D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #21 A Lovely Meal

Episode Date: February 27, 2021

Need inspiration for your next game? Check out dScryb.com and use NERDS coupon code at check out for 10% off!Sign up to our newsletter here. Join our facebook group here or join our Discord here.You can now physically send us stuff to PO BOX 7127, Reservoir East, Victoria, 3073.Want to help support the show?Sanspants+ | Shop | TeesWant to get in contact with us?Email | Twitter | Website | Facebook | RedditOr individually at;Adam | Cass | Tom | Jackson | ZammitTheme music by the wonderfully talented Mia (AtomicCupcakes). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most family-friendly podcast network. Let me pitch you a scenario, because I've been in this situation before, and I bet you can relate. So you're going somewhere for D&D, and it's like a campaign that you've been doing for a while, and then when you get there, it turns out that one of your friends isn't available, like they're sick or whatever, but everyone's really keen for D&D, and you didn't really have anything else planned, and you don't want to do the main campaign, because that would be unfair to the person who can't be there but like I said everybody's still keen for some high adventure fantasy and they're like well what do we do well with Describe you could basically pull an entire campaign out of nowhere out of your ass and set your friend's

powerful desire for Dungeons and Dragons see Describe is a service which provides descriptive text of places people monsters spells and other observations typically known as box text for you to whip out on the fly and just read to your players there's currently over 1400 scenes written up by a team of professional writers with more coming every day so it doesn't matter if someone's sick or unavailable to your game because now you have the ability to pull a brand new adventure out of basically nowhere. So to get started, visit dscribe.com, that's d-s-c-r-y-b.com slash nerds, and use the code NERDS at checkout to save 10%. Once again, that's d-s-c-r-y-b.com slash nerds, and use the code NERDS to get 10% off. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 21

of Zombie Plague Choke. I'm still speaking in final over here, last time on the episode. The Lich Asarak has harnessed the power of an entire plane just to power some funny cogs in one of his many dungeons. On one floor

of his many dungeons. Sit in. Do you reckon we should sit in it? I think we must. Oh my god. This is the best sleepover ever. Oh my god. This is so bad.

Adam, you didn't have to do that. Yeah, I know. Question, Adam. Fuck, Cass. You're evil. No, I'm not. Right now, you kind of are. I am.

So, you scoop up the 5,000 gold coins. Flosk of Wine is none the wiser. Artist Simber gasps and falls backwards onto his ass. At about the exact same time, the Valindra Shadow Mantle also enters the room. Valindra gestures towards the cauldron and says, I can see you. You might as well enter the material plane now. Pop's best day ever. As I run up to Peggy Deadbells and raise my sword to fight her, I just say,

You're really fucking ugly and I look like this. She turns around and both of you look into Tiffany's face. You look upon the second Tiffany trapped in the cage. Her sad face looks back at you. Except it's not injured, is it? No, it, uh, yes, it's whole, but not good. Her face is, like, wizened and awful. It is a sad looking creature.

Does it? Tiffany is Tiffany's. This Tiffany's face is complete, but she looks sick, sick and awful and malformed. Does she recognize me? She looks at you and does not recognize you. But I reach out to hold her hand.

I look at this. She recoils from you. I look at this Tiffany and I'm like, that looks like Tiffany, and that looks like Tiffany. Okay, before you can do anything, I rip the pearl of power out of your hand, and I give you the staff of Python. I just slam it into your hands.

Tiffany, the two fight in your mind, but you still control. Oh, well, I guess Lang Lang leaves you, but Shugambi. Sorry, Moa does not enter you. What? Do I know that that did that work? You can't tell. Are you you? Yes, of course. I don't know who this is. I mean, that's that work? You can't tell. Are you you? Yes, of course.

I don't know who this is. I mean, that's me. What's your name? Tiffany, she says. When the fuck? I look at Artis. What is Artis doing at this point? Artis looks from one Tiffany to the other with dismay and shock and a horror.

And then he breaks down artist simbra falls to his knees then to his hands and he starts weeping openly artist what's happening he shakes his head i don't know if you approach him he gets up and takes a step away from you i i realize what pop was trying to do i try and get moa in my head fail again this time you take six points of damage that's enough for me oh is it um i i look at valindra it is a clone i'm sorry what the tiffany in the cage she is a clone. I'm sorry, what? The Tiffany in the cage. She is a clone. A clone of what? How?

What the fuck? How did this happen? There is a spell that can clone that person. This clone is not perfect. Valindra walks over to the cage, grabs the lock. It's not a very strong lock, but in in her hands it turns to ice and shatters velindra opens the cage and without a lot of care grabs the cage tiffany and drags her out cage tiffany does not come willingly but velindra is much more powerful she holds tiffany up so that the cage tiffany up so that you can see her you see that her body is

covered in cancerous looking growths and deformities oh fuck velindra says this is the result of a poorly done and without any interest clone spell this is, she throws the creature in front of both of you for all intents and purposes, an exact duplicate of our Tiffany with all the same memories and such. I would assume this Tiffany has been feeding the hags information on us. How? Well, presumably I was not paying attention. The hags from the border ethereal must have taken some of Tiffany's hair or nails or something. Or maybe you just at some point left some of it behind and they collected it then. I turn to Clone Tiffany. What's the last thing you remember?

