D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #10 Kubazan’s Tomb

Episode Date: December 12, 2020

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And option two gets you that, but with the addition of a limited edition enamel brickhead pin. So head to sandspenceradio.com forward slash shop to find out more. Welcome to season three, episode 10 of Zombie Plague Chult. Previously. You know you have a dagger in your face. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 10 of Zombie Plague Chult. Previously... You know you have a dagger in your face. Is that... should... I lock eyes with Pip and I watch him squirm as he keeps talking.

Ma'am, I would like to apologise. I meant no disrespect. If you would like to keep the dagger launch in your head, you can. Oh, I'll go first then. Okay then. Off you go. Do you look cut about it? No. Ah.

It'd be rude to be cut. I'll go first then. What's in the room? Also, if you die, maybe I can go home. You take a step down. You see your father, Sir Grace, standing before you on the steps. Oh, my God. Dad?

He turns around. Daughter? I stop angry crying and I start sad crying. It's a nice transition. Yeah. So, Elyndra, when that happens, lets go of you and I start sad crying. Nice transition. Alindra, when that happens, lets go of you and takes a step back. So there are five of us. Myself, Pop, Pip and Hank. Hank came named.

We're not entirely sure why. He's a lovely man, actually. I think you'd like Hank. Your attack deals 33 points of damage to the golem. What? Oh,, dirty bastard? Necromantic energy once again washes over the clay golem, draining moisture and vitality from it. It begins to completely crack over.

And look, I could roll, but... Pop, Valindra has just single-handedly destroyed the clay golem. I believe we can end it up for her. I'd like to make a suggestion. Anyone like to volunteer for this experiment? You're volunteering? I'm looking at you. I think it's only fair that if you make a suggestion, you follow through with it.

It seems polite. Orvex starts stammering. You feel like if you pushed him to do it, he would get onto the plinth. He's intimidated by you. So what I want you to do, Orvex, is you're going to stand on this plinth, and I'm going to turn this, and you're going to teleport into the pit. Orvex gingerly steps up onto the plinth, and then I will teleport you out. Okay.

Orvex, I'm going to count backwards from three. Are you ready? Mm-hmm. Three, and then I turn the first one that made the popping sound. Okay, cool. With a whooshing sound, what you can tell it was was air rushing to fill an empty space, and Orvex appears beneath you in the pit with the chest.

Jolly good show, Orvex. Well done. That was very brave of you. Now take the thing. Orvex wanders over to the chest, picks up the two eyes, and is just standing in the pit. Are you ready, old chap?

Yes. Pop the other one. Okay. I do what he says. Turning the statue of the old Azuth, you hear another popping sound, and Orvex is standing up with you. Well done, Orvex. That was really well done, Orvex.

I take the things. You now have the pale green and pink eyes. All right. Where would you like to travel? Well, do you like to travel? Well, do you want to take a rest? No, no one took any damage that far. Let's keep going. No, we're so ruined, though.

You should sleep. Are we? I'm fine. So I think we should continue on our quest. Yes. Valendra looks you up and down, Pop Pip. You are splattered with a lot of blood, some not yours, most yours. Your arm is sticking out at an odd angle, and you definitely have a broken nose.

She looks you up and down. Tiffany, you get it obviously because you're outside of Pip Pop. You get a better view of this. She looks him up and down and says, alright then. So, we need to find more of these glowing objects. I suggest we go back through the way we came, through that secret

tunnel that we were in before, and potentially explore some of the other rooms past the secret door that we came out of earlier, where the golem iron monster thing was opening stuff. Well, I'm happy to start exploring. Lead the way, Pop.

What? You keep making this mistake, and I should just let you know it is very rude to deliberately call someone by their wrong name. Hey, I'm sorry! Well, look, it's just not good enough. Apology accepted. You are in charge, Pip-Pop, leading the way? Of course.

Pip-Pop, you're in the room first. Yep. You see a golden skull resting on a pedestal in the middle of the small dusty room. There's a set of stairs that go up to the back. You've seen a lot of backs of secret doors lately. You know what the back of a secret door looks like. Yes, I know this place like the back of a secret door.

Get a Goobo card. Yeah! I inspect the skull. Alright, do you touch it? No. No? Okay. The old look with your eyes, not with your hands. Yes, just lots of hands up. Hands on my head, like a child. Hands on your head, don't touch, don't touch.

You can see the pedestal underneath the golden skull has fine dust on it. The dust looks different to, I don't know, regular dust for lack of a better word. And maybe you get like really close. Maybe you feel almost daring enough to touch it. You like put a finger on it, roll it over on your finger, and it has the consistency of sand, but it sparkles more. And looking at it closely, you can see it's multicolored. It's ground up gems, like gems ground up into a dust.

I taste it. Tastes like ground up gems made into dust. Don't do too much of that. That will tear your insides apart. The other gems don't look like a skull, do they? Are you guys in there? Are they in the room yet? Yeah, everyone follows it after you.

