D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #6 A Party Divided

Episode Date: November 14, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's most biased podcast network. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 6 of Zombie Plague to Chult. Last time... Inside there is a bundle of faded cloth holding the serpentine bones of ejaculi, Moa's animal form. The staff of Python rests atop these remains. I take the scarf, very careful not to touch the snake bones. Flask of wine tries to open his mouth to say something,

but slowly closes it. He is shaking. He does not stop shaking. The skeleton has one of those strange stone head contraptions. When you notice it, it notices you. It, with a start and a jump, freezes. What do you do? I stand up really fast and go,

It turns around and runs away. But you know that adventurers who go missing in Chult sometimes are captured by some awful flesh crafters, as they are sometimes referred to, or creatures who know how to craft flesh. Oh, hi, Adam. Can you let me know when I'm at ten? You're at nine.

So then the tomb guardian attacks you once and attacks Zagmir once. Oh, boy. As you approach it, as you pick it up and look Zagmir once. Oh, boy! As you approach it, as you pick it up and look at it and inspect at it, you can see that there is a lonely and forlorn-looking elven figure sitting in the bottom

of the lamp. She looks at you with sad eyes. I've seen your face. I know that we can trust Valindra because she's going to betray the Red Wizards. It's all fine. Pop, you've just blurted out that Valindra is planning on betraying the Red Wizards to Zagmira, herself a Red Wizard. Is there a way to stop the initiative?

Well, you'll have to act first, basically. Does Valindra... She's going to kill Zagmira, right? You've no idea what's about to happen. Both of them start casting spells. Oh, no, this is not what I wanted. she's going to kill Zagmir, right? You've no idea what's about to happen. Both of them start casting spells. Oh, no, this is not what I wanted. I put my hand on Pop's arm, like,

we know she's too powerful, like, to convey that she is too powerful and she just needs to kill who she wants to right now. I mean, out of the two of them, Zagmira's worse. Because I know that Valindra will not cause us harm. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do not know about Zagmira. You've just said this to us. In my burst of truth.

In your burst of truth, and honestly. Yeah, that's it, honestly. So, Tiffany and Pop, who would you like to act with? You have neither Zagmira nor Valindra right now are technically part of the party. You have Flask of Wine, Artist Simba, and the newly minted Orvex, who has been given character levels such that he might compete. He is quite weak, though. I'll take Flask.

I'll take Artist. Zagmira goes first. She casts Eldritch Blast and hurls a ball of energy, arcane energy, at Valindra. She hisses at Valindra, Traitor! The ball of Eldritch energy slams into Valindra, washes over her, and does not even singe her outfit.

Then it is Ard artist simba's turn artist simba is about to act but then velindra uses her legendary actions oh yes she's so powerful she's so powerful we are not worthy velindra draws from within a component. No, actually, she uses a staff. She leans her staff forwards, and with a flick of a wrist, you see Zagmira. Every drop of water leaves Zagmira's body and seeps out of her feet. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Zagmira takes 66 points of damage. Zagmira is outright killed.

Her mummified body falls backwards and hits the ground. Valindra looks at you, Pop, and says, this was your fault. I was the messenger, but you sent it. I mean, this sucks. I don't like this Stop talking Just

Stop Wise Oh shut up Yes Now Stop Technically Stop

Ask me Stop Questions And I'll answer them We can trust Valindra though She's not gonna do Stop That

Stop To This is very funny to me Stop Oh my god stop She's not going to do that. Stop. Stop. Two. This is very funny to me. Stop. Oh, my God. Stop. I'm sorry.

Well, at least you mean it. Valindra kneels down, puts her hand on Zagmira's mummified corpse, and you hear Zagmira's mummified corpse stands back up. What's that? It will help us. It's not her, is it? No, it is not her. It is a false facsimile of her. And it won't hurt us?

No. Well, unless I order it, too. Oh, okay. She won't. I know it too. Oh, okay. She won't. I know. Sorry. Artis Simber and Flask of Wine and Orvex are looking nervously at each other. So I'm not going to make anything bad happen to you guys.

Because that would be bad. Shut up again. That sounds like sound advice. You're right. You don't want to do anything. What? No, what? You, I don't.

I know that you try and be good and good isn't nice and that's fine, but it seems like you're bad sometimes. But you don't want to do anything bad, do you? Well, what do you mean by bad? No, that's what I'm asking. What do you mean by good and bad? Well. Is good just whatever's good for you?

Sometimes. Not in this case. Do you ever think of anyone aside from yourself? Yes. It's the truth. Artist Simba gestures to the southern door, the only exit other than the stairs that you came down, and says, shall we?

