De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan - Do Influencers Use Their Friendships for Clout?

Episode Date: April 5, 2023

Dani & Jordan sit down for a raw conversation about mental health, boundaries, and friendships.

Hello, welcome back to your favorite podcast, D-influenced. I'm back here with Jordan, and you guys, I had the most magical night of my life. Yeah, you did. You came home at 1 a.m. Friday night and Sunday night. And Sunday night, which really set off my weekend, like on Saturday. I was so exhausted, but it was so worth it. I went to Taylor Swift. Dose times. Two times. So, first of all, does that. disclaimer, like, just the most amazing show.

You know, I heard from this tour. So her net worth right now is like $600 million, like $500 million-ish, you know. Wow. Something like that. From this tour, they're thinking that she could make like another $600 million. What? Yeah, like double her. I read that she was the first person to ever sell out three shows at the Cowboys Stadium.

Yes. Insane. I mean, and these tickets were pretty hard to get. So I got really easy on the day that the time. tickets came out. I was, you know, put in the queue and, you know, I could buy six tickets max. So I got them. A lot of people had a really hard time with Ticketmaster. Yeah. So what happened, though, for my first night that I went on Friday night, this was like such a fluky thing. So I always had the Sunday night tickets. You know, I had six tickets and I invited

to my girlfriends. But for Friday night, I had a friend from college reached out to me. Her parents own a box at the Cowboys Stadium. Right. And they didn't want to sell it. to just like anyone. So she randomly like DM'd me on Instagram. I was like, hey, like my parents have this box. She lives in Australia now. Pretty cool. Whoa, that's cool.

Yeah. And she's like, my parents have this box. They're not going to use it. They want, would you want it? And I was like, absolutely. Didn't even ask how much it cost. I was like, yes. Yeah.

But it was perfect because then we invited like the Divi team, the Danny Austin team. And then I had a couple of extra tickets for my, for a few friends. Oh my gosh. Now let me just say, though. So going to a concert in a box is like, experience. It's pretty cool. Like I've only been in a suite for, you know, concerts and experiences

a couple times. Um, because like typically growing up, you know, we'd get like the nosebleeds. So, you know, it's a really nice experience because you can like order food and you can sit down and relax. But when you are on the floor at a concert, like Taylor Swift, like on Sunday. Like on Sunday. Oh my gosh. Like you cannot beat that experience. We were so close to Taylor. You could see all of her costumes you could see like all her man that girl is dancing like I feel like she like has gotten really good at dancing yeah like she's a good dancer um we had the best time like I'm one I we have to do it again oh absolutely I want everyone to go were there a lot of like husbands or boyfriends there or was it mostly just all females there were some husbands and boyfriends there's a lot of dudes that

love Taylor oh I mean I yeah I mean our friend Matthew went yeah no it's she's amazing Um, so many like, uh, what do you call, uh, costume changes. Yeah. Backup dancers, full routine. She like one of her songs, Vigilante, S-H-I-T. Um, she's like, gets sexy. I was like, dang, Taylor. Oh my gosh.

Like, she's really. Yeah. I mean, goes without saying, like, I think that someone who can create that type of fandom, like, she is a hard worker. She deserves all the respect in the world. Like, she is. is crazy. And she throws those looks like, oh, me.

Yeah. Oh, you're cheering for me. But like it's gotten to the point where we're all like, yeah, Taylor, you just eat it up. Like, you just eat that up. Like she is so smart. I don't care if you like her music or not. That girl's a genius. Yeah.

Well, another big thing happened this weekend is you taught Stella to swim. Well, with a floaty. Yeah, but like I mean, she's kicking with her arms and stuff. Yeah, she, you know, that's one of those things. or as a parent, you just kind of got to drop them, see what happens. Yeah, no, I looked out the window when you were swimming with her this week, and it was actually really sweet because you were like hugging her and holding her. And I could tell, I was like, is Danny giving her a pep talk?

Like, what's happening? And then I looked back out again, and then she was like, daddy, daddy. And it was because she was swimming on her own. And so what did you tell her? So she was really scared at first. She's kind of scared of the water, but she had her floaties on. So she was like clinging on to me for his dear life. And I kept telling her, Stella, I'm right here.

I'm right here. Stella can do it by herself. Stella can do it. You know? And so then, so I just drop, I just like let go over and she was floating, you know, with her floated. And she's like screaming, crying, what? Mommy, mommy, hold me.

And I'm like, Stella, look around. Stella's doing it by herself. And then she just started like dying laughing. And now she like doesn't want to be touched. She's like, I want to do it on my own. Yeah. So cute. So cute.

What did you do this weekend? I mean, you left me with both the babies on the same. Saturday, which was so exhausting. Like, love it and wouldn't have it any other way. But just because, like, I love it. Doesn't mean it's not hard. Yeah, so I went paintballing this weekend. But honestly, I've been spending most of my time, like,

getting ready for this hair vitamin launch with Divi. I'm so excited for it. So excited. It's so good. Blood, sweat, and tears have been poured into this product. And it's so much coordination. I mean, Divi's a pretty large team now. And so, like, just getting everything, like, perfect for the launch.

