D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #2 Obo’laka’s Tomb

Episode Date: October 17, 2020

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Sants Pants Radio, Australia's most American podcast network. Hey guys, before we start, I just want to let you know that Jackson has decided to take his good friends Handsome Tom and Cass through a carefully constructed role-playing adventure about a small town, an unlikely group of friends, and the mummy they have all sworn to protect, no matter the cost. Tales from Handel Creek, My Summer with AnkoTep, is a love letter to 80s movies like Monster Squad and The Goonies. For the next month, we're premiering each episode on twitch.tv slash sanspantsradio before uploading them to YouTube. But if you hate waiting, you can grab all five episodes right now

on our website, sanspantsradio.com. right now on our website, sanspantsradio.com. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 2 of Zombie Plagued Chult. Previously, ass. Yeah? You know what that is? What? It's a big golden man striding through a city.

Two out of three. No! Two out of three! Oh no, he hasn't strode yet. Valindra Shadowmantle, while not wearing red robes, because I think Pop, you know she's actually not a red wizard. Yeah, I am. She just works with them.

Artist Semba gets a big stone and carves dragon bait into it and then puts it at the head of the grave. You are good and nice instead of just being nice or good. And that's... That was you. Good. Azorak has constructed this place himself, made his minions build it, and made his minions update it and keep it running.

She waves a hand in front of her face and her beautiful elven features change to what they truly are. She is a corpse that has been dead for some time. I mean, if it's littered with traps, then how do we even know this is right? Belindra shakes her head. It is right. Azorak is cocky.

Olimar is killed instantly. Oh. No saving throw. Outright kill. You hear a ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho coming from the skulls, and then gas fills the room again. Pop, you've tried a second time to open the door and trigger the trap.

But the door doesn't go down this time. No, it tries to, but it fails. You try to leave ventilation. The ventilation helps, but you... No, actually, you get out before anything hits you, but it's a close thing. Right, so I was wrong. That's all right.

We all make mistakes. Stings. What? We don't have time. What other combination? Orvex, is there any other link between the characters in the story? Orvex shakes his head. I don't think so, no.

You know we need the cubes for the tomb. You know that you need the cubes, and Razzlezy specifically said that they were to unlock the tomb. So you're not 100% sure. Well, those were his words. No one actually knows where the cubes get used, but Valindra says, If not all of the cubes are needed,

then I would assume that this is not the way forward. Oh, yeah. There's a spare cube. I think that's a great idea, Valindra. It would not hurt. Well, no, I shouldn't say that. It could. But we should at least look at the other entrance that we can see.

You're right. Take my move, Orad. Let's scope it out. Let's go have a look at the other entrance. Take my movable rod. Let's scope it out. Let's go have a look at the other entrance. Alcoves run the length of a narrow tunnel,

each one featuring a bestial statue standing or squatting above a basin of oil. What are the beasts? Yeah. They are moving down the hall from west to east. The opposing statues. They're obviously meant to represent the trickster gods, and they're on opposing statues. In the same combo we put them in? Not in the same

combo. It is Moa, the jaculi, Wongo, the Sioux monster, Ijin, the almaraj, Obolaka, the zorbo, Papazotl, the eblis, Kubuzan, the frogimith, Nangnang, the grung, and Shagambi, the the kamadan each statue is three feet

tall and if you try to move them they do not budge a bit so who's entering this this this corridor tiffany you have all the puzzle cubes do you enter the corridor i do but not first pop goes first any time tiffany passes comes within maybe three, no, each time Tiffany comes within like a foot of one of the basins, the oil, sorry, the statues, the oil basin bursts into flame. Do you reckon I'm meant to chuck them in or? No, no, no. They just respond.

Is that path now all lit? Yes. All of you can see that there is a secret door at the end both of you are very very perceptive and then tiffany when you get to the end of this little corridor you can see light like it both of you are very perceptive but then when you come close enough you can tell that a light has gone on behind a secret door. I check for traps. Give Pop a look like, well, there's the obvious answer.

And then I start looking around. Get a good boy card for rolling a 20. And you handily find the mechanism to open the door. Behind the door, there is another statue, one presumably representing Unk. Woo! there is another statue, one presumably representing Unk. Woo! You can see that a golden pendant shaped like an eye hangs around the statue. And does the eye...

Oh, my God. It's not any of those, though. The eye, as I'll take, was a ruby. Yeah, it's not. But it looks cooler. Okay, so let's have a look. Pop, you would have probably heard of all of those treasures. You didn't know their location but all

of them are incredibly sought after and rare you also don't know if they truly possess the magical properties that they are said to possess that it's like finding i don't know the ark of the covenant adam yeah it's like literally for well for some them, it's like finding the Ark of the Covenant. For others, it's like finding the Holy Grail, depending on what religion or. And for some of them, it's like finding a Temple of Doom. Yes. For some of them, it's like finding a monkey statue that a town needs.

They are incredibly significant. You know what I like, Adam, is that you were like, you don't know if they have the magical properties that a town needs. They are incredibly significant. Do you know what I like, Adam, is that you were like, you don't know if they have the magical properties that they're supposed to have. And to that I say, I don't care. They belong in a museum. Yes. I clockpulse look and sort of stare him down a bit.

