Dear Chelsea - A Very Different Vacation with Leslie Bibb with Leslie Bibb

Episode Date: March 27, 2025

White Lotus star Leslie Bibb is here to make faces and chat about being the captain of your own ship, how the White Lotus ladies could have had a VERY different vacation, and what happens when Chelsea prematurely evacuates a hotel.  Then: A 34-year-old comes to terms with the choice she made to marry an 80-year-old man… and struggles to see how she’ll ever get out.   * Order a signed copy of Chelsea’s new book HERE! * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hi, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. I have a question for you. When did you have time to film another special? I filmed a standup special. It's out, it's streaming, you guys. It came out Tuesday. Today is Thursday. It's called The Feeling.

It's on Netflix. And it's my favorite standup special ever. It was- Amazing. My book came out February 25th. I'll have what she's having. My book came out March 25th. So'll have what she's having. My book came out March 25th. So can you get... Wait.

Shit. Shit. Bookman special. Books, specials, and guess what's coming out April 25th? What's that? Something else. Anyway, please watch my special on Netflix. It means a lot to me for people to watch it.

And it means a lot to me to have all these people buying my books and sending me all these DMs, which I'm reading, I'm reading all of them, and I'm calling in to some book clubs, by the way. If you are doing a book club with my book and you have Owls Brew, I am calling, I'm gonna zoom in. If you DM me, I have three book clubs set up already.

April 2nd is the day that I'm gonna be doing it. So if you hear this and you want in on that action, make it happen and DM me and I will try to schedule you into my April 2nd night. Awesome, so DM on Instagram, right? DM me directly on Instagram. Okay, awesome. And what else?

Oh, Vegas, Vegas. I just had another Vegas weekend, which was epic. I did not win money this weekend. I have to be honest, I broke even. That's not bad. No, I broke even and that's a win to me because you're renting a good time. But I had, my Vegas weekends have been so much fun

because so many random friends of mine show up. I had three friends from Texas shown up. I had three friends from LA show up. My sister came, my friends from Tahoe came. It was a blast. And so April 18th is my next Vegas date. And then after that, it's July 5th. So April 18th and July 5th and then August 30th. So come and have a fun party with me at the Cosmo.

It has been a real blast, a surprising blast. And I'm also doing a bunch of European dates. If you go to ChelseaHandler.com, I'm coming to Europe and starting in Reykjavik all the way through Lisbon at the beginning of May, May and June. Great. Okay, our guest today is a friend of mine.

She is very fun. She stars on the current season of White Lotus and she just wrapped filming Palm Royale season two. Please welcome Leslie Bibb. Hi. How are you? Hello, hello. Leslie Bibb? Is this Leslie Bibb. Hi, how are you? Hello, hello. Leslie Bibb?

Is this Leslie Bibb? Is this really you? Hi. So we're, it's like you're looking like this at me. Hi. I know, I know, sorry. We're in a fake podcast. Well, not a fake podcast studio.

We are in a fake podcast studio. I know. The cameras are set in weird directions. So pretend I'm looking at you, okay? Oh my God, this is so, oh, there we go. That's a much better thing. Can I have this? That's so much better.

Cause I feel like we're talking to each other. Now we're looking at each other. Yeah, but you've seen me look at your face before. Just go back to that time and pretend that's what's happening. I can't do that. I'm not that good of an actor. Hold on, I have to throw something away.

Hi, Chels. Hi, honey. We just did a podcast with your buddy Michelle Monahan. Hi. Isn't she lovely? Yeah, the loveliest. I'm jealous that I wasn't on set with both of you. I told her that the three of us are going to all do something.

We're going to do dinner. Yeah. Leslie Bibb. Where are you? Are you in fucking Canada? Oh, my god. Where are you? Are you in fucking Canada? Oh my God, would you let me ask you a fucking question? I mean, who cares where I am? It's important to me, I love you.

I'm in Beverly Hills at some podcast studio because my house is not done and I have another four months of construction. So I had to move back out of my house and now I'm staying at a friend's house. I find it interesting that you are to me one of the most powerful women I've ever met. Like there's just like, you have like a,

about you and the fact that this has run you ragged. What I don't even talk about it anymore. It's too stupid. I refuse to even give it my time of day. I just can't. I said to someone, I'm like, what kind of karma? They're like, this is not your karma. I go, it really feels like my karma.

But anyway, I have too many good things in my life to worry about this fucking house. I can't wait to get rid of it. If anyone wants to buy my house, let me know. It'll be in perfect shape by the time you fucking get your hands on it. It'll be great. Listen, by the time this comes out,

more episodes of White Lotus will have come out. But we're gonna focus on the one that we all saw last night or two nights ago now. Episode number five, right? Yes. It was episode five. Are there eight episodes? There are eight episodes. There are eight episodes. I can answer that. First of all, it was the episode with your lover Sam Rockwell was in it with an incredible monologue.

Incredible monologue. That starts... I mean, it was just incredible. It was. I mean, there was a Time Magazine article about it, about that monologue, yes, that you sent me that was awesome. And actually, really, I felt the same when I watched that monologue. I'm like, this is what Mike White thinks.

This is either how Mike White feels and thinks because that monologue, no one could write something like that, except I thought maybe Sam Rockwell could. I'm like, you know what? Sam might have come in with this monologue and said, listen, I have a piece that I want to put in the show. I don't know if anybody who writes quite like Mike White does, like stuff like that confrontational, that confronting, that subversive, that sort of not, nothing he does is like dinner table

conversation, you know? And the way he, I haven't seen the episode, but the fact that Sam just does it like he's saying, pass the salt. And there's something about that because it's his truth. And I feel like if Kate and Lori and Jacqueline, the three women, like are the ladies, if the ladies had come in and just been like, my life is a disaster, my marriage is this, or I lost my job,

I think I'm drinking too much, whatever their shit was, and it just talked about it and been vulnerable and sort of been unapologetic about what's going on in their life, it would have been a very different vacation for them. But instead, they couldn't do that. And so when I read all eight episodes and I got to that monologue for Frank, I remember feeling like, oh, this is Mike's, this is like the essence of the show. This is what he's saying, like what we should try to aspire to.