Yeah. And then of course, you always get these like text messages randomly that are like, oh, we might have to delay a couple days or like the product might be in. And I'm like, oh my gosh. So my favorite thing about the launch is we made this graph of the divvy hair vitamin, like all the ingredients, everything that it has, everything that it doesn't have. And then compared it to all the competitors. And it's just better than anything out there.

Because like, you know how I am. I'm like, I'm not going to launch something unless it's the best. Like if I'm going to put my name on it, it's got to be. the number one. And so I'm just, I'm feeling really good about that. No, it truly like, it truly is. Like it is like, I mean, there's no better science or tech on the market than this vitamin. And I'm not just saying that because we own it. I'm just saying like we really poured a lot into it. I'm so excited. We also saw Goey last week. My grandma, she's 95 and we put turf in her backyard. And you know, like, I'm trying to have like this sweet moment because my grandma's backyard is like

falling apart. You know, she has this deck and it's just like, totally like moldy and rotting and so we put the turf in there i'm trying to have like a sweet moment you know to see the turf and my mom's like out there like blowing you know going wild on the cleaning up the backyard and like mom can we just like for one minute but it was really sweet we went over there hung out that was the day before my mom actually just got a necklift but dr mike my mom just got a necklift um she hasn't shared on stories yet because she's like healing and then she got a lower facelift, so like nod the eyes. And she had like fat transfer.

Dr. Mike did all of it. So she keeps calling me because she's like on this medication. And she won't stop calling me like, hi, Demi, let's go to Italy. Let's go to Positano. I'm like, okay, well, what do I do with my two babies? And my husband, she's like, just me and you. Let's go to Italy.

I'm like, mom, you need to lay down. I heard bits and pieces of this conversation, but she was like, Danny, you should really get a boob job. She was like, the guys will like really pay attention to you. And you go, Mom, like I'm married with two kids. Like, I don't need guys to pay attention to me. She goes, no, she's like, Danny, you will get so much more attention. I'm like, mom, I don't want attention from guys.

What are you talking about? She was like. I was mildly offended by that, but it's okay. No, fun fact, my mom offered me a boob job when I was like, when I graduated high school before going into college, because like literally every female in my life has a boob job. Even Goey, my grandma, 95. She had a good, like literally, they all have boob jobs.

And I denied it. I was like, I'm good. I'll just say I never well. Yeah, I mean. We'll see. At this point, it might be fun for the whole family. I'm not sure. Boobes, they're fun for the whole fam.

So today's episode. Yeah. On the heavier side. I've kind of gone all over the place. So we were going to talk a little bit about mental health, postpartum, friendship, relationships, boundaries, just all like the more serious topics. I think the goal with this is to keep it somewhat light, but it's pretty heavy topic. So, you know, just see what happens. I mean, I don't want like anyone worrying about me.

No, no. Like, I'm good. Yeah, we're fine. We're fine. We're fine. We were talking about that, how it's like whenever bloggers do a Q&A, the first question is like, how are you doing really? And then the bloggers are always like, oh my God, thank you for asking. This is how I'm actually doing.

But no, honestly, everything in life is great, but we will talk a little bit about things that we've gone through in the past. Yeah. Struggles that we've had in the past. Things we've learned. Maybe we should start with like postpartum. I can talk about like my mental health journey. Yeah, mental health postpartum. Yeah.

So let me give you guys like a little update about me. So I grew up in a household where like, Mental health was not talked about at all. You know, therapy was embarrassing. And this is nothing to like rag on my parents for. I think it's honestly because the way that they were raised too. It's like a generational thing. It's not.

And my parents are cool with it now because it's so normal. But you know, back then it was like, oh, if you're going to therapy, like you don't tell anybody. Like that's embarrassing. Or medication was never an option. Like the only time we ever went to the doctor is like if you're literally about to die. Like you need to go to the doctor.

My mom was just like such a like, she's like, what's that mom from? my big fat Greek, just puts a windex on it. Like, my mom was so like that. And so, you know, I think I always had like pretty severe anxiety, but just like dealt with it in my own ways. And honestly, that's just what I've done. I go for runs. I go for walks.

And I've never had to take any medication. Well, after having Stella, was not ready for the postpartum shock. Yeah. It was, it was quite shocking. And I would say, the biggest symptoms that I had that were kind of unique to my story where I mean after I stella I was sleeping like 11 12 hours every night you know Jordan I'd go to bed seven and wake up the next day at 10 right and so I was so exhausted that I'd wake up and I'd have the worst headache and I

would feel so exhausted so I get up for a couple hours I would chug like five cups of coffee you remember like so much caffeine and then just conk out again wouldn't even make a dent would not even make a day I would pass out at 12 again and then I'd sleep for another hour I'd wake up at one you know I get all my stories do my thing get ready for the day just so exhausted I remember I felt like I couldn't even walk up the stairs okay and so not only that but my body feels really heavy and achy almost like you're sick couldn't look at the light pounding migraines and so you know this started to go on and so jordan was like where is my wife but you know she just went through this like big you know thing having a baby. And so, you know, just gave me a lot of grace. So Jordan was one doing all the diapers,

