De-Influenced with Dani + Jordan - We Suck at Communicating Through Conflict

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

Happy Thursday!  Oh boy, are we in a silly goofy mood today! Did we get run out of the suburbs? PLUS, this week we're getting brutally honest about how we suck at communication through conflict and the ways we've been trying to work through it. Also, it's time to bring back your favorite segment Things That Make You Go Hmmm!! We're catching up on all the pop culture news we've missed.  We've worked with some of our favorite brands to get you guys some discounts!  Visit jshealthvitamins.com/dani and use code DANIAUSTIN to receive 20% off your order or first subscription order.  We've worked out a special deal with Hiya for their best selling children's vitamin. Receive 50% off your first order. To claim this deal you must go to hiyahealth.com/DANIAUSTIN. This deal is not available on their regular website.  Take proactive care of your health and head to OPositiv.com/DANI or enter DANI at checkout for 25% off your first purchase.  Make sure you’re subscribed to our official channel on YouTube, @deinfluencedpodcast, and follow us on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your De-Influenced fix! Stay connected with us on Instagram and TikTok @deinfluencedpodcast, and as always thank you for being a part of this journey. See you next Thursday!! Love, Dani and Jordan

The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello and welcome back to your favorite podcast. De-influenced. Today is one of those days, babe. It's a hard day. You know what I have in my bones right now? Anger. Resentment.

Oh, no. Not resentment. It's festered. It's festered from anger to resentment. What happened? Do you want to tell us? Can I? No, don't. Can I?

I want to try and explain it in the most vague way possible. I don't think we can move to the suburbs. The suburbs genuinely do not want Danny and Jordan to live in them. That's all I'll say. I have to say, I was really excited. Ever since I took my break, I was like really excited for a slower pace of life. And so we were like, you know, we're like, let's get the yard. Let's move out to suburbs.

We went and looked at a suburban area outside of Dallas. It is exactly an hour outside of Dallas. So where we live right now, we live 15 minutes from downtown. Like if we wanted to go to the American Airlines Center, Uber is going to take us 15 minutes. So we live like in a neighborhood in Dallas. So this was like the true suburbs. And we were so excited. We got out there.

We filmed a little bit of the day. We like probably looked at like five or six houses. The air felt different. The air felt it was fresh. Peace, right? Calm, serenity. And little did I know. That is the opposite of what exists in these people out there.

Listen, we had an interesting experience with one person out there, with one entity out there. It wasn't like the whole suburban area. But this one entity turned the whole suburb against us. Okay, when you say the whole suburb, maybe it was like five or six other people. But there's only five or six people out there. No, you're being kind of, I think that the population, how many was it like 30,000? 30,000. I think you're being a little dramatic.

Babe, I can never go there ever again and show myself at Cheesecake Factory. I could never do it. They, the hatred. We're laughing because we were like, where's the live music? We're like, where's the live music out here? And we were walking around and there was like a one-man saxist playing in front of the Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, no. listen, I was all in.

I'm not going to say who wronged us, but this is a one day maybe we can tell this story, but it's a saga filled with cheese crackers, Swedish fish, attorneys, realtors, um, square feet. What square feet? Like the square feet of the house. Like, like, I'm just trying to like tell, I wish, I wish so much in my bones. I know. that I could tell this story because honestly, Danny, I'm going to, I'm going to be honest.

And maybe when I go on my healing journey next week, maybe I come back and I apologize for what I'm about to say. But like, they bullied us out of the suburbs. Yeah. They came out with their pitchforks and they stabbed us. And they ran us out of town. And you know what? Fine. I'm not going to your suburb ever again.

Honestly, I might be out there. Like once the dust settles, it's like everybody just needs to. they caught down. They would eat you alive out there. Yeah, but you know what? You could eat in alive anywhere. You know what I mean. I know, but listen.

I just ordered this coffee. It'd be next level. It tastes like there's medicine in there. Taste that. I don't want to. I don't really, I don't want to drink coffee from, isn't that from Juice Land?

Yeah. That's weird. No, it's been weird ever since you've gotten it. I'm not going to lie. Every time you get that piece of plastic, I'm like, why are you drinking coffee? You say is coffee, but your tongue's orange.

And I don't, I don't get it. Okay. He's just angry today. I'm just... No, let me actually tell you, Juicland has an amazing turmeric, oat milk latte. That's why it's neon yellow.

They put turmeric in it. No, it's delicious, typically. But this one actually tastes like it has like an antibiotic in it. Like, I'm maybe poisoned right now. It's probably from... That's a urban mom. Yeah, she probably laced it. Yeah.

Karen, Susan. She went to the juice land and she she laced it. Anyway. She probably wants to kill us, to be honest. Oh my gosh. Jordan. I'm just saying. Oh, my gosh.

Well, anyway, what have we been up to outside of looking at houses in the suburbs? We're going to continue a little house update. We've been looking. You know it really help me right now. Let's both take a deep breath. What are three things you're grateful for? I need this exercise. What are three things you're grateful for?

I am grateful for, let's see. It's tough when you're angry. Okay, wait, hold on, I think. I am grateful for our chiropractor for Stratton. I mean, for Summit. Oh, my gosh. I can't stop. I guess so.

It's going to be hard. I caribacter because I think he has a little tension in his neck. That's why he's been rolling over y'all. Some of it has been rolling over nonstop. And he's three weeks old. And it's because, or almost four weeks old. On Sunday he'll be four weeks old. And I think it's because he has tension in the neck.

So our chiropractor is amazing. I'm thankful for Cynthia. She gave me a 90-minute massage at massage envy the other night. I mean, talk about suburbs. Like nothing makes you feel more suburban than going to a massage envy. And let me tell you. they're pretty good over there. I was like, wait, sponsorship? Yeah, but we'll never have it. We have a massage envy up the road, okay? You're being such a drama king. And then I am thankful for,

oh, our podcast producer made me more sourdough bread, which I've eaten so much sourdough bread every day. I feel like I've turned into a piece of sourdough. Like I, and then, okay, so she's made me like, now it's her third loaf. after the second loaf um loaf that's a funny word after the second uh loaf

I went to the store and I was like I'm gonna buy some sourdough but I bought the one that comes like in like a plastic you know it's like it's processed it just wasn't the same it's not the same but I tried I bought some butter I'd butter that stuff up and I was like man all I really want is some sourdough

but here's the thing about sourdough you can't ask someone to make you sourdough it's like a thing It takes a long time. Like, how many hours does it take? Four or five hours. It has to sit overnight. So it's really like almost a 24-hour thing, right?

Like, especially once you drive it over someone's house. So I'm like, you know, you can't ask someone, hey, can you make me more sourdough bread? Like, it's not like, can you throw some cookies in the oven? You know what I mean? So you just have to wait. You have to wait around for someone to bring you sourdough bread. Do you think there was ever like a real Mrs. Baird? The bread, the bread lady?

