Dear Chelsea - Anonymous Tattletale with Julianne Hough

Episode Date: August 15, 2024

Julianne Hough joins Chelsea to talk about the major life change that triggered her extra-sensory perception, her evolving relationship with her mom, and why her aura points have recently soared.  Then: A newly-separated mom wonders if it’s too soon to get serious with her new boyfriend.  A bisexual babe struggles to come out at work.  And a co-worker’s spilled secrets have her in a giant pickle with her team.  * Find Julianne’s new novel here * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

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Hey guys, I'm Kate Max. You might know me from my popular online series, The Running Interview Show, where I run with celebrities, athletes, entrepreneurs, and more. After those runs, the conversations keep going. That's what my podcast, Post Run High, is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High

on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, Katherine. Hi, Chelsea. Hi, we're in my new home finally. We're recording our podcast in my new home. I have a podcast room. Doug is here, passed out on the ground. I want him to sit on the couch next to me, but he refused. He's not like that. He's not, he's a follower, but he's not a clingy follower. You know what I was really shocked by yesterday? He like

brought me his little toy and I tossed it and he just bounced around after it. I know. In the morning, it's like he's a kangaroo. He jumps around up and down and you don't hear him. The other night I woke up, I sleep with eye shades on and I rolled over and I felt this hot breath on my face and i was like wait a second no one's supposed to be in my bed tonight and i lifted my eye shades and he was staring straight at me in

the middle of the night and he's so dark it's hard to even see him but his eyes i could see them and i was so creepy like a lover staring at you while you're sleeping I've caught men doing that and I'm like cool it don't fucking stare at me while I'm sleeping you weirdo even with Doug who you absolutely love it's still a little weird I know I love him but and I love that he doesn't want to sleep with me like he comes up to say good night and then he leaves and then some but he's so soft and agile that he will come up on the bed and just you don't even know he's there and all of of a sudden you turn around and you're like, oh, hello, Doug. Oh, Doug. Well, do you have any shows coming up? Yes. We added, we're adding a

third Montclair show to New Jersey because the first two shows are sold out. And first of all, the Santa Barbara Bowl is August 17th. Then I have Saratoga. Then I have Highland, California. My first date in Vegas is September 1st. I'm coming to Foxwood Casinos in Connecticut on September 7th. I'm coming to Portland, Maine on September 6th. And you can go to ChelseaHandler.com because I have dates throughout the rest of the year. And all my Vegas dates are up. So I'm going to be in Vegas starting my residency on the 1st of September.

And then the next date is November 2nd. And then the next Vegas date is November 30th. So these are all big holidays. So get your tickets for that. And oh, yeah. And we just added something. We added a casino date because you know how much I love to gamble. Let's see where that is. Oh, Carlton, Minnesota, everybody. The Black Bear Casino Resort, Friday, October 18th. I will be there. That just went on sale. So yeah, get your tickets for that. Our guest today is an actress, dancer, singer, entrepreneur, founder of dance and fitness program, Kinergy. And she's also now an author. Her new novel, Everything We Never Knew, is out this week. Please welcome Julianne Hough. Oh, hello, sweet cheeks. Hello.

How are you? I'm great, but your kitchen looks so, I love that color and that tile. I love that. I just, five seconds ago, I was like, oh, does the book look good there? Do I need to put the, you know? Yeah, let me put my book front and center.

Julianne, this is Catherine. Hi. My co-host and center. Julianne, this is Catherine, my co-host and producer. I'm always impressed when any celebrity who has never written a novel writes a novel. I'm blown away by the balls that it takes to write a novel. Thank you. I don't know if you noticed this, though. I did actually put my ghost writer on the cover with me. Well, yes, I did notice that I did read the book I read, I saw that you had a co writer. But still, it takes a lot of balls to write a novel out of left field. So talk to us about it. Thank you. Because I also suspect

that this is partially, I don't want to say autobiographical, but adjacent to autobiographical, I'm sure there are nuggets in there that mimic your real personal experience. Absolutely. I mean, it is, I think somebody called it factional, whereas it's obviously fictional, but it is clearly pulled straight from my life. Yeah. I think over the last probably six, seven years, I've gone through this really kind of transformative time in my life where a lot of the systems that I put into place to protect myself over the last 30 plus years really started unraveling when I started doing some inner child therapy and work on myself and everything that I thought was here to kind of be the safe thing all started unraveling. And while that was happening, I was

like, you know, I want to be able to share my story, but I also am kind of at that stage in my life where I'm like, I don't want to give all my personal details away anymore. Like I, I was so oversharing and so much that I did that I was like, you know, I think, I think I want to do it this way. Also, I am a storyteller, whether it's through dance or music or acting, I love storytelling. And there's something so amazing about transporting to another world where it doesn't feel so intimidating or vulnerable. You can actually create an entire world that you feel it works for you. So that's why I decided to write a fiction novel versus here's all my stuff welcome you're still gonna welcome to my life Julian I know exactly what

you're talking about I'm gonna I should start writing novels too that would be a that would be quite a shroud people would be like uh we're on to you first of all your transformation the past five six years however long it's been is visible you've documented it on to you. First of all, your transformation the past five, six years, however long it's been, is visible. You've documented it on Instagram. You talk a lot about your spirituality, your dance. I know you started your dance program, Kinergy, which has been huge for you. And a lot of the book and you in person, I know, focus on the four elements. And I wanted to talk about that for our listeners who are not up to speed on the four elements or may look at it and be like, okay, that's a little bit too hokey or too woo woo. I think it's important to explain what they are and how they impact us all. Absolutely.

