D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #4 Dinner and Conversation

Episode Date: March 7, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio. Pouring one out for the boys. Hey gang, it's that time again where we tell you about Big Deal at this year's Melbourne International Comedy Fest and all you buggerlugs not in Melbourne get mad at us for the incessant ads for an event you can't come to. Well here's a thought, come to Melbourne! It's lovely! I'll even take you to my favourite place for coffee, the Auction Room Cafe in North Melbourne. Coffee dates aside, this year we've acquired the directing talents of Tom Walker and Demi Ladner from award-winning comedy, and also our sister show, BigSoftTitty.png. We're doing twice the number of shows this year, Friday and Saturday nights at 11pm till midnight, and if you're worried about getting home after such a late night, don't worry,

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That's bigdeal at comedyfestival.com.au. That's bigdeal at comedyfestival.com.au Welcome to Season 2, Episode 4 of Zombie Plagued Chult. Previous name. As you approach, you can see that one of the Zhentarim, you recognise them as Zhentarim assassins specifically. These aren't mercenaries, this is a hit squad. Let's go watch some Dragon Races then. Dinosaur races?

Yeah, that's what I said. Fine. If it goes pear-shaped, you get to say, I told you so, once. You're a fancy person. I'm not a fancy person. You're not a fancy person. This is why this is so surprising.

Why are you so surprised that I'm surprised? This is weird. It's not that weird. It's my handwriting. Flask. Flask of Wine and Artisembur are arm in arm, stumbling around around quite drunk. The Harpers are an organisation dedicated to secretly working behind the scenes

to try and ensure that we all live in a better tomorrow. Well, it sounds positive. It's a noble-ish cause, I suppose. Tiffany, you notice the three sharp-shot mercenaries have been following you since Wakanga's house. You can see that artist Simba has been bewitched. His mind is being dominated. I draw my rapier on the girl.

The mysterious woman who took control of Ardus Simba's mind is trying to scarper. Um... Pop, it's your turn. Zephyr Strike, Adam. Yes. What about? Question. How does?

Zephyr Strike... Can I use it to catch up to her your walking speed increases by 30 feet until the end of your turn your movement would be then no you couldn't oh you could spend your entire turn getting to her but then that's your entire she'd move again yeah you'd just be chasing eventually it would turn into a foot chase which you have disadvantage at question yeah can i move and carry cooper louis with me you can't but tell you what you can do because zephyr strike is a bonus action you can cast zephyr strike you give yourself a you move 60 feet so you're 30 feet away from her yep and then when you're 30 feet away from her. Yep. And then when you're 30 feet away from her... I can longbow.

Or you could chuck a fucking hammer at her. Or I could throw my hammer at her like I did with that other guy. Adam. Zephyr Strike gives you advantage on an attack, but the range of the hammer is shorter, so you'd have disadvantage, which just means it cancels out. You get one attack, but you do the regular damage plus a D8 force damage.

Adam. Adam. Yes. I'd like to Zephyr Strike and then throw my hammer at this lady. You sprint up towards her. As you do so, heave your hammer at her. Oh, no. You missed. No.

You critically failed. Do you have good boy cards? I've used them all. I've used them all. I've used all mine too. I'm so sorry. Son of a bitch. I'm going to lose my hammer, aren't I? Your hammer just goes flying.

We don't know what's about to happen. I'm so angry. All right. It's not a big deal. Off target. As you throw. I could have cast spike growth so she can't run as well. As you throw the hammer, you tumble forwards and break part of the splint

on one of your legs. You will deal half damage for the next 1d4 plus one round. So for the next four rounds, you'll deal half damage because you're trying to compensate for that broken splint, which isn't the worst thing in the world, but you do miss, unfortunately. Then at the end of your turn,

you take 22 points of damage. Fuck. Unfortunately, Cooper Louie sprints, but he can't make it to her either. Can he throw a spear? He can. He hefts his... No, he can. Yes. No, he can barely heft his spear at her.

But it's a disadvantage. He hits. Yay! I'll play this Ace of Spades. The only competent one in our team. Cooper Louie brings her down. The spear strikes her through the chest and she collapses forwards. That was Cooper Louie's turn.

It's Ardis and their turn. Ardis Sember, unfortunately, continues what he was doing last turn. Oh. So it wasn't her. No, the effects of Dominate Person are that he just keeps doing the last thing she ordered him to do. She can mentally order as well. So she mentally ordered him to attack her. And unfortunately, until he throws off the effects of the dominate spell he will be doing nothing

but attacking tiffany so that's not good for me you're gonna die soon maybe right now believe it or not you take 16 points of damage tiffany you feel a sharp stabbing pain in your back and everything goes black. Fuck. We die a lot, Cass. Oh, my gosh. There's a healing potion in my bag. The sharp shot mercenaries pop as you turn around.

You see one of them spots that lady as she hits the ground and he nudges the other ones. They lower their weapons and run away. To her or away from her? Away. They're fucking off. The person paying them is dead. And they're mercenaries. I'm not going to go after them.

She's down. She's not getting back up. Is that right? Yeah, she's down as well. Tiffany, you... One success... No, I've been doing it the... I was going to do it 15 and above, but I've not been doing that this entire damn game.

