Dear Chelsea - Alone is Not a Bad Word with Chelsea’s Sisters, Simone and Shoshanna

Episode Date: July 25, 2024

Chelsea’s sisters are back by popular demand!  Shoshanna and Simone are here to chat about why terrible driving is an inherited trait, the ups and downs of traveling with family, and what menopause really means.  Then: A newly-single gal decides she doesn’t want to jump into the dating pool.  A deadbeat baby-daddy comes back to haunt a loving family.  And a highly-sensitive sister makes life difficult for everyone around her.  * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Hello, Catherine. Hi, Chelsea. How are you? I am coming to you live from Los Angeles. De Los Angeles. I can't believe it. You're actually here in your house. I know. I'm live from Los Angeles. De Los Angeles. I can't believe it. You're actually here in your house. I know.

I'm not from Los Angeles. I'm soy de Nueva Jersey. Pero estoy en Los Angeles. I have a new assistant who only speaks Spanish to me. And I'm hoping that he will cut it out because we are not communicating well. I'm like, I only want you to speak Spanish. And now I'm like three sentences in. I'm like, okay, a little bit of English. You know what? Starting with Spanglish is fine. But I'm home. I'm home in Los Angeles. I haven't been here in forever. My

house is still not done, but I'm living in it. And Doug is here and Doug loves me. And that is really the most important part of this story. Are you two having a love reconnection? He's so sweet. He loves me. He gets into bed. We play together. He follows me everywhere. I mean, this is exactly what I was hoping for. And my bell, he does not give a shit about my bell.

And that is exactly what I was looking for. He's bonded with you. Yeah, yeah. We have a really ridiculous episode today. And I want to preface this episode by telling our listeners that I had my sisters back on the podcast because everybody really seemed to enjoy it last time. And everyone really enjoyed my niece episode. So I mistakenly booked them again. And one of them is a hot fucking mess during this entire podcast. And I can't wait for you guys to figure out which person that is and understand why the

other sister who was also on this podcast episode has since told me they are no longer available to do podcasts. And she said, that is it. We're done with your podcast and you are done with us. I'm so sad. We love them. We love them on the podcast. I cannot believe this episode. I hope you guys enjoy it. And please let us know your thoughts. Please welcome Shoshana and Simone Handler. Hello. Hello. What are we talking about? Yeah, give us a heads up. What do you mean? You guys, we're talking. You guys are doing the same fucking thing we did last time. We're giving counseling with Catherine.

We're taking live callers. No, like before that, before the callers. Well, I don't know. What did you take today? Anything special for your performance this afternoon? Are you on anything that we need to know about, Shoshana? No. I'm not on anything.

That's a lie. I think you took something. No, I didn't on anything. That's a lie. I think you took something. No, I didn't. What would you prescribe Dr. Handler? A beta blocker. I would prescribe her a beta blocker. Actually, I've prescribed Simone a beta blocker before and with much success actually. For anyone who's listening, these are my two sisters, Simone and Shoshana. Wait a minute, we started already? Yes, Shoshana. I know that you're on something. I can tell by the smile on your face that you took something. And that's okay. You're allowed to take something if it calms your nerves to talk to people. Okay, let's go.

Do you want? Anyway, these are my sisters, Simone and Shoshana. And they are back by popular demand for sissy advice. Truly popular. Like your episode is one of our most listened to last year. Don't tell them they're going to want to get into my cash flow if they know that. So don't give them too much background. Okay, please. Catherine, keep it to yourself. Girls, you know what we can talk about actually to open up our episode today. We're going to talk about the fact that this was funny. I have a friend, Sophie, she came to visit us on vacation and she's, she was telling us about a recent experience she had at work getting an anonymous 360 review. So the people that report to you or her in her case, reviewed her performance

as a CEO and gave her feedback about herself. But I don't know why it's called an anonymous 360 because it's not that it's pretty obvious who's telling, you know. So anyway, she she pitched the idea at our last summer vacation on the vineyard when we were all together that we should do a performance anonymous 360 review for our family members to see who fucking has earned the right to be on the trip and who hasn't you know like who's contributing what does this person bring to the table does this person make drinks for everyone does this person cook you know what and everybody's on board everybody

got very very nervous and and and especially shoshana and simone were like we're not doing that and i was like i think it's a great idea. And Shoshana's like, well, who's going to review you? I'm like, I have no secrets. Review me. I already know what you all think of me. I think the only ones that really need to be nervous are the in-laws. Yeah, that's right.

And they know why. Yeah, but I mean, you know, you can't, you come to the family, you know, your personality should have been checked before the marriage, not now, 20 years later. Yeah, if they're going to get booted. No, because of the exposure, the repetitive exposure that I'm subjected to has made me rethink my strategy. I didn't know 20 years ago that I wasn't going to want a vacation with everybody all the time. Now I know because I've done it so many times that I have like, it would be called a non-anonymous 360. Actually, we renamed it a non-monogamous 360. I'm not sure what that has

anything to do with, but that's where we went with it. So anyway, just thoughts that are spinning around. That's the kind of vacations we have. I threaten my family when we go away that this may be the last trip ever. And that's pretty much the pattern. But let's face it. It's the in-laws that are going to be at the top of the list. Okay. All right. Well, I guess you're trying to build immunity for yourself.

But yeah. This is like Survivor. It is. But what I decided to do. So another way for me to avoid my in-laws is I don't even know why I have in-laws. I didn't get married. You know, why do I have to deal with this? So I decided to take all my nieces and nephews to Mallorca.

And I was like, this is a good workaround to avoid the other adults that, you know, are kind of. But now I have two interlopers. My brother Glenn and Roy have invaded the trip. So we're doing an all boys trip apparently. I put them in a hotel together in a hotel room with two beds for two 60 year old men. And I think that is going to be fucking out of this world. What an adventure. And they're the two most opposite people you could put together.

Basically like, you know, one's neat and one's a big slob. Well, Roy travels with a garbage bag as his suitcase. Well, no, he goes shopping wherever he ends up and just buys some clothes there. He travels light. Shopping is in quotes because I wouldn't call what he's doing shopping. It's like he picks up the basic necessities.

So he'll get boxer shorts and maybe a couple of t-shirts and some gross, you know, sweat pant outfit thing. The fun thing is he buys the t-shirt from the place he's visiting. So all week long, he's wearing the t-shirt from the place that the tourists buy.

