D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #8 Pip & Pop

Episode Date: November 28, 2020

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Sands Pants Radio, Australia's happiest podcast network. That includes such gems as Wet Parents, a D&D campaign featuring yours truly, and Tom and Dami, where we're a bunch of sea creatures who learn about family, the long-awaited sequel to Dinosaur Park, Dinosaur Park 2, Dinosaur Land, and the first hundred episodes of my Unsolved Mystery podcast, Jackson Bailey Spooks America. Once again, that's plus plus 50 at checkout for 50% off or digital downloads at sanspantsradio.com forward slash shop. Welcome to season three, episode eight of zombie plagued chow. You have been both of you quite unprofessional, I should say.

What the fuck are you talking about? I'd like to punch Valinda in the face. What? What the fuck are you talking about? I'd like to punch Valindra in the face. As you pick up the amulet, strange shadows shift across the walls, forming the outline of a long-legged bird. Its beak stabs at you and a voice echoes through your mind.

You will do as I command. We have to find a gem. We can control it if we have a gem. Valindra, beginning to cast a spell, says, Oh, I know where we should begin looking. While inhabited by, beginning to cast a spell, says, Oh, I'm not there. We should begin looking. While inhabited by Nangnang, you gain the following floor, which overrides any other.

I won't share with others. You just made him sticky. You just made Pop sticky. What just happened to me? You've been inhabited by too many other minds. Oh, no. It's fuckled you. I try to become like someone else I know, adopting his or her style of dress, mannerisms, and name.

Are you all right? Yes. No, I'm not. I really think we should rest. I can help. I use my pearl of power to bring back a spell slot. Uh-huh. And I use cure wounds.

There you go. Sorry, and who are you? Pip. Pip Mandarim. There you go. Sorry, and who are you? Pip. Pip Manderleon. Gentle remorse to Hunter. After several gruelling encounters, you have a undisturbed rest. Bazaar. Bazaar.

So, Pop, you're on 88 out of 120. Tiffany, full hit points. 61, baby. You're going hail and hearty. So, what would you like to do? Being alive's hard, eh? Yes, it is. Who's in my head?

Nang, nang. Cool. Well, maybe it's worth seeing what's through the hole, even if we just have a look in, you know? I think that's a good idea, potentially. Oh, you'll still like this. Still like what? Sorry, pop.

Pip. Pip, you say? You've done that a couple of times. You've used my brother's name to describe me. What is going on? Tell me. Just please tell me. I really, this is hard enough.

Please tell me what's happening. We are standing in the tomb of a fearsome lich, which I will kill, behead, mount on my wall at home because I am a fearsome lich, which I will kill, behead, mount on my wall at home, because I am a fearsome monster hunter, and I am not my useless, confusingly angry brother, Pop. That's a pretty accurate description, actually. Are you twins? Flask of wine says.

You look so similar. No. All right. Because you've been grievously injured through some unfortunate mishap that I don't quite recall, I will let that slide because I do not resemble that wretch in any way, shape or form. We are not twins. We are adopted brothers and he is a ghastly fellow. Oh, I understand. Flask of wine gives you a look like he doesn't understand. Well, Pip, you might be able to see. I mean, I've been a bit injured as well. What do you look like?

What do I look like? Yeah. You know, I look like, well, for a start, I don't look like a turtle. I didn't ask what you didn't look like. I wanted to know what you do look like. You don't look like a turtle. No, I'm a dragonborn. Oh.

Oh, no. I have insulted so many acquaintances. You know, tail, etc. Dragon-y things. Flosco of Wine is just taking this at face value. Well, Pip. You've never seen a dragonborn before. Well, I'm talking to you, aren't I? Since you're a dragonborn and you will have quite a slender body, maybe you should go through the hole.

Absolutely. I'll go first. He does not have a slender body, maybe you should go through the hole. Absolutely. I'll go first. He does not have a slender body. What are you slaying? Don't be rude. Oh, I'm sorry. I wink at Flask. Flask of one is out of his depth.

It's okay, young man. If we get a chance at some time during this adventure, I will teach you etiquette and manners. I'd like to learn that. Another time. Another time. You're highborn. You don't need to learn etiquette and manners.

How did you know that? We've never met. Look at the way you stand and talk. You're absolutely highborn. I've been with you this entire time. Flask of wine sizes you up, Tiffany, and then you see him mentally and physically readjust his posture so that it imitates yours

that's a lot better my fellow if you start crawling down that hole oh crawling uh yeah it's kind of like a hole in the yeah yeah you gotta go it's it's not that big okay adam yeah tom heights it let's do it all. You start crawling down that hole. Eventually you start smelling this sickly sweet smell. And then you see by... Do you have dark vision? I believe you do. Yes, I do. You can see through your dark vision some liquid ahead of you.

Getting a little bit closer, you pretty quickly deduce that it is wine. It fills. You're like sloping downwards. And so it's like rising up over the line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you would need to go under the wine to continue.

Okay. Can they hear me? Yeah, yeah. You're not that far away. You're maybe only like 30 feet. Adam, crucial question. Can I go backwards? Yeah, you can go backwards. It's not too bad. Okay, no, no, no.

I thought your crucial question would have been Adam. Can I tell the notes? Can I tell the notes? You know what? I was wrong before. It's not sickly sweet. It's absolutely sickly sweet. It's absolutely delectable. It's probably, like, maybe got a bitterness to it.

Actually, you know what? There's notes of bitterness and sweetness to it. It's a very expensive wine. Oh, well balanced. I'm crawling back out. It's wine. Very, very nice. Probably made with black currants.

I would suggest there's a dash of black currant I didn't taste it because I'm not a fool I saw you drink that earlier and you got poisoned Sorry, what's wine? In the tunnel About halfway along I hit wine It's... what? Okay, well I guess

The drink, wine I guess that's a dead end Let's go back through the other Was it just full of wine? Like you would have been swimming in wine It wasn't a dead end I didn't's a dead end. Let's go back through the other one. Was it just full of, like, you would have been swimming in wine? It wasn't a dead end. I didn't hit a wall. But, yes, you would have had to have gone into the wine to presumably continue on your journey through the hole.

Huh. Can anyone breathe underwater? Valindra does not need to breathe. It's a shame my brother's not here because being a tortle, he can hold his breath for up to three hours. But I'm a dragonborn and I cannot. I reckon you can try. No, I can't.

I think you should try. I know my abilities. I think you're going to try. Is that a threat? Don't make threats. Okay, then. Wow. Maybe you have been spending time with my brother because you're very coarse.

I apologize for being coarse. Would you please try for us? Tiffany, when you say that, Valindra laughs a little like, it's like a genuine laugh. Yes, mum. little like it's like a genuine laugh yes well i think it would be very kind of you if you went in for us i mean you're gonna make me do it oh would you make us ladies do it valindra says standing closer to tiffany my god this time in this dungeon has turned me into some kind of a craven madman you're absolutely right i will attempt to hold my breath in the wine for as long

as possible. Alright, you gonna go back in and climb through? Absolutely. Underwater, you come to, under wine, I should say, you come to, before, you only go like a maybe five or six feet further than when you had to submerge

yourself, and you come to an intersection. You could go straight ahead or you could turn right. Which would you like to do? I'd like to keep going straight. All right. If you keep going straight, you find that there's like a current to the... No, I already knew there was a current. You could find that there is a...

That's bizarre. How am I able to talk underwater? A natural flow to the wine. And you see that it's being channeled into a tiny hole that you cannot move through. It's way too small. It'd be too small for like a fairy. It's tiny. Can I put my finger in?

You can put your finger in. Yeah. You block the flow of the water. Just for a bit. Wine, sorry. Yeah. See what happens. Nothing happens.

Take it away. And I crawl back. What was the other one? Go right. There's obviously different. Wine, sorry. Yeah, see what happens. Nothing happens. Take it away. And I crawl back. What was the other one? Go right. There's obviously different. Oh, no, you can't really see, actually. You can't see very well under wine. No.

Can I go back to the right? You go into a big, big area. You can't reach the, or you can reach the top of it, sorry. But the top of it, maybe you get to surface, actually. You're just in a big. You run out of breath. It's just a big vat of wine. It's being fed from above you by a tiny pipe.

That. I go back and I come out of the hole. Well, apparently my lungs are better than I thought, but it was touch and go. Luckily I found a pocket of air about halfway in. No. No? No what?

What was there? Nothing. Small holes. Too big for all of us. Not that I'm saying people are big. That would be very rude. So the wine was coming out of a hole? No, the wine was coming out of a hole.

Okay. Into a room. But, well, into something. A very tiny hole. Okay. Yes. Well, I think we should take the other door then. Thank you, Pip.

You're most welcome. Let's head out the other door. All right. Thank you, Pip. You're most welcome. Let's head out the other door. All right. Me and I imagine Valindra make eye contact and we wait for Pip to take the lead. Oh, yes, absolutely. All right, are we ready to go then, Watto? Actually, I'm going to do a quick inventory because I don't really do any magic.

Oh, no. So this pearl of power is utterly pointless to me. Instead, I think it would be much more useful if, say, for, in fact, I was no, no magic, sonic assault. That could be an interesting thing. And this axe is rather nice. I swap the pearl of power for the mace of terror. You feel Wongo enter you and take control.

Yeah, hello chap. Now, these are the fucking rules, okay? Ah! Ah! Ah! You will shut that up right now or I will exercise you faster than you can say monkey shit sandwich.

Try it. Ha ha ha ha ha! Well, no, no, I'm not you faster than you can say monkey shit sandwich. Try it. No, no, I'm not getting into infantile games with you, you beast. Do you want to get out of here? Starts beating his chest. So if you want to get out of here, we will cooperate. And I promise that we can do lots of murders. Will that make you feel better?

Good. It doesn't stop. It just goes to a low level. That's something, I guess. All right, then. Through the corridor, back out into the... Let's go. Where are you planning on going? It might be worth exploring more of the dungeon.

Why? To continue on our journey. Surely the lich is in the lower levels of the dungeon. Why? To continue on our journey? Surely the lich is in the lower levels of the dungeon, so we go down. Yes. Immediately. That's what I meant. Yes. Explore more of the dungeon. Lower down. Yes. Yes, just

keep going down until we hit the bottom. The rest of the dungeon is superfluous. Okay. No, that's a good idea. That's a very good idea. Let's do that. You want to do it here in the square room? What do you think?

Well, I think going straight down via the stairs. Surely anything we need to see will be there, right? It's on the main path. Potentially, unless he's expecting that. Well, what do you suggest? No, I think that's a sound plan. Sorry, just to, you've been here the whole time? Did you say?

Yes. Okay. Your friend hired me to accompany you on this perilous quest to get her dead. Flosk of Wine is staring at you, Pip Pop, and he's like narrowing his eyes like he's trying really hard to work out what's going on. He is very... We fought a snake man, threatened to come back and kill him.

We have many companions that we have, you know, some of them have... Okay, so sorry. Yes? So do you have the gods in your head now still? Oh, yes. The monkey. Mongo. He's a quite aggressive chap,

but he does allow me to do some fairly powerful things And comes with his mace And out of all the other artifacts I think that's the most important Sorry, did you say you don't use magic? No, I'm a fighter When have I ever used magic on this quest? Young lady You remember healing people, right?

Probably with potions, I suppose The potions of energy that you brew in yourself? It is now my turn to look at Belinda because I'm like, you do magic. Potions of energy brewed inside yourself. Now tell me, Lich, is that something that a person can do? Do you want an honest answer or would you like me to back you up? Honesty is the way to go. You can do that, yes.

People can do that. I have seen this, yes. People have the ability to use the energy inside their own bodies to create healing potions. Something similar, if not. Right, I've never done that in my life. Well, maybe you could have a go. You never know what you don't try. I mean, you didn't know you could hold your breath for that long.

Yes, but I found an airway where I was able to re-climb it. I wasn't in there for an hour. I was down there for maybe a minute or so. I can hold my breath for a minute. Look, I do not think I have the capacity to use magical energy inside my body to create a healing potion. You hear a rustling sound, and Flask of Wine has taken out a packet of dried somethings and is slowly, carefully putting them in his mouth and chewing on them

as he has an intensely thoughtful expression while staring at you. Pip, pop? Well, pop, Pip, sorry. That's okay. It happens too frequently than I'd like. I think it's worth a try. You think it's worth a try? Yeah.

I mean, if it comes up, why not give it a go? All right. If someone needs it at some point, I will give it a go. Can we press on into the dungeon, please? Sure, let's go. Stairs? Absolutely. The staircase is lit by torch brackets,

and as you descend, you pretty much immediately see another door out. You think you've only gone maybe one level down, but yeah, there's a door outwards here if you want to. Oh, artist, you're with me. You have a big weapon too, I suppose. All right, so are you opening the door to the next room? All right, weapons ready, ladies and gentlemen. This is a dungeon.

Things will try to kill us. Let's be on our best behavior. Thank you no worries are we ready i i'm ready i look around at everyone else how does everyone else how is everyone else reacting to pop pip flask of wine is genuinely honestly concerned he is taking everything of this at face value and so he is just like trying to reconcile so many disparate facts in his brain he looks so confused artist sembra kind of gets the edges of the madness that it must be consuming pip and so he seems to have like a concern definitely concerned but uh kind of helpless expression like anytime pop acts a lot like pip artisember gives him like a very dismayed look like he's genuinely concerned for you

orvex just seems a bit confused as well orvex isn't flask of wine so he understands that something is wrong with you orvex isn't flask of wine but But Orvex cannot, he's not been with you long enough to really understand the complexities of what's going on. And Valindra just doesn't seem to care. She seems disinterested. It's not her business, fair enough. You open the door and this room is dark and dusky. A hulking figure wearing a bucket helm

that you obviously identify as a tomb guardian cool stands to the west with one hand on an iron lever set into the wall the south wall is sloped so you're looking down into this room and the wall opposite you is sloped and has a large rectangular window five feet wide by seven feet high the window looks into a hallway it's like a mirrored effect yeah you can see that through that window on the opposite wall to you on the south wall through that window there's like some sort of mirrored effect where you can see a corridor beyond oh not a corridor sorry a room beyond it looks like this is some sort of viewing room for somewhere else. You're not sure how far away this other room is, but yeah.

Sorry, it is a hallway. The window looks into a hallway through a rectangular hole in the hallway floor and farther down into a well-lit room shaped like a cylinder tipped on its side. Is the person, was the tomb guardian with the lever, they haven't pulled the lever, right? They're just resting on it? We can see them. The tomb guardian is like right next to you. You could reach out and touch the tomb guardian.

You could keep going down, Adam. Yeah, you could keep going down if you want. So could we skip this entire floor? You could. You look at the tomb guardian. The tomb guardian does not react to your presence. I say I think the chap is resting i do not understand how these awful creatures work it is inactive valendra says it has clearly been given an order of some

sort that it is following and the order does not pertain to dealing with trespassers. I would say if you attacked it, it would defend itself. But whatever it is, it is waiting for whatever conditions require it to pull that lever, she says. Well, I mean, it's good that we haven't activated a trap. Did you want to keep going? Down? Or do you want to go out here? Well, I mean, we can keep going down. You said you wanted to get to the bottom quickly, right?

Well, yes, we want to kill this leech and continue on our merry way. I have things to do. We do have things to do, but, I mean, don't you remember we were told that we needed all of the gods on our side to help defeat? I think we do, though. Do we? Ask Wongo. He's not going to be much help.

Well, if you don't ask, maybe you won't either. Gods will help. Gods will help. Gods will help. But we can do it. Sacrifice them. Which ones? Your friends.