Well, I mean, I feel like one, you've dabbled in some plant medicine and stuff like that and documented it. I think there's a lot of things that I've taken from different modalities and practices, whether it be like shamanism and the elements or Tai Chi and Qigong and like Eastern sides of philosophy and really tried to put it into Kinergy, which is my dance modality that is a somatic movement therapy, basically. And so with all of these modalities that I feel like have been tools and helping me connect to myself in an even deeper way. And when I say connect to myself, I mean, actually trusting myself, the elements were probably the one that resonated with me the most. And I think, you know, we, we are made up of the elements. We are nature by nature. And so the fact is when we can actually

visualize and connect energetically to this place, we have so much wisdom within us and, and the nature of the elements are also there. And so for us to tap into that, I mean, this is where the woo comes in, but like energy is in everything. I mean, it is in the plants, everything is alive. And so tapping into what's around us and the resources that are around us, ancient that's been here way longer than we have. And just the wisdom, I mean, water holds memory, all sorts of things like that. So being able to connect to those elements and also within ourself, I mean, that's where I found a lot of my trust in, in, in my knowing and my discernment in who I am. And for years, I've given my power away to so many other people and got burned along the way. So I'm like, I really need to learn how to trust myself. And that's why the elements have been so powerful for me. And what are the four elements? Oh, yes. Air, fire, water, earth. And then if you want to talk about the fifth element, which is ether, it's a combination

of all. Yeah. I like what you're saying about because everyone has a different connection to all of those things. And whether it's a deep connection or it's something that you just kind of, you know, think is around and it doesn't impact you at all, then it's a little bit. You haven't developed your relationship with those things. Like I'm a Pisces. So people like, oh, you love the water. I actually do love the water.

Like the water is so healing and so energetic for me. Like I always want to be by water. Even if I'm not in it, I need to be looking at it, you know, all of those things. But there are deeper connections that all of us have to all of these things, whether it is fire, whether it is air, but more importantly, what you just said, I think is really interesting about wisdom and that we have so much wisdom within us that we've carried intergenerationally from our ancestors and from human beings that, you know, the conversation just feels like in our modern life, it feels like it just started like 10 or 15 years ago. I'm sure there are, and I know there are huge groups of people in different parts of the world that are focused on this and this relationship we have with these

elements. But in like LA modern society, people are just like, okay, first it was astrology. And then it was like, okay, now we're deeper. We're talking about meditation and healing and energy work and all of those things. And people think LA is like kind of a woo-woo place if you don't live here. We're all in therapy and that we're all basket cases. But I would argue that there is so much wisdom that we have within us that we aren't tapping into because we don't even believe that it's there. We think this is our first time on earth. We don't know very much. All we know is what we've learned, but it's inexplicable the things that we do know when we know them. Yeah. You don't know what you don't

know until you know it. And I think there has to be a level of curiosity and you don't get to that level of curiosity unless either an event has occurred where you're like, whoa, I need to shift something. Or I don't know, there's a hunger and a drive for more. I don't know. I think that that is what changed and transformed my life was I had an experience that happened that opened my eyes, which is basically how she's very supernatural and had all these experiences happen. I had very similar ones happen. And I was like, what the F I am going insane. Maybe this is a psychotic break, but like I'm seeing colors, I'm hearing, you know, things I'm, I'm intuiting things that there's no way I would have had this awareness of, but I'm having like this oneness experience with someone else. And I don't even know this person. And when I say hear things, I'm not like hearing voices, but you know,

like synesthesia where it's like, you actually, you know, Beethoven, he heard color. I don't know if that was exactly correct, but like, it was, I slept, I slept with Beethoven and it is correct. He told me that. Thank you. Thank you for that. But for me, it's like I was hearing things, but it was a knowing and a feeling. And so those things were starting to happen. And I was like, what is happening here? And instead of freaking out, getting scared, I just got curious. And I started researching and learning and diving into things and really tried to just, I don't know, embrace it rather than be scared of it. Can you give us an example of something that you experienced? Yeah, absolutely.

So I was actually at this retreat seminar and there was a bunch of us there. And I remember being in this deep meditation and I didn't know a lot of the people there, but I closed my eyes and I'm starting to go connect and go into that state. And then all of a sudden I was like, I feel like I'm in Europe. I smell mold and it's musty. I feel very young right now. I feel like I'm like three or five years old, somewhere around that era or that age. And my hair feels wet. And I'm sitting here being like, this is so strange, but this doesn't feel like mine. And then all of a sudden I was overwhelmed with this sense of abandonment by my father. And I was like, this doesn't feel like me. This doesn't feel like my stuff, but I'm going with it. And then all of a sudden I had this overwhelming

feeling to the point where my arms went back and my chest opened up and I was like, I feel so loved. And anyway, the meditation finishes. I was like, that was strange. And I just looked at this woman. I was like, I feel like that was her experience. So I walked over to her and I said, hey, I know you don't know me, but would you be open to sharing what your experience was in that meditation? She goes, it was actually really profound. I had this memory come up when I was a little girl and my family, we were living in Copenhagen and I had this memory. My mom was at the hospital and my dad was rushing to get me ready to go.

And my hair was wet. He was blow drying my hair. I'll never forget it. And we rushed to the hospital and then he just left me. He left me in the waiting room. And not only did I feel so alone in that moment, but my brother was born and he has autism. And so my whole life, since my brother was born, I felt like my parents just forgot about me and that they just didn't love me. She goes, and then the weirdest thing happened. My arms went back and my heart opened up and I just felt this immense amount of love that like my family and my dad loved me. I was like, what the fuck? So clearly I wasn't experiencing all the details that she went through, but I was having those heightened senses.

And I was like, well, that is very strange or- Of someone else's experience, which is strange. Yeah, from someone else's experience. And this was not plant medicine. This was nothing. This was just meditation. And then other experiences where I'd be sitting with somebody and we'd be having a normal conversation.

I'd be like, did you have a dog at 12 that was black and white? And they'd be like, oh my gosh, yes. And then it would spawn into a conversation about how, you know, her dad ended up losing this dog. And when she was 12 years old and it was like a really painful experience that they had just moved and like they got a new dog, but it wasn't that dog. Anyway, it was this whole experience. So these things were starting to happen. I also, you know, was starting to see some color around people. And again, it kind of like freaked me out a little bit. And then I just dove into it

and thought I'd get curious. Yeah. So the main character in the book, Everything We Never Knew, does see auras, sees people's auras. And so that is something that I can relate to that. And I don't know if I can relate to the colors, seeing colors, because I know I've spoken to mediums or psychics or anything of that ilk that have said, okay, this is the color, this is your aura, it's always green or blue or something. But there's definitely like, I can, you know, when I see somebody, you have a vibe, right? You have a vibe right away. That's that synesthesia thing where it's like, I'm feeling even I can feel this color, even though I'm not seeing it. And so you experience

that a lot too. Yes. So you're intuitive. Do you think you're an intuit or like, do you think you're slightly psychic? Like how would you categorize it? So I think, I think that's why this book was really important for me because I'm like, this was an activation of some sort. And there were very powerful moments. I haven't had a lot of those moments consistently, but I've had these experiences. And I think that there was an activation that happened. But sometimes when it just gets stuck in your lower chakras, you can pop into these mystical experiences, but it's not actually regulated and consistent. But the idea is you have these moments of inspiration or mysticism and certain things.

But unless you really hone it and really understand it and actually have a lot of integrity with it, there is many ways people can intuit things and be connected. But again, that integrity is so important. So as this was happening, and I wanted to share this, I really wanted to share these experiences and know that I believe that everybody has these gifts and everybody has access to it. But there are so many layers of conditions and patterns and belief systems and protective mechanisms and all these things that we've built up over our entire lives to survive. Well, mostly ego too. I mean, that's the first enemy against any of this, right? Yeah. And obviously like ego is in the way that we see it is, it's a terrible thing. Like we don't want ego, but ego is going to be with us the rest of our lives.

So you better get to know it and have a relationship with it. Otherwise, again, it's going to have the power over you if you don't, if you don't, if you're just trying to avoid it. So, you know, finding all of those things, I was like, this is within all of us. And so how do I make this like a really fun, exciting, joyful, transformational experience for people to dive into that doesn't feel so intimidating as to reading a self-help book or a book on spirituality? And I was like, I just want it to be a fun story where people can, I don't know, have these experiences that feel heightened.

So it feels like it's otherworldly, but grounded in the emotions and the experiences that we universally feel. The character in your book, too, is an ex-Mormon. And I know I think you are ex-Mormon, right? You used to be Mormon. Are you like officially not Mormon? Yeah, I don't think I like officially like denounced it. I just stopped going. But, you know, my dad is still active in the church and none of my other siblings or my mom are not.

And who do you think like so far in your life has been your greatest teacher? My greatest teacher? I think my family system. So like my like I'm I'm an observer. I watch. I'm the baby of the family. You're the youngest of five, right? Youngest of five. Yeah. So, you know, like we're cut from the same cloth. We have a lot of the same, you know, wounds and stuff. So I'm like, I'm watching how

my siblings behave or react to things. Or I see my mom. In fact, I had this conversation with her back in 2017 when for years I was like, my mom is so sensitive and she cries at everything. In fact, I had this conversation with her back in 2017 when for years I was like, my mom is so sensitive and she cries at everything. And I had this negative association with her. I didn't think she was strong. So I, for a long time, looked down at my mom because I was like, she's hypersensitive. She's emotional. She was very manic when I was a kid in her expressions. And it was very unstable in a way of not feeling consistent. And so I remember having this conversation with her. I was like, mom, I'm so sorry. I totally judged you because it was the thing that affected me. But I realized I am actually more like you than I want to admit.

And, and the minute I actually like saw her, not the things that I didn't love about her, but like the things that were challenging for her. And, and I saw her for that and recognize that that exists in me. Also, I ended up falling in love with my mom all over again. And like, as an adult and like, I'm, so obsessed with my mom now. And it's because I was so afraid to see that that part existed in me too. And I was like, scared of that, that that part could exist. But I'm like, but now that I know that that exists, that's not going to have the power over me. That's not going to be my like, you know, my decision making person underneath everything. I'm going to make the choices now.

And I think that's very poignant about your mom because I think so many of us forget to recognize that our parents are people with their own lives before we entered the picture. And we don't see them like that until we get old enough to gain some sort of perspective and awareness that, no, those are people too. They're not just your parents. They actually had their own histories. Like I was mad at my parents for ever having a life before me. I'm like, what? This is it. I'm it. You know, like even when I would date men when I was younger, if they had a girlfriend before me, I'm like, fuck that shit. You better like erase her from your mind. But this very immature way of

thinking about experiences, like you're supposed to be the first experience that that person's had. It's like, that is not the way the world works. And it is a very immature way of thinking about your parents in only their relationship to you or in relation to you only. It's like they have a whole world that you don't know about before you came along. So that's interesting to say. Okay. On that note, we're going to take a break and we're going to be right back and take some questions. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer.

Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today.

How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really?

That's the opening? Really, No Really. Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This week, we're looking for friendship conundrums.

If you've just been dealing with something in your friendship and you're not sure how to navigate it, write in for advice at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And we're back with Julianne Hough and her new book, Everything We Never Knew. All right. Are you ready to answer some questions? I'm ready. This is fun, guys. Appreciate it. I think you're ready to therapize, Julianne.

I can tell. You're going to be very good at this. It is. Well, our first question comes from Anna. This was just a write in. She says, Dear Chelsea, you say and do whatever you want, never wondering what others think. That's what you think. I wish I had your courage in my everyday life. Which brings me to my question. I'm going to be starting a new job in June and most recently became comfortable in my sexual identity. I identify as bisexual. I'm proud and happy and a new job in June and most recently became comfortable in my sexual identity.

I identify as bisexual. I'm proud and happy and excited to start this journey, and I want to share it with the world. The one thing that holds me back is my job. The label of being a bisexual is very taboo, and people still think it must make you a slut. I was wondering how soon I should come out at work. I have so many rainbow office supplies and decorations that I want to have at my desk, but I'm worried if my coworkers see it, they'll ask questions or just assume I'm a lesbian. I live in the Midwest. I just worry about the older generation staff who aren't as open as the younger generation.

My workplace is making moves to be more including to the LGBTQ plus community, but the haters still be hating, you know. How should I navigate unleashing the gay as my friends call it? Anna. Listen, my advice is always just to go full throttle with who you are and make no apologies about who you are because if you're saying that your workplace, I don't know what,

she didn't mention what kind of workplace it is. I think it's like an office. Frankly, it doesn't really fucking matter because you're saying that they want to become more LGBTQ friendly. I would take that as a personal cue to help them do that. And you can have as much rainbow decoration around your office as you want. And if you don't feel like disclosing that personal information, because it is kind of personal, you don't have any reason to say announce I'm bisexual, nor should you be ashamed at all that you're bisexual. But I like the idea

of having all your rainbow decorations, your LGBTQ support in the spirit of I support this community and I want to be loud about it. You don't have to identify yourself. You don't owe anybody that explanation, but it's a good way to be like, this is where I stand. I'm welcoming to all forms of sexuality and identification, genders, whatever your preferences are. This is the way forward. This is the future. And I'm here to embrace everybody, no matter what their belief systems. And then everybody can figure out when they figure out what they're going to figure out about you. But you don't, oh, it would be like me going, oh, I had sex last night with a man. Nobody needs to know that. You know what I mean? That's not appropriate anyway for the office. But I also wouldn't lie about my sexual

orientation. You know what I mean? So I would say don't lie, but be very forward. You can be demonstrative about your support for the community. Yeah. What do you think, Julianne? You know, it kind of goes back to everything I'm saying about trusting yourself and having your own discernment. Because for a long time, in my experiences, I wanted so badly to be understood that I shared everything. Because I was like, but if they know me, and they have context, and they know all the things, then they'll know that I'm a good person, or then they'll know that, you know, and then they'll accept me. But if they don't know, I guess they'll never know. But I realized not everybody needs to know everything as to your point. Like that's your private information. How do you want to express it? If you want to express as a support and just that's because that's how you live your life, then you should absolutely do that. I also think that when you start choosing yourself and when you start choosing your community and you're aligned in who you are, the things that will stay will stay intact, that are aligned and matching you. And the things that won't be aligned will start falling apart. And that's scary. It is. But that

will also set you free. So I'm not saying you need to quit your job at all if they're not going to accept being and owning your power of who you are easier said than done but you showing up as your full self will also give permission to maybe your co-workers or your job to say oh i actually never thought that we actually had a safe place and now let's make it a safer place and give them the opportunity to step up also. So I think at the end of the day, everything everybody's saying, just as much as you can be so, so true to yourself and the world will start either matching you or it won't. And those will be your answers where you should move into which directions next. And I would also say to think of yourself as like a thought leader, you have an opportunity, you're going into a new job. And there are some

older people that are more traditional that aren't really up to speed. That's an opportunity to show them the way. Yeah, yeah, I might ask questions, they might be curious. And maybe you're the first bisexual person that's in their life. And you know, they know they like you. So maybe all this is great and it won't be so scary to approach. I feel like a lot of people judge what they don't understand. And so there might be an opportunity for you to be a really beautiful, like Chelsea said, like thought leader and like educator without having to project it. But just if people want to know, you're so excited if you want to support your community. Also, the bisexual pride flag is fantastic. So maybe get one of those to add into the mix. Yeah, for it. Well, our next question comes from Jackie. And this is a bit of a doozy. I'm very excited for

Jackie. I love a doozy. She says, Dear Chelsea, I need your help because I have gotten myself into not just a pickle, but a whole damn cucumber. I pride myself on not getting involved in work drama, but I'm a fool and have gotten into some, a coworker of mine. Let's call her. Jane has been having a year long affair with our coworker.

Tom, Tom had a girlfriend of five years during their affair, but he recently broke it off with his girlfriend and is now single. A few weeks ago, I go out to lunch with another coworker, Sarah, and she tells me she's been sleeping with Tom, and he's also slept with yet another coworker, not Jane. Mind you, I became very close to Jane. So afterward, I text Tom and tell him I know about the situation and I'll give him a few days to come clean with Jane. I'm a girl's girl and I want to do right by my friend. He texts me a long message bashing Sarah, who she'd been out to lunch with, that really

bothers me. Like, you'll sleep with her, but call her crazy, unstable, etc. And claims they never hooked up during Jane's relationship, blah, blah, blah. He never tells Jane. So several days later, I do. It goes horribly. Oh, shit. Jane loses her mind and I reach back out to Sarah to get clarity on the timeline of their relationship. It turns out their affair didn't overlap with Jane's, but he had sent her some really sketchy texts in recent months saying she's the best sex he's ever had, et cetera. I also sarah's a bit crazy and now thinks she has strong feelings for tom based on everything she shared with me tom hates me now which is fine sarah also now hates me and has blocked me from contacting her but hello we work

together so can we be a little more mature jane and i are very close but now it's weird because she loves tom so much and doesn't seem to care about how much of a liar he is, let alone he might have hooked up with another girl, which he denies. I reach out to Sarah to apologize, but she's blocked me. She has every right to be mad, but blocking feels extreme. Did I do the right thing here?

Where do I go from here? My logic with telling Jane if the situation was reversed is that I'd want to know, but I regret everything in hindsight. I would have kept my mouth shut, but let, and let the chips fall where they fall. Jackie and one terrible cucumber.

Oh, hi, Jackie. Hi, Jackie. That's so funny. Like as this letter, this is Julianne.

I heard she's our special guest today. This is so cool. It's so funny. Like as you're going through through like I always tell everyone tell on men you know what I mean tell always have a girl's back always have a girl's back right but this is such a convoluted situation that of course it fucking backfired like it's because no one's in a real relationship everyone's just sleeping together so there's no commitment right that's broken. Like no one really gives a shit.

And yet they do. I mean, they give a shit, but no, but, but, but I think it's really funny that you did all this. Now everyone's mad at you. I think you have to just give it a little bit of time. And I think you should probably just leave a letter on Sarah's desk or, and all of their desks and just say, okay, I learned my lesson. I was an interloper. I should not have gotten involved. And I'm really sorry. I didn't mean any ill will. I just always want to be there for women. And I want to support women and make sure that they are aware of everything that's going on. My intention was never to destroy our friendship. I hope that you can forgive me. You know what I mean? Just come from a place of

supporting women because that's really where you were coming from. Yeah, that's fully it. I did reach out to Sarah and write her like kind of a letter, but didn't go into all those details. Still blocked me. I did shoot her a Venmo request. I gave her $5 on Venmo privately to be like, hey, if you want to talk, like would love to still block me, hates me, like wants nothing to do with me. So I'm just kind of leaving it alone. Yeah. Leave it alone. Leave it alone for a while. You have to give it like a month or two. You know what I mean? If she's pissed like that, then she needs time to calm down and she will. She will calm down. Everybody just needs like a month or two. Some people need longer and some people need a shorter amount of time but don't be annoying or like a pest about it just give her

some space when someone asks for space give them double yeah good call good call do you so do you think i shouldn't have gotten involved at all in the first place i mean it sounds like this guy is just fucking his way through the office so like you're next you know what i mean yeah you're next so block your pikachu if you don't want any action. But I mean, no, I respect that you wanted to get involved and tell these girls, but it just doesn't seem like anyone. I mean, he's in a relationship now. He's out of a relationship. Jane, is she in a relationship or she's just in a relationship with him? Jane and Tom are trying to be in one, whatever that means. They're trying to be together. Okay.

Well, don't be so judgy about that because I can see your judgment. Maybe they will be together. And then, you know what I mean? So you have to accept your responsibility. I don't know if you made a mistake. It sounds like you kind of did, like you got too involved with everybody. But I probably would have advised you to do the same thing because I want to be a girl's girl, too. Like, I don't want women being lied to in my presence. I don't like it. And I

will always tell women the truth. Yeah. And the thing is, like, at the end of the day, everyone's really upset with Tom. This is sort of misdirected anger at you. But all you did was take the lid off of it. I was going to say that. I mean, I feel like when people need that space, they're trying to process like, oh, I feel embarrassed or I feel like I've done something wrong now, even though like this wasn't my fault. But now the office knows or now other people know. And so letting them calm down and figure out what they're feeling and processing. Also, it's probably just projection of everybody's own experiences of like, do I get involved? Do I not get involved? Judging, is this the right thing or the wrong thing? That's not for anybody to decide. Obviously, you want to be there for your friends and the people around you. And also, people are going to make their own choices. And I always say this, I'm like, I like try to lead the witness instead of telling them what's happening. I'm like, I'll always be like, so how do you feel about committed

partnership? And what is your relationship? What do you guys do? Like, what do you and Tom do during your dates? Like, what kind of conversations do you have? Like, I always try to ask questions so that they can find the answer for themselves versus, for themselves versus sharing like, ah, this is what's happening. I see this because that's my viewpoint of what's right and what's wrong versus letting them discover that. Yeah. That's a good call out. I've been close with Jane and Tom since the start of their affair. And I was supportive and not judgy as much as I could be with kind of nudging, like you said, but just seeing how it's all progressed and how messy it's gotten me more involved. And I'm like, okay, I need to stop. Well, and by the way, it's not fair for you to also like have this information. So I agree, like, always have your friends back and

support your women. Because also, it's not fair that you have this information. What do you do with it? You know? Yeah. I would also just have a sense of humor about this whole situation. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Don't take it so seriously. Like, I understand it's kind of a bummer that three people are talking to you at work. But hopefully you have some other friends there and just make it a joke. You fucked up. You were being a nosy Nelly or whatever, you know, take the blame for yourself. You can afford to. And it's true what Julianne just said. Anyone who like, you know, when you're

dating a guy and you find out, oh, he had sex with somebody else in the office, like that's embarrassing. That's embarrassing to your friends because you want your friends to know that he respects you and that he loves you. And then he just broke up with his five-year-old girlfriend for you or whatever the case may be. So just have a sense of humor about it and let some time pass. And don't be on them to clear the air so quickly. Just let them have some space. Yeah. I mean, since then, so Jane and me are like, cool. We're good. It's weird, but we're cool. I'm just like keeping my business minding my business mom and me had some heated texts and then like we haven't really spoken since so I'm just gonna kind of leave him alone and let uh-huh be normal right and then with Sarah

I'm just gonna like leave her alone entirely yeah and just let her I guess maybe come to terms with it but like she really hates me like even on email, she'll put me like last. I'm like, okay, this is really petty, but sure. Yeah. Well, I mean, you did go out to lunch with her. She confided in you and then you went and told everybody. I know. So like, you have to take responsibility for that. You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you think it's wild though? It's been a month and she won't hear me out. Like, I feel like in my normal experiences, people at least eventually hear you out. it's not going to work. So you just have to get give her extra space. And there will be an opportunity that will present itself where you could do something nice for her around the office or a favor for her or, you know, just in that moment, take that opportunity when it arises. And don't expect anything in return. You know, just to soften the ice.

Yeah. I mean, if this were me in this position, I would probably do a very, very like short and sweet. I fucked up. Take your time, whatever you need and like leave it. And then just let go of the grip that you're wanting to like make this right. Because she can feel that a mile away, you know, like she can feel the hold of like you're desperate trying to reconnect and nobody, nobody wants to have that feeling. So let go, let it be and see what happens. Trust, trust that it will come if it needs to. And the other thing to remember is everything comes back around.

Yeah. Your relationship with her, there will be an opportunity that circles back in your direction to repair whatever happened. You just have to trust that because that's the way the world works. Yeah, that's what I'm hopeful for because my intentions were pure here. So eventually, I think the dust will settle. But like, I guess moving forward, would you as you say, like tell on men, but like, do we tell on men? Do I just like, I'm like, I would only do this for my like, best, best, best, best, best friend.

I don't know if I'm going to do this anymore. No, I mean, I think you I think you learned a valuable lesson because it's like you didn't have all the facts. They didn't sleep together. Didn't overlap. You know what I mean? It's all just very kind of torrid office gossip. So it's not like your friend was married and you knew her husband was having an affair for several years. That's a more serious offense than an office relationship. And then now they're together and he's,

he's left his girlfriend. So I just think you should really like think carefully when you intervene on those things. But yeah. And since you had this experience, maybe take a break for a while. Well, the silly part too.

Okay. Not that I wouldn't before me telling Jade, I did pull like a select group of my friends who are very removed from the situation and don't know. And they're like, you have to tell her. You have to tell her. I was like, are y'all fucking sure? Like, I don't know if I want to tell her,

but they all encouraged me to. So clearly people have a lot of thoughts about this. So yeah. And I always think when you tell someone something, it's better to be anonymous as well. So that you don't have to, you know, it's like, there's that site where you can sign up

for anonymouscoworker.com and send an email like, your breath smells, you're fucking, you fart, and I know you fart. Like you can always send an anonymous email and that way you don't have to fucking worry about telling the truth

because it's just out there. You told them and and you don't it's not on you yeah it's a good call i haven't looked into that yeah at the end of the day you have a great cocktail party story yeah all right thanks so much jackie let us know how it all shakes out okay this has been awesome thank you guys bye thanks bye it's funny to like tell some first of all it's so fucked up to go and tell someone a secret and then have them fucking tell everyone the next day it's like wait that's not girl power either you're fucking and she's like she's girl power for one girl but not for the one. I know she was like mad at the guy for like calling this girl crazy. And then she's like, but she might be crazy.

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Blocked on Venmo, I think is my favorite like petty moment of that. That's like, I don't even want your money. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. out if your dog truly loves you and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth plus does tom cruz really do his own stunts his stuntman reveals the answer and you never know who's going to drop

by mr brian cranson is with us how are you hello my friend wayne knight about jurassic park wayne knight welcome to really no really sir bless you all hello newman and you never know when howie mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really? No, really. Yeah, really. No, really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead.

It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Well, our next caller is Nicole. She is 38. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm recently separated from my husband of almost five years. I was over the marriage about two years ago, but never pulled the trigger. I'm not sure that we should have ever been married in the first place.

There were kind of red flags all over the place. I truly feel that things and people are put into your life when you need them, your podcast included. I met a guy through a hobby, and he was the reason I finally decided to leave the marriage. Not because I wanted to date him, but because I wanted to have the option to date him or anyone else if the opportunity presented itself, if that makes sense. Four months later, we are dating. I'm still legally married. I don't have any intentions on divorcing within the next year for insurance reasons, but I am 100% done. Is that fair to my ex and this new guy? I recently found out that the new guy is still

talking to someone that he used to date who, quote, broke his heart, and is it fair for me to ask him to stop talking to her? I want to be official with this new guy, but I'm having a hard time with the fact that I'm still married on paper, and it wouldn't be fair to ask him to stop talking to her. I want to be official with this new guy, but I'm having a hard time with the fact that I'm still married on paper, and it wouldn't be fair to ask him to stop talking to her because I'm still married. I also don't know if the feelings I have are because it's new and exciting and what my marriage had been missing for years or if they're real. I truly want to be single after our separation, but the situationship is so refreshing. Sincerely, Nicole. Hi, Nicole. Hi. Hi. This is Julianne Hoff, our special guest today. Hello. Nice to meet you, Nicole. Nice to meet you, too. Well,

it sounds like two different situations. Like you're done with your ex-husband. That's pretty clear. Regardless of whether you're still officially married, I don't think that's really relevant because you're working towards not being married. Correct? Eventually. Not anytime soon. Because why? Insurance. Oh, okay. Well, but that's fine.

That's just like a... I have a question. Are you separated? And does your husband technically know that you have a relationship? Not legally separated. He's out of the house. Okay. He knows that we're separated but you've made like

a verbal yes you know declaration that you guys are separated and that you are dating other people etc he doesn't know i'm dating other people okay okay well i just want to get the facts before we yeah no i like your investigative work julian he didn't want the divorce. And I feel like there's no reason to kick him while he's down, I guess, and let him know that I'm seeing somebody else already. Well, that's judgment on your end, by the way. Whether you're seeing somebody or not, there's a choice in that and you don't have to judge that. Also, the second thing I will say is even though it's hurtful for somebody to hear something, clarity is the best thing that you can give somebody.

Because the not knowing but feeling something is much more disheartening. And clarity, even though it can be painful to hear in the moment, it is a blessing. So I'm just going to drop that first before we get into the details. I couldn't agree with that more. I think you think when you're protecting somebody, you're actually usually doing more damage. He's not a child. He's an adult. You're getting a divorce. And the quicker he knows that you're moving on to someone else, the quicker he's going to be able to process that and get over the relationship ending. And you too. You know, I don't see him processing

though. I mean, we talked about therapy, never did therapy. He wasn't a communicator. He was like would ignore me for days when something bothered him. So I don't know how he would process it. And his mother passed away in May. So that kind of threw a curve ball in everything. So it's like, I don't want to tell you I'm dating after your mom just passed away. And after I wanted this divorce, he never told his parents that we separated before his mom passed away.

So kind of a blessing in disguise afterwards because she didn't know, but he just doesn't talk well and there's a reason why you're wanting to get a divorce and you're not responsible for him and as you're separating you're you're moving to be less responsible for him so even though you're dating somebody else and moving this direction you're still taking care of his emotions and what he needs when that's why you're leaving the real not why you're still taking care of his emotions and what he needs when that's why you're leaving the real, not why you're leaving the relationship, but that's not your responsibility anymore. And he's going to have to deal with things

when people die, when certain things happen, life continues to happen. And it's on that person to figure out how they're going to show up and deal with that. But the clarity is key. I will just say that hands down. Well, so back to one of the other questions in the letter, those should I figure out what this new relationship is before I throw that out there or it's like it's going to happen regardless. So just get it over with. Well, you mentioned that the guy that you're seeing is talking to his ex, right? Yes. In what kind of context? Do you know? I don't know. No. I think what you should focus on, just hearing you talk and all of us being together right now, is cleaning up your side of the street. I don't

think you should worry about what your new boyfriend is doing, how to categorize or qualify this new relationship. I think you have to be very forthright and use this as like a stepping stone to become the newer, better version of you. That means being honest with your ex-husband. His mom died in May. She didn't die yesterday. People have to deal with stuff. Everything Julianne is saying is spot on. And I couldn't agree more. And you have to use this opportunity to grow as a human being. You don't have to have a label for what your relationship is now. You know you're interested in him. You know you like him.

And you know it bothers you that he's talking to his ex. Take those things one at a time, you know. First, deal with your ex-husband so that you have a clean area to play in where you're like, OK, you don't have to feel guilty about dating someone or seeing someone. Then you can go to this guy and say, okay, now that we're in this new thing, how many months has this been going on with this new guy? Pretty much right after my husband moved out.

So four months. Four months, great. You can say, listen, I'm having feelings for you. I'm not sure where this is headed, but I do have feelings for you. I've let my husband know that I'm seeing you. Where are you? Like, where do you stand? How, I know you're talking to your ex. What is that about? Is that something that is it might be rekindling? Like, let's just be honest as possible with each

other. And that way no one gets that hurt. It's the dancing around subjects and not wanting to deal with conflict that that creates conflict. Yeah, there is one other element to I think totally agreeing that clarity is the right thing here. And I think your ex may have some questions about like, where did you meet this person? How long have you been seeing each other, etc. And I don't think that you owe him those details. I think you can just say like, I'm seeing other people, I'm moving on, I'm starting to date. I wouldn't give him the, you know, the question marks of like, were they hooking up while we were still together when she was doing her hobby, etc., etc. You know, you can just leave it at like a no when he asks those questions, you know, those sort of investigative questions.

Do you think it's appropriate to be staying with my married to my husband just for insurance? I think that's a question that like it depends on your family. At some point, obviously, you do need to make that break. But you guys have kids together, right? No, I have two kids from a previous relationship, but his insurance does cover them. What do you feel? I feel like I've put up with a lot from him through our marriage that I deserve to keep the insurance, but my therapist and my mother do not feel that way. Do you think that if you were honest with him about you seeing other people, he's going to expedite this divorce and that you were going to lose the insurance? I feel like he would be vindictive in a way and do it just to get off of the insurance. Yeah. I still wouldn't allow that to prevent you from being honest. Do you have a job? Do you have the ability to get your own

insurance? I do, but his is just great insurance. He doesn't pay for it. And I've met my out-of-pocket deductibles in my max for the year. So that's the big reason. So now it's like, oh, now I can get my therapy paid for. Now I can go and get all the other stuff I need done. Yeah, I hear that, but it's manipulative. He may not cut you off your insurance. You might be surprised by his reaction. It's just like Catherine said, just say, I'm seeing this as this is a separation and that we are moving towards divorce at some point. And we don't have to do that right away. We don't have to decide right away, but I want you to know that I'm seeing people and let's see what happens with him. I don't think your happiness is worth the insurance in the long run. I understand what you're saying, but there's other avenues for you.

It's not like this is the only avenue. I would add to that too with the insurance. And I don't know your relationship or the dynamic of who he is either, but like at least present the option so that they have a choice to react how they want to react. And maybe saying like, you know,

part of us being separated is, is the direction that we're heading, but I'm really concerned about the insurance because this is an amazing thing. And would you be willing to continue the insurance until the end of the year until I can figure something out, you know, like, like presenting something as like, Hey, this is, this is something that is really valuable for me. And in this next transition and chapter for us, and like, this is really helpful. Can we talk about this and the insurance as like its own conversation and then the clarity of moving forward. And I am seeing someone or other people that's its own conversation too. I don't think you have to blend the two, but I think that saying that we're moving

into different directions, but in this transition and working, and obviously, you know, this is great for me and reaching my deductible and all these things like this is super helpful. Can you, can we talk about what that looks like moving forward? Again, I don't know your husband, so I don't know how he'll respond to that. But that would be the like, I am not going to give my power to someone else and just stay there because of safety. And also, I'm not going to bend over backwards to get what I need. Because clearly, you are a capable human being. You can find ways to find insurance and all those things. Like we are so much more capable than we give ourselves credit for. So I'm not worried about you at all to find that. But there is like a, you know, a safety in knowing

that this already exists. So let's just have a conversation about it. Yeah. And give him the truth of the matter. It's not cool to make decisions for other people by keeping information from them. Give him all the information and then let him decide how he wants to proceed. And he'll he may surprise you and be like, OK, of course, I'll give you to the end of the year for your insurance. This is good for me to know it's hurtful and it's painful, but I'm glad that you were honest with me. You can't beat honesty. You're going to have to deal with it at some point anyway. So might as well do it now before it gets over with tangled. Well, before it gets more entangled and more painful for both of you. Yeah. Yeah. It's time you go woman up to the situation. Okay.

We'll do. All right. Thank you. Thank you, Nicole. Okay. Thank you, Nicole. Thank you. All right. We'll take a quick break and we'll be right back to wrap up. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal?

The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too?

Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really.

Yeah, Really. No Really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And we're back with Julianne Hough. I knew you'd be perfect at this, Julianne.

You know, this is great with strangers. You know, this is usually just me and my sister and my mom. I know, isn't it? This is great. I sometimes have my and my mom. I know, isn't it? I sometimes have my sisters on the podcast to give advice too. Cause I'm like, they're like, you're, you're always fucking yelling at us. We want to yell at some people. I'm like, come on, Julianne, congrats on your book. It's called everything we never knew.

And you've been wonderful. And I loved bumping into you as briefly as I did when we were on a plane a few weeks ago. I hope I bump into you more often. And thank you so much for being with us. Oh my gosh. Thank you both so much. Catherine, Chelsea, you guys are amazing. And I truly like, I'm grateful for what you're doing because having these conversations just allows for, I don't know, taking the charge away for what, you know, is scary. And when you can have a conversation with a bunch of women and you feel supported, even though we don't know each other, it's pretty great. So all these women that

just called in, we're all in this weird, crazy human life experience together. And just focus on being you, finding and trusting yourself and being honest and integral with yourself. Everything else will just show up. Just get there first. So that's what the book's about too. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Take care, Julianne. All right. Thank you both. Have a great day. Bye. Bye-bye. Okay. So upcoming shows that I have, you guys. August 17th is the Santa Barbara Bowl.

You do not want to miss that. And then I will be all over Maine, Charlotte, North Carolina, Charleston, South Carolina. I'm coming to Texas. I'm coming to St. Louis and Kansas City. And then I will be in Las Vegas performing at the Chelsea Theater inside the Cosmopolitan Hotel. My first three dates in Vegas are September 1st, Labor Day weekend, and then November 2nd and November 30th. I'm coming to Brooklyn, New York at the King's Theater on November 8th. And I have tickets on sale throughout the end of the year in

December. So if you're in a city like Philadelphia or Bethlehem or San Diego or New Orleans or Omaha. Check ChelseaHandler.com for tickets. Okay. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. And be sure to check out our merch at ChelseaHandler.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really No Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door

doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to ReallyNoally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really No Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome to Decisions Decisions, the podcast where boundaries are pushed and conversations get candid. Join your favorite hosts, me, Weezy WTF, and me, Mandy B, as we dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships

and explore the often taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. That's right. Every Monday and Wednesday, we both invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, we share our personal journeys navigating our 30s, Thank you. Decisions Decisions is going to be your go-to source for the open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections. Tune in and join in the conversation. Listen to Decisions Decisions on the Black Effect Podcast Network, iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

Hey, guys, you get your podcasts. is all about. It's a chance to sit down with my guests and dive even deeper into their stories, their journeys, and the thoughts that arise once we've hit the pavement together. Listen to Post Run High on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.