D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #22 Temple of the Grung

Episode Date: July 11, 2020

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Sandspan's Radio. SmallHardBalls.jpg. Do you wish that you could use the same dumb wild magic table that we use when we're running a game? Do you feel that the wild magic table that you use lacks imagination and features too few instances where a player character can turn into heaps of spiders? Well, do we have the solution for you. spiders? Well, do we have the solution for you? Right now on SansPantsRadio.com, you can grab your very own D&D's for Nerds Created dumb wild magic table that has hundreds of wild magic consequences and original art by our very talented artist, Nathan Davis. But that's not all. We also sell instant adventures of some of the campaigns we run. Currently, we have the Auticus Adventure and the Day the Circus Came to Town available

for purchase, and we'll continue to add more in the upcoming months. Just head to our website, sanspantsradio.com, and go to the digital download section. Once again, that's sanspantsradio.com. Welcome to Season 2, Episode 22 of Zombie Plagued Cholt. Before. Welcome to Season 2, Episode 22 of Zombie Plagued Cholt. Before... As you continue onwards, you spot what is definitely another shrine. Head first in Don't Think Twice! Cracked monoliths flank the entrance to this ruin.

Sore-edged ferns grow in the courtyard between broken flagstones. A pair of stone doors provide entry to a large, flat-roofed ruin. You feel positive energy flooding you, and you hear and feel darts flooding the corridor. Because I've stepped on an almirage already. You've already stepped on an almirage. Fuck! You recover, you gain... Hit points and then immediately

lose them. Onto a carved stone pedestal. An ornate stone cube rests upon its surface. I take it. Nothing happens. Okay. Not bad. You got five. You discover you are missing a puzzle cube. It looks to the east

and points kind of in a north, northeasterly direction. You can see which building the Chewinga is pointing at. Would you like to rest or head there tonight? Your goal holds. I don't think we have the time to waste. We can sleep after. Not in Old Ulmen.

They're written in common. What do they say? Here you go. It's a riddle. Papazuttle's riddle. Comes with sunshine, leaves with night, hides in darkness, does not bite, always joined to its caster, never strays from its master. So one of these animals is one of those.

Oh. Say it again, Orns. Right. So it's not the bat or hates frogs. Keep going. Hides in darkness, does not bite. All of them can bite. Oh, yeah.

Always joined to its caster, never strays from its master. Orvex, you got any fucking idea? Orvex slowly shakes his head. I'm sorry, this isn't a translation thing, it's a puzzle. Yeah, no. If you're clever enough to know languages, you must have some capacity of knowing stuff. Can I shake the waka nut until it glows?

Orvex slowly shakes his head. You shake the waka nut until it glows? Mm-hmm. And where are you standing? Well, right in front of the- In front of the plinth? Yeah. Nothing happens, but when you do that, Orvex says shadow.

The riddle means shadow. Shadow. Right, right, right. Hold the lights. Hold the wakena on each plinth. Those things. I'm excited. I'm on a quest.

When you hold it up against near the statue of the bat, you can see a crawlway appear in its shadow. You can tell that there was some illusionary magic making the hole or covering the hole. You can see that there's a passageway beyond it. I start crawling in. You crawl into a new room. A strange grid is etched onto the far wall of this stone cell. Puzzle cell. Yeah.

Buzzer wall. Okay. So it is. That is a lot of squares and some of them are a different colour. Good. Good. Do all of you go into the room? Yeah.

Oh, my God. Please help me. Does Pop go into the secret room in the shrine, Adam? Look, hey. Is there anything in the room? There's that series of squares or tiles upon the wall, but there's nothing else of interest in this room. If we touch the wall?

If you touch the wall, they're tiles just set into the wall. Nothing happens. What if we touch the wall with the fortuitous circumstance, Adam? Spend that bad boy. Pop, as you run your hand over these tiles, you think to yourself how strange it is that some of them are discolored. It looks on purpose. And then you think back to the puzzle really quickly maybe you're

like wait a minute wait a minute and then you run back you quickly get out pen and paper or whatever you write down the puzzle i do have a diplomat's backpack it has ink and stuff and in beautiful cursive adam yes it's gorgeous it looks absolutely lovely and you hold it up against the tiled wall, and you can see if you take, without using spaces, if you take the letters corresponding to the tiles, the discoloured tiles spell something out. Cover eyes. I mean, earlier we tried to break into a magical temple, so the odds of us getting this were high.

Cover eyes, did you say? Yes. So the tiles, they're like a cipher. It's like a cipher. Let's go back into the other room and cover our eyes. All right. No, no, no, no. Don't cover our eyes.

Cover the eyes of the statues. Get a good boy, guys. Yes. It would be great if we just go back in there. And we just Get a good boy. Yes. It's not going to be great. We just go back in there. And we just stand there with our heads. And we're just standing in there. We're just standing there for like ages being like,

do you reckon the cubes come out? Can I look? It's very funny to imagine you you keep checking and then going back. We look. Oh, it's not there. Maybe it only appears around. I'll try to blindly look. We stumble outside into a crocodile.

