D&D is For Nerds - Zombie Plagued Chult III #9 Heart to Heart

Episode Date: December 5, 2020

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out more welcome to season three episode nine of zombie plague chult erstwhile you can go backwards Welcome to Season 3, Episode 9 of Zombie Plague Chult. Erstwhile... You can go backwards. It's not too bad. Okay, no, no, no. I thought your crucial question would have been Adam. Can I tell the notes? Can I tell the notes? Would you make us ladies do it, Valindra says, standing closer to Tiffany? My God, this time in this dungeon has turned me into some kind of a craven madman.

You're absolutely right. I will attempt to hold my breath in the wine for as long as possible. How is everyone else reacting to Pop Pit? Flosk of Wine is genuinely, honestly concerned. He is taking everything of this at face value, and so he is just, like, trying to reconcile so many disparate facts in his brain. He looks so confused. I don't have it if I just do this

and I drop the maester on the staircase. Does Wongo leave my head? No, unfortunately, Wongo doesn't. You feel the weapon hit the ground. The tomb guardian is still standing, but pop, you are now also awake on 13 hit points. Well, how then? Let's get back into this.

Looking at Tiffany, without looking away once, okie dokie, I'm just going to harness the energy inside everybody and run my hands over my body and oh look, I'm miraculously healed. You're coming out of this place really

mangled. What do you mean? More mangled than I already am with my whole body basically pus? This is maybe going to be the worst thing that happens to you. Pop, you are admiring your new magical staff. Well, give it a go then. I

spin the staff around and I force, let's bang. How many charges do you want to use? Up to three? Yeah, I want to use all three of the charges in one hit. Alright, so you do a D8 plus three. So do you feel any different because Vaughn's now you? Oh, can I feel that? Or is he too far away?

No, you can feel Vaughn. Like you can feel a connection to Vaughn. You can issue him orders if you want. I feel the connection and think I get it now. Hmm. Hmm. You hear a whisper in the back of your mind vaughn says thank god no i i send a message to vaughn that says hi it's it's tiffany it's your boy hi it's tiffany i've got the amulet now. You're safe. You feel a sense of acknowledgement of the thing that you said.

Nice. And that's it. All right. No, what would be even funnier is it's just like it zooms out of the thing and there's just all the red wizards sitting around waiting for us to come out of the temple and Vaughn's just standing amongst them and just suddenly goes, waves. Just at nothing.

And they're like, what the fuck? You deal 23 points of damage, shattering the stone Hmm, that was almost worth feeling as unwell as I do You can hop through into the next room if you want Put the staff away Do you feel anything strange? Uh, yes Everything strange

I feel I don't know how to describe it beyond wrong Well, maybe now that magic's coursing through you, you could cast a spell. No, it doesn't feel like that magic. I have been healed before by, you know, other people. So it feels like healing. No, it does not feel like healing. It feels like wrong again.

That's all I can say. Okay. You climb through the window. Yep. Like I said, there's a lot of that alien moss or whatever it's purple and it's growing all over the walls and such as soon as you step into this room all of the tiny little eyes and the moss swing around to look at you they're observing you can they're just staring right at you you get an awful feeling like you are being watched.

Like maybe someone else is watching or just the eyes? It's just a feeling of being watched. That makes sense. There's a lot of eyes. Yeah. So you step into that revolving drum. This room is shaped like a drum or cylinder lying on its side with its south end tapering to a small stone door.

Carvings of demons decorate the stonework with flickering flames in their eyes. You look off to the east and you see the walls of this narrow tunnel slope inward as they approach the 10-foot high ceiling. That would actually be your end. So it's pretty much like we've stepped into an industrial-sized pipe. Yeah. And it's kind of like that. It's like a pipe that slopes to get larger, and then a drum, and you are in that drum.

Yep. So you look down that pipe, and you see patches of mold cling to the walls and floor of the eastern half of the hall, so the opposite end from you. Cut into the floor at the west end of the corridor is a three- wide, four foot long rectangular hall with a bright light spilling out of it. So, your options

are the stone door directly to the south, or you can take that path off to the east. Surely through the door. There's a lot of mould up there. I would highly recommend the door. These eyes are very, very upsetting. Let's head on. A 15-foot wide, 15-foot deep pit dominates this chamber.

At the bottom of the pit, an 8-foot tall clay figure stands motionless beside a stone treasure chest. A silver key hangs from a cord around the figure's neck. Two 9-foot tall stone statues stand atop plinths on either side of the pit. A third plinth against the south wall stands empty. One of the statues depicts a hooded and bearded male figure with its left hand held high, index finger pointed up. The other portrays an armored male knight with a gauntleted right hand extended, its palm facing inward towards the knight. You are able to identify both of

these figures. These are religious statues. They are the god Azuth, the robed figure. The god Azuth is the god of wizardry, and Torm, the knight, is the god of courage and self-sacrifice. What a fun statue. There is a passageway to the west. This entire room, like all the other ones, has that alien purple moss everywhere. No sarcophagus, though. There's no sarcophagus in this room.

