Dear Chelsea - Baby Daddy’s Weekend with Elle King

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Country star Elle King joins Chelsea to talk about Facetime Sex, why hoes make more money, and what really happened that night at that Grand Ole Opry.  Then: A traveling musician wonders if she and her sweetie can make it through a tour. The owner of a jazz club struggles to find confidence on the stage she built. And a married co-worker finds out her crush might be into her after all.   * Need some advice from Chelsea? Email us at [e-mail] * Executive Producer Catherine Law Edited & Engineered by Brad Dickert * * * * * The views and opinions expressed are solely those of the Podcast author, or individuals participating in the Podcast, and do not represent the opinions of iHeartMedia or its employees.  This Podcast should not be used as medical advice, mental health advice, mental health counseling or therapy, or as imparting any health care recommendations at all.  Individuals are advised to seek independent medical, counseling advice and/or therapy from a competent health care professional with respect to any medical condition, mental health issues, health inquiry or matter, including matters discussed on this Podcast. Guests and listeners should not rely on matters discussed in the Podcast and shall not act or shall refrain from acting based on information contained in the Podcast without first seeking independent medical advice.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together, our mission on the Really Know Really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor, what's in the museum of failure, and does your dog truly love you? We have the answer. Go to reallyknowreally.com

and register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. The Really Know Really podcast. Follow us on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Oh, good morning, Catherine. Good morning. Hi, Chelsea. It's not morning. Is it morning?

It is. I don't know what time frame I'm on. I've decided that time zones do not exist. I just flew in. I was in New York for 36 hours. Announcing my New Vegas residency, by the way, guys. I just flew in. I was in New York for 36 hours announcing my new Vegas residency, by the way, guys, I'm so excited. Chelsea at the Chelsea at the Cosmopolitan Theater. Tickets go on sale. Presale starts Saturday. And my first date is September 1st for Labor Day weekend.

And I have four more dates that I announced in September and October for Vegas. And then we also added a whole other bunch of shows for my Little Big Bitch tour. It's all the same. So you know, whether you come there, you come to Vegas, or come twice. We love to come twice. Yes, everyone likes to come twice. That's what I'll name my next tour. That'll be that every time I name a tour I put some bad word in it like last tour was vaccinated so it got flagged on Instagram anytime someone forwarded it it would be like flagged and this time it was a little big bitch which is also a problem putting bitch in a title it's like I don't know how to do anything and a reminder that I'm coming to the Santa Barbara Bowl which I'm so excited about and the King's Theater in Brooklyn. I cannot wait for that.

Yeah, that's theater. I'm playing some venues that I've... Wanted to for a long time? Yeah. Santa Barbara Bowl, I played once before, and it was epic. It's such a beautiful spot. I love it. And then, no, I've never played the King's Theater in Brooklyn. And so that's exciting news. I had a great time. I saw Juliana Margulies, our co-host. How's she doing uh she's great

she got a haircut and so her hair was looking very she was looking very sexual last i mean like still curly though right no no straight it's been straight for a while oh i miss the curls i know i know but maybe it's been like 20 years since the curls i don't know you katherine i know you have to respect her and her privacy which is what I'm not doing right now. By outing her for having straight hair. I'm also coming to Dallas, Texas, Austin, Texas, Sugar Land, Texas, all in November 15th, 16th, 17th. And I'm coming to New Orleans and Atlanta, Georgia at the end of December. So please get your tickets right before New Year's Eve.

What will I do this year for New Year's Eve. What will I do this year for New Year's Eve? What will you do? Celebrate that my house will fucking be done. Sorry. Sorry, guys. I hate to get aggressive.

That's okay. We had a little incident with the little old lady who runs the studio this morning. She urinated on the floor like Doug did when we shot the promos

for Vegas? Basically. We had it out this morning and so I'm very glad that we'll be at your podcast studio which is oh you did you got into it with her and you know what like it feels so fun when you're like totally justified to be like back the fuck up as you would say yeah yeah back the duck up according depending on who you're talking to yeah you know there's always something when we

come in because somebody's changed a setting or logged out or whatever and she had the audacity to call me a pain in the ass. And I went back and I said, don't talk to me like that. And it was amazing. Oh, I was joking. I said, I know you were joking, but don't talk to me like that. I don't appreciate it. This is the workplace. I mean, it just felt so good, Chelsea.

It felt so good. Good for you. I'm riding high. Wearing your Dear Chelsea hat. By the way, merch is available at ChelseaHandler.com, right? Where you buy all your tickets for my shows. You can also get merch for Dear Chelsea. I had a really, really meaningful conversation or exchange, I should say, with this woman

at the airport the other day. I don't know what day it is. Okay. So I just came straight from the airport. So it could have been this morning. I'm not sure. But about the podcast. And she was telling me about an episode that really impacted her and how much she loved

it. It was really sweet. I love that. She's like, thank God for your podcast. Thank you. It's such great advice. I was like, really? I sometimes I forget I even have a podcast. And then I'm like, that's so wonderful. I don't. I'm like, please let me pin you down for like an hour so we can record. I know. I know. We have we just signed a new deal for our podcast, guys. So we're going to be here for a long time. That's right. Going into another season. Yes, we're going into another two seasons.

