D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #20 Temple of the Froghemoth

Episode Date: June 27, 2020

Grab your tickets to our Live Plumbing Boys Play/Ruin D&D stream and VOD here!Sign up to our newsletter here. Join our facebook group here.You can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Rese...rvoir East, Victoria, 3073.Want to help support the show?Sanspants+ | Shop | TeesWant to get in contact with us?Email | Twitter | Website | Facebook | RedditOr individually at;Adam | Cass | Tom | Jackson | ZammitTheme music by the wonderfully talented Mia (AtomicCupcakes). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 SansPantsRadio. I want you to do it! Hey, before we get started today, just a reminder that we, the Plumbing Boys, are currently doing a four-part livestream of the Plumbing Boys play slash ruin D&D with Stupid Old Studios. That's right, we've teamed up with our good friend and worst enemy, Adam Carnevale, to explore the fantasy world that is Dungeons & Dragons and to hopefully prove once and for all that beating D&D it's not even that hard. Smart decisions are there for losers, and being strong and handsome can overcome any challenge Adam throws at us. Tickets and more information are available at sospresents.com, and before you interrupt me and say, hey Joel Dusha, I just looked at the dates, and I'm stupid, and dumb, and an idiot, and even though I had every intention of buying a season pass to this event, I haven't and now I've missed it.
Starting point is 00:00:47 What can I do? Well, great news, fuckwit. It's also on video on demand. You can relive our previous glories whenever you want and as much as you want. Look, your call. I mean, we've really thought of it all. So head to sospresents.com for dates, times, and ticket info. And I'll see you online.
Starting point is 00:01:03 SOSPresents.com for dates, times and ticket info. And I'll see you online. Welcome to Season 2, Episode 20 of Zombie Plagued Chult. Um, um, um, um. If we go to the ones Orvex knows about, then it's a safe bet that that's what the Red Lizards know about too. Yeah, but we've only seen him get to one, and we've been to two near that one, which makes me think that I've got no fucking idea where these things are either. He walks up to you with the two things he's grabbed. One of them is a very thorny bit of bush.
Starting point is 00:01:29 He brushes that over your arm and you feel it sticking and being thorny and unpleasant. And then he takes the leaf and he brushes the leaf down your arm as well. And it feels soft and nice and delicate. You're facing off against this guy. You are definitely the superior fighter and you have Dragonbait's assistance. This guy knows that without some intervention, he's going to lose this fight. Can I now see where the mage was? Nah, not really.
Starting point is 00:01:57 Fuck you, Vaughn and Dragonbait. You can see that he also made a run on him. He's probably already pretty far. He's potentially fled in fear. Yes. We take all of his stuff. All of it. He's probably already pretty far. He's potentially fled in fear. Yes. We take all of his stuff. All of it. He's close to. Alright, you leave him with literally nothing? Literally nothing. That's just rude.
Starting point is 00:02:13 After dealing with the remains of the Red Wizard ambush, you find yourselves in the northwestern corner of Oumu. So, where are you heading? You could try to get back to the main freeway or highway whatever that's where the guy said there was a lot of other temples he believed yeah we just need to stick to the main path find what we can yep before everyone else does actually you know what i i
Starting point is 00:02:42 wasn't really thinking about it but he was actually, he does have a lead on a shrine. Where you found him, round the back, there's a shrine there. He tells you as such. Orvex says, oh, we didn't really explore it, but there was one just behind the compound you found me. Sorry, I guess I got a bit rattled. I don't know. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:03:03 I should have said earlier. I didn't put two and two together there. It's fine, Orbex. A house fell on you. You're forgiven. You want to go back across the tree? Yeah. Just kind of the way you know, I guess.
Starting point is 00:03:16 Yeah. Yeah. All right. You get across the tree without any problem. But then once you're across the tree, that's where the problems start. Sixteen bag of nails attack you.
Starting point is 00:03:31 So you make your way round to the back of the walled compound area or you try to. Sorry. I always forget this part. My favourite part. I'm not stalling for time. You're stalling for time. And nothing happens. You're fine. My favorite part. I'm not stalling for time. You're stalling for time. And nothing happens.
Starting point is 00:03:47 You're fine. Making us lose. God, I love- I hit my hand twice on the same thing. I thought the second one was a bit. No, it really wasn't. You just did terrible. No, yeah, I'm fine.
Starting point is 00:04:03 It sounded a lot worse than it was. You get behind the walled compound that you first found Orvex at, and you see, sure enough, there is a shrine on the other side. Good one, Orvex. A rectangular pool of murky water stretches before this vine-draped shrine. Rope bridges that once spanned the water float on the surface, tangled with other debris. Well, looks like we can go around the perimeter of the water. You absolutely can.
Starting point is 00:04:39 And go through, like, one of these broken down bits of fence over here. I fear this option because it's doable. Well, wait. Is it the grung one or is this the big frog tentacle one? You're not sure. Orvex would know, right? Fair. Orvex would know.
Starting point is 00:04:58 Yeah, don't be trying. You don't know, you big dumb. Above the locked gate that forms the entrance to the shrine itself, there is some words written in Old Omen that he can translate. Kubazan urges us to tread without fear and to give back as much as we take. Kubazan. Is the tentacle frog? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:22 Okay, so this isn't the grung. This is the frog hemoth? Frog hemoth, yes. Very funny. Beware the, so this isn't the grung. This is the frog hemoth? Frog hemoth, yes. Very funny. Beware the frog monster. Beware the frog monster. That sounds like a frog hemoth to me, Cass. Sounds very frog hemothy.
Starting point is 00:05:33 Now, this has confused me because that suggests to myself that don't touch the frog, but then why is the frog there? What was the thing? Don't tread lightly? Tread without fear. Give back as much as we take. All right. So.
Starting point is 00:05:48 We should be able to walk on this water then. Potentially. We just need to leave it a gift, right? I think that's when we get inside the temple to probably get the cube. We're going to have to give it something as much as we take. Huh. Actually. Tiffany, you've been here long enough.
Starting point is 00:06:04 At the water's edge you casting your eyes out you can see ice stalks poking out of the water and you can tell that there's a froggy myth in the water there's a froggy myth in the water how big is this froggy myth pop you know about froggy myths actually oh i know about froggyrygmoths actually i mean you already kind of knew that i guess but this creature will be a tough fight if you have to fight it they're amphibious they can breathe air and water they bigger than vaughn their tentacles are the only thing more dangerous than their tentacles is their bite and their tongue so there's a list yeah oh yeah oh yeah they rank here's all the things that are dangerous about a phragimus it's everything but specifically these parts if it bites you it will
Starting point is 00:06:53 just try to swallow you and it can hold several creatures in its belly at any one time and it will it will swallow live prey and attempt to digest them live. Well, it's easy. We just kill it from the inside out. Obviously. Fool. Its tongue is probably the most dangerous part of it. With its tongue, it can probably strike further than its tentacles, and its tongue is very sticky, made to draw enemies into its gullet. Like a frog.
Starting point is 00:07:19 The tongue looks like the two tentacles from a squid. You know, the ones with little hands, like Squidward's hands. Squid hands, but in tongue form, but you combine them. It is resistant to fire and lightning damage. Good to know, good to know. So if you deal fire or lightning damage, it'll only take half that damage. However, it has a feature. You may be remembering a long time ago,
Starting point is 00:07:47 maybe you read this in Volo's Guide, the book, a while back. I met Volo once. He was an all right bloke. You both did. That was on this adventure. We did. We did. We met Volo.
Starting point is 00:07:59 We met Volo. He was fucking insane. Crazy little guy. Volo described it as shock susceptibility. So while it will only take half damage from lightning, it will, however, lightning will slow it down. It causes
Starting point is 00:08:14 its nerves to seize up. So what happens is it gets a negative two to its AC and dexterity saving throws. Can't use its reactions or multi-attack on its turns. So it gets multiple attacks a turn. It can only make one attack a turn, can't take reactions.
Starting point is 00:08:33 It just, like, fucks it up. It slows it down. And would you call Witchbold a lightning attack? Yeah, yeah. It does lightning damage. Also, it has darkvision. Is it nighttime, Adam? No, it's daytime.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Because I could have snuck past, gone in. You could have, yes. What if we wait until nightfall? You could if you wanted to. Is it like, how like daytime is it? Maybe about midday, maybe. What if? Yes.
Starting point is 00:08:56 So I've explained all of that to Teefin. Yes. So that's who we're up against. Oh, good. Oh, is that all? Now, I reckon it will only wake up if we walk through its house. Well, that makes sense. Can we go around? There's a chance.
Starting point is 00:09:09 But just in case, I was thinking we should have a contingency plan should it wake itself up. What does water do? Boil. Yes. It conducts electricity Ardis Simbra says Close
Starting point is 00:09:27 Ardis, what does water do? It can Freezes Yes Also does that Can we freeze Can you freeze this entire body of water? I could
Starting point is 00:09:35 If it's big enough to hold the phrogemith in it I don't think it could freeze the entire body of water But I could freeze a bit of it Where the eyes are maybe Just like trap it Oh, I could freeze the entire body of water, but I could freeze a bit of it. Where the eyes are maybe, just like trap it. Oh, I could freeze the surface solid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, not the whole thing. I don't know if that'll keep it in there for very long, but I could. Oh, it might be able to break through if it's that big.
Starting point is 00:09:57 Yeah, it's a bad idea. It's a bad idea. Pop, what the fuck are you talking about? What? Nothing. I think freezing a section might help. Freezing a section might help. I don't mean to.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Wait, no, we don't know that. Artisimber hushes up. Oh, dear. I know that it's shock-ceptible, but I also think if there's a way we can avoid fighting it, I'd rather do that. Can we sneak around? You can just go up to the door if you wanted to.
Starting point is 00:10:25 It's not that hard. Like Pop stated, there are holes in the wall. Let's try and sneak around. Let's go through. All right. You approach the front door. Oh, we've instructed Vaughn to wait outside. Vaughn waits.
Starting point is 00:10:38 He's bigger than Vaughn. It could kill him. It is way bigger than Vaughn. He's not as close as normal he's like back out above the front door there are words written in old almond like i said kubizan urges us to tread without fear and to give back as much as we take and you can see a locked gate wards the place beyond you can through the gate you can see gentle light flowing onto a chamber beyond. Steps descending as well.
Starting point is 00:11:10 I don't think it's a great start that we were too frightened to fight something. No, probably not. Let's go in. The gate is locked. How do you wish to try to progress? You're a rogue, can't you open this thing? You could try picking the lock. I'll give it a crack.
Starting point is 00:11:28 All right. You attempt to pick the lock. However, you find after maybe 15 minutes hard work, you find that the lock has so far bested you. Would you like to continue? Yes. The lock continues to best you it's half an hour you can still you can keep going for as long as you want time is your only is anyone else better at
Starting point is 00:11:52 locks than i am i thought i was okay but no one really is unfortunately you're the only person who has lock picks and knows how to pick a lock i'm gonna keep trying then on in the like as it's nearing an hour maybe after the first half hour, you're starting to doubt yourself. And then Artisimber kneels down next to you. He pulls up his... You know how when someone will pop a squat sometimes, they'll hike up their pants a little bit?
Starting point is 00:12:19 Yeah, yeah. He hikes up his pants a little bit, crouches down next to you. He has his arms resting on his thighs. He looks at you and says, what you need to do, I've always found, is take a break, close your eyes, and count to ten. I do it. You feel a little bit of stress leave you. Oh, he helped.
Starting point is 00:12:40 As it nears an hour, you take your time. You're patient. Artisimbra says, take your time. We've got as much time as we need. You take your time You're patient Artisimbras says Take your time You've got as much time As we need You take your time You're patient I'm pacing behind you
Starting point is 00:12:50 It doesn't help With a click The door opens The gate opens As soon as that happens There's a flash And you realise You've set off
Starting point is 00:12:59 A magical trap Wow That was stupid of us That was real dumb of us Wow Wow Like that's stupid of us. That was real dumb of us. Wow. Wow. Like, that's, that is. You even gave, like, a really beautiful moment to really make that fall from grace.
Starting point is 00:13:12 Just hurt a bit more. Jesus. Don't I'm like, I'm like, oh, it's a magical shrine. We'll try to break in, even though there's clearly something we have to do to get in there. And we were, we were literally spending the time before mocking the red wizards for trying to force their way into a temple and we've just tried the same thing we just did at no stage no as i was trying to break the lock i'm like it's weird there's they've locked this one that's a bit odd don't you think tiffany you feel a wave of existential terror flood you you feel so afraid your own mind screams at you you idiot there was something that you had to do this is clearly not the way you fucked up you're in
Starting point is 00:13:54 trouble an hour fall backwards and start scrambling away from the door you were under the effects of a fear spell. Then one of your hands, splash, falls into the water behind you and immediately the frog emeth is out of the water. Fuck. And we'll go to initiative. Oh, no. I love that we try to avoid the, hey, Adam, we're healthier. I don't know. Oh, my gosh.
Starting point is 00:14:26 And I have something. Heroism charm. I'll give you one sec. Hang on. We'll go to initiative. I can't be frightened. Pop, who would you like to fight with? Dragon bait.
Starting point is 00:14:39 Tiffany, who would you like to fight with? Artis. Call in Vaughn over if we're fighting this thing. God, we were all so stupid. Every one of us. We said to be not true. Including the NPCs. Who are Adam.
Starting point is 00:14:51 Remember that, Cass. I always forget. I think they're our friends, but they're Adam. Pop, you're first. I get Vaughn to come over too. All right, Vaughn. Locks and loads. Can he attack from here? He can't get there this turn on four. Well, he gets there this turn and that's it. Can he attack from here?
Starting point is 00:15:05 He can't get there this turn. Well, he gets there this turn and that's it. Can we get into the temple? You could enter the temple now if you wanted to. Are you scared or brave or I don't know what you're doing. Tiffany, well, right now, until she activates her charm of heroism, Tiffany is physically incapable of going through those doors. She is terrified magically.
Starting point is 00:15:27 Get your shit together. Take flask. Go in there. Is that your turn? Oh, man. Please do this. Oh, fuck. Yes.
Starting point is 00:15:36 Fight the froggy myth while this trap is happening. Oh, my God. Holy shit. Yes. What do you want to do? While the trap is happening. Pop, what are you doing? While the what? I do exactly what I just shit, yes. What do you want to do? While the trap is happening. Pop, what are you doing? While the what?
Starting point is 00:15:45 I do exactly what I just did, Adam. I tell Tiffany to go in and then Dragonbait and I charge up a Zephyr Striker. No, I'm not going to go near it because it'll get me. I'm going to use Wall of Hammers. Conjure Barrage. I have a fear spell as well. I believe you do. Yes, you do.
Starting point is 00:16:03 What are the odds of being able to? It could work. Can I make the monster afraid? You well. I believe you do. Yes, you do. What are the odds of being able to... It could work. Can I make the monster afraid? You could. You could certainly try. That'll kill him, right? He's not allowed to be scared. He'd run away, wouldn't it?
Starting point is 00:16:15 Yeah, he would. He would run away. I'm going to just conjure fear. You're going to use fear? Yeah. All right. It's a big fucking frog, man. It needs to make a wisdom saving throw. I hope it's dumb.
Starting point is 00:16:24 I hope this frog hasn't learned much over its years as a frog. Oh, I'm so sorry. It saves. But you were on the right track. Your knowledge of froggy myths means that you are aware that the froggy myth is not very mentally strong. You think it's just pure luck that has saved it from being feared on this occasion. Fuck you, you big fucking-
Starting point is 00:16:46 Yeah, I'm sorry. That's a shit. What would you like Dragonbait to do? He has no ranged attacks. Get ready. Dragonbait just steals himself. Tiffany, an artist. If Pops just said that to me, I'm going to fight with Flask instead.
Starting point is 00:17:00 Okay, cool. Yep. I would like to activate my heroism charm. It's used up. You no longer have it. Yeah. But you feel magical bravery surge into you. I would also, as I run headfirst into the temple with my good friend Flask,
Starting point is 00:17:15 use a fortuitous circumstance card. You sprint in using a fortuitous circumstance. Steps descend to a ledge overlooking a pit of sharpened stakes an alcove on the far wall holds a pedestal with a stone cube resting on it a relief carved into the back of the alcove shows a monstrous frog with tentacles fighting a crane wooden beams radiate from the walls at floor height with four foot gaps between them carved frog heads extrude from the walls at floor height with four foot gaps between them. Carved frog heads extrude from the walls above the beams. You are a 20 foot jump directly across from you is the cube.
Starting point is 00:17:56 And there are wooden boards all around. You think that the wooden boards could support the weight of a human briefly. Good thing we picked our most nimble friend. Flask of wine. And these wooden stakes in the centre, could one perhaps step on them? No, they're sharpened to a razor point. I mean, yes, one could. Also, the spikes are 30 feet down.
Starting point is 00:18:22 If you fall, you fall 30 feet onto spikes. Okay. I've played a lot of Tomb Raider, Cass. Do you know what happens? Bad time? Die. Oh, okay. Tiffany, it only took you 25 feet of movement to get there.
Starting point is 00:18:36 So you've got another five before you start digging into your action. Could I potentially sprint all across the wooden? You'd have to leap from board to board. Flask, do you reckon you could go over? What do you mean? To get to the other side? Do you reckon you could jump on the wooden board to get to the other side? There's one on each side so you can run over.
Starting point is 00:18:57 I could try. Do you want Flask of Wine to go? Yeah, because Flask of Wine's more nimble. All right. Flask, remember, If you tread without fear I mean, I think that's the key, right? It was tread without fear Give as much as you take
Starting point is 00:19:12 Flask Yes I'm sorry to have to ask this because we didn't know it was coming Would it be okay If you put your ball of soft Just the small one In place of the cube He hefts his ball of soft, just the small one, in place of the cube. He hefts his ball of soft and says, all right.
Starting point is 00:19:30 I promise you I will help you make a new one, okay? I believe you. You can lose that fortuitous circumstance now. That was a big thing for him. I give Flask a really big hug and I say, I understand. This was really big for you all right flask leaps he lands on the first one he leaps again he lands on the second one as soon as his paw has left the first one it slams shut you realize tiffany that it's a mechanism slamming it shut. The second you step on it, it collapses in.
Starting point is 00:20:06 A mechanism is forcing it down. He lands on the second one. Mm-hmm. He manages just barely to grab with his paws and throw himself back upwards. He goes for the next one. Does he have that ability that allows him to do stuff better? What's his...
Starting point is 00:20:28 It makes him faster, but it doesn't mean that he can run across these planks any better. Damn it. Fourth one by the hairs of his chinny chin chins. He's turned the corner at this point. He makes the next two with style. How many
Starting point is 00:20:44 are there, Adam? It's about halfway. He makes it to the next corner. Oh, fuck. It's literally the last one. No! No! He falls. All right. literally the last one no he falls all right he falls 30 feet onto two spikes flask of wine hits the end flask of wine is impaled through his the side of his neck and through his thigh flask of wine slides
Starting point is 00:21:27 halfway down the five foot long spikes and then comes to a stop his right arm is wrapped limply around the pole and his right leg is stuck at an odd angle because of the spearing through his thigh his left arm and left leg hang uselessly and lifelessly on the other side you do not know if he is alive or dead but he is not moving all right stephanie you still have your action can i get into the pit or not really if you jump you fall into the pit there's not really a lot of controlling it. I stick my head back out and scream, help! I'm going to call that your action, Tiffany.
Starting point is 00:22:12 Artis Simber dashes forwards, but there's not a lot he can... Well, no, actually, Artis Simber is conflicted. He looks at the giant Fragimeth, and he looks down at Tiffany calling for help. Maybe he locks eyes with you for a brief moment pop what are you looking at me for i fucking got this artisember dashes down the stairs and reaches you tiffany he looks at flask of wine with clear dismay in his face that's not a lot he can do unfortunately remember dD was fun, Cass? No. It isn't.
Starting point is 00:22:46 Yeah, fair. Pop, the froggy myth's tongue whips out at you. You duck low and it slashes over your head. With tremendous speed, the froggy myth is before you
Starting point is 00:23:01 and it brings both of its tentacles down upon you. All right. Green boy, let's dance. You feel your shell crack above you, and you feel blood, hot blood trickling through your shell. Oh, that feels fucking unpleasant. Oh, gosh. And you are grappled.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Fuck. It picks you up in one of its tentacles. Joy of fucking joys. Pop, it's your turn. Can I try casting fear again? Yeah, you absolutely can. Great. You will need to make a constitution saving throw first, however.
Starting point is 00:23:36 As you are being grappled, you pass. What's wrong? I'm just thinking about how a flask of wine is a tabaxi and could have climbed the walls. Yes, he could have. Yes, he could have. So, Cass, I hate us. I hate us and our big dumb brains so much.
Starting point is 00:23:57 Adam, he's your character. You should have known that and helped us. You gave him the order to run across. I did. The froggy myth drops you, Pop. Gosh. It ducks underneath the waves and swims away. You feel the weave
Starting point is 00:24:11 of magic pulling at its mind. Yeah, you fucking cowardly fat prick. What do you want Vaughn to do? If Vaughn starts fighting it and it's afraid, will it fight back? He can fight it still. No, what I mean is though, if he punches it, will it stay afraid until it throws the spell? Yes.
Starting point is 00:24:27 Cool. I instruct Vaughn to tie its tentacles in knots. Vaughn steps into the water and immediately disappears. The water is very deep. Cass. Uh-huh. So today has been a steep learning curve.
Starting point is 00:24:43 Yeah. I once heard a man describe it as a steep learning curb, and that's where I feel like I'm sitting, in the gutter where I belong, a big, dumb piece of trash. Is it bin night? Someone take us home. Oh, man. I think it's bin night. What would you like Dragon Bait to do?
Starting point is 00:25:00 Cry. I'd like Dragon Bait to to cut my big dumb head off, full of its big dumb fucking ideas. Anything else? I don't know. Nothing. All right. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Oh, my God. The Foggy Moth just had its eyes poking out. We knew that it was deeper than Vaughn was tall. Yeah, I know. Tiffany, I'm going to give you artists now because Flask of Wine has other issues. Oh, no. Oh, my goodness.
Starting point is 00:25:35 What have we done to our beautiful friends? Does artists have anything that could perhaps pull a dead cat off of some spikes? He has rope. Artists would like to try and retrieve that cat. From here, he's going to have trouble. He's going to be dragging him across the spikes. However, if you were to go the other way around
Starting point is 00:25:56 and get onto the platform there, you could lower the rope from there because he's just below it. Oh, you can't go the side he went because they're all down. They're all stuck down. I wonder what the difference is with the trap activated, you know? I wonder what the difference is with this. We had to be not fucking idiots for this entire temple. I wonder what the difference would be.
Starting point is 00:26:19 We tried to break in. What is wrong with us? We sent a cat to die. He can crawl on the wall and not touch the wooden planks at all. Adam, I would like to drink my potion of climbing and climb the walls. You can absolutely do that. And it's just
Starting point is 00:26:33 like walking, right? Yep. I would like to drink my potion of climbing. Why didn't we do that earlier too? And I would like to climb all around the walls. You will be able to get to the other side with your turn, but that's it. Oh, gosh. Froggy Mith's turn.
Starting point is 00:26:51 All right. Pop. Can Vaughn swim? He can sink. Sorry, let me rephrase. He's sinking. Can I think, Vaughn, get out of the water? You can.
Starting point is 00:27:03 You do not know what is happening to Vaughn. Is of the water you can you do not know what is happening to Vaughn is it deep the whole way through you don't know the water's too murky to see fuck I'm angry I would really really have loved to have installed my brain today
Starting point is 00:27:19 oh my gosh I want Vaughn to keep trying to tie his tentacles up that's more amusing to me Vaughn doesn't need to tie his tentacles up That's more amusing to me Because I figure we'll be able to get him Vaughn doesn't need to breathe No Vaughn doesn't need to breathe He can stay there forever But I don't know how to get him out
Starting point is 00:27:29 He just might I'll figure something out Anything else you want to do Pop? We're going to go in the temple while Vaughn's dealing with Alright cool You and Dragonbait enter the temple You see Artis looking very worriedly at Tiffany Tiffany what would you like to do?
Starting point is 00:27:43 You see the puzzle cube right before you on the plinth. I would like to try and get Flask out of the spikes. All right. How do you do that? The rope I have. You make a noose with it, presumably. I would like to tie a crowbar to the end of the rope. You do so.
Starting point is 00:28:03 Try and hook the crowbar through one of what i can only assume is several belts that flask of wine is wearing and just try start pulling i'm gonna call making your crowbar grappling hook one of your actions so you can lower it down but you can't hook him this turn. That makes sense. That was Tiffany and Artus. Artus, there's not a lot he can do, unfortunately, from where he is. And cool. Pop, what would you like to do? What the fuck's going on? A bit of, I'm not sure, actually.
Starting point is 00:28:42 I came here and this was kind of what was happening. Is he dead? I think he's in a poor sort. I'm not sure, actually. I came here and this was kind of what was happening. Is he dead? I think he's in a poor sort. I'm not sure if he's dead. Hors, are you right? I don't know. Right. I don't know if Flask is alive.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Oh, Jesus. Can you try and heal him? Can I heal Flask from where I am? No, unfortunately. You need to be able to touch someone to heal. I'm going to touch him. Okay. I've got a really bad idea.
Starting point is 00:29:09 I love that. Yeah? How wide is the chasm? It's 20 feet. If I cast Rope Trick in the middle, can I Tarzan across to Tiffany? It is theoretically possible. What would I need to do to allow across to Tiffany? It is theoretically possible. What would I need to do to allow this to happen? So you need to make a, so you cast the spell, the rope is created.
Starting point is 00:29:35 You make an athletics check to jump. You would need to make an athletics check. I believe it would not be too difficult for you. I have pretty good strength and strength is athletics however unfortunately you will do you will be making this check at disadvantage because of my leg yep so it's not a difficult check but you're operating at disadvantage and you need to make it twice once to get to the rope once to get to the other side but it's a lot easier than it would be otherwise i believe you only need to get a um hang on are you saying you're gonna tell me what i need to get and then you're gonna give me the dust and am i gonna have to roll them oh well that's a lot
Starting point is 00:30:14 better an idea than what i was i was just gonna roll whatever and say that you failed you need to make it's a check dc of 10 So you need to get 10 and you have a bonus of acrobatics, not athletics. So you get plus one. It's not a tough check, but you're rolling a disadvantage. Adam. Yeah. Never tell me the odds.
Starting point is 00:30:41 How do you do it? How do you do it? Two ones. Here we go. Oh, God. Two ones. Here we go. Oh, God. Oh, all right. Let's go. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:30:47 Two ones is pointless. We only need one one. Hey, 16 and a 20. All right. Well, you get
Starting point is 00:30:53 halfway across. I'm going to say that's your turn though. You're holding onto the rope. Hold onto those dice.
Starting point is 00:30:58 Okay. All right. So this is a good idea. All right, Tiffany, time to hook. I'm trying to hook in. You swing down and around,
Starting point is 00:31:10 and the crowbar skips off several of his belts but does not catch anything. Frog-y myth, pop. Okay. Okay. Oh, this's so dumb. Do you know what, though? We've been dumb this entire time, so maybe the universe will reward our stupidity.
Starting point is 00:31:33 It did not. I got a five. You fall into the pit. I was like 15. I was like, oh, no, wait, take the lower number. You get halfway between the rope and your destination. You are going to impale upon three spikes. Whoops.
Starting point is 00:31:53 That's the last thing in here. Oh, fuck. You take 28 points of damage, which is not so bad, all things considered. I'm still alive. Yeah. You actually have movement and your action still, if you want. Can I get myself
Starting point is 00:32:14 off the spikes? You can try. This is my favourite part. You managed to work your way off the spikes and you're standing on the bottom of the pit. Can I- Hobble over the flask.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Yeah, I want to see how he's doing. You can do that, but that's your turn. Yeah, that's right. Tiffany. You can see the pop standing right next to him. You maybe don't need to hook him anymore. I have three big holes in me. Pop, can you tie the rope around?
Starting point is 00:32:46 Yes! Thank you. Pop might be able to just heal him and then they can both climb up your rope. That's probably smarter. Tiffany, do you want to do anything else? There's the plinth with the puzzle cube on it. The puzzle cube. Do you have something that you can swap over for it?
Starting point is 00:33:02 A photo of your dad or something. I have the waka nut the gift I was given from the Tupac suit Sunday night oh my god Sunday night what a great day you also have a tattoo that says mum
Starting point is 00:33:18 I just remembered those guys on that boat and that's something you did. Yeah. That's so funny. That's right, you do have a mum tattoo. Yeah, because everyone has a mum. Everyone's got a mum.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Going around the boat. Is he a mum? Yep. He's a mum. Oh, yeah. That's a mum. Pop's a mum. Pop's a mum!
Starting point is 00:33:40 And now, a word from our sponsors. Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that you could hear actual comedians joke circles around us and actually be funny, then do I have news for you. BigSoftTitty.png is a show by Demi Lardner and Tom Walker, where they, as my dad calls it, aren't as good as the TV show M.A.S.H. because they never swore. the TV show MASH because they never swore. So if you like the sound of that, or if you want to know why my dad won't talk to any of my coworkers, then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for bigsofttitty.png.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Okay. I'd like to instruct Pop to heal Flask. Mm-hmm. And then I would like to turn around to the puzzle cube and try and quickly, yet carefully, swap it for a waka nut. The waka nut?
Starting point is 00:34:30 How different are they in size? Quite different. The puzzle cube's a bit bigger and heavier. I have an immovable rod. You could use that. I finally have a ball of soft. I know. That's a little heavy.
Starting point is 00:34:44 You could use the crowbar. Crowbar is definitely as heavy. Does it feel as heavy? Yeah, easy. Okay. Cass, I just want to remind you something. That Adam likes to make us have a bad time. Maybe I would like to instead put my bag of ball bearings.
Starting point is 00:35:00 All right. You use your bag of ball bearings? Yeah. You take the puzzle cube off and put the ball bearing bag on instead. As soon as the puzzle cube is lifted off the plinth, you can see that the surface that it is on starts to rise a little bit. But when you put the bag of ball bearings on, it goes back down. Thank goodness.
Starting point is 00:35:21 And then it is Pop, your turn. I'm going to heal him. Cure wounds level two. Level two? Yep. Cool. At the same time as you heal him, he slowly slides magically off the two spikes that he was lodged on
Starting point is 00:35:36 and starts to rouse. Hello there, Pop. It is good to see you. Not bad to see you too, although it would be better if we could see one another out of a giant pit of spikes. I had a strange dream. Was it that you were dead? No, I was a kitten.
Starting point is 00:35:57 Yeah, that's generally what happens when you die. I should know. It's happened four times. Did the dream end with Oscaraskifying eating a good meal? It was interrupted unfortunately Which is good for him Because if he had had a good meal at the end of that dream, Cass He's never having a good meal again
Starting point is 00:36:14 That's true He's having good meals in heaven He's lapping milk with the cat lord Flask went to heaven? Yeah, of course He's a good cat Is he though? Yeah
Starting point is 00:36:24 Yeah, Flask is so good No, no, no, no, no, of course. He's a good cat. Is he, though? Yeah. Yeah, Flask is so good. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. He's a good boy, but he also, like, is a thief. Yeah, with a heart of gold. Ah, true. And a lot of people's mail. Right. I guess we live here in this pit of spikes.
Starting point is 00:36:42 Without too much effort, you can climb back out. Maybe Tiffany climbs back along the wall to the other side, lowers the rope, and both of you, you can walk just among the spikes to the rope and then climb out. Oh. The froggy myth is nowhere to be seen. And I'll say, as this is happening, actually, you can hear a distant thump, thump, thump, thump,
Starting point is 00:37:04 and then two giant iron hands sprout out of the water, and Horn climbs out. Is he covered in blood? No, he's just covered in seaweed. Does that mean he successfully tied the Frogemus tentacles together? He was told to rise, so he stopped
Starting point is 00:37:19 paying attention to the Frogemus. Still in there somewhere. I did tell him to get out. Yeah. Oh, well. You all right, horns? I'm all right. Are you okay? Oh, I've had worse.
Starting point is 00:37:32 Flask, are you okay? I have seen better days. I would like to recommend, although it's what, like late afternoon by now? Yeah. I think we need a break. I think we need a break as well. I think we need to get out.
Starting point is 00:37:48 You can just leave. It's not hard. You can go to the walled compound right next door. Okay, let's head into the walled compound and just have a break. I have seen bad days. You go to the walled compound and you have a kip? Yes, we do. We do.
Starting point is 00:38:02 Let's rest up and get well. All right, what do you want to do now, Hans? We've got to get more puzzle cubes. We've already got four and they have a kip? Yes, we do. We do. Let's rest up and get well. All right, what do you want to do now, Hans? We've got to get more puzzle cubes. We've already got four and they have one. There's only three left. All right. No, that's not right. That's not math.
Starting point is 00:38:16 How many puzzle cubes are there, nine? Nine. We've got four. They've already got one. That means there's only four left. Provided they haven't found any more. We've got to check They've already got one. That means there's only four left. Provided they haven't found any more. We've got to check. I'm with you.
Starting point is 00:38:30 Which way would you like to go? In the very early morning, as you're having this conversation, you hear... Torrential rain buffets you. Sounds bad. Of all the things. It's not good. Exhaustion.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Yeah, well, if you move today, you'll suffer a level of exhaustion, potentially two. Also, in the early morning light, you see a figure looking around the open doorway to you. You immediately determine that it is a cyclops. We leave the cyclops be. We stay very still. The cyclops looks at you in the early morning rainy light
Starting point is 00:39:14 with curiosity and then stands fully in the doorway peering at you. Stay still. Is that how they work? Stay still. Okay. Do we know how they work? Stay still. Okay. Do we know how they work? Cyclops is T-Rex's, but of D&D. Well, I imagine their death perception is just bad, you know.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Pop, you know about Cyclops. They're, well, one-eyed giants, obviously. They eke out a meager existence in wild lands. They are a terrifying threat in combat due to their size and strength, but they can often be tricked by clever foes. Their legends claim that Cyclopses were the spawn of one of the gods of the giants, but these creatures pay little heed to any deities. They see little benefit in prayer and dislike ritual, which they perceive as complex
Starting point is 00:40:06 and foreign. However, a cyclops that gains direct benefit from some side of divine power or which is threatened by a supernatural force or creature will pay homage as long as the benefit or threat remains. They are reasonably intelligent, though they live simple, reclusive lives, keeping herds of animals for food. They prefer to dwell alone or in small family groups, layering in caves, ruins, or rough structures of dry stone that they build themselves. I don't think Adam's trying to make us fight something big that we don't want to fight. Don't want to fight it? No. If he's intelligent, he'll-
Starting point is 00:40:45 After a little bit, it turns and walks away. Good. It worked. Well, there you go. I didn't really feel I was fighting a cyclops for breakfast, to be honest. Neither did I. My understanding is they usually found their own food anyway, so we should have been fine.
Starting point is 00:41:01 You actually knew very- You rolled a one. I got a bad boy card out of you. Oh, my gosh. You know dick shit about Cyclopses. Actually, that's untrue. Maybe all you know about Cyclopses is racist rumors. That sounds right.
Starting point is 00:41:14 That's why I'm like, don't move. What is it? Death's Deception's bad. You know that it can see fine. It clearly went away. I don't think I'm wrong. It was probably disinterested in us. Look, either way it's good. We should keep
Starting point is 00:41:27 moving. Do you want to keep moving? If we move in this rain, I'm just saying. What do you think the... Artisimber from underneath a canopy says we're racing against the red wizards. Do you really think they're going to stop because of rain?
Starting point is 00:41:44 No. Let's go go pop used to be so good at ideas what the fuck happened what big dumb fucking what i'm having a long time you i'll go at the back you i'll check make sure there's no one looking that cyclops doesn't follow us thanks pop pop you gain one level of exhaustion and tiffany you gain two levels of exhaustion i love it it always happens i get one tiffany gets 11 um i'm assuming we're heading up the pathway to look for more temples yep orvex doesn't know exactly where any other temples are but he imagines that there will be some along this main road. Eventually, the rain is quite thick, making it hard to see in front of you,
Starting point is 00:42:32 but eventually you spot amid the ruins an abandoned campsite. Torn backpacks and rotted gear litter the ground around three moldering tents. At the centre of the camp, a scrap of dirty yellow cloth hangs from a crude wooden flagpole. They look like wizard stuff, Orvix. He shakes his head. I don't know what that is, but that's not red wizards. That's someone else. Another group, potentially?
Starting point is 00:43:01 We should see who we're dealing with. I don't want to deal with anyone else out here. Who picks up a moldy letter if they find it? I would because I've gotten into letter writing recently. Hey, I found a letter. Oh, what's it say? Rue. Denlon has a lead on the Eye of Zoltek,
Starting point is 00:43:20 the old goat-found obelisk to the north that marks the entrance to the Tomb of the Nine Gods. The Eye must be within, but the door is magically locked. Yellow banner. If you get into trouble, sound the swan horn twice and we'll come running. For the Yellow Banner, Lord Brixton. Yellow Banner, Lord Brixton. Does any of that familiar to anyone? Yeah, do we know that? Tiffany, you've heard back at Port Nyanzaro, people talk about the company of the Yellow Banner. They were a group of adventurers they sounded like a
Starting point is 00:44:06 noble group but they went they went missing in chult quite a long time ago months ago they ventured in and disappeared i convey this to the rest of the group lord brixton was their leader he was a knight well i think we can guess what happened to the yellow company banner people company of the yellow banner the camp looks really old here yeah it looks old and disused it looks like they fell into odd sorts it maybe upsets you a little bit because lord brixton maybe had the air of a nicer version of your father about him from Tales. Oh, Adam. They were a group of five in total. You knew that much. The knight, a
Starting point is 00:44:51 wizard, a cleric, a dwarven cleric, a dragonborn paladin, and a human ranger. You assume something foul has befallen them. Unless Roo's still all right.
Starting point is 00:45:08 Roo's clearly still alive. Well, potentially. Roo wasn't here when he wrote the letter, I guess. But I assume Roo's somewhere back at home. Maybe. No, what's that thing about the swan horn? Blast the swan horn twice or whatever. You're right.
Starting point is 00:45:23 Roo must be at least with an earshot, all the swanhorns magical. Unless he left the note. Maybe he wasn't intending to post this one. Maybe this was meant for Roo to find. So what you're saying is there's us, red wizards, and this Roo looking for these puzzle cubes. Why do they want the puzzle cubes? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:45:41 I don't see. He expressly mentions the fucking snaky bastard in the letter. Yeah, well, they know that they're after the cubes as well. No, I don't think that our snake friends are after the cubes. I think they don't want people using the cubes to get to them. What was it? The Eye of Zoltan? Zoltek.
Starting point is 00:46:02 Sounds good. Sounds very good. Good name for an artifact. Zoltek. Sounds good. Sounds very good. Good name for an artifact. I ignore that. Hang on. If you say that out loud, that might trigger someone else's. Are you
Starting point is 00:46:16 kidding? No, never mind. It doesn't. Sorry. None of you were privy to the conversation the bag of nails had with flask of Wine. So Flask of Wine has just some odd bits of information that he doesn't know are useful. Oh my god. And we don't know that they're useful or that he has them.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Yeah. Bag of Nails was here for a reason. Huh. Bag of Nails didn't just wander out here and become crazy. Well, yeah, actually, he did. But he was here for a reason. Yeah, he came here for something. Huh.
Starting point is 00:46:52 And he told Flask what that something was. Mm-hmm. Which we will never know. Speaking of Flask, though, Adam, I would like to go over to Flask and... How's your... Flask of Wine shows you his bandaged chest. It looks rough, but he's definitely on the mend. Could I cure wounds him?
Starting point is 00:47:10 You could do that again if you wanted to, sure. I give him a level one cure wounds. Level one? Yep. He looks a lot better. There's still marks, clear marks, bruising, cuts, but he definitely looks a lot better. I pat flask on the shoulder and I look at Dragonbait and I say,
Starting point is 00:47:26 Big Leaf. Get a good boy card. Dragonbait nods very encouragingly. He can't make sounds with his mouth, but you see him mouth the words Big Leaf. That just baffles me. That just baffles me. All right.
Starting point is 00:47:44 But I don't care enough to ask. You're becoming me. Would you like to push on? Can we just search the site a little bit if there's anything there? All right. You spend some time searching the site. How long would you stay? You can turn it over pretty quickly,
Starting point is 00:48:03 but you could really do an in-depth clean if you will it's just mainly looking for clues they might have left behind any puzzle boxes for example as you're there you're turning the place over and artist simber hisses hey up ahead look you turn Up ahead, look. You turn around to where he's gesturing, and you can see that there are two mercenaries approaching you with a red wizard between them. The mercenaries have their weapons drawn. I reckon we might be able to get another puzzle cube. You're very funny. So as they approach, the rain is like storming down howling the red wizard drenched head to toe
Starting point is 00:48:48 he's an older man he's bald completely and any inch of exposed skin that you can see is tattooed with arcane symbols and curling script he puts a hand he also has a goatee Very classical evil looking man He puts a hand on his chest And calls out to you Hello Travelers You are adventurers Yes
Starting point is 00:49:17 You've been tussling with us previously Yes I don't think we've ever met you in our life I am Dyrax Lovely to meet you dyrax who are you shelly maybe you actually need a role to stifle that laugh i do i do ah t, I get a bad boy card. And yeah, his laughing definitely makes it seem like you lied. Dyrax narrows his eyes at you and says, Very well then, we need not exchange pleasantries or names.
Starting point is 00:49:58 We need only come to an understanding. Is the understanding that your name is the dumbest fucking name I've ever heard and I've heard some dumb fucking name since being here. If Dyrax cares about that insult, he does not show it. Do you say it's pop? Yes. What? Why?
Starting point is 00:50:21 What kind of agreement do we need to come to? We've been at each other's throats for quite some time now, have we not? I don't think I've ever met you. Again, I would also remember that head. Oh my god. You have clashed with our mercenaries and with our wizards. And, of course, you have, until now, continued to win. I'm sure if we were to exchange swords now, you would probably still win.
Starting point is 00:50:49 However, our leader, Shadow Mantle, is coming here with a mighty host. An army. An actual army. You will not be able to stop her. She will overcome you. However, you may hinder her process and maybe even hide the puzzle cubes ultimately we are not at odds with each other you want to kill ross nazi or get into his tomb or whatever so do we surely we can come to an agreement here. Diplomacy. My weakness. I really don't think we've met before. Did you want to come closer?
Starting point is 00:51:31 No, thank you. You can continue with the innocent child act, but it will not work. Are you calling a child? What else do I have? I'm actually just not calling. I said the opposite of that. I said the opposite of that.
Starting point is 00:51:46 I said it was an act. Why do you want Rasnazi dead? We don't want Rasnazi dead. Well, look, if he dies, that maybe makes our job easier. We have our own... Why do you want the puzzle cubes? We want the puzzle cubes because they are the key to getting to Rasnazi. And why do you want to get to Rasnazi? All right, I'm going to level with z and why do you want to get to rosner z all right i'm going to level with you we don't want to get to rosner z we want a surprise an ulterior motive from a fucking weird looking bald man we want to get past rosner z
Starting point is 00:52:15 so beneath him beneath this city deep underground is a device known as the soulmonger right there we go and what do you want with the soulmonger the next words out of your mouth better be to destroy it and see it never continue to monger souls our orders are to destroy it if possible you can tell that he's not telling the entirety of the truth but you also can tell that he's not entirely lying. What parts are true and what are lies? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plague Chant.
Starting point is 00:52:58 Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all the other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to sandspansradio.com and consider joining the Sandspans Plus community. There's over 20 bonus shows, a Sandspans Plus Discord, exclusive video content, and discounts on merch. Just head to sandspansradio.com and follow the links. Hey there, fellow adventurer.
Starting point is 00:53:22 If you're picking up what we're putting down and want more D&D content, we have just what you need to scratch that itch. D&D is for Nerds Plus, the symbol, not the word, where you can listen to select campaigns that were once only available to Sandspants Plus members, the further adventures of the Greyhill Free Company if you want shorter campaigns with beautiful guests, and D&D is for Nerds, not Ognot, where all our non-canon dnd adventures go to rest just search for dnd is for nerds on your favorite podcast app choice and join us on this epic quest of dnd podcast discovery

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.