Dear Chelsea - A Big REDdit Flag with Neal Brennan

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Neal Brennan joins Chelsea to talk about resetting his brain with Ayahuasca and 5-MeO-DMT, whether or not all comedians are clinically depressed, and what it’s like to be the friend of the funny guy.  Then: A girlfriend finds some disturbing threads saved on her boyfriend’s computer.  A 90-day fiance situation gets rocky when a work-wife enters the chat. And a Gen-Z caller can’t stop her flings from falling in love with her, even though she’s just trying to get laid.   *  Check out Blocks with Neal Breannan * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, this is Chelsea Handjob calling. Hi, Chelsea.

This is Catherine. Where's Doug today? Doug took a big shadooby on the carpet at my new house, the carpet that I haven't even used yet, really. So he peed on it the other day, but today, this is actually a victory story. Because I walked out of the house, and then Doug was so upset. He went and shadoobied on the rug right as Ann Mabel was yelling at him to stop.

And he continued and then lifted his leg up and peed, looking at her in the eyes. Oh, my God. It is a complete reversal of fortunes from when I had Bert. This is going great. I fucking love Doug. Doug loves me. He wants to be with me. He gets upset when I leave.

Everything is working out perfectly. I just announced a bunch of dates for my stand-up. So, first of all, there are still tickets left for the Netflix is a Joke Festival, Saturday night on May 11th. I will be there at the YouTube Theater. So there are still tickets for that. And then I'm going to New Zealand and Australia. So you can find your tickets for that. And then I'm going to Hawaii. I have two shows in Hawaii on July 19th and July 20th, Maui and Oahu. And then I added 22 more dates. I have the Santa Barbara Bowl. I added 22 more cities. So

there's Saratoga, California, Portland, Maine, Connecticut, South Carolina, Indianapolis, St. Louis, Kansas City, Philadelphia, Dallas, Austin, Montclair, New Jersey. I will be taping my specials. San Diego, New Orleans, Atlanta, all the places. I'm going. I have one date in Hollywood, Florida. One show in Hollywood, Florida. If you want to see me in Florida, that's your opportunity. It's July 28th. Okay, well, those are all my dates, guys. Excellent.

Well, Chelsea, we have an exciting guest today. Oh, I know. He's a straight white male, guys. So you know that he's okay. He better behave himself, actually. Otherwise, he's going to go to jail. We love to prioritize straight white males on the show. We don't have a lot of straight white male guests on the show, but sometimes we do.

And today is one of those days. There are some kind of tricky questions for him. Oh, good. Perfect. I like to put a straight man on the hot seat. Please welcome Neil Brennan. Hi, Neil Brennan. What's up, motherfucker?

Hi. First of all, congrats on your latest special. How many specials have you had? I've had three and a half. I had to do a half hour for some reason. After my first, it was stupid. For Netflix? But three and a half hours.

You had to do a half hour? Oh, that's degrading. But I already done, it was stupid. Neil Brennan has a new special on Netflix called Crazy Good. It just came out. It's fucking funny. Catherine and I both watched it. Neil Brennan is one of the funniest comics out there.

So if you're not familiar with him, you should. He's drinking a bottle of Mountain Spring Flatwater, from what I can tell. Sparkling. Sparkling. Thank you. Oh, the red one is OK. All right. That's better.

That's at least better. Thank you. Oh, the red one is okay. All right. That's better. That's at least better. Thank you. And he also has a podcast called Blocks, which rhymes with, well, Cox it rhymes with. But Neil, I didn't realize how much you struggled with depression your whole life. Really? You couldn't just tell? Well, I think, you know what? All male comics strike me, not all, I shouldn't say all, but most male comics strike me as slightly depressed. So it becomes part of the package, you know, like being around comics. I mean, I think most comics are slightly depressed. It's not even just men. I'm curious as to what your estimation of female comics is, because I think I kind of agree with you about males, but I'm wondering, I'm like, how would I categorize female comic?

Is it like people pleasing or something? No, I think, I mean, I'm thinking right now about probably a lot of people we have in common and a couple of the girls have light depression, but generally as an overall sentiment, I don't find female comics depressed in the way that I do find male comics depressed I agree but I'm wondering what would you how would you categorize them anxious maybe anxious

I don't want to say people pleaser because I find most comics are actually female comics these days are not people pleasers they're more like fuck off like we've been through enough so just everyone could go fuck themselves is that that's more of an overarching theme and attitude among women so i don't know what the drive for women is it's an interesting yeah is it like maybe like frustrate anger like generalized anger and frustration about the way society is set up and the way yeah uh the sexism of nature i'm now thinking about how sexist nature is just with like periods and just all the stuff you guys have to go through that we kind of don't. Yeah. It would make me insane if I had to do it.

Yeah. Women do have to deal with a lot of bullshit. But you're also so inured to it that it becomes like a period. Having to like constantly prove yourself or without a woman is funny or that a woman is successful. I think the thing that irks women the most is the lack of respect that we get from men and especially male comics to female comics. There's that dynamic for sure. Like I was at an event recently and I was watching a very famous comedian do her thing. And I was watching the male comedians watch her and they

had no respect for her well what's funny is i have like uh i was gonna start by saying how much respect i have for you because it's you know when you like first hear about somebody and i'd heard you'd written a book it was like 0708 i'd heard you written a book and that the book was selling well. And then I saw you crush. And then you, then you were on E crushing for 10 years or whatever. And just like you just crush and you you're a huge draw and you have millions of fans. Like,

I feel like I've seen them. I went and saw you at comedy magic. Just, I think just you one time, like I'm an ally is what i'm trying to say what i'm trying to say is like with you no let me preface this myself but i didn't even but i agree with you like i i i agree with you that it is like because i feel like in some ways everybody feels like an underdog i think everybody in showbiz feels like an underdog. I feel like I was for a long time,

like Dave's plus one, David Chappelle's plus one. Like we were at the show together and then I was like pretending to do standup and then slowly but surely it was like, Oh, Oh. So I feel like I was able to earn, not like I earned it as if I was a woman,

but I earned this in a different way than everybody has to earn it. But I feel like mine took a long time and it was sort of public in a weird way. But I also think earning things, sometimes it takes longer. You're not the front and center person. You're kind of having an attachment to somebody else, which kind of catapults you into the spotlight in a different way. Can feel not like what you want at the beginning.

But when you have achieved the success that you've had and earning it feels right, doesn't it? Like working that hard and hustling that hard feels good. Yeah, because you look back on the things that you were like, I should have gotten that. And then you it's like I didn't realize how good I would have to be before people go, okay, fine. It's like, how hard do you need me to throw the ball? And they were just like, harder. We don't know why. Throw it harder.

And I'd be like, all right, here. And then they'd be like, okay, you're good. But it took so, from my point of view, mind-bendingly long to get there. So yeah, but you're right it is more satisfying than i never felt like i was grandfathered in but everybody else felt like i was grandfathered it's like i wrote the jokes and directed the sketches like you know what i mean like it wasn't like everybody thought i didn't do anything so it was it's nice to go like, okay, here I am. See this by myself. Ta-da. And people go finally like, okay, you're funny. Yes. I can relate to what you're saying a great deal because I also find out like, even when you are successful, which I've been successful for so many years since I was, you know, in my

probably late twenties, early thirties. And there were periods in my life where I had to prove and reprove the same shit I had already been successful at. And you're like, oh my God, are you fucking kidding me? Like, I remember taking a break from standup for six years after my Chelsea Lately show. I just was so burned out on every level. I'm like, I'm not doing standup. I can't do this anymore. I have nothing to say. And then when I went back to it six years later, like I understood, okay, you're not going to be playing arenas or what you were playing before. have to rebuild that but even my agents were like what are you going to do I'm like I'm going to do stand-up that's how I started and they're like but what's it going to

be what's it going to be about we don't get the show I'm like what what and then I finally just had to ignore them and literally put my head down and go okay I'll fucking show them what I'm going to do and I ended up selling that you know special to HBO Max when I came back on the scene and comedy, which was like three specials ago. But it was very frustrating to have to reprove the reason why you became successful in the first place. Yeah, it's embarrassing. But the good news is I think it kind of happens to everybody. Yeah, I really do. Like, I think every, I think even, I won't name guys, but we're like, I don't know. I think it's, maybe it's worse for women, but I think it's certainly exists for guys. And it's a terrible business for everyone involved.

I didn't realize you went to Catholic school. I thought, Neil, I thought you were a Jew. I know. Well, the thing I say is I'm not Jewish. I just have allergies. And you went to Catholic school. I thought, Neil, I thought you were a Jew. I know. Well, the thing I say is I'm not Jewish. I just have allergies. And you look a little Jewish. No, of course. I'm a Jew, so I know a Jew when I see one.

Pretty. You seem like one. Apparently. I have some of the features and the good joke writing. So, yeah, but I went to Catholic school for 12 years. Yeah, well, that'll fuck anybody up. But I was really, really curious to learn about all of the shit that you've had to try to help your depression.

And I want to talk about all of this stuff and what your reactions to all of this TMS, HGH gave you panic attacks, ketamine, ayahuasca and DMT. And then you flew to China to do intense TMS. So yes, I don't this was not just this sounds like I was just spinning a wheel and be like, fuck it. TMS again, it was a progression from just the basic therapy medication kind of hit a wall. I had Zoloft help for about 10 years, kind of hit a wall. And then heard about TMS. Well, wait, let's define what TMS is. Can you tell us? Yes, I will. TMS is called transcranial magnetic stimulation. It is a,

basically it's kind of an MRI plate or helmet, like sort of wand that they kind of put over your a part of your head and then they fire an mri beam and it's like sound it feels like a low energy woodpecker and it doesn't feel bad but you're just kind of like this is odd and it works for people and it worked for me and what is it supposed to do? It's designed to stimulate something? It activates the electricity of brain cells, is my understanding. I could be completely misinformed. Yes. I know the word stimulation is in the title. So let's say it stimulates some neurons to get back to work, so to speak. And why did you go to China for this?

Well, okay. So I did TMS probably 10 years ago in west la it i think it was about 40 sessions it's like three days four days a week and it's half hour you just sit there watch tv and then that it worked for a while and then i just after maybe six years i felt like i needed a tune up. Now, concurrently, there was a guy booking a show in Shanghai that Theo Vaughn had done. So I was like, oh, I'll do a show in Shanghai. The guy who runs the show has a brother that's a neurosurgeon in China, has a better unregulated TMS. While you're here, do you want to do it?

I was like, I only want to do it. I don't even care about the show in China. It was basically like five weeks of TMS in one week because it's a free for all. Worked pretty good. And then the TMS, I think you mean it worked pretty well. So the TMS really is like a mood lifter? It's none of it's like a mood lifter. It's not, nothing's like cocaine-y or like, you know, MDMA ish where it's like, boing. It's more just like the floor comes up a little bit. You know what I mean? In your mood. And that's how what I found with all this stuff. Zoloft was big. What about the ketamine?

Well, ketamine, I didn't like it. See, I've had like part twos with all these things. First time I did ketamine was like nine years ago. Didn't work. Didn't like it. Found the experience of it sort of like a goofy drug experience. No long-term positive effects. And then the big one for me was ayahuasca. Oh. Which you did once, right?

Yeah. Twice in two days. I didn't feel like it. You're right. So, yeah. So, in 2020, somebody sent me an article about ayahuasca. And they're like, we got to do this. I then get a hookup.

We do it. And it was like, good. It was like, oh, this is good in a way I can't really. It felt like sort of connected, you know? And in order to do it, you have to go off Zoloft. So I'd gone off Zoloft and was doing it and then i did it again and i basically on my third time i like woke up and i was like oh i'm in the uh presence of god i believe right now i was an atheist before that so i was like oh i have

now i have a spiritual connection. And I just felt different. Like I felt like the neurons in my brain had sort of been updated or changed in some way. And then I haven't gone back on Zola. Oh, well, that's a huge success story then. And how long ago was that? Four years ago. Wow. I fucking love that story.

Where did you do that? In LA? Yeah, near Six Flags. Thanks for asking. Perfect. I love Six Flags. Where did you do that in LA? Yeah. Near Six Flags. Thanks for asking. Perfect. I love Six Flags. What a safe environment for children. Wonderful. The screaming. Yeah. So that's been great. And then I did 5-MeO-DMT. I did that too. And I ended up naked because I had to rip my clothes off. That's how bad I was. It was the worst experience I've ever had with a drug was 5-D-M-E-O-T. I had a different experience where I just had the basic, you inhale, if we could explain

it, it's basically a toad secretion that they dry and they scrape it, put it in a pipe and you smoke it and you go to, where did you go?, you go to, where did you go when you inhaled? Where did you go? Great question. I went to the darkest place. I'm a positive upbeat, typically upbeat person. I'm a pragmatist. I don't really get upset. I mean, I get upset, but I don't get depressed. I don't, I don't struggle with what we're talking about. That was the darkest I've ever felt in my life. I didn't prepare for it. You know, like I didn't cleanse.

I kind of did it off the cuff. Somebody was doing it. I'm like, Oh, I'll try that. So that was stupid too. But I've never met a drug. I didn't get along with great.

So I was like, yeah, let's go face first. And it was miserable. It was dark and it was death. It felt like death. Like I was excited. I was told it was an ego killer,

you know? And I love that. I love the idea of not having your ego in, in the mix. Well, yeah, I would like to get rid of it permanently. I mean, I'm sure I wouldn't be in this business, but I'd have to do something else. But yes, it felt so ominous. The whole thing was just so dark. And I couldn't I said, please make this stop, make it stop, make it stop. And five minutes later, I was covered in my own sweat in my bra and underwear, sitting with some naked woman who was comforting me. I mean, the woman who administered or helped me smoke it, who was comforting me. And I was like, this was awful.

And I don't ever need to do this again. So tell me about your experience. Well, Chelsea, I went to what another person described, Michael Pollan, who wrote a book called How to Change Your Mind, he described smoking DMT and he went to the same place that I went to, which is before the Big Bang. Insane. It was insane. I told somebody I was aiming for God and I missed my stop. I went past everything. And then, but it lasts about 35 minutes. I was in a white void. I didn't know what breathing was. I didn't know what direction, left, right, up. I didn't have any sense of anything. And the ego death thing I've never experienced because I was some version of myself, meaning I had a point of view. And my point of view was,

I have no idea what's happening. And I felt like I was feeling my first neuron form. Like I felt like the original person of human life, not a person. We're millions away. Caveman. Not even on your feet no no no no further we're talking about molecule i was a okay okay wow wow yes it was wild and then slowly but surely my sort of human consciousness came back into me over about 35 minutes to the point where like pettiness would come back in. And I was like, no, we're not doing that anymore. Like I was trying to, like, rebuild. So it was like, you know, I inhaled at eight.

I was walking home at nine. I was in New York and that was fine. Right. A week later, I have what's called a reactivation, like a flashback. So now it was it was a Sunday in New York. I went and met a woman for coffee and I was on a coffee date and half of me was before the Big Bang, like visually. And I had the two or three most harrowing days of my life. I didn't know.

At one point I go, am I in God's imagination? Just shit you're not supposed to think at all. But I got a half a percent better every day. And after about eight months, I was a better version of myself than I've ever been. Wow. That's a good, that's a positive story. I know, but it's scary, scary also. And talk about earning it. Like I got the, I got the transformation, but like I had to work for every inch of it. Sounds like it. Did you feel like you had your ego with ayahuasca? That feels like an ego killer as well. I don't, the thing about the ego, seeing this as ego or not, I think my experiences were, it's always going to be from my point of view. I've never had an experience where it wasn't a first person, whether I'm a molecule or a person. I don't think that's what I mean by saying if like, it can still be your perspective, but you are like, I remember ayahuasca. It was like, I was, I was the spirit of me rather than

the physical me, you know, the spirit of me looking at the spirit of my sister, looking at the spirit of the situation, looking at everything from above and I'm, I'm me, but I'm not attached to me and my ego. I'm attached to the natural good outcome of the situation. Yeah. I would, I would say that the thing that I've gotten from it is my values are sort of better overall, like my ethics or like what I crave. There's more to the story also. So that's like 2021, right? Then this year, they're about the last calendar year, 2023, 2024. I've done MDMA every maybe three months. Oh, that's fun. In like a not party setting.

And I've gotten so much from it. It's the best. Like real growth, I think. Like real recategorization of like how I am in my essence, kind of. Like it's really awesome. The clearest example I can give is like, there was one maybe last August where I did it and I was able to forgive all my many enemies, Chelsea. I'm Irish Catholic, you know,

and a little Jewishish with a jewish rising and and we and i was able to forgive all my enemies and and then the next day i was like why was i so able to do that like a i'm like i love holding a grudge and i realized because i finally had some oxytocin dopamine and serotonin in my brain instead of just cortisol and adrenaline all day and I realized like oh I need to stop paying attention to the cortisol like what I think is my personality is basically just me going like cortisol cortisol cortisol cortisol and and ignoring that sort of part of my brain that writes that shit and just going like, you're out of your mind. And I've been able to kind of do it.

It was a thing I couldn't, I had no mastery over whatsoever. And now I actually have some, and I legitimately believe it's because of the ayahuasca, DMT. Yeah, no, all those drugs are good things. You know, I think everyone's realizing that now. Especially, are you sober? Like, basically. Like, I couldn't tell you the last time I had a drink. But I don't, it's not like a thing.

Right. You're not interested. Okay. So are you, do you think you're good at giving advice, Neil? I love it. Whether it's good or not is a whole other thing. That's exactly what we're going to find out. We're going to find that out today.

I'm a know-it-alls know-it-all. Perfect. Okay, so we are going to take a break, and we're going to be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go life's baffling questions like why they refuse

to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend.

Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really.

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And we're back. We are back. Are you ready to launch in? I'm ready. Neil's ready. I'm fucking ready. You you ready to launch in? I'm ready. Neil's ready. I'm fucking ready. You're ready. Ayahuasca's ready.

5-D-M-A-T. We should do an episode where we're all on MDMA. That sounds amazing. Well, our first question comes from Katie, and she's in New York. My boyfriend and I have been together for about three years, and I've always been really— Stop right there. I'm kidding. He is like three or four years older than her, but I've always been really frank with him that

I'm not okay with him using porn. I think it's super demeaning and generally ruins your sex life. I thought catching him in the act with porn would be the worst thing that could happen. Turns out I was wrong. While using his computer to do some research for work, I stumbled across some Reddit threads he had bookmarked. I promise I wasn't snooping, Chelsea. The trail led me to threads about a certain barely legal teenage actress who starred in, let's say, a popular Netflix show starring children. The thread showed all kinds of red carpet and paparazzi photos of the actress, who had been a mere child in the show we'd just watched in compromising photos. Think close-ups on camel toe, wardrobe malfunctions at the beach, etc.

Just a woman living her life, being taken advantage of, and my boyfriend was Googling it. The whole thing felt very non-consensual. I was disgusted, even though the pictures generally seemed to be on the recent end of things, so she would be legal, but who's to tell? My problem is, I'm absolutely sure he's the one. Does this mean he's sexually attracted to kids? Yes. Should I be scared? Yes, it does.

We're going to talk to Neil in a second about it, but I'm pretty sure it does. Yeah. Should I be scared to bring him around my teenage nieces? Will he be attracted to me as I age? Most importantly, is this a deal breaker? Katie. Let's talk about poor Neil.

You're a straight male. Tell us what the deal is. I think, well, I have a lot of thoughts about it. One of them is guys don't realize that it's science fiction. It's not real. It's as real as the best analogy is. It as real as a fast and furious is to driving it's like yeah you're not driving off of buildings onto aircraft carriers it's stupid most porn is just dumb and cartoonish and women just are not like that like occasionally I think women are a little bit like that, like sporty, like let that whatever. But I think most women sexually want a connection. Yeah. OK, so we've got the porn figured out, sort of. But what do you have to say about younger? Because this is important. And she used the word nonconsensual because it's sort of like creepy pictures taken while this woman was not aware they were being taken. But that's yes. But she's a public person. So she's going to get pictures

taken of her. The other thing is younger women. OK, Neil, let's talk about men and younger women. What are your thoughts on this guy looking at pictures of a girl that's hardly legal? And what does that make you think about him? I've never had a predilection for younger. I always dated older women, whatever. Again, I'm an ally and there's nothing we can do about it. There's nothing we can do about it. No, there's not. I love menopause and I always will. So I think it's some of it's kind of gross. If you get into like peak human fertility, if you go deeper and deeper and deeper, it's like a guy were attracted to fertility and women are attracted to guys with big shoulders and jaws and foreheads and providers and all that stuff.

If you get into the reality of it, it's pretty gross, right? So, but obviously there are laws for a reason because you're praying basically. Yes. It's obviously gross and like troubling, but I also understand it from an evolutionary thing. Yeah. I know what you're saying. I just think like, I don't know. There's a lot of guys out there that wouldn't be interested in looking at a girl that age. Do you know what I mean? There are men that are more mature than that, that, that are like, that doesn't turn me on because they know enough now to understand that a woman at that age is not mature enough to understand. You're not on a level

even playing field. I don't care if anybody watches porn, whatever, whatever floats your boat. But when you're talking about younger girls and you has a Reddit thing and he's following like looking at pictures of her camel toe, like all of that is just so gross. It's creepy. It's all creepy. It's off limits. Like there's a power dynamic. And it's also, you're creeping. Like creeping on anyone is icky. It's the creeping.

It's the close-ups. Like I don't want to look at a picture of someone's camel toe on the beach. Yes. So when she's saying this is the one, it's like, is it? Is it the one? Because it sounds like you already believe that. So nothing I'm going to say is going to change your mind change your mind but i would say ew he sounds gross yes i totally agree you're an ally so of course i mean i'm an ally so you know what i'm gonna say guys but i i think in some ways most

guys sexual predilections are gross just by by the fact that it's coming from a guy. It's going to be great. It's a McDonald's. You can cook a Kobe beef on it. It's still McDonald's. It's still gross. So, you know, it's like, what should a guy like? And then what you'll describe as something akin to you, you know what I mean? Like a woman who's been successful and did whatever, like a professional did it because I think because I'm sure there are things or types of guys you like that you're not that proud of, or it's not the greatest thing you've ever liked or sexual scenarios that you're like, I wish I didn't like that, but I do. And it's porn is sort of a safe way to act out. Let me ask you a question from a male perspective. If you had a girlfriend and you found her doing what this woman is describing,

she found say she was looking at pictures of some underage actor who's a good underage actor. I want to say Timothee Chalamet, but I think he's a fan. Wolfhard was one with all these like 50 year old moms were like getting tattoos of his face when he was 11 being like, he's of age. Well, Fenn Wolfhard was one with all these like 50-year-old moms were like getting tattoos of his face when he was 11, being like, he's so hot. Like if you found your girlfriend looking at pictures of a young celebrity that was not 18 years old,

how would you react and how would that make you feel? This is like that movie where Matthew McConaughey gives a big speech in court at the end and changes the whole point of life. What? A time to kill. That was a time to kill? A time to kill. That was a time to

kill. It was a time to kill. I would think she's a little bananas in a bad way. If I saw a guy looking at a young girl like that, I would be done. I'm not interested in that. I don't like that. No, if I knew what, yeah. Once I'm like, if I if I was dating a woman who liked looking at underage dick prints, I'd be like, you know what? I think I think we've done everything we can here. Yeah, it feels like a deal breaker. What's her name? Katie. Katie, I'm sorry.

I know you think this is the one and you probably will marry him and you won't listen to me. But I would say, honestly, that's a big red flag, a big red Reddit flag. Does this mean he's into kids? Maybe not. But do you want to be the one to find say, honestly, that's a big red flag, a big red Reddit flag. Does this mean he's into kids? Maybe not. But do you want to be the one to find out? Oh, exactly. It's like there are so many people in the world. Everyone needs to stop talking about the one. There are millions of ones. Just find someone else. It's not that hard. Find a better one. And when you find a better one, you're like, I have a great i'm like i'm so glad i waited yeah that's true once you find you're like oh yeah i knew that i could get like a suit that fit better you know

what i mean that's so profound danielle you're like a prophet you're like an ally profit i do a lot of things guys i do a stuff. Yes. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really.

No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question comes from Dylan.

She writes, Dear Chelsea, I met my husband in September 2021 and married him six months later. Super quick, I know. I was single for eight years prior to meeting him, and I knew that he was here on a student visa to get his master's, but I didn't know the deadline was quickly approaching. At that point, he offered me three options. One, we could continue dating while he married another woman strictly as a platonic business agreement. Two, we could break up so he could pursue another woman who was ready to get married on the spot. Three, we could marry each other. I was so new to being back in the dating world and had really strong feelings for him, and I couldn't imagine losing him at

that point. I decided to say fuck it and went on to have a courthouse marriage. I continuously question if I made the right decision. I know he's in love with me, but I'm not sure if he's just using me for citizenship. One thing is he works a remote job. He was introduced virtually to a female coworker who soon left the company. They've kept in touch for over a year now. They text almost every day and have scheduled calls that last over an hour. Sometimes these include video chats. She cries to him about her work troubles and personal life and even sends postcards from the different states she visits. Postcards? What year are we living in? I'm never privy to these calls. He secludes himself in the room with the door closed. I didn't honestly care about this weird friendship until we recently had a pretty big fight. When we made up, he let it slip that he had planned on visiting her if we were actually to separate. This set off alarm bells for me. Should I have voiced my opinion about their friendship or am I being dramatic? Dylan. Hi, Dylan. Hi, guys. This is Neil Brennan. He's our special guest today.

Hey, Neil. Good to meet you. You as well. We wanted you to have advice from a straight male and straight females. Oh, okay. This is new. Honestly, that really sucks. And I would probably, I think that that something probably is happening that you don't know about. And leading to that, like, it's all very shady. And it's pretty obvious. that you don't know about and leading to that. Like it's all very shady and it's pretty obvious. Like you shouldn't, nobody has, carries on those relationships with people unless there aren't like emotional feelings. You know what I mean? This isn't some friend he's had since childhood.

This is a woman he met at his job who's, he's carving out special time to have video chats with her. Like he clearly has feelings for her. Or like she's a backup you know yeah neil what do you have to say i would agree wholeheartedly like i again not to be the bearer of bad news but there's no point in who's got that much bandwidth for like a romantic relationship and then like a platonic plus relationship. Also that like work wife thing. It's like the,

when I, when people started saying where I'm like, this is the person you're going to fuck when you guys break up. It's not your work. Well, it's like your, your miss, it's your open miss.

You're my future mistress. So it'll be hard, but I think you have to accept the fact that it might not be what you want it to be. Okay. Have the two of them ever met in person or has it been strictly virtual the whole time? Just virtual. Okay. It's just weird. And it's also like your alarm bells were already going off and then you had a fight and he kind of delivered the information that should be the end of the relationship. Like he was going to go visit her if you guys didn't get back together.

That's kind of your answer. The relationship with the work wife or the relationship with Dylan? The relationship with the work wife. Like he was going to go visit that girl, right? He told you that when you guys got in this fight. So like that's your answer. And I feel like, I think the one, the biggest disservice women do to ourselves is not listening to the warnings, you know, don't let him talk you into whatever it's his behavior demonstrates it all by itself. You don't need to have any conversations around it. His behavior, scheduling calls, scheduling Zooms, or FaceTimes or whatever they're up to. It's all just, that's all the information you need. And it does suck, but I think you don't want to ever learn this lesson again. Right? Right. So if you can just get out of this relationship, do you feel like you have that? Like you're ready to get out of this relationship? Not at the moment. It's not

really a good time for that. Just like personally between the two of us. We just signed a new lease on a house. So we're moving again. And it's a two year lease. I don't know if I should go to him with like a compromise because I don't really have guy friends with that type of relationship. Or if I should just say like, hey, like this just needs to end period. There's nothing I need to do to make this better. I'm just going to say, even if you signed a year, at least a two year lease with him, yes, you can give him an ultimatum, but I'm sure that he's going to continue talking to her behind your back. That's what I would predict will happen. And I would also say, and I know, I don't know what kind of financial position you're in, but I would say the fact that you signed a lease with him for two years does not mean you can't break up with him. Okay. You have to figure out a way like to say, listen, I don't trust this situation. I want you to be done with this woman. If he says yes, fine, no problem. Fine. And you want to give it a chance. Go. I would say just get out of the situation. Don't waste another two

years of your life with somebody like this. I just, yeah, you may have to buy your freedom, but it'll be worth it. Yeah. And I know that doesn't sound good, but it will be worth it. I would hate to see you waste another two years of your life with somebody that is like that. Yeah. There's no, I think the, I think a thing that a lot of people do is talk yourself out of what you know, be like, no. And also I want to, I want to be a... Relationships are hard work. They're not that hard. You know what I mean? They don't require that much grace and generosity on your part. This is so far beyond the pale to me with what Chelsea said, which is try to get out of it. Get out of it. Yeah. I'm sorry. I hate to give you that kind of answer. You know, we all do because it sucks, but you decide what your value is. Like we all kind of decide what we're going to tolerate and what we're not. And I really think this is a moment in your life where you have to decide what are you worth to yourself? Okay. Yeah. All right. I'm so planning to do. Yeah.

And I, and try not to let the financial aspect of making a commitment. He can find another roommate or find another, go get that girl to move in, whatever. I want you to free up and go meet the person you're really supposed to be with. Okay. Yeah.

You can lose a security deposit. You can make that money again, but you can't get that time back. Okay. Yeah. And yeah, show yourself some respect. Yeah.

Thanks guys. Sending you a lot of love honey all right i appreciate it thanks dylan nice to meet you bye we've had some bad news on this podcast today this is a rough this is a rough ass show this is i mean it's like dr phil but not really breaking people up well hopefully we can help maria she's just trying to get late so oh i wouldn't i wouldn't bet on it well i see well neil you're single you can have sex with her if she needs somebody to have sex with her i'm not single i have a lady oh oh shit i said that i have a i have a lady now and it fits it's like a custom made it's awesome oh that's so nice

she's not a comedian no is this the one you went on the coffee date with and went into another dimension? No, no, no, no, no. Nope, nope. This woman's actually a therapist. It's all great. It's his therapist, actually. By a therapist, I mean my therapist, yes. And it was actually my couple's therapist with my act.

I'm kidding. I kid, I kid, I kid. It's like Johnny Depp and his divorce attorney. What a beautiful romance. Well, Maria is 23, so she's too young anyway. Oh, yeah. You're not allowed to talk to her. She's 23.

Oh, shit. Not if you're an ally. I should go. So she says, Dear Chelsea, my name is Maria and I'm a 23-year-old woman and I've lately been having issues navigating relationships. A lot of my close friends and family are the old ball and chain type, and after seeing that shit, no thanks. I also grew up going to Catholic school, so casual sex and dating was never really an option. However, since I've moved to Chicago, I've realized that I just want to be alone with myself and my dogs, Drew Barrymore and Potato,

plus I just realized I'm a lesbian after getting out of a three-year relationship. Shout out to Renee Rapp for that revelation. So I feel like I have a lot of scissoring to catch up on. This took a lot out of me and made me realize at this point, I just want sex and attention. I'm talking freer than a public restroom, and I honestly don't know how to go about that. I flirt with men for attention, and I've been super open with them about that, but it always ends with them buying me gifts and becoming possessive. And then with women, we'll sleep together and then they get emotionally invested

and social media stalk me. One even put an air tag on my car. So my question is, how do I set those boundaries and tell people I don't want to be with them in that way? Maria. Hi, Maria. Hi. This is our special guest, Neil Brennan today.

Hi, Maria. Hey. Well, good for you for Neil Brennan today. Hi, Maria. Hey. Well, good for you for having so many options. I envy that. Thanks. I think that all these dating sites, you know, you can make it very clear on Tinder, on Hinge, on all these things, all these platforms that you're not looking for anything serious and that you are looking for casual, fun encounters. And people appreciate that honesty. And you're going to find people that are also looking for the same thing. Just like front load

that information. You know what I mean? Put that up front and center because some people are also, they don't want to deal with the relationship aspect. They feel the same way you do. So it's kind of like a shortcut to meeting those. But I would just say to put your profile up on all of those things because that's what Tinder, Tinder especially is for sex. I mean, I feel like it, right? It's not for dating and all these platforms are for sex. So it's, I mean, it's not a real problem. I don't think. Okay. Okay. Maria, I have a question as a man, you said you're flirting with men for attention. And then are you taking all the, all the sexual energy and bringing it to women and then having sex with them?

Or are you, do you sleep with the men sometimes? I sleep with the guys sometimes. I like your style. And then they get, what if they were 19 Chelsea, would you like her style then? If they were 19,

cause they're legal. They're 19. And she's 28. So there you go again. you don't know anything about allyship at all i'm a bad ally i just remembered i directed half of the first season of amy schumer so that again put another chip on the ally if i'm ever in trouble so okay so and the are getting, you tell the guys that it's, you like to keep it sexual and they're getting attached also? Yeah. That's only because, yeah, men are so pathetic.

Because you're saying that. Yes, exactly. And they know that. If you said, I can't wait to see you again, you would never see them again. Exactly. That's actually a great tactic. You should just completely switch tactics and say you're looking for a relationship and you will get the opposite response yeah and be like whoops i slept with you yeah and go oh my god i fucked you i accidentally fucked you

and if you don't want to see that person again after you fuck them say i love you yeah i cannot say it during sex say it during sex and you will never, ever see that person again. Make eye contact. This is for the men only. And I don't know what goes on in lesbian circles. Like I only, I mean,

I only have lesbian friends. I've never been operated in a lesbian relationship. So, but yes, I, I would say throw, actually throw out everything I said and go with what Neil said and just say you're looking for

love and then you won't have any problems at all okay okay well yeah do lesbian I mean I feel like lesbians would be like I may they might say I also love I I'm getting to love you what am I wrong am I stereotyping no I think you're yeah you said I love you I love that line i'm gonna use that line i'm getting to love you too that's what i'm gonna say the next time someone's trending toward loving you i'm training in that direction i'm not there yet they get into it i wonder how you could handle it with lesbians if you said i'm not interested would they take you would they would they take your word for it are they taking your word for it now no they they take it as a challenge they're like okay so like what do i have to do to make you like me again like why did it stop how annoying it's just like you're just trying to have some casual sex yeah literally i think we have a good plan for the guys i don't i feel unqualified

to give you directions for lesbians i feel like you gotta like bang them and block them like you gotta or be like hey your friend's really cute can you introduce me to her oh yeah that's kind of a douchebag yeah if you're a dick yeah that makes sense yeah And if that doesn't work, fake your own death. Have you thought about faking your own death? Obviously. Like who hasn't? Okay. Stay strong.

And I'm so happy you're having so much sex. Good for you. Thank you. Thank you. Bye Maria. Bye. What city background was that? She's in Chicago and Chicago is the best city to be young and queer in, especially for lesbians. It is the

best. Is it? We have a whole neighborhood of lesbians. Of lesbians. It's called Andersonville. Oh, it should be called Andersonville. You know what's funny is that you guys start reading the letter and then I paint a picture of them in my head and then you bring them on camera like halfway

through the letter. It should be part of the show, like a game show like what do they look what do you think this person looks like yeah and then they come up and it's never what i i'm over too so far we have to take a break neil on that thoughtful interaction that we just had we have to take a break and we'll be right back okay i'm jason alexander and And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging.

Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.

It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. We are back. That was our break and we're back. Yes. We have a little quickie to wrap up with. Okay, great.

The email is slightly long, but you know, the advice. I have a question. I have a question about quickies real quick. When you say, let's have a quickie, right? As a woman, let's have a question about quickies real quick. When you say let's have a quickie, right? As a woman, let's have a quickie. Do you expect that you'll have an orgasm or is it just to get the sexual energy? An orgasm. Okay.

Yeah. Five of May. Yeah, we want to come. Yeah, like five minutes or less. Like make it happen. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I didn't love your tone tone didn't love either of your tone understood we'll do it take that in mind we'll do better i have a

very mercenary approach to sex which is like i go in for you the partner to have an orgasm and then once you're all set then i go okay yeah OK, now it's my turn. That's perfect. That's what most men should be doing. Yes. You go in, service your woman, and then you can penetrate her. Yeah. And that's not even the, that's not even the, well, you're, now you're saying is the penetration wouldn't give her an orgasm, which as an ally, I know that it often doesn't.

Well, I know from talking to people that you've had sex with that you are not what you're doing doesn't result in a lot of orgasms. You that is not true. That is I can't I'm thinking about the people she could have. OK, read the letter. Will you read the letter? I was going to say, Neil, I was very pleased with your sex advice for guys. Also, Neil, very, very. Yes, I actually was, too. You were paying attention and you were really listening. And that's a good quality in a man.

Thank you. I thought it was. So it's great to hear it. Nikki says, Dear Chelsea, I've been dating my boyfriend for almost six years. We're in a very serious relationship, live together and are in the midst of preparing to get engaged and build a life together. The only problem is that he is a Republican and I am a Democrat. We both come from a very liberal metropolitan city, and when we first started dating, I was naive enough to think that everyone I knew was naturally a Democrat.

I remember during the midterms asking if he wanted to come with me to vote, and he said he didn't want to get caught in the rain. That's code for Republican. Yes. Exactly. I know. I was young, dumb, and in love, and I just didn't notice. We've had our ups and downs with politics and certainly had our growing pains and even broke up twice over it. So she goes on to say, like, he's generally really respectful with her and, like, respects her opinions.

He actually wants to talk about things with her. And she gets very sort of, like, upset with him and emotional. But she says, other than that, he is a really wonderful, sweet person, extremely loving and generous. His friends are even very respectful with their Republican beliefs. And the only problem is I can't help but feel that I'm doing the world a disservice by being with a Republican. Is he being the bigger person by accepting me and my views and I'm being closed minded?

Nikki. This is one of these things where it's like if two women who I'm assuming are liberal or Democrats, right? What do you think when a guy's Republican? Do you just assume that what assumptions do you make? Great question. I assume that they are cheap. I assume that they're not as open minded with the LGBTQ community. You know, they have their all opinions about anti-trans is a big one. And also, I assume that they're not as open minded with the LGBTQ community. You know, they have their all opinions about anti-trans is a big one. And also.

What about abortion? I mean, yeah, I was just going to say, like, you're taking away people's rights, actively supporting a party that's taking away women's and other people's rights. So I don't really I couldn't do it, be with a Republican. But I would like to tell people that it's possible. I would like to have the feelings that, yes, you can make it work if you love him and he's respectful about your opinions. But it is a major value differentiation when you're talking about human rights. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's what I'm curious about it's like what you know it's like some people are republican but they're like i'm not about certain things and is it worth making a distinction and is it just like well do you think i should stay should i should 26 000 women in texas have to give birth because of rape. You know that statistic that in the last 18 months thing. So like, oh, God, like shit, that's so dire and depressing. And you're like, do you, you know, do you support that? Because you do support that. It seems highly improbable. And I don't. What do you think about people who say that they don't support that,

but they're still a Republican Republican I think that they are naive yes I agree with you you know what I mean like I think they're either naive at best and lying at worst you know what I mean yeah you know it's a hard answer it's another this is another Debbie Downer I would say I can't do it if you could do it great if you could get past it great if you can just divorce yourself and compartmentalize you know your relationship in that way that you guys aren't going to agree that on that then good for you but i wouldn't be able to do that yeah and i mean asterisk if he's not voting at all does it matter i mean it does but well you know is he not voting or did he just vote in the midterms but if he's not voting at all, then like, I don't know, maybe it's less of an issue.

Yeah, if he's not voting, great. Well, yeah, if we can count on it raining every election day, then this relationship is definitely going to work. But the minute the sun shines. Watch out. Neil, you were a delight. It was great to spend time with you. I loved having you on and everyone you have to watch his special and then you have to watch his other specials because you are a fucking very

talented man and you're very funny and it's called crazy good and it's on netflix and neil also has a podcast called blocks that's right what kind of things do you talk about on what do you talk about on blocks yeah well so i had a special called blocks where i talked about my emotional blocks right and then so now i have other comedians come on and and like letterman came on and bill burr and bert and tom and you know jimmy carr just a bunch of people hopefully chelsea nikki glazer whatever trevor noah just did a good people do it and they're kind of very sweetly emotionally forthcoming. Oh, cool.

I like, so it's interesting. Yeah. Like it's, you would actually be like, you'll probably like more of most of the people more than you thought you did. Cause they, you actually hear like, Oh,

Tom Segura was sad to go on the road. Cause he was going to miss his kid. Oh, shit like that. Letterman didn't leave the studio until the sun went down if he had a bad show and i was like dave that's like 8 39 and he goes no we're talking 10 30 11 as an adult just shit that i've never heard people say was he also fucking his assistant i if you think i didn't if you think that joke didn't come into the teleprompter, Chelsea, when he said it, and I didn't say it, Chelsea, not every joke has to be said, Chelsea.

Okay. Well, Neil, that sounds like a great podcast. I would love to be on any time. But you're invited. Hit me up. Don't threaten me with a good time. Yeah. Well.

We're going to get to the bottom of you. We're going to get back to the bottom of your allyship is what we're going to get to the bottom of. You're goddamn right we are. Thank you, Neil. You're goddamn right. It was great spending time

with both of you. All right, you guys. Bye. Thanks. Bye. Okay, guys. So for stand-up, we added a second show

in Sydney and we added a second show in Prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May 24th. We added the Santa Barbara Bowl, which is so fun. I performed there last year. That's August 17th, the Santa Barbara Bowl. We ended a second show at Santa Rosa on August 2nd. And we added two dates in Hawaii, guys.

I'm coming to Hawaii on July 19th to Kahului. I'm going to be at Kahului. And then I'm coming to Hawaii on July 19th to Kahului. I'm going to be at Kahului. And then I'm coming on July 20th to Honolulu. And oh, I just added another date on August 1st, Auburn, Washington. So and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up. And I will be announcing a European tour shortly. And May 3rd, which is my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma. So come. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited

and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of

failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to ReallyNoReally.com and and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign jason bobblehead the really know really podcast follow us on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts