Dear Chelsea - Are You Coachable? with Kristen Bell

Episode Date: January 13, 2022

Chelsea is joined by Kristen Bell to talk about shifting family dynamics, her partnership with Dax Shepard, and being allergic to inefficiency. Then: An actor struggles with self-promotion as she builds her career. A wife wrestles with the best way to tell her husband he has terrible breath. And a mom wants to know how to end her headstrong 7-year-old’s reign of terror.*Executive Producer Nick StumpfProduced by Catherine LawEdited & Engineered by Brandon Dickert*****The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees. This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all. Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.   Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, everybody. Oh, my God. It's me, Chelsea and Catherine. Hello. Hi.

How are you? I'm really great, but not as good as you. I can see a beautiful snowfall behind you. It's lovely there. I know it is pretty lovely. I'm coming. I'm coming to my audience from I would like to say live, but that doesn't really make any sense. Live to tape from Whistler, which is where I've hunkered down for the winter. And yes, I'm so Oh, God, it is just heaven. And I'm not going to pretend it's not. I am skiing every single day.

Well, not every single day because Joe Coy is with me. So we have to take a couple of days off here and there for his learning curve. You know what I mean? Yeah. He had an injury, a slight, he had a big wipeout on one of the first couple of days. And I was like, and he started filming it. I was like, put your camera away. The last thing I need is for people to think that I dragged you up to Whistler and broke something on you. So just shut it down. You're going to be fine in about 24 hours. And sure enough, he was. Oh my gosh. And he just took a

tumble. Is he okay? I mean, it seems like he's okay. Well, he does wipe out a lot because he's learning. And he thought that he had been skiing before because he skied in, I don't know, Vegas, Mount Charleston or something. I told him that was probably an indoor ski rink at Circus Circus because no one's ever heard of that. But he thought he could hang. And I guess he didn't really understand the extreme skier that I am. Yeah. I mean, looking at your socials, it's like, it's very rocky. These are not bunny hills like this. It's pretty intense. Yeah, it's pretty fun, though. I mean, it's just so beautiful here. Like it is the views and the mountain is so big. It's just my family was here for a week.

Oh, nice. And then they left. And then so I and then my sister was here lingering for a little bit. And then she left. And now Joe and I are just like in domesticated bliss in my little ski chalet. Oh, it's just heaven. I mean, I'm so glad that I put in the time and effort to become a really good skier that I had the luxury to do that because it's so nice to get out

there and be able to like, to be capable at something, you know, I don't have a lot of hobbies. Yeah. Have you skied all your life or is it sort of a newer thing for you? Uh, I've skied since I was a little girl, but not seriously. Like, you know, I don't have a lot of hobbies. Yeah. Have you skied all your life or is it sort of a newer thing for you? I've skied since I was a little girl, but not seriously. Like, you know, the last seven, eight years, I think since I've been coming to Whistler,

I've been pretty serious about it. But I talk about this in my standup a lot. Like I don't have a ton of hobbies. I don't like to cook or clean or, you know, I like to read. I like to smoke weed and I like to ski. Yeah. So I have to do all three of those things really well. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Riddle me this. Are you like a speed reader or do you just happen to read quickly? Because you like tear through books. Well, if I have an assignment, I take it seriously.

You know how professional I am, Catherine. Yes, I do. Actually, yes, I do. So if I have a reading assignment, if we have a guest coming on the show, I mean, there's nothing more annoying than being interviewed by someone who has not been familiarized with your work. Yes. Well, luckily today, our guest does not have a book out. So, you know, we'll be all right. But I'm excited about our guest today. I love her. Yes. So speaking of skiing, one of our listeners had a ski, well, a lot of listeners have ski questions for you, but this is one that I thought would be really fun to answer on the air.

She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a 28-year-old teacher living in Vermont, and I learned to ski two years ago. I took ski lessons with eight friends, four couples, that are fellow New England transplants. I'm the only single skier of the crew which has never been a problem until now as life changes have caused some to back out of season passes or opting out many weekends. I love skiing but I'm still learning so I don't love the idea of skiing alone when I want to challenge myself. When I want to ski I definitely go. I don't love the idea of skiing alone when I want to challenge myself. When I want to ski, I definitely go. I don't change my plans when I'm the only one going because solo runs are amazing. However, it's starting to feel lonely. How would you suggest branching out or meeting other people to ski with?

Thanks for your help and best of luck this ski season, Colleen. Why just join a ski group? I mean, wherever you live, go and join an adult single ski group. They have those everywhere. Oh, actually a friend of mine, that's how she met her husband like 20 years ago, but yeah, they have ski groups everywhere. So that's a great thing to do because then you're never alone. And by the way, you shouldn't be skiing alone. If you want to challenge yourself, like I don't even go in the trees if I'm alone because I know better. Yeah. Well, maybe we'll find colleen a group

and a husband or a way yeah get yeah first comes the ski group and then comes the husband yeah yeah excellent well that was easy yes the problem solved oh also i want to mention to everyone that we are rescheduling my vancouver dates those were cancelled along with calgary because of covid and we are rescheduling them. And so stay tuned for that because they will be rescheduled sooner than later. We're looking at March or April. So I will announce those as soon as they become available. Also, we're adding a second show at the Wiltern in Los Angeles, and we've added second shows in Portland, in Seattle, Portland, Oregon is coming up the first weekend of February. So I'm doing Eugene, Oregon,

two shows in Portland, and then two shows in Seattle. And we added a show in Winnipeg and we added a show in Toronto. So yeah, check chelseahandler.com. And yeah, we added a ton of second shows. So that's really exciting. And I'm looking forward to seeing everybody. It'll be a month since I've been on stage, so I cannot wait to get back on stage. That's so exciting. Awesome. Okay, so our special guest today is an actress. She's a philanthropist.

She's a producer. She is starring in the new Netflix show, The Woman in the House, which is a satirical thriller. She has a baby brand with Dax, which is called Hello Bello. And they just opened up their first facility in the United States, everybody. And they make their products with organic materials and they provide diapers to so many people in need, to so many people who have children and need help with diapers. And she just came out with a new hand cream for her CBD line, which is called Happy Dance. They have a new hand cream available. And 1% of the proceeds from Happy Dance go to women who are coming out of prison and helping them reacclimate into real life again. Hi, Kristen Bell. I love Kristen Bell. Don't we all love

Kristen? I love that review. As you know, I'm codependent and I like when people like me, but also I adore you. So the fact that I have your stamp of approval, it just makes my heart sing. Both of our hearts are swelling and my Pikachu, quite frankly. This is Catherine, my producer. Catherine, meet Kristen. Hi. You guys probably haven't met before. So this is a nice initiation. Kristen, I'm so excited to talk to you because I love you. I just love the way you carry yourself. And you know what? To me, you always come across as somebody just who has their shit together. Do you think that's a true, accurate assessment of yourself? Not in the slightest, Chelsea. Not in the slightest. I mean, I think I try. What you're

reading, I think, is my desperation to have my shit together. And also I'm like, not the world's best actress, but I'm a decent one. So I appear as such, but I will say maybe what you're reading is that I am very committed to not to become a parenting book for a second, but like a growth mindset. I am constantly striving for new information, better data. I'm on a learning curve at all times. So I read a lot. I talk to a lot of people and I feel like I just, I don't want to stay stagnant with any of my opinions or viewpoints. So perhaps that makes it feel like I have my shit together. I don't know. I mean, I guess maybe that's one of the things I'm attracted to about because I too am always looking to have my opinions changed.

