D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #3 Wongo's Tomb

Episode Date: October 24, 2020

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SANS Pants Radio, Australia's most biased podcast network. Hey guys, before we start, I just want to let you know that Jackson has decided to take his good friends, handsome Tom and Cass, through a carefully constructed role-playing adventure about a small town, an unlikely group of friends, and the mummy they have all sworn to protect, no matter the cost. Tales from Handel Creek, My Summer with AnkoTep, is a love letter to 80s movies like Monster Squad and The Goonies. For the next month, we're premiering each episode on twitch.tv slash sanspantsradio before uploading them to YouTube. But if you hate waiting, you can grab all five episodes right now

on our website, sanspantsradio.com. right now on our website, sanspantsradio.com. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 3 of Zombie Plague Chult. Previously. If I had to guess, I would say, perhaps, it was for a spell. Ceremony. Yes, yes, the ceremony spell. We have to do a ceremony spell to open the next door.

We're going to. I don't know if we have to, but I think we're about to. Flask of wine bursts into laughter. The stone door slowly opens before you and you are allowed further in. Was that it, Adam? Was it just time passing?

Well, the trap was that if you pulled the lever, a pit trap would open beneath you. The skeleton slowly drifts past on the water. As if you pulled the lever, a pit trap would open beneath you. The skeleton slowly drifts past on the water. As you peer down at it, it turns up and sees you. When it sees you, it gives a near actual jump in fright. You all right, horns? Magnets.

You manage to keep your footing. Magnets. My eyes widen and I choose not to get involved. I think back to my good friend on the ship and I think I don't think he'd think she was a mum. It looks like a powerful artifact. I'd like to take it. As you touch the ring, the dust swirls into the shape of a small

feral bear-like creature that billows towards you with a ghostly roar. Pop, you have decided you want to just let the god Obulaka possess you. Where's this coming from? This could be... I like history, right? Imagine how much history I can get from a god that was fucking murdered by the lich

that we're about to fight. Are you going to be happy when you're a part of history by dying? Will I be a part of history? Get a good boy card. Fuck yeah. You don't give a shit. It's lost all my gold. And someone who I thought was a friend was really mean to me.

My other friend, their relationship dynamic has changed completely. And my other friend, who perhaps I was the closest to, died. I have a moment wash over me of calm because we're not married a delayed rush of joy not even joy just like peace to the core of me like that interaction happens i feel anger and it is cut off as the spirit of obelaka inhabits you you hear deeply within your mind, Obelaka, the Zorbo, is nervous and obsessive. While Obelaka inhabits you, you can attune to one additional magical item. When Obelaka leaves you, all magical items to which you are attuned are no longer attuned to you. So, you can now attune to four instead of three magical items. Though, while Obelaka inhabits you, your floor, what's your floor right now?

My floor is my fear of snakes, Adam. You no longer have that floor. Your fear of snakes disappears. Instead, you have the floor, I am risk averse and a slave to routine. Oh my goodness. Oh my God. Can I be possessed by more than one? You don't know.

Got to collect all the gods in my body, like a fucking Pokemon master, but of gods in my brain. Does anything change? You can hear a voice in your head. It's pretty consistently talking, like the entire time. Wait, shut the fuck up Just hang on Pob

Pob I'm okay We are silent, what's happening? I'm okay There is a rabbit bear in my brain It's not the worst thing that's ever happened to me It might be the worst thing that's ever happened to me You selfish fuck

What do you mean the worst thing that's ever happened to you. It might be the worst thing that's ever happened to me, you selfish fuck. What do you mean the worst thing that ever happened to you? I don't understand. I'm fine. Look, it's me. It's Pop. Tiffany stares at the ground and just shakes a bit and then starts leaving to go out that door and down that secret entrance we found. Where are you going?

We're going to learn how to fight the Lich King monster guy. You can learn. If you're learning, then learn. Please, learn. Why doesn't she like me being possessed by the rabbit? It's Absorbo, a little bear. I look at artists. No, Adam.

You go to look for dragon bait. I go to look for dragon bait and then remember, like, that Holy Avenger is in my hand. Why? I catch up to Tiffany. We're all going to go into that new tunnel. The water? What's the, hey, stop for a sec.

We might use something useful. What did I do? I don't even know how much I can say to you. There's someone else inside of your brain. Oh, he's a trickster, God. He's fine. I look at you in the way that any sane person would when someone tells you that.

I know all these thoughts as well. Do I have an inkling that he might betray us or control me or do something? You can talk to him in your mind. He can't shift through your thoughts and you can't shift through his, but you can kind of mentally talk to each other you can however tell you can tell from the way that he's talking and from the things that he is saying that he can see and hear whatever you see and hear he has access to your senses

but you have control of your body definitely right so he can't make me do stuff, but he'll know things that I know. I just know that. You've just got to trust me, horns. By the way. Do you almost laugh when you say that as you are to me now? Because that's very funny. Almost. There's a bit of like a wry grin.

Like, oh, no. The one thing that no one does because I don't let them. Yep. I just look at you and I say, okay, and we go into the tunnel. By the way, Pop, you now have the ring of protection. Oh, cool. This genuinely does sound really good and cool. You get a plus bonus to AC saving throw while wearing this ring.

Great. Would have helped you with the saving throw to avoid being controlled. Yeah, but I wanted to this time. While we're going through the tunnel, I go under my brain. I want to ask Obelaka what's. What? Ah. You hear a strange, awful, but definitely female voice in your head.

What? What? I'm trying to think of a very- Where are you in the group? Up the front or in the middle? Well, I went to catch up to Tiffany and you've then walked off. Tiffany, are you kind of leading the way? Yep.

Go back. Go back. Go back. Go back. Wait, wait, wait. Everybody fucking stop. Don't move. I turn around.

Be in the middle. Be in the middle. The middle is safest. Wait, you want me to- Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Be in the middle. Be in the middle. The middle is safest. Wait, you want me to? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Be in the middle. It's safest. Pop, what's happening?

Hang on a sec. I think the Zorbo's a coward. Obelaka, this is in my brain. Are you suggesting we go in the middle to keep ourselves safe or because it's dangerous for everyone? It's dangerous. It's dangerous for you. It's dangerous. It's dangerous for you. It's dangerous for us.

Us being you and I. Yeah, no, he's a selfish coward, right? What about for everyone else? You can also feel a fear deep within you. Your floor is now, I am risk averse and a slave to routine. You can push against that floor if you want, but it is how you feel now. I don't think we should go down there. Pop, is this you?

Yes, of course, this is me. I've got advice. I'm in charge, right? I'm in control. But the little fella's nervous about going down here. Why are you nervous? We can go down. but the little fella's nervous about going down here. Why are you nervous? We can go down.

We must kill Lassarac. Slay him. Find the other eight. Find them. Must. They are hidden here like me. Before we fight the Lich Boy, we should get all the... Yes, as many as possible except Injun. Except Injun.

Why not Injun? Injun is bad, is reckless. Adam, is Injun the one that the Zorbo doesn't like? Yeah. Right. So, apparently, before we take on Azorak, we should get the other nine. And these stairs will take us closer to Azorak, not the other nine, and these stairs will take us closer to Azarak, not the other nine?

Both. But we must explore. We must explore everywhere, every room. We need to explore every level of this dungeon. We need a plan, a plan. We need a routine we can follow. I think we should grid the place up. Stay in the middle.

What? Stay in the middle. And I should smack myself in the place up. Stay in the middle. What? Stay in the middle. And I should. I'd smack myself in the side of the head. Does that do anything to Obelaka? Obelaka does not feel what you. No, no, Obelaka does feel what you feel. Do you smack yourself hard enough to hurt yourself?

Yep. You take a point of damage and Obelaka is quiet finally for a moment. Fucking hell. Oh, sorry. Was that a bad choice? Has something gone wrong? Due to a decision you made because of a shiny thing you saw, how are you going to put it in the museum now that it's part of you? Do you have to go into a museum now? Are you done?

Time to send you home? Now we have to go collect something else. I'm trying to collect a person. I understand. Think of it like this, right right i don't think you do understand if you're telling me to think of something else no the npcs are just looking at you awkwardly if if okay say you were going into a fight with somebody and you knew that if you thought your way through the fight and came up with a plan and a strategy you would you would

win that fight over someone just swinging wildly and recklessly. Okay, so like this fight right now where I want to go save my dad and you're bringing in all these new things. I think having the nine gods on our side will help us kill Azurite, which will help us get your dad back. You think this? Yes. Why do you think I let the thing possess me in the first place?

I'll be honest with you, Pop. I'll be honest with you, Pop. Fuck. Oh, boy. Go on. I'll be honest with you, Pop. There will never be a time in my life where I will be able to say, yes, I understand why you let something possess you.

Because nothing has possessed you since museums possessed you. This isn't about the shiny thing, though. I'm doing. Oh, you won't give it to a museum? Tell me you're not going to give that to a museum. I'm not going to lie. Yes, I grabbed it initially because I wanted to give it to a museum. But now you won't, no?

I probably still will. Things can be more than one thing. I can use it to help us and then also put it in a museum. You can do both. I've been waiting a really long time for proof that with you, it could be two things, that maybe even though you were rude, you were still helpful. I've been really trying, Pop. I've been really trying.

And this is how you come to me with that? It's two things. It's both things. Pop? Yes? Do you know where the other eight are? No, but Oi!

Where are your friends? Uh, there, there would be um, hmm, hmm there would be, uh, uh, uh, uh two, two, two, two more on this level. Right. More down. Maybe three each level.

All right. Obelaka thinks there's three split across the, wait, how many levels? Levels? How deep is this fucking thing? I don't know. I don't know how deep it goes. But there's at least three more levels, and he thinks there's three each level. So there's two more on this level, three on the next, three on the next.

And look, if no one else wants to be possessed, I'm happy to be a library for all of them. Pop, they're so selfless of you. Except Injun. Most of them. I try to wink to be like, I'm lying, but I don't want the bear in my brain to know. Pop.