It's the gods of wizards and people who like to die. What does Moa say about this? Thoughtful Moa whispers into your mind that's a clay golem. The figure within the pits. Oh. Adamantine and magical

weapons are the only things that can damage it. So don't get in the pit. Clay golem. Oh. It will kill us unless you own a magical or adamantine weapon. I have several magical weapons.

Why do I have so many magical weapons? The clay golem just stands motionless. Oh, sorry. A chattering sound is heard behind the statue of torn which is the one to the uh the west so on the west side of the pit and then a skeleton terrifiedly looks out at you from behind the statue hey i run up and try and clock it all right we going to go to initiative. Yes. Tiffany, you go first. So are you avoiding the pit? Yes.

All right. You sprint around the pit and get to the skeleton. You're just going to attack it? Yeah, I'm just going to try and take its head off. Okay. You strike it, green flame blade, I assume as well. Can I just try and take its head off? Oh, you're just going to grab it and yank at its head.

Is that not a good idea? You can. No, I'll do green flame blade. I'll do green flame blade. I just genuinely wasn't expecting that. No, please, if you want, go for it. Hey. Don't listen to him.

You're right. Don't listen to him. Wait, do what I want. Yeah. Do what I want. I want to yank its head off. Oh, wait. Yeah, I know.

See? Now I don't know. Unless I knew you would be suspicious, so I'm encouraging something I know you will then not do. Hey, Adam. Yeah? Fuck off. I'm going to yank the head off. All right.

You reach out to grab it, and you hear through its chattering, its jaw doesn't move. Its jaw just opens, and then you hear, ah, and it slaps your hands away. All right, that was your turn. Pop, it's your turn. So I'm going to run. I come around the other side, so I can't try to run the other way,

and I just swing Holy Avenger to decapitate it. No, you actually can't get to it this turn. Tiffany blocks you on the western side, and if you go around the eastern side of the pit, you actually just can't make it there in time. That's right. I'll make my way around that way, though. Then it is Flask of Wine's turn.

Flask of Wine plugs it with two arrows. Oh, wait. First he makes a... Yeah, all right. Flask of Wine tries to move, but fails to do so. Oh, poor sweet child.

Ardacimber tries to plug it. One of Ardacimber's arrows strikes. He deals... not a lot. He deals four points of damage to the skeleton. A arrow clatters through the skeleton's chest, but doesn't do a lot. Then it's the skeleton a arrow clatters through the skeleton's chest but doesn't do a lot then it's the skeleton's turn the skeleton draws two daggers tiffany and lunges at you with

the daggers first dagger gets you i don't know in the shoulder and you take six points of damage second dagger straight in the head oh i need that for my brain. Shish kebab. Triple damage. And if the attack was a melee attack, the weapon is lodged in your body. You have a dagger stuck in your head. Third horn. Am I right, baby? Hey.

At least I've disarmed him. One of his weapons. You take 15 points of damage. Cool. Orvex blocks the way to the east, but that's his turn. And then it is Valindra's turn. She reaches out with her hand, and you can see a ghostly skeletal hand wrap around an imaginary neck of the skeleton. The skeleton collapses.

I go and take its head. Thanks, Valindra. No problem, she says. You know you have a dagger in your face. Is that, should... I lock eyes with Pip, and I watch him squirm as he keeps talking. Ma'am, I would like to apologize. I meant no disrespect.

If you would like to keep the dagger lost in your head, you can. Is it a custom? Though I'm curious to know now. I don't break eye contact. I pull the dagger out of my head and fling it. Ah, I think she was just embarrassed to have a dagger in her face. I don't break eye contact. It's rude to stare.

I can think of worse things you've done. What have I done that's so, well, I mean, there was that. What have I done to you that's so awful? I'm helping you, aren't I? Is there any obvious way that you can control the clay golem? Do we know how to control a clay golem? Is it that key? The only way to control a clay golem is to create the clay golem.

I think we should move out of here then. Let's go to the entrance on the right hand side. Or the exit on the right hand side. The corridor ends in a large door with a round mirror set into its surface. Ten circular indentations each about an inch across surround the mirror.

Oh, I look ghastly. What do you see? Well, I'm all beaten up and bruised. Love headwaters. Um, I'm all beaten up and bruised. But I've had worse. I flick Pop in his shell, like further out than a dragonborn would stick. What the fuck are you doing? Why are you touching me? I'm not.

No, you quite clearly are. How do you feel that? It's much further out than your body goes. No, it's not. I can see it. Look in the mirror. It's just a little case of cognitive dissonance. If I try and – can I reach both sides of Pop's body?

Yeah. Just? No, Pop's not that much broader. Okay, I want to stand behind Pop and wrap my hands around because I know he's pretty wide because he's a giant shell. Look, it's very nice of you, but I'm not interested. No, look. Look at what?