I don't want to be stuck or set because I've been around a lot of people who are so strong minded and so strong willed that they're intransigent. Their opinions never move and they think that they know the right way with regard to parenting or with regard to the industry or with how to handle tumultuous times and friendships or confrontations. And I always find that kind of mindset when you're so stuck to be really limiting and actually not that intelligent because anyone who's really smart knows that your opinions and viewpoints change. Yeah. And I think it's also the least attractive quality is to be stuck in your views. To not have the ability to have an open mind, to me, is the least attractive quality someone could have. So let me ask you a question because, you know, you guys are always public. You and Dax are always public about your ups and downs in your relationships, your honesty, your therapy.

All of our BS. Right, exactly. And I would imagine being married to Dax is a fucking handful. I would definitely think that that is a big, that is a big personality to juggle, especially when you have children. So what are some of the things, why don't I ask you this? What is, what do you think some of your strengths are in your relationships? in your relationship specifically with Dax, and then as a parent, what you've learned about yourself and what has impressed you about yourself in the parenting mode? Okay, well, with Dax specifically, one of the reasons that we work, and again, this

is a compatibility issue that I think is sort of a fundamental part of each of our personalities, which is certainly after the attraction level, why we synced up and kept going is he has, well, he's addicted to everything, but one of the things he stays addicted to is a growth mindset. He is constantly learning and morphing and adapting. And even though he has a really strong personality, you can change his mind. He is open to other points of view. I am a very flexible person by nature, though slightly strong-willed. So we work really well together in that we're both striving to learn more and going like, well, but what is the best decision for the group?

And it's sort of like utilitarian outlook on our family. And usually he will throw the first ball and say, I want to try this, whether it's, I want to try having dinner five nights a week together with the kids, see if that changes our dynamic. Like I'll go, great, we'll try it. Then we get the data. If it doesn't work, then I throw a ball. And so we kind of do that in every area of our lives. And I will say like like he's a huge personality and he can be a lot but like at home he's often not he saves those shades for the outside world like I'll tell you this like he has a temper for sure and it has never shown itself inside the walls of this house ever not to me not to the children he is like very measured and patient when there's any sort of

dissent or argument. Now on the street, if someone jaywalks in front of his car, shit's going to hit the fan. You know what I mean? If he sees something out in the world where he sees someone getting bullied or he feels he's been slighted, he may have a temper, but it's never at home. So he's quite a committed family man under all of those sort of gruff hillbilly layers. And I just like him a lot. I'm just going to add that. I fucking like him. As a parent, I think the thing that has shocked me the most and sort of made me grow the most is after all of this information I took in from the pediatricians and other moms and parenting books, because I am a person that likes advice. I love getting advice

because I have enough self-esteem to go, oh, but I don't have to take it. Like no one's watching me apply it. I want to know how you made your marriage work. I want to know how you did better auditions. I want to know how you parented auditions. I want to know how you parented your kids and got them to sleep better. And then I can choose what to use. So beyond all of that, taking in all the data, when I really try to, in like a Buddhist place almost, look at my kids as like little autonomous human beings that are experiencing life for the first time, it really screws my head on straight when I have to deal with them. Because the pace of life can make you treat them poorly,

and then you're laying in bed going like, fuck, I shouldn't have yelled at them, or I shouldn't have rushed everyone. I made one of them cry. But then you got to realize, I have a six-year-old, she's never been six before. It's the first time she's ever been six years old. It's really hard to be six. I think that framework of like, this is the first time she's ever been six years old. It's really hard to be six. You know, I think that framework of like, this is the first time they're experiencing earth, not only helps me deal with them, but helps me cut myself a lot more slack because then I put that framework on me. Right. So going back to what you were saying, like, okay, say you're going to try something like having dinner five nights a week and seeing where that leads to.

Have you guys done that stuff? Like how, how does that work out in your family dynamic? And how does it change the family dynamic? We've put it on the books, Chels, but we've never gotten there. We've never. What is your natural habit, depending on who's working and whatever, who's home, has dinner with the kids? Is that how it works? What's weird is that neither of us actually have schedules that often that take us away around dinnertime. We could start work at four in the morning, but we're both usually home by six or seven. And he's home so often now because he works out of the attic. But we attempt to connect in the evening, but it's more of a free-for-all type circus here. It's like you

eat when you're hungry. We mostly just snack during dinner. Maybe three times a month we'll sit down for dinner. But in my head, people have said, oh, connecting at a family dinner, that's when you hear about their day and all these different things. It doesn't work for us. And at some point, when we tried it and we got three days in and then everybody wanted to get up and run around with the dogs or outside, we were like, why stress ourselves out to fit inside someone else's box or idea of what will connect us? Let's go based on our own instincts. So the things that connect us as a family, I know actually laying in bed with the kids at night when we're tucking them in, we do, which I believe is like a Jewish tradition, talking about your rosebud and thorn of the day.

Do you know this one? Yeah, yeah. You're high and low. Yeah. Your best part about your day is your rose. Your thorn is, if you're little, it's your bad part. If you're above six years old, it should be what could you have improved upon, your thorn. Where did you have bad behavior that you wouldn't emulate the next day? And then your bud is what you're looking forward to. And somehow that always leads to much more in-depth connection in our family. And the second thing is we always tell our children the why. We always give them more of an explanation as opposed to because I said so. Like for instance, when they were coming home from preschool, four years old, when they were

able to talk but didn't really want to talk to us about a ton of things, you say to your kid, how was your day? And they say, fine, and walk away. And Dax grabbed the girls one day and he goes, hey, I just want you to know when I say, how was your day? I'm not necessarily looking for details. What I'm looking for is to connect with you because I haven't seen you for the last nine hours. And I want to just look at your face and hear your voice and whatever details you want to tell me, even if it's a make-believe story about your day. The reason I asked you how was your day is because I really want to connect and plug back into you. And they got it. They were like, oh, so now I'm not under this pressure to tell my parents about my day, which we all know is annoying. But now I realize why my dad is doing it. And now they do tell us about their day.