It's a very small room, though, so a lot of people will have to queue up in the crawl space. I suppose we should take this. Now, how would... My theory is as I remove the skull, there will be a booby trap of some kind. Why do we need to take the skull? I'm more concerned about this fine, powdered-up gem.

What if it contains powdered-up gems that are belonging to the door? Well, then we wouldn't be able to use them anyway, would we? I don't think this is useful. Fair enough. You're absolutely right. All right, onwards. Without touching the skull, move onwards to the back of the door? Yes sure you want to do that you really don't want this what do you mean no i don't want this i thought i made this abundantly clear you don't think it could maybe go in a

museum why would i care if it goes in a mute again you're doing this thing where you're mistaking me from our museum loving brother pop he loves museums what do you ever speak to him in infernal Again, you're doing this thing where you're mistaking me for my museum-loving brother, Pop. He loves museums. What? Do you ever speak to him in Infernal? Do you ever speak to him? I can't speak Infernal, so there's no way I've ever spoken to my brother in Infernal. What do you think I'm speaking in?

Common. I look around at everyone else. Do some of them look like they have no idea what I'm talking about? Everyone, well, everyone's been giving you the same look that they've been giving you since the beginning of this fucking dungeon although for some of them it's a look they've been giving you since the beginning of this adventure perplexed like uh disinterest almost put your hands up if you can understand me the linda puts her hand up Flask of wine puts his hand up. And Artis Simbra puts his hand up.

Not everyone. I put my hand up as well. Yes, the only person who can't hear you is Orvex, who I think might also be deaf. I can hear her. She's speaking some other language. She's speaking common, Orvex. Are you sure that teleportation didn't break your brain? No, she's not.

What language am I speaking? This is to everyone. Valindra, Flask of Wine, and Artisimbra say infernal. Flask of Wine looks perplexedly at you, Pierpop, and says, but you can speak infernal too. No, I can't. Yes, you can. I've never spoken infernal in my life. I've heard you speak infernal too. No, I can't. Yes, you can. I've never spoken infernal in my life.

I've heard you speak infernal all the time. But that would make more sense that you did not know you were speaking infernal because you kept acting like I couldn't understand. But that doesn't make sense. What does that mean? You purposely plotted against me once in infernal. I just listened to that maybe i don't understand inferno flask of wine turns away from the group and says

i have much to ponder i like that this is broken flask more than it's broken anyone else more than it's broken you yeah pretty much pretty much. Um, no, um, no, I'm, that's impossible. Uh, I'm very sure I don't speak infernal. I, I don't speak infernal. So you can't be speaking infernal

because I can understand you, and if I can understand you, you must be- That means you're pop! What do you mean that means I'm pop? Can he speak Infernal? I wouldn't know. I haven't spoken with him in years. What do you know, Pip? I don't know anything.

I think I'm more injured than I may have realized. I might use this time to- Maybe my injuries are more grievous than I had originally thought, and it has brought on some kind of state of I don't fully know. I'm going to lie down. Well, we may as well all take a rest then, eh? Yes, we may as well all take a rest. Let's all have a sleep in this here secret place all right so are

you gonna have a short rest or a long rest long long long all right so you spend a night in well you actually don't know how much you know like like you're kind of aware eight hours have passed but you have no idea if the sun is out or if it's nighttime right now. Being in a dungeon for this long fucks with your perspective of time. In any case, you spend roughly eight hours asleep, and you are ready for the next day, quotation marks. Great. Okay.

I wake up and sort of stare at the skull. Dang, dang. Do you know what that is? No. Do you know what what that is? No. Do you know what the dust is? Diamond. We don't need that, do we? Nang Nang has no information for you, unfortunately.

She doesn't know what this is. It's not important then. I don't thank Nang Nang. She maybe urges you to take it. Is anyone else awake? No, no one is. Do you look around the room to see who's there? Oh, no, Valindra. Valindra is a lich. She doesn't sleep.

Oh. Cool, she's been keeping guard. She's pouring over a book. I'll take the skull. As soon as you put your hands on the skull, realize your mistake. The skull begins to float into the air. It doesn't float very high, just only

maybe a foot. It stays very close to you, and then looking down on you, you hear deep, like, echoing within the skull, you're stupid, aren't you? Who's talking? I am. And you are? I'm the

skull, can't you see? I asked. Fine, what do you want? The asked. Fine. What do you want? The skull says nothing. You going to come with me? Of course. And she's seen a curse before. How do I share you?

You don't share me. You bear me. He laughs at his own joke. Cool. I go into my brain. Nang, Nang? Yes. How dare you?

It's ours now, though. Oh, Nang Nang is bonkers. Oh, no, she's got a point. It is ours, though. Good point, Nang Nang. Talking to yourself's not great, is it? First sign of insanity. I'm talking in my head.

No, you're talking to me. What am I? A skull. A golden skull. You're talking to yourself. The conversation with Nangnay happened internally. The skull doesn't know about that. The skull said that.

