D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #7 Papazotl’s Tomb

Episode Date: November 21, 2020

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SazPants Radio, Australia's most five-thumbed podcast network. Welcome to Season 3, Episode 7 of Zombie Plagued Chult. Previously... Um, I put my hand on Pop's arm, like, we know she's too power- like, to- to convey that she is too powerful and she just needs to kill who she wants to right now. Dagmira's mummified corpse stands back up. If you point at it and say, oi, it sprints. It's trying to run away. Adam, I'd like to chase it.

Oi, bones! It hides behind the carving of the devil. I'm not going to hurt you. What's your deal, bones? It points to its head and the strange stone sculpture upon. Stone skeletons. We need their heads

to unlock the lower chambers. When you do that, Flask of Wine pulls out of his backpack a bit of fish. He gives it to you. I don't think it worked. Oh, look, it did. I'm still me.

I'm something a doppelganger would say. Are you still you? Yes, Pop. Something a doppelganger would say. Tiffany, after reading the suspicions of the goat man, Pop seems scared that you could be a doppelganger. Pop, do you reckon I would have asked you all those things? That is frustratingly correct.

Of course, I kept my staff. I'm sure Brixton would have seen some humour in that. Gentle reader, let a dying man offer you one piece of advice. Azarak is a trickster who desires nothing but your soul. His riddles may help you, but in the end, his final secret always leads to your doom. Tomorrow, save us all. I suppose we could take his staff.

I suppose we could. I've already got it. We haven't fought the four-armed gargoyle. No. We did see the tomb guardians and we did see where we found old Starfall in here. They were looking for the eye. Is that a soulmonger?

No. Wait, don't you know what the eye is? You know what the eye is, actually. Yeah, you know what this is. Oh, my God. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The eye of Zoltek.

For centuries, this fist-sized ruby surmounted the great pyramid of Neksal, capital city of the Mazdikan Empire. The gem is a relic of the cult of Zaltec, and its dagger-like point was plunged into the hearts of countless sacrifices. There is lore that the Eye of Zaltec can bring the dead back to life. So, that's the Eye. The Eye. Oh.

Do you remember we were talking to somebody earlier, Oh. Do you remember we were talking to somebody earlier and they said that there was four very rare artefacts in this tomb. Like I'm talking you could open a museum for one artefact each, individual museums, whole museum dedicated to one object. Insanity. That's one of them. They're after the eye.

Brings them back to life. It's very pretty. Do you reckon that's the jewel that tames the frog? I mean, it's a big fucking ruby. Like, put both my fists together. Like, big. No.

The ghost lantern speaks, I do not think these treasures were meant to stop things within the dungeon. Azorak secreted them here to draw in adventurers. We did a lousy job. We didn't know that we're here until we were already in the tomb. Valendra nods. I agree with this assessment.

Oh, that he did a bad job. Valindra's wandered off. Yeah. Oh, hey. Oh. So do you want to do the loop? Let's walk on then. Okay.

Are you just taking the entire group with you? No, I don't think. Ars Flask and Orvex. Ars Flask and Orvex stay hereists Flask and Orvex, stay here. You two and Valindra. Watch the other side. We should come out from there maybe. As you walk around, you come out the other side.

You can see the floor, but you don't see. Wait, was there anything on the goat man to suggest how he died? He, well, that would be a medicine check. I want to see if we can tell how he died because. Tiffany, you can't, unfortunately. Pop, you could give it a shot. Yes. Valindra or?

Valindra and Pop. Who would you trust to do? Tiffany, who do you ask to do it when you can't make the assessment? I ask Valindra because of the mum energy. And I think, although Pop doesn't know a lot about killing. Nah, Valindra. He was torn apart by... A forearm gargoyle?

No. Axes, maybe some hands as well. The tomb dwarves, the dwarves we found before constructing the tomb guardian. I would surmise that it was dwarven weapons that took this man's life. Well, I ready green flame blade. As you walk around the loop, you come back down. You notice that the corpse of Devlin is no longer there,

and neither are Flask of Wine, Artisembre, and Orvex. Oh, no. Orvex? Hang on. Hang on. Stay here. I'm going to go back the way we came. Back the way you came?

You see Devlin's corpse, and then you see Flask of Wine, Artisembre, and Orvex. I come back to Tiffany It's not the same place They're still there, back there, wherever this goes We're not where we were before And we're going down now So we are descending

Into the darkness You go around, it appears to be just a regular circle Yeah, so now we're going Fascinating Now we come out the other side, it, so now we're going- Belindra says, fascinating. Now we come out the other side, it's basically like we're in a different corridor almost. Great.

Anything different about the room up ahead? You look to the room ahead. It looks identical. Nothing seems to have changed, except that your companions are not here, and neither is the corpse. Moa. Yes.

Does this room feel like a god room now? The motif is still wrong. You could go in and investigate if you wanted to. What happens if we walk up the other side again? Go back the way you came? No. Keep going. Keep going?

If you do a second loop, you come back down the other side as if you'd only done one loop, if that makes sense. Valindra says it is some sort of mirror dimension. Mirror dimension? Something like this. If I were to make a guess, I would say that potentially it forms some part of the function of the dungeon. I do not know if it is very important or merely a trap. Why would you make a trap? It's hard to get to.

It wasn't very hard to get to, was it? No, but what's the point? There might not be one. I hate this fucking piece of shit who designed this fucking tomb. Look, he seems a bit... I forget the word in your language. Up his own asshole. Did I say that right?

You did. You did. Excellent. She takes a sip from a flask of wine that she keeps perpetually by her side. Let's head. Wait. What?

She's undead. She can't get drunk. Sorry, go on. Let's see if we can find Zagmira. Go back to the demon head. Yeah. Not a bad idea. So what's your plan?

So get into the mirror dimension again. Go to the demon head and see what's that. It looks identical. No Zagmira? You don't see Zagmira anywhere here. Zagmira climbed in. You don't see. It looks identical as it did in the original one.

There's just darkness. Hold my legs, one each, and dip me in. Are you absolutely sure you want to do this, Horns? No. Hold my legs, dip me in. You're so much heavier. Yeah, but like, there are less consequences if I don't come back. What do you mean? There's less consequences. No, there are less consequences if I don't come back. What do you mean?

There's less consequences. No, there's not. There is. I know your whole life story because you keep telling it to me. There is no one waiting for me in any world. Oh, fuck. Wow. You've got a dad somewhere.

I'd be waiting for you. Well, then you make sure you pull me back then. Oh, my God. So Pop is now a mum. He was always a mum, but now he's a dad? I've died multiple times, so I figure at this point it's irrelevant. No, pull me back. Start climbing in grab my legs grab my legs do i have the opportunity to wrestle her away or do i try that yeah well you will absolutely be

able to tiffany pop is just stronger than you which is why it might be a little stupid that you're holding him. But Pop grabs you handily, drags you out of the hole, and then climbs in himself. And grabs his leg. Pop, you find yourself in pitch darkness. You can't see in any direction. You can feel yourself dangling. You don't know how far down you would fall, but if Tiffany let go, you would fall. There is some

manner of drop beneath you. Can you see anything? No, it's really fucking... Can I hear it? Yeah, you can hear each other. It's really fucking dark. It's a long way down. I could, if permitted and given time, prepare some spell for this,

but we would need to stay the day. Oi, any fuckheads in here? No response. Dead Zagmirah. Pointless. Are you in the mirror dimension? Yeah. Valindra says, I do not think

she would be here. Do you think that this mouth is a portal to the other dimension? I don't know what this mouth is, Valindra. It does not seem like a portal, so I would not think that Zegmira is in. Are you in the mouth? No, I am not in the mouth. Right, so you don't fucking know what it is. I'm sorry, Paul.

What's in there? Is it a lot of darkness? No. Poppy's trying so hard to lie something dumb, but cannot. It's a lot of darkness. Well, I guess we kind of know about the same, except we don't know the same, do we? Because I'm quite clever.

Poppy pulling you out. We pull him out. I've had enough of this. We will go back to the non-mirror dimension, and then we will progress onwards. You have been, both of you, quite unprofessional, I should say.

What? What the fuck are you talking about? You two clearly have some deep-seated emotional distress between each other. You, quite obviously, have issues with your parents. What? And you, well, to describe what you have as issues would be an understatement. Well, I only have a dad, so it can't be parents. Oh, yes, you clearly have a father.

He doesn't have any parents, so we can't have issues with them if they don't exist. No, I have issues with the fact that they don't exist. Oh. I think if the truth spirit were in you, Tiffany, you would probably be spilling your guts on the issues you have with your- She doesn't need the truth spirit in her head. Quotation marks father.

He was- He chose me. He was an absent father long before he left you. But in- No, he picked me though. Adam, I'd like to punch Valindra in the face. Oh, fuck. Are you going like an all-out attack or is this just to make a point?

Nah, this is just to make a point. I'm not dumb. you swing at philindra and your hand collides with a shimmering shield of energy around her you feel nonetheless that you do physically strike her you can't muster enough energy though to actually cause damage what's her response to that adam she turns her face back around to you and says that was a very stupid move this far away from the rest of your party that was really stupid he didn't mean it he didn't mean it he's just got that he's just got in his head please shield next time i'll walk back the way we came i don't know what he's

talking about my point is the only one in your party who doesn't need to sleep. Please don't hurt him. I'm not going to hurt him. Thank you. I made a deal. I know. As long as he keeps his end of the bargain, I will keep mine. The man can get as angry as he wants.

Man has a name. Pop Mandarin can get as angry as he wants. I give her the bird over my back. All right. Pop! Sorry. You all walk back out of the mirror dimension. How does Simba look from each of you in turn?

He looks like he's about to say something, and then he just closes his mouth. There's nothing there. Do you want to push onwards? Yeah, let's head back out to the zombie door. As you approach it, there are three zombie heads sticking out of holes. Presumably the zombie heads are attached to bodies. They try to snarl and advance and get at you,

but they can't get through the hole in the wall, and also they have bit and brittle in their mouth, so they can't bite. Are they pets? Can we open the door? You, if you want, can put your hands against it and try to push it open, but nothing happens. Was this not mentioned in the clues? Something about sunshine.

The dead or poor sunlight. There was sunlight in the other room, but I doubt it's movable. Valindra says there might be a way to make this work regardless. They flee from light? Well, sunlight, yes. Sunlight. I cannot make sunlight, but I can make them afraid. Give it a go.

Be my guest. She waves a hand before them and, with a booming, powerful voice, yells, back with you, you freaks of nature. All of them turn around and rush away, quite clearly, absolutely terrified of Valindra. When they do that, you hear a mechanism working on the other side of the door. And with a creaking sound, the doors part and you can see the room beyond. Oh. Oh.

Also, just saying. Calling them freaks. Kettle pot. Six glass cauldrons. I made like a shh. Six glass cauldrons brimming with humanoid bones line the walls of this tomb, at the center of which stands an ancient chariot bearing a bronze sarcophagus with treasure strewn atop it. Paintings on the chariot's body show a tall bird with a long,

sharp beak. On the south wall, a bronze shield bears the embossed image of a Cholten warrior carrying a spear below an inscription that reads, Bow Before No One. Four bronze statues stand on pedestals to either side of the shield they depict chelten warriors one holding a sword two with spears and one missing its face not its head it just doesn't have any features on its face moa curls in your mind and hisses but you can you can tell that she's kind of racking her brains for anything to help you, but she has no particular advice to give you. She does seem certain that this is probably a – well, actually, she would probably hiss into your mind,

Papasato. This is a real one. Okay. So, hang on. The thing says bow before no one. And does the one without a face look like it's intentionally faceless? It does look like it's intentionally faceless? It does look like it's intentionally faceless. Well, maybe this is the no one we're meant to bow before.

Bow before no one. Let's go. Come on. Before we enter, is there anything from the plaque mentioning this? The dead of poor sunlight, only a jewel contained the frog. Bow as the dead got intended. Intoned. Bow as the dead are poor sunlight. Only a jewel contained the frog. Bow as the dead got intended. Intoned. Bow as the dead got intoned.

I think while matching that to bow before no one, maybe we're meant to bow before the faceless one. That would make a lot of sense. See, look at that, Belindra. We're sometimes clever. I just shake my head at you like, oh, my gosh, shush. Belindra says nothing. She's lucky that we're helping her because otherwise I'd be killing her.

So if you enter the room. You wouldn't be. I might try. You'd die. Maybe. You don't know. I reckon I do. Yeah, she turned that person and just sucked all their water out.

She just sucked all their water out. I'm going to jump on her though. She wasn't fucking ready for it. No. She was. She had a shield all around her at all times. She was the definition of ready.

And pinned it to the wall. She wouldn't die. I know, but she'd be stuck there. Does anyone touch the six glass cauldrons? There's the ancient chariot. There's a bronze sarcophagus on the chariot. There's treasure all over it. There's the ancient chariot. There's a bronze sarcophagus on the chariot.

There's treasure all over it. There's a bronze. Sorry? We're just going to bow before the faceless statue, right? Yep. I'm not touching anything. I mean, I want to. Well, maybe get your weapons ready and I'll just bow, you know?

Sure. Yes. All right. I smile at that. I'm like, oh, my God. All right. I smile at that. I'm like, oh, my God. You care. I'm just pop cares. Each of you bow before the faceless statue.

Nothing obvious appears to happen, though. What about the chariot? You approach the chariot. Does it look like it moves? Yeah, it looks like a proper chariot. There's no horses to draw it, though. What if we take the chariot to the god and bow to it like a chariot? What?

Can we inspect the faceless god thing? So you want to- That's a dumb idea. I don't want to anymore. Oh, that's so cute. I'm going to do something else. Yeah, let's look at the chariot without touching it because that never goes well for us.

Well, you approach the chariot. You don't touch it. Like I said, you can see treasures upon it. You see a golden torc, three gold cups, five gold cloak pins. There's an amulet that glows with a dull energy that you would assume means that it is probably magical. Other than that, there's the sarcophagus. Let's try and...

I want to inspect the faceless man. Is there anything near him, like a button on the floor or...? No, there doesn't appear to be. If we bow in front of the faceless man, does that mean we're then looking at something on the ground? Tiffany, you feel fairly confident you've given it a good look and you don't think the bowing reveals anything. Okay.

We could just try opening it. What if the trick in here was just the door? Where are the zombies? Oh, the zombies? Well, they were feared, so they're not going to willingly approach any of you. As you enter, I don't know, maybe your NPC allies kill them off one by one.

All the zombies are dead. That's irrelevant. Does Orvex kill any? Orvex? Sure. They're really weak. They're not strong, no. I hand over my immovable rod so that you may use them as, like,

tongs or chopsticks. I nearly said toothpicks. To try to open the thing? Yeah. Yeah, try and open the sarcophagus. Stand back. I try and open the sarcophagus. The sarcophagus proves difficult to move with your immovable rods,

but you nonetheless manage to force it open. Within, you find the brittle skull and bones of an ebblis. Bird. Any artifact? There's no artifact in here. What about the ones on top? Of the treasures on top, like I said, the amulet definitely glows with a magical energy.

Pick the amulet up. With your hands or with the tongue? You damn fool. As you pick up the amulet, strange shadows shift across the walls, forming the outline of a long-legged bird. Its beak stabs at you and a voice echoes through your mind. You will do as I command.

Is it in my head? Yeah. Well, it's going to fight for your command. Oh, shit. Well, actually. Moa gets forced out. You got Papazot auto in your brain my friend so papa's auto the eblis is shrewd and conniving

while inhabited by papa's auto you can't be surprised you gain advantage on all wisdom checks and you never take damage from falling while inhabited by papa's auto you gain the following floor which overrides any other i bow before no one and expect others to do as i command oh no oh man oh you can also grab all the other treasures if you want i do. You grab a gold torque worth 250 gold, three gold cups. They're each worth 75. You get five gold cloak pins. They're each worth 25 gold. And then the amulet, which is the amulet of health.

Which gives me 19 constitution. What am I going to do with this papazotl? You can immediately put it on. I'll allow you to immediately put it on and attune to it if you want. Yeah, yeah, I will. You are no longer attuned to the staff of Python, though. That's right. Right.

Fun fact, my shell is red. That felt good. Okay, so it worked. Who's in there? Papazotl, bird. What's going to happen? What are you going to do? Nothing. Okay, so it worked. Who's in there? Perhaps a little bird. What's going to happen? What are you going to do?

Nothing. What am I going to do? Well, last time you couldn't lie. What's going to happen now? I don't know. He won't. What do you do? Well, actually, do I inherently know the powers that I have gained?

You feel slightly healthier. Your constitution was 18. It's now 19. It hasn't really helped you that much. Yeah, but you are aware of what it's done. I feel healthy. I feel like that if I fell, I'd be fine. Can't turn invisible anymore, though. I could turn invisible before.

Oh. Did you know that? It's just shocking you didn't mention it. You didn't ask. Tiffany, you find a secret recessed door on the eastern wall oh guys this way i'll go first okay okay okay all right pop i get a bad boy card and you cannot work out the mechanism to open the door do you want me to have a go yeah you do it do it. Yeah, I offered. Yeah, do it. What?

Come on. You put, is that, oh, fine, okay. Bingo, bingo, let's go. I give it a crack. All right, you open the door. You've worked out the mechanism long ago. Ancient. Do you push past me to go first?

Cass. Yes. Do you push past me to go first? Cass. Yes! I almost open the door and leave a pause like I'm not going through first. Ancient cobwebs fill this narrow corridor whose midpoint features an arched alcove. Within the alcove, a dusty bottle stands on a table. You can see that there's another, it's pretty obvious, another hidden door on the other side. Once again, you're looking at the backside of the hidden door,

so it's easy to tell. Through again? I want to just suss the bottle. As you approach the bottle, you spot a genie within it who waves at you and calls out in a muffled voice. You, I don't think, understand the language. Wait, what's that? That is a genie. Oh, what do I know about genies?

You don't know much. Your knowledge extends to maybe genies could grant three wishes, maybe? Do I know anything about genies, Adam? Hmm, you know a little bit more. Yeah, not? Hmm. You know, a little bit more. Yeah. Not a lot. You know, there are different types of genies, and the type of genie that you're dealing with often kind of means a lot.

So, all genies do kind of have that power to grant wishes, but depending on the type of genie that you're dealing with, it might be like a monkey's paw sort of situation, or it might be the sort of situation where you ask for three wishes, and instead they enslave you and your family for the rest of eternity. You would know that the genie you are looking at,

the type of genie that you're looking at, is called a Tao. They are a genie from the elemental plane of Earth. They are quite powerful. They are evil, however, but they can be bargained with. In fact, Dao love to bargain. You're probably now aware that the reason you can't understand it is because it's speaking Terran, a language you don't know. I don't speak water, sorry.

What's that? That's a genie. It's a genie. It's a Tao. Valindra leans over and says, it is requesting to be freed. All right, then. Is that a trap or is it trapped? It would appear to be trapped. I pop it.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Yeah. As you pop it, Valindra says, oh, it was going to. All right. I guess you didn't want anything. It was bargaining. Don't you have to get it out?

Isn't that the deal? I get it out and it gives me something, Adam? No, we didn't make any deal. That's the problem. The Tao in a whirlwind of sand appears before you. She gestures over her mouth and face, and you see there's like a light appearing in her mouth and then she speaks in all languages at once and you can very easily understand her thank you for freeing me you have been most kind to me thank you and goodbye she spins and with a flourish and a bright flash of light, she disappears.

Where's my fucking wishes? There's a moment of silence and then Valindra starts laughing. She laughs and laughs and laughs and laughs. She nearly doubles over with laughter. And then slowly it dies down and she straightens up. You're about fucking done. This has been a very funny situation. You fucked up, but also she fucked up.

Why? She did not clearly realize where she was. She tried to cast Plane Shift to get herself back to her home plane. However, this spell does not work in this dungeon, and she has probably been whisked away either to some sort of chamber where she will be destroyed or to a prison. Either way, it is very funny. She gets for not giving us wishes.

We tried. She has for not giving us wishes. We tried. She has found herself in another prison. If we get her out next time, we'll get our wishes. Let's keep going. So you go past through that other secret door that you're on the other side of? Yep. I mean, I'll unlock it, but Pop will go through first, you know? Yeah.

I open it and hold the door open. The air here. I don't acknowledge that at all. No, I know. I know. You've somehow come back worse. Does knowing that it isn't pop make it better or worse? The whiplash hits harder and it's worse because I know that some of this is you,

like the other one was some, all of it, some of it is you. And this one's it's almost like I'm not allowed to be mad at you for stopping being kind to me because I know that it's something to do with how your brain's being altered and that makes it so much worse because anytime you're cruel there's something in my mind that's like oh well he really is trying to be kind and then I'm like well I don't know if he is and it's's like, well, he probably isn't in this moment because the spirit's in him and it's making him mad. And I'm like, so, okay, that means I can't be mad at him.

It's a lot worse. This stops me from being able to process my feelings and understand you any better because there's a little bit of hope in Tiffany as there always is. Her horns are all hope and that's it. There's a little honoured head. That's what she wears them. She's got a lot of hope.

And then she's like, oh, well, he said all those nice things before when he had to tell the truth. It must be right. But where is it now? Now it's buried. Does that mean that this one's worse? Does that mean that all those nice thoughts are still in there? Or are they just gone now?

Maybe the nice thoughts only came around because of honesty and now they're buried back. Maybe're gone forever but again i'm not allowed to think those because you're not you right now but you weren't you before when you were being honest even though it was honesty it still wasn't you because the honesty is what made you no longer you it all hurts oh lord this is whiplash wow The air here reeks of sulfur and brimstone. On the floor of this chamber, a pentagram traced in salt surrounds an ornate sarcophagus, its lid covered with figurines of prancing frog-like humanoids. Jewel frog.

Jewel frog. We don't have a jewel. What? We only have, only a jewel contained in the frog. We don't have a jewel. Someone will have a jewel. What? We only have only a jewel contained in the frog. We don't have a jewel. Someone will have a jewel, right? Someone has some jewels. I actually don't think anyone does have any jewels on your body.

No, all mine got dissolved. Oh, no. Actually, Valindra does. Valindra, from a component pouch, which she uses to cast her spells, pulls forth maybe like a small kind of worthless emerald or something like that. I take it. Alright. Oi, Papa Zottle. Yes? Who the fuck's in there?

This could be no one other than Nang Nang. What do you know about this place? Selfish and cruel. What? Who's selfish and other than Nang Nang. What do you know about this place? Selfish and cruel. What? Who's selfish and cruel? Nang Nang. What do you know about this place? This place? I don't know.

Some words. Containing the frog. The frog. Not Nang Nang. The frog is not Nang Nang. Nang Nang is a frog. This isn't the frog they talk about. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

They speak of some other frog. There's some other frog in this room. Where is it? Where is it? Where is it? Right, so I don't know if the bird's telling the truth or not because he's kind of fucking mental, but he doesn't think the frog's Nang Nang.

So the frog is Nang Nang, but the gem thing, the jewel of the frog, he thinks it refers to another frog that is in this room. Well, maybe just hold the emerald out so the frog can see that we made it only jewels and not harm. We just want the Nang Nang. And now a quick word from our sponsor. Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that we could hear Jackson or Zamet waxing poetic about video games they've played, and give them a score based on a frankly baffling rating system I refuse to understand, then do I have news for you.

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Oh, no. What? I don't want to do this. But? Flick the emerald don't want to do this. But? Flick the emerald to you. You do it. Okay. Are you sure?

Did I stutter? No, you just really didn't. When you were being on. Hold the jewel out and let's see what happens. Okay. Fucking hell. All right. Do right do you wow whiplash i hold the jewel out and look very sad because what else am i meant to be feeling right now you cross over the salt pentagram i step over the salt i do not break the salt when you step over the salt

it attacks the creature slashes at you with its claws and then tries to wrap its massive maw around your head, Tiffany. You take 20 points of damage in total and you feel a tooth pierce one of your ears and then tear it open. You have, well, it's not a piercing because if you put a ring in it, it would just fall out. You got a hole in your ear. No, you got a bit missing in your ear. All right. It ate me. Then we go to initiative.

Ah, I should have done it because I can't be surprised. Yep. But I'm also an asshole, so I can't. It goes first. It turns invisible. Tiffany, what do you do? Kick the salt. You kick the salt?

Yeah. All right. Oh, Tiffany, who do you do kick the salt you kick the salt yeah all right oh tiffany who do you want to act with um you've got velindra flask of wine velindra um i liked with artists is velindra magic enough to see through invisibility oh yeah she has true sight she can just see it amazing which begs the question why didn't she just spot it before? I didn't remember that she had true sight. There's not a lot of room here, so maybe she just didn't enter. And you're acting with artists. Yeah, so she's just not in the room yet.

Oh, and Tiffany. Oh, you know what this is. It's a slard, a grey slard. A slard's bad? They're not good. You actually even know what the clue refers to now. All slard have within their mind a gem. In their brain there's a gem.

If you can somehow, without killing the slard, get that gem, it is in the centre of their brain, so good fucking luck. But they're not going to let you do it as well. So if you can incapacitate a sl a slot and while it is incapacitated if you can somehow get that gem out all of this without killing it if you have that gem you control the slot it does whatever you say it will always obey your commands although if you ever lose that control gem, it will fucking come after you because it is pissed that you did it. But a control gem controls the slard. So that, you know, would be what the riddle refers to.

You're not sure if the control gem is in this room, but you assume that there is a control gem somewhere in the dungeon that will let you control the slard. Wait, isn't it in its brain? Well, potentially. It could just be in its brain right now. Hey, Cass. Adam fucked up. It's not in its brain. Wow.

Look, hey. The puzzle's there for a reason. So, you know that Grey Slard, compared to other Slard, are dangerously intelligent. It's kind of like a caster, but it's also really good at combat like really good at combat you're very lucky that it didn't have a weapon on it otherwise it probably would have destroyed you it had to make do with its claws and bite attack but yeah it also can just innately cast spells the sorts of spells you can worry about are things like well invisibility it can cast major image it could cast fireball fly fear and some powerful ones can even plane shift although that doesn't mean a lot here so it is your turn

what do you want to do velendre enters the room and she can see she's the only one who can see the slard i scream out um we have to find a gem we can control it if we have a gem velindra beginning to cast a spell says oh i know where we should begin looking

what do you want her to do so kicking the salt out i did that yep yep um velindra will yeah velindra's just gonna attack the slard she will try and kill the slard it's it's a race to see if any of us who can't see it can find the gem before velindra kills the Slard. This is what this is now. It is a race. Will Blight work? Do you want her to cast it just as the most powerful version she can? Yeah.

All right. She casts it as a fifth level spell. Amazing. She is aware that Slard are magically resistant, so it will have advantage on this saving throw. Do you still want her to cast Blight? Does she have... She is magic

isn't she there's not really anything she doesn't have a lot of other options yeah well just do that yeah she deals 21 points of damage to it i want to run to the tomb and try and push it open you need to make a strength check to open it you open the sarcophagus. Inside, you find a potion, a potion full of a red liquid, written on the front of it in, do you know Draconic? I believe you do. Oh, no, you don't know. No, I don't. Well, that's fine because it's also repeated in Infernal,

which you do know. I do know that one. Repeated in Infernal, it simply says, Potion of Supreme Healing. Hey, this is a potion of supreme healing here. That's what it says written on it. There is also a- Big Papa Supreme Healing Potion.

Do I reckon that'll fix my eye? It might. It's a very powerful healing potion. Well, there's also the dust and bones of a grung, which is what Nang Nang was. And you see a- What do you identify as a grung egg that hums with a magical energy?

Oh, okay. Nope, not for me. What do you want to grab? Potion. You grab the potion. You've already used your action, so you can't drink it yet. No, no, no. I'll just stash it.

No, okay. Oh, no, wait. You've got cunning action. You could drink it as a bonus action if you wanted to. Well, I feel we'll rest after this, so probably not worth it. Okay, cool. No, but would the supreme healing fix the fact that your hit points are 20 less?

Oh, would it? It might. Maybe I have a chug-a-lug. You know what? Look, if Pop can lie to me, why not take one for the team? All right, Pop's never lied to you in this session. I have a gluggy chuggy. Gluggy chuggy.

When you drink the potion, at first, like the first mouthful of it tastes like beautiful, sweet relief. It tastes like a warm summer's day. But then as you're downing the second mouthful and you've now drunk most of the potion you feel it immediately change like the potion goes from being one liquid to being another it tastes like you are drinking boiling water you take 10 points of damage and you need to make a constitution saving throw oh adam you fail the constitution saving throw. Oh, Adam. You fail the constitution saving throw. You are poisoned.

You are poisoned as the condition. Hey, Cass. Yeah. Remember how D&D works? And how Adam is. And Adam. So it's us two against. Adam.

Everyone else who is Adam. So remember when Adam's like, hey, you find a health potion in a tomb and you're like, I'll drink it. And he's like, yeah, sure, you could drink that potion. And he like tells you what would be a good idea and then you're poisoned. Yeah. I do recall that. He is winking at us.