And where did he learn that? In therapy? I don't know. I think he makes a lot of this stuff up. Yeah. He's very weirdly in touch with himself. I mean, not weirdly. It's a great quality in a man, you know, and you've talked about this, how he's so alpha, but at the same time, he's so sensitive and men having that in quality, you know, I'm with someone now who's like that. And it's really endearing. It just makes you realize like, oh God, I wish all men could be a little bit softer and a little bit more sensitive because it's so much fucking hotter than the alternative. Oh my God. It's crazy because he is all of the things at a 10. He's like the most, he could be the most aggro at a 10,

but he's also the most sensitive at a 10. And he's the most patient at a 10. It's like, I just got a man who is a lot. And the good thing is I, I like a lot. I'm a big personality. I gravitate towards a lot. So that's why it works. One of the other great tips he gave me, he gives me all these tips. He loves giving me advice. But now sometimes in our pod, like in our friend group now, because so many people do a lot of advice, we have to ask each other, are you coachable? Exactly. Because sometimes you're like, I'm not coachable right now. But one of the other things he said around the time, like our kids were, I don't know, maybe one in three, he said, and I think't know, maybe one in three. He said,

and I think he was drawing upon his childhood here. He said, you know, I feel like kids witness arguments a lot and they very rarely ever witness the makeup portion, the conflict resolution. So he said, even when we come home, if we ever have tension or an argument, because you know they can feel it, they're way smarter than you give them credit for. Even if we solve it once we go to bed, let's make sure that the next day we identify it and play the role of apology or like, hey, you know what, daddy? I was really grumpy when I came home from work. I'm sorry I snapped at you. He'll go, oh, that's okay, mommy, et cetera, et cetera. Just so the kids can have an idea of conflict resolution because something that I never realized is like, yeah, that happens all the time.

Kids see arguments everywhere, but making up and resolution is usually done in private. So how on earth are we supposed to give these kids the conflict resolution skills if we never show it to them? Well, and also a lot of people make up in private because it's sexually related. Like makeup is sex, whereas that's a very cyclical thing that a lot of couples get into where they fight and then their makeup is sex. Whereas, you know, that is, that's a very cyclical thing that a lot of couples get into where they fight and then their makeup is sex. And it's almost like you set up the fight in order to have the makeup sex. So, and that's completely dysfunctional too on its own merit. That's why we always have sex in front of them. That's what I was going to

suggest. I mean, that just seems like the right thing to do. And it's more family style anyway. What about your upbringing? I know you've talked a little bit about it, but did you feel, do you feel like you took a lot from what your parents modeled for you or what you learned in your household? Because you had older siblings, right? I did. I had two older sisters. Right. And so you were the youngest of three. Yeah. So what's weird is like, I want to have a great answer for you on this. My memory is such that it doesn't exist. Like I try to struggle with it. I hear people saying, oh, when I was six years old, I went on this bike ride with my brother and we, you know, caught a snake or whatever their memory is about their childhood. I literally don't have that. Like I struggle so often. Sometimes when I

look at pictures, I can remember details, but I'm more of like a synthesizer. I remember feelings about people, but I don't have specific memories. But I do think what I digested from my dad was definitely hard work and subtlety. That's kind of a shocker coming out of my mouth. But my dad is a very hard worker, but when he comes home, he's sort of just you feel like he's a wallflower, but he's not. He's very present, but he's like quiet and very sort of official unless he's had Chardonnay and then he gets giggly. But with the girls, he was always just sort of like this stability, I guess is what I mean, like subtle stability. And he was very committed to his job and he ran it like a family. He's a news director. And from my mom, I think she's very zany,

and she was always committed to paying it forward and helping people. And I think I got this, I do think I synthesized this melting pot of those things because I would say the things I value the most are like being good to people, helping and being a hard worker, and attempting to be as consistent and stable as I can. And do you think that being a to people, helping and being a hard worker and attempting to be as consistent

and stable as I can. And do you think that being a hard worker, the desire to be a hard worker, because I've been thinking about this a lot, you know, how, how hard women especially want to show up, you know, especially in this industry on a set, you want to be the one that's not going to complain. That's going to be there the longest, going to be the best team player. It's not very frequently that that behavior gets rewarded. Don't you feel like women, we do that. We have that in our genes where we think we have to overperform to earn our place at the table. And that is from a long, long time. And I know a lot of female actresses who feel the same way. They feel like, oh, we've got to be the girl that's not going to complain, that's going

to be there the latest and be ready and willing to work the double or come in earlier or, you know, pick up the slack for someone else. Yeah. It's interesting because I was with you until you said staying there late. And that's not something I roll with at all. I'm like, look, the minute I get to work, I want to leave. And it's not because I don't like work. It's because I am allergic to two things on this planet, penicillin and inefficiency. And I just do not tolerate inefficiency. Well, it is the one time I will get irritable. It is the one time I will get frustrated with people. Sincerely, I don't necessarily think that my outlook is for me to be working the hardest or being the best. I think my job is to help other people around me work their hardest

and be their best. And sometimes that means that I'm on morale, that I've memorized my lines the night before. And rather than pretending to sit with the director and plan the shot, which he doesn't need me to do, I'm going around to the grips and asking them how their family was last night and are you going to be able to make it home for dinner and getting people excited about me to do. I'm going around to the grips and asking them like how their family was last night. And like, are you going to be able to make it home for dinner and getting people excited about living a human life? Because I find that people are not valuing being people anymore. Like some cultures value being the work and others value existing. And I think we valued being the work for so long. And I'm a little bit over that

phase. Like I do work hard and I come prepared. That's not to say I don't come prepared. But my goal is to help the people around me work better and harder and more efficiently so that we can all get back to being ourselves at the end of the day and have a little bit of quality of life. I like that. That's right. I mean, we live in a society that's all about work. And it's like, I'm, you know, I had that moment about 10 years ago where I'm like, I do not want to work like this for the rest of my life. I just can't. I don't want to. I want to have a high quality life. I want to be able to travel and impact and inspire, you know, and have people live their lives vicariously through me. And it's like, why can't we all just live our lives vicariously through ourselves? You know, not everybody has the freedom, the independence, the lack of children in my situation.