Clone Tiffany looks up at you with tears in her eyes and starts backing away. She shakes her head and keeps crying. She begging for her father i'm trying i start crying i'm trying we're gonna go get him okay tiffany uh cage tiffany is just not really listening to you so she starts weeping sobbing rocking backwards and forwards clutching at her knees. Please, we're going to go get our father. Come with us, okay? We're going to go get him. That's the real Tiffany, though. Our Tiffany's the real Tiffany.

This is our Tiffany. I would know if she was a clone. What, you can tell clones? Yes. What's the giveaway on a clone? There's a magical residue. Right. So you see this.

Could they have swapped the clone out? Potentially. It has not happened though. I would have noticed. Why is Arda so broken? Why did it fuck him up so badly? I suppose it's like a weird... Like if we stumbled across a... A sickly version

of our... You know what? It'd probably shit my brain in half. It would shit my brain in half it would shit your brain in half that's right if we were going on a park adventure and we opened one of the tunnels and found deformed adam we would be very concerned i think i'd lie in front of a bus you're right artisember kind of gets back up walks over puts his back up against the wall, slides down, just puts his head in his hands. He is a broken man. This jungle has taken so much from him.

How would Sherwood relay information back to the hags by spying on us, though? This Tiffany knew everything that our Tiffany knew. They were presumably researching us before the fight. They clearly did not know that I could see them, though. Hmm. Or perhaps they thought they could take us.

I don't know. It is potentially possible that the doppelganger in our group was maybe feeding them information as well. I'm not sure. Valindra... Wait, what the f... What?

Sorry. Valindra turns around to look at Biff. Biff starts sweating bullets. I am on Biff so fast, Adam. I have never moved this fast in my life. He drops his weapon, starts backing away. No, it's not true. I pin him to the floor with an immovable rod.

It's not true. I pin him to the floor with the second immovable rod. This man cannot move. His skin and flesh ripples and he becomes a doppelganger. And then he says, wait, wait, wait. I wasn't working for them. Who are you working for? As his flesh and body ripples, you realize that this entire time he has not been moving his lips.

You have been telepathically hearing him he has never spoken my name is pox i am a doppelganger yes but i do not work for i do not work for azurak or any of his minions who do you work for i'm counting to five i work for pox i am my own five i hitched my wagon with the company of the yellow banner, hoping to find treasure. Two. All you wanted was treasure? Yes. I thought I could steal some from them.

Then I got trapped in the mirror. Then you rescued me. And if I'm being honest, I think this group is a bit too hazardous to steal money from. Hence why I haven't. You just seemed the safest way out of here. Give me the stuff. I give, I thrust the stuff into his hands. Slam the stuff into Pox's mouth hole?

Does he have a mouth? No, he doesn't have a mouth hole. Well, just where it should be. Okay. And I hope that Moa takes. Oh, oh, you try to give him Moa. Yeah. He tentatively grasps

the staff. What do you want? The spirit of Moa launches at him, and you see it dissipate against his chest, but that always happens, even if you succeed on the throw. Turn invisible. Uh, okay. I can't do that.

No, you can. If Moa's in your head, you can turn invisible. Oh, oh your head, you could turn invisible. Oh, oh, okay, yes. He turns invisible. Come back. He comes back. Yeah, he's still pinned underneath two of the rods. He can't go fucking anywhere.

Tell us again why you were there, group. It was the safest way out, he says. Who do you work for? I don't work for anyone. I work for myself. I'm a free agent. All right, then. You can stay on the work for anyone. I work for myself. I'm a free agent. All right, then. You can stay on the floor for now.

I take the staff back. As he slowly gets up. No, no, no, no, no. He's still pinned. He's still pinned to the floor. Oh, never mind then. Valindra steps over him and crushes his head. I forget that she's evil.

What? She waves her hand and you hear... The corpse starts moving. Cass and Adam. Why did you do that? Belindra, why did you do that? I thought we had information to learn from him. We did not.

Why did you do that after not telling us? I thought there is power to information, and there is more power to information you have that someone else does not. Knowing that he was a spy helped me, or helped us, I would say. Stomping on a man's head when he is confessed to no crime while he is pinned to the floor feels like an evil act Adam well guess what Tom yeah would you would you describe that as someone doing evil who's in your head right now Shagambi look you could make you could easily

make the argument that it is an evil act yes you could very easily make that argument lying to us would also be a pretty evil act eh not telling us that there was a spy in our group i don't think that's an evil act her reasoning it's conniving yeah it's conniving her reasoning is that not letting the spy know that she knew about the spy might be helpful information or might be helpful turnabout at a later point. I mean, it checks. Belinda, can we take our rods back? Of course. I grab my rod.

As I said before we entered this dungeon, my goals are your goals. And while you cannot trust a person you deem

you would call evil, while you cannot trust that, you cannot trust a person you deem you would call evil. While you cannot trust that, you can trust human nature. Or, in this case, lich nature. I will always work in my greatest interest, as presumably will you. And my greatest interest

is that this party stays as strong as possible. So why not tell us that we had a spy in our midst? Because he was helping us regardless. Anything else that you've decided to keep to yourself? No. I'm going to count to five.

