn't snap, but the string at one end flicks off

and nearly cuts one of his eyes out. Alright, it's the guard's turn. He pushes himself out from under Vaughn. But that's his whole turn. That is his whole turn, yeah. And poppin' dragon bait. Vaughn But that's his whole turn That is his whole turn Yeah Right And poppin' Dragon Bait

Um Vaughn heals a little Am I close to the guy who just stood up? Yeah Can I try to Okay I want Dragon Bait to knock him off his feet Mm-hmm

I want Vaughn to assist in knocking him off his feet And then I'm going to put my immovable rod on his chest. No, on his dick. Insult to injury. Dragon Bait comes at him from one side and swings low with the flat part of his sword to try and break his stance, and Vaughn at the same time lunges forwards with both arms.

The guard steps on Dragonbait's sword and socks Dragonbait in the face. Dragonbait takes a step backwards, and when Vaughn comes in with his mace, he knocks Vaughn's hand and chips one of Vaughn's fingers off. Off. So basically what you're saying, Adam, is they roll badly. Yeah, they roll badly. So instead of putting an immovable rod on him because he is still upright, I'm going to just hammer him in the face very hard and a lot.

All right. First attack is a miss. That's fine. Second attack is a miss. That's less Vaughn. Third attack is a miss. That's less fine. Third attack is a miss. That's not good, is it? Reroll that last one.

It's a hit. Yay! As I'm doing this, I'm like, we had a deal, you red wizarded piece of shit. You lunge forwards, slash at him with your scimitar, and bring your hammer at the same time, trying to connect with the top of his head. He backs up,

knocks your scimitar, no, your sickle. God damn it. Sickle. He knocks your sickle aside and grabs your hand, holding the hammer. But your sickle attack was actually just a feint.

You knew you weren't going to hit him. So you bring it low, hook in the back of his knee, and drag forwards. You rake the back of his knee and break his stance. You deal eight points of damage to him. As a bonus action, can I drop the move or a rod on his chest? No, it takes an action to activate it, unfortunately, and you've already used yours.

So I should have Zephyr Strike him. I'm such an idiot. Next time, next time. Next time. I'll get him next time, Cass. I believe in you. Tiffany, not so much. Man, losing the faith of someone who believes in everyone is really bleak.

Yep. Pop, you hear in your ear someone whisper something to you. Throw your weapons away. Don't do it. Oh, no, I've got a thing. Yeah? I have an ability. I gain proficiency in wisdom saving throws because I have iron mind.

The person casting the spell upon you, the enchantment upon you, quite clearly did not realize that you have such an iron will. You managed to shrug off the effects of the spell. You do not throw your weapons away. Tiffany and Ardis. Steel trap, mate. Steel trap. And now a quick word from our sponsor. Also, hey, D&D is fun,

but if you're wishing that we would stop all this role-playing nonsense so that we could get down to brass tacks and nut out which bird is the best bird, then do I have news for you. Shut Up Second is a show by myself, Jackson, Cass, and Zoe, where we, as my dad calls it, embarrass ourselves on a public platform with our lack of

scientific understanding. So if you like the sound of that, or if you want to know why my dad isn't answering my calls, then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for Shut Up a Second. Am I able to get close to a friend but also a skeleton to Shankham? No, unfortunately. Everyone's shifted their interest to that god. Well, then Artis will also come with me. Okay.

Artis lowers his bow and draws his dagger. Yeah. Well, he drops his bow and draws his dagger. All right. Cool. I would like to green flame blade and Ardis would like to stab. We're going for a dual shank approach. This is kind of just a formality to this attack.

Yeah. And you use green flame blade? Yeah. Look, I could add this together, but I'm pretty sure. It's dead. Yeah. Stop, stop. It has five hit points and you rolled 87.

He's already dead. You destroy the skeleton. It breaks apart, splinters apart into pieces. I go, I hold up my blade as the green flame dissipates, and I go go and blow away the crumbs of a skeleton once passed. Get a good boy card. Alright.

And would you like Artis to do anything with his action? He could try to scan around to look for the mage. Oh, okay. Yes. I was going to have him just look and press at me or maybe give me a compliment. That motherfucker was right in my ear. I feel like I could just turn around and be like, got him. Artis unfortunately can't spot him. Well, he tried his best and that's all I can ask.