Let them die. And now, a quick word from our sponsor. Also, hey, D&D is fun, but if you're wishing that we would stop all this role-playing nonsense so that we could get down to brass tacks and nut out which bird is the best bird, then do I have news for you. Shut Up Second is a show by myself, Jackson, Cass, and Zoe where we, as my dad calls it, embarrass ourselves on a public platform with our lack of scientific understanding. So if you like the sound of that, or if you want to know why my dad isn't answering my calls, then head on down to sanspantsradio.com and search for Shut Up a Second. Come now. That would be impolite.

I am working with them for a role. The skeletons. The what? The skeletons. The skulls. So do I need them? Do I need the skulls or do I need the gods? Skeletons.

Don't need the gods. No. Only help. Look, Wongo, you're a fine chap and you enjoy bloodshed as much as the next person, but I'm simply, I'm just unable to trust your judgment. Just give me a moment. I'm just going to try something different. As Wongo has told me, contradictory information has also suggested that I kill all of you.

And while the thought could have crossed my mind, I'm not going to do that. I'd like to put the mace of terror away and pick up the stuff of Python so that I get a truthful answer. As the snake leaps at Wongo, a familiar sight meets your eyes. Wongo refuses to leave.

And as Moa tries to wrap around Wongo, Wongo grabs Moa's head, twists it, and you hear a snap. You feel a snap. In fact, you take 15 points of damage, Bob. You little fucking shit. Wongo seems pretty pleased with himself. I held the mace and I looked down the spiral staircase.

I wonder what happens if I just do this and I drop the mace down the staircase. Does Wongo leave my head? No, unfortunately, Wongo doesn't. You feel the weapon hit the ground. Hmm. You are still attuned to it. Damn it. Is it out of sight now?

Yeah, it's in the darkness, yeah. Sorry, what? I'm trying to get the monkey out of my head so I can speak to the snake because she will tell us the truth about whether we need the gods or the skulls because he went on some rant about skeletons being. Are you bleeding? Yeah. Pop, Pip.

Pip Pop has a blood nose. Yes, apparently the snake and the monkey do not get on. It is quite a violent affair, and it hurts sometimes. But it should be round. I'll have another crack. Okay. I have another crack. You take a further eight points of damage

as Moa leaps and bites Wongo on one of his arms. Wongo grabs the neck of Moa with his other arm, squeezes tightly, and then drags downwards. Moa's skin is pulled backwards from her head, and then with a giant tug, Wongo breaks Moa's skin and de-gloves an entire snake. Eight points of damage, and you're still under the, well, not under the control, but you're still inhabited by Wongo.

Let's try one more time, Adam. Pip, maybe try a different creature. It's like a Segway or? That's not a bad suggestion. However, a bit too late right now, but. Oh, no. Chin up. Try it again.

You take 12 points of damage. Okay, we're going to try it again this time. You take 12 points of damage. Okay, we're going to try it again this time. And this time, as Moa leaps forward, she locks her teeth around Wongo's neck, wraps herself around Wongo's neck, and chokes, chokes, chokes, crunch, crack. Wongo's neck is snapped. Oh, so I got pain because Wongo died. Yeah, you got Moa now. Okay, I have the snake.

Shame about the mace. That was quite an interesting artifact. From all the healing I've received, do I know what Pop has to do to cast Cure Wounds? He casts his spell by saying

the right words, ancient words of power that existed before the gods did and doing the right hand gestures it's a complicated process that if he like if pip really doesn't believe that he has powers if he just screws up his eyes and forces it nothing's gonna happen have i seen it happen enough times that i could sort of be like, copy me? No, otherwise you could cast the spell. Oh. It's complicated.

I'll be one moment. I will ask the snake about the gods and the skulls and the et cetera, or if we can just press on. If we do need the gods, someone will need to go down and get that mace. I really do think if someone... What? Yes. Are you going to make us punished for your mistake? No, it wasn't a mistake. It was an experimentation.

I wouldn't send one of you down, obviously, but artists or the cat can go. I look at Flask of Wine and shake my head like, no, don't take that to heart. You're beautiful. No. Flask of wine looks between his two parents. I hold flask of wine's hand.

Okay. Snake. Yes. I demand to know, do you know if, what's more important, the skulls or the gods? What's more important, the skulls or the gods? The gods will help us defeat Azorak's traps But we need the skeletons to progress So what you're saying is it's both

The gods help, but they are not needed So the gods aren't necessary The gods help, but they are not needed. No. So the gods aren't necessary. No. The skeletons are necessary. You should collect as many gods as possible. But like if I miss one or two along the way.

For example, if we never saw that insane monkey again, that wouldn't be a problem, would it? That would not trouble me. Okay, but the skeletons, 100% all of them. Yes. Okay, so update. Now the snake can't lie. Yes. Right. While the skeletons it appears are

required, definitely, the gods are merely sort of a addendum and are irrelevant. And is that the exact thing? No, so she said, I asked, were they necessary, the gods? And she said, no. Scouts on her, not lying.

And what conversation did that question come after? Are the gods necessary? Yeah, did she say something else first? She said a whole bunch of stuff. That was the only thing that was important, was that the gods necessary? Yeah, did she say something else first? She said a whole bunch of stuff. That was the only thing that was important, was that the gods aren't necessary, but the skeletons are. Well, that's strange because they were telling us to collect them before. Oh, she said we can get as many as we can,

but if we missed a few, it wouldn't really matter. So she said if you missed a few. Those were her words. Well, no, I asked her if we missed a couple. For example, Insane Monkey, who made my nose bleed. And she said, no, that would be fine. Oh, well, that's not really fair. She really doesn't like that monkey.

I don't really. Okay, wonderful. Look, she said they're not necessary. Does anyone like that monkey? Artists. Look, no one likes the fucking monkey. Okay. Sorry.

So we should, we should go and grab that sword, right? The mace? Yes. Well, do you want the monkey in your head? Be my absolute guest. I am not. You have to go collect the monkey. I don't need the monkey.

She told me I didn't need the monkey. She's so biased. She's also not a liar. She said that while it would be handy to have as many as we could get, if we missed a few, it wouldn't be the end of the world. Which it will be if we don't kill the lich. Fine. Thank god, these people.

I will take the mace if we pass it again, Valindra says. Thank you, Valindra. It's very helpful. You're very nice. You might be the nicest person I've ever met. This is a powerful artifact. I would not call it nice. I will accept your thanks, but... I sort of give her a look like,

no, i'm trying to do a thing so are we is this our exit or will we continue downwards we need to find those skeletons let's head out all right we have to she's got a point we do need to look for the skeletons i propose we slip it up cover more ground that way sorry you really you really have been with us the whole time yes where we would operate it as an entire party. Yes. And still fail? Look how much, I wouldn't call it failing.

Are we all here still? No. No, no, I mean you and I. I look around at everyone else who is also listening. That's not good enough, Pip. Poip. Good enough. I don't think it's very nice of you. Not good enough, Poip? Pip? Poip. Good enough.

I don't think it's very nice of you to disregard all these people's lives. I think that's quite cruel, actually. Are you sure you're not Pop? Pop? Please, no, I'm absolutely not Pop. If Pop had his way, he would try and save the life of every single one of you. What? He's a big, soft and bleeding heart crybaby. I understand what he says about you now.

What do you mean? When have you spoken to my brother? I probably haven't. Don't even worry about it. Let's continue. Okay. Are we splitting up or staying all together? We are not splitting up.

That is not happening. Fine. Are we going into the room or continuing down? We're going into the room, I suppose, because apparently we need the skeletons. Cat, do you want to get the mace for the lady? Flask of wine looks between us. No. How dare you?

How dare you? Now, look at it like this. I won't. This is flask of wine. Yes, a tabaxi who was hired to do a job, like me, and his job requires him to be nimble, which would allow him to get up and down the stairs very quickly. Well, I'll call you Tortle then.

Why would you call me a Tortle? It's a bizarre insult. You really are a strange, strange person. I am touched that you have called me a person, but I don't vocalise that. Flask, don't do anything this man tells you. He's cruel. If you step into this room, you can see, well,

there's that glass window immediately before you. What's through it? Like I said, you can see a corridor and room it's reflected just beyond the glass additionally you can see to your left which as you step out would be to the east there is a tiny little tunnel that takes you away oh what does that lever do what does that lever do there's a lever here and what if it got pulled what does that lever do? What does that lever do? There's a lever here, and what if it got pulled? What would that be? The tomb guardian literally has its hand on the lever. Oh, but if he pulls it, that's probably bad, you know? We could kill the tomb guardian and find out.

Do you think killing him would be the good idea? It couldn't hurt, Arda says. Well, Pip, be my guest. If you want to split up so badly, well, I think you should be able to prove at least that you could kill someone. I've killed plenty of people. Okay. I just haven't seen it yet. I've killed a lot

of people on this quest. I don't remember. Killed a dragon. Oh, that was a kid. There was a bigger dragon than a kid, please. That was a child. It was a bigger dragon than a kid, please. That was a child. I don't think I killed a child. You've definitely killed a child.

I've killed monsters. I've killed snake people. I've killed lots of other people, giants. Well, this should be easy then. Go for it. All right, then. Absolutely. Let's go then.

All right. It's great to imagine you, like, stepping up with your fist. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah all right then let's tussle let's tussle i'm kidding i'm going to use this sword i'm not that much of a fool and i want to like point of the sword like at the man's the the tome guy's throat yeah and just like square off with it for a minute just so it knows what's coming the tomb guardian like cocks its head slowly at you. It's aware of you, and you can see that it's, like,

its body tenses a little bit. Like, it is kind of aware of hostile intention. It looks like it, maybe even it reaches up to move the sword away. Can I stand next to Valindra and just say, can you please have some healing on the ready? Valindra seems just fascinated with the situation. She, like, turns around and is like, oh, yes, sure. Well, if he dies, we won't get to watch.

You know how to push your buttons. Is it reaching for the sword to try to move it out of the way? I turn invisible, Adam. You turn invisible. What does it do? It stops. If it weren't for the fact that it is a construct and not really intelligent, you would think it seems

confused, but then it just lowers its arm. Tell you what, I'm fighting every part of my body to just go down those stairs but invisible. Nah, I fight the tomb guardian. I need the skeletons. You do need the skeletons. I hit the tomb guardian as hard as I can, Adam. But I don't use Zephyr Strike because I don't know what that is.

This hurts. Oh, no. Basically, though, I'm just playing the way I did when we first started and I didn't know how spells worked. Yeah, as you said, I don't do this. I'm like, what's new? It's pop from, wow, a month ago. You deal 42 points of damage and you're opening Salvo

and then we're going to roll initiative I am visible again But I like to think I've moved kind of Around to the side of him Who would you like to fight with? We're not helping You're not in this fight? No, he said he'd kill him

Alright Do you want to ask someone to help fight with you? Does Pip Mandarin Gentleman, gentleman monster hunter, who has sworn to kill this monster of Solo, requesting assistance? Is that what you want to know, Adam? All right. Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Valindra, I've asked to ready a healing spell,

and I am going to maybe ready something so that, like can I pre-prepare an action and do it if it pops up? Yes, you can. What is the action? What is the situation? I want to prep Green Flame Blade so that if it hits Pop very badly and it looks like Pop is losing, then I can jump

in on the other side so that we're fighting together and attack with Green Flame Blade. Alright. The Tomb Guardian lets go of the lever, brings both of its arms up, and slams you on either shoulder, Pip. I say, it's a good blow. What happens when it lets go of the lever, Adam? Nothing happens.

It needs to activate the lever, clearly. The lever's in its natural position. Or it just doesn't move unless really acted upon. You're not sure. In any way, you can tell that it was not keeping the lever in place. You take 48 points of damage. Hey, Cass. Yeah?

Still standing. Pop sinks a couple of inches into the stone floor. Pop, what do you do? I would like to throw the staff of Python on the ground and summon the snake. All right. You still have still have oh i guess you no actually use your action to do this do you want to do anything with a bonus action uh can i make the snake do anything as the part of the bonus action no it goes on its own turn you just direct it all right well for a bonus action uh can i step back yes you can take five

foot step back no no it not that I'm retreating. It's, you know, part of combat. I'm just like, ah. The snake can bite or it can constrict. I would like to try to constrict and hold the guardian in place. The snake launches itself at the tomb guardian. The snake wraps itself around the tomb guardian, The snake wraps itself around the tomb guardian, dealing it 13 points of quotation marks bludgeoning damage.

And the tomb guardian is restrained and restricted. The tomb guardian's turn, it attempts to free itself. It successfully, with one of its free, maybe it's like the snake is wrapping around, but one arm is still free. The tomb guardian grabs the snake's head and drags the snake off it, throwing the snake to the ground. That, however, is its turn. Then it is your turn, Pip.

I would like to instruct. I'm going to just swing my sword again. Let's go. Let's fight again, and I'm going to just swing my sword again. Let's go. Let's fight again. And I'm going to instruct the snake as part of its turn to restrain the tomb guardian again.

Oh, no. Your first attack is a critical miss. Adam, I think what you meant was a win, a big win, a big old Winnie Winnikin's success boy. A big old congratulations. You won so hard. Your dad and I love you. The snake is thrown at you by the tomb guardian,

and in your accidental haste, you slice at the snake, dealing it 12 points of damage. Oh, shit. That's your turn. I would like to then still instruct the get you on snake rap rap the snake launches itself at the tomb guardian but it just clangs off the tomb guardian's armor the tomb guardian with like a sweeping motion knocks the snake aside and then attacks you pip pop come on then you actually, well, you know what?

It doesn't even matter. The Tomb Guardian punches you in the face, Pip. You take, look, minimum damage is enough to reduce you to zero. Everything goes dark, Pip. I'd like to jump in, and I'd like for Lindra to use her healing now. Tiffany, you launch in with Green Flame Blade. Yep. Your attack, when you lower your rapier

and launch at the tomb guardian, the tomb guardian reaches out, grabs your rapier and then twisting your rapier. It's so much stronger than you. The tomb guardian smacks you with your rapier and its fist. You stagger backwards. That was your turn. Did you ask everyone to get involved at this point?

Just Valindra. Just Valindra? All right. Would you like to act with Valindra? Yeah. What would you like her to do? Well, I was going to get her to heal Pop, but I think...

Does she have any moves that can just straight up kill this tomb guardian? Probably. She could just cast a really high-level spell. The tomb guardian is not immune to ne a really high level spell this the tomb guardian is not immune to necrotic damage so yeah is there is there a high level spell she could maybe cast just to get this over and done with if you want she can kill the tomb guardian and heal your friend i would love that hey oh the the high level spell where she sucks out the life and puts it in someone else yep ah beautiful she only has one ninth-level slot.

She reckons a seventh-level spell is probably enough. Fair enough. Don't waste them on this man. The tomb guardian is still standing, but Pop, you are now also awake on 13 hit points. Well, then let's get back into this. There. Was that my?

No. No, you didn't. No, because I don't know how to do that. Stupid, of course. That was the Tomb Guardian's turn. Pop, it's your turn. You're on your back. Yeah, let's go.

I get up and kill, and fight the Tomb Guardian again. All right. Kill, that's bold. And I instruct the bubble constrictor to fuck it up. Your first attack is a miss, but as you bring your sword back around the snake hissing on one side distracts the tomb guardian long enough for you to get up and underneath its guard

you strike the tomb guardian dealing 18 points of damage the snake tries to wrap around the tomb guardian's arm but the tomb guardian does not seem to care the tomb guardian who's it gonna hit you were the last person who hit it it hits you again pop it hits you take as one of its arms swings out to strike you pip you're unconscious again as you get back up the tomb guardian knocks you back off your feet then Then it wheels around on Valindra. She takes a step back, but not quickly enough. Oh no, she says, I have such a delicate face. Oh, she does.