Oh, fabulous. I love hearing that. That's exciting. Great. So yes, I'm very grateful to all of our listeners. Do we have a call to action, Karen? Karen? Karen?

Is Karen here? No, you have a new Karen in your life. Karen, my old assistant, is back in my life, you guys. Karen was my assistant. She was an intern on Chelsea Lately. You could tell that I just had a caffeine pack. I can't drink coffee, you guys, because it makes me sweat. And I just got off a plane from New York, which I'm already sweating because of how gross that is.

Even though I took a shower. And then I took a wet wipe shower when I got here, like a whore's bath, which I'm not opposed to at all. But yes, Karen was an not opposed to at all. But yes, Karen was an intern on Chelsea Lately. And then she became like an assistant to my assistant. And then she became my main assistant. And then she wanted to go work in the music business. And now she's back in my life. I'm thrilled. She is an awesome lady. She's the best. She is the best. It's so nice to be reunited with someone in your life that you care so much about. And someone who just like facilitates things and is like pleasant.

I mean, it's just she's great. I just think she's wonderful. Yes. Not as opposed to anyone else other than maybe the lady from this morning. Pleasantry is always nice. Pleasant behavior. We have a guest who's going to be in studio today, Chelsea. Oh, yes.

I love this girl's music. I love her attitude. I like everything about her. She's got a new single out called Baby Daddy's Weekend and her name is Elle King. This is my first time. I never get to say that anymore. Wow, Doug.

Oh, Doug. It's going down on our desk. It's already going so well. Oh, my God. I'm so sorry, Elle. Honestly, we know each other now. Please welcome Doug Handler and Elle King. They arrived together in studio, and Doug just got caught between her legs. Okay, now he's lying down. Elle King, I want to talk about, first of all, I'm a huge fan of your music.

I love you. Would you consider yourself a country music artist? Yeah. I would. Good, because I shouldn't be categorizing any sort of music. Okay. So you're a country musician. Yeah, now I make country. Now?

Yes. As opposed to earlier when you didn't make country? Well, when I first started, I was making alternative rock, and it crossed over into pop so I was in that kind of whole world for a while and then I sang a duet with this big country artist named Dierks Bentley and I've slept with him I know him okay sick yeah great great guy thank you um chiseled abs and I was like country's more fun country does that country is more fun but it also feels like country is broader than it used to be. 100%. And it still is evolving and changing in a lot of different ways.

And they haven't, well, they tried to kick me out, but I'm holding on for dear life. How did they, I mean, first of all, I want to comment on all of your tattoos because you're the first woman that I've sat this close to with a neck tattoo, I think. Oh, okay. Yeah. And I've never, I've never seen it. What is that is that a snake a serpent yeah yeah yeah a serpent yeah my favorite really fucking hate snakes yeah I don't want to like hold one but I you want one on your neck yeah right okay so when they first tried to kick you out what happened um no they didn't try to kick me

out for a while I feel like country was pretty like warm and welcoming to me and they and they still are I think a lot of the people in the country world are rebels in a lot of ways um which I kind of related to and my family's from Ohio and so I felt kind of at home in that space where I felt very not at home or comfortable in the pop world because I was like this thick bitch and people were kind of mean and drinking green drinks. And I was like, I like getting shit-faced. I'm with you.

Yeah. I like getting shit-faced as well. And a lot of people just didn't really vibe with me. And then country was like, we drink and have fun and it's cool. And we also like play arenas and I was like oh that's sick I know it's funny to think that like a certain genres of music allow for certain types of behavior yeah like rap is one category and then country but pop stars aren't allowed to be fucked up or drinking or smoking why I don't know I mean that's the problem is that they should be

drinking and smoking like out in the open so it doesn't become such a problem. Yeah. You know, like a little bit of this and a little bit of that goes a longer way than most people think rather than putting up guardrails and saying, no, you can't do this. Yeah. That usually backfires. So what age did you start to become pretty successful? I'd say like around 26. I got signed. I mean, I've been playing shows and touring since I was like 15 years old. Did that mean you missed out on high school? Oh my gosh. I went to so many different schools. I got kicked out of every school that I went to.

I was very bad in school. I didn't give a shit. And I don't know. But like teachers from all the schools I went to would like come to my shows. And my mom would like help me get into bars. She didn't care I had a fake ID or anything. And I got signed around 22, 23, and then slept with a lot of people, wrote X's and O's,

and I was probably around 26, and that song kind of just blew up. A lot of things you're saying remind me very much of my own experience. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. My first book was about sleeping with a lot of things you're saying remind me very much of my own experience. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. My first book was about sleeping with a lot of guys. Great. And that put me on the map in books.

I mean, there's money in hoeing. There is. And there weren't enough. You know what the thing is, is there weren't enough women talking about it because we're only now experiencing women being proud of being able to say, yeah, I sleep around a lot and I actually enjoy that. Yeah. I enjoy multiple lovers in my life.

That is a goal of mine. And I have accomplished it. And I'm very happy about it. Yeah. You have a son. I do. Because one of your songs is Baby Daddy's Weekend. Baby Daddy's Weekend.

Yeah. Right. And that's about your baby's daddy. Yeah. So how does that play into your lifestyle? How does that play into touring? What do you do with your son? How old is he?

He's two and a half. Oh, he's a baby. Yeah, he's like, I like have like a kid. He's so cute. He's so cool. He's traveled all over the world with me. He's like hugged kangaroos in Australia at two years old. Like, that's pretty cool.

And he's, I don't know, he's my little road dog. And how do you, how does it, you just take him everywhere you go? I take him everywhere I go. And how many days a year are you touring? Like how many shows a year do you do typically? Probably like 150, 200. Oh yeah. Last year we did a lot and the baby was with me, I mean, everywhere that I went.

Now he's getting a little bit older and I, because I co-parent, he'll come with me on my weeks. Right. So tell me about the music business, like the industry and your experience as a woman and your experience with other women who've helped you like along the way or men who have helped you along the way. I mean, I've had like a lot of great people that I've met along the way. A lot of men never really knew what to do with me because they either, like, didn't like me

because they weren't attracted to me or they hated me because they weren't attracted to me, but they knew that I was a good singer. And so, like, I had, like, a lot of, like, weird experiences of, like, having to push through that. But I also grew up, like, like a fat girl, so I had to be really funny. And I was always in trouble.

And I could talk my way. Like I've never been arrested. Like believe it or not. I know neck tattoos, shocker. But like I've talked my way out of handcuffs because I can make some, I can make a guy laugh, you know. But I saw a lot of weird things in Hollywood. And it was like kind of weird to me. And nobody seemed very happy. But I loved music. And I was a very emotional teenager and a really, really sensitive and emotional child.

And when I started playing music, it was like the only thing that I could like put my emotions down. And it's like this cathartic thing to like write songs, you know? So I got like my first residency in Brooklyn when I was like 16 years old and people just started hearing me and I went by my mom's last name and just kind of took off from there. And then the people who helped me are like a lot of friends. Like I was laughing with my friend today of 15 years. She was like, yeah, bitch, you're first South by Southwest. I fucking gave you money to buy fucking clothes.

And I don't know. I feel very blessed. I always think like no success is your own. You know what I mean? It belongs to all of the people who helped you achieve it. Totally. I always get asked that question about women because when I was coming up, women were like you weren't on each other's side. There wasn't room for a lot of women. And so like now that just seems to be melting away where people are like, oh no, we can

actually celebrate the success. Someone, you know, blowing somebody else's candle out doesn't make yours brighter. There's room for everybody. And, but that feels more recent, that vibe. Yeah. Unfortunately. Yeah. My, my candle's usually like behind in like a dumpster or something. It's under your car. Yeah, under my car. Fucking just got towed, so.

So do you like touring? Do you like being on the road? I do. I feel like I'm better at that. You're either made for touring or you're not. And you find out real fucking quick. I'm definitely made for it. I don't do well sitting in one place for a long time. I go

totally nuts. I'm kind of kooky, I guess, in a lot of ways. But like, I actually crave schedule and routine. And also like my my touring family, like my band, most of them have been with me for like over eight years. So they're my longest relationship. And they're incredible human beings. And they're the most talented musicians. They've taught me everything that I know. And they've stuck by me through like a lot of bullshit. What you're just saying about structure, you know, with personalities that are very creative.

Because I don't like everything you're saying. I agree with so much. I don't like to be stuck in one place. I don't like to be tethered. I don't like someone to say I have to even be anywhere for like six weeks unless it's my choice and I'm skiing because I could do that for six weeks. But I don't like that. And when, when structure is provided, even in like, you know, as you're wandering around the world, but there's a structure to it, you're able to actually let your creative juices fly in a much more, you know, because you do have the structure. Without the structure, you'd be a fucking hot mess. Like I would be a mess.

I need some sort of parameters. As long as I'm in control and no one is telling me what to do, that's great. That's great. Yeah, exactly. Have you had any major blowups with men in this business? You don't have to name names, but where you really had to lay into a man? Because I did that recently and it felt great. Oh, my friend was listening outside because I was just retelling the story this weekend and my friend was listening outside. And when I came out of the room that I was reading him in, she said, how did you learn how to talk to men like that?

And I was like, oh, I'll teach you. Yeah, you got to stand up for yourself, girl. Yeah, I've had like a lot of moments. And I mean, probably too many that I can't even be like, hang on, like, let me just sift through and see. Any particular ones that you're very proud of the way you handled yourself? Never. That's a hard no good answer yeah but I I think it from their perspective because you know I hate this about myself but like I try to see from both sides but I don't know I I grew up around a lot of actors

and like it's just weird that like people get mad at you because of who your parents are. And I don't know if my son is going to want to be a singer. Maybe he wants to be an actor, you know? No offense, but I hope not a comedian. And, like, I don't want him to be like, well, fuck me. Like, my mom is, like, the drunk country singer, you know? You had a bad experience, right, where you were performing somewhere and you got in trouble for being drunk on stage. Yes. I've also been there. Okay. And what happened? I didn't really get into trouble, but I did it. And like, it was, it was a big show with thousands of people, you know, and I just was embarrassed. I wasn't like a news item, but I've done it. Chelsea,

was it in like the time before everything was picked apart on social media? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah, I know. That's great. So that's what, yeah. Yeah. Okay, so this is my first time actually talking about it.

Okay. That was really crazy. Tell us what happened. All right. Okay, okay. So I did a big no-no. I not only cussed on stage, hammered at the Grand Ole Opry, but it was Dolly Parton's birthday,

and the Opry was doing a Dolly Parton tribute. I haven't spoken about it because, one, I had to just chill. It was a big deal. There were two shows that night. I know in stand-up comedy, a lot of times there's two shows a day. So there was an early show and then a late show. I had been going through something very heavy and traumatic in my life at the time. And that day was a really big day dealing with what I was going through and

that I'm still going through. And I suffer from like severe PTSD. That day, I hadn't eaten. I hadn't slept in days. And I was really overwhelmed. I was like a shell of myself. And they called me and there was a big snowstorm that day. And this other singer who's supposed to be the headliner backed out like three hours before. And they asked me if I would sing, if I would be the headliner and sing Jolene. I was like, great. I know that song. First show, fucking perfect. I take one shot too many.

And I'm just not there in my body. I'm not there. I don't remember it. All I remember, I don't even remember what I said. I know now what I said. I said, I'm milking and I'm fucking hammered. And I got the curtain dropped on me. And then like, I just get like flashes of this. And I was totally 100% disassociated. And I just cut to like, the dressing room, me like on the floor, just like sobbing, like, what have I done? And then the next day it was like everywhere, everywhere.

And I was mortified. And I hand wrote an apology letter to the Opry and I hand wrote an apology letter to Dolly. And Dolly called me a couple days later and she's just like literally a she's like proof that angels exist she just gave me really kind words and told me well Dolly's not mad at you why should the world be and made me laugh and like like that's the kindness from women you know like that's that's the stuff that I've received that I'll never forget ever, because I wanted to fucking die. And I don't know, I had to like remove myself from the population for a while, because it just, it wasn't getting any better. It's like, if I had a dick would it be different I don't know but I also didn't want to even put any energy into that because one regardless of what I was doing in my life and what was happening to me that I don't feel like I owe to anybody in the

fucking world to try and explain and I also don't think that it does excuse the fact that maybe I shouldn't have fucking been drinking. You know, this is like a sacred stage and I fucked up. And so for all the people who are asking for an apology from me, hey, if you were there that night and I didn't get a chance to say I'm sorry to you, I apologize. And I saw like your post from around that time as well. And the fact that you were like to everyone, you know, who was there, I love you and I'm sorry. And to everyone who's just being a dick to me on the internet, I love you and I'm sorry. That was weren't your exact words. But I thought that was like very big of you because people are kind of just nasty all of the time about anything on the internet these days.

People were telling me to surrender my child, that I'm an unfit mother, and that I should off myself. And like. Which is crazy. Maybe I did have a little, like, aggression built up of that. And it's like the people who were sending me these messages weren't at the show. And, like, I feel, you know, Dolly even said it, like, no one is going to be harder on me than me. Like, I was very, very hard on myself. And I'm mortified.

Yes. And that's it. And that's it. And that's it. That's all you can do. It's like we all make mistakes like that. Everyone makes mistakes, whether they're that kind of mistake or a different kind. It doesn't matter. But I will say, like, that was me hitting a massive brick wall.

And I made changes in my life. And I feel like I'm becoming a stronger person because of it. I'm not grateful for it. But at the same time, like I can find a silver lining in literally anything. And like, I'm going to choose to use this as a tool to not defeat me, but to make me hopefully a better person. And I can learn from my mistakes. Now, I don't drink before I go up and sing. And they're the best shows I've ever played. And I'm proud to say that, you know? Yeah.

Yeah, I still drink before I perform. I want to announce that. So I don't want anyone to get their hopes up that something different is going to happen for me. Okay, on that note, we're going to take a break and we'll be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast,

our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like... Why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth.

Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer. And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Brian Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir.

Bless you all. Hello, Newman. And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No, really.

Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason Bobblehead. It's called Really? No, Really? And you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you need advice from Chelsea, write in to dearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com.

You can ask about your biggest dating conundrums, the cheating scandal that's rocking your friend group, the funniest marital disagreements you need Chelsea to weigh in on, or anything else. That's DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And we're back with Elle King. We're back. We're back with Elle King, Catherine, and questions from callers. So many questions. We actually have some very fun and specific ones from people who are in music. Okay, great. Our first question, we're going to go to a caller

first. Excellent. She's about to go on stage in London, so we'll get her on her merry way. So Effie is 32, and her subject line is love on tour. Dear Chelsea, I'm a touring musician who's on the road about seven or eight months out of the year. I've had trouble keeping relationships alive when I'm gone so often that I've given up and then spent a good year and a half exploring myself and had a great time hooking up all over the world. But now I have a boyfriend that I truly love, and I want to ensure that our relationship survives the ups and downs of tour life. He doesn't have a visa to visit America.