So you get one success. All right. And it's her turn. All right. Pop, what are you doing? Well, Cooper Louie can deal with her. I'm going to turn back. Can you say that to Cooper Louie?

What do you say exactly to Cooper Louie? It's important. Cooper Louie, make sure she doesn't get back up. No, get him to bring the ring back. What are you doing? Oh, wait. Stop. Bring the ring back. Coopalooey gives you a thumbs up.

He knows what that means? Mm-mm. Great. I go to Ardus and I'm going to disarm him. Okay. And knock him out. You can do one or the other. Which would you rather?

I'm going to knock him out. All right. Oh, wait. If you cast Zephyr Strike again, you can do that. Yeah, I'll cast Zephyr Strike again. Which means you get an extra force damage on one of these attacks. And that was a critical hit. Your first attack, does Zephyr Strike give you an extra attack?

No. I get three a turn anyway, and i get a fourth one on my first action oh uh because of this you you only make two attacks not three oh there you go because it costs it uses your bonus action which you use for your extra attack yep so you only get two attacks but one of them will deal an extra d8 force damage and you get a movement speed of 60 instead of 30. Your first attack, you strike him round the head or... Hang on. That's actually... Let me draw the card and see what you do.

Are you using the hammer or the sickle? I'll hammer him. I've always been able to pick that up and come back, I assume. Wrap on the knuckles. Quadruple damage. Break his hand? You do... 24y's head? 24 points of damage to him.

And then your second attack is also a hit. You slash at him, dealing another eight points of damage. So that's 32 in total. Oh, Artisimber had another same throw at the end of his turn. God. Artis, yep. John's hilarious. He wasn't told to attack me.

He was told to attack you, right? Yep, yep. So he's not going to attack me. He was told to attack you, right? Yep. He's not going to fight me. He's going to keep trying to hurt Tiffany. Yep. Tiffany. Tiffany. Sorry.

It's Cooper Louie's turn. Cooper Louie tears that woman apart. To get the ring back. Yeah, but he's doing that as well. Okay. It's artists. Well, she was bad. Where's that little dragon?

Is it dead too? Oh, the pseudo dragon? Well, she didn't spend a turn doing anything with the pseudo dragon. The pseudo dragon knows it's not going to win this fight, so it's fucking off. Good. Tiffany, Ardus Sembur lays into you. But she's dead.

That's the last thing you're just told. Yeah, but like, it can't hurt you anymore. Like, it can't... Wait. Hang on, let me check to see, actually. You might be right,

because she is now dead dead, so maybe the spell does end. Very funny. He killed her, I beat the shit out of him, and all of a sudden he was free from the spell. No, she can't maintain

the spell anymore. Art of Simba collapses and starts vomiting. I grab him by the throat. He doesn't, I guess. Oh, no, he does resist that, actually. Otis Simber slams you on the side of the head with the butt of his dagger. Do I know that he's definitely back to normal?

He's struggling. You don't know. Cool. I fight know. Cool. I fight him. Okay. Cool. Well, you and Artis are struggling with each other. Tiffany, you get a failed saving throw.

I don't know that he's not bad. He's just weirdly throwing up. It was weird, but. It was weird. I am dying i've died cooper louis comes back with the with the ring as that's happening pop you and artists are rolling on the ground artist manages to get leverage for one second and dragging your hand off his throat. I'm okay! Alright, I stop. And then I go over and I make sure Tiffany's alive. You, oh, you got a

20. Tiffany, you've come back on one hit point. You right, horns. Yeah, past me. Where's my bag? I drank my healing potion. Alright, is it, what sort of a healing potion is it? Oh, it just says one healing potion. Well, I guess it's just the most basic healing

potion there i think it was red or green it was red or green yeah but you didn't say greater healing potion you just wrote healing potion oh yeah that wasn't greater i remember when we got them you get 10 hit points 11 again uh and i oh yeah you take... You'll take another 44 hit points of damage. But the fight's over. Yep. Yeah, but you... It's not how it works. Fuck, I hate everything.

You're on 11 hit points as well. Well, I do less restoration. Does less restoration heal health? Or is it cure wounds? I never remember. It doesn't. No, you need a healing spell. Okay, so I level two cure wounds on myself. Okay so i i level two cure wounds on myself okay and i level two cure wounds on tiffany thank you you recover 10 hit points pop

yep and tiffany will recover 15 what the fuck was artisember pushes himself up against the wall cooper louis is holding the ring looking unsure around at each of you. Artis Simba gestures for Cooper Louie to come over to him. Who the fuck was that? Artis Simba shakes his head. He's holding like his neck where you were strangling him. Don't fucking come for my people. And he says,

you say that? Yeah. Artis Simba puts on the ring and says, I have no rightly idea. He slowly gets to his feet. I am your people. Not right then you weren't. And you've never attacked me like literally just now.

He gestured to his broken and cut body. I was attacking you because you killed her. I don't care. He starts walking out of the corridor. Yes, you have a duty of care for her. But we have a duty of care to each other as well. As comrades. Or at least I thought we did.

Artisimba turns around and walks away. You can yell something at him. Fuck you too, Simple. No, come back. I forgive you. Artisimba leaves. Why is he upset? He fucking tried to kill us.

I fucking hate him. Does he not know what he was doing? Is he even aware that it happened? He is aware. You're not. Actually, you don't know. Fuck him. I'm going to tell Dragon about to choke him out.

I'm going to go over to what Cooper Louie left of that girl. What Cooper Louie left, yeah. And just search her. Is she, like, dead? Or is she just unconscious? Is she, like, dead, or is she just unconscious? On her body, you find she wears no armor. She has a quarter staff, which is just a bit of wood, not worth taking. But you also find a crudely recorked spherical flask filled with a gloopy red

potion. You identify it as poison. Yeah, I take it. Also on her body, she has a small diary. We take the diary. Yeah, we'll be needing to reading that. Well, you know, I could have forgiven

Artis for beating the shit out of you, but he was rude about it, so I'm not going to speak to him for a very long time. If we ever see him again. If I ever see him again. Well, we're all going to the temple, aren't we? Is he coming to the temple? No, he left. You don't know?

Cool. Fuck him. Well, Dragonbait will be waiting for us. He'll probably tell Dragonbait what happened. Well, his version of events anyway Well he's got three to one So you know We continue on to the temple

Adam You alright? I think I'll be alright God that was bad That was pretty fucking bad We're not being followed anymore though are we? I suppose not though They fucked off as soon as we knocked out their employer

No paycheck, no work. That's one good thing about Mercedes. Yeah. How are you, Cooper Louie? Are you all right, mate? Cooper Louie does not look directly at you. He just nods. Well, that's good.

You doing okay? Oh, mate, I've never been better. You get to the temple. Mate, I have been better, though. Obviously. Oh, fuck, experience. fuck experience yes yay we leveled up i'm gonna play the pokemon music again yes both of you get 499 experience points you are one experience point off i'm kidding oh get 1450 experience points you both go up to level 8. But that means... Alright, it's a really long theme.

It's 36 seconds and I don't think it's this long. Come on. Let's go. Hey. Where's the sparkle at the end? Are you fucking serious? Just slow fade it out? Ah, well, YouTube user, Matrix Mandible, fuck you.

We leveled up. You're level eight. The next time you have a rest, we'll go over your character sheet. We'll give you guys new powers and stuff like that. I'll find out if I need to print a new character sheet, because if I print a new character sheet, obviously you're going to lose all the notes that you've made on your current one. We can add those. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's a lot of my notes. I'm like, cool. I see it was taking really important notes for things that weren't important. I've got a note that just says, the old yerk doesn't exist. Fuck it. I've got horse named Hank. And then I've drawn a little batter underneath that says dead. Oh, horse named Hank.

I've got a potion of heroism. You don't have a potion of heroism. You have a gift of heroism that you've written it off as a potion for some reason. That's from the Chewinga. Oh, my God. I love Chewingas. All right. Let's go to this temple then.

Is Cooper Louie annoyed with us or is he just like, what the fuck happened? Cooper Louie is, as always, inscrutable in his motives and thoughts. But he liked us. He's a mystery, our Cooper. Cooper Louie's coming with you. Exactly true. I love our little mystery. He's always just like, Cooper. Cooper Louie's coming with you. Exactly true. I love our little mystery. He's always just like, what the fuck happened?

Why did Artisibba try to kill Tiffany? And then crack the shits. Understandably. No. It's just weird. Like, that's a weird time. There's no manual on how to process that particular set of emotions. Better apologize.

I'm never speaking to him again. You go back to see the grandfather. Grandfather Zitembe, if anyone was curious. Not especially. Grandfather Zitembe, he seems ready for you, prepared. The place is empty and the grandfather, Grandfather Zitembe, is standing on the other side of the pool facing away from you. As you approach the pool, he turns around and says,

Welcome again, huh? I have spoken with the guides. And as you approach, he gestures for you to look into the pool. You gaze down and he says, I have seen visions. Visions are of a city far to the south. He gently caresses the water and you see as well a vision of a city, an ancient and vine-covered city somewhere deep in the jungle. There's a malevolence hanging about it that you can sense even through this vision a jungle city far to the south yeah

enclosed by cliffs and swarming with snakes what i see a black obelisk draped in vines i dare not peer any deeper though yeah i urge you to seek this city and its obelisk. I know someone who can lead you there, yeah? And they're happy to help us? No. No. This is an awful person in a dangerous place, yeah? But someone who can help you. Her name?

Adam. No, it's not. No, it's not the woman you just killed. No, is it Nanny Poo Poo? No, it's not Nanny Poo Poo. New person? Mm-hmm. Ooh, new person. That's always scary.

He drags his hand through the pool again, and you see a vision of a woman. She doesn't look too scary. Valindra Shadow Mantle, yeah? Okay, her name's a bit spooky. She lives in the heart of Ubtow. The floating rock. She is a member of an ancient and evil order of red wizards. And she knows how to get to Omen.

She has servants scurrying about the city. Her or any of her servants can lead you there. But? But they are villains, awful creatures, who if they know who you are and know your journey and destination, they will seek to kill you, to strike you down. And you are not welcome, huh?

Not welcome in the heart of Ubtau. A deep evil resides there now that they live there. But they can guide you through. Can we guard ourselves using maps, directional thoughts? You have already been shown the way, yeah? Vaguely. I remember there was a snake involved. It was unpleasant. You could if you wanted to find your way like that. It would not be easy though, huh?

Even with a guide, that place is dangerous. But if you were to brave the heart of Ubtal, that would be the hardest part done. So all we need to do is get into a place where we're not welcome, sally up to someone who can't know where we're going lest they kill us and have them take us to where we need to go. Which is a place invariably wickedly evil and full of things that also want to kill us and don't want us there.

Oh, it's just snakes. Who do you think is in charge of the snakes? Don't joke about snakes. No, fine, fine, fine, fine. All paths that lie before you are dangerous. The only safe path is to get off the trail. Well, that's not an option. Thank you very, very much for your help today.

Grandfather, before we go, just wondering, during our travels, and because the path for us is going to be inherently dangerous, apparently, I may have run afoul of a few things that have caused my overall well-being to dip. I see the sickness within you, yeah? Yeah, I'm not a well man. You don't happen to know or have the capacity or know of anyone who does have the capacity to restore my good fortune. No, I am sorry.

It's fine. I don't even want it, so it's okay. Just asking. Oh, that's sad. All right, let's fuck. All right, I guess we are between a floating rock and a hard place. Galah's humour's wonderful. All right.

Well, I suppose we should head back. We've got a boat now. The boat can take us. You go see Zinda? Yeah, we go see Zinda to get our boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll get our boat. Meet our captain.

So, Adam, our options are find our own way there. Very hard, difficult, could die. Option two, go to the heart of Ubtow and get people who hate us and want us dead to help us find a place that they don't want us to find. Yeah. Great. Cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool.

I reckon we do that second one. Well, I mean, if we're offering our services, maybe we can escort. Maybe we can say that we're trying to get into the red wizard thing. We want to intern with them or something like that. I don't know. I was an apprentice for a while. I know. Intern with?

Well, it's an apprentice. It's not a bad theory. We can try. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. I'm fresh out of other ideas. As soon as you get onto the harbour ward, you are approached by a gnome, a female rock gnome.

So she has, like, rocky-coloured skin, green hair that's slicked back over her head. Cool. She sounds cool. She reaches out a hand for whoever is leading your little party. Well, hello there. My name's Autome Swift and Dark. Autome.

Autome. Autome. O-R-T-I-M-A-Y. Autome. Autome Swift and Dark. Autome. Swift and Dark. Pop Manor in.

This is my first mate. She gestures to a hulking man behind her. Taller than you, Pop. Looks like he might be part giant. I love this pairing so much of a little captain and a big man. This is my first mate, Greg Ruddle. Lovely to meet you, Greg. Lovely to meet you, Automa.

My name's Tiffany. I'll be your captain. You can just call me Captain. You can call me Captain Automa, or you can call me Matt. Nice to meet you, Captain. She gestures for you to follow her. Please, come. We'll be sailing.

You'll be sailing. We will be sailed aboard the brazen Pegasus today. A sloop. A quick one at that as well. Need worry not for pirates, we're faster than the lot of them. Brilliant. Handy. Also, this is Cooper Louie. Ah, yes, I was told to expect a plant creature.

He's a good fella. Yes. You all for now? No, there's a couple more still Yes. Are you all for now? No, there's a couple more still to come. They're gathering supplies. All right, then. Will they be meeting us here?

Yes, that was definitely the plan we made before we set out today. Definitely, yes. Everyone was going to meet us at this here ship, which we knew we were getting. All right, then. So, this is my crew. You already know my first mate, Greg Ruddle. And here are my six sailors top as in T.O.P. the thing you wear

hat oh my gosh Adam shoe you can't make me love these people when they might die Adam pants gloves and Sunday night yes people when they might die, Adam? Pants. Oh, no. Gloves. And Sunday night.

Yes. Sunday night? Yes. Top hat, shoe, pants, gloves, Sunday night. Yes. They each nod in turn as their names are said. Are they all gnomes? No, they're various ethnicities.

Top and hat are human. Yep. Shoe, pants, and gloves are halflings Is Sunday night Sunday night is an elf Oh, I thought Sunday night would be a tabaxi No You know what, actually that makes more fucking sense Sunday night is a tabaxi

Did we want to check in with the harbour master about the pirates thing? Or do we just know and fucking don't worry about it? We never promise anything Also, it was Artis' idea and he's fucked off like a big dickhead. He's gone. Where are we headed? We're going south. South?

Pretty far south, actually. Well, do we know where the heart of Ubtow is? We've seen it. Yeah. I think the cleverest way to do this is we'll take you north, out of the Bay of Chult. We'll go around the Shining Sea, itching towards

Kitchener's Inlet. Then we'll sail down the river as far as we can there. And if possible, we'll try to get you to Curse of Baal. Curse of Baal is a city inhabited by Arakka bird people. It's a friendly settlement.

You'll be able to stay there, probably, hopefully. Depending how the birds feel. But you certainly won't be attacked by the birds. That'll get you quite close to where you need to be. It's a welcome change, so that sounds wonderful. Thank you. Now, I hope you know to get out of the Bay of Chult, we're going to have to give tribute.

Sure. How much and who to? It depends what they feel like. Well, I hope they feel like something we have. All right, you clearly are not in the know on this one. No. So let me explain to you. There's a dragon turtle in the bay.

All right? Oh, no, I do know this. And when it lifts up, that's how the thing comes up and down. I think you've told us this before. No, this is something else, my friend. The dragon turtle is named Aramag. Right. Aramag.

We're probably related. Aramag demands tribute to those coming in and out of the bay. You have had to pay on the way in. No. No, I haven't. I've never driven my own boat. Fair enough. I believe you were teleported here.

I like it here. I'm from here. Actually, you... Oh, feckle. Yeah, no, you know about this. Oh, fuck. Dread. There's a gigantic...

Here, I've got a picture for you. Holy shit. It looks like a gigantic snapping turtle made of ocean. Yeah, it's not a friendly turtle. As we leave the bay, it's going to rise up and it's going to hassle us. What does it normally want? It wants a tribute. Depending on how it feels on the day, I suppose,

it's going to ask us for money, for gold. We're going to be giving it a lot of money, or you're going to be giving it a lot of money or you're gonna be giving it a lot of money we don't have a lot of money and they have 28 gold is that enough how much gold is that all you have you don't have precious gems um that's it oh hang on i'm not leaving the bay without doing this i've got an ingot i've got a couple more things of gold i've got an amulet um we found another 28 gold. I forgot about that. We've got a double Caesar.

The only way you can get in or out of the bay without it hassling you is to be flying Cantonese sails. They don't take too kindly to the turtle and they've tussled with it in the past. I imagine they've won because it doesn't bother our Cantonese ships none, but it will come after us.

Hey, horns. You reckon you can get your hand on some ships none but it will come after us hey horns you reckon you get your hand on some canada sales i reckon there's no harm in borrowing them i think we need more than canada sale we need a canada ship don't get me wrong as much as i would like to not have to pay this tribute we need a big several big powerful ships we're but a small sloop? She gestures over to the Cantonese ships. Sure enough, they're proper frigates. They're large, massive ships, sturdy, way bigger than your little sloop here. Well, maybe we just speak to the turtle and ask if this is enough. How much do you have?

I've got 56. I reckon I've got enough to make up the shortfall. What's the ballpark we're talking about here? I don't think I've ever gone past for less than 150. We do have an ingot. I can make it work. What? I can make it work.

We didn't pick up that much loot. How do you mean? We picked up a lot of loot. I've got two pools of 60 gold we picked up as loot. That's 100. Oh. And 20. Oh, okay.

Well, we do have enough then. I must have forgotten about those. Got a lot of gold down here. Yeah, you hid a lot. Oh, I also remembered. I've got like 90 gold from that body I found and told no one about. Yeah. Let's go meet this turtle.

We'll wait for our friends first. I'm sorry. I'm just really excited. That okay it's our own horses could we have maybe a kip on the boat uh yeah there's no real under deck or there is but it's a cargo hold you'll be sleeping on the deck of the ship as we go but that's okay because if elements are against us we have a tent that we can unfold but that's the most cover you're going to get. I've got this. It's all right. I point to Michelle. So you do.

So while we're waiting for the others to get here, I guess we rest. Yeah. Have a sneaky little level up, maybe. Yeah. Some cool tricks. Welcome to level eight. Pop. Woo.

Your total hit points are 102. Is it actually more than that? It should be more than that, yes. That is fucked though. 102. Okay, if I was able to find a powerful cleric who could restore my permanent hit point damage, what would I be looking at, Adam? It should be 112, but you have-

10 days worth of- 102, that is pretty good. You get a ability score improvement. Woo! I don't know what that means, but it sounds good. So you get two points. You can put them anywhere. You want to try and keep even numbers.

So turning an 18 into a 20 is worth more than turning it into a 19 fuck it this is maybe a big old angry punching boy i'm gonna put two more into strength perfect your strength is 20 which is the maximum it can be without magic cool oh do you get another extra attack i think you get another extra attack yep so now you attack normally four times around my first round five that is very nice. You've got a higher bonus to all your attacks and damage as well now. Instead of plus four damage,

it's plus five damage, plus eight to hit instead of plus seven. So you're doing everything just a bit better and you've got more attacks. Nice. And now a quick word from our sponsor. Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that we could hear Jackson or Zamet waxing poetic about video games they've played and give them a score based on a

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and search for Thumb Cramps Tiffany, your total hit points are 64 now and yeah, what are you putting it into, sorry? Strength and constitution. All right. And now plus two and plus one. Well, that means that your sneak attack is now a little bit more effective.

And that will actually, oh, that should have upped your hit points as well. So your total hit points are actually now 72. Hey. That's a big jump. You get to learn a new spell. Hey. So. Is there something that can help me sneak so if you wanted to try and be more stealthy misty step briefly surrounded by a silvery mist you teleport up to 30 feet to an unoccupied space that you can see later and she ran away

it didn't work image three illusionary duplicates of yourself appear in your space until the spell ends yeah duplicates move with you in your space until the spell ends yes duplicates move with you and mimic your actions shifting position so it's impossible to track which image is real i'll take that one uh you want that one yeah mirror image it might be uh like invisibility is also an option that is i i can't think of when that would help we're always stop I hadn't finished look it might help when I'm like being attacked and stuff yeah fine

you can take mirror image take mirror image if you want I don't mind that was just very funny great line I can't think of when invisibility would ever help me. Like, okay, here's the one I'm thinking about. Us fighting in a fight, duplicate's going to be more helpful because as soon as I attack someone, they know where I am.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. But if I get to the stage that I often do where I am dying, maybe hiding and not being seen would be good. It's up to you. Either are good. Mirror image. I'm going to do mirror image.

I know you wanted mirror image, and that's you. Get a good boy card for not succumbing to peer pressure. Thank you. Pop, you gain another ability called Land Stride. Starting at 8th level, moving through non-magical difficult terrain costs you no extra movement. Oh wait, my difficult terrain is magical. You can also pass through non-magical plants without being slowed by them and without taking damage from them.

If they have thorns, spines or a similar hazard. In addition, you have advantage on saving throws against plants that are magically created or manipulated to impede movement. Such as those created by the entangle spell so basically when we walk through the jungle i'm going to be better at walking through the jungle yes you will not be impeded by harsh undergrowth like others might it's cool that all of your abilities around you moving better considering one of the biggest things i copped was my legs don't work yep well leg and i lost tail, which I forget about on the reg. Yeah, wow. It's only a little tail.

It's like all of your abilities are trying to compensate. That's good. Sorry, I just need to double check. What you're doing is you gave me something good, and now you're taking it away, Adam? Yes. Ah. Sorry, I was incorrect.

You still have the same number of attacks. Three. Yes, three attacks. Sorry, my mistake. I was going to gonna say five was insane if you were a fighter you might have been able to do something like that but as a ranger you will only ever get one extra attack that's okay all right and you guys are at level eight so what's the plan here what's your go what's your game plan if you're taking a candanese ship you're

taking a candanese crew and everything like that. You're not sure what consequences that might necessarily have or anything like that. You don't even know if there would be consequences, but you do have this ship charted. You just have to pay a tax to leave. Yeah. Well, I mean, if we have the money to go,

I don't think it would be too much of an ask. If we just have our own ship, then we get our own crew, the turtles happy. I don't have to put up with the Cantonese. Yeah. You currently have Quasha. Oh, no, sorry, Kupaluy, but you don't have Quasha and you don't have dragon bait. Or flask of wine.

Or flask of wine. I forget. So what's the plan? What I would do is we don't have to leave right now. Obviously you don't have artisan plates. Why don't we take a little, you know, a bit of a. Oh, a bit of the old. Hang on.

No, what's the snoring noise? Oh, it's a snore and then a whistle. I can't whistle. Yeah, that's the one. That's the sleeping noise. I just realized the one I was making was hyperventilating. But we should go have a nap in all seriousness because we're a bit banged up. Yes, we'll have a sleep and then wait for our friends to come back with the food.

It's like we're getting ready for a party. Yeah. And Dragon Bait will come back and so will definitely Arda. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They'll be back. I'm so angry at him for stomping away. How dare he? You're right.

No, no, how dare he? Because, like, I didn't know he was under a spell. I mean, no, sorry, I didn't know he was no longer under a spell. Oh, no, you said something real bad, though. You said something that set him off. I also choked him. No, but it's not, sometimes it's your words, not your actions. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, actions. No, no, no, no, no. Pop's only actions. Anyway, I'm angry at him for making me feel bad.

When you arrive back, Wakanga and Lady Ware both question what happened. They seem quite concerned over you. What do you mean what happened? You come back covered in gore. Oh, right. It's not ours, don't worry. I mean, some of it might be. A lot of it is yours.

We're both badly wounded. I'm sorry for lying. I mean, some of it might be. A lot of it is yours. We're both badly wounded. I'm sorry for lying. I didn't want to make you worried. Lady Ware fusses over both of you a little bit. I like it. I hate it. But secretly like it. I'll try and take up as much of your fussing as I can.

Then make sure that you are bathed and have your wounds tended to. Wakunga calls a physician. There's no magical healing, but he just, the physician, I said it right the first time. The doctor man. The doctor man looks you over and makes sure that you're just healthy otherwise, but there's nothing he can do other than to say to let it, like nature, take its course or whatever.

We should go to bed. All right. Yes. Over the course of the day, Quasha, Flosk of Wine, and Dragonbait return. its course or whatever we should go to bed all right yes over the course of the day quasha flask of wine and dragon bait return as they return you think that cooper louis maybe intercepted them and they seem to know what happened and so you have a very awkward dinner during which at one point a servant comes in speaks with wakanga who at this point, Wakanga and Lady Ware presumably

also know anything you haven't told them. I told them absolutely nothing. My response to what happened was, got in a bit of a scrape. Did you say anything, Tiffany? I would have been exactly honest about exactly what happened. Which was? Okay, well, I will tell everything that happened and when it comes to the little tiff that... The little tiff, yes.

The little tiff that... You also don't know about all the people I killed at the warehouse because you weren't there. No, all right. Well, obviously I don't say anything about that. But when I get to the tiff that you and Artis had, I try and be as sort of fair as possible as, you know, well, I mean, I can understand why.

I mean, Pop had just seen me get attacked and he seemed to want to help that. And Ardus was obviously attacking everyone because of the ghost thing happening in him. But then Ardus was obviously getting attacked by Pop and it didn't end very well. They just had a bit of a fight. I don't know where Ardus is. I hope he comes back.

At some point, like I said, an a assistant or servant comes in during dinner whispers to wakanga and wakanga gets up leaves with the servant comes back and uh he and lady wear share like a a knowing glance and then he whispers with dragon bait dragon baitbait gets up, leaves with Wakanga. Forever. And they're gone for a little while before finally, if none of you are doing anything, it's like maybe a half hour. We're eating dinner, yeah? Yeah.

I am aggressively, deliberately, meticulously ignoring everyone in the room, including Tiffany. Tiffany. Tiffany. But I am using all the cutlery correctly. Tiffany, you are shocked at Pop's. I noticed. Yeah.

You've lived in high society. You know this sort of stuff. You are shocked at the accuracy with which Pop selects from his 12 knives and six forks oh my god zero mistakes six soup spoons and four other spoons adam i would like to have one of my soup spoons have been put in the wrong order and i actually swap the order around so that it is correct he does he knows that it's not arranged by length or by metal type it is in fact arranged by length or by metal type. It is, in fact, arranged by the letter on the back of the spoon. Do I know that level of intricacy about high society, having lived it? You know a little bit.

You know enough to spot that Pop obviously has basically what would amount to formal training. Okay, well, I look at that, Pop will not meet my gaze. Absolutely, I'm busy eating. It's very, like, I'm very delicate with the colour, but the eating is disgusting. Oh, yes, yes, I look at that, pop will not meet my gaze. Absolutely, I'm busy eating. It's very, like, I'm very delicate with the colour, but the eating is disgusting. Oh, yes, yes, yes.

No one denies that. I look at the juxtaposition, I think back to you saying that you were taught by the Church of Gregory Bones, and I sit with that info because there's nothing else I can do. If no one, oh, and Tiffany, are you doing anything? I'm doing, I am, part of me feels a bit competitive of needing to keep up with pop but as everyone's being taken i i keep a bit of an i do nothing like i'm sort of i'm aware of what's happening and i'm trying to figure out what's going on can i or just not really uh it's not obvious i don't do anything i don't want to rock the boat

as twerp, but I do want to know what's happening. Well, when the servant first comes in and leans in to speak with Wakanga forever, you don't speak Chultian, so you don't really understand what's being said because it's in a foreign language. Yeah. And I'm not paying attention.

Oh, my gosh. Well, maybe I am paying attention, but just pretending I'm not. And then when Wakanga comes back in to grab, oh, who does he grab? Lady Ware and then Dragon Bait. Yeah, he grabs Dragon Bait. When he leans into Whisper to Dragon Bait, maybe someone like knocks over a cup or something like that. There's like a clattering and you're unable to hear what was said.

And the significant look that he gives Lady Ware, unfortunately he's like behind you when he does that to lady where so you you're kind of perfectly positioned and in a place where you can't really you know something's happening but you can't pick up on exactly what is going down eventually after half an hour if no one does anything with wakanga and dragon bait gone kwasha stands up and leaves the room kwasha kwasha turns yes where are you going i'm uh just going to check on wakanga and dragon bait okay um it's in a done uh no it's in its third course is the third course a hot meal the third course is a spiced dragon meat ah yes i keep saying dragon when i meant to say dinosaur spiced dinosaur meat ah yes the uh traditional seven draconian courses

the next one will be something from the sea maybe they're going through all the different cretaceous periods okay and this is the, is this the third meat course I've had? It would be, yes. Well, they've all been mixed so far. Okay, no, do you want some help? You see his eyes glance towards Pot. He looks back at you and he says, you can come if you want. Okay, yeah, I'll come with him.

You walk out of the dining hall and into a long corridor that leads to the opening atrium. When you're halfway down the corridor, you can see ahead of you, there's Ardacimber. Ardacimber, Dragonbait, and Wakunga are chatting in the atrium. Ardacimber is leaning up against an indoor fountain and has his arms crossed a very sour expression on his face. And Wakanga is like, Adesimba is talking in a hushed, angry tone. And Wakanga is talking in like a,

just a hushed tone. As you approach, you can hear it. Cause they're not, it's, you know, like shouting, whispering.

Yes. It's kind of like that. Yeah. Good example. Well done Cass. Thank you. Thanks. Artis Simber is slowly being calmed down by Wakanga.

You can tell. Artis Simber is angry about the obvious thing, the thing he got mad about earlier today, Pop. But Wakanga is trying to console him. And you hear a lot of conversation of, maybe as you're approaching, you hear Kanga say trying to console him and you hear a lot of conversation of maybe as you're approaching you hear Kanga say the exact words well we can't work with nice people all the time can we?

Okay. I feel like Quasha has at this point a better relationship. Has Quasha stopped or is Quasha still- Quasha's still walking. I walk with Quasha. I walk with Quasha but if Quasha's still walking. I walk with Quasha. I walk with Quasha, but if Quasha stops at any stage, I stop with Quasha.

Quasha walks until he's part of the little circle that's in the atrium. I also join. Wakanga is trying to convince artist Simber to remain in the party. Oh, Adam. You can see in the argument that they're having, or the, no argument that they're having,

Arda Simber, like his brain, he knows that Wakanda is making a very good point that they have the, you all have the same goal. You all want the same thing ultimately, which is the destruction of Ras Nazih and to put a stop to what's happening here in chal and that all of this would be easier if you worked together because as a group you stand a better chance than as individuals artist simber obviously understands that but pop has been very

aggressive to him from day one i'm very aggressive just to be fair he's not special there's only one person that pop likes and that's not even pop artisember well actually i'd make you roll for that no yeah you you have enough insight into other people or into artisember to understand that artisember kind of wants to be because this is about his wife he wants to meet his wife again Artis Cimber kind of wants to be, because this is about his wife. He wants to meet his wife again. Artis Cimber wants to be convinced of this. He's just slowly letting Wakanga calm him down.

Artis, we really do want you on our team. Please. I mean, Wakanga's right. We all want the same thing. With your help, you're able to soothe soothe artist simber and get him to a point where he will acknowledge that yes he needs your help and you need his wakage says wakage says maybe he uh doesn't say it there but he he needs your help he will never say that? Never ask him to say that to you. Yeah, but he does. Ardus, he really does. He will never say it.

He just never will. But you have to believe me, we all need you so much. He would be so dead if not for you, please. Ardus Simber slowly calms down. And the conversation starts shifting towards, Quasha asks maybe, because there's like a quiet moment. Oh, but in that quiet moment, I give him a hug. Ardus Simber like half Hugs you back That's fair

It hardly hurts It's like he doesn't want to hug you But he doesn't want to hurt your feelings at the same time That sort of a hug you know I mean that in alone is just so nice I rarely get that But it's still you know it half hurts Half hugs half hurt In that quiet moment or after that to break the quiet moment is just so nice. I rarely get that. But it's still, you know, it half hurts.

Half hugs, half hurt. In that quiet moment, or after that, to break the quiet moment, Quasha asks, do you know who that woman was? And Artisimba shakes his head, having to the foggiest. I assume, well, obviously she was after the ring, one of many people to do so. Should we get back to dinner? Artisimba doesn't say anything.

And Quasha answers instead maybe artist simber should just go to just go straight to to artist i hope you don't mind maybe it'll just soothe things if you artist simber finally says straight to bed yes do you want me to bring you some food wakanga says no need no need i'll have someone bring a unless okay that makes more sense i'm like weird for him to be answering on his behalf but no no no no no everyone i'll have someone bring it unless okay that makes more sense i'm like weird for him to be answering on his behalf but no no no no everyone goes back to dinner i guess yes how's my dragon is my dinosaur meat cold no no it's still warm oh yes they they put a little what do you call it the shield thing on food is that what it's called the cloche yes they put one of them on it that's still warm oh do i does it oh my god i

lift it up you got to be careful it came on a hot plate cas looked so actually excited that yeah okay i opened the cloche i get nice steamy smell i ate the rest of my meal it's's a meat heavily bathed in soy sauce. Oh, that's probably good. That's delicious. It's a Swedish meat. Soy sauce stegosaur.

Stegosaurus. Stegosaurus. Hey, stegosaurus! I found a stegosaurus over here. As we're eating, what, maybe the fifth meal at seven, yeah? I said it was seven. Sure. Whatever.

It's seven and the last two would be desserts. As we're eating the last main one and it's, like, a savoury. No, it's a draconic seven course. The last course is a savoury entree. It's three meat meals. Yep. One soup meal. One dessert meal. then another meat meal and to finish it up as tradition

in chult a joke meal the joke meal is you know those flintstones giant eggs yeah they bring out an actual giant egg laid by a dinosaur. They hard boiled it. They crack off the top and everyone together with spoons eats. That's not funny. That's beautiful. The joke meal is more of a strange meal. Oh, like how a parody isn't always funny. Yeah.

That wasn't even in character. That was just me being cheeky. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Parody isn't always funny. No, you're absolutely correct. Yeah. That wasn't even in character. That was just me being cheeky. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. That isn't always funny. No, you're absolutely correct. Yeah. Never mind.

Anyway, during before the jerk meal, I sort of, Pop and I are sitting next to each other, yeah? Yeah. Sick. I do not look up from my plate, but I say, Pop, Artis has decided to stay and you cannot ruin this because we need him. When you say that, everyone goes very quiet. Oh, I didn't, not that loud.

Oh, you try to whisper to him? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, my gosh. The meal continues as usual. I didn't make him leave and I didn't make him come back. And you won't make him leave and I didn't make him come back. And you won't make him leave again.

Only because you're asking. Ooh, that feels very nice. That's a very nice thing for a person I love to say to me. You're using the wrong spoon for your joke meal, though. What? Fuck, I hope so.

Oh, you are absolutely using the wrong spoon. You look down and you see you absolutely have mixed up one of your soup spoons and your egg spoons. I pick up the other spoon and, again, without looking at Pop, I'll say, one day I'll find out who you are. Or I'll die like this. Those are the options. I give you a look, put down my spoon, stand up,

politely bow to the chef and waitstaff, push my chair in and go to bed. He does a good job. I stare into the egg. There's nothing for me in that egg With an uneasy alliance Re-established between Artis and Pop Can Tiffany keep them From each other's throats Find out next time on

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