D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #13 Dungeon Art

Episode Date: January 2, 2021

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's hottest podcast network. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 13 of Zombie Plagued Chult. Previous being... The little symbol of the vulture... ...clicks out of place, and a new symbol clicks into place. What's next? Pop? Yes, what's next?

This is in my head. The snake. The snake. Snake. Oh, fucking snakes. When I step back out of this room, no matter what happens, hit me over the head as hard as you fucking can.

Pep, pop, whatever. You take 27 points of damage. As Tiffany slams the butt of a rapier into you, when that happens, Artis Simbra clocks you in the side of the head. Artis, so, uh, Horns is gone. Yes.

And there's a corridor ahead of me full of a skeleton. Not one of the ones we're actually looking for. I'm gonna go into this tunnel. Once it twists back around, I can just crawl out with Artis. Alright, you and Artis leave. Now a flask of wine is trapped. So, Horne, how do we get a flask of wine out?

The vault door grinds upward, revealing a domed, candlelit room 50 feet high. The polished marble floor is so perfectly reflective that it creates the illusion of standing at the entrance to a sphere. You need to make a very important constitution saving throw. Otherwise, you're going to become stone. Oh, no, it's a dexterity saving throw. Why is it still a dexterity saving throw? All right, am I dexterity shithouse?

You rolled a natural one. Pop, do you have anything? Do any of you have anything? Like re-roll? Can I just re-roll? Yeah, re-roll. Okay. You will be turned to stone.

Will I be unturned? Not easily. Also, if parts of the stone get... You're going to be a stone statue that they will need to carry back to Port Nyanzaru. And if a piece of you breaks off, it breaks off you. So Adam, what you're saying is that if I don't use this, I could go in a museum.

You'd be worse than dead. We can come back from the dead. I could go in a museum? No. No. You could go in a museum. It's Pop's dream. Nah, I'm going to cash this in. I'm a fucking idiot. Alright. Thankfully, you are not turned to stone. So does that mean it's stopped or do I have to do this every turn?

No, that's it. The effect is over. You couldn't act this turn. You were restrained twice, which was very funny. You were restrained by the effect of being turned to stone and also by the wall tying you down. Now you need to make another wisdom saving throw, otherwise you will continue to be charmed.

This is fucking amazing. You will, you're very wise. You pass the saving throw. Oh, you fucking invisible piece of shit. Artus Simba is going to hold his turn until after Valendra, and then next turn he, no, actually, no, wait, you can get Artus artist act now if you want oh this plug it magic arrow i guess oh no shadow arrow that looks fun all right artis

simba fires an arrow as soon as he lets loose you, everyone can see, that it arcs in the direction of the orb. The orb is attracting the metal in the arrow. Art of Stembrace still luckily hits his target. Shouldn't have hit that cloth off. Probably should have left it on there. That's an internal thought. Art of Steel's 13 points of damage, and the Beholder needs to make a wisdom saving throw.

It, I think, is going to fail. Has it appeared? Yeah, it does. It fails its saving throw. No one can really see the effect, but everyone hears, Ah, what have you done to me, you awful, awful creatures? Is that your voice?

You fight like flumps. What's a flump? Tiffany, you do not know what a flump is. Pop, you do not know what a flump is. Valindra? Yeah, oh yeah, Valindra knows. Everyone else in the party knows what a flump is for various reasons. Valindra,. Everyone else in the party knows what a flump is for various reasons. Valindra, very clubby.

Valindra, very clubby. Artis Simber knows about flumps because he is of the secret organizations that he is part of. Flask of Wine knows about flumps because they're cute. And they're basically a monster version of a bowl of soft you ugly imperfect creatures could not hope to defeat me you talk like a 16 year old halfling who's tried to drink turpentine i hate you i you too you sound garbage you hear this and think it a friend. My God.

What an insufferable shit. Hey. Not our friend. Yes, he is. It's. My God. When will your heart open? It's open to the right things that are friends.

And that invisible, awful voice of a teenage boy is not a friend. Oh. Ugh. Shut up. You're too disgusted to speak. It's just not surprising, you know? What do you mean it's not surprising? Oh, something good comes along.

Oh, no, it's bad. It is bad. I thought it was. I'm going to put my heart in a museum. Then no one can touch it. I'm'm gonna put my heart in a museum. Then no one can touch it. I'm gonna put my heart in a museum. Artisimba fires a second arrow, striking it and dealing another nine points of damage.

Then Artisimba action surges and fires two more arrows. Yes! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! In total, Artisimba deals 35 points of damage to the creature. Good innings. Good innings. Well done. Well done. Tiffany and Valindra. Tiffany, In total, Artisimba deals 35 points of damage to the creature. Good innings, good innings. Good. Well done, well done.