We walk into a crocodile. But, you know, we should cover the eyes of these statues. You fashion several blindfolds and cover the eyes of all the statues. With a click and a whirring sound, a puzzle cube emerges from the plinth. I take it. All yours. Right, so that's five. We know they've got at least.

Three. There's only one left to find. Yeah. We should probably sleep for the night, though. That's right. There's only one left to find because I can't count. As you're leaving the shrine to Papa Zottle, Can't count.

As you're leaving the shrine to Papa Zottle, you all hear a booming voice coming from somewhere to your south. You pinpoint it almost immediately to the palace, the circular walled area just directly to your south. Welcome, guests. Red wizards of Thay. You have come, come for the cubes, such that you might use them within the tomb of the nine gods. That's certainly a snake voice.

And that is certainly not directed at us. I suggest we... And to the adventurers. Oh, fuck. Searching, slithering through my domain. I don't fucking slither. You have found yourselves in a hostile territory. You surround yourselves in a hostile territory.

You think yourselves quiet, snake-like, but you are not close. Little do you know, foolish adventurers, that your giant metal man marks you easily. We did know that. We definitely knew that. Scurry about, red wizards. Scurry about, little adventurers. The final puzzle cube,

the cube of Nang Nang, has been taken by my followers. You will never claim it. I have no idea if that disembodied voice can hear us, but the name Nang Nang is completely fucking undercut whatever malice it's injecting into its awful, awful fucking snake voice. Rising out of the water, 20 feet away from you, six yawn-tee slowly make themselves shown. The yawn-tee look at you with deadly intentions, but before you can do anything anything they turn about and slither south. Yeah, you fucking bear, run. You are reunited with the rest of your party.

I look at you like, shut up. Shut up. No, you wouldn't have, shut up. I say that all with my eyes. I look at you and shake my head and you can almost hear me say, shut up. I'm glad I don't have to look at those snake fucking people a booming voice echoes across omu feel the adventurers who have found themselves

in the middle between myself and the snake people please make yourselves known at the south end of Oumu. You will not be attacked by the red wizards, nor will you be attacked by any of our mercenaries, so long as you have peaceful intentions. We wish to talk. Well, I guess there's no point in us going, is there? What? Well, I certainly don't intend point in us going, is there? What? Well, I certainly don't intend to be peaceful with him and I can't imagine you would either. No.

I look at Dragon Bait confused because this feels like a big leaf moment, but also no. You look to your moral compass. You're one of your many friends who cannot speak.

Dragon Bait gestures to the water before you. In the waters, you are reflected twice in two different angles. I love it so much. Dragon Bait shows you one reflection where your reflection is mirrored with that of the southern end of Omu. He gently, gently draws his claw along that side, and you see tiny little ripples. As those tiny little ripples come out,

his hand turns around and then draws on those ripples, creating furthermore ripples. Ripples upon ripples upon ripples upon ripples. And then he shows you how all of the ripples in complicated webs stretch out away from you and then he shows you your reflection with the mirrored with the reflection of the palace the circular building to the south at first gently draws his claw along that and you see tiny little ripples and then he makes a fist and slams it into the water giant ripples echo out in all directions overpowering everything else

that didn't help no one knows what just happened between them i honestly think we should send vaughn down down where to meet with them. They said that he's easily noticeable. I mean, what if they think he's going down there and we've got a very long distraction ahead of us? That's not a bad idea, Horns. Artisimbra says, I don't know if that's going to be very useful.

If they wanted to be watching us, they wouldn't have gotten up and left. I would assume that was Partially a show of support But also partially because they're no longer interested in watching us We need to come to them regardless now And they know that They have the last puzzle cube

Which we think we need We have the most though We do have the most But do we have enough I'm assuming you're going to need all nine. So we need to get the three off the red wizards. Get the ninth from the fucking snakes. Surely Raznazi would not have taken the last one

if he didn't know that we needed it. It does seem superfluous to hide something that no one needs. Well, how do we know he was telling the truth? We don't, I suppose. It wouldn't hurt to duck our head in the last one, right? So our options now, horns, are to go to the red wizards, who are probably shit, or to go into the temple of snake people, where we know there is one final puzzle box,

and they are definitely shit. Fuck, this seems like a bloody great option. Will the Red Wizard Army have gotten here yet? It's at the south end of Oumu. They've just arrived. Yeah, they've just arrived. You can see their lanterns in the distance. So we've been asked to go and face an army.

No, we've been invited to go meet with an army. Orvex, your knowledge of Shadow Man, do you know if she's old school? Old school military. Orvex looks like he's thinking really hard. I only met her once, and I spoke with a lot of people that work with her. My understanding is that, from what I would guess, I would say that I don't think she's the sort to lie. Not openly, like that at least. I would say, if you're asking if she's old style, I would say yes.