Well. I don't want that. The warning on the obelisk did say the enemy is opposed, so that seems obvious now. One stands between them. I guess that's the flail snail. Yeah. If it's between them.

Does it look like he's positioned between them? He is at the end of this corridor. But in the middle, like he's not off to one side. Kind of, yeah. Yeah. The next part was in the darkness it like he's not off to one side. Kind of, yeah. The next part was, in the darkness it hides. Is there anything else? Is there like another doorway? Or can we

go behind the statue? Is there like a corridor? A set of stairs, Adam? Is there just a dead end with the statue? Yep. And a golden pendant. Yeah, a golden pendant shaped like an eye hangs around the statue. Does it look like we could take it? Yeah, you can pick it up if you wanted to. Can I try and shimmy it off with the immovable rod?

Sure. That happens. You get it. Staring at it. I don't know if I should touch it with my hands. Are you holding the pendant? It's on the end of a. Chain.

Chain. Sorry. It's on the end of the. Oh, immovable rod. Pop, I'm going to put this on. And if anything happens, you need to rip it off of me. Okay. I hand him both of the immovable rods to use perhaps like tongs.

I put them away. I'm ready to go. Let's do this. I slip it on. As soon as it settles around your neck, you can feel it. It doesn't move, but you feel it tugging in a direction back out. It wants me to go this way. Follow it, but cautiously.

I've slowly, like, step at a time sort of a thing. I am walking as close to you as I can without being standing on you. Yeah. The pendant takes you back out from this room called the Gallery of Tricksters, back out to the Azorax Warning and to the Obelisk. Then beyond that and to a thick pile of foliage on the western side to the left as you are approaching the Obelisk. As you approach, Tiffany, you can see that it's trying to pull you down a little cave that you find there. Cheeky fucker! When you reach it properly, you see the cave is actually quite large.

Pulling aside the heavy undergrowth, you uncover an archway and a cliff face. Stone skulls peer down from the lintel and old bones litter the threshold as light strikes the entrance a swarm of bats screeches out from within the bats are harmless they do nothing to you they just give you a bit of a fright you see past you see past the bats a slab of worked stone blocks the overgrown tunnel some 20 feet from the entrance. Grinning skulls mark the edges of the slab, in the center of which are nine cube-shaped puzzle cavities arranged in three rows of three. Oh, look. It's the actual entrance to the tomb.

The puzzle appears to be the exact same as the previous one that was trapped, except there are nine slots instead of eight. Great. So we put them in the right order. Yeah, we put them in the same order that we had before. And we include the flail snail this time. Yeah, he goes on the end. The end. The end.

Oh, it's a clock. There are nine slots in like a circle with a center slot. Oh, the flail snail goes in the middle. It's not there. The flail snail goes in the middle. As you put the final one in, we'll say the flail snail, Unc, the puzzle cubes with a snapping sound all disappear, and then the door slowly opens.

Oh, fuck. I wanted to keep those. I know. As soon as they disappear, I look at you like, I'm sorry, but don't start. It's all right. I know. As soon as it appears, I look at you like, I'm sorry, but don't start. It's all right. I know where they're going to be. And this time, I know how to get through the traps.

We move forward. We move forward. I walk away from that. I'm not going to do it now. I know. I know. I'm being a good. I know. Okay, then.'m being a good. I know.

Okay, then. Thank you. So let's go. Okay. Another slab blocks the hallway 20 feet beyond the first door. An iron lever is set into the door's surface with a graven stone skull leering down from above. My fucking God. He really puts it on sick, doesn't

he? Valindra shrugs and says, he has definitely got a type. You got any tombs? No, I am not as ancient as this Azirak. Let me know when you get some tombs.

We are both powerful, but he is several magnitudes above even me. You would know it based on all the ostentatious skulls. She chuckles. I can assure you that if I were to create a tomb such as this, it would not be as,

like you say, ostentatious. I look at Tiffany and just, like, the look says fucking wood. I look back, like just like the look says, fucking wood. I look back like raising my eyebrows a bit being like, I know. Like my look back is like she couldn't even pretend that she wasn't like a lich. I mean, my look also says like when choosing a fake face, she didn't make herself look ordinary.

She made herself look like a really strong, hot elf woman. Yeah, yeah, I know. She's just as bad as old Azorak. Artis Simber gestures to some pictographs. No one has entered the room yet. He gestures to some pictographs and iconographs on the walls before anyone enters, and he says, I think I know this language.

It's ancient. It's not old omen. It's something else. Maybe something that azarak knows he looks at uh vylindra vylindra shugs perhaps i think oh i think it's i think it's for a ceremony of some sort ceremony yes why do you know dead ceremonial languages it's a was an elective you took an old magical language right it's something for uh he steps into the room just like one step in and looks very closely at the wall

if i had to guess i would say perhaps it was for a spell ceremony yes, the ceremony spell. He looks back at everyone. I get really shocked and glare and stare at Pop, and my skin goes from blue to white. Does Tiffany know the bell ceremony? Yes. No. Would you like to make a luck re-roll? Yes, I would.