Tiffany and Valindra. Tiffany, you are charmed, I guess, but you're not restrained, so you can act as normal if you wish. But I can't attack. You can't attack the creature, no. Well, everyone's freaking out, but the Beholder's our friend, so I'm just going to see if I can look around the room for anything else that could be attacking us.

I'm restrained to the wall by eyes. Oh, no, I'll cut you out of the wall. That's not nice. A friend wouldn't do that. All right, Tiffany, you are going to assist Pop in getting out of the wall. You don't need to roll. You do a thing called the help action.

Very rare, but it happens. Pop on your next turn, you're going to get advantage to get out of the wall. It's not our friend, Tiffany. Then at the end of your turn, Tiffany, you fail your wisdom saving throw. You still consider it a friend. Philindra's going to act on her

own now. Tiffany, when you were at school, did people make fun of you? Did anyone pretend to be nice to you so they could make fun of you more? Oh, I remember one child, my only friend,

who I still consider a friend because why would they have put in the effort if they didn't like me at least a little bit? And that was more than any of the other children could say. They were mean to my face. And it wasn't even, they didn't even put in effort. They were just like, no, we don't like me at least a little bit. And that was more than any of the other children could say. They were mean to my face. And they didn't even put in effort. They were just like, no, we don't like you. It was so matter of fact.

So that, I'll just point to the room, same thing. It's not your friend it's doing. It's frazzling your head. Adam, can that help in any way, or does that? I'll give you advantage on your next check. I don't think so. Would I lie to you? Oh.

Valindra uses her turn to force the beholder to become visible. Ah, don't look at me, you awful lesser creatures. Hey. You will be defeated by balthasar can i just say i have seen trolls testicles that look better than you do you ugly shit two bolts of lightning streak from outside the doorway velindra and artist simba are standing in the doorway and neither of them did it you must assume flask of wine has, for some time now, been able to shoot lightning, but didn't have an opportunity to.

You fought so many enemies that were either immune to it or got supercharged by it. He's so happy. He deals 44 points of damage. Oh, Flask of Wine. Goddamn hero can't breathe. The Beholder explodes bits of flesh i am so glad the last thing i said to it was that it looked like a troll's testicle

bits of flesh and ash hit the ground it stinks in this room the smell of rotten cook rotten no cooking beholder fills the room what happens to the iron ball it stays whatever magic keeps it afloat and makes it effective is not did not come from the beholder um can i please run out and give flask a big cuddle all right flask of wine accepts the am i immediately free to yeah yeah the the uh thes. Ugly piece of shit. Valindra gestures to the alien growth all around you and says, This will, shall we say, die, putting itself away to death now that the Beholder is gone. That's good.

Do all Beholders talk like whiny 16-year-olds? Yes. They all speak in the third person. What is it? I forget. When you see, like how I would say, Valindra will defeat you. Third.

Third. All behold, they speak in the third person. It is a tick of their species. They are insufferable wankers. I suppose they would say it's strange that we speak in the first person. Yeah, but I don't look like a ball sack. I mean, I don't look great, granted. I look, yep.

Look, all I'm saying is people who live in glass houses. Flask, I'm so proud of you. Flask of Wine nods dutifully and says, it was my pleasure to destroy. What was it? The ball on top of the other ball. I gave him another cuddle. I'm going to loot some alcoves. All right.

So in the room you find, in all of the nine alcoves, you find, are you ready for this? Yes. 12,000 copper pieces. In every alcove? No, no, no, across them. Okay. What does that equal in gold?

That's 120 gold. Great. 5,000 silver pieces. And what does that equal to in gold? That's 500 gold. Great, good. And 2,200 gold pieces. Do you want to know how much that is in gold pieces?

Yep. It's about 2,100. Okay. There is also a clay chameleon statue covered in crystal beads that change colours. Oh, I'm taking that. Flask of Wine wants it. Does he say anything?

He says it with his eyes. So I pick it up. Do I notice that he said it, Adam? Yes. He doesn't make it. It's public. Does anyone else notice that Flask is looking? Everyone can see it. When you pick it up, Flaskoen doesn't say anything, but he makes this sound.

Everyone glares at Pop. Flask, do you? Artis Sember and Volindra Shadowmantle have looks on their faces that you can't look them in the face right now. Do you want this statue? Flask of Wine nods slowly, but like he's trying to play it cool. I look at Tiffany and give it to Flask. Flask of Wine takes it.

Now he's a museum. That was really big of you, Pop. I'm proud of you. All right, he's out. Just, you know, it's not a big deal. No, no, no. Just giving away process artifacts to a... Friend.

Friend. Additionally, you find three painted gold masks sized for children. They are shaped like a bat, a monkey, and a parrot, respectively. You find a gold coronet shaped like an octopus with mother-of-pearl eyes. You find a potion of demin- uh, dim- dimitution? Does it make you small? Demuition? Yes, it makes you small? Demuition? Yes, it makes you small. You find a bead of force and a bronze shield shaped like a screaming devil's face.