You try your best, it's down six. Do any of you guys want to go and stabilize Orvex? Flask of wine starts casting his eyes about. Actually, flask of wine lowers himself to the ground and starts narrowing his eyes. He draws and knocks an arrow, but doesn't do anything. Pop, you can't see this, but Tiffany, you've never seen him look more like a predator before. Am I impressed?

No, I am. I'm very impressed. He looks like a cat ready to strike. Wow. That's what he is. All right. It's the guard's turn. He turns around and sprints away.

Motherfucker. And Pop and Dragonbait, what would you like to do? guards turn. He turns around and sprints away. Motherfucker. And Poppin' Dragonbait, what would you like to do? What are the odds that after hearing the whispered voice in my ear, I reach back and grab the whispered voice by the invisible face? You know enough about magic to know that he might not necessarily be that close.

Might. He might be that close. You could try just, if you wanted to, you could just swing around behind you. I'd allow you to do that. Adam, I'd like to swing around behind me while saying that that piece of shit running away, let us kill one of your wizards.

Alright. You swing around behind you. Highs or lows? Highs, Adam. Highs? You swing and catch nothing, unfortunately. That's okay. I would like Dragonbait to do the same.

Highs or lows? Highs. Fuck, that's unfortunate. Oh, he lost his fucking sword. Good news, bad news. Which would you like first? Give me the good news first, Adam. I've not done this in ages.

All right. So Dragonbait's sword bounces off what is quite clearly the mage. It bounces off a shield, though. Bad news is on the rebound. Your weapon bounces off your target and strikes you in the face. Dragonbait, no. Only a vengeance in the face. You, Dragonbait, no! Holy avenge into the face. You have disadvantage on your next attack.

So Dragonbait, maybe actually knowing that the, like from sensing it somehow, knowing that the person was behind him. Oh, he has that ability to sense evil people. Tom has cursed the heavens. It's important for the listeners to know that. He swings around behind him and actually strikes the mage. But unfortunately, the mage has an energy shield around him,

a magical shield, and it bounces off that shield and smacks dragon bait in the face. Oh, boy. Dragon bait staggers backwards, and you can see that his eyes are, like, rolling in his head. All right, and what would you like Vaughn to do? Can I now see where the mage was? Nah, not

really. Fuck you, Vaughn and Dragonbite. Hang on. You know what square he's in, but it's a 50-50 chance. Question about Vaughn. Does he need to be able to see the thing that I want him to get? Uh, what what's your plan? Basically, can I be like, Vaughn, get the invisible cunt? You could say that, be like Vaughn, get the invisible cunt?

You could say that, yeah? Vaughn, get the invisible fuck. Oh, you censored yourself? Pop's not that crass. No. No, he's trying to be better. Oh, Pop's trying. Odds.

Vaughn brings his fist down and it stops very suddenly in a spot. You see blood splatter around. Tiffany and Artis, it's your turn. We've seen where Vaughn has hit, right? Mm-hmm. Oh, that other guy. Okay, Artis is going to aim for the guy who's running. Oh, yeah, sure.

With his bow and arrow. Because I feel like he's already scared of us we could absolutely intimidate him to telling us where the other cubes are hit hit artist pegs him three times with a bow and arrow artist deals 30 points of damage to the guy oh did that down him yep he collapses artist yeah he's sprinting He's 90 feet away from you. Ardis knocks, fires, knocks, fires, knocks, fires. The third arrow is in the air before the first arrow has hit him. That's amazing.

The first arrow strikes, and he starts stumbling. The second arrow strikes, and he's on his hands and knees. He reaches forwards with his arm and then the third and final arrow hits him in the back of the head and he slumps forwards. Wookiee warns him to do some interrogating, don't you worry. Tiffany, what's up? Tiffany, what's up?

Tiffany, what's up? I would like to cast Agonizar's Scorcher through the square where it looks like the guy is. Hizalos? Hiz! You bathe the area where he was in flames, and you do not catch him. He must have moved. That's annoying. That's a second-level spell slot. That's annoying. That's a second level spell slot.

Flask of wine is just staying low to the ground. I love this cat. Oh, no. Actually, flask of wine starts moving forward, Tiffany. Flask of wine makes it to you and then lowers to the ground. And you can just barely, imperceptibly almost hear Pop and Dragonbait. And Vaughn. Is Orvex

around? He's on the ground. Yep. He's lying on the ground. You look down at Orvex and you can see that he's cradling a broken arm and a bloody nose. But he's alive. He looks up at you. He's conscious.