We live in Mexico, and he's from Mexico City, so he can't just up and visit me in the States or Europe when I have time off. So besides communication and trusting the process, as a fellow touring entertainer, what advice do you have to keep things exciting and to not let your fears and anxieties creep in? I'm really great at self-sabotaging, and I'd really like to see this relationship survive the next three-month stint I'm gone for. Effie.

Hi, Effie. Hi, Effie. Hi. How are you? Oh, we're good. Thank you. We have our special guest. Elle King is here today.

She's going to help give us advice. Hi. Hi. Yes, you're talking to two people who tour for a living, so that's perfect. Exactly. Perfect. That's exactly what I need. Would you like to go first?

I'd love to go first. I feel like as a touring musician, any relationship you're in is a long distance relationship. So you have to have a very strong, firm foundation of trust. Otherwise, there's no, there's nothing to build on. They also don't sound like they've had enough time to build a foundation of trust, right?

How long have you been together? Seven months. And two and a half of those months, I was on tour back in November and December. So it's like we've only really been together three and a half, four months. Well, that's enough to build some sort of foundation. Yeah.

Also, are you concerned about his behavior while you're away? Whose behavior are you concerned about? Yours? I'm not even necessarily concerned about the behavior. Well, I've had boyfriends who have cheated in the past while I'm away because they just use that as an excuse to go tour other people. So I think I'm just, I just have my own mental stress

and struggles about like, you know, I trust him and I love him very much, but it's just the communication that's really hard, especially now I'm in England and he's in Mexico. So there's an eight hour time difference and I don't expect him to talk to me all day, every day. I just I need something. Are you checking in?

Are you texting at all? Oh, I text all the time. I'm one of those annoying multiple bubble kind of texters. Yeah, me too. But he's just inherently not a phone person. And, you know, he's just he doesn't look at it. He doesn't think, you know, that flag is Rojo. It's so I know, it's so annoying. He's like that, even when we're together. Like, if somebody texts him, he just he doesn't look at the phone when we're together

one on one, I am priority, which is awesome. Like we never touch our phones, unless we're playing like a little game together. So I love that very much about him. So I understand why he's not constantly on his phone to text me. But when I think of him, I'm like, hey, hope you're having a great day. And it just seems like I have to like pull that out of him, you know, and it is fucking annoying. Have you communicated to him that you would crave like a faster response? Because I'm a rapid texter. And if I don't get like immediate gratification, we have a problem. I like that as well. Yeah, I like texting. Yeah, I like texting. And God, I would rather choke on a needle than FaceTime or call like on the phone. I have a social anxiety about that,

even if it's people I love. But yeah, actually just yesterday, because I was at the airport waiting to board my flight to London. So I had many gin and tonics and I finally texted him and I said, Hey, you know, officially right now things are going to get really hard and I need for you to be better and be a little bit more aware of what's going on with our relationship. And it's going to be hard and I don't think he's really processed that yet. Has he responded? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he did.

Yeah. He did. Yeah, what did he say? It was actually better than I anticipated. I thought he was going to kind of get on my case about being needy or being annoying. But he said, I know that I need to be better. And I know that you know I'm not a phone person. But when it comes to love and reassurance, it needs to be more often.

So I'm sorry he apologized. And I appreciate that. This is, I mean, I feel like you. Yeah, I feel like you yeah I feel like you already solved your problem before you called I know but I think it's my like how do you not stifle that's not the right word but like how do you kind of put your own anxieties at ease like I'm just a naturally anxious person all the time yeah So my mind immediately goes to like the darkest place possible. And with relationships where I've had experience that end really badly because they get

bored that I'm not home or they have their own jealousy or they have their own insecurities. It's just, I want to make sure that I tread carefully and correctly to make sure that this lasts. Can I say something? What I heard and what I took from everything that you just said, it sounds like maybe there's some inner work that you can do to find calm and peace within you and trust yourself and your own gut and your own intuition that will only help fuel a loving relationship outwardly if you start in inside first and calm that and I think with that kind of self-love and self-trust and like all of that comes you know leaving a lot of the other past

traumas from other relationships and not being carried into the next one. That's what I don't do that personally, but I feel like that could maybe be helpful for you. Yeah. You know what else? I think you definitely need to do that. You have to start having a different conversation with yourself because it's like you're letting

your negative thoughts overpower your positive thoughts. And with distance and time, like there, you cannot control what another person is going to do. Okay. So that's one, one thing. And I understand you think you, you can, by facilitating getting closer while you're gone, you've communicated to him that you're going to need more attention via text or whatever that means.

And even if it's texting, like that's, that's kind of like a relief to a lot of people. Like you don't have to get on the phone. You don't have to FaceTime. You just have to text, like keep up the communication. That's something that he could do for you to assuage your fears. But what you can do to assuage your fears is also if you sit down and think of the worst possible scenario,

which would be to what, that he cheated on you, right? Think of that. Think of that actually happening. You find out he cheated on you and then you break up and then you're, you serve like it's, you're going to be fine no matter what the fuck happens. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, so you break up, yeah, you're heartbroken or whatever. You're going to survive that too. Like, so all of this worrying you're doing,

like worrying to what avail, do you think you're going to die? Like you're not going to die. You're worried about someone cheating and you're worried about communication. Like that can't be your driving attitude. You know what I mean? Your driving attitude has to be way more focused and centered on what you're doing in your present moment than occupying yourself with the negative possibilities. So that's a conversation, like she said, that you have to keep having with yourself and also a therapist or a guided meditation, something that's going to teach you have to keep having with yourself and also a therapist or a met like guided meditation something that's gonna teach you how to calm down and to breathe out your nerves you know when you have when they overcome you because if you sit with it and you think okay i'm having this feeling

i'm worried he's gonna cheat on me then sit with it go okay well what if he did cheat on me what would happen then well we would have to break up. That would suck. But you would still be alive and you would still survive. It's like even the worst possible scenario isn't that bad. It just sounds, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it sounds worse than it will be, you know. And then if you go through all those feelings, it's almost like you extinguish.

You're like, okay, yeah, that would really suck. Now let me get on with the rest of my day. Wow. Yeah, I agree. I agree with all that. It's like a guru. Me and Elle are both like, damn, good job. No, I mean, I totally, I totally agree. And I'm doing this like journaling process called The Artist's Way. And it's basically just a journaling, like every day you wake up and you do three pages of just like conscious streaming just letting out all of your stuff and I'm like finding myself aggravated because all of my writing is just like okay I gotta like think about this relationship and what is happening and I'm angry about this

and I mean like it's seriously taking over like my brain and it's unhealthy yeah you're you're obsessing you're obsessing over your relationship and it's you gotta Yeah, you're obsessing. You're obsessing over your relationship and you got to like figure out a way to internally dial that back because that's not serving you. So you have to start thinking about all the other things in your life that you're grateful for and start thinking about that

and journaling about that every morning to get your mind a little bit more balanced. You know, talk about the thing. What are you grateful for? Your family? What? Your job? Your life? Yeah, my job, music, travel, you know talk about the thing what are you grateful for your family what your job your life

yeah my job music travel you know all the all the things that I get to do because the music is incredible so I'm very grateful for all of that you're getting on stage soon to perform in front of a live audience right yeah like 40 minutes yeah so fucking focus on that focus on spreading joy love and sunshine into everyone who's there to see who you're performing with and everybody's on stage like emanate the love and like happiness that you want to feel. Just do that on stage tonight and be focused only on that. You're there in front of all these people. Go serve it up to them. Yeah, I agree with that. Thank you. Yeah. And once you get all of the anxiety out of the way, as someone who is married to a touring musician, I will say a tasteful nude goes a long way.

Also, just like FaceTime sex is like. Do you have sex on FaceTime? I'm on the road all the time. I've never done that. Well, I've never done that. You're welcome. I've never done that. No.

And also, like, he he is definitely like he has no game whatsoever. Like I can't even imagine what trying to like get a nude from him would be like. Well, listen, let's not focus on that. Let's just focus on the previous advice. OK, you can deal with your news on your own time. Yes. We can't counsel on that. It's illegal. OK, well, I have a great show tonight. Thank you so much. I appreciate you guys. Thank you. Yeah, thanks. Thanks, Effie. Bye.

Seriously. It's like, first of all, FaceTime, sex FaceTime, like, it's not really, you're just masturbating on FaceTime? Is that what it is? Yeah, it's great. Can't get pregnant. You can't get pregnant on FaceTime? You want to make a bet? Somebody will get pregnant on FaceTime.

I'm not a doctor. Maybe TikTok will happen first, but somebody's going to get pregnant online. That's what's going to happen next. I mean, Chelsea gets people pregnant on this show frequently. You'll get your period when you leave here, and you'll get pregnant. Oh, my gosh. I'm very powerful. I have a very powerful female energy.

Okay, great. Yes. Well, our next question comes have a very powerful female energy. Okay, great. Yes. Well, our next question comes from Mia. Mia says, Dear Chelsea, I'm a straight woman who started a new job this year and immediately hit it off as friends with a gay male coworker. Not to stereotype, but he's pop culture savvy, very stylish, gently spoken, and just overall adorable. I recently learned after forming a solid friendship over

the past five months that, oops, turns out he dates women. This threw me for a loop. Thinking that he was into men made it much easier to have a friendship with him. Now that I know what might be possible, I can't stop thinking about him while trying to get my work done. He makes me laugh every day that we work together. On the days I know we'll both be in office, I feel giddy and excited to get to work. I have butterflies around him and we vibe together. The problem is I'm married. I've been with my husband for a long time and honestly feel very satisfied in our relationship. We still have deep conversations. We laugh together, have a great sex life and overall profound connection. So it's not as if I'm not getting my needs met and therefore

seeking them out elsewhere. Yeah, bitch, you are getting your needs met. I'm fucking greedy. Jesus. I think it's just the fact that these feelings are new and therefore exciting. How do I work with this person and avoid getting too close? How do I eventually get over this crush? How do I keep myself from cheating? I can't imagine actually doing that, but the fantasy is there. Mia. Mia, first of all, you better shut the fuck up, okay? You have a great husband who you're having sex with, who you're having deep conversations with, and who you laugh with, and you're worried about your crush. Remember that a crush is a crush. It doesn't mean anything, and you can control yourself because you're an adult woman. So try not to fuck your coworker, okay? You can do it.