Are you in my head? No. How'd you hear me? How'd I hear what? You know, you do a lot of talking for someone who... No, actually, I kind of get it. You want to distract people from your appearance. Holy sheet.

If I looked as bad as you, and I'm a floating skull. Is this a stand-up comedy from the 90s? Is this a 90s stand-up comedian? Everyone's slowly waking up. Have you looked around the room? Yeah, what's in the room? Not me. You're not in the room?

I went invisible during the night. No, not because of that, because of Moa. I'm just invisible. Oh, my goodness of that, because of Moa. I'm just invisible. Oh, my goodness. Well, look. Okay, okay. Hey, do I still have that jaw thing, the strap thing that I took to strap your head on?

Remember that thing I took? The leather straps to strap a head together? Mm-hmm. I wrapped the skull up in that. Oh, yeah, this will work. I definitely need to move my mouth to talk. You're right. This isn't magic.

Gosh, you're so clever. Is this just called the neg skull? This is until I find a sack. This is called the curse of the golden skull. This is until I find a nice sack to put you in. No, this is kind of it. I'm sorry. This is just your life now are you gonna do

anything to me are you just gonna say things my dad's already told me oh you're right i could never put you down harder than your dad could oh when he abandoned you i meant oh oh this is so good. You shit at reading minds. It's not what happened. Oh, sorry. Just an emotional stab in the dark. From your tears, I assumed I was right.

I'm not. Hey. Look, I take the strap off of the skull and put it away. So this it, is it? I guess so all right as the cab starts rousing the skull just floats it never goes more than like a foot from you tiffany and everything you do the skull has commentary for never good um can anyone else hear the skull yeah everyone can hear the skull at one point maybe the skull brings up your dad a second time.

And when that happens, an arrow ricochets off it from Arda Simber. There appears to be no damage. The skull maybe dryly comments, oh, yeah, real clever, I guess. Yeah, I'm probably not heavily enchanted. You're absolutely right. But then he goes right back to you. The skull, I mean, goes right back to you. Is that arrow on the ground, Adam?

Yes. Yeah, it's gone now. What's it? Pop. Artis Cimber has lit a torch. Yeah, I'm invisible. Oh, right. You're invisible.

I was right. Pip? Pop? Fuck him. Oh my goodness. What? Pip? Pop?

Is that you? Artis Cimber. We're not Popcember we're not pop no no no no no okay then who might we be talking to be talking to fucking shut your fucking mouth come over here come here right now no i'm pretty sure if we hit him he will become visible to us once more someone go and clock him can we all just try and punch wildly? All right. So what are you going to do to avoid this, if at all? Who hits me? All right.

Highs or lows, Tiffany? Highs. Are you about to start a fight with the necromancer? What? Highs, did you say? Oh. Belintra. She punches me and i attack her when that happened when you say that tiffany quotation marks popped you see valentra look right at you you can tell that your invisibility does not you

didn't realize it until just now but you are not invisible to her she definitely can see you and when she does she just grabs you she doesn't hit you actually she just grabs you and holds you up you want to you want to fucking dance with us lady velindra doesn't say anything she's just holding you he is here oh thank you velindra i punch your fist connects with something solid but nothing happens you do not take any damage i uh am now visible adam because i would like to deal damage all right what do you do i bite your hand as hard as i can all right pop appears attempting to bite your hand tiffany his turtle-like mouth cannot get a grip on your hand, though it's back out with Adder-like speed.

I tackle Tiffany. All right. You're being held up by Valindra. Yeah, you punched me. Oh, yeah, you would need to break out of Valindra's grasp. Yeah, I go for Tiffany. No, you try to, but with a surprising amount of strength, Valindra manages to hold you back,

which is good because you got a nat 20 on the attack on Tiffany. Excellent. So I can't attack you. Adesimbra steps forward, maybe steps in between you two and says, enough, cut it off. Punch myself in the head. Oh, man. cut it off. Punch myself in the head. Oh, man. Do it again.

Just a couple of times. And then we're very sorry. Very sorry. Bad manners. Bad manners. Sorry. Look how normal we are. And I hold a hand out to shake hands.

If Tiffany does nothing, are you doing nothing immediately? And who are you? Shake. And who are you? Shake. Artisimba shakes the hand. Pup Mandarin. Artisimba.

Very normal. Yes. Okay. How many siblings do you have, pup? How many? Oh, 57. No. No. Flask of wine. No. She's How many? Oh, 57. No. No.

Flosk of wine. Just breathing heavily in the corner. No. What are their names? What are their names? Pup. Yes. Pup.

No. We are pup. And then there's Hank. Good Hank. Good Hank. I know about Hank. Good Hank. Good Hank. More Hank. P know about Hank. Good Hank. Yes.

More Hank. Pop Hank. No. Shake. I shake his hand. Pop Hank. Yes. Good.

Good. We didn't eat anybody today. You tried. What? And you failed. No. That was a bite. If we were going to eat you, you'd be eaten.

What were you going to eat me with? Tell me. With. Sorry, there are no mirrors in here. What do you look like? Lizard. Lizard? Lizard folk.