So it's like Martha's Vineyard all week or Edgar town all week. And that's where he is. It doesn't make any sense. Roy is very much like our father. Our father was a slob, not when he was younger, only when he was older. Yes. He got older. Everything went down. It went downhill. Right. Like when I grew up, he would show up to my softball games with the sweaters covered in dog hair and just, you know, embarrassing. It's like on sneakers. Yeah, slip on sneakers. What are those things that he wore those? Were you just sneakers? The little dog shoes, little areas? Yeah, but he never put his foot fully in. So there's always half of his foot hanging.

It was just so gross. Anyway, Roy has picked up some. Shauna, you have picked up some of dad's habits too, by the way. Oh, really? Would you care to expand? I'm not sure I want to hear this. You're going to have to give examples. I don't know. I mean, Simone, I i don't know you're not a slob i can give you one example okay your driving skills are very much like dad like you stop signs are just

like a suggestion to you you cut behind places like you're like weaving in and out of traffic she's a lunatic driver i'm also not i'm also a driver that's better on my own than having any passengers because I don't want to hear about it when I'm up to on the road. Listen, in New Jersey, it's every man for himself. You have to just survive. So you got to do what you got to do. It's genetic though. Is it? Yeah. I mean, I learned to drive from him. We had to follow him to pick up used cars. And in order to follow him, you had to go through every red, yellow light that existed just to stay with him because there was no, you know, cell phone with directions. Like if you lost him, you're on your own and you had to find a pay phone.

He would be like, hey, I need you to come with me to pick up a car. And you're like, fuck. And then you had to go follow him to Verona or West Orange or something. And he never would stop at stop signs. Yellow lights meant go. Red lights meant go slow through them while you look both ways. And then if you didn't keep up with him, he'd scream at you and be like, why weren't you following me? It's like, because I'm not a fucking lunatic. Yeah, that's why I drive that way. Yeah, I have some special driving skills too. They're not great. I mean, I think they're great, but most people don't.

Most people don't drive with me because they'll get sick. But Shoshana, when Charlie was a little girl, remember, she got car sick the whole time when you would take her to school. Every morning they thought she had motion sickness, which she does, but it was because Shona gave it to her. But only with certain drivers. Which she was Shauna. She would just, and then in Africa this summer, she threw up on the plane. No, she's had motion sickness every trip we've ever been on. She really had motion sickness and it was more like for long drives.

Yeah, but she got the motion sickness from your driving. Well, you're entitled to your opinion. Simone, what do you have to say for yourself not much i'm at work girl so this is you know this is a little down low well it's not that down low simone because we have a lot of people that listen to this podcast so they're going to find out i'm at work okay so you're at work giving it life advice to people this is your lunch lunch hour. It's fine. Okay. So. You want to talk about menopause? Sure.

Let's talk about that because actually this is a subject. Where are you with your menopause journey? I don't know because I got an ablation after Simone got one and she told me about it. And then I went and got one immediately. And I don't know if I, where I am because I don't get a P. By the way, have you told your listeners about that procedure? Because that procedure is not very like well known and doctors don't know if I where I am because I don't get a P. By the way, have you told your listeners about that procedure? Because that procedure is not very well known and doctors don't talk about it. An ablation. We've talked about it.

Yeah, we have. We have. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's amazing. It's the best thing I've ever done. I mean, not ever, but it's one of the best things I've ever done. It's amazing once you stop getting your period that you just forget about periods altogether. Like it should be like more of a season of gratefulness

to celebrate no more periods before you just ease into the rest of your life. Because if someone, I mean, I would have gotten rid of it when I was 16 if I had known about this ablation thing. But for most people, they have to go through everything else. I mean, most people are not getting an ablation

to start menopause. But they should. Like, that's my point. Like if people like go, they suffer, they have heavy periods, they have accidents. And then and the doctor never brings up that this is an option. That's my point is that it's like such a great option if you're done having kids. And you had a good experience with that? Oh, my God, it took like 15 minutes. And then my life was like back on track. I was literally anemic for like two years before that. And it just solved

that problem overnight. Shauna, do you still get your period? No. So a lot of people don't know this. The definition of menopause is the day, it's one day, 12 months after you've stopped getting periods. It's literally one day. So you're either premenmenopausal which happens like for years before you're actually go through menopause or you're post-menopausal or you have menopause for one day so there's pretty much before or after so yes I have I probably a year and a half so I am post-menopausal but I'm suffering from hot flashes night sweats mood swings mood swings, poor sleep, weight gain. You wouldn't say that's menopause. You would say that's postmenopausal? Because those are all menopausal symptoms, no? All these symptoms can happen before,

during, and after, yes. Okay. So menopause is the day, you said, 12 months after you've had your last period. Yes. And it's just that one day. Yeah. Like Halloween. Exactly. And it's just that one day. Yeah. Like Halloween. Exactly. One day. I've never heard that before. I always thought it was a period of time that you were having symptoms.

It's not the whole period of time? No, people just confuse the term and it's just become like, you know, vernacular. But really, it's not, you know, it's just literally that one day that you're one year without any period. Okay. Well, that's good information to know, you know, but all these symptoms can last from, you know, a year to 10 years even. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if I have symptoms. I mean, I sometimes wake up sweaty and that that's something, but I don't know about other symptoms. I don't know. What, what are the other symptoms? Memory? Memory loss or memory problems, trouble sleeping, hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness. Thank you.

That sounds hot. Thank you for bringing that up. So it's like, what time is it? It's not even noon. I don't know what I'm talking about, vaginal dryness. What are people supposed to do about vaginal dryness? Lube? Is that what you're supposed to do?

And are you supposed to lubricate your vagina when you're having sex only? Or are you supposed to lubricate it all the time? How does that work? That seems like a subject for another podcast. No, guys, this is a health podcast. Shoshana's a registered nurse. Simone works in the healthcare industry. And I'm a doctor. So between the three of us, we can figure out. So you can explore hormones, hormone replacement, or bioidentical hormones. And yes, you can supplement with lube. Supplement with lube. You're not supposed to lubricate your caslopis every day, right? I don't think we know the answer to that question. We need to get next.

I think the answer is no. I think we're going down a slippery slope. No, no pun intended or pun intended. i do have a question about have you both been through menopause or like post-menopause yeah yeah so aside from the physical manifestations of it are there any sort of like emotional positive emotional feelings that you've gotten like yeah great you know some cultures believe that post-menopausal women are like basically you're like goddesses because you have that sort of strength of character and not giving a fuck that you do before you go through puberty. Are you feeling any of that? Are you feeling extra confident, happy, anything like that? I feel like you get that with age, but I don't

know that it's directly related to hormones or menopause. I feel like after you get to a certain age, you start to give less and less of a fuck. I mean, about everything. And that you don't like people have opinions. You're like, whatever, you just don't care but i don't know that that's um an effect of menopause i think menopause does have some like emotional like valleys kind of like the same thing when you're having your period or whenever you're on this sort of you know emotional roller coaster your whole life i think you go through that during menopause too some people get really really sad and emotional and some people don't. It's very, very individual. And it's just so annoying that there's not a barometer to tell you when you're feeling those

mood swings that it's related to your hormones. It would be more beneficial to say you have a mood coming on for the next two to four days and you're going to be a bitch. I want to know that information. There should be some sort of smart app that can tell you. I'm sure there is actually, there has to be. Yeah. I'm sure it has to do with your temperature. Like you could put something, you could put a monitor on you that would be able to show your cycles, but no, but you know, because women's health is such a low priority in terms of what people are working on. It's probably just not out there, but I guarantee that that could be easily created. And ablations are recommended highly for people with endometriosis, right? Yeah. Because of the bleeding. Yeah. So if you have endometriosis, you're definitely a

candidate. Before we take callers, here's an upbeat question. Where do your favorite memories from childhood lie? Shauna, you go first. I would have to say Martha's Vineyard for sure. It's, you know, still to this day, my favorite place in the world. And I just remember like there always being somebody around to play with, to hang out with, to do something with because we had six kids. And just like an endless summer, you know, that just was seemed like forever. And it was like Camelot, just beautiful, just beautiful memories of the beach and the water and warm weather and good food and laughing and playing and, and ticks. That would definitely be it. Yeah. What about you, Simone? Actually,

this came up recently, because I was talking to someone about mom and different memories that came up. And this really, really strong memory came up of a trip I took with her when I was about 10 years old. For some reason, she just, I don't know, you were like an infant, I think. And I took a trip with her to California. So it was my first trip to Seattle and then L.A. And it was just the two of us, our mom and me. And we just did all of this cool stuff together and we rented a car together and I got a map and we like went all around LA and all around Seattle.

And it was just like this really, really, I have no idea again why nobody else came, but it was just such a really fond memory that I have my first plane ride and my first like big city. And I don't know, I just have been thinking about that for a while because it was just one-on-one time. I remember a time when I was eight or nine and mom took you to look at colleges, I think, Simone. I must've been seven because you would have been 17 and she was taking you to look at colleges. And I remember being so fucking pissed at her for leaving me alone with dad. And I was like, unforgiving. Like I wrote her the nastiest letter. You wrote her a letter in response. I was like, I cannot believe that you would leave

a seven year old daughter alone with your husband. Like this is ridiculous. And you've deserted me. And I yeah, I was so pissed at her for taking that trip. So that was another trip you got to take with mom alone while I stayed at home with dad. Sorry about that. Shauna, where were you in that scenario? It seems like you would have been like helping out now. Yeah. I mean, how old would I have been?

Five. Twelve. If I was seven, you were twelve when Simone went for the second trip is what I'm talking about. Oh, the second trip. So you were twelve. So you were probably torturing me as usual. Probably. Probably. Or vice versa. Okay. Oh, the second trip. most idyllic childhood scenes. Everything was so nice. Our bikes and riding into town and hitchhiking and walking around in bare feet and Main Street in Eggertown and going to South Beach and just the food and the blueberries and all this. Yeah, it was really those are my favorite

memories. Yeah, I think it's part of it. It's just the freedom we had up there. Like we were so lucky that I think that was the single best decision probably my father ever made was to buy a house up there. Yeah. As opposed to all the kids that we grew up with, they all went down to the Jersey shore every summer. And I was like, jealous of that until I realized. Then she met Snooki and was like, wait a second, we were in the right place at the right time. In the right place, we got to escape. Like I literally had a completely different friend set, different personality, like a whole different life up there.

It was like having, literally having a double life, like living up there in the summers was so awesome. And we had so much freedom because our parents were always out to lunch. Yeah, not out to lunch.

Not out to lunch. No, they wouldn't even go out to lunch. That would have been an improvement. Okay, we're going to take a break, and we're going to be right back to take some calls. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?

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And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This week, we'd love for you to write in about questions you have about your new relationship. If you're newly dating someone and you're not sure how to proceed with a certain element of your relationship, write into DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And we're back! We're back with Shoshana and Simone Handler.

These are my sisters, and they are back by popular demand. We're giving family advice, right, Katherine? We're giving some sister advice. We've got some kids advice. Well, our first question comes from Jeanette advice. Perfect. We've got some kids advice. Well, our first question comes from Jeanette. She is in Illinois. She's in her 60s. I'm from a small town in northern Illinois, and my husband and I have been married for 27 years.

Our two sons have graduated college and moved to Nashville. They love it. We travel to see them once a month. We love the city, too. Comedy clubs, live music, art. We'd like to buy a second home in Nashville, but wonder if we should wait until the market changes. There are so many opinions on both sides, whether to wait or not. Financially, we can afford it, especially because we spend money on a hotel once a month. We love our empty nesting lives right now and love that we can see our kids here and there when we visit. What do you think, Jeanette? About what? Getting a second home? About the real estate market? I can't give financial advice.

I am not equipped for that, really. First of all, if they're buying a house in Nashville because that's where their sons are living and going to college, they may not be living there in three years or five years. They might go somewhere else. They might go to the West Coast. Don't pick Nashville because your sons are there. If you want a second home, pick it wherever you want to live, but don't base it on the kids. Yes, exactly. Stay in a hotel. That's better. You think? Yeah, it's more sexier. It's

fun. A house is a pain in the ass. You don't buy a house because you don't follow your children to college. They're all graduated. People do follow their kids to college. People do. I know lots of people. I know. I know. I just met a couple who did it. I was like, what? And they're like, oh, our kids are in London. I just was in it with a couple. And they're like, our kids are in London. So we're going to London. I'm like, to what? Follow them around? And they're like, yeah, we just want to be close to them. See, my mom said that she got advice recently that like people her age, you know, she's in her 70s. She was like, go move where your kids are. Don't expect them to move home. Like, go be by them. And you can, like, help out with child care.

Well, maybe when they have kids and they're older and they've started their own families, you're going to want to see your grandkids and you want to help with them. But when they're in college, you know, just go get an Airbnb or hotel and, you know, hang out a few days or whatever. But, I mean, to buy a house, that's a pretty big commitment. Shana, you're a recent empty nester. What do you have to say for yourself? Listen, it's hard. It's hard. I only have one that left. I have one still in high school. My daughter just left for college this year, and it's been a major transition. You know, when they're little and you start a family, you never really think about that day

that's going to come and they're going to go off to college somewhere far away. And it is really a slap in the face, to be honest. What is happening? Like, how did I get here? I need a slap in the face. That's exactly what you want them to do. Yeah, I mean, I know. But you know, it's really like, I just was not ready emotionally. Like, ouch, like that sucked. What was the, tell us about it, because I'm sure a lot of women are listening that are experiencing it. So talk about it. I mean, there's lots of excitement, of course, for your child to start this new adventure and you want them to have a great experience.

And leading up to it, you know, you are trying to be positive and encouraging, you know, but in the back of your mind, there's just this little bit of dread or sadness. Like when that day actually happens, like, what am I going to do? Am I going to like completely break down in front of my child? Am I going to pull it together? Am I going to what's going to happen? And what did happen, Shauna? So Mike and I, my husband, Mike, Charlie's dad, we took her to college. We spent a few days and got her all set, decorated her room, had her roommate, went out to dinner.

And we did really well. And then it was time to go. And we kept it together until we shut the door when we said goodbye. And literally in the hallway of her dorm, about 10 feet from closing the door and saying final goodbyes we both started crying and unfortunately for my son russell who's 14 he was like what the fuck are you guys doing i was like i'm so embarrassed but we were both crying it was sweet it's not just bad like that moment is really bittersweet and you know because you're like happy for them but you're sad and all that stuff but it's the it's the like the change in the dynamic of the family that changes so now russell's like the two of you are focusing your attention on him because she's away and doing

whatever she wants and studying and he's kind of like the center of your activity now and the whole dynamic changes and i think that's what you can't predict how that changes right right definitely after is you know it's a whole different environment my Charlie is much more outgoing and loud my son Russell is more quiet and he plays video games and keeps to himself and now we do focus a lot more attention on him and you know he doesn't really like it, but oh, well. But we're all just figuring it out. And, you know, it's fine. It's just different. And it gets better as it goes.

Like each month gets a little easier. And also knowing that your child is doing well makes it a lot easier. You know, my daughter's happy. She's thriving. She's lots of new friends. And that definitely, like, makes you feel better about the whole situation and thank god for facetime and you know texting all the time but it's the worst one is the first one right no i don't know i think it depends how you know your dynamic like for me i think the first one

was hard but i still had two kids at home so it was like i went home to a busy household it wasn't like every day i was thinking about jake being away, you know, how is he doing? And I think by the time Seneca was ready to go to college, I was like, totally ready. Like, here, go, go do your thing. And so, you know, while I still miss her, it's not the same thing. It's like, I'm ready to be an adult independent of her and independent of kids. And she's ready to go off to college. So it kind of got easier with each one, not harder. Yeah. I remember telling mom and dad that I was going to California, that I was going to drive across country and move in with Gabby and Terry, our aunt and uncle. And they were like, please go, you know, like, don't wait another second. And dad went and got me four new tires for the car that I was driving across country. He had never, ever sprung for

four new tires for any car I drove. And he got me four new tires for the car that I was driving across country. He had never, ever sprung for four new tires for any car I drove. And he got me four new tires and they were like, don't let the door hit you on the way out. Like we are so fucking sick of you. And it was the best decision I ever made because then I started to like my family again once I got enough distance. Yeah, 3,000 miles is the perfect amount of distance. Absolutely. A drive across country will set anybody straight. That's true. I do remember, though, when Simone went to college, that was a the perfect amount of distance. Absolutely. A drive across country will set anybody straight. That's true.

I do remember, though, when Simone went to college, that was a big gut punch for me because she was my ally in my house against my father. She would be our mediator. And I did not get along with my father for those years. And she went to college to Emory, which I visited her frequently. And Shauna, you did too, right? Only with the family, not by myself. You, I think,

went by yourself. Yeah. Yeah. You went rogue and came over when you were 11 years old. I think mom and dad sent you on a plane to visit me. I don't really understand how this went down, but you were 11. And so that means I was 21 and I took you everywhere I went. I took you with me. She took me to my first bar called PJ's in Atlanta and I went in and she got carded and I didn't. So I was 11. So that gives you 11. They didn't really think you were there to drink. But well, sorry, I left you, but I had to do it.

You had to grow up somehow. I know. I know. That was traumatizing, actually. Very traumatizing being alone with my fucking parents. OK. Anyway, I'm glad I got that off my chest. Let's continue.

Sigamos. Sigamos. So Lane is our next caller. Shauna, stop moving your fucking camera around. You're making me nauseous. It's saying that I have low bandwidth. You do because you're going in and out. You're kind of crackling up. All right. I'm moving. Relocating. Awesome. We're going to put you in the basement. That is Shauna to a T. Every time she calls, it's like, hello? Hello? All right.

Is this there? Yeah, I think so, Shauna. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, our next caller is Lane. Lane Bryant. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Lane says, dear Chelsea, about two years ago, I got out of a 10-year relationship. Then a month ago, I got out of a one-year long-distance friends with benefits scenario that started as something sexy and fun, but feelings were caught and it turned into an exclusive, confusing situationship with a bit of an emotional ending. So she originally had emailed to talk about how she can find a friends with benefits situation. But she updated with, since I wrote in, I've had a change of heart. I recently read an awesome book, How to Be Single, and it got me excited and wanting to embrace this solo time.

I want to prioritize being present and intentional in my decisions, and I need a break from getting caught up in relation and situationships. All of this was further sparked by your episode with Jane Fonda and the caller discussing her divorce. That was me a year and a half ago. And I'm at a place now where I can tell people, like that caller, you'll make it through to the other side and it can actually feel great. So my question is, what strategies do you have for staying present and intentional, staying strong in moments of loneliness, and overcoming societal pressures in terms of relationships? Lane.

Hi, Lane. These are my sisters, Shoshana and Simone. Oh, wonderful to meet you all. So where do you want to begin? Okay, so you want to know how to stay present and focused or tips to stay present and focused. First of all, I want to say something about loneliness. I really don't, I think a lot of us are confused about what loneliness is because we're so scared of it.

And like being alone doesn't necessarily mean you have to be feeling lonely, right? Being alone can be very fulfilling when you use your time and spend it in ways that make you happy, like reading a really good book or exercising or just watching TV in bed or whatever your stuff is, whatever you like to do. Any opportunity I get to be by myself, I jump at it.

I spent a long time not being able to be by myself, I jump at it. I spent a long time not being able to be alone, but I appreciate my alone time. And I think as you get older, you become much more comfortable with yourself and your alone time. So don't obfuscate loneliness with being alone. Definitely. And I think like that's something I'm just currently going through the process of learning and really embracing. I think I spent, you know, many years in a long term relationship. And, you know, towards the end of that, things just weren't feeling right anymore. And then after I left it, I kind of fell into this old pattern of maybe that little feeling of loneliness creeps in, and then you start reaching out to things that you don't actually

want, or maybe that you're not ready for. And so I'm just right now trying to find ways to like quiet that loneliness feeling, I guess, and really just embrace and be excited about being on my own. I don't necessarily think being alone is a scary thing. It's something really exciting that I really just want to embrace right now. You should write down when you're feeling that way, like feeling really lonely and write the situation around it. Like what happened to your day? What happened during your day? Who did you talk to? Why are you feeling lonely? The more you examine things, the more they kind of go away. I feel like you kind of face it head on where you're like, oh, this is interesting. I'm feeling this right now.

Why am I feeling this? What happens today to make me feel this way? Is this a result of something else that happened last week? You know, that kind of stuff. It's almost just like a practice of getting to know yourself so that you get into a more comfortable ease with yourself in your alone time. I mean, all three of us, as Simone, Shoshana and myself spend an inordinate amount of time alone, I would say. But okay, what was your other topic that you wanted to discuss? You're asking about being present, trying to be more present? Yeah, I think present and just really more present yeah i think president just really intentional like i think i met this like new area in my life a new chapter where i just have time to really get to know myself and i just don't i think like sometimes it's like easy where

especially kind of like i guess one of the things i talked about was like societal pressure your friends are like oh i could set you up with someone or you have someone that asks you out you're like oh i could be interested in pursuing that. But I just don't want any noise of that right now. I just want to kind of embrace being present and intentional when I am ready to kind of move into dating or anything kind of casual. I just want to be able to be very clear in my decision making and my choices and just be really confident in all of that. And not get roped into a relationship, right? Exactly. Like, I think it's so easy where like, if you kind of like meet someone,

and then all of a sudden, like, you kind of get that attachment to them. And they kind of feel, you know, that void of comfort or validation. And I just don't want, I don't want someone else to provide that for me. I want to be able to provide that for myself right now and really kind of lean into that. It sounds like you know what you want, actually. You sound like you're being pretty intentional. Yeah, like I think what you're saying about, you know, having you finally have some time alone, you want to get to know yourself better, like, act on that, like write down the things that you want to do for yourself. I mean, you're going to meet people along the way, there will always be people trying to set you up or whatever, but you don't have to jump into that. You can just

be very intentional about saying that's nice, but that's not where I am right now. You know, you can still be social. You can still go out, but focus on the things that bring you joy or things that you've wanted to try that you've never tried. I mean, this is a, like, there's a lot of freedom that comes with being alone too. Like there's a lot of obligations when you're committed to someone, not necessarily in a bad way, but now that you have this time and this space, like why don't you explore that a little bit? Like go a little bit deeper and try to spend some time on what you really want to do.

And those things that you like, they shouldn't go away if you start a relationship either. That's something to keep in mind. Like I think a lot of people like do things when they're alone, and then there are things when they have their partner, and those things don't always overlap, which I think is can be really problematic. Definitely. And I think kind of along with what you're saying is within the last couple of months, I've just found this like newfound energy or like a way to show up for friends and family in a way that I maybe wasn't fully able to when you are in relationship. Totally, totally. But I do find to like, especially when you're like friends or

family members that are like, Are you happy? You're alone. And I just want to be like, well, I just don't feel like alone is a bad word. And how do I Yeah, and it's but every now and then, you know, you have that, like, kind of dark, lonely voice that does come in. And I just want to remind myself of the times like right now where I'm feeling very much more like strong about it and happier and content with it. And you should write that down, too. Like when you're feeling great and positive, you should write down that and the events around it that led you there, you know, the kind of day you're having, because I do think

you're on the right track. Everything you're saying, it sounds very intentional. Those comments from other people, again, they're coming from all different places, from society, from norms, whatever. Like, you have to kind of, you know, you don't have to be rude about it, but, like, that's just their stuff. Like, you don't have to put that on you. If you're enjoying this time and you're exploring and you're writing these things down where you're enjoying your time alone, like, none of that matters. That's just preconceived notions that they have that they're trying to put on you. They're not about you.

Or they just have nothing to say. So they say that because that's what people say. I've said it to people before. Like it's just a pointless comment. It's not helpful anyway. And also, I always play this game with myself when I am dating someone casually, like to keep it casual. I always say to myself, like, okay, say we have plans on a Friday night. I'm like, okay, we have plans. I have plans with this fun

guy on Friday night. That'll be fun. And then I always say to myself, if that doesn't work out for some reason, I still have a million other options or I'm going to do this or I'm going to be happy doing this. I always kind of keep myself in check that way when I'm starting out with some casual fling with somebody so that I make sure I know this is a fun thing to have, but this is not the source of my happiness. It's good to remind yourself that you are going to have a good time. And whether you're with someone or whether you're without them, it's just going to be a different time if you're with them. But to remind yourself of your own source, you're the one who's bringing the vibes to your life,

not necessarily someone else. They can always help, but no one is the source of another person's happiness. What you're doing for yourself right now is going to actually reap benefits if you the next time you are in a relationship, you know, getting to know yourself, spending time with yourself so that you know sort of what you want out of life and out of a relationship in the future. So cherish it because you don't know how long it's going to last. And, and, and, you know, it's going to benefit you in the long run too. And Simone, I know you mentioned like, of course, Lane's going to like go through her life and be meeting people. Is there a way, do you three think to differentiate between like, oh, I met someone and I actually, I'm really into them versus like, they just happened to be there. And so I'm falling into this. Sometimes when you're in a new relationship,

you lose yourself, you kind of want to be what you think they need or what they want. I've done that in the past. And it's like, you kind of just forget who you are a little bit, and then you kind of get off course. And, you know, it's great just to stay grounded, remember who you are, and take it slow. And don't lose yourself. Remember what you like, what you want, what you are. If that person's really worth it, or you know, was the one you might end up with, they're gonna love you the way that you are, you know, you don't need to change or, or get ahead of yourself or make changes about yourself to fit them. You got to be, you know, secure in who you are. Yeah. And you sound like you are secure in who you are and you're only getting to know

yourself better, which is just going to be like you're putting money in the bank of your happiness. So I don't think you're going to have any problems. And also, listen, as we get older and more mature, we stop taking every little interaction so seriously with men, even when it is a fling, like we start to understand the difference and we don't get that attachment that happens sometimes when we're in our twenties and thirties. Once you hit your forties, you're like, Oh no, no, no. Like that's a temporary gig. You're not a person in my life. Like, you know, you just grow into it and you understand that certain people are just visitors and then other people are going to stay. And I would just add one little

point is just setting being, be really clear. You know, if you are dating someone like be really clear about your intention. Like, hey, I am not looking for something if they're looking for a long term relationship and you're not, then that's probably not a place to start dating. You have to be really clear about like, this is where I am in my life. I have no interest in that. And just be clear about communicating that to them so that you're not you don't end up with the wrong person and I guess along that wavelength it's like what is a good approach for when you're kind of entering into the dating world again like how do you communicate that to someone like I'm just like not looking for anything super serious at this point in time when's a good time to even

say that really early on I think I mean I jump in here, but I think really early on. I don't know. I think that's kind of like a, Simone, think about it. When you're on your dating sites, do you like hearing that right out of the gate? I mean, I guess maybe it would be helpful. Well, I mean, all those apps actually are set up that way. So they say like, I want a short-term, I want short-term fun. I just want a one night stand. I want a long-term relationship. I'm looking to get married. All those options are on there. Yes, to all of that. But I also don't think that you need to say that right off the bat. Because what if you end up dating a guy that you're like, well, wow, this is actually a really good match. This is a healthy relationship.

We have like, it's a great give and take. We compliment each other. And then you're like, oh, okay, maybe I can have a relationship. I don't think you have to be like black and white about things at the outset as you're dating them and if you're like oh this guy needs to know like he's falling in love with me he needs to know this is casual then yes don't string somebody along that you're not interested in right but I don't know that it has to be like the first thing you say yeah and listen you're smart Lane you don't even fucking need us okay you're fine you listen, you're smart, Lane. You don't even fucking need us. Okay. You're fine.

You're beautiful. You're smart. You're intelligent. You're taking time to be alone. Every woman should be doing this. And good luck with everything. Cause I know you're going to have a good life. Thank you. Okay.

Wonderful to meet you all. Have a great day. Okay. You too. You too. Take care. Bye. Shoshana, you are making me nauseous.

Are you in a place where you're getting a signal you have been walking around this entire episode everywhere i go it says low bandwidth but how can you have low bandwidth in your house how how i guess it's time to call verizon okay anyway i'm jason alexander and i'm pen. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening?

Really, no really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, we have one last caller, guys, so just fucking focus. So I've got Hannah on the line here. Hannah is having some baby daddy issues. She says,

I'm a single parent living in a beach town in the South with my five-year-old daughter. I have a wonderful new partner coming up on a year, and we are so happy. He's also a single dad. Baby daddy had a lot of issues. Alcohol, drugs, pathological liar, the list goes on, and he split when my little one was two. He lives in New York now, supposedly. Never paid a cent in child support, held in contempt by the courts. Took years to track him down so I could obtain full legal custody, and I had to trick him into signing the papers by telling him he could be a part of my daughter's life. He finally signed, and of course I'm desperate to close this chapter for good. Now he's angry and suddenly wants to be a part of her life. I'm so against this as he's very inconsistent and unreliable, and who can know for sure if he's changed?

I want to protect my daughter, of course, but I feel a little guilty at the same time. I do not feel safe having him reenter her life, but am I being too harsh? How can I set boundaries with someone who has no concept of them? Hannah. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Hannah. Hi, Hannah. Hi.

Hi. These are my sisters. Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you. You said you signed some papers. What were the specifics on that? Because I didn't, it wasn't clear, like, what he signed some papers. What were the specifics on that? Because I didn't, it wasn't clear like what he signed away or. So I would prefer if something was signed away,

but the final point, like case closed that we got to was sole custody parent. It was just like, when we first started so, so long ago, I was like, let's go parent, let's try this. Like, I'm a very positive, open-minded person. I was like, yeah, let's do it. So the original agreement was shared custody. And I just finally got sole custody because I'm the only parent here. So, so he's, he's on the other coast. He's far away. He's allegedly in New York. When he says he wants to be part of her life, what does he mean by that? If he doesn't live anywhere nearby? Not sure. Like it's very unclear. So those messages, those begging kind of I've changed, I've changed, I've changed. How can you keep her from me? Like I want to be in her life. They come every like four to six weeks, sometimes every few months.

And for me, it's really challenging to engage every single time and go back into that loophole and go back into that cycle because I have a heart. I have feelings. I was super invested in this and like the boundary I've put up is I either ignore it, which doesn't feel great, but it's really hard to engage with him because there's no like linear result and he doesn't come back into her life. And I don't think it's fair for a young child to have that inconsistency and to have, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, I'm ready. Let's have a FaceTime, let's have a phone call.

I don't know who you are anymore, but I'm gonna try and then gone. When was the last time that they saw each other? Like about two years ago. So does she have any memory of him at this point? Not really. I'm currently have a new partner and that's been a really positive influence and we're moving in together soon. And I've even gotten a lot of great feedback from her teacher saying how she draws pictures and talks about him and is very excited. You know, like he's like included in the narrative now. And she's like reflected on that. That has been a positive thing. Whereas in the past, like she's like, even mentioned to her

friends, like, yeah, I don't, I don't have a dad. You know, it's very clear from a young age, like the different families options that they are. And you know, we have family events, and she doesn't have a person there. I feel like he is showing you who he is by only reaching out every six weeks. It sounds like either guilt, or family members of his that are like saying hey what about your daughter and you should really push that or whatever wherever it's coming from you have to like he has to show up in a much better way for you to even consider him having a part in her life like he has i think you have to tell him look i can't i can't deal with this on again off again stuff if you want to be part of her life, you have to do A, B, C, and D.

And those things would be like, you know, you have to show me that you're going to support her. You're going to show me that you're going to show up on a regular basis. You have to do all these things that like demonstrate that he really means it. Otherwise you shouldn't have to deal with him at all because it's very unhealthy for her. And that's the most important thing. Thanks. And I also think it's about your health, mental health, too. Like he's going to put such a strain. He's already putting a strain on your mental health and he's not even around and he hasn't been around and you have a positive influence for her now. It's like, yeah, if he wants to show up and come and visit, that's one thing. But talking about it doesn't really get you anywhere. Yeah, he has to put his money where his mouth is. Is he talking about coming to live there? So that's another interesting aspect. The

state where I live, he has like, I think it's called a bench arrest warrant, because if you don't pay child support, that's illegal, right? And so he, after a certain amount of time, it gets written into the courts, like he's paid zero dollars so then there's like a warrant out for his arrest in this state if he comes back because you can't leave the state and not pay apparently you can't leave the state and not pay child support because it's a federal crime right i would just love to have the rules about what would happen if a fucking woman did that and then came back yeah i mean it's just we would be arrested if we tried to fucking pull shit like that.

So like part of me feels like I could go down the petty road and the mean road and put all my energy into being negative and getting him in trouble and getting back at him. No, no, no, no. That's no good.

I want to like be free of it, you know? I don't think you have an obligation to even accept calls and texts from him. I think it's time to block. If he has a meaningful change of heart or change of like being and can pay his child support, come back into the state, actually like send you paperwork. I want to see my child again. Then that's a different issue. But I don't think you need to be subject to getting these texts in your inbox. I wouldn't

say block him because that is her daughter's father. What if something happens and they need to know and you can handle that situation? But getting a text every four to six weeks, you don't have to respond to that. You can just let it go because clearly he's not that determined. Otherwise, he would be texting you more frequently. But I think you've got the right idea. I think just try not to limit your engagement with him. You don't have to respond to him.

He has a bench warrant in the state you're living in for not paying child support. That's all he needs to know. And if he wants to change, I mean, that's it. That's all the information that he needs. If he's not paying support, there's no reason for you to have them interact in any way. I mean, he's not even like

doing the minimum of what is expected of him. So he has to show you that he's going to totally turn things around. I mean, he's not paying support. He has no right to see his daughter. That's true. Yeah. So maybe it's as simple as that. Like, sure, once you can pay child support, you can be in her life. And if that winds up happening, then that's a different conversation. Yeah. I would say like, okay, you need to do A, B, and C, but get very clear for six months. And then after six months, we can talk about blah, blah, blah. But we'll see. Right. Yeah, focus on your good life that you've got going with your new man. Yeah. And your kid. I don't think you owe him anything. Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah. Okay. That was, that was the truth that i wanted perfect awesome thanks hannah bye hannah

thank you all right well we'll take a quick break and we'll be right back with madison and we'll wrap up i'm jason alexander and i'm peter tilden and together on the really no really podcast our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you

and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop by mr brian cranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to really no really sir bless you all hello newman and you never know when howie mandel might just stop by to talk about judging really that's the opening really no really yeah no really go to really about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really? No, really. Yeah, really. No, really.

Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back. Well, Madison writes in and she says, Dear Chelsea, my sister is three years older than me and we're super close. She's the person that knows me better than I know myself and that I'm most connected to in this world. However, I would label her as a, quote, highly sensitive person. Ever since we were little, she's always had a very big, strong, and at times explosive emotions. This presents as nearly constant outward irritability to where most people in my life think she's a bitch,

coupled with a fairly depressive outlook on herself and her life. I have learned to let things go and attribute a lot of her negative energy to her difficulty with dealing with her own emotions. However, I've also worked a lot to understand myself more, be more assertive with my wants and needs, and set boundaries with others. My question is this, how can I start to be honest with my sister and about how her irritability and mood impact me when I'm so worried about hurting her feelings or sending her into a highly sensitive feelings spiral? Madison. Hi, Madison. Hi, Madison. Hi, these are my sisters. They're our special guests today. Oh, what perfect guests for today. I know. Perfect guests for your situation.

Well, I would say, Simone, do you want to start? I mean, I would be the most irritable. I'm not the most sensitive, but I'm the most irritated. And I mean, it is a tough situation because this is your sister. You said you're close, right? Yeah. And I can relate to that. I'm a little overly sensitive to so to criticism, but I don't like spiral out of control. Usually,

you're sensitive to criticism about your children. You're not sensitive to criticism about yourself. I mean, who's criticizing you for what? When do you get criticism? It's happened once or twice. Anyway, it's a sensitive area because I think, you know, you care about her, right? I mean, you're very close. You care a sensitive area because I think, you know, you care about her, right? I mean, you're very close, you care about her. But I think at some point, you kind of have to, it sounds like she needs to talk to someone else. Like she needs some assistance in accessing her own emotions and understanding why she's so sensitive and why she spirals out of control like this. Like this, this is bigger than you. I think she really actually would benefit from seeing a therapist and raising that is probably sensitive

too. But if you're really thinking about her wellbeing, I think, you know, you, you can broach it in more gentle ways and saying like, oh, you know, I don't know, something comes up and you, sometimes it's by analogy. Oh, my friend is seeing a therapist and this is how it's working or my friend has this issue. Sometimes like you have to go about it a little sideways as opposed to directly because it sounds like she is super sensitive when you if you are talking about her. But I really think the two of you can't manage this alone. Like she needs some assistance. It might be fun to go together to therapy a few times, like with her and join her. And you can bring up things. And with that third party, sometimes, you know, that makes it easier

because they can kind of navigate what you both are trying to say and, you know, help break it up where it's just not the two of you alone, but somebody to kind of help you navigate through what the other person is saying and saying. Is that something that you could do? Do you think there's a possibility to go to therapy? Would she be open to that like together? I don't know if she'd be open to it together. I did try that once with her and my mom actually, because they have a kind of contentious relationship and I am like the peacemaker. I'm the middle man that can like interpret for both of them. And so I kind of was like, I'm over your guys's shit and I'm not going to be around you unless we like go to therapy together. Cause I can't do this, but that only went for one session. And my sister got really

defensive, kind of like the therapist was talking to her about maybe some possible depression and that's can explain some of the irritability and the sensitivity. And she just felt like the dynamic was getting pinned on her since we were both there. So I think maybe a solo, like suggesting a solo adventure for her might do better than me going with her. Yeah, that's good. That's good. And then I think then what you have to do is have a sit down and like a face to face heart to heart with her and just be like, listen, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells a lot because I'm worried about how you're going to receive information. And I don't think you want me to feel that way. And I don't want to feel that way about you. Like you're the person I love the most. Like everything you said about her was very moving and touching. But, you know, as a sister, I mean, if you're not going to tell her who the fuck is. Yeah. Yeah. And then like Chelsea has always on her podcast, you know, you have to come from a place of love and tell her this is because you care about her. This is because you love her. This is because she's a big part of your life and that you want to see her happy and you want to see her evolve over time. And what you're seeing, she doesn't

appear to be happy and content and be able to deal with some of these issues. And so if you're coming from that place, that's really valuable. Yeah. And if she's in a highly irritable state, that's not pleasant for her. So she really has to take a look at that. I've been there. I understand that. You're not a happy person when you're that highly irritated and everyone annoys you so much. There's something going on with you. It's a deeper issue and it doesn't have to be that way. Like people who are depressed or upset, they don't realize there's another way to live. Like you can actually choose to do the work and get to the other side and be a happier, more positive, optimistic person. But you know, it's going to take time and you, and you just have to commit to being there for her during it. Why do you guys think you would phrase because I feel like

I'm good at the taking care of her feelings part. But like, so my my boyfriend would be like, oh my gosh, like, this is so crazy. You're like, getting into her dynamic, you need to have like a life intervention with her and just tell her like, no, like you need to go somewhere and get help. And like, this is not sustainable. But I don't know how to like, word the direct part to be like, you need to. I mean, maybe it's just that plain, you need to go get help, or I don't know. I think you would say, listen, I love you more than anything. And I really feel like you could benefit from talking to someone. As your sister, I know you better than anyone. And I know that you're not as happy as you can be. Like it's possible to be happier. And through the like counseling, I can listen to you all you want, but I'm not like a professional. Like you need someone who can help you deal with

all of these feelings that you have. And then you can use some examples of like what you've seen about her that that that it isn't happy, that it is irritability, that it isn't, you know, that she is in a constant kind of state of agitation. Yeah. And I think it's important to say that you're always there for her. You're listening for her, but your skills only go so far. Like you can't solve her problems. You can be there for support and love and all that. But like, it's not what she needs. She needs much more than that. She needs someone independent to really help her work through these things. And so you're not taking away your support. You're not pulling away your love or support. But you're just saying like, I've got my own limits. Like I can only do so much for you. Yeah. And the defensiveness is just the example of why she needs to go to therapy

when you are that defensive about anything, like when you can't hear any critique about yourself and think, oh, maybe that's something I can improve on. That's the definition of needing to go to therapy. Yeah. Yeah. In addition to all of this, putting the onus like not you need to go to therapy because you're a bitch, but it is like the onus can be slightly outside of her. Like it'll help you reduce this tension so that you can be happy. It'll help reduce your stress. So you're not flying off the handle all the time. So you can kind of put the onus next door.

And so it's not like you're just terrible to be around. It's like, no, you have these other stressors. You have these other things like it can help you dissipate that stuff. So, yeah yeah that is a really good way to look at it because yeah her life would only grow because the connection other people like i'm so used to her attitude and like what she's sensitive about so i can kind of not step on those land mines or i can like very intuitively kind of feel her energy and know like how much is too much you want to back off but I think it does really get in the way of her

connecting and also being a bigger part of my life because other people in my life are having such a hard time with it. Yeah. Oh, really? So impacting your like friendships and. Like it doesn't impact their relationship with me, but like my partner, for example, he has a really hard time being in the same space as both of us. Cause he's like, you don't want to like say anything, but he wants to like call her out every single time. There's like something said under her breath or like an eye roller. Definitely don't bring him into the conversation. Don't mention him. Don't say anything about that. Cause that will only create more tension between the two of them.

Agreed. Yeah. But framing it as something, yeah, a little next door. Yeah, her circumstances, everything she's dealing with. It's like it's not your fault. This is a lot to deal with. Whatever's on her plate, we can help you with this. And I think you do need help with this. Kind of just like spoon-feeding that idea to her a little bit more. But have confidence in your relationship with your sister.

Like you're not going to break up with your sister. So have confidence that you have the ability to help her and that even if she's upset in the beginning, she's coming back. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think that is the hard thing to trust. Yeah. If you're avoidant conflict, like I just it stresses me out. But you're right. There is not a world in which we're going to be separated for a long period of time.

So really leaning into that feels right. And being avoidant doesn't solve anyone's problems ever. No one has ever solved a problem by avoiding it. So that's not a good strategy. Well, thank you guys so much. You're welcome. You're welcome, Cutie. Good luck with everything.

I'm sure everything will work out fine. It might be a little bumpy, but it will work out. Thank you guys. Have a good one. Bye. Bye. You have to look at that as a long term plan, right? Not a short term solution. She's got to be able to be around her sister's partner. And it's so tension, but it's so it's so unfair when you're with someone and then they don't get along with your sister. Like that's so unfair for everyone. Yeah. I mean, she's a good sister. She's being loyal and she's doing the right thing, but you can't let people go on like that in life because it's just, you're not doing them any favors. Nobody's, everybody's walking on eggshells. It's awful. Okay, bitches. Well, thanks for all of your advice today. Our episode has wrapped up. Shoshana, I am physically nauseous

from all the movement movement from watching you walk through your house 15 times with a computer in your hand. I am on the move to try to stay connected. I apologize. Okay, well, we might want to get you a booster for your house. So we'll get on that right away. Love you, girls. Miss you. see you soon bye girl love you bye bye peace out peace out bye bye

okay so upcoming shows that I have you guys I'm coming to Niagara Falls on July 27th I'm coming to

Hollywood Florida for my only show in Florida on July 28th I'll be in Auburn Washington on August 1st and then Santa Rosa

California for my second show, August 2nd. August 17th is the Santa Barbara Bowl. You do not want to miss that. And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in Vegas are September 1st, Labor Day weekend,

and then November 2nd and November 30th. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in December. So if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha, check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Okay. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com and be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer Catherine Law.

And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what in the museum of failure and does your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really know really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition signed jason bobblehead the really know really podcast follow us on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts welcome to decisions decisions the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love.

That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engage in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. to relatable stories that will resonate with your experiences. Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.