Let me ask you about, do you care what people think about you? Yeah. Like way too much. You really? Yeah. And I work on it every single day. But I have a visceral stomach reaction when I feel like someone is not pleased with me. And I think that that comes maybe from childhood fights with my mom, probably, of when I felt like I was

disappointing someone. It somehow in my childhood, which wasn't particularly traumatic, became the worst feeling that I could have. So I did spend a lot of my life ignoring my own instincts because that was an easier path than thinking or feeling that someone was disappointed in me or didn't like me. It wasn't like approving of me. And it's been like a struggle because I think weirdly the pandemic has helped me with this because there were so many closed doors and I had to, you had to sort of sit with yourself and you had to look at the person in the mirror and go, well, what do you think? Because actually you're the only person that matters. Like if you feel that your actions are responsible and your side of the street is clean, that really is all that should matter. And I say that out loud to myself all the time because I haven't fully digested it, but I'm attempting. And Dax has all these amazing sayings from AA, like you should only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday when you're feeling way less than like, I didn't

accomplish enough or someone wasn't pleased with me. Well, was I better than I was yesterday? But looking at myself in the mirror and really going, are you happy with yourself? For some reason has always been really difficult for me. And do you find yourself to have a generally happy disposition? Well, Chelsea, it depends on if I'm taking my medication. Really? Yeah. No, seriously.

I mean, I've been on an antidepressant forever. And since how old? 20, 19, 20. And it was because, well, first of all, my mom had explained to me why she was on one at a very young age. She was a nurse. So she also like, and she's a really kooky. So when she became a cardiologist nurse, she would bring home open heart surgery like VHSs and we'd sit and eat spaghetti and watch an open heart surgery. Or one time she bribed the guy at the morgue and brought in three human eat spaghetti and watch an open heart surgery. Or one time she

bribed the guy at the morgue and brought in three human hearts to my 10th grade science class. Like she's weird and I love it. But she told me very early on as she is very open medically, she was like, hey, so this is the reason I take this antidepressant because my serotonin levels aren't what they should be. And if you ever start to feel this way, and she gave me this list of symptoms, just know there's a variety of things you can do. Like we could exercise more, you could go to therapy, you could talk to a psychologist or a psychiatrist. Maybe there's a medication that's right for you. Maybe not. Like it's not everybody gets treated with a medication, certainly. And then when I went to college, like my second year of college, I just started to feel, the best way to describe it is I felt really heavy

and also simultaneously like I was floating, like I didn't have anything grounding me. And like I just was not myself. Like I was inside this big dark fog and this cage and I couldn't get out. And my reactions weren't within my control. I was like irritable and stuff. And I talked to my mom about it. And my journey was trying a bunch of things and then figuring out that maybe this medication was right. And it has been a godsend. And one thing my mom said that helped me forever reduce the stigma, and I am practically going to get it tattooed on my body so that people can see it, is if you're ever feeling like you are less than or ashamed to take a medication for your brain health, would you ask yourself this? Would you ever deny a diabetic their insulin? Would you ever say,

no, no, no, no, no, don't take that insulin. Just process your sugar better. You should be able to do that. It's the same thing. And this is not to get into the argument at all that things are overprescribed, which they are. And then I needed this certain pill to help me balance my serotonin. And it has helped me so much because there are some times when like I'll go on a trip for five days and forget my medication or something. And I just feel like shit.

Right. I just feel like I'm caged inside my body and I can't control my reactions. Right. people decide diagnosing you, even though actually we both consider ourselves to be medical professionals. I know that you do as well. I consider myself to be a pharmacological intuit. I think I just know instinctively what people need and when they need it. Although, I mean, I have to make the declaration that we are not medical professionals. We don't have degrees, but we both fancy ourselves to be excelling in the medical profession. What I like is that we're talking about it. Like there's a couple different types of people. There's know-it-alls. Then there's the people who don't talk about it at all

and everything is shameful. And then there's the people like us, which I think our category is like, no, we talk about it and some things help some people. And I try to be, because I, for some reason, fell into the forefront of this issue of talking about mental health and awareness. I try to be really

responsible in saying like, I never say what medication I'm on for a very specific reason, because I don't want any young girl saying that's the one Kristen Bell takes. I want to take it because that may not be right for her body. There's a, there's a bunch of different ones for a reason. Also, sometimes it's just, you need more exercise. Like we've gotten, we used to like build our huts and stuff, you stuff, and we don't get enough physical activity, even just walking during the day as these modernized, technologically dependent human beings. And so sometimes if you're feeling down in the dumps, it's that you just need to get up and move your butt a little bit. And I'm not saying you need to be a certain size, but you

need to take a couple laps around the block in the morning and at night. And maybe that does the trick. Endorphins are a real thing. And then there's also just talking to someone like talk therapy. And I read this amazing book. Have you read The Body Keeps the Score? Yeah. Yeah. The way he talks about treating PTSD patients, particularly vets, and mandating that they also participate in a voluntary physical activity with a group

as part of their recovery. So he'll do talk therapy, but they have to either join a drum circle, join a choir, join a yoga class, join a Tai Chi in the park, whatever. Anything that's voluntarily interacting physically with another human being no words is like really regulating for the brain That's one thing I've been really into these days is just like kicking a ball with my kids when they're frustrated. They're having a tantrum Sometimes I'll be like let's just go play kickball and you can tell me all about it And then they'll calm down like almost instantly and sometimes I have to trick them because they're in tantrum mode and we're Folding laundry together or whatever. And they're furious at me.

And all of a sudden, I'm the worst mom ever. And I'll just pass them a hanger. And in the midst of their tantrum, they'll pass it back. And then I'll pass it to them again. And they're still crying. And after passing this hanger back and forth, they have somehow regulated because our bodies are communicating. Wow.

I love that. It's so interesting. And it feels like voodoo and it might be, but it works. It's like a spell you can cast on them. Great. Great. I love it. I love it, Kristen. Well, that's a great jumping off point. Catherine, should we take some calls? Yes, let's definitely get to some callers, but first let's take a quick ad break. Spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts?

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And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really No Really

and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. So we're going to give advice to people who call in for our expertise, Kristen. We always have guest doctors on. You're our guest doctor today. I love it. And I mean, I don't know how you did this, but so much of what you both just talked about, we are going to cover today. So this first question feels a little silly at first blush, but it really is important to be able to talk to your partner about sensitive issues. Our first question comes from AJ.

The subject line is, great sex, but terrible breath. Dear Chelsea, my husband and I have been together for eight years, and our sex life just gets better and better the longer we're together. We both love spontaneous sex and try to do it as often as possible. But with that spontaneity, there's a drawback. I'll go to make out with him and his breath smells like cat shit. It's really gross and turns me off. I just have to hold my breath until we change positions.

I've tried addressing it with him in the past, but he gets so sensitive about it. How do I address this with him without him getting so upset? AJ. Oh my God, that's so, so annoying. Okay, wait, I had this issue once. I was hooking up with, I had a boyfriend that lived in Spain and we would meet each other in random countries in Europe. It was very high. It sounds as high end as it was. It was very highfalutin international love story. It was exactly what I was excited about becoming an adult for. So I could have different men in different ports. Anyway, I, this guy was really sexy and really hot, but he had very strong morning breath. It wasn't at night. It

wasn't so bad, but in the morning it was, and it almost felt like it was coming from his stomach because a lot of people's breath isn't really about what they've been eating. It's more what's going on with their gut. Right. So I kind of met up with him for as long as I could. And then I just felt like I would want someone to be honest with me. And I know men can be very sensitive to these issues. So I understand. I want to take that into account, but I want to share my story with you. I did send him an email and I explained it to him in a very gentle way. Oh, this was after he sent me a book called Perfume. And I thought how ironic that this man is sending me a book about scents when I can't stand the smell of him in the morning. But I did tell him, I said, listen,

I just want to be really honest with you because I would want somebody to be honest with me. But, you know, you have really a really strong scent in the morning. And I don't know if it's coming, if you should test for candida or if you have something internally going on. But, you know, it's unpleasant and it's just a really strong odor. So I just want to let you know that. And, you know, he was a little embarrassed at first, but then he did get it looked into and it turns out he did have candida. So I am a doctor, but he was appreciative and we're still friends and we talk. Hopefully he's not listening to this podcast because he'll be embarrassed, but I won't mention his name.

There are so many Spanish lovers I have, so it would be hard to narrow it down anyway. But his sensitivity, like you can't ignore a problem because someone's sensitive. You just have to be as compassionate as you can be when telling him about the fact that his breath is really strong. And I also think strong is a good word to use instead of bad. Yeah. And I also think so one time my old roommate, Katie, took this class called Understanding Men Celebrating Women. And it was like one of the things she learned from it was like a self-help class to get along. I mean, this is also my friend Katie is so amazing because she also she was having a lot of early sex and wasn't dating long term. And she was like, I have to hang out with a guy for 24 hours before I can have sex with him. And I was like, Katie, that kind of sounds like your old pattern.

She was like, no, 24 hours. So if the first date him and I was like Katie that kind of sounds like your old pattern She was like no 24 hours so if the first date is three hours then I mark it like we've spent three hours together and I was like that's kind of A baller way to figure out how to get a little bit more long-term and not just you know spread on the meeting Right. She had a little little chart But in this class it was like one thing they taught the women right away was like, you got to know when to talk to the guy because guys are like not always online to talk about things with words and emotions. They spend most of the day offline, most of them, let's be honest. And so like what I use this with Dax all the time too, like I'm sort of like predator to prey monitoring when I can talk to him about which family members will be coming in for Christmas or when I can sit him down to ask him about, you know, the kids joining an after school program that he'll have to drive them to.

Like all these little things. I think finding a time when you both are in a really, really good mood and then saying, I have something really vulnerable to say. And you start there. So you start by unzipping your chest. And then I think the wordage is really important. Like you're saying, Chelsea, like the word strong, saying, I don't know that this is your problem, but I do know that it's ours.

I might just have a really sensitive nose. Because here's the thing, pheromones are like a very real thing. Remember, like, they like got a bunch of guys sweaty in a bunch of t-shirts and had women smell them and some were revolted by some and really turned on by others like it might not be that his breath is so bad so much that her nose is really sensitive to that type of breath at that time so you have to you have to take responsibility for like i'm really sensitive to this is there anything we could do because i am so attracted to you i want to make the most of my experience with you if you come at it from that angle it might be easier to get him to like keep some you know

uh dentine in his pocket or whatever or if all else fails and you're having spontaneous sex and you get a whiff of the breath, turn it around. Give him the butt. Don't go in full frontal. You know what I mean? Just sit on his face with your assholes, what Kristen is saying. Maybe his breath will get better. There's plenty of ways to have sex. Dax and I have only tried one and we only ever will.

But I've heard there's a lot of different ways to have sex. So if you feel like, oh yeah, morning, like you're saying, if you can isolate the time, morning is when it is, then just turn around and give them your rump. Yeah. Yeah. You can do that. But also, you know, tongue scrapers, these are all avenues. Like some, sometimes it's such a simple fix when people have bad breath. And yeah, it's just about, I think everything she said about creating the right vibe for the conversation, knowing when to have the conversation, because that is actually somebody who's evolved. When you know you have to have a difficult conversation and you just don't do it when you want to, you do it when it's going to be right for the person you're approaching. Right. During sex is not the moment. That's not the time. No.

Yeah. I'm a very sensitive. I have a very sensitive nose too. So I understand that because if a smell is too strong, it totally turns me off and I can get really grossed out really easily. So I hear what you're saying, but I would definitely say it's worth bringing up in all the ways that we just suggested. And there's no reason his breath should smell like cat shit. That doesn't sound right. So either it's a diet thing or it's a tongue scraping thing or it's just a hygienic thing. But I'm sure that you're going to find a solution together and also remind him just how hot the sex has been and how much you're loving having sex with him now. I mean, that's really the bottom line of what all men care about hearing, you know, is how great they are in bed. So underline that a couple times.

You and I are making a great doctor, like I'm considering maybe we should start a practice because you're being practical and you're like gastrointestinal doctor, tongue scraper, and I'm like time of day, emotional temperature, take responsibility. Anal, anal. I think you suggest, oh no, just from behind, not specific. I'm actually suggesting anal. Look, whether it's ATM or whether it's RTA, I don't care what it is, but there's plenty of butt stuff that you can do. And you can even get into the V, you know, round the back through the butt. There's a whole bunch of stuff that you can do. But I'm saying like, you're being so practical and I'm being emotional.

This is a really good practice we've put together here. I hope we get more clients. I you can do. But I'm saying like, you're you're being so practical and I'm being emotional. This is a really good practice we've we've put together here. I hope we get more clients. I think we do. Keep us posted about what happens with your husband's breath. OK, let us know how you addressed it and what the end result was when there is one. Thank you for calling or writing, actually. Yeah. Well, our next question comes from Kristen. She lives in L.A. She's an actor and writer. She says, Dear Chelsea, I'm in the entertainment field, an industry where there is increasing necessity to be everything for yourself. Actor, director, manager, editor, producer, you name it. You cannot just be one thing. I'm very capable and I know I'm talented, but God, being my own PR person is exhausting and goes against so many of my instincts. Do you have any advice on advocating for yourself in your field, really any field, while maintaining a sense of your own integrity and authenticity? Kristen. And she's with us here on the phone as well. Okay, great.

Let's see her. Hi, Kristen. Hello. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Nice to meet you hi nice to meet you nice to meet you too oh you spell it with an ian so do I yeah I think there's like a vital personality difference between ian and ian bingo that's how I feel about Chelsea's with a y at the end oh okay so Kristen tell us what's going on so you're feeling overwhelmed with.

I'm a person that likes wearing a lot of hats because I do enjoy control, but I think there's a certain element of wanting to move yourself forward that it like hits a point where you have to involve other people and you have to like promote yourself. And I get that that's the thing you have to do, but it's hard, I think, to find the balance of like putting yourself out there and like making connections, et cetera, et cetera, while still feeling like a genuine human being. Right, right. Weirdly, I would say I'm a big fan of teams. Like I have hired a bunch of my friends. We have like four or five people that, you know, are a part part of the whole bell shepherd empire, whatever it is we do over here.

God only knows, but most of them have been long-term friends because I'm a person that likes to start with trust. And I know that that can be tricky for some people, like don't hire your friends. But for me, I need to know, can I call you from midnight from a jail cell? Will you bail me out? Like, is there an ultimate trust factor? Will you watch my kids for 20 minutes if I need to run somewhere? Like that kind of a thing, more than just a business relationship. But I will say once I finally installed a team that did different things, like having a publicist and having this, I actually felt it was easier to be an authentic person because

then I wasn't responsible for all of it, but it was incredibly hard for me to delegate in the beginning. So I would say, make sure you're looking in the mirror and asking yourself, is this my hesitancy to delegate because I do like the control? Because I identify with what you said in a major way. I wanted to be able to control it

and I like to micromanage and I like to know every little piece of the puzzle. But the moment I found a trustworthy person that I handed that off to, like you're going to be the one to tell everyone that I'm awesome. I don't want to say it to anybody. I just want to walk in the room and be awesome. I don't want to have to tell everybody. You noticed I was awesome, right? Once you pass that off to someone, it shockingly gets easier and it's hard like the first month, but then you breathe a lot easier knowing that you can rely on members of your team to do a specific task. Like one is the publicist or one is responsible for editing your stuff or whatever

it is. Okay. Yeah. Kristen, are you in a position where you can do that, where you have people that can help you or? Not quite. I mean, I have like friends that have some of those skills, but I'm not quite at a point where I like, I can't hire anybody. Right. Cause I, what I was going to say is the kind of conflict of having to be self-promotional all the time and also feeling disingenuous about it sometimes, you know, where it feels like you're selling yourself or self, you know, promoting yourself so much. It is just a nature of this business that you kind of have to just get on board with. So, you know, the more you resist anything, it becomes a bigger and bigger hill to climb over instead of just accepting that this is part of the business, especially

in these days, you know, it's a multimedia, multi-platform promotional thing. Like you have to kind of get on board with that because there are people that are willing to do that and they're going to be doing it harder and better and stronger. So it is just one of those things that comes with the nature of being in this industry. You know, you kind of have to wear a lot of hats a lot of the time until you're in a position where you can delegate to more and more people. But the way to get to that position is by really just, you know, putting your best foot forward and having, sometimes when you have a bad attitude

about something, you know what I mean? It creates such a barrier between you and the very thing that you have to do. That's how I felt about Instagram in the beginning. I was like, I can't possibly be doing this. You know what I mean? Posting pictures, like personal. How much more personal could I get? There was no secrets to begin with. So, you know, but then I that are kind of seemed so cumbersome or seem overwhelming, if you could really just work your way around it and to really just look, even if it's with like affirmations in the morning, or if it's with you telling yourself like, this is part of the process and it's, it's a way to get to the next stage so that you do have an opportunity to be in a position like Kristen or me, where you have people taking care of all the things that you don't necessarily want to be using all of your main time to focus on. And also I'd say, first of all, the fact that you are even hesitant about,

or you have reservations about feeling inauthentic, it speaks to the fact that you're probably a very good hang. You know what I mean? Like people that like love being self-promotional and have no qualms about it. Those are bad hangs, you know, but you, you seem like a very awesome person and just don't forget to frame what you're doing, all of it, whether it's auditioning or directing or editing or whatever it is, a writing, don't forget to frame it with the love and confidence that you started out with. You don't have to think of it like a business at all times. And that's oddly what reads to people, that effervescence of like, oh yeah, you're doing it because you love it. So if you go to a party and somebody's talking about, let's say you wrote

and started in a web series, someone's talking about theirs, you bring yours up, not because you're trying to be self-promotional, but because you bring yours up, not because you're trying to be self-promotional, but because you have skin in this game because you loved what you created and you want to share it with people and you're proud of it and it was passionate for you. And I will say sharing on that level with that framework, to me, always reads differently. Like I can tell when someone's sharing something because they love it and they're passionate about it, even if they're sort of using the same words as someone who's trying to be self-promotional. Like if you really love it, which you seem like you do because you're very thoughtful

about it, like remember how passionate and confident you are to have gotten to even this stage where you're hustling to do it. And leading with that kind of framework might make it feel a little bit more fun, like what Chelsea was saying, going from Instagram feeling like a headache to like, oh, no, I have fun with it. Well, and something that a friend of mine did, this might be helpful to sort of distance yourself from the fact that you have to say this stuff about yourself. A friend of mine, when he was building his business, and this was just like a regular business, not entertainment industry thing. But he set himself up a Gmail. It was like a made up person. Shannon Jones at Gmail dot com. And he would get either himself. He would write emails or he would get like an online assistant, like someone who's very low cost through Elance or another one of those online companies. And he would just have that same email. Someone could send stuff through that same email. So if he had to switch assistants, they could still be sending from that same email address. And it helped him to sort of like put himself out there in a way that was

not him touting his own wares, but like seemed like he had a team when he couldn't afford to have a team. So maybe that can help give you a little distance from that. Well, wow, that was great. Do you feel like you got some good advice today, Kristen? Well, wow. That was great. Do you feel like you got some good advice today, Kristen? Yes, I do. Thank you. Oh, well, good. Well, good. Yeah. I think you're going to be just fine. Okay. Great. I'll report back. Yeah. Report back to us. Okay. You can take a little bit of what we all said. We all gave you good stuff. So yeah. Awesome. Thank you. All right. Nice to meet you. Thanks, Kristen. Kristen.

Oh, girls helping girls. Isn't that just heartwarming? I love it. Yeah. I know. If I had come into the business now and had to like hustle in this environment, I don't know. It's too many, so many balls in the air, but you just have to take one ball at a time and

just be like, okay, I'm going to do this, this and this, because otherwise everything is overwhelming. And staying in your lane. That's another thing. God, I hate giving him so much credit. But that Dax taught me is like, you know, 10 years ago when I would just be like, man, Michelle Williams got it again. I'm never going to get that part. He he just looks at me and he goes, stay in your lane.

Like, stop trying to be this like indie actress just because you think that that's cool at the moment. Like, you have a weird quirky vibe. Be in movies that have a weird quirky vibe. If they're commercial, they're commercial. If they win, they win. If they don't, they don't. But like, I think that applies a lot to now when it's like, you know, right when you master Instagram, all of a sudden TikTok comes out. What the fuck is TikTok?

