De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan - De-Influencing Love Is Blind Star Jess Vestal

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

You’ve been waiting for this one De-Influencers, This week we have the Love Is Blind icon herself, Jess Vestal. Her story goes WAY beyond her infamous break up speech in the pods, and we were lucky enough to De-Influence her all the way back to where it began, fostercare. Jess shares her incredible story, her unwavering faith and what really went down in the pods. Grab the tissues and get ready to shed some tears because our entire podcast team did. It’s one of our favorite episodes to date and we hope you enjoy it as much as we did.   Go give our girl Jess some love on socials: Instagram - @jess.ves TikTok - @jess.ves2 De-Influencers we love y’all so much and we LOVE when you give us a review and rating on Spotify, OR better yet if you subscribe to our podcast ANDDDD interact with our socials @deinfluencedpodcast or share our clips with family and friends. Right now, BÉIS is offering our listeners 15% off your first purchase by visitingBEISTRAVEL.com/DEINFLUENCEDWe’ve worked out a special deal with Hiya for their best selling children’s vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. That’s right- 50% off! To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/DANIAUSTIN.  Have the best week!! WE LOVE YOU!!

Oh my gosh, you guys, let me tell you, we don't do a lot of interviews here on D-Afluenced, but when I spy someone that I am like, I have to have them on the podcast, the first thing I do is I slide in their DMs. And, guys, it worked. Today, we have Jess from Love is Blind on our podcast. Jess is from Love is Blind season six. She is known as the absolute icon of the show, mainly because of her epic, unplanned breakup speech, which we'll get to later in the episode.

But most importantly, she is a hardworking, amazing mom to her 10-year-old daughter, Autumn. Jess, we are so glad that you're here with us. I feel like I know you from your time in the pods. But at the same time, we don't know you at all. So it is time to de-influence Jess. I cannot believe it. We have Jess from Love is Blind, season six, my new best friend. She just agreed that we would make a secret handshake after this.

She did. How are you feeling? Today's been a long day. It has been a day, but I feel great. Like, I think I'm starting to get my bearings with everything. Sometimes I still have moments where I'm like, oh, my God. Has this just been like a whirlwind for you? Yes.

How are you, like, holding up? I feel like, because I have to be honest, I've been like kind of creating. content online for like 10, 11 years. So it's like all been very like slow and I've taken it at my own pace. But I feel like your life has probably just like flipped upside down. Like what is that feel like? No, it truly has and I wasn't. I mean, we all expected to have like some kind of exposure from being on the show, but because I didn't get engaged and I wasn't like one of the main characters. I didn't think I was going to be shown. And so, wow. Seeing like my social media growing like it is. I'm just in the background like, all right, like, what do I do?

And I'm like, I didn't have, there wasn't like an expectation in my mind. Like I didn't think I was going to become like an influencer. And I still wouldn't consider myself that. Like the only reality in my mind was going and meeting my husband and then I was just going to like leave the chat forever. Yeah. That was my only aspiration in it. And so now I like, and I'm so grateful for it. I've been, I guess like given this huge platform and now I'm just trying to figure out like, what to do with it. Did you ever post on social media before this? I had like four or five posts. Okay. So you were like pretty much like private. Yeah, it was basically just like an autumn fan page. Wow. And like a couple things and I would post on my stories every now and then I was

never consistent with it. Like you know the craziest thing is for me too is like I, um, so first of all, I was tasked to binge watch the entire show in like a 48 hour period. Oh, are you okay? No, I'm good. I'm like caught up like I'm invested and so I'm talking about all these conversations that was talking about like a week ago or she's been telling me and like keeping me posted and so it's been really fun to like see you here but the craziest thing for me is that this show is recorded a year ago so it's almost like you going through your entire life and then one day the show starts coming out and everything starts popping off like what did you do in the year between filming and then like your fandom rising yeah fandom is so crazy to think about um i think in the last year we all

just really focused on ourselves and like healing. Yeah. Because you learn so much about yourself and like the emotional intelligence that you gain from it in the process is like truly invaluable. So even if you don't get married, you take so much away from it. So over the past year, I've just been thinking about like, okay, you know, that was really good practice for me. Like being able to be so vulnerable and open with someone. And so I don't know. I've just been kind of existing.

I guess. It's funny that you say that you were like, I don't even know if I was going to be shown or like you weren't one of the main characters. I feel like you are like the girl of love and fly. And you weren't even on the whole time. And I know from my audience in particular, because like we don't do like a lot of interviews and stuff. Like I'm a mom of two.

You know, we share everyday life. But I feel like my audience in particular, like they adore you. And I think the reason why is because it's really hard to. find women that are like as strong as you have good morals know how to prioritize like what's it what's important in life like even the episodes where you're like let me tell you about autumn like I think every single one of my followers is like get it girl like and we love the fact that like mom's can have fun too and I love that you're putting yourself out there and so um I know my audience in particular is like so so excited quick question though I posted I was like guys you're gonna need

your epipen for this episode stop it I have you ever upset the allergy community? Oh my gosh, we did not expect that. I was not expecting it. Yes. Which was also never a thought of my mind because I don't know if you've heard me talk about like how the EpiPen line came to be. No.

I'll just give you a quick rundown. So in a previous date a couple days before that, Jimmy and I had talked about how he had such severe allergies that he had to carry an Epipen on him at all times. or he could potentially choke because his airways would close. So when I was in there giving my breakup speech and I said, you know, when you see which you missed out on, you're going to choke. As soon as I said the word choke in my mind, it registered and I was like, oh, his epipen.

But I did not. It was honestly kind of mindless for me. I know that, like, you can actually choke and fall out without it. But it was like, you know. It was just, hey, it was great. It was like iconic. And I want to get into all of that. But first of all.

Sorry, has any marketing executive who, I don't know who makes EpiPen, has any marketing executive reached out to you to sponsor you? No, they probably hate me. Really? Really? See, I think they should be like she just blew up our product and she is now our spokesperson. No, literally. Like the amount of times EpiPen has been said in the past three weeks. Yeah, they're like, we love this girl.

She's really driving awareness to our product. They actually hate me. They're like, please stop name dropping us. Like, I beg. That is a little. areas. Yeah, I want to get into all of that. But first, so what we like to do on de-imluence is basically kind of de-influence ourselves and just take everything a little bit, like one step deeper and just kind of get to know you. I know you shared a little bit about your story like growing up, but

can you kind of start from the beginning? Like, what was your childhood like? Where did you grow up? You seem to be like a very strong, I would call it like a strong independent woman. Like, where did that come from? Um, I'm so glad. glad that you asked me that. That's actually not something I've been asked in any other interview, and it'll just have to be patient with me when I'm answering. Yeah, no, it's great. The only other time I've really talked about that was on love is blind in my dates with Jimmy. I'm growing up, I had a pretty, I don't want to say rough, because I'm grateful for it. It made me who I am, but I had a pretty rough childhood. I grew up in foster care most of my life. My parents both

struggled with drug addiction. I talked about that on love is blind. So, I think the outward confidence in the way I carry myself and the way people see that just comes from when I was growing up. I was so ashamed of what was going on at home. I was so ashamed of like the way I would look at school. I was so ashamed of all the things that were out of my control, you know, and I got to a point in my life where I was just like, you know, I was a child. It wasn't actually until after I had autumn and it like, you know, when you have children, like your whole. perspective on everything changes. And I was like, you know, those things make me who I am.

And I love who I am. Like I beat all of the odds. I don't know many children that grew up in some of the homes that I was in that made it out. I don't want to say unscathed, but I mean, alive even. What age did you go into foster care and leave foster care? I went into foster care the first time when I was four or five. It was right when I was going into kindergarten. Oh, okay.

So that was the first time, and I spent a couple years in foster care then, and then my mom was able to get clean, and I went back and lived with her for a little while. And then after that, it was just kind of like repetitive, like relapses. Okay. What age did you, like, really, like, have the comprehension to know what was going on? Because as a kindergartner, I mean, our daughter's three going on. for, you know, if she was placed in foster care, I don't know if she would truly understand. She'd be like, oh, my gosh, I'm going here. It just is what it is. It's, you know, that's a really good question because I know for me and

other children, like, it's not really explained to you well. Right. It's kind of like, you know, have you ever seen the blind side? Sure, yeah. Where Michael Orr is, like, ripped from his mom. Yeah. And, like, that's just it. It's like the government.

Yeah. It's really what happens. Wow. So, you are so confused and you're so. just like, well, what did I do? You know, because children, I mean, they're resilient, but they're like, you know, they're children. Yeah.

So it wasn't until I think I was probably, like, later on in elementary school that I realized, like, okay, I've kind of got to, like, be responsible for myself. And, you know, I've kind of, like, got to make my own way. Did you have siblings? I did. I have a younger brother. So he and I actually went to separate homes. Oh, so you were split from your brother, too.

Yeah. How many years apart are you all? Seven years. Seven years. So, so. So, so. So you all are pretty far apart, but that must have been really hard too. Yeah.