changing all the diapers, feeding the babies, you know, I was pumping and I had mastitis twice. I was like, I also had thrown out my back from pushing, remember? Because the epidural, you can't feel anything. So I like, I literally tore, like, threw my back out. So I was just like in bed feeling so guilty because I felt like I couldn't do anything. Well, the lines get really blurred. Like, when you're recovering versus like when does it cross the line from recovering from having a child to postpartum like depression so like what was the moment that you remember like you were like hey this is like depression like this is like postpartum depression so you don't know if you've never had struggled with with depression which i'm a pretty like hyperactive like positive positive person

um so if you don't know then you don't know i would say the biggest thing for me was just feelings about how like nothing, like what's the point of everything? Like literally I'm like, okay, we're all gonna die one day like what's the point? Right. And then I would just lay in bed and think, man, I'm such a burden. Like I felt like I was a burden on everyone. Like they'd be better. I'd be, they would be happier if I just like disappeared. Yeah. And like, I'm just an issue. And so those type of thoughts really like started to like grow and grow and like just fester. And so it wasn't until I told you about those things that you were like, okay, I feel like this isn't normal. Yeah, we kind of defined what we like now call like the doom state because it was kind of these,

it was more than sadness and it was more than, you know, guilt. It was like this deeper level every single day despite the circumstances like you were feeling like this. Do you remember I told you were like some days you're like, okay, what do you want to do today? What would make you happy? I'm like, oh my gosh, I was throwing the kitchen sink at the wall trying to fix this. Like that's what I wanted to do was fix it and I couldn't. But I was like, I was like, Dorden, you could literally. hand me five million dollars right here and I don't want. And there's nothing I, there's nowhere I want to go. There's nothing I want to do.

There's nothing I want to purchase. There's nothing that could make me happy in this moment. Tell them the Tulum story. Oh, okay. So, I mean, it's funny now, but it was like really hard in the moment. So we're three months postpartum. And, you know, on the outside looking in, everyone's like, oh my gosh, I can't believe that she's already leaving her baby at home.

But, like, really what's going on was Jordan took me to to Tulum just to like cheer me up and, you know, go somewhere and kind of just feel like myself again. Which this is before we knew that I had postpartum depression. This was also before like, okay, listen, it was like a romantic giveaway. It was around Valentine's Day. This is, do not take your girlfriends or wives on a romantic trip to Toulom. It is not a romantic place. Oh my gosh.

There's so many Thong, Mackey. We were offered so many drugs. Jordan got his wallet still. That's a party. That's like Vegas on the beach. Like it is a party place. So miscalibration there. But anyway, continue this time.

Yeah. And I'm like postpartum and I'm just like, eh. Anyway, so we, you know, it's gorgeous there. We had all these fun activities. We had a massage. We stayed at a beautiful hotel. And I just remember being in the hotel room or like actually before we left for Touloum. I remember bawling crying because I just didn't want to do anything.

I was like Touloum doesn't sound fun. Going laying by the beach doesn't sound fun. Usually I'm like, yeah let's go I'm so excited and but I was just dreading it like I dreaded every single day and so you know for me I just want a disclaimer like I am you know every situation is unique to you and I don't I'm not somebody that's like oh yeah like go get on medication and that's the answer to everything like I really think that medication should be like your last resort and if there are ways to work through anxiety like I've never taken medication for anxiety necessarily it was more

postpartum, but if there's ways to work through it without that, then I think that's great because sometimes being on a medication can be very harmful. If it's like not the right medication, it can be really hard to get off of medication. So it's like if you can avoid it, then I think that's probably what I would have done. But there was like, I was in a really bad place. Yeah, I think what like made us kind of consider it was that, you know, it was like how long it lasted. You know, it was a very prolonged season, you know, it wasn't like, oh, like, we'll get over this. Yeah. And then also just the severity of it, um, I was like, hey, like, this is beyond you and I. Like, let's go talk to someone at this point. Yeah. So like, how did it feel? What was it like for you watching me go through

that? Yeah. I mean, so we had Stella and then you also went through postpartum with Stratton, too. And so, you know, for for me, it was, it felt like two years of just this mix. season, right? Of just, you know, post-partum. And, you know, I want you to kind of talk to this, but being on the internet every day where, you know, the Danny that people knew was very positive and light-hearted and it, you know, I knew that you were kind of going through an internal battle of wanting to get back to that, Danny, but not being there for so long. And so for me, it was really, really the postpartum era, which we're like just now coming out of, I think, you know, was one of the hardest times of my life because I couldn't do anything. Like I can't fix it. Yeah. And I'm,

you know, you know me like, and Jordan's such a fixer. He's like, what do you want? A trip to Tulum? What do you want? A new car? What do you want? Like he's trying so hard. I'm like, babe, there is nothing you could do for me in this moment that will get me out of this hole. Yeah. And I taught me a lot about just like surrender and like what you can't control, what you can't control. But yeah, I mean, it was hard. It's just it's so hard. And another thing that, you know, was unique to my postpartum experience. Sometimes moms can have like these feelings towards their babies. Yeah, you never had that. Never had that. Like for me personally, it, in fact, the only thing I feel like actually helped was holding my babies and being with my babies. And I never got to

the point where I was like, oh, I wish I wasn't a mom. I know a lot of moms go through that. Like, oh, I wish I wasn't a mom right now. I wish I would. That was never for me. But like I said, it's different for everyone. And so I just think it's important to talk about because it's so, it can be kind of scary. Tell maybe this is like kind of an interesting tangent is like, tell them about your relationship with social media now kind of being outside of the postpartum phase versus like what it was like being on social media struggling like that during that time. Yeah.

My relationship with social media now. I'm not going to lie. like it's still it's still hard i think i struggled the most with social media with comparison like i not not looking at other people's lives and being like oh i wish i was doing that more like um i feel like why am why am i not that successful or why aren't my videos doing as well as her videos or why didn't i get that deal like it can feel like i look at it and i can feel discouraged and it's not like I'm competitive with a certain person. I've never really been competitive with like a certain person.

It's always been myself. And then it can make me feel like I'm not good enough. And so then that puts me in like a downward spiral. And so it's just, I think it's just setting boundaries with social media and like not consuming a lot of it. Like I feel like I get on, I get on to like do my DMs, post.

And then I follow like, you know, my closest girls that I want to follow. But overall, just getting, like sucked into it, it can just really make you feel like you're not good enough. And it's, that's like a really depressing place to be. Because like once again, it's like, okay, what's the point? I'm trying my best and I'm trying my hardest and it's still not good enough. Why am I doing this at all? I'm going to go out on a limb here. When was the last time? Like what's the most recent example of you not feeling good enough? Um, every day. It's every day, bro. I mean, I'm so hard on myself. Like, so hard.

myself anything I do I never feel like I've actually ever won you know like I've never like done something and been like oh I did it like yay and that's what our team gets so mad at me because they're like Danny you need to celebrate these like little wins and I'm like no no like on the next one on the next one and I think that's what makes some people really great but it's also really sad when you're like that because then it's like you can never appreciate like where you've come or the people that have helped you get there I'm sure sometimes my team doesn't feel like they feel like they feel underappreciated, you know? Because I'm never like, good job, guys.

I'm more like, okay, we did it onto the next one. No, you're, I think, and just to give you credit, I think you're good at, you know, telling our team good job. You're just not good at telling yourself good job. Yeah. And the hardest part about Danny is that, you know, our entire family or myself, you know, can surround Danny and like, love and be like, Danny, good job. And like, oh, stop.

And you're like, ooh, stop. Like, like, just like, like, wait, I'm, I'm on to this next thing, you know? And so, have you ever considered doing like a social media fast? have we? I feel like I would lose all my people. Isn't that sad? We were talking about this earlier. I feel like, and this is just me being real, and I'm not saying, I'm not saying I'm perfect by any means, and I have my issues, and this is just me being honest. Like, sometimes I'm scared if I get off social media, like, people will forget about me. Yeah. And like, they'll just move on. And I feel like I love what I do so much that it scares me that, like, I could,

lose them. Right. No, I think a lot of creators struggle with this because in so many ways, it's like how the algorithm like works too. Like the algorithm like trained you to be like post every day at this time. If you don't like you're done. Show up every day. You know, it's like it's a relevance machine and like the algorithm controls and we're just on the hamster wheel of it. But like deep down, do you really believe that you've given 10 years to the internet? How many days do you think it would take for people for you to lose your people? Seven days. Seven days. No, I'm down. I'm serious and I feel like if I made if I make one misstep I feel like they'll be done with no and to be honest like this happens like I'll be okay for example I'll be um like besties best buds with someone in my

DMs we've been DMing for years six years okay and then I'll do something wrong like one day I remember it was like it was a holiday or something you know people had work off and I made a comment about how I had to go in to work on like a holiday. And people DM me or like replied and was like, wow, this is so insensitive. Insensitive. A lot of people have to work on holidays. Like something like that. Yeah. And people just like turned on me. And I'm like, dude, we've been like, like you know my character. Like you know my heart. And we've been DMing for five or six years. All that took was like that one thing that I said. I was probably just taken out of context. Or maybe I was just being a drama queen that day like I don't know um and they're they were gone they're like I have to

unfollow you this is so insensitive and I'm like but wait we've been best buddies forever so I that happens to me and that's why I feel that way because it's and I see how um like mean people can be like on social media because a lot of people can be mean to me sometimes and I'm like it I just feel like all it takes is like one little misstep so yeah if I was gone for seven days they'd move on to somebody else I think it's I think it's like important for the audience to know. So maybe answer this question. Like what how do you perceive your audience? Do you see them as like these bystanders that follow you? Do you see them as friends? Like how do you like what is your relationship with your followers in your mind? Um, they're just super normal people. I don't know.

Like I don't see them as like but you like I have a lot of doctors that follow me, a lot of lawyers. Like a lot of just like really sweet, cool people like and so I consider them like my peers almost. Yeah. You know like when I was doing YouTube. I felt like my, the people that watched me were like fans because they were so young and they were like fan girlie. My people that followed me like when they meet me, they're like, hey, like what's up? Like, yeah. They're like, like, I loved your real on Saturday. Like, see you around. But I think that that's like why it's personal to you. I think that people probably think that, oh, you have 1.7 million followers. So like you're pretty detached if someone's like mean

to you that day or something. But it's like, I think that what I have seen, you know, from the outside looking in with you is like you read every DM you see every DM and everything's taken personally. You probably shouldn't. Yeah, you probably shouldn't right. But like everything is you almost like treat the relationship on the internet like you would in real life. So if someone comes at you and misunderstand your character, you get really confused. It hurts. It hurts. I take it personally. Yeah. I also hate when people hate me. You know? Yeah. I'm like such a people pleaser, I think. Yeah. In a certain sense. Like, I just, I'm not, I'm so envious of people that are like, oh, screw, move on.

Like, I don't need them. I'm like, I need you. Like, like me, please. And I so badly wish I wasn't like that. And I'll go through these waves where I'm like, yeah, Danny, like, you don't need anybody. Like, you're good on your own. And then, like, two minutes later, I'm like, please give you a pat on the back. Yeah.

How do, like, likes and views play into all of this? I think it goes through, I go through. phases, waves of caring and then not caring again. I think whenever I'm in a really good place in life, like I'm hanging out with my friends, I have good family time, I'm well balanced, I have my boundaries, I'm reading a lot. You know, I think those are the times I'm like, okay, you're just posting ghosts, you don't even look at it and I'm good. If one picture does really well, one video flops, it is what it is, move on tomorrow's a new day. But when I'm insecure, and I'm coming from a bad, unhealthy place, oh.

it can throw off my whole day. Yeah. Isn't that sad? It's sad. And I really try to not let it. But like you guys, you know, like sometimes my story views, especially with the algorithm changing, will like just like flop. And I'm like, okay, everybody hates me today. Well, it's like, it's hard not to take it personally.

Like, because it is personal. Yeah. Because you're like, oh my gosh. Like this is a score that I have on how interesting I am that day or how funny I am that day. And so, you know, it's been hard for our team and, and me to. coach you, Danny, of being like, hey, like, this is like the algorithm. Like Mark Zuckerberg decided to change something today and has nothing to do with what you're putting out. But psychologically, it's like, what's that a Pavlov? Pavlov, yeah. Yeah, it's like, you know,

he clicked the button every time and the dog would get a treat. It's like, that's what story views do to creators, I think. Because it's this daily metric of saying like, oh, people are interested in me today or oh, people aren't interested in me today. Positive affirmation. Yeah. When you have that affirmation, you're like, okay, I did well, I'm going to do it again And it can be addicting, honestly. Isn't that scary? I think that that's your one metric that's the hardest for you to like, what? Detach from is story views. Yeah. Of all the metrics. Like I think likes and hardest on that. Yeah, I think likes and comments and all that. It's kind of like whatever. Like, I don't think you struggle with comparison that much in that sense, but like, I feel like story views.

I know. I meet people. I'm like, I wonder what their story views are. Yeah. There was one, Cole of Brandt screenshot it one time his story views. His story views were like way over a million. No way. Yeah, he posted it on the story, so I'm not like sharing anything. Wow. Yeah, that's pretty cool. I've never heard of that. That was a, that was like a year ago, too.

So I don't know if they, he like screenshot it. You know, like, whenever the number used to show up at the bottom, he like screenshots it. And, yeah, they were over a million. That is pretty cool. Quite unreal. I know. It's pretty cool. Let me ask you this.

So on the topic of, like, posting, do you ever feel like you forego your mental health and, like, taking care of yourself to post for your followers. Do you feel like I do? Literally every day. What do you mean? Not like, I think that there are moments every day where you could prioritize your mental health over posting something. And I think...

Like what? Give me an example. I don't know if I agree with this. Let me think, though. Maybe if you give me an example. Maybe not... Are you saying you don't agree with every day? Yeah.

Yeah, it's probably not every day. That was like, that was harsh. That was such a Jordan thing that was. That was such a harsh thing to say. You always forego your mental health. No, I think there are like seasons where, you know, you're having, you're having a bad day, right? And you're like, I have to. Oh, yeah.

I feel like I have to tell a story today and you push through. But here's the weird thing about you is sometimes it makes you feel better. I know. Like sometimes it by you pushing through and like. This reminds me of like. the days that we were posting tons of outfits on Instagram and like secretly like behind the photo like I'm like yelling at you and I'm like the lighting is so bad and then like I get on camera I'm like cheese smile smile yeah and then I'm like I look at them I'm like like don't scoot over to the right like I'm so mad and then we're just like all cheesy like such oh right that reminds me to that but it doesn't have you're right every day was like too harsh of a statement it does happen to where I I feel like like for example if you were going through something and you needed to like take three days off or five days off,

I don't think you would do it. Because that would make me sadder. Right. That's what we're saying. I get that. No, but here's the thing. For me, if I'm not posting, then I'm probably going through something or I just need some time. Like I think that I don't think that I push through it every single time.

I think that it's like sometimes I just am off for like three or four hours. Yeah. I don't know. Three or four hours. Yeah, for me, if like I was going through something ever, I would take like a much longer break. But yeah. So like, okay, does everyone know that you're an Enneagram 3?

Hello, I'm an Enneagram 3. So the Enneagram 3 is like the achiever. What is it like being on social media as an Enneagram 3? What's it like being on social media as an Enigram 3? It can be very challenging because there, there's always new ways to achieve. Like there's, it never stops. Right.

It's every day is like a new day. You can just keep going and going. And I love it though. Like I love it. I love having ideas and then making them happen and then putting them out there. I love creating the content. Like it's just the perfect place for me. I feel like, I feel like I was just here. But no, I mean, I, um, I'm very thankful for this because I feel like it's just,

it was made for me. Right. But the dark side of an enneagram three, every enneagram has a dark side. Yeah. The dark side of an enneagram three is that there's no amount of achievement that's enough, right?

Yes. And so everyone around you in the creator space is also achieving. So don't you think that when it comes like comparison or like there's never a ceiling, like you can't there, you can keep going, right? So like talk about that.

Well, it's, I think as a three, it's really easy to find your identity in, Um, that's it. Yeah, it's my identity. Like if you took this away from me, I don't know who would be anymore. Do you really mean that? Yeah. I mean, I figured out. I'm confident of that. Yeah. What was I saying? So you were saying your identity like you were talking about identity. Yes. So the reason it hurts me is because it's truly like what I love to do. Like out of everything that I've ever done in my life, this is what I love the most. I love connecting with people. I love them.

building this community. I love like listening to them. I just love making people laugh. I love creating the content. Like it's just it's everything. And so that I do feel like I struggle with finding my identity in that, finding my value in that and finding like my, I do find my purpose in it, but maybe too much value sometimes. And here's the thing. I feel like a lot of people are going to misconstrue what you say. Okay. And they're going to take that and they're going to sound bite or whatever. and they're going to say Danny Austin finds her identity in social media. But I think it's no different than Tiger Woods finding his identity in golf or Michael Jordan finding his identity in basketball.

Like it's a craft and it's like something that you love to do. And I don't think people are going to be like, oh my gosh, like, you know, like rain on them the way that they would rain on you for social media. It's just newer, right? And so just clarifying that so that you don't get like real. Why did I say something that made me sound bad? No, no, not at all. I just think that people, when people take like social media, like, there's just like this whole other nuance to it that they perceive, right? And so like I think when you compare it to like an athlete finding their identity in the sport, you compare it to that, it's like an easier delivery than like you saying like my identity is like me and social media. No, and here's the thing. I know that my identity is not. Right. I know my identity is not. That's what I'm helping you out on. Yeah. Like I know that it's not. I'm just saying like I'm human and it's easy for me to.

think that way. Right. But like I know I know who I am. Yeah. And I think that you know, like fame is it going to make you happy. Money's not going to make you happy. You know all those things already. 100%. 100%. I'm not joking at all. I'm being dead ass. Dead peep. I have to believe that's funny. Okay. So let's take a little bit of a pivot. Let's turn the steering wheel right. A little bit. Let's talk about like the difference in your relationships in your life. Okay. Yeah. Let's talk about friends. Let's talk about friends. Yeah, you have a lot of friends. You have a lot of paintball friends. You have a lot of work friends. You have a lot of tech friends. Yeah. You're just so social. Yeah. I'm doing better this year. How are you doing though? I'm like,

you know, I'm the type of gal that I have like five, six good friends and I'm good. It's hard for me to get out and like meet new new girls. I mean, I'm pretty happy. We have a group texts we hang out all the time um one of our friends just had a baby we're doing like a meal train for her right now it's just like those are my six or seven that like i just dive deep for you know that was a really good group for you to find you needed that oh i just i put together yeah i threw that groups but then you also have the the blogger friends oh yeah and i love my blogger friends but those are like um i love my blogger mommy friends in dallas because we have so much fun and we relate to each other so much like we can say things you know those people that you can say things around that you just cannot say around other people right those are those friends even the blogger friends

I even feel like there's some things I would say around them that I wouldn't say to my other friends because then it's like because we're all in the same space it's like we can complain about things and not seem like petty or silly and like so it's just it's just like hanging out with co-workers it's like you can complain about you know the bathrooms at the your office because Because it's like you all get it. Right. So what are some, I'm going to get a little juicy with this. Okay.

What are some of the things that you feel you can complain about to your blogger friends that you couldn't complain about to your real life friends? Um, like there's. I know you were struggling so. I know you want to say some. I know, I can't. I can't say a lot. Like sometimes there's like brands, like certain contacts at certain brands that will just like send you

you know, their emails are hard or whatever it is. Events that we have to go to. Yeah. I think it's also like you guys all live a very specific lifestyle that you can, that most people from the outside looking in are like, oh my gosh, you haven't made. But no one sees behind the curtain of like how. Well, we all get hate too. Oh yeah.

That's a great example. So we talked about that. We all did Taylor Swift last night. And we're like, you know why we're all obsessed with Taylor Swift and like these certain songs. It's like these songs, they're like, my reputation's never been worse. You must like me for me. You know, it's like we're all talking about how like, you know, big reputation or haters are going to hate, shake it off. Like me and Maddie Nelson, like we're like, shake it off. And I was like, girl, next time you get hate, I'm going to send you this song. And she's like,

I'm going to send you this song. And we talk about like the hate that we get or this, these like rumors and things that honestly, if I talked about with like my friends, they'd be like, okay, my friends don't even like watch me on Instagram, you know. Do you think they don't? No, I mean, some of them do, but like, I don't blame them. Yeah, I don't blame them. It's, they're a bit. They, I don't know. It's so different, yeah.