At some point, he just stabilised. Yeah, he passed a saving throw. Yeah, he got a 20. He's on one hit point. Oh, great. Why didn't it do anything? Yeah. All right, then.

I'm going to look for this piece of shit. All right. He starts scanning around. Yep. Well, you can tell that he's not where he was before. You can see a faint outline of where he's been, where he's disturbed. You can see that he also made a runner.

He's probably already pretty far. He's potentially fled in fear. Yes. Well, definitely fled in fear. Yes. Well, definitely fled in fear. So, what he's saying Adam is, combat is over. Yeah. Great. I'm gonna go over to the guy we

got with the arrows. I'll help you pick him up. When you get to him, he is bleeding out. You have literally a turn to save him. Can I just cure wounds him? Oh, yeah, you're fine. Yeah, you do that. Before I Cure Wounds him, I get my Immovable Rod and I put it on his dick and then I Cure Wounds him.

Maybe Artisimba comes with you as well. Artisimba, when he gets there, he puts his boot on the mace and kicks it so that it rolls and tumbles off the side into the magma. I would like to put my Immovable Rod across his chest. All right. You put two immovable rods on him as he rouses. And I'm doing a level one kill wounds, Ed. I'm like, this is my worst work.

And I'm going to- You roll a 20. He's on full health. He recovers 11 hit points, which is maximal. Can Artisan- I'll get Flask of Wine too as well. We both sit on his hands. So he can't turn off the immovable rods hi hello

this is awkward isn't it i feel like it's not so much awkward as it is more of a dangerous situation tiffany you watch you're watching flask of wine flask of wine has strung his bow back over his shoulder and is on his hands and knees crawling around sniffing out the mage what are you doing here mate i work here yeah your friends know that we killed your friend no well yes they don't know that you specifically but i did tell them what happened. Well, a version of what happened. Yeah, you didn't tell them that you just stood there and let us do it, I assume.

No. Oh, you're a clever boy, aren't you? You wouldn't happen to have a cigarette, cigar, pipe, alcohol? No. Ah, that's unfortunate. He tries to move one of his arms but tiffany you're sitting on it uh if uh on my right hand side nearer to the to the magma pit we have a a couple bags with supplies if one of you would be so kind as to fetch me a flask from it? No.

Okay. Well, that's unfortunate. No, no, no. We'll do this. I go over. I open the bag. This flask? Yes, that one.

Wonderful. I walk it over. I unscrew it. And then just next to his head, I just pour it out onto the grass and then float the flask in the lava. Well, that's just rude. Have you not met me? I didn't say it was unexpected all right fuck face where are the shrines uh do you have a map

you don't orvex do you have a map orvex slowly shakes his head sitting down orvex is sitting down just nursing his wounds do you have uh take it you got any drawing things oh goodness do i have no idea um oh i should also note that where you found that pack pop there are a series several packs set up there maybe three or four in total backpacks of various sizes, a great deal many ropes, and you see that several of the ropes are connected from your side here over to that plateau out there in the middle. There are several ropes connected from here to there. You've been out in the lava.

Yes. What did you find there, mate? Tell you what I'll exchange what we found out there For you getting off and letting me just walk Sure Where is it? Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah

You first Oh, that's not how this works, mate You don't get to break our trust once And then expect it back straight away You have to earn it Would you like to make a persuasion or an intimidation check? Oh, I stab him in the arm You don't get to break our trust once and then expect it back straight away. You have to earn it. Would you like to make a persuasion or an intimidation check? Oh, I stab him in the arm.

Intimidation, Adam. That's what we're good at. Non-lethal. Gritty Tiffany is very good. You stab him in the arm and he grunts in pain. And maybe you twist it a little bit as well, but he looks you, Tiffany, dead in the eyes. And he says, the second you have it, I'm dead.