All right. Use one of your luck rerolls. All right. You do know the ceremony spell. So the ceremony spell infuses an area with religious magic. So it allows for one of several different types of ceremony to be conducted. Can I? The types are atonement. So you can make a target or change their alignment.

Do you mind if I tell Pop? Please. I stare Pop dead in the eyes. What? Does anyone know how to perform a wedding? Oh, nobody fucking answer that question. Artisimba was about to say yes very clearly. Do I know he was going to say yes?

When you say that, he stops. If we need to perform a ceremony, that's one of the outcomes, Pop. What? A wedding. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What do you mean the outcomes? The ceremony spell. Yeah, so what does it mean?

We have to do a ceremony spell to open the next door. We're going to. I don't know if we have to, but I think we're about to. I, December, no one has yet stepped into the room. I, December, stands before the two of you. I do know a little bit about the ceremony spell myself. I can be the celebrant, as it were. Is it legally binding?

I'm afraid so. By all the gods, old and new, you will be before them married. Do you... Wait. I don't think we have time to discuss this. Every minute, more people die. This is not my quest. It is yours.

So the option is yours. In all honesty, I don't think I was ever going to get married anyway. In all honesty, I don't think anyone was going to marry me. Cool. Same. Divorces exist in D&D. Do you ask that? No. It would be rude, but do they? They do. Okay. Divorces exist in D&D. Do you ask that? No.

It would be rude, but do they? They do. Okay. They do. Okay. We would know that. Do we know that? Yeah, you would both know.

Okay, well, that's fine. It depends on your religion, but you. That's my religion. Many religions do. It's rude to get divorced. No. It's rude to get divorced. Pop does have a religion.

It would be impolite to get divorced. Oh, Cass. We're married forever. Honestly, neither of us have high enough self-esteem. Are you ready? Will this open that door? And while opening that door, get us to the Lich Boy, and while killing the Lich Boy, help us get her dad back.

It could. I look at Pop. Please. I am so sorry. December holds out two hands for each of you. I'll keep it short. Okay. Thank you.

No. That would be rude. Beneath these stars above, beneath the skies and under love, I now pronounce you a bonded couple. You may. Flask of wine bursts into laughter. Flask of wine doubles over and hits the ground laughing. Art of Simbra, when when that happens starts cracking up

he laughs flask of wine and artist simba laugh and laugh and laugh everyone else is baffled but then artist simba she was an evil witch are you going to believe what she said? No, of course that's not what the iconographs say. I take my hat off Flask and I walk back out the way we came. Adam, I don't know if you played us or if Artis played us. Feeling a lot of feelings. Tiffany sits on the ground and tries not to cry because that was a lot of feelings. Tiffany sits on the ground and tries not to cry because that was a lot. Artis Simber pretty quickly realizes that this was a bigger deal

than he thought and he starts apologizing profusely. Oh, I've walked out of the tomb. He doesn't apologize to you. No, if he tries to hug me, I bat his arm away. He doesn't hug you. He knows better than that. He crouches down near you. I stand up.

All right. Stands back up. He, trying not to laugh, says, I'm so sorry. Let's keep going. I'm outside. He's outside. We're not waiting. All right.

You keep going in? Yep. So if you're going to make your way across the room, all the other Zegmira, Valindra are just kind of baffled. Lomar is baffled as well. No one really. And what's his name? Orvex.

Orvex. Orvex is maybe standing with you, Pop. He doesn't want to go in. He wants to be, like, last through. He's not a fighter. Then Orvex has seen what I have done. I've now returned and I am breathing heavily. I'm just covered in like tree shit.

Like I have just, there was some shrubs nearby and Adam, they are no longer there. I say nothing to nobody. By the time that your party gets halfway across the hall, the skull's jaws creak open and a skeletal hand holding a crystal hourglass-style timer emerges from within. With a click, the timer rotates and sand starts trickling into the lower globe.

Ten. Nine. Okay, what's around? What's around? Eight. The door clatters closed behind you. You are trapped in this corridor. All right, fucking genius.

Come on. Another stone slab blocks the hallway 20 feet beyond the first door. There is an iron level set into the door's surface with a graven stone skull leering down from above. Those pictograms aren't real. They're not predicting a ceremony. That's not a thing.

No, there's no. That was a lie. Just like little scribbles. That was a bit. There's nothing else. Okay, that's not helpful. Pop's too mad. Seven.

Do we just run? Is there anything else? No, there's no other features in the room. You can make a search check if you want. Yeah, I'd like to search. Yeah, I'll search as well. Six. Everyone scrambles around and no one can find any details.

Run forward? What's alive? What about this hourglass? Can I turn it the other way? You try to wrench it with all your might, and you can't. You can keep trying, four, but you don't successfully get it done now. Three. Smash the hourglass.

You smash the hourglass. Does anything happen? No. I just don't know how long's left. Yep. Good. I'm angry. What's at the other side?