Yeah, right. Old style meaning if a general is going to invite another party for a conversation in a parlay, so to speak. Yes. Killing those people would break the rules of the parlay. If Shadow Mantle's old school, she'd never break the fucking rules. Not polite. That's good.

I look at you. I realize that for whatever reason, one of the only things I know about you is that you would never lie about this. I have never trusted you more in my life. Well, if you say so, let's go. What I would suggest, though. Yes? We don't waltz up with all five cubes.

I also don't think that would be wise. What I'm thinking, we don't bring Vaughn with us. I give him a puzzle cube and I tell him to hide underwater, right? He can hold his breath forever because he doesn't breathe. I also give him the instruction, kill anything that tries to take that cube. I do not let it go until I get it back off you. I would make the argument that we definitely

bring Vaughn with us because he's a big giant metal man, which is intimidating. And also, I'm so sorry to remind you of this, but Vaughn has no allegiance to us. He has allegiance to the medallion. If someone were to get that medallion off you, they could order Vaughn has no allegiance to us He has allegiance to the medallion If someone were to get that medallion off you They could order Vaughn to bring a cube back

Pop is very broken inside At the realisation that he has known all along That Vaughn is not his friend And Art is pointing that out Has upset him So he's just not going to say anything This is the war going on But if we're getting Vaughn to hide,

we cannot let the amulet get taken. Vaughn becomes our enemy when that happens. You're very right. I would think it would be cleverer to leave people behind rather than Vaughn. Vaughn should definitely go with whatever party we're heading to speak with the Red Wizards. They don't know we have Orvex.

Well, no, actually they would. They have seen us and escaped twice. Well, who was looking closest to death last time you encountered the Red Wizards? The last time you encountered the Red Wizards, you kind of just trounced them and they escaped. Well, one of the Red Wizards escaped. Flask, I think that you have the best record

for keeping things special secret. Flosk of wine, who maybe wasn't paying attention until now, looks up at you with a little bit of panic in his face. I will do this if this is what you want. What about old mate's fucking house? Fucking murder cat. He had that fucking secret lair full of body parts, right? Yes.

Well, I definitely take it that we're the only ones who have ever seen it and lived. That's a great idea. Did he ever say that it was anyone else with him in that murder cave flask? Flask of wine nods. Tabaxi. There are two other tabaxi hunters in Oumu. Both of them know of the hiding hole. Wait, you knew there were other hunters?

Yes. You didn't think that was worth... Literally coming up now. You never asked. Hmm. I punch the water as hard as I can into my reflection. Dragon bait gives you like a side look. Oh, fucking farm.

I did not think it was important. Just so you know, Flask, that stuff, very important. From now on, that kind of information, crucial. All right. There are two other tabaxi hunters in Oumu. Their names are Hooded Lantern and Copper Bell. Bag of Nails does not know much about them, Bag of Nails does not know much about them, but is aware that both of them are quite old and, similarly to him, have come to Oumu to seek their ends.

Hooded what? Hooded Lantern. He has graying black fur and cataracts cloud his left eye. And Copperbell is a speckled ginger furry one with a torn blue cloth over her bony shoulders. Supposedly, the blanket was used to comfort her cubs when they were infants. So there are more. Wait, wait, wait. What do you

mean when you say they've come here for the end? Well, Hooded Lantern is here to fight a great beast known as the King of Feathers. The King of Fe great beast known as the King of Feathers. The King of Feathers? Who's the King of Feathers? He's, I don't know, he's like a giant animal that lives here in Omo. Like a bird?

Yeah, like a bird. I don't know the word in common. Like, I don't know how you call it, like a dragon sort of thing? Could you act out this animal? If I said, hey, Flask, be the king of feathers. Flask scrunches both of his hands up close to his chest and lets out a roar that both of you immediately know is the sound of a Tyrannosaurus rex. Dinosaur. Oh, goodness.

Yes, yes, dinosaur. There's a fucking dinosaur running around out here. Yes, a giant one. Very big. So he's come here to meet his end fighting a dinosaur. He wants to either kill it or die trying. And that was the same with Bag of Nails. No, Bag of Nails is just... Oh, no, Bag of Nails, the one we met, was crazy.

He was just mad. Alright. What copper bell copper bell is here uh i don't know why bag of nails did not say bag of nails said why he was here and why hooded lantern was here there is a chance i'm just gonna go out on a limb and say a dinosaur called the king of feathers is probably pretty fucking big no offense toence to Tabaxi, but Flask, how do you think you would stand fighting a dinosaur on your own? The King of Feathers sounds tough. I would not fight him unless I was very well prepared. Flask, did Bag of Nails tell you anything else about Omu?

He told me a great deal many things, yes. I stare into the middle distance ground. All right. We have to get from here to the south. Flask, you need to tell us anything you can. Well. So we'll start walking. All right.