Hop, don't. Five. Hop. Anything else? Four. Nothing else you want to share with the class? She puts her hands on her hips. I can't wait to see the or else. Three. Pop,

what are you doing? Two. Pop! I jump on his back and pin him with a rod again. Fuck! I'm going to make that another contested athletics, Jack. Yeah, you attempt to grapple Pop, but you cannot. Pop is, without the help of a certain someone, Pop is a lot more powerful than you.

Do I, am I aware, though, that Tiffany has tried to stop me? Yeah, of course. You peeled her off you. I look, Tiffanyiffany i don't so you're the only person closest to hear me just say under my breath big leaf and then just look at villinger and just there's a lot of rage in me, Adam. It is palpable. Just if I find out that you have been lying to us, I will punch you so hard your skeleton will fall out the back of your fake fucking body.

Valindra, every moment that you choose not to kill us is a moment I consider a blessing. Thank you. With the smoke from the cauldron cleared and with the Hewn sisters dead you can now see quite clearly the giant stone door that bars your passage presumably further into the dungeon This 12 foot high, 10 foot wide door

is made of green stone its surface carved with grinning goblin skeletons a belt of smooth stone spans the door at a height of four feet set with five gold symbols in a row a triangle a square a pentagon a hexagon and an octagon each symbol is engraved on a recessed circular seal. Wait, so this door doesn't have the skulls in it that we have. So the skulls wear the keys. It's part of their head. Yeah, I know.

Yeah. There's no hole for me to put them in? No, it looks like it's shut off. So it's a door that leads to another door. No, it's a door with a lock on it, So it's a door that leads to another door. No, it's a door with a lock on it, but the lock or locks have like a shutter over them preventing you from inserting the key.

Can I inspect a bit more? Or is there really not more to see than that? No, there are several other rooms around here. They go around in all directions. There's one to your, let's say, let's call them, there's one to your two o'clock one to your six o'clock one to your what would that be eight o'clock is there all around one to your nine o'clock and one to your ten o'clock i say we start with the triangle surely that's

the easiest one right what do you mean well it goes three four five six eight i sure sure um horns yeah do you have a moment for a private conversation over here i look at cage tiffany how's she doing she's in a corner shivering artis ember and flask of wine are tending to her valmantle, the corpse of Biff Longsteel, Tlad the Drow, Starfallen's not joining them, and Lucanu are approaching the triangle door without you. Okay, but make it quick. Right. Just on your radar, what the fuck are we going to do

about the fact that you have a fucking clone? Take her with us. Okay, look. Hey, Dad, got you back from death. Here is another daughter cloned from my body. I will back you in with whatever you want to do about her, but we need to do something about her. Well, let's just keep her safe for now, okay?

Okay. Also, we need to bear in mind that there is every chance she will try to betray us. No, she wouldn't. She's been in a cage for a very long time. Makes people do fucked up things. I wouldn't. Yes, but you're not her.

She's me, though. Tangential, sort of. You've never had siblings, so you don't understand, but it's kind of like having someone who's similar to you. The triangle keyhole opens. Valindra, Tlad, Lucanu, and the corpse of Viv Longsteel step outside of the triangle door. For that was easy.

Told you. I walk over to the square door. Artisimba and Flask of Wine are sitting this one out. They're tending to cage Tiffany. You open the room to the trial of the square. This room is filled with flying sheets of parchment with writing on the pages visible as they flutter by. A metal plate bolted onto the far wall

is set with a ghostly lever. When you say a ghostly lever, Adam, do you mean a non-corporeal lever? Incorporeal, yes. It's a lever that looks to be ghost's a lever that looks to be ghost a lever that looks to be ghost velindra and clad enter the room as if they had no care in the world they walk through and the flutters of paper go around them you it looks safe yeah follow follow yeah follow velindra inspects the lever and concludes standing back up she like bent over a little bit to inspect it, standing back upright, she says, we will not be able to touch this lever while we are on the material plane.

She passes a hand over it and it goes straight through the lever. The lever is trapped within the border ethereal. One of us must be able to travel there to touch it. Is that the Starfallen? So on further inspection, Volundra turns to you and says, does any one here have chalk? No. No.

There appears to be some sort of magic concerning the lever. Oh, really? What a fucking surprise. I nudge Tom. I mean, sorry. I elbow pop. I would guess that chalk would trigger a magical effect upon the plate that will make the lever actionable by creatures in the mortal realm.

What's in all the fucking paper? I would guess it was part of the trial somehow. I think if we interact with the paper, then something will happen, whether or not that is the intended solution. What happened in the last room? In the last room, there was a glass cylinder with a small hole in it. I deduced that, well, it took me too long, as it were, to deduce this, but if we were to stand around the cylinder in the triangle,

the magic upon it would make the glass cylinder invulnerable to damage. But if we stood around in the triangle, the glass cylinder would become brittle. However, there was a hole in the glass cylinder, and Tlad, she gestures to the drow, was able to turn gaseous and enter the cylinder without any assistance. Right. Oh, the lever was in the cylinder. All right, gas man, fucking make the stick go.