It has magical properties, basic ones. It's just a plus one shield. What does a bead of force do, Adam? So a bead of force, when thrown, creates a bubble that can trap people, essentially. So you throw it at a person and it traps them. So it's basically like a Pokeball. Something like people, essentially. So you throw it at a person and it traps them. So it's basically like a Pokeball. Something like that, yeah. Having completed this floor,

you maybe, maybe Artisember, actually Artisember and Valindra both say that the spiral staircase seems to be some sort of back entrance. So while it will not be safe, it might be safer than taking the main way down. I'm 100% on board with this plan. Of course.

Let's go. Have we had a rest recently? I can't remember. You rested kind of before you attacked the beholder. Maybe another bit of a sweepy sweep for the sweepy sweethearts because. You have a long rest. You find somewhere. Maybe you go back to where you found that skull originally and you have a rest in there again.

We keep going back there to sleep because it is safe. Over the course of the rest, Valindra spends a lot of time analyzing and looking at the skull. Finally, she says, I think I know how we may get rid of the skull. Oh, go boy. If we were to feed it gems and material worth, I think, 10,000, it might leave. Oh.

Do you think we found anything in the cave, in the little alcoves, that would be worth 10,000 gold? Do you reckon? Well, how much gold did we find? Do we need gems or do we need gold, you think? I would think that either would be fine. Right, 10,000. I'll just – I'll have a look.

Okay. What I've got. Thank you. I mean, if you – and pop, pop, pop. Yeah. I know. I know I try and be really strong, but it actually really hurts my feelings. I keep trying to make comebacks and I'm just not very fast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just – it's going to go. You'd think I'd be good at it with the practice, but it still hurts. So just – I understand. Oh, I'm not used to these new eyes. They prickle a bit and make them water. Fuck. They're not good, these goat's eyes. I'm just used to these new eyes. They prickle a bit and make water. Fuck. They're not good, these goat's eyes.

I'm just going to look in my – I'll see if I can find some fucking treasure. I saw the gold that we had. I know the gold isn't 10,000. I know it's a lot, so. You've just got to do some – I've just got to work. 10,000 definitely definitely you reckon uh could be more could be less but i think we will know if it is less it will fix itself when it is consumed enough okay yep no that's good uh what about we just start just start feeding it

and then we'll see what happens okay okay i start off off. I put the Bejeweled Doublet into the mouth. So, Adam, I've done some math. I'm going to rub out items that are worth 5,903 gold pieces. Will that be enough to break the curse? Are you feeding them in? Yes. All right. Every single thing.

You feed in the Bejeweled Doublet and into the mouth and it chatters through it like it were like an old fashioned typewriter or or like a reverse version of those old fashioned like ticker tape things. Oh, yeah. Give you the news like a reverse reverse one of them. As it goes through, it is destroyed in the in the teeth and it crumbles and comes out as dust underneath the skull. The doublet is destroyed. Pop, what are you putting in? So I feed in

a gold tork with 250 gold. I then feed in three gold cups which are 75 each. I then feed in five gold pins which are worth 25 each. I then feed in five gold pins, which are worth 25 each. I then feed in eight gold coins.

Oh, I feed in 150 platinum when I see what putting money in. I feed in the three gold masks that I literally just got. I stare at the monkey one longingly before putting it in the skull. The what? The monkey one longingly before putting it in the skull. The what? The monkey one. I put in all 2,200 pieces of gold that I got in that other room. I then put all 5,000 silver pieces in. I put all 12,000 copper pieces in.

Has anything happened, Adam? It continues to chew through them, and Valindra says, this is working. And then the last thing I have is the gold coronet of the octopus with the pearl eyes. And Adam, I know how expensive this is. I also know that it would look so nice in a museum. But I feed it in anyway. Flask of wine steps forward.

Flask of wine reaches into his pouch and pulls out the, what did you give him? The chameleon statue. The chameleon statue. Flask of wine feeds the chameleon statue into it. Then Artis Simber. Once he does that, I hold his hold his hand artist simber steps forward he pats down he's like he takes his pack off his back opens it up and starts rifling through it out of it he brings a loot that you have never seen him play the loot is made of a very fine looking wood and has a silver and gold inlay.

The inlay on the side curves into an intricate pattern of a man and a woman standing before a brook holding hands. He feeds the loot into the skull. So as soon as this started happening, Tiffany regretted it immediately and feels very, very bad. Valindra takes off her pack, rifles through it, and she takes out a strapped together series of books. All of them appear to be spell books. She pulls one of the spell books from the stack. You can see that there's a bloodstained hand on it. Not like decorative, like someone had a bloody hand on this book at one point.

She feeds the book into the skull, and it still doesn't look like it's enough. I feed in 900 pieces of silver. I am... Flask of wine. I also feed it this amulet of proof against detection and location. Tiffany, when Pop feeds in the amulet of proof against detection and location, it is destroyed. And when that happens, the skull, with a chattering sound, hits the ground inert.