Some of them do, some of them don't. Like, and I don't expect everyone to like, you know. So here's what I think people really want to know is like, are the friends you, friendships you have with bloggers is like a real friendship. I'm someone that if you only want to talk about business, and you're only going to like try to get information now or whatever i will play that game but i will put up a boundary and like i won't go deep with you so i'm like okay you want to scratch my back i'll scratch yours and this is like a working relationship or like a working friendship

kind of like co-workers then i'm cool with that but like i'm not going to call you when i'm struggling with something or like confide in you or trust you in those ways um but like if i feel like a blogger friend is like willing to go there like where they're going to have my back and like i can go like deep with them, then I'll go deep with them and I'll go there. Yeah. Like 100%. But it's just all about setting boundaries. And everyone's different, right?

So some people might want to be like, hey, I really want this to be a working relationship. Some bloggers are like, hey, I really want to be like real friends, you know, type of thing. And that's what I love about my expectations. My Dallas mommy blogger friends is like, yes, we talk about work, but we talk about so much outside of that, especially because we're all moms. And so I remember whenever, you know, we all started hanging out, I learned so much from them. just how they kind of structured their lives or how they spend time with their kids or how they work and then also parent it's so helpful to hang out with other moms like in my friend group right now there's only one girl that just had a baby shana and so there weren't a lot of moms for me to relate with but that's why i like just so love and value my blogger mommy friends yeah the other thing i think is like helpful to clear up because i think it's like overall just healthier for the internet to realize is that i don't really think that there's any like beef or tea in any anyone in your niche. Do you? I mean, sometimes, not with me, but there's like, it's, it happens

sometimes, but nothing like that. Yeah, I think there's like, what I'm saying is like, I think there's like a mutual respect amongst all of the bloggers and like content creators that like no one's like really fighting. It's like you might have like little tips here and there just like you do normal friends, but there's like never any like major conflict that there can be a lot of expectations put on friendships because everyone is so public. And, I think a lot of times people try to read into things that aren't necessarily true. Right. And it can honestly just create like more drama or hype than needs to be.

Like it becomes a bigger deal than it actually is. I feel like that's what's happening with like Selena Gomez and Haley Bieber. Yes. Yes. It's like because everyone's so invested like it's making it so much bigger. But maybe Haley and Selena were like just chill doing their own thing. Like I don't know. I'm not going to defend either one of them because honestly, I see both sides.

And like, I don't know. You're like trying not to get involved. Yeah, I'm like, I mean, I love Selena. I don't know if Haley's real was actually like a mean girl. I just, I truly don't know. Do you ever feel competitive with friends? I would say not with friends. I'm very competitive with myself.

And I love when friends can push me there like Ellie. is really good at pushing me to be like the best version of myself. And she'll call me out or she'll be like, you said we're going to run on Tuesday. Like I'm showing up at your door, you know? Yeah. And so I like friends that can, but to me, I love hanging out with friends that are more successful than me.

I'm like, that's cool to me. Whenever I'm like, that's my girl. Like I, like, you know, if someone were to surpass me or do this or that, I'm like, yes, like I, she chose to be friends with me. and that's so cool. Yeah. And I think that's a really good way of looking at it is like, you want your friend group and you want your friends to succeed.

Like that's so great. I do think that that's your superpower. Like sometimes like, you know, I don't know if like I'm like that with other guys, but I think that like you genuinely do want people to be more successful around you. And not to get like too much into like faith, but if you also look at like a lot of these girls that are influencing on the internet, A lot of them have similar faith as me.

And they're doing great things like for the Lord. And so we're actually on the same team. Yeah. So it's like at the end of the day, they're influencing in such a positive way. And they're like maybe helping other people in their relationship with God. So like why would I not sit behind the scenes and like root for her? When we're all do that that's the point of it all.

So it's like we're all killing it in our own ways. And so we should support each other. That's like for me that's that's what's been like the great. equalizer is like whenever I do feel like I'm feeling more competitive, you know, with someone else who's also a believer. I always am like, oh, that means I'm like, I care about, you know, this, that or the other, like more than I care about them and their impact. Like, you know, I do think that that's been a really good way for us to kind of balance things out. Yeah, it just puts everything to perspective. It's like, yeah. Have you lost any friends from social media?

Um, I wouldn't say lost friends. I've had to put up boundaries. There are some like people like four or five years ago that you know you don't lose friends that you just kind of move on But I saw this like viral clip the other day and it was like it was like had like inspirational music and it was like you got friends for a reason You got friends for a season or you got friends for a lifetime. Oh, those are like three categories. Yeah, there's some friends that I've had for a season. There's no one that I look at and you know what here's I will be honest. I had a friend that we went through a really hard time.

and I put up some major boundaries. This was years ago, too. So if y'all were trying to make assumptions about the, and this is probably not what you think. Nobody knows, like, it's fine. But there was a friend that we had a big falling out, but I would say with every single friend that I've had, like, where something like that has happened,

we've, like reconciled. Yeah. Like, I don't like having grudges. I don't hold grudges of people. I just want to move forward. And I hope the reason I don't hold grudges is because I don't want people to hold grudges me and so when I messed up like I would want that same grace given to me I think there's there's a difference between like those type of friends that are like willing to work on it and then there's

some people that are just like so toxic like just like not good character and those are the ones where I just put up the boundaries and move on yeah um and you know something else that I cannot stand in friends that I feel like people have normalized or think it's okay is when people are like petty, you know, or they're passive aggressive or they, you know, they're just not like mature enough to just confront you and tell you to your face. They go behind your back and tell other friends or they post things online or they make you feel bad because they're just not direct with you. They play games. I don't like that. Yeah. I like when people are direct with me mature, you have a problem with me, like call me out right then and there. Call me later that night and like,

let's work through it. It's just there's, there's just no. winning with like petty pettiness do you experience this stuff because like i mean i if we were in our if we were in our mid 20s having this conversation i'd be like yeah totally preached danny but like we got two kids yeah like we're hanging out around like 30 year olds like no people are girls can be petty you don't even know you don't even know and sometimes it's like yes i believe it but yeah girls can be petty what are some uh let's leave us some advice like what are some red flags you have in friendship friendships. I would see like how they treat how they're,

if they're talking about other girls to you and how they're talking about other people to you, they're talking about you behind your back as well. Yeah. If they're gossipy to you, and that's something, there was one run that Ellie and I went on and we gossiped the entire time.

Like, and you know, after that run, we both like text to each other and we're like, you know, I'm sorry and like let's not make that a habit. And like we haven't since then.

And sometimes it could just feel so good to like relate to someone and just be like, can't believe that she did that. And da-da-da-da-da-da. But we were kind of just like talking about someone. And we shouldn't have been. And so, you know, afterwards, I think we both felt like pretty convicted, like pretty yucky about it. And we were like, that's not who we are.

And let's not do that again. And we, it was good to like set that boundary and be like, that's, let's not. If there's like one sin that's like, made my heart heaviest. Like the past like year, I would say it's gossip. But even when we like give energy to a situation or a person that maybe was wrong to us. Like it's just like that's one of the areas of like cutting it out of our lives has made it so much healthier.

Well yeah. It's like how do you how do you deal with a friend that comes in and like hurts you, hurts your spouse and hurts your friends? And like how how do you handle that in a mature way? well, it's not going and talking about them behind their back. Yeah. That's the last thing you should do. And just so you know, it adds more fuel to the fire.

And it's really unhealthy. And so it is one of those things where it's like, when you have conflict with someone, it is you have got to call them and just like talk to them one on one. Yeah. And don't talk about how they've hurt other people or what they've done. How have they affected you? And just like being confrontational like that is so much healthier. And I feel like, too,

it's like you just gain a lot of respect for people when they do that it's like hi I love you I value you that's why I'm calling you right now this is why I want to work through this conflict is because I care about you and I didn't want to go figure it out behind your back like I want to work through this here's how you hurt me yeah you know and having the strength of the guts to have that conversation it's like man she has she's got some guts yeah I think that like we've just both seen the power of like reconciliation over so many different circumstances the past like year that we're just always like hey let's lean into that first and foremost because it's yeah if you're it feels so much better and like unless you're perfect then like everyone deserves a second chance yeah and you're not

perfect nobody yeah what are we covered here i feel like i've just rambled no you've been like Very wise. Was I rambling a little bit? No. You didn't think so? No, I thought this was like a, this was like a fun episode because it was kind of just like a chit chat, you know? Yeah.

We had like some things that we wanted to talk about, but it was just like, mainly just give Danny the mic and. I'll go spit on the mic. My name is Danny and I got no fanny, but I'm the manny because I spit on the mic. Yikes. I went to a dinner last week and it was like a bunch of like business guys.

and then there was a freestyle rapper named Harry Mack there. I wish, like in heaven, I think I'm going to be a freestyle rapper. It's like the coolest job ever. Anyway, he was talking about his process of freestyle rapping. Oh, what is it? So he, you'll love this. He, his whole show, he performed at the House of Blues. His whole show was basically like the audience will give him words.

And then he has to build those words into a freestyle. I've seen it. And so he's been using chat GPT. Chat GDP. GTP. GTP. GTP. Whatever.

To come up with like words and like help him in his process of freestyling. Cool. Which is cool. So like what like okay. So how does a freestyle rap? Like if you give him a word, let's just say it's yikes. Yike. Okay.

Is yike a word? I think it's like a muscle. Like I think that you can practice and get better. In his head is he like, okay, spike. Yeah. But very fast like in real time. He's like like. Like connecting dots.

It's like it's like putting together a puzzle in real time, he said. So they have to be like really smart geniuses. He talked about that and he said that that's sometimes a misconception. He said that's he said it's more of like an art than it is like an intelligence thing. I beg to differ. Yeah. I mean, call him Harry. He was going to come over.

I was like, oh man, my wife would love you. But I was like, that's so random. No, I feel like that would have been the best content. Honestly, I was just really tough. I know, I sent him that rap you did that one time. Oh, yeah, about breastfeeding. He didn't, yeah, he didn't, he didn't say much. He did it?

No, no comment. Really? No, but I'm sure he was saying, like, wow, she's good. He was probably intimidated, honestly. That's honestly, that sounds about right. Well, you guys, thanks for listening to this episode. Sorry, we got a little deep on y'all. Feel free to give us a review on Apple, and then you can also rate us on Spotify,

and we are streaming on all platforms. Thank you guys for listening, and we'll talk to you next week.