The stone door slowly opens before you and you are allowed further in. Was that it, Adam? Was it just time passing? Well, the trap was that if you pulled the lever, a pit trap would open beneath you. Oh, I forgot the lever was there. Otherwise I would have pulled the lever, Adam. That's very funny. I thought the lever had been replaced Otherwise I would have pulled the lever, Adam. That's very funny.

I thought the lever had been replaced with the hourglass. No, no. My idiocy saved us, Cass. I also forgot. I was like, but it's a featureless room. There are no features. There's nothing we could do. Yeah, if you'd pulled the lever, you would have fallen for a trap.

Basically, you just had to wait 10 seconds. Oh, cool trick. Let's move forward. All right. Basically, you just had to wait 10 seconds. Oh. Hmm. Cool trick. Let's move forward. All right. With a... Well, that was shit. Move forwards. A moss-covered corridor extends beyond the second door.

Tree roots hang down from a sagging ceiling, and the air reeks of rotten damp. Ahead, a bas-relief carving of a bearded devil's face adorns the wall at a shocking picture of this. Oh! Hey, that noise is what the devil looks like he's saying. Who's going first? Pop. Pop?

All right. Hell yeah. Pop, you do not have the perception that Tiffany has, so you step on a stone that you think looks normal, like any other stone, but then it slowly slides down, and you realize what you've done. Pop, what did you do? Out of tiny holes in the walls, darts pepper you.

Well, they pepper everyone in the corridor, but you are actually the only one in the corridor right now. So you're the only one who's going to get hit by this. Ah, good, good. I hope they're just regular darts, Adam, and not darts that are poisonous. The darts wing off your shell and do nothing. Hey.

I did that. What do you do? Keep going? Some of the floors make darts. I'm going to. I like to imagine Pop was nonchalantly about to keep going. Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. Stop.

Tiffany comes out very slowly and tries to have a look for traps and forge a path forward. All right, Tiffany, you find another pressure plate. Don't step here. You find another pressure plate. Or here. You get to the end of the corridor to the T intersection without triggering or seeing any more pressure plates.

There appear to be three in total. You found all of them. Just step where I step and you'll be fine. All right. Following Tiffany's lead, you get to the T intersection. So you can look in both directions. You see to your left, to the west, you see a rusted iron grate is set into the corridor floor.

Through its bars, muddy water flows slowly past then off to the right you can see that the room the corridor opens up into a large room with a balcony well you would be on the balcony looking down in that room what do you reckon pop what um we go left you go left yep i go to speak to pop and it's not good yet. It's still weird, so I just walk. Pop is more rattled than he has ever been rattled in his entire life and thus is now useless in this dungeon. If Pop is to the right of me, I go left.

You reach the grate. You can see down. You can see water flowing beneath you going northwards. Other than that, you can just see past it towards a you can see like a window past this oh i should also let you know that there are thin shafts of daylight or moonlight depending on the time of day spilling through tiny rock fissures above you so this dungeon is old and somewhat decrepit you're not sure if it's being poorly upkept or just not upkept at all but either way the effect is the same there's light

coming in but the light is natural you feel like if you go further down into this dungeon which you just have to know eventually is going to happen. You will need your own source of light. Tiffany, would you like to do anything at this grate or would you like to progress to the window? Peek through the grate without stepping on it. Without touching or stepping on the grate, you peek down into it and you see slowly flowing in the water a skeleton. The skeleton has a very strange appearance.

Okay, they're in like armor yeah something like that they look like cops the skeletons are not actually wearing armor that stone that you see around them their skull has been threaded into what looks like a giant stone carving you're not sure as to the purpose of this but it appears elaborate and well made the skeleton slowly drifts past on the water as you peer down at it it turns up and sees you when it sees you it gives a near actual jump in fright and then starts scrambling northwards to get out of your sight it does so before you can do anything. What the fuck? It fears us, and that's good. Sure.

And looking into it any further is a waste of time. Let's keep going. Right. So, Caesar's dismantled. Seas dry up. Dead rise. Blah, blah, blah. Enemies oppose.

One stands between them. Don the mask. Be seen. Bum. Blah, blah, blah. I know that's fucking helpful, because none of it says you're in a mysterious dank corridor where there's skeletons in the water and one of your friends is a big piece of shit.

I like to imagine you consider me a friend. Tiffany stands with her mouth wide open. Oh, my God. Pop doesn't say anything. Because of the awful way that his trick played out, Artisember isn't saying anything, but he feels stronger. Artisember, out of all of your base NPCs, Artisember was among the strongest, Artisember and Dragonbait.

But recently, Artisember has been really lagging behind on the power quota, so I have finally also turned him into a proper character. So he's actually leveled up. Hey! Yeah. He just needed social experience. Yeah. He needed friends.

Tiffany, would you like to progress onwards to the mirror, to the window, sorry? Yes. All right. So creepers and vines cling to the walls of this corridor, at the end of which is an arched crystal window, six feet wide and ten feet high. Through it, you can see a dark chamber.

