Dear Chelsea - Advice From Your Big Sister with Tinx

Episode Date: February 17, 2022

Tinx joins Chelsea in-studio this week to talk about feeling confident in your own skin, getting rid of gatekeeping, and what it’s like to process a bad breakup with the help of a million followers. Then: A divorcee wonders if she should lose some weight before jumping into the dating pool. A daughter can’t stand that her divorced parents have started dating again.  And a fiancée worries that her soon-to-be-husband is too close with a female co-worker.*Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast hello, Catherine. Hey, Chelsea. You know what? Why don't we start with dates today? Because I know your Eugene, Oregon show had to be rescheduled for March 4th,

and Portland is on March 5th now. But what else do you have going on? Okay, so I have some announcements for my stand-up. We've rescheduled Vancouver and Calgary dates to August 12th and 13th. So they are no longer on April 3rd. Now the Grammys are on April 3rd, and I have to go to the Grammys this year because I'm nominated for a Grammy for Best Comedy Album. Okay? So I had to reschedule my Vancouver and Calgary dates. That's Canada. And all the other dates existing are staying the same. So we have that to celebrate as well. And yeah, what else, Catherine? You look very vivacious today, I would say is the word.

My hair is doing like a Kelly Kapowski thing and I'm not mad about it. It's just like different. I don't know who Kelly Kapowski is, but I like the way that your hair looks. It looks like you were freshly something recently. Like something positive happened. Well, I mean, I was going to say several positive things happened last night, but that's probably not something I can talk about on the air. I don't see why not. I don't see why not. I mean, what's stopping you? Just sex stuff, really. But OK, well, I'm glad for you and I'm glad for Brad. It seems like the two of you are thriving. We're just we truly are.

With your fiscal, your fiscal sexuality. That's your area of expertise. Fiscal sexuality. That's right. That's right. I'm always reading finance books or especially books about how finances make people feel. Like that to me is very interesting. I know. I know. I don't have a good handle on that because I don't struggle with finances. And even when I did, I was so broke for so long that I just always knew I would have money. Like I always assumed I'd be long that I just always knew I would have money. Like I always assumed

I'd be successful. I just knew it. I had like a $25,000 credit card debt when I was a waitress because I would take everyone out all the time before I had money and just charge it to credit cards. I was like, I'll get this later. That was actually something that Colleen said. She was like, even when she had no money, she would always treat. She was always very generous. But my friends, like three of them filed for bankruptcy when we were in our 20s and they just got a clean slate and I was like that is such fucking horseshit rude yeah so I never did that I was like I'm paying my money back I'm never gonna steal like I mean I'll steal but not from not for that setup like you know you make that kind of debt you should incur that kind

of debt you should pay it back. You should pay it off. Yeah. But I was never like, oh, I sued. I mean, I was like, oh, yeah, $30,000 in credit card fees. I mean, bills. Whatever. No problem.

Look at this. And guess what? It wasn't a problem. So you have to believe. Do you feel like because you just expected success to happen, that was part of what helped it, like, manifest itself in the universe? Yeah. I think when you have one singular notion and you're only working towards that notion like there's nothing

that can get in your way when you're headstrong and you think like this is your destiny and you believe that then that is what is going to happen what else is going to happen you know you're not putting your efforts towards I certainly wasn't but it wasn't putting my efforts towards being a good waitress, which was what I was doing. I wasn't like, I was like, I got to make this work. And last I was like, Oh, okay. Like, how do I get the fuck out of this job? Yeah. You were highly motivated. I've always been inherently lazy. Even if I work a lot, I, my, my go-to like yesterday, I had a big thing that was canceled at the last minute. So I had the whole day off. I went over to Alice.

Yeah. Hello. I love that. I mean, I wasn't upset. And I had been dieting for this thing. Like I had been really being clean. Oh, the shoot. Yeah.

And it got canceled. Oh. So I ended up going to my girlfriend's house and we smoked a doobie at around 1030 in the morning. Then we went to lunch at Javier's in Century City. I had two margaritas. We came home. I went home, got into bed, took an edible,

and watched Ozarks for probably six hours. The dream. Yes. I was like, I'm going to stay up. I'm going to stay up. And then I'm like, no, I'm not. As soon as it hit 9.30, I was out. And then Joe came home at 10.30 his trip and I was out cold. And I was just like, what a beautiful day.

Like I, that's how I would, I would like, aside from working out, I really just want to be in bed all day long. Yeah. Yeah. My, my one mentor, she's always called it a flow day, which kind of sounds like a period thing, but it is not. She just says like, have a day where you just do the next thing you want to do. You wanted to get a margarita and then you wanted to lay in bed and watch Ozark. And then you wanted, you know, it's just like, just, just have a day where you don't have any plans. You just do the next thing whenever you want to do it. I said to my dermatologist this morning, I was like, Hey, I was like, I told her what I did yesterday. I could just feel the judgment coming from her because she has four children. And she's just like, what?

You sat in bed and watched Ozark all day? It's like, yeah, bitch, that's exactly what I did. Some people could never do that. People, there are people that will never, ever lie in bed all day. No, or they can't because they have like nine kids running around or even like two kids running around. Like people don't understand. I'll be like, oh, yeah, like slept until 10. They're like, what is your life? I'm like, that's kind of that's not crazy if you don't have kids. Yeah, no, I know. That's the only thing that I'm not good at is I don't sleep in anymore. I wake up early. Like if I sleep to eight, that's late. Yeah, I'm I'm getting worse about that. Like last weekend, I was able to sleep late into the morning. But it's been months since I've slept on the weekend past like even like 9, 930.

Yeah, I think that's an age thing. As you get older, you stop sleeping in. Yeah. Also getting just like excited for coffee in the morning. Do you ever have that? No, no, I'm not excited for coffee. I'll wake, I'll go to sleep and I'll be like but in the morning I can have coffee I mean I've been taking these little kiani boosters these caffeine like from my one of my nutritionists sent them to me and it's like a mind sharpener and it just like wakes you up and makes you alert so I have that in lieu of coffee a lot and that really works well that's nice. Yeah, I know.

It's like a shot and you just wake up because I'm not that into coffee. I just drink it, you know, as like a, you know, if I'm just drinking it socially. It's like alcohol for me. Just if other people are around, you'll have it? No, it's like what alcohol is for other people, coffee is to me. So alcohol I can have alone or with a friend. But coffee I usually have if someone's there and they're having coffee like Joe loves coffee so I'll go with him and get

a coffee it's a problem if you're drinking it alone at home well I tried to have one of his coffees which is like a triple latte with oat milk and I'm like uh then I had diarrhea for the entire day I'm like get away from me with these trip. I don't need a triple fucking. And neither do you, Joe, by the way. He's bouncing off the walls the minute he falls asleep. Yeah, he has like so boundless energy, it seems. Yeah. So I'm sure more now that he's been working out with you and Ben Bruno.

Yeah. His body's really coming together. His friends probably all think they're like, oh, fuck. He started dating Chelsea and she fucking whipped his ass into shape you know that everyone's like oh she's got him skiing he's lost 20 pounds oh my god I know

I'm Jason Alexander and I'm Peter Tilden and together on the Really No Really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really.

Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallyn, really. Yeah. No, really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called really no really. And you can find it on the I heart radio app on Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, let's talk about our guest for today, shall we? Oh, yeah. Our guest is funny.

Okay, so our guest today, she is kind of known as the big sister of TikTok. She has a new podcast. It's called It's Me, Tinks, which will launch Monday, February 21st. And I'm excited to welcome her to the show because I have been watching her on TikTok for a long time. So please welcome Tinks. Tinks, welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. Welcome to Dear Chelsea.