No, you might as well kill me then. What's so important about it? There's nothing important about it. I don't give a shit about it. But once I've lost it, that's my only bargaining chip, isn't it? So is it in the packs over there? Wouldn't you like to know? Orvex, go get the packs. Orvex stands up and

wanders over to the packs. He starts going through them. Highs or lows? Highs. No, bring them here. Oh, okay. Orvex brings them over to you. Vaughn, help him. He's only got one arm. There is no puzzle. Vaughn tears the packs

open accidentally. There is no puzzle. Vaughn tears the packs open accidentally. There is no puzzle cube in the packs. All right. Now, you can understand the particular. My friend and I are in here, right? That, sure, just like you, if you gave us the thing that you have, you would lose your bargaining chip. We let you go.

We lose our bargaining chip. Well, you go, we lose our bargaining chip. Well, yes, that's true. Right. Unfortunately, it's my only card. You, however, if you set me free, could still try to run me down. Or I could cut this vein here and just let you bleed out slowly and in an agonizing pain until you give us the cube.

Make another intimidation check. He looks between the two of you and he says, all right, building over there. There's an extra pack just in the bottom level. Don't let him up. Are we able to maneuver it so that we cross his arms over his chest and then push the immovable rod into that? There's already one on his dick, so if we take one off,

cross his arms and put it back on again, he's really in trouble. We could just tie him up. Who's that? That's an artist. That is 100% an artist. I mean, yeah, but it's not as fun as using a magical artifact to hold a man in place. We can do both.

Those packs are near a tree, yeah? No, they weren't. Oh. Is there a tree around? Yeah, you can find a tree. Vaughn, sit on him. Let's tie him to the tree. All right, tie him to a tree.

You maybe put the immovable rods on his chest as well. No, no, no, Adam. On his dick. Actually, Artisembra suggests, as you're tying him up, to tie the immovable rods in with the rope. I'd assume. Not a bad idea. You do that. You make it very good and tight. It looks

decent. Do you want to go check this bag out? Okay. Who's going into the building? Both of us. All right. You open the door to the building and it nearly falls off its hinges. Do you want to just tell Vaughn to not let that man leave? Oh, and Vaughn, if our friend here tries to leave, punch him as hard as you can.

Vaughn doesn't respond, but he never does. You open the door and it nearly falls off its hinges. In the dead centre of the room is a pack. Hmm. Right. This is a trap, eh? It seems a lot like a trap. Look, I've got some rope.

Am I able to try and lasso it? Yeah, you could try. Can I tie my crowbar to my rope and try and lasso it out? All right. You hook the crowbar around it and drag it out without too much trouble. In the pack is a bunch of miscellaneous stuff, just equipment. From all of these packs, you refresh all of your equipment, food and such. You can also get, actually, yeah, between the lot of you,

both of you add an extra 50 feet of rope if you don't already have rope. There's a lot of rope here. You take as much as you think you might need. It's just rope's just useful. And also inside that pack, you find you get a puzzle cube. Yeah, we do. The puzzle cube depicts a snake of some sort.

Oh, see, that wasn't so hard, was it, Lenny? It wasn't at all, was it, James? Close enough. We should find out if he knows where the others are. That's a good idea. Well, maybe we can interrogate him and say we'll let him live if he tells us. Yeah, we ain't going to let him live, though, right? Well, what if we take everything he got and he has to walk home naked?

Yeah, I like that. I also like pushing him into lava. I mean, he could always talk, you're right. Maybe magma's the way to go. Well, we'll see what he has to say first, though, all right, Dad? Okay. Hey, you did some good stabbing in the head back there, by the way to go. Well, we'll see what he has to say first, though. All right, then? Okay. You did some good stabbing in the head back there, by the way. It's just as a...

We should get back. Yeah, we should. Fucking hell, Bob. Very funny. Well, that's nice of you to give us that. Where the fuck are the rest? I don't know exactly. So to the north of us i believe

there's one or two i think two there's uh they're in sunken sections of the city although you might want to be careful traveling around the big circular palace thing the yaun tea keep a close watch of that area it's the entrance to their little space oh is it what uh well you know that's a surprise i would watch out it's quite heavily guarded yeah no fucking looks that way the the red wizards are trying to gather an actual literal army as much as well as they can from what threadbare mercenaries they have in the area. But they're trying to gather as many people as possible to storm the place. What the cubes do.

The cubes, they're, I don't know exactly, they're part of some puzzle. That does what? I don't know, unlocks a door or lets you pass through safely. I don't know. They learned about it from one of the Yaunti, I think. We're going to interrogate a snake, man. We were always going to, weren't we? Oh, no, I mean someone important.