Tlad shakes his head. I can't turn ethereal. I can turn into gas. I mean, I'm sure you could if you tried, I don't know. Well, surely we can find chalk somewhere, right? Does it have to be chalk? I would say any type of chalk is fine, but it must be chalk. Ink or charcoal is not enough.

I don't think I have any chalk. Well, there were witches here, right? I can determine some sort of conjuration, summoning magic within this room. So I think if we interact with the paper, something will be conjured. Whether or not that is chalk, though, I do not know. Can I read any of the papers as they fly past? Is it in English? Is it in Elvish?

Sorry, is it in Common? Get a good boycott. Hey! You get a very good look at one of them as it flies by. Maybe it slams into your face. Fuck. It's a spell of, let's say, spike growth, and it tears off your face again and launches itself back into the room.

It's a magical scroll. They're spells. So the one that just hit me in the face was spike growth. I can already do that. Just saying. If we try to grab them, though, I suspect whatever we grab will happen.

We might have to just keep looking at them, see if we can see something that does chalk or allows you to go ethereal to pull the lever. I'm sure we have other plane of existence. I'm sure with enough attempts we will find... You're saying actually Big V,

you can't make ghost? I can't make ghost? She says. That seems like a pretty handy power to have as an all-powerful lich, she says. Well, it seems I could be a pretty handy power to have as an all-powerful lich, I suppose. Can you?

No, but I'm not an all-powerful lich, am I? I'm going to start reading. Don't grab him. I put my hands behind my back. I don't know if that's true, but it just feels like as soon as you grab it, whatever the spell is, it'll happen. That's a good guess that seems like although the triangle draw had a triangle thing can we stand in a square do you suggest that uh have we tried standing in its square

we could attempt this but i do not think that is the magic of the room. The Starfallen shakes her head. She begrudgingly agrees with Valindra. You can stand in a square if you want, though. No, I'm not going to because- I go to stand in a square. Do you bail on me? You go to stand in a square? Yeah.

But the nice, beautiful Starfallen told us we don't have to. And your other mum, Valindra, also told you you don't have to. Valindra said it wouldn't work, and then Starfallen said you can give it a go, but I don't think it'd work. Are you gonna stand in a square, Cash? Yeah! Lucano joins the square. I mainly join the square. Maybe- My wife and friend are in a square.

Talad was about to join the square, but the Starfallen does instead. It was like, kind of almost a coin flip, you could say. Talad also was kind of almost a coin flip you could see talad also was kind of like it's not gonna work but i don't want to be mean and then the star fallen jumps in and he's like don't have to nothing happens i think it was worth a shot well done pop i try and read some more scrolls all right you try to grab one no i try and read them Did you just say well done pop? Yeah Pop is silent Pop's having a fucking day

It's a day and a half for you pop Big leaf It's a spell of confusion You see one flutter past I don't grab it Can I keep glancing at the others? You can keep glancing if you want Yeah I also want to glance

See what we can see. Both of you search for, let's say, a solid 10 minutes. Highs or lows? Highs. And Pop? Also highs. Pop, you see a passing spell that has the word ethereal in it. Spell scrolls are complicated things, so to get the

entire gist of what the spell does takes more than just the brief glance but you see one spell sheet flutter past you and you see the word ethereal on it adam i grab it immediately i don't even hesitate how's it lows lows you immediately lose it in the crowd you know about where it is you gotta go searching for it fuck for it. Fuck me. I found it. What? Where? In here. Pop, you see it again? Grab it. Let's go. Lows again, man. No, no, no. Sorry. This is a

you're making a dexterity saving throw. You fail. What if I plus a D8 after making a saving throw, Adam? You only need one more point, so spend that card. And you snatch it out of the air. You can see that it has a big heading on it that says etherealness. I chuckle and think to myself, fuck wizards are dumb at naming shit.

Etherealness. Well, we can touch them because I've touched this and I'm fine. Who wanted to do the spell then? Oh, Cass, please. Did you ask that question? Who wanted to? Oh, okay. Adam, as soon as Tiffany's finished asking who wanted to do the spell,

then I'm attempting to make myself ethereal. Yeah, as I start asking, I trail off and you are already casting the spell. Why waste my breath, you know? You attempt to cast from the spell scroll. You successfully attempt to cast from the spell scroll. If I'd have failed, would I have been cursed? No, you wouldn't have been cursed. Like how we aged up that time.

You just would have fucked it up and then the spell scroll would have been used, but you wouldn't have the etherealness spell. Ah, good. I would have made more friends so pop yes you feel yourself something grab you around the navel and drag you forward oh no you feel yourself slip from the material realm into the ethereal plane everything around you takes on like a ghostly sort of vibe so how can i describe it you know those two white dreadlocks people from the matrix yes the world kind of takes on that sort of a like everything has that ghostly sickly look to it you see just all around you there are the sad sulken forms of people. They're sitting in corners.

