Dear Chelsea - A Doggy-Dog World with Samantha Bee

Episode Date: March 17, 2022

Samantha Bee joins Chelsea this week to talk about finding your person, magic mushrooms, and losing yourself in career and parenting so much you forget that you should come first. Then: A partygoer struggles with how to handle her social anxiety. A girlfriend fears her partner will fall out of love with her.  And a superfan is embarrassed when her drunk co-worker heckles Chelsea. * Executive Producer Nick Stumpf Produced by Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever uh, hello everybody. I would like to say happy St. Patrick's Day. Hi, happy St. Patty's Day. The most important holiday of the year. And I think that we should all start out by, well, I guess saying happy St. Patrick's Day to each other, right?

Yes. I guess it's the least offensive holiday of the year. I mean, I don't know. I'm from Chicago, so there's a lot going on on St. Patty's Day usually there. There is Dying the River Green. There's all kinds of just white girls drunk from the suburbs all over. It's a lot. It's a lot. Dying the river green. Is that possible? They really do it. I always thought it was just like a euphemism when I was growing up. But then when I moved to the city, like later on into Chicago, they like fully put dye into the river

and dye it. It's kind of always a little green but dye it bright green. Supposedly it doesn't kill all the fish but you know. Yeah. That sounds very suspect. Well hopefully you're all wearing green today because it is St. Paddy's Day. But if you need something to wear you might check out our merch.

Yeah everybody we have new merch. We have Dear Chelsea merch which you can order on my website ChelseaHandler.com and we have new merch. We have Dear Chelsea merch, which you can order on my website, chelseahandler.com. And we have cute t-shirts and cute hats. And yeah, go and get some. Yay. We've added some second shows in areas. I'm filming my next standup special

at the Ryman in Nashville. So tickets are now on sale for that. And we've added second shows in DC and at the wiltern in los angeles and oh san francisco yeah we're adding a second show in san francisco at the masonic and that weekend i perform at the masonic two shows and then joe coy performs the next night and the next night and at some arena in san francisco So we're going to be both performing in the same city the same weekend. So how fun. Oh, my goodness. Just a couple descending on a city and just doing

wonderful things. Yeah. Descending on our hot air balloon. That's how we like to enter cities. That's really fun. That's really fun. So are you making a point to sort of try and tour together so you can actually see each other? Or how does that work in your life? obviously we're going to want to, he'll, you know, come and make surprise guest appearances at my shows. And like, I like to do when I'm with him, but I think, yeah, we want to work towards a thing where we're,

we're going to be performing together so that the next tour we're, we're in it together, you know? Yeah. So we'll have to figure out our Lucy and Desi act, but I don't think it'll be a problem. No. I mean,

you seem to get along very well. And like people are psyched to see you both together. It's just really fun. Well, I know Joe's not with you, but I hear somebody is going to be with you soon. Oh, I am taking my dogs alone to Whistler. I just I don't want to be away from them any longer. Yeah. And I wasn't so great at taking them out to go to the bathroom last year. Like I put

these pee pads on my balcony and I would just leave the door open. And by the time I came home, there would just be like pee pads on my balcony filled with urine. And I was like, oh my God, I'm turning into Courtney Love. But now with Joe coming back and forth, I'm feeling like he's going to contribute a little bit more. He's more of the get up and take the dogs for a walk kind of guy than I am so I'm just kind of pawning that off on him and using him like a bitch is basically what I'm doing I'm like you know what Joe you can take care of the dogs because he is their stepfather and they love him they're starting to love him and I don't want to be away from them anymore are they calling him dad yet no they're not going to say that they I don't even think they speak English, quite frankly. So they're never going to say that. Papa bear, maybe. That's all

I can. But yeah, so I'm going to take them with me. That means I'm taking them to like my stand up shows and then we're flying into Whistler and then they'll be there with me for a couple of months. Are they like pretty good flyers? Yeah, they're pretty good wherever. Like yesterday, Joe and I took Bernice to Starbucks with us and Joe has one of these ridiculous cars. It's a convertible. I don't know what kind it is because it's just so loud. You can hear him coming from like three blocks away. I'm like, honey, we get it. You're successful. Like cool it with the fucking cars. Anyway, we brought Bernice to Starbucks and she sat in my lap and had her arms or paws around me albeit it was a forced situation because there was nowhere else for her to go because it's like a two-seater sports car so she was forced to have to hug me but I'll take it and it was adorable and I was like you know what I'm not willing to go another month without them no you just like need that cuddly buddy that you can embrace yeah yeah and they're gonna be upset when they're not around my bell my housekeeper but you know what fuck that because they've been with her for months they she took them last night for her own. She's like, I need a sleepover if they're going.

And then Felix, my dog walker who's there, works at the house every day, said the same thing. He had a sleepover with them on Saturday. I was like, oh my God. It's like we're ride sharing these. It's like a Groupon with these dogs. Everyone loves them. Our guest today is the host of Full Frontal with Samantha Bee, which is in its seventh season and it airs on Thursdays at 10 on TBS. And she also has a podcast, which I was just on called Full Release. And that's wherever you get your podcast. Please welcome Samantha Bee. Hi. Oh my God. I'm so excited. Thank you for having me. Oh my God. I'm excited to be here. Okay. This is strange because we just recorded your podcast. Yes. And we are now recording my podcast, but this is the actual first time that we have ever spoken, which doesn't

really make a lot of sense. It doesn't make any sense. And I feel also like I've said your name in so many contexts, because as we talked about in my podcast, sense. And like, I feel also like I've said your name in so many contexts, because as we talked about in my podcast, like people are always like, well, you're the only woman doing a show. And you're like, no, I'm not. Because there's Chelsea, there's this person, there's like, there's like a lot of, so I feel like I've said your name. I've tried to manifest you many times. And anyway, now we're here. So I'm very grateful. Thank you. I'm excited to talk to you. I want to talk to you first, I want to manifest you many times. And anyway, now we're here. So I'm very grateful. Thank you. I'm excited to talk to you. I want to talk to you first. I want to ask you about your seventh season of Full Frontal with Samantha Bee.

That's it. And I want to know how that has been, what this experience has been like, and what the most kind of challenging thing that you've faced. Because I think we think, oh, you get a TV show, it's going to be great. You get to express your creative, whatever you want to put out there, you get to do. And then it comes with such a whole other plethora of baggage that you're just like, there are so many challenges you come across. And for every person that's different because some people thrive in different situations. So I'm curious to know what your biggest challenges have been and like really what you've learned about yourself through doing all of this.

Well, I think at the beginning it was, I like put my whole self on hold. I feel like I don't even really remember the first year and a half because it's so much busy making and you're just trying to like, it feels like every, every show that you complete, you're like scrambling to complete the next one. You're like, always, you're just like churning and churning, and the wheels are constantly turning. So you're never at rest, never at rest. And then you have a little bit more time to kind of like take a step back and think, but it's not that much more time. And now kind of seven seasons in, I'm like, okay, now I can think a little bit. But for me, the most challenging thing is actually managing, I think, managing people, like

managing a business, like being honest about the fact that it's like a business with real people who have real lives and worries and concerns and complaints. And you kind of have to like, be a part of that and fix problems and fix your work culture and like that I found really challenging because I'm not like a business person I don't know how to do I'm not trained this is like a a gift this is like a present and an opportunity and you're trying to like be very creative but you also I think balancing like the creative part and the performing part which is the part that you like get into it for, with actually being a caretaker of people, and trying to make a work environment that works for other people. That was the part that I found so unexpected, and extremely

challenging. And I still find it challenging to this day. Yeah, I agree with that. It's very hard to manage people, especially when that's not what you're setting out to do, you know, as a comedic voice or as, you know, as a journalistic voice, like however you want to frame it,. You're a performer and you're so independent and you're doing your own thing. And then all of a sudden, there's people working for you. And it's hard to grapple with that. It's a really sharp learning curve. It was for me, for sure. I want to say thank you for saying all of a sudden instead of all of the sudden, because I have been saying all of the sudden for many years and somebody very kindly and appropriately corrected me

and said, it's not all of the sudden, you fucking idiot. For somebody who likes to correct other people's grammar, you should figure out that you're saying all of the sudden. And I was so horrified. So now I listen to make sure everyone's saying all of a sudden. Oh, my God. Oh, no. You know what? For most of my entire life, I thought it was doggy dog world. You know what? It's a doggy dog world out there, guys. And if you say it fast enough, it makes sense. You're like, yeah, it is a doggy dog world. So how did you manage when in the beginning of your show, like you obviously have more responsibilities than I do because you have a family. So how did that work out for you? Because I know you're with the love of your life. You're with

your partner. Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah. We've been married now for we've been together since 1997. Whatever that means. I can't I don't count, I don't count. I don't know. I don't know how many years that is. And I don't remember those things. But it was 1997. And we have three kids. So we have like a 16, we have a 16 year old, a 13 year old and an 11 year old. And so I think I did like a medium job at a lot of things. And I definitely lost myself. So I went like, there's three big pieces of this. There's the work, and then there's my children, and then there's me as a human being. And I just focused on the other two things. And I probably didn't pay any attention to myself for many years. I think I actually like was like, I just give over. I just kind of gave over for years.

And yeah, the irony that you're doing a show with your name on it, but you're not paying any attention to yourself. No, not at all. No, it's not possible. And I do think a lot of people experience that. It's not unusual. It's not like special. I definitely stopped like having my period.

Like I stopped all these things were just like everything stop. Everything like shove all your personal feelings out the door for a while we'll get back to you later and so and and i i did i'm like more a more fully realized human being now than i was at the beginning i'm jason alexander and i'm peter tilden and together on the really no really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Do you go to therapy? I don't.

Oh, God, look at you. I probably should. I tried to, and then I was like, I don't know how I'm going to do this. How do I add this to my schedule? It feels very, yeah. In the beginning of therapy, I would say it felt very self-absorbed. You know, You're like, God, now I have to be one of these people that just sits here. In addition to having my whole

life be about me, I have to go now and talk to somebody about myself for two hours. And it feels good. It is good in the long run. But in the beginning, especially when you have your own show and you have all of these things, it is kind of a breath of fresh air to not think about yourself. How do you know when you found the right person? Like, how do you actually find? I feel like that's the secret, which is that you don't necessarily have to go with the first therapist you meet. Like you probably could have bad ones along the way, right? Oh yeah. That's what everybody talks about, you know, because people find one and it's not a match and then they're like, oh, you know, forget like, forget it. What's the point? I would argue always that there's always somebody that's going to be a match. It's just a matter of going through the trial and error. It's not that everybody has to go to therapy. Let's be realistic. Some people are fine without it, and some people really need to unpack their shit. Right, right, right.

There's a lot of therapy talk on this podcast. We got we started this podcast trying to give advice, you know, like, I wanted people to call in, like, where should I go on vacation? And then all of a sudden, all of a sudden, it got serious. And I was like, big responsibilities. But I love it. I love kind of helping people, you know, just be a better version of themselves because I think that's it. The thing that I got so much from therapy was calming the fuck down, not being so reactive and just calming down and sitting still instead of having a million things going on. I had an inability to do that. So once I was able to kind of start understanding that, it's not like you're ever fully cooked, obviously, because what would be the point if we were? But I liked all that stuff

when I was seeing like concrete improvements, then it became addictive. I was like, okay, wait, I can get better at this. I can do this in a more mindful way. I really would love someone to teach me how to calm the fuck down because I actually don't like I feel now I'm 52 and I stand doing everything like I never I it's really I never sit down like I my feet are in pain at the end of the day from just like the amount of like back and forth like zip zip zip I'm constantly walking and I have like an apartment. Where am I going? Maybe you're on your walking treadmill. Who knows? I just never sit. What have you learned about yourself doing this show that you were surprised to learn in a good way? What good qualities at managing people did you find out about yourself?

Well, I did find out it's certainly not possible to make everyone who works for you happy. I learned that I care about people being happy. I truly, meaningfully would rather know what someone's problem is and try to help fix the problem than to just stick my head in the sand and pretend that there's no problem and that it's going to go away on its own. I did learn that I'm generally unwilling to leave. It takes me a long time to solve problems sometimes, but I'm always game to try. And that's actually like a pretty painful proposition. It's much easier to like not care what's going on in anybody's life or to not care and kind of like turn away from that. I just sort of understood that it was better to have a more difficult experience. Like, if people were truly unhappy, I did want to know it. And that sometimes came back to me, like it was sometimes my doing that people were unhappy. So being willing to be responsible for that was both a good thing to know about myself, but also very hard, kind of like made life pretty

hard. It's been a long learning journey. How about your relationship with your husband? How has that been affected by seven years of you doing this show? Well, he's really, I mean, he had his show, he had a scripted show at the same time that I was launching this show. So we were just like full pistons, like both of us firing in our separate in our distinct categories like he's you know he's an executive producer of my show I was an executive producer of his show so we were just like firing on all cylinders for four solid years and somehow we understood each other's issues we had like a separate we had like a language of our work and then a language

of our family. We were both very, very good at making a separation, though. We're very good at compartmentalizing our two worlds. So when work was over, we were on the kids. We're very into parenting our kids. We love them. We sacrifice a tremendous amount of like we don't really party we don't we separated all that stuff out like we don't we'll never go out we don't have like networks of like people we met at parties because we never because we're always like let's do some school essays so we and we were sort of like both went on that journey and we're really like homebodies so we were just like work and kids and nothing in between and we were we did that together so our relationship is very solid sometimes we get frustrated sometimes we get frustrated with

each other like I definitely tune out sometimes I space out if I'm in work mode. I'm so spaced. Everyone can tell that I'm physically present, but completely mentally disengaged. And now, instead of like arguing about it, they all just kind of go, Oh, she's gone. Like I hear them saying she's gone. And I'm physically there. And I'm like, Yep, I'm gone. I can't deal with this right now. Everybody's been very patient. And do you have a lot of close girlfriends? No, I have a really small group of girlfriends. And that is great. And I have my husband. I have my kids. It's like a pretty tight. I have a really small family too. I'm an only child. The only child of an only child.

Which is interesting that you have three children. I think it's probably because of that, actually. What size family does your husband come from? He's one of two. So we both come from relatively small families. We don't have a big network. I think we're very much about creating an island that we would want to live on. That's cute. Yeah. It's pretty great. It's pretty great. We travel well together. We're just like a little unit and we just bounce around all together. Yeah. On your podcast, we were talking about my relationship and you were saying that you've

met your person too. And I think you could always tell when someone's with their person, right? There's a total calm equanimity is a good word for it. That's a really good word for it. It is very grounding to be like, okay, I'm very grateful for it. So, so grateful. But also, I don't think about it all that much, because I don't have to think about it all that much. It's not really dramatic. It's not a place of conflict, which is not to say that we don't disagree. For sure we do, but it's not a place of conflict in my life. Like it's not something I have to resolve. We argue well together and smooth it out quickly, disagree about small things. But generally speaking, it's there for both of us.

Because when we got together, we were doing children's theater, as stated. Sailor Moon. Sailor Moon. Yep. yep sailor moon everybody what download it damn trip well i was the star of the show i did play sailor moon just in case anyone was wondering but like you know we went through like such phases of life where like he was working and i was not working and then i was working and he was not working so we were always like when we had nothing filling in the blanks for each other. And that has like continued smoothly into like higher stakes and bigger jobs. And we're still filling in the blanks. When I'm really busy, he'll take over this. He's away. I take over this. And it's not easy, but that's how we do it.

You mentioned it's not dramatic, but you don't seem to strike me as somebody who has a very dramatic personality. Do you? I have in the past. Very dramatic. Super dramatic. So this was like, I would say that Jason, my husband, is the first person who he settled me down as a person. He is actually the person who brought me to earth, which I needed and didn't like before I met Jason. We were on our first date, actually, which I didn't even know for him. It was a date for me. I was like, I'm just going out to dinner with this, my friend, Jason. And were you guys friends for a long time before you went on a date? Well, we were co-workers. So we worked on this children's theater show and we were like, let's go out for dinner. And he was like, we're going on a date. And I was like, we are at dinner.

And the whole dinner, I just talked to him about how I was ruined and I would never be in a relationship. I was like, well, that's it for me, folks. I never. I don't need it. I don't need it. I don't want it. No more relationships. Thank you very much. I'm closing up shop. And let's go to a movie.

Should we go see Waiting for Guffman? And he was like, I might kiss you. And I was like, no, thank you. And then I drove away. And then we went on another date. And then we did. No, thanks. Not interested. And now here you are.

Well, I think it's 25 years later, right? 1997 plus 2022, something like 25. We're literally this, I think this month, approximately 25 years together. Oh, well, that's a pretty big anniversary. That's called the silver anniversary, I believe. Is it? You might want to get your ducks in a row. I'm sure I'm wrong about that. Every anniversary is like, it's paper. And this is the yarn anniversary. Like it doesn't start to get really good until you're like 50

years in and then they're like pewter or something like that. And do you feel like, do you feel like the last seven years of your life with the show? Like, do you feel like life has gone by so quickly? So quickly. Like, so quickly. I do feel I really only mark it in, like, Jason and I are just getting old together, but I see it in the kids. Because, like, when we started this enterprise, they were little. I mean, they were like kids.

We had a whole other life. We had a whole other life, We had a whole other life, like a different physical circumstances. And I don't exactly know what happened, but I definitely looked up and I was like, you guys are all teenagers. Wait a minute. Hold on. That's primarily how I think of children, just as a reflection of aging. As a reflection of myself. Yeah, which is why I never had them because I'm like, listen, I don't need to be reminded that life is moving too quickly. How did you deal with the Trump years since you were, you know, constantly talking about that? How did that affect your psyche and

kind of emotional well-being? I think when people spoke about Trump derangement syndrome, that was, that's what I felt. I had that full derangement where sometimes I just couldn't communicate how angry I was. I would just get up. I was so disgusted and horrified on a really daily basis. It coincided with perimenopause, which is a trip on its own, to the point where I didn't really sleep. I wasn't, I was always kind of eating properly. I'm never a person who would like skip a meal from stress. I love meals. But I would wake up like clockwork at 2.30 in the morning and be like, all right, what's going on in the world? And then I would like get really enraged by reading the news. Just a constant immersion in the news cycle. It was hard

to get my sleeping back on track. And it was tough. I don't know. It was hard. It was not as hard for me. I mean, I was still doing a comedy show. That's still a fun job. I still enjoyed my work and I had fun at work and it was great. But it was like sifting through all that anger to get to the kernels of comedy was quite an undertaking. And it was a real undertaking for my whole team at the show. Like we were all every day, we're like, oh, fuck, 10 new things that we have to, that are going to ruin the world and tangibly destroy people's lives and set conditions for terrible things to happen in the future to vulnerable people. And you could just see it happening. And you're like, what the fuck? Why isn't anybody doing anything about this?

I did learn that there are no heroes and no white knights coming to save you. You have to save yourself. And that is really hard to do. You have to save yourself. And you also have to find, we were talking about this last night at dinner, some friends and I were discussing, you know, actively being hopeful and positive and knowing that you're putting something out that is going to counter all of the negativity and all of the destruction that we see every day and not getting so wrapped up in that. Because I also had that experience when Trump was elected. I got so immersed and so wrapped up. The only thing that would calm me down was talking to other people who also were as pissed as I was. It's like the lowest common denominator of human interaction is like, what do you think is going to happen? Where's this going to go? What about what he said here?

And then I think coming out of it and understanding getting stuck in that cog is so unhelpful for spreading joy or light or hope or whatever your game is or your currency is that you want to spread out there. It's nice to remind yourself, even when all terrible things are happening, good things can happen at the same time. And there are ways to inform, educate, and motivate people to get involved in the right way instead of allowing all of that to weigh so heavily on you, which I was so guilty of doing during that time, I just let it just engulf me, you know, instead of moving towards a place of, okay, how do we work towards something better? It's a real practice. And it really does

help to be off of social media. That's actually a very, like, to take breaks from that and to give yourself time away from that is because it is a constant. I mean, it is just an onslaught and it's so easy. It's so, so easy to get caught up in things that aren't really all that important or to believe that it's real life when it's not. Controversies that bubble up on social media aren't necessarily things that people are talking and thinking about in real life. And there is a real life to be lived away from that. Yeah. And that's what we do on this show. This is about real life. Social media comes up all the time, as you would expect. But I find that to be so true for me, too. I try so hard to have a

life outside of my professional life, outside of competitiveness, outside of looking around to see what other people are doing and not focusing on what you're doing, you know, and actually having real experiences with real people that are independent of a profession or of social media or of an impression or any of that. So what we're going to do with Catherine, our co-host, I know you're excited about this, Samantha. I am. I can see the fervor in your eyes. We are, people are going to call in. Some of them will be on Zoom so you can see them and some of them will write. Katherine, what do we have in store for us today in terms of advice giving? Oh my goodness, so many things. We have some baby talk. We have bad behavior at one of your shows, Chelsea? Oh. Fear of your partner falling out of love with you?

Oh. Some wild stuff. Did you fear that, Samantha, ever, that your husband would fall out of love with you? 100%. I think that's normal. I think that's normal, too. I'm in a brand new relationship,

and I'm like, at some point, he is going to find out how disgusting I am and be disgusted by me, you know? And we're still in the honeymoon phase-ish. We're phasing into the other phase. But yeah, I have that fear. That's a very, very normal, I think, everyday human fear. Of course. But you have to know that they're having that fear about you as well. I would imagine you feel that way about your children, too. Like, what if my children grow up to hate me, right?

That would be a natural fear for any parent. Natural fear. Natural fear. Great. Something else to be afraid of. Yeah, great. Good. Let's add more fear.

Yeah. Well, we'll take a quick break for an ad and we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Samantha Bee and Catherine. All right. Yay. Well, let's jump right into our first question. Our first question comes from Char. She says, Dear Chelsea, my future sister-in-law has been in a relationship for about

a year now. I recently spent some time with her and her boyfriend and noticed, read Couldn't Stop Cringing, that they use their baby talk voice in public and it was driving me crazy. How do I tell them that the baby talk is something for the privacy of their own home, and not for public consumption. Thank you, Char. Oh, my God. I want to hear them talk. Straight to the point. Yeah. Do you, though? Do you really want to hear the talk?

I do. What is this? What are you doing? What's my website doing? Or is there going to go get me an enchilada? I don't know. What does that sound like? When two adults do that, it's exciting.

They're both doing it. I love it. We actually do have a clip from her. And so here is a little bit of what that baby talk sounds like. I really want some Mexican food. Oh, you do? Oh, you want to get a margarita at the Mexican place? Yeah. Should I have one margarita or two margaritas? Mmm. Last time you had two, I had to drive you home. Ooh. You're probably right.

I should have one. I would say, honestly, I would say shoot her an email and be direct as possible and say, listen, baby talk is not for public consumption. No one is interested in listening to that. I love you. And that's all you have to write. Wait, but she's your sister. Wait.

Hold on. What is the relationship? I had to do the math on this one. It's her future sister-in-law. So I think that means her boyfriend's or fiance's sister. Fiance's sister. That's what I, yes. That's the relationship. So it's like not her sibling,

but someone she's going to spend a lot of time with. Yep. Yeah. That's a bit of an, that's a bit awkward. Do you think you can be that direct with your future sister-in-law? I think that in terms of baby talk, when it's such a ridiculous behavior, you have to just hit the nail on the head and be direct about how absurd it is to think that that's acceptable. No one is interested in hearing that. No one's interested in seeing people tongue kiss openly. Like if there are pornographs, pornographic videos, there are pornographs, there are pornographic videos you can watch for that kind of stimulation. Like it's just, i think the short sweet to the point and i love you the idea of a

porn where they're baby talking ad and i love you so much i love you so much yeah i love you so i love you so much and i'm worried that you're being taken the wrong way when you guys talk baby talk oh yeah that's nicer yeah Yeah. You know, maybe. I don't know. That's a tough one. I don't know. Right now, all I'm thinking about is how many times I've done that in public with Joe. And I'm just like, fuck, I hope that I don't do that.

But I don't think I do it. Sometimes I call him Buddha, Buddha, Buddha in front of people. But they all are in on that. And they call him Buddha, too. But that's as far as it goes in public. We used to have friends who called each other babe. And I really hated it. I was like, ew, oh my God. And now my husband and I, we started doing it ironically. This is the danger of doing something ironically in your own life, because now we're

like, babe, babe, babe. And we've done it now for 10 to 15 years unironically. I used to make a joke about the word pussy because it was such a vile word that I would be like, oh, how's your pussy doing today? You know, to try and normalize it. And then as a joke, my sisters and I, like I would go in and like say hi to my sister. I'd be like, hi, pussy face, pussy face. And then it became a regular like nickname.

And it's like, my sister's like, that's not funny. You cannot be using it normally because it turned from a joke into now you're doing it normally. I'm like, oh, yeah, that's right. You can't do that either. But babe, I mean, I don't know. I don't find babe annoying.

Baby talk is for the bedroom. It's pillow talk. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So I don't know. I mean, I think, yeah, I think be firm and hopefully make the first time the last time. I accept your advice.

I'm making a mental note to myself. Jason, we should stop doing baby talk. Like, I'm going to learn a lot. Well, especially your baby talk because your baby talk was, come here, whoopsie, I got a pickle or whatever. I hope no one ever catches me talking to my cat. I don't think they will't think that is ridiculous. Oh, well, yeah. That's exactly what it is. That's not. The way I talk to my dogs.

You have to have a special voice for your dogs. Like you just do. Yeah. Yeah. That's expected. That's needed. Yeah. You have to have a special voice for your dogs because they don't have a voice. So you have to supply them with one. Right. You do. And it has to be very high frequency. Yeah. Very weird. Yes. My mother-in-law when we were home visiting for the holidays, she actually pointed out, she's like, oh, you guys baby talk your dog a lot, like kind of constantly. And I was like, it's not baby talk, though. It's like a Mimsy speak. Her name is Mimsy. It's like it's her own language. It's for her. Yeah. It's not like I'm going to talk to Bert like he's an adult, like, hey, Bert, come here. It's like it's her own language. It's for her. Yeah. It's not like I'm going to talk to Bert like he's an adult.

Like, hey, Bert, come here. It's like that doesn't work. Well, nothing works because he can't fucking hear anything I say. But whatever. Well, our next email comes from Carrie. She's in her 20s. She says, I recently attended your show in Minneapolis, Chelsea. It was amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I had purchased two tickets for the third row a few months ago while I was

heavily intoxicated, not just because I'm a huge fan of yours, but also to spite one of my close friends who got tickets for your show with some other girls and didn't invite me, even though I can guarantee that I'm a larger fan of you than they are. They were up in the nosebleeds, so I found great joy from having awesome seats knowing they were probably jealous AF. Given that I splurged on third row seat tickets, it took me a little bit to conduct an investigation on who I knew that loved you and would be willing to spend that much. I found a coworker who was like, hell yes, I love Chelsea Handler. About a year ago, I hung out with her outside of work and got drinks. Long story short, that night got real weird, and I made a vow that I would never hang out with her outside of work ever again.

Despite my promise to myself, I took her up on her offer to come with. When she arrived at my house at 6 p.m., she was already blackout drunk. We missed dinner, and long story short, she took more shots during your opener, which perpetuated her intoxication level. I don't think you said one single sentence during the show without her screaming at you, and I was completely horrified and embarrassed. People around us were also clearly annoyed, and despite my attempts at telling her to shut the fuck up, she kept doing it. I just wanted to sincerely

apologize for her stupidity and obnoxious actions during your show. I also feel bad that she negatively affected the people around us from enjoying the show at its fullest. She spent the entire day after puking in my basement, and I will most likely be getting some sort of contract notarized that says I'm never to see her face outside of work again. How can I get over my anger and embarrassment at what she did, especially when I have to see her at work? Carrie. Oh, that's tricky. Yeah. Well, first of all, I would think, listen, don't worry about that. I don't even remember that. There are sometimes hecklers, but that's not ruining. It's disturbance. It's not welcome, but it happens and

people get wasted. The bigger issue is your friend's drinking, which sounds like she's a hot mess. And so you should have a little bit more empathy for why she's in that situation instead of so much judgment towards her, because that's not helpful either. And you're holding onto anger, which I don't know your face. I don't know her face. It's okay. You didn't affect my life in a negative way. Probably some people around you, but they're not still thinking about that either. Your friend sounds like she's just a hot mess. And there's a reason why she's a hot mess. There's a reason why she's blacking out drinking the two times you've hung out with her. So, I mean, that's a pattern of behavior. So if you can find it in your heart to be a little bit more open-minded about maybe helping her figure out what her issues are, because that isn't normal behavior.

You know, you don't want to be out doing that. If that happens to somebody once, fine. But if it happens to somebody 100% of the time, which is the two times you've hung out with her, that's not a good indicator. So she could probably use more of a friend than somebody who's judging her. And if you could find it in your heart to be that for her, that would be great. It's not your responsibility, but it would be a nice exercise in human kindness. Samantha, what do you think? I agree with you. I feel like if she was carrying shame for that event, I feel like you have absolved her of that. And she shouldn't carry that with her.

It happened. It's over. She already wasn't responsible for her friend's condition. And it is unfortunate, but it didn't affect anyone's lives. It didn't affect if you don't remember, if it doesn't stand out to you. It was unfortunate, but it's not something she should really carry. She shouldn't carry any guilt forward. She really only has to have a functioning work relationship with this person. I feel like what you're suggesting is great. If this person needs a friend or they just need

someone to say, you know, 100% of our social interactions have been really awkward and weird, and they're kind of centered on drinking. So if you ever want to talk about that, I'm right here. Otherwise, we're co-workers. We don't have to interact outside of this place. It's up to you. I don't want to do that again, but I feel like you might be hurting. And if that's the case, maybe I could be helpful. And that's it. Like you're not responsible, but you're friendly enough to go out sometimes. So it feels like there's more than just a work relationship, but you don't have to like overstep. And empathy is good. Empathy for this person takes you outside of your own anger. It can like, it can alleviate that for you. And also think about the things that are adding to your anger, like your other friends getting tickets and not inviting you. Like that all worked itself into that situation for you. So, you know, you were kind of probably in a slightly aggravated state because of all

of that, trying to kind of with the gamesmanship of getting better tickets and doing your own thing. So just take all those factors into it. But definitely holding on to anger is it doesn't do anyone any good. And it certainly doesn't do you any good. I totally agree with that. Yeah, yeah. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir.

Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really.

Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next question comes from Charlotte. She says, Dear Chelsea, I wanted to write in to ask about mental health, social anxiety in particular. Every time I have a get-together with close friends or family, I worry afterward about what people think of me.

I continue to ruminate about things I said or did, and I worry I'm being judged or seen in a bad light. I don't have the best confidence and was wondering how you stay so sure of yourself and so comfortable with who you are as a person. Charlotte, and she is here with us to chat. Hi, Charlotte. Hi, Charlotte. How are you? Hi, we have Samantha Bee here today as my guest. Hi, how are you? Hello, Ontarian. Oh, nice. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So what are you, so you are overthinking, you're a little bit self-conscious, right?

Yeah, big time. Like I'll go out with people, you know, have a good time and then I'll get home and I'll just ruminate. And even if it's about like nothing, you know, and I don't know why. And just want to kind of get those intrusive thoughts kind of out of my head after having like a social interaction, you know, even with people that I know really well. So I don't know why that's happening. And are you do you find yourself when you're in the situations that you're already thinking about what you're going to say instead of maybe listening? Or are you present when you're in those moments? Kind of both. I'm kind of guilty too of like just thinking about what I want to say sometimes.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe I need to be a little bit like what you just said, maybe listen a little bit more. I always find that when I feel self-conscious, the best exercise is to listen because then it takes you out of your own headspace. You know what I mean? Instead of thinking, because we've all been there and you're not by yourself. I've experienced bouts of self-consciousness after bouts of huge misplaced self-confidence where I was like, wait a second, I thought I was that person. And now I'm sitting here wondering what I'm going to say when there, you know, when there's a lull and the best antidote to the noise in your brain is to listen, you know, and, and being in that moment so that you could hear what somebody's

saying, because there is no wrong way to be present, you know, unless you're a complete asshole lunatic, who's going off on people, like you're not doing anything offensive. I can tell by talking to you for two minutes that you're a totally easygoing, nice person. You're not going to be pissing people off left and right. So the over-analysis, I should say, that a lot of us experience is a temporary thing. And it's just usually derivative of what's going on in your life at the time, if you're feeling other forms of not being completely settled. But it's not a permanent state of mind. So first understand that, like, don't think, oh, this is how things are going to be. They're not, nothing stays, there's no permanence with any of this. And that's something, you know, we all know just

from life experience, but it's not uncommon to go through a bout of self-consciousness. And I think it's just about getting your head out of that. There's books you can read on mindfulness or present moment awareness or any of that stuff, which they all say the same thing, but it's just about really being present gives you the gift of not being so self-conscious and really being in the moment and noticing when your thoughts get derailed to take yourself back to the moment that you're in, whether it's eating a sandwich and being completely focused on that, or if you're doing your emails, being completely focused on that, not doing it while you're watching a show, while you're reading the paper. I used to work out and read the paper and have the news on and then listen to a podcast. Obviously, that wasn't working. So really just being present,

overly present right now in this moment, because you are feeling this way, but overly present, you know, when you're walking, literally walk and enjoy the leaves on the trees and what you're looking at and noticing the people, you just have to get yourself a little bit outside of yourself and like over exercise that kind of pattern of behavior. Yeah, that makes sense. It's like I was worrying today too. I'm like, oh, am I going to think about this conversation and worry about, oh, did I say the wrong thing? And I have a pretty dry sense of humor too, and some people don't get it. So I worry about that as well. So I think that makes sense about just paying attention more. You could walk away from this conversation knowing that you did not say anything wrong or weird and that no one, we're all like,

we're all like sitting here going, I want the best. I literally want the best for you. I feel like this is so familiar. Like, I totally understand where you're coming from. I feel like I've been in this position too, where I'm like, Oh, did I, what did I do? Like, let me just like go back over every conversation and go like, oh, did I, what did I do? Like, let me just like go back over every conversation and go like, oh, did I, are they thinking about me right now? And I'll tell you what, one of the only gifts of being 52 is that you really start to get a clear picture of how much people are not thinking about you. Like how much they are actually not going through the conversation and thinking like, oh, what a fuck up. What a weird thing that she said. They're actually just like living their lives and going like, that was really fun,

right? We went out for, we had brunch. That was really fun. I really enjoyed that. We should do that again. They're probably having like a really positive take on it. And if I can say one more thing, and this is probably not like, I don't know if this is healthy or if this is bad. So I'm going to just say what I'm going to say and like take it or leave it. But when years ago when I was like starting this show, my husband always seems like really confident. He's got this like, I don't know if it's a masculine quality or whatever. It's just maybe it's adjacent quality that he never really seems to worry about what other people think of him. He never seems to worry about it and like never would occur to him in a million people think of him. He never seems to worry about it.

And like it never would occur to him in a million years to be like, was he, did he think that I was too loud that time? Never. And I remember asking him, I like cornered him in the bathroom once because I was like, please help me release myself. Like I literally articulated this. I was like, help me release myself from worrying what other people are thinking about me all the time. I was like, how do you do it? Literally, what do you do? Is it

like a man quality? Is this a masculine quality? Is this adjacent thing? How do you push out thoughts of what other people think of you? And he was like, oh, he was like, it's so easy. And I was like, what do you do? Because I was just embroiled in all this stuff. He was like, what do you do? Because I was like just embroiled in all this stuff. He was like, oh, if one of those thoughts pokes into my head, I just physically push it out. I was just like, not now, Satan. And he just almost in his brain goes, get out. I'm not doing this right now. And I started doing that.

If I felt like insecurity creeping in, I started going like, I don't have time for this right now. This is not helping. And then I would do another hobby or something like do something else, an activity that was like really physical. And it just got me out of that plane of thinking. I don't know if that's helpful in any way. No, I think that is helpful. My husband's the exact same way. He does not care. He just like lives his life. And I'm like, Oh my God, like, do they think I'm weird? I know. It's like, it's so funny. Like if you as you're saying this, Samantha, I'm like, God, I was just thinking in my mind, how many men have ever been like, God, I hope I didn't say the wrong thing. It's like, it's a total male female dynamic, like that we've created from probably from them questioning our thoughts and feelings. I will say my husband is actually like this. So he I hope this is okay to share as he's here in the room with me. But he does have the same sort of social anxiety where like the day after a party,

he ruminates on it. And he's like, Oh my god, I hope I didn't sound stupid. I hope they liked me. And I'm like, What are you talking about? Like were charmed by you. You were cracking jokes. You were fun. You were conversing. He's so much fun at a party. And everyone loves him. He's tall and handsome and well-spoken and smart and generally great. But I think Chelsea's right. It is one of those things that has to come from inside. And Sam as well. It's like it has to come from inside of you, either pushing it out or like being present in the moment and experiencing what's really going on. No amount of my reassuring him that he was great at the party convinces him he was great at the party. It sort of has to come from inside. That's a great point. It does have to come

from whatever technique you use. But I do find like busyness is a cure for a lot of that. Getting outside of your own body in a way and being like very busy with something is helpful come from whatever technique you use. But I do find like busyness is a cure for a lot of that. Getting outside of your own body in a way and being like very busy with something is helpful in terms of just not ruminating on things. And also there's a couple of good books that just remind you and give you like, there's one called Finding Peace in a Frantic World. It's written by Mark Williams. It's like a beginner's guide for mindfulness. Like it just gives you the basic steps when you're too much in your head to just remember that acts of service, helping someone else, focusing on someone else's issues, being a good friend to somebody else or whoever's in your life.

That will always take you out of yourself. And then also The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It espouses the entire practice of just always knowing that those thoughts are your ego. Those thoughts are your negative voice trying to drag you in. So saying, no, get out, is exactly the way to treat those thoughts. There's no room for you here. And once you start implementing those things, you'll get out of this much quicker than you think. And also to be forgiving of yourself. Like, this is normal.

Like, I want you to be kind to yourself and know that like every human person feels these thoughts. You know what I mean? And I think the struggle, I think everybody has this struggle to some extent. Like maybe for some people, it's not a big struggle, but everybody has those feelings of like afterwards going like judging yourself. And I want for you that you forgive yourself.

Yeah. You know, we all feel it sucks. Yeah. The thought of people being unhappy with me is like the worst thing. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know why. I don't know how to be kind to myself and know that nothing happened. But if somebody is unhappy with me, how to like, kind of get past that, if that makes any sense, like just being like, well, that's what I said. And I said what I said, you know,

obviously not being offensive, but. Yeah. But also think about like, you know, think of yourself as a little girl or you think of yourself as your daughter. Would you ever want your daughter to feel that way, to feel like she has to please everybody in this world? That's a fake construct that has been built up for women to behave in a certain way that is people pleasing. And do you want to be that kind of girl? Who fucking wants to be that? Somebody who's making everybody happy. Then you're just a product of your society instead of being an original. So focus on that and think about yourself as a little girl. Like, what would you do if it was your daughter? You wouldn't allow, you would be horrified for her to feel this way, right?

Yeah. It's not your job to please everybody. It's your job, A, to please yourself and make yourself and the people you love happy and make them feel safe and secure in your relationship. But beyond that, you don't have an obligation to the world, you know, and you should start try some, you know, try Headspace. Headspace has all these like beginning courses about that, about the voices in your head, about that dialogue, and about focusing, you know, and if you just even put in five minutes a day of that, you just start to create a different narrative in your head in a different way that you're

speaking to yourself. And that has a domino effect. Yeah, you're a three-dimensional person. You're a human person too. And you have a right to exist in this world and believe certain things and say whatever you want. And if people don't like you because you said one thing the night before, then they're not really worth knowing if they don't like you for the three-dimensional self that you are. Like if they really are so affected by that, then holy shit. And I would also like to go on the record and say that I am in Canada four months out of the year and no Canadian has ever offended me. So you also have that on your side. Yeah. Thank you. Well, and I just wanted to thank you, Chelsea, too. Besides my mom, you're like a huge inspiration for just being like an outspoken woman and still being mindful of other people. But when somebody's trying to bring you down, just telling them to get lost and just to be a strong woman. And I just wanted to thank you for that.

Well, you're welcome. But you are you're a strong woman, too. You know, we just have to tap into our reservoir of strength. And sometimes we don't feel strong, but you're strong. Thank you. Appreciate that. Well, good luck with everything. And please pick up those books, okay? Those two books. I wrote them down. Great.

I'm sure you can Google them and find them right away. Yeah. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thanks. Take care. Nice to talk to you. Okay.

Speak to you soon. Bye. Oh. Oh, my God. She's so sweet. I know. But you know something? When I experienced my first adult self-doubt or insecure phase, because I went for so long

without ever even thinking about what people thought about me, just like, you know, who cares? Like that arrogant attitude almost. And then going through my first bout of like, oh, self-examination, and then the self-flagellation that goes with that, where you go, oh, wait a second. And then the self-consciousness that is coupled with that. It's such an unpleasant and unwelcome feeling to be in. It is. To be worried all the time about something that other people are not worrying about is not a great feeling. It can be really debilitating, like just to get caught in that and to like live to be just like so steeped in worry.

Yeah. Second guessing yourself is not a fun environment to be in. Really not fun. Not fun at all. No. And I think also post pandemic, I kind of after my first few interactions after that, I was like, oh, we're all just going to be a little weird for a little while. Because I felt like I don't usually feel that way that afterward. Like, was I weird? Was I weird? And I had engagement party for one of my cousins. And I felt like as I was talking to her sister, my other cousin, I'm like, I just keep laughing at all her stories. I don't know what to say back to her.

Like, thank God she's telling so many funny stories. And then the next day she texted me and she's like, I'm sorry if I was talking too much. Like, I was like, oh, wait, we're all just going to feel like we're acting really strange for a while. You know? It does feel strange. Yeah. And I'm like really quick to anger like little things. I'm like, oh, why am I so angry about this?

It's nothing. It is a bit of a roller coaster of seeing the lower part of people's faces. Yeah, it is. And I definitely can relate to post-pandemic socializing where I was like, shit, what am I going to say now? Okay, someone said something and now it's my turn to return the tennis ball. And I was like, shit, what am I going to say now? Like, okay, someone said something and now it's my turn to return the tennis ball. And I was like, ah. I mean, even my sister goes, what is wrong with you?

I go, I don't know what to say to people anymore. And I've never been short for words. So I could only imagine what somebody who's more shy or less sure of themselves must be feeling. But yeah, for sure. The pandemic made us all a bit of a hot mess. Oh yeah, oh definitely. Well pandemic made us all a bit of a hot mess. Oh, yeah. Oh, definitely. Well, our next question comes from Beck. She's 28. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in a pickle.

I have an intense fear that my partner of two years will ultimately lose interest in me and fall out of love eventually. My opinion of men isn't exactly high. I seem to box my partner into the same category that most men have fallen into in my life, ultimately fickle, selfish, and ignorant. My self-esteem isn't the highest, and I'm riddled with anxiety that he will find me less attractive as I get older or, God forbid, bear his children. I'm constantly thinking of self-sabotaging the relationship as the fear of rejection is so intense. How do I stay confident and address these fears without projecting needy girlfriend vibes onto him? Love, Beck.

Well, I would say that when you are living in fear and based out of fear, you are going to perpetuate that feeling and it can become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So you have to really work hard on getting yourself out of that mindset because it's a waste of your time and it's a waste of your energy and you're almost working against yourself. So you've been with somebody for two years and you have to start thinking, you know, every negative thought comes with a positive counterpart. That's physics. Every action has a reaction. And if you can start changing that dialogue in your head, that's what you have to do first. You have to get in control of the fact that you don't have control over the future. You have control over how you behave. You can't control what's going to happen with your partner, if he's going to stay in love with you,

if he's going to remain in love with you, you can only control how you conduct yourself. So even if you don't believe it right now that you're worthy of all of that, you have to start acting like it. You have to start believing that you do have all of the things that you have that you offer the relationship. You can't worry about aging. Everyone's aging. These are things that are happening to everybody. So getting so hyper-focused on this relationship and it falling apart is a dangerous pattern of thought for you. So there is a book that my friend told me about once when she was feeling similar. It's called Rejection Proof,

Rejection of Proof or Rejection Proof or something. I know there's an umbrella on the cover because I have it at my house. Of course, I haven't read that one yet, but I'll get to it. But you have to really just start working on having a positive dialogue with yourself immediately. Pick up as many books as you can until you read something that strikes a chord within you that you can turn into a manifestation for yourself. Because all of our wasted time and energy is spent on fear.

And when you come from a place of hope and positivity instead of fear and you build yourself up like to courage and bravery, then the fear is eliminated and it's down below and it's something that you don't even recognize in yourself, but it's not gonna happen overnight. You have to be an active participant in getting yourself healthier.

Oh, this is great advice. This is great advice because it is hard to operate from a place of fear and you can't control the future. You have no say in how the future unfolds. I also do think like if you're in a positive, if you really take a step back and you look at your relationship and you go, actually, it's he's never given me any indication that he's falling out of luck. He would be very surprised to hear that I'm very worried about the future and these kind of irrational thoughts.

It's okay to have those conversations with your partner, not dwell on them, but just to honestly say, I'm having like irrational thoughts. Can I just tell you what they are and then I can maybe put them to rest? If your partner loves you, which it sounds like you are in a really solid relationship, as long as you're not living and acting from a place of fear all the time, if you're able to talk about things that, like you should be able to talk about weird fears that you're having about the future. Like you should be able to talk about weird fears that you're having about the future like you should be able to say that I think just before we got married my husband was like I am worried that you're gonna that you're gonna like have children and split because like I have some weird family history and stuff and he was like I'm worried that that's just like in

your genes maybe and I was like I don't think it is but I also don't know but I don't think it is. But I also don't know. But I don't think so. I think it's okay. And I do think that if you're in a supportive relationship, it's okay to like give voice to irrational fear once in a while. And it's not, it shouldn't be scary for the other person. Because you do have to be true to yourself. I think if you're like living in that place all the time, then that's a different matter entirely. But having a healthy dialogue with yourself is very important. As Chelsea is saying, I And that's why we're friends. She goes, is it a deal breaker? But they'd been together for three or four years already. And he was like, I don't know. I have to

think about it. I didn't realize this was so important to me. And she's like, well, I need, I need an answer. You need to tell me. She's like, you have six weeks to figure it out. And I was like, no, no, you cannot give someone six weeks to figure this out. Like when you put, when you need a definitive answer on something, you're giving something no space to breathe. You're not giving it any room for it to be okay, you know, because you can't control the outcome. You can never control the outcome. All you can control is how you conduct yourself and your response to things. So I would definitely bring it up with your partner. I'm sure he'll probably say something to you that will make you feel better and better. I mean, that will make you feel better about the situation. But beyond that, it's your job to not look to him to make you feel better

all the time. You know, it's something you can bring up, but it's not a burden for you to place on him because it's an inside conversation that you're having with yourself. And that needs to get stronger. Your sense of self needs to get stronger. So hopefully you will be able to have more open conversations because nobody wants their partner to feel like that. Who wants to see their partner suffering like that or worried? Yeah. When you're two years into a relationship, you don't have to pretend that you love boxing or whatever it is, like whatever their hobby is that you really can't stand, but you think that you pretend to like it so much that you actually think that you like it. And then the moment that your relationship is over, you're

like, oh, I finally really hated that. Actually, that wasn't really fun at all. But like, you're so deep into the relationship now, you should be able to like be your true self. And part of that is allowing, letting that person know that you're going to like, that you're also trying to create a better dialogue inside yourself and that you're aware that it might seem irrational, but it's okay to say it out loud occasionally. Sometimes when I, this is something that I do, sometimes in this business, and this is so weird, but I am going to say it. You're always reading stories about opportunities all around you and everybody's like, what's he getting's she doing what's this like you sold what oh my god and you get jealous you get you have like these eruptions of jealousy and even though you're

doing really well and this seems so crazy like why would you be jealous why would you be thinking about opportunities that someone else is getting like how is that relevant to you? But it happens. It erupts. And I personally like to give it a voice. I will take my husband and I'll go, oh, I feel so jealous today. And here's why. And he's like, oh, my God, what is wrong with you? And I'm like, I have to just say it out loud in order for me to disperse it. The more I hold it, the more real it gets. And that's very unhealthy. Sometimes I need to say it out loud because I need to hear what it sounds like in real life. And the moment I hear myself say it, I go, oh, okay. And it just like erases. So I don't know if that's helpful at all.

I like that. I like that, especially with somebody that you can trust. I remember once telling my sister years ago, a friend of mine got a huge opportunity and I was the one who had brought her into stand-up and introduced her to stand-up and encouraged her to do it. And then she got a big break before I did. And I had all these feelings of envy and jealousy. And I was in my 20s and I called my sister and I told her, I go, I feel so terrible. I'm so jealous, but she's my friend. And she's like, it's totally fine. She's like, just tell some, you tell me that's okay. Just don't, as long as you don't act on the jealousy, you're almost expunging it by giving it a voice. And I think that's great to remember. You know, you have somebody in your life that you can trust and always confide in,

and that should be your person that you can say the things that you're embarrassed to say. And sometimes when you do hear them out loud, just like Samantha just said, you're like, okay, I can't do something I'm operating on. You're like, that's just too stupid. I was holding onto that for too long. Okay, let's move forward. Yeah. Give yourself the room to be vulnerable, right? Well, we'll take a quick break and we'll be back to wrap up with Samantha B. and Chelsea. Okay. to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor? We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you

and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park.

Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, really.

No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Great. Okay. This is fun.

Yeah. Thanks for coming. Good advice giving, Samantha. Awesome. High stakes. I is fun. Yeah. Thanks for coming. Good advice giving, Samantha. Awesome. High stakes. I love it. These are real lives. These are like very relatable issues.

Yep. Very relatable. Well, speaking of relatable issues, Sam, do you have any advice you'd like to ask from Chelsea? Here's a question. And this is like, okay. Okay. see here's a question and this is like okay okay this is gonna sound like a anyone who knows me and anyone who works with me will think that this question is insane because it's very unlike me i don't you're very open about drug use very open about drug use very open about all of that

pharmaceuticals all of that and no one ever offers me drugs of any kind and i don't know what it is about me i'm obviously like such a nerd and well i think it's because you're from canada look canada whatever one thing that i would like to try after watching the whole documentary about fungi on netflix which i loved and i, this, I feel like that documentary about fungi, like fantastic fungi was so was almost like a spiritual experience for me watching that. Should I try magic mushrooms? I think you have to because it is so because it's so I took yesterday, I take a little chocolate square of magic mushrooms almost every day. Almost every day.

I haven't taken it today. I wish I had now that we're talking about it so I could just. But there is a mental clarity that you can reach. You don't have to go bonkers and go dose yourself. But right now there's so many. In Canada, everyone has mushrooms. They have micro dose, 50 milligrams, 250 milligrams. It's whatever you want. I like it in chocolate because it gives me a better upper. But there is a mental

clarity that isn't naturally available to me. It is an upper in a way where you don't feel like you're on a drug. Mushrooms, if you take psilocybin, you want to do a proper dose or you want to do a guided dose for healing purposes, that's a different situation. And I would encourage that for people who are dealing with trauma or anything that they want to kind of tackle. But I think there is really nothing to lose. You kind of just see everything from a little bit more, it taps into a part of your brain where you are able to be up, you're clear-minded, you're not off your rocker, and you're able to be productive and sound. So it kind of adds to whatever you've already got going on naturally.

Do you think that because I've never done them before, that I'll have a really because I've had like I've taken I've taken stuff in the past and had such bad experiences. Do you think that I would be at risk for having a really bad experience just from the stress of like, just from being kind of tense about it, but really wanting, but really, I feel like it could be really beneficial to me, but I'm also terrified. Like, do you think that the terror will cause me to have a bad experience? I honestly think if you have that kind of fear, you should just have the most minimal possible amount you can have, like a half of a microdose to allay your fear. Because once you do that, you're going to

understand, oh, I'm not going to be overwhelmed by this. And then your fear will abate. And then by the time it does, you can introduce whatever minuscule amount. And it's almost an imperceptible feeling when it's done right, when you don't have too much, like 50 milligrams of psilocybin is not going to affect you in any deleterious, you're not going to lose it. You're not going to get overwhelmed. You're just going to have a little bit of a feeling of like, oh, oh, everything's brighter and clearer. And I am, my mind is clear. And it adds to whatever you're already working with, you know, on a brain mechanical level. And there are so many parts of our brain that we're not accessing.

And when you do something like that, you are accessing a part of your brain and you feel it. You're like, oh, gosh. So I just, yeah, the fear is definitely something to be considered, but you just even take it easier. Because you just have to remember, this isn't a drug. You're not trying to get fucked up. You're just trying to, like, enhance. It's an enhancer. We talked about it at dinner last night

and we're talking just about the effects of it and how people don't understand how it enhances almost every experience, a work experience, a play experience, or even a family experience. Oh, great. Cause I don't like, I'm not up for seeing like elves running under the sofa.

Like I don't, I'm not really, seeing like elves running under the sofa like I don't I don't not really that's not the experience I'm looking for I was just like what does this mean like what could this unlock inside yes that's a great way to look at it and yeah like is that is that a possibility and how long will it last and will I be normal in front of my children so maybe I'll do it like by myself yeah it doesn't doesn't last forever. Don't worry. It's like a couple hours maybe. And, you know, and again, it's not like you're going to have to be like tripping in a room in the dark. Like, it's not like that. You just go about your business like you would any other day, you know, try it on a day where you don't have to do a lot so that you're not like worried about

that. But just to create the confidence in your psyche that you're okay and you're not going to freak out is to do it as minimally as possible. And so that you could kind of understand it better. Oh, I love this. This is good advice. Okay. I needed to talk that through. Okay. Like talk to me next week when I'm like playing the mandolin at a Renaissance fair. I'm like, I gave it all up. I'll probably just mail you some magic mushrooms from some other name to another name, but they'll get to you somehow. We'll find our way just like Magellan. Okay, you calmed me down. I really do. I think it would be so, I feel like it would be good for me because I am like pretty uptight and kind of a control freak in my own home, like in walking around sorting laundry. It's boring. I would like to try a new version of myself in a minor way.

Would be nice to let go a little bit. Oh, awesome. I'm a love drug question. So yeah. Okay. And plus, by the way, everyone is doing it. You know what I mean? And everyone's loving it. It's getting rave reviews. So this is the moment. This is my time. So Chelsea, one question about that. I am also a person who has never done magic mushrooms, but people often recommend doing them in nature. Do you think like even for a mycrotose, would you say like head outdoors or do you think like at home? Yeah, totally. Always. Okay. Yeah. I mean, you know, I could do it inside too, but like, no, it enhances everything and the colors of the leaves on the trees, the nature that you're seeing.

Yeah. It enhanced, it's just an enhancer. So to understand it better is to be in nature, you know, cause then you really have a connection and you realize like, oh, okay, this is, this is, you, you understand how kind of small you are and how amazing everything is like that we're all sitting here you know functioning it's just kind of like it's got that vibe to it too where you're just really happy and grateful that you get to be like here doing your thing I love this okay all right that's great that's cool well Sam we'll do mushrooms together okay we will okay perfect

awesome well where can everyone find you she's gonna be in the woods doing mushrooms with her podcast full release is the podcast which i'm gonna be a guest on as well probably the very same week that you're a guest on mine we release on tuesdays what did when do you release thursdays we release on thursdays thursdays tuesday thursday we do a full release on Thursday. Nice. And then Full Frontal with Samantha Bee is in its seventh season. Yep. Thursdays at 7pm on TBS. Oh, God, thank you so much, Samantha. I had a wonderful morning with you. I mean, we've spent more time together, probably than I've spent with anyone other than my boyfriend this year. And we just

met. So we're off to a really great start. I loved it. Thank you so much for talking me through this. And for, oh my God, for bringing me on. That was like emotional. I know. It can get emotional. Yeah. I loved it. I want all the people who ask questions to like take your advice and run with it.

Anyway, thank you so much. It was great talking to you. Have a great day. You too. Bye-bye. Bye. And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write in to dearchelseaproject at gmail.com.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure? And does your dog truly love you? We have the answer.

Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.