Ezra, it snaps sideways. Tiffany, you're maybe the only one who sees it. You can see the illusion cast over her face, stutter i guess a little bit like her real face moves faster than her illusionary face does gosh so you see like the awful undead lich face beneath before the illusion catches up to it and her beautiful features are returned i say nothing my mother is a saint it's your turn. I'll try green flame blade again. All right. You hit.

Yay! You deal 28, 29 points of damage. It had one hit point left. You kill it. Oh, wow. Oh, that's nuts. Boy, oh, I'm dead again. Yeah.

Oh, you didn't even see me. Oh, my God. No, I didn't. Belinda, I'm so sorry. Would you mind? Look, I really think somehow, surprisingly, completely unbeknownst to Pop, and who would have thought that would have been a bad idea to have so many gods in your head?

That can't go wrong. Why would that be bad? That's probably fun. Pop, you're up on 26 hit points. You can probably collect. Oh, hey. Yeah. Well, who did that? Who probably collect... Oh, hey. Yeah. Well.

Who did that? Who killed the... Yes, yes. Well, I did, actually. That's very well done. You should be very happy with yourself. Do you want to take a trophy? Do you still think it's a good idea to split up? I mean, we'd cover more ground. Being cruel's one thing. Don't be stupid, too.

Well, we should stay together, then. I mean, you're... I mean, you would be very capable on your own if you brought down that fellow. Villindra did most of it. Villindra also saved your life twice. Actually, twice. Thank you, madam. Yes, well, you should say thank you twice because she saved your life two times. Yes.

I still think you look pretty worse for wear. Maybe just have a go at trying to heal yourself. Have a go at trying to heal myself. Well, I mean. With abilities that I do not possess, but apparently, apparently, which, uh, according to you, there is this ability that anyone can do where you just have health in you. Well, I think it's pretty, it would be pretty apt to take advice from a woman who saved your life two times in the space of 20 seconds.

Two times. Okay, then. Well, I guess I will attempt to miraculously recover from my injuries. Oh, I think you would remember. I mean, if you've been with us the whole time, you remember what you said to me to heal me. I've never healed you in my life. I probably gave you a potion. Okay.

Well, do you remember how you got them? I remember having health potions and we gave life. I probably gave you a potion. Okay, well, do you remember how you got them? I remember having health potions, and we gave them out. Maybe give it a go. Just amuse me. Humour me. I saved your life. I'm only doing this because you saved my life, not because I'm humouring you, because I do not like to humour people. Oh, no,

why would you be kind? Yes, why would I be kind? It saves time to not be kind. Why would I be kind? I don't understand. Anyway i why would i be i don't understand anyway uh adam i would like because she is bored velinda shadow mantle has been poking around the tomb guardian's body she i don't know maybe she like is toying with the bucket helm also staff of snake is a snake oh yes it's a snake again she um maybe like takes off the bucket helm to have a look at the face beneath and you you can see that there's like several different heads all stitched together not

stitched actually you know what it's even worse they're wrapped with leather bindings together that's no good that is the entire jaw is being held on by like a leather strap. Does it look like sort of a leather binding? Is the quality good? It looks amazing. I study it for a moment because maybe I could use this to, you know. No, I'm not going to take this one, obviously. Take a trophy.

There's no blood on it it's actually remarkably clean this creature is not a corpse it's a construct so the the body like the blood and stuff like that the corp the flesh has not been rotting it like doesn't smell great but it doesn't smell of the death it doesn't smell of the dead. Take a trophy. The metal is a bit rusted but the leather, these straps, they're in pretty pristine condition. If Pip is sitting there telling me to take a trophy, I will

not take a trophy. If you knew anything about me, you'd know that I'm great at leather work. I was just inspecting the workmanship. It's actually pretty well made. You can take it with you and improve upon it. I can just make my own. Yes, but you could improve this one and then make your own and, you know, it would be really good.

I'm already really good. Have you had a go at trying to heal yourself yet? Oh, hey, Adam. You screw up your eyes. I'm like, okay, all right, are you ready? No, no, no. Don't screw up my eyes. Looking at Tiffany without looking away once, okie dokie,

I'm just going to harness the energy inside everybody and run my hands over my body and, oh, look, I'm miraculously healed. Say the words. Healy, healy. Yeah. Yeah. uh hilly hilly yeah yeah flask of wine looks at you with that same puzzled expression he says yes hilly hilly i am better now hilly hilly i am better now wait does velindra know this spell velindra? She knows some of the, like, poor... Can Valindra try and... Do you ask?

Valindra, do you know this? I am aware of the basic concepts behind it, but... Oh, no, no. Just so we're clear, I understand that magic exists, and I understand that Cure Wounds is a spell that would heal wounds. I do not know this spell. I mean, I'm sure you could learn. Do you know it, Valindra?

I generally don't think I could learn, and not in the space of time that you apparently think we have down here. We have skeletons to get and a lich to kill. If given enough time, I could create this spell or recreate this spell, but not on the fly. That's very kind of you, Villinger. Thank you for being nice. I don't understand why I'm being...

This is directed to artists. I don't understand why I'm getting in trouble for not knowing a spell that I don't know. Anasimra doesn't say anything. He just slowly shakes his head. Yes, you're with me. Well, thank goodness it's not a matter of life and death, am I right? Well, I'm a bit injured, but I will persevere.

After all, Valindra can save lives, so that's handy. Well, let's persevere then. That's the way. That's the ticket. In the room that you just opened, there is a small passage to the left. There's the window before you. There's stairs up and down that you obviously just came, the stairwell you just came off. I don't know if anyone wants to do the left. There's the window before you. There's stairs up and down that you obviously just came, the stairwell you just came off.

Alright, who wants to do the honours? Point to the lever. Go for it. Alright, be ready. This could be a trap, I suppose. Ever the gentleman, Pip? I try. Oh no. The lever. He took that seriously. You hear a distant

clunking sound, and you can see through the window that drum that drum room starts revolving and as it does so demon faces that you can see set into the walls exhale jets of sparkling dust there's no creature in there, so you're not sure what that does. Actually, Valindra points to it and says, That would have blinded us if we were in it. Well, I'm glad we weren't in it. Maybe permanently.

She peers forward with genuine interest. Hmm. Interesting. Azarak has some tricks up his sleeve that I have not seen before. Is that just powdered glass? You can also see in that room there is some sort of alien growth on all the walls and such. It's like purple in nature and you can see many little eyes sitting in it.

Does it look alive? The eyes move about. They're not looking at you, though. Well, I'm glad we're not in there. Shall we? And I gesture to the tunnel. Why don't we smash the window now? Nothing's going to pull the lever to release the blinding staff,

because we just did, and it just stopped. That's a fair point. You just notice now, Ardisember takes out his dagger bookmark and hands it to Orvex. They, you realize, have been having a conversation for a couple of rooms now, and it has reached its climax. Orvex thanks Ardecember. Was the conversation, I need a weapon? Yeah.

Orvex seems to have lost faith in the party. One could only wonder why. That's so sad Orvex is dumb. Okay. in the party One could only wonder why That's so sad Orvex is dumb Okay Do you know what I love though? Like you're still completely capable We still have Valindra who is a beast But because I've lost my shit

I'm still a good fighter In fact I think I'm a better fighter now Because I think I'm only a fighter Alright It's an interesting way of looking at it. That is interesting because I would definitely start to lose faith because you're like, oh no, that dynamic was really important.

And now it's bad. Yep. Is there something I can just... I pick up the bucket and throw it at the window to try and smash it. The bucket helmet. Oh, the bucket helmet? It bounces right off. It doesn't make a sound like a metal bouncing off glass it makes a sound like metal bouncing off stone velindra gets very intrigued by that

what do you think she says she puts a she runs a hand over the glass this is not glass at all it is some sort of stone that has an enchantment upon it to make it seem transparent i would say that we could still break it but i would also say that it would not be easy maybe it's worth exploring somewhere else then i think that's a very good idea i did think it was a window are you sure we could still break it It is still but stone and not very thick, I don't think. Well, does anyone else have anything we could try and break it with? I have this staff of striking that I took from, I don't know how I got this. I need to be attuned to it though and I'm not.

But it does force damage. How long would it take to attune to it? An hour. You could take an hour break if you wanted to. So this could use force damage to shatter the concrete, but it will take an hour before it works. Well, I'm sure we could explore another room while it takes effect. Absolutely.

You need to take a rest. Oh. Yeah, it needs to be over the course of a short rest. Yeah, no, we'll take the short rest. Let's do that. Let's see if it works. You will need to unattune from one of your other items. Oh, that's easy.

I take off the Vaughn amulet and put it in my pocket. Do you want me to take that? Yeah, sure. I throw the Vaughn amulet to you. I catch it and put... Oh, no, this will... I can only wear one necklace at a time, can't I? I think I've actually looked it up.

I think you can have two necklaces. I put it on. I need my periaptive wound closure because otherwise I'll die. You're attuned to three items already though. Oh, which one am I? Oh, sorry, are you unattuning the Periapt of Woundclosure? No. Well, it's the Periapt of Woundclosure, the Good Luck

Stone, and the Ghost Lantern. Those are your three things that you are attuned to. Maybe I swap it out for the Luck Stone? Alright, you're losing the Luck Stone? Yep. Alright. You're attuned to vaughn's amulet it looks like a tabaxi so i say hey flask do you want to hold this for a bit yes it looks like a cat's head this will replace the uh the little bag i lost he says what little bag a little

healing pouch oh you know the cream i smeared on you i found it on that dead man in the tree oh bless that cat i'm glad i can replace it you know he kisses it oh aha as soon as you attune to the staff of striking you can tell that something awful has happened oh no you you feel the report that something awful has happened you feel it locking magical energy with you you're not sure what's happened but you cannot unattune to this weapon okay so i don't think i can ever not be attuned to this weapon not until it's done something wrong happened pip i hear what you're saying but I just don't see how it could get worse from this point. Oh. You'd be shocked. Pip, Pop,

you're coming out of this place really mangled. What do you mean? More mangled than I already am with my whole body basically pus? It's maybe going to be the worst thing that happens to you. What foul magic is about to befall

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