Nobody fucking touch it. inert nobody fucking touch it tiffany you gaze over at flask of wine maybe a little afraid that he was going to touch it and you see that he's stowing his ball of soft back in his bag oh no no oh my would that have worked no it's not worth anything. It's worth so much, Adam. That is worth so much. It doesn't have an objective gold value, unfortunately. Thank you, everyone. Oh, it's so nice to just have silence. I try and pull everyone in for a group hug.

Everyone comes in for a group hug. Yes. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. All right. Okay. All right. So you travel down the staircase? Yes.

The next level comes out to just a simple corridor that leads to the back of a secret door. Opening the secret door, you step out into a very peculiar room indeed. This vaulted chamber features a ten foot deep sunken floor surrounded by ledges without railings. Alcoves along the ledges hold painted wooden statues of hornet-headed humanoid warriors, each wearing a grass skirt and clutching a spear. A gruesome throne, lashed together of bone and strips of skin stands atop the west ledge a fearsome horned skull surmounts the throne and small skulls are piled around it the seat of the throne appears to be made of stretched skin and as a metal scepter resting upon it shuffling about the sunken portion of the room are three gaunt humanoid figures

in dusty robes draped with cobwebs. Their eyes and mouths stitched shut. Armed with brushes and clay pots of pigment, they paint the walls and pillars with grim, poorly rendered illustrations. Would you like to enter the room?

Sneakily. Alright, you can sneakily enter the room, sure. I'm brave, but I'm not stupid. Who's inhabiting both of you right now? I've got Moa. And I got Kubazan. All right. I'm Stwong. Neither of the spirits have any special insight into this room,

though both of them inform you that it likely is some sort of throne room for Azarak. Duh. In case you weren't 100% sure. I'm not rude to the thing, but when it's like, this is a throne room, I'm like, oh, the room with the throne? There's. Horns.

Do you know what they say about a bloke who makes a throne out of bits of people? What do they say? Compensating for something. A soul. I was going to say a dick but sure you can't tell me that undead peck has got any fucking action in a millennia you're not sure what awareness these creatures have with their eyes stitched shut but there's also not a lot

of cover to the room you make the best job you can but you you're like not very well hidden reasonably well but not very well you get close enough to tell that these creatures are undead they're zombies but they move with a purpose that you've never seen zombies move with before tiffany now that you're closer as well you can see what they're painting properly one of them is painting over a scene that you do not recognize it's a man he looks but he looks bedecked quite nicely he appears to be some sort of knight of of a knight of some sort he wears a yellow banner you see that he is oh no you see that he is kneeling clutching at his throat he is quite clearly suffocating or being poisoned in some manner. His skin is slightly tinged green, and you can see that his eyes are bulging.

The ghost lantern at your side sighs with a powerful sadness. You can also see that there's three in total. One of them is painting over that scene like like painting over it to to paint something new like giving it a primer coat or whatever the other two are painting scenes that you are a lot more familiar yeah i was gonna ask if we could see anyone we knew so you see a scene of a set of stairs descending downwards. You see yourself kneeling on those stairs, tears streaming down your eyes, reaching out to a holographic and imaginary figure of your father.

Standing next to you are Adesembra and Valindra. They appear, Adesembra's face is contorted in anguish, and Valindra looks perturbed, but not entirely upset at the situation. Both of them appear to be trying to help you, but you are resisting their help. I start to well up. Number one,

because we don't really have mirrors and I'm realizing again what I look like and it hurts. I see that artist cares. I see that Valindra doesn't super care and I have to look at my dad again. So it's just I leave. Adam. I get out of this room.

We don't need to be in this room. The other visit you see. What's in the other painting? You can't help but look at it, is in the corner of a room with a face of abject terror, you see Orvex cowering before a wraith-like figure. The figure is reaching out and grabbing his arm. His arm is blackened and shriveled.

Orvex has just a look of pain and anguish upon his face. You can see that in his last moments he cried. I'm so glad that I now know how that went down. Yeah. I say nothing because I can't. I leave the room sneakily. Does everyone see the same images? No one else can see into it right now.

Tiffany was the only one who entered. I'm following. I follow. Oh, you follow in? Are you making an effort to be stealthy? Yes, of course. There's fucking blind zombies in there. Clop, clop, clop, clop.

Ding, ding, ding. Yeah, Pop, it's hard to mask the sound of hooves in this room. It's large and a bit echoey, so you definitely make more noise than you would like to. Oh, my gosh, I have to make you little booties. Oh, that's right. Do I have hooves? I thought I had normal feet still.

I thought it was just horns and hair and eyes, although hooves would make sense. Fuck, I am a monstrosity. I think you have horns and hair. I don't think you yet have hooves. But nonetheless, you're not great at stuff. Well, you're not bad at it either. You just rolled poorly.

I was going to say, I'm okay at it. Fuck, I can also become invisible. Why didn't I just do that? I don't know. It's a good question. I'm going to be invisible. Well, they're blind, so like being invisible is not going to help you. Yeah, but am I quieter when I'm invisible?

No. Oh. Oh. Well, that's how it works. No, I'm sorry. You're not quieter when you're invisible. There's separate magics for that. Okay.

Can I see? Yeah, you see all the same things. You all right? What is right? When did Oh no I remember I was

Hiding There's not really anything in there It's a throne room so There's no one in there so we don't have to Yeah we're going to have to go round You see another set of doors A set of double doors leading away from this room eastwards? You think we have to?

Go round? Yeah. I would think so. Yeah. No, we're going. Let's start walking. Okay, so you're going towards the double doors? I'm looking around the room as we're, like, moving, just like maybe something useful, you know, maybe a skelly.

You can look around if you want. I don't mind. You all right? Yeah. No, look around the room. I'm going to find out what's in this other room. It's fine if we split up. No, I don't think it is good to split up.

It's not like anything bad can happen. Tiffany. It's fine. Did bad can happen. Tiffany. It's fine. Did you see the look on his face? It's fine. Bad things can happen, and they do. So I don't think we should split up. That's just a frog in your head talking. Yeah?

I have a turtle in my face. It is true. I just start walking toward the double doors. That is... Sorry. Put yourself out there, Bob. Oh, no! No!

I just have a little suss. I'm sorry. I misspoke earlier. It's not a double door. It's a single, large, massive door. It is a stone slab that you can see moves on a mechanism, but you see no obvious way to open the mechanism. I have a sense of not the mechanism. I'm just looking around. Do I see anything good, Adam? Around the room?

Yeah, yeah. And you're still trying to stay hidden? Yeah. Oh, God. You just don't. You know that the blind artists clock you. They just definitely do, but they don't seem to care. Alright, then. I stop being stealth being stealthy so if you're inspecting all of the different statues you can tell that they're just ceremonial there's nothing to them except the northwestern most statue has a a secret door behind it you detect it because the secret door is slightly ajar. Alright, then, Pop. Also, there's the throne and the scepter

upon the throne. Adam. Yeah? I'm not touching that scepter. I'm not a fucking idiot. I'd like to become invisible. The NPCs enter the room as well, especially if Pop is obviously clocked. Maybe Valendra looks at them and assesses them as not hostile.

And when Valendra enters, artist Simba enters for no other reason other than he doesn't trust Valendra to keep you two safe. I mean, he's got a very good point. If I see everyone going in, I run back. I run over. Look, I see what's happening. Everyone's going in. The blind artists don't care. I run over and I come in. I run over. Look, I see what's happening. Everyone's going in. The blind artists don't care.

I run over and I come in too. All right. Who are you heading towards, the NPCs or Pop? Pop. Pop. Okie dokie. And now a word from our sponsors. Also, hey, D&D is fun,

but if you're wishing that you could hear actual comedians joke circles around us and actually be funny, then do I have news for you big soft titty dot png is a show by demi lardner and tom walker where they as my dad calls it aren't as good as the tv show mash because they never swore so if you like the sound of that or if you want to know why my dad won't talk to any of my co-workers then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for bigsofttitty.png So... And invisible. Pop becomes invisible.

And now I go through the door that is slightly ajar. I wait for the NPCs. Ah, Decembra puts a hand on your shoulder consolingly. I hold it. Um, yeah, what's in there? What am I seeing in there, mate? The walls of this room are adorned with tile mosaics of a jungle city intermingled with frescoes of flowering plants

birds insects and humans wearing gold skirts and carrying spears and ornate jugs the ceiling is painted to look like a clear blue sky a small bejeweled cockroach rests atop a sarcophagus of black basalt in the middle of the room. A two-foot diameter orb hanging from a chain above the sarcophagus is made of hammered gold to resemble a smiling sun. It's some sort of tomb, obviously. It doesn't look like a... Trap. It doesn't look like the regular sarcophagus setup, does it?

No, it does not. I check in with Kuba... Oh, well, it's a sarcophagus. You don't know. I check in with Kuba then. Have you joined me in my secret room? I have, yes. The spirits tell you that this does not seem to match any of the nine gods.

I become visible again because there's clearly nothing to hide from in this room. All right, then. Let's have a look at what you are. I inspect the cockroach, Adam. The cockroach is part of the sarcophagus lid. You see that the black sarcophagus bears a name etched in common. Napaka. And

you know that Queen Napaka was the last queen of Omu before it fell. This is presumably her tomb. So this tomb belongs to the last queen of Omu.

Oh. Well, then there won't be anything here that will help us, will there? I mean, no. But I did just spend a lot of, you know, resources. No. What can I help with? You're right. Well, do you want to try and open it?

You're a lot stronger. Let's go. Yeah, I'll give it a go. I try and fry it open. I help with? You're right. Well, do you want to try and open it? You're a lot stronger. Let's go. Yeah, I'll give it a go. I try and fry it open. I help. I'm not going to just make you do it by yourself. With Pop's help, the two of you are able to push the lid off and gaze within. The interior of the sarcophagus is lined with lead,

and you see that it contains several treasures. It contains the magically preserved remains of Queen Napaka. She's lying there looking basically as she did the day she presumably died. Though her clothes are tattered, she wears the remnants of a black gown and a hornet mask. In her left hand, she holds an iron scepter with an adamantine head, which, well, you need to hold it to be able to tell that. And there is a jewelry box. For you, Pop, I pull out the jewelry box. Thanks, Hans.

For you, Pop, I pull out the jewelry box. Thanks, Zorns. When you pull out the jewelry box, the golden sun hanging above you, the sun's expression turns angry and it emits rays of searing light. You are both going to need to make dexterity saving throws. Pop, you fail. Tiffany, you get a nat 20. Don't get a good boy card for that, though.

Pop, you're going to take a lot of fire damage. I'm pretty healthy right now. What are hit points, if not a bargain you make with yourself for the future? Adam. Yes. You take 32 points of damage as you are smote with a ball of fire. What are you doing? Because it's not stopping.

I put the jewelry box back. It doesn't care. It tries to smite both of you again. You are going to pass. Tiffany, I think you'll also pass. Yeah, both of you pass. You dodge out of the way as two beams of fire try to smite each one of you. I grab the scepter. All right.

The scepter is deceptively light. It's... This is not what I thought it was. Yeah. It's much lighter than it appears. It's only five pounds, which I have no idea how many kilos that is. But it's only five pounds, it says. Are you doing anything else with your turn?

You could leave. Does the sun do anything? Oh, yeah, the sun's still mad it says. Are you doing anything else with your turn? You could leave. Does the sun do anything? Oh, yeah, the sun's still mad at you. Are you staying in the room? I hid it with the scepter. Okay, that's interesting. Wait, can I pull the sun off the chain? How big's the orb?

It's... You could leave and you want to fight it. We could just go. I mean, you could just go. I'm going to. It hasn't been my turn yet. And you're brave and reckless. Gosh, dang it.

It's just hanging over. You could reach up and grab it if you wanted to. Is it like the size of a basketball or the size of a tennis ball? It's, yeah, about the size of a basketball, yeah. I'd try to rip it out of the roof. All right. So, Tiffany, what are you doing? No, I want it out of the roof. All right. So, Tiffany, what are you doing? No, I want to see how this ends.

All right. Well, it attempts to smite both of you with fire again. Pop, you fail. Tiffany, you will pass. Pop, you're going to take a further 26 points of fire damage. And then when you reach up and grab it, it starts emitting heat, waves of heat, radiate throughout the entire room.

Both of you are going to take a further 10 points of fire damage. And then you can try to tear it off. So for my move, I want to help Pop because I'm very strong. Let's go. Pop. You grab the ball and start tearing at it. The ball, the chain connecting it to the roof starts breaking and bending,

but it doesn't break off just yet. It attempts to smite both of you. Pop, you fail again. I'm fine. And you'll pass. Pop, you take 42 points of damage. Pop, you fail again. I'm fine. And you'll pass. Pop, you take 42 points of damage. Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, Adam, am I below 30 yet? You both take another. And then waves of heat assault you. You both take 13 points of damage. Am I below 30 yet? Yes. Okay, let me know when I'm below 20. You're on 24.

Oh, my God. I can heal. It's fine. You're on 24. Oh, my God. I can heal. It's fine. Tear it again. Yeah. You break it off the ceiling. You destroy the ball of fire.

It stops doing the fire thing? It stops doing the fire thing. Still made of solid gold? Fuck. God. Wow. What a classic adventurer thing that I have never seen happen in the Indies for nerds before. This is literally not even Greg Pierce did this. Fuck.

Wow. Hey, hey, pops a man who knows what he wants and he wants that son to fuck off, but also is it valuable? Yeah, it's made of gold. It's hammered gold. So it's like gold covered. It's not solid gold all the way through, but fuck, yeah, it's worth something.

And it's not on fire anymore? No, it's not. Is it happy again? It probably stays with a frowny face, but it stops dealing damage. Thatches my heart. I chuck it in my bag and I take the jewellery box. And the scepter? I've already got the scepter.

All right. So you take the scepter, do you take the jewellery box? Yes, I pick it back up again. All right. Do you take the scepter. Do you take the jewelry box? Yes, I pick it back up again. All right. Do you look inside the jewelry box? Oh, Adam. I do.

As you're opening the jewelry box to look within, you hear shifting behind you, and you see the queen's corpse rolls over, leans out of the sarcophagus, opens her mouth, and with an awful death rattle, belches black smoke over both you and Tiffanyiffany tiffany you take 48 points of damage tiffany you that was exactly how many hit points you had and pop you take pop that was exactly how many hit points you had oh my god that's insane how is that possible wow you both literally were reduced

to zero hit points in the same move at the same time one of you taking wow that's so crazy what are the fucking chances hi adam i'm fucking glad you're thrilled after a amount of time you are uncertain how long both of you are unconscious for but eventually both of you will awaken i'm gonna say both of you are on one hit point what can we see what can you see you're in the room with the paintings maybe tiffany you're the first one to rouse you wake up and you see you turn over to see that you're in the room with the paintings but maybe i don't know one of the scenes the scene with that member of the yellow banner is being completely painted over and you or has been completely painted over and you can see that the undead creature painting the mural has started painting you and pop launching out of a

room as mist swirls behind you you can see that it ripples across your flesh corroding it and destroying it you experimentally put your hand in front of your face and you can see sure enough your skin is tinged green and mottled oh i am uglier my way too you would also wake up at about maybe the start who's around you wake up and you can see that artist sembra and valindra are standing off to one side having a hushed conversation flask of wine is in between both of you crouching sitting in a position where he's like wrapped his arms around his knees and he's just like slowly staring ahead you're our horns um yeah uh yeah fuck what happened uh flask you've uh it uh a gas was released the woman yeah right are you okay yes i am fine i was thankfully far enough away. Did, uh... It consumed both of you.

It was touch and go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, um, real quick. The, uh, the artefacts we took from the room that... Which one do you mean? The big gold sun ball and, uh, the staff and some of the treasure in the tomb. Flask of wine gestures to another corner. In one corner are heaped several backpacks.

You recognize Artis Simba's, Valindra. Well, Valindra doesn't have a backpack so much as she has a side saddle sort of thing. Like a saddlebag that she carries. No, it would be a saddlebag that has like a loop where you can also, where it basically is a satchel. But her bag is very small. She doesn't need a lot. Most of the stuff that she needs,

she carries in a reagent pouch on her side. You see artist Simba's bag, Valindra's bag. You see your own bags and the equipment that you pilfered from the tomb. Good to know it was worth it. Not worth it, yeah. It was what? It didn't go to waste. No, it didn't.

Us jumping in the mist, I mean. Yeah, no, right. I just thought you'd be angry at me, maybe, for putting artifacts before life again, but you're not. I don't know how many times it can happen and have me still be surprised, you know? No, that's, yeah, that's, look, that's. I feel bad for me.

It was stupid of me to not not to feel safe, I guess. Do you want some? I'll do a level two Cure Wounds on Tiffany. When that happens, Valindra and Artisimbra turn around and spot you two rousing. Artisimbra steps down, hops down immediately to the little area that you are, rushes, walks quickly over and says, good to see that you're awake. How are you feeling?

Your wounds? I'd take more than that to knock me down. Yes, certainly. Are you both feeling all right? No. Well, I would imagine not. You took quite a beating back in the last room. Yeah, it was all relative.

We got the stuff. Yes, I see that. That was very risky of you, would you not say? Well, I mean, what are you getting at? You know, it was a very foolish method of doing what you did. It was a bad decision. I will be the judge of whether my choices are. Harmful to others?

I'm sorry that you got dragged into it, I guess. Apology. Oh, my God. Tiffany, expect more. Yeah, so, you know, but we, you know, we're both alive. Just? Well, you know, relatively. What's the plan?

Is there a plan? Artis Simbra steps aside and Valindra Shadowmantle steps forward. You hadn't realized she'd been walking towards you, and it scares you a little bit at how suddenly she got very close. Fuck. She pulls once again at her own aura and drags forth green shimmering energy she shoves it into you pop and you recover 24 hit hey i can do that i have the capacity to do that you can attempt to resist this spell if you want

adam i would like to resist the spell Oh my god Tom Nat 1 You heal 24 hit points Give it to the Then she does it to you Tiffany Give it to the horns You only recover 18 hit points Tiffany

Both of you feel sick from that You have been healed But by necromancy. It's not good. Just to prove a point, I'm going to do level two healing on myself. You wouldn't heal yourself until it became about spied. Yeah. I wasn't going to.

Yeah. Yeah. You recover another 17 hit points, Pop. I tell you what, I have felt better, but I have also felt worse. Adjust you to any one of the wounds on your body and say, figures. Valindra looks both of you up and down and says, we could keep going or I could heal you some more. Maybe that would be nice, actually.

Thank you. To heal you some more? Yes, please. I really don't feel good. Yeah, look, make sure she's all right. And him. I'm okay. And him.

I'm okay. Valindra casts it on you again, Pop. Fucking hell. You can resist again if you want. Yes, I don't like this dirty fucking death magic. You recover 31 hit points, Pop. Oh, it tastes like fucking ass. And then she heals Tiffany.

Tiffany, you recover 29 hit points. Thank you again. She heals you again. Pop. Hey, I fucking, oh, Jesus, fuck. She just doesn't care. Adam, I'm resisting every time. You're going to have to roll.

That's fine. Every time. After healing you that third time, Valindra gestures to the door. Not the door, sorry. There's a stone slab barring your way forwards. She gestures to the stone slab and says, this would be the only way forward in this level.

And on we go. I stand up and start walking. All right. The stone slab can be lifted. There's some sort of mechanism to it, but you can tell that just enough people underneath it lifting it up. There's nothing keeping it in place,

so you just need a number of bodies pushing it up. Tiffany, as you approach, you see that just before that stone slab, on either side on the walls, there are hidden doorways, one on either side. You just notice the outline. You don't walls there are hidden doorways one on either side you just notice the outline you don't know anything about the doorways you can go and inspect them if you want i'll go check them out do you inform the rest of the party as well yeah i'm i'm ahead so i go wait and sort of hold out a hand to be like stay there okay you can't really make hide no hair of them is that an expression oh it is now yeah you you

can't really understand what these doors how they operate or what they're for they could be part of a trap i explained that i have found hidden doors i can't work out what their function is but there they are i point them out to other people Can anyone else make hide or hair of them? Let's have a suss, Adam. How does my hide and all my hair go? Considering I have barely any hide, but weirdly lots of hair now. Everyone takes a turn having a look at them, and no one can really work out what they do until Flask of Wine has a look.

I love that boy. Flask of Wine, as part of his check, he gets maybe Artisember and Pop. He gets both of you to put your hands underneath the stone slab and lift just a little bit. And when you lift just slightly, you notice that the doors unsettle themselves. Flask of Wine gestures to them and says, Flask of Wine gestures to them and says, I think if we open this slab without, if we push this slab up, these two doors will open. Do you reckon?

It's part of a trap? Absolutely. Yeah, right. Surely we just need to be ready then. Well, may I offer an alternate? Flask of Wine says. He holds up a hammer and pittance. We could just hammer the doors shut.

Flask, that is a brilliant idea. With about five pittance set into each of the doors, you bar them closed. Then Artisember, Pop Mandarin, and Tiffany, if you want to help. Tiffany's super strong right now. I am. That's fucking right. Holy shit.

Can I lift it all by myself? No. That's a good question, actually. Oh, my God. Imagine if, like, we're struggling and you just kind of, like. Do it with a finger. Spit on your hands. Flip you guys off and then lift it with a toe no unfortunately you need

a bit more than just tiffany but with tiffany pop and artisemba it's no effort you just lift the stone slab upwards and you see that both doors shudder they want to open but neither of them can now though now that they've tried to move open, you can hear the signature cries of ghouls and undead on the other side of them. Right. That would be not good. They want at you, but they can't get to you. Good thinking, Flask.

Let's duck under really quickly. On this side, what appears to be a large stone door looms at the end of this hallway, but bears no hinges or handles. Jetting from the wall on either side of the door, so right next to you, are two matching bronze sculptures. Each the head and neck of a serpent with fangs bared. On the lintel above the door is inscribed the following message in common. Warm like flame, cold for the cruel, still still for the dead gruel for the ghoul velendra gestures to it and says we do not need to translate this we figured it out oh that's for the room we just came that's for the room you

just came from we do not need to understand this. Right. Before you is a corridor, a 10-foot-wide corridor that leads to, you think you can see that central landing area? Yeah. You think you can see that out through the 10-foot-wide corridor? There is also a passageway off to the left as you approach. Right. I'll walk through and duck my head down left after 10 feet this dusty corridor becomes a staircase that descends 15 feet to a lower tunnel resting on the floor at the bottom of the staircase is an old treasure chest with a rusty

built-in lock just beyond the chest the tunnel opens to a huge dark chamber. Hmm. I will walk up, see the treasure chest, and sort of sigh to myself, and I assume in that time Bob will catch up to me. I have. Mawa? Yes? Uh, do any of you lot on this floor?

Not in this room, but on this floor? Yes in this room, but on this floor. Yes, there should be. How many? You have two left. Alright, two on this floor. Might be one in here. On we go. What is that? We're just gonna step over it?

We're not gonna, we're just gonna you don't think maybe could be skeleton heads could be key to it? Fine, I rip the chest open. The chest is locked. I break the chest open. You are a thief.

This is a lock to pick. I use my thieving skills. You are, though, the strongest member of the party right now. So if you wanted to, you could also break it open. Though, as a thief you are very skilled with lock picks i pick the lock what trap has tiffany definitely just triggered find out next time on once upon a time in zombie plagued chopt thanks for listening if you want to help support this show and all the other shows on the sans

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