And as it goes on, you'll see that, you know, things can be very hard to hold on to. And I don't know if Frank does such a good job with his surprise or any of it. So. Right, right, right, right. So, well, by the way, how did Sam, so was it because of you that Sam also got in the show,

or was it completely separate? Completely separate. The person that they'd first gone to couldn't do it anymore because we had pushed and pushed, and we'd just gone over and weather and whatever. We had gone long and Sam was doing a movie in South Africa and it was never gonna time out. Like they had said something to me early on,

like what if this were to happen? And I was like, I don't think it's gonna happen because he's shooting this big movie and he looks like an unhoused person in this movie. You'll never be able to like, he can't do both. And also Sam is not that actor. He won't sort of double team like that. He'll be like, he needs prep time.

And then we pushed so much that he was ending his movie and he had like a week and a half between. So technically you could do it, but it was, he really fretted with the idea of doing it. I think he knew that that monologue was a beast. It's not something you just go, okay, I'm gonna do it. You know, you just on top of just being prepared with just being off book and ready,

you have to do the deep emotional prep of what that means. And Sam has got a very specific process. And so when they said they were gonna offer it to him, I remember Dave Bernard was walking through one of the hotels we were shooting in and I was on the treadmill and I waved at him and I said, come here. And he came in and he goes, did you hear? And I said, him and I said, come here. And he came in

and he goes, did you hear? And I said, yeah, I said, listen, if he doesn't do it, you and Mike can't get mad at me. Like that jet plane is going to fly. I can't ground it. Like that that's the one one way and I'm not. So he was like, no, no, we won't get mad at you. And then he hemmed and hawed, but then he eventually did it. And so I can't imagine anyone else doing that. But Sam Rockwell, that's I agree with you. As soon as I saw him in it, which I don't I don't. Yeah, I didn't know he was going to be in that.

I kept my secret. Can you believe it? I know. I know. You guys are good at keeping secrets. You guys are good. I mean, I think you're under contract to keep that secret. So I know. But like, but still, like, I mean, we told somebody, I'm like, you know, people were like, wait, you were there, what was going on? And then, you know, Sam, of course, like, talk to people about whether or not you should do it. But like, I think we did pretty good. Like, because you were like, did Sam come visit you? And

I was like, Yeah, he did. I started looking down and looking away and trying not to make like, eye contact. I hate lying to people Okay. Well the other highlight of last night's episode first of all your fucking facial expressions kill me Whenever I'm friends with anybody who's an actor and I watch them in movies It's very hard for me to take them seriously once I've made a friendship with someone I just cannot wait all I do is send my friend Connie pictures of her acting and I'm like, this is ridiculous. She's like, don't watch it.

I don't want to hear any fucking feedback. But Leslie's faces in White Lotus. First of all, I also want to just talk about this show and what a cultural zeitgeist this show is. Every, I was at my sister's 60th birthday weekend and there were 15 people there, like four generations of people, and we all sat down on Sunday night to watch this in a weekend where we were not watching TV. This was the only TV show we watched because everyone was into it. Everyone's

like, oh my god, New White Lotus, New White Lotus. So I can only imagine what you've been experiencing being a part of this cast because it is the show that everyone watches. Like Severance is a very popular show, not everyone watches it, but it's hugely popular. There isn't a person I know that doesn't watch White Lotus. So that in and of itself is such a testament to Mike White and all of these casts that he puts together because the casting is the most integral part to all of these. And it helps that everybody is an actor, not a movie star. You know what I mean?

It helps, it helps move the story along that there are so many actors and there's so many stories going on because it's so fun to follow that. Yeah. Hi, it's Catherine from the future. If you don't want any spoilers for episode five of White Lotus that came out on March 16th, then please skip forward exactly two minutes. But there was a scene in this pool with Carrie Coon and with the ladies the three girls Michelle Bonham and Leslie and Carrie Coon and as we've come to know Leslie's character's a Trump supporter

which was a fucking- I'm an independent. Independent Trump supporter. My husband is a Republican but I'm an independent. My husband is a Republican, but I'm an independent. And there's a scene, and when they're in, with these three Russian guys, they've been partying all day and she takes her, Carrie Coon takes her top off. She's like trying to hook up with Vladimir, right? Or Voldemort, Vladimir. I think it's, I want to say Vladimir. Valentin, Valentin. Same difference.

She's hooking up with, she's wanting to anyway. And when her top comes off, the face that you have, the smile, first of all, the show is filled with facial expressions from you that are fucking to die for. They are so funny. What do I do? What do I do?

You go, this patronizing kind of like, yeah. Even when you're about to talk shit with your girlfriends, whether it's with Carrie or Michelle, I'm using their real names because I get confused by all the character names. No, it's too many names. But when one of them leaves and she's like, oh God, she seems like she's drinking a lot.

She's like, oh, yeah, yeah, she does. Everything is so smart. It's just coming down like a butterscotch candy. And it's so funny. And then when she, Carrie Coons top comes off, Leslie Bitt's already like, I don't know about these men at our villa. What's going on?

This is a little too much for me as an independent Trump supporter. This is a little bit too much for me. And then the face that you make when her top comes off, like, ha, ha, ha. like just a deflation of like, oh no, we're all gonna get gang banged or something bad is gonna happen. Which is where I thought that scene was going.

I'm like, uh oh, they are gonna turn on her and somebody's getting fucked. Somebody that doesn't want to is going to. But yeah, your acting in this is just like, I don't, your character is so, so perfectly you. Thank you. Thanks. I, that means a lot. Like, it really means a lot coming from you. I've never experienced anything like this show before. It's crazy. Everybody's watching it.

And they also there, there's an obsession with with it and people really watch it for which is I think Mike probably loves very much is they get all of the metaphors and the themes and and and I don't know if it's because it only comes out once a week and It makes you have an appetite for it and that you have to sit there and then you can rewatch it and look at stuff And go oh wait, did you see, why were there three monkeys in that corner? And why were that like, people are picking up on things that like,

I was like, are they gonna get that? And the obsession with understanding it thematically, I think is really cool because I do think Mike is working in big themes. I think, you know, he's talking about spirituality and death, but then he's also working with doppelgangers and mirrors and reflections. Like with the three ladies, you know, we were sad like, oh, nobody could tell us apart when we were kids. And even while we were filming,

if I had my head turned, somebody would be like, my haircut was enough like carries and like it felt like art in life started to you're there long enough and you start to feel like a guest at the white lotus because you're filming at a hotel where every where you go it says the white lotus i don't know it's like a weird mind trip so i so appreciate you saying that the work is good, but I think part of it is just being surrounded by it all the time that you I don't know I think it helps the work. Like when we were getting cabin fever for being there for six months and feeling like this sometimes because you're away from home and away from anything that feels like you're normal.

I think it actually helped the work. And I think for the people who love it, I think the fact that he makes you're normal, I think it actually helped the work. And I think for the people who love it, I think the fact that he makes you wait every week also helps to aid the fever pitch of like, I want more. And the episodes were much bigger. They were, I don't know, like hour and a half long. And then HBO would make, cut them down to 52 minutes. So sometimes I wanna see what those

hour and a half long episodes. So does everybody else. I know. I had this insane dream sequence that we shot that I was so like, it was like a sucker punch when I found out it got cut and I was like, oh, poor Kate. But there's so many stories he's telling and interweaving. It's it's it's fascinating to me how you know, and it's interesting your take that like if you had a big movie star in there, would you be able to with such abandon go down the,

you know, all of these roads with these people? Or would you be like, oh, there's Tom Cruise or there's you know what I mean? Would you do you think? I don't know, it's tough to think about. I mean, I think that kind of, it's, yeah, maybe, maybe, you know, I would think so. I mean, you know, depending on their acting ability, like to really immerse themselves.

I mean, maybe it could just be, say Tom Cruise was a character in that show, that would be really interesting. It would be interesting to watch him mixing with everybody and not being the main attraction, being one of the storylines, which I really appreciate as a viewer. Yeah, jumping off a building.

Yeah, jumping off a building, of course, or into Paris or wherever he needs to go for the Olympics next. But what do you learn about the show when you're doing it? Like, what does Mike tell you about it? Like, what are you not allowed to talk to people about? You're not allowed to talk about anything. Not really allowed to talk about anything. I mean, the fact that they kept Sam's secret is kind of incredible to me. I don't know

how they did that. Because I mean, in this age where everything gets leaked, I don't know. I kept saying to him, I think it's bonkers that nobody knows you're in it or it hasn't somehow gone out. But when you're doing it, you read the script, but like there's something with the way he directs and the way he's, you know, and you sort of get all eight and then I only have my, then I have to give back everything

because those scripts are so guarded. So I have just my section of the script. So I feel very disconnected to anybody else's storyline. So you're kind of there on your own journey and so you don't know how it's all gonna be interconnected or any of that. So that's really like Mike, the editing, how he sees it, how it changed. I mean, that's, I mean, it's really all a testament to him and his vision for this.

And I think he's got remarkable editors and his production designer is incredible. Nothing Mike does is like, oh, look at that happy accident, you know? But when you're there, he feels, you don't feel like that's happening, but he's just a mastermind. He's really, and I feel like in this third season,

you're really seeing Mike, I felt like as a director, really step into his own in a big way. Because he's a writer and an actor, and those hats I think he wears effortlessly. But something about this season felt like there was, he really, something felt, I don't know, different. Is there any improvisation? He's, like, I have this thing about beans, we're on the beach. I say all these innocuous things. I just have like, I mean, my last name is Boar, K-Boar. So I don't really say anything interesting. Like it's,

but it's all in the name, B-O-H-R, K-Boar. And I have this like thing about beans, how I tricked my mind into liking beans. And, and he must have liked it because then he came over and he said, Carrie, maybe you would say this. And then Leslie, you go, no, no, no, I don't like big beans. I like small beans. And then we went into a whole thing where we were just riffing on beans. And he was like, like, gigante. And then we're doing this.

But he usually comes up with, he's so rhythmic with when he's hearing his writing and that he comes over and changes it, but that's it. I mean, it's nothing like, it's all blank. It's kind of refreshing, because then you don't feel like you have to do anything and it's all on the page. Right, right.

So you're like, you're not trying to make chicken salad out of chicken shit. It's like already a fucking amazing sandwich, you know? And it's got like French fries and a great drink and like, it's everything. You don't have to make something out of nothing. Okay, on that note, we're gonna take a break and we're gonna come right back with Leslie Bibb.

Hey kids, it's me, Kevin Smith. And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith. That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, d***less version of me. And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless, D***less Me. I'm the old one. I'm the old one. I'm the young one.

And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. Could be a family show. We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out. It's a work in progress.

Listen to Beardless, D***less Me on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever. You get your podcast. September, 1979. Virginia's top prison band, Edge of Daybreak, is about to record their debut album, Behind Bars, in just five hours. Okay, we're rolling. One, two, three, four.

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of brains, but EQ is do you trust me? Do I communicate well? You know, when you walk in a room, do people feel good you're there? Are you responsive to people? Do people know you have a heart? Develop the team, develop the people, create a system of trust, and it works over time. I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor-in-chief. On my podcast, This Is Working, leaders like Jamie Dimon, Mark Cuban, and Richard Branson share strategies for success and the real lessons that have shaped them. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Leslie Bipp from The White Lotus, most recently from The White Lotus.

She's been in a bevy of things and everyone knows who you are. And then this show now, as we've discussed, is like being catapulted front and center with like, it's like being, I mean, I know that you guys have been on this crazy press tour and I know you personally have been bouncing around crazily and you're like, oh my god, this is so crazy. You know, it's she's like, I've never been part of something like this where everybody is invested at like the whole world is watching and it must just be such a crazy ride. Chelsea, it's fucking amazing. It's so cool.

It's like somebody was like, why aren't you watching? And I said, well, it's like, you know, I'm critical of myself and it just feels tricky. Like people have been saying the work is good. So I worry that if I watch it, I'm gonna try to recreate something or I don't know. Like it was just very like in the moment happening. So like, I don't, when you talk about my faces,

like I don't, when you talk about my faces, like I don't, I don't know what those were. You know, I did a lot of prep work and a lot of stuff, but then people saying the work is good. That's so meaningful. And it's not like, I've never had it to this magnitude that the people are saying the work is good like this. And so it's really nice. But also it feels like it feels like a dream. And it feels like if I watch it, I'll be waking up from the dream. And it's like, I just want to sleep five more minutes. Like I just want to say it's like the best

dream I've ever had. And I just want to stay so I'm just trying to just enjoy it all and go with it and try to be present. And it's awesome because then it'll be over and it doesn't always happen. And I feel so lucky that it happened to me. And I feel so lucky that like, usually in a show, they would never cast me, Carrie and Michelle, it would be one of us. I've never gotten to work with those other two, because there's only one of us who would get the job. They would never, you know what I mean? That just doesn't happen.

And then you get to do the job and all three of you are there and it's not like one person has the better part. Do you know which would be the other thing? Like you would just be like, oh, well that's the lead. And we're like the two best friends that maybe have one scene or something that might be cut to shreds to do something because you're just aiding The lead actor's story and it's like somehow we all get our slice of the pie and it's amazing

It sometimes makes me want to cry like it just feels as corny as that sounds but I just it does not fall short on me That this is happening to me now, in my life. No, actually, can I talk about, we went to the Vanity Fair party for the Oscars this year, and Leslie's like, oh, I was like, do you want some LSD? I had my microdose, of course. And she's like, LSD? Oh my God, no. And then she goes, actually, she's like, I'm just not gonna drink for this period of time. And I was like, oh, why? And she said, because I really wanna be present

for this experience that I'm having with White Lotus and it coming out, and I just wanna experience this all. And I was like, wow, that is powerful. Like, good for you for doing that. And I totally get that, you know? I don't know why you couldn't take some LSD because you wouldn't be drinking, but whatever. I think that's really like a really beautiful way

to handle it because it's not like you're sober, you drink, you have a good time. But like, for periods in our life when we really do wanna be there and not hung over and not have, and have complete mental clarity about what you're experiencing. Also, too, do you ever have this? I don't know if you got but like when I go to those things, it's not like I'm like on one of the Vanity Fair party. I feel really in my body right now. It's like I'm like, I haven't eaten all day. I'm like stuffing into a dress

that's like a beautiful dress. And you kept saying, why are you picking up your dress? Let it hang. And I was like, I'm like a giraffe, Chelsea. I'm gonna trip. I'm like, look graceful, but I'm not graceful. The truth of the thing is, and like, I don't want to rip the dress. And then you've got your hair and your makeup and you're in these fucking shoes that are not comfortable. And like, I feel like if I go there and I have a drink on top of it, I'm for sure going to faceplant. And like, like, that's for sure going to happen. Like I'm just going to be but then, but then like, you know, like Robert Downey Jr. came up to me at the Vanity Fair party and who I haven't seen in a long time, who I did Iron Man with. And he was so kind.

And I was so happy that I was really there to have that conversation. And it's also like, I think like they're the highs that you wanna be present for, but then when you're having a panic attack or an anxiety attack or feeling like you have imposter syndrome, that I go, I don't think that glass of wine

or that margarita are gonna be great for me right now. And it kinda happened after the fires because I was with Chelsea for the fires. And I felt- Another night, another night waiting for you. Another night. And that happened like really fast. And we thought it was one thing.

We thought like, oh, the palisades in your home was under threat and like the critics choice. It was just like happening in real time. This information coming in of destruction to Los Angeles and everything sort of changing. And then we're sitting at a hotel having a drink and then we had to evacuate our hotel. And it was, and I had a few drinks drinks like I was like pink-cheeked and like in the next morning

I was like, oh, this is not that was like sort of sobering to go. Oh Yeah, you got it. You got to be present like it felt like a nice little wake-up call. Yeah, that was a crazy night I was staying at one hotel I went to go have drinks with her at the chateau Then a fire broke out in the Hollywood Hills and we had to evacuate the Chateau. I used to date the guy that runs the Chateau. So I told everybody, I think I'm still Mrs. Chateau. So I went around and dismissed all of the staff.

I'm like, everybody leave, everybody get out. I'm like, everybody needs to check out of the hotel. Andre's like, Chelsea, just don't panic. I'm like, everyone go to, let's go, and then we get in our car. If I didn't have you, I wouldn't have, I don't have a car when I'm in Los Angeles. Like, I don't know, what do you call an Uber in a time like that?

I don't think so, like Sunset Boulevard. And we had Greg Williams, who's an amazing photographer who was there, who had just done like the Globes and was gonna do the Critics' Choice. And then we had Michael Wimpott, who is an actor who's somewhat reclusive and was living at the Chateau and we grabbed him. And then it was like, I was like, this is a short film. Like, whatever.

Let's go. I'm like, we should head to San Diego. And they're like, San Diego? I mean, basically. Leslie's like, what about Newport Beach? Why would we go all the way to San Diego? I'm like, I'm not sure, but I think we should go to San Diego. There are fires coming from every direction.

They were. But we ended up going back to my hotel, and all of us just ended up drinking and being stupid, because we didn't know what else to fucking do, and we were a band of random idiots. Anyway, we have to get to one caller, at least, for this episode before we shoot the shit any longer. Are you ready?

We're going to take a caller, Leslie. Are you ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to take a caller, Leslie. Are you ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to give advice. Yes. Our first caller is Shannon. I feel like this question is particularly appropriate because there were so many age

gap relationships represented in White Lotus. This season specifically, Shannon says, Dear Chelsea, I'm 34 years old and I'm married to an 80 year old man. Whoa. From the outside, it might look like I have security, but the truth is far more complicated. I met him when I was 18. He was supposed to be a safety net, not a husband. One choice led to another and before I knew it, I had built a life that does not feel

like mine. The thing is, he loves me. He always has, but I cannot love him back. And yet I stay. I stay because leaving feels impossible. I stay because I've made choices that make walking away more complicated than staying. But most of all, I stay because of my two golden retrievers

who are 12 and 13 years old. They've been my constant through every twist and turn, and I do not know what I am without them. I'm not lost, I'm not weak, but I am stuck. Shannon. And then she'll be joining us here to chat. Shannon, this is Leslie, our special guest today. Leslie Bibb, say hi. Hi, how are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you? I'm a fan. Hi. Thank you so much. Shannon, that letter was really incredibly open and vulnerable. It was very cool.

It's a little vague. So well, I do want to clarify one thing because you said that you guys met when you were 18, but you had sort of been working for his ex in a work capacity. So it wasn't like you started dating him when you were 18, right? No, never. Never did I ever date him. There was no dating. There was no sugar baby sugar daddy relationship, nothing like that.

He just was always a caretaker or some backup security for me because I just don't have family and whatnot and this was a long time ago and I just became dependent on him. Would you say you were dependent emotionally? Do you feel like that he filled some void for you emotionally? I'm not it's it sounds so like messed up but not really like he was a friend but like when I tell you like for years he was supposed to be the guy that walked me down the aisle like in replace of my dad because I don't have one and he caught major feelings for me and I Thought that marrying him would make my life easier and it has made my life way worse How so how so how's it made your life worse? Well, I've always been

How so how so how's it made your life worse? Well, I've always been Independent like I've always been a very hard worker and always like took care of myself but you know, I have these two dogs and sometimes emergencies would happen and he would always help me and then next thing, you know, like the pandemic happened and he was always just helping me out and then it resulted in him falling in love with me and I thought that okay well fine if we get married he can have you know companionship and not die alone and I thought I could be somewhat able to like get my life together and go back to college and all those things and know he wants us to be a real deal married couple. And it's like, I thought by being introduced as his wife would be enough and just spending the majority of my time with him and all these things. But he wants one thing and one

thing only. And that's really what has happened since we got married. He wants sex? Yeah. He wants intimacy. He wants to make out. And I am like, absolutely not. And that's never been how our relationship was. Wow. And do I say or do I try to plan to go?

But both seem extremely impossible. And it's as if I'm living, tell my dogs die, which is like a sick way to live. And these dogs mean the world to me. And it's almost impossible to take care of two big dogs by yourself. So I didn't know I had to sacrifice so much. I don't think it's impossible to take care of two big dogs by yourself. I didn't know I had to sacrifice so much. I don't think it's impossible to take care of two big dogs by yourself. I mean, you're dealing with an 80-year-old man, you know? Yeah.

Do you have a job? Well, currently I don't. And I did not have one when I married him. And I've always been a bartender. And for 10 years I've always been a bartender. And like, for 10 years, I've just been a bartender. And that's the only source of money I know how to make. Okay, that's good. You can do that, though. That's a source of income. Yes.

Good. You're capable of doing that. Yes, I am capable of doing that. So, it's just like, I'm dependent on him for everything and I currently just like a hot mess like and I did get a job when we first got married and it gets so Emotionally taxing that it's like he expects me to take off work to drive him to whatever appointments He needs and I get so emotionally distressed that I, at this point in my life, I am not like, I don't trust myself to be reliable enough for a job. Like I married him to basically be able to just like take care of him in our home and the dogs and be his wife,

but I didn't know he wanted all of the things a wife comes with. So are you in a sexual relationship with him now? Absolutely not, no. Never have been, never once, and that's the thing that no one believes me. Well, who cares if they believe you? I mean, that's like a moot point.

It's like, you can think whatever the heck you want, you have no control over that But I think the bigger thing I just feel like there's two things happening. You have sort of like You have to look at like why you got into this which is you were probably seeking some sort of security Something that maybe you did not feel in your life Some sort of self-worth that you didn't have for yourself. So you thought, and which is common. That's not a judgment that I'm saying that I'm just saying that we all seek all of this

is coming from a non-judgment place. It's just we make these choices. We've all done it. Everybody. So nobody can, we've all done versions of this, like where you've picked the wrong person or you think I'm going to pick this person because they feel safe or they feel this Or they feel that and then you

Get down that road and you're like, oh not what I thought not and it's unsafe and then you start The ball starts rolling that way and you think in your head. It's too complicated And you start to come up with these reasons why? You can't go. Oh I can can pull the shoot. I can leave. You know, taking care of two dogs, you can do that. You can do that. That's nice. But the thing is, that's what you're telling yourself. You need to look at what's really underneath, which is it's scary because you haven't had a job probably in a long time. I would feel that, you know, you probably have not had a job in a long time

and you're like, where's that money gonna come from? There's probably maybe even on some subconscious level, he does give you some sort of sense of security. And whether you wanna, cause it's easy to be like, no, it's this and it's this, but maybe there is some version where he does make you feel okay. And like like and maybe you don't have to be vulnerable with somebody else because to be single and to be out there you have to be open and you have like you this is the devil you know right yes yes no so it's very scary to go I don't

know what the fuck is out there that's where I'm kind of at I feel like yeah like I don't know what the fuck is out there. That's where I'm kind of at. I feel like, yeah, like, I don't know. I've always had him as a backup. I've had rent and all and I've had jobs, Chelsea and all the things. But like, he's always been. I've never really had everything on my own. He's always been there to help me. So that's kind of what's keeping me here. Because it's scary.

Exactly, it is scary. And I feel like what you're feeling, like it is easier to kind of stay put because of inertia and just because that's what you've known. But I feel like what is coming up for you is that you have outgrown needing somebody else to like do this for you. And like being able to go out and get a job,

it's not like leave him tomorrow and take the dogs. It can be a transition. You can look at getting a job, initiating some of that stability for yourself before having that conversation about, maybe I wanna move out or maybe I wanna do this. It doesn't have to be an all or nothing thing, but it sounds like you're kind of outgrowing this

and you're getting to a point where you might not need this anymore. I think also we have to watch. It's so easy to be like, we tell ourselves the truth that we want. It's like his schedule keeps me from having a job. That's, I mean, you could get, you could be like, Hey, I need you to make your doctor's appointments and I'm sure you probably help him make his doctor's appointment because he's 80 to go. We're going to schedule your doctor's appointments from 12 to five.

I'm going to go and I'm going to take a job at night and I'm going to bar 10 once a week or twice a week. And I go to work at six o'clock to midnight. twice a week and I go to work at six o'clock to midnight. And that's how you do, but you have to be, you have to be the captain of your ship. You have to want to really want to do this. Because it's gonna be uncomfortable. It's gonna be a lot of unknowns and your apartment might not be as nice

or your home might not be as nice as it is. And you know, dogs, they're fine. The fact that they're not in a shelter, if they're having a great life, your dogs are 12 and 13. They don't need to walk much. They like you can come on good walks. You give them love.

You give them their treats, you know, maybe get a shitty apartment that has a backyard so the poochies can be out there. I mean, I just know that like, when you really do want to change, you will make that change, but I think it's you have to also really look, you know, somebody can want everything from you, but it's like, you have to decide what you're willing to give. So he can't take anything from you that you're not giving. It's about sort of also meeting him and going, huh, what am I doing? What am I looking for? And take

all the judgment and everybody's frickin opinions out of it. It's really easy to cast. Look at the white loaders. All we do is talk about each other. Exactly. You know, we're all throwing stones from glass houses, you know. What's your financial situation with him? Does he just supply you with money? Do you have access to money? Like, what's the deal? He controls everything. Like, I have to ask for everything. And it's a bunch of like, withholding money, if we get into a fight, and he's still an active attorney, like he still works every day and stuff like that and he has a serious temper so it's like is he abusive emotionally and the way he yells and scares my dogs

and then so this does he scare you um sometimes in like his like threats like with what he can do legally like if i like don't like if i him off, he'll be like, I'll get you out of here. He says stuff like that. But no, I'm not scared of him. It's as if I was in a relationship married to someone my own age, then this is how he treated me. It would be different. But why? Why would it be different? Because I think I do know that I am able to just be nice to him and kind of mask it and flirt it. And I'll be able to somewhat get my way.

But that's just not the girl I am. And I thought, I guess, when I married him, that I'd be able to kind of shooze myself a little bit. And I don't even let him sleep in my bed, like at all. And it's, that's just, it's a never ending circle. So I guess now my question would be like, okay, you guys, thank you very much. It's validated that like I am capable of leaving, but do I sneak making money? Do I sneak getting out of here? Like, do I talk? Cause like he doesn't take divorce or anything very well,

if that makes sense. I don't know, Chels, what do you think? I think that you have to take a step every single day to get out of that situation. I think that you need to go out actively and get a job, go get a bartending job, find a place to work. It's not a question. It's not up for debate with him. And that's it. Tell him that you're going to get a bartending job, find a place to work. It's not a question. It's not up for debate with him.

And that's it. Tell him that you're going to get a job. You have to make your own money. You don't like being controlled with the money. You have to prepare yourself for when he's no longer here. He's 80 years old. You're 34 years old. So you have to figure out a way to get your life back in your own hands.

And regardless of his reaction, I'm not concerned about your dogs. Like you can take care of two dogs. Of course you can, millions of people do it. Millions of single people have more than one animal. You know, like that's not an issue. You think that's the issue because that's the only reality you've known.

You have a chance to actually like grab life by the balls and live your life truly and wholly and do what you want. So I understand it's not going to happen overnight. You're not going to walk out the door today and say, okay, we're getting a divorce, but you can walk out the door today and go get a job and go fill out an application and go to a restaurant and say, do you need a bartender? Go to a bar, find a job and start working.

And that's the first step. And then the second step will be to start saving money and working more. And it's not up to him when you work. You'll be available for his, you know, you can make the situation amenable to him in a way where you, if he's working every day, then you could be doing, you could be working during the day too. You don't have to just be a bartender. You could go work at a, at Starbucks, you could go work at a coffee shop.

What's to stop you from doing that? You have to go get a job, first of all, because that is going to provide you with the self-worth that you're going to need to have the kahunas to actually exit from this situation. This is not a healthy situation that you're in. It sounds very limiting emotionally, psychologically, and every other way, possibly. You're a young, vibrant woman who needs to live a life. And so every step you should be taking should be in the direction of that life and pursuing that life. And if he says he doesn't want you to get a job, then you have to say to him, well,

that's what's going to happen. If you want to divorce me because I want to work, then I feel like I'm being controlled. Then you're going to have to divorce me. And you have to mean it. You're not going to end up outside on the street. You're going to go get a job. That's what you're going to do, whether it's today or tomorrow. I want to hear from you that that's what you're going to do. Yes. Thank you. Thank you. You need to get your life. You're not living your life right now. You're living someone else's life. So you have to go out there every day I want you to write this down too that you are strong and that you are powerful and that you are resilient

Write that down and put it in front of you. And when you wake up every morning read that to yourself I am strong. I am powerful and I am resilient and go get that job Start work and and if you don't get the first five jobs you apply for keep going because you're strong You're powerful and you're resilient and you're gonna get one of them and then you're't get the first five jobs you apply for, keep going, because you're strong, you're powerful, and you're resilient, and you're going to get one of them. And then you're going to get that job, you're going to start working, and you're going to start to feel the self-worth that comes from making a living, and that you are an independent, free person, that you can do independent, free things. No one has control over you but you.

You have allowed this person to take control over you. You made some of these decisions that got you into this mess. And now you're gonna make the decisions that get you out of this mess. Yeah. And it's just a matter of time before you have, you have enough money before you're gonna meet people

at work, you might meet somebody that you can live with, you might meet a roommate. These are all probable situations. Once you start saving money, you can start looking into who you want to live, getting an apartment, living with other people. It's okay to downsize. It's okay to go through some difficult times as a transition out of this life.

What you're in search and pursuit of is freedom. You don't have your freedom right now. So you're going to get off of this call and you're going to find your freedom. You're going to take one step every single day. You are going to take one step in the direction of getting your life back to a place where you're making decisions for yourself. And then you're going to take your dogs with you when you leave. Hell yeah.

Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. No, I needed to hear that. I did. So when this episode comes out, I want you to play this episode. You write down all of these things I'm saying to you. You need to wake up every morning and talk to yourself in a way that

you have not been talking to yourself. You're independent and you can be free. Okay, you are. We're not living in this. I mean, we are living in a little bit of a fucked up world right now, but you still have your freedom. So fucking get it while you can. You have a whole life to live without him. Yes. Yes. And you have sex to go have. You have to go have sex with people. I know. I know. I miss that too. Trust me. Yeah. So come on. You know what to do. You know what the answer is here. You have to listen to yourself. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to want progress reports from you. Okay? Yeah. No. Yeah. That's okay. That's what I was hoping for. It's okay. You're going to want progress reports from you, okay? Yeah, no, yeah, that's okay.

That's what I was hoping for. It's okay. You're going to have some days. It's not going to be fucking sunshine. Like what Chelsea said, like you might not get the first job or the second job, but you have to, I think what she's saying about writing those things down, it's true. When she just said it, didn't you feel like I can fucking do it? She may. Of course.

Play this fucking podcast in your ear, like on a loop and hear her voice in your head because you can do anything and what you tell yourself is very powerful. And don't throw out baby steps for like what's giant steps, you know? It's like little compounding, like little small steps can make a giant one. Yes. And also just remember every single, just because you haven't exerted your powerfulness and have been an empowered woman up until here, you know, maybe in moments you have been, but all over, like you have a reservoir of resilience inside of you that you have not tapped into yet. Do not doubt the power of being a woman. Don't ever doubt yourself, okay?

You can doubt yourself for a minute or here and there, but you always have to come back to the idea that I can do this. I can do this and you're gonna show yourself with every step. So next week I want you to send to Catherine and me a list of the places you've applied, what happened, which jobs. Have you gotten any job opportunities? Have you accepted a job? Let us know and check in so you can be accountable to us. Okay, because we'll be here for you. That's amazing. Thank you Yeah, absolutely. I mean it I mean it we're gonna get you out of this situation and we're gonna get you out of it In a good positive healthy way. Okay, cuz you need to be surrounded by other things other than this This is not this is not the way to go through life

Thank you very much. And I don't know why that's what I needed, but I am very capable. Well, obviously. I needed something. You are. Yes, yes, you are. Okay. All right. Cool. Well, Shannon, thank you and we'll be in touch. Okay?

Bye, Shannon. Bye. Got this. Thank you so much. Got this. For sure. Bye, honey. Talk soon. Bye. Bye. Thank you so much. Got that. For sure. Bye honey.

Talk soon. Bye. Bye. Okay, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back to wrap up with Leslie Bibb. Hey kids, it's me, Kevin Smith. And it's me, Harley Quinn Smith. That's my daughter, man, who my wife has always said is just a beardless, d***less version of me.

And that's the name of our podcast, Beardless, D***less Me. I'm the old one. I'm the young one. And every week we try to make each other laugh really hard. Sounds innocent, doesn't it? A lot of cussing, a lot of bad language. It's for adults only. Or listen to it with your kid. It could be a family show.

We're not quite sure. We're still figuring it out. It's a work in progress. Listen to Beardless Me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever. You get your podcast. September, 1979. Virginia's top prison band, Edge of the City, is on the road to victory. or wherever you get your podcasts. September, 1979. Virginia's top prison band, Edge of Daybreak,

is about to record their debut album Behind Bars in just five hours. Okay, we're rolling. One, two, three, four. ["Bars of the Dead"] I'm Jamie Petrus, music and culture writer. For the past five years, I've been talking to the band's three surviving members. They're out of prison now and in their 70s.

Their past behind them. But they also have some unfinished business. It's a story about the liberating power of music, the American justice system, I was in love, but supposed to have been fallen up by another apple. It's a story about the liberating power of music, the American justice system, and ultimately second chances. Listen to Soul Incarcerated on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Sometimes as dads, I think we're too hard on ourselves.

We get down on ourselves on not being able to, you know, we're the providers, but we also have to learn to take care of ourselves. A wrap away, you got to pray for yourself as well as for everybody else, but never forget yourself. Self-love made me a better dad because I realized my worth. Never stop being a dad. That's dedication. Find out more at fatherhood.gov,

brought to you by the US Department of Health and Human Services and the Ad Council. Ever wonder what it would be like to be mentored by today's top business leaders? My podcast, This Is Working, can help with that. Here's some advice from Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JP Morgan Chase, on standing out from the leadership crowd.

Develop your EQ. A lot of people have plenty of brains, but EQ is do you trust me? Do I communicate well? You know, when you walk in a room, do people feel good you're there? Are you responsive to people? Do people know you have a heart? Develop the team, develop the people, create a system of trust, and it works over time. I'm Dan Roth, LinkedIn's editor in chief.

On my podcast, This Is Working, leaders like Jamie Dimon, Mark Cuban, and Richard Branson share strategies for success and the real lessons that have shaped them. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Leslie Bibb. What a whoopsie doodle that was. Fuck. Oh my God. You know, Chelsea, it's remarkable. And I'm not blowing smoke up your ass, but like, it's remarkable, like the way you make people, and especially women feel like we can do anything and that we've got this and you're this force, this power and the way you're

so smart and you're so funny and you're so quick and you've got this enormous heart and like the grace you gave that young woman and the great advice you gave her and you just feel like you can do anything with you're such an amazing person to have in your corner. It's really, you're an extraordinary person. You really are. Thank you. Right back at you, Leslie. Right back at you.

And you too, Catherine. Right back at you. Likewise. Yeah, Leslie, you gave great advice today. Yeah, you did. You did. You're great. You brought it.

You brought it. That's a heavy thing because you tell yourself, you make this choice when you're a kid. I was married, I married somebody and I just thought like I picked the guy who was right on paper. He wasn't that great to me. It was like all the things we were we were not suited. He wanted like a giraffe, you know, he wanted a zebra and I'm a giraffe and it's like I just thought you know I think women think we think we can just like compartmentalize and I can be this and I can do this and I can sort of fragments myself enough to make everybody happy and Instead of saying no, this isn't what makes me happy and like sort of that to go back to Mike to live your life

isn't what makes me happy and like sort of that to go back to Mike to live your life unapologetically. Well, I appreciate everything you said and I appreciate you and I am so happy for your success. I'm so excited for you and all of the things that are to come. And I just can't wait to see you again in person. And thank you for being here on Dear Chelsea. You were awesome. We loved it. Thanks, thanks. And you made great faces too. Yes. Best faces. Best faces on the show. Leslie Bibb, everybody. All right, guys. Thank you so much. I'll see you

later, Chelsea. Bye. Have a great day. Bye, guys. Likewise. Bye. Drum roll, Catherine, please. Chelsea Handler Abroad Abroad is my European tour. So I'm coming to obviously find a husband abroad. I need to get the help out of this fucking country. And it's not as easy as you think. So I'm coming to Reykjavik, I'm coming to Dublin, I'm coming to the UK, I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast, in May and June, I'm coming to Dublin. I'm coming to the UK. I'm coming to Brussels, Paris, Belfast. In May and June, I'm coming to Oslo, Stockholm,

to Copenhagen, Manchester, London, Glasgow, New Zurich, Vienna, I've never ever been to Vienna, Berlin, Barcelona, Lisbon. I'm coming. Abroad is abroad. That sounds like fun. I'm gonna go see you abroad. I know, I wanna Abroad is abroad. That sounds like fun. I'm going to go see you abroad. I know. I want to go see me abroad. And there I'll be. There I'll be.

Upcoming Vegas dates April 18th, July 5th, August 30th, November 1st, and 29th at the Cosmopolitan of Las Vegas. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at dearchelseepodcast.gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. Hey, all you women's Hoops fans and folks who just don't know yet that they're women's Hoops fans. We've got a big week over at Good Game with Sarah Spain as we near the end of one of the most exciting women's college basketball seasons ever.

The most parody we've seen in years, with games coming down to the wire and everyone wondering which team will be crowned national champions this weekend in Tampa. Listen to Good Game with Sarah Spain on the iHeart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, I'm Bob Pipman, Chairman and CEO of iHeart Media. I'm excited to introduce a brand new season of my podcast, Math and Magic, Stories from the Frontiers of Marketing. I'm having conversations with some folks across a wide range of industries to hear how they reach the top of their fields and the lessons they learned along the way that everyone can use. I'll be joined by innovative leaders like Chairman and CEO of

Elf Beauty Tarang Amin, legendary singer-songwriter and philanthropist Jewel. Being a rock star is very fun but helping people is way more fun. And Damian Maldonado, CEO of American Financing. I figured out the formula is you have to work hard then that's magic Join me as we uncover innovations in data and analytics the math and the ever important creative spark the magic Listen to math and magic on the iHeart radio app Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcast I'm ready to fight. Oh, this is fighting words. Okay, I'll put the hammer back Hi, I'm George M Johnson a best-selling author with the second most banned book in America. Now more than ever, we need to use our voices to fight back.

Part of the power of black queer creativity is the fact that we got us, you know? We are the greatest culture makers in world history. Listen to Fighting Words on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Grotesque, horrific stories on what scares them the most. I can't believe it! You're collecting! You're feeling this too.

Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.