Yes. You believe this as much as you have believed anything I've ever seen you believe. I have watched someone I love very much get taken over by something that they shouldn't have because of mistakes and decisions they made that they shouldn't have. I am not going to ask you to promise that it will be fine or that you believe what you're saying because, honestly, I'm past that point.

I will do what you say until it gets bad. Where are we going? Well, I wouldn't go down to another level. You've made that very clear. Where are we going? Well, I wouldn't go down to another level. You've made that very clear. Where are we going? We need to check the rest of this level. Can we check that now? Yeah, we can head back up and around that long corridor.

Lead the way. Now. Okay. Right. Now. All right. Okay. Okay.

Let's go back the way we came. Can we go through that window? Does that look like, have we seen, is there any way through that window? The window leads to the corridor on the other side. You could smash it if you wanted to. Would anything happen? You don't know. Obelaka doesn't know either.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. We're going to go back and along, I suppose, through the corridor we were just in. All right. Past the night. You suppose?

No, I know. I just want to make sure it's right. I want to do the right thing. I don't want to make any mistakes, like you said. No mistakes. There's no point in me trying. There is never any point in me trying and it's just time

that I learnt that, you know? I keep trying to understand, Pop. I keep trying. It never works. Just go. What do you want to understand? Just go. What do you want to understand? I want to understand where my dad is. Can we please hurry up? I don't know. Go.

Very glad I didn't marry that man good boy god fuck yes holy shit that's the game that's the fucking game right there wow do you say that out loud under my breath but. But audible. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like it could be heard. I'm saying that so that anyone who is listening in can hear, but it's very clear I'm not looking for a response. Flask of Wine, Lomar, Artisimber, and Orvex were all kind of listening to the conversation. Zagmira and Valindra were uninterested.

Well, they were interested to the point where they got the gist of your dynamic and now they're no longer interested. They're interested only to the point where information might serve them. Good. Good. Cool. So pretty much I've said that you have to lead the way and you've never been more scared and cautious in your life.

And I've also just been yelled at. And I don't know how to process that at all. All right. So you're going back out to where the giant knight is. Yes. You're going to go across to the northern pathway, the one that you haven't been down? I'll go first and take the rope over. Oh, the locket does not like that.

But all right. No, we're going first because I've got no more metal to lose. You head back across the room. I limp through the room. Who are the first two people? Me and Tiffany. All right. You two get across.

None of the other party members are across yet but if any more party members start making their way across you guys are gonna have to enter the room basically so i'm gonna describe the room and then you can decide whether or not you well you don't really have a choice you've got to go in pop as the first person across you can look into the room a large fountain crusted with moss rises in the middle of a circular room. Three marble maidens stand in the fountain, holding pitches out of which water flows.

So, as you approach, you can hear Obelaka in the back of your head. Don't drink. Don't drink. Don't drink the water. Don't drink the water. Why not? It's dangerous. It must be dangerous. It's part of a trick, a trap. So there's no grave in there?

No, I don't think so. I don't know. Do you know that it's a trick or a trap? It must be. It simply must be. But you don't know this for sure? No. You're just stressed.

Pop, what's happening? It's dangerous. Don't drink the water. Pop? Right, so the first god that we have decided will assist us on this adventure is a big fucking coward who is very stressed about everything. So I'm taking the advice with a large grain of salt. And that advice would be? That fountain down there.

Yes. Don't drink from it. It's probably poison. But he doesn't know for sure. I don't know why else it would be there. It doesn't seem to lead to anything. I storm past. I look at the fountain.

What's in there? What am I seeing? All right. Why is Pop so scared? It's a fountain. Three marble maidens. Each of them hold a pitcher which water flows out of into the fountain beneath them. He said there's no tomb in there, though.

That's the only interesting effect. You can't really tell anything about the water. It seems normal. Maybe you, like, put your hand near it and it feels just like you don't get any special energy radiating off it. That doesn't mean it's not magical or poisonous.

You just can't tell. Well, if we can't get a god out of it and we can't take a step toward defeating Azarak, then we should leave. Let's go. There's certainly no sarcophagus in that room. Cool, we leave. All right, where do you want to go? We'll back out in the corridor and we'll retrace our steps

back to the big atrium. I'm supposing that down is a dangerous option and we're going around, right? Well, no, down would lead to the next level where there's three more. We have to get two more on this level before we can go down. Right. Okay. I start walking around.

It's like baking a cake. Who's leading the way? I started walking around because of all the rambling and I'm just very annoyed at the moment. All right. You get to the opposite side where there's a large corridor heading to the east. When you get there tiffany you can see a hunched figure glaring up at you from a balcony below the figure wears a mask that is a replica of the devil's face at the tomb entrance without saying a word the figure steps

out of sight you're the only one who sees that. I don't mention it. All right. This way? I adjust your east. I guess. Does sarcophagus feel like there's one of your friends buried in there? Does it feel like there's a dead friend? I don't know.

I don't know. You said you knew. I know some things. Not everything. He killed me. Then he made this place. I know some things. This used to be your place. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, this used to be the nine gods you lived here. It's a tomb of the nine gods. We were buried here. How the fuck did you lose a fight to one guy? There were nine of you. You feel the mental equivalent of a shrug. No, but...

No, no, no, hang on. There were nine of you One of him How did he beat you so easily? He can't be that powerful Yeah, I'm sure he's powerful You're a god Azurak is fearsome Azurak is terrible

He is powerful Very, very powerful Would you say you're pretty strong? You're a pretty powerful god Trickster type I am a god of sorts, yes Right, so You times nine

Failed to beat Strong guy times one. Yes. I don't understand how that didn't work. When we face him, you will know. All right, then. Looking out to the east, you see a giant stone skull crusted with moss jutting out from the end of the passageway. A flame flickers within each of its eye sockets, and a view into a chamber beyond can be seen through its open jaws.

It's similar to the devil face that you saw entering, but this one is a skeletal face. No darkness. Yeah, there's no darkness. You can just see through. I guess we walk through. We go down the corridor. You get to the stone skull, and you can see beyond. Skulls crusted with dried mud glower from niches cut into the walls of the tomb.

A stone sarcophagus stands at the center of the chamber. It's lit adorned with a coiled serpent carved in relief. Behind the sarcophagus, resting atop a marble pedestal, is an ornate crystal box with a small humanoid skull floating inside it you hear obelaka speak in your mind moa it's moa's tomb that's moa's tomb what's the box behind adam do i know what the box behind it is is it one of those special treasures that i came to steal from my museum i get a bad boy card you have no idea what it is what's the box i i don't know it it um it's some sort of magic evil magic evil bad bad is it like the thing is it like the thing that i put on that made you

go in my head no no no it's not like that it's not moe's artifact no whatever it is it's part of a trick or a trap definitely that is everything's always a trick or a trap i would say valindra finally when she walks out because there's a trick or a trap. I would say Valindra, finally, when she walks out, because there's a bit of a progression, so it takes her not immediately to get there, Valindra peers in and she says, it would appear to be a spirit trapped inside its own skull. I have seen such things before.

There is a creature called a demi-lich, a lich that is trans... beyond its body, and it inhabits just its skull. This is not exactly the same creature, it is not a demi-lich, but is a creature in a similar ilk. I do not know exactly what it is, though. It is presumably a creature of Azorak's own design. Valindra also gestures to the skull face that you need to step through and the fires. There are two fires in each of its eye sockets. She gestures towards both of them. I would worry about these as well.

I do not know exactly what they are, but I would assume they are also part of a trap. I see this perhaps as a two-stage trap. Whatever this skull is, it is part of a trap, and whatever this skeleton face, second skull, is, is also part of a trap. So going through the mouth would be a bad idea. It is not good nor bad. I would say the trap, if I were designing this trap, I would design it so that

it draws someone in first, and then the trap is sprung. Similar to how, well, you know in the last tomb, it was secret doors that allowed us in, but the most obvious entrance was the glass window. secret doors that allowed us in, but the most obvious entrance was the glass window. Obviously, if someone smashes the glass window, that sets off the trap. So I would say this will probably not be the ideal way in. There might be a secondary way in.

I do not know. But I would say that this part of the trap is not going to be very deadly. I would say, she gestures to the skull, that would be the deadly part of the trap is not going to be very deadly. I would say, she gestures to the skull, that would be the deadly part of the trap. Well, there's still a lot more to explore. There was another path we didn't take. We can always have a look, see if there's anything around. Eventually, we will need to take some risks.

Of a locker, you hear, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's all right. We've got a plan. We'll follow the plan. If you want to try this, there is an old expression that I come from. The fox that sees the trap cannot be caught. It means that we know that it's there, so we're safe.

Oh, I understand that. I'm just thinking back to times when that wasn't quite true for us. Okay. What would you want to do? Do you want to go in there? Or do you want to look for another entrance into there? Or do you want to go back? If there's another path we haven't taken already,

then why not look for the other entrance? All right. Well, why don't we go back and go up to the north? Let's go north. All right. You go back and go up to the north? Let's go north. All right. You go back and you instead head northwards. This is the final passage that the balcony stretches off to. Otherwise, you have to start going downstairs.

As you head northwards there, carved birds soar across the walls of the corridor. Blocking the passage near the northern end is a large adamantine propeller with five sharp blades it's massive very very big it's like a big fan thing basically yeah basically a big fan this is before anyone has stepped into the corridor tiffany i assume you're still first yep all right tiffany you can detect that the entire floor here is one big pressure plate stop you're not sure what it does but with the exception of flask of wine who can presumably climb along the walls anyone who sets there's no way to enter this room and not trigger the trap what touch on see what happens i look at pop with a look that's like what um no no i don't say anything um but now i'm angry and i stomp on a

trap in spite i just look him in the eyes like how dare you and stomp on it you step on the pressure plate and as soon as you do that the fan tiffany you need to jump out of the way because a large buffet of air assaults you and you hit the railing and are about to fall, topple over backwards all the way down into the darkness. You hit the railing, but then launch off the railing and roll to the side. It takes a full minute, but eventually it stops. So it takes six seconds to spin up, but it takes a minute to spin down. Well, clearly stomping on it doesn't work. What about Flask? He can climb up and have a look past the blades.

Flask? I could go in if you want me to. Just to have a look. You don't have to do anything without us. We just want to know what's in there. All right. He climbs along the wall and enters the room. He gets up to the big fan and then looks back.

Do you want me to keep going? Can you see past the fan? He looks around. I see past the fan. I can tell that there is another room of some sort. It's got a sarcophagus. Damn it. Floss, can you carry us?

He shakes his head. Not on the walls. Do you want to shake your brain with a ghost? No. Do you want something shiny? No. Do you want something shiny? What would you give me?

Whatever's in there, in that sarcophagus, is yours. You just have to have a ghost in your brain for a little bit. It's fine. Look at me. I've turned out absolutely fine. And I just try to look fine. All right, then. But only if you think it'd be safe to do so. Don't die.

I do not think that any room here will be safe. No, but... Flask, you don't have to. And now, a word from our sponsors. Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that you could hear questions that no one ever thought to ask about pop culture you only kinda know, then do I have news for you. Plumbing the Death Star is a show by Zamet, Dushar, and Jackson

where they, as my dad calls it, make a living while being a drain on society, like you, Adam. So, if you like the sound of that, or if you want to know why my dad doesn it, make a living while being a drain on society, like you, Adam. So if you like the sound of that, or if you want to know why my dad doesn't believe in entertainment, then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for Plumbing the Death Star. Quick question. Yes.

Sorry. I don't mean to sound rude, but could we not jam the fan up with like a... i really don't want to sound rude here but don't you both have immovable rods i embarrassingly like i hand my immovable rod over to flask and i try not to make eye contact with artists from shame from shame i look artists dead in the eyes what no point in that wouldn't be rude arranging fake wedding, that'd be fucking rude. Artisimba looks not devastated because you haven't really endeared a lot of empathy from Artisimba. So Artisimba doesn't care how you feel,

but you see that Artisimba looks at Tiffany and you can see that his shame is directed mostly not towards Tiffany, but about Tiffany. Hey, I made him feel warmth when I told him that I wouldn't let him die. An interesting promise to make at this late juncture. It just, look, Artis Simber and you have a relationship where Artis Simber would never willingly let harm come to you, but Artisember has no particular deep love for you.

No. He wouldn't willingly spend time with me. No. Sometimes, friend. Do you think it's a good sign of a relationship, a good sign of a healthy relationship, if you can recall the one good thing? Get a good boy card, Cass.

Fuck yes. Wow. You're really proud of that, aren't you? get a good boy card cast wow you're really proud of that aren't you I'm really proud of that I feel good alright flask of wine sets the two immovable rods in place to block the fan and then he returns

who wants to step on the pressure plate don't be first I won't be first, don't be first, don't be first. I won't be first. Good, good, good, good, good. I walk. As soon as you step into the corridor you hear the fan it tries to spin up hits the immovable rod and nothing happens.

Come on. I follow. Everyone walks past the fan. A deep pit opens up at the entrance to this tomb with a stone sarcophagus resting at the bottom. A deep pit opens up at the entrance to this tomb with a stone sarcophagus resting at the bottom. A snarling monkey-like creature decorates

the sarcophagus lid, and beyond the pit, three treasure chests sit on stone diocese. The chest on the left is carved of black onyx, the middle chest is made of rusty iron, and the chest on the right is cast in silver and glistening with frost.

Are there any, can we look around the room and see if there are any hints for whose sarcophagus this could be? Oh, well, you can see on the lid of the sarcophagus, there's a snarling monkey-like creature. Oh, ha, ha, ha, ha. Those treasure chests, are they traps, Adam, or can I just open them and get treasure out?

Cool question. Real bold. Not immediately sure, but Obelaka whispers into your mind, Wongo, Wongo, yes, this will be good. Good, good, good, good, good. Get Wongo. Get Wongo. Wongo's good.

It's a good get. All right. Apparently this is a good get, according to. We'll do the honors. Okay. I jump down. All right. You hop down. We'll do the honors. Okay. I jump down. All right. You hop down.

And I open the sarcophagus. The sarcophagus will not budge. You try as hard as you want. You can spend as much time doing it as you want, but you can tell that you cannot shift to the lid. Right. Something to do with the chests. You can't open the box.

So does everyone enter the room? Yeah. Yeah. Nothing happens. I just want to know where everyone is so you all enter the room and when you do maybe loma who hasn't really spoken much is about you loma says obviously villandra is about to say something but then loma cuts her off and you can tell you immediately both of you

can tell that they have behind the scenes without either of you noticing because you've been preoccupied they have been having a silent battle of the wills and you can tell that this is a very this is like it halfway through a game of chess if you did not understand chess one of them has moved the piece and said check you can tell that an important thing has just happened but you are not sure what exactly it is and because you've been paying attention we don't care loma cuts off philindra and says the inscription out the the one that was given to us Both of them open one of the chests each and see that inside the chest, there is a three-inch long gold key protruding from an adamantine keyhole set under the chest's lid.

Lomar says the keys- So they've opened them. The keys turn on the inside only. Right. That is meant to be about this. Clearly, the keys turn on the inside only. Right. That is meant to be about this. Clearly, the keys turn on the inside only. The keys, we're meant to do something with the keys inside this chest. Maybe we need to climb in or something.