I would say that is an accurate assessment. Lizard folk, pup is pup Hank. Do you have big teeth? Not today. Should you usually have big teeth? Sometimes. No. Do you have big teeth?

Sometimes. Is it weird that you don't have big teeth right now? No. We are respectable. Artisan brashadis when you say that. We are respectable. Artisimber shudders when you say that. We are good manners. And what do you want to do now in this dungeon? We're good manners in this dungeon.

Damn. Artisimber, bearing the torture loft, says, perhaps I should lead from now on. Thank you. If you say so, I will kill for you. Moving swiftly along. Just do a big wink. All right, Papa, shake his hand.

It's a pleasure to meet you. Way too killing. Thank you. Artisember opens the back of the secret door, and you step out into a long corridor. Two hulking figures stand in alcoves along this long hall facing each other. Armor is bolted to their flesh. They are tomb guardians, and they wear bucket helms and spiked gauntlets.

Iron collars around their necks are connected by a spiked chain that stretches across the corridor. You can also see across the way. You can see into a four-columned portcullio, which is a – do you know what a portcullis is? No. Is it like a – You know on a castle they have the drawbridge and they have that crisscross thing that comes up and down made out of metals with spikes on the end? Ah, yes. Do you know that?

Nasty mesh. Yeah, it kind of looks like jail wall. Nasty mesh. It's like that. A portcullio is like that but kind of a box sort of thing a four-columned portfolio juts out from the far wall beneath which is a stone sarcophagus resting against the wall recess four ceramic frog masks hang in niches around the sarcophagus you can see there's more to the room but the room's a little far away so you can't make out a lot of detail in the room oh and there's a set of double doors off to the left

so to the right you can see those two figures chained together the two tomb guardians they do not react to your presence directly ahead of you you can see a sarcophagus which maybe artist simba says another tomb and then to your left there's a set of double doors. Where would you like to go? We should definitely check out the tomb. Um, pup? Yes? I think I've got a practice kill for you. Practice kill. Do you reckon you could get this gold skull?

Oh yeah, this is definitely gonna work. Yeah, that's how the curse works. You just pass it along like an STI or something like that, and then you don't suffer from it that's how stis work only one person gets them at a time have you considered maybe you're not very clever you're not very clever good afternoon the skull is a skull and so when you reach out to shake its hand as you mimed to do but did not say yeah no i did

adam i did you the skull obviously cannot shake your hand i instead gently headbutted but in a not in an aggressive way okay in a meeting way nothing happens unfortunately it appears bonded to tiffany yeah uh look at the people look at the company you're keeping. You are doomed, my friend. If this tomb doesn't kill you, the necromancer will. Oh, I'm sorry. I've got to specify which necromancer. I try really hard to just not react because I don't want to. It's uncomfortable how good I am at that.

How alright I am at that. We can. Can you? I don't think you can. We'll have a go. Absolutely. Have a go. Go.

Your companions are becoming rapidly less useful to you. Well, you were never useful, so... Oh, yeah, that's my point. Oh, God, you got me. I hit the skull with Holy Avenger as hard as I can. You strike it as hard as you can. The skull ricochets around a little bit, but comes eventually to a stop without a scratch on it. Hit it again.

Nothing happens again. I hit it again. I'm just going to keep hitting until someone tells me to stop. Valindra says, enough. I can tell that this has a powerful enchantment upon it. I do not think that we can destroy this creature. It appears Azorak has a sense of humor. Ah, we know how to kill Skel.

Uh-huh. Would you like me to kill Skel? Well, I say this to Tiffany with a look that is bad. Yes. All right. So I take Holy Avenger and I turn it on Tiffany. Kill you, Kill Skull. No, no.

I really want to kill. Well, you can kill the next thing we see, okay? I want to kill you. No, you don't. Yes, we do. You will die first. Look, if I had to put money down, I'd put it on the crazy person. He's got a look in his eyes.

Have you seen him? Holy shit. At least he has eyes. Yeah. Oh, no, you got me. Cry about your dad again. Oh, no, you got me. Oh, my dad's gone.

Why are you crying? You don't have a dad no i had a dad i don't care dad's is overrated so i have heard from other people who sound just like you let's move along into this dungeon as you continue onwards the skull just does a chant, like a really obnoxious chant of your dad doesn't love you. He just says it. The skull just says it over and over and over again. Guess who joins in on that chant? Oh, no.

The entire time Valindra is analyzing the skull, you can see that she's trying to work out the method of the skull's madness. So do you want to take the double doors do you want to approach the two guards standing across from each other we want to go to the tomb all right so artist simba leading the way you head directly towards the tomb a four-columned portfolio jutting out from the wall behind or sorry beneath which is that sarcophagus in the recess and then you see four ceramic frog masks hanging from niches around the sarcophagus in the recess. And then you see four ceramic frog masks hanging from niches around the sarcophagus.

Beneath the masks, humanoid bones are strewn across the floor. To the east, a large carving of a tentacled frog monster squats above a shrine. Offerings lie on a shelf before it. Four rectangular alfrescos adorn the adjacent walls. So would you like to look at any of rectangular alfrescos adorn the adjacent walls.

So would you like to look at any of the alfrescos? Yes. The first alfresco you see is a frog-like behemoth using its tentacles to help the omen people knock down a mighty statue. In the foreground, an old woman wearing a frog mask, you can see that it's identical to the ones hanging on the walls, tosses five coins from her hand as though sowing seeds. Then the next one is a frog-like behemoth wraps its tentacles around a giant crocodile as omen hunters stab the crocodile with their spears.

In the foreground, an old man wearing a frog mask holds up a bug to his open mouth. The third one is a frog-like behemoth with four almond hunters riding on its back find a small boy in the jungle. The hunters seem elated. In the foreground, a young woman wearing a frog mask holds a knife in one hand and a headless chicken in the other. And then the final one is a frog-like behemoth wallowing in a shallow pool as almonds offer it urns of food and treasure as tribute. Cracks in the fresco obscure the head of the humanoid figure in the foreground, but you can see that it grasps a lit candle. the humanoid figure in the foreground, but you can see that it grasps a lit candle. So you see these frescoes are obviously related to the shrine before you. On the shrine, you see a six-inch tall stone statuette of a frog emeth. There's an inscription in Old Ulmen on it, which Orvex

reads aloud. Give thanks to me as others have done since before the dawn of time. There's a copper bowl containing rat bones. There's four dead cockroaches, a green wax candle with a salvageable wick, and five gold pieces. Does anyone have anything to offer the frog? Yes. Frog, frog, frog.

I'll just reach into my pockets and just pull out a handful of glass eyes uh wait before you do that though he gestures to each of the frescoes and you can see three of them the fourth one like i said is obscured it's cracked so you can't see their head but in the other three all of the people in the foreground are wearing a frog mask, the same one that you can see hanging on the wall. Artisimbra says, presumably, if we wanted to make an offering, we might need the frog masks. Surely the frog masks come into it somewhere.

Adam, that makes 100% of sense. But I don't like that you suggested it. Frog mask. Frog, frog, frog, frog, frog, frog, frog, frog, frog, frog, frog, frog. Your dad hates you. Yeah, go ahead. Grab the frog mask. Put a frog mask on, Adam. You put a frog mask on.

And then I take over my big handful of eyes and I pour them out in front of in the bowl. Nothing happens. Do you have any gold? Does anybody have gold? Wait, Artisamba says. Let's look at each fresco individually. These are all obviously clues, and maybe they explain,

maybe there's a specific thing required for the tribute. So one of them is sowing some kind of seeds, one of them is cutting off a chook, one of them is lighting a candle. Let's go to the first one. He moves over to the one where a frog-like behemoth is using its tentacles to knock down a mighty statue. And in the foreground, an old woman is scattering coins like seeds. Artist Simba looks at that one and then maybe at Orvex and says, Orvex, do you know anything about this fresco?

And Orvex, studying it closely, shakes his head slowly and says, no, I don't, unfortunately. I'm sorry. And Artisembra says, all right, so perhaps there are multiple things or multiple steps at least. So this lady is sowing coins. So. Well, there are coins in the.

We know coins can't grow. Yes, we do, Puff. Well, there are already coins in the offering bowl, so perhaps that's worked previously. Yes. I mean, I certainly don't have any seeds on me, nothing else to sow. Artist Sembra plucks out of his pocket. He counts the coins on the fresco. Counting five gold coins, he plucks five gold coins out of his pocket

and hands them to you, pup. Pup takes the coins but also watches where Artis got the coins from very closely. A coin pouch on his belt. Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Go, pup. I take the coins up and go to just put them in the bowl, looking for approval.

All right, Artisember nods. I let them go. All right, they fall into the bowl. And now a word from our sponsors. Hey, Jackson here, just popping in to remind you that on the 20th of December, we're doing a 24-hour D&D marathon over at twitch.tv slash sanspantsradio, where all donations go towards completing the new studio we've been building. You can also contribute to the new studio by buying a metaphorical brick at sanspantsradio.com forward slash shop, which will bag you a whole manner of really cool goodies.

Once again, that's sanspantsradio.com forward slash shop to buy a metaphorical brick for the new studio. Okay, so nothing's happened but that might not be necessarily a bad thing. Let's look at the next fresco. Well, there are four masks. Surely we need more people to put them on. I'd take one off the wall. Alright, do you want to do the next step

then? Maybe, what's the next step? So, looking at the next one, it's a frog-like behemoth wrapping its tentacles around a giant crocodile as almond hunters stab it with their spears the foreground has an old man wearing a frog mask holding a bug up to his open mouth orvec says i do know this one i think it's a uh literal tales about kuban. They're tales of how he helped Olmans. In this one, in this one,

it was a giant crocodile that was threatening the city of Oumu. He, he helped them destroy the crocodile. We'll eat a bug. We want to swap. We want someone else to do the coins. We want to do the bug. You want to do the bug.

We want to do the bug. All to do the bug we want to do the bug all right so someone do coins we'll do bug well maybe we try with the same person doing all of the steps yeah sure works for me we don't want to do other steps we just want to do bug okay well you eat the bug good go find a bug there's several dead cockroaches at the shrine. Yeah, there's one less than there was before. Four dead cockroaches. You eat one of the cockroaches. Yes.

All right. Nothing happens again. Good? I've had better. I figured. The next one that Artisembre holds his torch to shows a frog-like behemoth with four omen hunters riding on on its back finding a small boy in the jungle in the foreground a young woman wearing a frog mask holds a knife in one hand and the headless chicken in the other uh orvec says i know this one as well this is well it's kind of just what it says on the tin k Kubazan helped the Olmans find a child lost in the forest,

or in the jungle, I should say. Well, there are rat bones in there. Anyone see any rats around? Did you want to kill a rat? I look at Orvex for a really long time and say yes. A rat. Yes. Not a man.

I'll tell Gregory Bones what you've been thinking. It's not very polite to kill your friends. I headbutt the floor as hard as I can. All right. And immediately utter a prayer of apology to Gregory Bones for thinking violent and mean thoughts. That's right. Go kill a rat.

You slam your head into the floor, Pop, dealing yourself one point of damage. And when you come back up, everyone can see that there's blood coming out from underneath his mask. Valindra puts a hand on your shoulder. Sorry for being

broken. Valindra puts a hand on your shoulder, pop pop, and says, lean over the bowl. I lean over the bowl. Your blood drips into the bowl. Hey, look, you're killing rats. I would assume this to be enough. I'm the bowl. Your blood drips into the bowl. Hey, look, you're killing rats. I would assume this to be enough. I'm the chicken.

We are the chicken. I think the sacrifice would only require blood spilled, not dead. Well, rat just got very lucky. What can we make of the last one? A frog-like behemoth wallows in a shallow pool. As almonds offer, it earns a food and treasurer's tribute. Cracks in the fresco obscure the head of this one, but you can see that they grasp a lit candle.

Does anybody have a candle? There's a green wax candle with a salvageable wick on the shrine itself. It's on the shrine. It's not in the offering bowl. No, it's not in the offering bowl. It's separate to the bowl. Do you want to grab it? Not allowed.

Why? Set room on fire. Perhaps just this once you may be allowed. Am I allowed? We're allowed. We're allowed. Ardus Simber hands you the candle and then he takes out a box of matches. Yes. Oh. He lights the candle and then he takes out a box of matches yes oh he lights the candle in your

hands good uh i run out of the room with the candle the candle will extinguish if you run does it extinguish when i run you sprint away, I want to set stuff on fire. Okay. So as soon as you turn around and start running, the room rumbles a little bit. And Valindra says, you have fucked up the ritual. Burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn, burn. I'm telling Gregory. Fuck Gregory. Burn, burn, burn, burn, burn.

Pop, pop. You, wow. Wow, Tom. Do I make it out of the room? No, you, wow, wow, Tom. Do I make it out of the room? No, you've got a lot of, this is going to be very role play heavy on you. All right. So you are Pop, who thinks he is Pup. Yep.

Who has been transformed into a frog. What? Tiffany, did you also don a mask? I got it off the wall to do it, but I don't know if I put it on because he was going to do the entire thing. Well, tell you what, I'll flip you. If I have it on, it would be resting on the top of my head. I wouldn't be wearing it.

Sword or runes? Runes. You are also transformed into a frog. All right. Are we able to talk? No, you both have all... You might just wake up when this fight is over. You have one strength, 13 dex, 8 eight con one intelligence oh that's not eight wisdom

three charisma you retain your quotation marks personality and alignment but your intelligence is one so both of you actually you know what you don't even know you turned into frogs. Just pop, pop, pop. You sprint away from the ritual. And then, bang. You are unaware of your life. Bang. Both of you are sitting sprawled in the chamber in this room. There is pandemonium about you.

Artist Simber has his bow in one hand and is heaving heavily. He's slumped up against a wall. There are broken arrows scattered all around, and he's clutching at one arm. The arm is blackened and a little withered. He looks pretty damaged. Orvex is dead, white as a a ghost lying in the middle of the room. No!

There is froth coming out of his mouth and his eyes have rolled back into his head. Valendra looks a little puffed, but otherwise no worse for wear. And Flask of Wine is huffing and puffing, but he seems okay as well. Oh, thank God. What happened to the skull? Did the skull decide not to follow me? It's still chattering and mocking you. When you come back, you're like, ah, good job.

Way to protect your friends. Look who's dead. Look who nearly died. God, you're a bad friend. What? Do I know I was a frog? No, you don't know what happened. I try and ask the skull.

What happened? You turned into a frog, you idiot. Oh, no, shut up. No, I didn't. What happened? Yes, you did. Volundra says you turned into a frog. Both of you turned into frogs. What?

And then several wraiths attacked. Oh, my God, pup. What? You turned us into frogs. What? And then several wraiths attacked. Oh my god, pup. What? You turned us into frogs. We? You turned into you, frog. No, you ruined the ritual. No.

Did we? Yes. But we turned into frogs, so the ritual happened. I slap pup. Pup screams. Artisimber slowly gets to his feet. He's fucked. Their hit points are bamboozled. I hate pop. Pop screams. Artist Simba slowly gets to his feet. He's fucked. Their hit points are bamboozled.

I hate this. I hate this so much. Adam, what did that staff do, man? Oh, no, you know now. I'm so sorry. How does he know? It started affecting him because he slept. What?

When you come back to or when when you reappear, Pop Pop, you have, well, you're the only person who hasn't seen it just yet, but Pop Pop has horns, goat horns, sticking out of his head. Valindra looks at you and says, Very interesting. Fuck off. That does not appear to be an effect of this chamber. I think the cursed item you overtuned to did this.

What curse? We didn't touch any curses. Ah. No. The person you collected that staff from, he was half man, half goat. This explains so much. We be half. We all lizard.

Nope. Touch your head. No. Touch your head. No. It would be polite to do as I say. You all lizard. Nope. Touch your head. No. Touch your head. No. It would be polite to do as I say. You're very rude. Now that you're closer to him, you can see that his eyes are that of a goat's.

You've got goat eyes. Goat eye. No, you have two eyes, and they're both goat eyes. Oh, this is great. I try and force your hand to touch your goat horns. As soon as you touch him, you recoil in horror. His skin is scaly and hairy. Oh.

Now that you're paying very close attention, you can see tiny little hairs poking throughout his skin. Ooh, this is new. We've never had this before. Get rid of the stuff. I take it out and snap it in half over my knee. All right, I'll allow that. That's an unconventional way to break a curse, but it worked.

I mean, like, you're still part goat, but it prevented your lower legs from turning into goat legs. Would I eventually, if I had kept that staff, turn into a goat? You would have turned into, yeah, you would appear. But am I stuck like this? Yes. You need someone to reverse this curse. So I have, I'm a turtle.

Yep. With two goat eyes, a furry body, horns, but I think I'm a lizard. Yep. And I was just a frog. Yep. Done. No more curse. This is a lot.

This is a lot. I would believe Artisember is like staggering towards you. I would believe that the sacrifice was simply performed incorrectly. If we wanted to continue, we could attempt a second time. Maybe with someone more trustworthy in the position. Well, I trust you, Artis. If you think it was done incorrectly, I trust you to have a second go. Artis Simber does the exact same thing.

Maybe instead of smashing his head or something like that, he just cuts his hand and drips a little blood into the bowl. And then after he lights the candle, when Artis Simber completes the last stage of the ritual, the sarcophagus lid slides off. Do you see how easy that could have been? Yes. We told you. No fire.

Not allowed. You didn't listen to us. And your friend's dead. Hardly a friend. Valindra gives you like an almost impressed look as she pours oil over Orvex's body and lights it. No. We need to do this, otherwise the corpse could be used against us. I want stuff what stuff we want

she grabs his backpack and throws it at you backpack uh put it on i really i struggle yeah but i don't know why so i just cop it is that hard for you yes why. Why? I'm not sure. Curse. No, no, you don't have a curse. Horns too big. No, the horns are fine. Same. We have same. Okay, I'm a bit touched by that, genuinely. Same.

That's nice, pup. My heart is a bit warm because, wow, when you come back, maybe we'll be safe. No, no, because I've also got a long tail because I'm a lizard. Jeez Louise. Jeez Louise. So you pass the portcullio and get to the sarcophagus. Within you can see there is a pair of bracers, bracers of archery. They're adorned with images of froggy myths,

which is what Kubazan is, and they are wet. I'll grab them. All right. The braces glow as watery light ripples across the walls. A monstrous tentacled shadow rises from the sarcophagus, and the air fills with the stench of swamp. You don't have Nang Nang no more. A rumbling voice echoes through the tomb.

You are brave. Course, summon me. Together we will crush the undying one. Does Kupazan are good? Kupazan, wild and spirited. First off, Tiffany, you take five points of damage as the two fight for dominion within your mind. And then the froggy myth, because fuck he's big,

just crushes Nang-Nang. And you now have this flaw. I am fearless and not afraid to take great risks. Oh, no. Your power is. While Kubazen inhabits you, your strength score becomes 23, unless it is already higher. Holy shit.

What is your strength score? 14. Fuck. You just became the tankiest tank. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. And now I can't die. That's what I believe.

Yeah. So you need to lose your attunement of one of your items, the periaptive wound closure, the ghost lantern or Vaughn amulet. I'll undertune from the Vaughn necklace, but I want to keep wearing it. Is that allowed? That's fine. You now have the braces of archery,

which give you, I believe, plus two damage with ranged weapons? Yes. What's your plan now? Okay. Well, that went well. Let's try those double doors, eh? All right. I'm going through Orvex's backpack.

Is he still burning? His corpse is, yeah. Damn, I was going to eat a bit of him. No, you can't eat him. I mean, I could have. No, I mean, like, you wouldn't have been allowed. People wouldn't have let you. What if I went invisible, Adam?

And we just see flesh being ripped off and vanishing. Oh, who could it be? It's not pop. Ten feet from the doors. Oh, you open the doors? Yes. I open the doors. I take the dagger.

And the gold I gave him for the tablets, because I don't know that's why he's got the gold. Opening the doors, you peer into the room. Ten feet from you, a thick tapestry curtain hangs from wall to wall. Its embroidery shows a scene of merriment. Nobles feasting around a banquet table, a roast boar on a platter, and servants pouring wine. I go up and inspect the tapestry.

It's just a quite nice tapestry. You could move past it. You can tell that it's just hanging in the middle of the room. Yeah, I try and poke it with the back of my dagger. Not to damage it, just to help. Art of Simba is standing next to you. I wonder what it's just hanging in the middle of the room. Yeah, I try and poke it with the back of my dagger. Not to damage it, just to... Artisimba is standing next to you. I wonder what it's hiding, and I go behind it. Alright.

Another curtain hangs behind the first, showing the same scene, but descended into depravity. The nobles fight with each other, partake in carnal encounters on the table, or sprawl on the floor in puddles of vomit. Wonder how it ends.

I push past. A scene of horror confronts you. The nobles feast on servants eating each other alive and setting fire to the hall. The roast boar is alive and laughing on its platter. Do you reckon it can get worse? I push past again. Behind the third curtain is

the rotting head of a giant boar mounted to the wall behind the final curtain. Fresh blood and gore splatters its tusks, dribbling down the wall beneath it. Ardus Simber, as you push past, called out to you.

But as soon as you see this creature, which as soon as you lay your eyes upon it, you know its name, the Lord of the Feast. Artis's words turn into like echoes behind you. You're paying attention only to the Lord of the Feast. It's like a slow almost from your perspective zoom in on it then you realize you're not zooming in on it you're approaching it it's more opens wide inviting you to place your head between its teeth hey i know you from the tapestries

you put your head in between its teeth and it bites down on you. Do I have to? Yep. You are compelled. All right. What if... So if someone doesn't save you, this will kill you. What if I'm really lucky and it's a really fortuitous circumstance?

You rolled a two on a wisdom saving throw. So instead of that, would you instead like to re-roll? Oh, like a luck roll? Oh, to spend... Oh, yeah, you could also do like to re-roll oh like a luck roll oh to spend oh yeah you could also do a lot i would like to use one of my three luck we've had a sleep i've had a sleep so i would like to be lucky and decide not to kill myself i would like to use my second luck roll and try not to kill myself i mean we could pull you out all right you succeed i am very glad that i am a lucky duck very lucky very lucky very lucky glad i had a sleep i think the moral of the story is go to bed go to bed and don't do don't go if things are depraved you can you don't have to do that you like launch yourself

back behind the third curtain so you can no longer see the Lord of the Feast. And Ardis Simba is there. He grabs you and says, don't do that again. I'll try not to make a habit of it. As the skull on the other side of you says, yeah, good job. Bravo. Nearly killed yourself. Thank you.

You would have been free from this prison. Prison? Are you kidding me? I love your company. Sorry, that was my your father impression. I and like give him a noogie ah you're not so bad yeah yeah i'm pretty great oh fuck i forgot sorry the skull makes you have disadvantage on every check so wow every time you're trying to do something The skull's in your ear Like making you Can I try and kiss the skull?

You can, it doesn't reverse the skull's Thing or anything like that Does it make the skull upset? But yeah, I gotta remember you have disadvantage to everything You don't have to remember that, don't even worry about it Hey Adam, forget it Forget about it Hey, speaking in final over here

We're speaking in final So I've come into the room Adam Hey, speaking in final over here. We're speaking in final. So I've come into the room, Adam. Puppies just made it to the second tapestry and using the dagger stolen from Orvex is just cutting out a bit of two people fucking. It doesn't say that. It says carnal delight. Yeah, yeah, I'm cutting out some carnal delights.

I'm just cutting, like, those people out of the second tapestry. Okay. And I'm keeping those pieces of cloth. I've just got horny cloth. So what are you doing? Ignoring that. We're getting out of that. And we're going straight down to where the tomb guardians are.

They have not reacted to anyone's presence. What do you do as you approach the chain try and step over it if you step over the chain once again artist simbra says perhaps we should but then you're over the chain and as the two tomb guardians look at you tiffany all you hear is the skull say yeah that was gonna happen wasn't it i guess and then combat begins what will kill tiffany first the tomb guardians or the sarcastic skull find out next time on once upon a time in zombie plague have you always thought about signing up for sans pants plus but you haven't found the right opportunity to take the plunge well maybe now's now's the time. See, for a limited time only,

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