You peer through to look at the chamber beyond, and you see this vaulted tomb is overgrown with moss and creepers, just like the corridor that you are currently in a stone sarcophagus rests on a stepped dais in the middle of the floor on the wall behind the sarcophagus two large statues of bears grip a five foot diameter bronze disc embossed with a dozen glaring eyes six desiccated corpses slump on thrones in niches along the walls. Each corpse wears a black mask made of paper, mache, and feathers. Okay, so what parts of the riddle have we solved?

So the enemies oppose. Yes, we saw that. We solved that. One stands between them. We think that was Unk. Potentially. We've got in the darkness it hides. Honestly, that was Oomph. Potentially. We've got In the Darkness It Hides. Honestly, that's a coverall.

It's the whole fucking place. Don't the mask will be seen? Those are masks. We could take them. That is a big plate of eyes. It's worth noting that In the Darkness It Hides, that devil that you passed to get over the great had a big open mouth with darkness inside. Could we have gone through it? It's had a big open mouth with darkness inside.

Could we have gone through it? It's an opening. It's just dark inside. Maybe one of you as you passed, maybe we'll say Artisemba with a torch, shone it really close, but it would appear that magical darkness covers it. Hmm. Huh. Right.

Can we, what's stopping us from going into this room? There's a glass window. That's it. I mean, it seems stopping us from going into this room? There's a glass window. That's it. I mean, it seems – It seems too easy, right? Right. We know enough about traps that – I mean, technically, Soda's waiting 10 seconds in a corridor. That is true.

Or using a fake door made up of eight cubes rather than nine. Hmm. Well, maybe it's worth maybe throwing a rock or something and ducking. If you like to throw a rock. Can we find a rock or something? Yeah, you can find just loose something. So is it a window and not a door? So can we duck?

It's not a door, no. It's a glass window. So if we duck and everyone ducks down and then i chuck a rock into the window and the window smashes can we wait there to see if anything happens absolutely i would love to do that please everyone gets down you heft a rock throw it at the glass window strike it the rock bounces off it it's tougher than that i pick up a bigger rock i was gonna say i pick up in the window did any did anyone notice no no one seemed to have noticed or cared the corpses are still slumped there and you can't see any other activity actually as you

stare into the room you can see that those brass, the ones embossed onto the disc, are like looking around the room. They're moving. Seems like a trap. Seems like a big trap. Seems like a big trap. Can we see if there are any doors in that room? Like maybe an alternate entry or is that it? Oh, get a good boy card.

Hey. And yes, you can see. You can see that, I don't know if you know, but the closest to you, there are two chairs. The two chairs closest to you where corpses sit. You can see behind it there is the faint outline of a door on either side. So this room is also accessible from the north and from the south. Well, perhaps if we went another way,

we could take the mask as we enter. Put them on, then the eyes won't see us. Because you know what they keep in sarcophaguses? Good shit. Well, this is also the temple of the nine gods. So I would assume

that Azorak, having slain the nine gods of Oumu, has interred them here. That is his style. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What the fuck are you talking about? Are you saying this old fucker who built this tomb, so he didn't build this tomb, it it belonged to somebody else and he killed nine gods to get here my studies indicate that when ubtal abandoned omu they turned to the nine gods for support and the nine gods helped them in a manner for a time then azarak came to omu he slew single-handedly all of its defenses killed all nine of the gods pressed the people into service to build this dungeon and then then they had finished building it he made nine presumably the temple of the Gods, he made nine tombs for each of the gods.

And my understanding is the entire town is interred here as dead. Hey, Tiffany. Yes? It's one of those things that would have been fucking handy to know a while ago. It just would have been a bit nice to know that we were going somewhere that had been made by someone who had killed nine gods. Does this change anything? No, that's not the point. Just so we're clear, if I could, I would kick you into the sun.

But you couldn't. No, but just know that if at any point during this juncture I find myself possessing the ability to punt you into the sun. You're going into the sun. She gives a faint chuckle and then smiles. Good luck. Won't need it. We turn around and go right, I mean east, back from whence we came.

I want to suss the fucking spooky door. The devil mouth? All right. No, it's the devil mouth. Absolutely not. I changed my mind. We're going to suss the spooky mouse as we go the spooky mouse the spooky mouth as we go past we're going past it we have to go past the spooky mouth to get to the balcony you can tell it is definitely magical darkness within the devil's open mouth hey try one of your fucking, your little bloody, you know. My Wokanot?

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won't talk to any of my coworkers, then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for bigsofttitty.png. I try and illuminate the space with a Wackenut. The Wackenut's magic is not near, well, it's not even magic. It's just an alchemical reaction. Cool, Kate.

I thought it was magic. Hang on. I look at Pop and I say, power of friendship won't help you. I smile for half a second and then I realize Pop has not smiled and I go back to being really sad and I keep walking. I'm embarrassed and we don't look at the mouth. Just keep going? No, I look in the mouth. You stick your head in? No, I'm not and we don't look at the mouth. Just keep going? No, I look in the mouth.

You stick your head in? No, I'm not that foolish. I put my sickle in. What happens when I take the sickle back out? Nothing happens. I put my arm in. Something rakes your arm, causing you greater distress. Yeah, that's yuck.

I pull my arm back. You pull it back, but it comes out badly clawed. You take 20 points of psychic damage. So I wouldn't go in there. Oh, gosh. You can tell that it was a creature of some sort that attacked you. Well, in darkness it hides, I guess. I guess we will not be going in darkness.

I guess we didn't learn anything, did we? No. In darkness it hides. I thought maybe entrance, secret passageway. Something's hiding in the dark. Yeah, but maybe it was a good thing. I put my sickle in, nothing happened. So I thought I'll put my arm in.

Can't think of anything that's hungry for sickle. Guess not, hey. We go into the balcony room. I hope that's it. I hope that door is just something with a bad thing in it. And Basil's like, yeah, there's something bad in it. Don't fucking go there. It's full of bad.

Here is the warning. Don't put your hand in a dark room. What if, see, I have my hand right here. A grand chamber opens ahead 50 feet across and plunging down into darkness below a stone balcony winds around the walls to connect four archways other balcony levels are visible below with corridors radiating off in all directions to the north a stone staircase descends to the lower levels so you you can see that there are levels going down. You can see that there are paths going off from those lower balconies,

and then it plunges off into darkness and you can't see the bottom. Well, how about we try walking around the perimeter and seeing what we can see? All right, so you're going, it would be counterclockwise if you wanted to actually walk around the perimeter. Going the other way would lead to a solitary path off to the north and the stairs down to level two. This could.

Can we see where the path to the north goes? Does it keep going north? Does it turn off to the right or the left? It heads north and then turns left abruptly. That path, this is like going left and immediately north rather than going around. I might walk north, duck my head right and see what i can see duck my head left sorry and see what i can see you peered down you can see a rusting

statue of a knight standing at the end of a hole gripping a large iron shield that would actually loop us back around to the room with the masks it would well let's give it a go then all right so you want to head immediately to your left? Yep. All right. I'm going to draw my sword. I put the signal out. I've got Holy Avenger out. We're in a tomb with undead. Before you actually enter that room, you can see that shards and flakes of rusted metal cover the floor

around the statue's feet. So you're at the threshold, if you will, to that room. Who would like to be the first in? I will enter unless Pop seems super keen about the artifact. There's no artifact here. There's a knight statue. Oh, I don't know what you kids want. All right.

You like Pokemons? Is this not a Pokemon? Yeah. It's a Gengar. Tiffany, as soon as you step into the room, your periaptive wound closure starts pointing directly at the statue your arrows you feel them shifting in their quivers you can feel your bag of ball bearings shifting in your backpack you feel both of your daggers, your crowbar, your hammer, your hooded lantern, your flask of oil, your rapier, and your set of your feet, your smith's tools and your thieves tools all dragging you towards the statue.

You're right, horns. Magnets. You manage to keep your footing. Magnets. You can step back out if you want. Just before the statue, there's a path to the north and a path to the south. South would take us to Mars. Yes.

Well, I head south then. You manage to get through that doorway, but it's a near thing. As you get closer to the statue, you can feel the drawer pulling more and more and more. Okay, I duck in the doorway and I yell back, careful of the magnets. Go slowly. All right. Pop, you step in. Immediately, you feel the exact same thing.

Holy Avenger, your light hammer, your sickle, your anything on you that is made of metal begins pulling you towards the statue. You are not ready for it especially because your metal and wooden leg splint oh buckles underneath you fuck you You zoom across the room immediately and slam into the shield on the giant knight's arms. I am so sorry. Your leg is the first thing that hits it. The metal in your leg brace turns to rusted flakes and falls down. You are still dragged onto the shield though and all of your non-magical metal items are destroyed holy avenger still but i've lost my hammer and my magical so i've lost my my hammer and my sickle but i still have my immovable rod my amulet of proof against detection

and location you've lost You've lost your arrows. All my arrows are gone. Your crowbar, your bullseye lantern, your light hammer, your shovel. You now have a stick. Your sickle. No, I have the wooden handles. Yeah, you can add a bunch of wooden handles to your inventory if you want. Adam.

Mm-hmm. add a bunch of wooden handles to your inventory if you want. Adam. What about like a ivory puzzle box which is not made of metal? Yeah. Oh no, wait. It's inlaid with platinum. Ivory puzzle box is destroyed. Isn't the ivory part still there? The ivory part is still there, but the platinum part was integral to the operation of the puzzle box. The Ermine Talisman. Oh, we don't know about these, do we?

Nope. The Ermine Talisman is still there. The lacquered comb is still there. I've got rid of the red cushion. I gave it to the cat. Every metal object, including your money, is destroyed. Oh, my goodness. And you, none of these things.

Anyone knew about? No, you didn't tell anyone. A lot of metal is destroyed. Is it shocking to everyone else? Is it like, wait. Just to clarify, the brooch of feathers, the feather token. That's magical. Yeah, so that's fine.

Artisimbra maybe gives a gasp of, like, dismay. Like, Artis Simbra is upset by the situation but not surprised by the amount of rust that comes off. People don't know what's in my shell. Vaughn's amulet doesn't break. Vaughn's amulet is magical. Thank God. All right, so what else do I need to rub out?