Valindra looks like that was what she was going to say, and she shoots Lomar a dirty look. I'll get back down in the sarcophagus if some others want to get inside some chests and open them up. I try and gently stay out of it whilst giving encouraging looks to suggest that the two people fighting should do it if they want to prove it to each other so bad. And we need a third person.

Fine. Someone small. So who's climbing into each of the chests i'll jump in the middle all right you jump into the rusty iron one iron yeah rust it's onyx rusty iron and silver with a bit of frosting on it tiffany hops into the rusty iron one if no one says anything maybe artist simber hops into the frosted one. Oh, I thought the people arguing were going to do it. What about their pride?

Valindra is not going to risk herself like that. Lomar hops into the onyx one. Very funny if she made Zegmira do it. When all of them shut, you hear a click, and you can tell that they're locked from the inside. They're locked.

Tiffany, what do you do? You're right, horns. Try your sarcophagus. Nothing's happened with the sarcophagus yet. Tiffany, you're in there with the key in the keyhole. Well, I try twisting it clockwise. No, counterclockwise. You unlock the key inside the rusty iron chest,

and a rusty iron button appears in the middle of the sarcophagus. Hans, did you do anything? Just turn the key. An onyx button appears and a silver button appears. All right. I press them in the order that the chests appear. You press the onyx button first? Yep.

All right. When you press the onyx button, Lomar is going to need to make a saving throw. You hear Lomar screaming in his chest. Ooh, Lomar, no, no, no, no, no. I do not touch any other button. Oh, Lomar. All right, there's a scream and then nothing. Lomar?

No response. Horns, are you all right? What happened? No, you're okay. Yes, what happened? So, three buttons appeared on the sarcophagus representing the chests. I pressed them in the order the chests appear. Loma has gone very quiet.

Artis, are you all right? Yes, I'm fine. I hope loma is all right wait i try and unlock it and get out can i get out nope the key will not turn back you realize something is triggered in the adamantine lock and it's clamped down on the key there is nothing you can do there's no room to fit your thieves tools in and an adamantine lock will resist damage until the end of time. What's wrong? There's no way

out. Valindra looks at you pop and says press the next one. No. There is only one way and that is forward. No. It's my friends in that fucking chest yes and i'm pretty sure the bloke on the end is fucking dead oh yes he absolutely is but there is no way but forward

there is no thing on the outside of the chest to open it. They are inside with an adamantine lock and a golden key. There is nothing we can do. No, we could try to get them out of there. Be my guest. I know Azarak. The only way is forward. Why would you have to kill people in a chest to get a thing open? What purpose would that serve?

I would imagine Azurak found it funny I must admit, I don't find it not funny I really don't like you Pop, this is a choice moment to find your heart Put it away Alright then If you push the button, I might die in the box. If you don't push the button, I'm going to die in the box.

Okay, all right, fine. Fine. I'm sorry. I press the button. You press the rusty iron button. Tiffany, your mask is destroyed as a gas fills the chest. You feel your mask decay and destroy. You feel yourself slowly sinking a little bit.

At first you panic. You think you are being corroded into nothing. But then you realize it's leaving your flesh intact. But only your flesh. Your mask is destroyed. Your backpack is destroyed. Oh my god. Then why did Loma die?

Arrows are destroyed Your ball bearings are destroyed Your bell is not destroyed Your candle is destroyed Your traveller's clothes are destroyed Anything that isn't made of metal or magical is destroyed So my leather, gone My short bow, gone My arrows.

Oh, my arrows are still there. The wood is destroyed, but the arrowhead remains. I have the opposite. Yep. We can build arrows. Okay. I'm writing arrowheads. Hammer.

Your hammer, I will say, remains. Oh, no. The handle. Yep. It's destroyed. Hammerhead. Lantern. Lantern stays.

No, that's mostly metal. Oh, yep. Oil. I would say that stays because that's mostly the oil, I guess, is protected by the container. Yep. I've got no more food. Oh, my rope.

Pitten destroyed. Huh? Rope destroyed. Yeah. Pitten would be destroyed. They're metal. Mine are gone. That's very true.

All right. I'll have to add that back. Smith's tools. No, no. You can just have mine. I got rid of mine. Tinderbox destroyed. Tinderbox destroyed? Tinderbox destroyed.

Water skin destroyed. String destroyed. Wakanut. Wakanut destroyed. Water breathing potion? No, magical. Magical. Is the Wakanut magical?

No. It's not. It's alchemical. A lot of green snake skin. All destroyed. Climber's kit. It's alchemical. A lot of green snake skin. All destroyed. Climber's kit. It's unusable, yeah. A lot of it is metal in the climber's kit,

but enough of it is not metal to destroy the climber's kit. Adam? My stone of good luck. That's magical. All right, of course. Did we put Tiffany in a chest and we pressed a button and now she comes out and Tiffany has no clothes? Yep.

Sunflower poison destroyed. Luckstone. Is the monkey fruit magic? Monkey fruit is. No, it doesn't count as magic. Monkey fruit destroyed. Tiger eye gemstones destroyed. Spell book?