Going to different families. Yeah, that was rough. And that's one thing I do that's the most important thing to me with my platform. Like, I want to do something. Like, I love influencers and I love all of that. But I'm like, I have all of these eyes on me. Like, I know so much because I lived through it. I want to bring more awareness to, like, foster children and foster care.

When you were going through that, like, so if you didn't have stability at home, which is so important to like a kid, what did stability look like for you growing up? Like, where did you find stability? Was it in, like, friends or, like, relatives? You couldn't really find it with friends because you move around so much. Like, you're never, children can't stay in foster homes.

I don't know if this has changed, but longer than, I think, two years and then you have to get placed again. So I would kind of create it on my own. I would, like, get my little routine going wherever I was. I'd, like, get my bearings, And that was my thing was I would present myself so well. Like I would make sure I looked nice when I went to school.

Like I'd make sure I was well put together because if I was like that, then no one would know. And I wouldn't get picked on and I wouldn't get, like, people wouldn't, you know, ask what was going on because I was so ashamed of it. It wasn't until later on that I really owned it. And I'm like, you couldn't tell me I wasn't that girl. Like you could. I was in foster care.

I was homeless. I was all these things. But I mean, I was still her. Wow. So that is where, like, I know my confidence can be off-putting to some people, but really it just comes from a place of I love myself for beating the odds and making it through all of them. It's kind of a bummer that the show didn't capture that as much because I think it shows a lot about, I think that that's what's fascinating about you is that you came out of that system and you still

are able to carry yourself because it bruises and batters people probably in a way that none of us could really understand, right? I mean, you know, growing up with parents in a decently stable home, I just can't imagine, you know, what it would be like. No, it's very admirable too. And I feel like a lot of people probably in your same situation would maybe blame their past so much for their, you know, actions or their future mistakes. And the fact that at such a young age, you were able to own it and be like, no, like, I got this. Like, that's amazing. And I actually personally, like, obsessed with your confidence.

There's times I'm like, what would Jess do in this suggestion? I absolutely love it. And I think a lot of people loved how, like, even in your breakup speech, like, you were honest, you were still kind, but like you were straightforward and you were confident in who you are. And I think that's really, really admirable. Thank you. Yeah. So you grew up in, what were you like as a kid? Were you like a rowdy child?

Like, were you pretty disciplined, shy, like very similar? I was always, I think I had behavioral problems for sure. Yeah, it didn't be all though. I definitely did. Just because kids need stability, you know, like they need that schedule. They need like their home base. And I didn't have one. So I was just angry and I had misplaced feelings that I didn't know what to do with.

So I did, I mean, I never did anything like nefarious, but like I had bad mouth. Like I did. I had an attitude problem really bad. I mean, I was always like super scholarly and like made good grades. Yeah. But I didn't do well with authority. Like because I was so used to like from a very young age being in charge of my own life. Yeah.

Like I was doing my own laundry when I was in kindergarten. Like I was cooking for myself and getting myself up for school. Like you couldn't tell me I couldn't get up to go to the bathroom when I wanted to at school. Like so it didn't take until I got a little older that I was like, all right, maybe. That's normal. Let's turn it down, yeah. That's normal. So, and it's okay if you don't want to answer any of this.

Like, you can just say, like, pass. Are you close with your mom now, or, like, what does your relationship look like with, I think you said on the show was, like, your God-given family? Oh, my gosh. We'll talk about my adoptive family. I love them so much. Like, I can't, oh. Yeah.

I'll lose it. My biological mom, our relationship has remained pretty inconsistent since I had autumn. Okay. Before I had autumn, the best way I would describe my relationship with my biological mom was like, I was more of the parental figure and she was like more of like my child. So because I found a way to have stability and she just was never able to do that. She has her own, you know, trials and tribulations. But once I had autumn, I was like, you know, I can't answer my phone at all hours of the night or I can't just drop what I'm doing to go like take her clothes and food and money because autumn. took precedence over everything.

So I don't really talk to her much at all now, just because, again, it's a boundary I had to put in place, which is really sad, but I've got, I have to make sure, like, I have enough of me to give autumn. And if I don't have that, then, like, how are you so wise? Like, are you in therapy? Yeah, I'm honestly, like, in.

Like, why are you so wise? In the most sincere, like, way, I'm trying to almost, like, like, pick at you because I'm like, I don't understand. Like, it doesn't make sense. I'm not currently. I should be. I want to be. I'm so wise. I know people are not like this. I've been in there. I'm a huge fan of therapy. I was in therapy for most of my life. Hey, we both are marriage counseling, all the things.

I love it all. I want to hear about your, um, that the family that took you in because it's either them that helped kind of like really create this wisdom in you or it's like God himself like helped like create this wisdom. No, I attribute all any and all good things that have ever happened to me to God. Yeah. There's no way. We're Christians. I know. I'm a good company.

I know. No, there's no way. I mean, there's no way I could look at my life in the situations and the homes and the things I've seen and been through and not attributed to God. Yeah. No way. It's amazing. I mean, it's amazing that like through all of that, he was like, hey, you're still my daughter. I got you.

Yeah. And, like, taking care of you. There was never a moment that I felt like God wasn't carrying me. And in the moments where I, I mean, and there were plenty of. I can talk about it and be proud of it now, but there were so many moments as a child even. I remember, like, just being on the side of my bed on my knees praying, like, God, if you get me through this, I promise, like, I'm going to, I'm going to pay it for it, and I'm going to make you so, I'll make you so proud that you got me through all of this.

Wow. No, I love God. I'm 10 toes down for Jesus. When did you become a Christian? I know, I'm sorry. I know, all of us. I'm like, gosh, Danny. I'm like, we're trying back there.

Don't get me talking about Ottoman God because I can take it and run with it. Truly, though, like, when did you become a believer? This is so funny, actually. So when I was in, it was actually right after my dad passed away. I was in second grade, and one of my friends from school would invite me to go to church with her on, like, Wednesday nights. Yeah. And so I would go, and I was like, oh, I love this. Like, this is my place.

Yeah. And then I started going on Sundays, and, you know, like, they do the whole thing where they're like, okay, like, everyone close your eyes and raise your hand if you want to accept Jesus Christ into your heart as your Lord and Savior. And I'm like, I'm like both hands. And so after that, I had like a meeting with the pastor and he was like, have you ever thought about like getting baptized or like being saved? And I'm like, what is that? And so I went through a couple weeks of just like learning and like spending time with God and spending time and like scripture. And I was like, yeah, like, no, I'm down for this. Yeah, let's do this thing. And so I decided. I was eight and I was like, yeah, I want to get

baptized. So I did. That's amazing. I was in second grade too. Were you really? Did you decide on your own? Same thing. It was at summer camp. It was like, okay, raise your hand. I'm like, okay, I think I want this. Yes. That's so funny. So, um, okay, so that all happened through elementary, middle school, high school, and then you had autumn at what age? I was 18. 18. Okay, can you speak more about that? Yeah. Yeah. Who did, yeah, was it a high school sweetheart or? So her dad and I met in elementary school. Actually in the same school that Autumn goes to now. Wow. Yeah, her fifth grade teacher was his fifth grade teacher. We met in school. It's so great. Like, God works. Yeah. God be working. Um, so we met elementary school. And again, I moved around so much. Like, he was just like my home base. Like,

we always talked and we stayed friends. Like, I moved all over town. I went to all types of different schools. And he just was always there. And so we started dating as like boyfriend and girlfriend officially in high school. And then we had autumn unexpectedly, but there was never a moment where I felt like, okay, this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing. Now, I do not encourage, like teen pregnancy. I'm not condoning it. I don't endorse it. But I remember being like, yeah, I meant to be a mom. This is what I meant to do. Yeah. And none of it was easy. Don't get me wrong. But, yeah, I had her. Did you're adopted, or how did you refer to like the family that, brought you in? Yes. I was in foster care at the time and the way it would have worked was

because when I got pregnant I was 17. Right. And you actually don't age out of the foster care system until you're 21. Oh, interesting. Unless you want to like emancipate yourself when you're 18, which if you do that, then you lose all of your benefits. Okay. Which is crazy. I will be doing something about that. I don't know how I'm going to fix that. Yeah. Yeah. So I just picture you like legally blonde, like marching into the car. Yeah. I love it. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to do it.

Yeah, I love that. So it was really scary because I was like, okay, I know somehow, some way, like, I'm meant to be a mother, but like, what is that going to look like? I was my senior year of high school. I was in foster care, but if I had given birth while still being in custody of, like, the state, then I wouldn't have had custody of autumn. Oh, my mom, my adoptive mom, She had already been talking about adopting me anyway just because even if I had aged out and moved out, that was going to be my family forever.

So she adopted me. And so then I was able to make my own choices and have custody of my daughter. And she, I've learned so much. Everything I know about being a good, strong woman, like in adulthood and as a mother, like, I learned from her. Like I owe her the world. I owe her just whatever she wants in some way. And I'm going to give it to her.