It's very late at night. It's actually probably a good time to just find somewhere to camp. Okay. Unless you wanted to go there at night, you could. Nah, nah. We'll just go to bed. Let's go to bed. Big day.

But you can confirm that other people knew about Bag of Nails' secret hideout. Two tabaxi knew. I do not know if the auntie know. And I doubt the red wizards know. Bag of Nails did not engage them much were these other tabaks easy friends like did he say oh i used to come around on a saturday for a cup of tea no they know of each other but

they would not consider each other friends so they'd avoid one another so if they thought he was still alive they wouldn't go anywhere near his secret tunnel house if they thought he was alive probably not so they're potentially not going to go anywhere near that trapdoor or his secret underground lair.

We could hide a cube there. I still think it's so risky. But, no, you're right. It's probably more safe to break them up. Yeah. All right. All right. We should probably rest, eh?

Do you just want to find a building to rest in? Yeah. But before we rest, I want to get a bit more info from Flask. Oh, yeah. While we're finding the building, Flass is going to tell us. Things that he learned about Omu. Also, is the chewing back? The chewing?

Yeah, the chewing is still here. Oh! Can it be sitting in my hair? Sure. Yes! Huddled in a corner of the building that you check are four Vegapygmies. They're all standing in a circle around each other with their heads

pressed together when you enter the building this is on the bottom level is flooded so you have to go to the top level to to to see this when the first one of you comes up the stairs all four of them turn around and all of them look like they're gonna make make ready to attack. And then the Chewinga on the back of your head, Tiffany, puts up both of its hands standing on top of your head as tall as it can. The Vegapygmies pause or stop immediately. And then kind of at the Chewinga, they all bow. The Chewinga hops off your head, Tiffany, and approaches the Vegapygmies. The Chewinga hops off your head, Tiffany, and approaches the Vegapygmies.

When it gets close enough, the Vegapygmies basically like flatten themselves so that they are lower than the Chewinga. The Chewinga takes from seemingly nowhere a tiny little branch that is quite clearly meant to be used as a staff. And it puts the staff on either one of the Vegepigmy's shoulders as if it were knighting them. The Vegepigmy stand at full attention and then spread themselves out at different corners of the building. Thank you. Thank you very much. Does the Chewinga look happy?

The Chewinga turns back to you and it wears a mask, so you can't see its expression. It gestures in the middle of the room for you to lie down. Thank you. I bow a bit to the Chewinga turns back to you and it wears a mask, so you can't see its expression. It gestures in the middle of the room for you to lie down. Thank you. I bow a bit to the Chewinga. The Chewinga bows in return. Aw. Okay, let's go to bed.

Flask, tell us bedtime stories. No, no, no. Don't tell us bedtime. You've got to be direct. If you ask him to tell you a bedtime story, he'll tell a story. It will end in a meal. Flask, tell us what you learned from Baganails about Oumu.

Well, I learned that there are kobolds in the north. They have like a nest up there where we passed before where the markets were. Do you remember that? Yeah, the little man turned into a kobold. Yes, there are kobolds there. I know that there is a back entrance to the royal castle. That's good to know. But it is guarded. I'm sure the back entrance to the royal castle. That's good to know. But it is guarded.

I'm sure the front entrance would be as well. It is not as heavily guarded as the front, but it still does have a guard. That's really good information, Flask. Thank you for telling us. You're very welcome. Eventually. I look at you and the look I give you is,

see, I am not the worst person on this adventure. I give you a look back that I am not the worst person on this adventure. I give you a look back that says. Yes, you are. No, no, a look back that says I understand that the dynamic has shifted and I understand your frustrations previously. I will not relinquish the power I now have, but I want you to know that I get it. The amphitheater in the northwest, that is where the king of feathers makes his nest.

Right, so we will not be going anywhere near that. Okay, let's stay away from that amphitheater. Other than that, flask of wine tells you a bunch of little odds and ends, nothing that is very strategically important to you. All right, well, thank you for sharing that. Thank you. And if anybody learns anything else about Omu, please let us know. Oh, and the entrance to the Tomb of the Nine Gods.

Pardon? It's in the north, kind of north middle. Flask. There's a building there. Flask. Yes? Flask. I don't want to get mad.

I sit down. I gesture the chewing and start dangling hair in front of the chewinger to calm myself. I take off my hat. I put it on the ground. I put my head in my shell, and from inside my shell, you just hear, I thought we were collecting the puzzle cubes. I come back out, and I put my hat back on. Thank you for sharing that, Floss.

Floss Gawain makes to keep talking, but Artis Simber puts a hand on his leg and says, I think that's enough. I think that is absolutely enough. I hand the map over to Flask. Flask, would you mind marking on the map?

Horns. Yep. Just so we're clear, you understand why people are not good for me. I understand why people are not good for you. And this is why my favorite adventurer is a stone golem that I have complete control over. Who will never, ever return your love. Apparently it is very dangerous there.