Destroyed. Flask of fine wine destroyed. Bejeweled doublet? I would say that's enough metal to be fine. Fine silk cloak, destroyed. Gilded harp? Gilded harp? I'd say that's destroyed.

Nah, strings are gone. It's useless. It's not a harp anymore. Leather-bound spellbook, destroyed. Destroyed. 30 gems and a clay urn, destroyed. 100 platinum gold silver frogimeth? I've got a little frogimeth statue, I think. What does it say it's made out of? platinum gold silver frogimus i've got a little frogimus statue i think what does it say it's made out of it just says frogimus i think that one was made

out of wood from memory so i'm gonna say that's destroyed are you live horns yeah you're not dead no um no three different chests for three different magical effects. Right. So his was the black one. So that was clearly death. Yours was. Rusted metal. What happened to you?

Did you lose all your fucking swords? Um. You can feel your rapier. It's fine. The opposite. I only have metal. Everything else got taken away. Well, that's just confusing thematically, she says.

Right. He's not very good at dungeons. But you're alive. You're okay. Yeah, I think. You're not injured? No. Okay.

All right. That's good to know. Someone needs to bring me a coat. A coat? Why does anyone need to bring me a coat. A coat? Why does anyone need to bring you a coat? Everything that wasn't metal. Oh. Oh.

Press the other button. I press. Artis. Artis. Do it. Hold on. I press the final button. Artis Simber screams in pain as well.

Oh, he did not make the saving throw. You did very well to not get either of the other chests just quietly. Wow, I did really well not to get either of the other chests. Artisimber screams in pain, but then, I'm all right. I'm all right. I'm alive. What happened to you? Frost energy.

It assaulted me from all edges. All right. Well, you like snow, so you'll be fine. All right. Can I open the sarcophagus? When you press all three of the buttons, the sarcophagus, the stone sarcophagus, turns to transparent crystal,

revealing a mummified monkey-like creature within. Clutched in its desiccated claws is a fearsome looking mace. I take the mace, Adam. It's in a crystalline sarcophagus. I open, I move the lid. Oh, when all of the buttons are pressed as well, the three

chests all open. No one look. Okay. Artisimber and Valindra Shadowmantle help you, Tiffany. Artisimber takes the cloak off his shoulders. I've got Traveler's Clothes in my inventory. He maybe puts the cloak in front of you, Tiffany, and averts his gaze. Thank you. While Valindra takes the traveler's clothes from you in the pit

and hands the traveler's clothes to you, Tiffany. If they're too big, I have several belts. You don't. No, you don't. Oh. No, no, no, I do. The buckles are just all gone. You can tie them up. Well, if they're made for pop, you could no, no. I do. The buckles are just all gone. You can tie them up.

Well, if they're made for pop, you could tie them up. They're made for a much bigger frame. Do I look like a child who has tried their best to replicate their dad? Yes. So you notice, Tiffany, Artis Simba and Valindra Shadowmantle are both very respectful. Artis Simba holds his cloak up, averts his gaze, and Valindra Shadowmantle, while she's taking the clothes

and handing them to you, makes a very pointed gesture of not looking at you. The very epitome of neutral good and lawful evil, respectively. Oh, that's so good. the cross-section of them i don't know no we both can't be rude flask of wine doesn't make any pointed effort to not look at you he doesn't he's not like looking at you or anything like that but flask of wine chaotic good it just doesn't understand what's really happening for him the idea of being nude is not that big a deal he wears clothes for for the for everyone else's sake if he were up to him he

wouldn't care he's just like what a magic thing happened he doesn't consider me the person zag mirror as a uh not law evil, doesn't really care. Well, I'm behind Artis' big coat. Oh, yeah, thanks to Artis, no one obviously sees anything. No one sees that tattoo of mum you also have on your arse. You do have, well, not on your arse, but you do have a tattoo of mum. Yeah, anytime someone is a good mum or a bad mum, I touch it and I think of Grig.

Like when Thingo before, when Zag Mira was talking about how she inhabited her daughter's body, I touched my mum tattoo and thought, not a mum. Art is holding up a coat. Yep. Big mum energy. Big mum energy. Also, I love Valindra now. Big mum.

She is the mum. No, she literally has mum energy. Yes,. Big mum. She is the mum. No, she literally has mum energy. Yes, such a mum. She's just evil. But you don't. You don't have to be good to be a mum. You don't. You can be a good mum without being good.

Strict mum. She's a good mum. Vicious mum. What happened to Lomir? Oh, you open that chest and there's a pile of ash and Lomar's equipment. Valindra looking into it says, I would have to imagine he was assaulted by force energy. She says, touching the edges of the inside of the chest, I can detect the remnants of it. Unfortunately, because he was slain by force energy, there was no chance to recover

the corpse or heal his dying body. He was simply turned to ash. Jesus Christ. I go back into my brain. Oi. Your mate better be fucking worth it. It is, it is, it is, it is.

Lomar had such a pity. He was like a fair fighter. I love that we have brought two new people into our party and they are both dead. It's their choice to come along, I guess. Yep. Wow. All right.