Yes, probably, yeah. Probably a good idea. If you open that door, you see three archways overlook a circular chamber where a spiral staircase descends into darkness. The staircase walls are lined with unlit torches in iron sconces and set with niches containing moldering humanoid skulls and bones. The entire area has a skull motif, but I could be talking about the dungeon when I said that. Yeah, no fair.

but I could be talking about the dungeon when I said that. Yeah, no fair. So the stairs go downwards into darkness, and you can see maybe you wander a little bit into the room. You can see the three archways are the way you just came. There's a way to the west and a way to the east that does not seem to actually end in anything. It just stops at a wall, but it feels heavily suspicious, so I'll allow you to assume there's a secret door there.

That seems heavily suspicious. The western path leads to just a wooden door reinforced with iron. Well, let's go the heavily suspicious route. It's not seen us wrong so far. Let's check that out. I won't make you roll. As you approach it, any one of you can spot the mechanism to open a secret door

you're obviously on the other side of it let's open it up behind the secret door water fills a carved stone font you can see there's an another little passageway yeah look there's the obvious trappings of a second secret door you are once again on the other side of the secret door so you can kind of tell that it's a secret door. You're not sure where that door leads but there's also a font of water here. Water look good? I don't know. Avelindra? Yes.

If a dead thing eats bad water does it die? If what? If a dead thing eats bad water. If we use Zagmira as a guinea pig. No she will not have the same effect as she is immune to poisoning and disease. So we wouldn't know if it was poisoned

or not. No, you would not. As she approaches, she casts a hand over it and says, if I were to guess though, I would say that this water is not for drinking. Artist Sembra nods and says, it looks like a scrying pool. Oh. Right. Can anyone use this pool to scry?

You could try to look into it if you wanted to. Yeah, can we look? I'd like to peer in and see if I can, you know, check the call history of this bad boy. As the water begins to swirl, eerie light emanates from within the basin. Slowly, an image resolves on the water's surface, and, Tiffany, you get the following vision.

You can tell that you're looking through the eyes of another creature. The creature is tall, much taller than you, even taller than Pop. As it moves, you can't really hear anything through the pool, but you can see that as the creature moves, it creates a lot of noise. There's like a shuddering to each footstep. Whatever it is, it's big. You're in, or the creature is in it creates a lot of noise. There's like a shuddering to each footstep. Whatever it is, it's big. You're in or the creature is in a dusty room, 15 feet square and empty except for an ornate rectangular mirror mounted on the wall

opposite the room's only exit. The room seems uninteresting otherwise. Whenever the creature looks at the mirror, you can tell that the mirror has definite and obvious magical properties. You see where the creature looks at the mirror you can tell that the mirror has definite and obvious magical properties you see where the creature is yeah what what's going on you can tell yeah you can tell that the mirror has some sort of fell magic about it it doesn't look good okay you can't control or direct the creature it simply walks around the room it looks like it's moving back towards the door do you as in the exit the only exit to the room do you want to continue viewing yes as the

creature approaches the door you see that it reaches out to put its hand on the handle to open the door and when it does so you see that its hand is mottled and awful and fell looking the creature might be undead of some type, but then you see, you notice a stitch down the hand, stopping at one of the knuckles and then splitting off in two. And you can tell that the stitch marks where different parts of different creatures were sewn together.

The creature might be another tomb guardian that you encountered before. Ah, good. The creature reaches down, grabs hold of you encountered before. Ah, good. The creature reaches down, grabs hold of the door, and then begins to turn the door handle. But when it does so, you see it stops. It turns around behind it as if it heard something, but nothing is there. Then it looks up as if it heard something, but nothing is there. Then the water of the basin begins to bubble and boil and broth,

and before you can react, the creature launches itself out of the water at you. Oh. We're going to go to initiative. Oh, Jesus, fuck. Is it a tomb guardian? Yeah, it's a tomb guardian. Oh, shit.

Jeez, Louise. Who would you like to act with? Zegmira is an option. Valindra is not. Valindra is. Oh, Valindra. You can act with everyone, including Orbex. I want to option. Valindra is not. Valindra is. You can act with everyone, including Orvex. I want to go with Valindra.

How strong is Orvex, Adam? Orvex is level 3. He's probably the weakest member of your party. Yeah, I'm not fighting with Orvex. He'll die straight away. I'll fight with Undead Zeg. No. I'll fight with Ardus again. Does Ardus like me? I can't remember. Has he forgiven me? It's a good fucking question, you know? Has he forgiven you?

Did he see me not help Flask? He did, didn't he? He definitely did, yeah. Everyone saw. Except for Flask. Yeah, so Flask is... You and Flask are cool. Tiffany, the tomb guardian grabs your head

and begins gouging your eyes. The creature deals you 21 points of damage and your maximum hit points are reduced by 21 forever you're not sure oh uh what did it do adam it just gouged her face tiffany your eyes are somewhat deeper in your head. If this continues for one more turn, you will die. It's Zagmirra's turn. She's not operating with anyone. So she just casts Eldritch Blast, I guess. No.

Yes. She casts... No, she casts Toll the Dead. Much more useful. Good on her. Zagmirra's spell washes over the creature without doing any damage. And then it is Tiffany and Valindra's turn. Tiffany will use Green Flame Blade to try and cut the hands off.

Unfortunately, a rapier is not really designed for that, but you can give it a red hot go. Look, I'll, yeah. Or it would be, would it be. Critical hit. So maybe a rapier is designed for that. Distracting jab. Double damage and the target must make a DC 12 constitution saving throw.

On a failed save, the target has disadvantage on their next attack. That's good. I'm glad that happened. I'm handy for you because I've got your face in their hands. Pass their saving throw, unfortunately, but you will still do double damage, which is going to be quite a bit. Although, is the creature. It is immune to damage from normal weapons so you deal

10 points of damage that is double cast 10 no it should be sorry 18 points of damage that's better that's better that's still any nine and velra, I would really like to, Adam, I'm just really not familiar with the 20,000. I know. She has quite a lot of spells. It's very distracting. I'm just wanting to do something that's going to get a lot of damage, as many damage as I can. Well, she knows she can hurt it.

It's not immune or resistant to necrotic damage. So any of her powerful necrotic spells will be fine she could the most amount of damage is probably vampiric touch she won't heal any of the damage but it'll be just her trying to touch the creature and so it won't be resistant to the damage cool velendra will use vampiric Touch. Valendra reaches out. Her hand wreaths, becomes wreathed in shadow, and she drags that along the creature. The creature's aura is drained out of it and into Zagmira.

She doesn't need the health. She just enjoys this. It's just for fun. That was her turn. Pop. I'm going to Zephyr Strike, Holy Avenger. Is it still holding Tiffany? It is.

Can I try and like sever its arms? Give it a red hot go. A second attempt. It is not. It does not. Despite the fact that it is made of the dead. It's not undead. I know.

Yeah, unfortunately. So Holy Avenger does not deal any extra damage. You score two hits. Hey. You start hacking away. Do I get a third hit? Oh, no. You rolled three and obviously I only hit twice. It's all right, Tom. Hey! You start hacking away. Do I get a third hit? Oh, no, you rolled three, and obviously I only hit twice.

It's all right, Tom. Oh, first round of combat. No, you do get a third attack. Hey! You deal 59 points of fucking damage. That's actually a lot. That's really good. That's a fucking lot.

You've dealt over 100 points of damage now. Have I cut his arms off? No, but you have gotten close. Unfortunately, the creature is made of like its arms are made of several other creatures. So they're big and thick and they are armor plated as well. Got arms made of arms. He's got biceps on his biceps. Oh, he's fully armed.

Oh, Adam. Yeah. I just want to clarify just so I understand the context. When you say his arms are thick, how would you spell that? T-H-I-C-C-C-C. Oh. Okay. Oh.

Okay. Now we know. Tiffany, the tomb guardian deals 18 more points of damage to you as you can feel and you hear your skull crack. You thankfully do not have your hit point maximum reduced by that this time, though. Thank goodness. Then it is Zagmira's turn. Maybe she's directed by Valendra.

Instead, she throws a ball of eldritch energy at the creature. The ball washes over its armor without doing any damage, though. Tiffany, she throws a ball of eldritch energy at the creature. The ball washes over its armor without doing any damage, though. Tiffany, it's your turn. I would like to once again green flame blade and try to cut this person off of me. Cass, it's many people. Your rapier

harmlessly bounces off its plated armor. Valindra would like to try for blight now. Valindra would like to try for blight now. Valindra deals 34 points of damage to the tomb guardian. The tomb guardian collapses half in the pool, half out the pool. Valindra, maybe one of its hands is on Valindra's foot.

She, you, slides it off. You're right, horns. Both of you get 1,000 experience points. Yay! No. No, right, horns. Both of you get a thousand experience points. Yay! No. No, I can't. My eyes are... I got you. Don't worry. You're right. You're fine. You'll be okay.

I mean, you look fucked. You gain eight... You gain eight hit points, Tiffany. Can you see? Oh, I can, but it's not right. Do you want a fake eye? I have several.

Pop. What? This is the nicest you've ever been to me. Are you actively suppressing this at every given time? Not at every given. It's just easier. to be mean to me. Mean to people. Because if you're mean to people, it means you get ahead of it.

You get in first. Do you feel like you're ahead of me? No, and that concerns me a bit. If we hadn't stopped the creature, he would be ahead over you. Yeah. Hey, witch, just because I trust you does not mean that I don't fucking despise you. I thought that was very funny. Fuck you.

Pop, do you consider me a friend? Yes. Yes. Pop, do you consider me a friend? Yes. Was that not clear or un- I really didn't know. No, yes, I do. Why are you doing all this?

Doing a what? I mean, you came with me for- Well, first, it was like there was a lot of money involved. Also, rare artifacts, so... We've hardly gotten any money. No, but I was going to be paid a lot of money at the end of it. I mean, I've found some gold along the way. I mean, I've lost it all too because of that fucking thing upstairs.

What? You had extra money? I found extra money. Just whenever we've gone wandering through tombs and stuff. And that wasn't something that you thought was important to the journey? We couldn't pay people. I paid Flask and the dragon tortoise and I don't like sharing.

But so that's why I started. But now I want to help you find your dad again. Why? You didn't have a dad. No. I mean, if I can't, I guess it'd be nice if someone could. So this is awkward. This is why I don't like this.

Everything you said has been nice apart from stealing money. God, we could have used that money. And you lost it all anyway. I mean, yeah. Did you lose it when you lost all your metal? Yes. So we had how much money did you have? I rubbed it out, so I can't tell you,

but it was a significant amount. To be fair, I had accrued a lot of that on the journey, raiding tombs, searching the city when everyone was having sleeps. So you weren't on watch? No, I was always on watch sometimes. Again, I'm very selfish. What else have you taken? Fucking hell.

What else have you taken that I didn't know about? What do you mean? Did you steal anything? No. It's not stealing, right, because it doesn't belong to anyone anymore because they are long dead. That's what this whole thing is. You go in a tomb, no one owns that shit anymore.

But people can't take stuff with them when they're dead, right? People bury kings with, like, fucking swords and great big treasure chests. They can't fucking use it. They're dead, right? So, you know, that's what you do is you take it. Shall we move on? Yeah. That'd be good.

That'd be great. Yeah. Hmm. Where would you like to go? There's an obvious hidden, quotation marks, hidden door that leads kind of somewhere else, or you could go back the way you came to the staircase, go down the staircase,

or you could go to the door opposite the staircase. Well, the first hidden door worked so well last time. Well, the hidden door was fine. It was actually the pool that was the problem. I ignore that. Belindra, can you help? I'm so sorry. I'm really not feeling

well. You have been cursed. There is not much I can do, unfortunately. I know how to curse, but not how to remove curses. Well, I do know some of how to remove curses, but I cannot. No, because you're shit.

Don't cross me. Do you want to die? Some days. because you're shit. Don't cross me. Do you want to die? Someday. Whoa. Get a good boy card. Oh, no. Where are you going?

Do you want to go through that secret door? Do you want to go down? Secret door. All right. Through that secret door. Yeah. And you're right. Is this just in you the whole time?

What do you mean? Do you always want to know if I'm okay? Not always. Sometimes. Yes. Not initially. This is Cass, not Tiffany. Fucking hell.

I'm going to put that fucking psychopathic monkey back in my fucking head. You open up the secret door and you can tell that you're on the second level of the balcony you can look up and see the first level above that the square bit yeah yeah so you look across the balcony way you can see oh no it actually would still be darkness below but you can see on the opposite side of this balcony another one of those skeletons with the strange helmets it like freezes when the door opens oi if you pointed it and say oi it sprints it's trying to run away adam i'd like to chase it okay as you're chasing it you pass a bronze plaque fixed into the wall the bronze plaque has words written on it. You don't notice them.

Actually, also as you're running, sorry, before that happens, before that happens, holy shit, I fucking love this shit, the zombie door. The what? As you're sprinting past, there are three ovals carved into a nine-foot-wide, nine-foot-high stone door at human head height. As you approach, three humanoid heads stick out of the holes, each covered in putrid flesh and gnashing on an iron bit bolted to a chain brittle.

They can't get through the holes, though, so they just stick their heads out and gnash their teeth in a vain attempt to get at you do you stop for that no no all right you keep going you pass a plaque you get that view of it fuck you i'm coming off a skeleton you don't stop all right cool i'd like to tackle the skeleton to the ground if i can if i can catch him okay uh you get disadvantage on this check because of your bum leg. Ah, my leg. It escapes up a pathway to the north. Do you want to follow it?

Yes, Adam. I'm going to catch this skeleton. It eventually begins to- Have I abandoned them? Well, have you followed? I'll start chasing. I would stop at the plaque. All right.

Well, if you stop at the plaque, don't read it out just yet, but you get to look at it so as you approach pop you can see that it's cornered in a room it's gone up a if i didn't say before it goes up a passageway to the north yeah it turns just before stairs going up to the first level that you were on previously it turns down a corridor that goes to the north and that corridor ends in a room where the skeleton is trapped. The walls and floor of this 15-foot square room are cracked and carved with images of terrified humanoids falling.

Set into the middle of the floor is a stone bass relief of a bearded devil face painted green. Forlorn cries echo from the black void of its gaping maw. Oi, bones. It stops in the room, but the carvings of people falling are all over the place. You have to enter the room to step on them. You have to step on them to enter the room. Yeah, I'm standing at the lip and I'm like, oi, bones.

It hides behind the carving of the devil. I'm not going to hurt you. It doesn't come out. I have to tell the truth, so that's the truth. I take the staff of Python and I touch the floor. Nothing happens. Still keeping myself in the corridor, I reach a foot out onto the floor and I put the foot down on the floor. Nothing happens.