I don't know. I don't know how to do that. So it's like you have to do you have to be good with writing because you have to be on Twitter and promoting yourself and then you have to do Instagram and then you have to also audition. And like she's saying, you have to be able to write your own stuff. And it's just like too many hats. So pick two that you love or three that you love and just stay in those lanes. Yeah, that's good advice for anybody who's comparing themselves to other people anyway, because that's such a futile game and it comes up all the time on this podcast. And it's, you know, and in this industry,

and it's hard not to compare yourself to other people, but like, as long as you are, you're missing your mark. You know, as long as you're looking around, you are missing where you're standing. And the only person that you should ever compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. Is Dax. Is Dax. Well, our next question comes from Abigail. She says, Dear Chelsea, about two years ago, my sister told me I needed to read Chelsea's book. Life will be the death of me because Chelsea

reminded her a little bit too much of me. I'm a black and white thinker, stubborn, I think I'm right all the time, and I hate being coddled. As you can imagine, this makes it incredibly difficult to find a therapist or psychiatrist, but I need one. But the idea of sitting in the room after paying to tell someone about my trauma for an hour to see if we're a good fit really just sounds like the most exhausting version of a first date. I'm curious how you found your therapist, Dan, and how you knew he was the one for you. What did you look for in a psychiatrist? And do you have any tips to weed out the pool of candidates?

Abigail. Well, we can both speak to this because we both are very pro-therapy. I'll go first because I think it's important. I met my guy because I was interviewing him on my old talk show on Netflix. So that's not how you're going to meet yours unless you have a talk show on Netflix and you can interview psychiatrists. But the more important reason was because I knew like you that I needed to make a change and that my anger was getting too unmanageable and that I needed some help to articulate what was really underneath that anger, which is for everybody is different, but it's usually an injury or deep hurt, something that you haven't been able to look at or accurately articulate. In my case, it was something that happened to me when I was very young.

But, you know, you can't look at therapy and go, I don't want to deal with that because that is what therapy is, not wanting to deal with things. So, you know, I didn't take a lot of joy in going to my therapist's office week after week when I knew I'd break down and be vulnerable in front of a man, which was my number one issue. Not being vulnerable in front of men was like my way to protect myself against any hurt or any disappointment from any male. But it's a process just like it is to go out and date. Like, yeah, nobody wants to go on a bunch of first dates, but it's necessary if you're it is to go out and date. Like, yeah, nobody wants to go on a bunch of first dates, but it's necessary if you're really serious about finding somebody that's compatible to you. And that applies to therapists too.

So you kind of, you know, the first step is always the hardest step. And then once you take the first step, there's a domino effect that happens just by you putting the energy towards healing yourself and trying to find the person. It comes to you more easily when you are open and willing instead of shutting down and resisting it. So as long as you make, you know, go to a therapist,

find somebody, get a reference from a friend or referral from a friend, or go to BetterHelp online, go, you know, whatever, however casual or serious you want to make your encounter, but that will give you a direction of what's going to work for you. And if you go and you meet with somebody and it doesn't work, then that's no reason for you to give up. That's more of an impetus for you to go to the next person and try it out again. You don't have to tell people your life story to find out if it's a fit. That's not what a first therapy session really is anyway. I agree. And I will even jump off of one thing you need to do before all that. You need to sit sit down open your calendar and decide how many hours a week are you willing to put into you and maybe that's one hour a week

maybe that's six but what how badly do you want personal growth and how many hours a week are you willing to devote to that maybe it's four that seems fairly reasonable if you're like i really want personal growth i'm gonna give this four hours. Well, maybe one hour is making a list of texting some friends. Do you guys go to a therapist? Do you like him? If so, why? Or looking up someone online or going to BetterHelp. And then the other three are scheduled appointments.

So don't go in thinking that this is going to be your soulmate, like, because not all therapists are the same. Everybody's got a different style. I knew I was in love with my therapist when the first time I went in, I, can you hear my husband clearing his throat in the background? Um, I, he's so loud. I went into my therapist, Harry, and, and I started talking and he said, just let me, let me tell you one thing. You, I am so happy to take your a hundred dollars this hour and you can talk for as long as you want. When you would like a solution, you just let me know. And no one had ever spoken to me like that in my life.

And I was like, what? It was so practical and it was so attractive. And he was like, yeah, there will be an end to you complaining and there will be a solution when you start the work. And everything works like that. If you want to get a really rock and core and you want to be super strong, you don't do one sit up. You go back to the gym all the time or you do whatever activities you need to do. So you got to decide how much effort you're willing to pour into yourself. And once you, once you acknowledge that, then give those

hours into the trial and error that will be necessary to find the person that will help you with the most personal growth. And that adjustment period is much quicker than we all think. We always think it's such a hurdle and it's not. It is so easy to rehabituate your habits and to all of a sudden get addicted to personal growth. Because once you get in with somebody that is giving you information that you're able to digest and apply to your life, it becomes addictive. And then you realize, oh, wow, I can change and I could become this better version of myself and I can apply all of these things in real time. And that in and of itself becomes something so worthwhile. I mean, nobody's ever gone to therapy and been like, wow, that was a mistake. You know, I mean,

there are some shitty therapists, but therapy overall as an idea is always going to benefit you. It's just like meditation. No one's like, fuck, I can't believe I meditated this morning. That ruined my day. And also remember, even if you go to one that gives you advice you don't think is fitting for you, that's fine. Then you still have checked something off the list. I found the type of advice I don't like. I found the type of advice I don't like. I found the type of

advice I don't need right now. That's not going to work for me. Either I'm not there yet to apply it or it genuinely isn't something I need to work on and this person sort of misread the situation or I didn't explain it accurately, whatever it is. But be open. I mean, I will say like, I love getting advice from people. I love knowing how people accomplished little things, whether it's cooking or raising kids or relationship or whatever. You can take all of it in. You don't have to use any of it. But once you know what works for you, that's when you're starting your ascension. Yeah. And I would even say to this point of like shitty therapists, like you said, Chelsea, or somebody who's just not a right fit for you is don't do what I did many years ago when I got someone who

was legitimately a lemon like she did not know anything about me from week to week she would be like oh how's your boyfriend Greg and I'd be like my husband Brad I love that shit yeah I saw her just enough times for her to uncover a lot of like deep hurt that I had specifically around my father. And, you know, I previously had had a good relationship with my father. And after that, like I quit going to her after having that stuff uncovered and being like, she doesn't know who I am. Whatever. This is fine. I'm going to not go anymore. So I quit and I didn't immediately find another therapist. And I went through a year of just like being really angry at my dad because I had all this like stuff that