I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. I'm excited to talk to you because we have so much in common because you're kind of like a self-anointed- Because we're alcoholics. Well, that- I'm just kidding. Sorry. I said I wasn't going to- No, no, no. I am an alcoholic. I just realized that CDC put out a message about however many drinks is average for a man, like eight to 16, anything over that,

you're an alcoholic as a man, but for a woman, it's much less. And I'm like, you know what? This is another sexist. Sexist. Like, fuck you. Why are we supposed to drink less than men? We're the ones who have to deal with men,

which causes us to drink even more. Exactly. The CDC is sexist and unclear, frankly. Yeah, exactly. I don't trust them as far as I can throw them. They can't count for shit. So who are they to count my cocktails per week? That's a great point. Thanks. That's a great point. Anyway, I cut you off. What else do we have in common? Well, you're like a self-anointed big sister of TikTok.

Like I didn't I didn't realize that you are basically giving advice to the masses and giving your opinions and advice to people who it's solicited and unsolicited, really, because sometimes it is solicited. But I fucking love that. And that's how I operate. I'm constantly giving out information, whether people are asking for it or not. Yeah, I just kind of run my mouth. And I do believe in sharing information and passing on what I know because if I can save a girl three weeks from like agonizing over a fuck boy with just like a little mind trick that I've used then that's a win right I don't know everything but I might know a little bit more than than some people and I also love asking for advice so I think that that it goes

both ways like I love learning things I love you, hearing like from my friends, how did you do that? I love reading memoirs, especially from women and just learning like, you know, how did you pay? How did you do it? And then I pass it on. So yeah, and sometimes it's unsolicited, but I think that I'm always right. So people need to hear. Yeah, that's exactly how I feel. Like my opinion is valuable. The more people I get to, the better. Exactly. For the world. Exactly. I also think it's important to recognize when you are to share things with women, you know, because I have so many friends in this industry who are very secretive about the things and the little tricks that they do to lose weight or look younger or what they're doing to

their face or their body. So that's another area where I feel very passionate about doing the opposite because you should be letting other women in on the secrets, not keeping them and hoarding them for yourself. I totally agree. And I think whatever you do is your business and that's fine, but you can't like, because I'm now in the public eye, so to speak, I feel a responsibility to say what I've had done. So I'm not, you know, setting unrealistic expectations for girls that are younger than me I love Botox and I say that and I say I get it all the time and I use very expensive skincare but but I tell you know I'm like this is what I do I don't just like drink a lot of water and eat poached salmon like as all the celebrities lied in the

90s that that's all they did yeah you put olive oil on your face JLo you're you're lying like no you will also poach salmon you can only have like for three days in a row before you never fucking want to eat it again so that's a lie right there so that's a lie so it's like i yeah i don't believe in gatekeeping i i think that my whole shtick is like if there's a room full of women and someone in there has a problem and someone else in there has the answer and it's all about sharing the information and if i can help play a small part in that then that's great but yeah I honestly won't shut the fuck up about not only just advice but just like well this is what I'm doing this week

or this is what I'm trying here because it's just like share the information that's how we're going to move forward yeah share the information good and bad when you have a bad experience with something share that to help women understand what the options are. Because I obviously, I mean, I do so much shit with facials, with treatments, with IVs, with skin, with lasers, all this shit. And it's like, I am totally willing to share all that stuff. And you also have to recognize that it's also very expensive stuff that not everybody can afford. So you can feel bad about sharing it, but it's just the truth. So there's nothing to feel bad about. It's like you just put that out there like, yes, I understand this treatment is $1,500. So this is a little steep for most people, but this is what I'm getting done. Right. And if you have, you know, X amount of spare dollars to spend on one thing, then I'd prefer to recommend the best one, you know, so it's like I might as well say the truth. If it's a great eye cream and you happen

to have the extra money to buy it, then get the good one. How old are you? 31. Oh God. Wow. That's nice. Well, no, no, I was. And a lot of eye creams. Yeah. 31. What do you got for me? Oh God, I've got lots for you. I mean, first of all, I didn't start drinking water until I was like 44. So I find water to be the most boring, boring thing in the world. Right now, my housekeeper has to doctor this up for me every morning. There's like, there's cucumber lemon water in my fridge. Then there's plain water. And then there's blackberry and strawberry like spa water.

So there's a whole array so that I can drink water. But I said to my friend, I go, okay, I have a big photo shoot coming up. And I have to be like, it's for this athletic company. And I'm in my bra and underwear and doing stuff like not just sitting moving. Yeah. And I was like, I don't know about the moving part and the jiggle. And and my friends like just don't drink any sparkling water for like four days leading up to the photo shoot. I'm like, fuck you. I'm like, no bubbles? Like I am so addicted to carbonation. The idea of no sparkling water.

She's like, it's bad for cellulite. I'm like, I refuse to believe it. I know. It bloats you. And it's just like, that's the bitch of getting older. It's like you, things just show up on your face and your body in a way like they they didn't used to. So it's like I always say after the age of like 27, if you eat a big piece of cake the next day, you're going to look a little ugly. It'll show up on your face.

But I liked also what you said about it not being the end of the world when you do gain 10 pounds. Oh my God. Yeah. It's like do you remember that era where I was like like when I was like 25 and I would gain 10 pounds and I'd be like, the world is coming to an end. Oh, I wouldn't even allow myself to gain 10 pounds because I would weigh myself six to seven times throughout the day. And if my number, oh yeah. Oh, I used to run, talk about anorexia nervosa or whatever my condition was. I don't like to diagnose things in the past,

only in the present. So I've never really reflected on it, but I used to run like six to eight miles every morning. I'd weigh myself before I ran. Then I'd weigh myself after I ran to see how much water weight I lost. Then I would never replenish with actual water. It was just like diet soda or, you know, whatever juice, diet juice and apple. Like I was just so unhealthy. And then I would weigh myself continually throughout the day to monitor my weight because I thought with every meal, it could just go haywire. Like I once went to Africa without a scale

and I came back and I had gained 16 pounds. And I thought, oh, oh, you can't be trusted on a trip. Like you're a fucking lunatic. 16 pounds. Albeit I just had ACL surgery. So I wasn't able to be mobile and I wasn't able to walk around. So after that, I became even more ardently committed to traveling with a scale so that I can monitor the situation. Now I've become a lot more relaxed about my weight because it's doesn't jump, bounce up and down so much. And I'm

not as obsessive as I used to be. But I have to say, like, I don't know anybody who was more obsessed with weighing themselves than I was. It's a prison. It is. It's a total prison. I was just talking to my followers about it this week. It is a complete self-made prison. And it's so I hate how many messages I get about weight.

I hate how many DMs like, how did you find the freedom? How do you, you know, how do you allow yourself to have this, this and that? And I'm like, it's kind of something that you have to just get there yourself. Like you have to go through it and find peace yourself. But if I could take away all of those hours and pain and stepping on the scale for all the young women out there. If I could go back and shake myself when I was 25 and be like, it doesn't fucking matter. Nobody notices. That's the crazy thing is it's literally only the two things that I really try to always tell them is like,

number one, literally nobody notices unless you gain a hundred pounds. Truly, it's just you. Secondly, because a lot of the questions that I get are like related to dating. Do think it breaks my heart I always get do you think I should wait to lose weight to start dating and I'm like no but you should you should love yourself and know your value before you start dating it's nothing to do with weight but it's like if you if your self-worth is so tied to your weight then you need to do some self-work before you start asking someone else to love you because you're so much more than your weight your weight has literally nothing to do with your worth. I used to, if I weighed, if I went over 130, I wasn't allowed to leave the house. Oh my God.

And if I weighed, like if I had plans with my girlfriends to go out on a Friday night and I weighed myself and I weighed even 131, I would cancel my plans and stay home. I acted like that for a good part of my 20s. Obsessed. Obsessed with the way that I looked like, oh, this is, oh yeah. I mean, I can't believe I didn't have to go to like a hospital sooner than when I started therapy because I was obsessed with it. Just crazy. Addicted to water pills, anything that would just keep my weight down, just constantly dehydrating myself. So the person who needs the water the most is the most scared of it. Yeah. Oh, my God.

I spent an hour crying to my therapist a couple weeks ago about like what my nieces are going through. Like just what you were saying, Tanks. I'm like, why do they have to go through this? Why are they learning all this stuff at the same pace I learned it? Like it's 2022. Yeah. And body positivity is here, yet it. Like it's 2022. Yeah. And body positivity is here yet. It hasn't reached the masses. Yeah. Yeah. And I just I don't know. And we're so extreme as humans

because I sometimes worry that there's now this message, which is like we're replacing one pressure with an equal but different pressure where it's like, just eat whatever you want and you'll be fine. And like now you can't care about it at all. And it's like, no, you should just feel like yourself. And you should, we're trying to get to a place where it's like, you just, you don't care about your physical appearance as much. Like that's the goal. Not, I don't know. It's a scary place for young people right now, for young women.

And it saddens me that there's so much of our young life is spent attaching worth to the external things speaking of external things I saw that you went on a date with Diplo through tinder I also did I didn't go on a date with him but I wanted it to end up that way when I met Diplo I filmed something with him for one of my shows I think on Netflix right yeah super fucking sexy super hot and funny he's so funny yeah and that's a great sense of humor yeah for me I'm like I couldn't give a shit about looks and I really really mean that like other girls are like no I don't care like and then they're dating some like six four hottie I'm like no I've dated like I do not care about looks at all I don't care

about height at all but you better be goofy and you better have a sense of humor. Yeah. That's, that's the hottest thing. It's the hottest thing. It really, really is. Anyway, Diplo, I wanted to fuck. I was like, okay, we were talking and then he was talking, he's like, you know, I don't really do drugs. Cause he was talking about DJing. We were recording some song. He was trying to help me sing. And he's like, I don't really do drugs. And then he like within 30 seconds told me a story about the last, the previous weekend where he had been in Vegas and done a bunch of Molly. And I'm like, I don't really do drugs. And then he like within 30 seconds told me a story about the last the previous weekend where he had been in Vegas and done a bunch of Molly. And I'm like, Diplo, you just said you don't do drugs. He goes, well, I did this weekend. He's a riot. Okay, this conversation is starting to track. Yeah, he's a riot. He's so fun. And life is cool,

you know. So what's your story? You're single and I'm single and you had a public breakup. It was so awful. Yeah, I fell in love really, really hard and you had a public breakup it was so awful yeah I fell in love really really hard and fast last year and it was great and you know I was so goo goo gaga as I like to say I was like you know disgusting I was like obsessed with him and yeah he cheated on me with one of my followers oh no the night by the way speaking of like you know looking pretty the next day it was his birthday weekend and all of his friends were flying in to town for his birthday and so I was like you know I want to look pretty for your party to meet all your friends I'm going to stay home tonight you you go have a good first night at the club with your friends and um yeah that was

and that's what happened that's what's happened but you know what? Everything happens for a reason. And I'm like very silver linings. And I already feel like I wish him the best and I hope he gets therapy. He really, really needs to go to therapy and needs to kind of work through some things. But like sometimes relationships are to remind you of the capacity of your heart. As cheesy as that sounds but it like I hadn't been in love in a couple years and to be in love again and to remember how much I love being obsessed with someone and caring about them and like having the the closeness of a

relationship was great so and oh my god was that a good video I made you know like I made a choice like I you know I found out my manager had to tell me, by the way. How did he tell you? He told me he did it publicly. And it's like, if you're going to cheat on someone, maybe don't cheat on a girl who every other girl in L.A. follows because it will get back to her in a fucking club. So like my army, my my trusted army was like my manager knew that I would never believe him if he didn't have screenshots he got the screenshots I went over to his house he was like can you come over

it was a Friday afternoon I was like I'm tired can we just do this on Monday I gotta go out I have a dinner tonight he was like no no no please come to my house I drive over and he's like you told me not to tell you anything unless I had receipts and I have receipts so bad anyway so then I was

like devastated crying and I I was like I'm just gonna record myself because this is very raw in the moment and I'm gonna see you know what comes out and then I thought you know so much shame is put on women with cheating and like it's so internalized for women if a guy cheats it's like oh what was wrong with her nothing nothing the guy couldn't keep his dick in his pants like it's very I want to change this narrative of like oh it's something that happens to you like you know on you because of you no it's something that someone does right it's a betrayal of trust and so I was like look if this can bring anyone peace or help them think about it a new way. And I said to my followers, like, I'm not embarrassed that I trusted the person that I love.

I'm not embarrassed that I fell in love. I'm not embarrassed that I was like, you know, gushing about him and like obsessed with him and whatever. I am proud of that. And I got betrayed and that sucks. But shit happens and I'll be okay. And if I can be an example to anybody going through it or in the future goes through it, then that can be a silver lining from this. So that's what I did. Yeah, yeah.

Cheating is such a disappointment. So lame, especially at a club. It's like, what's so lame? I was like, really? Like at a club? Well, I guess it wouldn't be good anywhere. It's not like you'd be like, oh, that's a good place for you to cheat on me. Like, you know, like you'd be excited if it was a different context.

Yeah, it was. But it was so clear cut. I was honestly like, and the text, I was like, good for you. I was like, you made it really easy, buddy. You go. How long were you dating him? Not that long. Like only like five months.

But it was like said, I love you in three weeks and it was the first guy who I'm not really like I don't care that much about marriage and babies or I thought and then he was the first guy where I was like I could see making a life with you but again and I'm coming off as toxically positive in this but like when looking back I was like okay well maybe your role in in my life was to show me that I do want that. And that's really cool. And that's exciting. And, and again, like, I wish him the best. And I hope he gets a lot of expensive therapy, because that's what he needs. I don't I feel like a lot of people just need to be reminded a about their capacity, you know, to love and also like my girlfriend and Whistler, like we found this guy for her and they kind of have been hanging out and nothing has really happened. And I was like, it doesn't matter if anything happens. This is a reminder that you can have

a mad crush on someone because she's so into him. He's gorgeous. He's a great skier, blah, blah, blah. And she's all over it. She's like, oh my God, I love this feeling. I really don't even care if anything happens either. It reminds me that I remember this feeling and that I can have it again, which I think half of the reason people come into our lives is to remind us of our feelings. And half the people that come into our lives aren't there for permanent amounts of time. So it's like people are coming in and out for reasons. And you should just pay attention to what those reasons are and use those people instead of thinking that they used you. Use everyone you meet for an experience and for a different perspective. I totally agree. And I always tell the girls that, my followers, I'm like,

stop thinking about dating as like a zero sum game. Stop thinking about it as a means to an end. Like that's where we get into trouble. And that's where we get a little fucked in the head is thinking like must date without getting hurt to find number one man like mate forever and it's like what if we totally rebranded it what if it was an era like teenagehood or going to college and it's just supposed to be a time where you learn about yourself and you learn about what you like and if you reframe it in your mind that way it's a lot more fun it's a lot less pressure and the person who you're supposed to be with and I believe that there's multiple people out there for all of us will drop in when you're ready but like stop

thinking about it like a video game it's just it's not like it's not 1950 like please just date have fun and like you said look at every person like this is a funny experience right yeah sometimes less funny than other funny experiences. But who gives a shit? You know, a new experience is worthwhile regardless. And even like, you know, like I love that feeling about, you know, the beginning when you have a crush. I mean, who doesn't love that feeling?

That's the best feeling out there. Ever, ever. Is to have a crush on someone, to be looking at your phone, seeing if they're texting you, knowing you're see them that is so much fun and even a relationship yes relationships get deeper and stuff but like there is no more enjoyable time like when with me and my boyfriend when we started like when I started liking him I was like this is so fun it's the best you're so in love like you are so in love and it's like oh my god it, it is so fun to watch. It's so nice. It's just like when you see, and by the way, I think I'm an Instagram relationship psychic and that's true. Anybody, all of my friends know you guys are so like simpatico and in love. It's insane. And it's so nice to see. And that's the best, right? that's the fucking best I think everyone you know I feel like I very passionately that if this happened to me because I was very much of the mind like oh no I'm single

I'm totally down yeah like I like being single yeah I have my friends I have my family I have a great life like I'm not I go I'm not gonna get that this life I got too many other things like that's how I really thought about it like well who am I to get that on top of everything? So for me to get that makes me believe that every single person is going to get someone. You know what I mean? If they are working towards, A, becoming the best version of yourself, which means actually having self-awareness, going to therapy, understanding the impact you have on others and making yourself like be really just like, you know, on fire, like you're firing on all cylinders in every way, your career, your personal, your professional, your health, all of that. You know, like when you really work to get yourself healthy, the stuff that is supposed to come for you comes for you. One one thousand percent agree. You have to do the work. I do believe that. I believe you have to show up for yourself and advocate for yourself and be improving yourself so that, you know, water seeks its own level. I really believe that, too.

Yeah. And what is your situation now? So what do you do? Just date people? Like, how do you how do you date online? Like, do you meet like if somebody hits you up on TikTok, will you go out with them? I mean, most people meet on Instagram now dating. I know I I took a little bit of a break over the past couple of months, but I'm getting back into it. I went on a date on Sunday. It was awful. You know, it's difficult. I'm at this weird middle ground where I'm like I have enough Internet fame that it's like not totally easy for me anymore.

But I'm not famous enough where I can just ask my agent to like set me up with Harry Styles. Like I'm not quite at that point yet. So I'm in LA purgatory which is you know losers want to date me because I have a blue check mark but really famous people like don't know who I am yet so I'm just sort of waiting through that and and kind of like I said they'll drop in when when I least expect it I think when Harry and Olivia break up you'll just wait for that to happen yeah no I don't know I I'm getting back out there with dating I don't mind dating I don't mind I think I think it's fun and I and I believe it's a numbers game and you know he's not just gonna come like knock on your door and be like here I am your dream guy but I'm also just like really in love with work

right now which I understand that sentence makes everyone want to gag, but I'm just, I'm so happy. Like I found my passion when I was almost 30 and I just feel like I'm so energized by my work right now that I'm just, I'm obsessed. So what do you do all day? You film yourself? I just fuck around on my phone. All day long. Yeah. And that's your job. It's my job now. Yeah. I just eat bonbons and open PR packages and it's a beautiful life that I'm creating for myself. And you have a new podcast coming out, which is also an advice podcast, everybody. Yeah. So if you're not getting what you want from this podcast, you can move over to It's Me Tinks, which launches on February 21st, which is a Monday.

I'm so excited. Yeah. So it's a podcast, two podcasts a week and then one live radio show a week, which is just I'm so excited to be able to speak to my followers directly. And this is it's been my dream for so long. And I'm just I'm fucking amped. I'm really it's really cool. Good for you. Yeah, it's cool. Thank you. OK, well, Catherine, I think it's time to get going to get I mean we have to see what TINX is really made of. That sounds great. We'll take a quick ad break, and we'll be right back with some emails and calls. Perfect. I'm Jason Alexander.

And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, Tinks and I are back from the bathtub.

We just rinsed off, and we're ready to give some advice. I love that you guys have a bathtub here. I know. It's a really small studio, but at least we have that. Have you ever taken a bath? Be honest here. No, I've never even taken a bath anywhere. You're not a bath person? No, no, I'm not a baby. I'm an adult and I like to get in and get the fuck out. I think you're missing out on soaking in your own filth. It's actually. I have when I, when I ski and I really, really have wrecked my body,

then I will get into a bath like for, for age reasons to transition my body into a, into a more like compatible way of being. But no, I'm not. Yeah, I know some people love it. I'm British deep down. So I, But no, I love a bath. Yeah, I know. Some people love it.

I'm British deep down. So I really, I love, yeah, I love a bath. I fucking love a bath of any time. I don't care. People are like, oh, it's gross in a hotel. I'm like, everything is dirty. It's fine. Like shut up.

Yeah. Those same people will go in a hot tub at like, you know, a Hilton Suites or whatever. So those are the people that are also ejaculating on the curtains. OK, so I don't I mean, first of all, it's understood that everything in a hotel room is dirty and disgusting. We all know what the deal is. So if you're going to submit to that, you may submit. You may as well submit. Yeah.

Yeah. At least made in your own filth. That's fine. So our first question comes from Allie. The subject line is, chronically single and surrounded by couples. She says, Dear Chelsea, my last long-term relationship was about three years ago now, and since then I've been having a hard time dating in Los Angeles.

I'm very ready for a committed relationship. However, I tend to feel exhausted dealing with failed situationships and constantly putting myself out there. What makes things more difficult from my perspective is that nearly all of my close friends are in long-term committed relationships. I'm happy for them, but it can be difficult to again and again see people having what I very much want and haven't been able to find. I've considered taking a break from dating, but I have a hard time doing so given that it's something I really want and haven't been able to find. I've considered taking a break from dating, but I have a hard time doing so given that it's something I really want and I know I'm ready for. What advice do you have for managing my feelings around dating and relationships? Warmly, Allie. Hi, Allie. This is a very common inquiry we receive here at Dear Chelsea. Tanks, do you want to start off and give her your thoughts off the top of your head?

Sure. Off the top of my head, I think that you need to get new friends. No, I'm just kidding. But it can help to find some single friends because I get it. Like, I don't want to gaslight you. It can be very difficult

if all your friends are in relationships and you're the only single one. That can be tiring and exhausting, especially if, like, every weekend it's just you're the fifth wheel or you're going to their kid's birthday party and you're the only single one, that can be tiring and exhausting, especially if like every weekend, it's just you're the fifth wheel or you're going to their kid's birthday party and you're just like, this is like, I'm not here. And it feels weird. So I totally understand that. Secondly, you can't compare. Comparison is the thief of joy. So you're like, I'm happy for my friends, but you're still comparing like ultimately deep down. So I'm just giving you a little bit of tough

love there. You can't compare yourself to where you think you should be. And you can't compare yourself to your friends. You just have to focus on where you are in your life. And you said you don't want to take a break. But I honestly think sometimes taking a break from dating can be very energizing. Here's what I'll say about that, though. Set a time limit. Give yourself a

month and really, really take a break. Don't think about it. Don't go on the abs. Don't ask to be set up and just really take a full month. Focus on yourself. Work out. Go on walks. Hang with friends. Get a new hobby. Start a new show, whatever, and just take a full brain break from it. And when you come back, you're going to feel more energized and more clear because it can become like an exhausting rat race. And if you're not excited to go on a date, that will come through. So I think it's okay to take a break and just come back swinging. Yeah, I think that's all good advice. I also think that, you know, we say this a lot on this podcast, not to compare yourself to other people.

And it's easier said than done. So a little trick that you can do is, you know, you're looking at your friends who are in healthy, happy relationships, and you're looking at that as something you don't have. But yet that is something you have. It's something you have in your life that is giving you a model of what you want. You're saying yourself, you have all these friends that are in these relationships. Instead of using that as a reminder of what you don't have, that's also a reminder of what you can have. That's coming because it's already happening to your friends.

They're all in relationships. So why would you be any different from them? No one's that special. You know, that you get singled out of society and you're undateable. Like, that's just not the way it is. So instead of looking at that with a negative lens, try and flip that into a positive lens. You know, like, oh, here, I see it.

That's definitely how I felt. I saw all of my girlfriends in these great relationships and I thought, oh, I'm never going to have a guy that's not going to do something like that for me, that's not going to go out of his way for me, check in on me at the end of the day, do all the little things that I find to be so adorable that for me. That's not going to go out of his way for me. Check in on me at the end of the day. Do all the little things that I find to be so adorable that men do. And guess what? I got one. So look at it, like just change that lens. And that might be a helpful way to do that.

And then again, yeah, take a break, refresh. That's sometimes all we need is just a little me time, you know, spoil yourself. Just get into like your own head and really think about what it is that you're looking for and write that down. Because you know what? I did this with Sarah Silverman and my sister once. I had a makeup artist in New York City. I have one named Mia. And she, I came to New York and she came in one day

and she's like, oh my God, you're never gonna believe I wrote, made that list you told me about. And I was like, what, what list? And she's like the list where you listed everything that you want in a guy. And, and I was like, I've never made that list. I told you to do that. She's like, yes. And I found him and he checks every box. So I was like, oh, and so I was with Sarah Silverman and we did the same thing and we all, we both wrote a list. And then Sarah hooked up with her boyfriend, not like six months before Joe and I hooked up. And then Joe and I hooked up.

And I read everything on my list. And the only thing that didn't match on my list was I said, please give me somebody with a nice head of hair. And it was the only physical. I said, I'll take any color, creed, doesn't matter where they're from, whatever. I said, but a nice head of hair. And it was the only thing that I wrote that I was like, should you write that? And I said but I want a nice head of hair and it was the only thing that I wrote that I was like should you write that and guess what I got a bald motherfucker so focus on the values and the qualities don't be nervous to write anything like that you can

write shallow stuff you can say you want them to make a certain amount of money or whatever like you know but write it down yeah so that're, you're familiar so that when you do, somebody does come into your life like that. You can recognize, oh wait, this matches my list. Yeah. Be specific. It's so funny that you say that because when I was in high school, I read this book and she literally said that, like list out every single thing you want in a partner. I'm like 15 or whatever, writing down like whatever bullshit a 15 year old wants in a man or a partner. And like literally my husband checks every single box, every single one. That's like dark hair, light eyes, treats me this way. He's a musician.

All these things. It's like if I remember she said, if you aim at nothing, you'll hit it. Like, I don't think she probably made that up. But like, yeah, get real, real specific. Yeah. I don't know why you put nice hair, dark hair and got it. And I didn't think she probably made that up, but like, yeah, get real, real specific. Yeah. I don't know why you put nice hair, dark hair and got it and I didn't. What's the difference there? I literally said to him today, I'm like, I'm so glad you still have your hair.

Like who knows how long it will last, but for now I'm very grateful. Yeah. Very grateful. Well, now I'll only date bald men moving forward. It's worked well so far. Well, our first call today comes from Alexa. Alexa says... Oh, is she calling in now?

Right? I mean, you thought you could just talk to her, but she talks back. Subject line is, divorced parents dating each other again. Dear Chelsea, my parents decided to end their marriage of 43 years during the pandemic because they realized they were no longer happy with one another. After their divorce, I finally saw happiness in my mom for the first time in a long time. A few years back, I caught my dad having an affair but was forced to keep it a secret from my mom because my dad told me it would ruin our family. And there was a lot of gaslighting going on when I talked to her in our pre-interview. Once the divorce had taken place and things calmed down, my sister and I told my mom what we knew about my dad.

And it brought us all closer than ever before. Fast forward a few months. My parents have found their way back into each other's lives. And it's very uncomfortable, to say the least. My mom and sister keep telling me I need to get over everything my dad has put us through since they've gotten over it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. With love and gratitude, Alexa. And she's here on the phone with us as well.

Hi, Alexa. This is Tiggs. Hi. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. So, wow, that's quite a history with your parents. Yeah. I hate that you had to hide that from your mother, per your father.

What a lame thing for him to do, huh? Super lame, like gaslighting and just like making me feel as though I was in the wrong for his mistakes. Uh-huh. And so they, that happened before COVID. Then during COVID, they ended up getting divorced. So they didn't get divorced because of that? They did not get divorced because of it. I hadn't disclosed that information to my mom. After they did get divorced, I like finally saw joy in her face and like some sort of freedom when they finally did end up getting divorced. And then my dad started dating someone and it like wrecked my mom to see him with another woman and happy.

So then my sister and I were like, F it, we're going to tell her like she needs to move on and see that he hasn't always been this Prince Charming. So we did tell her and she was very much so like, I'm so sorry that you had to go through this. Like, I wish that you didn't have to keep it a secret. She knew that I was in therapy for it for many years. And then her and my dad started dating again a few months ago. And her and my sister are telling me that I should be over it by now, that I've already done the therapy. What's taking so long? I need to move on and forgive and forget. But I've had a very difficult time doing so. Yeah, I bet. I bet. I would too. Yeah. But how does your mom seem now dating your dad?

She seems happy. I mean, I know that she still has some trust issues where if her friends invite her to go out on the weekends, she feels obligated to choose him in fear of him like getting bored and maybe hanging out with another woman so yeah are they are they exclusively dating do you know anything about like have they said oh we're just seeing each other exclusively or is there an arrangement or because I mean I can understand why she has trust issues yeah absolutely so they are seeing each other exclusively from what I've been told by my mom. But they both have their own place. And like they'll kind of do a weekend together, like where he'll sleep over for the weekend,

then Sunday back to their normal lives. And what's your sister's story? She didn't catch your dad cheating, but she knows because of you, right? She knows because of me. Her and I are extremely close and I felt like she was the only one that I could turn to at that time. So we were very supportive of one another and her and my mom were very close because my mom helps out with her children a lot. So once my mom was okay with everything, they kind of were buddy buddies saying like, okay, now it's time for you to get over it. And I would like to because I love my dad and I love my family, but I've had a very

hard time doing so. And I feel as though like because of this situation, I've had a hard time with men in general. I know you can relate to that. Definitely. Yeah, absolutely. I find men to be completely untrustworthy. You know, they have to like, yeah, they have to prove themselves to be trustworthy before I trust

them. It doesn't, they're like, oh, just trust until they do something untrustworthy. It's like, no, I mistrust men now because there's just been too much, there's too much data to back my theory up, which is not a theory. Okay. So, well, first and foremost, you know that you can't control your mother and like or your father or what they're going to do. So you have to become accepting in a way of this period of time because you don't know where it's going to go. And you don't know if he's just going to do something to upset her again or if he learned his lesson the last time, you know. And even if he hasn't, this is your mother's mistake to make again. Yeah. She hasn't learned his lesson the last time, you know, and and even if he hasn't, this is your mother's mistake to make again. She hasn't learned her lesson.

You know, her lesson isn't done being taught to her and that you can't enforce that on your mother. All you can do is be loving and supporting. You don't have to go on dates with them. You don't have to like orchestrate things. You can say, I'm not that interested in this dynamic and I don't want to be around it unless it becomes more serious. And you guys decide to get back together because I've been through a lot with your relationship, which is totally reasonable, but you can't, you know, they do have a point. You do have to get past it. You can't live someone else's life for them. It's just impossible. And I would have the same feelings you do. I would totally be like,

what the fuck are you doing? But you have to treat your mother like she's your daughter. Like you just have to support her and love her and just be there for her and know that whatever's meant to happen will happen. Yeah. And that you worrying about it will affect the outcome zero. That's the thing. It's just a waste of your energy and a waste of your mind share. So every time you

catch yourself thinking, well, whatever, what's going to happen? That's just literally taking up your precious brain space. So just create a new neural pathway and say, not my monkey, not my circus. And that's tough with families because it's like, you know, in a way it's like the closest people to you. But at the end of the day, you never understand the dynamic of other people's relationships, even when it's your family, even when it's your parents. And you have to just say, you know, it's not it's not my job to worry about them or warn my mom or police them. It's just it's just not. Yeah, that is really good advice. I think that what was so hard is seeing how broken she was when she did see that he was happy with someone else. And I

am so fearful of him doing that again to her. And like you said, having to be her mom for that situation, which of course I will, I think it's just been more so like a fear of mine, but it definitely is something that I would love to move past. Yeah. And you can also look at it just because he did that and you caught him cheating. Was it multiple times or was it once? There were a lot of shady events and behaviors, but the time that I found the text messages was just once. Uh-huh. So you were looking through his stuff? No, I was actually taking an exam in his office on his computer. And I like, you know, how on MacBook macbooks the messages pop up pop up yeah so it was sneaky messages yeah in the middle of like an exam that I had been preparing for for weeks like my

heart belongs to you baby like heart emojis and I just like got sick to my stomach I failed the exam oh god no wonder as well that's like a traumatic way to find out. And it's like encroaching on your life and in your, you know, business. And I understand why you're so upset by it. Yeah, you think you're sitting there taking an exam and you're in a two-hour Lifetime movie. Like how, that is really disappointing. Your father is, that's embarrassing. And you have every right to be pissed at him for that event.

But listen, he's going to show his true colors at some point, you know? And if his colors have changed and he's not going to be like that, he'll show that too. But like you being fearful, again, is not fueling anything but your own misgivings. Like it's just making your situation uncomfortable. And so there is a more laissez faire attitude you can have about the whole thing. Doesn't mean that you're going to be involved in it. It just means like, yeah, go for it. You guys do whatever you're going to do. I'm doing my thing. I love both of you and good luck. You know what I mean? And just let it go.

And even if it's like a meditation, you have to say to yourself every morning, I'm going to let this go. I'm going to let this go. Just keep repeating that to yourself like a little mantra until you get over the hump that you're on. And then you will get to the other side of it. And you'll notice that you care a lot less because you're fearful of your mom's feelings being hurt and her heart being broken again, which are completely valid things to be fearful of, but they're not serving you or her. Yeah, that's definitely great advice because I've been in therapy for it for quite some time. And I've done like the activities where it's like, write a letter to your dad and read it to your therapist. And then I leave and I'm like, I'm more angry than I was going into it. I like the write a letter exercise. I'm like, I can never get through the letter because I'm so fucking pissed off. Yeah. My arm hurts. Ah!

Yeah. And then with spell check, if you type your letter into your phone, I'm like, oh my God. Are you kidding? I don't understand why spell check doesn't correct spelling. No. Every time I write thank you, it changes it to you owe you. It's getting worse. I swear it's getting worse. Who's writing that though? Why would that be the correction? No, owe you. It's getting worse.

Who's writing that though? Why would that be the correction? No, I know. Yeah, terrible. Anyway, I think you'll be fine and you'll find out soon enough what's going to happen. And then you can, you know, react to that. Yeah, definitely. I'll write in again. Yeah, yeah. Keep us posted though. Let us know what happens with your parents. I absolutely will. Thank you both so much. Yeah, thank you.

Bye, Alexa. Have a good day. You too. This reminds me, though, when my parents were growing up, I fucking hated my father for a long time. He was an asshole and I was a bitch. And I remember trying to convince my mother to leave him so that she and I could go live alone somewhere.

And I was like, you know he's probably having multiple affairs. And my mom's like, what? And I said, I was like, well, I mean, just think about it. He's gone all the time. He's always going outside to take phone calls. I was like, everything's shady with him. I didn't know if my father was having affairs. I just assumed. And I was trying to get to my mother against him. And my mom was just like, I remember her going to my sister's going, Chelsea says dad is having affairs. Do you think that's true? My sister's like, you are such a cunt. Like, why are you trying to blow up this family? I'm like, I just want us to get our own place without dad there. But I'm glad that I never had to deal with

that in the flesh. Parents and yeah, protecting your mother from her feelings is just like an impossible task. It's tiresome. It's not. Yeah. It's a thankless job. And it's like you got to at some point just cut it and say it's it's not my life. It's not. It's like it feels like your family is your entire life. But when you're a grown up, you're a grown up. You got to let them sort their own shit out. Yeah. Even if your dad is a fuckboy. Even if your dad is a fuckboy. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by.

Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, No Really. Yeah, really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next call comes from Nicole. Subject line is, fiancé's very close friend. Dear Chelsea, I'm in a dilemma.

A year ago, my fiance started spending more time at work and texting with his female coworker. He said they were just friends, but then he went out with her for dinner and drinks and had her over at our apartment while I was hundreds of miles away visiting family. Nothing happened, but I told him this friendship makes me uncomfortable, especially since they came over to our apartment. And now he talks about her all the time, and they're buying each other gifts. Ugh. I love him, but he refuses to cut off contact.

And I'm not saying he should, but now he and this female co-worker joke that I hate her. I'm so frustrated. Am I overreacting? What should I do? Is it time to walk away? Help. Nicole. Oh, this is a good one.

Hi, Nicole. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Good. This is Tinks. Hi. Nice to meet you. Awesome. Nice to meet you. Oh, so, oh my God, that's annoying. That sounds like an annoying situation. How close are they? I would say they're pretty close. I mean, they work together. And even just this last Friday, they, you know, spent the day going out to eat, going to see like attractions and really just hanging out and spending the whole day, even though I was at home. That sounds like a date, honestly, spending the whole day together and going out to eat and seeing attractions to me sounds like a date. That's I just don't think that that's respectful to you at all.

What's his excuse? Like when you say, why are you so close to her? When you talk about it, what does he say? Does he have any language to explain why he's doing this? Or what's the conversation between you and him like about her? Yeah, of course. Really, it's that they're just got really, really close at work and that she's somebody he can lean on and that she's just a really, really, really good friend. But as I said before, I think there's a little bit of disrespect that I'm feeling at least.

Yeah. I'm assuming she is not in a relationship. Do you know? She is single. And when you've asked him about his feelings for her, have you delved into that like in a deeper way? Like, do you feel attracted to her? Yeah. So when they first started hanging out, he actually kind of admitted that, you know,

he was trying to figure out his feelings for her. But then he pretty much was like, no, no, she's just a good friend. She's just a good friend. But I think what also hurts me is the language she uses sometimes for all of his friends. He's like, I love them. But when he says I love her, it just really hurts me in a way that it's really, really hard, especially when you love somebody. You know, it's like we're engaged. It's really tough. And I don't want to tell them who to hang out with. But I also feel like there's some boundaries that I think have been crossed that are really hard for me to get over.

How frequently do they hang out? I mean, obviously, they see each other every day at work. But, you know, they're going out at least once a month. They're buying each other gifts. He's bought her massages. So there's just a weird dynamic. Yeah, no, that is weird. All of it is weird. And yeah, you, your boundaries have been crossed. Absolutely. And when do you, have you ever hung out with both of them together? Yeah. He kind of like forced me to be like, Hey, you're going to meet her. You're going to love her. And like you're going to want to be best friends with her. But I mean, she's awesome. And I'm all about

empowering other women. But, you know, there's just a line that I feel like has been crossed that I'm not comfortable with. Yeah, I think that's valid. Tinks, I like that you brought up that it's like a lack of respect situation, because at first blush, I think this this email, this question can seem like, well, is he cheating or isn't he? blush I think this this email this question can seem like well is he cheating or isn't he but I think there's more nuance going on here and what do you guys think about like the fact that they're kind of joking around about oh you hate her blah blah blah to me that almost makes me feel like there are there's less romantic attraction if they're so open about it I I don't really know

I just know that that's like a really uncomfortable dynamic and as his fiance I think that he's supposed to be your number one cheerleader the person who makes you feel safe and comfortable at all times and the fact that they're kind of have a joke about you is like really kind of nasty to me and kind of just like it's leaving you out right like it's it's them two against you whereas he should always be you're his number one you're about to enter into a legal union with this person so he shouldn't really be joking around like oh yeah she hates you and also what you said when when she went to your house when you were away and you said nothing happened like to me the fact that you're being forced to have the conversation of did anything happen with your fiance is so utterly disrespectful to you like

I just don't think that that's a conversation you want to be having with someone who you're about to marry I don't think that's fair to you and I really think that the's a conversation you want to be having with someone who you're about to marry. I don't think that's fair to you. And I really think that the line has been crossed. Like, there's no question this boundary has been totally blown. When's the wedding? We actually don't have a date yet. You know, we got engaged in December and then this whole thing popped up around March, a couple months later. So I really hadn't had the time to really think about that yet. So this kind of put some things on pause for me. And I'm like, I'd rather figure out what's going on before I get into a commitment that. A hundred percent.

Yeah. To me, I feel like it's almost not about it's not like her and it's not like, is he cheating? But it's like, what in him is allowing him to do this behavior or what, you know, what is this a deeper symptom of? It's I don't necessarily think he's cheating, but it's like, I don't know, that's it's something else. It kind of feels like that. And I have always felt like, oh, this isn't really a a thing that exists but people talk about having like an emotional affair right what do you guys think about that do you think they're real do you think that's what this is well I think that's valid I mean people do have emotional affairs but I also think like if he was he admittedly admittingly was struggling with his feelings for her when he met her right that in and of itself should be the beginning, middle, and the end of that. Like, okay, so when he discovered that he wasn't attracted to her or that he didn't

have those feelings for her, then why continue to escalate the relationship? You know, like that all is very fuzzy and there's just too many things there that point to him, A, disrespecting you because I would never do that. I would never hang out with somebody that my boyfriend didn't know on the regular, especially when he asked me not to. I would never disrespect him like that. And I'm pretty of my own mind, but I understand that completely. And you have every reason to go like, listen, we're engaged.

So you and I need to sit down and I need to have a really clear understanding of what's going on with you and this relationship with her, because clearly you are drawn to her and getting her things from her that you're not getting from me. And in turn, you're disrespecting me. So you can see it my way or not, but this is how I feel and my feelings are valid. And until I understand like why this relationship is even necessary I'm sorry if it causes me this much discomfort it's something that you need to consider not having in your life I don't think there's anything wrong with that it's not about empowering other women yeah it's about not disempowering yourself yeah agreed I can't thank you guys enough this has

really been eye-opening for me and I'm just glad to get some perspective from someone else who's out there. And when you talk to him, like, you know, just, it doesn't have to be heated. Obviously it may get that way, but just be like, listen, out of respect for our relationship, I need to understand why you are not. You told me you had feelings for this girl that you were trying to figure out if you had feelings for this girl, then you don't, but you continue to hang out with her and you talk about her and now you love her. You have to understand that's not comfortable for me. So unless you can really map this out for me, like I need, you know, we need to think about our future. You want to be engaged. This is our engagement. Yeah. Yeah. And if you can't get it figured out just the two of you

without it like turning into a blow up or him feeling like, well, I'm not allowed or any of those things. Like go have a couple sessions with a therapist, like just go talk to somebody. Yeah, we're looking into that. So we'll see if that it comes to it. Yeah, that's always a good avenue

to explore anyway. Yeah, it's good to have a third party to just kind of help you work through things. For sure. And keep in touch, Nicole. Let us know how it works out. Okay. I will. Thank you guys so much for your help today. Oh yeah. No problem. Thanks Nicole. Yeah, that's not right. That's that sounds off. That's off to me. Okay. Our next question

comes from Jess. She says, I'm Jessica. I'm a 33-year-old woman who's raising an incredible four-year-old daughter. I made the challenging decision to divorce her father at the beginning of this year. The marriage included a few types of non-physical abuse, and my decision to leave was strongly influenced by the love I have for my daughter. I want her to see me as an example of a woman who does not wait for permission to find wholeness and personal fulfillment, but instead steps up and makes it happen in her own life. I work full time as a nurse. Post-divorce, I've spent some time in therapy and really focused on introspection.

I'm reaching a space where I want to consider dating, and I'm working through how I want that to look in my life. I have not dated or attempted to date in the time post-divorce. I've gained weight and feel a bit uncomfortable in my life. I have not dated or attempted to date in the time post-divorce. I've gained weight and feel a bit uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm working on eating healthy and balancing space for exercise. There are times when I feel like I shouldn't date until my body looks and feels the way I think it should. There's a bit of unworthiness and lack of self-esteem mixed in. My question for you is this. How do I overcome my feeling of unworthiness to date while at a larger size? Thanks, Chelsea.

Jess. Well, we were just discussing this, weren't we? I was like, I have to pull this email up. Yeah. Yeah. Clearly, we've said this before, and I'm sure we'll say it again, but, like, I get it. I understand. I just told stories about how obsessive I was with my weight.

I'm in a different place right now mentally about weight. And I understand that what you think you see, A, the world doesn't see. Yes, you probably gained weight. Okay. I mean, you can measure that on a scale, but that doesn't preclude you from your value and from your, there are a million things to fall in love with in a person, you know, and anyone who is focused solely on the weight, A, you don't want to be with anyway. So that's, there you go. If somebody said, oh, if you gain 20 pounds, I wouldn't be with you, then you would never go on a date with them to begin with. So don't worry about it. And one of my friends is dating this guy and he's really, really good looking. And she doesn't think she's good looking enough for him. And she's like, well, he's friends with this girl and this girl and this girl's like a supermodel and this girl's like a supermodel. I'm like, I said to my friend, I'm like, there are a million things to fall in love with about you. I fell in love with you. All my,

my whole family's in love with you. My friends are in love with you. Like I fell in love with you and it wasn't about your looks. Like I didn't fall in love with you because of your looks. So remember that, like we don't all represent the same things and the same values. Like I didn't fall in love with you because of your looks. So remember that like we don't all represent the same things and the same values. Like looks is not a value even. That is like a fleeting thing that, you know, people work hard to present. Like this is a great time for you to be dating and meet someone when you don't feel like you're at your best. This is a great experiment and opportunity for you to push through those feelings and present yourself and find somebody who really loves you for who you are instead of what you think, you know, provides value to you. Right. And myself being a fuller figured woman, I've always been fuller figured.

I've always been curvy. I've always had huge boobs. And like, let me just say, not every guy is looking for a skinny girl. No. had huge boobs. And like, let me just say, not every guy is looking for a skinny girl. No, they're just not. Not every guy is going to be like, oh my God, you gained 10 pounds. This is unacceptable. Like Tink said earlier, like you are the only person who's noticing that. Nobody else is noticing. When I'm PMSing, I just posted something about this recently. When I'm PMSing, I feel my grossest, you know, because you just feel bloated. You're like you have gas, you're fucking period farts. It's disgusting. And you're just like, oh, and my boobs are get so big. I just look like one big titted monster right before I get my period. And Joe loves it. He's

like, this is the hottest you ever are this time during the month. He's like, I just love when your stomach sticks out a little and you're bloated. I'm like, fuck you. I hate, you know, I hate that feeling. But like, he loves that. Like, how great is that? You're going to find somebody who loves you for who you are. Yeah. And no one has ever fallen in love based on looks alone. Like at all.

That's the thing. Like no one is ever going to be like, oh, I fell in love with her because she's perfectly, perfect looking. Like that's not real. And like Chelsea said, if someone is only dating you for your looks you would never want to be with them anyway like there is so much more to you than

your than your looks like I always say to my followers my body is the least interesting thing about me and I like it that way I really couldn't care like you are a meat-covered skeleton on a rock that is hurtling through space. Never forget that. It truly, it's the last thing that you should worry about. And honestly, don't worry about, oh, are they going to think this about me? Are they going to think that about me? What about, do you like them? Why don't you go into it thinking, what am I looking for?

I want someone who's kind. I want someone who's kind. I want someone who's works really hard. Like that should be your lens going into dating. Not like, oh my God, I gained a couple pounds. Like that's just shift your mindset and focus on, on the attributes that you want to find in a person. And then, and then that will come back to you. I really do believe that we, uh, we receive the energy that we give out. Yeah. And it's easy to create new habits, new neural pathways, new habits. It's so much easier than people think. You just have to take that step, start doing it. And it might not click right away, you know, reframing things. It might not click, but it will click if you are consistent and you practice it, it will come together.

Yeah. Yeah. And also never, ever put any part of your life on hold to be at a no no or for anything you can never say oh i'll do this when or i'll be happy when like that's not that's a moving target and you cannot you can't put your life on hold i completely agree with that that's not how it works yeah yeah well let's head to a quick break and we'll come back with more Tinks and Chelsea. OK. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor.

We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us tonight.

How are you two? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really?

That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Right, and we're back from break.

Are we back from break? Okay, we're back. Tinks, we're back. Wake up. We're back. Sorry. Tinks was underneath the table again. She keeps going under there.

I don't know what you think is under there. Let's just get racy. Yes. A lot of sexual innuendos flying around. Always. Always. Tinks, did you have a question or a piece of advice you'd like to ask Chelsea for? Oh, I hope you do.

I do. I do. I do. We've, we've touched on it a little bit, but I, I want your advice on my followers love to know about my personal life and my dating life. And I love to talk about it. I do. But how have you found the right balance over the years of telling, telling about your dating life and your personal life? And what are your tips for that? that and and is it evolving or do you have any hard lines where you're like I'm not going to share this or I'm going to share this after the fact yeah I think do you feel like you overshared your last relationship is that where

this is coming from a little bit but it's more so that it's just it's actually to be dick on the table it's making dating a little bit difficult because I don't if I say it in real time it feels like I'm kind of Truman showing myself but my followers like to know so now I've swung back all the way where I'm not telling them anything about my dating life but I want to find a middle ground so and I also just like with the guys I date I don't want I certainly don't want them to date me because they think I'm going to talk about them but it's hard to find you know what I mean it's just yeah I mean I've had guys not want to date me because they think I'm going to talk about them but it's hard to find you know what I mean it's just yeah I mean I've had guys not want to date me because they know I'm gonna for sure exactly exactly whatever and so that's kind of why I swung and

I was like no I'm not going to say anything because I don't want to turn any guys off and and whatever and and I need to keep something for myself but at the end of the day my followers are my best friends in my life and I love them and I talk about dating and I want to report from the field. So it's like it's really hard to find that balance, especially living in L.A. I think my advice on that would be to always you can always still share with your followers, giving people a little bit of information that you are dating, that you went on a date, that you like someone without giving away who that person is until it's in a really solid place is probably just the only advice I would have to say about that. Because that way you are sharing like, oh, and then there's an anticipatory nuance to everything with your followers because they know like, OK, you're like, I am dating. There is somebody. And as soon as it's something worth mentioning and as soon as we're like together as a couple, then I will share it with you guys. Yeah. Because you're going to want to share that when you are in love with

somebody. There's no way you're not going to want to. That's true. And so the only parts you want to keep private are people's identities until you've sussed them out and until you decided you're in a serious relationship with somebody. Yeah. So I think it's good to share that stuff when it's real and when you're feeling it. And you had that experience for a reason, you know? It's true, yeah. Like, you're not going to do that again necessarily, even though your followers loved it because it's completely relatable. You dated a guy who ended up booking a, you know, if that could happen to you, that could happen to anybody is what they're thinking. Yeah, yeah. So I think it's important to be honest with everybody. You know, you don't have to lie, but you don't have to divulge other people's identities and give away all of the details always. Yeah. That's what I would say

about it, I think. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That's good. Great. Catherine, do you have any advice that you need an answer to from Tinks? Yes, I actually do. So a friend of mine, we both have dogs. Our dogs are the same age and we kind of go back and forth like babysitting each other's dogs. Like even if it's for a couple days or even a week, like we know our dogs are safe in each other's hands. Her dog is a lot more work than our dog. Her dog has to wear diapers that have to be hand washed and like barks all the time starting at 6 in the morning. And he's very sweet and we love him him but he's a pain in the ass so said friend has recently had a baby and baby's about three four months old and i really want to be there for her and help her out and like take some things off

her plate as she's dealing with new motherhood but her husband has started going on like week-long trips for work every month. And they want us to take the dog for like basically a week every month just so she doesn't have like something else to deal with. She does have a nanny that comes and helps during the day. So there's that. But I'm struggling with like, do I say yes every time even though it's like he's a drain when he's there but I also like my nice midwestern heart like wants to be there for my friend no no you don't say yes every time you know like like once in a blue moon blue moon I don't know but no you're you're the way too generous like you are a good friend and you have been a good friend and you are showing up for her. And the fact that you're even having this conversation with yourself is like shows how much you care. But you can't.

You didn't have the fucking baby. Yeah. Yeah. And your husband isn't going on mountain trip week long, whatever fucking hike in excursions. Like you need to know like once in a while. He's taking in the attractions. Yeah. Taking. I need someone to take me to see attractions really soon. You need someone to take in the attractions. I haven't seen attractions in months. Oh my God.

Me neither. I haven't seen attractions anywhere. Yeah. That's bullshit. First of all, she needs to sort that out with her fucking husband. And also the diaper thing. Like that means to end. Like take it to a trainer, figure's bullshit. First of all, she needs to sort that out with her fucking husband. And also the diaper thing. Like, that means to end.

Like, take it to a trainer. Figure it out. Like, get. Ask her if she can staple his asshole shut. And then you can babysit for her fucking dog. A diaper? Like, it's too. You've gotten too far into this, Catherine.

And you need to see your way out. You just got to go, listen, I want to be there for you. And, you know, I do want to help you, but it's become a little bit much. Like a couple of days with your dog is one thing. A week isn't, I can't be there. You guys have to figure this out between the two of you, not me. Yeah. Yeah.

You know? Okay. Thank you guys. That's honestly weighing on me since she asked again. It's so funny how confused we get when we're in our own situations. We are. I know. It's so true. And then you say we're in our own situations. I know. It's so true.

And then you say it out loud. You're like, oh. And two wonderful women yell no at you. And you know what they're saying. That's funny. Well, Tinks, where can everyone find you? I'm at Tinks on TikTok. At It's Me Tinks on Instagram.

And listen to my new podcast, It's Me Tanks. Yay. Thanks for having me. Thank you, Tanks. That was so much fun. Thanks. And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write in to dearchelseaproject at gmail.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast

is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast.

Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.