Your giant shell body. I don't. Artisimber puts a hand on your shoulder, Tiffany, and says, perhaps it's just best to deal with this when we leave. We won't leave if you... Make a fist. What? Make a fist.

I make a fist. I make him knock on his own shell. Why are you making me punch myself in the body? It's not a punch. What does that sound like to you? It sounds like you're getting my fist and banging it against my body. And what does your body sound like? What the...

I already told you, I'm not interested. That's a knock, right? I don't know what you want my body body sound like? What the? I already told you, I'm not interested. That's a knock, right? I don't know what you want my body to sound like. I don't want to know what your body sounds like, frankly. It's very rude. And not in mixed company. I think it would be best if we just continue. No, fair.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Has she always been like this? Wouldn't you know? Wouldn't you know? Artist. Oh, no, you don't hear that. I'm sorry. Has she always been like this? Wouldn't you know? Wouldn't you know? Artis. Oh, no, you don't hear that. I'm very quiet.

She's just concerned for you. Artis says. Well, I've taken a bit of a beating, so fair enough. All right. You don't have any health potions, do you, Artis? No, I don't, unfortunately. That's a shame. Could have really used one.

Why do we not have a healer in our party? Belinda could probably heal you. No, no I don't want to be in that woman's debt Artisimbra can't disagree with that Alright, so Do you want to turn back around? The door will not move at all

It doesn't move an inch Valindra traces the ten little indentations And says I would assume that we have More keys to find if we want to progress through here. Huh. Skeletons.

Skeletons. No, no. These ones are, the indentations here are not very good. Is that like the key in the other room that we walked past? Oh, the key. No, no, no. It's just a small circular indentation. Oh.

Something fits in there, but you don't know what. It's not a key, and it's not the skeleton. The key is too small. The skeleton heads are too large. Who has those keys, by the way? What keys? I don't know if anyone took them. The skeleton heads.

Oh, I've got them. Yes. You walk back into that previous room with the golem standing in the pit. Right on past that. We're not dealing with that. Is there anything else in this room? It could have, this room could have something with the room beyond. Well, in this head room beyond leads to more skulls,

but I think these bastards are just wandering around the place. We may as well just keep walking in the hope we run into one. Is there anything else that we can see in the room? There's the Gollum. There's the chest. If you're having a party look around, Tiffany, you discover the back of a secret

door. No, sorry, the front. That's why it's hidden. You find the front of a secret door. Hey. Yes? Do you reckon we should give this a go? I try and unlock the door. The door leads eastwards. You're able to unlock it without too much trouble. That's a very good find.

Well done. After you, gentlemen. Of course. I mean, you did unlock the door. You're also very capable as a fighter, so I'm only going forward because you asked me, not because of some preconceived notion that I should lead. Oh, I'll go first then. Okay then.

Off you go. Do you look cut about it? No. Oh. It'd be'll go first then. Okay then. Off you go. Do you look cut about it? No. Ah. It'd be rude to be cut. I'll go first then. What's in the room? Also, if you die, maybe I can go home. You take a set of stairs down.

Two balconies face each other over a vast pit. Between the balconies hover five wooden platforms, each one a disc ten feet across. As in, like, hovering? Yeah. They're not connected to the floor? Nope, not connected to the floor at all. Like a Mario level. Yes.

A single torch burns above each balcony. On the east balcony stands a rough-hewn, 15-foot-tall statue of a hulking fiend with furled wings and clenched fists. That would be on the opposite, the far opposite balcony to you. I will say this about the creator of this dungeon is that his taste is awful. Set onto the wall of the west balcony is a rusty lever in the up position. That would be on your balcony. Tiffany, as you step out, you can see very near your platform, but not near enough that you would hazard a jump for it, is a small hole in the wall.

You could fit through it if you wanted to, but it's not easy to get to. Well, is it worth pulling the lever? Well, it happened to us before, and this time there's nothing to fight to pull the lever. That is true, but the last lever we pulled set off a trap. Yes, why would they set off a trap where the lever is? The last lever was a trap for us in another room. Oh, you're right.

I'm sorry. Be my guest. Yeah, this is insanity. I can't believe I've been doing this for so long, from the whole time. It's been me, not anyone else. I pull the lever. You pull the lever downwards, and as soon as you do so, you see the fiend on the opposite end of the room unclenches both of its hands,

and you can see a small jeweled gem or something in each of its hands. When that happens as well, there's a tremendous whooshing sound and the room is filled with air blasting. It feels in all directions. Hip hop, I need to make a quick roll for you. Do you need to make a, yeah, you fail that same throw. You are frightened and must use your action and movement each round to flee from the, all right, cool.

You're about to run. So you sprint out of the room. Pip maybe closes the secret door behind him, leans his back up against it and then slowly slides down. I'm very scared. Uh-huh. So scared. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Am I first through the door? Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. A hundred percent? I would say that Orvex and Flask of Wine are already on this side of the door, but you get through before anyone else. Yeah, cool. I close the door behind me, Adam.

Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. Tiffany, you are consumed with vivid hallucinations. You- What? What? You see your father, Sir Grace, standing before you on the steps. Oh, my God. Dad?

He turns around. Daughter? Dad? I just run up to him. I just run up the steps. Oh my god. Dad? He turns around. Daughter? Dad? I just run up to him. I just run up to him. It's Dad. He takes a step back, away from you, and further down the stairs. What?

I thought, is it really you? Are you okay? Yes. Hi. I try and walk up to him again. He takes another step backwards and recoils from you oh no what i've been looking for you i've been looking for you this whole time how long have you been where have you been get away from me what get away from dad no no what you've been told touch. This holds... What?

Please. No, I've... Hang on. Hang on. Can I cast illusion so I look better? You begin casting a minor illusion upon yourself. Wait, sorry, no. Sorry, I forgot about... Sorry,

one sec. And I try and... As you do so, you drag like, drag your hand along your face to try and fill in the details there. As you're doing that, you feel a cold hand wrap around your wrist. You look away from the vivid hallucination to Valindra standing next to you. She seems unaffected by the events happening within this room. She looks at you and says, it is your father. Yeah, he's right there.

That's my dad. Valindra looks at your dad or looks in the direction of your dad. She has a funny expression on her face. You're not sure why, but she thinks that you're... She seems almost concerned for you, though you're not sure why. She looks back at you, back away from the

hallucination of your father, and says, What are you doing? Well, I came all this way to save him. I just... He has to come with us. What are you doing? She says. And you can tell that she means when you were casting the spell. Well, he's, I don't really look like this usually, so I'm trying to, he doesn't want to speak to me,

so I'm just trying to, he just needs to come with us. She drags your hand downwards, and you can tell that she has a surprising amount of strength behind that. She leans in close close and with no humor with barely any emotion she says i'm going to tell you something that it took me too long to understand why what don't sneak sneak if you sneak it means you think you're doing something wrong i'm not sneaking though you are you hide yourself from the world she pulls your arm down to your side and then reaches up to touch to to gently touch your cheek and where where it is missing. You have hidden yourself, your abilities, and who you are for too long.

You are powerful. Let your enemies fear you. It's my dad, though. It's not my enemy. She looks back to where she knows the hallucination of your father is. And then she looks back to you again and says, No man who does not love you is your father no he does love me i just look i just look really different if you need to seek it then it is not there but he chose no he chose me he chose me out of everyone

leave the room she gestures back to the door that you now see is closed. We have to bring dad. Dad. Leave the room. What are you doing? This is insane. This is why I came on the trip. Fun fact, dad.

Yeah? When I close the door behind me, nothing's coming through that door. I'm blocking it. Let me see. I'm blocking it let me see I'm bracing myself against it yes Orvex and Flask are there but just imagine I'm not speaking

I'm just terrified bracing myself up against the door Tiffany with Valendra holding one wrist you feel something warm and more pleasant clutching at your other wrist you turn around and you look up into the concerned face of artist simba artist simba looks down at you and says

we need to go we need to leave this room we have to bring dad i like try and break free and run for dad valindra and artist simba do not let you are you doing? That's why we're here. That's why we're here. What are you doing? I get a bad boy card and they are dragging you up the stairs. I start to cry. And I cry out for my dad. What's he doing?

If you start crying, he does not react. He does not seem to care. He turns away from you as if he can't even as if he's just ignoring you oh if you start crying artist simber wraps his other arm around like your shoulders draws you in close you can he smells of wood smoke and he says shh shh please it's going to be okay it was and now you're being awful why won't you let me see him? Valindra and Ardisimba get up to the other side of the secret door. Ardisimba tries to open it, and it doesn't budge. Ardisimba, under his breath, Tiffany and Valindra, the only people who can hear it, he says,

that fucking, and then that trails off, because he doesn't know whether to say, turtle or Dragonborn. Valindra and Ardacimber force the door open. Pop, you're strong, but combined they are stronger. Oh, yeah, so now I have my sword out. Oh, no, have I opened the door? Yeah.

Having left the room, am I okay again, or am I still terrified? No, you're still terrified. Cool. Soon as the door opens, I take off. All right. You take off in what direction? I head towards the corridor with the mirror that we couldn't go through.

All right. I don't go into the pit though, Adam. It takes like a couple of minutes, but both of you calm down and the effect ends. You, Tiffany are aware that what you saw was a hallucination okay until i realize that i will be screaming and thrashing at artisan valentia if you hit them they

do not respond they just hold you in place artisember is like still it's less of a hold for artisember and more of a hug oh oh god he's beautiful oh and i realize it's a hallucination i realize it's a hallucination okay well i guess all my hits get softer and i just start to uh i stop angry crying and i start sad crying it's a nice transition yeah when that happens let's go of you and takes a step back. You and artist Simbra collapse onto the floor. He's still hugging you and like in a very consoling way. Big sobs. Big sobs.

Also, Valindra was so kind, but she's so wrong. God, she's wrong. I mean, he picked me once and now I'm going to go save him. So he has to love me because then he knows how much I love him. Because that's probably the problem. That's probably the problem, eh? Flask of wine sits opposite you and artists cross-legged and he doesn't say anything but he just sits there and like his ears flatten out and he seems like he's just trying to be a calming presence he's

being a ball of soft is he being a ball of soft does he want a pad? If you reach out and hold, like he'll hold you as well. Oh, yeah, you can hold his hand as well. Oh, no, hug, hug, big hug. Flask of wine and artist Simba hug you. What do you do, Pip Pop? So am I slowly. You eventually calm down. So just in like some back, like in the doorway of the other corridor

with my back to everyone, I'm just reciting like, I don't know, a Gregory Bones prayer of feasting. Thank you for the bread we are about to eat. Thank you for the milk that we are about to drink. And most of all, thank you for the farmers who thank the farmers who thank for Gregory Bones, our food we eat. Thank you, Gregory. It's just about thanking everything and everyone in the process. Thank you to the soldiers who didn't kill all everything and everyone in the process of this deal.

Thank you to the soldiers who didn't kill all of the farmers when they raided their lands. Thank you to the genocidal commander who commanded those armies who let some of the women and children go. Thank you to the women and children who didn't immediately run but tended to the farm so that we could eat this food for Gregory Bones. After I – no, I'll probably cry for a bit. That was a lot. That was a lot and it wasn't even nice you know because what if that is what if that happens i actually know i say to artists

what if that happens what if what happens what if it's really like that and he doesn't want to see me artist simba shifts a little bit so that he can look you dead in the eyes and says if your father doesn't love you then no he loves me i know but what if he doesn't want to see me artisimba looks like you stabbed him oh guys does artisimba look like how i feel artisimba looks like he's been physically struck the air just left my whole body he stammers like that for a little bit you see that he's like clearly he's like been dropped from

a height and he's trying to orientate himself before he keeps talking Ardus Simber finally says if your father doesn't want to see you, I promise you that you will always have someone who does. Okay. The invitation to me and to my and my wife's abode, I would damn near make it an order.

I insist. Simply, you must come meet my wife, see our apartment in Mesra. It's beautiful. It has a great view of the city. We'll dine. We'll drink. We'll maybe play a game.

Flask, you're invited as well. Flask of wine nods. I would like this very much. I would too. Thank you. Valindra shakes her head slowly. Arisimba winces before she starts talking. If your father does not want to see you,

I suggest you do what all people should do in such a situation. Slash his throat. That's not funny. That's not funny. Valendra looks down at you and says, I wasn't joking. Your father is... You don't know him. You've never met him.

I don't care. She's a mom. She's such a mom. Tiffany, stick up for yourself sometime. For fuck's sake. I'm trying. No, you're not listening to me. You're not listening to me.

Not listening to you. Come, we must fix this puzzle, she says. Philindra takes the lead. She walks out. As she's walking back towards the room, she says. Philindra takes the lead. She walks out. As she's walking back towards the room, she looks back and says, Pip, Pop, whatever your name is, get here now.

Yes, it's Pip, and I'm... Thank you, Gregory Burns, for not smiting us all. All right, I'm good to go. And now, a word from our sponsors. Hey, Jackson here. Just popping in to remind you that on the 20th of December, we're doing a 24-hour D&D marathon over at twitch.tv slash sanspantsradio, where all donations go towards completing the new studio we've been building. You can also contribute to the new studio by buying a metaphorical brick

at sanspantsradio.com forward slash shop, which will bag you a whole manner of really cool goodies. Once again, that's sanspantsradio.com forward slash shop to buy a metaphorical brick for the new studio. Do I will present just see the big sad pile? Yeah. What's happening here? What?

Why are you sad? Why would you care? Let's go. Nope, you're absolutely right. All right, let's go. Valindra is assessing the trap before you. She looks back and says, the walls would be climbable potentially, but our tabaxi friend is indisposed. She looks at the very weakened still flask of wine.

Well, I think I can assist. No, I don't think you can. No, I have the frog boy. There's a frog, he can climb walls. I can put him in my brain. Do you think you can stand the infirmity to yourself?

Well, I mean, that's why you're here. Very well, then. One of you will have to cross the room. Tiffany, either as the most nimble, or you, Pip, as the bravest. She says that with lots of hints of irony.

I would like to pick up the Pearl of Power, looking forlornly at the snake stuff that I really like and this thing is useless because I'm not a magic user and nang-nang in my brain. As soon as you reach out for the Pearl of Power, maybe you, like, start to bring it out. When that happens, Valindra, with the quickness of only a creature with ten levels on you, reaches out and snatches it from your hand.