He's a piece of shit. I love him. You're going to take 3d6 points of damage until you pass this saving throw. Flask of wine barrels into the room, fires two arrows at what appears to be nothing, dealing 35

points of damage to the slug. He can see it. Yeah, he spots it. He's very perceptive. He can actually see the disturbances it makes on the ground god is cool flask of wine's first arrow when it strikes it explodes with lightning damage so he deals in total 35 points of damage that's factored in but you feel tiffany if you'd been standing near where he fired you would have been in trouble as well. It was an actual explosion.

But it would appear Flask of Wine obviously knew that he would probably be firing near you, had made a calculated risk, and it's paid off. Oh, so it was a risk. Not really. I mean, if he'd rolled like a one, maybe something would have happened. Everything's a risk in D&D. That is true. You could roll a one for like putting on your shoes

and die. That is true. Pop and artists. Can we see where Flask just attacked? You have a general idea, yeah. Can we see an arrow just sticking out of the air? No, unfortunately. When the arrow strikes it actually becomes invisible, which is fucked.

That's funny. I want artists to do that. Have I seen that, Teevan? Yeah, I've seen the tombs funny. I want artists to do that. Have I seen that, Taven? Yeah, I've seen that tomb's open. What do you want? I'm going to go for the tomb. That's what I'm here for. All right, you move over to the tomb. You look inside.

You see a grung egg that looks like it's humming with magical energy. If I noticed that she is violently unwell. She looks very sick, yes. What the fuck have you done? Bad. I did bad. Can you help? Oh my god, you literally can't.

I don't know how to tell you this, but I literally can't. Do I see the bottle that she's drunk out of? Yeah. Can I pick it up and read it? Hang on, if you go to grab it, I smash it on the ground. Fuck yes. Get a good boy card. What did you drink? I don't know, treasure? I don't know, treasure.

Fucking hell, idiots. Sorry, I guess you should have gone in a museum. Grab the egg. I wouldn't put a potion in a museum. I'll do it when I'm ready. Oh, wow. I'm not doing it because you're telling me I'm doing it because I want to

Alright you grab the pearl Yeah Oh sorry it's a grung egg The object that it is The item card I'm going to give him is the pearl of power But it's technically a grung egg As you touch the egg A tendril of slime

Rises from its surface And transforms into a frog-like head that bobs towards you. A croaking voice sounds out in your mind. Nang, nang, we'll help you now. That voice is bad. All right. Guess who's got nang nang in their mind? Woo! Nang nang the grung is selfish and cruel.

Oh, fuck. While inhabited by Nang Nang, you can move up, down, and across vertical surfaces and upside down along ceilings while leaving your hands free. I'm Spider-Man? You also gain a climbing speed equal to your walking speed. While inhabited by Nang Nang, you gain the following floor, which overrides any other. I won't share with others. You just made him sticky.

You just made Pop sticky. Pop, add this as a floor. Write it down on your character sheet. This is a floor that you will have from now on in addition to any other one given to you by a god. Or even just my normal floor. Yep. This is one that you will always have. What's just happened to me?

You've been inhabited by too many other minds. Oh, no. It's fuckled you. Oh, no. What's the- I try to become like someone else I know, adopting his or her style of dress, mannerisms, and name. This is an indefinite form of madness. It lasts just until it's cured.

Question. Yes. So it's just someone I know. Someone you know. It doesn't have to be someone. It doesn't have to be someone here. That good. Okay.

Oh, no. Orvex does not know where the creature is and has only a dagger to his name, so he hovers at the doorway but does not do anything. The slard materializes as it throws a ball of fire at you two and Flask of Wine. Flask of Wine saves for half damage. Both of you fail. Adam, do you know what?

Let's treat ourselves. We've had a rough one. I'm going to play a Fatuitous Circuitous circumstance card to use as you see fit. And I'll say it doesn't have to take effect immediately. I just would like at least something nice to happen at some point in this fight because I just would like a win. Tiffany, you see something shine in the sarcophagus. You quickly, without even thinking, just pick it up and pocket it.

Whatever it is, I'll find it, figure it out for you later. Fine, if Pop's going to be like this, I'll be like Pop. Alright, so both of you are taking 26 points of damage. Jeez Louise, oh no. Oh wait, what does your evasion do again? Oh, sorry, Tiffany, you only

take 13. You have uncanny dodge too, mate. I would like to use Uncanny Dodge. Alright, you only take 7 points of damage. How many times can you use Uncanny Dodge? Once a round. So literally infinitely.

Yep! Yeah. Wait, no, that was the slot that hit me, yeah? Yeah. Well, hang on. Instead of Uncanny Dodge, can I use Hellish Rebuke? Oh, wait, no. You actually couldn't use Uncanny Dodge because you didn't see it coming. It was invisible. Can I use Hellish Rebuke? You can use Hellish Rebu Dodge, can I use Hellish Rebuke? Oh, wait, no. You actually couldn't use Uncanny Dodge because you didn't see it coming. It was invisible. Can I use Hellish Rebuke? You can use Hellish Rebuke. I'll use Hellish Rebuke. The slard hisses and takes

14 points of damage. Tiffany, it's your turn. First off, the poison courses through your veins and you take 9 points of damage. Oh, fucking hell. You fail that constitution saving throw again. That's going to happen next turn. What do you want to do?

It's you and Valindra. You can see it now. Does Valindra have any healing spells left? She could heal you, yeah. Well, I will go in with a green flame blade, but Valindra will go before me and heal me. Valindra will heal me because she is kind and a mum, and then I will attack because I am a good daughter.

Oh, my God. What if I'm not a good daughter? What if you made her your mum? You've got a mum right here. Sometimes. Actually, all the time, but sometimes it's hidden. What to even make of you being nice because it doesn't mean anything. Cool, I know what you really think

but you choose not to do it, you know? Tiffany, you heal 33 points of damage as Valindra draws her own energy and places it into you. It feels sticky and Icarus. It's unpleasant but you do feel better and you feel healed at the end of it. Valindra finishes by

putting a hand on your shoulder and saying whispering into your ear killed yes i charge with my green flame blade is valindra able to be close enough to give me the bonus sure cool she can move with you if you want yeah critical hit the power of your mother. Yes. Mom power. Mom magic. Poke in the belly. Double damage. Yes. Do you use green flame blade?

Yes. That was a lot of dice and they all sounded ouchy. Gets doubled as well. Ouchy mama. All right. You deal 40, 58, 8 points of damage. Good. Oh, that's it.

That's the game. You stab it deep in the belly. The slaw doubles over. And when it doubles over, you grab its mouth. You hear Valindra hiss into your ear again. Yes. You drag the rapier out and stab it straight through its stupid fucking head. You kill the creature.

It collapses. Someone shut the door. Someone lock the door. Artisimber closes the door to the room. Tiffany, oh, sorry, you take another, what was it? You take another seven points of damage, and then you make your saving throw. Oh, okay.

I've got you on 35 right now. Yep. And Pop, you're on 43. Oh, Jesus. I've got you on 35 right now. Yep. And Pop, you're on 43. Oh, Jesus. I take off my hat and I put it away. Okay. I pop the eye out of my head. Yeah.

I take that. I put it away. I don't put a fake one back in. And I'm just like inspecting Holy Avenger, just like, put that away. I'm just like, are you all right? Yes. No, I'm not. I really think we should rest.

I can help. I use my pearl of power to bring back a spell slot. Uh-huh. And I use cure wounds. There you go. Thanks. You're right now. There you go. Thanks. You're right now. So you got the frog in you now?

I've got the frog, yes. The frog speaks like that? No, I speak like this. Whatever, I just... The frog is interesting. He's a bit of a bastard. Reminds me of my brother. Pop.

Tiffany, you need to be wearing your new item. I passed you the card, by the way. Oh, what is it? I put on my new circlet of blasting and I attune to it. Whilst wearing the circlet, I can use an action to cast a scorching ray spell with it. When I make the spell's attacks, I can do so with an attack bonus of plus five. The circlet can't be used this way again until the next dawn. You actually don't need to attune to it.

Oh, sick. I just put on my new hat. It's a little circlet. Does it fit over my horns? It fits around. It just dangles off one. You know what? Actually, there are two holes where your horns perfectly slide into it.

There are? But due to circumstances. There you go. Did you say your brother Pop? Yes. What? My brother Pop is an arsehole and not a very good person. Sorry, and who are you?

Pip. Pip Mandarine. Gentleman monster hunter. Behind Pip, Valindra rolls her eyes. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. Pip. There are two entrances and exits to this room that you are aware of. There's that secret door to your west that you might want to do something about. Like, I don't know if you have maybe something to plug it or if you just want to kind of trust it. Maybe someone sleeps against it. I don't know. And you have a hole in the wall to the north.

You're not sure where it leads to. It's not that big a hole. It's big enough for someone to fit through, but it's like not big enough for something big to fit through, if that makes sense. Like, for example, Pop, you could fit through this hole, but with your shell, you'd be kind of like scraping your shell along the walls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be fun.

Yeah, it'd be fun. Well, how about we use the parts of the tomb or the coffin? Can we plug it up? The sarcophagus? Yes. You can't move the sarcophagus. It's fixed to the floor. It didn't have a lid?

Oh, it has a lid, yeah. So where are you putting the lid? If you put the lid over the- Over the door. Over the secret door or the hole in the wall? It's a hole. Hole in the wall and then someone can sleep against the secret door? Yeah, that's what I think.

Yeah. Will our heroes be able to give themselves a secure sleep? Find out next time on Once Upon a Time in Zombie Plagued Chalked. Thanks for listening. If you want to help support this show and all the other shows on the Sandspans Radio Network, just head to sandspansradio.com and consider joining the Sandspans Plus community. There's over 20 bonus shows, a Sandspans Plus Discord, exclusive video content, and discounts on merch.

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