D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #4 Moas Tomb

Episode Date: October 31, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most procedurally generated podcast network. Hey guys, before we start, I just want to let you know that Jackson has decided to take his good friends, Handsome Tom and Cass, through a carefully constructed role-playing adventure about a small town, an unlikely group of friends, and the mummy they have all sworn to protect, no matter the cost. Tales from Handel Creek, My Summer with Anko Tep, is a love letter to 80s movies like Monster Squad and The Goonies. For the next month, we're premiering each episode on twitch.tv slash sanspantsradio before uploading them to YouTube.

But if you hate waiting, you can grab all five episodes right now on our website, sanspantsradio.com. right now on our website, SandsPantsRadio.com. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 4 of Zombie Plagued Chult. Previously. My floor is my fear of snakes, Adam. You no longer have that floor. Your fear of snakes disappears.

Instead, you have the floor, I am risk-averse and a slave to routine. You suggesting we go in the middle to keep ourselves safe or because it's dangerous for everyone? It's dangerous. It's dangerous for you. It's dangerous for us. Us being you and I. Yeah, no, he's a selfish coward.

How the fuck did you lose a fight to one guy? There were nine of you. You feel the mental equivalent of a shrug. No, but... No, no, no, hang on. There are nine of you, one of him. How did he beat you so easily? He can't be that powerful. Could we not jam the

fan up with, like, a... Look, I really don't want to sound rude here, but don't you both have immovable rods? I embarrassingly, like, I hand my immovable rod over to Flask, and I try not to make eye contact with artists. From shame. Three buttons appear on the sarcophagus representing the chests. I press them in the order the chests appear.

Omaha has gone very quiet. Artis, you're right. Yes, I'm fine. Red smoke seethes from the head of the mace, forming into the outline of a monkey with a long tail. With a roar, the smoky apparition leaps at you, screaming, Let me in! Oh, Adam,

I let that bad boy in. Your new floor is, I act without concern for the well-being of others. Oh, no! Pop. No! While inhabited by Wongo,

you can use your action to unleash a psionic assault on a creature within 60 feet of you. The target must succeed on a DC 16 wisdom saving throw or be stunned until the end of its turn. Basically miss a turn. That's your new spirit. So is there no way for me to have more than one spirit, Adam? And then your third attack hits.

Sorry. Yeah, there's only one spirit can inhabit you at a time. There's no way to get them all. Yeah, unfortunately. Although we can have all the artifacts. You can have all the artifacts. Which house the spirits. Yes.

Right, so that might be handy. We'll just do that. I can't wait to reveal the end of this fight that I can't hold all the spirits in me. Unless I don't tell you. This is very funny because in between your attacks, you become unattuned. So you do this. Very funny. But the first attack did a lot of damage oh the first attack fucked this mummy's day up but also it still does the radiant damage doesn't it it will still do the radiant damage yes oh cast what a day i'm

having truly your first attack deals 24 points of damage your third attack deals 24 points of damage. Your third attack deals 23 points of damage. When the spirit inhabits you, you can tell that the mummy no longer seems interested in you. It just moves onwards. Oi, monkey boy. It's Flask of Wine's turn. Flask of Wine is going to start flogging the creature, I guess. Flask of Wine, if we were to use Australian terms, would be gunavino.

Flask of wine, just shorten him. He'd just be called Goonbag. Hey, Goonsack, get over here. He casts a spell as he draws his first arrow, and you see the arrow materializes instead as electrical energy. When did he get this power? He leveled up a while back. Flosk?

Flosk? When did you get this power? Come on, Zach. What you doing? Wait, no, he does not do that because that would hurt allies, and he would never do that. Wish we could say the same for everyone in that party. Hey, just because of this. It's just this.

It's just taking a quality that Pop already possesses and making it a lot worse. Yeah, I should understand. It's just part of my personality that makes me shit. Flask of Wine does double maximum damage on a critical hit on his first attack, Pierced Thigh. Unfortunately, it has resistance, so he kind of just deals maximum damage on one attack. That was Flask, Tiffany, and Valindra.

Green Flameblade, I'm going to run over there. You Green Flameblade and charge in with your rapier. You attack. Maha! With an ally next to you, you will do your extra sneak attack damage. So you will deal 35 points of damage as you drive your rapier deep into the mummy's belly. What comes out of it?

What does it look like? What happens? Blood? I don't think it's blood. Dust. Dust and nothing else. Oh, Tiffany, you slay the mummy. Tiffany slays a mum.

Don't read too much into that. Just touch your arm and go, not a mum. As you drive your rapier into it, the mummy falls backwards and hits the sarcophagus, turning into nothing but ash, leaving the mace sitting on top. Man, it had so many cool powers. Oh, well. You get 2 get 2166 experience points each oh we are we are close to level 10 you're getting close to level 10 but you're not there yet. Uh, so, monkey boy. Uh-huh? Uh, where the fuck

did the other fucker go? I know not. I am aware that there are three on this level, but I know you already know that, so that's no help to you. There should be one other here. Um, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm, hmm. We know where it is.

It's in a weird room. We don't know how to get in, but we're working on it. Apparently you're a good get. Why are you a good get? I've given you a power, a mighty power, haven't I? You can psychically attack your enemies. That's handy. And then there's the nice fuck off.

Mongo, chaotic evil. You do not like him. This fucking makes my brain fucking itch. We can find many good, good spirits here except Mower. Not Mower. Not Mower. This is adorable. It's so cute to listen to them be like, I hate them.

Question. How did a big tough guy like you get fucking rolled by a lich? He destroyed us. Destroyed us. Massacred us. He's powerful. So very, very strong. I understand.

But there are nine of you and you're fucking gods. We were not powerful enough. Pretty piss-sweet gods, if you ask me. He's beyond a god. Right. He thinks himself powerful, very powerful. He would not accept the mantle of God. We tried to bargain.

Give him a godhood. He didn't want it. He said he was beyond it. It limited him. Right. Have you seen this dungeon? It's full of fucking skulls. Like, the man's a wanker.

Yes. And? Okay, then. So, fun fact. how the fuck has gone you mean you can't hold all of them no you can't even hold two of them no apparently not i have just learned this this is the artifact that you got by the way someone in the party if no one else can then velindra definitely can identify that artifact mace of terror uh three charges while holding it you can use an action to expend one charge release wave of terror each creature gets scared so we can scare people with this uh once three three charges a day

looks fucking terrifying so i no longer have the ring of protection, but I do have the ability to use this mace. Right. So they're connected to the artefacts, but I can't hold them all in my head. So unless anyone else wants to share a brain with a ghost, we just have to get all the artefacts in, and then we have them binded to the things. Artists and brush frogs.

Would you like to, Tiffany? I really wouldn't. I could. You don't fucking have to. It's fine. I'm more than happy to just rotate them in one at a time, see if I can learn anything useful, and hold on to the objects. Look, to put all the burden on you might be too much.

I'll hold the – give me the ring. I won't use it all the time no but look just a heads up he's a big fucking coward i figured and even though you are not a big fucking coward he will make you a big fucking coward oh is that one of the nicest things you ever said to Artis? No, I said he wouldn't die once. Artis Simba takes out, like, a kerchief and gestures to get the ring. No, you can do the next thing. Please.

I feel like the burden is quite heavy on you right now. I'm not burdened. I'm not doing all right. Why do I look burdened? Do I seem burdened? I'm not going to answer that. That's a smart move. All right.

Well, very well then. I'll take the next one. All right. Once again, it's like a constant chattering in the back of your head. Is this one way worse? Wongo is just crueler. Is this one way worse? Wongo is just crueler.

His opinions of other people seem to kind of stop at their usefulness to him. It's not even that. He doesn't even consider other people people, really. Even you. And he can hear you speaking back to him. He acts as if no one other than him is real or actually has emotion so it's interesting so i saw this being like it's gonna magnify the fact that pop's a piece of shit maybe to make pop realize that people have value because i'm not evil no just angry he's cruel wongo begins going through ideas that he has for other traps that could be in this

dungeon and then he considers how you could use the people around you to trip those traps instead of setting them off yourself oh oi monkey fucker yes i will throw myself on a trap so that we both die if you don't shut the fuck up about the trap shit. Of course you won't. You're a fucking piece of shit. You don't fucking know that. Arda Simber interrupts your silent ruminations. What? Perhaps we should take a break, a rest.

In here. I don't know. Do you know a safer place? A lot of us, he gestures to Segmira, and even Tiffany and you, you're all hurt. Flask of wine. Everyone's got cuts, bruises, and is bleeding. Do you know who's probably fine?

Valindra. Because she's a tank. Big evil tank. It might not be a bad idea. I mean, this was that thing's lair, right? So nothing else is coming in here. No, it did belong to. Was that you, that fucking mummy thing?

It was my corpse possessed by evil magic done by Azarak. Right. They're really powerful. Question for you. You're so fucking clever. How come you got beaten by a thing with no fucking arms? Anyway, I think that's a good idea. What do you mean no arms?

Snake. Mower. He outsmarted you, didn't he? Didn't outsmart me? He fucking beat you, though, didn't he? No, he didn't. Isn't that how the story goes? What story?

You relay the story to Wongo. At the end of it, Wongo says, what? No, that didn't happen. How'd it go down then? It didn't happen. Ubtow turned his back on the Olmans and then we showed up and we as spirits assisted them.

Gave them guidance. I don't know when that story came to be true, but it certainly wasn't true when I was alive. Wait, no. The clerics, those fools, those idiots, the only ones we didn't speak to regularly. The clerics of the nine, our disciples, they were the only ones who didn't speak to regularly. The clerics of the nine are disciples. They were the only ones who didn't have to go through our trials. Right. So they lied about you.

Yes, for whatever reason. Made up a reason for why I hate Moa. Why do you hate Moa? Moa's an idiot. Okay. Pop comes out of his brain. I think I need to rest, actually. Learning a lot of fun things.

Flask? Yes? Can you go grab that immovable rod? Very well, yes. I will do that. At least give us protection for the night. Flask of Wine grabs the immovable rods and returns with them. All right.