had gotten uncovered but then hadn't gotten dealt with. So don't do what I did. And if you get a lemon or somebody who's just not a good fit, go find somebody else. But you see the value in that as well, though. Now you can frame any situation, even if it's negative, with value of like, oh, I walked out of that relationship. That relationship with that therapist who was a lemon was a value to you because now you know what you don't want. So you can sort of twist it into a positive, not to be too sunshine and rainbows about

it, but you really can't twist it into a positive of going, well, now I know what I don't want. And that's more information I have. Yeah, more information and a way for you to set the standard for the next time that you go. Okay. So, well, I think that this was all great. First of all, Kristen, I knew you'd be good at giving advice because you are, and I was right because my instincts are good. And we're going to close this out, but I wanted to ask you one thing, Kristen, that I'm curious about, because I know you have a lot of close friendships. You guys have a big friend group,

both you and Dax together. How do you handle conflict with your friendships? You're not going to like this answer. It's not buried under the rug. We edited. I'm a big fan of editing. The pandemic allowed us to create a social experiment that we never would have done, which is, you know, those hundred people that are in your phone that you're always like, hey, next month, let's grab a cup of Joe. And you don't, or you do, and it's miserable, but you feel like you should or whatever. We picked, there's 10 adults, 10 kids in our pod. We're always close with these people, but it was never like this group of people shut off the rest of the world.

But during the pandemic, we realized there's such a comfort level here that everyone is not on the same page, but the compatibility level is there. Nobody wants conflict to be in this group. And everybody kind of has a role and the dynamics are acceptable to everyone that we just edited everybody else out. Like we don't really hang out with a ton of new people at all. We continually receive new information and because we're always, you know, reading books or talking about things. But the reality is I don't experience much conflict with my friends because I don't tolerate negativity. When I get that bad feeling in my stomach, I steer clear of it. Well, that's good advice. And that's a good way for us to end this podcast today,

because I think that's a very important thing that people who really are interested in getting themselves healthy do eventually reject negative vibes and negative people around them. And that's a good lesson for everybody to have or learn. Chelsea, I think we have to take a quick break before we wrap up with Kristen. Okay. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really Know Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your

cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you, and the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's gonna drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston

is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really, No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really, No Really.

Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Chelsea, I just want to ask you before we go, do you, you seem like a fairly, tell me if I'm reading this wrong, not codependent person. Do you have any advice for me about how to, whether it's a mantra or a framework or a practice, because I struggle with codependency so often, to help me just be a

little less paralyzingly codependent? I am not codependent. You're right. I am very the opposite of codependent. But that's, I think, because I don't have a lot of responsibilities that would make me codependent. I'm in a relationship right now where my boyfriend is codependent. He wants to be together every single minute and do everything together. And I allow that because I have a pretty healthy relationship with myself and I understand when I need the time to myself. But as far as something suggesting something to you, I would suggest something to you. Something that really helps me understand who I am and to be alone with like, I think it's so important to sit with yourself for a certain period of time each day, even if it's called Wellbeing Challenges. He's got tons of different sections, but there's a wellbeing challenge

that is all about you and living with yourself, like in living in unity with yourself and the universe and living with love and living with abundance and moving with love. And it's all just about your relationship with yourself and the strength that you have within. And then that is unflappable no matter what is happening around you, that you are so anchored and centered. So that's a great,

great practice that I can recommend that has helped me immensely remind myself when I'm feeling like I'm being tugged or that that vibe is coming in. Well-being challenges. Okay. I need to apply that because I will say I just got back from, I did a movie in London. I got back about 10 days ago and I was there for seven weeks and the family had come out to visit, but I will tell you the weeks that they weren't there, the weekend days where I wasn't working, I woke up in the morning and I was like, I could get out of bed, but why?

What would be the point? Because I realized I actually don't have many, if any, goals or aspirations or desires when I'm not orbiting around or with someone else. Like I was like, well, I could get out of this hotel room, but like, what would I even do? Go look at the- Right, right.

But that's normal. That's normal to want to sit in bed all day. Like your family's away, you're not working. Like, of course. And there I need to cut myself some slack. but I did find it like interesting to go oh when I'm not orbiting around someone else because I'm not codependent in the fact that I always want to be with someone I just want to be in the same vicinity like I like to have the tribe in the house but I don't need to be like in the same room or doing the same thing as you but I do need to

know you're happy with me and it's like that ache of going, are you happy with me? Did I do enough for you? Did I, like, I don't know, are you approving of my behavior? Super speeds all of my own instincts or desires. And I'm desperately working on going, no, I don't need to actually worry about what you're processing, whether it's about me or someone else. I need to worry about my side of the street. And yeah, maybe those wellbeing challenges will allow me to get to know myself. Because it reminds you that you're enough. Everything you're doing is enough. And it's just always grounding and centering to think about there's one where he talks about grounding yourself in like your lower abdomen. And I was like, what, you know, and at first some of it just sounds so unreachable. And then I, then as I was going on stage, whenever I was feeling like fluttery or butterflies or waiting for the audience to

respond before to indicate or dictate my show was, Oh, how was the audience experiencing this? And it's like, I remember going, no, you ground yourself. And then the audience is going to experience you being grounded. And then it doesn't matter what their, what their reaction is. You're settled. You're strong. And change their whole reaction to your show by doing that. Cause that's one thing I do fully believe in. Cause I absorb everyone's energy around me. Like if you come into the room and you were just teary eyed, I will feel sad and I won't even know why. And I hate that that happens, but I like absorb everyone's energy and, and, and sitting with. And I hate that that happens, but I like absorb everyone's energy and, and, and sitting with my own energy and letting that be on the front burner is really,

really hard for me. But I know that when people can do that, you can affect the room around you. Like I would bet that you might even have a better show because not just because you've been grounded and maybe performed better, but because you've influenced the audience to not, and you've not come on stage with like anxiety. Yeah, absolutely. Not reacting to other people's reactions. It's you.

The idea is to be, remain steadfast and unflappable. So try that and report back, Kristen. I expect a full report back. I'm going to write in, I'm going to call in. Thank you for being with us today.

I love and adore you. Please say hi to your lover for me, to our lover, because he told me that he, I was one of his cheat sheets, potentially. If he could. Thank you for being with us today. I love and adore you. Please say hi to your lover for me, to our lover, because he told me that I was one of his cheat sheets, potentially, if he could. You know what, he's a lot, so go for it. I know, too much for me to handle.

I couldn't handle that kind of codependency. I'd be like, no, I already have one to deal with. But I love you. I hope you have a great day. Thanks for being with us on the podcast. Thank you, love you too, bye. Bye-bye. And if you'd like to get advice from Chelsea and one of her guests, please write in to dearchelseaproject

at gmail.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.