What in the fuck are you doing? She throws it to Tiffany. Tiffany, do you catch it? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. See, I didn't want to have any of these because that's how Dad went. Tiffany, do you catch it? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. See, I didn't want to have any of these because that's how Dad went,

by getting someone in his brain. But she threw it at me. So I just would. I guess see if it works. Did I catch it? You catch it. No. Do you actually want to resist? You feel the energy begin to try to inhabit you? I want to if it works. Did I catch it? You catch it. No. Do you actually want to resist?

You feel the energy begin to try to inhabit you. I want to resist, yep. And I say no. You unfortunately fail to resist. Oh, damn it. You feel the spirit of Nang Nang inhabit you. Your floor is now I won't share with others. You can move up, down, across vertical surfaces, upside down along ceilings while leaving your hands free.

Valindra looks at you, Tiffany, and says, Go, get it. Bring it back. I go. You can keep that one. I have no need of a magical artifact. Before you step into the room, Valindra puts a hand on your shoulder and says,

before you go, let me give you some information to steal you against the magic within that room. You do not need your father. Your father is just a man. He does not define you. Neither do the people around you define you. You define you. You define your limits.

Let no one else tell you who you are or what you can be. If you want to do something, do it. But don't do it for someone else. Do it because you want to do it. Go. Collect whatever it is in this room return do so because you can because you are powerful i sort of give a i give a wary nod not saying out loud because she scares me but like she's telling me what to do, so it's a bit contradictory. It's up to you.

Sort of give a wary nod, like, yeah, sure, and I go. Re-entering the room, you... Hey, you pass. Oh, thank goodness. You walk along the wall and reach the other side without too much, well, without any difficulty. You can see that behind the statue of this fiend, there's a small passageway that leads further east. You're not sure where that goes.

In the statue's clutched hands, you see in its left hand a pearly white crystal eyeball, and in its left hand a pearly white crystal eyeball, and in its right hand a similarly sized scarlet crystal eyeball. They're both one inch in diameter. I asked Nang Nang what's up. What are these? Treasure. Take it.

Both of them? Yes. You don't think anything bad will happen? Maybe. True. I'd grab the white one. Nothing happens. Other one too? You grab the white and the scarlet one. You have them both. You can add white eye and scarlet eye in your inventory. Nothing happens? Nope. Tiffany, you reckon these eyes

would fit in that door that you found with the mirror? Okay. I'll peek behind the like, have a look around. What's going on? Are you going to move down that little corridor? Yeah, sort of duck my head in and stuff. It turns off to the right. Yeah, I follow it. Cautiously.

It opens into a small room. So you've kind of turned until you're going north. This now northward passage dumps you into a small room, and you can see another passage going further on north. Can I poke my head around the passage and see what's... Just an exploratory peek, you know? You can see a light ahead. There's something, this room, this corridor turns back to the west.

So it's a path that goes eastward, turns north, hits that room, continues on northward, and then bends to the west. Like a U shape. Okay. Well, kind of like a sideways U. Can I see what's on the other side of the U? Do you want to keep exploring? Yeah, just for a quick stroll to see what's there. Like if we should go down it or not.

Still puddles of water cover the floor of this 15-foot-wide hallway. The walls are slick with moisture and set with murals showing animal-headed humanoids in armor, most of which appear to brandish real weapons hanging on the walls. A three-foot-high crawlway in the east is flush with the floor. You, that's the crawlway that you're coming through. At the far end of the hall, a rippling, transparent curtain of water fills a stone archway.

Beyond the curtain, you see another hallway that looks similar to the one in which you stand. Okay, no, I'll head back. You head all the way back to your friends. It's like the weapons, but there's nothing. I can't see anyone there, can I? Nope. Okay, no, I'll head back. You head all the way back to your friends. There's like the weapons, but there's nothing. I can't see anyone there, can I? Nope. Okay, no, I'll go back. You get back to your friends. Valindra looks at you

and says, what did you find? I think I got the keys. Like, I have them. So we can go into that other room. There's just corridors behind there. There's nothing really at all. Let's go back. Alright then. Valindra just accepts that. Cool.

I lead on. You head towards the mirrored door. Yep. I pop the little eyes in as keys. All right. There are ten holes. You only have two eyes. Oh, okay.

Then I don't go in yet. Oh, okay. What do you do then? I found some keys, but we need to find more. Let's go back. There could be one in the chest. She gestures to the chest in that pit. Yeah, probably.

Hey. Yes? I don't mean to sound like I'm a genius or anything. Oh, damn. No, no, no. I mean to sound like this because this is how I've always talked my whole life. That ghost lantern you have. What about it?

Well, I'm pretty sure that when I was reading about it, it's on the back of a card. My knowledge of ghost lanterns means that they may imbue magical properties. Did yours possess, say, the ability to summon a mage hand? Why would you want to know? Aren't you competent enough to do everything yourself? No, but I can't do magic. You can. You're a wizard. Or are you a rogue?

Oh. Oh, ouch. Sorry, that was a dig at Cass and I want to apologise. No, I deserved that. I owned that. Bless you, Cass. Achoo. Well, I deserved that. I owned that. Bless you, Cass. Achoo. Well, you could take the key that's up here,

unlock the chest without awakening that by using a ghostly, magical hand. I don't want what's in the chest. I only want to get this done. You can have whatever's in there. I don't care about knickknacks. Unlike my stupid brother who knick-knacks. Unlike my stupid brother who loves knick-knacks.

I knocked over one vase that apparently belonged to maybe his dead mum and he got very upset. He knew his mother? Well, no, he didn't. He just... When he arrived... Okay, look. When we all arrived at the orphanage in a Mandarin crate...

What was happening? Look, when we all arrived at the orphanage in a Mandarin crate. Well, this is happening. We all, you know, I had a blanket because it's keeping me warm because we were all from various other places. That's why Pop and I do not look at all similar. He had like a small little jar, vase thing. Oscar finds like nodding along. And his assumption for many years was that that item was something given to him by his birth mother

before she, well, you know, abandoned him in a crate at an orphanage. And then it broke and he got quite upset. It broke like you broke it. Well, no, it was an accident. I was a child. I didn't do it on purpose. He didn't seem to understand that that was how this was going to play out.

He got quite upset and very angry. He gets playful. You break a vase. Yeah, exactly. You understand. It was an accident. I was wrestling with Pup, and he gets a bit aggressive. And we knocked Pup, our other brother.

Am I going to get to meet Pup? Pup? No, he's insane. Worse than you? I'm not insane. it's just delicious he pup likes to eat people people yes so there are five of us uh myself pop pup pep and hank hank came named we're not entirely sure why he's a lovely lovely man, actually. I think you'd like Hank. I start casting Mage Hand.

Like, that's, I don't care. All right. The spirit, Starfallen, the spirit within the Ghost Lantern emerges and attempts to get towards the chest. When it reaches the chest, it tries to budge it open. Key first. Oh, you take the key off the golem's neck? Yeah, with a mage hand. Alright, cool. That happens.

And then you unlock the thing? Yeah. Alright. You unlock it, open it. Within there are two eyes, like the ones you already have. Hey, would you look at that? Pip is right once again. Once again? Yes, I'm genuinely right about these things.

I'm so sorry. Would you mind thanking Valindra again for the time she saved your life? Oh, no, of course. Absolutely. She saved my life. I can't save my life. I don't understand. You've conflated being right with being able to thwart death,

and they're not the same thing. Well, you thought you could kill that golem. Well, I almost did, but you didn't. No, you didn't. I nearly did. I gave him what for, and then you finished him off. One is pale green, one is pink. I take him with me, Chant.

As they come up, they clunk, hit an invisible barrier that has been there the entire time. You look so proud of yourself. Yeah, there's some sort of invisible barrier preventing them from exiting the pit. Valindra crouches down, hoists up her robe and says, Evola Force protects the pit. She reaches down and sure enough, she cannot get her hand into the pit. Well, do you reckon your force stick could help us?

I would assume, she gestures to each of the statues and the blank plinth, that there is some trick about this. Gosh, I go and look at the statues. You can see that they can twist. Can someone help me twist a statue, please? Which way would you like it twisted? One's pointing up, another one's doing like a cupped hand to its belly. The statues are

of Azuth, the god of wizardry. So Azuth is a hooded male figure with his left hand held high, index finger pointing up, and the other one is a statue of Torm,

the god of courage and self-sacrifice. He is depicted as an armored male knight with a gauntleted right hand extended, its palm facing inward toward the knight. Hmm. Self-sacrifice. That big guy. That's what Pop does.

Pop does not sacrifice. That's what Pop does. Pop does not sacrifice. Oh, yes, he does. You don't know what you're talking about. I grew up with him. He sacrifices himself all the time. Any opportunity he gets. Belinda, keep a hand on the force. I just start twisting one of them around.

Which one? The westward one. You turn him to the right, and when that happens, you hear a popping sound and air rushing in to fill a gap. You can tell that the

third plinth, the blank one, the popping sound and the air rushing in happened there. When you turn it, there's some sort of spring-loaded gear within it that turns it back to its regular position. Oh. I, from where I'm standing, turn the other one.

When you turn the other one, the clay golem teleports from within to onto the blank plinth. And then we're going to roll initiative. Tiffany and Valindra, you're first. We're going to roll initiative. Tiffany and Valindra, you're first. I would like to fight alongside Valindra to use my green flame blade. And Valindra, blight. Valindra reaches out with her hand and out of her fingertips,

a green, awful, necromantic energy begins to wrap itself around the clay golem the clay golem passes its saving throw and so it does not need to deal with some secondary effects and it will only take half damage it only takes 36 points of damage that's a lot of damage that That was half. The way you say only. Yeah. The clay golem's structure begins to crack and rot before you. You can see moss growing in between the cracks. It's beautiful. And Tiffany, you also sneak attack. Your attack hits.

Your rapier sinks deeply into the clay golem's flesh. However, you can see that the clay golem is resistant to your attack. You're not sure exactly what the resistance is overcome by, but this attack is not going to do as much damage. As witch Bolt? Witch Bolt, you say? I'll tell you what, Cass, we haven't had a Witchy Bolt in a time. No, a bit of a Witchy Bolt-y from old Cassaroonie over here.

Cassaroonie doing a Witcher Bertoonie. I think I might whip out the old Witch Bolt, if you know what I mean. I think I'm going to be a spellcaster for a bit. You deal 15 points of damage. Yeah, that's no no good more damage than which bolt could have possibly dealt okay it's the golem's turn it slams one fist down on valindra and one fist down on tiffany the fist aimed at valindra strikes her and the fist aimed at tiffany you manage to dodge it how embarrassing for valindra valindra strikes her, and the fist aimed at Tiffany, you manage to dodge. How embarrassing for Valindra. Valindra takes 11 points of damage.

I'd be careful. She has an ability where she could force you to take that damage. She's not going to do that. She wouldn't. She might. Pop, it's your turn. I would like to attack this golem. With Holy Avenger?

Yeah, I'm going to use Holy Avenger because I feel like it's a magical sword and might help. And I want Artis to... What kind of golem is it? What's its technique? My magic sword didn't work. It might have been your flame blade. It might have been the fire.

Your first attack is a miss, Pop. Okay. Second attack is a hit. Great. And your Second attack is a hit. Great. And your third attack is also a hit. I would like... Oh, I want him to use a shadow arrow. Your attack deals 33 points of damage to the golem. What? Oh, you dirty bastard.

Artisember fires, and as he fires, the arrow literally explodes out of his bow, casting dark shadows as it strikes or, yeah, strikes the clay golem. Go, Artis. All right. This was a very good shot, my friend my friend artist deals 16 points of damage the clay golem unfortunately passes its saving throw and so it is not blinded but it nonetheless takes a full 16 points of damage because artist simba's attack was magical he gets a second arrow strike you can use a second arcane shot if you want. Yeah, yep. I want to do that. You could do another shadow arrow.

I might do another shadow arrow. Okay. Tom? Wait. Adam, I don't want to do a shadow arrow. I just think it's interesting that you're trusting Adam at this point. Yeah, I'd like to use a grasping arrow to try to, like, bind this fucker. So he fires his second arcane shot, and you want to make that a grasping arrow.

Yeah, I want to bind this big old clay i want to bind the thing tie him to the floor let's get him when the arrow strikes it explodes outwards and vines wrap around the clay golem you can see that the vines are hampering the clay golem's movement but they should also be poisonous you can see see a purple liquid dripping from the thorns, but it does not look like that poison is doing anything. It appears to be impervious. It's almost like he's immune to poison. But the arrow still did damage

and has attempted to incapacitate him. Yes, it deals an extra six points of damage. His speed is reduced by 10 feet, and if he moves more than one foot on his turn, he'll take slashing damage. Fuck yeah. Orvex attacks. Oh, Orvex.

He's a useless piece of shit. Orvex launches at the Clay Golem with Bookmark, Ardissimbra's dagger that he has been lent, and he sinks Bookmark into the clay golem's back, but it does not seem to do anything. Orvex fumbles his roll. And then it is Flask of Wine's turn. I should have given Orvex the staff of striking

so that he could be cursed with whatever fucking cursed thing that I'm now fucking cursed with that I don't know about. Flask of Wine makes that noise and cannot attack the staff. Back to the top, Tiffany and Valindra. Okay, I would like to use... Flask of wine makes that noise and cannot attack this one. Flask! Back to the top, Tiffany and Valindra. Okay, I would like to use, am I close enough, or sorry, am I far enough? You're standing next to it.

To use earth tremor. You can, but it's impossible to not hit a friendly. It's impossible to not hit like two friendlies. Well then. Fine, I'll use green flame blade again because I don't really have anything else. You deal 14 points of damage. Still more than you could have physically

dealt with earth tremor or witch bolt. I'm doing my best and I'm resisting the urge. I can't... Why do you have spells? I don't know. I was just wondering that.

I was looking at my spell slots being like, I haven't used any. Then I'm like, why have them? Some of your spell choices have been interesting. Yeah, they've been. Sorry, Adam, just say bad. They're not really designed. The spells that you have selected don't really work well with you

wishbolt worked beautifully with me personally just on a personal note me cas which bolt the spell it's a what would you like for linda to do i would like for linda to do that brilliant spell where she sucks the health out of the golem and puts it into my friend. She can't do that to the golem. Oh, a second blight. She casts blight again. The golem fails at saving throw. And so it's also restrained.

If it tries to move, it'll take damage. Is that right? Correct. We fucking got him necromantic energy once again washes over the clay golem draining moisture and vitality from it it begins to completely crack over and look i could roll but i think the minimum damage is enough yeah look it it falls backwards and then crumbles into nothing val Valindra has destroyed it. Can our heroes solve this puzzle?

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