The bread lady? I don't know. Because she was just, think about how much bread she made. She was just sitting and waiting for hours. And she had to go knead this bread and she had deliver. That's, that's someone I don't know anything about. We should cover the history of Mrs. Baird's bread. Well, bring on one of the Baird family members.

What if they still are out here just making bread? In their backyard. You're not well. Just needing it. You're not well. Isn't that what you call it need? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

So, yeah, that's what I'm thankful for. What are you grateful for? I'm thankful for the laugh I just had. That's pretty funny. I'm also grateful for, oh, we had a, I would say, breakthrough conversation. Oh, you want to tell people about it? Well, I figure we will. Oh, okay.

Well, right? Oh, yeah, it was kind of deep. Like, I thought this is something kind of intimate. But no, like, why not? You know, people know everything about us as well. Yeah, I would say our breakthrough conversation. You know, like when you're fighting and you're. you're just like not getting anywhere.

And then you just have that like, you know where I'm just like, punch you in a face. Yeah. No, like sometimes like I'm so angry at you. Like it's, it's unreal how much I feel that. I feel that. I feel that. Like sometimes. I feel that.

I'm like, I'm like looking at you. And I'm like, how did I end up with this man? And I'm like, I think she wants to kill me. I think I think I should leave. No, I sometimes like kind of do a little bit. No, I know. But I wouldn't. That's not me.

Have you said like, you remember that like scene from a, I think it's like that movie, this is us or something or something. And it's like, she's like, oh, sometimes there's one like murdering. He's like, oh, how would you do it? She's like, I'd put you in a wood chipper. He's like, that's gross. Oh, man. Yeah, no.

Yeah, we'll talk about it. You know, this in our communication pep talk that we will give you, we will talk about how one of my demands was, I need you to see the best in me because I know in your eyes that you don't. But then you don't see the best in me sometimes. True. We'll talk about a second. I'm all my gratitude.

So like, let's not go here. I'm trying to be grateful. The third thing I'm grateful for is, oh, you know, this is kind of funny. But,

you know, I went to the lunch today on your behalf. On our behalf, I guess. I have no idea. EY Entrepreneur of the Year. That's what you didn't tell me about that. Yeah, I went.

It's okay. Why didn't I get to go? You know, I. You didn't invite me. I just honestly didn't think you'd want to go. It seemed like one of those things I'm like, I'm running. It's on my era right now. Yeah.

I mean, you could, you could have come. They would love to have you. Here's the thing. I would appreciate the invite. Okay. Good to know. I am going to do that. And so anyway, I thought it was a really fun time.

We talked about a lot of cool things. And we know a lot of the same people. Cool. Yeah. Their kids are all in. Are we going to win? Are we going to win it? You know, I don't, I think it's more about the process than it's about the

thing. I mean, because you know, like, it's my identity on the line. Yeah. Yeah. No, I alluded. I was like, hey, guys, listen, we're not going to sign up if we can't win here. So I appreciate the nomination, but like. So we were, if you missed last podcast, we were nominated for, um, EY

entrepreneur of the year. Yeah, and different this time, we. We were nominated. Which is fun. They want to do the husband-wife duo. So, yeah, I'm grateful for that. You know, I'm, yeah, yeah. Was that, that was that three? That was three. That was it? Okay. Yeah, I don't remember all three of them, but I definitely said three. Was it three? That was three. It's okay. Even if you said two, it's like, you know, baby step. I'm trying. You're trying. This is a new exercise for me. I usually like to just sit in my resentment and my anger. No, same. It's just insane. I like to stew it.

I'm like, I don't want to be happy. I want to be mad. Yeah, same. It feels so good sometimes. It does because like, you know why it feels good? Tell me. Because you're the victim. Oh, I love being the victim.

I know. It feels good. Susan, I mean, Karen. Yeah, yeah. You victimized me. Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm the one that's getting hurt here. Yeah.

Yeah. And the topic this week was. resentment. And this other guy who was not in a group, but was next to me talking about it, it was so interesting hearing how other men deal with resentment. And it's so funny how it festeres in all of us so differently. How do some people deal with anger? Because resentment is essentially like another form of anger. Yeah. Well, for me, I just kind of bottle it up and then tell no one. But these other guys, these other guys were like, man, and this guy, this mother ever stiffed me. And he was like, man, I wanted to murder him.

And he's like, but I can't. And like, that's what, that's what I've learned. It's like, I got to forgive that person who stiffed me. And I was like, whoa. That's crazy. He's like, I want to take a baseball bat to the car. Yeah, no. And slash the tire.

Yeah. And I just, I, man, that anger, you got to get it out because. I know sometimes, like. You know, I never was that kid that, like, punched the other kid. But, like, I wish I would have been at one point. Because I bet what it felt. It would have felt real good in that moment. Is this you or is this just your hormone set in the postpart?

Because it could just be, like, when you look at me with that, you know, that hatred that we talked about a second ago, I'm like, she didn't mean it. It's just her hormones. Anyway, we have been doing, you know what I think would be really helpful is we have been doing a lot of, um, a lot of marriage counseling. Not because we have had marital issues, but because I think we're both changing. Like, you know, they say people change like every seven to ten years. Oh, yeah. We're both evolving.

Like, we're both evolving and we're not the same people we were. And so, like, the things that used to work just don't work anymore on each one of us. And, like, Jordan's literally not the same person I married in a good way. And I'm probably not the same person you married. No. Or maybe I am and that's the problem. But anyway. I'm like, ha ha ha ha ha. I'm like, just we get that on the team. No, but I just, it takes me a little bit slower. I'm a little bit more like on my own pace. Anyway, and so, yeah, like I think that we are like, okay, we need to kind of learn how to deal with this newer, you know, better and improved version of ourselves.

So we started going to marriage counseling again. And the biggest thing that we learned that we are, we're really. extremely bad at was communicating through conflict. Like communicating our feelings, communicating when one person was their needs were not being met. Like we, it started so many fights where we were just, we were just going back and forth, back and forth, just trying to make the other person understand our perspective and our feelings, but not like listening to the other person and understanding where they were coming from. And so it's been crazy. Because, like, no, I don't even know if you know this. Like, even when we fight now, like, our fights are so, like, inspired by therapy now.

Like, we fight. And then we'll be like, okay, so to recap what you're saying is, what you're saying is you feel that, da, da, da, da, da, da. You know, like, we actually talk in a different way now. Yeah. Have you noticed that? I thought we could go over, like, some of the actual strategies, like, tangible things that we've been doing in our communication when we've been dealing through, like, working through conflict. Because it's like little tips and tricks that make a huge different. Yeah. Do you think that my communication towards you has changed that much?

Oh, a million percent. But like honestly, like I'm 10 steps ahead of you for sure. Whoa. Really? In the communication, health of our communication. Listen, I don't want to like just break up these 10 rules we're about to share right before we share them. But like, see, it's so funny because I wasn't sure if my communication changed or just the way. way that you received it changed. You've gotten better, but you still have a little bit of work to do. And I definitely have been working on the way I receive it for sure. Okay.

So I could be, I could be, both could be right. Yeah, you've definitely gone from like a one to a five. Interesting. I'm like an eight. Before we get into all of our strategy and tips and tricks, what's the biggest trigger in my current five state of communication for you? Well, let me tell you what you used to do that like really was hard for me. was like I would be like, Jordan, I feel like you don't give me, like you have no empathy for like

how much I'm staying up breastfeeding every night. Like I have no, I'm so exhausted. Like my body hurts so much. I feel like you do not feel empathy for like what I'm going through. And you're treating me like any other day when I'm like postpartum. And you would be like, Danny, your feelings don't make sense. You literally would say. I never said that. Oh my. my gosh, I literally, like, it's all I journal about. No, no, let me. Jordan, you'd be like, your feelings, Danny, like I, you'd be like, Danny, I did this, this and this.

So, like, I get that you feel that way, but your feelings don't make sense. Like, your feelings are wrong. I don't, I think that, can I just practice how I think I would have said it? I think what I would have probably said is, hey, Danny, like, I totally understand your feelings. No. Hold on, hold on. Okay. I totally understand your feelings. But, like, you know, there's, there's a difference. probably between like factually what's happening and then like how you feel about them. I look, I put quotes. I put quotes when you say something and I write it down verbatim.

Like I actually do because I know that it will get to this point where you deny what you said. No, I quote you. Let me see these quotes. No. I'll read the ones I'm comfortable sharing on to the interwebs. No, you can't you can't blast me like this. Let me read my own quotes. No, these are like serious.

They're like, it's too much. I quote you all the time. It's like one of my favorite things to do. You're kind of like obsess with me. I know. But yeah. So anyway, but that was really hard for me because your feelings don't have to make sense. They're feelings.

So let's go through. I actually have a really interesting one. Okay. That is going to maybe blow your mind. Is this a strategy or a example of? So I actually wrote down six tips. for communicating through conflict with your loved ones. So this one is super interesting,

and I don't think you'll know this one. Also, like, shout out to our therapist, because he taught me a lot of these. He's going to be like, this is my content. Okay. So, um, so,

when you're communicating with someone, what percentage? So you have the three Vs. You have verbal, vocal, and visual communication. So verbal would be like the words that you're saying. Vocal would be like your tone, you know, like, how are you saying it? Your tone, you know, that's a, that's a tone.

And then visual would be your body language. Like, how are you, what are you doing with your arms, your hands, your eyes, your whatever. So what percentage when you're communicating with words, tone, and body language, what, like, how much merit do you put on each? Like, what, so, like, if it's, if it's, if it's 100%, how much does, do, do, does, do, does, you know, what, does, words mean, how much does tone mean and how much does body language mean in the total of communication? Am I supposed to guess? Yeah. I would say it's not equal split. That would be 33%. Yeah, 33. 33 or whatever. I don't think it's equal. So I think words are probably 60%. Okay. I would say tone is another 30%.

And then I would say what's the, what do you? Body language. Body language is the last 10%. Okay. Let me tell you what it really is. Words are 7%. They're basically nothing. Oh. Your tone is 38%.

Your body language is 55%. Oh, yeah. Your therapist does not like my body language. She called that all. Yeah, because when you're, you're talking to me, this is Jordan in our therapy sessions. You're not facing toward me. Okay. Can I ask you something though? Look at your body language right now. You know what your body language tells me right now? Well, you just reamed me with my quotes. Let me tell you. No, it's it says you're relaxed. You're confident. You're a little shut off from me. You feel a little

defensive. I'm like, hug. No, what were you going to say? Have you ever like, you know, like when you leave a voicemail or like a voice note to someone and then you like listen to it back and you're like, that's my voice? Every time we post anything on the internet. Yeah. It's so.

A lot of the times, it's so interesting, would you call it 58%? Um, this tone. 38% is tone. 38% tone is so interesting because when I was growing up, everyone would always say I was so monotone. Even when I read ads, y'all are like, the way that you hear me saying it and the way I think I'm expressing it in my head or what I hear in my head is so different. So, um, isn't tone subjective?

It's a genuine question. No, I think tone, I mean, it's literally like if you're yelling at someone. Okay. That's yelling. If you're whispering, then you're trying to be quiet. If you're sarcastic, maybe you get a lower voice. If you're laughing, that's tone. You know what I mean?

Yeah, so we're not talking about like octaves. We're talking. Well, I know, but like sometimes I feel like it comes off more cold. even when I'm trying to be super careful with my words with you. It's like I think sometimes when I shut down in our communication, I'm like, okay, I am. You know what you do a lot? No, but tell me. You're going to tell me.

You say the word, you say, Danny in the middle of your sentences a lot. It's extremely condescending in my opinion. You'll be like, okay, but you'll be like, listen, Danny, Danny. And you're like, Danny. It's so funny because Oh man I wish that there was like another I wish we had more male listeners

Because what I know is going to happen When people listen to this podcast And I can tell by our producers Headshakes who's a female Just being like yes queen Yes queen is like you're going to be like They're going to be like go off Annie Yes yes yes yes I feel this is my husband all the time

And I wonder if the husband's listened If they would be like Oh gosh No like because here's the thing like Just don't be a jerk like honestly just be nicer. Right. Like, just have some empathy. Like, females are hormonal. Like, we are

sensitive. We are going through a lot. Like, we are postpartum. We are, you know, breastfeeding children. Like, I am sensitive. So, so be sensitive. But here's my question is, like, again, I'm just trying to present a counterpoint. I don't know a single husband of all the husbands that I know

that's, like, woke up and is like, you know what, I'm going to be a jerk today. I'm going to be a jerk to my wife. That's what, you know what, I think it's going to pay me dividends if I'm a jerk. Like, we all know if we're jerks, we're in the doghouse. Like, it's, you know how cold it is out there? Like, no one wants to be a jerk. And so, like, where I get so confused with these conversations is like, like, I'm like, you, you hear me being a jerk. And in my heart of hearts, I'm like, be sensitive, be sensitive, you know? Yeah, maybe it's just. That's why I asked about the octaves because I thought maybe we were just off in terms of like, like, you think I'm,

you think I'm sounding like this and like so cold and stuff. No, that's not that. I should be like, Danny, I love you girl. You know, like, you know, it's just like maybe if I like play with the octaves, like, we can get on the same page of hearing each other. Dave, it's not the octave. It's like, no. Okay.

Okay. No, okay. Listen, I'm being hard on you. I'm sorry. It's okay. it's okay. What I'm doing is I'm over here just really trying to own my side of the street. Okay. So you just let me know how I can do that better. I'm not, I'm not fighting you back. I'm here to own my side of the street. So you're saying that you're listening to learn, listening to understand, not listening to defend. No, this one, you got me dead right time.

No, I'm just, I'm kidding. Is that tip number two? That's tip number two. So just explain it. So tip number two is listen to understand not to reply. So so much. So so many times. And I would say this was probably what we did the most. This is what we did wrong, the most in our communication, was we both would just get on the defense and try to prove and try to win the argument. So let's just say the argument is about, like, I asked you to put the dishes away after dinner and you didn't put the dishes away. Did it 15 minutes later. That also ends up in fight. It's like when you say, will you do the dishes after dinner, what you really mean is like, do it now. No, I don't care.

Yeah, no. That's okay. You do. Okay, okay. So, you know, that, it's like, that makes me feel like you don't care, that you don't care about me when you don't do the dishes, let's just say, for example. And then. Or bring you coffee in the morning.

Yeah. And then, for example, Jordan would say, you told me, you told me you felt forgotten last Saturday morning. I also the thing about our morning routine or my morning routine is like, and I'm totally cool with this. Like I'll wake up at around 6.30 because Stella is like getting Cheerios or something crazy outside. So I'm like, okay, I have to wake up by 630 because if I'm not up by 630, I can't shower first. And if I don't shower first, then I'm kind of like moody and grumpy and groggy. And so like my showers my reset. And it's like my signal that I'm like, okay, day started. And then I

And then I go and make Danny coffee and then I get Stratton up. So there's three things I have to do in the morning. Okay. And what I've learned is that if I, last Saturday morning, I got up, I showered first because Stratton still was still asleep. And then I got Stratton and then I made Danny coffee. And when I walked in there, she had her, her boob pumps on. And it was like this like low light shadow on her face from her cell phone.

It's dark. The fan's going. And it's silent. And I just say, hey, babe, and she says, I feel forgotten. It's because I effed up owning my side of the street. I effed up the series of events. Like, I should have pre-made the coffee, gotten out of bed, rolled out of bed, gotten the coffee, brought it there, innocent until proven guilty after that,

showered, then gotten stradden. And it's like every morning, I can't get this series of events right. I just tell you what's happening though throughout the entire night is every two hours I'm waking up to pump and I look at you. I just, I look to my left. Yes. And you're over there to snoring away. Snips snoring away. Okay. And I'm just struggling. I'm covered in night sweats. Breast milk's flying everywhere. Every two hours I'm getting up. I have to wash, you know, we get all the parts. I have to get the new parts. And it happens all over every two hours. All I really am looking forward to in the morning is that cup of coffee. And I think, you know what? The one thing he'll do for me will be that cup of coffee. You know, I'm feeding his child. I'm making, you know, food for his child that I birthed. That came out of my BJJ naturally, you know.

For sure. So I was like, you know, just that one cup of coffee will really just do it all for me. Yeah, yeah, for sure. No, I feel that. I've been waking up with like horrible morning anxiety. Like I just did something wrong. Like, truly, like the past four days. Because you just.

I like, it's like so crazy. I wake up with this morning anxiety and I immediately like open my arms. I'm like, what did I do wrong? What did I do wrong? And I've been trying to figure out like. Because I'm just staring at you all night. No, for real. Like I've been trying to figure out like where that energy is coming from.

And I just think I identified it's coming from your soul into my soul. You're just staring at me with hatred while you pump all night. It's not hatred. No, it's not hatred. It's just low grade. No, it's not. It's not. Oh my God.

Okay. Okay. So anyway, my point was, what was my example that I had with the, we were just, I was talking about listening to understand not to reply? Yeah. Oh, okay, the dishes. Okay, so the dishes. Let's just say that Jordan didn't do the dishes.

And I say, it makes me feel like you don't care about me when you don't do the dishes. And then maybe in the past, Jordan would say, Danny, that makes no sense. I did, I picked the kids up from school. I, you know, ironed your shirt. I'm making these up. He's never ironed a shirt in his life. Sorry. I'm getting so roasted.

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I did all these other things. Yes. But it's like, it doesn't matter because if I feel that way, you can't take away. the way the way I feel. Yeah, for sure. You know what I mean? For sure. Oh my gosh.

Okay. Can I just ask this question? I mean, what if I felt, I'm just going to make something up? What if I felt like because, man, I'm just trying to think, like, what if I feel something that's totally illogical? Because I feel like when I feel something that's totally illogical, I get put on trial. What can't give an example? I can't give an example because, but what I'm saying is like, I feel like feelings are fact when it's a one-way street.

But if my feelings are not factual, then I don't know if they're heard, right? So what are you feeling? I don't know. That's a larger issue. I don't know. Let's move on. Okay. We'll get into double standards, probably something.

Okay. Okay. number two, it's very helpful when you're having a conversation to set goals for the conversation before you get started. We did this well yesterday. The goal for a conversation is to get on the same page, figure out how to move forward in a healthier way, and discern or, you know, we'll write down three things that we'll each do differently. You know, but having goals will also keep you like staying focused on the, on the conversation and not, what do we call it? Kitchen sinking everything, which is very easy whenever you are angry with someone to just say, okay, you're upset I didn't do the dishes. Well, let me lay out 10 other things that, you know, I'm upset about to like, or 10 other things that I did right that day to prove that you're wrong.

that's what we call kitchen sinking and that never goes well because then you just talk for hours and you just leave even angrier so just staying focused on the conversation and setting goal that has helped us a lot did you really did we really unpack the listening to understand not to i don't know do you want to go back to that one um i mean i think it's one of the more helpful ones because I feel like I'm always listening to defend or reply. Mm-hmm. You know, I think I'm most guilty of that. One thing I've learned from this for all the, you know, our two male listeners is,

you know, you never, I never understood how much time these conversations really take if you want to do them right, you know? Like, we process on totally different time frames. I would say they're shorter now. do it right. No, because we don't loop back around. But the one trick of the trade I feel like I learned was when you're listening to understand and not listening to respond, I give you a really, I give you a long time to respond. Like I would used to be like if there was gap and you were just kind of like processing and thinking, you know, those moments in our conversations where I'll be

like, you know, I mean, here's how I feel about something. And you just are silent. I used to be like, okay, well, and then I would try and work it out for you. I'd be like, okay, well, so are you feeling this? Because I would want to kind of move the conversation along. Mm-hmm. You know, and I just, I really underestimated how, how long that silence can go on. I, you know, don't record our conversations, but I do time them. And I think the longest silence we have had is about two minutes.

and 15 seconds. I believe it. From me. From you. Yeah, because you just take a longer time to process. But I've... Because you know, I'm thinking all the things I want to say that I shouldn't. Okay.

That's fair. I mean, you're clearly processing something, but I used to remember, I used to not listen to understand. So I'd fill the gaps. And then what I did is I probably overwhelmed you more because I gave you like, are you thinking this? Are you feeling this? Are you feeling this?

Because I was just like trying to move it along. And so I just thought that was a really good trick of the trade. Might be particular to our relationship. Just sit and wait. No, truly. Embrace the silence. I mean, do you honestly feel like that's helpful? I never thought about it.

Really? Yeah. Oh, it's been a good thing that I feel like I've done. Okay. So maybe even like bite your tongue? Just listen. Just, I would say maybe understand that brains move at different speeds. And that's okay. Like, no, I'm not saying yours moves slower.

It does. It's okay. It's like you are a way slower processor than I am. And like, that's totally okay. And I think that you used to say in therapy, I think the words were, she just talks so much, you know, remember? She does? No, you said that about me. Oh, yeah. You just talk so much. I would say that you would go off on rants. Rants, right, right, right. Yeah. And so... Do you agree with that?

Well... You don't see I'm getting curious here. Yeah. I think I agree with it now because I've really understood just that silence, you know? Like I think a lot of my rants were like me trying to fill the gap of the silence, which was necessary for you to process. Was this number, this is probably number four. There is a difference between sharing your feelings and sharing your thoughts. A lot of times we get together and we're like, let's have a conversation where we can share

our feelings and try to understand each other's feelings. But really, you just get together. You recap the conflict. You recap the stories. You share your thoughts, not your feelings. Feelings are actually, you know, I wrote some feelings down. And it's pain, lowliness, fear, anger, guilt. shame, joy.

And so you can, like a lot of times you're just recapping the story to get your point across, but you don't actually share like, hey, ultimately, when you didn't do the dishes, it actually just made me feel lonely. What? Why would it make you feel lonely? Because it makes me feel like you don't care about me and I feel very lonely and I want to feel like I have my partner and, you know, I'm making this all up. But actually kind of like getting to the root.

of what you're feeling in it, I think can help create some more empathy between each party instead of just like going back and forth over the facts. Because you and I just went. We typically just go out the facts. And we're like both like little attorneys trying to like prove our point, you know? And like you really could be an attorney. So it's not easy to argue with you. Thank you for that.

So sweet. Yeah. No, I mean, and it's not about the facts. What's it about? The feelings. There you go. I'm so good. I mean, I am purple belt.

Not black, not blue. Purple. With one star. Okay, moving on. Number five. Oh, I put feelings are always valid regardless of what is said or done. And then number six, try using eye statements. instead of you?

Rookie, yeah. That's easy. It's like 101. What's an example of this? Like, like, your mean versus like I feel like you are being mean. I think those are kind of the same thing. No, because one's like I feel in my feelings. But I so I think it would be like,

your mean is one of them. And then another what, like, instead of saying you're mean, you would say, I feel hurt or I feel sad or I feel angry when you don't do the dishes or something. I feel lonely when you are being mean. We're still going to work on this one. No, I'm kidding. I'm messing with it. I'm just, I'm just roasting myself.

I'm joking, guys. I understand the I versus you. I'm not an idiot. She's my purple belt. A purple belt. I did. Okay. So yeah, those are like some little things you've been learning in therapy.

Anything else you've been learning in individual therapy? Live, laugh, love. I can't. Just live laugh, love. Why you're so serious. Just live laugh, love. Oh, gosh. I mean.

I honestly, listen, I can't answer that unless you want to open up a giant camera. Okay, okay, we won't. Okay, because like, listen, I'm going deep into the woods of Tennessee next week. Oh, yeah, tell him about what you're doing. I'm going deep into the woods of Tennessee to, um, I'm going after my black belt. Um, I'm going to heal. I'm going to own my side of the street. So he's doing this like, um, there, I'm not going to say which one it is.

Yeah. Because they're, they have them all over the country. They have some in California. I mean, some in Texas. They're everywhere. And he's going for a week to a, it's like a healing retreat. Mm-hmm. Is it healing or like, it's like a therapy retreat, essentially.

I want to do it too. Yeah. It's a lot of childhood trauma. Oh, sorry. I thought you were good. I'm not saying I'm going for childhood trauma. I'm saying that's what it's, it can help with that. Yeah, it can help with anything.

Yes. we've had a friend that went for never mind I won't say yeah I'm going for probably codependency I think that's my sickness like you are my sickness oh god

codependency is like example of this would be like I want Danny to be happy and if Danny is not happy it's really hard for me not to be happy you know And so the shadows, which sounds like a really good thing, trust me, it's wrapped in all great intentions. You know, we have a support group, me and the Instagram husbands, and we're all codependent.

And all we sit about, what we used to sit around and talk about is like, I don't freaking understand. Like, we love our wives. Like, we're good dudes. Like, yeah, we're trying to like help them and like fix all these things in their lives. And like the shadow side of codependency is that like I kind of wrap you in bubble wrap. and then like you don't have, I take away your power to solve your own problems. That's good. And then we hit a, what was last episode?

How did you define it? Rock bottom? So I'm going deep into the woods of Tennessee to own my part in this rock bottom episode. In this bubble wrap even. I'm actually kind of scared because it's, I heard it's like pretty intense. I had a deep, deep, deep therapy. My friend's husband did it and he does it like a couple times. Like he's done multiple and people love it.

You know you're going to be out there. You're going to be out there with Aaron Rogers just beating that drum. You know, I'm not going to do Iuoska. Yeah, but you know, it's like similar vibes. Like, you know, you're singing kumbaya and you're all just beating that drum and you're like have braids and body pain. I don't think it's going to be like that.

I'd be like that. No, it's not. I bet you're going to make some great friends. I want to go so bad. Yeah. I want to go heal some. But they take my phone and I'm like, at this point, I'm like, I'll throw this thing into a pond. Like, you take it.

So, yeah, we'll see how it goes. That's so weird. I just realized I won't be able to talk to you. I know. Are you scared about that? Oh, my God. We're going to love each other so much. Like, you know, like, distance speaks to heart of honor.

I'm 1,000 percent. Like, I just like, I just want to miss you. I know. I just want to like, like, just need a chug of time, like, a way where I just like, miss you. You're like, it's like so like dawning on you that you're not going to be able to talk to me. And then literally I've just been like, she's not going to be able to talk to me. Like I thought about it for like, like, oh, it's just now coming to me? Yeah, it's just not coming to you. Yeah. What does it make you feel that you can't talk to me for a week? That means you can't check in. Isn't that weird? Like, what is there's an emergency? No, babe. I went to the divvy office.

You know. Yeah. Like I went to the divvy office. office for like an hour for like an hour and she calls me and she's like the tires pop what do I do? And I'm like you know part of my like co-dependencies I'm like I can't be like you're smart figured out. Like I like I'm like okay well like don't worry babe like I'll dial the number. I'll like all three way in and then like you just like you're like okay thank you. And then you're like talking to the agent. I'm like okay like I got to go and you know hang up. And so yeah I don't know what's going to happen. But like I know that you're going to survive. I'm just telling you it's because I asked you just send me the number. Also, like, anything car related, I feel like your husband should help you

in. Totally. Listen. My dad always helped me with my car. Hey, listen, listen. I took care of that one time when they, when they called the fire department on our house by accident and we didn't have a fire. And then I remembered the past code. And you didn't remember the past code. Dan, listen to me. if you if you figure out the formula of codependency of when is healthy for me to be supportive i.e. fix your tire versus when is unhealthy i.e. what's something unhealthy i've done that's made you well i know what the formula is i can teach you and i'll probably save you a lot of money you don't have to go to tennessee anymore. Danny Austin I need to go to Tennessee. It's so important that I get away. No, I'm just telling you. Can I just tell you though something?

Yes. Yes. Okay. I think the difference is, is when I call and ask for help. I don't buy it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like, okay, for example, for example, you're thinking about making a change in your business. You know what I'm talking about? Mm-hmm. Okay. Like, you know, the new person. You asked me to text all these people and we're like, can you go back, channel this other person for me. And I was like, what's back channel I mean? Like ask for references. Like, do you all like working with this person? You know, and stuff like that. And you asked me to do that. And I was like, my co-dependency, spiky senses. It's like our business though. We're doing it together.

Right. But like I knew the reason I didn't do it is because I knew that if I would have done that task for you, you would have not felt bought in and felt ownership yourself over that decision. Does that make sense? No, I would have, I think I would, I would have appreciated it. This is why I'm going to Tennessee. I don't understand the formula. The formula's effed, guys. Like, I mean, I sit here and I try and I think about the formula.

It's like I'm trying to find a new element. It's kind of like the same thing that a lot of moms and daughters go through. You know, whenever it's like, mom. Like, I, it's like, I don't want you around because all you do is just like try to give me advice and like tell me what to do and how to live my life. And it's like, mom, like, I'll call and ask. Like, if I call and ask for help, then that's when I want help. Otherwise, I'm, you know, 32 years old. I really am just now looking for like someone, like another kind of friend.

Like I'm not like, I'll call you and ask you help when we need it. But I don't need you to come like parent me all that time. Right. You know? Right. It's kind of like that. It's like, yeah. Yeah, like when we call and ask for help and if you want to set your boundaries and say,

no, Danny, I'm not going to do this. Then that's a different story. But like, I think the codependency is doing stuff for people when they're not asking for it. Right. Probably, probably. So, I mean, you know, I just want to like put that. The subtle shadow side of codependency is it is this kind of really mind F way version of manipulation and control.

Like, because, you know, like, I think part of your rock bottom, and you can correct me if I'm wrong or take this out, but part of your rock bottom was you had a team around you whose job is to reduce your stress and to make sure that you are happy and thriving, et cetera. Like literally it's their job in this weird world of Instagram. Like it is their job to support you. And I think celebrities go through this too, right? where it's like they have everything not done for them, but like they at least have people who are

trying to do everything for them. Okay. Protect them. Protect them. Watch out for them. Playing everything. Read them. And even if they're not communicating and asking for help, like reacting and being like, yeah, fill gaps. And on top of your team that you had, you had a husband who thought it was his job to reduce any sense of friction that you had in your life. Can I give an example? Great. Go. So I can't think, sorry, I can't think of specific examples, but I can think of like themes

that have happened. Like there would be hate that I'd be getting online or narratives online. And everyone on my team would know about it except for me. Yeah. So many times. And like everyone would be like talking about, oh, this is going on or is she going out or does she know or whatever. And it's not doing it. They're not doing it out of like harm. They're actually trying to protect me probably because they're like, man, she, they've,

since they actually know what's going on in my personal life, they're like probably like she can't handle this on top of all of that. And so then like, and then I would find out like two weeks later. I'd be like, what the heck? Why didn't know if you guys tell me? Like. Yeah. And then the belief was, oh, we didn't want you to feel stressed or you're so fragile or whatever the belief was. And It was like good, right? Like it's... It's done out of the good place in your heart. Yeah, it's like everything I've done the past two years, I think, has been because, like,

I'm trying to be the best husband that textbook I thought I was supposed to be. But like, the shadow side of it is like, you know, in some instances, I took away your ability to fail or to feel stress or to feel or to even feel... anything and figure out how you feel about it, right? And so in a crazy counterintuitive way, like, that was like this weird form of me trying to make you happy so that like our home could be stable because I was like, if I don't do this and if I don't protect Danny and if I don't get ahead of all these things and carry this giant burden of like wrapping this protective bubble around Danny than like everything in our home and our family. And I'm not talking about our business. I don't care about

that. It's more of like our home and our family is going to collapse. And what's crazy about your rock bottom and why I'm going to Nashville, sorry, not Nashville. Why I'm going to Tennessee is like my epiphany right now is that like Danny didn't lead herself to a rock bottom like I had a partner. Well, how do we transition from that note, really? There was one other thing I was going to say. Okay. I don't know, but you're not going to talk to me a week. I'm not being codependent for a week.

Peace out, queen. And we're going to come back and you're going to miss me. Are you going to miss me? Yes. Can you write letters? My dear standing I've been gone for a 24-hour fortnight I miss you so

It's February 15th 914th It's cold here Yet my soul is warm He's right me romantic letters I'm going over Valentine's Day so Yeah he is It's okay You want to meet you too

We agreed upon these dates We did everyone We did it's okay I'm getting slammed on this podcast. I'm going to hate me. It's fine. Hate me, don't hate her. I'll protect my queen.

I'm a codependent queen, king. Okay, so we've been talking for about an hour. Should we move on to something a little bit more lighthearted just for a second? I think we should move on to things that make you go. Hmm. You know, we got some crazy. pod culture thing is going on in today's days. The chiefs are in the Super Bowl again.

Are we going to be watching the Super Bowl? What's your plans for the Super Bowl? I don't know. Probably the same as you're saying. What are our plans for the Super Bowl? So our friends are having people over, which will be fun. And couples are going. You know, we're going to have to bring a snack.

I'm going to watch some of Macy Blackwell's, you know, Instagram would get like a good, good, Super Bowl snack idea. We should have her on the podcast. She lives in a suburb. I would love to know, I bet the moms are mean to her. I'm, listen, this is,

I'm on your side, Macy. I bet she deals with some wrath. Macy's so sweet. She's like the sweetest person. I've never met her, but she seems sweet. She just likes to make her little sandwiches. Are you kidding me? Like, not little. They're like, insanely. She likes to make her

crafts. Yeah, she's very, talented. Yeah, I agree. Um, okay. So, you know, have you heard that it's Travis Kelsey's and he'd be like his last year? He might be retiring. How old is he? He's not that old. Yeah. Well, he's, is he? I think he's like 35. Huh. I could be wrong. Yeah. His body might be fond of. You know, he might be scared of is the, um, oh, CTE. CTE. Yeah. Or maybe he's going to get engaged to Taylor. I bet, you know, he's probably going to need to call us because he's going to quit football and he's going to go through an identity crisis and he's going to need to join the Instagram husband support group.

And I think I'm the leader. I don't know, but I feel like the informal godfather. And so he can call me. Call me, Trav. Do you know who's performing for the Super Bowl? No. Kendrick Lamar. Really?

Kay Lamar. He's having like a year. He's having a big year. He took down Drake, right? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It is A minor. A minor.

Some people think that Taylor Swift might come out to bad blood with Kendrick Lamar. Like. That'd be pretty dope. I mean, that would be insane. But you know what she's probably thinking because she's just such a kind person? She doesn't want to spill the spotlight. She's like. But I feel like that this is like his third year being in the Super Bowl.

You know, if this was like his first or even his second, this is third and like you know Travis is like begging Taylor Swift to do it you know that he's like I want my queen up there like he's like he's so confident

he doesn't care he's not like that like he's not like that Joe Alwin sensitive type that's like this is my movie stay out of my movie like Joe Alwyn's movie is like four hours long

why isn't Joe Alwin in any good movies he's he's a hipster let's just say it I feel like he probably doesn't take like the popular mainstream roles. He's after, he's after an art film Oscar.

Yeah. He's after. Yeah. And I, you know, I was like, gonna give him a chance. I think I've defended him

a couple times on this podcast. And I was like, you know what, Joe, I've defended you. I'll go check out your movie. And I was like, four hours.

I was like, I haven't been out of the house for four hours in years. Like, how am I going to watch this movie? And it honestly looks boring. A.F. too, if I'm being honest.

It's like. Rude, babe. It just does. So what do you think? Do you think that Travis will propose to Taylor in 2025? I know you just released. He just looked his finger and put it out like he's testing the wind. I don't think he will this year. So, man, I mean, okay, the one thing that I think would be interesting,

moving on to topic number two, is if Taylor brings Blake Lively to the super. Bowl. Because she brought Blake lively last year to the Super Bowl, because, you know, they're like besties. Calisi. Yeah, Calisi. But man, Blake lively is just getting, like, destroyed in this Justin Baldoni lawsuit. And whether you like Candace Owens or not, she's covering it, like, really to a T. Like, I don't typically follow her, but I followed her just to follow all of the details of

this Justin Baldoni case. And she has, like, timelines, maps, like everything like. it's insane. She's going all out. But yeah, and then, you know, Ron Reynolds is being brought into it. And he's kind of like... Could she forgive him for that? I think that they're both complicit in this because Blake, a lot of like was what resurfaced online actually had nothing to do with like any PR firm or anyone. Like it was just that old reporter that released that old interview from so long. Like people are just

releasing old content of Blake and kind of just all generally decided that they didn't like anymore. And then I think Ryan was the one that encouraged this whole lawsuit, which he thought was going to put Blake probably in this really great feminist standpoint and like kind of along with like the Me Too movement. And then it just didn't end up like hitting that narrative. And so now it's just like a disaster. And what's really hard is all of the people that know Justin Baldoni personally that know him really well that are like speaking up on his behalf that are. extremely believable. They're like his good friends. He has really good friends and like really good community that are like no, Justin Meldon, he's like an amazing guy. I mean, you know,

two things can be true. I think he probably did some weird stuff on set. Do I think he should been sued for it? I don't know. Like some of the stuff like, I don't know. It's hard to say. It doesn't seem like he did anything like actually like illegal or it just probably was like unprofessional. You know, but like it probably would have been best for Blake and Ryan to just like move on and not victimize themselves. Because like there's also this power imbalance with this lawsuit. It's like you're, you guys are mega A-list celebrities. And Baldoni is kind of like kind of a nobody.

So there's like me, you know, taking the high road and just saying, hey, we're not going to work with him again. You know, he's a weirdo. Like moving on probably would have been the best thing to do. Yeah. Because now people just want to defend the small. guy. It's a mess. It's a true mess.

It's a mess. It's a mess out there. Can I just end on one thing I learned this week? This is my new section, I think. Things Jordan read on the internet. Okay. Wait, we need to talk about,

I want to talk about this really fast. Okay, yeah. Matt and Rachel's breakup. I have been getting so many texts in DMs about Matt and Rachel's breakup. And the reason is because we spent the entire day with them. Actually, a day and a half with them.

They were on our podcast. I mean, we even did a freaking Instagram where we set up like a fake wedding. I actually forgot about that. Where it looked like he was going to propose to her. I forgot that we spent the day prior to that. I asked him point blank, are you going to marry her? And I'll talk about that in a second. But yeah, so it was just like nonstop in getting texts about this.

So Rachel went on Call Her Daddy. I have not listened to it. I'm to be honest. Yeah. I can't listen to it because they're like friends, they're fan. Genuinely, I love both of them individually so much. Like, and I just want, like, I want to hear it from Rachel personally when I talked to her.

And maybe I'll listen to episode. Maybe I won't. But we reached out to Matt and Rachel both to come back on to de-influence and to talk. But, you know, who knows if they well, they're going through a lot. And obviously she was just on Call Her Daddy, which is a bit bigger podcast. So it makes sense. We're getting there. Two episodes back.

But the couple was in Tokyo when they were butting heads. The fight ended up sparking an even bigger fight, Rachel said, stating it just opened a can of worms, which ultimately led to Matt deciding to end things. Rachel then got on a plane back home where she didn't have Wi-Fi right before she took off her phone started blowing up. And she saw that Matt publicly announced their breakup on Instagram. She said it seemed like something about marriage really scared. but didn't want to speak for him.

I will just say this one thing. When we spent the day with Matt and Rachel, I almost said Matt and Abby, when we set the day with Matt and Rachel, I, like I said, like, genuinely, like, they are both amazing people. You know, I'm sure their relationship wasn't perfect. No relationship is. but when I talked, when I was around Matt, the one thing I will say is I just felt like he was, he kind of reminded me of my brother like five years ago. Like he, he's amazing. He has like a good

heart. He wants marriage. It just didn't seem like he was like ready for that. Like he wasn't like ready for that. He had, has so many things he wants to do and so much he wants to accomplish. And it kind of felt like Rachel was more, like was just in a different place in her life. That was like the one, I wouldn't say I got like a red flag about it. That was just like the one, you know, assessment I kind of made is like these two people are amazing. It just seems like the timelines are not adding up and doesn't seem like this, this is making sense. And so to be honest, when I heard they broke up, I was not shocked at all. Like it did not. I was like, that makes a lot of sense because like I think that they were probably extremely compatible when you just look at them individually. But when you look at kind of. of like what they're wanting for the next five to ten years of their life. It didn't seem like that that part was aligned. And I think that they even said that they lived in different cities. Like she lives in Atlanta, right? And then he like lives in New York or Miami. He lives in Miami. But he was traveling 24-7 and she was in Atlanta. And I thought, that's so weird. Like, you know,

like this is the time. Like if you're like madly in love with someone, I would want to be with them 24-7, you know? And so I just remember thinking like when I heard up, they broke up. I was like, That just doesn't surprise me at all. It just seems like he wasn't ready. Can we get mad on the pod? You can get mad too. I just wasn't mad. But yeah, you can get mad?

No, no. Can we get Matt on the pod? Oh, they said mad. I was like, if you want to get angry about it, you can. No, I'm not angry. I think that there's probably more to this story. And I think that Matt should probably. I just don't think there's that.

People are searching and I think that they want, they're like trying to destroy Matt. They are, Matt is like a good person and so is Rachel. And I'm not saying he handled the breakup perfectly, but y'all, how do you handle a breakup? Well, can I just- Is there a rolebook for like,

this is exactly what you should post when you post it? And like anything he would have done because he's a dude in this situation because he was the one that broke up with her, he's going to get crapped on no matter what. Like, let me just like fan fiction for a second. So you're Rachel, I'm Matt. I break up with you.

We both mutually disguised. You're ultimately the worst. That's like, no matter what you're going to be the worst because you broke up with. If she would have broken up with him, she would have been the bad guy. Right? No. I think it's always the guy, to be the guy. I think always the guy's always going to be the villain.

No, I think that it, no. If she would have broken up with him, it would have been like, Rachel, self-love, do you girl? And you're so wrong. You're so wrong. Like, because, no, because they both got hate in their own ways from these episodes, like their own perspectives. And so it would have been like, Matt's such a good guy.

Like he loved her so much. And like she wasn't like it. She would have gotten hate to it. It's whoever breaks up with that person. Then it's like one person is the persecutor, one's the victim. I just feel like it typically. Maybe,

maybe sometimes. The aggressors usually assumed to be the male. But anyway, if I'm Matt, you're Rachel, we break up amicably, ish in Tokyo. Rachel goes and gets on a plane.

What if, I'm Matt and I'm texting Rachel and I'm like, hey, like, we probably should talk about how, like, we're going to address the internet. And then you're Rachel and you just go dark on me. And like, Matt is like probably driving himself nuts. And he's like, oh my gosh. Like, I know we made the right decision for our private life. But like, are you about to destroy me? So then he posts that just to kind of like, because she's not responding. Didn't have Wi-Fi. Not buying it. Anyway, like, she doesn't have Wi-Fi. So she's not responding. You're in a plane like thousands of feet in the air. You're not buying that she didn't have Wi-Fi. What I'm saying, what I'm saying, though, is like what if he posted that, which it wasn't like a bad post? It was like, please pray for us, right? Yeah, okay, but sorry, that's one other thing that probably rub people the wrong way. Well, yeah.

So she's like, I didn't have Wi-Fi, but what if in her non-responsiveness after a major life decision, he was like, oh my gosh, like, he made, maybe he made a wrong move, but he was like scared that she was like, scared that she was like, scheming against him or something. That's just not her personality. And I think he knows that. She wouldn't call her daddy. Yeah, but she was like defending him saying he was actually a great guy. If I get asked to go and call her daddy, I'm going. Me too.

Yeah, no, I just think we should have Matt on because I, I bet what we discover is that they're both pretty great people. And Matt's probably just. We'd be a great podcast from that side. RIP. We love them. We went the best for them individually. Or if they end up together again, but I don't think they will.

Yeah. Wait, so. We could have them both on. I was like, really trying to talk about it out. Like, are we thinking a matchmaker? No.

No. No. No. There's dead. The old Danny's dead. Yeah. Hello? I'm just the mom that posts a couple times in feed.

Every week. It's just lighter on. stories. I'm just overall well balanced. Stop. Okay. Let's move on to segment three. Things Jordan reads on the internet. It's quick. It's short. It's sweet. But it's hopeful.

Do you want a story of hope? It's about Gen Z. I found this article. And as a millennial, it really gave me some hope about Gen Z. Okay. Because here I am thinking, no offense to our producer in the room, here I am thinking, that Gen Z is all about TikTok and getting angry and fighting the patriarchy, all things I love and am supportive of with my whole entire heart. But I thought that was all is about. I was like, guys, we're going to have to grow up eventually and have families. And I was so shocked by this

data from the survey. Do you want to learn about the different three buckets of Gen Z that I learned about? Desperately. There's three buckets of Gen Z personas, the n. The next. The new. Neo-traditionalists, the fluid pragmatist, and the internet age explorers. Wow. I'm going to read first about... They sound like dinosaurs. Yeah, they do. You're right.

It's very Jurassic Park. The neo-traditionalist making up 29%. So this is the lowest group, but still 29%, Danny. That's a lot. 30%. It's less meaningful than our tone in verbal communication, but more meaningful than the words we use. Yes, that's true. 29%. They value stability, heritage, and traditional lifestyle choices such as home ownership,

suburban living, and long-term relationships. They prioritize financial stability and family. They're less focused on pursuing creative passions. And the report notes that 74% of them dream of a stable employment and 93% hope for stable relationships. That's not the Gen C I thought of. Is it for you? Why do you think that some of Gen C is like that? I think that they went through what we call the pandemic of 2020 and they're like, whoa, that was really crazy. And all I want is stability in my life. That's my theory. The second, the fluid pragmatists, they take a practical and moderate approach to life.

The realistic, prioritize financial independence, value mental health over physical health and are open to renting and electric vehicles. They seek work life balance and they also want higher. income. That's a little bit more like the Gen Z that I would think, but not bad. The way it spends it I'm good with. And then the last is the internet age explores, 38%. They have a desire for exploration, living in the city, and trying new things. They're less inclined towards civic engagement and prioritize a work life balance valuing remote work. They have an impulse to live life and have fun. Oh, let me see if there's any notes. That sounds like Gen Z to What I thought and a lot of people thought from this study was that we probably shouldn't be so chuggy and just be writing this generation off.

Like they're just a bunch of TikTokers. They work hard. They're after the American dream just like any other one of us. Yeah, of course. I mean, that's the same thing. People used to say the same thing about millennials. Yeah. When I started my YouTube channel, it was like the same thing.

Yeah. It was like, oh, she just wants to post videos. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, but now people like respect millennials kind of, do they? I don't know. Well, millennials are now, we're in power. And so we're now judging like we have the power. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Now we are the millennials judging or the, the gen X. Generation judging the Gen Z and Jed X. So I think the point of the study is like, don't judge a book by its cover. Yeah. And, you know, don't judge a generation by its letter.

letter. Be kind to your Gen Zie neighbor. Or be kind to your neighbor because they very well could be Gen Z. And they could be hiring you one day. True. Okay, guys. Well, that's it for today's episode. Thanks for listening. Make sure you check us out on Instagram and TikTok and we'll talk to you later, bye. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.