De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan - Our Dog Died and It Revealed A Lot

Episode Date: November 15, 2023

We're back, baby! Two weeks away and a LOT has happened, but probably not what you're expecting. Catch back up and listen to Dani & Jordan process grief, unleash some VERY vulnerable thoughts, and talk about allllll the things. This episode is quite the journey so get ready! Grab your Liquid IV Hydration Multiplier Sugar-Free in bulk nationwide at Costco or you can get 20% off when you go to liquidiv.com and use code DANI at checkout. Visit betterhelp.com/deinfluenced to get 10% off your first month.  We’ve worked out a special deal with Hiya for their best selling children’s vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. That’s right- 50% off! To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/DANIAUSTIN.  Love y'all!

After two weeks gone. We're back, baby. Welcome back to your favorite podcast, D-influence. Let's let the song. I'm getting so hyped up. Woo-hoo! Guys, did you miss us? Because we missed you.

It was some nice time off. We needed it. It was. We have been missing for the past two weeks. The first week that we took off was intentional. The second week we took off was not intentional. Our dog died. I'm just going to...

It's hard because we wanted to come back positive, but we just got to rip off the band-aid that our life is giving Job vibes right now. And what way Job vibes? Well, Hazel died. Yeah. I feel like we are both feeling a little burnout. Yeah. You know, and when...

Well, speak for yourself. Well, for me, Hazel died. Like, that was the heart. hardest part for me for sure yeah so that was a hard week so I actually took a week off and that was intentional because I was feeling you know pretty burnt out and um when I say I took a week off like I was still posting stories every day like I was like doing my thing but I canceled all my meetings I canceled any brand deal I had I was just like I have got to take some time for myself I um you know Brenda who's Duren's aunt usually helps me with the kids throughout the day like sent her home

I was like, I just want to be with my babies and, you know, just like live it up. Best week of my life. I would just like drop off the kids and then go to a coffee shop and just like journal for two hours. Listen to so many podcasts read Britney Spears memoir, started like two other books. It was just like, you know, I felt like the Sahara Desert and then all of a sudden it was raining. It was an oasis. It was an oasis. It was pouring.

It was raining. I was just soaking it up. Like I was a sponge. And I just felt so fulfilled by the end of the week. But that week, my kids were also sick. They didn't have like RSE or COVID or anything because I took them to doctor. Like they were just, you know, they were sick. And Jordan was out of town.

He was in Los Angeles. And by the end of that week, I remember on Sunday, I woke up, Saturday, morning I woke up. And I was supposed to like do a play date with the kids and like a friend of mine. And I was like, took a swallow, you know, I swallowed. I was like, ow. Knives. Yeah, throat hurts.

Knives are in the throat needles. And I was like, oh my gosh, I finally got what they got. And, you know, from that moment, it started to pour in a different way. It did. It was just like one bad thing after the next. So Hazel passed away pretty suddenly, which was really sad, like really, really sad. And I will say, I think God knows, because, like, I would not. I was already so sad, but like I would not have been well if I wouldn't have taken that week off.

Yeah, for sure. And so I feel like I was, like, it was so sad, but I do find peace in the fact that, like, she was in so much, like, pain. She was so sick. She was not well. And so I'm like, I have peace knowing it was her time, but it's still, like, just really sad. She was nine years old. So she wasn't, like, that old. I mean, she was old, but she wasn't, like, I didn't think it was time for her to go old.

And then, yeah, my aunt passed away on my Hispanic side of the family, which was really sad. My dad got surgery on his ankle and was like immobile. Lola ran away. Lola, guys, it was so bad. I was like, this is. So that whole week was really just sad. And then, you know, by the end of the week, Jordan comes back from New York because he had been, like gone off and on for the past two weeks.

And he comes home on Friday. And I'm like, babe, like, we should go now that, because I canceled my trip to New York. I was supposed to go with Jordan to New York for this Forbes event to celebrate making the Forbes list. And I was just kind of bummed. I was sad. I was like, I don't want to go.

I don't want to travel right now. I really just want to be with my babies. And so I told Jordan, I'm like, you still go. He didn't go just for the Forbes event. He had like a bunch of other. meetings. But I was like, you go, you network. If you're going to be in New York, you might as well go to the Forbes Party too, like for me. Yeah. He comes back and it's, Krista Horton is coming in town for a Fiesta Friday to celebrate like her launch with,

I don't know if it was a launch, but it was like a little bipsy event. It was a party. It was a party. And I'm like, this will be great for us to like get back out there and have some time together, have some fun. So we went and we had a blast. It was so good to see Krista and it all in from California. So we get home and we had a babysitter. And, you know, we like get into our PJs. You probably have like some snacks before bed and we're talking. And I'm like, something is off in this room. Like just like the vibes were off in our bedroom. I look over where Lola is always asleep. And Lola's not there. And I'm like, that's weird. So I start looking underneath the bed, underneath the dresser. I like, I yell at Jordan. I'm like, hey, baby, is

Lola out there? Because I have to tell you guys, Lola is becoming senile. She has lost her hearing. She has lost, she has cataracts. She is, like, is just kind of losing it. She'll, like, walk into walls. She, like, is just really, she's really old. And so, I mean, she's thriving, but she's just kind of losing her mind. And so, I'm like, it's like 11 o'clock, 11.30, and I'm, like, panicking. Like, Jordan, where is Lola? So we start looking all around the house every crack in crevice because she's also kind of like a cat so you never really know what she's going to be we cannot find lula so i'm panicking i'm like we have lost so much in one week like we're gonna have lost two dogs my aunt all these things like it's just like so so much and um so jordan

gets in the car you start driving around the neighborhood you know looking for lola you she can't hear so you can't be like lola and um here's the other thing about lola she has never run way. Anytime that she gets out, she always is, like, she's just like right back at the front door. And she doesn't really get out because she doesn't like to go out. She doesn't like walks. She doesn't really like to be outside. She just likes to like sleep. And so, um, so anyway, panicking. Jordan comes home. He's like, she's gone. Like, I don't know. We have to look in the morning. And so I'm getting bad like crying, freaking out. I decide to look in or download. the next door app and the very first post was like, found this sweet little dog like wandering around,

you know, so-and-so street. Looks like she has an owner. Like, you know, there's just her, I guess her caller like lost the little medallion that says our phone numbers. Yeah. We're planning to get that fixed. But I still don't know how she got out. I think that what happened was she was wandering around the backyard but in different areas than

she usually does because we have a gate in her backyard. And I think that she was just, she's been spending a lot of time out there. Because she's losing it. Yeah, and she'll get lost in the backyard. Like she'll go on the side of the house, which is very uncommon. And so everyone probably assumes that she's inside. And I think that we left or someone left the house in the back gate and she like walked out. She just, yeah.

She escaped. She's like, see ya. But like, oh my gosh. So thank the Lord. Someone picked her up and we got her back. But it's been a, it's been an interesting. same past couple of weeks. Also, I think something that we just kind of learned about each other is we grieve, we process these things so differently. So it was also kind of just like tough. I remember when

like Hazel died, I went quiet, right? I went in and you were like, hey, I want to talk about this. We got to stay a team. And I actually really appreciated you coming to me and saying, hey, like, we can't get divided on this. Like, I don't know. Would you say how I reacted was like selfish? I kind of feel like it was looking back. Yeah. The thing is, is like if I wouldn't have come to you multiple times and like tried to communicate, like how I was feeling really alone in all of this. I feel like I wouldn't have been so upset. But I feel like I can't even that night.

Like I was like, hey, like I need you to talk to me. I need to like know how you're feeling. Like I'm feeling really sad. And you're like, okay. And then just like would walk away. I think that for me, the reason that Hazel dying was so hard was because Hazel was there when we first met, right? A little bit before that, like I had Hazel.

I would walk up and down like Rainy Street with her. Like she was like my child. And then we met. And so Hazel just was like this representation of like a huge chapter of our life. Like she was there when we met, when we got our first house, when we moved into a part. Like all of the chapters of the past like 10 years she's been with us in. Yeah. Her dying was like for me, it was, it was, you know, I'm really symbolic about things.

I was like, does this mean other things that. we're in that chapter dying too, you know? And we were just coming off the cusp of like an already hard like mental time, you know, like we're like I think we were both burnout. You know, we were kind of like questioning like, what's the next chapter look like? What is next year going to look like? This has been a really hard year for a lot of reasons. And so Hazel Dying was just like the icing on the cake for me and I retreated. Yeah, you went inward. I went inward big time. But I didn't really see it as selfish at the time. I think that at the time I thought that my job was to be strong for you. but I think I mixed up being strong for just absolutely silent.

And just absent. Yeah, and absent. And I think when you came to me, like I would have listened to how you were feeling, but it was really hard for me whenever you were like, can you talk about how you're feeling? Because usually I can talk about my feelings all day, every day,

but I had no idea how I was feeling. I didn't know how to put into words what I was feeling. And I was scared that if I was open and honest with you, that it was going to like make you spiral, even further downward. And so I was like, my job here is to like be stoic and strong. And that just converted into silence. Yeah.

I get it. It's tough. And to be honest, we'd never gone through something like that together. No. And so, yeah, it was new. We didn't know how to deal with our feelings and our emotions. So, you know, now we know for the next time, I guess. It's just really sad.

I was able to, so I was in L.A. and I rushed home, like hopped on a flight Saturday after night. I was supposed to stay until Sunday, hopped on a flight. And luckily I was able to make it like, what, 30 minutes before Hazel, like, actually passed. And, you know, I went into the room and I, do you remember I asked you to leave? Yeah. Because I just, like, needed a minute.

Well, because you had a whole life with Hazel before me. Right. And, like, I just needed a minute to kind of, like, talk to her. And what I told Hazel was, hey listen like I love you so much like you've been a huge important part of our family and I was like you know we have two kids and Danny and I are going to be the best parents to those kids and you're going to be super proud of us and I mean she was like kind of like sedated at that point but are you crying I know I just want to say so much I know and so I don't know for me though like I feel like that was like our moment of closure and And beyond that, it took me a couple days. But when I think about Hazel now, I just think of her, you know, being really proud of us and, like, proud of our family and, like, happy that Stella and Strattner taking care of. The fact that I think she's in a very comedic way laughing that Lola outlasts her.

She's like. It's like, I mean, I always say Lola's immortal. Like, I truly do not think. I mean, Lola's our other dog. Lola's the rescue that Danny found like hip, hip. by a car on the side of the road, like, saved. And she just is like, she's like, and we, she's like a cockroach. That dog is so old even when we rescued her. No one knows how old she is. I'm like, she's 100. It's like, it's insane. But no, it is really, it's hard. You know, these dogs are like,

I mean, Hazel was like family. And I think that there's just so much that has happened in the past, obviously nine years and a lot of it we've shared online but some of it we have it and there's like even times whenever you just feel alone even like in your marriage or um just like we all have those moments so you put on the sad music and you're like just sad and you just have to be kind of sad but like no matter what hazel was always there and so it's just sad to know that like she's not gonna be Yeah. And you were the one who told Stella, right? Yeah, so I told Stella, but to be honest, I feel like Stella's in that phase, you know, she's just turned three. So she's kind of like me, me, me, me. That's just like what toddlers do right now.

And so I felt like it was important to like explain to Stella what happened. They say, like, I was reading some articles about it. It's like good to build empathy and good to like. really be clear with them and don't use like weird jargon to explain like when someone has died or you know so like for example you're not supposed to say like hazel we lost hazel because in like her mind she's going to think oh we lost her like let's go find her or like don't say she passed away or whatever like so i had to be very upfront i said hey still i need to talk to you um i want you to know like Hazel got very sick. She was old and she died.

And she went to go be with Jesus in heaven. Up in heaven with Jesus. And so now she knows that up equals sky, which equals airplane. So now every time she sees an airplane, she's like, there's Hazel with Jesus up in the airplane. Going to Jesus's house. Going to Jesus's house. And so we're still kind of working out the kinks a little bit.

Yeah, you didn't tell me. me that you told her that? And so like I was I was like out with Stella and she sees an airplane. She's like, oh, Hazel's on the airplane with Jesus going to Jesus house. And I was like, I like, I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah. But it's a really funny like mental image of like, for some reason I imagine like Hazel in a suit like walking on two legs and like sitting in first class with Jesus. drinking champagne with Jesus. No, and I am a little scared from what she's talking about at school today because on the way to school she saw an airplane.

She goes, Mom, look at the airplane. Hazel's in there with Jesus, going to Jesus house. And I was like, yes, that's right. Hazel died and she went to go be with Jesus. And she goes, when Bubba dies, will he go be with Jesus? And I'm like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She just doesn't know. When I die, will I go be with Jesus?

I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I am a little scared to hear what her teacher says she talked about at school today. Oh, goodness. Well, like, I don't know. I'm doing the best I can. No, yeah. I don't think you did anything wrong. It's just she's so curious.

She's just such a three-year-old. Yeah. So anyway, so that was a... You took a week off. Let's back up to that for a second. So, like, why? I took a week off because I was feeling so empty. for how long?

Like just, I was dreading every single day of work or meetings or planning anything. I was just not excited about anything. And I was like, I know that that's coming from a place of burnout because like I'm, like, I thrive off of things like that usually. And so I, and I also kind of felt like my life had kind of, like I felt out of control with my life. Like I felt like I no longer had control of like what I would. was doing or what I was like my goals or what I was yeah like basically my schedule it comes down to

just like my schedule and that's no one's fault it's just like the way that um the business has evolved i am always told to outsource things or let go of things and don't control too much but i think i let go of too much and i got um i don't want to say pushed around because i didn't get pushed around nobody's like pushing me around i just took a back seat like it's really only on me. It's nobody's fault, except for myself. And, um, and I, I continue to run my business, like I ran my business before I had two kids. Like, and not only that, but my kids are getting older. So the way I want to run my business, maybe will look different than it did even six months ago. And like, that's okay. And sometimes I just feel like it's really hard to gain,

like, control back because I'm scared of letting people down or changing the system. So anyway, it got to the point where I was like, I need to take a step back to even figure out like the the direction I want to go. Like what I was missing and like what, like how do I want to rebuild this? And so it was like the best thing I ever did. I learned so much about myself. Just having that time off to think and to like be creative again

and to like wander and like figure out what makes me happy. And so I'm like a little embarrassed to share this because I know that like I'm going to get hate about it. And like I know that people are going to just like give me so much SHIT about this. But, like, I, like, had not, like, made my kids lunch, like, for, like, the longest time. When I wake up every day, like, my schedule is so packed in the mornings that Brenda comes over and she helps me.

And, like, it just made me, like, really sad. Like, I just, and it's, like, those little things as a mom. Like, I was, it's so funny. Like, when I told Brenda to stay home and I told I was. was cutting all my meetings, everything. You know, I got the kids up every morning, got the dress for school. I made their lunch. I dropped them off at school every day.

And I remember I came home after dropping off the kids and I did the dishes. And I cleaned the kitchen. And I was like, this feeling is better than making any Forbes list. Like, it was so fulfilling. I had so much purpose. And I just felt like I was doing, like, what I was supposed to be doing. Like, and I just feel like I've, I've, because I feel guilty of, like, cutting a meeting or, you know, like I felt guilty to do.

So I just like kind of took a backseat even as a mom. And and so I'm, I'm learning how to set those boundaries and figure out like what I really want to prioritize. And like something that I told my team, I was like, I have got to. I always wake up with my kids. I'm the ones that wake, I'm the one that wakes them up. I get them like ready for school. But like just like the simple task of like making their lunch and taking them to school. And I'm like for me, that is important.

Like it is important for no one to be in my house when I wake up. up and all the way till I dropped my kids off at school, like, I want to be the person that's there. And like, I want to be the main influence. And I'm like embarrassed because a lot of other moms are probably like watching me being like, yeah, well, duh, Danny. And I don't know. I just sometimes I feel like I don't have that like innate motherly instinct that maybe other moms have. And so does that make me a bad mom? Maybe. I don't know. But it's just like it's taken me. it's not as natural to me as I feel like other moms are. Like, I feel like, you know, I'm not like a two on the end of the diagram.

I'm not like that person's always like serving other people and thinking of other people. I'm very, like, I can be very selfish. I can be very worried. And I feel like I'm always trying to like prove myself and be good enough and be worthy enough. And so a lot of times I just puts things out of perspective. It puts things out of like priority for me. And that's just me being honest. Like it's just, it's my biggest, you know, it's my greatest like gift.

I can achieve so much, but it's also, like, what hurts me the most. Yeah. I mean, I think that where things got, because it's probably confusing for people who are listening who don't understand how, like, your life was architect or worked, right? But it was like, you know, there would be a team that works out of our house, you know, and the schedule would kind of be presented to Danny of, like, do you want to do this? And so, like, 10 opportunities would be presented. and it's like, well, yeah, of course I want to go to the Ford's party.

Well, yeah, of course I want to do this. Of course I want to go support my friend at dinner. But I think that we're... And it's such blessings. Such blessings. Like, I'm so thankful, you know. But it was harder for you, I think, to see like the bigger picture of your calendar. So all of these yeses would then come into fruition, you know, two weeks later.

And it would be stacked up against all these other things. And so... And I said yes, so I can't back out because I feel like I'm letting people down. Right. And I think that, you know, in that, like, super honest... vulnerable spiel you just gave. Like, I think that what I would argue and want people to understand is like you did please so many other people around you.

And you did please our kids, right? But it was like you, I think that you sacrificed so much for your team and like supporting them because like you're running a business. Like you, you were responsible for these employees. Yeah. Like, and I think that that's. And I think a lot of, I find a lot of purpose in what we're doing. Yeah.

You know, so I, I did feel filled up with my work. but I just didn't feel filled up like with myself as a mother. Yeah. And so they're just two different buckets, you know? I was like overflowing in like feeling purpose in my work for so long. But then my kids got a little bit older and I was like, wait, the balance is so off. And like how do I gain control of my of this again? Because I think the hardest thing for me is the only way I can fill that other bucket is to take a step back,

not totally off, but to let go of some of those achievements. that drive and like, am I still going to be okay? Like that's my biggest thing is like, I'm worried that if I take a step a couple of steps back, like everything will crumble. Well, that's been like a running theme. I feel like that you've been honest about on this podcast is like, hey, if I take a step back just because of the nature of the industry that you're in, it's an everyday thing. And so the, not just Danny, but every creator feels like, oh my gosh, if I take a step

back, someone's going to sprint ahead of me or like my audience is going to get, I'm going to lose the algorithm and then they'll never know. And so there's all these, like, these fears that I know sound crazy, but are really hard to kind of like surrender sometimes. And I think that for the past year, it's been the running theme. And you've tried to be like, okay, well, I'm going to, I'm just going to change this one little thing. And then I'm going to do this. And I think that you finally got to your breaking point where you're like, hey, I've got to strip this entirely down to build it back up again, the way that's like good for me. So I have been so proud of you this week.

And I think you have, like, learned a ton. Like the fact that you went to Chop House by yourself. It was sweet green, but yeah. Also, like, I'm kind of obsessed with sweet green right now. It's so good. But you would never go somewhere by yourself before. No, I was, like, a little codependent, too. On.

Like, you probably. Just I wouldn't do anything about myself. Like, I didn't have independence anymore. Like, that's another episode, but yeah. So, like, work-life balance. Are you getting closer? Like, where are you at right now? Because it was only one week, but in one week, it's like dog years.

It's like one week in internet culture is like a year. But that's why I think it's so hard. And I think that's why you were so discouraged is I had like such a great week. And I felt so much like clarity. And then it was like you came home and it was like one thing after the next, after the next after we after we said goodbye to Hazel in the hospital. We come home. It's like one o'clock in the morning. Stella has like a 103 fever.

Yeah. We're just like, oh my gosh. And but I truly feel like because I took that week off like I was strong enough in my faith and where I was was at to handle it all. But I like I fear what it would have looked like if I didn't. Yeah. The hardest part, the reason it felt like a series of like blows to me is because even though that week off had really nothing to do with me, like it was like so your journey. It's like happy wife, happy life, you know. And it was I think I learned a lot.

I think I've learned a lot through a lot of seasons this year, but I'm such a fix it person. Yes. Yes. He is like, no, you're, you, Ellie's like that too, my friend Ellie. Yeah. It's like, what's going on? Let's fix it. Let's fix it.

Let's fix it. And sometimes by you coming in and fixing it, it doesn't give me the opportunity to learn how to fix it myself, which is really what builds your self-esteem and gives you confidence. And so when people are constantly fixing it. your problems for you, I feel like it can actually hurt you in the long term. Well, it's like that's where I'm, you know, just to get like really, really deep here. I feel like that's where I'm complicit in some of your problems is because, you know, so much of this like infrastructure that's been put around the business in good intention,

right, to protect our family and to create balance, like actually started working against us, right? So like, even Brenda coming at 730, not your call. Like I was like. And Brenda's amazing. And she's not going anywhere. Like she's my aunt. But even like the hours of like when we did have help, you know, it was like, I.

Oh, there's a problem. Hire someone, fix it. Right. Hire someone fix it. So like good intentions, poor outcome. And so, you know, some of this architecture, the hardest thing about this, that week that you took off for me was not that I wasn't proud of you. Wasn't that I didn't, I wanted you to keep working or anything.

I've been advocating for this for a long time. It was for me to have to like let go. you know, and not fix it. And that was a form of loving you. Like it was really, really hard. And I think that it has to be hard too, because the way that Jordan fixes things is a lot of, he values like efficiency.

So it's like, let's fix it as soon as possible. Yeah. And I think I, I just process things differently. And like whenever I'm in like, you know, turmoil,

I have to like process it first. Like I can't just like bring someone in to fix it. And so we just, we're different in that way. And I think a lot of this also started like when I was postpartum, when I had postpartum depression because a lot of that was when this infrastructure was built. That's when a lot of it went in place. Because I was just so not in a good place. And so it was like, oh, like you can't do this.

Well, let's hire someone. If you can't do this, you let's hire someone. And then I became like, you know, healthy again. And then just kind of lost control of like my life, I feel like. And so. Yeah. You know, I'm proud of you. Thank you, babe.

I appreciate that. That was the heavy part of our podcast. Yeah, let's all just take a collective joint. We just had to get it out there, you know? It's therapeutic time. Yeah, I mean, how could you move on and, like, be happy and get, like, if you didn't talk about that? I think that that's why we didn't podcast last week either. It was just like.

Like, what am I going to do? It's going to be. It's going to be. Yeah. Cringe. Cringe. Ew. Cringe.

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So now that we're past the heavy part, I, you know, again, just me being selfish, I actually had a crazy past three weeks. I have so many stories to tell. Well, tell us. So I figured I would kind of just tell some stories. So I was in L.A.

And so I was with this TikToker and he produces music and I don't want to like say who it is because I don't want to like ruin anything. But he works with a, let me properly phrase this. He works with a masked DJ. So you know how like there's a bunch of like DJs that don't have an identity. They just wear masks.

It's kind of like, see ya. Right? Who's that? Isn't she the one that never shows her face when she sings? Isn't that like chandelier? I thought we saw her face now. From the shoes.

Or like daft punk, you know, like 90s daf punk. Like they never showed their faces or identity. So he was sitting with this large DJ is all I'll say. And he got on Twitter and he was like, oh my gosh, he was like, wait a a second. He said, this tweet says that you're performing in Dubai right now, but you're right here. And the DJ goes, oh, yeah, I just sent my other guy with the helmet. So it's marshmallow. No.

Oh, okay. No, I'm not saying it's marshmallow. I'm saying like. A helmet? Well, a mask. A mask. It doesn't matter who it is. Like, don't be like that.

Isn't it just fascinating that like these. You can be in seven places at once. You can be in seven places at one time and get paid. And then he was like, well, what shows do you do? And he was like, I like to play the Las Vegas ones. And so it's like these performers are creating anonymous identities so that they can scale their presence across the entire world. I should do that. You can't.

It's too late. It's too late. It's too late. I chose the wrong career path. No, but there's probably a large sector of the population who thinks that, what do they think? Like, there's like political clones. Have you ever heard that? Yeah, I have heard that.

You know, I'm not in on that one. You know, but I do think that there's like, have you ever seen like Joe Biden's like progression of his image though? I know. He has, it's odd. He does look different. But no. It's placid. Faceless, right?

No, but sorry. If you look at the progression of anyone that's president over like four years, they all, I mean, they age are so fast. They probably have so much pressure on them and so much so much stress. Like you can look at any of them. But, okay, I got to pull this. Even like Obama. Well, no, that, that all was stress. What I'm talking.

about is yeah Biden definitely got some Botox and some work done yeah he got it he got a he got a facelift like you know wait is Joe Biden 80 years old yeah baby that's like a whole thing oh they're all super old oh my gosh I thought he was in his 70s still no babe they're all like way too old wait that's so they are way too old to know our interests what we're the ones that to live with it yeah we have to live with it. Okay, so was my number one story interesting? Yeah, I've heard people that were interested. Okay. So then I went to, I went to New York and I saw Hamilton for the first time. Cool. I've seen it so many times. I know. You never would go with me. I would still rank it third. I thought it was really long. It is long. It's super long, but I thought it was awesome. The soundtrack is phenomenal.

is amazing. And I think it's actually like written by a guy who deeply studied Alexander Hamilton. So it's accurate too. Because you're watching it and I was like, I was like, whoa, is this stuff all real? And apparently it is. We love facts. But the most interesting thing about Hamilton is, you know, when the intermission happens, it's such a long show that everyone has to pee. So true. And then the line is so long. It's really long. And like for the dudes, like there's just urinals. I mean, there's. some stalls, but like mostly urinals. And so you're, it's close quarters. And so I wrote down this note because I actually like thought it would be interesting to talk about, do you know what it means to be pee shy?

Like whenever guys look down at your pee pee pee when you're peeing, it's like, that's not cool. Well, no, that's the fear. That's the cool. That's not cool. Like you don't do that. I think that that's the fear of people who are pee shy. That guys are just coming up and looking.

So basically what it is. So when you pee, because I'm going to be honest, I don't think I've ever seen you pee. Ever. I've never seen your pee while you pee. Or honestly, really, in a few when you pee. You know, and you probably never see me pee while you've seen me deliver a baby. We're actually very, we are very, we are very, I'm like changing like, turn around. Don't look. We're very private bathroom people. Yeah, we are. We've always been like that. I've always had the tone in that. No, yeah, it's like probably a deep thing for me. No, you said the tone because I am not like that.

that anyone else except for you. Yeah. Anybody else I'm like, come on in. Like, I have to pee or do whatever. Yeah. So I, I remember in elementary school going like seven hours, like the whole day.

And I would like commend myself for not having to go to the bathroom. That's really bad for you. And to hold your pee that long. But still to this day, I kind of like carry some, like I use public restrooms. Like it doesn't bother me.

What's the fear? What's the fear? I don't know. I kind of like, was talking about the story as a joke of like making fun of people with pee anxiety, but now I'm wondering if I actually have it. It says it says here that facts, pee anxiety or what do they call it, shy guy syndrome is the urban dictionary term,

but it's the international paracesis association said that 25% of people in the U.S. are classified with this social anxiety disorder of not being able to pee in public. Oh, gosh, that's got to be a hard life to live. live. And so now I'm kind of wondering if I'm part of that. But anyway, so we go into the bathroom. Okay. And there's like all these dudes. And usually I don't have pee anxiety. Okay. And I just couldn't do it. Like I had to literally like pretend. And then I left the bathroom. Are you serious? And then I walked up the stairs so that all the people who would have seen me cleared out and then I went back. Can I give you a hint of what I like to do when I have it? Yeah. I don't have pee anxiety, but sometimes it just takes me a while to like get the pee.

going. So tea time. So I'm curious. So girls can have this too. Because like my whole thing is like I thought it was just restricted to guys because of the urinal. And it's like, okay, like are people looking? Like, can you tell how big or small from the size of the stream? Are you serious? I think that's a thing. No, I would say like if if girls are pee shy, it's more like you. I can't. I'm a classy girl. I can't. No, so I wouldn't say I get pee shy, but sometimes I think that, like, scientifically, it's, like, taking a while for, like, my bladder to open up because I'm so tense because I've been holding my pee for so long. So something that I do that works every time is I take my hand and I tickle my lower back. I just do a little tickle. Really?

And it just releases. I do it often, actually. And I just kind of, like, I tickle it, and I just go, okay, and then I release. And that my bladder opens and the floodgates open and it all comes out. I kind of have to relax myself. So maybe you could try that next time. I'm like at the urinal. I'm just like,

you're like, excuse me, sir, can you tickle my back so I can pee? That would make it so much worse. Yeah, no, I do that and it works every time. Yeah, I just thought it was interesting because I usually don't struggle with that, but I really just could not. Sorry, maybe you should talk about that with Chandler,

his therapist. Okay, I will. My third story, was that, okay, so we went to this wedding. Uh-huh. And our friend Janine got married. Our friend Janine got married. And there were a bunch of pastors there because she's like Christian and flinching.

You know, I was just hanging out with the pastors. But these were interesting pastors. These were charismatic pastors. Babe, I grew up in a charismatic church. You always act like they're like a different type of people. Well, for me it was. But I've been coming around to it, you know, like I've been talking a lot about. And you can't just like label people.

charismatic because that could mean so many different things that's what i learned so you can't just be like are you charismatic like literally you did that yesterday at the wedding and i was like oh cringe like throw at bomb like no you can't just be like are you charismatic because like what does that even mean like yeah was sammy like she's like oh damey like i have to tell you i had a dream about you and you go are you charismatic yeah i think i'm like coming so so the reason i was so interested to talk to these pastors is because you know somewhere in the mix of spiritual warfare exercise aliens. I'm like, okay, there might be a spiritual something going on that we don't see.

And so I've become much more open to like spiritual warfare, like that being a real thing. And I'm not like, I don't think I'm like full blown charismatic, but like. You have to stop using that word. There's no definition to charismatic. Like I'm not about to like talking, speaking tongues. Why? Like, that's a gift that you can like. I know, like go after that, like, why wouldn't you?

You're trying to put a label on it and it's like, just stop. Just like follow what the Bible says. Do what the Bible says. And then like you will be led in whatever direction if people want to label that charismatic or not. Like you're just, you're trying to like put your, you're trying to put your faith or people that are charismatic or like pursuing God in different ways in a box. That's deep. Just like literally. Just like listen to the Bible.

If the Bible says that you can speak tongues and like you pray about it and you try to like It's like you know what am I trying to say like harness that that gift that God says that we can have like you're not charismatic you're just listening to the Bible like it's just the Bible Yeah it's just like religion like when people try to put all these labels on things like I don't like who cares just go what the Bible says like what God says and if that that means charismatic but like something for you that's like wow so care Like speaking in tongues was happened 18 times every Sunday for me. That was so like. Was it real? Who knows? Is it your job to like tell if that's real or not?

So true. That was good. That was a good comeback. But like honestly, genuinely like also how you get to know like if somebody is speaking a language that you don't know. They don't know what language it is either. That's why it's like a gift from God.

But I have been in a service where someone was speaking tongues and someone stood up in the service and started translating because they knew the language. Yeah. Well, anyway, I went to dinner with these guys after the rehearsal dinner. I was like, guys, we all got to go talk. Yeah. It was so much fun. They're so fun. Yeah. No, I'm happy that you had the experience. They're like my friends now. They wanted me to go to an upper room, which is like a- Were you slain in the spirit? Did they slain you? No. I don't see, I don't know what that means, but like I was able to- It means that like the sphere overcomes you and you just like lose yourself. Like you like become not paralyzed, but you're just like, like, out.

See, my whole thing was I told them that I didn't not believe in their gifts. I just had never, like, experienced them. And so I was able to kind of like ask a lot of more like intellectual questions. And they, um, I believe in all that stuff. Yeah. You know, I'm a skeptic when it comes to a lot of things. I'm a skeptic when it's, it's genuine. I feel like some would call that discernment.

Yeah. because I have been, I have seen so much like false prophecy. I've had so many like false, like, just like it's just not genuine. It's not real. And it took me a while. But that doesn't mean that I don't think that I don't think that I, that I could like have spiritual gifts too. I think I feel like I do have spiritual gifts.

I feel like the way I am wired is, is one of my spiritual gifts. Like honestly, I think the way that we're all, you know, like, it's just, I'm having to get used to this new, like, wisdom, truth bombs from you. They're coming out of the sky. You take one week off, and I'm like, I am, I am literally sitting next to a sensei right now. Oh, my goodness. She's like a, she's like a monk.

Yeah. I'm like, all I have to take is three days off and send me to Starbucks for an hour, and I figure out my entire life and the world's problems and world peace. Today's episode is also brought to you by BetterHelp. Thank you, BetterHelp, for sponsoring today's episode. Do you ever find that just as you're falling asleep, your brain suddenly won't stop moving in a million different directions? Oh my gosh, all the time lately, truly.

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So I, another thing that I did for my week off is I started to, I started to decorate for Christmas. Yeah, too soon. I'm so over this conversation. Wait, like. Of like, is it too soon or not? It's just like, it's your own house. Can't you just do it whenever you want to do it?

Um, for me, it's, what it's doing is it's going to take away from, from Thanksgiving. Yeah, but also from like the special nature of like the Christmas season. It's like Thanksgiving, you eat a bunch of turkey and then you look forward to like decorating for Christmas. It's like stretching it. And so it's going to lose its value. It's like too much. What's going to lose its value? The experience, the feeling, the joy of Christmas. It's like I'm being bombarded already. And it's like by December 15th, I'm like, I'm over it. See, I actually don't look at it like that. I look at it as taking away stress from myself in the future

because I'm actually giving myself more time to decorate and get more excited about a season that truthfully, I think, is more important than Thanksgiving. I value my Christmas season more than my Thanksgiving season. I agree. I mean... I think that Christmas is Thanksgiving season on steroids. It's also kind of like, you know, like it's weird that we, get together with extended family who most of whom you only see like once a year not ours i'm just

saying people in general like you see once a year and then you get together with them again three weeks later i know it's a lot of family it's kind of a lot for for most people it's like can we space this out of yeah right i mean we were talking about just doing something with like our nuclear family our kids and like maybe going sailing oh yeah i was like i i i have have a friend that's going sailing for Thanksgiving. I was like, well, there it is. That's our new tailoring tradition. Yeah, because we're struggling.

We're like, where we go? So, yeah, maybe you'll catch us on the sea. In the sea. So, yeah, we've been getting ready for the holidays. I've been decorating. I got some really good deals on some Walmart Christmas trees, like all under $100. But, like, my, my inspo for this Christmas season is Kardashian. What do they do?

Just go all out. Oh, they do? Oh yeah, you don't know that? No. The Kardashians just like, I mean, they go all out for everything, but like it is, they go wild. They have like 50 Christmas trees in their house, but their house is like also 30,000 square feet. So I'm like 50 Christmas trees in my house might be a little different. One would argue that that's too few Christmas trees further.

That's true. That's true. So yeah, we've been getting ready for Christmas. Did you hear about this like restaurant, that is charging parents or charging people for unruly kids and like bad behavior. I was, is it owned by a 20-something?

Honestly, like if I was 20-something and I read that, I'd be like, I'd be like, thank goodness, like, amen, like let's do it. And now I'm just like, this is despicable. It's like that like horrible 20-something that I used to be where it's like if a baby was crying on an airplane, I'd be like, why do they even bring babies on the server? Or like the rollout. And now I'm like, hey, can I help you?

Like I'm sorry. Yeah, it's so true. Yeah, what do you think about that? I think it's like, I think it's un-American. I think it's, yeah, I'm not into it. I think it's wrong. I actually think it's like illegal for some reason. Would it be illegal?

I think because they're owned by like private entities, I think they can set whatever rules they want. Yeah, but it's like that feels like discrimination against children. I know. It's horrible. I mean like What are your thoughts With babies at weddings

That's like a hot take Usually they're not allowed right Well I mean there were What are your thoughts on them? I think I would discriminate against babies at weddings So you're okay with them at restaurants But then you get to pick and choose when you want them And when you don't

Okay but here's my whole thinking Is like a restaurant is a group collective thing I think that a wedding is so much a the bride and groom that like if our child was like screaming. See some would argue that it's not about the bride and groom it's about the guest experience that have traveled from all over. Oh my brain just exploded. But no, I mean I get what you're saying.

It is about the bride and groom. It's a breath. Like if you have a, if you have the ability to serve the bride and groom in their moment, this one moment that they get that there's a lot of pressure on already. Like in the way that you can serve them is make sure that like your children. Yeah. are not present at the weddings to not ruin that moment for them.

I think that that's a selfless act. Yeah, I would never bring my kids to a wedding if they weren't invited. I just wouldn't because I do feel like it is disrespectful. But, you know, I'm in that baby loving phase where like I love some babies at a wedding. Yeah, I don't personally mind it. Like there were babies at the wedding that were crying. And I was like, I don't even hear this.

Like, I don't care. Or if they're crying, like, I'm like, yeah, just take them outside. You know, they'll stop crying in a little bit. But, you know, you could step out when you want. or come back in when you, but like I love when they're running around and dancing on the dance. It's so precious. For me,

it doesn't, it doesn't bother me at all. Speaking of things that bother you and it comes to our babies, Stella and her Kendall, I know you've been really upset about that one. Oh, yeah, this is a really interesting.

Ellie got, Ellie got Stella a Kendall. Oh, that was Ellie? Oh, I've been like ragging on it for her months. But Stella said she wanted a Kendall. Yeah,

she saw the movie. And it's crazy how that, movie has influenced Stella so much. Did I tell you what she was doing with her Kendall? No. What is it? Still, the Ken, she was like eating breakfast and she had her Ken and her Barbie. And she was making them kiss. See, and this is the bull crap I'm talking about. Like I was like, I think we should burn that Kendall. I think we should literally break its legs and light it on fire. I go, Stella, what are your barbies doing?

And then she saw that I saw her. And she like kind of panicked. You know when you catch her? And she like, it's like kind of scared. Like, oh, what are your Barbies doing? And she took their hands. She goes, they're high-fiving. Oh, bull crap, Stella.

Don't you dare. No. So this Ken doll comes at her birthday and she unboxes it. And listen, this is, I don't know how many kins there are, but this is Surfer Ken. So his shirt doesn't even button. Yeah, he's like an eight-pack. His eight pack is just hanging out, you know, all the time. And he's got, like, his surfboard.

And I'm like, like, it's kind of funny because you would think that Stella brought a boy home from school. And, like, that is the kind of, like, visceral reaction I had to her, like, having this Kindle. He has, like, this, like, blonde floss of hair. And so, yeah, is anyone talking about this? Like, is, is anyone actually questioning this? Because doesn't it feel like it's too young for her to have a Kindle? I don't know and I think the reason why I don't have a problem with it, which I'm open to having a problem with it, like if there genuinely is an issue with it. But like I had a Ken doll growing up and like who cared about Ken?

Like Ken was truly like the movie says like an accessory just to be there to support Barbie. So she like wasn't alone or she was going somewhere with someone. But I never was like oh Ken. Like you know. Really? Yeah. It's just like no he's such like he's like C team. Like and honestly if she had other bar.

She'd put the other Barbies, like, around more than Ken. Ken just is like, you know, there. Well, then it gets like kind of psychologically complicated because then I'm like, okay, well, I can't have a double standard and say my daughter can't have a boy, but if like Stratton starts gawking at Barbie and he's like, Barbie's like so pretty or something, I would think it was like so funny, you know? Okay, when would Stratton act?

When would, when, at what age do you do that? No, no, no, no. He wouldn't, but what I'm saying is like, you have to be like leveled. Like you can't just like, pull kin away from your daughter, you would technically have to pull. I also disagree with that because like men are just wired differently than than females scientifically. Oh, hot take. Not how hot take. It's like science. Like what do you mean in terms of like being like like their attraction coming on? I think what stimulates like a man is different than like at different ages like at

different times. I think it's just different things. I think that it's the same thing as like there's like a lot of studies about how little boys develop and learn over like compared to little girls and like boys like actually need to be more active like they have they need to they have more energy when they're younger and that's why you have boys that are like more rambunctious or more and it's like cruel for some of these classrooms or teachers to keep these boys like sitting in these desk and that's a lot of times why they um kind of like retaliate or they or they like, you know, go wild. They have behavioral problems because, like, scientifically,

they have to be, like, moving and exerting more energy than females. And so female little girls. Yeah. And so they're just, it's just biologically, I feel like we're different. But if we have control over what our kids, like, isn't this the whole, like, public school debate right now? Like, they're, like, like, our kids are being taught things that they shouldn't be taught at a certain age, like, exposed to things.

So, like, all I'm saying is, like, I think that Barbie, Ken is probably a minor debate. It's kind of like almost a funny debate, but like there's a small part of me that is like, okay, wait, do I like want to expose my daughter to eight pack Ken this early? Yeah. And I mean, the eight pack was a little overkill. Yeah, the eight pack was overkill. Or would I want to expose my son to, uh, booby Barbie? Booby Barbie at this age, right? And like, like him being able to like like this is crazy. I don't know if I'm going too deep on something. It shouldn't be this deep.

But like being able to like undress like if she if, if Barbie's laying around like you can literally take Barbie's clothes off and I'm like, do I want my son to? Yeah, it's interesting because you didn't have a sister growing up. So a lot of this is new to you. It is. It's so new. And I'm like, what are we doing here guys?

But maybe I am seeing things clearly that other people are. Maybe I'm not the crazy one. We're all just like brainwashed by Barbie. So there's two things I want to talk. talk about, you know, before we end this episode. The first one being Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey in Argentina. Did you see the makeout sesh? Can you believe?

Snoose fast. Can you believe that she's changed the lyrics of the song? Did you hear about that? I did. But doesn't she do it a lot? No. She said karma is the guy on the chiefs coming straight home. These two rascals are making so much money for so many people that there's no way that this love affair is going to die because it benefits too many people.

Okay, but I have one other thing that I wanted to share with you that I did not know about. There is an interview of Donna Kelsey on The View. Have you seen this? No. And she has asked about Taylor Swift, like hanging out with her for the first time. And she like snubs Taylor Swift a little bit. she's asked so she was like yeah like you know the interviewer's like so how was Taylor Swift how was it hanging out like did you all hit it off and Donna literally goes like this um it was okay those were exactly but was she like kidding like because everyone expected her to be like oh my gosh

she's great no so I will say I didn't see the whole interview so I didn't get the context I think the one thing that she probably was feeling was like a little maybe protection over her son. So she was like, I don't want to build this up like bigger than it is. And maybe it was nothing personally about Taylor Swift. It was more so like protecting my son. And like maybe Taylor is going to come in,

write a song, we're going to move on to the next guy. So she's like, it's like more protective. But like I will say the like if I was Taylor Swift watching Donna Kelsey, like I would have had my feelings hurt. Okay. The last thing that I wanted to talk about is,

um, you know, I was, huge Matthew Perry fan. He passed away. His memoir was one of the most raw and vulnerable and real memoirs I've ever read super sad. I mean, he had, he really went through it.

Yeah. His addiction to opioids and, I mean, really so many different types of drugs and alcohol. But it was, there is this like weird conspiracy about Matthew Perry's death because on his Instagram, his last like six posts, he has an obsession with. with Batman. And his other posts, if you follow him on Instagram, are just kind of like normal.

Like he's just like, but then all of a sudden he starts posting like these weird like cryptic messages referring to Batman. And in every single post, it had like a Batman logo, you know? And then, um, his last post he,

he posted was a picture of him, of him in the hot tub that he passed away in. And it also like, referred to Batman. And in one of his posts, he said, Batman played pickleball too. And then he went and played pickleball, like the morning that he passed away.

And then he got in the hot tub. And his assistant found him, like, around 4 o'clock. And he was, he basically drowned. And so a lot of people think that maybe he was kind of, like, sending out, like, a message for help. Like, I'm not well. Like, help me. Kind of, yeah.

Oh, my gosh. And super sad. But I know that, even from his memoir, he never talks about how he's like sober. Like he is just to get by, like the amount of drugs that he has to take on a daily basis just to get by would probably like kill me just for his like every day. Yeah. And so he definitely was not like healed from his, you know, illness. It was just something that he was kind of like coping with. And he wrote this book that I think helped a lot of people.

but it was really scary and really strange that his last post was in that hot tub that he passed away in. Yeah. I think people don't realize how, like, dangerous hot tubs can be whenever you get overheated like that. Like, I don't know if you've ever gotten overheated in a hot tub, but, like, you can pass out. And if you're on drugs on top of that, like, you pass out and then you basically, like, just drown. I think that's probably what happened. And he maybe went, I don't know what happened, but I could see him, maybe. like going on a bender and like locking himself up for days and you know but it's it's super

sad yeah in his book did he talk about how he was like did he define himself in his book because it came out recently as recovered or no okay so he was like no he was not recovered he um like he was still he because he was so dependent on like these drugs and like alcohol whatever it was to the point where like he can't function without it is that is that scientifically what happens to your body is like i think there's different levels of of this illness and yes i think you can get to a point where you're like so dependent on it that like you can't your brain like won't work yeah you take it away from your body and your body's like wait a second yeah and so he um yeah yeah so he um yeah So he was never like fully like sober and like off drugs.

Like he had to take and I can't remember what the drugs are called. I don't know just enough about it. But like he was still still fighting it and still ill. It's really sad. He talks about how he was not just addicted. Like he has a very addictive personality. He was like addicted to like the fame and the laughs and like just going harder and harder and wanting more and more. And I think it just like really, really sucked it out of him.

And I don't know. It was, it's just a really, I know that his book helped so many people. So his death was definitely not like in vain or anything, but it's really sad for me to hear. Well, I know that like the book was like, I mean, you loved friends, first of all, but like. Yeah, and I loved Taylor Bay. Yeah, his character. He said that he like, like, he felt like he was kind of playing himself. Wow.

So may he rest in peace. I have one other little message that I want to share with you guys. That is really cool. We have decided to do... Hold on, hold on. Are you going to hit the note? No, go, go. So to wrap up today's episode, we are doing a Santa Claus giveaway.

Where... Hold on. She's grabbing gifts if you're not watching on video. I'm playing Santa Claus today, ladies and gentlemen. I have these two beautiful boxes. and we are doing a $1,000 giveaway. And what's going to be so fun about this is two of y'all are winning $500, and you're going to send me your Christmas wish list up to $500,

and I'm going to fulfill it for you guys. You really just wanted to hit that note. So it's two winners a week until Christmas, $500 value each. The way you enter is you have to leave a five-star review on Apple and Spotify and then answer the question on in the box on Spotify. So if you go to your Spotify app where you're listening to the podcast, just go to the description, show notes, and you will see a box just answered the question there. And you guys are entered to win $500, up to $500 where I can fulfill your Christmas wish list.

Can we also maybe ask them, like, answer the prompt or whatever that is, but also like give us some feedback. Like what, what do we like him? What are we not? Do like a genuine review. Yeah, like I would really be curious. I mean, leave five stars, but then like the text can be genuine. Like, I would be curious to know like what, what segments. Like, do we go too deep, too serious? You're like, I want some more like celebrity gossip, not gossip, like news, pop culture, updates, talk more deep. Like, I don't know. What do you like? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I like when we just talk about topics, like that's my favorite part of the podcast. but if there's like other segments we need to do, we can.

I always thought it would be funny if we got like a dial in line. I thought that'd be so fun. So fun. I love that idea. Yeah, I know. Yeah. You've great ideas. I know you wanted to hear that.

I just, I could feel like you fishing for that compliment. Only from you though. I don't need to hear from anyone else. No, I know. Just you. Okay. Well, we love you guys.

Thanks for listening. And we'll talk to you later. Bye.