They're lying on the ground. Some of them are just softly sobbing. Some of them absolutely wailing. And some of them are just quietly maybe rocking backwards and forwards. A couple are just stock still doing nothing. These are all ghosts? These are all ghosts? These are all adventurers who have died within this dungeon.

Jesus Christ. When you stepped through, everyone else started looking around, searching for you, except Valendra, who's just looking straight at you. Give her the bird. Who's an all-powerful lich now? Can we see Pop or not anymore? No, you can't see Pop. Can she hear and see me? Yeah.

So did she hear me and see me say, who's an all-powerful lich now? Yes. Great. Did she say anything? She looks at you and says, pull the lever. I very cockily, straight over to the lever. Okay. And I pull it. You pull the lever, all of you hear a distant thunking sound

Adam have I become normal again so here's the issue not only can you just not become normal until the spell ends you have attracted the attention of an interplanar being

adam what does that mean it means that the door to the room is torn open but only on the on the only in the ethereal plane can valindra see this valindra sees She, with her arms folded, gives you a wiry smile and says nothing. A large creature. Have we encountered vrocks before? I don't think so. Vrock? There's an image. Everything's a big fucking evil bird.

Yeah, it looks fucking horrific. I hate it. Yeah. Hey, Adam. Yeah. Pop doesn't know this, but Tom would like to. How long does etherealness last for? Etherealness?

Why, it only lasts for eight hours. Really? Yeah. Hang on, am I a ghost for the next eight hours? Yeah. What the fuck? Learn to talk to your companions You could have just been told this

Ah, but how have we been able to get it to work? How would you have been able to get what to work? The etherealness You could have picked someone else Valindra wouldn't have had much trouble with the fight ahead Or, look, hey, you could have just been ready for the fact that you will be ethereal. And Valendry could have told you that this was going to happen as well.

You just did everything. Adam, you give me the rope and then I hang myself. It's good. The creature launches at you and attacks you. With its beak, it hits. With its talons, it misses. All right.

I've got to remember all my powers. Biting down upon you, it only deals 10 points of damage. Pop. And it's your turn. Oh, you ugly son of a fucking bitch. Okay. Okay. So I'm going to Zephyr Strike and Shagambi plus my other attacks and factoring in

if I miss let me know and I'll reroll damage for my second attack all four are hits you do Zephyr, let's reroll the one that gets the Zephyr Strike bonus that should be just let's apply that as a blanket rule Adam that's the one I always want to reroll the one that gets the Zephyr Strike bonus.

Let's apply that as a blanket rule, Adam. That's the one I always want to reroll. Yeah, that was worth it. No critical hits, though, I noticed. What's up with that? That's not like me. No, it isn't. Close eight damage for each attack.

Hey, is Shigambi, like, here? 32. Shigambi's in your head. Shigambi's in your head. Shigambi's with you. Is Shigambi like... Can I see Shigambi? Can I see the other ones that are attached to the objects that I have, even though I don't have them out? No, they don't really work like that.

Oh man, I don't know how ghosts work. Fucking eight hours. Fuck me. Can I interact with the... I can't do shit for eight hours. Oh, Adam, this is the fucking worst. You're stuck in the border of theory. Can't talk to you.

You cannot talk to me. Pretty much as soon as the thing clicks, I realize and I say, how long is this going to last for? To Valindra. Valindra is looking somewhere else with a smile like a like a like a pleasant smile on her face you've never seen her look so happy nah you have you've never seen her look so like someone else is getting their just comeuppance. Valindra dully answers back to you, of it will take about eight hours unless I tell him how to come back out. Could you please tell him we'll need him?

One moment, she says. Did I hear that? Yeah, it sounded like distant echoing. Not Tiffany. Did I hear Valindra? it sounded like distant echoing. Not Tiffany. Did I hear Valindra's hear us? You heard them both, yeah. The Vrock attacks you twice more.

It misses with its beak this time, but it hits you with its talons. I don't care. I'm going to kill Valindra. You take eight points of slashing damage. And I'm going to go again. 28 plus 24 is 40. 52. I believe that's enough.

Yep, you kill it. You slash the brock's head clean off. It hits the ground. I put my sword away and just look at Valindra, just like hatred, pouring out of my face at her face. She instructs you on how to release concentration on the etherealness spell. How? Is there a trick? Yeah, you just like, it's a thing that you're, you didn't even realize you were subconsciously concentrating on it.

It's just in the back of your mind. It's like how you imagine suddenly discovering that you were forcing your heart to beat and realizing you could stop it. Okay. Yeah, that's a cool, pleasant thing. I'm just going to really wear off my heart now. I'm coming back. I assume I'm covered. I'm like had an injury and also covered in bird blood. Yes.

Oh, my God. What happened? I don't know, Valindra. What happened? Valindra turns around and starts leaving. I'm attacked by something that exists in the ghost realm. She watched. I guess you didn't really need the help.