Actually, Lomar had a set of common clothes that would fit you better if you don't mind the ash. That seems a bit dark. It's up to you. No. No. They've got bits of dead friend in them. I don't think I'd like.

Oh, that's so funny. He has a bag of sand in his equipment. It's hard to tell if the sand is him or not. Oh, Adam. Can I now open the sarcophagus? You can't open the sarcophagus you can tell now that it's crystalline there's actually no seam to it break it perhaps smash the hilt of the uh holy avenger into it holy avenger slams into it and you can tell that this crystalline

sarcophagus is not particularly strong so you will deal oh wait that's right yep no you absolutely just shatter it god it's very weak when you shatter it the sue monster the mummified sue monster animates and attacks let's go to initiative huh i just want its fucking mace i'm trying to disarm it pop who would you like to act with you've got zag mira the red wizard velindra shadow mantle you've got flask of wine and you've got artist simbra i'm gonna maybe zag mira because she's probably maybe closer to me can i fight with obelaka obelaka no no you can't that, you can't. That's the monkey. Put the ring on the monkey. No, I don't do that.

That's dumb. Here's her character sheet. Oh. Oh, look at these. She's not very strong. Who would you like to fight with? Valindra. Pop, you're first.

What would you like to do? What the fuck is a packed weapon? She's like a very good frontline caster, basically. She's a combat wizard. So Eldritch Blast would be the way to go here, Adam, because it does 1d10 force. Well, yes. And it's a cantrip, so you can do it as many times as you like. She's very good at that.

She also is very good at fighting with her club. What is Mind Spike? You reach into the mind of one creature you can see within range the target must make a wisdom saving throw or take 3d8 psychic damage on a failed save and half as much on a successful one she can cast it as a third level spell to do an extra d8 damage adam i'd like to cast mind spike as the third level style spell this monkey. She gestures a hand. You like nod towards the mummy. She gestures a hand at it, and you can see a spike of energy launch from her hand

and drive itself into the mummy's cranium. The mummy definitely makes that saving throw, so it'll only take half damage. Do you want her to cast it as a third level spell? Third level, yeah. And then I'm going to follow it up with Holy half damage. Do you want her to cast it as a second level spell? A third level spell? Third level, yeah. And then I'm going to follow it up with Holy Avenger. All right.

Holy Avenger is going to do you well here. Yeah, each sheared you undead fucking monkey. Give me your fucking mace. 13 points of damage, but that's halved to 6 points of damage only to the mummy. Pop, you attack twice with Holy Avenger. Wait, no, don't you attack three times in the first round? Especially if I use Zephyr Strike, which, Adam, I'm going to do. All right.

Your first attack will hit. Your second attack will be a miss. Yeah, a miss. And then in between your second and third attack, the mummy grabs you and channels negative energy into you. Wait, why? This is a legendary creature. Legendary creatures get legendary actions.

Legendary actions happen whenever they want them to happen. So in between your three attacks it attacks you back huh it claps back the mummy grabs you and unleashes negative energy into you. You cannot regain hit points until the end of its next turn. And then it slams one of its fists into you. No. I'm so sorry. Hits you with the mace.

It hits you with the mace. That's right, I got a hit in. It rolls a natty one. So it uses one of its re-rolls to re-roll that. It hits you with the mace. Didn't realise we were fighting a legendary creature. No, no, there wasn't a sign.

The battle music didn't change. Yes, that was. I mean, it is in the tomb of a dead god. Didn't have to fight the other guy, though. No, he just jumped in. Why can't they all be cool? This guy's not cool. He's a big nerd.

Stressed about everything. You take seven points of damage when the mace connects with you. Seven. You take 14 points of negative necrotic damage, which is being charged through up the mummy's arm. Then you need to make a constitution saving throw, which successfully you pass, because otherwise you would have been infected with mummy rot, which would have slowly decayed you over the course of a week until it killed you and turned you to dust. Then you need to make a charisma saving throw, which you fail. What are you talking about?

My charisma is amazing. You got a natty one. Now, as soon as you fail the charisma saving throw, you know exactly what it was for. Red smoke seethes from the head of the mace forming into the outline of a monkey with a long tail. With a roar,

the smoky apparition leaps at you screaming, let me in! Oh, Adam. I let that bad boy in. Do I not control the mace? No, wait. I let that bad boy in. Do I not control the mace? No, wait. I've got to get the mace off the monkey. Wait, do I not need the artifact to have the ghosts go in my brain?

No, but the other spirit is forced out. Huh. So I can't have one. You hear Obelaka. No. You fucking idiot. You said you wanted to go. Jesus.

So we can't get all of them. You are no longer attuned to any of your magical items because that's Obelaka's effect. Any of them. When he leaves, yeah, when Obelaka leaves. Everything becomes unattuned. Including? Ballon.

Which I don't know about. Yep. The liver rod doesn't need to be attuned I don't wear that you gain Wongo instead Wongo the Sioux monster is violent and deranged your new flaw is I act without concern

for the well-being of others oh no no how will the party deal with an even meaner pop? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chot. and consider joining the Sandspans Plus community. There's over 20 bonus shows, a Sandspans Plus Discord, exclusive video content, and discounts on merch.

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