Many people have gone in and no one has ever come out. Well, Flask, I suppose we'll be the first people to come out of it. Right then. It is destined by the snake woman. Pardon? The snake woman. We were all there when we got the gifts. She gave us this quest and now we must finish it.

No, you're right, Flask. Or die. You're right, Flask. Those are the options, Flask of Wine says, as if he was clever. I smile at Flask like, yeah, you were clever. Thank you, Flask. You are very welcome. Thank you. I want you to know that I feel like I have upset you

And I am sorry That's alright Flask, you didn't know You really didn't You really didn't But you're doing your best, right? Of course How could we ask anything more of you? The next day, what do you want to do?

Nothing happened overnight? No, nothing of interest happened during the night You were being watched over. Oh, yeah. We're safe. I think we should start making our way down. So do you want to go via Bag of Nails place? X place?

Whatever. I think that's it. I think it's worth it. So you will either need to go around the Royal Palace or through the Royal Palace. It's your choice. Adam, we're going through the royal palace. You actually don't have to enter the royal palace. You just have to go through the walled section of it.

Do you want to go around the royal palace itself? Do you want to go outside the walled area? Outside the walled area. Okay, cool. That's fine. So Rasnazi, the voice that we heard, said that they have the knight's cube. Did you say you had the knight's cube?

Cool. So, like, it would actually be pointless to go through the city and try to get the knight's cube and then go meet the red wizards. You don't really know where it is. Yeah, we don't. I mean, we could always duck our heads in, you know. Just stick our head in and be like, oh, excuse me, you got a cube? You know that the Chewinga knows where they are.

So you could ask the Chewinger. Oh, right. We do. Hey, Chewinger. No, you can ask because this is in your hair. Hey. Hey, buddy. I'm speaking to the Chewinger.

The Chewinger leans all the way over the top of your head so that it's looking down at you upside down. Do you know where the last puzzle cube is? He nods. Do you reckon you could lead us to it? He nods. I say we should go there. Thanks, buddy. He, like, taps you on top of the head and then points in the direction.

Oh, my God. Can the Chewinger ratatouille me? He can't ratatouille you. Okay, I guess I follow the Chewinger's points then. Yes. Where did it point, Adam? It's actually leading you eastward around the royal palace, the circular area.

Yeah, no, we follow the Chewingers. The little circular area or the big circular area? The big circular area. Okay, that's good. Yeah, around the walls. So you start heading around until monoliths adorned with prancing frog-like figures rise from the swamp. Beyond, a ruined edifice shaped like an arrowhead squats in the muddy water.

Bushes and trees grow from its roof. At the pointed front of the building, steps ascend to a stone door caked in slime. Hey, Chewinga. Just to clarify. This is the temple for Nang Nang. Yes. Chewinga, just to clarify, this is the temple for Nang Nang. Yes. The Chewinga nods. Is the cube in the temple?

The Chewinga shrugs. And now a word from our sponsors. Hey, D&D is for nerds is great, but if you wish we had a little more time to go on our weird tangents between roles, then good news. Our podcast, Shut Up a Second, is literally all weird tangents. Go to sanspantsradio.com, search Shut Up a Second, and let us lead you from the world of linear thought

into a deep pit of chaos. We'll see you there. You can see around, as you approach, you can see that floating in the water around the front entrance to the shrine are a great deal many corpses all of them of grungs you see many of them have fang marks the front doors are slightly ajar that's probably worth at least having a look inside um vaughn are you able to open the doors from here is he able to like reach over um yeah vaughn could go up there and open the doors if he wanted. Pop, would you be able to ask Vaughn to have a check?

Just in case there are any... I mean, he can't be poisoned. Vaughn, is there anything in there? Open the door. Stick your head in. Doesn't matter. You can't feel pain. Vaughn pushes, but the doors don't move very much.

Oh, look. You're not strong either. Not good for much. Who's next? Artist Simbra says, I'll go up if you can get Vaughn to help me. Sure. Vaughn help us. Vaughn and Artist open the doors together.

Anything in there? Simple. Yes. There's,'s gosh a lot of money yes you walk up after him and look inside torches shed light over rooms filled with treasure chests heaped with coins polished amorphous strings of pearls and ornate pieces of armor set into the floor in front of another double door is a mosaic depicting a frog-like humanoid beating a leopard that has snakes emerging from its shoulders the story he stole the spear and then the grung chased him and stole the speed back

cuniform inscriptions are woven above and below the combatants um Maybe Orvex translates for you. Thanks. Nang Nang teaches us to serve only ourselves and also the legend of the nine shrines. Huh. Oh, also, Orvex points that the written above the doors is something else in Old Orman. Whoever among you is the richest, bring me your gifts. Huh. Whoever among you is the richest, bring me your gifts.

Huh. Whoever among you is the richest, bring me your gifts. We don't really have any money, do we? Does it mean we have to collect the gold from here and whoever gets the most puts it somewhere? No, I would think that we have to offer something. You turn around all the different corners and nooks and crannies. The doors forward, the second set of double doors,

are the only ones that you have not checked. All you find is gold and treasures and such. Does it look like somewhere where a cube was? No. Not here. Not among the treasures. I sort of look around at a group of people who have lost everything. And then I think to myself that I am quite lucky.

And I take out the letter given to me by my mom. And I think, I think I'm the richest. And I walk forward to the mosaic and I put my letter down because I've already memorized it. It's not, you know, out of everyone here, I have the most. I have something to fight for. Everyone else has lost so much. Tiffany, I have the great pleasure of telling you nothing happens. I hastily put it back in my pocket.

Thank goodness. Artist Simba puts a hand on your shoulder, Tiffany, and says it was an admirable attempt, certainly thinking outside the box. I still feel like I'm the richest. And I sort of smile. Artist Simba's statement seems very genuine. I mean, this is a trap. I'm going to test it anyway.

I just pick up a handful of gold and just hold it in my hand. All right. Is anyone else holding gold? No. As you approach the door, they swing open. I didn't even. Adam, if nothing had happened, I was going to empty my pockets. Which would have been so awkward on so many levels.

But I just would have lied and said that I collected this gold. I'm being very kind to you because a flask of wine would have definitely started filling his pockets. In the middle of this dusty room, a pedestal carved and painted to resemble a squat humanoid frog holds nothing. There quite obviously was a cube here. Okay. We got to start making our way south then. I just pocket the gold. Don't add any gold to your inventory.

No, I know. It's like a magical gold. Yeah. When you leave, the gold turns to just worthless metal discs i keep them belong in the museum i just don't think they do but all right are you going to head towards the red wizards oh no i sorry you're heading towards first uh bag of nails's place yeah all right well you get there without any trouble. You can find it again. Do you reckon?

Do you reckon they could have been following us? Here? Yep. Well, they wouldn't have had trouble tracking us. Maybe we shouldn't put anything in here. We keep going. Flask doubles back, puts a cube in. If they're following us and they'll see Flask leaving.

He's Flask. I feel quieter somehow. He's Flask. I feel quieter somehow. He's very good. Hey, Flask. Yeah? Prove a point. Steal something from me. Right now?

Yeah, sure. I watch him too. I want to just test this boy's skills. Flask of Wine stammers and seems very nervous. I do not think I could do that, friend. We are right next to each other like this. All right, give it back. Flask of Wine gives you back your bag of gold.

I reckon Flask can handle it. Do I recognize this bag of gold? Yeah, it's his bag of gold. Then he hands you back your hammer. I think Flask is more than capable, aren't you, Flask? Yes. I'm not going to give it to you, but at some point you should take one of the cubes. In case we're being followed, I don't want

people to see me handing you a cube and therefore think you've got one. Alright. And then when we're at a point that you feel like you can duck away, I want you to go to the trapdoor, put the cube in. Do we want him to stay there and pretend he's dead? I think that's a good idea. And then you go to the trapdoor, put the cube in. Do we want him to stay there and pretend he's dead? I think that's a good idea.

And then you stay at that trapdoor. Everybody else, for all intents and purposes, Flask of Wine is now dead. Flask of Wine seems a little sad at the idea that he's dead. But he'll get to come back. Okay. Well, that's nice, don't know. I grab Flask of Wine's hand because he looks sad about being dead with

any luck like old tabaxi my end will come with a good meal i nod and say i really think it will hey after this do you want to do you want to make a feast yes Then I think we should With mutton And fish And cream Flask of wine looks as if He's waiting for you to stop him We're not going to, I'm not going to He just keeps talking as you're walking Love you Flask

Is there a point where we're walking at him And all of a sudden he's just gone At one point his voice just kind of like Cuts out and all of a sudden he's just gone. You, at one point, his voice just kind of like cuts out and you turn back and he's just gone. You keep traveling south. Eventually you start heading towards the old red wizard, like that bald compound that they were using.

As you approach, you can see that it's semi-bustling with activity. There's quite a lot of people here. You see mercenaries and a lot of skeletons, like skeletons quite clearly being ordered by the mercenaries. Around here there are a bunch of red wizards as well. One of them, are you making any attempt to be stealthy as you approach? Yes.

I think we should sneak up because I know they know that we're coming. I have a big fucking metal man. Have him trail. Have him trail. Vaughn, trail 200, trail well back. If we get in trouble, get within 60 feet. Vaughn won't know unless he can see. He won't just know that I'm in pain?

He knows where you are, but that's it. Right. Hold back or call if I need you. So if you are approaching the red wizards stealthily you see them before they see you there's a bunch of red wizards ordering mercenaries about who are ordering skeletons about there look to be maybe you can see about 20 mercs and 20 skeletons in addition to three red wizards that's just on the periphery of the compound can we see where like shadow mantle might be i assume that was the voice we heard shadow mantle will be inside the world compound presumably there's not really any it's

the middle of the day so you'll have trouble but it's possible i mean it's worth a try right it doesn't look particularly well guarded but there are a lot of people about like they don't need to set guards because there's just enough people that they might notice anyone i should let you know as well that it's 20 mercenaries and 20 skeletons and the three red wizards are just outside of the compound so they're not all at one place they're just like about and they're gonna be more inside the compound. So they're not all at one place. They're just like about. And there could be more inside the compound. There definitely will be. They won't hurt us, though, because they said they wouldn't.

Not if you approach peacefully, yeah. Sneaky's peacefully. Sneaky would seem suspicious, but. We've been invited here under the pretext of a discussion that will not turn violent. If Shadow Mantle is as old school as Orvec stinks, she will let us go in, talk, and leave again before mounting an attack. You know what?

I'm sure you're right. Let's go in. Walking tall. As you approach, the mercenaries are probably the first people to spot you. They seem like they're ready for you. As soon as one person spots you and calls out, all of them kind of like form up into a military formation, like they're ready to receive you.

It's like a defensive sort of position. It's the sort of thing that maybe is meant to look a bit intimidating and also to prepare themselves if you do attack, but it's not something to launch an attack. They're just ready for you to strike first, basically. Sloppy, those two on the outside are barely in line. You say, oh, first off, get a good boy card. You say that, Pop.

You do notice that it is a very, for how quickly they did it, it is pretty good. So basically, I rolled well on noticing that they're very good yes you also as you approach notice that they don't seem like just regular mercs they're wearing the insignia and patterns and colors of the theans themselves they look like rather than mercenaries they might be actual soldiers that the red wizards employ. Not a great sign. As you approach, a red wizard who appears, in a manner of speaking, appears quite young. She looks to be about 18 years old, but one half of her face looks to be 90.

She approaches you. You would be the adventurers, she says. No, we're the fucking traveling circus. You're right. Stupid question. My name is zagamera right you are the adventurers we were called here do you have names not that you need them very well then she turns around you in charge no but i will take you sorry what do you say that's what i mean you don't need to know our names because you're not in charge. You're not the person who asked us to come here.

Very well, then. She turns around and leads you into the compound. Do you follow? Yes. Is the Chewinger still with us? The Chewinger is maybe when you guys approach the Red Wizards, the Chewinger hides. The Chewinger is in your backpack, Tiffany.

Good. Inside the walled compound, several tents have been set up large tents not just two man affairs but big marquees have been set up one of them has large open flaps and is open to the elements it looks to be some sort of command tent inside there is two zombies standing motionless not making a sound, not moving a muscle. Flies slowly crawl over them. Also in the tent is this woman. Oh, pretty. She's pretty.

If she was in a movie, she'd be played by the fanning that's not Dakota. Oh. Thank you. As you approach, several other red wizards in the tent all leave, as do mercenaries. You notice that she's not she doesn't have any tattoos indicating that she is thean and she does not have the red robes of a red wizard she instead wears as i showed you before she wears like dark muted colors she looks tired but beautiful as you approach she she gestures for you to sit down. That's what pop looks like too.

Tied but beautiful. Wait, I sit down. I can't speak for you. I sit down. And sort of give a bit of a head nod to denote respect, but it's not a bow, you know? Was I, like, offered a chair by her? Yes. I take it.

All right. Then you would be Pop Mandarin, Tiffany Grace, Artist Simba, and the one known as Dragonbait. This is correct, yes? Yes. Good. I have heard much of your exploits through Portnoy and Zavu and through the surrounding Chult,

and of course here in Oumu as well, where my agents have been extensive in their detailing of their encounters with you. This has been a little invisible, fucker. Yes, one of the red wizards who escaped under the cover of invisibility.

Yeah, coward trick. Another one who did the same. And a few people besides. So, you are here for this soulmonger, yes? Why? Come, come. There is no point in being quiet or coy. We are all here for the same thing, the soulmonger.

We're not here for the same thing? I wouldn't say we're here for the same thing at all, Horns, because we're not here for the soulmonger. No, I don't think we're wanting to do anything with the Soulmonger at all. No, in fact, I think we were here in spite of the Soulmonger. But you would confirm that your business here is regarding the Soulmonger. Sure. Both of you get a good point.

That was good. That was very good. Unplanned, but good. Val, may I ask you several questions? Obviously, if you feel uncomfortable answering them, you do not have to. I will happily answer them honestly if you answer them first. Let me pose several of them to you first. The first question is, do you know where the soulmonger is exactly?

The second question is, do you know how the soulmonger functions? The third question is, do you understand what the soulmonger does with the souls it mongers? What this soulmonger does with the souls it mongers? The fourth question is, Do you know what would happen if you destroyed the soulmonger? The fifth question is, Do you know what the soulmonger looks like? I ask you these questions simply to eloquate to you the idea that you do not know the answers to these questions, do you?

I really hope there is a whiff of a point at the end of this pointless conversation. My understanding is that you are very in the dark about the soulmonger and how it functions. I, however, am not. Now, I would accept the destruction of the soulmonger as an acceptable outcome to events here in Omo. And of course, I, from my understanding of you, think that you would also prefer the destruction of the soulmonger. Now, let me pose to you a simple point. If you destroy the soulmonger, you do not know what you will do. You do not know what horrors you will unleash

upon the world, and you do not know if the destruction of the soulmonger will save the souls of those that you care about who have died. For all you know, the soulmonger's destruction would also mean the destruction of their souls. Is this not true?

Well, how are we to say? I, however. I'm pretty sure we've just established, Sons, that we apparently know nothing about the cellmonger. You're right. I mean, if we were to go in and do whatever, I mean, what do we know what would happen? What do we know what would happen?

I do not understand. Pointless fucking question. I do not understand what you are threatening me with. How could we threaten? We don't know anything. No, I've got no idea. Very well. So.

Just negging the leader of an army. I, however, am very well versed with understanding of how the soulmonger functions. How on earth would we believe you? Why would I lie? functions how on earth would we believe you why would i lie why would i want this soulmonger if i did not know how at least partially it worked what do you want with it you talked about acceptable outcomes what are another one oh yes sorry acceptable outcomes it's destruction there is a gigantic but underneath that and i mean you're saying that why would you want the soulmonger if you had no

idea how it works, whilst proving that that is definitely the case for multiple people. I understand more of the soulmonger than you could ever hope to, and I do not want it to function. However, I would prefer to take the soulmonger intact if possible. To do what with? to take the soulmonger intact, if possible. To do what with? I have my own purposes. I assure you, if you were to allow me to capture the soulmonger, then you would never see nor hear of it again.

Capture? I'm speaking correctly. The soulmonger is not an intelligent creature, if I were to take the soulmonger. And so you want to take something that literally harvests souls yes for reasons that you're not going to share but they're my own because it has many effects such as such as it causes the decay of death Undead caught in the area of the sawmonger begin to lose their undeath. And slowly but surely they decay and destroy and become nothing.

And what else? I have use of that power. That's the only thing you want it for? Yes. Is that true? Is she lying, Adam? Because that seems like a big lie. Both of you think she's telling the truth.

You find no flaw in what she's saying and she seems earnest. To what end? Was that a skill check? Yes. What if I definitely passed? What if I absolutely succeeded on a skill check, Adam? Your successful insight check affords you this revelation. Just read it.

Pass it back. That's Adam. I am aware of circumstances surrounding your father, Tiffany. Adam? Your father, Sir Grace. What about him? He has been consumed by evil. Do you understand anything about it?

From just hearing about it, I understand quite a lot. What have you heard? lot what what have you heard i have heard that uh a strange creature from an other world has taken purchase of his mind but he's not dead no no he's very alive dead so he's i mean you are here for currency to get your father back what if I told you that we need not fight here? You think we are enemies, but we are not. We are not friends, but we very definitely have a common goal. We both want similar things. You want the soulmonger to release the souls of your friends.

I can do that. You want your father back alive and healthy i can help you with that how well that would be a conversation for if you accept our bargain no fucking way no what was what's the bargain no No, stop. No bargains. Tell her how first. There is no easy way to separate your father from what has possessed him. But I may be able, with help, to do so. What do you need? I would be very confident, however, in telling you here and now that people who can successfully separate your father from what has possessed him are few and far between. You will not find these powers

or knowledges hidden in the minds of any cleric, and very few skilled in the arts of arcane wizardry will know how to help him either. I, however, am one such creature. If you help me here, I will help you here. If you help me there, I will help you there. You do not

have to trust that I have your best interests in heart. You have only need trust that I have your best interest in heart. You have only need trust that I have my own interests in heart. And I assure you, my interests do not involve harming you. I look at Pop with eyes watering. Look, lady, I've got a condition of my own. I believe you. And I believe that we are after the same goals from different

ends. I actually respect and admire the fact that you're open about the fact that you're in this for your self-interest. However, if you promise to help the girl's old man, and you do not come through on that promise, I will rip your spine out through your

mouth. Every part of what interests me about her father is not her father. I will take what I want and leave the rest, which will be your father. I cannot promise I can deliver him alive because I would not lie to you. However, I will promise to you that I will deliver him alive as possible, if only because that keeps what I want safe as possible. He's not my dad. It's not my call. Yes. Then we have an agreement.

I will assist you in stopping the soulmonger, and you will not destroy it such that I can have it, and you will not hear, hide, nor hear of it again. Then, when our business in Oumu is conducted, we will return to your home, that I will assist you in saving your father. Yes, that seems a fair deal. She reaches out with her hand to shake. I shake. What deal with the devil have Tiffany and Pop made? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chops. If you want to help support this show and all the other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network,

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