That's kind of me. I get it. But also, if you have a good husband who's making you laugh and fucks you and is nice, don't fuck that up. Yes, exactly. Don't fuck it up. I mean, you thought this guy was gay for five months and now you want to fuck him because he made you laugh

and talks about fucking the housewives like no just stick to your husband and like have a fucking work crush please yeah welcome the crush it's fun to have a crush you're gonna fucking blow it for you and for everybody thank you that's enough said on that topic let's leave it leave it on that note. Perfectly said. All right. Our next caller is Jenny. She is in New York. Dear Chelsea, I opened a music venue with my husband almost a year ago now, and it's going as expected. Lots of joy and also stress. I've worked in restaurants and jazz clubs for decades now, and I've always enjoyed talking with guests and creating a warm and welcoming environment for people to have a good time. A place to leave their worries behind and fill up on all of the good vibes I've worked so hard to curate. But when attention is given directly to me, I'm filled with anxiety. I'm

terrified of going up on stage, taking a mic, or being on camera. My husband, who's a musician, is very entertaining on the mic and has been the one to emcee most nights to introduce players and groups. He's going to be on tour over the summer, and since I'm the other face of the joint, I should be the one getting up to emcee. How can I overcome this fear? I want to talk to the crowd of people as if I were talking to them one-on-one and make the room ready for a night of music and fun. It's a beautiful club that I'm so proud of. It's more fulfilling than I could have imagined. And I'd love to have confidence everywhere in the club, especially on the stage that I built. Jenny Joan. Oh, Jenny, that is so wholesome and sweet. You're so wholesome. I am?

No. Oh. Yo, yo, yo. What's up? Hi. Hi, Jenny. It's Elle King, our special guest today. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi, nice to see you guys. Nice to see you too. Okay, building confidence. Well, first of all, what I would say is take a beta blocker.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say too. Yeah, that's going to help your nerves. As far as like how you're going to be in terms of speaking publicly, I mean. You just got to go through it. You got to do it. And you know what? I have bad shows and they make the great shows fucking great. It's kind of a learning curve. Like in order to get good at it, you have to start doing it. So you can't just like become

a great public orator or speaker out of nowhere. You're just going to have to go up and just, I would say like when you're going up there, I would definitely get a prescription for propranolol. That's what it's called from your doctor. It's that's one of them. I don't know if you know it for one. And when you're going out on stage and you're going ready to getting ready to do it, I would just really try to really lead with the right high vibes, you know, like fun. Like I want to have fun. And if you're having fun, other people are going to have fun. It's contagious. And don't try to be anyone that you're not. Just it's it feels weird to say sometimes, but like actually just be yourself and you'll be surprised by how accepting an audience is if you are your true authentic.

Yes. Person. Self. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think I just get I get nervous and I get stuttery and and well the propranolol will help that you'll get that and it won't make you feel loopy either no no no no

that's for after you get off stage yeah and also you know you can have a drink if that's going to calm you down not five probably but like one you know just to like calm your nerves and just if you're feeling nervous and you're feeling jittery, it's OK to like lean into it and be like, oh, guys, this is my first time on stage. Like, hopefully I don't screw this up. You know, like be yourself. You don't have to like be the best at it all of a sudden out of the gate. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I did try doing a shot one night. I got up and I think it made me more nervous. OK, so maybe don't do that. I recently started going on stage stone cold sober and I always felt like I messed up more when me and be experiencing it at the moment. And you'll you'll find your flow. And I feel like I just have a feeling you're going to end up loving being up there and you're going to tell your husband like, no, I'm fucking handling it tonight. I want also going to just put this out there too. If you really hate it, even though you're the face of the place, maybe get your most like hammy bartender to do it. You know what I mean?

Like you can be the gal who's like mingling in the crowds. Because I know you said it's sort of like a safe space. You know everybody there sort of thing. Yeah, I'm comfortable in that. Right. Like when you're on the floor, you're comfortable, right? Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. So like if you really hate it after trying it out a few times, get your most like whoever's the biggest ham who works for you. Have them do it. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. Any other confidence advice, gals? I think confidence is just you really have to lean into it and act like it's like faking it until you make it. It's fucking true. It is.

I mean, I was so full of shit for so many years. And guess what? I still am. All my bullshit. Me too. I'm still full of shit too. But it all came true. So just act like you know.

