D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #12 I’jin’s Tomb

Episode Date: December 26, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most biased podcast network. forward slash shop that includes such gems as wet parents a dnd campaign featuring yours truly and tom and dami where we're a bunch of sea creatures who learn about family the long awaited sequel to dinosaur park dinosaur park 2 dinosaur land and the first hundred episodes of my unsolved mystery podcast jackson bailey spooks america once again that's plus plus 50 at checkout for 50 off all digital downloads at sanspantsradio.com forward slash shop. Welcome to season three, episode 12 of Zombie Plague Child's Prebenz. Maybe we can also arrange for a hemp, you know? Of course.

Arrange for delicious Orbex. Walk through water with weapon in hand. Shake your shadow at the front. The vulture is the first step. Write the gods. The walls of history tell all. Artis, what do you make of this? Before anything else can happen,

Adam, I want to run at the wall so hard that I knock myself out. Oh, sure. Yes, a pattern puzzle. Oh, no. Oh, is it hard? No, it's not, because we know that the vulture is the first step. When Tiffany jumps through the jackal's mouth, you

lose sight of her. She just disappears. If you start moving it, um, immediately. You guys are idiots. Why would you do anything I've suggested? Oh, my god! Oh, you're so clever. You're competing with a magical skull. You're gonna have to be better than that. Oh, I don't have to compete with a magical skull. You're going to have to be better than that. Oh, I don't have to compete with a magical skull.

He's doing a very good job. Aren't you, skull boy? Yeah, I guess. You are all going to die together. Like, that's just the fact. I've almost died in worse places. Have you checked the exit? Do you think it's still open?

Put your weapons down. Take a trident. Who do you want to send through next? Me. You walk through with a trident? Yeah. Get a good boy card. Yes! Stop the puzzle.

The door to the east definitely does not lead you, though, to the sarcophagus room. Let's just try and keep going to the sarcophagus room. You ignore the door leading away from the sarcophagus room and head to the corridor that does. The corridor turns sharply to the left or to the west. At the corner just before the turn, a peephole is carved into the stone wall at the height of about six feet. Perfectly so for an average, like a medium sized creature. Go on.

I look through the peephole. If you stare through the peephole, the peephole forms one end of a five foot long tube cut into solid rock. There are magnifying lenses set throughout the tube that allow you to get a clear view

at a hieroglyph. You can see a hieroglyph and basically nothing else. It is a hieroglyph of a vulture. And you also can tell, as soon as you start staring through the peephole, you feel a magical connection

to a space. Do I recognize the space? It's like a complex mental task. Get a good boycott. Hey! You can tell that you have a mental connection to the sarcophagus room, the one with the tiles. You could mentally, telepathically communicate

with someone in that room if you so chose. But there is no one in that room. What is it, Horngirl? What are you saying? I see the vulture hieroglyph. Yes. I can speak to the room. What do you mean you can speak to the fucking room?

I don't know how else to describe it. If you were in there, I think I could speak to you. Wait a minute. You say you see a vulture hieroglyph? Yeah. Do you reckon if I went into that room and stood on the vulture hieroglyph, you'd be able to tell me which one to step on next? I hope so.

Get in. All right. I'll fucking go then. Do you want to completely went into that room still in the Vulture Hieroglyph, you'd be able to tell me which one to step on next? I hope so. Get in. All right, I'll fucking go then. Do you want to completely turn around the corner or do you want to go all the way just back the way you came? No, turn around the corner. Let's go around that way. That seems fine. So turning around the corner, you see what Tiffany was seeing,

but not way up close. You see the corridor ends at a block of stone on which is painted a seven foot tall jackal headed humanoid with a circular gold medallion around its neck. All around the figure are carvings of locusts. However, as you approach, you can tell that the medallion is actually a six inch diameter gold disc engraved with the face of a horned devil, its mouth agape. Lodged in that disc, you can see the little hieroglyph that Tiffany was looking at. It looks like it's on, there's some sort of mechanism to this medallion. So you're not sure exactly how the mechanism works. You have no idea if it's magical or mechanical or a combination of either.

But Tiffany has a close-up view of this medallion that the jackal is wearing, and the vulture hieroglyph is specifically part of a mechanism. You can also tell that one of those locust carvings on this slab is a button. All right, Tiefling. Yeah? What do you see now? And I reach for the medallion and then try to put my finger,

like, giving her the bird over the hieroglyph. You see that. I'm just kidding. That's very funny. I'm just kidding. And then I see if I can, like, move the medallion around so that it changes the symbol in the middle. You try to force it to move.

If you want, I would allow you to, with this roll, force it to move, but you can tell that you are forcing it. That is not how this device works. But I can tell that it can move. It can move, definitely. All right, then. I press the Locust button. When you press the Locust button,

the entire stone slab slides up into the roof, and you see that there is another entrance to the sarcophagus room. The first tile is a vulture. I see that it's gone now, yeah? Yep, you can see into the room. There's no special view that you get through the peephole. I step onto the vulture tile. When you do that, the stone slab slides back into place.

And Tiffany, you see that the little symbol of the vulture clicks out of place and a new symbol clicks into place. The next one is serpent. The snake. Do you see a snake? How do I hear Tiffany? Tiffany can mentally project into your mind. You can communicate telepathically. Oh god, I don't want to be in there. Pep?