Cool. After your long rest, Tiffany, you will be on full hit points, and Pop, you recover 38 hit points, putting you on a total of 99. Aw, man. I should also say, while you were taking your rest, you did hear footsteps in the darkness. Well, that makes sense. I mean, people are in the dungeon.

Yeah. We've seen a guy in the water who was like, nope. Yep. He was like, nope. Yep. He was like, whoa. So you approach the stone skull again. A giant stone skull crusted with moss juts out from the end of the passageway. A flame flickers within each of its eye sockets, and a view into the chamber beyond can be seen through its open jaws.

Said tomb is skulls crusted with dry mud, glowering from niches cut into the walls of this tomb. A stone sarcophagus stands at the center of the chamber, its lid adorned with coiled serpents carved in relief. Once again, as you approach, I believe it's Wongo in your head. You hear Wongo call out, Mowa, mowa, mowa, mowa, mowa, mowa. All right, all right.

Behind the sarcophagus, resting atop a marble pedestal, is an ornate crystal box with a small humanoid skull floating within it. And it's, like, necrotic as fuck. Oh, yeah. Yes. Wongo. Yes. Do you know how to get in there?

Through the jaws, maybe. Maybe. Through the jaws. Through the jaws. Something tells me that that will be done. Is Moa any good? Yes, Moa is good. Moa is good.

Moa is truthful and kind. Right. Might actually. Hey, so, my old mate. Wait. I'm so sorry. Yes. Done this completely wrong.

The entire time you're approaching there, Wongo is like, no, no like no no no no no no no well moa is truthful and kind right truthful handy so you must no no no no bad in the dungeon bad in the dungeon what's bad in that dungeon moa moa will force you to speak the truth just hang on moa always tells the truth moa will force you to speak the truth. Will Moa always tell the truth? Yes. Right. I will always tell the truth. You... No, do not get Moa.

Do not get Moa. Do not get Moa. No, no, no, no, no. Do you know how to get in that room? No. It's a bad room. Bad room. Bad room.

So, old mate in me upstairs. Uh-huh. Not a fan of this room. Doesn't like the bloke who's in there. Shocking. Bloke who's in there. Shocking. Bloke who's in there always tells the truth. Oh, no, we can't have that.

No, we could genuinely find out what the fuck's going on. They can't lie to us. They will tell us what's happening. But then you have to swap one out. You can swap them back out, right? No, I'm just not meaning that like fucking, I don't know. Because we cannot leave that room. Let me see.

I would like to pick up the ring of protection and put it on. You put on the ring of protection. All right. The spirits fight within your mind. Oh, fuck. Wongo leaps at the small bear and the small bear leaps at Wongo. They tussle and roll and fight it out. Blood is drawn and when blood is drawn by el balaka the little bear when it slashes at the at the monkey-like figure you see them fighting

almost in silhouette in your own mind when that happens unpleasant pop you take five points of damage you barely notice it you can't really tell, Pop. But, Tiffany, you see that when this is happening, when the spirits are changing over, a mighty gash, a slash, appears on Pop's face. What? And, Pop, it is now Obelaka in your mind. Your floor has become, I am risk-averse and a slave to routine. Oh, I'm not this fucking guy again. I can use all my magical items then again.

Pop your face. All of your magical items get reset. Yeah, to me again. No, I think none of them are attuned. Every time this one jumps in, you're unattuned to your magical items. Wait, no, that's not true. You can just attune to one more. Sorry, it's when obelaka leaves that

they become unattuned so sorry i actually forgot to set that which you have four items holy avenger mace of terror oh well you actually have to deep mace of terror is the item that contains i don't have that anymore i'm not i'm not holding that because as soon as i hold that so it's the ring of protection it's holy avenger and you can now well you don't need the Vaughn amulet while you're in here. So you can have the amulet for proof against detection and location, which makes you immune to being scryed through magic. That's probably handy. I might put that on considering I don't need to use Vaughn for a bit. Yep.

All right. If I'm wearing it, does it affect other people or just me? They can't target you. They could still target Tiffany or Artisember. Well, they can't target you they could still target tiffany or artis simber or well they can't target artis simber he's got other protections but they could target someone else in your party but even if they did so they would not see you through the magical scrying right okay so you are still invisible to being magically scryed they wouldn't know that you were with tiffany if they scryed tiffany yeah yeah but i'm whoever they are which would be pointless well

if you ask as well or if you're at any point discussing it or worried about it velindra says you will not be scryed within the from outside the dungeon anyway no scrying magic can penetrate into or out of this dungeon yeah i'm uh i'm not wearing I'm going to keep my Vaughn amulet on. Do you have any magic that allows you to teleport or anything like this? No. Look. Do I look like a fucking wizard? I'm so sorry. You simply asked whether or not, if anything were important,

to bring it up with you again. And I have brought this up with you, but I feel it bears repeating that some magic will not work as well as it should in the dungeon. And some magic will simply not work within this area. Adam, you know what I'm going to do now that I'm back and I've had a nap?

I'm going to fucking cure wounds myself. Level 3, please. Level 3, cure wounds. Right before you cure wounds yourself, I just want to gesture to your cheek to sort of feel. What? How did that happen? You recover 17 points.

Probably in the fight. What fight? With the monkey thing. No, I saw it. It just happened then. Oh. Okay, then. Fun fact.

When you put the ring on. They had a massive punch in my head. Oh. The other one's back, the ring on. They had a massive punch in my head. Oh. The other one's back, the one that was in there before, the little bear fella. Decidedly more pleasant, may I just add, than the fucking nutbag of a monkey. Doesn't seem wise to just say that.

No, no, but what I mean is that I can swap them in and out. So I can get the thing that tells the truth and then swap it in for old mate Bear, who seems to be the most well together of the lot so far. Yeah, you cannot leave the truth teller in there. We're meant to lie to a child. Oh, mate, I've been lying to children my whole life. Anyone got any ideas how we get in there? Your little upstairs mate's not going to help?

Obelaka. Yes. And we get to Moa. Maybe through the get someone else to go. Look, his suggestion was about as helpful as Wongo's, except his suggestion was to send somebody else through. So you're going first?

Because you can control them? It's obviously a trap. Oh, okay. Well, I'll go look for a trap. I'll It's obviously a trap. Oh, okay. Well, I'll go look for a trap. I'll go look for a trap. Tiffany, you have no expert. Well, you're not an idiot when it comes to magic, but you have no special expertise.

You look over it. You are not an idiot. What a compliment. You remember Valindra yesterday looking over it, and maybe you tried to imitate imitate the things that she did when she was looking and while so you you realize that you're kind of just copying the action but without the understanding of what what's exactly happening you definitely feel magic you are aware that there's some sort of some sort of spell upon the upon the skeletal mouth,

but what it does or what it is is beyond you. I can't really get a read. Valindra, can you have a go? I have already inspected it and found it to be unsure. I would need to see it in operation at the very least. Any tigers? I walk in. As you step in, Tiffany, you can see a lot better.

All the walls here are perforated with tiny holes. As you step in, you can see light from a torch. Maybe Artisemba is holding a torch. And you can see the light from Artisemba's torch dances all across the room as the fire flickers. When that happens, you can see you hear tiny you hit the sound of scuttering something is in the walls and you can see tiny like i said perforated holes in the walls it looks like something's been digging in and out and in and out and through and all around the walls maybe at first you think that the that there's been been some infestation around here, but then you remember that this dungeon is the tomb of a powerful arch lich, and it is probably unlikely that this place is going untended to.

So you imagine that whatever this is, it has something to do with the room. As soon as you step in as well, you do not notice this, but everyone standing outside the room sees one of the lights go out in the skull's eyes. When that happens, Valindra says, hmm, and nothing else. Finally, Tiffany, when you step in, you feel a telepathic presence emanating from the skull, which is kind of like it's draping itself slowly up and down across the room. It's invisible, so you couldn't tell that it was there before, but you can feel that when you step into the room, as it drapes itself across, it feels your mind and then pinpoints on you. You hear a panicked, the voice of a young girl, a panicked young girl, echoes in your mind.

What's happening? Why can't I see? Oh, no. What's going on, horns? Horns. I run back out because I don't want the little girl to hear me. You step back outside? Yep.

All right. What happened? There's a little girl's voice in there, and she got into my head, and she asked what was happening. We can't tell her. We can't tell her anything that's right. What do you mean we can't tell her? Oh, don't lie to the doom child. When Tiffany steps back through, the other light snuffs out.

Oh, I did that before when you went in. Oh, that can't be good. Nothing's happened though. when you went in. Oh, that can't be good. Nothing's happened, though. Hmm. I think it's going to be too risky to take that relic.

Hey, Oblakka. Hmm? You're buried with a ring. The monkey is buried with... I almost grabbed the mace, then I'm like, hmm, hmm, no. Monkey was buried with the mace. What's a snake buried with? Stuff. Stuff.

How big? Like a walking stick. Right. I forget that I have a walking stick now because my leg brace is far bigger than that. You have like a regular walking stick. You think this staff is probably the size, maybe about as tall as you are. Obelaka is describing it as a magical staff, and if it is the size of an actual magical staff,

then it would be about maybe as bad as tall as you are. I've got an idea. What? I hold up my belts, which are broken. What if? And I make like grabbers with the belt, like oven mitts with the belts, and we take it out of the room and then we hold on to it.

That's a good idea. It's a pretty good plan. We cannot let anyone get into that. I'm saying this to everyone. We cannot let anybody touch the staff until we're out of the room and no one is allowed to tell that little girl what's going on. All right, then. Who's good at lying?

What if we just didn't say anything to her that'd work right lie by omission it's probably not bad you want to lead the way again okay i go back in all right tiffany as you step back through the jaws of the the skull snapshot. On you? Potentially on her. They do snapshot on you, Tiffany. Oh, fucking hell. Tiffany, you take 29 points of damage. Oh, my gosh. Fucking God.

You are also grappled in the stone's jaw. You will remain stuck there, and every turn you stay stuck there, the jaws continue to crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, inch down on you. You do not know how long you have, but if you do not get out soon, you will be cut in half. Horns. All right, so let's go into initiative, shall we? Yeah, let's.

Cool. How do we fight something that, ah. Immovable rods. Yes. Yes, that's how we do it. Oh, if only we'd thought earlier about this thing crunching down on us, we could have used the immovable rods. Oh, no, the thing's crunched down on us.

There's no way to escape. Who does everyone want to act with? Art of Simba. I will act with Doubleface. Doubleface? Yeah, yeah. Zaggers. Tiffany, you take a further 14 points of damage.

Jeez Louise. Tiffany and Artis. I'm going to shove an immovable rod under one of the jaws and set it. And Artis is going to try and take the immovable rod off of Pop and shove it under the bottom jaw. Artis Sember grabs from your backpack the immovable rod, and then he locks it into place on the other one. Then it is Flask of Wine's turn.

Flask of Wine grabs you, Tiffany, and says, push or pull? Pull. All right. He pulls. You're going to get advantage on your next turn. So Pop and Zagmirah. Is there anything for us to do? It's not a lot.

Maybe everyone just pull then. Yeah, I come and help. I make Zagmirah pull. All right. I stand back just in case. Okay. Zagmirah helps and you don't. Why don't you help?

I'm just making. He's risk averse. Zagmira helps, and you don't. Why don't you help? I'm just making... He's risk averse. Get a good boy card. Thank you. Just make sure nothing's going to sneak out behind us. That's all. The jaw tries to inch down on you, Tiffany, but it is blocked by both immovable rods.

I've got to have two. It is your turn, and you... Try and pull myself out. You try to wiggle yourself out. You successfully do so. You are outside. The doors have tried to snapshot but have failed to do so. They are just very tightly closed right now.

With the rods there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a gap that someone could try to slip through. Not pop. Oh, gosh. You're right, horns. And you're pretty sure that if you try to get the immovable rods out, the thing will snapshot.

That was really bad. Oh, that was really bad. That was so bad. Oh. Okay, so we know what the Skelehead does. Do we really need more? Zagmira waves a hand over her face and as she does so she grabs at her own aura and pulls you see a green twisted shimmering energy tear out of her it screams and

struggles it does not want to come out but she forces it to leave herself. Then she pushes that energy against you, Tiffany. Tiffany, you recover. Oh, she takes 12 points of damage. And, Tiffany, you recover 24 points of damage. Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. She shrugs. I cure words. What level? Two. Thank you so much She shrugs I I I

Cure words What level? Two You little baby Tiffany you recover a further Seven Fourteen hit points You alright horns?

Thanks Thank you Segmira. Thank you, Pop. I feel a lot better now. Right. How do we get back to you? How badly do we need Moa? Oh, okay, look.

If any of these ghosts on this level are going to be able to tell us something and we know that they're going to be telling the truth, it's probably the one that has to tell the truth. Why would any of them lie to us? They don't want to be here. Okay, one of them's insane, and the one in my head tell the truth. Why would any of them lie to us? They don't want to be here. Okay, one of them's insane, and the one in my head right now is questionable. It's just that constant whispering in the back of your mind.

Yeah, good. It's fucking fabulous. You have a headache. You take one point of headache damage. It doesn't actually deal any damage. It's just your- I can't cast concentration spells. It deals damage against your headache hit points,

of which you have one. I just think it could be really helpful. Okay, well, I'll try crawling in again. Can anyone else come in too? I'm just going to say Pop just can't. Like physically can't fit. Shell too big. Too thick for shenanigans.

Arnistimba is probably too broad shoulders as well. Flask of wine could slip in with you. Orvex could probably. He's a pretty weedy person. Zagmira and Valindra could try to, but they're not as dexterous as you or Flask of Wine. Flask of Wine and I would like to Slimmy Shimmy in. Slimmy.

Slimmy Shimmy in. Tiffany, you slip through without too much trouble Immediately you feel that telepathic energy hone in on you again Hello? Who's there? What's happening? I do not respond and I look at Flask and I say do not say anything Flask of wine gets his head and one arm in and he starts kicking

Fuck it Al I try and pull him through all right with your help he squeezes through please help i'm scared where am i i look at flask don't flask of wine shrugs good why can't i see anything let me know what you want to do no walk forward you search around tiffany and you see a secret door set into the wall. There's nothing borrowed away. It's like almost, well, no, it's not almost a perfect outline. It's kind of a rough outline, but there's no holes or perforations here

because nothing can dig through because the other side is a passageway, presumably. Are you with my father? Please, is he looking for me i know you're there and you can tell that she is getting increasingly aggravated or anxious i wonder how tiffany will respond to daddy issues i don't have any of those my dad will love me one day you can't have a problem me one day you can't have a problem when there isn't any because he's gone yep can't have daddy issues if you don't have dad okay um i do not i do not say anything to the child and i clock the passageway what else is in the room where's the stuff can i see the stuff no it's presumably in the sarcophagus sarcophagus i can see, I can see. Don't ignore me!

The skull opens up and screams. We're going to go to initiative. Oh, gosh. Ignoring it, I think, is the wrong approach. Tiffany, with artists again? Yes. Or maybe flask would be best, actually. Flask?

Yeah, let's go flask. I mean, it's here. As it tilts its head back and screams, Tiffany, you hear and then see what is causing the faint chittering. A single spider with striped legs and body falls out from one hole. Then another falls out from another. Then another. Then another.

Then another. Then it's like a wall of them coming out from each of the holes you realize that these creatures have been not when i say mummified i don't mean like with bandages i mean like how a creature can be naturally mummified these spiders i lift my feet up off the floor because my feet are suddenly itchy these spiders are are... Can you make them a different animal? They're nearly the size of dinner plates, and every single one of them is half mummified and undead. All of it attacks. Huh.

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and search for cynical cartoons. Oh, Jesus Christ. Just get the stuff and get out of there. They're going to come through the door. The eyes of the skull flare and a ball of roiling fire strikes you and Flask. You both fail your saving throws. Can I do a luck roll? You can do a luck re-roll, sure.

Just to not fail that, because it sounds bad. That'll be a pass. Tiffany, you duck, dive, and roll straight out of the way. None of this fire even touches you. You feel maybe some heat licking

at you as you roll away, but you will take no damage. Blask of wine, however, takes 30 points of damage. God, that's a lot. The swarm of zombie spiders. Oh, that's the worst sentence in the book. I love that you look, flaming skull, this will upset you. And I'm like, I didn't.

And then you were like, zombie spiders everywhere. And I'm like, ah, my whole body's itchy. Yep. Tom put his feet on the chair. He wasn't lying. No, I couldn't. I hate having my legs below me. What if something gets them?

I'm wearing socks that are too low, too, and my ankles are exposed. Oh, no. I hate everything. Is the ocean scary for you? You take seven points of piercing damage as half a dozen spiders bite you. Ah, fuck, I hate it. Half a dozen, that means one of them was extra good. You need to make a constitution saving throw, which you pass.

So, oh, this is poison. Oh, gosh. You take six points of damage from poison. And then flask of wine is covered in spiders. You cannot see flask of wine at all. They get a critical hit. Oh, no. No.

Split lip. Quadruple damage and spells with a verbal component have a 75% chance of failing until you are healed. He's fucked. His lower lip is torn off by a spider bite. His lower lip is torn off by a spider bite. He takes 14 points of piercing damage, and then he needs to make a very important constitution saving throw. What's his HP?

He fails. Oh, no, he fails. Oh, quadruple. Sorry, he takes 28 points of piercing damage. Oh, quadruple. Sorry. He takes 28 points of piercing damage. Oh, fuck. Cool and good. He takes a further 56 points of damage. Cass, he's dead.

The pile of spiders that was flask of wine, flump, falls down. Oh. And then it is Tiffany and, ooh, not flask of wine. Oh, no. Jesus Christ. Adam, is he dead? You don't know. You just see a swarm of spiders. Fine, you caught us.

Your dad sent us to surprise you. There's just, you don't feel any telepathic words, just rage. Rage, well, no, it's telepathic. You know what it is. It's rage backed by fear. God, so stupid. Why didn't I just lie to this child? Okay, fine.

Agnes, we never learned anything. Agnes, our scorcher. All right, you can hit the spiders and the skull like that. I would love to hit the spiders and the skull like that. You don't know. All right. So. What?

What? The spiders fail the All right. So. What? What? The spiders fail the saving throw. Good. And the flame skull will, I believe, also fail. Let me check your spell. Can I just say, being a flame skull and then being killed by fire is. Funny. Very good.

It passes. Fair enough. It's a flame skull. Which is immune, which is irrelevant, because when Agonizar's scorcher lays across the spiders and the skull, you can see immediately that it had no effect. You think the flame skull might be immune to fire. That checks out.

But I got the spiders here. Yes, yes, you did get the spiders. To be fair, they seem like the most pressing concern. Yes. So you deal six points of damage to the spiders. Valindra Shadowmantle reaches out with a hand and you see cold energy wrap along her arm and then the cold energy attempts to explode out of her hand.

But as she's casting the spell spell you can see almost in slow motion she looks to her side and there's fear in her face pop you slowly try to it's all happening like like you're moving through molasses what the fuck you move in slow motion as well as you see another entity a spectral looking entity but it's the spectral form of it looked very similar to velindra when she showed her true face when she showed her lichdom the spectral lich grabs velindra's hand and twists it the dead eyes of the lich look into the seemingly alive eyes of velindra's shadow mantle, and the lich opens its mouth, and a loud booming cackle can be heard throughout the dungeon. The booming gets louder

and louder and louder until you realize it's no longer coming from the lich, it's coming from Valindra's hand. She looks in shock and horror at her hand as the magic there is twisted horribly there's an explosion and instead of whatever the spell was meant to produce the spell casts a loud boom which is heard in all directions for what feels like it should be miles the walls of the dungeon tremble with the sound and you and her and Tiffany and everyone in your party must make a constitution saving throw

you pass and Tiffany passes Zagmira fails Valindra, oh she's immune to this, Flask of Wine fails, Flask of Wine's under a power spot, Ardecimber fails Oh and Orvex Orve Wine fails. Flask of Wine's under a pile of spiders. Ardecimber fails. Oh, and Orvex.

Orvex fails. Those of you who have failed, neither of which are you, are deafened for three hours. Oh, sorry, it's for three minutes, not three hours. But that's functionally for the rest of this fight. Pop and Zagmir, it's your turn.

Adam, I take off the ring of protection and pick up the mace of fear. All right. Cool. So as you're doing that, you will become unattuned to all of your magical items. That's fine. That's fine. Literally, you're just wholly Avenger and Vaughn.

It's happened multiple times now. How long does it take to attune a day? An hour. Oh, man. You are inhabited by the spirit now instead of Obelaka. It's now Wongo. They launch at each other in your mind and fight and snarl. Oh, I didn't miss this.

Oh, actually, no, wait. Wongo doesn't win. Obelaka refuses to leave. You fucking little... Get the fuck out of my head. No, no, no, no, no. I will... I will...

I will... I will do fucking nothing. Oh, while they're fighting, though, you take six points of damage. As you have a matching scar on the other side of your face now. That's fine. All right.

What would you like Zagmirra to do? Could she try to blow up the skull door? She could try, yeah. Yeah, look. Eldritch Blast the skull door. All right. Oh, actually, does she have anything that can light a fire? Does she?

Oh, does she have? Because what if we lit the fires back in the eyes again? She could try to do that. She has a torch. Yeah, but she could light a torch. She could try doing that. Yeah, I'm going to get her to try to back in the eyes again? She could try to do that. She has a torch. Yeah, she could light a torch. She could try to do that. Yeah, I'm going to get her to try to relight the eyes. All right.

Well, no, she just does that because she's clever because I can't tell her to do that because- Maybe you just gesture at the skull and she knows that you want the skull open. No, Pop doesn't know she's deafened. Light the fucking eyes, you fucking two-faced weirdo. She doesn't hear that which is good for you sorry can she lip read she lips reads well enough that she understands what you

want her to do so she maybe you gesture maybe your gesture as well includes like the you point at the torch specifically on her backpack and she understands what you want so she takes the torch out she seems like she doesn't think it's going to work and sure enough she lights it and tries to stick it in the in the slot to try and make the fire relight but it doesn't seem to work tiffany the flaming skull conjures three orbs of pure magical energy into existence the three orbs strike you in succession the first two feel like they just do heavy bruising to your upper torso and to the side of your chest then the third one smacks you dead center in the face and you feel your nose break you take 10 points of damage oh Oh, God. I'm going to be so hideous. And then the spiders.

Oh, God, the spiders. They bite you. They bite you a bunch, Tiffany. You take 11 points of piercing damage as you are beginning to get covered in the spiders. You take 11 points of piercing damage. And then you need to make a constitution saving throw You fail

Okay, cool, good You take My favourite turn in the world is lots of dice 10 more points of damage from poison Oh no Hey, Ardis didn't have a turn last round No he didn't, I don't have him on the initiative thing He'll get two turns after.

Actually, you know what? You can act with him. Sorry. It's your turn, Tiffany, and Artis gets two goes. So I would like to cast Mirror Image this turn and call out, please, we're trying to have a party. It's a party. It's your birthday.

The Flame of Skull doesn't really seem coherent anymore, unfortunately. Okay. Dang. Well, Artis will cast Cone of Cold at the skull. party it's your birthday the flame skull doesn't really seem coherent anymore unfortunately okay dang well um artist will cast cone of cold at the skull artist simber levels his ring through the doorway and cold air buffets the room flame skull is gonna pass its saving throw but it will take still takes half damage and the spiders they no they also pass but they still will take, still takes half damage. And the spiders, no, they also pass, but they still will take half damage. Actually, is the flame skull maybe even weak to, oh, no. It's immune.

The flame skull takes no damage. This hurts me in a way that I couldn't describe. It's really worse than you think as spiders fall dead completely frozen well dead properly completely frozen you see that flask of wine was buffeted by that cold energy as well he takes two failed saving throws and I'm going to need to toss a coin. Who wants to roll it? You can let me roll it if you want. No, we should. One of us should. Cass, he's in there with you. Alright, Cass.

So if you get a 10 or more, he will survive with a ghastly injury. Alright, Cass. So if you get a 10 or more, he will survive with a ghastly injury. Otherwise, flask of wine is dead. Okay. Cass, I'm just going to put it out there before you roll. There is no pressure on this, and if you don't roll well, I won't be disappointed in you forever.

That feels worse. Okay, let's have a go. We ready? Yep. Fuck, I'm so sweaty. Let's do it. Yay! 19! 19? All right.

Flask of wine will survive with a horrific injury. Oh! Artist gets another turn. I'm just trying to look for anything in Artist's artillery that can just kill the spiders. Or the skull, but I don't know if he can do anything because the skull's immune to ice damage unfortunately Artis Simbra can't deal damage like that he does have a lot of cool abilities that he can do with his longbow he could use

piercing arrow or he can deal psychic damage okay well the psychic one. Artisimber knocks, draws, and as he draws back, the arrow becomes wreathed in shadow energy. He lets go and fires at the flame skull. His attack will hit. Yay. Is this the first attack that's hit the flame skull? Yeah, it is. Yep. Yep.

Uh-huh. Yes. Oh, my God. All right, that was Artis' turn. It's Valindra's turn. Valindra reaches back you can see that there's icing on her hand and it looks hurt in some ways she seems a bit shocked by that just as shocked as you were but it doesn't stop her from fighting with her other hand she reaches out and drags her hand across to the side as As she does that, you see a spectral hand appear

and drag itself along the spiders. The spiders need to make a saving throw. Oh no, she makes an attack roll, which she hits, and she deals 48 points of cold damage to them. With a simple

wave of her hand, Valindra kills all of the spiders. She's so powerful. God, she's so powerful. And just I wish she'd done that earlier. She tried, I think. I think she did try. She did.

But someone stepped in the way. You think that might have been... Azorak? Yeah, Azorak himself. Oh, no. Did you say, did we see God? There are many gods. Pop and Zagmira.

I would like to try to take the ring off and try to get Wongo back in my brain. All right. Can I try to intimidate Obelaka to make it easy for him to get out? You intimidate Obelaka. You tell him that you're going to throw him off the balcony, throw you both off the balcony. And Obelaka says, It's just crazy enough to do it. Wongo reaches in and snaps Obelaka's neck.

You take seven points of damage. Have I just killed the other ghost? No, you can't kill a ghost. But he defeats him in fair combat. Not really fair combat. You are now possessed by Wongo instead of Obelaka. I've missed you, you crazy fucking monkey. You think only of yourself.

That's why I say I miss you, you crazy fucking monkey. And you are no longer attuned to any of your items. That's fine. What's a better weapon? I said that you were attuned to the Mace of Terror, though. Whatever. It's got to work like that It can't not, you know? Yeah, sure

So, that pop, that was your action What would you like Zegmira to do? Use Eldritch Blast or something to destroy the Flame Skull? Yeah No, not the Flame Skull, the door To blast open the door, so we can get in She stands back And then opens up two

bolts of arcane energy strike the wall uh she gets a critical hit with one of them hey she blasts one of the teeth in the skull she blasts two of the teeth in the skull facade out are we making a funny toothless man you might just start the flame skull begins to blur and shift wavering to those who can see it you will now until the spell ends suffer disadvantage on any attack on against the skull however it does not attack this turn i believe that is its action yeah that's its action can't really do anything with its bonus action it starts backing up against the wall it's still screaming telepathically into your mind tiffany and what's it saying it's just screaming oh it's boring tell me something i don't know am i right

you should be real mean to it and tell her you're a fucking flaming skull. Tiffany, what do you want to do? No, that, if I'm mean to it, that's telling it the truth. It's already, that ship has sailed, I feel. So all the spiders are dead? Yes. Judging on Agnes' ascots are not working, would green flame blade work because the flames are also green?

Or am I on the safe assumption that it will not work even though the colours match? I was under the impression that it was colours. We tried red and blue and they didn't work. Maybe green. Green flame blade deals fire damage and you know the creature is immune

to fire damage. Dang. Oh no, am I going to do witch bolt? Ugh. Oh Cass, we haven't had do Witch Bolt? Ugh. Oh, Cass, we haven't had a Witch Bolt in an awful long time. I'm going to do Witch Bolt. First level? Oh no, you can't do it as a second level. I can't. You reach up with your hands, and in

one of your hands, half clutched with just your thumb pressed against the hand itself, is a twig from a tree that has been struck by lightning, the material component of this spell. I took it. Through that twig from a tree that has been struck by lightning, the material component of this spell. I took it. Through that twig, you channel energy into your hand and then out of your hand as lightning leaps across at the flame skull.

Unfortunately, you have trouble targeting it because you can't really see it properly because of the blur spell. You still hit. Nonetheless, you rake it with arcane energy or lightning. You deal three points of damage to the flame skull but you can see that the damage does not seem to properly resonate within it it's not immune to lightning but it certainly seems resistant to it then it is oh artist yeah you can fire two arrows again oh yeah no he's going to do more psychic arrows. Artis's first attack will be a hit still, even with that disadvantage.

And he deals. Oh, it needs to make a wisdom saving throw. It fails. It goes blind probably right before it dies. That's so sad. Oh, no, actually, it has a lot more hit points than I thought it did. It did a lot more damage than I thought he would. The flame skull's eyes cloud over with darkness right before it tilts back.

And in its final anguished scream, only Tiffany is conscious and close enough to feel the telepathic energy. But with the last final blow that Artisembre fires, the anger is stripped away from the energy. And there is only fear beneath. Right before the flame skull explodes into nothingness, all you are aware of, Tiffany, is a frightened little girl. Same. With three down and six to go, can our adventurers claim every spirit for themselves, or will they join the gods in their tombs?

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