It's the opposite of what I said 10 minutes ago, which was lean into your short, lean into your nervousness. Yeah. This isn't making sense anymore, this podcast. It's time for, okay, it's time. We have to go now. I like this advice

thank you I'm gonna give it a shot you're gonna do great if one of the pieces of advice don't work try another piece of advice yeah let her pour it back take care Jenny bye thanks feels to me like she really wants to get up on that stage yeah right yeah I mean even though she's nervous no I think she wants to be good at it. Yeah, she does. I think she's going to love it. But she's going to, yeah. But anxiety is weird. It can just totally take over all of you.

Yeah, I realized. I mean, my friend was talking about anxiety the other day. And I was like, oh, I go, yeah, I guess I do have anxiety. I always like to go around saying I don't have anxiety. But like being anxious to go to an event or knowing you have to do something and it weighing on you all week or like for a couple of days. I hate leaving the house. That's anxiety. Yeah.

Like I don't go out, you know, I'm like, even though I'm like, but I've been a party girl my whole life. Like I actually am a very socially, I'm an awkward human being and I'm socially awkward and weird and have social anxiety. Yeah. Well, I would never be able to tell that just sitting next to you. Because I'm faking it. I know.

And you're doing a great job. Thank you. Okay. We're going to take a break and we're going to be right back. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together on the Really No Really podcast, our mission is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like

why they refuse to make the bathroom door go all the way to the floor. We got the answer. Will space junk block your cell signal? The astronaut who almost drowned during a spacewalk gives us the answer. We talk with the scientist who figured out if your dog truly loves you. And the one bringing back the woolly mammoth. Plus, does Tom Cruise really do his own stunts? His stuntman reveals the answer.

And you never know who's going to drop by. Mr. Bryan Cranston is with us today. How are you, too? Hello, my friend. Wayne Knight about Jurassic Park. Wayne Knight, welcome to Really No Really, sir. Bless you all. Hello, Newman.

And you never know when Howie Mandel might just stop by to talk about judging. Really? That's the opening? Really No Really. Yeah, really. No really. Go to reallynoreally.com. And register to win $500, a guest spot on our podcast, or a limited edition signed Jason bobblehead. It's called Really, No Really, and you can find it on the iHeartRadio app, on Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And we're back. We're wrapping up with Elle King, who, by the way, I want to thank you for sharing your story earlier. Thank you for sharing that. I think that's going to be really helpful to a lot of our listeners because I've been there. It's in my new book. I have a chapter about some older celebrity calling me out on my bad behavior at a party where I did what you're talking about. You know, something similar when I was in my 20s. And I was like,

I will never, ever have that woman speak to me again. Like, she's never going to have to talk to me again, because I will fix the problem. And so I think it's so it's, it's a it's another example of sisterhood of women showing up for women and being graceful when somebody fucks up, like that is a great quality to be able to give to someone else, or it's not a quality, but it's a great gift you can give someone else when someone in your life does fuck up, like to be graceful to them about it. You know, like, OK, I understand, you know, you made a mistake. I'm not going to crucify you for this. And when they fuck up 15 more times. No. Yeah. And you say fuck off. I think my biggest

take from everything that happened is, OK, next time I see somebody going off the rails or doing something crazy or like, you know, maybe acting poorly, I now understand, first and foremost, as a mother, but also having gone through that, okay, I have no idea what's going on behind the scenes. Obviously, this is stemming from a place of hurt, fear, something that's going on that's really big, maybe. So it's taught me a lot of empathy and grace and like humility. And I don't know,

I'm not happy for it. But what I've learned from it is like, just, I mean, I'm still every day learning. Yeah. I'm gonna go have a panic attack in the car, though. I love your hands. They're so cute. Oh, thank you. Nice. And I like your nails that they're short and your jewelry and your tattoos. Thanks. Very cute hands. We'll have to showcase those on my Instagram feed when the episode comes out. We'll just show her hands. Cute hands.

Thank you, Elle King, for being here. I loved meeting you. Thank you for having me. So fun. Thank you. Okay, guys. So for stand-up, we added a second show in Sydney, and we added a second show in Sydney and we added a second show in prior Lake, Minnesota, which is now going to be May 24th. We added the Santa Barbara bowl, which is so fun.

I performed there last year. That's August 17th, the Santa Barbara bowl. We ended a second show at Santa Rosa on August 2nd. And we added two dates in Hawaii, guys. I'm coming to Hawaii on July 19th to Kahului. I'm going to be at Kahului. And then I'm coming on July 20th to Honolulu. And oh, I just added another date on August 1st, Auburn, Washington. So and all my Australia and New Zealand dates are up. And I will be announcing a European tour shortly. And May 3rd, which is my mother's birthday, Norman, Oklahoma. So come. If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an email at DearChelseaPodcast at gmail.com. And be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered by Brad Dickert, executive producer,

Catherine law, and be sure to check out our merch at Chelsea handler.com. I'm Jason Alexander. And I'm Peter Tilden. And together our mission on the really, no really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions. Like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor. What's in the museum of failure. really know really podcast is to get the true answers to life's baffling questions like why the bathroom door doesn't go all the way to the floor what's in the museum of failure and does

your dog truly love you we have the answer go to really know really.com and register to win 500 a guest spot on our podcast or a limited edition sign jason bobblehead the really know really podcast follow us on the iheart radio app apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts