D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult II #6 Kitcher's Inlet

Episode Date: March 21, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio. Hey D&D, it's me, Adam. But not that Adam, a different Adam. Hey everyone, we're running a listener survey for our network to work out what you'd like us to focus on. So, if you've ever wanted a say in the kind of things we do across the network, now's your chance. Thanks in advance and check the show notes for the link to the survey. Welcome to Season 2, Episode 6 of Zombie Plagued Chult. I write another letter that is very short

that says, River of the Circle, more like River of Circle Jerks. Yours sincerely, Pop Mandarin. You guys kept complaining that they were no good, so I might have gone out and beefed them up a little bit. So now they're more effective. You are adventurous.

Rich beyond imagining. A high toll. Three hundred gold. I actually don't think we have that. You have genuinely a lovely relationship with Grig Ruttle. Had cake that his mother had made for him, and he shares some with you. Oh, Adam!

One of them hits the boulder and throws it. Oh, my God. The boulder soars through the air and lands on the ship. I leap majestically with no issue onto the other ship. And charge my green flame blade. Then it is the giant's turn. Bad. Sorry.

Each of them needs to make a saving throw. Yes, they do, Adam. All of them fail. Yeah, yeah. All three of them face plant into the deck of the ship. That's their turn. Pop, it's yours. Great.

I want to use Zephyr Strike to make myself even better. Yes. And I want to get one of these prone big boys off the side of the ship. You cast Zephyr Strike. Does that help me at all in that? I feel like it would. I'll give you an extra plus two. So you already have advantage to this check.

You get another plus two from Zephyr Strike. You roll with advantage. And you get 18 in total he needs to make a contested throw he gets plus six he wins 22 versus your 18 unless you have something for a skill check i used it to get cast a friendship bracelet. Tiffany? Fuck yes. Oh, my God. That's great.

Oh, no. Thank you, Tom. Tiffany, you got any cards there? I got a fortuitous circumstance, which you could use for a reroll. It won't let him succeed on this roll, but it will mean something good happens. I think we need it. They're prone. Save that for a rainy day. Okay.

What do you want Artis to do? I guess try to get him off the boat too or just fuck him up because they're basically now just like a turtle on its back, if you will, Adam. Is that correct? It's not incorrect. Yeah, just fuck him up. Try to get him overboard.

Artis also tries to push one of them off. He's not nearly as good at it, though. No, he can't. He runs up and tries to shove one of them, but he doesn't have any magical buffs, and he's not particularly strong. This isn't really Artus' strong point. So as hard as he heaves, he can't get any of them overboard.

How long does bull strength last? It lasts while Quasha is maintaining the connection. Ah. Yes. Right. So I think in total, so it can last for up to an hour, but Quasha needs to keep concentration on the spell.

Yep. So, oh, fuck. You know who I forgot? Flask of wine. Also, I forgot to move the ships. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh. who I forgot? Flask of wine. Also, I forgot to move the ships. Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Ooh. Who is she? Oh. That means I can move further apart. I'm going to be back on the ship. They'll come back for us after we kill the giants. The ships part and pass. You are now.

You cannot return to your ship. Ever. Game over. No. You cannot return to your ship. Ever. Game over. No, we have to steer this big ship by standing on everyone's shoulders in a trench coat pretending to be a giant man. That means Quasha is gone, actually, and is slowly going to become out of range of the spell. Flask of wine, however, did leap across,

and I'll give flask of wine a turn. I beefed them up. I might as well use them. Beef them up, so take them out. Beef me boys. I love beef cats. Flask of Wine deals nine points of damage, knocking, drawing, and firing two arrows in quick succession. Both of them strike the lead giant, the ones you guys are fighting.

Flask of wine is quite obviously trying to stay away from the fight though he's skirting around the edge of his side of the ship and not really properly engaging he obviously is still not great in a uh a close fight but shockingly his abilities are really good against giants well Well, really good against missing, not missing giants. He re-rolls if he misses against a larger, larger creature now. He's got a few extra abilities. Oh, who could have planned for that? He leveled up.

Yeah, he leveled up. While we're in Pod 9's arrow and he was off doing tabaxi things. He also has some magic now, but he wouldn't describe it as magic. He just would call it cool tricks that he can do now. So the rock was magic. What? So the crying rock. Magic. No.

The crying rock was just a thing. Yeah, but he said it was magic. Oh, yeah. To him it's magic. Yeah. The crying rock is magic, but his ability to see through the eyes of an animal is not. I love this cat.

That's just what you do. What, can you not? How can you not see through your own eyes at least? You get a bit older, you see through other animals. It's not tricky. I don't understand. Can you not all make clouds of fog? No, you didn't go through tabaxi puberty?

Yeah, do you not understand? You didn't do fog? Fog happened? It's weird that you would not know this. It's like a sneeze, but... Foggy. I love beef cat. Poppin' Artist, you had your turn.

Quasha continues to maintain the spell. He could do something else that would do a lot of damage, but it's better to keep up the enhanceability. Tiffany and Koopa Louie, what do you want to do? I'm going to use my green flame blade once more. Do you want to use Witch Bolt, mate? You know what a part of me does.

But I think green flame blade and taking advantage of my natural stealth could perhaps result in a more fruitful outcome. I get fruit. Do you know what I like? I like that imagine that voice you have is the voice that is like

from erectile dysfunction ads on the radio. Hi. Do you want to fuck? What? What? What are those ads? But can't. What?

What? What are those ads? But can't. I remember one of the most funny, the funniest fucking ad in the history of ads. Do you remember this? It was from like probably five years ago. It was that ad where it opened with like a really over-the-top rom-com thing called like Girl Time or Girl Power. It was really over-the-top for like three seconds. power it was really over the top for like three seconds

and it was like a record scratch and this woman just appeared in a supermarket she's like on a couch in like a set of like a morning show like type situation she's like now that all the boys are gone let's talk about thrush jesus what the fuck is wrong with you woman whose house is that what are you doing in there also I want to watch the girly show. Oh, well, that's too bad. It's thrush time. It's thrush hour. Thrush hour one, two, and three.

It's thrush o'clock. Do you know where your kids are? All right. So you deal 30 points of damage, drawing your rapier out. You are so strong. As the giant tries to get back onto its feet, you stab it in its eye. Ah! He cries, bellows into your face, and you feel spittle and flecks of blood

coming out of his mouth from what you have done to the inside of his head. And from what Koopa Louie has also done. And Dragon Bait. He's getting hurt from all sides right now. But yeah, spittle and blood flying out of his mouth covers your torso. You draw your rapier back out. And as you do so, Koopa Louie launches at him. He doesn't make those noises. He doesn't make those noises.

He doesn't make those noises, Adam. He does this. No, he makes the noises. Oh, yes. He leveled up. No, he didn't level up. He could always just make those noises. It's just air passing through him.

It's when he goes really quickly, you hear that noise. It's like how, you know, a car makes- When you spin like one of those things. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You blow on a bottle. Yeah, yeah yeah you blow in a bottle yeah his open mouth it's the same thing it's not actually speech it's just a natural airflow pattern koopa louie lands on the giant's shoulder and starts spearing into him standing on him and spearing downwards uh oh also your green flame blade once again licked a nearby frost giant. Dragon bait swings his sword. And as he does so, you can see that like something, like an energy flow fucks through him.

Dragon bait wheezes at the end of the blow. He must have pulled something. He critically misses. He just, like, loses steam completely. His next attack is a hit, but he deals minimum damage. He deals, what's minimum damage for dragon bait? 20? No.

He deals six points of damage, which kills the Frost Giant. I love that so much. He critically failed and still won. His sword cuts deep into the Frost Giant's head. Its cry cuts short, and when he drags the sword out, the Frost Giant's eyes roll into the back of his head and he collapses, slumping forwards. It's the giant's turn. They get up.

Huh. Hmm. Don't they know it's more fun to get down with your friends? Do they get prone again, though, when they try to get up? Oh, yeah. That'll be at the end of this. Is there a whoop-a-boop-a-boop-a-boop? Whoop-a-boop-a- end of this. Is there a- You know those sound effects? One of them attacks Koopa Louie.

Big mistake. You idiot. You goddamn idiot. You don't even know what- You didn't know what hell looked like and now you will. Oh, no. Adam, are you going to kill Koopa Louie? Am I going to have to quit this campaign forever?

30. Are we about to have three signed resignations on Zammett's desk tomorrow? That's right. One from me, one from Cass, and one from both of us as a team. Yeah, one from the spirit of Dungeons & Dragons. In the Frost Giant's first cleaving blow, he crunches Koopa Louie against the deck

of the ship. His axe drags Koopa Louie along the deck and green ichor is left behind. Koopa Louie's innards. He drags Koopa Louie, picks him up, and you realize he intends to keep attacking with Koopa Louie

on the end of the axe is cooper louis alive adam his next attack targets tiffany wait he can attack more than once yeah also and i know it's like not appropriate to make fun of this right now but cooper louis literally got decked tiffany you take 34 points of damage what for that joke no as an axe hits you the axe slams into your side tiffany and you feel your arm completely shatter from the shoulder down your right arm is broken hopelessly and it is bending at an odd angle hanging outwards you're still able to hold on to the rapier but it's a very loose grip then the other one attacks oh it's first blow is directed towards pop oh it's the one i tried to pick up that's a critical hit. Is it, Adam, or is it a critical eight of hearts?

Just drawing from a random deck of cards at your elbow. Yep. What if I played Exodia, the Forbidden One? You really would wish that you had. Oh, no, this isn't so bad. Compared to the other critical hits you've had where your entire flesh has been ripped off and your leg was fucked that time, this is nothing. You take 28 points of damage.

When the axe strikes you, it breaks a giant piece of your shell off. Oh, no. It hits the ground. The part of the shell that you are missing is the size of a dinner plate. Your AC is reduced by three for two rounds as you try to compensate for this that's not gonna grow back no it is not no that's that's all right i'll get my belt and i'll belt

it back on with its second attack it targets you again pops no good no good 23 points of damage from the second attack as it batters you again with the axe and that's their turn then at the end of their turn uh one of them the one that dealt damage to you pop Pop, remains standing, but the other one stumbles and falls on the floor again. With a tremendous crunch, it is a flask of wine's turn. Kitty cat, kitty cat, kitty cat, Johnson, kitty cat, kitty cat, go, go,

go. That's something my dad used to sing to my cat. Aww, that's adorable. Yep. Oh, that missed attack, he gets to re-roll. He hits! Yay! So his second attack he missed. His first Oh, that missed attack. He gets to reroll. He hits. Yay. So his second attack he missed. His first attack is a critical hit. Find an opening.

Maximum damage, reviewer. And you have advantage on your next attack against the target. Because of that advantage, he got a second critical hit. Target practice. Maximum damage. Any enemy of the target within range may make an attack of opportunity with disadvantage against it so he deals 20 no he deals 24 points of damage to that second frost giant and cooper louis dragon bait and tiffany may all get an attack on it yes not even for a tabby on the ass oh

dragon bait and tiffany may both make an attack against it. So it's with disadvantage. Do you want to... Oh, you can't use Green Flame Blade on this, though. Is this the one on the ground? Yes. Get him. So it's just like a melee attack?

Yes. You will hit. You deal sneak attack damage. You just don't do your Green Flame Blade damage. You deal 29 points of damage cass you're such a good fighter now now that i realize that i'm good at a sword and bad magics magic i'm not good at the wizard oh no dragon bait gets another critical miss dragon bait what is wrong with you uh pulled muscle you deal half damage on your next attack. He's doing minimum damage on that

one anyway, so it doesn't matter. That was Flask of Wine's turn. Pop and Art of Simba, it's your turn. So they're fighting the guy that's prone. Yes. We've still got a guy that's upright. I feel like at this point I'm going to throw my plan out the window. Well, I've still got Bull Snook, don't I?

Yes, for this round at least. Can I try and pick the guy up who's prone again? Sorry, what are you saying? Can I try and throw one of them overboard again? You can try again, but he's standing now. I can't go for the prone run. I've got to get over to it, I suppose. You can get over to it, but you take an attack of opportunity.

You can still do it to the standing one. You just have a worse chance. And I failed the first time. Bullsnake would make me stronger, though, doesn't it, for just have a less... You have a worse chance. And I failed the first time. Bull's strength would make me stronger, though, doesn't it, for just fighting? No, it doesn't, actually. It used to, but it doesn't anymore. You still have a good chance. The Frost Giant rolled pretty well on his

last go. Alright, I'm going to try and throw him overboard again. That's just whether or not he rolls well. So you got an elevated 21. Would Zephyr Strike help again? It would help again, yes. I'll cast it again. All right, you got 23 then.

I'll cast it as a level 2 spell though, Adam. Zephyr Strike doesn't benefit from anything. Cool, I will just cast it as a level 1 spell, Adam, and I won't feel like an idiot who doesn't know how spells are. Yeah, sorry, buddy. You cast Zephyr Strike, and as you sprint towards the frost giant, barreling low, you leave little sparks of electricity behind you.

Yeah, I do. Oh, actually. Is that an action, or is that just a bonus action? Which one? Gift of protection, so I don't get killed if this doesn't work. Oh, the gift that you get. The scales thing, yeah. Oh, that's just free action you can use it

without thinking about it all right cool i want to see if i flip him first all right you strike him in the belly no in the legs and the frost giant stumbles backwards a few steps bumps the lip of the ship and tumbles backwards into the water splash the frost giant is in the water. Splash! The frost giant is in the water. See you later, you big fuck. Ah, yes, you've gone into where all your frost comes from. What would you like Artis to do? Try to kill the one that's on the ground?

I believe he might need to end his current effect by doing that. Ooh, hang on. Can he freeze over the water where the other frost giant fell in? He probably... So the guy can the other frost giant fell in? He probably... So the guy can't get back up and drown? Yeah, he could.

I want him to do that. Ardus Simber ends the spell on the deck of the ship, sprints to the edge, and with a wave of his hand, the water around the ship freezes solid. Everyone judders as the ship stops suddenly because it is now in ice, not water. Everyone's going to need to make a saving throw. Both of you pass.

Good, good, good, good. Flosk of Wine tumbles, but that's okay because he's away from the fighting. You're just not planning to put anyone else in the water because no one else can go in the water now. No, but this guy on the ground's has had the shit kicked out of him. Dragon Bay takes a tumble, and that's not good. Art of Simbra stays standing.

It's Quash's turn. Your bull strength effect ends. He's too far away now. You can see the ship slowly turning around, though. It means to come back towards you. Which giant had Koopa Louie on his axe? It's the one. They're fighting?

Yeah. Oh, my God. I thought I had doomed Koopa Louie to a watery and icy grave if he was not already doomed to axe grave. Speaking of witch, Tiffany and Koopa Louie. Oh, that's not good. All right, Tiffany, what are you doing? Is there any chance that I can pull Koopa Louie off the edge of the axe?

You could scoop Koopa Louie up, yeah. I would love to do that. That'll be your action. Yes. You spend your turn scooping Koopa... No, sorry. Scoopa Louie-ing. You spend your turn Scoopa Louie-ing.

You grab Koopa Louie or bits of him. He's kind of part liquid. He's a play-doh like a like a gooey play-doh right now you grab cooper louis and he oozes through your arms oh it cool that's your turn it's dragon bait's turn dragon bait slowly gets to his feet and attacks dragon bait hits twice he uh that first attack is fuckled he deals a six points of damage on that one but the second attack by then dragon bait has gotten his steam back and he does 10 points of damage instead so that's 16 total and dragon bait at the end of his fighting he's just breathing really heavily clutching his sword tightly dragon bait at the end of his fighting he's just breathing really heavily clutching his sword tightly dragon bait is covered in a bit of gore and a lot of sweat there's a fine sheen of it

all over him you're gonna punch it fucking long you don't know it's the giant's turn the giant gets to its feet um the giant is gonna attack dragon bait he swings and hits dragon bait with his first second attacks critical miss haha sucked in you big giant damn it that's a compliment his first attack deals 29 points of damage his second attack when he strikes dragon bait dragon bait half skitters across the ship you see dragon bait's claws his feet dig deep into the wood of the ship and he drags he draws he draws marks along this the the floor of the ship and comes to a slow resting stop he looks just determined you can see blood drooling down the side of his face the second attack from the frost giant as he does that dragon bait parries the blow with his holy avenger and then kicks the frost giant's ankle

and you hear a crack the frost giant bellows in agony and its speed is reduced by half flask of wine gets to his feet and starts plugging the giant again oh critical miss that sucks for you what do you can't miss thanks for reminding me yay beef cat beef cat beef cat, beef cat, beef cat, beef cat. He hits twice. Two arrows strike like bullets digging deep into the frost giant's chest. The frost giant takes a step backwards, obviously on the off foot, figuratively and now literally. Pop and artist, it's your turn. Well, Adam, I'm going to Zephyr Strike and actually attack someone this turn. No, because it doesn't give you an extra attack, but it does give you extra damage on an attack.

Technically, this is my first attack, Adam. No, it's my first turn, isn't it? Boo. Boo. That's okay. You strike three times at the Frost Giant. You hit, but it's a close thing if you hadn't been a one level higher you would have missed completely but every single strike hits

on your first attack with the beef zephyrus strike you slash with your sickle dealing 13 points of damage your second attack you deal nine points of damage striking with the hammer and then your final blow you deal another nine points of damage that was maximum damage from you good job gigantic fuck you deal 31 points of damage slashing and hammering and slashing you destroy the other ankle of the frost giant and you can see it's teetering, nearly about to fall. What would you like artists to do? Timber. With what?

What does he have? He has a bow and arrow. He has a dagger and he has the ring. He can do all sorts of ice magic. Can he knock it over? So can he basically give it a bit of a, so it topples like a big tree? All right. You say that.

And then you hear somewhere behind you, Artis Simba reply with pleasure. Ah, friends again. Wow. Yes. He lowers his hand directly at the frost giant, grabs his hand with his other one and braces himself. A ball of pure cold energy explodes outwards from him. And Artisimbra staggers a few steps backwards

from the recoil. The ball of frozen energy washes against the giant. The giant fails its saving throw, is lifted upwards by the ball of cold energy as it washes and wraps around the giant the giant takes hot the frost giants take half damage from cold energy but the ball of energy is so powerful that even a frost giant can't withstand it the frost giant is half frozen solid slammed against the mast of the ship and the half that is frozen solid explodes the other half of the frost giant hits the deck of the ship and the half that is frozen solid explodes. The other half of the frost giant hits the deck of the ship with a wet slap. Ah, yes. We did it.

Tiffany and Cooper Louie. That's bad for Cooper Louie. Tiffany, what do you want to do? Can I stabilize Cooper Louie? You fail to stabilize. It's a skill check if you have a card still. You have a fortuitous.

You can burn that fortuitous circumstance to reroll. What about if I played a jack of clubs? Once again, not accepted by this club. Thank you very much, though. I'm trying. One day it'll work. One day you'll trick me. I'll reroll.

I'll use my fortuitous circumstance to hopefully. You stabilize Cooper Louie. Oh, thank God. You manage to put Cooper Louie back kind of together. Oh, my God. It's so great. Humpty, no. You see artists leaning on the side of the ship, looking over it, saying, oh, dear.

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Where we, as my dad calls it Embarrass ourselves on a public platform With our lack of scientific understanding So if you like the sound of that Or if you want to know why my dad isn't answering my calls, then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for Shut Up A Second. You also look over the side of the ship. At first, you may be afraid of that third frost giant, but you don't see the frost giant. When you look over the side of the ship, you can see that the ice that has been created

to keep the frost giant down, it's working. You can see, boom ice that has been created to keep the frost giant down, it's working. You can see, boom, boom, boom. The frost giant is trying to get up but can't. But you can also see that the ice around the ship is destroying the woodwork. This ship is broken and sinking. You can tell that it's taking on water. Well then, how far away are our friends on the other boat? They're slowly approaching. You'll be able to jump back

across in a tick. That's good. We should wait for that then, right? You've got like a couple seconds before you jump back across. Is there anything you'd like to do? I want to check if there's anything cool on the ship. You loot the ship real quick. Yay! The magic words I was waiting for.

You find 21 gold and 50 silver. Oh, you don't tell anyone, do you? You keep that to yourself, don't you? I'm holding Cooper Louie. I'm not holding you accountable. I'm busy. The NPCs have absolutely seen this, though. Yeah, I know.

Art of Sember, Dragon Bait, all of them but in the mastermind i was like yeah i've got loot gold no one knows that i started this campaign with 75 gold that i have not spent you find a glass bottle containing a bright green liquid the cork of which audibly creaks from internal pressure which someone on the ship identifies as a potion of growth. When you drink this potion, you gain the enlarge effect of the enlarge reduce person for a D4 hours, no concentration required. Oh, interesting fact. If you have a little bead of the potion on your fingertip, it tries to expand and fill whatever container it's within to a limit. It tries to expand and fill whatever container it's within to a limit.

There's like an extended limit. You can't get extra potions out of this effect. But if I pour it into, oh, it'll make it big. If you shake the potion in any way, it stops the expanding process. Okay. So if you put a drop in a big cup, the potion would grow to the big cup. Yep. It's still only ever one potion.

So you'd need to drink everything to get the effects of the potion. You can, if you want, try to split it up. You reckon you could get, maybe if you were careful about it, up to four individual doses, but they would only last an hour each instead of a full potential four hours. That's right. I think I have cups. I think I stole cutlery. but they would only last an hour each instead of a full potential four hours. I think I have cups. I think I stole cutlery. You find an extra pouch containing 10 gold coins,

a vial of rose-colored syrup, and a sheet of delicately scented pink paper scrawled with tiny looping penmanship. Do I try to read the paper? It's written in draconic, so you can read it. It is... It's very nice handwriting. Not as nice as mine. It's a spell scroll of protection from good. Oh, Adam.

When you say protection from good, do you mean that it will stop me from doing good? Until the spell ends, one willing creature, which could be yourself that you touch, is protected against certain types of creatures. In this instance, celestials. The protection grants several benefits. Creatures of those types have disadvantage on attack rolls against the target.

The target also can't be charmed, frightened, or possessed by them. If the target is already charmed, frightened, or possessed by such a creature, the target has advantage on any new saving throw against the relevant effect. It protects you from angels. This is amazing. That's like the opposite of that Robbie Williams song. Yeah. Kill me, angel. That song, right? Cass enjoyed that. Let me entertain you, yeah? Yeah. You both get you, yeah? Yeah.

You both get 5,850 experience points. That's a pretty good chunk. Once again, you've just been getting a lot of beef experience points. Beef cat. Halfway on the way to level 9. All right. As the brazen pegasus passes you by, you all jump back onto the brazen pegasus and watch as this other frost giant ship sinks into the

water. Says him right. Interesting. Artist Simbra says. Well, I suppose they're not going to be bothering us anymore. I wouldn't suspect so. You continue onwards and soon enough you're near Kitcher's Inlet, which I guess, Tiffany, you would not know. But, Pop, you would know that Kitcher's Inlet is named after a famous explorer who, quotation marks, found the inlet. When in reality, he found somewhere that people had been using for years and known about for decades. True explorer.

Yeah, a true explorer named something that was not his after him. Probably killed the local population too. Fuck. There's unfortunately very little local population to water. But I'm sure he would have if he could have. So Otome gestures to a quite barren-looking stretch of sand and says, Well, there it is. Port Castiglia, our next dwelling for at least the night.

It's a good place to get out and stretch our feet. All right, then. That sounds nice. It has been a little while. You've been on the boat for nearly a week at this point. That will be nice. That is not a big boat, Adam. No, it is not. No, it is not.

Are we stepping onto land now? Yeah, you pull into Port Castigliar is not so much a port as it is more just a stretch of land. You can tell that there used to be a dock here, but the dock has been abandoned for a long time. There's tell that there used to be a dock here but the dock has been abandoned for a long time there's no actual you know how a dock like the wooden planks that make

up the walkway have can collapse all the way and it's just the the wooden posts sticking out of the water yeah it's that and some basically skeletal the skeletal remains of buildings and a defiled graveyard. Oh, that's upsetting. The entire area is maybe, it would take you like five minutes to walk from the furthest end to the other end. It's not a big place. When we step off of the boat, do we have to do some sort of saving throw to see how we can stand up? We've been at sea for so long.

Well, if you insist. I've got sea legs. I guess i got legs for days i don't um i got gams for days baby both of you keep decent sea legs and when you jump off oh no i mean like decent as in like when you jump off you're fine oh so we got good land legs yeah you uh we got amphibious legs cast we've got amphigams i'm ambigam drus moving on uh do either of you ask about this place you don't have to you're spending am i? Sorry, what was your question, Tiffany? Am I tired? Probably a bit.

Oh, it's been a day since your adventure with the giants. No, you do not know anything about this place, Pop. That's okay. Do I at least get some health back from my fight with the giants? Yes. If I recall correctly, Adam, I was nearly dead. Oh, as is your way. As is our way.

You are, as the kids are calling it, I hear, hurt. Oh, so are we. Are the kids Johnny Cash? The kids are indeed Johnny Cash's hurt. I wouldn't have thought you would have pegged it so quickly, but yes. Pop, you recover 42 hit points. And Tiffany, you recover 44, Tiffany. Oh, that's not. Putting you recover 44, Tiffany. Ah, that's not

putting you on max. No. So I think maybe I just go onto the island. Oh, I'll have a look around. I might not ask anyone about it. I just want to rest up. I can't save my dad if I'm dead, you know? Fair enough. Dad savings for I tried to make a pun with

the dead and the dad and the you can't spell. You can't spell dead dad without getting off this boat. And then you hop off. You can't spell dead without dad. Oh, no. You know what? Grig laughs.

Oh, your best friend Grig. Oh, my gosh. I made notes about my friend. Automei informs you guys, maybe takes this moment to explain to you what you can expect up ahead. So Automei has not sailed down Kitcher's Inlet herself, but she knows the area well enough to be able to tell you that soon enough you're going to hit an area called Atazmahahaha. I'm not joking. That's what it's called yes i believe it's pronounced it has uh ataz maha ha ha is a uh a ridiculous name but it's also it's a very barren and scary looking place, but Automei is not expecting any real trouble there. We might see some fire newts, but that's about it.

All right. And I'm sure if you can handle a giant, you can handle a fire newt. We've handled worse than giants before. We'd also prefer not to handle any of them. Keeping onwards, we'll pass pretty close towards Curse of Baal. Curse of Baal is where you'll encounter the Oroka, or the bird people,

whatever you call them. The flying, dying creatures. Yeah, so... Flying and dying. You'll be able to... They have a monastery at Curse of Baal. They might be able to furnish you with some more information. Or at the very least, it's a safe place within the jungle for you to inhabit.

Safe place in the jungle. Good one. If we keep going along the river along, which is the river past Kitcher's Inlet, what we're going to be hitting in a sec, we'll eventually get to Lake Luo. I don't know if you really want to go that far. From my understanding, you want to get out a bit before then.

Around, I've heard a place called Nangalore. I might have, Adam might have accidentally said Nangalore as Curse of Baal in an earlier episode. I'm sorry if I did that. Nangalore is Curse of Baal in an earlier episode. I'm sorry if I did that. Nangalore is potentially a dangerous place. Not sure.

Don't know a lot about it. Not many people go there and come back. Is there anything you do know? I know how to sail this boat. About any of the places we're going? Our Curse of Baal will be friendly towards you. Nangalore, it will be maybe as hazardous as the rest of the places we're going. Our cursor ball will be friendly towards you. Nangalore, it will be maybe as hazardous as the rest of the jungle. Great, so is Shicho.

A Taz Mahahaha is probably not going to be dangerous. I can't hear that name. Seriously. Well, maybe it's pronounced Mahahaha. That's not better. What we'll do is whenever we let you out, we'll stay on the river where we are for as long as we can

because, according to your maps, wherever Oumu is in that area there, if we can get you to the lake, we can cut you off, we can reduce some of the time it'll take to get you there. We've got to get the heart of Oopttow first.

Yes. That's also kind of on the way. You'll have to venture into the jungle some. It might take you a few days to get there and back. I've been in a jungle before. Been in a jungle for much longer than a few days. Any questions? Where can we sleep?

Here. You can sleep here at Port Castelagar, or you can sleep on the boat when we're sailing down there we don't really have it well we have a below decks but that's you you guys would know this already below decks is an office for the captain and there's a storage area but there's not really area for anyone to sleep so everyone sleeps on the deck of the ship and if it rains there's a tent that they unfold. Or can we sleep on the dirt? It would be nice to have.

Oh, was that a question where as we're sailing down, are we sleeping on the boat or on the shore? Because if you want, we can pull up and people could sleep on the shore if you'd prefer. Honestly, it doesn't matter. If it's quicker to stay on the boat, then we'll stay on the boat. I think it might be quicker. We're ashore, though, at the moment, aren't we?

Yeah, you're ashore at Port Castellagar. Cool. We're going to rest here, I guess. Yeah, can we sleep now? I'd like to get the rest of my hip points back, Adam. Yes. I'd like to be a big full health boy over here. Let's have big snooze.

As everyone's setting up tents and such like that, a big tent, a big fireplace is erected and a bunch of the crew sit around it and swap stories. What does Griggs say? Griggs is sitting there. He's eating like a cracker. Does he have a story? And he's passing a bag along. Yeah, everyone's telling a story.

What's Griggs' story? Griggs' story is about the place you're at right now, Port Castellagar, and what happened to it. Is it gruesome? He tells a very spooky, scary story. I am pretending that I am not interested, but Adam, I'm very interested. It's a history. You don't even need to pretend.

Oh, no, it's social. No, I understand. I'm so sorry. Tiffany and Pop, you can both tell that it's a very zhuzhed up story. Highly sensationalized. Probably not that accurate. But the story tells about how Port Castellarga used to be a very prosperous place back when Chult was a vibrant country, basically. A long, long, long time ago, Port Nyanzaru used to be part of a larger empire based here in Chult, with cities like Oumu, a long lost city, places like Mezro, and other cities besides dotted in the landscape.

There were also dwarven fortresses, supposedly, somewhere deep in the jungles. But it's so long ago that people are unsure whether or not those stories are even true but back back way back then port castelagar used to be a competitor to port nyanzaru in at least the aspect of it was very it had a very lucrative trade that would go down up along the river after the fall of the nation though port castellagar kind of became cut off from the rest of chult and only boats eventually became their their connection to the outside world until eventually some unknown evil crept out of the forest, took everyone in one night. Oh, Adam.

We're everyone in one night. We are everyone, and it is one night. Leaving behind it only bones. Oh, we've got those. Oh, no. We've got bones to leave behind. I have so many bones to leave behind. Some of them aren't even mine.

Okay. That was scary. I now am very uncomfortable and scared. You or Pop? Both. Who else tells the story? I mean, it's highly sensationalised, so... But it's

still scary. It's still, yeah. Top, shoe, gloves and Sunday night all tell stories as well. Flask of Wine tell a story? Because I like to imagine Flask of Wine's story goes for 20 seconds. How's all those? Highs? Yeah, highs.

Now, Flask of Wine doesn't have a story to tell. Oh, they don't have a sister in them. Do you have a story to tell? Always. What? Really? I tell everyone about my dad. I tell everyone about my dad,

and I spend about five minutes on glossing over my home life. It's a big gloss, but it still cuts deep, and then about ten minutes telling about the last adventure we went on together, which was the first, which I loved it, and I so want to go again, and that would be so nice if we could. I just really want to find my dad, and that's why I'm doing this. I mean, he chose me once, so I'm choosing him now. I hope there's a silence.

Grig, under his breath, so that maybe only Pop can hear him, says, this is a different type of scary story yep it certainly is you have a story pop oh yeah pop you have a story eventually it comes around to you what you have a story you're me tell you a story please tell us a story is that flask yeah right i will tell you a story? Please tell us a story. Is that Flask? Yeah. Right. I will tell you a story about a very naive man and a big asshole. There once was a naive man who trusted a big asshole during a very stressful time.

Spoiler alert, big asshole was a big asshole. Trust naive young man. Lost an eye. The end. Both the tabaxi who have been applauding literally every story. Applaud your story. Best part about that story is that big asshole isn't alive anymore. Sunday night tells a story.

Once there was a race of seafaring tabaxi. Blask of wine. Oh! They were kitties of the sea, many called them. But very few saw them and lived to tell the tale. They lived mostly in children's tales, meant to frighten little kittens. And then one night, upon the city of Port Nyanzaru, they descended, slipping in windows, picking locks and slipping through doors, down chimneys, digging their and slipping through doors, down chimneys,

digging their way up through the dirt to give treats to all the tabaxi. All tabaxi tales end with a meal. That's no half bad story. Alright, once everyone has told a story. I don't even want to back this story.

It was just Sunday night and a flask of wine. He didn't tell a story when it came around and no one said anything. Yeah. I just realized. He wants to hear another tabaxi story. Does Artis tell a story? When it gets to Artis, highs or lows? Lows.

Artis tells a story. He probably tries to keep it with the theme of spooky stories. And he tells. I broke from, we both broke from the theme. Yeah, I know you did. Mine's haunting. Yeah. He tells a story about a trapper and his wombats.

Wombats. Yeah. Yeah, that's right. You guys didn't actually give me an expression that looked incredulous, but I thought you were going to, so I had that prepared. Like the Australian animal. Yes. The wombat.

Yes. How do you say wombat? Wombat. No, no. How did you say it before? Wombat. You say wombat. Wombat.

That's not how you say it. It's wombat. Wombat. Yeah. Wombat. You say wombat. Wombat. That's not how you say it. It's wombat. Wombat. Yeah. Wombat. No. A trap run is two wombat. How else are you going to hit a wom? I said how else are you going to hit a wom? Oh, about 12.30. Alright.

That was two bad jokes in a row. Cass, kill the show. And done. That scene. You know what we said? We'd kill this show after two bad jokes. Those were the first two.

Two strikes, you're off. Forever. Yeah. And also, you can't play baseball anymore. Sorry, Timmy. That dream's dead. What was I fucking saying right he tells a story about a trapper and his two wombats in a very scary situation in the jungle it sounds a little bit autobiographical but you can't tell by how much fair enough it doesn't scare you but you could imagine how it would scare a child.

The tabaxi clap, but are terrified. That's some terrified clapping. I love them. Every story ends with a meal. Does it really? Yeah, every tabaxi tale ends with a good meal. Can you tell a children's story? Just one that kids are told when they're little. All Alright, so this is a classic Tabaxi children's tale

Yes It's big and bushy and it's right behind them Then they got a cupcake Alright, you all go to bed. Do any of us have nightmares? Do we have anyone keeping watch? Yeah, I watch

people organise to have a watch. We have such different priorities. First watch. Also, who gets nightmares? Over the course of the night it looks like you're going to be fully healed. Oh, who gets nightmares? Over the course of the night, it looks like you're going to be fully healed. Oh, phew. Wow, you were already fully healed.

I was. 31, 39 more hit points, which easily puts you on four. Oh, yeah, you were like nine hit points off. Yep. Give me those 39. Put me on more health. You get them, you get them.

Nothing happens during the night. It's an uneventful sleep. No nightmares? Oh, gosh. Highs or lows? Lows. Lows? Lows.

Lows. Lows? Both of you have pretty bad nightmares. Oh, no. I just wake up in the morning just yelling out for a man named Ruprecht. Both of you wake up in a cold sweat at some point in the night. Oh, dear. Oh, man.

That's no good, Adam. That's no good. That's so bad. Oh, I'm just going to stay awake. Tiffany, when you wake up, actually, you've got quite good passive perception. When you wake up, oh, wait quite good passive perception when you wake up oh wait this doesn't bode well yeah it doesn't bode well at all you've got quite good passive perception when you wake up you gaze along so the the river that is laid out before you is kind of in a canyon of

sorts it's not as steep as maybe calling it a canyon would imagine but it is it would be a difficult scramble to get up either side of the river apparently according to the captain it's going to flatten out a little bit and then kind of scale back up but for a lot of it it's the river is carved into the countryside or into the jungle itself. Just over the, on the northern side, over the lip, over the cliff face and the trees, you can see shapes sticking out. And I can't make out what those shapes are? They look like black spindly towers. Did I notice them before or do they look new?

You didn't notice them before. They don't look new. Hmm. Well, they're in the distance, so I'll go back to bed and hope this doesn't frighten me further. Do you spend much time peering at them, trying to discern what they are? Definitely. At some point, you notice that Arda Simber is on watch.

He's sitting with his back to the fire, staring up in the exact same direction that you were looking. Ardis? Hmm? Do you see those black spindly things? Yes. It's the ruins of Mesra. Oh. A city that once, long ago, used to exist.

I've been there. Back a long time. Oh, well. I've been there many times, both before and after it became a ruin. Oh. Is this where Arthas is from? You don't know. And what's that city that he was from?

I've forgotten. Me too. He's from a magical city. It's this one. It's Mesro. It's a lost city. He's from a lost city. I feel like we know this.

It's a semi-lost city. Do I recognize Mesro, the name? Yeah, Mesro is the city that Ardacimber. So when Ardacimber was telling you about how he fought Ras Nasi, So when Artisimba was telling you about how he fought Ras Nasi, he was defending Mesro from Ras Nasi and Ras Nasi's forces. Mesro, he described, Artisimba would have described it as like a paradise in the jungle. There's a group of people called the Bahre. They defended the city and protected it for hundreds and hundreds of years.

And Alessandro, Artisimba's beloved, was a member of the Barre. And we know that. Yes, this is all already known. Okay, well, in that case, I put my hand on Artis' shoulder. Sometimes I don't think we'll get a chance this time, but sometimes I like to return to the city and just look at it. I don't know. I don't know what I'm expecting to find.

Her, I imagine. I'm sorry. It must be really hard to be so close and not be able to go back. Very close, yes, but so incredibly far at the same time. I nod, give him a few pats. And the next day, everyone piles back onto the ship and you set sail again. Will artist Simber live long enough to find his beloved wife again? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chult. For as little as $5 a month, you can have access to a whole bunch of bonus shows and content.

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