Like she is an angel. And I was actually her last foster child. She had fostered tons of kids over the years. And then I came to her door and she was like, yep, this is it. I'm going to retire with this one. Before we move on to like, you know, autumn and everything, like what is the number one thing that you wish people knew about what is broken about the foster system? Like, you know, so this woman who took you in and adopted you as her daughter, that changed your life forever, right? And so I don't know much about the foster system.

Is there a shortage of like foster parents out there? Yeah. So actually America is in like a foster hair crisis right now. Just in the past year, the amount of foster homes has gone down by 23%. Why is that? Do you know? I don't know. I think funding has a lot to do with it.

there's not a lot of awareness around it. And there's like a huge age portion of it of children that like just don't get chosen. Like in some way I think foster parents do get to choose. Is that a system where they like literally are walking through the house and like being able to kind of like meet different children and then just choose who they want to? Sometimes in like a group home situation. But they've started to regulate that a little bit more because like there's some people that are sick and weird and don't have good intentions.

And that's another thing. Like be careful. There's a lot of things that are corrupt about the vetting process for foster parents is not good, essentially. I don't know because I haven't gone through the vetting process, but I do know from speaking at a lot of foster parent meetings as a teenager, there's a lot of people that show up there and don't have good intentions. And if I'm being very real with you guys,

it's like an invisible children type situation because a lot of children go into foster care. They don't have any family or anyone that's going to go looking for them if something happens to them. So, yeah. That's the saddest. Like that and like, I think human trafficking are the two things that I just wish. If anything could be abolished tomorrow,

it'd be those two things. I agree. And I'm going to do something about that too. You might need to run for office. Like, you're talking about all these things. You might have to get in the government. There's a lot of,

and you know what? Maybe that's my calling. There's a lot of human trafficking. You got a great Netflix publicist who could probably help you with your campaign. That's true. Here we go. But also like autumn.

On a more, not lighthearted level, but on a more basic level that people could give back and get involved. Without getting too far in the weeds, it's like foster children go into a foster home with nothing with the clothes on their backs. So if you can imagine being a child and already going into a situation that's unfamiliar around a bunch of people you don't know and then having nothing of your own. Yeah. And then having to feel like, oh, well, I've got to ask for anything I need down to like a toothbrush or like a sock. So one of the organizations I work with in Charlotte, and they make these things called Bags of Hope, and it's like a personalized bag with things

that are given to a child before they go into the home, so they feel like they have their own things, which is so important. Do you feel like the parents that, so actually my cousin Rose is an adopted foster child. She was adopted when she was probably like 17, similar age. I mean, she came with, she had some pretty tough upbringing. And so sometimes I wonder if some of these families are equipped. Like, do you feel like the families are equipped with like the right resources to,

because sometimes I feel like they're thrown into these homes? Not always. And then the parents are like, oh my gosh, I don't know how to help. Like, and there's so much. Yes. And that's one thing I've thought about. Like if I were to foster, like the children, especially teenagers, they've seen and been through so much.

And just like, like I said, when I was a child, I had all of these misplaced feelings I didn't know what to do with so I acted. out. And I didn't know what I was doing. I was just, I was so hurt and angry about things that I didn't understand. So I know that therapy and resources like that are provided, but they're not super regulated and they're not very strict. So, okay, okay. Well, girl, you have some work to do. I know. I know, and I will. I will. So you had autumn. Are you so, not close with your ex, but I guess the co-parenting situation is so good and everything? Yes. I mean, they've definitely been growing pains in the years. But we do co-parent very well. And like, oddly enough,

that's been one of the best things that my experience on Love is Line has brought me. He and I have, we're co-parenting now better than we ever have. He's been so loving and supportive of my journey. He was supportive of me going. Like we had every day planned out for autumn before I left. Like it was a very strategic, like very thought out. thing between me and I. So I could go and have, well, y'all saw me. I was fighting for my life missing her, but I knew. I had peace of mind knowing that they were good.

So he and I are co-parenting so great. He's a blessing. Yeah, he's picking her up from school today and he'll keep her tonight and then I'll be able to pick her up tomorrow. Okay. So yeah, we're really good. That's amazing. Yeah, I mean, because it's nice.

Like we have a lot of like our family around to help with raising our kids. And so, and, you know, for you probably needed that support along the way from him. And I've got so much pride most of the time I don't know how to ask But in all of this like he wants me To succeed and find love and have all the good things that he's gotten to the point where he's like I'm helping like let me just do this Yeah do you know what the enneagram is I don't but I want to Oh man we got it we'll take a test later I I bet she's a two

A two yeah two is my favorite number you see that's my favorite number two I'm telling you girl I was gonna say like when I was like watching I want to get into like the show versus real life in a second But like when I was watching the show, I was like maybe she's an eight, which is like a challenger, because you're very direct. Yeah. But Jess,

I feel like you're actually like really sweet. And like really, like I feel like you're just confident. And I think it freaks people out. Like like like, like more like a like challenge people and straight. And I think that you are and you do those things. But I think you're like really like you have like a very soft spirit.

I want to be soft. my husband but one thing he didn't see. Jimmy did tell me early on he was like I want to be with a woman that challenges me. He said I've never dated anyone who's been direct or challenged me. So I was like, all right. I think that I'm going to speak for men for a second. I think that we think that we want that but like I think it's hard to actually sometimes accept that especially like it depends on how we were raised like Danny's the same way. She's challenged me our whole marriage. But my mom and the way that, like, I was raised is I could do no wrong. Like, oh my gosh, worship the ground. I could, I could never hit a ball and baseball and she'd be like, he's the best baseball player

in the world, you know? I'm the same way with autumn though. Yeah, no, it's hard. It's hard not to be that. But then I think when, you know, when we get with people who do challenge us, it freaks us out because we're like, oh my gosh, wait, you're supposed to worship me. And then we wrap it all, like I'm talking about guys in general. We wrap it in all these things like submissiveness and like all these like things. And it's like, hey, you know, at the end of the day, like, you love me so much that you are challenging me to be better. And there is such a bigger reward.

Like I've seen it in our marriage. We've talked about this before on the podcast. There's such a bigger reward for having a wife that will challenge you and spur you to that next level than someone who will just kind of like let you do whatever you want. Because like men, we need that. Like hands down. Yeah, 100%. I mean, and I will say, I mean, if I'm being fair, like, you know, because.

of me having to like be so strong-willed and direct and that my whole life like I do come on a little strong like that but I know I have so much confidence that like whoever I do Mary is going to bring out like the most softness about me and I'll be able to challenge them in a way that's not so that doesn't look so confrontational you know before we even get into like I have so many questions about the show but before we get into that so you had automate what 18 you said Was there ever a world where you thought you were going to marry her dad? No. Okay, so that was never on the table.

You went on the show when you were 28, right? So did you ever come close to marriage before the show? Yes, and I did talk about that. I was engaged previously. I dated someone probably a year or two after Autumn's dad and I broke things off, and he and I were together for a couple years, and he was a great man. He was a really good man,

but we did have our own trials and tribulations that we just weren't able to work through. But he was a great guy, and Autumn loved him. It's just, and that was the hardest thing, was I was just like, I know he's a good man, but I know he's not my person. Yeah, then you just... And so, yeah.

Yeah. What was it like dating with Autumn, dating as like a single mom? So other than the guy was engaged, too, which was interesting because at that point, I think Autumn was only like 18 months. Okay. And he and I were together for five years or so. Yeah.

So I didn't date much then, obviously, because I was engaged. And then after that, that was the only man that I'd ever introduced to her. Oh, really? Okay. So after that, I'm very particular about that. I mean, I've dated a couple people since then, but nothing. No one you would bring home. No. No.

No. Wow. Okay. So, I mean, it's interesting, but I've not gotten to the point where I'm like integrating. Yeah. And she's almost 11, so it's way different. She's like mature and aware and so protective of me versus the last time I was dating. She was 18 months and she was just like, you know.

She seems amazing. Like everything that you said on the show and I watched you guys on TikTok and your reels. And I'm like, she seems like the coolest girl. Oh, she is. Exactly how you described her. Oh, my God. So you were kind of going on dates. How did you get introduced to the show?

What was the casting like? Had you watched the show before in the past? Oh my God. I loved the show. I was a huge fan of the show. I'd watched every season. They were casting in Charlotte and it was everywhere. Like everyone was doing it?

Well, everyone was talking about it. It was all over social media. It was in the paper. Okay. Like, I don't even know. You big newspaper, girl? Yeah, you read the newspaper. I was like, you continue to baffle me.

I don't understand. She's like opening her. She's like, I was like, all the street, journal is my copy? No, but I was like,

even post ads in the paper and it was just everywhere. And it was just kind of like playing in the background of my mind because I'd never seen anyone on the show that had children. Yeah. So I was just,

it was an afterthought and I was like, I would like to do it, but I don't think they'd even consider me. Wow. And so one night in November of 2022 was like the end of November. Okay. I was just,

I couldn't stop thinking about it. And I felt like I was being called to do it. I'm like, this is crazy. And I wasn't dating, but I wanted to. And I knew I've been ready for marriage for a while. So I went and looked at the application link. And I just scrolled through it. And there were like two questions on there.

Do you have children? And would you be willing to date someone who had a child? And I was like, oh. They do care. Don't mind if I do. And so I just filled out the application on a win. And they called me the next morning. And they said I was one of the last people to send them.

an application before they closed the link. Wow. Because it had been out for months. Okay. Wow. So it just, it truly was meant to be. And so how long was it from that phone call

until when you started filming? That was in late November and we started filming in March. Okay. Of the next year. Of the next year. So it was a lot of like vetting. The vetting process they do is so extensive. A lot of different calls with different producers.

And then they don't tell, you until almost right about time to film that you're picked or not. Did you feel like, I mean, there's so many probably cultures of each of these like reality TV shows. Like, I feel like The Bachelor is probably more about clickbait now and drama and all these things. And the producers have a large role in that. We talk about this a lot.

Just on the show business side of things, like they're there to manipulate situations to make some people the stars, some people the villains. Well, they need drama. It feels like the culture of Love is Blind is very different. you know, where the show seems, at least what I perceive, to be more wholesome in the sense that they truly are actively trying to, like, go with this experiment and see if people can find love on the show. Did you feel that from the culture of the producers?

Yes. Oh, my gosh. And I tell them all the time, like, I've never felt like so at home away from home in like the most strange situation. Like, you wouldn't think that everyone, they are like a family. And I think Love is Fine is one of the, if not the only, like unscripted reality dating show. So everything you see like really did happen. Yeah. It's all very real.

The way it's edited sometimes isn't how it exactly came together, but there's never. Because you can't show like hours of footage probably. Right. And that's the thing. They have to. There's so much that happens that we find to be relevant for our own personal stories, but it doesn't necessarily play into the storyline. It's not applicable to the storyline.

So they have to tell things that's going to give the overall storyline context, which sometimes we hate because we're like, we don't feel like that's how it happened. But it makes the most sense. So we get it. We see like 11 or 12 episodes or whatever. How much time did you spend? Like what's the, how does time work in the show?

Oh my God. It's like how long have they been in the pods? Where are they living? Because then you also see like everybody in that main waiting room like sleeping. I'm like, are they living in that room together? So we don't, actually I don't think I can't answer the living situation.

But we don't all live in the lounge. But the pods portion is 10 days. Okay. And so day one, all 15 men and all 15 women all date each other. You have to date each person. I think the first dates are only four or five minutes long. Okay, so you talk to everyone. You talk to everyone.

So what is like your favorite person? Not saying that you liked them or anything, but just like a favorite conversation. you had outside of Jimmy? Just like on a friendship level? Yeah. Ken. Ken was like, and I, we all hate how his storyline, everything was portrayed on the show because he's an angel.

No, he seems like an angel. So as someone, just so you know, like we've been doing this for 10 and 11 years. I used to, I used to do YouTube videos. I know how things are edited. Like I know that there has to be a story and like I, but I think that we all knew like deep down just from the conversations that they had in the pod with Britney. Like I love Britney. too. You and Brittany were like the first,

y'all were the only girls that I DM'd. But like, I think you could tell that Kenneth has a heart of gold. He truly does. Some people get good at it. Some people get like the weird ideas. And we're like, we hate and how that happens. But like, again, it's another situation. We have to remember like what God thinks of us. Yeah, exactly.

And which I'm telling you is, you know, you've been doing this long time. When you have the world telling you. Oh my gosh. It's why we started this podcast. It makes it so hard to be like, wait, I know who I am. But then you see the world. And people really believe the things they're saying about you. I love when you guys, like, because when I started following everyone on social media,

I love when people started defending other people. Like, Brittany did say, like, the phone was not an issue. Yeah. And there might have been other issues, but that wasn't an issue. Like, there were other things of, like, why they didn't work out. Yeah. And so I thought it was really cool. Like, you haven't seen, I didn't see that a lot on, like, the other seasons.

Like, a lot of you guys kind of stick together. No, it's truly like a family. And I've told, and there was a lot of people, a lot of, like, fans, I guess you could say. who thought, I guess they were doing me like a favor by spreading so much hate towards Chelsea and Jimmy. And I'm like, you cannot be a friend or a fan of me and be spreading hate. Like I don't condone that. I don't want that. It's not welcome here.

We don't tolerate it. Yeah, exactly. And most of us on the cast are like that because there's just, I mean, we know more than anyone how hard it is living in it. Yeah, you connect over it. Wow. So pods are 10 days. I have to understand how time works. Okay.

pods are 10 days and then you move to 10 days and then you go on like the getaway. Okay. So you're 10 days into knowing this person and then you go on the getaway. But wait, within each day, how long are you like in the? Yes, great question. So you date all 15 people on the first day and then you go into the lounge and you dwindle your list down from like 15 to 10. And so the next day you'll go on your date with the 10 people. and then at the end of that day

you dwindle it down to I think eight and then it goes from eight to five to four, then three, then two than one, I think. So each day you have more time with the people that you did want to spend time with. So whereas the first day, your dates are only four or five minutes long, all the way at day nine, your dates are four or five hours. With that one person, your left.

Four or five hours? Okay, so you don't have to answer this. Which doesn't feel like that long at all, because again, you can't see them so, and you have so much to talk about. Yeah, that's true. And you're like, and you're like,

you can like request games and stuff like that for your dates, which is so cute and fun. Like you're never in there like, God, this is daunting. Like what are you going to talk about? At the end, you're like, oh, I wish we had more time.

Wow. So you don't have to answer this, but was there someone else that you felt like you had a connection with before Jimmy? Because I felt like, I did watch you on Nick's, Nick Viol's podcast,

and I think you said like everyone was like obsessed with Jimmy. Yeah. Jimmy was like everyone's number, He was. He was my number one from day one. Why was that? He's just a great guy. Oh my gosh. We like, oh. Again, anyway. Um, now, like, Jimmy was just like, Doran and I also view this season of love is like very differently. Like we're,

not that we're taking teams or sides or anything. But I have, I have noticed that like guys decipher this show. Guys love Jimmy. No, they don't love Jimmy. They just decipher it differently than the female mind. Yeah. Yeah. But we'll get in that into that. too and that has nothing you won't even have to say anything because that'll just be like our opinion but but anyway yeah was there someone else that you were like oh maybe that could work out yes i did have another connection on the pods and jimmy was my frontrunner like was it matthew oh no but even matthew is not as bad i bet he's great no i also even not as bad it's he was made out to be like i didn't see him past day one so i never really got to know him like on an in-depth

level but you know i loved matthew he also lives a sober lifestyle and And I know that everyone was like, like, you know, getting lit, like, doing it. And I think he was just probably like living his life, like, you know. He, yeah, I don't know because I didn't see him past the first day. So I don't know if he was really like that in his dates. And also I think the opening scene where he like asks me a question, then I returned the question to him. And he's like, oh, well, I wasn't really here to.

Yeah. He didn't get up and leave. It wasn't like that. Yeah. And maybe he did that to someone else. Poor guy got a bad edit on that. Like I said, I didn't date him. So I don't know if that's really how he was.

but I know in real life he's not a bad guy. So how long do you go on the getaway? How many days is that? I didn't make it to the gateway. No, I know, but like the people who go. She's like, I don't know. No, the people who go. I think it's four or five days.

Okay. I don't think it's, it's not a full week. And then after that. Then you go back to your hometown. For two weeks, right? Yeah, and then you live together in like a neutral space so you don't go back to like their place or yours. Like they give you like a townhouse or an apartment. and then you guys live, you coexist.

That would be crazy, because you still have only known this person for what, two weeks? Yeah. But you, like, you know that. The concept is crazy, but you have to think. You've spent so many hours talking. You get to know your person better in those two weeks than you ever have anybody ever dated ever. Yeah. Like they know, that's when I, I mean, you've seen me tell Jimmy on the show, like,

you know more about me than anyone walking the planet. Yeah. So there wasn't like another person that was like, because Chelsea had. had, what was this, Trevor and Jimmy, like, they never showed you and another person, really. Yeah, because it didn't really like, matter. Because my storyline was just like Jimmy and Tulsi's storyline. It didn't make sense for me to have my own, but I did have someone else that I had a connection. I can't do this.

She's PR trained. We were just testing you. We were making sure your media train. You're doing great. And I could ask you, was it a main character? No. Okay. See, there's so many in the background.

Well, I hate that. I hate calling people main characters or not. No, no, you know what I mean, the main character. And as like they've gotten a lot of air time. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, it wasn't anyone who got a lot of air time, but I just, I always feel bad calling people. Oh, no, I don't mean it like that,

but it's just like, there are some people in the background. I'm like, oh my gosh, they seem so cool. Like, I wish that we got to see them more. Yeah, there were so many, and there were even couples that, I mean, every season there's couples that get engaged that aren't shown. So, yeah, but it wasn't anyone that was shown. Were there any that got engaged the season that weren't shown? Yes.

Okay. Are they together still? No. Okay. No, which is funny because The producers of the show I mean, and it is all real and ultimately They want as many marriages and love stories as thinking

They, I think they have a good read for who will go the distance and who won't And I think that's how they choose That makes sense. Who they're going to follow. I mean, you can't show everyone There's not enough time within that, I don't know, hour and a half or hour along the show is so like I totally understand that side of it. I have a question.

Okay, yeah. It's more general about like dating culture. So we own a company called Divi and we have a lot of like mid 20, late 20 females that work at the company. And sometimes I just overhear like what they go through in Dallas in particular. And what they talk about a lot is like kind of the consumer culture of dating. You know, so they're like on apps. And they talk a lot about like how it's hard to find a spouse for females in particular who are ready to get married because of like, oh, I'm just going to swipe right.

I'm going to test this out. It's almost like a non-committal issue within men. And, you know, I think from a male's perspective, and just like honestly what I feel like dating apps and all this stuff is doing to our dopamine receptors is it's really probably hard for guys to commit. They're like, oh my gosh, what, you know, what if this doesn't happen?

What else is out there? And so I'm assuming that's what you experienced before the show. And that's why you were never married. It's like it was probably hard to date in just the show. Charlotte dating scene. Is that correct? And you know, I hate and I'll be 30 this year. So I feel like there's a glooming like, you know, there's like a stigma of like, oh, you're almost 30 or you're in 30s and you're not married. Like there must be a reason for that. Like what's wrong with you? And I'm like, well, I mean, I probably have some things to work on, but there's something wrong with me.

But yes, I think that I experienced, and a lot of women experience men feeling like, okay, well, I really like her and she seems to check all the boxes. But like, what if you're there is something better. Yeah. Or like, well, you know, if I commit and I'm investing on my time and everything with her, that's going to give me less time to do all these other things that I'm used to being able to do. And I think I dated people who really liked the thought of marriage and commitment. But when it came down to it, they just like couldn't show up for me the way I needed them to.

It feels like it's, it feels like it's an epidemic. And from what I hear from like, no, no, I really think it is. Like that's how like the that's how people talk about it is it's like this kind of failure to launch type of up because you were very sure and it's honestly like I feel like growing up in the church like that's what the way that I don't want to say you pursued Jimmy but kind of like was sort of like how traditionally I feel like we are raised to pursue the people that we want to marry right? You were very sure. You were very firm. You were very direct. And what I saw from him was kind of like a more and what I just saw on the show was like more of an immaturity of being like, ah like I don't. know I'm scared. And it's like, what is that fear that's happening? But I imagine that's what you experienced a lot in Charlotte before the show. Right. But you know, I did. But prior to going on love is blind, I would play into it. I would just be like, okay, if you're an enchalant and you don't care and you're not investing anything in this, then you don't rely. I wasn't giving more of myself than I was getting. I would just kind of meet people where they were. And when I went on love is blind,

I was just like the only way, you know, someone is going to have, I'm going to give someone the opportunity to love me and fully know me is if I lay it all out on the table. And I'm just very direct about my feelings, direct about what my wants and needs are, what my boundaries are, what I find acceptable and what I don't. And I thought that it would work. So that was particular to the show. Yes. I mean, that's how I had always wanted to date. But there is something intimidating about doing that in person and being on a date and being like, okay, so this is what I. expect from you, can you do that or not?

Versus the wall separating and you can't see each other, there is so much power in that, as weird as it sounds, not being able to see each other. Like I was able to... We talk a lot about on the podcast, like we both went to, we were both like counselors at a camp,

like a Christian camp. And we always talk about how when you are working at this camp, like there's a select number of males and a select number of females. And you're in this like really kind of idealistic environment. It's not the real world. It's not the real world at all. And you kind of get this like Stockholm syndrome where you're like, oh my gosh, this is all that there is.

But it honestly helps you to kind of see, oh my gosh, like I could see my life with this. You get this like weird glaze over your eyes where it's like, oh my gosh, like I could see my future with this person. And then what happens is all these camp counselors go back to college and go back to their sororities and their fraternies and like, what was I? What kind of like spell was I under? And I just am curious like for you. Now being in the real world, let's call it, after the show for a year, do you feel like you kind of had that syndrome? It's almost like you have blinders on. You have blinders on, right?

It's not always an unhealthy thing because going back to the summer camp analogy, it's nice that you're like, okay, this is who's in front of me. Like I get to dive deeper with, you know, Sarah, so and so and like actually get to know her because like that's who's in front of me now. And then you end up maybe falling in love with her. Whenever, I feel like whenever you're out in the real world, there's a thousand Sarah. So you never get Sarah or distracted, you never give them a full chance. No, I think that's the science and like psychology behind it, why it does work. Yeah, the show. Because you're in an environment, you don't have your phone, you don't have TV, you don't have like, you're not listening to music.

Yes, for the whole time. Wow. That would drive, that would, I would go a little cuckoo. You do it first. You do it first. You'll, like, talk to talk to autumn. But I think once you detox from it, Danny, it's like, you wouldn't go crazy. you would actually like...

Yeah, not having your phone and TV and all the other distractions, that part, after the first, like, day or two, it's like, okay, this actually feels nice. You don't realize how demanding your phone and other things like that feel until you don't have them and you're just like, okay,

I actually can't live without it. It's not that bad. Not being able to talk to Autumn was excruciating, but I wrote her a letter to open every day while I was gone. So it was like day one and, like, so on. And I put, like, a little, like, polypocket or, like, her favorite candy in there.

So she was fine. Yeah. I was on the show in Chandler's. No, she was on spring break in New York with her dad. She was unbothered. When I got home, she was like, already? Yeah. But yeah.

The show works. I think that is why it works is because you don't have distractions and you're only focused on like your connections that are right in front of you. And for some people, it goes the distance and they go back out into the real world with all the distractions and like the reality of things. And it shakes it up a little bit. but they're still just like no they they're fixated on their person was there a little anxiety watching the shows as they came out because you probably didn't see the edits beforehand correct we don't

see it until the rest of the world's it we're watching so are you like kind of freaking out like oh my gosh like what are they going to clip what are they going to say yes I would and when I would tell you the last thing I thought they were going to show is the epipen line that caught me yeah I didn't think that's my America film love you do that yeah That epipen line changed your life. No, truly. Okay, so you found out from Laura, correct, that he was going to choose Chelsea. Yes.

And I loved that you kind of took a moment. You're like, I took the day, right? At least that's what it seemed like. And you were like, no, I'm going to go back in there. Yeah, no. When I left the lounge that night when you see Laura come up and tell me and I'm in shambles. Yeah. And I get up and leave.

Like, I told them to book my flight home that night. Yeah. And you were like, no. And then I woke up the next morning and I was like, hang on. now. I was like he would have probably preferred me to go out without us having that last conversation. But truly, I was just like, how would I want Autumn to show up for herself? But I want her to go out like with her head hanging, like the tail between your legs type situation or what I want her to show up for her? And I was like, okay, that's a no-brainer.

And so I put my breakup dress on. Wow. I love that. That was smoking hot. Love that black dress. People were like, like, I also saw you started to like to know it. Oh, my gosh. If you needed to know what the... I do so much. I got you. I got you.

This is way harder than I thought it was going to be. It's like, I'm going to make you into an influencer. She's going to be a star. She's going to be a star. No, I don't have a choice. It's like sink or swim at this point. I'm like, autumn's expensive. I didn't get a husband out of this.

I might as well make a good living. Are you single right now? Yes. Are you dating? No. Can we set you up on a blind date? Oh, I have so many people. The thing is, I mean...

We wouldn't do you wrong. I know that you wouldn't. You indeed. I just don't know if I'm in a position to date right now. Okay. I feel like. Respect. How can you fight with that?

Yeah, that's such a good answer. I wouldn't want to start dating someone and be like, okay, well, I mean, and again, I'm already trying to balance, like, taking care of myself, taking care of autumn, like making time for all of this. And like, I just don't think I have a place for it right now. I don't think I'm ready. We'll tell you who it is later, and you can decide.

Yeah. Or, like, hit us up when you are ready. Okay. Have you ever been to Dallas? No. This is my first time. Yeah. That's why I packed like clothes for cold weather.

I thought it was cold. Like where it is where I live. We have some eligible bachelors here. And I'd love for you to end up in Dallas. I love it so far. I think it's beautiful. I was in Nashville last weekend. Meets once like, moves in my city.

I also loved to now. I went to Nashville last weekend and I fell in love with Nashville. Nashville would be a good city too. That was so fun. Okay. So what does Auditor's? I'm thinking of all this right now. Okay, she's now in the phase where she's absolutely loving it.

I mean, she's always loved it and been super supportive of me, but like I've started getting like PR packages. Yeah. And they're really sweet companies, which I love. I always appreciate when they include like a little note or something for her. So when she sees her name on something, she's like, oh my God. I'm so popular. What is she into?

Like what brands? Oh my God. She, okay, let me preface this. She is a Sephora kid, but like not one of the misbehaved, like rude ones. Like she goes in there and she has like proper etiquette. Yeah. She's polite to the people that work there. Well, because you know, there's like jokes on the internet about like 12 year old

and I'm there every weekend and I've never seen like the bad. Right. But she's so self-conscious when she's in there now. She's like, oh my gosh, they probably think I want to be rude. And I'm like, no, baby, just use your manners. Yeah. But she loves Glow Recipe. She loves drunk elephant.

Yeah. She loves dead. She loves all the girly things. She loves all the girly things. She loves all things beauty. Wow. Yeah. But, um.

fun that you all have that to connect on to. I cannot. I want more children so, really? So bad. It's not even real. Me too. Like,

come on. Would you ever be a foster mom? I'm thinking about it. I am thinking about it. I do want to have, I mean, God willing, I want to have more of my own children

because I know at this point in my life it would probably be a different experience, especially because I'm firm and I'm going to be married with a partner. Like, I know I make it look like I have the single mom game in a chokehold, but I like wouldn't do it again if I didn't. No, it's the hardest job. I'm excited. I'm excited to have help and be able to enjoy it a little.

Not that I haven't enjoyed it, but to be able to not always spread so thin. Yes. So I want to have another child and then I definitely would entertain either adopting or fostering for sure. Okay. How are you doing now that you have so many opinions about your life and your love story and all that? Because if you only had five posts and now you're this, that's a big change and a big difference. We had 10 at the most. So, like, I've been trying to post every single day.

So, like, I've been trying to just, like, you know, give people something to work with. Yeah. Just like, I don't know what they want. It was really hard at first. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. The first two weeks, I, like, I had a really hard time with it. Just overwhelmed or?

It was overwhelmed in, like, just reading. The negativity. The mom shaming, I think, was what got to me the worst. They're the worst. They're the worst. That is the part that hurts. send me to my bed crying for hours. Don't tell them and they'll know.

Well, I'm sorry. They get stronger. Honestly, I've gotten a lot better, but that's because I have two kids now. My oldest is three. But that first year after I had Stella, I had never experienced hate like that because I think that as a mom, I'm already kind of insecure about if I'm doing things right. To be honest, it's not one of those things that I'm like, oh, I'm the best. I'm really confident.

None of us know exactly what we're doing. Yeah. And I think everything else that people, if people are like, you're ugly, you're annoying. I'm like, okay. Yeah, whatever. I can't change that. I'm like, sorry. But as a mom, I'm like, I want to be the best mom that I can.

And like, maybe I didn't do that right. And then you have hundreds, thousands of people saying you didn't do it right. And you're like, oh, my gosh, maybe I am the worst. Maybe like what, especially people being like, what kind of mother would go on a reality show and drag their child through this? Like, your life has already enough of a mess as it is. Like, how dare you do this to her? And I'm like, and I'm thinking, well, we had, like, Autumn was my biggest fan going into this. Autumn encouraged me.

Autumn wants me to find love and happiness. But then I was like, well, maybe that was a horrible decision. Maybe I did ruin her life. Like maybe I, like the mom shaming absolutely destroyed me. I hope you're not like looking at all that anymore. It takes a while to like, you got a post and ghost and go ahead and the filtering,

the comments and the words like those and like I've met some really amazing women in this space that have, because I had no idea what I was doing. And I put the first post that I made coming into this was a video just being like, I love you guys. Like thank you for being here. But like truly I don't even, I don't go here. I can make funny TikToks and just like cut up and do whatever.

But like as far as and people took that as, oh, you post on TikTok all the time. You're not new here. And I'm like, I'm not new here, but I'm new to all the opinions and eyes on me. That's what I meant. And that just took some time to adjust to. Who's mentoring you? Do you have like anyone mentoring you through the internet space? Okay.

So I had the opportunity to meet Jesse James Decker and her sisters last weekend. They're amazing. They are, they gave me the most invaluable information. They made me delete Reddit off my phone. Oh, girl. Whoa. You know that was in our...

You're reading that? No, you cannot be read. You know, that was in our vows that we would not read. It wasn't read at the time. Yeah, not our public vows. It was called guru gossip because Reddit like wasn't really popped off yet.

But we were like in our vows, it will destroy marriage. Like, it will destroy you. 100% don't do it. And it did. It did. It will destroy me. And you can.

sleep by light and then you feel like you have to put out content just to defend yourself. And I was doing that. And people were just like stop because the people that know you love you. And I had to like practice some acceptance with everyone is not going to love me. And I'm just and I've always took a lot of pride and like if someone has a problem with me, that's like on their own. Because I'm not losing any sleep over it. But then I got to a point where I was like, no, I'm losing sleep.

Most of those people need to be like truly in a psych ward. No, but let me tell you. The worst part is there also, the worst comments come from other moms. Oh, yeah. And like those, it's always the people that are probably like, you know, the unhappiest themselves. But like those comments will destroy my day. Like if I read just one. And so I really did have to discipline myself.

Even like Jordan, some days whenever I do want to get my dams, I'm like, can you go check it out before I get in there? Because it'll, it'll. But then they started hating me and I was like, I don't even want to read this anymore. I'm like, what did I do? Yeah. When I asked you, I saw, I think Jeremy made a post. Some other people, maybe Brittany too, made a post about the hate that they were all receiving too. Is that, like, are you able to talk to the other members as well?

Because it seems like it's really nothing like personal. It just seems like across the board, everyone is kind of getting it. Yes, no, we're all getting it from different angles, some more than others. And it's just been really rough. I think the earlier seasons of love is blind, a lot of it was probably different because social media was not as prevalent as it is now. Oh yeah, no, for sure.

That's how The Bachelor was too at first. Like there wasn't Instagram. That has a lot to do with it, and people are just so brazen on the internet. And we all love each other so much. Like our cast, I mean... Who are you closest with now? Oh, my God, I love all the girls so much.

I would be doing a disservice by saying, anyone in particular, but like Laura, A.D., McKenzie, Brittany, Amy, Chelsea. I just watched A.D.'s episode this morning. And you were in shambles. Yeah, I kind of saw it coming, to be honest. Like, I made that prediction a couple weeks ago. Just because, like, if there's any doubt at all, I think it's really hard to, like, for me to feel confident in something. Like, I want my husband to be like, yes, day one. Like, Jordan told me on our first day. He was like, I'm dating you. I'm going on a date with you because I think he'd be a great wife one day. I was you.

What do you say? First round draft pick. But like that didn't like scare me. I was like yeah, that's exactly I don't want. So if I ever dated someone that was like, I don't know, like any doubt, I would probably just be like, okay, I'm out. Like I just don't want to deal with it. So I kind of.

And I know that sometimes it does end up working out and that's like great. I just don't think that I personally could have handled that. So, but I was in shambles because I love AD. Like I love her. I mean, yeah. we all do want to feel like wholeheartedly chosen by our person. Yes. And I don't think it was shown enough that Clay did make her feel like that sometimes.

It wasn't a consistent thing and it was like more of like a slow burn. But he seems like a great guy too. He is. He is. He is. He is. He is. I think that he just wasn't sure and I think that maybe a conversation should have been had before.

I don't know. I wasn't involved. But yeah. Ultimately, we all want to feel chosen. Chosen. So, okay, this last section of the podcast, I want to de-influence Jimmy, but I don't want to, like, talk bad about him or anything like that. That's, like, not our style. But I just want to kind of understand, like, more of y'all's dynamic, more of, like, kind of how y'all got to be, first of all. And you can honestly, this would be, like, a therapy session for, like, me and Jordan. We kind of, like, perceived the situation differently. And like you were saying, you know, we all want to feel chosen. We all, we all want to feel like, like, like, I'm your number one. And that just makes me feel, that makes people, makes women feel like very secure.

And I feel like sometimes whenever you are questioning like, okay, where is he? Who is he talking to? What's he doing? I feel like that can draw the crazy out of someone. And especially like, I know that Chelsea's emotional. I don't think that's a bad thing. I actually think her being emotional and sentimental is like a beautiful thing. Like I think a lot of guys actually really need that.

But I do feel like, I don't want to. want to say the word gaslight, but like I have been using that a lot of a lot of Yeah, but she never used that before and now as she watched slow-blime. I think that word because I feel like people like overuse it and I'm like, do you even really know what that means. Um, but to me like biggest red flag is, uh, if Jordan ever, like hung out with a girl that he ever hooked up with, especially without me being there, that would be like, no. Like immediately no, immediately no.

And like, uh, no, I don't think you can be friends anymore. And I know that like some people say like guys and girls can still be friends. I don't know. I feel like after we're married, like if you're texting any girl, like I need to be C-C'd. Yeah. I just need to be like involved in because why not? Like and it's not the fact that I think you're doing anything like I trust Jordan like beyond. Right.

But it just is like a sign of respect. It is a respect thing. I don't disagree with anything she's saying. Yeah. I was like, hang on. Are you going to jump in and be like. Yeah, no, I don't disagree. I also think it's a red flag like that any guy that has.

girl friends, like post high school, I would even say, maybe college. If you're dating, it's normal. Yeah. If you're in a relationship. Yeah, if you're in a relationship, a serious relationship, there is a time where that tapers off. And so, like, him being like, hey, I have my two good friends that are girls. Like, that's just odd to me.

Yeah. And so I think that was like number one red flag. I think that my perspective on Jimmy would come down to this. like, do you think that he was very cognizant of when the cameras were on him versus when they were off him? Because my perception of Jimmy is only based on the, what I saw in the show, right? And I don't feel like he's maniacal enough to have this kind of on camera versus off camera presence because that takes a lot of time in the space to be able to do that.

And usually it's not good people that do that, right? So I guess like I would just ask you that because that could change a lot of my philosophies, you know, on Jimmy. Because he seemed to always say the right things, but I just never felt it. He did, but you wonder like Chelsea would go from zero to 100 in almost every situation. And I'm like as like, and I know what was happening behind the scenes because Chelsea and I remained friends the entire time. I'm like, did no one ever question like, why is she upset? Because seemingly you look at the situation and you're like, there's. There's no way a person can be that upset over that.

There has to be more to the story. Okay. And it totally, their relationship is so not my business, but I will say, and I will shout from the rooftops, her feeling, maybe the approach sometimes may have been off. Her feelings were so valid. And truthfully, if it had been me, sometimes I look at it and think it would have been worse. I honestly think, it would have been worse because Chelsea has the patience of a saint and an angel.

And she put up with a lot you could tell. I don't. I hate. I hate more than anything the way that she is being shown and portrayed. Because again, you're in an emotional incubator, all of us, including me, wishes we would have done and said certain things differently. But her feelings were so valid. And like you said, when you are not given the foundation and a safe space hasn't been created for you to share your feelings openly and for you to be able to know, I can bring this. to my partner and tell him I'm uncomfortable and they're going to handle it with care and consideration.

You don't react the way that she was reacting if you have that safe space. But he could have gotten, if he truly didn't feel that way about her, he could have gotten out at any time. Was that just him saving face knowing that, okay, when we get to the altar, I'm piecing out, but I'm going to look good for America? I don't know. I think when he, you see him tell her that he loves her. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I believed it. I know that he cared deeply for both of us. I think that he knew, not particularly because I had a child, I think he knew that I would require a lot more and maybe challenge him in ways that maybe she wouldn't. I think that they

were more compatible, believe it or not. I think that she and I were kind of sold on the same dream and he made commitments to both of us that he, I don't know if it was intentional or not that he fell short on when it came time to like be a husband and prioritize. his fiance for other things. I mean, I know like the partying going out like that was a conversation.

Yeah, I mean, again, like I can't speak about it's their story to tell ultimately. Yeah, for sure. And I think like, and I don't want either of them to feel like I'm saying something and I'm speaking their name in a room where they're not within themselves.

Yeah, we wouldn't push you for that. Yeah, no. I just know and I will, I'm not a side. either. I'm just saying Chelsea had reason to feel and react the way that she did. And I think maybe Jimmy was maybe ready for commitment in marriage, but didn't understand what that was going to require of him. I think most women look at the situation. And it's not coming from an insecurity standpoint, but it's just inappropriate to like bring your female friends into a situation like that and then not really give the situation any care or consideration or be like,

be like, oh, you know, I didn't think about the fact that that could make you uncomfortable. You're right. I will do something about that and not let it get to the extent where you see it blow up because I know that was not the first conversation. The reason I asked that question or led with that question is because there was one moment that I saw because I'm not going to like, when I was watching the season or binging it, you know, I kind of watched it with no spaces. So I was kind of able to see everything like right one after the other.

And so I think it gave me a little bit more of like a, holistic lens, you know, of everything. But there was one line that he said, it was like when they were fighting and she brought up why she was mad, which is you were out with someone that you slept with. And he got, like, you could see his facial expression change. Like, that was for off camera. And so that is what alerted to me to like, okay, how much are you managing your perception on camera and making her look like the crazy person? But I also, again, it just takes a little bit of a maniacal person. It's kind of a skill to be able to do that that I was like, he doesn't seem like that. But the best thing I think is to have integrity and don't do those things. Like don't have those

secrets. When I talked about the female friends in the pods and I was just like hard no. Hard no. Yeah, as you should have been. I'm not being in, you know, I'm not being rude. You know, those are your friends and I respect that. But we're having these pre-level. preliminary conversations about what we want and need from each other in our marriage and that's just not something I would be comfortable with. Yeah. And I don't know if they talked about it prior to her meeting them, but I definitely, I feel for her. Yeah.

I was uncomfortable watching it. It would make me feel uncomfortable too. Do you feel like if Trevor would have gone first, like proposed first to Chelsea, she would have said yes. I don't. Really? Okay. Because you kind of, you did say like everyone, Jimmy was kind of like everyone. Number one.

He was. Jimmy, I said it on the last podcast. He had game. Like Jimmy was super easy to talk to. He had like a way of every, every girl he spoke to. He made you feel like you were the only girl

on the other side. Because he didn't really see that. No, I know. I was like, he's just like a fun guy. And Jimmy was funny. And for me, like I love a man with a good sense of humor. Because I'm one thing about me,

I'm going to laugh. I'm going to be making him laugh. I can't, my back can't be hurting from carrying all the weight of the humor. Like, I need him to be giving something. And Jimmy was funny. Like, we had so much fun. And you hear him and Chelsea talk about how much fun they had. And so I think maybe she and I both got lost in the sauce with like how much fun we were having versus like, all right.

So like the important things, what does that look like for us? Yeah. So two questions that I have after watching the show. So number one is after the decision was made for like, or y'all broke up essentially, did you ever have any second thoughts about your decision and do you think that he did ever? I did not. Okay, so you were like that looking back, maybe took you a couple days, but you were like, that was right. And you know, like there's a whole wine bar episode, which I just had too many glasses of wine that night. And it was not a respectful conversation, but Chelsea was my friend and we would

have been cutting up and had the same conversation had she been there, but I get it. He was an engaged man. But even then, I wasn't worrying about like what could have been or what our lives could be like together. Like when I left the pods that day after my breakup speech, I had like, I mean, I was heartbroken, but I had like so much peace. I was like, that is the way that was meant to happen. And I don't think that he second guessed his choice either because I think in that moment and the day before when he read my letter, I think that he knew I would require a lot more of him than he was able to give me, not maybe because he didn't want. to, but just like emotional maturity, just maturity, just responsibility-wise. Like, we just

weren't there. So I don't think- That's the only reason I wonder if he regrets it, though, because I think that, let's first, I don't think this is what happened, but let's say he took the easier path. Okay, like you had a child, you know, you were mature, like you knew what you wanted. And then he was like, hey, Chelsea's easier on me, you know, maybe, like, we're going to have more fun. Yeah. marriage and relationships are hard. No, it doesn't matter. Like, it's going to be hard, right? And it's almost like I wonder if he knew that he took the easier path and then, you know,

meets you in the real life, sees you. And then he's like, oh, man, like, I'm still having to be more mature emotionally. I'm still having to do all these things because I'm now in a serious relationship. If apples to apples, like, I wonder if Jess could have worked out, you know. I don't know. I don't think anyone, maybe you guys should ask him. I don't think anyone's asked him that either. Give me his number.

I'm going to call him right. I think we both, we mutually knew, like, when it came to conflict resolution, he and I just still, like, we don't, we can, we cannot meet each other halfway. It just wasn't meant to be. It wasn't meant to be. And, you know, you hear him talk about in his interviews, like, the same thing. Like, when it came to conflict resolution, we just couldn't figure it out. And Chelsea gave them more of, like, what he needed. I don't think they had a situation in the pods where they had to do conflict resolution.

I think it wasn't until they made it out of the pods where you see them. And again, I don't think that his conflict resolution with her in those situations was really great either. But in the pods, when it was decision-making time, they were more compatible. I just feel like everyone watching just felt so bad for Jimmy because we're all like, and we're like, this girl is amazing, though. Like, Jess is amazing. And I am. No, I'm just kidding.

You are. So a lot of us are like, Jimmy, come on. We think that you're going to, you're probably going to marry. I want to ask, I want to ask, has anybody slits, like, slid in your DM? Yes. Who's the most famous? No, no one I'm excited about. Who's the most famous?

I'm not going to say this. No, wait, not love-wise. Just like, like Kim Kardashian type of, like, you know. Let me think. I'm going to be honest with y'all. There have been some athletes that have slid in, and I'm not into sports at all. So you don't know who they are? I'm like, I'm telling my friends and they're like, oh my God.

And I'm like, who even is that? Like, what do they do they? It's so crazy because, like, What sports meeting can I watch them at? Just like being in the industry, we were like, okay, like here's what's going to happen and she's going to like watch this, she's going to blow up and she's going to go A-list. No, I was like she's definitely, you're going to date a football player. You're going to date and probably get in the A-list circles or the athlete circles.

Yeah. But just they're probably like, just make sure they're good guys. They have to be. Yeah. There's some good ones out there. There's some good ones out there probably. Yes. I feel like the.

There's not a lot of success stories with athletes. It's true. I mean, she's kind of right. That would be, I have to have a good man. You will know before you get involved with them. Right,

but I will be honest with y'all because this is a safe space. I've got a bad habit of picking the bad boy. No, no, no. I hang with me. I'll tell you. No, right off the bat,

you can tell immediately, immediately. Like you, at first of all, like, I always am like, okay, what is their faith?

What do they believe in? What are their parents like? How does he treat a, mama because how he treats his mama is how he's going to treat you so true you have to like fall back on those and then you just go full force have fun i know i know you're right i need to have the fundamental the fundamentals down just text me any of these guys if they're funny and they're like hard to yeah because it takes a believe it or not even though you see me pour into jimmy so much with seemingly so little it takes a lot for me to be like interested and be like excited to get a message back

you need a man that's going to lead you that's like he's so he's so sure in like his faith and his relationships. You don't have to worry about him. Yeah, I want someone who makes me want to be better. A better person. Yeah. Yeah. And that's probably how you'll know.

Mm-hmm. You know? Yeah. Do you think that is it hard now that you have this kind of social media following and like everyone's invested now in your love life? Do you think that that's going to be hard to separate what the public wants from privately? Like what is best for you?

That is going to be interesting to navigate. Like when it comes to like dating, I do want to hold my cards a little closer to my chest. just because like public opinions that are so much. Right. And like my next relationship, like, I mean, regardless, I'm dating to marry, but I don't, I want to be like super secure and have a good foundation before we're like public about it. That's so smart. And then I'm like, I don't know if I'd want to date someone who had a really strong social media presence.

For men, no offense. No, I don't. I do not. I retired. But it is super hard. Dating someone who has a large social media presence. since. It's just different for men, especially because I'm like learning. And that's a little cringe too.

It's a little, yes. It's pretty, it's hard for guys to make it in the social media space. It's also like, it's just kind of cringy. I've always thought it's kind of crazy. Yeah, and especially since I'm learning about, I actually just recently two days ago learned about like your insights and being able to look at like who's following. Who follows you? Who follows you?

Like what percentage male versus female? I'm like, dude. That's awesome. Wow. I love that. And I looked at it and I was like, this is crazy. So that makes me a little bit more comfortable with posting because I'm like, these are my girls.

These are for your girls. This is like you're sharing like beauty advice or life advice. Or mom advice or getting mom. Like I love the fact that there's so many women follow me. So I love that. But then I think about on the flip side, if I was dating a man who had a strong social media presence, I don't, especially like attractive men. Like they're not having a lot of men following them.

It's going to be thirsty women. No, it's a little cringy. I definitely advise not. Unless they're like an athlete and they have like a bunch of like sports people following them or something. But then you know, athletes might bring another world of problems.

I don't know. I know. If it's meant to be able to find me, I know that much. That's so true. I love that attitude. We should play the rapid fire game. Okay, yeah.

Rapid Fire game to end the show. Is Jeremy's apartment fake? It's like serial killer vibes. It's so cool. I don't know. I don't know. Obviously I didn't visit it. I feel like you would like talk to the,

to Laura. But Laura thought that it was. Laura thought it was like an Airbnb. Yeah. But he seemed so at home there. But maybe he had just moved in or something. I don't know. That was strange, yeah.

This one says, is it true they fill you with alcohol and then put you on a room? No, no, the alcohol is totally optional. And believe it or not, most of us actually don't drink because you're so emotionally drink. Yeah. Like, most of us really don't drink. But it's there if you want it, but it's not at all a requirement. First impression seeing Jimmy in real life. It was.

more of like a feeling than it was like a was he what he thought he was going to look like? No, no. Is he the type you'd usually go for? No. I thought he looked really cute with his like hat on backwards. I feel like it's hard for a man to not look good with his hat on backwards. Yeah.

Nice. I know. That is like my, I love that, but I don't know. It was more of like, again, because we had the emotional connection established. So I felt more of that than I felt like I didn't feel any like physical. Yeah, yeah. And I think everyone could tell.

And, like, I think we were all, like, wondering, like, okay, is Jimmy going to kind of, like, make a move? Like, almost feel like, and I don't think that he did, but we were like, would he? And you were so, like, not happening. Like, this is not. Like, you guys kind of both, it seemed like you dodged a bullet and you were, like, willing to say that. No, yeah, we had a mutual understanding of it. There was nothing more to it. Nothing more to that.

Let's see. Oh, how often do you see Nick and Vanessa Lechet? Like, do you feel like you know them? Um, she's like, PR answer, PR answer. No, no, no, no, believe it or not, I don't try and, like, are on the safe side. Like, I just really try and answer in a way, like, I would want people to answer about me if I was in the room. You're very respectful. There are people who are PR nightmares, but I'm not one.

I do feel like I know them, but you don't see them super often. Like, you see them the first day in the pods, and then I know they're there for the couples. Like, you see them a lot in, like, the couples that get engaged, but I wasn't one of them. Like he's around for, you know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes, yes. But they're amazing people. Yeah, they seem really sweet. What's something a part of the Love is Blind filming experience that would blow our minds.

That was the last question. I have one more too. Okay, this blew my mind and I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say this, so we'll have to go back and get a couple, but it's crazy. So our first day outfits that you see us in, like my orange dress and like everyone else's dress and outfit they were wearing, you wear that for the first three days. Really? Interesting. When I tell you, those outfits never want to see the light of the day. No, by the third day you're going to pick it up and it's like, oh, please.

Do I have to? Because you shoot all your promos in it. Yeah. You shoot like the promo interview. Do you hear makeup done? No. Will they allow you to? You're responsible for, no.

Just do all the girls help each other with hair makeup? Like throughout the day in the pods. Yeah, but like in the mornings. Because Britney's a makeup artist, right? Yeah, and so is McKenzie. What a good friend to have. I mean, all the girls were girls. I mean, we all would make sure no one had a hair out of place.

Would you borrow each other's outfits? No, because we all had like different, like... That would stress me out. And we all had to like make sure we looked different for like our interviews and like the promos and stuff, which is why almost everyone's like not in the same color or the same style. Oh, interesting. Which is my orange dress came to be because I had a hot pink dress that I wanted to wear. But there were a couple other girls who had hot pink dresses.

So they made me change the last minute. And I was like, I literally looked like I'm going to. nightclub because that was supposed to be like a beach dress I was going to wear like on a date with like my fiance yeah I didn't want it to be like my moment so you have to pack for everything up front yes I would not be isn't it funny like when I'm watching the know when I'm watching the show like that's what stresses me out the most I'm like how are they doing each other's hair like how are they knowing what to wear no and like and you don't like get your nails done I think they like I noticed that because um Britney's nails were purple the whole time yeah like noticed these and I know

she was having a connipion of that because Brittany's so particular about her nails. She's like her like nail queen. She always does something cute and creative. I'm like a French, I get this every time, but she does something cool every time she goes. But yeah, you don't. And if you have eyelash extensions, like RIP, like you don't, you can't go for a fill. Like you go in with the stuff that you have and that's it. I'd be so you have by then, no spray tan.

Like it would be a problem. Our spray tan, I mean, we all brought self-tanner, but like it had no decorum. Like we'd show up every day. We'd put it on the night before and for some, there had to be something in the air. Like no one's spray tan was sticking. Yeah, yeah. Like we were all pale. I mean, you really couldn't tell, but oh my gosh, that stresses me out.

Okay, did you have a last question? No, it's hard to follow that one. Yeah, I'll go. Okay, oh, okay, well, there is one last question just to wrap it up. Is love blind? Yes. Cool. I love that.

I believe that, too. Well, thank you so much for coming on our podcast. Where can people follow you? She's like, agree with this? She's like, I don't know. It's okay. It's okay. I will help you.

Do I want them to only if they're going to be nice. No, these, I, I truly feel like a lot of our girls, like they're girls, girls too. Like, they, they will support you,

they love you. And that's the only girls I can have. Yeah. All that I am. My Instagram handle is Jess, j-es-s dot vest. And that's my TikTok name too. Yeah.

And I'm learning that maybe I should have other social media channels, but as of right now, those are the only. What other social media channel? I mean, like, are we, do people do Twitter? Twitter?

Or X or YouTube. YouTube would be fun if I could figure it out. You would be great. That's like Autumn's dream. We'd have Autumn help you. Yeah, no, she's like my secret weapon. Do you have the G7X? I'm sorry?

The Canon G7X? This is what you, okay, off camera, I'll help you on. Anyway, y'all go follow Jess. You're like, excuse me? You're like, excuse me? You all go follow Jess. Thank you so much for coming today. Thank you for happening.

We are so excited that you're here. And we'll talk to out later. Bye. Bye.