What? What? What's next? Pop? Yes, what's next? This is in my head. The snake. The snake. Snake. Oh, fucking snakes. Alright, here we go. Snake. Alright, what's next? right, here we go. Snake. All right, what's next?

Can I hear? You step onto the snake. There's a snake tile. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I step onto the next snake tile, I see. The snake clicks out of place and a new one clicks into place. Door. Door. The door.

The archway. Door. Archway. Archway. Door. All right. No, we're going. Next one.

And then it is reed. Reed. It kind of looks like a fan. Reed. Oh, yeah, no, I see that one. All right. Reed, yep. Not bad.

Horns, not bad. Scarab. The beetle, the scarab. Right. Beetle, yep. Beetle. Scepter. And the scepter.

Scepter. Is that like a – oh, yeah, no, I can see that one, like a Tommyknocker. Uh-huh. Got it. Foot. The foot. If I step on this foot and locusts come out, I'll be dead but very upset with you, just so you know. Thank you.

All right. I don't know why I said that. I just missed him. Another one clicks into place, urn. The urn, the urn. All right, I step on the urn. When you step on the urn, the passageway opens again, so back out to where Tiffany is, and you hear,

click, the sarcophagus opens. So you're no longer communicating with me telepathically? Still can. Okay, what's happening? Through just some magical thing, you hear two voices at once. In your brain head, you hear pop mandarin. With your ear holes, you hear pep mandarin. And what do you say?

I say that the sarcophagus is open. Okay, I only communicate with you mentally, and I tell everyone, shh, pop. Yes. Pop, I think your brain's broken. What do you mean my brain's broken? My brain's fucking fine. I'm here.

I'm talking to you right now. Pop, this isn't how you've been talking for days. What do you mean this isn't how I've been talking for days? Every time you talk to me, you pretend to be a sibling. I think I would know if I was pretending. What am I? So I turn around. Can the others see me?

Yeah, everyone's looking in. So they're hearing Pep's voice? Yes. Okay. So I say to them, and this is what they hear, Alright, who's talking right now then? You just said that as Pep. No, I'm saying as me. Who's

talking right now then? How can you not hear that? How can I not hear what? Pop, I think you've had too many things in your brain. Do not touch anything in the sarcophagus. Okay. Fine. Fine. Can someone else jump in? I say that out loud. Artisemba

will. Pep Pop, you watch as Artisemba reaches into the sarcophagus and pulls out a wand. When he pulls out the wand, streams of light emanate from the tip of the horn. As they swirl around him, they form into a spectral rabbit

with a single horn on its brow a female voice whispers quick quick let me in we must stop azarak hi frosty fingers how fun's this gonna be you're gonna have a rabbit in your December forces the figure to vanish he pockets the wand for later, hopefully. Wait, so you can do that? Yes, you know you can resist their influence. You just haven't been letting yourself. Yes. Ardis Ember successfully

throws off the mental control. I ask, I tell Pop mentally, ask Ardis who you are. What? Talk to Ardis. Ask him who you've been. Frosty Fingers. The girl wants to know who I am. You're pop.

And he's acting like? You're acting like maybe a person who exists. Pep, is it? No, I am Pep. You're like exiting the hieroglyph room right now. No, you am, Pep. You're like exiting the hieroglyph room right now. This is really confusing.

No, you're really not. So I said, no, I am Pep to Ardis. And what you hear is, no, I am Pop. Let me ask you something, Pep. As the block slides back into place, what sort of a manner of creature are you? What do you mean, what sort of manner of creature am I? Like, I'm a human. Yes. Tiffany is a tiefling. What are you? What do you mean, what sort of man or creature am I? Like, I'm a human. Yes.

Tiffany is a tiefling. What are you? Cobalt. What do I hear? Yes. Totally. A quick question. Yes.

Do you think it's weird that we're at eye level? I just assumed you were short. No, no. If you look at me, he takes a step back. I am quite normal size. I don't think, I don't think you are. I think you must be short. I don't fucking know are. I think you must be short. I don't fucking know.

Maybe I'm surprisingly taller than I realised. Pop? Yeah? Artis is sick. You have to heal him. Or I'll look after him. Now. Right now.

Before you leave. Before we leave the room? What can't I do when we get out of this fucking room? Because you're not going to be able to when you do it out of the room. What do you mean I'm not going to be able to when I do it out of the room? Because you're going to pretend you're Pep. And you're going to pretend that you don't know how to use magic. Alright, so I'm just going to wait in this room for a second.

I've got to sort something out. I'll just stay there! What do you mean I'm pretending to be somebody else? Just talk to me. Alright, horns. Yes. What? Every time you speak out loud, you speak like Pep. You pretend you're a kobold. You speak in a horrendous accent.

How the fuck do you know she's a kobold? I've never told you that. No,led you speak in a horrendous accent do you know she's a cobble i've never told you that no you haven't horrendous accent is how violent is she on a scale of one to ten oh it's not who else have you met pup jesus fucking christ i'm deeply sorry for that man you're more apologetic to pip surely surely. What? I met Pip. Well, he's a fucking arsehole, so. And he wouldn't heal anyone. No, because he doesn't know how to heal anybody. But you know what?

Even if he did, he probably still fucking wouldn't. Horns. Yeah? When I step back out of this room, no matter what happens, hit me over the head as hard as you fucking can. Promise? I promise. All right. I back away from the eye thing hard as you fucking can. Promise? I promise. All right.

I back away from the eye thing. Get back in here. Artisembre was pouring over the dwarf with the turban. He stands back upright, and you see that he has two of the eye gems in his hand. Oh, shiny things. I don't know why I'm doing this, but I'm going to do this. I cast a level three cure wounds on Ardis. You cast level three cure wounds.

All right, we're coming out now. Let's move. Get the fuck out of the way. Ardisimbra steps through. I don't know why. Anyway, just move. I step out of the room. And I clock him.

Do you want to use sneak attack? Yeah. All right. So because he's not expecting this, you have advantage, but you have to use sneak attack yeah all right so because he's not expecting this you have advantage but you have disadvantage on this attack so i've got nothing yeah you hit pop pop pep pop whatever you take 27 points of damage as tiffany slams the butt of a rapier into you when that happens artist simbra clocks you in the side of the head. Just because he's been wanting to do that for ages and he can kind of pretend he's doing it for caring reasons?

Sure. Artis Simbra deals a further three points of damage. Artis, what was that? Hmm? I leave it at that. Okay, as Pop falls down, before you say a word, I get as close as I can to your face and I say, heal yourself, Pop.

Fucking hell, my fucking head. Fix it. All right. I do a level three cure wounds. All right. That'll be your last level three for today. You, however, recover 21 hit points. I'm going to give you both two good boy cards.

Aw, thank you. Poppy, you back? Never left. I give you a really big hug. I'll let it happen. All right. I almost, almost like, just when my arms are positioned, you could almost think I'm hugging her back.

That's suspicious to me. I jump and, wait, you're back, right? Oh, what? Yeah, no, I'm back. Why the fuck have I got horns? Solidarity. Oh, December says. Don't think I didn't forget you punched me for no reason.

I don't know what you're talking about. I'm Pep. Oh, December turns and walks away. Do you remember anything? It's going to sound weird, but yes. I kind of remember I've done it all, but I also know that I did none of it. So you know you deserve that, right? Cass, get a bad boy party.

Cass, get a bad boy. Well. Come on, we're collecting eyeballs now. Collecting eyeballs. No, I remember that. I know. I remember that. Let's go.

Artist Simba, by the way, Tiffany, hands you a dark blue and a vibrant purple crystal eye. So there's a crawl space to the north, or there's that door that you passed back where you came from. How many of the eyes do we need? We need four more. All right, we should keep looking for them. Yeah.

Just quickly, I say anything to you that was, I know it was maybe three people and a bit insane, but anything that was like, oh, that's a thing I probably shouldn't know. Pop, I get the impression that everything you tell me is under duress. Get a good boy card. Fuck, what a line. I mean, okay, but I didn't say anything that was, like, bad for me. What are you worried you told me? I don't know.

What did you learn about my family? They're just as bad as you said they are. Oh, well, that's good then. No, they're good. Right. Yeah. No, they are good. Right. Yeah. No, they are fucking awful people. Dreadful.

Yeah. Why did you name your cats after them? They are dreadful people, but they are my family. He's clearly trying to work some things out. Shut up, Ars. I give a knowing nod like, hey man, we've all been there. Anyway, so

sorry for anything I said or did while I was not myself. Okay. Yeah, good. Your siblings were pretty easy to guilt trip. What do you mean?

Well, if they were rude. Even Pep? No, no, not so much Pep. Wouldn't think so. She ran away. Did you not all run away? No, I didn't run away. I got sent away.

People tell you I abandoned him, but I didn't. So I'm a grump and big and a bit of a mean kid and like to beat people up who are obnoxious, and the cult of Gregory Bones thought, well, he doesn't really fit in here, so I got kicked out of another family and sent off to a war I didn't want to fight in. That sounds really bad, Pop. It wasn't fantastic. That sounds really hard, Pop.

It's what it was. It's making me really uncomfortable. I know. Let's go into this room let's keep dungeon exploring tombs so you head towards the door is it you're interested yeah so who's going to be first through the door me all right tiffany when you open like when the fuck did this happen when you open the door this chamber contains a stone font filled with a steaming green liquid. Beyond it, a shadowy figure stands at an open door on the far side of the room.

The figure's back is towards you. What do you do? Where's my shadow? It's behind you. I want to walk around so that my shadow. So I'm looking at the shadowy figure. Yeah, there's a figure in this room. But that's not my shadow.

No. All right. You're just very concerned with your shadow. The thing you said is like my shadow at the font. Okay. Okay, I'm clearly wrong. Well, no, no, no, it's fine. It's just there's a person here and you're like, my shadow.

Right, there's a puzzle. Oh, wait, wait. It's not like a statue. It is an actual person in this room. Yeah, there's a person in this room looking through a doorway on the other side of the font. But they're not facing us. No, they're facing away from you, Tiffany.

I just like finger to my lips and just like three fingers up and slowly count down from three and then we grab this man. All right. Why couldn't we have sneaked? Yeah, we sneak we grab this man. All right. Why couldn't we have sneaked? Yeah, we sneak up on him. Oh, right. We sneak. All right.

Tiffany, as you creep further into the room, the figure creeps through the doorway. And both of you immediately realize, as Artis Simbra says aloud, it's you, Tiffany. I try and open the door and back away. If you do that, the figure copies you. Do you leave the room with the font? I want to make it so that my shadow is in the font.

Okay, so you maneuver yourself so that your character is standing at the font. Yes, my shadow self. All right, your shadow self stands at the font. I'm going to mime drinking from the font. The figure, Pop, you watch. Filling the font is some sort of soup, maybe you could describe it as. It doesn't look very appealing, and there's a lot of it.

Orphan soup. Oh, no, you're being honest. That really happened. In the course of about a minute, the fake Tiffany drains the font of all soup, and within you can see that there is a one-inch diameter eyeball made of incandescent orange crystal. I walk up and take it. You just get it.

All right. Well, that was pretty straightforward. How many more we need? Three. Well, I seem to remember that we didn't find anything in that water room, and it would stand to reason that we should have. So maybe we should have a closer look at that room. I'm on board with that.

Let's go. Also, where these crawl spaces go. Yes, we should also maybe check the crawl space. Sure. Well, let's crawl space first. Yeah, crawl space first works. So you're going to have to move one at a time. Who's first?

Me. All right. I'm second. Okay, as we're crawling through the crawl space, I just want to be like, you know you can't take any more gods, right? Why not? That makes me angry and I just stare forward. It's very difficult to have that conversation in the crawl space.

Look, if you yell, whatever, the rest of the party are very privy to your face. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. With a loud grinding noise, this section of the crawlway begins to rotate, instantly cutting off the exits ahead and behind you. You can feel the passage sink about five feet as it turns. After a few seconds, it comes to a stop and the grinding abates. Tiffany, you have been separated from the rest of the party. Hello?

You are now trapped in a section of this tunnel. Oh, no. When that happens, Pop, you see as a new tunnel rotates into place, you see a skeletal corpse lying on the floor of that tunnel about 10 feet away. This one ends in like a dead end. So I see Tiffany disappear, the wall rotate, and then it come back and I just see bones. Adam, do I know that they're not Tiffany's bones?

You know they're not Tiffany's bones. Good. Horns. Horns can't hear you and you can't hear scales. Oi, I'm Shell. Horns. Fuck. No one move.

No one moves. Well, no one can get past you. Right. So is Ardis behind me? It would be Ardis behind you. Ardis. So Horns is gone. Yes.

And there's a corridor ahead of me full of a skeleton. Not one of the ones we're actually looking for. I'm going to go into this tunnel. All right. I go into the tunnel. When you move into the tunnel, the mechanism turns back the other way. Tiffany, you're reconnected with the party. Where's Pop?

Artisimba reaches out for you. Come back to me. Pop is similarly trapped to you. Can I say anything where I am? Well, you have dark vision, so you can't see yourself, but you can see those skeletal that's the skeletal remains i searched i checked the remains the corpse is of a dragonborn you can see that he is wearing he wears no armor but he has like a tabard that has oh no you can't see color so he wears some sort of tabard with

like embroideries and stuff like that but you can't make out colors or details. He has a local weapon called a yakla. It definitely is magical. When you pick it up, it has like a hum to it. A yikulwa, sorry, I mispronounced it before. A yikulwa is a simple melee weapon that is the traditional weapon of a Cheltian warrior. A yikulwa consists of a three-foot wooden shaft with a steel or stone Jesus. It typically will only cost you about a gold piece to buy. This one is definitely magical. As soon as you hold it, you can feel the hum of energy upon it. There is a Dungeoneers pack.

So just various Dungeoneers pack. So just various Dungeoneering equipment. Adam, is there gold? Eight gold coins. I'll take them. You find also and pop. Get this. An ivory back scratcher shaped like a dinosaur's

claw. Oh my god, I take that too. Oh my god, he's back. A holy symbol, I take that too. Oh my god, he's back. A holy symbol and a red crystal eyeball. Oh, yes! Good, good. Holy symbol. What if you didn't search it? But I'm pop.

Thank god. The tunnel I'm in at the moment, I can get through to the other side now, can't I? Yes, you can. Do you go back to artists though? Do you go back to Artis, though? Do you go out of the trapped area? Artis, this might be the only way through. All right.

I don't like this. I don't like how it splits the party. Should we consider this first? No, I think it'll be fine. Oh, no, Cooper's in! You big, brave idiot! It's a puzzle. We just need to solve it. we just need to get through to the

other side this is just a puzzle if we go in one by one we'll be fine all right artist follows you in and then pop your back and you're looking at velindra fucking hell they went, didn't they? Yes. I would believe that Tiffany thinks that this is some sort of puzzle to solve. I suppose you could come back out. I mean, I could. Found another one of those eggs. Oh, that would mean that we only have two left to find. Right. So they're stuck.

I would believe. While I have not been there, were you stuck? You were stuck, yes. I was stuck. I haven't come back out of the tunnel, though. I'm still in the big... Yeah, you're still in it. Can I now see through to the other side?

Yep. You could just progress onwards if you wanted to. I'll keep going. All right, then. You lead on. Would someone else like to go into the trap? Hang on. Let me go out.

Once I'm out the other side, one of you two knuckleheads come in. Flask of wine will be said knucklehead. So I crawl through to the other side, and I get out the other side uninterrupted? Yep. So you exit. It kind of takes you on a big loop. You exit at that little crawl space that leads to the sarcophagus tomb.

There's kind of nowhere else to go. Oh. Right. I walk out and walk back down to where we crawled to the crawl space originally and just sort of wait there. You meet up with Flask of Wine and Valindra. What is the plan? So you can get out.

Wait. Why didn't you guys go in? You connected up with us. Yeah. Why didn't one of you follow me in? Then go in. Flask of wine, then go in. Flask of wine climbs in, crawls. Tiffany and Artis are revealed.

Right. Horse, how you going? I'm all right. So Flask is in here now. Okay. What was your big plan? Well, once it twists back around, I can just crawl out with Artis. All right, you and Artis leave.

Our flask of wine is trapped. So, horns, how do we get flask of wine out? Oh, my God. The look in Cass's eyes just now. Holy fuck. So what's the plan? We keep going one by one. All right.

So who's next? Horns. There will always be. I'm realizing the problem now. There will always be one of us trapped. And from the moment I stepped in there, there was always going to be one of us trapped. And from the moment I stepped in there, there was always going to be one of us trapped. So you trapped us.

Huh? No, it's a puzzle. We have to be able to solve it. We're solving it. And I hold out the red thing. See? Oh. I take it.

Thank you. Hang on. I've got the rest. All right. Thank you. Hang on. I've got the rest. All right. Thank you. Valindra. Yes. Can you reanimate a skeleton?

I could if I wanted to, yes. What if I made you want to? What exactly do you intend? There's a dragonborn corpse inside. Ah, I see the plan. There's a dragon born corpse inside the tunnel. I'm going to go in. We'll get Flask out. Flask will be with the bag of bones. You reanimate the bag of bones. Get him to crawl

in. I'll crawl out. Alright. The plan basically goes off without a hitch. You trap a skeleton in the sealed off tunnel and then the rest of you escape. See? A puzzle. Horns.

You cannot claim that. Tiffany, get a good boy card. Tiffany, get a good boy card for denying reality. For denying that you ever made a mistake. Just a quick question. How's it going up here for you in your head? I'm fine. I actually feel really good.

What's he do? Can I pick up a for you, in your head? I'm fine. I actually feel really good. What's he do? Can I, like, pick up a rock and show my raw strength? Can I just crush a rock in my hand because I'm strong now? 23 is beyond human strength, but it is beyond beyond human strength to just crush a rock that easily. You're strong, but you can't crush a rock. Not like that. That's so embarrassing but you can't crush a rock. Not like that. That's so embarrassing!

Oh, eekin' old rocks. Well, just say, um, can I try and throw it at the ground so it smashes? Sure. Like, really hard? Tiffany demonstrates her strength. Tiffany demonstrates her strength. Right, you know, that's not what I meant, because I can do this, I disappear completely and come back. Stop, oh, okay.

So I can do that. Now, that's not what. Stop. Oh, okay. So I can do that. Now, that's not what I meant. What does he do? I would say Artisember and Valindra are kind of like wandering through. Flask of Wine is still sticking pretty close to you. He's probably leaning up against the wall and you can hear like that heavy breathing that he does now because his lungs are not good. heavy breathing that he does now because his lungs are not good. Meanwhile, though, Valindra and Artisember are kind of like exploring that water corridor just while you have your chat. What does he do?

Makes me strong. What else does he do? I don't know. I feel like that's it. I've never felt more strong in my life. I'm brave. There it is. What?

Hey, horns, ask me a really personal question. Anything you like. Do you want to be friends after the adventure ends? So, because the snake is in my brain, I have to tell you the truth. Yeah. Which is yes, yes. Yes. And now,

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Do you see what's happening, though? Yeah. No, it's not fucking, no. I give you a big hug. Fuck, I literally push you off me. You can't, I'm strong. Oh, jeez, fucking hell. Haunts.

Yeah. Flask of wine steps up and gingerly wraps himself around the two of you. Fucking hell. His breath smells like milk. How? You're not sure. He's got a secret supply. His lungs are full of milk.

Haunts. Okay. You ever had anyone else in your brain? Oh, you had the other thing when I was. Nang, nang. What did you like doing when you were nang, nang? Nothing had anyone else in your brain? Oh, you had the other thing when I was… Nang-Nang. What did you like doing when you were Nang-Nang? Nothing with anyone else. Right.

So Nang-Nang, selfish and cruel. I know because he's been in my head. Moa, honest and good. I know because she's currently in my head. Obelaka's a coward. One goes fucking mental and Pat Bazzato's an harrowing asshole. I guarantee you the big frog boy, he's pretty brave and courageous, correct? Yeah.

Fairly headstrong? Very headstrong. Yeah, so now you are too. I think it suits me. I don't think it does. I think it makes you make mistakes like that when you've got your friend flasking while trapped in a tomb forever. It worked out.

I thought it would pay off and it did. I can't believe I am being the reasonable one in this fucking tomb. This is just not what I prefer. Just be careful, all right? Okay, Pep. Sorry. I walk into the water. As you turn to walk southwards towards the water,

with two sets of tridents, Ardacember and Valindra step out and then approach you. As they approach, Ardacimber and Valindra step out and then approach you. As they approach, Ardacimber throws to you, Tiffany, a green eyeball and a purple eyeball. Ardacimber says, one of the unarmed murals are illusions. Right. I guess we're heading to the big scary room of eggs. Eyes. They're eyes. This is clearly a beholder's eyes,

and we are clearly to face some sort of beholder-themed enemy. Perhaps a beholder. Well, let's head off then. Just us. Yes. Hey, horns, you're so brave and carefree, why don't you lead the way back where we're heading? Sure.

I'm already in front. Oh, this? Yes. You know how I've got my thing now? Yes. So, you know, she's got a thing, yeah? Yes. Which makes her very fucking stupid.

Yeah. I have a huge liability in this temple. I've actually been more. Yes. No, no, come on. Come on. Let's have it. I don't know if you noticed, but you've been absent for a little while.

I have not been absent. I've been here the entire time. Just not. You've been here, but not present. I mean, that's the story of my life, so. But a few ex-wives tell me that. I don't have any ex-wives, so. No one's married.

I just remember it was a very fake laugh and then walks after Tiffany. Or his skull face. Valindra turns around and you can see that you might regret pushing those buttons. Not fucking hell. Look, I know you don't care about stuff. Yes. But if she's going to put herself in danger, you'll keep an eye out, yeah? Of course.

Why would I not? The integrity of the party is key to solving many of these puzzles. That's my cold, heartless, lich queen. I would be lying if I did not admit that I see Tiffany as a... I would be lying if I did not admit that I see Tiffany as a – have you ever created art? Have I ever created – no, but I know about art. I've been around art. You've certainly stolen it.

There is a famous expression. I have certainly stolen it. That is very good. There is a famous expression. Specifically, it refers to sculptures, but you guys are like progressing through the dungeon while you're having this conversation. It specifically refers to

sculptures, typically, but I suppose it could apt for any piece of art, including even a person, but I see Tiffany as the block of stone that if I chip away at the right parts, the statue will reveal itself to me.

Careful. Hmm? Yeah, I could almost... She clearly does not have a high bar for parental figures. No, she does not. Look, play it careful, though, because that almost sounded like you have a heart, and if you have a heart, I can run a knife through it. She laughs.

My heart is kept safe, locked away in a pocket dimension. Good luck. I just wink at her and walk off. The corridor ends in a large door with a round mirror set into its surface. Ten circular indentations, each about an inch across, the same size as the eyes that you have, surround the mirror. What would you like to do, Tiffany? You have all the eyes.

And you have a big frog in your head. Yeah, the big frog boy. I am fearless and I'm not afraid to take great risks, so you look over. I've put five in already. All right. wrists so you look over i've put five in already all right so tiffany as you put the eye crystals into the spheres you notice that your reflection well you notice first off that each eye lights up and clicks into place but each time you insert an eye the reflections in the mirror become progressively unhealthier.

As you put in the eyes, you notice that your reflections start losing weight, losing hair, teeth, and slowly until, do you put in all ten? Yeah, well, like as a picture. Picture, cool. By the time you have put in the tenthth you almost look like undead abominations yeah i've got my sword out adam except for lindra who looks as immaculate as she is right now the vault door grinds upward revealing a domed candlelit room 50 feet high the polished marble floor is so perfectly reflective that it creates the illusion of standing

at the entrance to a sphere. Nine alcoves filled with glittering treasure open up along the walls. In the middle of the chamber, it's hovering dead center in the middle of the chamber, a large spherical object hovers under a black silk

drape 20 feet above the floor. Right. What do you reckon it is? I reckon it is no good. I pull the drape. Have you gone to pull the drape? Yeah. Yeah, I grab you.

Do you not let her in? Well, you've been- What are you doing? You've been grabbed, Tiffany. What do you do? Finding out what it is. Yeah, right. There's probably smarter ways to do that than just waltzing

into a big spooky locked room. Oh, you don't want anything from the big spooky locked room? No, I do want stuff in the big spooky locked room. You're right, I should take it. There are ways to go in and be, you know, still alive at the end of this. Adam just laughed, which makes me think there are ways to go in and be, you know, still alive at the end of this. Adam just laughed, which makes me think there are ways to go in and not be alive at the end of this too. What do you suggest, Pop?

I suggest we go in, take a closer look at the thing in the drape before just reaching in and ripping it off. Without fingers. No, with your fingers. Tiffany and Pop, both of you from one of the alcoves, kind of one of the alcoves angled such that you can't see into it. You see peering out of it a skeleton with a strange-shaped headdress. Actually, fuck it.

Let's get him. I run. Yeah, we need that. All right. Good. Excellent. Cass, we did it again. Adam was like, here's some bait.

And we went nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Oh, I'm hungry for bait. Like the big fucking dumb fucks we are. Actually, right before you launch in, Tiffany, you've got Kubazan in your head right now, right? Yeah. Kubazan croaks into your mind. Attack the drape.

Oh, I attack the drape. I've run for the skeleton. All right. But I attack the drape. Tiffany, how do you attack the drape? Green flame blade. It's 20 feet high. Witch bolt.

I don't even know if you can witch bolt it. It's quite a range oh then i'll use chill touch oh okay well is that that touch that's cold uh no it's actually not a touch and it's not cold what the what this what the fuck dnd you enter the room pop charging after the skeleton tiffany you cast chill touch upon the draped whatever it is and you see the ghastly claw drag itself along the black drape as that happens it looks at first like a trick of physics or something like that. But when you see Pop moving through the room, it is immediately disorientating. The room is strangely designed.

It looks bigger and smaller than it should at the same time. Pop looks like he's wavering backwards and forwards. Pop, you notice this as well while you're running through the room. This is wrong. This is wrong. Get the skeleton. Get back out. There's some sort of weird effect going on with the perfect polished marble.

There might be a slant to it. Like it maybe dips in some way that you can't tell. Or maybe there's some magic to it. You're just not sure. Either way, it's disorientating to run through the room. I forget I look like a goat turtle. Yeah, you look truly messed up i have two eyes you also notice that the floor is very slippery tiffany your oh no tiffany your chill

touch tears a bit of the drape away and you can see that there's frosting left behind then the drape by some other unknown force is yanked off the well you now see it's a circular iron orb the iron orb hums with a magical energy but nothing happens then we're going to go to initiative pop the skeleton right you reach it within one round but you can't attack this turn. The skeleton makes a shocked sound and then tries to sprint away from you. Can I try to stop him? It's trying to disengage. However, as soon as it steps out onto the smooth marbled floor, it slips and hits the ground. That is its turn.

Oh, you dumb bony son of a bitch. It's you and Artis' turn. Is anything else happening? Nope. I'll just get Artis to hold his action until the orb does something, and then I'm going to use his action. Meanwhile, though, I'm going to just rip this skeleton's head off. All right.

It is actually not the first round of combat. The first round of combat you spent just getting to the skeleton, so you don't get your extra actions or anything like that. That's right. But nonetheless, you are going to, with Holy Avenger. Oh, yeah. I've got to use it. I could just, can I just pry the helmet off its head?

You could try. Does it look like it's fused on? It's, yeah, it's designed in such a way that it, so it kind of wraps around the skull. Yeah. So it's almost part of its head. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm's almost part of its head. Yeah. No, I'm just going to cut its head off. Okay.

Just easier at this point. With Holy Avenger or are you just tearing it? No, Holy Avenger. Okie dokie. Yep, you destroy. You behead the skeleton. Shouldn't have tried to run. I mean, I was going to do the same thing, not run, but, you know.

It's a cool thing to say. You may add skeleton key to your inventory.iffany what would you like to do um i prepare green flame blade the spell to go off when something goes off you know okay what would you like valindra to do have a good think about what could be happening because is there a uh i think yeah i think she'll make a check is there does she know yeah velendra casts a form of detection magic yeah she gazes at the orb and says it gives off energies as if it were an aberration some sort of beholder which would match the theming of the room, but that is a metal orb, not a beholder. Oh, dear. Hey, Cass.

Yes. I'm just going to have a guess. That's a beholder. A big metal beholder. I love beholder because it sounds like someone saying boulder wrong. You hear a flask of wine wheezing behind you, and then shit goes down. I killed the skeleton adam all the things in the room that could hurt us are dead now i'm gonna loot the treasure the orb would look very good in a museum do you remember that alien growth i was describing before the goop that

is kind of like a fungus yeah all the eyes that blink and watch you. Yeah, one of them stretches out on a stalk, looks at you, Pop, and then a beam of magical energy strikes you. It's the whole room. Oh. The whole room is a beholder. Adam is the whole dungeon a beholder. He looks so happy. He looks joyous.

You know it's that or worse. The ray of energy washes over you and you take 17 points of damage. Then. Fuck. Four more rays of energy wash over you from somewhere above the orb. You cannot see the target. You cannot see what cast this. Oh, fucking hell. That first energy ray from the wall was red.

Then another one is grey. You get hit by a black one. You get hit by a grey one again. And then finally you get hit by a pink one. Does the pink one make me feel good? Not well, we'll see. And then finally you get hit by a pink one. Does the pink one make me feel good? No. Well, we'll see. And you will pass that dexterity saving throw.

Oh, thank God. But I've still been hit by five beams of light. This black one is the one that I would be worried about. Wait, so I... You pass the black one. You dodge out of the... Like, boom, boom, boom. It's like you're being pounded by an artillery

gun it's like you're normandy you you dodge out of the way of the gray one you dodge out of the way of the black one a second gray one hits you you feel your skin begin to harden and toughen you know as a ranger you are aware of spells like stone skin or bark skin that turn your skin to those substances to give you harder harder armor basically functionally it raises your armor class but you would know in game yeah it makes you like a tougher opponent basically providing natural armor however once it hits that point it keeps going and you realize you are being turned to stone. Oh, fuck me. The irony of this is not lost on me. Then when the pink ray hits you.

Please be an undue stone turn. Please be an undue stone. Please make it go back. You feel really good. You feel happy. You feel like whatever this creature is, it surely must be trying to help you. Right. I should just stand here then.

I put my sword away. Oh. Where are you, friend? All right. I'm going to say Artis is acting on his own for now. Yeah, that hurts because you don't call me that. Artis Sembra steps into the room. When he does that, Tiffany, you hear him say, whoa, under his breath, something's happened. Then he scans the room.

Shockingly, he is able to detect an invisible creature that is hovering in the air somehow. Artisimber points upwards above the orb and he says, there, there's something up there. I can see the disturbances in the air itself. Don't worry. Don't worry. It's a friend. That's his turn. Tiffany.

Okay. So can I do Agnes's Scorcher or is that only along the ground? No, Agnes's Scorcher can go diagonal and such, but it's only got a range of 30 feet. It wouldn't even reach the orb. If I ran in, could I agonize our scotch? Yeah, you could. You'd have to get close.

Okay, I'll do that. Tiffany, you're going to move into the room. As soon as you move into the room, you can feel your equipment tugging at you, and you can tell that some parts of your equipment are drawn to the orb. Magnet. Magn orb. Magnet. Magnet. Magnet. No, we've already done this.

I lost everything. Do it again. No, I can't. I have good stuff now again. You reach the base of the orb and you fire an Agonizar's Scorcher upwards. Flames bathe some sort of invisible creature above the orb. You deal 11 points of damage. Adam, is this invisible creature a beholder?

It looks circular. An eye ray fires down at you, Tiffany. You are bathed in a light blue ray. You pass the saving throw. You dodge out of the way of the ray as it bathes the ground beneath you.

If you want, Valindra can spend her action forcing the creature to come out of invisibility. So does Valindra know about beholders? Valindra knows, yeah, a bit about beholders. Does she think that Abidal Zim's horrid wilting will help? Yeah, well, she has a lot of magic that would be helpful. Yeah, that would work as well as anything else, really. Okay.

It has no special, it's immune to being prone, but that's kind of it. Is it because it levitates? Yeah, yeah, because it levitates. It has no special immunities. Belindra would like to use Abidalazim's Horrid Wilting. I'm assuming it would make it wilt. Are you sure you wouldn't like it to be visible so everyone can fight it? No.

Okay. Well, you're reckless. Belindra will turn on her True Seeing ability as well, which just means that she can see invisible creatures. She can see literally everything now. She looks up at the creature, and with a wave of her hand, some magical incantations, and holding before her a sponge, she squeezes the sponge, and as she squeezes it, all of the water within the beholder is squeezed through the sponge.

A lot of water lands at Valindra's feet. The beholder makes a very important constitution saving throw. I believe it's going to fail that. Is it? Yeah, it fails. That's good. Can it please do maximum damage on this attack? All right.

Wow. Yep. Spend that card. Oh, Cass, we're finally doing good. That's why I'm like, don't make it visible. She can really heal us. She deals 96 points of damage. Holy fuck.

Feeling dry? Bit of dry in the eyes? Does she heal some? No. Whenever she does damage like this, she can heal. Oh, my God. Does she pass them on to Pop? No, she can't.

It only lets her heal herself. I don't need any healing. I'm happy. Everything's good. Floskawine is still just wheezing behind you, Tiffany. Oh, my God. And then- Hit him with a breathe ray, you piece of shit.

Oh. The beholder's going to attack you again, Tiffany. You're just kind of in the way. It's okay. Just let it. It's good. You get hit by a green ray, Tiffany. You're going to need to make a wisdom saving throw.

You pass. That was a fear ray. And it's the beholder's turn like three times. With its lair action, Pop, you see that grasping appendages and weird alien growth on the wall next to you begins trying to reach out to you you're gonna need to make a dexterity saving throw i'm fine with this i'm okay do you just let it out well you do fail the dexterity saving well yeah am i at am i okay with that am i okay with everything or just the beholder you can continue to sort of think they're

they're a friend. You don't necessarily have to just let this happen, though. Yeah, no, I'm not letting this happen. You are grappled and tied to the wall. I'm also a statue. Well, you're becoming a statue. Oh, this is fun. You've got many saving throws to make on your next turn.

Hey, why'd you do this to me? I thought we were friends. Rude bastard. Then, Tiffany, it's just hammering you. You get hit by four eye rays. So, Tiffany, you're going to need to make a dexterity saving check. You pass this one. Yes.

Oh, my God. Next one is you get hit by a pink ray. Oh, no. Tiffany, you're charmed. Good news. When you are charmed. Good news. When you are charmed, it switches targets. And Valindra is going to take two eye rays. I don't want to attack it, do I?

How nice is the pink one? I love that. Doesn't it just feel good? Yeah. It's our friend. I know. I love it. Why were we scared of it?

Two eye rays hit Valindra, and she is, I don't even need to make the saving throw, immune to both effects. And then it is your turn pop you need to make a very important constitution saving throw otherwise you're going to become stone um like oh no it's a dexterity saving throw why is it still a dexterity saving throw all right am I dexterity shithouse? You rolled a natural one. How will Tiffany cope now that pop has been turned to stone? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chult. Have you always thought about signing up for Sandspans Plus, but you haven't found the right opportunity to take the plunge?

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