They have a spy in the Yaunti temple. Hang on, hang on, hang on. The Red Wizards have a spy amongst the Ras Nazis people. Yeah, my understanding is there's some sort of power ship struggle and they've got like an agreement. Right. How many cubes have you got? We were operating in small groups.

We just had that one. I don't know about the other groups. That's not snail flail, is it? No. So we know they've got that one. Yep. They have. This shrine, that puzzle cube came from the shrine just over the way.

He gestures to where the rope bridge is. Or, well, the makeshift rope bridge. I can work that out. I'm not an idiot. I don't know what you know. Fucking hell. You're a smug prick. I swear to God.

Anyway. That's fine. Thatug prick. I swear to God. Anyway. That's fine. That's fine. You're all good. You're great. Everyone saw that, yeah? Oh, yeah, that was not internalised. The temples are in prominent places,

so if you travel the freeway, there'll be some there. Where's the Red Wizard's camp? I don't know. The last I heard, the camp got turned over by the yaunty camp? I don't know. The last I heard, the camp got turned over by the Yauntie, so I don't know where they... Is that the camp we found with Orvex? That was their camp. Yeah. So they're scattered in the city.

Yeah, we're scattered across the city. How many other groups? I have no idea. A bunch... How would you start with, you fucking dingus? Oh, we had... I don't know, close to 100. That's me being mean to you, Adam. I just.

It's okay. No, no, no. Hey, HT, I love you. I love you too. Started with about 100, I think. Well, we've been slowly culling. There was typically between 30 to 50 at the camp at any one time. So maybe half that.

But more might have arrived. No. No, we found your camp. No, I mean, like, I know a big party of reinforcements were on their way, so more might have arrived. They were being led by, what's their fucking name? Shadow Mantle. Shadow Mane.

Oh, fucking flame. The head. No, no, no, fucking flame the head no no no no no no you're thinking of the the fucking zentorum no no zentorum and the red wizards are not friends don't hang on don't the zentorum don't the red wizards use honor the flaming fist use fire titles oh yeah sorry you're thinking of the flaming fist no i'm stupid as well i'll tell you what zentorum have a completely... Oh, man. So many fucking mercenary groups.

And I'm saying that as a fucking mercenary, you know? God. Fuck. Shadow Mantle. That's it. That's her name. Fuck. Yeah, she's on her way here.

She's the one who lives in the heart. Yeah. They're bringing a shitload of people this way. How far away were they when you knew that? All I know is that they were on their way. I don't know when they left or how long it's going to take them to get here. Fuck it now. You got anything you want to ask our friend?

How did you think this was going to go? I didn't know it was you until I hit you in the face. Well, your friend, I guess. till I hit you in the face. Well, your friend, I guess. Yeah, we just saw your figures and you've collected a few people or lost a few people since we last met. I forget.

Don't you fucking talk about those people. Sorry. I lost a few people since we met. Boo fucking hoo. People die. It's what they're good at. I don't... You're all over...

He's all over the fuck. With one, like, a free finger, he points at Pop and looks at you, Tiffany, and says, he literally was having a go at me for the last thing in his last breath. I sort of do that, like, exasperated shrug thing where you sort of flap your mouth and look for words, but none come. All right. You've got all the cards.

Kill me or let me go. Your call horns. but none come. All right. You've got all the cards. Kill me or let me go. You're cool, Horns. Why do you think we would let you go? I don't know. We made a deal. We made a deal. Yeah, we literally,

did you not hear the conversation we had moments ago? It was a trade. You get the puzzle cube and I get to go. I gave you some information just to sweeten the pot. Are you going to betray us? I don't know how I could betray you. I didn't betray you the first time. We had a temporary agreement. This is also presumably a temporary agreement.

He can't go back to the wizards anyway. He lost the fucking cube. That's fair. Right. Well, you can't go back with anything I guess. We take all of his stuff. All of it. His clothes too. Alright, you leave him with literally nothing? Literally nothing. Oh, that's just rude. Yep. Take the rods. We don't untie him though, Adam. Okay.

You leave him tied to the tree? Yeah. All right. Okay. Okay. So it's going to be like that, is it? You're welcome. Thank you.

As you're walking away, artist Simbra says, It's cold. Will our heroes regret leaving that mercenary at their backs? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plates Chopped. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all the other shows we do here at SancePantsRadio,

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