Tiffany, you may read aloud what you read on the plaque. The ring is a path to another tomb. The dead abhor sunlight. They're the things in the wall. Mm-hmm. Yep. Only're the things in the wall. Yep. Only a jewel can tame the frog. A jewel? Jewel with a J.

I don't have any of them left because they- Oh, no. Jewels should stay. Jewels survived. Yeah, yeah. Bow as the dead god intoned. Okay, yep. So we've got to bow as the dead god.

Into darkness descend. Huh. Huh. Okay. So maybe I should go down into the pit of this fucking thing. I don't. I'm going to just like. Adam, what I'd like to do is I'm going to click the immovable rod in the room on the floor. Okay.

Holding onto it with one hand, I'm going to step into the room holding onto the removable rod on the floor because if the floor disappears the rod then becomes monkey bus sorry monkey bar nothing happens i walk around to where the skeleton is the skeleton is cowering behind the other side as you walk, let's go to initiative. Tiffany, would you have been following Pop? Yeah, if I see Pop going over monkey bar style. All right, I'll say you're in the corridor approaching this room. Wait, Pop, I hand you the other.

Oh, no, no, no. You turn down this corridor as this is happening. Wait, is the skeleton going to find me? Yeah, the skeleton draws two daggers. Is it frightened of me? It definitely seems scared of you. Nonetheless, it plunges a dagger straight into your sternum. You take five points of damage, Pop.

It's your turn. So it's very close to me, obviously. Oh, yeah, it's within stabbing range. I want to pull myself against it and just try to scare it. It looks pretty scared. If it had bowels, it would be shitting itself. You do not want to do this. Put the knives down. You know what?

Tiffany, as you enter the room, you hear a clattering that you know somehow deep within your soul sounds like two daggers falling to the ground Oh well Wouldn't be the hammer and sickle What's your deal Bones What's your deal Bones

It points to its head And the strange stone sculpture upon Do I know what that does? You can only guess at its purpose. Mower. Yes. What's his deal? The stone skeletons.

We need their heads to unlock the lower chambers. All of their heads? There are multiples. I know not how many. We've already missed two of them. I intentionally scared them away. Tiffany, you're also here. I'd like to just, so that was in my head, obviously.

Yes. I look the skeleton in his dead, empty skull eyes, and I say, I'm very sorry. And then I cut off his head. Hell yeah. And now a word from our sponsors. Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that you could hear questions

that no one ever thought to ask about pop culture you only kinda know know then do i have news for you plumbing the death star is a show by zamit doucher and jackson where they as my dad calls it make a living while being a drain on society like you adam so if you like the sound of that or if you want to know why my dad doesn't believe in entertainment then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for plumbing the death star oh critical hit fuck you're gonna ruin this boy maximum double damage that's a lot for you wow wow wow wow wow deal 40 damage to the creature okay and how much health does it have

sorry maximum double damage sorry 80 you deal 80 damage to the creature it had like 20 hit points yeah you destroy it its head like a champagne cork pops off spins once in the air and then lands handily in your spare hand alas poor yorick um shakespeare doesn't exist he's called Elfspear I'm sorry, what? Is that real? Yeah, I'll make that canon Elfspear Fucking love Elfspear

Studied him at school Alas, poor Orkric Oh, Orkric I knew him well Halfling, my favourite play You've established I went to a posh fucking cult school We've established this

You have a favourite play Everyone has a favourite play I don't have a favourite play How have you not been to more plays? Aren't you like a lady of court or something? I wasn't allowed in court Oh right They didn't

Your face I mean I had to go into court It's You know Well I wasn't really allowed out of the castle. But the theatre was outside and they had a polis. Why? What?

So I spoke to Moa. She can't lie. Apparently, have you seen any of these skeletons? Yeah, I just keep scaring them off. Yeah, stop doing that. Oh. We need their heads. Why?

They open the door. Oh. There's a lot of things to collect in this fucking tomb. You must be having a great time. Well, yeah, but people keep nearly dying. Can't disagree with that. I just shrug. At that point, I'm like, oh, yeah.

All right. What's the plan? Well, we should. We'll head back out to the main room because there's nothing in here but this fucking hideously awful giant thing. You can tell that the mouth opens into something, but there's darkness, pure darkness there. You can tell because you have dark vision. You can tell that there is a magical darkness obscuring what is inside. We can hear

the moans of something. Our forlorn cries echo from the black void of its gaping wall. Yeah, so the mouth. Yeah. The big hole. There's something in there. We should probably check out the mouth, right? It sounds terrifying, but sure, I'll do it.

Well, into darkness descend, I guess. I call everyone to join us. Into darkness, what? You didn't read the plot. Didn't read what? There was a plaque with more warnings on it. I was chasing this guy. Yeah, I know, I know.

The ring is a path to another tomb. I mean, that could have been the pool. Yeah. The dead are poor sunlight, so if there's any way for us to been the pool. Yeah. The dead are poor sunlight. So if there's any way for us to get the sun in here. Only a jewel can tame the frog. A jewel? A jewel.

Like a jewel or a jewel? Sorry, that was a visual thing. Like a fight or a gem? Like a gem. Right. Bow as the dead god intoned. So we just got a bow. I love bounty gods.

Oh, you also don't like to die. Well. No one likes to die. Pob. What? Into darkness descend. So this is dark. We should go in, right?

I guess. Yeah. Has everyone come over yet? Yeah yeah everyone's in the room with you mawa do you know what's in the mouth you feel a mental shaking of the head no i do not that feels fucking weird it is dangerous surely but perhaps there is something worthwhile at the end of it. You are the most trustworthy. You're trusting a guess. Yeah, but Moa is truthful and kind. Wongo is a big piece of shit. I does say that on the cut. Nobulaka is also a big piece of shit.

What's the play on? We going in? I reckon we should. Can a person fit in the mouth? Is it a big maw? Yeah, yeah, it's massive. It's five foot wide. Oh, okay.

Big, big ass. Well, I'll go first. No. Belindra? Yes. Could you send Zagmira in first, please? That's a much smarter idea. Good thinking. Very well. That's a much smarter idea. Good thinking.

Very well. That's the first compliment you've ever... That's not the first compliment I've ever given you. I've probably given you more, I would think. Under duress. This one's under duress. Zagmir climbs into the mouth and is swallowed by the darkness. Can I go come back.

I have just tried to. She did not. Something is preventing her. Well, did you see the plaque on the way in? It said descend into darkness. I did peruse it, yes. I do not know what that could mean. Azorak would give us true advice,

I mean, Azorak would give us true advice, but whether or not that true advice leads us to something safe is... I tell you what, if I was building a tomb where I didn't want anyone to go in and get stuff, I wouldn't leave clothes lying around. He does want us to go in. Azorak treats this as like a challenge, almost. He wants the strongest and the smartest adventurers to eventually find him, so that he may kill them himself. He's the strongest and the smartest adventurers to eventually find him

so that he may kill them himself. He's a fucking moron. I can't wait to shake his scorny little neck. Yes, good luck with that. So... I love Valindra. Actually, I actually quite like her, even though she's bad. Oh, no, I adore her. She's scary.

She's a mum. Big mum energy. Big mum. Zach Mira, not adore her. She's scary. She's a mum. Big mum energy. Big mum. Zagmira, not a mum. No! No! Also, just putting it out there, Orvex, not a mum. Orvex is not a mum.

Orvex is a little boy. Yeah. Have we killed another NPC, Adam? Have you killed another NPC? Yeah. What do you mean? Oh, she was already dead. Oh, have you, have we?

Oh, yeah, so yeah, you did. Have we un-killed an NPC? Valindra says, I do not know if this will lead. Will this will take us forwards in the tomb? But I could not say whether or not taking us forwards in the tomb is necessarily what we want to do right now or what would be safe right now. Well, how about we check out the rest of this level first? All right. There might be more of these boys.

That's right. Yep. He gestures to the skull. The skull. Fuck. Audio medium, Tom, you big idiot. Minus second mirror, you head back out to the balcony and you've got stairs going up, stairs going down.

There's the path to the north that you just came from, a path to the east, a path. Oh, there's the zombie door and there's the hidden door that you came through to get here. Right. Well, if we go back through, there was a room that seemed too obvious that we didn't look at when we first came in. Back the way we came, that wooden door.

Yeah. All right. Or we could just keep going through here and see what's there. There's going to be more spirits on this level. What does Moa think? Moa, what do you reckon? More spirits on this level? More of you?

Yes, there would be spirits on this level. Do you have any idea where? No, I could not say. That's all right. She's not sure where, but she's fairly certain there'll be more spirits on this level. Do you have any idea where? No, I could not say. That's all right. She's not sure where, but she's fairly certain there'll be more spirits on this level. Well, let's just go this way. There are no doors. So I sort of gesture east.

East, yep. That's an open corridor. Yeah, there are no doors. Like, we have to go back through all the doors the other way, you know. And maybe something else will come out of that water. Yeah. We don't want that. We don't want that at all.

Pretty bad. That was really bad. Are you sure you're all right? Well, I'm not really. You keep touching your eyes. Yeah. They're really far back in your head. I know.

They know where they're supposed to be. Yep. They're also quite red. That's not surprising. It's probably blood. They look fucked. Yes, I know. I know. Just being honest. I know. I's not surprising. It's probably blood. They look fucked. Yes, I know. I know. Just being honest.

I know. I cannot help it. I know. Do you really keep... There is a tabaxi tale about such encounters where one loses his eyes like this. What do they eat at the end? I think it was grapes.

I do not remember the story entirely accurately. But, so, there were three tabaxi children. Child A, child B, and child 3. Child 3 did not like to follow the rules. As no tabaxi has ever enjoyed following the rules anyway i digress child a chooses to jump on the bed and his mother says child a do not jump on the bed but child a persists and he jumps and he jumps and he jumps and then eventually he jumps so high he bangs his head on the ceiling and his mother feels so sorry for him

that she makes him a nice stew then child b child b must climb everywhere he climbs on the walls he climbs on the ceiling he climbs inside buildings he climbs outside buildings we get he likes to climb and his mother says child b do not climb on the buildings and child b does not care so he continues to climb but then one day his paws they get sore and so he lets go and he falls and he gets a bad sore knee and his mother feels so sorry for him so he makes him grapes yes that is the one she doesn't make him he gets she gets him grapes and he eats heartily and enjoys the grapes and in time his knee is better and then there is child three child three ah but child three will not stop playing with his father's crossbow. And the mother says,

Child 3, Child 3, if you keep playing with the crossbow, you'll have your eye out. But Child 3 must play because he is obsessed with crossbows. And then one day, the crossbow, because he does not know how to use it,

it backfires and strikes him in the eye. And his eye is knocked back into his socket but he holds his breath and the eye pops back into place and when it does so he thinks to himself, ah, time for a good fish and then he eats fish and he was good as well. And so all tabaxi children know if you misbehave, you might get food. At the mention of eyes, Pops just like unconsciously touches his missing eye. Have you tried holding your breath and pushing really hard? When you do that, flask of Wine pulls out of his

backpack a bit of fish. He gives it to you. Oh, I don't think it worked. No, look, it did. Oh, Flask. Flask of Wine segues are the best segues. I give Flask a big cuddle.

Flask of Wine! Well, like Flask of wine segues are the best segues. I give Flask a big cuddle. He hugs you back. Flask of wine. Well, like Flask of be forever mine. He can't die. I eat the fish. It's nice. Thank you. He salted it. It's well preserved.

Do her eyes grow back? No, they don't. When I notice you touching your eye after everything's died down, are you okay? No. No. I mean, sometimes. Fucking hell.

Moa. Yes. How do you fucking stand this? Honesty is the best policy. No, it's not. Fucking isn't. Tell her. I'm not telling her shit. Tell her. I'm fucking not telling her shit. Pop, what's not. It fucking isn't. Tell her. I'm not telling her shit.

Tell her. I'm fucking not telling her shit. Pop, what's wrong? What? Lots of things. That's a... I don't like telling the truth because it's hard. Well, not now it isn't.

No, now it's easy, but the consequences of truth are very bad. All you've done is told me that you care about me. No. And admitted to some thievery. And got someone killed. I would say that there's a lot of bad things, Volundra says. Maybe he's right. Was Sigmir a big loss?

I didn't know. I didn't say that. Don't you oh that's a pity velendra would have found that very funny um oh okay no i do say that i can leave velendra laughs very heartily artist simba does not seem how it's like if you ever played like a video game where you have multiple companions and there he comes out with artist symbol, remember that. Yeah, artist symbol, remember that. I'm trying to cheer Pop up. No, she was fucking annoying and had two faces and was evil. So, fair.

Also, believed in a dumb cult. So, dumb. Big tick. Don't feel guilty at all. I feel a little bit guilty. Look, I'm okay at the moment. You said you weren't, though. Like, you asked a broad question, and I've worked out how I can lie,

is if I just talk my way through it, that's bad. Don't explain that you know how to lie, you big dumb fuck. At a four-way intersection, the corridors to the north and south curve upwards and out of sight. Oh, look at this corridor that curves upwards and out of sight. But with no rails or steps that allow them to be climbed, the corpse of a half-human, half-goat creature in robes sprawls ten feet to the north. It grips a staff tipped with a bronze goat's head. Who's holding the ghost lantern oh me oh yeah

the elven maiden in the ghost lantern starfallen rouses at the site you can feel her like pressing up against maybe you pull out the lantern and you can see her tiny figure within pressing up against the lantern peering curiously at the body you You hear her say in a far-off, distant, maybe sad, definitely sad, very sad voice, Devlin. Oh, you knew him. He was one of the people helping me. Devlin Bashir.

He was their wizard. I'm so sorry. Spoke kindly. He probably died kindly too. Hey, they were captured. She says. Captured by what?

Were they captured here? Yes, they were captured. They escaped. Oh, released. Released, maybe. yes they were captured they escaped oh released released maybe no no she sits back down in the ghost lantern i just look at tavan and do this crazy like cuckoo symbol with my finger near my head velindra says perhaps they were released azorak or potentially those he left in custodial charge of this place might need people to, she gestures up at the corpse, test the traps. Oh.

If they tested them correctly, they'd be alive. I guess it depends on what the aim was. So do they curve, like, upwards, like up a slope yep it like curves upwards there's no obvious way of getting up there but the corpse is stuck there by some means you can smell wine drifting from that room up ahead there's a a checkerboarded marble floor and a gilded coffin sparkling in sunlight streaming down from somewhere up above. You're not sure if there's an exit to the tomb through there, but it definitely looks like sunlight streaming down. Sunlight.

That's got one of the gods in it. Perfect. Well, let's approach and check for traps. All right, so you're going to not worry about going up either way? No. No, they seem like absolutely death. They've got that sorted. As spoken before, this room smells of wine.

There's the checkerboarded marble floor, a gilded coffin sparkling in sunlight, which you can now see is streaming down from the chamber's vaulted ceiling, which arches 12 feet overhead. Four huge stone gargoyle heads, their mouths agape, protrude from the walls. It smells delicious in here. As you enter the room, Pop, you hear Moa hissing in your mind. What? This tomb does not match any of the gods.

What do you mean? Look at it. What god belongs in this room? Every other room you have encountered. It is themed about a god. The god with hands.

There is no theming to this. News break. Update. So Marwa doesn't think that's a god in there. She thinks this is some other kind of tomb and it isn't a tomb of one of the nine gods. Something else is in here and it ain't one of the gods. That's potentially really dangerous.

I reckon that's a fake tomb. I reckon we open that, something horrific happens to all of us. That's, God, the real tombs were hard enough. I think we should never come back in here again. Let's go back. But then where could, there must be other rooms. Let's go back. You head back, you ignore the body again?

What if it's up there? Oh, gosh. Well, I guess that's a reason to test the trap, you ignore the body again? What if it's up there? Oh, gosh. Well, I guess that's a reason to test the trap, you know? It would be. I mean, why else would you have a trap here that requires someone to go up? Flask? Yes? Are you able to climb up the walls without stepping on the floor?

Without stepping on the floor? I do not know. I could try. Would you mind having a go? If you see anything, come straight back, you know? Flask of wine. He tries to climb his way up, but as soon as he stretches out, you can feel, you hear actually, you hear him go,

and then a little bit of blood drools out of the corner of his mouth. He slowly lowers himself back down and says, perhaps not. That's all right. I think we should suss that body. We really should. Hey, horns, take the rod. Anything comes out, click it into place. You're right.

Okay. I start climbing up. And I climb up the other one. All right. As soon as you begin climbing. Shouldn't we stick together? Yep, probably. We're going the same one?

Yep. Okay. As soon as you begin climbing. I'm with the goat boy because maybe I want his stuff. As soon as you begin climbing, you realize that the effort, it's almost effortless as if it were designed to be climbed. Then you realize that you don't need to climb it. You get high enough and you realize you can just stand on the wall.

Gravity is such that anywhere you are on this circle, and it is a circle as you walk up, anywhere you are on the circle. It goes all the way around. It just goes all the way around and you can walk along it. However, we'll get to the corpse first because when you get to the top, something else is going to happen. This is fucking weird. He's wearing red robes. He looks to be a wizard of some kind.

You can see his robes are ink stained. If you turn him over. Adam, I'd like to search him, obviously, for valuables. He has a journal. You find an ink pot. Do you take the ink pot? Any gold? I mean, yeah, take the ink pot.

Take the journal, obviously, because that'd be helpful. There's a spell book. Take the spell book. There's a stuff. The journal. This was on a go boy. I guess I'm watching you search this person. I'm looking.

This could be helpful. Might tell us what the fuck happened to him. What happened to her? Yeah, no, that's a good idea. Keep it. This is how I find gold. You search things to look for clues and sometimes you find gold and so you take it. Uh-huh.

Keep the journal. It might be helpful. All right. Do you want to look through it? Yeah, I'll thumb through. Go to the most recent one. Hopefully it trails off with, and I, ah. To those who find this, know that I, Devlin Bashir,

am the last surviving member of the Company of the Yellow Banner. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Don't tell, mate. I mean, I might, but you definitely don't. She all right. She can hear. I'm holding her.

Oh, true. The warlord Raznazi stripped us of our weapons and threw us in here on orders of his master, Azarak. I can only imagine our souls are to be fed to his phylactery. Alas, it seems he has won. Our company was separated after the incident with the four-armed gargoyle. The what? The four-armed gargoyle?

We fought no four-armed gargoyle. No. The tomb guardians tore Seward to pieces, and with him we lost the Starfallen. Oh, that's her. Our quest was a failure. Even if we found the Eye, the elf princess was gone. My friends wouldn't have lasted long without their weapons,

especially with a doppelganger in our midst, as Seth suspected. A doppelganger. Just so you know, I'm still me. Something a doppelganger would say. Are i'm still me i something a doppelganger would say are you still you yes pop something a doppelganger would say with the seeds of distrust sown will our party find a mysterious doppelganger in their midst or even more terrifyingly is one of them a doppelganger find out next time on once upon a Time in Zombie-Plagued Chult. Thanks for listening.

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