Imagine Vaughn. He's magical. Oh, true. Oh, so what else do I need to rub out? Imagine Vaughn. He's magical. Oh, true. Oh, wait, no he's not. He counts as like a construct. He is not innately magical. But the amulet's magic. The amulet. Somehow, the amulet would have been fine, but if Vaughn had

hit the shield, he would have been destroyed. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Good thing I picked up Holy Avenger avenger because otherwise i would have no weapons for the remainder of the course sick i'll use my claws which do a d4 fun fact it's the same damage your claws do the same damage of your hammer and circle you can do the exact same thing with just your claws. Pretty tough boy. Great.

Good. Great. I've lost. Oh, my belt. It sucks. My hat's made of straw. Yeah. The leg brace, the leather's still good, but the brace is fucked.

Also, I assume the red leather, like, oh, man, I'm in a lot of pain. That's no good. I'm also stuck to a big shield. I just like. Oh, when it's all destroyed, you can probably limp. Oh, you have disadvantage to this check now because you're a leg brace. You can't pull yourself off the shield. I'm not saying anything. I'm just trying to get off and not make eye contact with anybody.

Bobby, you all right? I'm fine. It takes him. That actually was a fail. Wow. Can we see that the metal thing's just disintegrated? Yeah. All right, because if he's like, Pop, I'll fix it, okay?

Not in here. No point. It'll just. Wow, Pop. Oh, shit. Oh, this is... Holy fuck. All right.

It takes Pop 15 solid minutes, but eventually he pulls himself off the shield and is with you, Tiffany. Hi. Hi. Is there any... using my tools, am I able to sort of help? It'll take an hour at least. You don't have the time right now. Not here.

Later. Okay. You can't move. Yow me a new leg, Bryce. Adam, I take some rope and I tie my handle from my hammer and my handle from my sickle to the shovel and I use it as a walking stick. All right. Get a good boy card for adapting.

Get a good boy card for adapting and for being a fucking champ. Oh, man, I lost a lot of stuff. Wow. That's a lot of stuff. You know what I love, though, guys? What? This is what Pop gets for hoarding money. Yeah.

And treasures. So everyone else gets let into the room tied to a rope. First, artist Simba reaches you. He struggles a little bit as well, but because of the rope, he does not slam into the shield. He just chucks the rope over to us and we let them. How does that work? So everyone else is still in the corridor as Artisimber steps into the room.

If he fails, he falls forward but is caught by the rope held by everyone else. So they're holding on to him. He comes to us almost like an astronaut. We hold on to him. He unties the rope. They pull the rope back. Perfect. Who's last?

We hold on to him. He unties the rope. They pull the rope back. Perfect. Who's last? Well, it's Ardacimber, then Lomardrol, then Zegmira, then Flask of Wine, and then finally it's just Valindra there, and she just walks across without any trouble.

Or Orvex. Oh, well, she and Orvex walk across without any trouble. Neither of them have a metal object on them. Hmm. Huh. No, Orvex has across without any trouble. Neither of them have a metal object on them. Hmm. Huh. No, Orvex has gold. I paid him for the tablets. Oh, Orvex, I guess, has to.

Well, Orvex just gives Philindra the gold to hold for a minute. Or Flask of. No. Who does he trust? He gives it to Artisember, I guess. Question. Hmm. If Philindra had metal on her, would she be affected?

By what? The magnet Yeah, she'd be dragged just like anyone else Oh, okay She's very powerful Look, she might have failed that saving throw She could if she didn't She might have used some magic to help her Zagmira's got old face, young face

Zagmira is, yeah, half face Valindra is the powerful lich I just feel like at some point During this dungeon crawl I have turned to her and been like Alright, what's going on? She, her mouth curls into a wicked smile I was to die

I was quite old And I didn't want to die I pointed the old side of her face My original face Right Then, instead of dying I was quite old. And I didn't want to die. I pointed the old side of her face. My original face. Right. Then, instead of dying, I chose to possess the body of my daughter. Suggestions to the young side of her face.

She didn't appreciate it. This is her body after all. But, well, it's mine now. My eyes widen and I choose not to get involved because that doesn't set... I think back to my good friend on the ship and I don't think he'd think she was a mum. As he said, it's not genetics. A mum is a mum.

A mum is a mum and she's not a mum. Tiffany, as you approach the end of this corridor, you detect two secreted doors. Ooh. You can tell that one heads off to the east from this corridor and one is the southern door, which presumably will lead you into one of the tombs. Okay, so I alert everyone to the two doors.

One's a mystery and the other one is for that room we know. Mm-hmm. We should keep going towards the room we know. Of course. But we need to make sure we come back through this door so that we can get to that secret room that we didn't know about. Absolutely. I'll see if I can reach in.

What I want to try and do is open the door sneakily, grab a mask, put it on, and then enter the room. put it on and then enter the room. You open the door ajar and you can see one of the chairs with a body slumped forwards in it. You can tell immediately that this is the crypt that you were looking at before. You can see the glass now from the other side. You lean in, very quickly swipe.