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and nerds to get 10% off. I follow Valindra. All right. She is my mother. You head to the trial of the pentagon The delicious aroma of spiced meat greets you At the end of a 20 foot long corridor

a room opens up with red tapestries covering the walls A feast is spread out on three tables consisting of roast boar squash stew a tray of iced cakes and flagons of frothy beer complete the banquet. A gaunt

human male in a dusty black suit quietly arranges the items on the cake table. Taking notice of your intrusion, without a word, he gestures for you to come forward and sample the feast. I've seen Pan's Labyrinth. He's gonna

put eyes in your face. Who do you have in your head? Me? Yeah. Shigambi. And do you have anyone in your head? No. So what do you do?

Fuck, I hate that one. I hate that one. It's like, who do you have in your head? Oh, yeah, cool, great. We shouldn't eat this food. We definitely shouldn't eat this food, right? Have you entered the room? Yeah.

Okay. I walk in cautiously. I'm going to say then you two have entered the room. Velascovon and Ardis are tending still to caged evening. Lucanu has entered the room. Biff, the corpse of Biff Longsteel. I shouldn't call him that. His name was Pox.

The corpse of Pox enters the room. The Starfallen does not enter the room, but Valindra does. Is everything okay? I asked of the Starfallen. Shakes her head slowly and says, I'll wait here just in case. The room is quite small, so it's kind of not unreasonable. Okay. You are, all of you are kind of shoulder to shoulder right now.

Well, not shoulder to shoulder, but there's like, you guys have come in and that's kind of all the room there is. Where's Tlaid? Is he outside as well? No, Tlaid came in. Oh no, actually no,

Tlaid is with the Starfallen outside. They're standing like five, exactly five feet apart. They refuse to stand next to each other. Beautiful. Tlaid's a piece of shit and I hate him. I'm going to kill him too. Starfallen's too pure.

She, she could never taint herself like that. Staffauln's the only good I've ever seen in the world. That hurts, Tiffany. It should. There are, I believe it wasn't mentioned before, there are five red tapestries hanging from iron rods bolted to the walls in the room.

I might go around and view the tapestries. Each of them is made up of pentagonal patches stitched together. Cool. You inspect all of them in turn? Yeah. On the southwestern wall, you see something more. There's a subliminal devil's face cleverly hidden in the design of the tapestry. The devil's open mouth forms a pentagon.

Hmm. Is there any... It's just like a gaping black hole. Yeah. I studied the tapestry a bit more. Is it literally just that's it to it? Just a hidden devil's face? Or is it... What's on the tapestry? You can see there's some obvious

magic about it, Tiffany. Your arcana is pretty decent. You can see it's some sort of tiny portal. It's a portal big enough for maybe an arm and nothing else maybe to reach through and pull a lever at him yeah or maybe to reach through and get bitten by a devil do i have any sticks on me no but we have a zombie velendra creeper pox velendra walks over and inspects it as well. She nods and says, I agree with your assessment.

Creature, put your arm through. Pox puts his undead arm through. If there is a lever, pull it. You hear a shinking sound outside in the main room. Thank you very much, Pox. Valindra, thank you. You're very welcome. Thank you, Valindra. I would be careful if I were you in leaving the room.

Suggestions to the meals on the various table. Suggestions to the roast boar, the squash stew, the iced cakes, and the frothy beer. And says it would be impolite to not accept a meal when it is offered. Fuck me. I look at Taveny. I look at Valindra. Look I have for Valindra is just hate. And I sit down to have some food.

Valindra Shadowmantle walks over to the frothy beer pop, picks it up. And as she brings the flagon to her lips, the illusion around her face falls. And you can see the lich skelet skeletal structure beneath what is left of her body is mostly bone but there is quite a bit of flesh still to it yuck when she drinks from the frothy beer instead of going into her stomach it splashes out of her neck and down the front of her robe. She drinks like Pirates of the Caribbean.

She drinks heartily from the flagon and puts it down. As she puts it down, the illusion, like, comes back on and she looks clean and untouched by age or time or frothy beer. Bringing the illusion down and putting it back up was just for you, Pop. No one else saw it. Why, Adam? You've been so mean to her. She knows she can get you like this. Yeah, I know.

And you can't do anything about it. No, she had some. It would be impolite for me not to also have some, but also I know that she didn't actually taste any of it or ingest any of it. Therefore, she is fine. To let the drow follows velindra's uh example he thinks he quite clearly thinks that if velindra is doing it it must be safe so he also drinks the frothy beer he swallows yep all right well yeah i i have i have some after his first mouthful he

puts it down and you see he like has kind of an almost shocked expression on his face. Do you still drink? What happened? It's like it is at my lips and I like there's a bit of froth. It's just tickled my little total nose. I feel good. He says. It's good beer. I neck it. Get a good boy card. Tiffany, would you like to eat or drink? I'll go drink beer. Beer seems safe. Alright, get a good boy card. Tiffany, would you like to eat or drink? I'll go drink beer. Beer seems safe. All right.

Get a good boy card. Are all of the foods safe, Adam? Oh, sorry, Pop. You feel Shigambi disappear from your mind. Hmm. What? She's gone. Who's gone?

Shigambi. Do I? Okay, so I feel that Shigambi. Do I... Okay, so I feel that Shigambi's left. Do I still feel like I have that power? No, you've lost the power. Hmm. Do I feel good as well? You feel fine.

You feel kind of invigorated, but like bodily you feel invigorated, but you also feel Shigambi's power leave you. Hmm. I'm going to do an experiment experiment I grab another flag and a beer I put it in front of me I pick up The closest thing I have to hand This amulet of health belonging to Papazon

I pick up the amulet Nothing happens Ghosts are gone All of them I don't know for how long But that beer made them all go Hmm. Ghosts are gone. All of them? Well, I don't know for how long, but that beer made them all go. Is that good? Well, Shigami kind of made me fight a bit better,

so that's a bit of a pain in the ass. Well, if it comes back, it comes back. If not, we can still do this. Maybe we should leave. No one eats anything? No. All right, let's go on to the trial of the hexagon a large cracked six-sided mirror is mounted above a stone shelf protruding from the opposite wall five unlit candles stand on the shelf each made of yellow wax and covered with tiny black sigils scrolled on the wall above the mirror in dried blood other words piggy piggy My theory with that is the childhood game where you would say that X amount of times in front of a mirror and then Mr. Piggy would kill you. Isn't that a Candyman or Bloody Mary or other mirror-related, quote, ghosts?

It's something like that, certainly. Can we see any levers in the room? quote ghosts. It's something like that, certainly. Can I have a look? So can we see any levers in the room? The Starfallen points it out. So there's the mirror set on a stone shelf. Underneath the stone shelf is a semi-hidden sixth candle that is also unlit. So there are six candles evenly spaced around the room, all of them

unlit. There's a stone shelf. On the stone shelf is a mirror. Above the mirror, written in blood, piggy, piggy, piggy. What do you do? We allow six candles. Put them in a pane of the mirror, right? That makes sense. That would stand to reason,

Philindra says. I start collecting candles. You collect them? Okay. They're placed in front of the mirrors, aren't they? No, they're placed evenly around the room. Yeah, I wouldn't pick them up. I'd just light them. Cool.

Can I use my thermiturgy to light them? I'd allow that, yeah. You cast thermiturgy with like a flick of both of your wrists. All six candles light up. That was fucking cool. Valindra makes an impressed sound. Oh, thank you. You impressed both people.

All six candles are lit-en. A lit-en? All six candles are light-ed-ed. Much better. What do you do? Nothing happens. Nothing happens. What is the sigil on the candles?

Yeah, can we decipher the sigils at all? The tiny black sigils on each of the candles are magical script of some sort. It looks like conjuration and divination magic mixed together. Belinda. Yes. How fucking dumb would it be to say the words above the mirror into the mirror? I would give it a 50-50 shot that it would either summon the lever that we need or, I don't know, maybe turn you into a pig or something.

Can you turn me back into me? I could, yes. You know what? That'll have to do. All right, get ready, folks. I pull out my sword. I pull out my rapier. And I say, piggy, piggy, piggy into the mirror.

In the mirror, you see on the northern wall a lever in the mirror. It appears. I look to the northern wall. Can I see it? You can't see it. You can only see it in the mirror. Using the mirror, I walk towards where i think the lever is i just sort of reach out to where the lever is in the mirror and i pull it down you feel nothing but

as you do the action the lever is pulled in the mirror you all hear a dull shink in the main room let's leave the trial of the octagon the ceiling of this plaster walled room is 15 feet high a leather-backed tome rests open atop a wooden lectern bolted to the floor set into the wall behind the lectern are eight human skeletons arranged so that they appear to be falling and screaming the lindris let me know when you enter the room velindra enters the room biff enters the room tlad enters we'll jump in all right and both of you jump in i'm gonna say lucanu waits outside she mutters something about this being some bullshit brain nonsense oh she's not happy my god you'll marry her. You'll marry her so quickly. As the Starfallen is entering,

Artis Simbra calls out from the main room for her. She looks indecisive for a second, but then turns around and heads towards Artis's voice. You approach the lectern, I'm going to assume. Yeah, we walk into the room, and that's the only thing you can be near, correct? Yeah. Yeah, there's kind of just the lectern.

The roof is abnormally high, the ceiling, sorry. The ceiling to this room is 15 feet high. That's not abnormally high. Yeah, you've been in rooms that have been taller, but it is quite tall. It is fairly tall. Is it taller than all the other rooms we've been in? Not all of them.

On this level? No, the main room is taller than this. Okay, no, sorry. Out of all the little puzzle rooms we've just been doing. This is definitely the tallest out of the puzzle rooms. It would be the highest point on this level so far. Yeah. So while it is not taller than the main room,

it reaches higher than the main room because it starts higher. Skeletons falling, lectern. As you approach the lectern, you can see that there is a thin line on the, the lectern sits on kind of like one step up. That one step up has a thin line all around it. You can see that it may be, there's something going on with the floor. Can I inspect it for traps? You detect no obvious traps, Tiffany.

You can't tell exactly what the purpose of this gap is. Tweecy, can I try and look through it? It's not big enough to look through. I'll go over to the lectern and have a look at the tome. There is a nursery rhyme written in the book. It is written in Infernal. Oh, we speak Infernal. We speak Infernal. It's a nursery rhyme. It's in Infernal. Oh, we speak Infernal. We speak Infernal.

He's a nursery rhyme. He's in Infernal. I need to know from this point forwards, every single time your characters speak. Okay. So if anyone says anything, I need to know. Villandra is also reading over your shoulder, Tiffany. Can I just read it in Infernal?

You can read it. Yeah, yeah. Feel free to read it. Can I just read it for thenal? You can read it. Yeah, yeah. Feel free to read it. Can I just read it for the benefit of I want to say these words in infernal but this isn't pop saying them out loud in infernal, Adam? So Tom and Cass, you can say the nursery rhyme. That's fine. Just tell me if your character is saying it.

Yeah, okay. Page one. Back. We're not going to say the pages? We're not going to say the pages? Okay. Page one. We're not going to say the pages? We're not going to say the pages? Okay. Page one. Backward, backward, eight to one.

No, we don't just say the pages. It fucks the rhyme up. Let's start again. Yep. Backward, backward, eight to one. Speak the rhyme until it's done. Keep the spider locked away. See the lever clear as day spin spin iron spider

turn their flesh and bones to cider speak the rhyme and meet your fate forward forward one to eight jumanji i i have read this and it seems like super clear instructions. Yes. Is anyone speaking? Oh, then I guess, look, there's no reason for me not to speak. So I say, well, that seems obvious enough. So do we say it out loud? I don't know if we should go forward or backwards.

If we go backward, backward, eight to one. You can't. Whatever you do, the next sentence you have to say has to be the rest of the rhyme. You've started it. If you say, you said backward, backward, eight. Fuck. Yes.

Yes. Yes. I want to lock eyes with Pop like, oh no. Every other NPC leaves. That's not a joke. Valindra gestures and then shakes her head in like a I'm so sorry sort of thing. But every NPC leaves. They're just waiting at the door looking at you.

We make eye contact and I pull out my rapier. Speak the rhyme until it's done. Keep the spider locked away. See the lever clear as day. And then we start looking around. Nothing happens. Spin, spin, iron spider. Turn their flesh to bones to cider speak the rhyme and meet your fate

forward forward one to eight immediately click above you like the sound of a lawnmower begins the roof above you you look up it looked like one smooth stone slab actually it was plaster it crumbles away immediately and then is destroyed in the arms of a giant spinning blade you can see that the blade is fashioned to look like a spider with eight arms it you feel like air rustling about on you blowing your clothes i immediately slam my into the ground as hard as i can the wind does not have nearly enough force to drag you upwards however the reverse gravity spell definitely does with like a sound everything feels like you've just been turned upside down you, everything in your body is screaming at you that

the spider is down. You both begin to fall. I conjure rope trick. Alright, first things first, I'm going to get both of you to make dexterity saving throws. Oh! No!

Tiffany, you pass. You grab the lectern and you're fine. Pop. You succeed. you manage to having jammed holy avenger into the floor you manage to stop yourself from falling both of you are dangling in what feels like a midair tiffany the lectern the book is first off, the book is glued to the lectern so it doesn't fall. The lectern is bolted to the floor. So even with you grabbing onto it, you are fine. The lectern is in no way in danger of giving out. Holy Avenger, on the other hand, is definitely sliding out.

But you have a turn to act. Pop your rod. Oh, yeah. I click the immovable rod underneath my feet all right you want to stand on the immovable rod sit on like a broomstick what are you doing oh yeah i'm gonna sit on it like a witch all right cass thank you that works yeah bang oh fucking hell where's the fucking lever? You see no lever. You did it wrong. No levers appeared.

Well, it was really specific about the order, and the order was reversed when you start reading it, so maybe we just read it backwards. Do it again. But the other way, right? Sure. I'm going to get both of you to make another dexterity-saving throw to just maintain your grip. Pop, you're going to get advantage because you're kind of sitting on the immovable rod.

Pause. Your rod. Can I click my rod in? I'll allow that. After a minute, the reverse gravity effect ends and both of you with like a thump land on the floor. Where were we standing, Adam? You were standing right next to the lectern.

Where that weird thing is on the floor? Weird thing. You know how you were like, there's that weird thing on the floor? Well, you're inside it. Yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah. Horns. I beckon you to step out of that.

Oh. Oh. Oh. All right. Click the immovable rod into place just to be sure. We need to put it above us too. Yeah. We click our immovable rod so that we're at least holding onto them

with both hands. So that if we flip upside down, we'll be holding onto them, we can pull ourselves up onto them. Right. So we're going backwards. Yes. Okay. Forward, forward, one to eight.

Speak the rhyme and meet your fate. Turn the flesh to bones inside. Spin, spin, iron spider. See the lever clear as day. Keep the spider locked away. Speak the rhyme until it's done. Backward, backward, eight to one. A secret compartment hidden in the leg of the lectern opens up,

revealing a brass lever inside. Oh, gosh, I pull the lever. All right, you hear a dull shk, and you presumably can now insert the skeleton keys. What other trials await our intrepid heroes? And are any other ones just a nice meal? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chocolate. Hey, dickhead!

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