Maybe you wait until the eyes are all looking in another direction and then you swipe one of the paper mache masks. You've got it now. Put it on immediately. I stick my head in. I gesture for everyone else to duck and stay down. I stick my head in and slowly walk in. Is it working?

You step inside and nothing appears to happen. And the corpse is still pretty dead? Yep, they all remain motionless in their seats. I try and keep my eyes on the disc as much as possible, but I go around the room and take all the other masks. Yeah, you get all six of the masks. I deliver them. Who are you going to give them to?

Because you actually have more than six people in the party. Yeah, I give them to pop artists. Pop artists. There's Zegmira, the half-faced woman. Yeah, Zegmira, Valinda, Flask. And then Lomar Droll is the one left. Lomar Droll and Orvex are the ones left without a mask. Oh, no, I should probably give one to Lomar, shouldn't I?

Maybe not to Zegmira. All right, so you take the one from Zegmira, give it to Lomar. She goes, oh. Sorry, our face is not allowed. Oh, she seems put out, like she doesn't understand. Hang on, when I go to take it, does she do that? Well, presumably you've given, this is a joke. Okay, good, because if that happens, then I won't do it.

You presumably, as I look around, I make the choice. Not as I'm dishing them. But yes, comedy is funny. Presumably, Cas does not have physically the people standing in front of her to remind her that Lomadrol is there and is presumably trustworthy, as opposed to Sagmira, who is presumably untrustworthy. A mum who is not a mum. So all six of you enter into the room. You're looking at the disk of eyes, which is darting. The eyes are darting around the room.

You can see the sarcophagus and the corpses sitting in their chairs. What would you like to do? I immediately go over to the sarcophagus, Adam. Yeah, I just look to Pop because this is what Pop wants. Sorry. This is a room for Pop. I hobble over to the sarcophagus, Adam, on my stick. Anything on it?

Anything I can't even have with my crowbar? The sarcophagus is uninteresting. It's not got any markings on it, which is almost significant in and of itself. You would imagine that if someone went through all this trouble to make a beautiful ornate sarcophagus in a dungeon such as this you would think that they'd want some iconography on the sarcophagus then you realize that azarach probably didn't give an actual shit about the

nine gods if he slew them and just made this because it was the easiest thing to do or he didn't he just didn't care anything else in the near the near the sarcophagus from just looking around well as you're searching around i would say you pop are the one who makes a discovery at the southern the south easternmost chair there is an identical secret door oh no wait tiffany already spotted that the you you once again find the secret door to the south. You could open that if you wanted to. Yeah, I open it. You open it up and you can see a river down some stairs. It's a river that flows underneath the thing.

Presumably it meets up with the grate that you saw at the corridor before. I turn around and I relay this information to the group. Huh. Well, the skeleton's there. I don't think we should head in. He went back north. He did. I go back to the sarcophagus, Adam.

Can I move it, open it at all? Sure. You shift the sarcophagus open. It's not too hard. It's a heavy lid, but it's not like you're strong. You don't have much trouble. Resting inside the sarcophagus you find the bones of a zorbo when revealed or vex maybe like the entire party almost collectively as if

all of them were controlled by one other being in a in another world named adam all of them in unison say obelaka anything. Anything I'm embarrassed with? They lie in a dusty pile in the sarcophagus, and you can see that a ring rests atop the pile. Oh, dear. Adam. It looks like a powerful artifact. I'd like to take the ring.

As you touch the ring, the dust swirls into the shape of a small, feral, bear-like creature that billows towards you with a ghostly roar. You're going to need to make a seven throw. All right, rabbit. Let's fucking do this. Then you feel a spirit enter you and attempt to inhabit and control you.

Jeez Louise. You manage to fight it off. Oh, that was deeply unpleasant. Fuck you. You little rabbit. Fuck. What happened? Try to fight it off. Oh, that was deeply unpleasant. Fuck you, you little rabid fuck. What happened? Trying to get in me. Valindra looks at the ring, doesn't touch it or you, but looks with deep interest and says,

Curious. What? I would guess, Tomet, that the nine gods are in fact not dead. guessed to me that the nine gods are in fact not dead. It would appear that the ninth god, the Obelaka, is inhabiting your ring. Anyone who touches it must resist the effects of control by Obelaka. Well, not control, but possession. I would say that you would retain control, mostly, of your body,

but Obelaka would inhabit your mind with you. I look over at Pop. That was really dangerous. Actually, it could have been very interesting. We could save the gods. You can't put a god in a museum. What would you care? I could eventually put the artifact in the museum,

once we brought the gods back. You should let it possess you. This is a great chance to learn things. That's what I'm thinking. I put the ring down and immediately pick it back up, Adam. It happens again. This time, do you just let the god possess you? Yes.

What will come of this possession? Good or bad? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie-Plagued Chult. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all the other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to sandspansradio.com and consider joining the Sandspans Plus community. There's over 20 bonus shows, a Sandspans Plus Discord, exclusive video content, and discounts on merch. Just head to sandspansradio.com and discounts on merch. Just head to sanspantsradio.com

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